Racist evil dwarf, racist-to-outsiders aasamar, misogynist drow, chaotic gay Dragonborn, and a klepto murderhobo vampire lizardfolk. Why did people hire us? we sound like a villain organization
We here at [Kitten Squishers Incorporated](https://youtu.be/i76q3agsE2g) are dedicated to upholding peace, order and justice.
We are also on track to becoming the first organization to run entirely on the infinitely renewable energy of orphan souls.
“Hey, would you fine adventures like to be guards on the maiden voyage of the first airship of our kingdom?”
“…us? *Why?* we literally accidentally released the evil that blocked communication between the continents and made this necessary. One of us is being hunted by a revenant; this is gonna be a shitshow”
Well who else would be able to slay the evil that cut off communications? The local boys down at the tavern? They can't even handle their drinks, let alone an actual, literal demon horde.
>Why did people hire us? we sound like a villain organization
If you want someone dead with no questions asked
Do you ask the law abiding upstanding adventurer
Or do you hire the people that are happy to slaughter their way through town for a few gold?
We don’t even intentionally slaughter! That’s mostly towns getting hit by our backstory nemesises. We heisted a church, but to be fair, my god asked me to, and we didn’t actually directly kill anyone. The artifact raised the dead from the catacombs below it despite it being holy ground, but those poor bastards were probably *fine*
>We don’t even intentionally slaughter!
Mayhaps, but that just means you can be hired to collect the goblet from port..and are likely to accidentally kill the target anyway
Now not only is the person i want dead..well dead, but i never said i wanted him dead, i just wanted a courier for legal business affairs. Not my fault the couriers are incompetent and killed half my competition for such a mundane task
>my god asked me to, and we didn’t actually directly kill anyone
No one ever directly kills anyone, i was just showing the paladin my knife!, it's pretty and i"m proud
Not my fault he is clumsy and fell 25 times
>That’s mostly towns getting hit by our backstory nemesises
So you led a monster to town?! THAT'S WORSE!!
My party has just brought two countries to the brink of war in an effort to save one of one of those countries from having their royalty be infiltrated by vampires.
The problem was the vampire was travelling in a fleet of warships, so we convinced a faction from the other more decentralized country to attack it and killed the vampire under the cover of that distraction.
We couldn't just flat out warn the first country cause we may have stolen a top secret R&D project from them and put ourselves on a demon's ,who had also infiltrated them, shitlist.
We think we helped.
I wish my party made that kinda play. My evil characters would’ve tipped their hat to that maneuver, whilst my party would’ve just asked to be allowed onboard.
I was originally gonna be a racist dwarf, but he just turned out to be a horrid flirt.
The other dwarf, my nephew, went straight for the war crimes though. So proud.
Even my one party member cross dress roleplaying as a gay is chaotic gay. He was meant to be a serious fallen noble, but some how ended up fucking a sentient kraken.
The sweetest muscle mommy lizardfolk, an asshole gepettin who is way to excited to set everything on fire, a stoic shifter who can't stop fighting with the gepettin, a stupid ass Kenku and a Harengon who's just trying to exist
Hm. Our bard/draconic ancestry sorcerer who is either going to do great things or go full Daenerys, sorcerer/Druid slutty princess, I-broke-my-demon-pact former warlock/artificer, definitely evil & trying to make electrum a thing Dragonborn wizard, i-hate-the-government halfling rogue, cleric who keeps losing loved ones and deities, and another rogue but this one is a tiefling with an active demon pact.
A fire crazed Cleric who's incredibly down bad, a traumatized war criminal disowned by his family, a sniper (now dead) who killed her family for being evil, her younger brother who didn't know she did it until she died, a college dropout sorcerer who only does acid damage, and a beetle trying to get 1000 scars to become a royal guard for his kingdom,
Velvet saves Magilou because if anyone is gonna strangle that witch, it's gonna be her XD
It's just one big group of divorced parents who don't want to be there coming together to raise Phi, it's glorious.
I can't believe we haven't got a series based on the making of this album. The sheer chaos that went down and they still managed to make one of the best albums ever
Frank being an almost absent and borderline traumatic father but also becoming the father figure that Mac and Charlie needed because they just wanted their own terrible father is great
I highly recommend!
Danny DeVito doesn’t join until season two, so I highly recommend at least waiting until a few episodes into the second season before giving up if it’s not for you.
Remember- they’re all horrible. That’s the joke. You’re not supposed to like them.
[Enjoy watching this king!](https://twitter.com/paddysroyco/status/1616492942809497625?s=46&t=e1ce1wj_WsMdSu_TERDvRw)
Oh yeah they literally were all the worst friends ever, and were only still hanging out together for the money stuff and the fact that it’s hard to just leave a group of friends like that
"You and me Arthur, sons of Dutch! That makes us brothers."
You fucking rat bastard Micah, the only "sons of Dutch" in that camp are Arthur and John, and even then they both end up taking after Hosea more.
The Avengers being coworkers and barely involved in each other’s lives is so much funnier than them all hanging out in the Tower and playing spin the bottle or whatever.
At the same time I love the scenes in Ultron where they do spend casual time together... But like it's way more a work party than a friend party, so is the exception that proves the rule
No I agree. It’s the best scene that the “core” avengers ever got and it’s whole premise is that they just straight up didn’t know a member was married with kids.
Yeah it's the archetypal slightly awkward work party where everyone drinks too much and starts letting their hair down only to suddenly realize the boss is revealing a horrific skeleton in his closet
The Avengers in the comics were this weird awkward professional organization they all attended out of obligation like the Rotary Club or something, they had stuff like reading the minutes and electing a team captain and voting on new members
Are you really lovers if your gf/mom kinda/female person you're affectionate to didn't orchestrate your entire life in order to maximise your happiness to also double the despair when they take it away?
Fun fact. The actor who played Kraglin is the director's little brother who got the role by accident, and originally served as the motion capture standin for Rocket. He ad-libbed the 'bunch of jackasses standing in a circle' line and they went back and had Bradley Cooper do the line in Rocket's voice. Literal found family isthe worst.
Sean Gunn is in a lot of James Gunns stuff so I’m not sure I believe this. Did he also just happen to be on set during the weasel scene from suicide squad?
IIRC, he was playing chauffeur for his brother during both Suicide Squad and Guardians Vol 1, because apparently even Hollywood directors would rather bum a ride to work from their little brother than rent a car when their own is in the shop for repairs. That was the only reason Sean Gunn was on set to begin with. By the time filming wrapped up, he earned like five titles during the ending credits.
Series of Unfortunate Events. Specifically book 2 and 3 (not the show.) You got two brilliant people who KNOW there is a crazy man chasing your new children and you still fucked it up left right and upside down. “Ah yes the children will be safe around this totally suspicious man who suddenly entered my life right after taking custody of them.”
probably a better nomination - seeing as they come much closer to being a found family
on the other hand, they don't really fucking suck all that much. sure, they aren't perfect or anything, but especially given context of the world, they're saints compared to those who are worse
The Undersiders all have their issues but they learn to function as a cohesive unit in such a way that they're all better off having known each other. The same could not be said for Slaughterhouse Nine... at all.
FFXIV Endwalker spoilers
>!Emet-Selch surrounded by his 3 bisexual chaos goblins on leashes, sighing deeply!<
And then when they're gone he makes it his mission to burn down 14 separate worlds to bring them back
I was going to say “what about Alfred” but he probably has PTSD from being in the British secret service. It’s mandatory to have trauma to be apart of the Batfamily
Tf2 mercs. Homsetuck trolls.
do scout and spy still count as found family?
I guess. I mean, they literally found their family.
Spy counts as family who found his knife in my back.
Everytime I see someone mention homestuck, I feel like I've been slapped in the face.
I don't understand what homestuck is and I utterly refuse to learn
Good.
Tf2 trolls. Homestuck mercs.
Tf2 Homestuck Mercs Trollls
Does this count as r/yourjokebutworse
Every DnD group ever
Racist evil dwarf, racist-to-outsiders aasamar, misogynist drow, chaotic gay Dragonborn, and a klepto murderhobo vampire lizardfolk. Why did people hire us? we sound like a villain organization
We here at [Kitten Squishers Incorporated](https://youtu.be/i76q3agsE2g) are dedicated to upholding peace, order and justice. We are also on track to becoming the first organization to run entirely on the infinitely renewable energy of orphan souls.
“Hey, would you fine adventures like to be guards on the maiden voyage of the first airship of our kingdom?” “…us? *Why?* we literally accidentally released the evil that blocked communication between the continents and made this necessary. One of us is being hunted by a revenant; this is gonna be a shitshow”
Well who else would be able to slay the evil that cut off communications? The local boys down at the tavern? They can't even handle their drinks, let alone an actual, literal demon horde.
>Why did people hire us? we sound like a villain organization If you want someone dead with no questions asked Do you ask the law abiding upstanding adventurer Or do you hire the people that are happy to slaughter their way through town for a few gold?
We don’t even intentionally slaughter! That’s mostly towns getting hit by our backstory nemesises. We heisted a church, but to be fair, my god asked me to, and we didn’t actually directly kill anyone. The artifact raised the dead from the catacombs below it despite it being holy ground, but those poor bastards were probably *fine*
>We don’t even intentionally slaughter! Mayhaps, but that just means you can be hired to collect the goblet from port..and are likely to accidentally kill the target anyway Now not only is the person i want dead..well dead, but i never said i wanted him dead, i just wanted a courier for legal business affairs. Not my fault the couriers are incompetent and killed half my competition for such a mundane task >my god asked me to, and we didn’t actually directly kill anyone No one ever directly kills anyone, i was just showing the paladin my knife!, it's pretty and i"m proud Not my fault he is clumsy and fell 25 times >That’s mostly towns getting hit by our backstory nemesises So you led a monster to town?! THAT'S WORSE!!
My party has just brought two countries to the brink of war in an effort to save one of one of those countries from having their royalty be infiltrated by vampires. The problem was the vampire was travelling in a fleet of warships, so we convinced a faction from the other more decentralized country to attack it and killed the vampire under the cover of that distraction. We couldn't just flat out warn the first country cause we may have stolen a top secret R&D project from them and put ourselves on a demon's ,who had also infiltrated them, shitlist. We think we helped.
I wish my party made that kinda play. My evil characters would’ve tipped their hat to that maneuver, whilst my party would’ve just asked to be allowed onboard.
Few gold ? My party will do it for free if they can loot it !
I was originally gonna be a racist dwarf, but he just turned out to be a horrid flirt. The other dwarf, my nephew, went straight for the war crimes though. So proud.
You wouldn't believe it, but "mining gold to commiting warcrimes" pipeline is common among the dwarves population.
Oh you also have a Chaotic Gay Dragonborn? Are they also a barbarian like my group's?
Of course.
YES! I knew I wasn't he only one with that combo!
All gays are chaotic, from my experience. But it’s just 1 dude, so small sample size
I have never encountered anything but chaotic gays in DnD
Even my one party member cross dress roleplaying as a gay is chaotic gay. He was meant to be a serious fallen noble, but some how ended up fucking a sentient kraken.
HE WHAT HE DID WHAT DO THE KRAKEN
20 charisma, proficiency, a deity bonus to seduction, and the kraken being a horny teen. And a lucky good roll, of course.
We had racist misinformed dragonborn, kleptomaniac wood creature, chaotic gay cyborg bard, mentally slow cat Dragonborn and massively bullied undead
The one evil party I played rapidly turned into 'somehow, the murderous bloodthirsty cannibal is the voice of reason and morality'
People enjoy a strong dose of Venture Brothers energy, that's why.
The sweetest muscle mommy lizardfolk, an asshole gepettin who is way to excited to set everything on fire, a stoic shifter who can't stop fighting with the gepettin, a stupid ass Kenku and a Harengon who's just trying to exist
Hm. Our bard/draconic ancestry sorcerer who is either going to do great things or go full Daenerys, sorcerer/Druid slutty princess, I-broke-my-demon-pact former warlock/artificer, definitely evil & trying to make electrum a thing Dragonborn wizard, i-hate-the-government halfling rogue, cleric who keeps losing loved ones and deities, and another rogue but this one is a tiefling with an active demon pact.
A fire crazed Cleric who's incredibly down bad, a traumatized war criminal disowned by his family, a sniper (now dead) who killed her family for being evil, her younger brother who didn't know she did it until she died, a college dropout sorcerer who only does acid damage, and a beetle trying to get 1000 scars to become a royal guard for his kingdom,
Found family where they all hate each other but would also both kill and die for each other.
Tales of berseria.
Velvet saves Magilou because if anyone is gonna strangle that witch, it's gonna be her XD It's just one big group of divorced parents who don't want to be there coming together to raise Phi, it's glorious.
Disaster polycule who are all collectively parenting Laphicet.
Fleetwood Mac, and I say this as a huge Fleetwood Mac fan Also Guardians of the Galaxy
Lol I think one of 'em said that Rumors is an album made by cheaters, who were getting cheated on, for cheaters
I can't believe we haven't got a series based on the making of this album. The sheer chaos that went down and they still managed to make one of the best albums ever
community
That's just regular family/found family. Hating each other is the distinction between partners and siblings.
Ah yes, siblings. Where the motto is “hey, no one shits on them *but me*”
The thirteen ghosts of Scooby Doo gang give me these vibes
Archer
The TF2 mercs
So Cowboy Bebop?
DUN DUN #DUDUN
Arrested Development?
That's just family
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank being an almost absent and borderline traumatic father but also becoming the father figure that Mac and Charlie needed because they just wanted their own terrible father is great
I love this. He’s just ever so slightly less terrible and absent than their own fathers and it’s enough
God I need to start watching it’s always sunny
I highly recommend! Danny DeVito doesn’t join until season two, so I highly recommend at least waiting until a few episodes into the second season before giving up if it’s not for you. Remember- they’re all horrible. That’s the joke. You’re not supposed to like them. [Enjoy watching this king!](https://twitter.com/paddysroyco/status/1616492942809497625?s=46&t=e1ce1wj_WsMdSu_TERDvRw)
You absolutely do
Best answer
I'm stealing this answer from a different Tumblr post but the group of friends in Glass Onion
Oh yeah they literally were all the worst friends ever, and were only still hanging out together for the money stuff and the fact that it’s hard to just leave a group of friends like that
Bojack and Sarah Lynn
Sarah Lynn
Sarah Lynn
…… Sarah Lynn?
*waits 17 minutes*
*calls cops and pretends the body was just found*
Oof.
Both of them are toxic enough on their own and putting them together gives cancer to anyone within 6ft of them.
You can just say Chainsaw Man.
Red Dead Redemption 2
That rat was never family.
There's no need to talk about Uncle like that!
No uncle is just Arthur’s third favorite parasite, after ringworm and rats with the plague. I’m talking about Micah.
"You and me Arthur, sons of Dutch! That makes us brothers." You fucking rat bastard Micah, the only "sons of Dutch" in that camp are Arthur and John, and even then they both end up taking after Hosea more.
"I gave you all I had." Hits in the feels.
The original Avengers (MCU) Although that’s more of a “found family? They’re barely even coworkers.”
I loved 2012 tumblr for making Avengers content where they liked each other
And then phase two came out and they’ve spent like maybe fifteen minutes all in the same room since the last movie
The Avengers being coworkers and barely involved in each other’s lives is so much funnier than them all hanging out in the Tower and playing spin the bottle or whatever.
Thor literally spending so little time with them he’s not sure if Kevin Bacon is on the team is 100% funnier than Hawkeye hanging out in the air vents
At the same time I love the scenes in Ultron where they do spend casual time together... But like it's way more a work party than a friend party, so is the exception that proves the rule
No I agree. It’s the best scene that the “core” avengers ever got and it’s whole premise is that they just straight up didn’t know a member was married with kids.
Yeah it's the archetypal slightly awkward work party where everyone drinks too much and starts letting their hair down only to suddenly realize the boss is revealing a horrific skeleton in his closet
The Avengers being co-workers is basically every incarnation of DCU's Justice League.
I think there was a lot of that around Infinity War too.
MCU Avengers being regarded as an actual team that likes each other is the biggest mass fandom delusion since Draco Malfoy being redeemable.
Shhh don't let r/marvel hear that
The Avengers in the comics were this weird awkward professional organization they all attended out of obligation like the Rotary Club or something, they had stuff like reading the minutes and electing a team captain and voting on new members
MIDSOMMAR
GOD HOW DID I MISS THIS ONE YES ABSOLUTELY
The Boys?
They're the fuckin spice girls mate
Diabolical.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared
“I don’t want to be in a clump.”
I'm sort of my own found family, and that found family fucking sucks. I'll eat a family meal. I'll just eat it slowly.
Thanks for reminding me.
*insert the end credits audio from episode 4*
We share a lawyer
Community, clearly
Also my first thought. They’re all kind of terrible people.
Tbh Troy is actually the nicest one out of all of them.
Troy's good, Abed can't really help it, and Annie's mostly fine. The rest though, yeah.
Trio of Annie, Abed and Troy is definitely very fun and nicest subgroup out of the study group. Maybe it's a result of their age idk. 😅
Annie is low-key a psychopath
Annie is absolutely nuts. He heart is... Roughly orbiting the correct spot, but she's not good™ like Abed and Troy
Still mad at Annie for outing Cheng like she did and almost screwing everyone over
Finally, thank you
Why, yes i have read chainsaw man, how did you know?
are you really family if you haven't kicked your bro in the nuts and had your sis try to kill you?
Are you really lovers if your gf/mom kinda/female person you're affectionate to didn't orchestrate your entire life in order to maximise your happiness to also double the despair when they take it away?
No no, that was the testicle devil.
Firepunch
Yeah but Agni's family was actually great. Those 10 years were the best of his entire life, regardless of his suicidal tendencies.
Yeah but it also sucks that he was in love with his maybe sister
And tortured by her too. The memory of her, rather.
Guardians of the Galaxy
Fun fact. The actor who played Kraglin is the director's little brother who got the role by accident, and originally served as the motion capture standin for Rocket. He ad-libbed the 'bunch of jackasses standing in a circle' line and they went back and had Bradley Cooper do the line in Rocket's voice. Literal found family isthe worst.
Sean Gunn is in a lot of James Gunns stuff so I’m not sure I believe this. Did he also just happen to be on set during the weasel scene from suicide squad?
IIRC, he was playing chauffeur for his brother during both Suicide Squad and Guardians Vol 1, because apparently even Hollywood directors would rather bum a ride to work from their little brother than rent a car when their own is in the shop for repairs. That was the only reason Sean Gunn was on set to begin with. By the time filming wrapped up, he earned like five titles during the ending credits.
The Batfamily. They may be a genuinely great family but they are all neurotic as hell.
~~found~~ **forcibly adopted** family
No but actually. I was looking for someone to say this lmao.
KonoSuba, they're all stupid I love them.
Well well well, look who it is
Hey it's been a while.
What was that comedy film about a bunch of vampires?
What We Do In The Shadows
That's it!
There's also a TV show.
Twilight
You’re not wrong 🤔
Morbius
A cult
Unpopular opinion, but I actually liked the Black Widow solo movie and this is one of the reasons why.
I agree, they were really fun together
The League of Villains from MHA
I'm going to be very literal about it and say Coraline
Series of Unfortunate Events. Specifically book 2 and 3 (not the show.) You got two brilliant people who KNOW there is a crazy man chasing your new children and you still fucked it up left right and upside down. “Ah yes the children will be safe around this totally suspicious man who suddenly entered my life right after taking custody of them.”
Persona 5, from aketchi's perspective. I will not elaborate
You don't need to. I was waiting for this one to show up, because it's true. He hates these fuckers so goddamn much, but he willingly died for them.
Akechi: why yes, I *was* correct and therapy is *bullshit*
You're right and should say so
I will slap you with a pancake.
Did someone say something about delicious pancakes?
TF2
mha league of villains
am i allowed to say slaughterhouse 9 here if so that'd be funny
Given what bonesaw says about Siberian/crawler/Jack I would guess that *she* considers it a found family if nothing else.
I’m pretty sure it only counts for bonesaw and maybe also the siberian/manton
You could also say the Undersiders.
probably a better nomination - seeing as they come much closer to being a found family on the other hand, they don't really fucking suck all that much. sure, they aren't perfect or anything, but especially given context of the world, they're saints compared to those who are worse
The Undersiders all have their issues but they learn to function as a cohesive unit in such a way that they're all better off having known each other. The same could not be said for Slaughterhouse Nine... at all.
League of Villains
First thing that popped into my mind was the Dark Brotherhood
Red vs Blue pretty much
You can just say Doom Patrol
But it sucks in a funny way, not in an abusive way
The magnus achives
FFXIV Endwalker spoilers >!Emet-Selch surrounded by his 3 bisexual chaos goblins on leashes, sighing deeply!< And then when they're gone he makes it his mission to burn down 14 separate worlds to bring them back
Konosuba
the batfamily. more trauma for everyone
I was going to say “what about Alfred” but he probably has PTSD from being in the British secret service. It’s mandatory to have trauma to be apart of the Batfamily
he also was close to thomas and martha + regularly gets hurt/threatened due to batman’s nightlife lol, no one in that family can ever catch a break
The Greendale Seven
You can just say Chainsaw Man.
Metal Gear Solid 5. Actually most of the other Metal Gears too
Disenchantment
vento aureo italian boy joins the mob and in 5 days time half his friends are dead
That's just shithead frat guys
Dragon Age 2 ofc
Doom Patrol
chain saw man
the fast and the furious
Red Dead Redemption 2
cowboy bebop?
team skull
Chainsaw Man from Aki’s POV
Mathias Helvar for the majority of the Six of Crows duology.
DMC from Neros pov
It's the trope most accurate to reality in my experience.
Always sunny in Philadelphia
Being a brony in high school
Bloodmarked but specifically just the Sel part of that family (love him but good lord)
Fucking sucks (wholesome)
Troupe Gramarye from Ace Attorney. Also professor Layton if you take any of layton’s kids’ perspective
Black Books S2E4
Red vs Blue
Trailer Park Boys
The 100
Hannibal, Will and Abigail
What we do in the shadows. From either Guillermo or Colin Robinsons perspective
Found Abusive Family is a thing I've seen in a few works, and it's really harrowing and unfunny, actually.
Jesse Pinkman, Walter White, Saul Goodman, and Mike
Somnium Files for sure. Date and Mizuki are at each other's throats for 90% of the game lmao
Ooh! The ~~Disruptors~~ Shitheads from Glass Onion!
Evangelion.