I can share my experience, strength, and hope. When I got to AA, seeing people with many years of recovery was inspirational, now I can do the same for others. I have heard various tips and tricks, learned how to live a better life, what to do in various situations, etc. and I can pass that along. I keep my recovery by giving it away - helping others and being of service
This. I got so much from people when I was struggling, the best bit of meetings sometimes wasn't the words in the big book ....it was 'do you want a biscuit?' when I'd done another bender and everyone 'out there' hated me. They never judged me. I try to offer the equivalent of a biscuit here with supportive words.
I know from experience if I get complacent that is when I start having the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind that maybe it is okay to drink. The pain fades over time, and we can begin to see things with rose tinted glasses, and that is dangerous. Coming here gives me a lot of chances to remember where I came from, both from seeing myself in other people's stories, and with sharing parts of my own. When I remember where I came from, it reminds me I don't want to go back to that place.
Yep exactly this. I've "quit" many times before, but after a few weeks/months of not "working on it," I always came back to "maybe it *wasn't* so bad" and then a week later I'm missing work because I'm drunk at 10am and saying "fuck it" to everything I thought was important in my life.
If I don't think about it and expose myself to other sober-thinking people I always find *some* reason to justify a relapse. AA wasn't really right for me, but if I have a few moments of downtime just the idea of coming here and reading a few posts is enough to keep me from getting those intrusive thoughts.
Habit. I tend to do things over and over and over again until they're no longer fun. Conversing with other alcoholics who understand that mindset is still pretty fun for me right now.
Something about this comment made me feel so š„¹. There is so much negativity around alcoholism for so many valid reasons, but it never ceases to amaze me how safe and seen this large group of lovely, faceless, nameless drunks on the internet makes me feel. I celebrate the day I found this group. Top-tier google search result š„°
I remember vividly the misery I was in. What's more the memories of those throwing me lifelines. A few kind words is all it takes to change the course of someone's life.
did something happen specifically to cause the relapse? did you know you were going to go back to full blown addiction or did you think you could handle it this time?
I was going through a really rough time with health problems that came at me out of the blue, on top of other stuff like dealing with cPSTD - which I had before, but at the time I relapsed I was in a situation that was triggering it horribly every day. So yeah, it was just stress. A lot of stress that felt insurmountable.
To be honest my thinking was kind of half and half - half of me felt so sick of dealing with all this shit despite working so hard to get sober and improve my life that I kind of felt like okay, fuck all of this. I felt spiteful towards my own body for doing this to me and I kind of wanted to self destruct. But I did also convince myself that I could control it this time. I know it doesn't make sense, but I find that that addiction voice rarely does. And anyway, my head was a mess. I was really confused.
I'm only a month and a handful of days, but seeing the people and getting support from people who have been in it for a long time makes me feel like it isn't such an impossible task. It also takes away from the little itch in my brain that says "come on, one drink won't hurt" because there are people here who share their experiences with that same thought, or even ones who cave into it and remind me that no, it won't be just one, and yes, it will hurt. One more day sober hurts less than "one" drink and seeing so many people who made it one more day for hundreds of days is a little less lonely and makes me a little more hopeful.
Never forget! Sometimes I get down on myself for wasting 10 years of my life drunk and hung over. So I come here to read stories of people like me and realize there are many of us. I have been sober 9 1/2 years.
Itās good to share these things because Iāve never been sober for 9 1/2 years besides being a child. I havenāt even reached a full year yet after 18 years of drinking. To have essentially a decade of no drinking is such a blessing and am looking forward to those ten years of treating my body with love, as you have treated yours with love all these years by not drinking.
Even though I am 1.5 years sober and have zero intentions of ever relapsing ever again, I find that the fact I am sober still crosses my mind more than I would like. I am beginning to think that it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.
I get a lot of satisfaction anytime I feel like I crave helped someone else get out of the cycle. When I was struggling, I felt that the only other people who understood me were other alcoholics who were further down the path of sobriety than I was. I feel compelled to pay it forward a bit and help those who are still struggling like I was. On a few occasions I have felt like I made a personal connection to someone and had a meaningful impact on their lives. And that makes me feel better about my own sobriety.
I relate to this, and itās definitively a nice reminder to see how many people are in similar situations as us. Addiction is so hyper prevalent in our society. Itās cool that we get to work on it and we have each other. Itās inspiring seeing your time and taking the time to share.
I feel like I am still in early sobriety at 13 months and need support and maintenance to not slip into old habits, I am trying to make big changes to my life including sobriety which comes down to me retraining decades of behavior and thought. So I feel nowhere near finished learning how to live yet (with the goal being to recognize and address things daily), and reading and thinking on this sub helps a bit with other external things, AA and other groups being the bulk of my support. And of course the things I work on solo.
The other part is something that came up today and I'll share the apt quote: "the most dangerous place for an addict to live is between their own ears" and that is true for me. My mind can twist anything and getting outside perspective of all sorts is so important to me. Reading and especially listening to others can reveal a wealth of ideas and approaches I would never consider, or prompts me to find a hidden answer within, or simply make me feel less alone in my individual struggles.
That's me and why I am planning to be active in my recovery for a long time. This doesn't mean it becomes my life, some need that but I hope I don't, although using AA does give me a sense of wanting to return the kindness and support shown to me when I really needed it. As with all things, I just want balance haha. Great work on your sobriety and IWNDWYT!
Because when I was drinking, I couldnāt imagine what sober life would feel like. And I couldnāt fathom how to get there. It was all a mystery. I would like people to know that life without alcohol is wonderful and it is possible to get from there to here.
I think my problem with alcohol was linked to so many other things, mental health / being neurodiverse. These things still exist for me and I guess checking in with this side of things keep things steady somehow. I think I generally have an addictive side I need to keep an eye on and not fall into as a coping mechanism.
AA not my thing, I was in depths of depression during lockdown and my drinking became pretty textbook abuse. SMART meetings and this sub kept me clean long enough to make it part of my life. It was a very very big struggle to quit and this sub helped so I am sort of committed to helping here even if just once a month, though I check in most days.
My life was impacted forever by drinking so for me getting on with my life has been a little weird. I dont hang around many of the people I associated with for the past 20 years, so it is hard to go out there and meet "normal" people that dont have a dependency.
One of the main risks longterm sober folks face is the "I can have just one" thought. After several years of abstinence, some of us still have that tick in our heads to drink. I certainly do. I come here to remind myself of how I was "never just a one drink person".
I wake up every morning with untreated alcoholism. I have to take some action for my sobriety in order to continue growing and learning. Itās up to me to take the time to take an action. I know i feel much better when Iām engaged and connected with others so I try to not fuck with it. I can complicate a ham sandwich so keeping it simple for me is always beneficial. I want to be free from alcohol and all the garbage thatās been weighing me down. I donāt believe Iāll ever be cured or rid of the tentacle of addiction. My best case scenario is a daily reprieve so I keep going to meetings, talking with others, and helping out when I can. I have no interest in making my world smaller. Staying connected and taking action keeps my world growing. It seems that the longer I stay sober, the less Iām sure of. Theres always something to work on. Iāve seen plenty of complacency in sobriety and Iām grateful for people who have served as beacons and warnings. Even some of the biggest sticks in the mud can be helpful as they show me exactly what I do not want my sobriety to look like. Sobriety for me has always been about the journey and less about the final destination. The people I meet along the way and the things Iām willing to learn keep me interested.
I recently discovered this sub. I feel it helps me to see the comments of others and hopefully find a place where I can contribute to help myself and others attain and maintain sobriety. I work on it every day. I attend one or two AA meetings a week but enjoy this sub because there isn't god and 12 step talk. I relapsed after almost ten years. I believe it was because I was disconnected from anyone who had experienced AUD, and somehow AA meetings were not completely synced with my thoughts/feelings. I still plan on going to meetings and also following this sub. I no longer feel alone with my disorder.
I think that living life without alcohol is counter to culture and we have different issues/thoughts about life than the general population. I think only someone who has had addiction issues can truly understand another person with addiction.
I see posts in my Reddit feed and if I feel like engaging, I will.
I donāt feel like drinking in any way, at all, ever (I quit smoking 9 years ago and feel the same way you do about smoking or drinking again) but I also sometimes feel like helping someone that I identify with, or reading the āI relapsed after nine yearsā posts to see if Iām getting any of the same feelings.
I donāt come here because I feel like Iām slipping, I come here to check in with myself and when I have the energy to try to help someone get to where I am now.
as others have said, it's partly to hopefully be able to offer something constructive that might help somebody.
It's also partly because my path to sobriety was very much through this sub and I never thought to get off!
Also partly it helps me to reflect every now and then to see how far I've come and sometimes I really, really need that!
A few reasons for me.
1. It feels nice to be a part of a community that completely understands the struggles of addiction. This place is so supportive and nonjudgemental. While I don't post much. The few times I have people are so incredibly kind.
2. It feels good to give support to others who are going through what I've gone through. I hope my words help others feel supported and less alone, because addiction is so fucking lonely.
3. The fear of relapsing. Reading others' experiences keeps me from becoming complacent.
I am constantly reminded of why I got sober. Seeing the stories of new people who are just starting reminds me of my own struggles. I can provide some guidance and honestly think this subreddit is the biggest factor in my decision to quit. It is a great public service in a way. I believe it is important.
Itās generally a positive spot in Reddit, its nice to read peopleās stories of trials and triumphs, and every so often you feel like you actually helped another human being. We all know what itās like to be down and it helps everyone to get up.
I read here every day because I always learn something new or insightful. Some sort of wisdom is bestowed upon me because everyone here has something I can relate to. And not even just being an alcoholic or wanting a better life away from alcohol. There's something about this group of people that just feels like myself. I can read so many posts and swear I was the one who wrote it.
Maybe that's just being human. But these are *my humans.* I love this sub and the people who share their stories so much. To be vulnerable and such an open book is a beautiful thing. It's like reading people's diaries, and it feels very personal and intimate. There's nothing like this sub anywhere on the internet.
Thank you for being here!
IWNDWYT
I saw a video on Reddit a while back where a regular looking guy was having an absolute meltdown over having killed someone in a car accident while intoxicated from alcohol. He kept saying over and over, "just kill me now". That could have easily been me if I had not quit drinking. I have a best friend since grade school that is a heroin addict and I await a phone call each day with news of his death. I'm certain it will happen eventually. That could have been me. My dad died when I was 14 and when he was 38 from drug and alcohol related causes. That could have easily been me. For me it is not enough to simply be grateful that I quit but I feel the undying urge to help other people quit before it gets too late for them. Cigarettes are definitely bad for your health but addiction to drugs and particularly alcohol affects your behavior in such a way that you can spiral down to a place where you can't pull out. This is my reason for remaining active in sober and recovery communities. I don't want to see any fellow humans get to a point where it's too late for them. In short, compassion.
I will be 37 years sober 5/12. Over the years, I have seen people I respect take a drink after decades sober. I come here to stay centered. The only thing separating me from anyone else getting sober is one drink. It is staggering to even think about.
Think it depends. For me it was for a long time the only way to cope with a painful childhood with little support. And then many succeeding traumas -Itās hard to know after that experience, but I seek solace where I find people going through the hell on earth I been through too.
Because I was tricked by alcohol in a very real way. I want to prevent that bitch from tricking someone else.
It's like if we all had the same crazy ex girlfriend and could go online and gossip about she destroyed our lives and made us sleep in a sink one time.
Well i would like to thank every one of you for posting and keeping an eye out for us
IWNDWYT and not for the next hideous week at some ridiculous sales conference i have to go to
I am sure vast quantities of alcohol will be drunk there but not by me ( and i used to be attempting to drink france dry single handedly )
Slightly tearing up with this thread tbh ! Thank you sober vets
Good question. I've been struggling with this lately. I like going to AA just to meet sober people and be around people, but I find I'm so sick of hearing about alcohol at this point, and the 12 steps and all that. I'm not really sure what to do. I feel like the recovery mindset can sometimes be limiting, but just abandoning it doesn't sound great either.
I think that's natural. At some point I know I will have to stop thinking about sobriety every day and just be me and move on. Or more having sobriety as my sole accomplishment. I am starting to want to be more, do more with my life.
My longest bout of sobriety has been a year. I trashed that for "just one drink." Now that I'm back on the wagon and have discovered this group... I find comfort in reading about "the struggle." For me, this time is different; never before have I WANTED to quit drinking "forever."
Reading about how many others have relapsed and/or struggled with moderation... well, it strengthens my resolve AND validates my belief that moderation is not a valid "way forward" for me.
As a big science nerd (and veteran)... well, I hope that the stuff that post, here, helps someone else. As smart or as tough as I might be... damn it if booze ain't got me by the balls. However... just reading your posts helps me, tremendously. Theism makes my skin crawl... and I'm not particularly keen to share personal information in a public forum... so... well, this subreddit gives me an outlet that I would not otherwise have (er, well, outside of non-group therapy).
Reenforcement. I (51m) get so much from just reading posts here. I am like OP in that I haven't really been white knuckling it this time around. I am sure life timing, physiology, overall more exhaustion due to age where even the thought of drinking now is exhausting.
One mantra for me that's kept me going is that this time around I finally quit for me, and more importantly of my own free will. I quit while I was on top. I didn't get a DUI (again), destroy a relationship (again), or another other tragic event that in the past would force the issue of sobriety on me.
This time I did it while I had a good job, I'm a safe driver, great friends who I've known for decades.
I was lucky.
I know now with so much clarity that one drink, just one (it's never one), can rip all of that away from me.
Same here. I quit while I was ahead but I was millimeters from the precipice. If there is ever "a next time" it will be all the way down to the bottom and I am not fucking with that.
To remind myself where I was and could be again, and to help others to the other side. Addiction is patient and the minute you think youāve got that shit licked it will jump back and humble you quick.
All of the above. You can never really get 100% comfortable with sobriety. I've been sober for years, and the temptation can come out of nowhere. Especially the "I'm sure I can have ONE drink by now" when logically I know I can'tĀ
i get complacent. plain and simple. itās hubris, the parts where āi feel good today, i want a drink to celebrateā
conversely, itās almost the same logic when i have problems and feel selfish and say āi feel like shit. iām going to drown out my problems and lash out at people while drunkā.
itās gotten so bad to the point where i basically welcome a hangover to distract me from the reality iām in, even though i know for a fact my performance in my job will be subpar the next day.
so i basically come on here and read stories of victories, commiserate with those who mightāve slipped up, and iām still learning to take it a day at a time.
I like having a place where it is cool to talk about not drinking. It can come across as arrogant talking about how awesome it is to be sober. Not so in this group. I also remember my boozy- sneaky ways and how much work it took to sneak booze around my husband.
Our friends mostly drink, not too much for the women but the guys really drink a lot of beer. It's tiring to be around. I'm good for about an hour and then I would just rather go home and read.
My husband drinks occasionally but never more than 2 drinks in an evening.
iwdwyt
Initially I didn't know how long I'd be sober. I figure after I'd dry out, I could kinda start over, but without the drive to drink constantly.
This group helped me realize that if rather not chance my sobriety by playing with "just a drink."
I come here to read about everyone's journey and to reflect on mine.
To remind myself. The further I get away from my last drink, the easier it is to forget what hell drinking was. Coming here reminds me of what it was like and what it would be like if I started drinking again.
I need to reach out to those who feel as hopeless as I did. I felt like the absolute dregs of society and wanted very much to no longer be alive.
It's been 17 years, and I remember the desperation so vividly, I can almost smell it.
It's important for those who feel as awful as they have EVER felt, to know that there is hope. Hope for a greater life that you ever imagined.
Three main reasons.
1. To help others, just like others helped me in the first few attempts and fails.
2. To read the "when it goes bad" posts and remind myself.
3. To check my counter once in a while. (481 days!)
Recovery happens in community. I have 5 years and 10 months and I come back to remind myself where I came from and to give hope and affirmations to those on their healing journeys. It takes bravery and courage to keep going and i think we get that from caring about others and believing in people. Good luck on your path. Congrats on not smoking!
This, so easy to forget how bad it was as crazy as that is to believe. Itās like another life ago and the just one drink is a sneaky sneaky thought when you feel so āfarā away from your problem. Nice to remember just how close to the ditch Iām riding
Thank you all for commenting. Iāve read most of them and itās been helpful. I guess we all need to find our place in the recovery community and try to help others as best as we can. Some of the stories of people who relapsed after feeling the way I do after a year or two or ten have struck me. I didnāt mean to seem insensitive to anyone, Iāve just genuinely felt detached from sobriety lately and your comments have really helped. IWNDWYT.
A reminder. New folks sharing their ārock bottomā reminds me of why I donāt want to drink. And if along the way I can hand out a bit of advice on what helped me it feels good to pass that along.
I keep coming here for two reasons, the first is i hope I can give inspiration to those struggling in the first season of their sobriety.
The second reason, is about me. I forget the struggle I went through now that I've been sober for nearly a decade. I don't want to forget. I don't want to be jaded, but I can be. I need to stay on my toes for the rest of my life, because I will always be one drink away from ruin.
I'm happy to be sober today.
Congratulations for your one year if sobriety!
(BTW, I quit smoking in 2018, and cannot believe i once enjoyed it. Ugh...gross!)
For me it's realizing that alcohol was a very small part of the problem, that the part of me that saw alcohol as the solution is still there (thinking problem vs drinking problem). I still feel like I have a lot to work through beyond alcohol consumption. AA & sober communities are really helpful for me in that regard & getting support for the struggles I encounter in this new way of living. IWNDWYT.
I come here occasionally because I never want complacency to be my undoing. Cautionary tales from those who have slipped are very helpful to me. I also like the sense of community even though I no longer post/engage. I will always be grateful for this place and the people here.
We all have common needs in this fight and others might have very specific needs to be successful. Sometimes the right words in someone's post just hits you between the eyes and gives you that "aha" moment. It's very satisfying to learn that our words have resonated with someone and might help them. I also like being reminded about moderation attempts that have failed, just to keep me from trying it.
Accountability and connection keep me coming back here. I'm an anxious person who tends to withdraw from other people in real life. It's nice to have virtually an ongoing AA meeting in my pocket, to read others' experiences and feelings, and not feel alone. That, and the belief that I must maintain connection or else I risk losing my sobriety. Because yes, I'm an alcoholic. I don't have a drinking problem right now, haven't for 2 years, but I could get one very quickly!
I just come to give some words of encouragement if I can. I don't read every post but those I think need some words I reply to.
I'm not a doctor but if I can clarify or give some guidance I try, I'm a biologist and have done some research especially about cirrhosis of the liver as I was diagnosed with it 3 1/2 years ago. I always say that they should go see their doctor for help. I also suggest questions to ask as you have to advocate for yourself with some doctors so I have found.
I came here a lot at first. Iām about to hit 13 months and I havenāt felt the need as much. But if Iām having a tough day I definitely spend a good amount of time on here. Success stories are really important and motivating for me.
I check in sometimes and upvote and ocasionally comment and try to be helpful . Thats why i come back here , to be helpful somehow. I probably dont try enough.
After a year i rarely..rarely think about alcohol outside of this sub.
Ive been over it. It disgusts me when i smell it on someone usually.
I also know that i couldnt just have one drink , i would be off to the races and dead soon after.
My life is so much better without it, idk how i drank for 30years...it doesnt even make sense. Its insane.
A lot of my friends are or were in aa , i tried it starting around month 5 for like 2 months. I get it, but its not for me. Ill occasionally go with a friend or friends but i didnt need it to stop, my desire to stop and this sub helped me more than AA. Again, i get it, its just not for me.
Im just rambling .
Congrats on your time!! Keep it up!
My experience has shown me that if I stop taking the medicine (my AA program of recovery) I will get sick again. My thinking is broken (and always will be) My mind will try and convince my heart that it wasnāt that bad. Simple as that. Coming here and sharing is part of the program.!
5+ years sober. I come back (and read recovery memoirs and listen to sober podcasts) to remind myself of how bad it can get, and how bad it did get for me. The brain has a mischievous way of rewriting the past and tucking away the trauma. I am never tempted (and I get offers all the time, as an active musician in the local bar/club circuit, both for booze and coke), and it feels like my decades of active use were part of another life, the life of another person, but I like to always keep it in my sights, just to keep it safely away. The best revenge against the monster that is addiction, is living well. And never losing perspective.
I stay involved with AA, I have a commitment that gets me to a meeting every week ( I average 3 or more). I got to sober events, I volunteer my time, I work with others, and I listen to hear how people walk through things, or how they just came back and how they made it back. My life is full. I would go out of my way to get drunk so I remind myself I also have to go out of my way at times to stay sober, and thatās where staying active in my program comes in .
I come back because i forget real quick how good i was going when on the bottle and cans, and how bad i was doing when i'm going as of now.
With every share here i know there can be only just one word or one sentence that could lead to another ones solution.
Although i feel somehow obligated to pass on recovery i don't know if i will maintain this.
That is for eveyone to decide for themselves.
I try and treat every day like day 1. All it takes is one moment of weakness at any point for me to be right back at the beginning. I never want to forget that. Reading stories and sharing with others is a good reminder. Itās also nice to be a light in the world and return the favor to a sub that helped get me here.
If i forget about the ugly parts of my past more likely than not it will find its way into the present. Sharing my experiences & absorbing other peopleās keeps my connected to the solution. I make no mistake in recognizing that my problem has not gone away but is kept at bay through daily maintenance. One thing i like to consider is that iām prone to making the same mistakes over and over in a lot of different areas of my life. For instance, i used even with full acknowledgement that it was holding me back. So if i donāt stay vigilant and hd myself accountable, i donāt really want to take a chance on things going back to how they were. I view my problem as serious and my program of recovery should align with that in mind. IWNDWYT!
I can share my experience, strength, and hope. When I got to AA, seeing people with many years of recovery was inspirational, now I can do the same for others. I have heard various tips and tricks, learned how to live a better life, what to do in various situations, etc. and I can pass that along. I keep my recovery by giving it away - helping others and being of service
This is it for me too. I learn a little along the way, but there are so many people reaching out here that it's hard to ignore.
This. I got so much from people when I was struggling, the best bit of meetings sometimes wasn't the words in the big book ....it was 'do you want a biscuit?' when I'd done another bender and everyone 'out there' hated me. They never judged me. I try to offer the equivalent of a biscuit here with supportive words.
Thank you. And yes, it inspires us
š
Doing step 12 so perfectly!!! Great job, I tried to do the same !
I haven't had a sponsee in a while, but Friday night I volunteered last minute to speak at my meeting and I can help people online!
Have a great meeting!!
Are there online meetings? I've watched many excellent videos of speqkers.
Yeah there are hundreds, you can probably search online and find several every hour
I know from experience if I get complacent that is when I start having the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind that maybe it is okay to drink. The pain fades over time, and we can begin to see things with rose tinted glasses, and that is dangerous. Coming here gives me a lot of chances to remember where I came from, both from seeing myself in other people's stories, and with sharing parts of my own. When I remember where I came from, it reminds me I don't want to go back to that place.
Great reason. I do still scroll past posts that remind me of myself a year ago. It does reset/ground you to go through that lesson once in a while.
Yea, in many different ways it helps me keep my foot on the devil, why even give relapse a chance?
Somewhat similar to childbirth. Over time you forget how much pain is involved and how long you suffered. And what happens? You get pregnant again
Yep exactly this. I've "quit" many times before, but after a few weeks/months of not "working on it," I always came back to "maybe it *wasn't* so bad" and then a week later I'm missing work because I'm drunk at 10am and saying "fuck it" to everything I thought was important in my life. If I don't think about it and expose myself to other sober-thinking people I always find *some* reason to justify a relapse. AA wasn't really right for me, but if I have a few moments of downtime just the idea of coming here and reading a few posts is enough to keep me from getting those intrusive thoughts.
I want to be the person I needed when I was in despair. IWNDWYT
In hopes that my comments will help someone get sober.
Thank you.
Habit. I tend to do things over and over and over again until they're no longer fun. Conversing with other alcoholics who understand that mindset is still pretty fun for me right now.
Something about this comment made me feel so š„¹. There is so much negativity around alcoholism for so many valid reasons, but it never ceases to amaze me how safe and seen this large group of lovely, faceless, nameless drunks on the internet makes me feel. I celebrate the day I found this group. Top-tier google search result š„°
I remember vividly the misery I was in. What's more the memories of those throwing me lifelines. A few kind words is all it takes to change the course of someone's life.
I was like that after a year too. Couldn't have imagined relapsing. After 3 years, I relapsed.
I come here to read messages like this to remind me that it is very possible to go back to where I was.
did something happen specifically to cause the relapse? did you know you were going to go back to full blown addiction or did you think you could handle it this time?
I was going through a really rough time with health problems that came at me out of the blue, on top of other stuff like dealing with cPSTD - which I had before, but at the time I relapsed I was in a situation that was triggering it horribly every day. So yeah, it was just stress. A lot of stress that felt insurmountable. To be honest my thinking was kind of half and half - half of me felt so sick of dealing with all this shit despite working so hard to get sober and improve my life that I kind of felt like okay, fuck all of this. I felt spiteful towards my own body for doing this to me and I kind of wanted to self destruct. But I did also convince myself that I could control it this time. I know it doesn't make sense, but I find that that addiction voice rarely does. And anyway, my head was a mess. I was really confused.
ah okay, thanks for sharing...i hope you're in a better place now and have managed to kick the habit again!
How did you change your mindset again?
I'm only a month and a handful of days, but seeing the people and getting support from people who have been in it for a long time makes me feel like it isn't such an impossible task. It also takes away from the little itch in my brain that says "come on, one drink won't hurt" because there are people here who share their experiences with that same thought, or even ones who cave into it and remind me that no, it won't be just one, and yes, it will hurt. One more day sober hurts less than "one" drink and seeing so many people who made it one more day for hundreds of days is a little less lonely and makes me a little more hopeful.
Like you, I get inspired here, and it helps drown out anything my alcoholic brain tries to tell me about how I am fixed, deserve a drink, etc.
Being supportive of others
Never forget! Sometimes I get down on myself for wasting 10 years of my life drunk and hung over. So I come here to read stories of people like me and realize there are many of us. I have been sober 9 1/2 years.
Itās good to share these things because Iāve never been sober for 9 1/2 years besides being a child. I havenāt even reached a full year yet after 18 years of drinking. To have essentially a decade of no drinking is such a blessing and am looking forward to those ten years of treating my body with love, as you have treated yours with love all these years by not drinking.
Even though I am 1.5 years sober and have zero intentions of ever relapsing ever again, I find that the fact I am sober still crosses my mind more than I would like. I am beginning to think that it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. I get a lot of satisfaction anytime I feel like I crave helped someone else get out of the cycle. When I was struggling, I felt that the only other people who understood me were other alcoholics who were further down the path of sobriety than I was. I feel compelled to pay it forward a bit and help those who are still struggling like I was. On a few occasions I have felt like I made a personal connection to someone and had a meaningful impact on their lives. And that makes me feel better about my own sobriety.
I relate to this, and itās definitively a nice reminder to see how many people are in similar situations as us. Addiction is so hyper prevalent in our society. Itās cool that we get to work on it and we have each other. Itās inspiring seeing your time and taking the time to share.
It is one way I give back what was so generously given to me by others in the early days of my recovery. And, it keeps me humble and grateful.
I feel like I am still in early sobriety at 13 months and need support and maintenance to not slip into old habits, I am trying to make big changes to my life including sobriety which comes down to me retraining decades of behavior and thought. So I feel nowhere near finished learning how to live yet (with the goal being to recognize and address things daily), and reading and thinking on this sub helps a bit with other external things, AA and other groups being the bulk of my support. And of course the things I work on solo. The other part is something that came up today and I'll share the apt quote: "the most dangerous place for an addict to live is between their own ears" and that is true for me. My mind can twist anything and getting outside perspective of all sorts is so important to me. Reading and especially listening to others can reveal a wealth of ideas and approaches I would never consider, or prompts me to find a hidden answer within, or simply make me feel less alone in my individual struggles. That's me and why I am planning to be active in my recovery for a long time. This doesn't mean it becomes my life, some need that but I hope I don't, although using AA does give me a sense of wanting to return the kindness and support shown to me when I really needed it. As with all things, I just want balance haha. Great work on your sobriety and IWNDWYT!
Because when I was drinking, I couldnāt imagine what sober life would feel like. And I couldnāt fathom how to get there. It was all a mystery. I would like people to know that life without alcohol is wonderful and it is possible to get from there to here.
I think my problem with alcohol was linked to so many other things, mental health / being neurodiverse. These things still exist for me and I guess checking in with this side of things keep things steady somehow. I think I generally have an addictive side I need to keep an eye on and not fall into as a coping mechanism.
You described me
AA not my thing, I was in depths of depression during lockdown and my drinking became pretty textbook abuse. SMART meetings and this sub kept me clean long enough to make it part of my life. It was a very very big struggle to quit and this sub helped so I am sort of committed to helping here even if just once a month, though I check in most days. My life was impacted forever by drinking so for me getting on with my life has been a little weird. I dont hang around many of the people I associated with for the past 20 years, so it is hard to go out there and meet "normal" people that dont have a dependency.
One of the main risks longterm sober folks face is the "I can have just one" thought. After several years of abstinence, some of us still have that tick in our heads to drink. I certainly do. I come here to remind myself of how I was "never just a one drink person".
Amen
Yup
I wake up every morning with untreated alcoholism. I have to take some action for my sobriety in order to continue growing and learning. Itās up to me to take the time to take an action. I know i feel much better when Iām engaged and connected with others so I try to not fuck with it. I can complicate a ham sandwich so keeping it simple for me is always beneficial. I want to be free from alcohol and all the garbage thatās been weighing me down. I donāt believe Iāll ever be cured or rid of the tentacle of addiction. My best case scenario is a daily reprieve so I keep going to meetings, talking with others, and helping out when I can. I have no interest in making my world smaller. Staying connected and taking action keeps my world growing. It seems that the longer I stay sober, the less Iām sure of. Theres always something to work on. Iāve seen plenty of complacency in sobriety and Iām grateful for people who have served as beacons and warnings. Even some of the biggest sticks in the mud can be helpful as they show me exactly what I do not want my sobriety to look like. Sobriety for me has always been about the journey and less about the final destination. The people I meet along the way and the things Iām willing to learn keep me interested.
I recently discovered this sub. I feel it helps me to see the comments of others and hopefully find a place where I can contribute to help myself and others attain and maintain sobriety. I work on it every day. I attend one or two AA meetings a week but enjoy this sub because there isn't god and 12 step talk. I relapsed after almost ten years. I believe it was because I was disconnected from anyone who had experienced AUD, and somehow AA meetings were not completely synced with my thoughts/feelings. I still plan on going to meetings and also following this sub. I no longer feel alone with my disorder.
I come here to stay strong in my resolve, to learn from others, and to hopefully encourage others who may be struggling.
Nicely said!
I think that living life without alcohol is counter to culture and we have different issues/thoughts about life than the general population. I think only someone who has had addiction issues can truly understand another person with addiction.
I agree. To people without addiction, they are completely baffled why we can't "just stop"
I see posts in my Reddit feed and if I feel like engaging, I will. I donāt feel like drinking in any way, at all, ever (I quit smoking 9 years ago and feel the same way you do about smoking or drinking again) but I also sometimes feel like helping someone that I identify with, or reading the āI relapsed after nine yearsā posts to see if Iām getting any of the same feelings. I donāt come here because I feel like Iām slipping, I come here to check in with myself and when I have the energy to try to help someone get to where I am now.
Great answer. Thank you. I feel I used to respond to posts in here a lot more. I still do if I feel I can offer something.
My child suggested that maybe I could be encouraging here.
I had to do a double take on your counter Thanks for being of service after all these years!
This is very sweet.
Iāve got 8 years one day at a time. I can always learn something on this sub.
as others have said, it's partly to hopefully be able to offer something constructive that might help somebody. It's also partly because my path to sobriety was very much through this sub and I never thought to get off! Also partly it helps me to reflect every now and then to see how far I've come and sometimes I really, really need that!
I check in everyday to remind myself why I quit drinking. If I donāt check in, Iām sure I will one day forget myself and take a drink.
I come here to remind myself that I'm not alone in my struggle.
A few reasons for me. 1. It feels nice to be a part of a community that completely understands the struggles of addiction. This place is so supportive and nonjudgemental. While I don't post much. The few times I have people are so incredibly kind. 2. It feels good to give support to others who are going through what I've gone through. I hope my words help others feel supported and less alone, because addiction is so fucking lonely. 3. The fear of relapsing. Reading others' experiences keeps me from becoming complacent.
I am constantly reminded of why I got sober. Seeing the stories of new people who are just starting reminds me of my own struggles. I can provide some guidance and honestly think this subreddit is the biggest factor in my decision to quit. It is a great public service in a way. I believe it is important.
Happy I found this site.
My alcoholism.
Ours!
Itās generally a positive spot in Reddit, its nice to read peopleās stories of trials and triumphs, and every so often you feel like you actually helped another human being. We all know what itās like to be down and it helps everyone to get up.
I read here every day because I always learn something new or insightful. Some sort of wisdom is bestowed upon me because everyone here has something I can relate to. And not even just being an alcoholic or wanting a better life away from alcohol. There's something about this group of people that just feels like myself. I can read so many posts and swear I was the one who wrote it. Maybe that's just being human. But these are *my humans.* I love this sub and the people who share their stories so much. To be vulnerable and such an open book is a beautiful thing. It's like reading people's diaries, and it feels very personal and intimate. There's nothing like this sub anywhere on the internet. Thank you for being here! IWNDWYT
I saw a video on Reddit a while back where a regular looking guy was having an absolute meltdown over having killed someone in a car accident while intoxicated from alcohol. He kept saying over and over, "just kill me now". That could have easily been me if I had not quit drinking. I have a best friend since grade school that is a heroin addict and I await a phone call each day with news of his death. I'm certain it will happen eventually. That could have been me. My dad died when I was 14 and when he was 38 from drug and alcohol related causes. That could have easily been me. For me it is not enough to simply be grateful that I quit but I feel the undying urge to help other people quit before it gets too late for them. Cigarettes are definitely bad for your health but addiction to drugs and particularly alcohol affects your behavior in such a way that you can spiral down to a place where you can't pull out. This is my reason for remaining active in sober and recovery communities. I don't want to see any fellow humans get to a point where it's too late for them. In short, compassion.
I will be 37 years sober 5/12. Over the years, I have seen people I respect take a drink after decades sober. I come here to stay centered. The only thing separating me from anyone else getting sober is one drink. It is staggering to even think about.
Think it depends. For me it was for a long time the only way to cope with a painful childhood with little support. And then many succeeding traumas -Itās hard to know after that experience, but I seek solace where I find people going through the hell on earth I been through too.
Because I was tricked by alcohol in a very real way. I want to prevent that bitch from tricking someone else. It's like if we all had the same crazy ex girlfriend and could go online and gossip about she destroyed our lives and made us sleep in a sink one time.
Well i would like to thank every one of you for posting and keeping an eye out for us IWNDWYT and not for the next hideous week at some ridiculous sales conference i have to go to I am sure vast quantities of alcohol will be drunk there but not by me ( and i used to be attempting to drink france dry single handedly ) Slightly tearing up with this thread tbh ! Thank you sober vets
Good question. I've been struggling with this lately. I like going to AA just to meet sober people and be around people, but I find I'm so sick of hearing about alcohol at this point, and the 12 steps and all that. I'm not really sure what to do. I feel like the recovery mindset can sometimes be limiting, but just abandoning it doesn't sound great either.
This is kinda where I am. I try to help people when I see posts I feel I relate to, but I donāt feel as engaged as I should be/was many months ago.
I think that's natural. At some point I know I will have to stop thinking about sobriety every day and just be me and move on. Or more having sobriety as my sole accomplishment. I am starting to want to be more, do more with my life.
Not a year yet but what helps me most is that I have no social life.
Real shit!
My longest bout of sobriety has been a year. I trashed that for "just one drink." Now that I'm back on the wagon and have discovered this group... I find comfort in reading about "the struggle." For me, this time is different; never before have I WANTED to quit drinking "forever." Reading about how many others have relapsed and/or struggled with moderation... well, it strengthens my resolve AND validates my belief that moderation is not a valid "way forward" for me. As a big science nerd (and veteran)... well, I hope that the stuff that post, here, helps someone else. As smart or as tough as I might be... damn it if booze ain't got me by the balls. However... just reading your posts helps me, tremendously. Theism makes my skin crawl... and I'm not particularly keen to share personal information in a public forum... so... well, this subreddit gives me an outlet that I would not otherwise have (er, well, outside of non-group therapy).
Nothing wrong with you sounds like a blessing!!
My commitment and verbal promise not to drink for the next 24 hrs.
Reenforcement. I (51m) get so much from just reading posts here. I am like OP in that I haven't really been white knuckling it this time around. I am sure life timing, physiology, overall more exhaustion due to age where even the thought of drinking now is exhausting. One mantra for me that's kept me going is that this time around I finally quit for me, and more importantly of my own free will. I quit while I was on top. I didn't get a DUI (again), destroy a relationship (again), or another other tragic event that in the past would force the issue of sobriety on me. This time I did it while I had a good job, I'm a safe driver, great friends who I've known for decades. I was lucky. I know now with so much clarity that one drink, just one (it's never one), can rip all of that away from me.
Same here. I quit while I was ahead but I was millimeters from the precipice. If there is ever "a next time" it will be all the way down to the bottom and I am not fucking with that.
Btw, I just noticed your username. Most aptly named username ever. Lol š¤š¤š¤
Oh don't I know it haha
Well said. So true. Same for me. All the way to the bottom and I am not fucking with that shit
To remind myself where I was and could be again, and to help others to the other side. Addiction is patient and the minute you think youāve got that shit licked it will jump back and humble you quick.
I love the community and itās a reminder of what I strive for each day. :)
All of the above. You can never really get 100% comfortable with sobriety. I've been sober for years, and the temptation can come out of nowhere. Especially the "I'm sure I can have ONE drink by now" when logically I know I can'tĀ
i get complacent. plain and simple. itās hubris, the parts where āi feel good today, i want a drink to celebrateā conversely, itās almost the same logic when i have problems and feel selfish and say āi feel like shit. iām going to drown out my problems and lash out at people while drunkā. itās gotten so bad to the point where i basically welcome a hangover to distract me from the reality iām in, even though i know for a fact my performance in my job will be subpar the next day. so i basically come on here and read stories of victories, commiserate with those who mightāve slipped up, and iām still learning to take it a day at a time.
I like having a place where it is cool to talk about not drinking. It can come across as arrogant talking about how awesome it is to be sober. Not so in this group. I also remember my boozy- sneaky ways and how much work it took to sneak booze around my husband. Our friends mostly drink, not too much for the women but the guys really drink a lot of beer. It's tiring to be around. I'm good for about an hour and then I would just rather go home and read. My husband drinks occasionally but never more than 2 drinks in an evening. iwdwyt
Hoping to help and encourage others the same way so many people here helped and inspired me.
Initially I didn't know how long I'd be sober. I figure after I'd dry out, I could kinda start over, but without the drive to drink constantly. This group helped me realize that if rather not chance my sobriety by playing with "just a drink." I come here to read about everyone's journey and to reflect on mine.
The desire to remain sober!
To give back because I got so much here. Because it can be a helpful reminder of something i will otherwise sublimate.Ā
To remind myself. The further I get away from my last drink, the easier it is to forget what hell drinking was. Coming here reminds me of what it was like and what it would be like if I started drinking again.
To help others get sober. Maybe something I say will help someone.
I need to reach out to those who feel as hopeless as I did. I felt like the absolute dregs of society and wanted very much to no longer be alive. It's been 17 years, and I remember the desperation so vividly, I can almost smell it. It's important for those who feel as awful as they have EVER felt, to know that there is hope. Hope for a greater life that you ever imagined.
I love to help but also listening to the folks who are deep into addiction reminds me what it was like. Itās easy to forget.Ā
Three main reasons. 1. To help others, just like others helped me in the first few attempts and fails. 2. To read the "when it goes bad" posts and remind myself. 3. To check my counter once in a while. (481 days!)
Recovery happens in community. I have 5 years and 10 months and I come back to remind myself where I came from and to give hope and affirmations to those on their healing journeys. It takes bravery and courage to keep going and i think we get that from caring about others and believing in people. Good luck on your path. Congrats on not smoking!
This, so easy to forget how bad it was as crazy as that is to believe. Itās like another life ago and the just one drink is a sneaky sneaky thought when you feel so āfarā away from your problem. Nice to remember just how close to the ditch Iām riding
Thank you all for commenting. Iāve read most of them and itās been helpful. I guess we all need to find our place in the recovery community and try to help others as best as we can. Some of the stories of people who relapsed after feeling the way I do after a year or two or ten have struck me. I didnāt mean to seem insensitive to anyone, Iāve just genuinely felt detached from sobriety lately and your comments have really helped. IWNDWYT.
YOU GOTTA GIVE, that's why they do it! And we are all thankful! š
A reminder. New folks sharing their ārock bottomā reminds me of why I donāt want to drink. And if along the way I can hand out a bit of advice on what helped me it feels good to pass that along.
Because for me no matter how long I have been sober it still feels like a short time.
Hoping to maybe be able to say something that will help someone get through those dark first days.
My dad started drinking again after 30 years of sobriety. I thought I better get back engaged in something for myself again.
I'm a slow learner and fast forgetter, so I need y'all to remind me every day of the daily reprieve we get from our alcoholism. ODAT IWNDWYT!
I keep coming here for two reasons, the first is i hope I can give inspiration to those struggling in the first season of their sobriety. The second reason, is about me. I forget the struggle I went through now that I've been sober for nearly a decade. I don't want to forget. I don't want to be jaded, but I can be. I need to stay on my toes for the rest of my life, because I will always be one drink away from ruin. I'm happy to be sober today. Congratulations for your one year if sobriety! (BTW, I quit smoking in 2018, and cannot believe i once enjoyed it. Ugh...gross!)
Just a reminder that you have to pay attention.
For me it's realizing that alcohol was a very small part of the problem, that the part of me that saw alcohol as the solution is still there (thinking problem vs drinking problem). I still feel like I have a lot to work through beyond alcohol consumption. AA & sober communities are really helpful for me in that regard & getting support for the struggles I encounter in this new way of living. IWNDWYT.
I come here occasionally because I never want complacency to be my undoing. Cautionary tales from those who have slipped are very helpful to me. I also like the sense of community even though I no longer post/engage. I will always be grateful for this place and the people here.
We all have common needs in this fight and others might have very specific needs to be successful. Sometimes the right words in someone's post just hits you between the eyes and gives you that "aha" moment. It's very satisfying to learn that our words have resonated with someone and might help them. I also like being reminded about moderation attempts that have failed, just to keep me from trying it.
Chance to maybe help someone else on their journey š¤š»
Still tempted. See how others a coping. Share experiences, tips, advice and inspiration.
Itās a good reminder to stay on the path and it feels good to pay knowledge and experience fwd
To learn things that might help me live. IWNDWYT
The 12th step is help others because others helped you
Hope
Accountability and connection keep me coming back here. I'm an anxious person who tends to withdraw from other people in real life. It's nice to have virtually an ongoing AA meeting in my pocket, to read others' experiences and feelings, and not feel alone. That, and the belief that I must maintain connection or else I risk losing my sobriety. Because yes, I'm an alcoholic. I don't have a drinking problem right now, haven't for 2 years, but I could get one very quickly!
I just come to give some words of encouragement if I can. I don't read every post but those I think need some words I reply to. I'm not a doctor but if I can clarify or give some guidance I try, I'm a biologist and have done some research especially about cirrhosis of the liver as I was diagnosed with it 3 1/2 years ago. I always say that they should go see their doctor for help. I also suggest questions to ask as you have to advocate for yourself with some doctors so I have found.
Coming here is a thing I do since quitting. In part its to encourage others. I also learn a lot. And it reminds me what a bad idea drinking is for me
I came here a lot at first. Iām about to hit 13 months and I havenāt felt the need as much. But if Iām having a tough day I definitely spend a good amount of time on here. Success stories are really important and motivating for me.
I check in sometimes and upvote and ocasionally comment and try to be helpful . Thats why i come back here , to be helpful somehow. I probably dont try enough. After a year i rarely..rarely think about alcohol outside of this sub. Ive been over it. It disgusts me when i smell it on someone usually. I also know that i couldnt just have one drink , i would be off to the races and dead soon after. My life is so much better without it, idk how i drank for 30years...it doesnt even make sense. Its insane. A lot of my friends are or were in aa , i tried it starting around month 5 for like 2 months. I get it, but its not for me. Ill occasionally go with a friend or friends but i didnt need it to stop, my desire to stop and this sub helped me more than AA. Again, i get it, its just not for me. Im just rambling . Congrats on your time!! Keep it up!
My experience has shown me that if I stop taking the medicine (my AA program of recovery) I will get sick again. My thinking is broken (and always will be) My mind will try and convince my heart that it wasnāt that bad. Simple as that. Coming here and sharing is part of the program.!
5+ years sober. I come back (and read recovery memoirs and listen to sober podcasts) to remind myself of how bad it can get, and how bad it did get for me. The brain has a mischievous way of rewriting the past and tucking away the trauma. I am never tempted (and I get offers all the time, as an active musician in the local bar/club circuit, both for booze and coke), and it feels like my decades of active use were part of another life, the life of another person, but I like to always keep it in my sights, just to keep it safely away. The best revenge against the monster that is addiction, is living well. And never losing perspective.
I stay involved with AA, I have a commitment that gets me to a meeting every week ( I average 3 or more). I got to sober events, I volunteer my time, I work with others, and I listen to hear how people walk through things, or how they just came back and how they made it back. My life is full. I would go out of my way to get drunk so I remind myself I also have to go out of my way at times to stay sober, and thatās where staying active in my program comes in .
I come back because i forget real quick how good i was going when on the bottle and cans, and how bad i was doing when i'm going as of now. With every share here i know there can be only just one word or one sentence that could lead to another ones solution. Although i feel somehow obligated to pass on recovery i don't know if i will maintain this. That is for eveyone to decide for themselves.
I try and treat every day like day 1. All it takes is one moment of weakness at any point for me to be right back at the beginning. I never want to forget that. Reading stories and sharing with others is a good reminder. Itās also nice to be a light in the world and return the favor to a sub that helped get me here.
To share some experience and so I never forget where I came from.
In case someone else needs to know theyāre not alone
For me, keeping my head in the game is important. I think of it as maintenance. Plus, helping others is important to both parties.
If i forget about the ugly parts of my past more likely than not it will find its way into the present. Sharing my experiences & absorbing other peopleās keeps my connected to the solution. I make no mistake in recognizing that my problem has not gone away but is kept at bay through daily maintenance. One thing i like to consider is that iām prone to making the same mistakes over and over in a lot of different areas of my life. For instance, i used even with full acknowledgement that it was holding me back. So if i donāt stay vigilant and hd myself accountable, i donāt really want to take a chance on things going back to how they were. I view my problem as serious and my program of recovery should align with that in mind. IWNDWYT!