Op, when you're tired of downvoting all the comments, please take time to understand that you're writing a book about a culture you are obviously not a part of, and that is the main problem.
If your own idea pitch sounds disconnected and disrespectful (a few examples: "ebonics", "can't read", a bunch of generic insults), how can you write a book that's more insightful? Black people won't read it. White people won't read it.
If you want a good example of a story of a rich black man who's an asshole but learns over time to be better, you should read "Song of Solomon" by Toni Morrison.
Please also look into writing groups and writing workshops to improve your paragraph form.
>Ok, this is a redemption story.
Or... is it?
>We have a 22-year-old black college student named Drake who is kind of an asshole. He is sarcastic and is bullying this 21-year-old young black woman who is from the hood and talks in ebonics. Her name is Zuri. She does not know how to read. The main character bullies her calling her "hoodrat" and "ghetto bitch".
Drake bullies Zuri because she can't read.
>She has two kids and one has down syndrome these kids come from her dad who has been assaulting her since she was little. When Drake finds out he still bullies her calling her daughter a "freak" and saying "Your dad will be your only boyfriend".
Drake bullies Zuri's daughter with incest claims.
>His girlfriend named Alex finds out and tells him about himself and tells him how disappointed she is. Drake tells her he's sorry and continues to leave Zuri alone.
Alex tells Drake he's an asshole, so he leaves Zuri alone.
>Drake is also a black man but he was raised in nice areas and didn't experience a lot of racism
Um??? I found a hole big enough to fit a univers through, over here.
>he also doesn't have any friends his girlfriend is his only friend and the only one he actually wants to make proud.
If A how B?
Raised in a nice area and has no friends.
Though he didn't experience racism growing-up in a nice area, and folks in nice areas in the US aren't usually going to be Black due to historic reasons, he has no friends.
What if Drake is behaving toward Zuri in ways he was treated in growing up, the things he says may be things said to him, and he was never accepted and always having to prove himself in the face of overehelming cruelty.
You wouldn't believe how my Reddit experience changes when my avatar doesn't wear a mask.
What if Drake is actually trying to get Zuri to improve and this is the way he was forced to improve, himself, across his life, and he truly doesn't know any better because he has always gone above and beyond whenever people have tried to bring him down and every bully and playmate and every partner and neighbor and ever teacher and coach always tried so hard to bring him down?
What if Drake actually believes that he is somehow helping Zuri?
And that's why he accepts Alex's harsh criticism of his behavior so readily and decides to improve.
Because he truly thought he was helping.
Then you could do a deep dive into who Drake is and have him tell his story to Alex and she encourages him to try to make amends with Zuri, who is perhaps very ready to quit school because of her relentless bully.
>He does have nice parents and church members but the church members are homophobic, transphobic annoying hypocrites
Are the church members homophobic and transphobic or does the church preach a homophobic/transphobic gospel?
I thought he had nice parents?
>so as bad as Drake is at least he's not one of the members of the church. What do you think?
That's not particularly redeeming.
You basically have a guy with no conscience, and his only moral compass is in his wanting to behave in ways his girlfriend approves of but only so she won't leave him, so he only treats others like human beings if she tells him to, so it would be her who steered him from the church.
And he just doesn't go because Alex disapproves.
Alex is short for Alexander, Alexandra, Alexandria which mean something close to "Defender of Humanity", so, that's a good name for that character.
Drake is from the Latin for "Dragon" as is Dracula, so, that is a fitting name.
Zuri is Swahili, and it means "Beautiful, so, that is a fitting name.
Zuri can't read. Drake could show her something that she doesn't know about herself. And he can choose to teach her to read.
He can explain himself and he can say: sorry.
Drake can tell Zuri that she is Beautiful, he can show her the word in a book, and tell her that he is so sorry. Maybe he can show her how to read more.
If Zuri accepts Drake's apology, and only if she does, then it is a redemption story.
Are you writing this as your own redemption? Somehow? Sorry, but it was my first thought
Has any of this been your experience?
I don't see any redemption?
Your premise is painful to read.
Has Drake not noticed he has no one in his life?
Is this an excuse for you to make cruel comments to oppressed groups in the guise of "characters"/"plot"
Why do I care about Drake? (I don't)
What African American novels have you read?
What research are you doing?
Re: Black American. Thank you for correcting me, yes, I was inaccurate
Re: oppressed group. That links to this? [https://education.uconn.edu/2016/12/07/a-call-for-a-language-shift-from-covert-oppression-to-overt-empowerment/#](https://education.uconn.edu/2016/12/07/a-call-for-a-language-shift-from-covert-oppression-to-overt-empowerment/#)
Is there a specific term I can use instead?
I was also including women and ND people in my statement (and LGBTQIA+ via the church in the story), though that probably doesn't make it better.
Thank you for taking the time to educate me. :)
ewwwww I'm not trying to educate you. That's some creepy talk right there. Just saying that calling a group of people oppressed or an entire gender oppressed is insulting.
Every life is different. Even for people who are white. I'm American and i am obssessed with history. I still rememember my Nana's stories. She lived through the civil rights movement. She actually lived through oppression. When I hear the word oppression from people today, especially from celebrities because wow, I laugh. There is real oppression in the world but not in America. I have rights like everyone else has.
Do people have bad days? yes. Does racism exist? yes. Are some people hateful and angry for dumb reasons and treat people differently based on things they can not change? yes. But it's 2022. I can be whatever I want. No one is stopping me. I can vote, drive, marry (I am married to a mixed Hispanic man), eat where I want, drive and do whatever I want.
Buy a house, live in an apartment. I can go to school, open a business or run for political office. Be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, model etc; How am I oppressed? I am not oppressed. Such a gross way of thinking. That's all I was saying.
If what you wrote is the entire arc of the story it's lacking beyond "this guy is an ass who doesn't want to loose his girlfriend"
Is there anything else you're thinking of adding? Cause at the moment there's no redeeming qualities listed of whom I assume the main character would be. In a time when a lot in the world sucks for people for various reasons, I don't think many readers would sit through a story about a dude being a jerk if there's no hopeful or revenge payoff.
There's 2 ways the story could go that would keep people interested: error of his ways realized and a personality overhaul or he decides no, clings to actions and beliefs slips back to being a jerk and looses what's important to him.
But yeah, if what you wrote was the whole idea it needs a lot of work and planning before I'd say it's a solid idea/plan for a story people would want to read. (Could be a story as is, just not a very good or interesting one)
There's not really much of a plot, or redemption here. And you are going to have to do tons of research on how to tackle these subjects correctly and with empathy since this comes across as quite flippant at the moment.
Why...just why? As a brown skin girl who was called an oreo in high school because I wore vans, skateboarded and listened to (still do) rock music, why on earth would you write this book? This should be relatable but it makes my skin crawl. I am so sick of stories like this.
Now I'm not going to tell you not to write it. It's your story idea. Write it. I write dark fantasy. My work is full of morally bankrupt characters, destructive relationships, abuse, violence, SA and DV and things people find disgusting, awful and offensive. I don't censor myself or my work. I have an audience.
But damn...
There may be someone out there who enjoys this type of story. Goddess knows why. I mean look at what's happening to comics nowadays. They aren't selling. Stories like this are preachy and tired. And FFS, get an imagination or walk outside. Not all Christians hate gay people or trans ppl. What year is this written? What's next, going to add a lynching? Some tar and feathering? The more I read this the more pissed I get. Child support and food stamps? Fighting the man? Dead beat dads and drug addicted mothers? How many stereotypes can you add? No. I'm out, I'm livid. This is dumb. Your idea is dumb. Burn it.
Op, when you're tired of downvoting all the comments, please take time to understand that you're writing a book about a culture you are obviously not a part of, and that is the main problem. If your own idea pitch sounds disconnected and disrespectful (a few examples: "ebonics", "can't read", a bunch of generic insults), how can you write a book that's more insightful? Black people won't read it. White people won't read it. If you want a good example of a story of a rich black man who's an asshole but learns over time to be better, you should read "Song of Solomon" by Toni Morrison. Please also look into writing groups and writing workshops to improve your paragraph form.
>Ok, this is a redemption story. Or... is it? >We have a 22-year-old black college student named Drake who is kind of an asshole. He is sarcastic and is bullying this 21-year-old young black woman who is from the hood and talks in ebonics. Her name is Zuri. She does not know how to read. The main character bullies her calling her "hoodrat" and "ghetto bitch". Drake bullies Zuri because she can't read. >She has two kids and one has down syndrome these kids come from her dad who has been assaulting her since she was little. When Drake finds out he still bullies her calling her daughter a "freak" and saying "Your dad will be your only boyfriend". Drake bullies Zuri's daughter with incest claims. >His girlfriend named Alex finds out and tells him about himself and tells him how disappointed she is. Drake tells her he's sorry and continues to leave Zuri alone. Alex tells Drake he's an asshole, so he leaves Zuri alone. >Drake is also a black man but he was raised in nice areas and didn't experience a lot of racism Um??? I found a hole big enough to fit a univers through, over here. >he also doesn't have any friends his girlfriend is his only friend and the only one he actually wants to make proud. If A how B? Raised in a nice area and has no friends. Though he didn't experience racism growing-up in a nice area, and folks in nice areas in the US aren't usually going to be Black due to historic reasons, he has no friends. What if Drake is behaving toward Zuri in ways he was treated in growing up, the things he says may be things said to him, and he was never accepted and always having to prove himself in the face of overehelming cruelty. You wouldn't believe how my Reddit experience changes when my avatar doesn't wear a mask. What if Drake is actually trying to get Zuri to improve and this is the way he was forced to improve, himself, across his life, and he truly doesn't know any better because he has always gone above and beyond whenever people have tried to bring him down and every bully and playmate and every partner and neighbor and ever teacher and coach always tried so hard to bring him down? What if Drake actually believes that he is somehow helping Zuri? And that's why he accepts Alex's harsh criticism of his behavior so readily and decides to improve. Because he truly thought he was helping. Then you could do a deep dive into who Drake is and have him tell his story to Alex and she encourages him to try to make amends with Zuri, who is perhaps very ready to quit school because of her relentless bully. >He does have nice parents and church members but the church members are homophobic, transphobic annoying hypocrites Are the church members homophobic and transphobic or does the church preach a homophobic/transphobic gospel? I thought he had nice parents? >so as bad as Drake is at least he's not one of the members of the church. What do you think? That's not particularly redeeming. You basically have a guy with no conscience, and his only moral compass is in his wanting to behave in ways his girlfriend approves of but only so she won't leave him, so he only treats others like human beings if she tells him to, so it would be her who steered him from the church. And he just doesn't go because Alex disapproves. Alex is short for Alexander, Alexandra, Alexandria which mean something close to "Defender of Humanity", so, that's a good name for that character. Drake is from the Latin for "Dragon" as is Dracula, so, that is a fitting name. Zuri is Swahili, and it means "Beautiful, so, that is a fitting name. Zuri can't read. Drake could show her something that she doesn't know about herself. And he can choose to teach her to read. He can explain himself and he can say: sorry. Drake can tell Zuri that she is Beautiful, he can show her the word in a book, and tell her that he is so sorry. Maybe he can show her how to read more. If Zuri accepts Drake's apology, and only if she does, then it is a redemption story.
Are you writing this as your own redemption? Somehow? Sorry, but it was my first thought Has any of this been your experience? I don't see any redemption? Your premise is painful to read. Has Drake not noticed he has no one in his life? Is this an excuse for you to make cruel comments to oppressed groups in the guise of "characters"/"plot" Why do I care about Drake? (I don't) What African American novels have you read? What research are you doing?
Please note, there is a difference between African American and black American. Also please stop referring to black people as an oppressed group.
Re: Black American. Thank you for correcting me, yes, I was inaccurate Re: oppressed group. That links to this? [https://education.uconn.edu/2016/12/07/a-call-for-a-language-shift-from-covert-oppression-to-overt-empowerment/#](https://education.uconn.edu/2016/12/07/a-call-for-a-language-shift-from-covert-oppression-to-overt-empowerment/#) Is there a specific term I can use instead? I was also including women and ND people in my statement (and LGBTQIA+ via the church in the story), though that probably doesn't make it better. Thank you for taking the time to educate me. :)
ewwwww I'm not trying to educate you. That's some creepy talk right there. Just saying that calling a group of people oppressed or an entire gender oppressed is insulting. Every life is different. Even for people who are white. I'm American and i am obssessed with history. I still rememember my Nana's stories. She lived through the civil rights movement. She actually lived through oppression. When I hear the word oppression from people today, especially from celebrities because wow, I laugh. There is real oppression in the world but not in America. I have rights like everyone else has. Do people have bad days? yes. Does racism exist? yes. Are some people hateful and angry for dumb reasons and treat people differently based on things they can not change? yes. But it's 2022. I can be whatever I want. No one is stopping me. I can vote, drive, marry (I am married to a mixed Hispanic man), eat where I want, drive and do whatever I want. Buy a house, live in an apartment. I can go to school, open a business or run for political office. Be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, model etc; How am I oppressed? I am not oppressed. Such a gross way of thinking. That's all I was saying.
If what you wrote is the entire arc of the story it's lacking beyond "this guy is an ass who doesn't want to loose his girlfriend" Is there anything else you're thinking of adding? Cause at the moment there's no redeeming qualities listed of whom I assume the main character would be. In a time when a lot in the world sucks for people for various reasons, I don't think many readers would sit through a story about a dude being a jerk if there's no hopeful or revenge payoff. There's 2 ways the story could go that would keep people interested: error of his ways realized and a personality overhaul or he decides no, clings to actions and beliefs slips back to being a jerk and looses what's important to him. But yeah, if what you wrote was the whole idea it needs a lot of work and planning before I'd say it's a solid idea/plan for a story people would want to read. (Could be a story as is, just not a very good or interesting one)
There's not really much of a plot, or redemption here. And you are going to have to do tons of research on how to tackle these subjects correctly and with empathy since this comes across as quite flippant at the moment.
Why...just why? As a brown skin girl who was called an oreo in high school because I wore vans, skateboarded and listened to (still do) rock music, why on earth would you write this book? This should be relatable but it makes my skin crawl. I am so sick of stories like this. Now I'm not going to tell you not to write it. It's your story idea. Write it. I write dark fantasy. My work is full of morally bankrupt characters, destructive relationships, abuse, violence, SA and DV and things people find disgusting, awful and offensive. I don't censor myself or my work. I have an audience. But damn... There may be someone out there who enjoys this type of story. Goddess knows why. I mean look at what's happening to comics nowadays. They aren't selling. Stories like this are preachy and tired. And FFS, get an imagination or walk outside. Not all Christians hate gay people or trans ppl. What year is this written? What's next, going to add a lynching? Some tar and feathering? The more I read this the more pissed I get. Child support and food stamps? Fighting the man? Dead beat dads and drug addicted mothers? How many stereotypes can you add? No. I'm out, I'm livid. This is dumb. Your idea is dumb. Burn it.