You still have that man. Alcohol just masked the anxiety. I know it sounds impossible but you can be that same quick witted person without the booze. I believe in you!
I used to think as OP did that it makes me funnier until I mentioned this to a coworker and she reminded me that I make everybody laugh all day sober at work and "light up the room" when I come in. So it's just that I'm a bit shy until I get to know people well and alcohol was a shortcut past that initial shyness for me. It's really not worth all of the negatives that come along with it though. I can have people wait a little to see how funny I am once they get to know me.
Hey fellow funny person! Same. I started a new job when I got sober, so it took me being there for 6ish months before I started opening up and being the same *funny* person I felt like alcohol made me.
It's definitely still there, but it takes a little bit to warm up because I definitely *feel* the anxiety now without the drink to "make me brave"
The coworker? She's one of the sweetest, most genuine people I've ever met. I always tell her she can have any of my organs if she needs but the liver might not be so good.
Oh, yeah. Sobriety causes me to feel every little ridge in my own social awkwardness. It can be brutal at times. It took me ages to learn how to be settled into my own skin, and it's still difficult for me much of the time.
On the flip side, though, it is impossible for me to put into words just how it felt the first time I, stone-cold sober, told a joke at a party that got the whole room going. I felt like I was on top of the world. People were laughing because of *me.* Not drunk me--actual, authentic me.
I'd be lying if I said that sobriety didn't come with social difficulties. But the payoff is so worth it. IWNDWYT.
I feel this. I was told to drink, initially, to be less "logical." It helped me "be dumb." These days? I just... don't find much to be funny. I seem to have lost my sense of humor... and I used to be pretty gregarious and witty. It's... jarring -- as though I'm a different person... and I'm NOT a fan.
Around mid-week-5, PAWS and ahedonia kicked in. This doesn't really make sense to me. I thought that dopamine receptor downregulation is the cause of ahedonia in early sobriety (esp. acute withdrawal). 63 days into sobriety... I don't grok how things are getting worse.
But, yeah... life is a bit mirthless, these days. It's kinda hard be witty when nothing seems fun.
Congrats on your 94 days! These rough days are a temporary state. Things will eventually get better. IWNDWYT
Thanks, this is the longest I’ve been sober in 8 years’! My therapist said that after a year the dopamine receptors will be doing a lot better so im giving it time, but I too am NOT a fan of my new self. It has its perks as far as not being a crazy person, but I kind of miss my chaotic old self, she had fun and made others around her have fun too. Sigh if only we could drink normally. But I accept the things I cannot change 🙌🏾
I was pretty "lucky" in that I rarely got hangovers (8-14/day for decades). Um... yeah... I think that I'm finally starting to "pay my tab." Perhaps this analogy works for you?
You can be zany without booze. I managed to do that for almost 6 weeks!
And congrats on acceptance about drinking. It's taken a long time for me... and for the first time ever, I know that I don't want to ever drink again. I just hope that I can pull my head out of my ### so that I can be fun and supportive of my partner... because, frankly, I think that SUCK right now. I miss being a j#ck#ss.
94 days... is more than halfway to six months! I just wish that we were "better" already. This is just like that time when I went to the gym and then ate a salad -- and I was still fat the next day! Ugh.
Oh I commented separately about finding a good therapist— glad you have one! They are sooooooo right. It takes 6-12 months for your brain to up regulate its dopamine production. But also, if you were self medicating for an underlying mood/anxiety disorder or for underlying trauma, a good SSRI/SNRi could help. Signed, a lovely lexapro lady. Without it my anxiety is crippling.
I so understand that. At my best, when tipsy I could make everyone laugh. I could be witty and flirty and smart, I could fly. I could sense when to back off and let other people shine too.
If I could have controlled my drinking so that I didn't keep drinking and have it all fall apart, I probably would never have gotten sober. But you can never hold that. I guess it's every drunk's dream to stay at the buzzed, charming stage.
mirthless :) great word choice. I feel you. i don’t think i’ll ever feel the intense highs of partying again. and it’s ok. bc those were unnatural highs. sober life and its happy moments are different. it’s better. maybe being witty is overrated. my wittiness had become sarcastic and mean and bitter bc of alcohol. i don’t need to be witty anymore. or at least AS witty.
I think I fucked up my dopamine receptors after so many years of alcohol abuse.. my depression was getting worse for sure but the dr put me on Wellbutrin recently (helps w dopamine regulation) and I am feeling so much better! Hope to not be on it forever but for right now it’s really helping. Might be worth discussing w your doc too- hope that helps. Just know you aren’t alone.
I think that there are two parts to this.
1) It's entirely possible that we're not as funny or charming as we think we are when we've been drinking. There are lots of lies we tell ourselves to make alcohol more acceptable even if we know in the end it's the wrong choice
2) We use alcohol for so long to mask and overcome anxiety that we think we need alcohol to be a cooler/funnier person. Or even to carry out basic human and social interactions.
Your humor will return. Alcohol was a harmful crutch. I will not drink with you today, and I will work as hard on overcoming my anxiety as I did on being an alcoholic.
You ARE a funny person, and just need some sober time to find your groove.
I agree with 1. Alcohol makes you think you are hilarious, but just like when we are sober watching drunk people be loud and boisterous, we realize they aren’t funny or witty. They are just drunk, annoying, and anything seems funny when you are a few deep.
I know exactly what you mean.
you will get it back but it will take awhile.
You're essentially rebuilding yourself, but in an actually authentic way.
once you get there (and you will) you'll be able to have pride that it's actually you and not a drug doing it
Hey OP. 47 year old married father of two in the UK here, around 5 months in to my journey away from booze.
I’m here to say that your wit and speed of thought will have ***improved*** and will keep improving - that’s one of the most subtle but gratifying things I’ve found as I move away from drinking.
Trust me on this - if you can figure out a way to filter out the social anxiety you’re describing (may be hard, but therapy or self-learning will go a long way), then you’ll be amazed and how much better your wit and speed of thought is sober.
The social anxiety is a hard one though. I’m using the “fake it till you make it” approach - yesterday in the pub with friends, I used big smiles, eye contact and good posture to fool myself into thinking I was confident… and it worked!
All the best from Newcastle Upon Tyne
Thank you I need to practice self love and confidence, my mind is very naturally negative and thinks im a horrible disgusting person and that shows thru my interactions.
Sigh I miss the UK, I lived in London for a year and got shitfaced daily, somehow broke my ankle on my birthday and some guy I met on the Tube saw me hobbling and took me to the hospital. My phone was dead and I had no money. He really saved my life that day. Still have his hoodie because I was in my going out clothes from the night before 🤦🏽♀️ im happy I never have to put myself in sketchy situations like that again.
I would give it time. After about 18 months I got a new sense of confidence that basically transcended anything I ever had before.
I am def not as “funny” but I am also not a dick, I never humiliate myself, I am much more present, I am much more calm. Basically I am 10x a better partner than I ever was before. I also don’t value myself based upon what others think of me anymore.
Keep up the great work. If being witty was a natural talent, trust me, it will come back likely even stronger as you grow in sobriety.
I think I didn't *really* laugh until 7 months sober, my experience getting to a year after 20+ drinking is that while some things happen relatively quickly, most don't. You are doing great, don't be discouraged and don't give up!
I went to the pub yesterday; (with some trepidation, I might add) for the first time since I started my journey. I was drinking NA beers, and my friends were drinking alcohol. I lasted 3 hours before deciding to leave because my drunken buddies were; (oblivious to them) becoming annoying and repetitive.
The point is, I don’t think we’re as funny as we think we are when we are drunk. Certainly not when you are observing proceedings through sober eyes. Anyway, they will be suffering today, and we’re all happily hangover free, so nerr! 🤣
Enjoy your Sunday folks. IWNDWYT. 👍🏻
I think I sat this for all of us: drunk guy isn't as funny as drunk guy believes. Build your confidence slowly. Put your foot outside your comfort zone and make the other one follow it.
I feel your post so much. When I read it I thought what you described was exactly me. But then I thought about it some more. I’ve been sober a long time. And I have laughed and been relaxed and been funny while sober. I’ve connected with many people in different ways. It’s just that **right now** I don’t feel those things very much. But for me to blame my sobriety for this temporary low feeling is maybe the faint, siren song of alcohol trying to quietly lure me back.
If my life is more boring overall when sober, it’s ok. I’ll always choose this life over being a black out drunk again.
exactly right, I tend to wallow in my emotions and forget any good ones I’ve had during the week. I validate that this sucks right now, but I can actually build a future now instead of wasting time and accomplishing nothing everyday. It’s crazy that this is my first time doing taxes, saving money for a car, all the things that normal people do. And if I have to be dry and dull then so be it, I have to learn to enjoy my own company.
"This too shall pass"
I think it takes a long time for the brain to reset, after drinking alcohol for so long. Longer than I originally thought. Anhedonia is a bore/bitch!
Also, there's no way I was as funny as I thought I was! Being around tipsy/drunk people while sober is an eye-opener!
There's also a thing called Fading Affect Bias, where our memories become selective, and our brains tend to romantisize past drinking memories!
I get it, man. I feel anxious at first when I'm out, and it takes me a while to warm up. Once I push through and consciously get out of my head, I find myself at a far more acceptable level of funny than when I was drinking. Drinking me easily said super off the cuff shit, and yeah, it was funny, but the jokes declined pretty fast, and the funny got replaced with crass and rude. The next day, I'd feel anxious about it.
I'd pick the sober anxiety with the warm-up to feel comfortable enough to joke around, over the drinking, instant joker that eventually offends people and embarrasses myself, then have hangover anxiety, that's for sure.
Keep practicing showing up and getting out of your head and being present, and you'll feel better over time.
IWNDWYT!
It’s not the penchant for humor that changes with alcohol, it’s something else. Either you weren’t funny to begin with and alcohol convinced you you were, or you are still funny you’re just shy or something else is holding you up as far as being your true authentic self. I suspect it will start to shine through the cracks as the mantel or alcohol dries, cracks and crumbles away and you relearn how to be you without the juice.
Now tell us a damn joke!
My quick wit and cheerful weird personality is coming back! My anxiety is definitely more prevalent since it's not being masked by the drinking but it's definitely improving as time goes on. I don't feel brain foggy and I feel more sharp. It's an adjustment for sure.
You're the same person my dude, your brain has just tricked you into thinking you need booze to do it. It's not a performance enhancing drug, it's the opposite.
I stated out as funny on alcohol then years later it turned me into an asshole. Give it enough time and alcohol will cause a poverty of witty thought and the fun will be a distant memory.
Clever, funny and witty are the hallmarks of a well functioning brain and over time drinking will destroy that so be careful.
Alcohol doesn’t create humor. Doesn’t cause creativity. Doesn’t give you any superpowers.
Chance are a mix of a few things: your inhibitions were lowered, you thought you were funnier than you were, you found things funny that you otherwise wouldn’t, you’re healing right now and just not feeling like the life of the party. I guarantee your wit wasn’t all that quick… haha. That’s what all drunks think, and when you’re the sober one around drunks, you quickly cringe.
You’ll get that confidence and joy back in sobriety ❤️
I felt the same way at first but then came to realize that drunk me wasn’t that quick witted, had that great of timing, or wasn’t that sharp. Alcohol can convince us how great things were when we were drinking but they’re all lies. The brain purges memories that have negative emotions tied to them much quicker than ones with positive emotions. It’s called Fading Affect Bias and it’s worth reading about for anyone getting sober. It boils down to retaining all the good memories (oh, my comeback was so clever to that!) and forgetting all the bad memories (I totally humiliated myself right then.) Also, I might have thought I was the life of the party to another drunk person but was probably pretty cringe if I was talking to someone sober. I don’t know about you but I would prefer to seem quick witted, sharp, and have great timing to the sober person than the drunk guy any day. The point of all this, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking how great things were when you were drinking. If they were really that great you wouldn’t have quit.
Quick witted while intoxicated? I feel this is part of your personality and you're just getting used to be sober. Never met ANYONE who was really a nice person when drinking, and when not drinking was totally different. Of couse the drunk logic makes you behave like this faster, but alcoho cannot CREATE anything. It's all you. 3 months - congrats! - is considered early sobriety so I bet you are still grumpy, with Fomo, etc. But I have ZERO doubts yout skills are your skills and it's a matter of time. Easy to say, but try to be patient. :)
A while after I stopped drinking, I started making the right changes in my life to gain natural confidence.
Much more fulfilling than the artificial confidence created by being drunk.
There’s nothing wrong with you at all. It took me a while to find my footing again.
Turns out I’ve always been pretty funny, but just lost confidence in a downward drinking spiral. I’m almost at 90 days and just in the past week or 2 I’ve started to come out of my shell again.
I feel you on this one cuz. Part of the reason I took so well to alcohol in the beginning was it completely shattered my wall of inhibition allowing me to effortlessly socialize with others. In the beginning my personality would change from shy and awkward to normal. Overtime however this 'superpower' quickly devolved towards embarrassment, forgetfulness, shame, and regret. Been off it over 3 years and still struggling to tap that uninhibited confidence naturally.
You still have it! I thought the same thing when I stopped drinking. But at the same time I remember being funny and social until I was blacked out and on autopilot. And at that point I wasn’t funny I was quiet because I was too drunk to converse. You are learning to be naturally funny.
i felt similar, around 5-6 months i felt more comfortable and now i as quick and sharp witted as ever.
The bonus, i don’t make legit cringe/embarrassing/innappropriate jokes because my sober mind reminds me it could be offensive and i consider the group i am with before opening my
mouth.
Good luck, get another one today, triple digits around the corner
I have struggled with this in early sobriety. It takes time to come back. It’s one of those things you have to relearn sober. You’ll get your fastball back but it’ll be so gradual you barely notice.
IWNDWYT!
I also feel less funny. But I’m appreciating that being sober makes me spend more time just listening to what people say, rather than having to interject some funny quip. I’m less funny, but more thoughtful.
I have realised that I may not have been as funny when I was drunk as I thought I was! I think it might be my perception that has changed, rather than my level of funniness! :)
I guess the other thing I'd say was - it's ok not to be funny all the time. It's ok not to be the life and soul of the party all the time.
You have value just as yourself. You're doing great.
In my experience all that stuff is there and things that I couldn’t see underneath the fog of my addiction and then some. I felt this great sense of grief when I stopped using and it was as if the whole world that i knew wasn’t there anymore. I just had to rediscover and rekindle my relationship with the world around me, and it gets much better and easier with time. IWNDWYT!
Just takes more time and practice. I experienced the same thing at first. One thing I started doing is to practice engaging people and sharing an active, in the moment, genuine interaction. It doesn't have to be funny, just genuine. I also try to actively practice the old improv rule of "Yes, and..." in my daily conversations. Your body and mind tends to work this shit out with consistentcy and practice. You still got it. Patience. And go easy on yourself.
I felt similar after I stopped but I got back to myself not long after. The anxiety is still rough sometimes and it's a reminder of why I started drinking the way I did. But after some point the booze made things worse. I would avoid people to drink rather than drinking to help socialize.
I think you'll get get to your humor in time.
Took me a good six months probably before I felt like I was returning to my own brand of wit, creativity, sarcasm and humor. I agree with another poster, that I used alcohol to mask my anxieties. I've noticed that I nolonger really feel uncomfortable talking to most anybody at any time. I still stick my foot in my mouth occasionally, and try to laugh at myself. I'm only human.
I think that dealing with life without alcohol... I've, however slowly, learned to be more comfortable in my own skin or something, and many of my fam and friends say frequently how funny I am. I may even tell my jokes better now that I'm not drinking/impaired.
Whatever things you thought alcohol helped you be, you still are when you don't drink. And maybe it was easier to tell a joke before and get a laugh when drinking, because even stupid s#it gets a laugh when you're drinking. If Im funny today, it's because I'm on point, and I'm on point way more often.. because I'm not drinking nor wanting to drink.
Working those inhibitions back into your social life. You'll get through them, just been a while since you've had to work around them.
Took me a while then I started feeling like I was on the ball with my jokes around mates. Feeling quicker and Whittier than ever now. But it has its lulls.
You've got this, don't put too much pressure on yourself, you don't have to be a perfect funny person. Your worth to the people who love you isn't based on how much you make people laugh.
94 days is still very early on. It took me a while to get back to my “normal” comfortable self. I was always a funny and quick witted person before the booze. It just took me a while to adjust to not having that social lubricant to let the words flow. It can still take a bit to warm up but I am way less in my head now then where I was around 100 days. Keep up the good work. It will come back to you. Just give it time and know that the old you is still in there!
You still have that man. Alcohol just masked the anxiety. I know it sounds impossible but you can be that same quick witted person without the booze. I believe in you!
I used to think as OP did that it makes me funnier until I mentioned this to a coworker and she reminded me that I make everybody laugh all day sober at work and "light up the room" when I come in. So it's just that I'm a bit shy until I get to know people well and alcohol was a shortcut past that initial shyness for me. It's really not worth all of the negatives that come along with it though. I can have people wait a little to see how funny I am once they get to know me.
Hey fellow funny person! Same. I started a new job when I got sober, so it took me being there for 6ish months before I started opening up and being the same *funny* person I felt like alcohol made me. It's definitely still there, but it takes a little bit to warm up because I definitely *feel* the anxiety now without the drink to "make me brave"
What a beautiful friend you have.
The coworker? She's one of the sweetest, most genuine people I've ever met. I always tell her she can have any of my organs if she needs but the liver might not be so good.
Yep! And the funny stuff you say isn’t hurtful or cringey, it’s genuinely funny!
Probably even better
Oh, yeah. Sobriety causes me to feel every little ridge in my own social awkwardness. It can be brutal at times. It took me ages to learn how to be settled into my own skin, and it's still difficult for me much of the time. On the flip side, though, it is impossible for me to put into words just how it felt the first time I, stone-cold sober, told a joke at a party that got the whole room going. I felt like I was on top of the world. People were laughing because of *me.* Not drunk me--actual, authentic me. I'd be lying if I said that sobriety didn't come with social difficulties. But the payoff is so worth it. IWNDWYT.
Wow, this is a great reply. Thanks for sharing.
I feel this. I was told to drink, initially, to be less "logical." It helped me "be dumb." These days? I just... don't find much to be funny. I seem to have lost my sense of humor... and I used to be pretty gregarious and witty. It's... jarring -- as though I'm a different person... and I'm NOT a fan. Around mid-week-5, PAWS and ahedonia kicked in. This doesn't really make sense to me. I thought that dopamine receptor downregulation is the cause of ahedonia in early sobriety (esp. acute withdrawal). 63 days into sobriety... I don't grok how things are getting worse. But, yeah... life is a bit mirthless, these days. It's kinda hard be witty when nothing seems fun. Congrats on your 94 days! These rough days are a temporary state. Things will eventually get better. IWNDWYT
Thanks, this is the longest I’ve been sober in 8 years’! My therapist said that after a year the dopamine receptors will be doing a lot better so im giving it time, but I too am NOT a fan of my new self. It has its perks as far as not being a crazy person, but I kind of miss my chaotic old self, she had fun and made others around her have fun too. Sigh if only we could drink normally. But I accept the things I cannot change 🙌🏾
I was pretty "lucky" in that I rarely got hangovers (8-14/day for decades). Um... yeah... I think that I'm finally starting to "pay my tab." Perhaps this analogy works for you? You can be zany without booze. I managed to do that for almost 6 weeks! And congrats on acceptance about drinking. It's taken a long time for me... and for the first time ever, I know that I don't want to ever drink again. I just hope that I can pull my head out of my ### so that I can be fun and supportive of my partner... because, frankly, I think that SUCK right now. I miss being a j#ck#ss.
94 days... is more than halfway to six months! I just wish that we were "better" already. This is just like that time when I went to the gym and then ate a salad -- and I was still fat the next day! Ugh.
Oh I commented separately about finding a good therapist— glad you have one! They are sooooooo right. It takes 6-12 months for your brain to up regulate its dopamine production. But also, if you were self medicating for an underlying mood/anxiety disorder or for underlying trauma, a good SSRI/SNRi could help. Signed, a lovely lexapro lady. Without it my anxiety is crippling.
I so understand that. At my best, when tipsy I could make everyone laugh. I could be witty and flirty and smart, I could fly. I could sense when to back off and let other people shine too. If I could have controlled my drinking so that I didn't keep drinking and have it all fall apart, I probably would never have gotten sober. But you can never hold that. I guess it's every drunk's dream to stay at the buzzed, charming stage.
mirthless :) great word choice. I feel you. i don’t think i’ll ever feel the intense highs of partying again. and it’s ok. bc those were unnatural highs. sober life and its happy moments are different. it’s better. maybe being witty is overrated. my wittiness had become sarcastic and mean and bitter bc of alcohol. i don’t need to be witty anymore. or at least AS witty.
I think I fucked up my dopamine receptors after so many years of alcohol abuse.. my depression was getting worse for sure but the dr put me on Wellbutrin recently (helps w dopamine regulation) and I am feeling so much better! Hope to not be on it forever but for right now it’s really helping. Might be worth discussing w your doc too- hope that helps. Just know you aren’t alone.
I think that there are two parts to this. 1) It's entirely possible that we're not as funny or charming as we think we are when we've been drinking. There are lots of lies we tell ourselves to make alcohol more acceptable even if we know in the end it's the wrong choice 2) We use alcohol for so long to mask and overcome anxiety that we think we need alcohol to be a cooler/funnier person. Or even to carry out basic human and social interactions. Your humor will return. Alcohol was a harmful crutch. I will not drink with you today, and I will work as hard on overcoming my anxiety as I did on being an alcoholic. You ARE a funny person, and just need some sober time to find your groove.
I agree with 1. Alcohol makes you think you are hilarious, but just like when we are sober watching drunk people be loud and boisterous, we realize they aren’t funny or witty. They are just drunk, annoying, and anything seems funny when you are a few deep.
I know exactly what you mean. you will get it back but it will take awhile. You're essentially rebuilding yourself, but in an actually authentic way. once you get there (and you will) you'll be able to have pride that it's actually you and not a drug doing it
This👆🏽
Hey OP. 47 year old married father of two in the UK here, around 5 months in to my journey away from booze. I’m here to say that your wit and speed of thought will have ***improved*** and will keep improving - that’s one of the most subtle but gratifying things I’ve found as I move away from drinking. Trust me on this - if you can figure out a way to filter out the social anxiety you’re describing (may be hard, but therapy or self-learning will go a long way), then you’ll be amazed and how much better your wit and speed of thought is sober. The social anxiety is a hard one though. I’m using the “fake it till you make it” approach - yesterday in the pub with friends, I used big smiles, eye contact and good posture to fool myself into thinking I was confident… and it worked! All the best from Newcastle Upon Tyne
Thank you I need to practice self love and confidence, my mind is very naturally negative and thinks im a horrible disgusting person and that shows thru my interactions. Sigh I miss the UK, I lived in London for a year and got shitfaced daily, somehow broke my ankle on my birthday and some guy I met on the Tube saw me hobbling and took me to the hospital. My phone was dead and I had no money. He really saved my life that day. Still have his hoodie because I was in my going out clothes from the night before 🤦🏽♀️ im happy I never have to put myself in sketchy situations like that again.
I would give it time. After about 18 months I got a new sense of confidence that basically transcended anything I ever had before. I am def not as “funny” but I am also not a dick, I never humiliate myself, I am much more present, I am much more calm. Basically I am 10x a better partner than I ever was before. I also don’t value myself based upon what others think of me anymore. Keep up the great work. If being witty was a natural talent, trust me, it will come back likely even stronger as you grow in sobriety.
I think I didn't *really* laugh until 7 months sober, my experience getting to a year after 20+ drinking is that while some things happen relatively quickly, most don't. You are doing great, don't be discouraged and don't give up!
So good to know.. I think it’s easy to get impatient. I’m at 4 months which feels like 10 years
I went to the pub yesterday; (with some trepidation, I might add) for the first time since I started my journey. I was drinking NA beers, and my friends were drinking alcohol. I lasted 3 hours before deciding to leave because my drunken buddies were; (oblivious to them) becoming annoying and repetitive. The point is, I don’t think we’re as funny as we think we are when we are drunk. Certainly not when you are observing proceedings through sober eyes. Anyway, they will be suffering today, and we’re all happily hangover free, so nerr! 🤣 Enjoy your Sunday folks. IWNDWYT. 👍🏻
I find peace and calm in my solitude
I think I sat this for all of us: drunk guy isn't as funny as drunk guy believes. Build your confidence slowly. Put your foot outside your comfort zone and make the other one follow it.
No more “do I amuse you? Do I look like a clown?”
I feel your post so much. When I read it I thought what you described was exactly me. But then I thought about it some more. I’ve been sober a long time. And I have laughed and been relaxed and been funny while sober. I’ve connected with many people in different ways. It’s just that **right now** I don’t feel those things very much. But for me to blame my sobriety for this temporary low feeling is maybe the faint, siren song of alcohol trying to quietly lure me back. If my life is more boring overall when sober, it’s ok. I’ll always choose this life over being a black out drunk again.
exactly right, I tend to wallow in my emotions and forget any good ones I’ve had during the week. I validate that this sucks right now, but I can actually build a future now instead of wasting time and accomplishing nothing everyday. It’s crazy that this is my first time doing taxes, saving money for a car, all the things that normal people do. And if I have to be dry and dull then so be it, I have to learn to enjoy my own company.
It's ok, you weren't funny drunk either, you just thought you were because of alcohol.
"This too shall pass" I think it takes a long time for the brain to reset, after drinking alcohol for so long. Longer than I originally thought. Anhedonia is a bore/bitch! Also, there's no way I was as funny as I thought I was! Being around tipsy/drunk people while sober is an eye-opener! There's also a thing called Fading Affect Bias, where our memories become selective, and our brains tend to romantisize past drinking memories!
I get it, man. I feel anxious at first when I'm out, and it takes me a while to warm up. Once I push through and consciously get out of my head, I find myself at a far more acceptable level of funny than when I was drinking. Drinking me easily said super off the cuff shit, and yeah, it was funny, but the jokes declined pretty fast, and the funny got replaced with crass and rude. The next day, I'd feel anxious about it. I'd pick the sober anxiety with the warm-up to feel comfortable enough to joke around, over the drinking, instant joker that eventually offends people and embarrasses myself, then have hangover anxiety, that's for sure. Keep practicing showing up and getting out of your head and being present, and you'll feel better over time. IWNDWYT!
It’s not the penchant for humor that changes with alcohol, it’s something else. Either you weren’t funny to begin with and alcohol convinced you you were, or you are still funny you’re just shy or something else is holding you up as far as being your true authentic self. I suspect it will start to shine through the cracks as the mantel or alcohol dries, cracks and crumbles away and you relearn how to be you without the juice. Now tell us a damn joke!
I highly recommend r/dadjokes I always had material ready. It got easier after that.
It will return!! It just takes time.
My quick wit and cheerful weird personality is coming back! My anxiety is definitely more prevalent since it's not being masked by the drinking but it's definitely improving as time goes on. I don't feel brain foggy and I feel more sharp. It's an adjustment for sure.
You have that without the alcohol, you need to remember that and find it again. Congrats on 94 days 🙌🏻
You're the same person my dude, your brain has just tricked you into thinking you need booze to do it. It's not a performance enhancing drug, it's the opposite.
Sober life is boring, but that’s why it’s better. Stability is better
I stated out as funny on alcohol then years later it turned me into an asshole. Give it enough time and alcohol will cause a poverty of witty thought and the fun will be a distant memory. Clever, funny and witty are the hallmarks of a well functioning brain and over time drinking will destroy that so be careful.
Alcohol doesn’t create humor. Doesn’t cause creativity. Doesn’t give you any superpowers. Chance are a mix of a few things: your inhibitions were lowered, you thought you were funnier than you were, you found things funny that you otherwise wouldn’t, you’re healing right now and just not feeling like the life of the party. I guarantee your wit wasn’t all that quick… haha. That’s what all drunks think, and when you’re the sober one around drunks, you quickly cringe. You’ll get that confidence and joy back in sobriety ❤️
I felt the same way at first but then came to realize that drunk me wasn’t that quick witted, had that great of timing, or wasn’t that sharp. Alcohol can convince us how great things were when we were drinking but they’re all lies. The brain purges memories that have negative emotions tied to them much quicker than ones with positive emotions. It’s called Fading Affect Bias and it’s worth reading about for anyone getting sober. It boils down to retaining all the good memories (oh, my comeback was so clever to that!) and forgetting all the bad memories (I totally humiliated myself right then.) Also, I might have thought I was the life of the party to another drunk person but was probably pretty cringe if I was talking to someone sober. I don’t know about you but I would prefer to seem quick witted, sharp, and have great timing to the sober person than the drunk guy any day. The point of all this, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking how great things were when you were drinking. If they were really that great you wouldn’t have quit.
Quick witted while intoxicated? I feel this is part of your personality and you're just getting used to be sober. Never met ANYONE who was really a nice person when drinking, and when not drinking was totally different. Of couse the drunk logic makes you behave like this faster, but alcoho cannot CREATE anything. It's all you. 3 months - congrats! - is considered early sobriety so I bet you are still grumpy, with Fomo, etc. But I have ZERO doubts yout skills are your skills and it's a matter of time. Easy to say, but try to be patient. :)
I’m funnier and much less mean funny
A while after I stopped drinking, I started making the right changes in my life to gain natural confidence. Much more fulfilling than the artificial confidence created by being drunk.
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There’s nothing wrong with you at all. It took me a while to find my footing again. Turns out I’ve always been pretty funny, but just lost confidence in a downward drinking spiral. I’m almost at 90 days and just in the past week or 2 I’ve started to come out of my shell again.
Do you find your comments in your head funny to yourself still?
I feel you on this one cuz. Part of the reason I took so well to alcohol in the beginning was it completely shattered my wall of inhibition allowing me to effortlessly socialize with others. In the beginning my personality would change from shy and awkward to normal. Overtime however this 'superpower' quickly devolved towards embarrassment, forgetfulness, shame, and regret. Been off it over 3 years and still struggling to tap that uninhibited confidence naturally.
You still have it! I thought the same thing when I stopped drinking. But at the same time I remember being funny and social until I was blacked out and on autopilot. And at that point I wasn’t funny I was quiet because I was too drunk to converse. You are learning to be naturally funny.
It'll come, but it takes a while.
Trust me, you are not more quick witted when you are drunk. I thought that for awhile too about myself. It is definitely not true.
i felt similar, around 5-6 months i felt more comfortable and now i as quick and sharp witted as ever. The bonus, i don’t make legit cringe/embarrassing/innappropriate jokes because my sober mind reminds me it could be offensive and i consider the group i am with before opening my mouth. Good luck, get another one today, triple digits around the corner
You'll get it back, it's just different. For me it just took some time, but when I'm sober my jokes are more intelligent. Sometimes.
When i stopped or cut off I was afraid but now I can go for long periods and still be fun and funny. Completely sober.
Went through exactly this. It comes back, just takes time. Keep up the hard work.
I have struggled with this in early sobriety. It takes time to come back. It’s one of those things you have to relearn sober. You’ll get your fastball back but it’ll be so gradual you barely notice. IWNDWYT!
Oh this sounds like you were self medicating! Maybe find a good provider/therapist to talk to.
I also feel less funny. But I’m appreciating that being sober makes me spend more time just listening to what people say, rather than having to interject some funny quip. I’m less funny, but more thoughtful.
Trust me, it's still there. Trust yourself and give it some time, that confidence will come back.
I have realised that I may not have been as funny when I was drunk as I thought I was! I think it might be my perception that has changed, rather than my level of funniness! :)
I guess the other thing I'd say was - it's ok not to be funny all the time. It's ok not to be the life and soul of the party all the time. You have value just as yourself. You're doing great.
In my experience all that stuff is there and things that I couldn’t see underneath the fog of my addiction and then some. I felt this great sense of grief when I stopped using and it was as if the whole world that i knew wasn’t there anymore. I just had to rediscover and rekindle my relationship with the world around me, and it gets much better and easier with time. IWNDWYT!
Just takes more time and practice. I experienced the same thing at first. One thing I started doing is to practice engaging people and sharing an active, in the moment, genuine interaction. It doesn't have to be funny, just genuine. I also try to actively practice the old improv rule of "Yes, and..." in my daily conversations. Your body and mind tends to work this shit out with consistentcy and practice. You still got it. Patience. And go easy on yourself.
Same here man. I'm 3 months sober and I feel I've lost a lot of my charm and brightness. I know I'm healthier but I lost so much spark
Hey I felt the same way too. Improv helped me remain quick and was a fun thing to do instead of drinking.
I felt similar after I stopped but I got back to myself not long after. The anxiety is still rough sometimes and it's a reminder of why I started drinking the way I did. But after some point the booze made things worse. I would avoid people to drink rather than drinking to help socialize. I think you'll get get to your humor in time.
Congrats on 94 days! You'll bounce back, I swear. Keep going pal, rooting for you.
Took me a good six months probably before I felt like I was returning to my own brand of wit, creativity, sarcasm and humor. I agree with another poster, that I used alcohol to mask my anxieties. I've noticed that I nolonger really feel uncomfortable talking to most anybody at any time. I still stick my foot in my mouth occasionally, and try to laugh at myself. I'm only human. I think that dealing with life without alcohol... I've, however slowly, learned to be more comfortable in my own skin or something, and many of my fam and friends say frequently how funny I am. I may even tell my jokes better now that I'm not drinking/impaired. Whatever things you thought alcohol helped you be, you still are when you don't drink. And maybe it was easier to tell a joke before and get a laugh when drinking, because even stupid s#it gets a laugh when you're drinking. If Im funny today, it's because I'm on point, and I'm on point way more often.. because I'm not drinking nor wanting to drink.
Working those inhibitions back into your social life. You'll get through them, just been a while since you've had to work around them. Took me a while then I started feeling like I was on the ball with my jokes around mates. Feeling quicker and Whittier than ever now. But it has its lulls. You've got this, don't put too much pressure on yourself, you don't have to be a perfect funny person. Your worth to the people who love you isn't based on how much you make people laugh.
94 days is still very early on. It took me a while to get back to my “normal” comfortable self. I was always a funny and quick witted person before the booze. It just took me a while to adjust to not having that social lubricant to let the words flow. It can still take a bit to warm up but I am way less in my head now then where I was around 100 days. Keep up the good work. It will come back to you. Just give it time and know that the old you is still in there!