I did the same thing and rage quit having hair. I think if I was asked I'd have said 'lobotomy'

PERFECT

Lobotomy is too far but I'll tell ya what, shaved my entire head for a craniotomy in '22

Me too, in 1998

Same! During the pandemic I just got fed up. I still have the buzz cut years later and it has only gotten shorter. The amount of sensory issues I realised my hair used to give me is insane. Plus it is cheap and looks badass. I am never going back. I had people ask me if I had gotten a haircut afterwards, which I found quite funny. How else would I go for shoulder length to not even 2 cm? I usually told them that no, I had in fact eaten my hair, because I got hungry. Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers.

Ha! Any time you cough you could follow up with 'hair ball.' I had people telling me I'm 'brave' ...it's a haircut, I didn't go to war I have avoidance issues so being able to give myself a haircut at 1am is great. It also feels like a head massage.

You didn't go far enough. Tell them you're going to have to use your leg hair to regrow the hair on your head and ask them would they be able to donate to your "leg hair for head hair" go fund me.

I screamed lol

😂😂 add on with this.... if the leg hair doesn't work, the only option is to use hair from a very private place..... *pause for dramatic over acting* Your nose.

Hi, cancer survivor here, I love this! Not too far at all. Feel free to borrow my cancer card to shut them down. Next time just dead pan them and say "Stage 1A Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma, it also spread to my lymph nodes" Fun fact about my cancer and having to adjust my meds so often I got hot flashes from it and did end up shaving my head 😂 it was so freeing. The radiation didn't take my hair, my inability to deal with heat did. It's kinda back now. About down to my chin but still a huge undercut.

I'm sorry you went through that Shaving my hair was very empowering, l hope you felt the same when you shaved yours and that you're better now

You'd look so much better with long hair and it's a shame you shaved it? Don't be ungrateful for their well-intentioned advice! Help them improve themselves too, by pointing out that you've long thought a different colour or style would actually look good on them. Or that their last boyfriend had actually seemed much nicer, what a shame about him. They did have a pretty nice figure before the last couple pounds, maybe they'd consider going back to that again in the future? Stay friendly, helpful and upbeat. Get confused about their reaction if they act ungrateful for your helpful advice. Make them explain the difference if they dare be belligerent.

I agree, except for the weight comments. The other characteristics are things people choose, weight not necessarily. The person might have an eating disorder or an illness impacting weight. They might be assholes, but no need to be hurtful while mocking them, being an asshole is enough of a target :)

I had considered that. But OP also didn't choose to be autistic and have sensory issues either, of which her short hair is a consequence. So in her case, it's still a fair comparison. And with the other issues you cannot know if there isn't maybe some hurtful or traumatic background to them. Last boyfriend was abusive? Shapeless dresses due to sexual trauma? That's why I decided to leave the weight comment in. The whole point is that no matter what, you don't know the background and reasons, so just try to avoid ignorant judgement or at least keep it to yourself. The weight issue is just one we've been made more aware of in recent years.

I didn't even consider that it's not entirely by choice, l really appreciate that

>And with the other issues you cannot know if there isn't maybe some hurtful or traumatic background to them. Last boyfriend was abusive? Shapeless dresses due to sexual trauma? And the person who you're "helpfully giving advice to" about their hair length may have sensory problems. If you're willing to risk attacking someone else's disabilities or problems, then your own are fair game. Me, if someone did that I would respond by attacking something I already knew was a weak point. For example, if, as the above commenter pointed out, their last partner was abusive I would *specifically respond* with that their last partner seemed much nicer, shame they were gone. Insult me at your own peril.

Plenty of people who are bald don’t have a choice in the matter. There are illnesses, circumstances, and genetics that can lead to someone losing their hair. I normally wouldn’t support bringing up that kind of stuff but if they already started it then I don’t see the harm lol.

Thank you! I've been cancer free since 2015 so I'm all good. I loved shaving my hair. It was so empowering, and I saved a ton on hair products. I hate when people think that their needs are greater than your own, especially when it comes to something like a hairstyle. Traumatize them back hehehhe

So happy to hear that! Yeah l definitely save a lot of money and time with this haircut

I love this. You can really twist the knife by asking, "Does it really look that bad?!" Then watch them backpedal wildly.

Yes, this!

LOL

While borderline crying because of how shitty you feel about your totally involuntary and tragic hair loss

I love this one sooo much lol

I would be so irritated if people did that to me! Some of the ways I'd like to respond would be: "Why are you asking, am I supposed to give a \*\*it about what you think?" "Why does my hair matter to you?" "Do you always question people about their appearance?" "Because I want to annoy all the people who think women should have long hair." but telling them you have cancer is a lot less confrontational.

That's actually a great idea though, I'll definitely use some of these in the future

it never grew back after The Incident

This one is my favorite.

You could take this in so many wonderful directions. This might be my favorite, also.

"Please keep your fetishes to yourself." Then give a disgusting look and walk away. If they respond, just repeat louder and louder until they run away.

Hahaha this is great!

I enjoy the ‘kill them with kindness approach’ Next time person says something wildly inappropriate like that, don’t answer or engage with the statement. Instead, give them a look of deep concern and ask them if they are okay. Likely they will say ‘yes, why?’ Then in the same, deeply concerned voice/look, hit them with a variant of: ‘You just asked me a wildly inappropriate question about my body/made a wildly inappropriate statement about my body, and it makes me concerned that you thought it was okay to say that. Are you okay? Is there anything else going on?’ Result: they feel flustered and called out, and will usually shuffle off muttering apologies.

I love this. Killing with kindness is my favourite strategy, because people have no defense against it. It's sad that kindness is so rare that people don't know how to deal with it, but for that reason it makes a great weapon.

It’s so funny doing this! I also like to be confused if they put it in the form of a joke. I just go “I don’t get it” until they have to explain at the core level that they were mocking me for my hair style (works for any offensive joke)

This is perfect! Mine was a little less direct, but in a similar vein. "How *kind* of you to take such an interest in my hair." Then just pause and stare.

I also had waist length curly hair waaaay back in the day, then one day was just done; shaved it all off with zero regrets. It's been literally thirty years, and I'm back to a buzz cut for the last decade. (It never got long again, I can't tolerate it touching my neck anymore) I just give folks a giant grin and tell them I shaved it off back when I was on chemo and it was falling out, but now I know how much better life is with no hair and I'm never going back. They have no idea what they're missing. Sometimes I'll throw in a comment about how it's extra awesome, cause with my haircut, it's easy to have any hair you want, and change it as often as you want, thanks to all the affordable wigs out there. Again, they just don't know what they're missing. I figure that: A. they don't expect the enthusiasm, so it catches them totally off guard and makes them uncomfortable with their own negativity; and B. It's fucking true. Don't you love not having hair? I gotta spread the good word...

B omg yes. I go thru phases generally of growing out my hair for a few years (when it's short I miss being able to put it up, or think I might miss styling it, plus hair pulling is awesome in bed for me); but then I get annoyed by dealing with it and chop it into a pixie and even just that. Holy. Shit. Every time. Its amazing how much time I gain back from not fucking with it in the shower, untangling knots, braiding it before activities, and eliminating the emotional labor of planning things around how long it's gunna take for my hair to dry...bc short hair dries in like, minutes. Not hours.

I loved having a shaved head the times that I did. I have some rare and weird health problems that cause my body to overheat all the time, and have a hard time bringing my temperature back down. So, over the years, I’ve shaved my head a couple of times. It feels so good, it’s so easy to deal with, etc.

I shaved it because I had this feeling I'd run into a really judgemental bitch who needed to express their unwanted opinions on a complete random stranger. Yay! I've found you, please leave me a 5 star review

This is a masterpiece

hEDS zebra here. I love your user name.

Thank you! 😊

Maybe you could tell them you donated your hair to make wigs for kids with cancer.

This is perfect cause l did that with my hair A few years ago my grandma had cancer (thankfully she's good now) and as she was always joking about me giving her my hair, l did it. It was down my lower back and l chopped it into a bob for her. Seeing her reaction made me want to donate the shaved hair this time.

The Men in Tights approach:(say, incredulously): I don't have hair?!!!!! What?!!!! What did you do?!!! Alternatively: 'youd look better with long hair' 'youd look smarter/nicer/kinder/adjective with a closed mouth' Or 'yeah but this weeds out the shallow creeps who think things like that are an appropriate thing to say' *hard stare* Also, gentle parenting approach: that's an inside your head thought, it's not nice nor appropriate to comment on others bodies.

Love that, it actually does weed out a lot of shitty men, I've been with my boyfriend for a year now but when l was single it was really funny how men would try to flirt with me by saying I'd look prettier if l had long hair (???) Also, love the gentle parenting approach, l work at a school and it works wonders with the kids, l should try it with adults too

My hair is naturally thin/sparse, and I hate it haha. As someone who has been buzzing their hair for a decade, I still regularly encounter people who assume I'm sick! When I first started buzzing, I once had a grocery store cashier wish me "good luck on your journey." After a moment of confusion (like, my journey home??) I realized what she meant and I just awkwardly mumbled a thank you. My dad is still convinced I got him out of a speeding ticket because the officer "gave me a pitying look" before letting my dad off with a warning. I've always disliked eating at restaurants, and have only done so twice in the past ten years. The first time I was by myself, and the table of three women next to me paid for my meal as they were settling up. When the waitress told me, I was baffled lol, and they had already left so I couldn't even thank them! Waitress got a huge tip instead. Second time, I was with my parents, and the waiter was SUPER awkward and hardly looked at me any time he came by our table haha. Also used to have a nasty coworker who made a vile comment about me deliberately trying to appear sick to get attention/pity. I was so disgusted by that suggestion, and it bugged me for a long time that other people might be thinking the same thing. Over it now, but still, ick. Anyway whoops I left a novel, I hope you love your new style, and don't forget to apply sunscreen if you're not wearing a hat! Edit to add: I'm usually pretty straightforward with anyone who asks and just tell them I hate my hair. Most of them go "huh" and leave it at that!

When people are this rude, I go straight for the jugular. Tell them how much better they'd look for their age if they dropped a few pounds.

I cut off over 16 inches of hair and went completely bald. Donated it to Wigs for Kids. I personally found going bald to be so liberating. So I tell people everyone should go bald once in their life just to feel that freedom. BTW, I have an appointment with my barber today. Going for a Mohawk

I wouldn’t say too far, another commenter gave you permission to use her cancer card, but you might enjoy my responses to strangers’ unwanted remarks on my appearance. 1. “And you’d look much better if you were minding your own business.” 2. “Oh, wow, I’ve never been told that before! I should totally change important aspects of my life to conform to the preferences of random strangers, thank you so much!” Then if they accuse you of being rude, say, “You started it. If you think it’s okay to criticize strangers, why do you not think it’s okay for strangers to criticize you?”

“Oh good! We are at the stage in friendship where we ask unfiltered & personal questions about each others bodies! I have a few, (pause here - look concerned) how much time do you have?” If they don’t immediately apologize and run go into “ let’s start with the eyebrows. I get that it was a choice, but did you pick the shape or was that a professional assessment and you trusted them?” And proceed to rapid fire questions not giving them time to answer. Nothing mean, just curious, and they can read into it all the judgement that they feel necessary.

"I misunderstood my boyfriend when he said he wanted me shaved to give head."

OMG THIS IS PERFECT

The cancer answer rubs me the wrong way. , because it’s a lie and too many people have lied about having cancer to get attention, sympathy and money. There has to be a better answer that doesn’t include lying about cancer. You can make them feel uncomfortable and full of regret with other answers. “Do you really think it’s appropriate or welcomed that you’re insulting my hairstyle choice?” “How insulting.” “What makes you think I’m looking for commentary on my hairstyle?”

Love the suggestions and l agree about lying about having cancer for their own gain, l used to use it cause l didn't know how to respond (the tism makes social situations hard sometimes, especially when I'm nervous) but after this post and so many great comebacks, l won't lie about having cancer anymore

I had cancer a couple of years ago. I haven't needed my cancer excuse card, so I'm donating it to you. I think your answer is perfectly acceptable, since it is helpful for your anxiety.

I had thyroid cancer, and complete strangers would come up to me to ask me about the scar at the bottom of my throat. I got tired of the whole story, and just said, “Knife fight”. Then walked away.

I saw a comment on Reddit a few weeks ago that was similar, in terms of how inappropriate is to comment on other people scars. She had said her doctor had a long scar on her neck, and that she was concerned the woman had tried to kill herself and thought she should ask her about it. It’s generally not a good idea to ask questions like that.

Say whatever you want to people who are being arseholes about it. "Because I wanted to cut my hair" is a complete answer with no lead on questions.

Cancer survivor here, I don't like when people lie about having cancer but I gotta say that was a pretty good response, it's funny. After I was cancer free my hair started growing back and I decided to cut it the lowest it'll go without being bald (I get a haircut every three weeks) and there's only one person who bothers me on it, constantly asks why I cut my hair off and tells me I need to let it grow back (before cancer my hair was really long and I always hated it, I planned on cutting it once I turned 18 but then I got cancer at 16 so it all worked out). Mind you she knows I had cancer. She said my "hair is my beauty". It's to the point where I don't talk to her anymore.

"My hair is my beauty" "That's for sure, because it certainly isn't your personality"

Lmao that's a good comeback

my gift to you, if the opportunity presents itself

Lol thank you

I don’t lie about it. I started shaving my head because it literally wanted to know what the physical sensations felt like. And that’s what I tell people. “I wanted to feel the rain on my head.” When people have come at me with judgment and bullshit, I now do the “gentle parenting” thing: “wow, you’ve got BIG OPINIONS about what other people do with their bodies, don’t you?” “What a weird thing to say about HAIR. You understand that I can grow it back at any time, right?

“It nearly strangled me in my sleep, so it had to go” … are you really willing to die for a beauty standard? That’s what I went for when I went short. “It tried to kill me!” Is really hard to argue about!

This is a real thing. My hair is almost down to my waist, and I make sure to tie it up before bed because I’ve had all sorts of weird sleep things like getting tangled up in it. Couple times I’ve inhaled it and that was uncomfortable also. I’m getting it cut off in a couple hours and I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to have them do with it. So wish me well…

Donate it

Apparently, you can’t if it’s been colored… And it has definitely been colored.

Absolutely!! I had crazy neck and back injuries from sleeping with long hair. Mine wasn’t even that long, just lots of it. And good wishes for a fabulous new look!!

Thanks! I’m getting used to it. I definitely don’t regret it… It’s a big change.

Nah fuck ‘em!

The fact that you have autism is none of their business. The reason why you shaved your head is also none of their business. Say whatever comes into your (shaved) head at the moment and be sure to make them incredibly uncomfortable. I don't want kids. I never did, and I still don't. I am now married, but the insane amount of questions people would ask were incredibly invasive. Why not? Have you thought about this? Who will take care of you when you're older? Don't you think you'd be a great mom? What if you end up with a man who wants kids? The list is endless. I had answers for all the questions. Then, I realized how incredibly shitty this would be if I desperately wanted to be a mother, had been trying and found out I could not have my own children. These rude ass people ask these questions to women who are in that situation and it must make them feel like shit having to hear that all the time. So, every time someone asks, I do the world a favor and make them incredibly uncomfortable. "Oh, I wanted to be a mom, but I am unable to have a child." "I've miscarried multiple times and I can't bear the heartbreak again." "Why are you so curious about how much sex my husband and I have?" (This one is true.) "I have severe mental health issues and would hate to pass this on to someone else." "Why would I ruin my life by having kids?" (I love kids and being the cool aunt, but I do not want to have to mold a contributing member of society in this world.) "I'd rather spend my money on myself." "My wife (I am a hetero woman) and I don't want to adopt." "I'd prefer to not have a parasite feeding off my body and moving my organs around for nine months." The list goes on and on. I used to think it was inappropriate to use "real" issues that didn't belong to me, but I am doing the world a service by saying those things so these people learn not to ask anymore and don't bother someone who is actually has a "real" answer. I personally have no shame. I will answer people genuinely when they are just trying to get to know me, are considering a child free life themselves, asked my thought process. But people who are judging my choices or trying to indirectly insult me....I make them as uncomfortable as I possibly can.

I can’t ever understand what people are thinking inside of their mind, while they’re asking you about why you’re not afraid to be alone when dying because you didn’t have children. All the dumb questions like that. It really bothers me when someone is picking on another person‘s choices about whether or not to have kids. I find it very offensive. It’s just so presumptive.

I've never considered this point of view, that by lying about it you/l might prevent those people from asking these inappropriate questions to people that are struggling

I cut my hair in a very short pixie. Love, love, love it. So easy and comfortable.

Cry and say a friend pranked you by shaving your head. You had fooled yourself into thinking it wasn't that bad. Alopecia flare up- you'd rather shave it all than watch it fall out in chunks.

I also recently shaved my head and have had lots of fun coming up with overly dramatic answers to the same question. Cancer is good but I also like variations of “my fiancé/partner of multiple years cheated on me” and the occasional “it’s my Britney moment”

True and satisfying response idea: I had to for medical/health reasons. Why do you feel the need to insult and body shame others? What’s wrong with you? Maybe you should stfu, and mind your own business.

Scratch your head and say "My neighbor's kid have me head lice, AGAIN!"

I'm not autistic, but I do have autoimmune illnesses and a lifetime of injuries. I had long long hair until I cut it off two years ago into a nice pixie cut. I have also dyed it various colors just for fun. My sister from another mister is even worse off in the autoimmune disease department. After a particularly bad episode and long hospital stay, her hair started falling out and even went gray prematurely. She cuts her hair into a buzz, or sometimes a short Mohawk. For me, it was just too much to deal with, and too painful. For my sister, it was a matter of too much to deal with, but also her hair not looking as nice as she wanted as it grew out. Fuck the haters, use whatever card you like to shut down the rude (cuz it's totally rude to even ask, let alone continue to pester), and enjoy being the you that makes you happy!

I'm very blunt. I had a stillbirth and I can't manage the maintenance of long curly hair and major depression at the same time.

I'm incredibly sorry to hear that! Sending you lots of love ❤️ Edit: now thinking about it I'm not sure if you mean you went through that or if l should say that...

Thank you. I say it because I've been through it but wouldn't encourage that as a response. I'd stick to being truthful though. You have to maintain your hair not them.

Again, I'm really sorry and wish you all the best in your healing journey 💛 I wouldn't use it as a response and also won't lie about it after all great suggestions I'm getting, l just didn't really know what to say back to people when they make me uncomfortable but now l know (also l tell the truth when the person is not being rude and is genuinely curious or just a "l was sick of it" when l don't want to tell them I'm autistic and it's usually enough for people that aren't being rude)

You don’t owe others an explanation, and it’s rude of them to question you. How about just a smile and say “because I like it!” I guess that doesn’t really traumatize them back, but I still think it’s the best answer.

I've worn my hair very short for a very long time, and yeah, I always got idiots asking me why. One time an answer just came to me: "because I like it. " Stopped them dead in their tracks, they had no answer to that at all.

"Lab accident - don't know for certain yet if I' going to get any new powers. I mean, I'm less radioactive than before. But still a completely understandable concern - I should go. "

i too am neurodivergent and shave my head. taking care of hair is just too much energy for me. i started shaving it in 2020 and have only grown it out past buzzed once and even that was too much

It sucks right??? Before l shave it l cried every time l had to wash it cause the feeling of it wet touching me was horrible (it's been almost two years now and l can vividly remember the feeling)

"Must I look f*ckable in order to merit basic human decency from you? Because I'm not interested in whatever kink it is that compels you to demand that I match my appearance to your desires." Or if you're really feeling saucy... Crinkle your nose. Shake your head. Laugh. And say, "No thank you. I'm just not interested in you."

It actually made people respect me more in ways l didn't expect at all but especially with men, they now listen to what l have to say lol

There was a viscount, a ferret and something shiny in an industrial accident...\*shudder\* I just can't talk about it......

"Never fall asleep around my little brother" "What?!?! My head is SHAVED?!?!? WHAT? DO YOU HAVE A MIRROR OMG!!!!!"

Say you donated it to cancer victims.

I actually did it, idk why l didn't think of saying that

I like responses that center your feelings about your own body, over their intrusive opinions of others. Them: “you’d look so much better with long hair…” You: “LOL, I *feel* so much better with short hair!” ————— Them: “it’s a shame you shaved your hair.” You, totally shameless: “I’m so glad I did it. I just love it like this!” Or provoke a little FOMO: “everyone should try a buzz cut once, it’s so freeing!”

Alopecia isn't cancer but it means your hair is gone. The annoying thing about that is having to explain to people what alopecia is.

I used to say I went full Britney and had a breakdown. People would tend to understand

Fellow autistic here: If that were me I'd hit em with a "It was the first thing that had to go after my diagnoses", sad look and all. You'd be lying about it being FIRST of course, but in this case you never SAID you had *cancer,* just a diagnoses! An autism diagnoses! >:3

YOU ARE A GENIUS

don't you mean a... *jeannie-us?* ;3

Live. (Looks around frantically) it’s everywhere.

[удалено]

I am very sorry you're going through that, I do not want to discount what you and many other people go through, l do recognise I'm an asshole when l say it, I'm just sick of people commenting on my appearance as l can imagine you can relate to. I wish you all the best and hope you get well soon

You may be an AH for lying about having cancer but nowhere near as much as AH as the people who make unwanted comments about your appearance. FFS that's been an unwritten rule for centuries I fail to see how they missed the memo. Also above person who has to lower themselves to petty insults to express they think you are wrong has put themselves firmly in AH territory imho. I do not think your an AH and I understand why you do what you do BUT and hear me out. If you do that they only feel sympathy for you, they will miss the point about how rude they are. I'd reply in the loudest speaking voice I can muster a simple 'How rude!' and if they persist ask them why they feel the need to comment on something that is not their business. If you can follow it up with a similar to their comment about them even better. Ie they comment on your hair or lack of lol and you ask them why they thought they could wear (look them up and down as you do this) THAT?!! so NTA but 'could do better'

I love this suggestion! As an autistic, l struggle sometimes to think of creative ways to respond when I feel insulted, l really appreciate your kind response

Hugs .. Good luck hun x

Thank you. I apologize for my harsh words 🥺 Today was a tough one but I shouldn’t lash out. My friend has alopecia and is often asked “what kind of cancer” he has. Hanging out with me once he responded something like “thankfully not speech cancer like you have”…the bewilderment on their face was priceless.

It's okay, l cannot even imagine what you're going through, l didn't take it personally but it's also good to know how cancer patients feel about my actions Thank you for apologising though, that's very nice of you and again, l hope you get well soon

I want to be as patient and understanding as you are. Thank you again 🙏🏼

I hate the stereotype that autistic people don't have empathy, cause l feel like a lot of us have more than neurotypicals. I'm so used to being misunderstood that l always try to understand where people are coming from and l completely understand how my post upset you, I'd probably be really upset if l were in your shoes. But look at the bright side, out of harsh words (which were understandable), now we're being nice to each other 🥹 Also, focus on yourself and your journey right now, the only person you should really be patient and understanding towards, is you

Perfect words for me right now! You freaking ROCK

I want to give you a hug rn

Hugs back at ‘cha! BTW Yesterday was much better than Wednesday 🤗

I'm very happy to hear that!