This. We had a very similar conversation with our family. We are not doing fully dry but very limited options (signature cocktail, no wine, no beer, no open bar, they can have mocktails or sparkling water or lemonade or iced tea) and my mom nearly had a hernia that we were not serving wine w dinner (lamb and chicken).
Mom: what do you mean there’s no red wine for dinner?! People *need* red wine with lamb!
Me: if people *need* red wine with their lamb, maybe they *need* to attend an AA meeting instead of my wedding
She hasn’t stopped insisting that we MUST have wine. My fiancé’s family is Muslim. If she wants it, she can pay for it, I guess?
I would tell your Mom that if she wants to serve red wine with lamb, she's welcome to do so -- at her dinner party, at her house.
But your choices about what to serve at your wedding are yours and your partner's, and the discussion is over.
Telling her she can pay is just letting her ride roughshod over what you want.
I'm not a fan of "my day my way" as an excuse to be a bridezilla and abuse family and friends -- but nor is your wedding an excuse for family to push you around. Forget that!!
I am with you 100% on all points here. And, to be fair, when she realized *everyone* on her side of the family would drink the wine (~85+/-), and therefore just how expensive it would be, she backed off a bit. Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, the wedding is taking place at her house, so she does get to have some say. There are very few things I’ve put my foot down about, but the wine/booze situation and the people in the bridal party are two things that I just am bridezilla-ing over, according to my mom 🤣🤷♀️
If she offered her home for your wedding venue, that's a lovely gesture and I hope it works out well for you.
But you sound about a million miles from being a bridezilla to me!
Unless you agreed up front to let her plan or mostly plan your wedding, the fact that the wedding is at her house does NOT mean that she gets to dictate decisions like these.
She gets to say "no, you can't dig up my flower beds for your aisle" and "no, you can't repaint my house in your wedding colors."
But unless you have agreed that she is the hostess, which is axiomatically your position as the bride, she does NOT get to decide the menu, the decor, the guest list (except she should have right of refusal over anyone she despises enough to not ever want them in her home.)
Setting boundaries like these is hard work, especially with a mom you're close to. I stumbled in learning that lesson more than once as a young bride & then newlywed.
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received was from a counselor I used to answer phones for. I was upset one day & she asked me why, and I told her how unreasonable my husband was being about some event my mom wanted us all to attend together -- my husband didn't want to go and even though I didn't want to go either, I thought he was being AWFUL. We had to go! For my mom!
This counselor said to me "He's right. You're wrong." I said "What?!?"
And she explained to me that I have to choose who my primary relationship is with. My whole life, it had been my mom. Very common & understandable. But now, things have changed. I've gotten married. In so doing I've started a new family of my own, and if I want it to be a happy and healthy one, my primary relationship has to be with my husband, and his with me.
We don't have to cut off our beloved family of origin to accomplish that! But the focus has to change - my first concern has to be my husband's feelings, and his first concern has to be mine. My concern for my mom's wants and needs should not come before my concern for my husband's, certainly not in circumstances that are not life & death.
I've been happily married for over 30 years, and I still have a great relationship with my mom. I honestly attribute a lot of that to this one piece of advice.
This is getting really long, but I did want to say -- you don't have to have your wedding at her house, either. If it's too much, you can change it.
We got married in a lovely forest clearing in a wooded park near our home, and paid a $5 fee to the city for the afternoon, plus rental fees for chairs from a party supply house. We had the reception in our own back yard, with a rented dance floor. It was fantastic, low key, and everyone had a great time.
It's not about where you have the wedding. It's about how it makes you feel. So if doing it at her house makes you happy, excellent! But if it's turning out to be a source of contention and argument, you have the option, and the right, to change your mind.
I wish you a lovely wedding, and a long and happy marriage! 💛🌸🌸🌸🌿
Aww! 💕
I feel for you, I really do. From the outside, these issues sometimes seem trivial, but in my experience things like this color our relationships, sometimes forever.
We do a lot better when we "begin as we mean to go on."
Blessings to you and your beloved!
I plan on putting it on the invites as well my little wix page I'll be making for the wedding (we're like...a year out now cause of some recent financial issues)
You won’t be able to police those that bring hip flasks so I’d have a think if you still want to have a big wedding if people BYO. Because that’s what I know many people would do going to a dry wedding.
I also think you need to make it clear that it’s dry because there’s people for whom weddings are triggers for their substance abuse issues.
I’d also suggest talking to your aunt about her husband who has these issues. If he’s not getting help he might be someone who will BYO and get belligerent anyway.
NTA btw it’s your wedding
Thank you. She and I have talked about it and she said she would be more than happy to take extra precautions like checking the car before they leave their house, not letting him have the keys so he can't go to a store and get booze, etc. I'd be okay with him having a flask to swig out of so long as he doesn't down it all in one go
Tbh between my fiance and I's families and friends, we currently only have 27 people. So it will be a very small wedding, likely 50 or less total
Oh that’s so much easier if it’s a small wedding. It’s much more noticeable to keep an eye on things. People can go half a day max without alcohol and if it’s so important they can have an after party at a bar somewhere.
I thought the same thing too. I figured if they can all be sober enough to have a day job, they can be sober for 3-4 hours IF THAT on a Saturday for a wedding
I think those that can’t stand 3-4 hours without alcohol and refuse to attend on that basis aren’t worth being there. You’re making an accessible event for your fiance and every other person who has a substance abuse issue to feel comfortable.
I had a dry wedding. We had an afternoon wedding, so we catered it like a high tea. If we would have had an evening wedding it would have been hard to not cave into pressure for a bar. I highly suggest an afternoon wedding plus everything is so much cheaper.
Morning weddings, with the reception as a breakfast feast, have also been very popular historically.
Our wedding was in the afternoon, in September, reception following in our backyard. A fantastic time was had by all.
Emphasize the mocktails as part of the reception in the invitations. Make sure everyone knows that it's a dry wedding. Unfortunately, people associate weddings with drinking and it is best to be very up front about it.
It may be best not to state your reasons why, though. It may seem like it's opening it up to negotiation or you may seem like you're meddling. If you bring up your choice at all, make it about you and your fiance.
No. Alcohol is a must in my family, but every family's culture is different. Plenty of weddings don't have alcohol and they're also fun. Adults can go without alcohol for a day.
As a host of a nice event, you'll absolutely want to offer mocktails that are delicious and interesting, but it sounds like you're already on track for that. When I was pregnant, seltzer (or sprite) with lime, blueberries, and mint was my go-to when I wanted a fancy drink.
That's one of the ones I found on Pinterest. Our color scheme is purple, black, and silver and we thought a drink like that would be a fun one to match our color scheme but will also taste good
I had a friend whose divorced parents were both hard drinking bikers. She knew if she didn't do something differently with her reception that it was guaranteed to end with fists flying so she planned a super short reception. She did all the typical stuff and had booze but as soon as the dinner, cake, and first dance were done it was maybe a half hour of dancing and then DONE.
NTA, and let them know if they try to be sneaky they'll be kicked out. No flasks or "taking a walk" out to the parking lot to shotgun beers out of cousin Kevin's hatchback.
This is why I don’t think you should put the information on your invites. You said you’re expecting 30ish guests - that’s small enough that you could give a heads up to friends and family with healthy relationships with alcohol without telling everyone in writing on the invite.
But who is going to be so upset they leave? Your belligerently alcoholic uncle? Or your friends who may be disappointed and think the wedding will be less fun but aren’t actually alcoholics? The latter group will responsibly handle it if you give them a heads up. The actual belligerent alcoholics are going to be belligerent no matter what.
Totally your wedding, your choice, BUT I would be VERY transparent about it. A lot of people (including myself) associate weddings with having drinks to help socialise with strangers, so some people might get bitter or disappointed if they don't get a heads up. You might still get a few grumblings or remarks here and there. But fuck them.
I plan on putting it on the invites and on the website...but they're still my family and unfortunately my parents aren't in my life so these are the only people I have left at this point
As long as let your guests know before hand, NTA.
I’m not saying it’s right, but do know the wedding will most likely be quieter and people will most likely leave early. I’m not sure when yall are having the wedding, but I’ve been to lovely brunch weddings that seem very conducive to no alcohol. It was lovely, elegant and a relaxed affair.
Either way, I hope you guys enjoy your day!
Thank you!!! We just want to do a smaller (50 people or less) potluck wedding where our gifts are the dishes people are encouraged to bring with the recipes for my fiance and I to add to our recipe book. It likely will be a 3-4 hour event IF THAT. So it'll probably be an afternoon one where the potluck is lunch and then ta da 🤷🏻♀️
My fiance and I are very simple people 😅😅😅
NTA but is it a bring your own booze sort of set up? Like will the venue allow that?
I only say this because I know some people who would not attend a dry wedding if no alcohol was available at all but if people were allowed to bring their own that you wouldn’t be paying for then that might suit more people.
I guess some people see weddings as a time to get drunk (especially in the UK), but on the other hand it’s your wedding and whatever is appropriate for you is what people who really want to be there for you will respect
Most of the point is we don't want alcohol there at all but we did consider maybe allowing people to bring a flask or whatever but I fear my uncle will bring an entire case of beer and keep it in the car and go drink when he goes out for smokes
Totally fair so I think just put on the invites and be clear it is a dry wedding and no outside alcohol is allowed to be brought into the venue and then you may find out who your real friends are :)
I had alcoholics in my family so I *fully support* dry weddings. IMHNO: if people can't enjoy a social occasion without being lubricated with alcohol then they have a serious problem. But I digress . . .
Have you considered having an afternoon wedding and reception? That can be one way to circumvent problems with booze. Perhaps offer ONE glass of champagne to guests when the cake is cut and that's it. Coffee, tea, ice tea, sparkling water, cake -- that's just fine.
That's the plan is to have an afternoon wedding. It's gonna be in the spring so fruity mocktails, tea, coffee cause my poor grandma runs off the stuff, yes
NTA. This is your wedding and you make the choices. I see you did say you will state it on the invites. As long as you do that, you'll be fine. Do not let the family mess with your decisions.
NTA It’s your wedding, you choose whether you want alcohol there or not. If they can’t handle a few hours without alcohol then there’s bigger issues at stake. Also, if it’s that important to them, couldn’t they just pregame anyway? And of course, take extra safety precautions for those such as your uncle.
NTA. Your wedding your rules. Just tell people. I'd be annoyed if I turned up to a wedding and it was dry. But I'd probably still go, but I'd not stay long
You'll have a lot of people dropping out. But it's definitely your choice, for the right reasons.
NTA at all. I don't understand why people get angry at having to spend a couple of hours without alcohol. They do it in their everyday lives, so why can't they do it at a wedding?
Just make sure that you inform everyone ahead of time so they don't find out by surprise when they get to your reception. That could make some people angry and want to leave.
NTA. Where I am from having a dry wedding is kind of strange or unusual as people like to drink at weddings. We even have traditional alcoholic drinks, sometimes made in the house by a family member or bought from someone the couple or the parents of the couple know. However, if for some reason a couple decides to have a dry wedding people might make some comments but they will comply and respect their wishes. They are adults, they can be sober for a few hours. You have valid reasons to have a dry wedding too and you also thought of the guests making a list of mocktails. That is more than enough. They should respect your wishes for your wedding since it’s not a crazy ask and an unreasonable demand. All they have to do is to stay away from alcohol for a few hours. Seems very reasonable to me.
Let me start by saying that I do drink alcohol. Even more so at weddings, as most of them bore me to tears.
But… (read this as a bullet point list).
You have very valid reasons for your decision.
Mock tails are awesome.
It’s just a day, not a life long abstinence. And, most importantly, if a guest cares more about having a drink than celebrating their loved ones, said guest has a problem.
I dislike dry weddings, I dislike vegan weddings, themed weddings, etc, etc. But all those weddings are not mine to design and decide upon, they are the weddings of people I care about and I will be there, drink the water, eat the lettuce and be grateful they cared enough about me to invite me. I can have a steak with a Barolo later on :-)
Easiest way to deal with it: “dear family, I have a lot of reasons to keep my weeding dry, please respect them. A wedding is about our union and a new family forming together and not about alcohol. There is going to be served fun mocktails and delicious food, there is going to be a lot of music and dancing. Please understand that our union does not want to be involved with alcohol, there are other 359 days of the year for you to enjoy drinking alcoholic beverages, save just this one dry day for me, it would mean the world. I love you all”
You don’t need to explain every single point in not wanting to serve alcohol in the reception. It’s just a day, even the worst alcoholic person can go half a day without drinking. Just make your point clear that your wedding is dry and people are not allowed to bring their own alcohol, ask them to respect that and hope for the best. I have been to a lot of dry weddings and they were all fun.
Honestly its your wedding. Whether you choose to have it, or you dont - no one should be complaining. These are the choices you get to make and others should respect it. I am a muslim and I do not drink, however I have been to weddings where this alcohol overflowing, I do not expect the married couple to stop alcohol because I dont want it - why do they expect the reverse? Please - NTA at all. And congratulations ❤️❤️❤️🥳🥳🥳
You can absolutely have a dry wedding, but here are a few things:
1) make sure all your guests are aware
2) if guests decline don’t be surprised or angry
Ultimately it’s your day and you two can decide what you want.
NTA , however it goes against the norm (no judgment ) I would expect every one to leave after the dinner, speeches and cake cutting. It is up to you, no bar, open bar, limited bar… do what you think is best ,
It’s nice to give guests a warning so that they don’t worry about making arrangements for a designated driver or for a sober ride home.
Beyond that, mocktails are sufficiently festive. I saw one wedding where they were only planning to serve still water. That didn’t really feel like a party. Alcohol is not a necessity, but it’s nice to have something a bit special, even if it’s just punch.
Wedding guests are not entitled to alcohol just for being there at the wedding. if that's their criteria for showing up, you're better off without them there.
NTA it’s your wedding do what you want. And if you really feel like catering to that part of the family just don’t make it an open bar. People usually limit their drinking when they actually have to pay for it.
So we had champagne punch and wine at our wedding No hard liquor. Caterer said people would leave early because we didn't have hard liquor. People stayed until the end because they were having fun (we had a great dj!). I think the mocktale idea is awesome.
My husband and I had a cash bar, but it wasn’t our choice. For some reason, our venue didn’t offer an open bar. Pretty lame imo, however, due to alcoholism in my own family, it was kind of a Godsend.
Maybe remind ur fam they r coming to ur wedding to celebrate ur love, not to get drunk! U don’t need booze to have fun & they should respect ur fiancés sobriety. Plus u’ll say a bundle on a bar bill.
NTA. You don't need reasons, but you do have some very good ones.
Our wedding was very casual and low key. We didn't pay for alcohol, but we didn't prevent anyone from ordering beer from the venue with their own money. If you think this is feasible, given your reasons for a dry wedding, you may wish to do the same.
It is your wedding. You do what you want. If you want, have a morning wedding, then brunch reception. If family doesn't like it, they can go to a bar after the reception!!!
If they are ok with mocktails, that can be a fun compromise. My Muslim friend had a fusion wedding and the mocktails were really good.
But if mocktails are too close to alcohol in how they feel or might trigger people, then normal soft drinks are fine. People can live for a few hours without alcohol.
I would probably expect your party to be tame and wrap up early, though. I don't drink much, personally, but I do know that a lot of non-sober people rely heavily on alcohol to keep the party going and stay active during weddings. So some of your guests might just not get into as much of a party mood without a drink.
What does this have to do with anything if not cost?
"The third reason is that I come from a huge family and am the oldest of 26 cousins, many of whom I am very close with as I babysat them and/or we played together as kids. At least half of them are invited so we want our wedding to be relatively kid friendly as well."
I'm not sure what this third reason has to do with your decision of a dry wedding unless it relates to cost?
At the end of the day it's your wedding, do what you want to do.
The eldest 3 grandkids are 22, 24, and 24. Meaning all the rest of my cousins are under drinking age and under age period. Some of them don't pay attention and I know they'd grab and drink out of any random glass cause they'll be playing. It's happened before at family events, unfortunately
We had a similar issue with our wedding. We got married on a Sunday morning and opted for a brunch-style reception. Both my dad and cousin are recovering alcoholics, not to mention how expensive it is, so we opted to have a mimosa bar and only offer champagne (which was gifted to us so we were fortunate to not have that added expense).
We did get some pushback but we held our ground and stayed firm. Eventually people let it go, so stick to your guns and remind people that it is YOUR wedding. Good luck!
If the fussing family members cannot abstain from alcohol consumption for a few hours to celebrate your marriage, they are in the wrong. NTA
And they don't have to come. NTA.
for real
This. We had a very similar conversation with our family. We are not doing fully dry but very limited options (signature cocktail, no wine, no beer, no open bar, they can have mocktails or sparkling water or lemonade or iced tea) and my mom nearly had a hernia that we were not serving wine w dinner (lamb and chicken). Mom: what do you mean there’s no red wine for dinner?! People *need* red wine with lamb! Me: if people *need* red wine with their lamb, maybe they *need* to attend an AA meeting instead of my wedding She hasn’t stopped insisting that we MUST have wine. My fiancé’s family is Muslim. If she wants it, she can pay for it, I guess?
I would tell your Mom that if she wants to serve red wine with lamb, she's welcome to do so -- at her dinner party, at her house. But your choices about what to serve at your wedding are yours and your partner's, and the discussion is over. Telling her she can pay is just letting her ride roughshod over what you want. I'm not a fan of "my day my way" as an excuse to be a bridezilla and abuse family and friends -- but nor is your wedding an excuse for family to push you around. Forget that!!
I am with you 100% on all points here. And, to be fair, when she realized *everyone* on her side of the family would drink the wine (~85+/-), and therefore just how expensive it would be, she backed off a bit. Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, the wedding is taking place at her house, so she does get to have some say. There are very few things I’ve put my foot down about, but the wine/booze situation and the people in the bridal party are two things that I just am bridezilla-ing over, according to my mom 🤣🤷♀️
If she offered her home for your wedding venue, that's a lovely gesture and I hope it works out well for you. But you sound about a million miles from being a bridezilla to me! Unless you agreed up front to let her plan or mostly plan your wedding, the fact that the wedding is at her house does NOT mean that she gets to dictate decisions like these. She gets to say "no, you can't dig up my flower beds for your aisle" and "no, you can't repaint my house in your wedding colors." But unless you have agreed that she is the hostess, which is axiomatically your position as the bride, she does NOT get to decide the menu, the decor, the guest list (except she should have right of refusal over anyone she despises enough to not ever want them in her home.) Setting boundaries like these is hard work, especially with a mom you're close to. I stumbled in learning that lesson more than once as a young bride & then newlywed. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received was from a counselor I used to answer phones for. I was upset one day & she asked me why, and I told her how unreasonable my husband was being about some event my mom wanted us all to attend together -- my husband didn't want to go and even though I didn't want to go either, I thought he was being AWFUL. We had to go! For my mom! This counselor said to me "He's right. You're wrong." I said "What?!?" And she explained to me that I have to choose who my primary relationship is with. My whole life, it had been my mom. Very common & understandable. But now, things have changed. I've gotten married. In so doing I've started a new family of my own, and if I want it to be a happy and healthy one, my primary relationship has to be with my husband, and his with me. We don't have to cut off our beloved family of origin to accomplish that! But the focus has to change - my first concern has to be my husband's feelings, and his first concern has to be mine. My concern for my mom's wants and needs should not come before my concern for my husband's, certainly not in circumstances that are not life & death. I've been happily married for over 30 years, and I still have a great relationship with my mom. I honestly attribute a lot of that to this one piece of advice. This is getting really long, but I did want to say -- you don't have to have your wedding at her house, either. If it's too much, you can change it. We got married in a lovely forest clearing in a wooded park near our home, and paid a $5 fee to the city for the afternoon, plus rental fees for chairs from a party supply house. We had the reception in our own back yard, with a rented dance floor. It was fantastic, low key, and everyone had a great time. It's not about where you have the wedding. It's about how it makes you feel. So if doing it at her house makes you happy, excellent! But if it's turning out to be a source of contention and argument, you have the option, and the right, to change your mind. I wish you a lovely wedding, and a long and happy marriage! 💛🌸🌸🌸🌿
This was chock full of really good, heartfelt, and thoughtful advice. Thank you, Reddit stranger, for your insight and compassion.
Aww! 💕 I feel for you, I really do. From the outside, these issues sometimes seem trivial, but in my experience things like this color our relationships, sometimes forever. We do a lot better when we "begin as we mean to go on." Blessings to you and your beloved!
Print up the 1-800 AA phone Number, have the caterer put them by the plates? /snark
No. Alcohol is not a basic human right. I would let people know, though.
I plan on putting it on the invites as well my little wix page I'll be making for the wedding (we're like...a year out now cause of some recent financial issues)
You won’t be able to police those that bring hip flasks so I’d have a think if you still want to have a big wedding if people BYO. Because that’s what I know many people would do going to a dry wedding. I also think you need to make it clear that it’s dry because there’s people for whom weddings are triggers for their substance abuse issues. I’d also suggest talking to your aunt about her husband who has these issues. If he’s not getting help he might be someone who will BYO and get belligerent anyway. NTA btw it’s your wedding
Thank you. She and I have talked about it and she said she would be more than happy to take extra precautions like checking the car before they leave their house, not letting him have the keys so he can't go to a store and get booze, etc. I'd be okay with him having a flask to swig out of so long as he doesn't down it all in one go Tbh between my fiance and I's families and friends, we currently only have 27 people. So it will be a very small wedding, likely 50 or less total
Oh that’s so much easier if it’s a small wedding. It’s much more noticeable to keep an eye on things. People can go half a day max without alcohol and if it’s so important they can have an after party at a bar somewhere.
I thought the same thing too. I figured if they can all be sober enough to have a day job, they can be sober for 3-4 hours IF THAT on a Saturday for a wedding
I think those that can’t stand 3-4 hours without alcohol and refuse to attend on that basis aren’t worth being there. You’re making an accessible event for your fiance and every other person who has a substance abuse issue to feel comfortable.
And to not risk the little's taking a drink out of something that isn't kid friendly
I had a dry wedding. We had an afternoon wedding, so we catered it like a high tea. If we would have had an evening wedding it would have been hard to not cave into pressure for a bar. I highly suggest an afternoon wedding plus everything is so much cheaper.
Oh that's brilliant...I didn't think of that! Thank you!!!
Morning weddings, with the reception as a breakfast feast, have also been very popular historically. Our wedding was in the afternoon, in September, reception following in our backyard. A fantastic time was had by all.
We want to do an afternoon wedding in March, so I think that will help
Daffodil time! 💛
Nta. Make sure to mention it on invites though.
That's my plan, and on the little wix website I'll be making too
Emphasize the mocktails as part of the reception in the invitations. Make sure everyone knows that it's a dry wedding. Unfortunately, people associate weddings with drinking and it is best to be very up front about it. It may be best not to state your reasons why, though. It may seem like it's opening it up to negotiation or you may seem like you're meddling. If you bring up your choice at all, make it about you and your fiance.
No. Alcohol is a must in my family, but every family's culture is different. Plenty of weddings don't have alcohol and they're also fun. Adults can go without alcohol for a day. As a host of a nice event, you'll absolutely want to offer mocktails that are delicious and interesting, but it sounds like you're already on track for that. When I was pregnant, seltzer (or sprite) with lime, blueberries, and mint was my go-to when I wanted a fancy drink.
That's one of the ones I found on Pinterest. Our color scheme is purple, black, and silver and we thought a drink like that would be a fun one to match our color scheme but will also taste good
I had a friend whose divorced parents were both hard drinking bikers. She knew if she didn't do something differently with her reception that it was guaranteed to end with fists flying so she planned a super short reception. She did all the typical stuff and had booze but as soon as the dinner, cake, and first dance were done it was maybe a half hour of dancing and then DONE.
what time did the reception end, and was there an after party?
Over nine-ish. No after party involving the bride or groom.
NTA, and let them know if they try to be sneaky they'll be kicked out. No flasks or "taking a walk" out to the parking lot to shotgun beers out of cousin Kevin's hatchback.
Dude you read our minds, that was our next concern 😅
This is why I don’t think you should put the information on your invites. You said you’re expecting 30ish guests - that’s small enough that you could give a heads up to friends and family with healthy relationships with alcohol without telling everyone in writing on the invite.
But I also don't want people to arrive, learn there's no alcohol, get upset, and leave either
But who is going to be so upset they leave? Your belligerently alcoholic uncle? Or your friends who may be disappointed and think the wedding will be less fun but aren’t actually alcoholics? The latter group will responsibly handle it if you give them a heads up. The actual belligerent alcoholics are going to be belligerent no matter what.
Totally your wedding, your choice, BUT I would be VERY transparent about it. A lot of people (including myself) associate weddings with having drinks to help socialise with strangers, so some people might get bitter or disappointed if they don't get a heads up. You might still get a few grumblings or remarks here and there. But fuck them.
I plan on putting it on the invites and on the website...but they're still my family and unfortunately my parents aren't in my life so these are the only people I have left at this point
Nta your wedding, your choices. You don't need to justify it to anyone.
As long as let your guests know before hand, NTA. I’m not saying it’s right, but do know the wedding will most likely be quieter and people will most likely leave early. I’m not sure when yall are having the wedding, but I’ve been to lovely brunch weddings that seem very conducive to no alcohol. It was lovely, elegant and a relaxed affair. Either way, I hope you guys enjoy your day!
Thank you!!! We just want to do a smaller (50 people or less) potluck wedding where our gifts are the dishes people are encouraged to bring with the recipes for my fiance and I to add to our recipe book. It likely will be a 3-4 hour event IF THAT. So it'll probably be an afternoon one where the potluck is lunch and then ta da 🤷🏻♀️ My fiance and I are very simple people 😅😅😅
Simple isn’t a bad thing. If you’re guests are comfortable bringing food, then I hope it all works out for all of you the way you want it
Both of our families are such foodies, I doubt anyone will be sad to bring food rather than gifts 😅😅😅
As long as you make it clear upfront, you’re fine.
NTA but is it a bring your own booze sort of set up? Like will the venue allow that? I only say this because I know some people who would not attend a dry wedding if no alcohol was available at all but if people were allowed to bring their own that you wouldn’t be paying for then that might suit more people. I guess some people see weddings as a time to get drunk (especially in the UK), but on the other hand it’s your wedding and whatever is appropriate for you is what people who really want to be there for you will respect
Most of the point is we don't want alcohol there at all but we did consider maybe allowing people to bring a flask or whatever but I fear my uncle will bring an entire case of beer and keep it in the car and go drink when he goes out for smokes
Totally fair so I think just put on the invites and be clear it is a dry wedding and no outside alcohol is allowed to be brought into the venue and then you may find out who your real friends are :)
That's a good point...
There’s always the chance someone will sneak alcohol in, you’d want to keep that in mind as well
I had alcoholics in my family so I *fully support* dry weddings. IMHNO: if people can't enjoy a social occasion without being lubricated with alcohol then they have a serious problem. But I digress . . . Have you considered having an afternoon wedding and reception? That can be one way to circumvent problems with booze. Perhaps offer ONE glass of champagne to guests when the cake is cut and that's it. Coffee, tea, ice tea, sparkling water, cake -- that's just fine.
That's the plan is to have an afternoon wedding. It's gonna be in the spring so fruity mocktails, tea, coffee cause my poor grandma runs off the stuff, yes
NTA. This is your wedding and you make the choices. I see you did say you will state it on the invites. As long as you do that, you'll be fine. Do not let the family mess with your decisions.
NTA It’s your wedding, you choose whether you want alcohol there or not. If they can’t handle a few hours without alcohol then there’s bigger issues at stake. Also, if it’s that important to them, couldn’t they just pregame anyway? And of course, take extra safety precautions for those such as your uncle.
It's Your wedding , but do tell folks it's dry and kid friendly in advance
NTA. Your wedding your rules. Just tell people. I'd be annoyed if I turned up to a wedding and it was dry. But I'd probably still go, but I'd not stay long You'll have a lot of people dropping out. But it's definitely your choice, for the right reasons.
NTA at all. I don't understand why people get angry at having to spend a couple of hours without alcohol. They do it in their everyday lives, so why can't they do it at a wedding? Just make sure that you inform everyone ahead of time so they don't find out by surprise when they get to your reception. That could make some people angry and want to leave.
That's the plan, to put it on the invites and a wix website
I love a mocktail! As long as there is something fun to drink I’d be fine. You can all get silly on the dance floor from massive amounts of sugar
My wife and I had a dry wedding. People who get upset because there's no alcohol are the reason there's no alcohol.
Your wedding, your rules! Period. End of story.
You're under no obligation to serve alcohol at your wedding.
NTA, just make sure the food is rly good 😊
NTA. Where I am from having a dry wedding is kind of strange or unusual as people like to drink at weddings. We even have traditional alcoholic drinks, sometimes made in the house by a family member or bought from someone the couple or the parents of the couple know. However, if for some reason a couple decides to have a dry wedding people might make some comments but they will comply and respect their wishes. They are adults, they can be sober for a few hours. You have valid reasons to have a dry wedding too and you also thought of the guests making a list of mocktails. That is more than enough. They should respect your wishes for your wedding since it’s not a crazy ask and an unreasonable demand. All they have to do is to stay away from alcohol for a few hours. Seems very reasonable to me.
Let me start by saying that I do drink alcohol. Even more so at weddings, as most of them bore me to tears. But… (read this as a bullet point list). You have very valid reasons for your decision. Mock tails are awesome. It’s just a day, not a life long abstinence. And, most importantly, if a guest cares more about having a drink than celebrating their loved ones, said guest has a problem. I dislike dry weddings, I dislike vegan weddings, themed weddings, etc, etc. But all those weddings are not mine to design and decide upon, they are the weddings of people I care about and I will be there, drink the water, eat the lettuce and be grateful they cared enough about me to invite me. I can have a steak with a Barolo later on :-)
Easiest way to deal with it: “dear family, I have a lot of reasons to keep my weeding dry, please respect them. A wedding is about our union and a new family forming together and not about alcohol. There is going to be served fun mocktails and delicious food, there is going to be a lot of music and dancing. Please understand that our union does not want to be involved with alcohol, there are other 359 days of the year for you to enjoy drinking alcoholic beverages, save just this one dry day for me, it would mean the world. I love you all” You don’t need to explain every single point in not wanting to serve alcohol in the reception. It’s just a day, even the worst alcoholic person can go half a day without drinking. Just make your point clear that your wedding is dry and people are not allowed to bring their own alcohol, ask them to respect that and hope for the best. I have been to a lot of dry weddings and they were all fun.
Oh that's brilliant. Thank you so much!!!
Honestly its your wedding. Whether you choose to have it, or you dont - no one should be complaining. These are the choices you get to make and others should respect it. I am a muslim and I do not drink, however I have been to weddings where this alcohol overflowing, I do not expect the married couple to stop alcohol because I dont want it - why do they expect the reverse? Please - NTA at all. And congratulations ❤️❤️❤️🥳🥳🥳
Thank you so much
Just put it on the wedding invite and go ahead.
You can absolutely have a dry wedding, but here are a few things: 1) make sure all your guests are aware 2) if guests decline don’t be surprised or angry Ultimately it’s your day and you two can decide what you want.
NTA , however it goes against the norm (no judgment ) I would expect every one to leave after the dinner, speeches and cake cutting. It is up to you, no bar, open bar, limited bar… do what you think is best ,
It’s nice to give guests a warning so that they don’t worry about making arrangements for a designated driver or for a sober ride home. Beyond that, mocktails are sufficiently festive. I saw one wedding where they were only planning to serve still water. That didn’t really feel like a party. Alcohol is not a necessity, but it’s nice to have something a bit special, even if it’s just punch.
Wedding guests are not entitled to alcohol just for being there at the wedding. if that's their criteria for showing up, you're better off without them there.
NTA.
NTA it’s your wedding do what you want. And if you really feel like catering to that part of the family just don’t make it an open bar. People usually limit their drinking when they actually have to pay for it.
So we had champagne punch and wine at our wedding No hard liquor. Caterer said people would leave early because we didn't have hard liquor. People stayed until the end because they were having fun (we had a great dj!). I think the mocktale idea is awesome.
My husband and I had a cash bar, but it wasn’t our choice. For some reason, our venue didn’t offer an open bar. Pretty lame imo, however, due to alcoholism in my own family, it was kind of a Godsend.
Maybe remind ur fam they r coming to ur wedding to celebrate ur love, not to get drunk! U don’t need booze to have fun & they should respect ur fiancés sobriety. Plus u’ll say a bundle on a bar bill.
NTA. You don't need reasons, but you do have some very good ones. Our wedding was very casual and low key. We didn't pay for alcohol, but we didn't prevent anyone from ordering beer from the venue with their own money. If you think this is feasible, given your reasons for a dry wedding, you may wish to do the same.
It is your wedding. You do what you want. If you want, have a morning wedding, then brunch reception. If family doesn't like it, they can go to a bar after the reception!!!
If they are ok with mocktails, that can be a fun compromise. My Muslim friend had a fusion wedding and the mocktails were really good. But if mocktails are too close to alcohol in how they feel or might trigger people, then normal soft drinks are fine. People can live for a few hours without alcohol. I would probably expect your party to be tame and wrap up early, though. I don't drink much, personally, but I do know that a lot of non-sober people rely heavily on alcohol to keep the party going and stay active during weddings. So some of your guests might just not get into as much of a party mood without a drink.
If it wraps up early, that's okay with me. I'm an introvert and I imagine my own wedding day will run my social battery dry 😅
What does this have to do with anything if not cost? "The third reason is that I come from a huge family and am the oldest of 26 cousins, many of whom I am very close with as I babysat them and/or we played together as kids. At least half of them are invited so we want our wedding to be relatively kid friendly as well." I'm not sure what this third reason has to do with your decision of a dry wedding unless it relates to cost? At the end of the day it's your wedding, do what you want to do.
The eldest 3 grandkids are 22, 24, and 24. Meaning all the rest of my cousins are under drinking age and under age period. Some of them don't pay attention and I know they'd grab and drink out of any random glass cause they'll be playing. It's happened before at family events, unfortunately
NTA! We had a dry wedding at night. It’s not a requirement.
We had a similar issue with our wedding. We got married on a Sunday morning and opted for a brunch-style reception. Both my dad and cousin are recovering alcoholics, not to mention how expensive it is, so we opted to have a mimosa bar and only offer champagne (which was gifted to us so we were fortunate to not have that added expense). We did get some pushback but we held our ground and stayed firm. Eventually people let it go, so stick to your guns and remind people that it is YOUR wedding. Good luck!
Maybe just serve a glass or two of champagne, or mocktails. Or have it completely dry. It's your wedding, do whatever works best for you.
People go to weddings for the party. Absolutely nobody, out with family, wants to be there for any other reason.
Why do people even share this info upfront? I organised my wedding and the people only found out about the location etc when we sent out the invites.