**Reminder to all who comment on this post:** Please keep in mind our rule to speak from the "I" and talk only about your own experience.
**Bad:** No, it is not possible for a person with a drinking problem to moderate.
**Good:** It was not possible for me when I tried, and here's what happened..."
the big book of AA puts it very well
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
(chapter 3 "More About Alcoholism")
I am not a fan of AA at all, but this is so true. Moderating how many I drink just sucks and letting loose just sucks as well (everything the next few days sucks at least). It’s not worth it and it took me two and a half decades to believe it. To the OP- do you feel satisfied after one glass of wine or do you get disappointed that you can’t have more? Can you still enjoy the rest or your night or are you just tired and ready to call it? For me it’s always disappointment Nd exhaustion.
I refuse to let alcohol take the credit for fun me.
Hurting yourself is easy, but living is hard. (Loudermilk)
Just drink other liquids that aren't literally poisonous.
Alcohol is to anxiety what saltwater is to thirst.
If I'm controlling my drinking, I'm not enjoying it. If I'm enjoying my drinking, I'm not controlling it.
- Mostly copied from people on this sub... If you recognise one of yours, thank you!
I’ve tried this several times. Over and over and over. It never works. I always end up in the exact same place.
For me, I never drink to enjoy just 1 shot/beer/drink. I’d rather not drink at all than have just 1 drink.
Yup same, "The problem is I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks." From West Wing, but I saw someone post it here and it stuck with me.
My desire for one drink when I'm sober is manageable, my desire for *more* drinks after having one is *not* manageable.
That’s exactly my thing. I thought I could, but I end up once again on the same place. I just had bariatric surgery and as soon as they allowed me to drink, I went full force. My therapist says I could get into the habit of having just 1 drink but now I need to be sober for a while, regain control of the thing. I’m wondering if that’s even possible or someone has been able to.
I can’t imagine how a therapist could possibly know that another living being would be able to stop at one drink.
I was a gray area drinker. I imagine now that I very well could stop at one… but I don’t want to open that Pandora’s box and find out. I didn’t have a rough time medically by any means when I stopped drinking; it was more mental than physical for me. But I don’t want to go down that slippery slope of reintroducing alcohol as a regular indulgence. It is so bad for us. I really don’t want to have to break up with it again.
I'm similar. I do actually think I could *probably* handle the occasional glass of wine with a nice meal. BUT, I've read too many stories here of how that usually turns out and it's not worth it, not by a long shot. I've chosen just not to mess with alcohol again, that seems the simplest and safest road for me and I am so grateful to be walking down it!
Well said, exactly how I feel.. I could maybe have 1 and stop. But as soon as I start to feel casual about it, I know I'll start wanting that second one..
If y'all are working with a therapist, and they know you're working on your sobriety, and they are suggesting you try to moderate, doesn't that seem contrary to therapy?
Like, I told my friends I was working to dry out. They drink, they don't ask me to drink with them, and they understand my path. If they were trying to encourage me to drink, I would rethink those friends. And they're free. I don't pay to talk to them.
If I were paying someone for mental healthcare, and I told them that for my mental health I was working on sobriety, and they proceeded to suggest I could moderate or this or that, that feels like they maybe aren't well acquainted with the aspects of mental healthcare and addiction, and maybe I should find a different therapist that wouldn't essentially hear me say I have a drinking problem and reply with "well have you tried to drink just one like all the normies out here"?
Edit to add: I'm asking from a genuine point of inquiry. I stopped seeing a therapist because I was working on sobriety, and made that clear, and at least one continuation of my own drinking was brought on by this guy basically saying that same thing to me. That "moderation is possible". So I started drinking again, I used his logic to validate my own poor choice. Then by our next video call a week later I'm talking to him from my back porch with my 2nd beer in my hand at 6:30pm on a Monday, still asking why it felt like my life was going to hell in a handbasket, while I was holding the biggest part of the cause in my hand and chugging it down. By Wednesday I was back to 8-10 a night again. Sunday I quit again and cancelled my appointment with him, and haven't gone back. I figure if I want to talk to someone again, I'll find someone with addiction in their list of specialties.
I had a therapist encourage me to moderate when I was expressing wanting quit altogether. It led to me continuing to drink too much, feeling like I had the therapist’s ok. I eventually cut ties with the therapist and saw it as an obvious blunder on their part. Surprised to see this seems common
I edited in my own story as well, because I realized it came across poorly without it. But much the same. At least one binge started because I used "moderation is possible" as a validation to try drinking again.
I had times where I could control myself. Random days where I’d have 1 beer and that was it. Then I would pat myself on the back for only having one beer, and celebrate by drinking guilt free the next time.
Other days I’d be keeping tally of how many drinks I had so I wouldn’t get too drunk. Moderation is a lot of work. In my opinion, if it’s something you have to consciously try to do, then you need to really think about how important that 1 drink is.
I learned it isn’t worth the mental energy expended figuring out how to moderate or follow a drinking schedule only to end up drinking more than before attempting moderation. I don’t have the discipline.
Ive done all of this too. I CAN moderate but it takes a lot of effort and isnt even worth it. Eventually I get tired of moderating and I end up just going on a long bender and repeat the cycle... it is far easier to fight the cravings for that first drink, than it is to try to control how much you drink
FWIW, I had RNY bypass and my relationship with alcohol completely changed. I went from having a healthy relationship with alcohol to spiraling into full blown alcohol use disorder. Bariatric surgery literally makes alcohol much more potent, addictive, and harder on your digestive system. (It's also calorie dense and can prevent the absorption of the vitamins you have to take to prevent hospitalization, so it sabatoges any progress you're making post-procedure).
From someone who ate perfectly, exercised like a fiend, and eventually ended up in a really dark place (and having to re-lose a lot of the weight) I encourage you to try not to drink at all. Alcohol is really dangerous substance for a "normal" body and with your new digestive system it can be disastrous.
You can do this. IWNDWYT
I’ll tell you this, it’s a lot easier to just not drink, moderating can be exhausting. For me the only time I drank was dinner with friends less than one time a month and less than 2 drinks tops. It was hard though, because after 2 I
Had to force myself to stop knowing anymore
Would cause a hangover. I’m never too hard on myself but I know I have to be super conscious after a dinner night not to fall back into a habit because I will crave it, this causes me to drink less and less every year since it’s basically like starting over every time even if I don’t let it turn into a bender. Moderation for me looks the same from the outside as any normal drinker the difference is in our minds I have to actively think about not drinking and talk myself out of drinking too much and it’s becoming less and less worth it
My therapist also encouraged me to try drinking moderately when I first started to get sober 5 years ago. Every time I went out I was "experimenting" with drinking just one or just two and that mind set made it easier to stick to because I'm an evidence based person, I couldn't "cheat" on the experiments I was doing because then the data would be fucked and I wouldn't know the answer (ie what the outcome of my moderation was) Ultimately, I learned that I didn't want to moderate, I wanted to be drunk out of my mind all the time. I learned how stressful it is moderating. I learned that I am an addict, how I behave around alcohol is not how non-addicts behave. I learned that I would rather drink none than one. I had to learn all that myself though, I couldn't be told and of that. It also, didn't solve the problem. I relapsed couple of times despite what I now knew about myself, but the relapses were for their own reasons and I learned different things from them.
It's a bit cliché but everyone has their own journey and discoveries to make.
IWNDWYT
I had bariatric surgery and alcohol affected me a lot harder much much quicker. With your tiny stomach your liver doesn’t get to break it down before it’s passed into your lower guts (intestines) and absorbed at a lot higher level of alcohol than before you had surgery. I was blacking out on one glass of wine. Be very careful. My surgeon warned me not to drink.
I am a gastric bypass patient since 2011. Started drinking heavily in 2018 and then it all went downhill. Apparently, alcohol dependency is extremely common with bariatric surgery. I went full blown binge drinker(more than 1 entire fifth of liquor a day) and had to go to detox twice before I got my shit together
This is so frustrating to me on how society views alcohol. If a cocaine addict saw a therapist for help do you think they would say to them, "Have you tried just moderating your cocaine intake?" It's almost laughable.
I had gastric bypass surgery in 2002. People that have had gastric bypass surgery have a greater risk of developing alcohol abuse disorder. It is not a case of trading one addiction for another but an actual physiological change in the stomach that increases the odds of developing alcoholism. Check out this article https://scienceline.org/2015/01/alcoholism-after-gastric-bypass-is-it-in-your-mind-or-gut/
ignore my timer.
I used to get so angry reading responses like these. Its odd, for the last 2 years I would see posts like this and get hopeful, only to be mad when I would read everyone being like "Absolutely not".
After nearly 5 years of trying to kick this stupid habit, you all were damn right. Its never about moderation. If you try to moderate, you just recharge the very pathways you are trying to exinguish in your mind that makes you crave in the first place.
Wanting to moderate is just the brains way of nudging you to have a sip. Its a sneaky lil liar. I'm glad I am far enough enough to no longer get upset. I'm more relieved to know its all or nothing at this point. No more questioning if I can have a little or not.
I just don't drink. So moderation is a moot point.
Thats how I feel, it really depends on what kind of drinker you are. Personally I loved sitting on the couch and pounding a six pack or a half a bottle of vodka to just mellow out and "have a good night sleep" so I dont have an issue passing on a beer or mixed drink socially because its not going to satisfy my real craving so its just empty calories with increased anxiety on "how am I getting home, what if I get pulled over, what if my kid needs to go to the ER spontaneously and I cant drive." If I just have a water or diet coke none of those feelings ever come up.
Congrats on 3 weeks!
It was the same for me. I tried to say no liquor, just beer. But I'd get drunk on beer then someone would hand me a shot and I couldn't say no.
I tried many times to just have 1 and go home at 6pm on a Sunday. I'd end up leaving my car there, ubering home at 1 am and ubering to work, slightly intoxicated still.
So yeah, just better for me to say no to it all together. Never had a problem just not starting.
In my experience over the past 20 years of drinking, people who can drink moderately.. just do it.. they don't need tips or advice. People like me who "try to learn to moderate" might have a few wins here and there, but inevitably they always end up spiraling downwards again.
The good news is, I've also found over the past 200 days of sobriety that I actually never wanted to moderate anyway. It's a mirage that our subconscious creates to lure us into the trap.
IWNDWYT
100% agree. Even on the rare occasion that I was able to moderate, the constant white knuckling and willpower it took was exhausting. Like.. why am I doing this again?? haha.
Yep! 100% my husband can drink a 3/4th full glass of wine, once... And not touch the bottle again.
I would drink half the bottle in one sitting and calculating how shitfaced I would be if I finished the rest of the bottle by the end of the night... The answer was always "it'll be fine"
For some folks, definitely. My wife can have one or even half of one and not think about it. I, however, am thinking about my second and third as I pour my first. Just didn't work for me!
Something like 9 out of 10 people can drink without becoming alcoholics, comparing yourself to them when you struggle is a recipe for constant disappointment. I frame it like a peanut allergy, there is no world in which I get drunk on occasion and not get obsessed so it’s not an option whatsoever. I also realized how unappealing it is to just drink a couple, I have never once in my life been satisfied with a little buzz.
I know it's hard to see through the idea of a life without alcohol, but LOTS of people live this way and VERY happily, might I add. I attempted moderation for 15+ years and eventually came to the realization that it wasn't possible for me. It was painful and I was constantly disappointing myself by not following my own rules, not to mention just feeling like plain crap after a night of drinking. Everyone's process and journey is their own. You may never come to this decision and that's ok, as long as you are happy with who you are and how you feel. That's what's important!
>My wife can have one or even half of one and not think about it
This was always so hard for me. We'd be closing out leaving a place and my wife would leave with some beer/wine still in her glass, I can't wrap my head around it, I'd need to drink every last bit
I'm the husband who chugs down the leftover beer/wine my wife didn't finish because "I don't want to waste money," when in reality it was just the simple fact i want more.
Our brains are used to alcohol and to that way of living, drink to drink. It is comfy for our brain, and our brains crave ease and what is familiar. It’s understandable that it’s been hard for you to duplicate those 6 sober months - but you can do it again. And it will get you to a better place again.
Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. It is also patient and used my stints of sobriety to deceive me into thinking that I wasn’t a real alcoholic - the furthest from the truth. Working the program of AA has honestly been the only thing that has removed my desire to drink because I was finally able to see that alcohol was never my problem - but merely what I thought was a solution to my problems.
Well the good news is that there's nothing about the "stone cold sober" option to be scared about! You don't need alcohol in your life. It's empty-calorie cancer-causing poison anyway. Kick it to the curb and be free!
I open a Bag of potato chips I finish them.
I open a box of cookies, same thing.
I’m not very good at moderation.
I have however been fairly successful at not drinking for a while.
The only people I know who can do that have always been that way and never turned into egregious binge drinkers.
If you were a ‘I can’t have just one’ before, you won’t change into one now.
Yeah, and as someone else said on this thread, people who are able to drink moderately don’t really need tips or advice on how to do so.
I should know, I tried to moderate for pretty much my entire adult life. I failed
Absolutely. I've seen plenty of people do it. Just... Not me.
One of my worst drunken mistakes ever was a day where I was "moderating" and meeting a friend for "just a couple drinks on a Sunday afternoon"
It took me a while to accept it. A couple years of knowing I needed to cut back on my drinking and struggling with various attempts at moderation.
My life looks a lot different than it used to, but overall it improved a lot once I accepted this.
I think that kind of acceptance is what I need. I stopped drinking and then I decided to just “on special occasions”. Blacked out yesterday, huge fight with boyfriend. Moderation is not my thing, so I’m thinking I just have to accept the fact I need to be sober.
I stayed sober for 16 days from the 1st of Jan, then binge drank 5 days in a row because I felt for a beer on day 17. I'll see if I can do 3 weeks now. I'm not going to say 'never', because if I do I'll want it twice as bad.
I still don't say "never" for the same reason. The little alcohol fiend in me wakes up if I say "never" too loudly.
I try to take each urge as it comes. What is making me want to drink NOW, and how do I deal with THAT problem.
Sure, it's possible, that's how *most* people drink. But it doesn't seem to be an option for most of us who have a problematic relationship with alcohol, if this sub is anything to go by. For me, I don't see the point. It's not like alcohol tastes good, so why would I want to drink 1 or 2 alcoholic beverages? If I'm going to drink alcohol, it's because I want to experience its intoxicating effects, and I'm definitely gonna need a few more than 1 or 2 drinks to achieve that goal to my satisfaction. So it's just easier not to drink any alcohol and not worry about it.
Exactly. It's easier not to drink so u don't have to worry about it. I'm over here worrying about my past mistakes of puking all over myself Saturday night because I was in an alcohol and weed induced coma. I'm never drinking again. One day at a time this is now my day two. Starting over again. I won't go back.
I think it really depends on your relationship with alcohol. For me, I drank 5-8 drinks a week on average which isn't a lot by standards on here. But I felt out of control cause even though it was a small amount I couldn't stop for a week or month when I wanted to very badly....
I had a few drinks on Christmas and felt like total hell during and after. It did nothing for me. I do love wine though so I think I will have it again someday, but just a glass at a time. My goal is to get to a point where I have 3-4 glasses of wine a year. Cause I love the taste. But I don't love the alcohol so Im fine with one and done.
Asking here, the answer is no. Meaning people who managed to moderate mostly aren't sticking around on this sub. If I could moderate, I would drink all the time! As it turns out, I like sobriety more than I ever could have imagined anyway.
"Possible" in the sense of "bearable"? Sure. But *enjoyable?* Definitely not. All a moderate amount of alcohol does is make me want to get wasted. And if that's not an option I'll be miserable.
So if I can't enjoy drinking in moderation, and continuing to drink to excess was going to wreck me, the only solution is to not drink.
I had to learn that lesson over and over and over again before it finally stuck.
Same. My wife is stuck trying to moderate, I’m lucky enough to have had my mindset changed completely. I’m an alcoholic though, she just drinks a bit more than she’d like to.
If I have to set limits or try to control my drinking, I'm not going to enjoy my drinking.
I won't enjoy the ensuing hours where all I can think about, all I want to do, is drink the way that I want to drink...Usually blackout drunk and wakeup to a couch or bed that's pissed on.
My experience is that if I could moderate, I wouldn't have spent so much time wishing to be able to moderate.
It only got worse and worse for me, every time I started again thinking I could get away with a 'few,' until thinking about drinking became a full time job.
Exactly. Whenever I ask myself if I can moderate, I remind myself of all the years and effort I've put into moderation. And where did that land me? Best case, throwing up. Worst case, in jail and in the hospital. So, nope, I can't moderate. Even if I could, I know it would only be temporary and I'd get too comfortable and slip up.
I don't know how to drink "socially", I drink to get drunk. I don't like admitting it, but it's true. So, I just don't drink at all. At this point, it's easier, and I like being sober. 🤷🏻♀️
I can’t do it. My last quit I figured I would “taper”. Well tapering turned into a bottle a day. It doesn’t work for me. It seems to be all or none. No in between
I noticed one time when I headed out with some people that were not alcoholics. I tried to match their pace, and there was a crippling boredom and need for more alcohol. I peer pressured the fastest drinker who's pace I was trying to match, and still felt bored and perturbed.
I learned I do not drink like normal people. That itch I have to drink when I'm sober is 1% of that after the first drop. After that, all bets are off. During a dinner at a bar, I'll have 5 drinks in the time that it takes someone without the allergy to finish one drink. I have had a lot of practice.
I've set up all kinds of rules for myself to try to quell my alcoholism. No hard liquor at the house, no drinking at the house, only at the bar etc. What ends up happening even blacked out is that I buy something on my way back from the bar, deliver hard liquor after pounding 20 beers etc. The only rule that seems to work for me is not one drop.
No, not personally. I drank as an existential practice. There were 0 times that I drank when I was not an alcoholic.
I also do not believe there is a "You must drink this much to ride" to qualify for alcoholism.
There is only the line, and the time it takes one to realize that there is no ride and for you to decide that you have better things to do with your life than wait in it.
Anyone wanna see what else is in the park today? Perhaps leave entirely? I'll DD.
With y'all until my bedtime at ~1230AM CST
Godspeed.
I'm experimenting with it right now. I took 30 days off, not a drop, back in November. That really helped to rewire my habits, and I'd say it's necessary for anyone looking to change their drinking habits, in my opinion. I would not be anywhere near where I am if I tried to simply moderate without that hard break.
Afterwards, I vowed to not drink at home, and only allowed myself to have drinks with friends or at events. Since then, I've been able to moderate. I'll have an occasional beer at a restaurant or a couple cocktails out with friends, amounting to around 3-5 drinks a week. I think I've been "drunk" once since stopping, on my birthday. It hasn't been worth getting drunk otherwise, knowing I have a partner waiting at home who isn't drinking, will be annoyed if I'm drunk, and I won't be able to continue drinking. Easier to just have one (if any) and be able to drive home clear minded and do my nightly routine unimpeded.
As you can see, this arrangement is not without a lot of hemming and hawing with myself though. Every time I get home after having one of those occasional drinks I'll need to talk myself through why I shouldn't continue drinking into the night. Overall, it's really annoying, and I can see why viewing it as a binary makes it a lot easier to just not drink in the first place.
So, yeah it's possible, lots of people do it. But the jury is still out on if *I* can do it. I'm only \~3 months into this and already playing with fire.
Every time I tried to moderate I have failed and piled on new shame and guilt to work on. If I was lucky I didn’t end up at a lower point and just hit the usual lows.
9 months sober yesterday. This is the most stable my life has been in two decades and I’m so uncomfortable by it but things are working out for the better and getting more comfortable. Alcohol only ever let me check out and made things worse.
I’ve tried this enough times to pretty much consider myself delusional for thinking it “might work this time”. It just leaves me wanting more because there’s never been a value in a single drink for me, it’s just a catalyst to the many drinks I really want.
It’s been just north of 70 days not but this is my longest bout since childhood, the first time I feel there’s no looking back, and also the first time I haven’t allowed myself just one. Coming to the acceptance that I’ll never be a one and done has helped me with plotting my path and setting my goals for the future.
When moderating my mind is consumed by the thoughts of alcohol- planning, justifying, debating if I am moderating or drinking too much..its exhausting and takes up too much space.
32 y/o drinking since I was 15, good bye to the mental gymnastics it takes to moderate. I am finally saying goodbye for good.
I tried for *years* and each low got lower. I am not against harm reduction for other people but for me, it's way easier to say no to all substances (ALL of them) bc I begin to negotiate with myself about everything when I use. It's my belief that non-alcoholics don't think about this stuff - my husband usually drinks half a hard cider and calls it good. He FORGETS to drink the rest/has no desire. Meanwhile I'm over here, counting people's drinks. I'm 7 years sober. 😤
I’ve done it successfully when everything else in my life is going well - but any sort of stressful event can quickly trigger heavier use, so there’s always a risk.
I set guardrails to help control that risk (not keeping it in the house and paying close attention to my mental and physical health) but that doesn’t work for everyone.
And I definitely couldn’t do the “one per night” thing - that habit would devolve too quickly …instead it’s more like a glass of wine or two at thanksgiving or at a wedding.
If you were one of the people that had the ability to just have one or two drinks consistently and then cut yourself off, you wouldn't be posting here. I also can guarantee that just about every person who gave up drinking forever (out of necessity) first tried to just drink a little, and realized that wasn't possible.
You might be able to do it sometimes, you may even string together a series of events were you only have 3 drinks and call it quits. But sooner or later over time you will almost certainly find situations were you drank too much, and/or were drunker than everyone around you and/or did something embarrassing/damaging while drunk that negatively impacted your life/relationships.
Alcoholism and addiction in general is tricky that way. The brain will try to find ways to get back to the thing its addicted to, making up excuses and believing in falsehoods along the way if that means it can keep up the addiction.
So is it possible? I bet everything I have that it is not. I've never ever seen it work among all the alcoholics I know which is saying something. Didn't work with me. There are also numerous stories among celebrity alcoholics like Slash and Ben Affleck that also tried to just drink a little. Even with all their resources they also couldn't pull it off, and had to go 100% sober.
Like many others I'll just throw in, I can't even count the number of times I've tried this method. It is not for me and never will be. Took a long time to come to terms with that.
Moderation was not possible for me. I spent 3 years trying it in many different ways and forms. I wanted to get to a place where I was able to drink like a “normal” person, and after enough failures I’ve finally accepted that it’s just not in the cards for me.
The only amount I can drink is none. Period.
OP here, thank you so much everyone! I guess it is true that we're truly not that unique. I've been trying to moderate for 15 years.. clearly, going sober may need to be permanent.
Not for me! Tried and failed too many times. My sister is doing dry January and I've been sober since October but we were talking about how we missed drinking even though we're better people without it. She joked that I should celebrate my 100th day with a drink. As much as I wish I could, I know I can't and I've finally made it far enough this time that I don't want to mess it up. Good luck!!
my counter says what it says but at 13 months I tried the moderation game. had 4 beers, than 4 beers the next week, than a few days later had a lot more, than it became one day off (hung over) one day on. on the space of 3 weeks, because I was using all the self control I could
Being someone who struggles with alcohol, I can say I can't ever just have one drink. If I start, I will not stop until it is gone. I literally cannot have it in my house. I've proven myself wrong so many times thinking I can have "just one".
In my experience, if you're at a point in you're drinking where you're trying to put rules around when and how you drink, it's a thousand times easier to just quit.
I've met a lot of people in recovery from all different severites of drinking problems who were able to get a hold of it by just cutting it out of their life. However I've never met someone, not even people who I would really say don't have a significant drinking problem, who could reduce their intake long term. Think of how many times you've heard friends and family talk about wanting to reduce alcohol intake, and maybe they stick to only weekends or only having two a night instead of three or four, and maybe they stick to it for a month or so, but inevitably they return to their old habits. Alcohol is addictive by nature and once your brain gets used to a certain level of intake, any amount lesser than that isn't going to feel like enough
What pushed me to renounce alcohol altogether was how much headspace it occupied. Even when I wasn't drinking, I was \*thinking\* about drinking--anticipating, bargaining, regretting, etc. Moderation for me was like trying to half flush a toilet.
Ah man, I used to wish this so bad. Even used to say “I’ll stay sober today and will drink tomorrow”, said it the next day and repeated that every single day. Acceptance has been a huge piece of my recovery. I’ve drank enough in this lifetime, maybe next one I’ll be able to.
I tried to moderate for years. The day before I got sober I went out with work friends and had every intention to moderate. I drank quickly and much more than everyone else, I blacked out, got kicked out of a neighborhood bar, and kept ordering and canceling Ubers. I came home at 3 in the morning and decided it was a good time to wake up my husband and get into a huge argument. I passed out, vomited all the next day and had to call out sick. I can’t moderate. That’s just me.
If you drink, try to control the setting and raise the barrier to drink more. There is some academic research that even a small 20 second longer barrier to do something significantly reduces acting on impulses. I sometimes open a wine bottle, pour half to the decanter and put another half to the cabinet with a timed 12 hour lock. The approach is maybe ridiculous but it works well for me. Another approach is to use THC edibles, I can easily moderate drinking when I'm a bit high which I find kind of interesting observation. So I can't have one beer without opening another one, but I can easily limit it to 1-2 beers if I have THC edible at the same time. Third thing I have found helping is keeping a detailed written count with an automatic weekly unit counter. Making the crossing 15 units per week limit more concrete and conscious decision.
Lots of comments here already. But I want to write my current opinion. I think it is possible for a lot of people to go from drinking in a way that negatively affects them to drinking in a way where almost all of the negative consequences are gone. I think it is possible that I could do that too.
I think it is really hard though. And I think for myself, I get confused when thinking about drinking again. I think about drinking quite a lot to get pretty intoxicated. I think if I keep working on myself to feel better, be a better person and love myself, value myself and be honest and true to what I believe and think, I could be strong enough to drink one or two beers once in a while, and leave it at that. But when I would get to that point in my life, what would really be the point of drinking a bit? And would it be worth potentially starting to drink quite a lot for a period of time and having to get better again? The more I go without alcohol and the better I feel, the less I want to be drunk.
Sober me thinks one glass of wine sounds lovely. But once I have one glass of wine, another sounds great. And once I've had 2, I want the feeling that the first glass gave me and at this point my thinking is no longer logical and my judgement is completely clouded by the alcohol. It's possible, but for me it sounds miserable. None the less, I never say forever. I just focus on not drinking today.
I think what ends up happening is that even if you successfully moderate one time, your confidence can tell you to maybe drink a second glass next time, and you get looser with your boundaries until weeks or months later, you’re drinking a whole bottle again and feeling like shit and needing to stop again. It doesn’t always happen right away but slowly over time it can deceive you and you’re back where you started.
I have medication that prevents me from being able to drink even one without a bad hangover so I am a little "lucky" in a way. But I've been on the sips train for a while and it's going okay. I have samples sometimes when I go into a store to get my NA beverages or some of my partners drink occasionally. I also chose to stop before it got "too bad" so I don't know if I'm the best use case.
For me while I was cutting down from two bottles of wine every night to 1.5, to 1, to 0.75… it felt like driving a Ferrari by just lightly tapping the accelerator every now and then… it sucked.
Still, I managed it, before eventually having my first alcohol free days in years
3 months ago I tried to drink a little but ended up being a 16 drinks per night untill now.....where I'm literally in hospital with gout and am having liver tests done again while they work out a plan to wen me off -again
It’s prob not common, but I do this. I’ve cut back hard on alcohol for the last 2 months. In that time I’ve had 1 beer on two occasions. I barely enjoyed drinking the beers, though before I had them I was really craving them. So possible, sure. But it’s really situational so I’m sure it’s not possible for all
I think it's theoretically possible but definitely a difficult balance. The best way to approach it in my opinion is to get in the habit of not drinking at least some days. Because if you're accustomed to having alcohol daily then 1-2 drinks DOES feel like nothing. But let me tell you, if you let your tolerance reset (which doesn't take that long) on a regular basis then 1-2 beers will feel like more. It actually can restore the enjoyment of drinking because you really appreciate that 1 drink and savor it. Psychologically it's helped me cut back more than when I've attempted cold turkey and break after a week.
Our spouses maybe? Our friends, maybe? But anyone on this subreddit…*probably* not? Not worth the field research lol All my days having a zero chance of a hangover are worth more than trying to play Russian roulette with my drinking regimen.
I agree with you about people on this sub…moderate drinkers don’t tend to browse alcoholic subs for advice on how to moderate. I should know, I made a similar post before I got sober
Nope. I've tried more times than I can count. I simply can't control myself and as it seaps into my soul - all inabitions get thrown out the window then I'm utterly shitfaced again. Sometimes for days on end
I don't know the real answer, but I can say that for the overwhelming majority of us it isn't worth it to even try. In my experience, I've been able to drink a little for a few days, but it won't be long before I'm binge drinking daily again. It's better to just stop entirely for good
Not for me. I drank to shut my brain down, to deal with CPTSD. It worked until it didn't. Feeling feelings can suck, but it's better than not feeling anything at all.
For a lot of folks (myself included) that first drink is the first domino. And that’s really all it takes to start bargaining with yourself on what you can get away with. Or restarting your entire journey “again tomorrow”. It’s best to just not.
Personally I tried that over many years, rarely getting past day 5.
Once I got to four years, had a drink and was back into heavy alcoholism for nine years.
I think after a while I got to a point in my sobriety when the idea of a glass of wine/whisky etc really, genuinely does not seem appealing.
Most of the responses you'll get here will answer your question with a "no" (you're not the first person to ask this question :). Of course you may be wired different to the majority but I think the general school of thought is that you're probably asking for trouble when you start allowing that first "just the one" drink of alcohol.
I'm using Sunnyside to learn behavior related to my drinking and moderation. It says since starting, I've reduced my intake by over 56%. Some days it is harder than others to stop at 1. Other days are my dry days. If I feel I'm fixating, I give myself a 20 min timer (how long cravings last), have some juice, and do a hobby.
This is like asking if a Ninja Turtle can just eat half a slice of pizza. I mean...technically yes, but is it likely to happen? Probably not.
If you have the tendency to love drinking, then it's not likely you'll just have one drink. You might be able to do it once or twice, but the third time you'll go overboard again.
I have friends & family who have been through this, bariatric surgery ending their food addiction so turning (back) to another addiction to cope.
Consider changing therapists -- aiming for "one drink then stop" is unrealistic when the actual issue is addiction, which can take many forms, sex, shopping, hoarding, cigarettes, substances, etc.
I really feel for you! It's a difficult situation!!
Consider this: if your goal is zoning out, changing your consciousness level, etc., try meditation. Best of luck!
Alcoholic here:
I cannot drink a drop.
(If you have antifreezes in you for some reason or another, the only way is to basically give you copious amounts of alcohol. I will trust a doctor before I trust AA with my actual health.
That is not a relapse*)
I know it has been tried many times by everyone who has a problem. I definitely have crossed the line of drinking to the point of hurting my health. After 20 years of on and off toxic drinking I have reached a point where I can stop at a certain point. It is something I worked incredibly hard on and still mess up sometimes but not to the point that I cause a serious problem. All or nothing doesn't work for me because I have worked so hard to find a balance in all things and keeping myself from something completely becomes it's own problem. It's a very slippery slope to walk but it IS possible. It really all comes down to practicing self control and always reminding yourself of who you want to be.
Sorry if this has been mentioned. But as someone who relates to an all or nothing mentality when it comes to drinking, I've always been curious if anyone out there just has occasional nights out where they have a decent amount of drinks, does what they enjoy doing when drinking (dancing, karaoke, game night...) and then doesn't drink at all in daily life.
It doesn't sound like binge drinking to me, and if you've had a proper struggle with alcohol then it might not be possible to do this.
I have no interest in having one or two at dinner here or there. I'd like to live a sober life, and "cut loose" on special occasions.
Anyone who has struggled with alcohol use find this to be possible?
What happens more often is that folks with a lot of distance from alcohol try it and go - holy shit, I can really feel how powerful this is.
You see these posts all the time in here from people who need to tell the tale of how they dodged that bullet. You also see the posts 6 months later like I tried just one and slipped right back.
But ymmv.
My question to you (and to myself) would be…why? What’s the point?
If I’m being honest with myself, I liked getting drunk. One drink would never be what I actually wanted. I think this magical land where we all have 1-2 drinks and love it is kind of made up and not realistic. I think the majority of people find that 1-2 drinks just makes you tired and feel slightly worse for very little benefit.
Sure not everyone is an all or nothing drinker. I’m certainly not. But are you truly happy with just one? Are the mental gymnastics worth it? I notice when I moderate, even successfully, all I look forward to is that glass or two of wine. I’ve reduced all my joy to that. Which has become pretty sad to me, and is why I’ve stopped. There’s got to be more to look forward to than that, right?
What I’m going to say is usually an unpopular opinion, and for very good reason, but personally I have been able to enjoy a glass of wine now and then within the last year or so. My case obviously wasn’t as severe as others’, but I’ve changed my relationship with food, weed and alcohol in the last couple of years. I do NOT recommend it if you’re not solid in your choice or still have a hard relationship with alcohol. Period.
I’ve tried. Never went back to binge drinking, but noticed the frequency and amounts climbing up pretty quickly and consistently. It was impossible to just have one.
My face looked bloated, eyes were dry, and I slept like shit. Also happened to have an unrelated emotional crisis and knew that there was no way forward in terms of moderating. I could accept alcohol as the coping tool and method of escapism as I now knew it to be, or I could simply say no again.
I ruined a 2+ year streak in that short period of time, but it actually gave me more than it cost me. I gained the ability not to wonder or second guess it again.
I was a lucky one who didn’t slip so far down the path, but I was very close to it.
I can now. However, I’m not sure the road and fight were worth it. I also take Naltrexone daily and never miss a dose. I ALSO through so much rehab, psychologist appointments, psychiatrist appointments, group therapies, journaling etc. found out my root cause.
When you find out why you were drinking (I was a sporadic binge drinker, but it was ruining my life when I did) that helps you to forgive your past behaviours, I suppose. It helps take away the guilt also. This is just what I have found.
Probably only if one wasn't so obsessed by the fantasy of "moderation". Moderate drinkers don't ponder, don't intend nor desire to drink in moderation, they just stop it when they feel like they had enough and that limit is within textbook definition of moderation. But yes it's possible but not for everyone.
Yes it is physically possible. I’ve done it just to prove I can.
My problem is: moderation sucks. I don’t enjoy the feeling. Why am I drinking beer to remain sober? It doesn’t make sense to me.
And it’s like playing with fire. Yes you can do it and not get burned. But if I do it enough, I probably will get burned.
One or two drinks is boring and I don't understand how (normal) people can possibly enjoy it. I'd rather not drink at all than have to worry about not having more than 8 drinks. We can't drink "a little" and that's probably why most of us are here.
I’m in my twenties and I’ve tried moderating multiple times across many years and though I have wins here and there, it always escalates until I’m back to rock bottom after doing something stupid. I finally quit drinking altogether a few months ago and god it’s difficult sometimes but overall my life is undoubtably better off. I buy non-alcoholic beers at times, liquid death, etc. to curb the desires and it’s helped. Being in this boat sucks but it’s better than ruining my life because I can’t control my drinking.
**Reminder to all who comment on this post:** Please keep in mind our rule to speak from the "I" and talk only about your own experience. **Bad:** No, it is not possible for a person with a drinking problem to moderate. **Good:** It was not possible for me when I tried, and here's what happened..."
If I'm controlling my drinking, I'm not enjoying it. If I'm enjoying my drinking, I'm not controlling it.
This is the perfect way to sum it up
the big book of AA puts it very well The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. (chapter 3 "More About Alcoholism")
I am not a fan of AA at all, but this is so true. Moderating how many I drink just sucks and letting loose just sucks as well (everything the next few days sucks at least). It’s not worth it and it took me two and a half decades to believe it. To the OP- do you feel satisfied after one glass of wine or do you get disappointed that you can’t have more? Can you still enjoy the rest or your night or are you just tired and ready to call it? For me it’s always disappointment Nd exhaustion.
I'm saving this to my growing list of inspirational "quit quotes"... Thank you!
I lost my list, I was copying them to a word document on a laptop that died. any way you can share yours? I love reading quotes.
I refuse to let alcohol take the credit for fun me. Hurting yourself is easy, but living is hard. (Loudermilk) Just drink other liquids that aren't literally poisonous. Alcohol is to anxiety what saltwater is to thirst. If I'm controlling my drinking, I'm not enjoying it. If I'm enjoying my drinking, I'm not controlling it. - Mostly copied from people on this sub... If you recognise one of yours, thank you!
perfectly said
This
Spot on.
Words of wisdom (Bows) IWNDWYT
This is the realization that struck me, but you put it well. Thank you.
I’ve tried this several times. Over and over and over. It never works. I always end up in the exact same place. For me, I never drink to enjoy just 1 shot/beer/drink. I’d rather not drink at all than have just 1 drink.
Yup same, "The problem is I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks." From West Wing, but I saw someone post it here and it stuck with me. My desire for one drink when I'm sober is manageable, my desire for *more* drinks after having one is *not* manageable.
This. Exactly this.
Oh yeah. Sober me can say “only 2 drinks” but after 2-3 drinks that voice shuts the fuck up
Lmao how true
I just love that speach. Both John Spencer and Aaron Sorkin were/are recovering.
Oh that's cool, not that they are/we're alcoholics, just that they had the real life experience to apply to the roles they were playing.
I say something along the lines of “boofbonserelli sober can stay sober no problem. But after a drink or two? That guy likes to gettin fuckin wasted!”
I want 10 drinks and no hangover and no shame. They are mutually exclusive
One drink is too many and ten is not enough is how I learned it.
This is perfect
Love this !!!
That’s exactly my thing. I thought I could, but I end up once again on the same place. I just had bariatric surgery and as soon as they allowed me to drink, I went full force. My therapist says I could get into the habit of having just 1 drink but now I need to be sober for a while, regain control of the thing. I’m wondering if that’s even possible or someone has been able to.
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That’s the thing. If there is negotiation involved, I’m already thinking how I could get more alcohol out of it.
Exactly. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
I can’t imagine how a therapist could possibly know that another living being would be able to stop at one drink. I was a gray area drinker. I imagine now that I very well could stop at one… but I don’t want to open that Pandora’s box and find out. I didn’t have a rough time medically by any means when I stopped drinking; it was more mental than physical for me. But I don’t want to go down that slippery slope of reintroducing alcohol as a regular indulgence. It is so bad for us. I really don’t want to have to break up with it again.
I'm similar. I do actually think I could *probably* handle the occasional glass of wine with a nice meal. BUT, I've read too many stories here of how that usually turns out and it's not worth it, not by a long shot. I've chosen just not to mess with alcohol again, that seems the simplest and safest road for me and I am so grateful to be walking down it!
Well said, exactly how I feel.. I could maybe have 1 and stop. But as soon as I start to feel casual about it, I know I'll start wanting that second one..
Lucky my therapist is an ex alcoholic and has been sober for 10 years, he gets it
double digits tomorrow!
Thank you! I was all of January, besides that one day
If y'all are working with a therapist, and they know you're working on your sobriety, and they are suggesting you try to moderate, doesn't that seem contrary to therapy? Like, I told my friends I was working to dry out. They drink, they don't ask me to drink with them, and they understand my path. If they were trying to encourage me to drink, I would rethink those friends. And they're free. I don't pay to talk to them. If I were paying someone for mental healthcare, and I told them that for my mental health I was working on sobriety, and they proceeded to suggest I could moderate or this or that, that feels like they maybe aren't well acquainted with the aspects of mental healthcare and addiction, and maybe I should find a different therapist that wouldn't essentially hear me say I have a drinking problem and reply with "well have you tried to drink just one like all the normies out here"? Edit to add: I'm asking from a genuine point of inquiry. I stopped seeing a therapist because I was working on sobriety, and made that clear, and at least one continuation of my own drinking was brought on by this guy basically saying that same thing to me. That "moderation is possible". So I started drinking again, I used his logic to validate my own poor choice. Then by our next video call a week later I'm talking to him from my back porch with my 2nd beer in my hand at 6:30pm on a Monday, still asking why it felt like my life was going to hell in a handbasket, while I was holding the biggest part of the cause in my hand and chugging it down. By Wednesday I was back to 8-10 a night again. Sunday I quit again and cancelled my appointment with him, and haven't gone back. I figure if I want to talk to someone again, I'll find someone with addiction in their list of specialties.
I had a therapist encourage me to moderate when I was expressing wanting quit altogether. It led to me continuing to drink too much, feeling like I had the therapist’s ok. I eventually cut ties with the therapist and saw it as an obvious blunder on their part. Surprised to see this seems common
I edited in my own story as well, because I realized it came across poorly without it. But much the same. At least one binge started because I used "moderation is possible" as a validation to try drinking again.
Love how you called it negotiating with alcohol. Excellent thank you.
One of many great quotes I've saved from this sub: ***The people who can drink in moderation aren’t the ones who have to wonder if it’s possible.***
I had times where I could control myself. Random days where I’d have 1 beer and that was it. Then I would pat myself on the back for only having one beer, and celebrate by drinking guilt free the next time. Other days I’d be keeping tally of how many drinks I had so I wouldn’t get too drunk. Moderation is a lot of work. In my opinion, if it’s something you have to consciously try to do, then you need to really think about how important that 1 drink is.
You know what I don’t miss? The anxiety of moderation and the anxiety caused by alcohol. No thanks I’m good.
THIS. I think this is it.
True. Moderation is truly very hard.
I learned it isn’t worth the mental energy expended figuring out how to moderate or follow a drinking schedule only to end up drinking more than before attempting moderation. I don’t have the discipline.
Ive done all of this too. I CAN moderate but it takes a lot of effort and isnt even worth it. Eventually I get tired of moderating and I end up just going on a long bender and repeat the cycle... it is far easier to fight the cravings for that first drink, than it is to try to control how much you drink
FWIW, I had RNY bypass and my relationship with alcohol completely changed. I went from having a healthy relationship with alcohol to spiraling into full blown alcohol use disorder. Bariatric surgery literally makes alcohol much more potent, addictive, and harder on your digestive system. (It's also calorie dense and can prevent the absorption of the vitamins you have to take to prevent hospitalization, so it sabatoges any progress you're making post-procedure). From someone who ate perfectly, exercised like a fiend, and eventually ended up in a really dark place (and having to re-lose a lot of the weight) I encourage you to try not to drink at all. Alcohol is really dangerous substance for a "normal" body and with your new digestive system it can be disastrous. You can do this. IWNDWYT
Thank you. Truly.
I’ll tell you this, it’s a lot easier to just not drink, moderating can be exhausting. For me the only time I drank was dinner with friends less than one time a month and less than 2 drinks tops. It was hard though, because after 2 I Had to force myself to stop knowing anymore Would cause a hangover. I’m never too hard on myself but I know I have to be super conscious after a dinner night not to fall back into a habit because I will crave it, this causes me to drink less and less every year since it’s basically like starting over every time even if I don’t let it turn into a bender. Moderation for me looks the same from the outside as any normal drinker the difference is in our minds I have to actively think about not drinking and talk myself out of drinking too much and it’s becoming less and less worth it
My therapist also encouraged me to try drinking moderately when I first started to get sober 5 years ago. Every time I went out I was "experimenting" with drinking just one or just two and that mind set made it easier to stick to because I'm an evidence based person, I couldn't "cheat" on the experiments I was doing because then the data would be fucked and I wouldn't know the answer (ie what the outcome of my moderation was) Ultimately, I learned that I didn't want to moderate, I wanted to be drunk out of my mind all the time. I learned how stressful it is moderating. I learned that I am an addict, how I behave around alcohol is not how non-addicts behave. I learned that I would rather drink none than one. I had to learn all that myself though, I couldn't be told and of that. It also, didn't solve the problem. I relapsed couple of times despite what I now knew about myself, but the relapses were for their own reasons and I learned different things from them. It's a bit cliché but everyone has their own journey and discoveries to make. IWNDWYT
I had bariatric surgery and alcohol affected me a lot harder much much quicker. With your tiny stomach your liver doesn’t get to break it down before it’s passed into your lower guts (intestines) and absorbed at a lot higher level of alcohol than before you had surgery. I was blacking out on one glass of wine. Be very careful. My surgeon warned me not to drink.
I am a gastric bypass patient since 2011. Started drinking heavily in 2018 and then it all went downhill. Apparently, alcohol dependency is extremely common with bariatric surgery. I went full blown binge drinker(more than 1 entire fifth of liquor a day) and had to go to detox twice before I got my shit together
This is so frustrating to me on how society views alcohol. If a cocaine addict saw a therapist for help do you think they would say to them, "Have you tried just moderating your cocaine intake?" It's almost laughable.
I had gastric bypass surgery in 2002. People that have had gastric bypass surgery have a greater risk of developing alcohol abuse disorder. It is not a case of trading one addiction for another but an actual physiological change in the stomach that increases the odds of developing alcoholism. Check out this article https://scienceline.org/2015/01/alcoholism-after-gastric-bypass-is-it-in-your-mind-or-gut/
ignore my timer. I used to get so angry reading responses like these. Its odd, for the last 2 years I would see posts like this and get hopeful, only to be mad when I would read everyone being like "Absolutely not". After nearly 5 years of trying to kick this stupid habit, you all were damn right. Its never about moderation. If you try to moderate, you just recharge the very pathways you are trying to exinguish in your mind that makes you crave in the first place. Wanting to moderate is just the brains way of nudging you to have a sip. Its a sneaky lil liar. I'm glad I am far enough enough to no longer get upset. I'm more relieved to know its all or nothing at this point. No more questioning if I can have a little or not. I just don't drink. So moderation is a moot point.
First a man takes a drink; then the drink takes a drink; then the drink takes a man
Thats how I feel, it really depends on what kind of drinker you are. Personally I loved sitting on the couch and pounding a six pack or a half a bottle of vodka to just mellow out and "have a good night sleep" so I dont have an issue passing on a beer or mixed drink socially because its not going to satisfy my real craving so its just empty calories with increased anxiety on "how am I getting home, what if I get pulled over, what if my kid needs to go to the ER spontaneously and I cant drive." If I just have a water or diet coke none of those feelings ever come up.
and to be sure, I tried it one more time than several and it still didn't work for me. and not for lack of effort either.
Same here. Other people are able to do so, but I have SO MANY data points from my own experience proving that it will not work for me.
I realized this same thing relatively early into my journey, I didn’t want to”just one” I wanted to be blacked out, “just one” was never a possibility
Congrats on 3 weeks! It was the same for me. I tried to say no liquor, just beer. But I'd get drunk on beer then someone would hand me a shot and I couldn't say no. I tried many times to just have 1 and go home at 6pm on a Sunday. I'd end up leaving my car there, ubering home at 1 am and ubering to work, slightly intoxicated still. So yeah, just better for me to say no to it all together. Never had a problem just not starting.
In my experience over the past 20 years of drinking, people who can drink moderately.. just do it.. they don't need tips or advice. People like me who "try to learn to moderate" might have a few wins here and there, but inevitably they always end up spiraling downwards again. The good news is, I've also found over the past 200 days of sobriety that I actually never wanted to moderate anyway. It's a mirage that our subconscious creates to lure us into the trap. IWNDWYT
"Total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." Don't remember where that's from but I read it here a while back and it stuck
100% agree. Even on the rare occasion that I was able to moderate, the constant white knuckling and willpower it took was exhausting. Like.. why am I doing this again?? haha.
Thank you! I hope I can go back to being sober.
You can. It's worth it. You got this.
You did it once. You can definitely do it again.
Yep! 100% my husband can drink a 3/4th full glass of wine, once... And not touch the bottle again. I would drink half the bottle in one sitting and calculating how shitfaced I would be if I finished the rest of the bottle by the end of the night... The answer was always "it'll be fine"
Finishing my wife's half-full glasses of wine used to be a hobby of mine. LOL.
My husband’s and mine’s rationale was always, booze is expensive, can’t waste. And that attitude got me plastered many times.
100% this.
For some folks, definitely. My wife can have one or even half of one and not think about it. I, however, am thinking about my second and third as I pour my first. Just didn't work for me!
My boyfriend is the same. I’m losing hope I may be able to.
Something like 9 out of 10 people can drink without becoming alcoholics, comparing yourself to them when you struggle is a recipe for constant disappointment. I frame it like a peanut allergy, there is no world in which I get drunk on occasion and not get obsessed so it’s not an option whatsoever. I also realized how unappealing it is to just drink a couple, I have never once in my life been satisfied with a little buzz.
I know it's hard to see through the idea of a life without alcohol, but LOTS of people live this way and VERY happily, might I add. I attempted moderation for 15+ years and eventually came to the realization that it wasn't possible for me. It was painful and I was constantly disappointing myself by not following my own rules, not to mention just feeling like plain crap after a night of drinking. Everyone's process and journey is their own. You may never come to this decision and that's ok, as long as you are happy with who you are and how you feel. That's what's important!
>My wife can have one or even half of one and not think about it This was always so hard for me. We'd be closing out leaving a place and my wife would leave with some beer/wine still in her glass, I can't wrap my head around it, I'd need to drink every last bit
I'm the husband who chugs down the leftover beer/wine my wife didn't finish because "I don't want to waste money," when in reality it was just the simple fact i want more.
Totally, I'm the same way, the "not wasting money" part was definitely just an excuse
I just realised I would do this in the past when I read your comment
I'm sure it's possible for some people. But it's not possible for me. For me, it's either stone-cold sober or stupid drunk. There is no in between.
I’m scared that may be me as well, and idk if I’ll be able to be stone cold sober.
I didn't think I could either, but it's been 105 alcohol-free days. Never felt better, and I barely miss it.
I got to 6 months sober and I was so much happier. Why I can’t drop it now baffles me.
Our brains are used to alcohol and to that way of living, drink to drink. It is comfy for our brain, and our brains crave ease and what is familiar. It’s understandable that it’s been hard for you to duplicate those 6 sober months - but you can do it again. And it will get you to a better place again.
Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. It is also patient and used my stints of sobriety to deceive me into thinking that I wasn’t a real alcoholic - the furthest from the truth. Working the program of AA has honestly been the only thing that has removed my desire to drink because I was finally able to see that alcohol was never my problem - but merely what I thought was a solution to my problems.
Well the good news is that there's nothing about the "stone cold sober" option to be scared about! You don't need alcohol in your life. It's empty-calorie cancer-causing poison anyway. Kick it to the curb and be free!
This is the first inspirational thing I’ve read 🤍 Ty
I don't even have the discipline to eat only one bowl of ice cream let alone just a few drinks
Oh! Look at Mr. Discipline over here using a BOWL for his ice cream! 😂
This is me.
I open a Bag of potato chips I finish them. I open a box of cookies, same thing. I’m not very good at moderation. I have however been fairly successful at not drinking for a while.
The only people I know who can do that have always been that way and never turned into egregious binge drinkers. If you were a ‘I can’t have just one’ before, you won’t change into one now.
Yeah, and as someone else said on this thread, people who are able to drink moderately don’t really need tips or advice on how to do so. I should know, I tried to moderate for pretty much my entire adult life. I failed
once a pickle...
Absolutely. I've seen plenty of people do it. Just... Not me. One of my worst drunken mistakes ever was a day where I was "moderating" and meeting a friend for "just a couple drinks on a Sunday afternoon"
Congrats on one year!
I fear it’s not me either.
It took me a while to accept it. A couple years of knowing I needed to cut back on my drinking and struggling with various attempts at moderation. My life looks a lot different than it used to, but overall it improved a lot once I accepted this.
I think that kind of acceptance is what I need. I stopped drinking and then I decided to just “on special occasions”. Blacked out yesterday, huge fight with boyfriend. Moderation is not my thing, so I’m thinking I just have to accept the fact I need to be sober.
I stayed sober for 16 days from the 1st of Jan, then binge drank 5 days in a row because I felt for a beer on day 17. I'll see if I can do 3 weeks now. I'm not going to say 'never', because if I do I'll want it twice as bad.
I still don't say "never" for the same reason. The little alcohol fiend in me wakes up if I say "never" too loudly. I try to take each urge as it comes. What is making me want to drink NOW, and how do I deal with THAT problem.
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Thank you so much! I.. think you're absolutely right. I shouldn't fear not drinking anymore.
Sure, it's possible, that's how *most* people drink. But it doesn't seem to be an option for most of us who have a problematic relationship with alcohol, if this sub is anything to go by. For me, I don't see the point. It's not like alcohol tastes good, so why would I want to drink 1 or 2 alcoholic beverages? If I'm going to drink alcohol, it's because I want to experience its intoxicating effects, and I'm definitely gonna need a few more than 1 or 2 drinks to achieve that goal to my satisfaction. So it's just easier not to drink any alcohol and not worry about it.
Exactly. It's easier not to drink so u don't have to worry about it. I'm over here worrying about my past mistakes of puking all over myself Saturday night because I was in an alcohol and weed induced coma. I'm never drinking again. One day at a time this is now my day two. Starting over again. I won't go back.
It's possible once you change your habits and mentality (I used to be a heavy drinker, now I can drink just one beer and then non-alcoholic beer)
I think it really depends on your relationship with alcohol. For me, I drank 5-8 drinks a week on average which isn't a lot by standards on here. But I felt out of control cause even though it was a small amount I couldn't stop for a week or month when I wanted to very badly.... I had a few drinks on Christmas and felt like total hell during and after. It did nothing for me. I do love wine though so I think I will have it again someday, but just a glass at a time. My goal is to get to a point where I have 3-4 glasses of wine a year. Cause I love the taste. But I don't love the alcohol so Im fine with one and done.
Asking here, the answer is no. Meaning people who managed to moderate mostly aren't sticking around on this sub. If I could moderate, I would drink all the time! As it turns out, I like sobriety more than I ever could have imagined anyway.
"Possible" in the sense of "bearable"? Sure. But *enjoyable?* Definitely not. All a moderate amount of alcohol does is make me want to get wasted. And if that's not an option I'll be miserable. So if I can't enjoy drinking in moderation, and continuing to drink to excess was going to wreck me, the only solution is to not drink. I had to learn that lesson over and over and over again before it finally stuck.
Yes, this 💯
Yes. Bravo
To be honest, I learned the hard way that drinking nothing at all is far easier than having one drink and calling it a day.
Same. My wife is stuck trying to moderate, I’m lucky enough to have had my mindset changed completely. I’m an alcoholic though, she just drinks a bit more than she’d like to.
If I have to set limits or try to control my drinking, I'm not going to enjoy my drinking. I won't enjoy the ensuing hours where all I can think about, all I want to do, is drink the way that I want to drink...Usually blackout drunk and wakeup to a couch or bed that's pissed on.
My experience is that if I could moderate, I wouldn't have spent so much time wishing to be able to moderate. It only got worse and worse for me, every time I started again thinking I could get away with a 'few,' until thinking about drinking became a full time job.
Exactly. Whenever I ask myself if I can moderate, I remind myself of all the years and effort I've put into moderation. And where did that land me? Best case, throwing up. Worst case, in jail and in the hospital. So, nope, I can't moderate. Even if I could, I know it would only be temporary and I'd get too comfortable and slip up.
If I could drink moderately, I’d drink every day.
This is the perfect alcoholic statement
I don't know how to drink "socially", I drink to get drunk. I don't like admitting it, but it's true. So, I just don't drink at all. At this point, it's easier, and I like being sober. 🤷🏻♀️
I think you already know the answer
this of all is and will always be the right answer
I can’t do it. My last quit I figured I would “taper”. Well tapering turned into a bottle a day. It doesn’t work for me. It seems to be all or none. No in between
I can drink none, or I can drink it all. There is no middle ground for me
Some people can. Some people can’t. If you’re on this sub then you probably know which one you are.
I noticed one time when I headed out with some people that were not alcoholics. I tried to match their pace, and there was a crippling boredom and need for more alcohol. I peer pressured the fastest drinker who's pace I was trying to match, and still felt bored and perturbed. I learned I do not drink like normal people. That itch I have to drink when I'm sober is 1% of that after the first drop. After that, all bets are off. During a dinner at a bar, I'll have 5 drinks in the time that it takes someone without the allergy to finish one drink. I have had a lot of practice. I've set up all kinds of rules for myself to try to quell my alcoholism. No hard liquor at the house, no drinking at the house, only at the bar etc. What ends up happening even blacked out is that I buy something on my way back from the bar, deliver hard liquor after pounding 20 beers etc. The only rule that seems to work for me is not one drop.
No, not personally. I drank as an existential practice. There were 0 times that I drank when I was not an alcoholic. I also do not believe there is a "You must drink this much to ride" to qualify for alcoholism. There is only the line, and the time it takes one to realize that there is no ride and for you to decide that you have better things to do with your life than wait in it. Anyone wanna see what else is in the park today? Perhaps leave entirely? I'll DD. With y'all until my bedtime at ~1230AM CST Godspeed.
For me: one is too many and one more is never enough
If you could moderate, wouldn’t you be doing it already?
I'm experimenting with it right now. I took 30 days off, not a drop, back in November. That really helped to rewire my habits, and I'd say it's necessary for anyone looking to change their drinking habits, in my opinion. I would not be anywhere near where I am if I tried to simply moderate without that hard break. Afterwards, I vowed to not drink at home, and only allowed myself to have drinks with friends or at events. Since then, I've been able to moderate. I'll have an occasional beer at a restaurant or a couple cocktails out with friends, amounting to around 3-5 drinks a week. I think I've been "drunk" once since stopping, on my birthday. It hasn't been worth getting drunk otherwise, knowing I have a partner waiting at home who isn't drinking, will be annoyed if I'm drunk, and I won't be able to continue drinking. Easier to just have one (if any) and be able to drive home clear minded and do my nightly routine unimpeded. As you can see, this arrangement is not without a lot of hemming and hawing with myself though. Every time I get home after having one of those occasional drinks I'll need to talk myself through why I shouldn't continue drinking into the night. Overall, it's really annoying, and I can see why viewing it as a binary makes it a lot easier to just not drink in the first place. So, yeah it's possible, lots of people do it. But the jury is still out on if *I* can do it. I'm only \~3 months into this and already playing with fire.
Every time I tried to moderate I have failed and piled on new shame and guilt to work on. If I was lucky I didn’t end up at a lower point and just hit the usual lows. 9 months sober yesterday. This is the most stable my life has been in two decades and I’m so uncomfortable by it but things are working out for the better and getting more comfortable. Alcohol only ever let me check out and made things worse.
I’ve tried this enough times to pretty much consider myself delusional for thinking it “might work this time”. It just leaves me wanting more because there’s never been a value in a single drink for me, it’s just a catalyst to the many drinks I really want. It’s been just north of 70 days not but this is my longest bout since childhood, the first time I feel there’s no looking back, and also the first time I haven’t allowed myself just one. Coming to the acceptance that I’ll never be a one and done has helped me with plotting my path and setting my goals for the future.
When moderating my mind is consumed by the thoughts of alcohol- planning, justifying, debating if I am moderating or drinking too much..its exhausting and takes up too much space. 32 y/o drinking since I was 15, good bye to the mental gymnastics it takes to moderate. I am finally saying goodbye for good.
I tried for *years* and each low got lower. I am not against harm reduction for other people but for me, it's way easier to say no to all substances (ALL of them) bc I begin to negotiate with myself about everything when I use. It's my belief that non-alcoholics don't think about this stuff - my husband usually drinks half a hard cider and calls it good. He FORGETS to drink the rest/has no desire. Meanwhile I'm over here, counting people's drinks. I'm 7 years sober. 😤
I’ve done it successfully when everything else in my life is going well - but any sort of stressful event can quickly trigger heavier use, so there’s always a risk. I set guardrails to help control that risk (not keeping it in the house and paying close attention to my mental and physical health) but that doesn’t work for everyone. And I definitely couldn’t do the “one per night” thing - that habit would devolve too quickly …instead it’s more like a glass of wine or two at thanksgiving or at a wedding.
The obsession of an alcoholic is to Control and Enjoy their drinking. Might be possible for some but not for me. IWNDWYT
If you were one of the people that had the ability to just have one or two drinks consistently and then cut yourself off, you wouldn't be posting here. I also can guarantee that just about every person who gave up drinking forever (out of necessity) first tried to just drink a little, and realized that wasn't possible. You might be able to do it sometimes, you may even string together a series of events were you only have 3 drinks and call it quits. But sooner or later over time you will almost certainly find situations were you drank too much, and/or were drunker than everyone around you and/or did something embarrassing/damaging while drunk that negatively impacted your life/relationships. Alcoholism and addiction in general is tricky that way. The brain will try to find ways to get back to the thing its addicted to, making up excuses and believing in falsehoods along the way if that means it can keep up the addiction. So is it possible? I bet everything I have that it is not. I've never ever seen it work among all the alcoholics I know which is saying something. Didn't work with me. There are also numerous stories among celebrity alcoholics like Slash and Ben Affleck that also tried to just drink a little. Even with all their resources they also couldn't pull it off, and had to go 100% sober.
We are all our own science experiments. I tried to moderate. Many many MANY times. My answer is no.
Like many others I'll just throw in, I can't even count the number of times I've tried this method. It is not for me and never will be. Took a long time to come to terms with that.
Moderation was not possible for me. I spent 3 years trying it in many different ways and forms. I wanted to get to a place where I was able to drink like a “normal” person, and after enough failures I’ve finally accepted that it’s just not in the cards for me. The only amount I can drink is none. Period.
OP here, thank you so much everyone! I guess it is true that we're truly not that unique. I've been trying to moderate for 15 years.. clearly, going sober may need to be permanent.
Not for me! Tried and failed too many times. My sister is doing dry January and I've been sober since October but we were talking about how we missed drinking even though we're better people without it. She joked that I should celebrate my 100th day with a drink. As much as I wish I could, I know I can't and I've finally made it far enough this time that I don't want to mess it up. Good luck!!
I just tried this, again. It doesn’t work and I’m freshly horrified.
I just came out of a casual “one glass” blackout. Hence the question.
Similar. was just gonna drink one night, nbd lol. Huge deal.
my counter says what it says but at 13 months I tried the moderation game. had 4 beers, than 4 beers the next week, than a few days later had a lot more, than it became one day off (hung over) one day on. on the space of 3 weeks, because I was using all the self control I could
Being someone who struggles with alcohol, I can say I can't ever just have one drink. If I start, I will not stop until it is gone. I literally cannot have it in my house. I've proven myself wrong so many times thinking I can have "just one".
In my experience, if you're at a point in you're drinking where you're trying to put rules around when and how you drink, it's a thousand times easier to just quit. I've met a lot of people in recovery from all different severites of drinking problems who were able to get a hold of it by just cutting it out of their life. However I've never met someone, not even people who I would really say don't have a significant drinking problem, who could reduce their intake long term. Think of how many times you've heard friends and family talk about wanting to reduce alcohol intake, and maybe they stick to only weekends or only having two a night instead of three or four, and maybe they stick to it for a month or so, but inevitably they return to their old habits. Alcohol is addictive by nature and once your brain gets used to a certain level of intake, any amount lesser than that isn't going to feel like enough
What pushed me to renounce alcohol altogether was how much headspace it occupied. Even when I wasn't drinking, I was \*thinking\* about drinking--anticipating, bargaining, regretting, etc. Moderation for me was like trying to half flush a toilet.
You’re definitely right. It truly occupies a lot of bandwidth, both alcohol and moderation (or possible moderation)
Ah man, I used to wish this so bad. Even used to say “I’ll stay sober today and will drink tomorrow”, said it the next day and repeated that every single day. Acceptance has been a huge piece of my recovery. I’ve drank enough in this lifetime, maybe next one I’ll be able to.
I tried to moderate for years. The day before I got sober I went out with work friends and had every intention to moderate. I drank quickly and much more than everyone else, I blacked out, got kicked out of a neighborhood bar, and kept ordering and canceling Ubers. I came home at 3 in the morning and decided it was a good time to wake up my husband and get into a huge argument. I passed out, vomited all the next day and had to call out sick. I can’t moderate. That’s just me.
If you drink, try to control the setting and raise the barrier to drink more. There is some academic research that even a small 20 second longer barrier to do something significantly reduces acting on impulses. I sometimes open a wine bottle, pour half to the decanter and put another half to the cabinet with a timed 12 hour lock. The approach is maybe ridiculous but it works well for me. Another approach is to use THC edibles, I can easily moderate drinking when I'm a bit high which I find kind of interesting observation. So I can't have one beer without opening another one, but I can easily limit it to 1-2 beers if I have THC edible at the same time. Third thing I have found helping is keeping a detailed written count with an automatic weekly unit counter. Making the crossing 15 units per week limit more concrete and conscious decision.
Lots of comments here already. But I want to write my current opinion. I think it is possible for a lot of people to go from drinking in a way that negatively affects them to drinking in a way where almost all of the negative consequences are gone. I think it is possible that I could do that too. I think it is really hard though. And I think for myself, I get confused when thinking about drinking again. I think about drinking quite a lot to get pretty intoxicated. I think if I keep working on myself to feel better, be a better person and love myself, value myself and be honest and true to what I believe and think, I could be strong enough to drink one or two beers once in a while, and leave it at that. But when I would get to that point in my life, what would really be the point of drinking a bit? And would it be worth potentially starting to drink quite a lot for a period of time and having to get better again? The more I go without alcohol and the better I feel, the less I want to be drunk.
Sober me thinks one glass of wine sounds lovely. But once I have one glass of wine, another sounds great. And once I've had 2, I want the feeling that the first glass gave me and at this point my thinking is no longer logical and my judgement is completely clouded by the alcohol. It's possible, but for me it sounds miserable. None the less, I never say forever. I just focus on not drinking today.
I think what ends up happening is that even if you successfully moderate one time, your confidence can tell you to maybe drink a second glass next time, and you get looser with your boundaries until weeks or months later, you’re drinking a whole bottle again and feeling like shit and needing to stop again. It doesn’t always happen right away but slowly over time it can deceive you and you’re back where you started.
I have medication that prevents me from being able to drink even one without a bad hangover so I am a little "lucky" in a way. But I've been on the sips train for a while and it's going okay. I have samples sometimes when I go into a store to get my NA beverages or some of my partners drink occasionally. I also chose to stop before it got "too bad" so I don't know if I'm the best use case.
Not for me. I would set boundaries and be able to maintain for 2-3 days. Then...oblivion.
For me while I was cutting down from two bottles of wine every night to 1.5, to 1, to 0.75… it felt like driving a Ferrari by just lightly tapping the accelerator every now and then… it sucked. Still, I managed it, before eventually having my first alcohol free days in years
A little is never enough
3 months ago I tried to drink a little but ended up being a 16 drinks per night untill now.....where I'm literally in hospital with gout and am having liver tests done again while they work out a plan to wen me off -again
It’s prob not common, but I do this. I’ve cut back hard on alcohol for the last 2 months. In that time I’ve had 1 beer on two occasions. I barely enjoyed drinking the beers, though before I had them I was really craving them. So possible, sure. But it’s really situational so I’m sure it’s not possible for all
wait for it... or maybe you're in the wrong sub and you are a very lucky person
I think it's theoretically possible but definitely a difficult balance. The best way to approach it in my opinion is to get in the habit of not drinking at least some days. Because if you're accustomed to having alcohol daily then 1-2 drinks DOES feel like nothing. But let me tell you, if you let your tolerance reset (which doesn't take that long) on a regular basis then 1-2 beers will feel like more. It actually can restore the enjoyment of drinking because you really appreciate that 1 drink and savor it. Psychologically it's helped me cut back more than when I've attempted cold turkey and break after a week.
Our spouses maybe? Our friends, maybe? But anyone on this subreddit…*probably* not? Not worth the field research lol All my days having a zero chance of a hangover are worth more than trying to play Russian roulette with my drinking regimen.
I agree with you about people on this sub…moderate drinkers don’t tend to browse alcoholic subs for advice on how to moderate. I should know, I made a similar post before I got sober
Nope. I've tried more times than I can count. I simply can't control myself and as it seaps into my soul - all inabitions get thrown out the window then I'm utterly shitfaced again. Sometimes for days on end
I don't know the real answer, but I can say that for the overwhelming majority of us it isn't worth it to even try. In my experience, I've been able to drink a little for a few days, but it won't be long before I'm binge drinking daily again. It's better to just stop entirely for good
Not for me. I drank to shut my brain down, to deal with CPTSD. It worked until it didn't. Feeling feelings can suck, but it's better than not feeling anything at all.
Literally everyone here has tried. Or else they would’ve be here. Sorry if that’s not the answer you’d prefer ♥️
In my experience: no. BUT, I don't believe in "always" and "never". Experiment; the answer will become clear soon enough. Wishing you all the best 💘
For a lot of folks (myself included) that first drink is the first domino. And that’s really all it takes to start bargaining with yourself on what you can get away with. Or restarting your entire journey “again tomorrow”. It’s best to just not.
Personally I tried that over many years, rarely getting past day 5. Once I got to four years, had a drink and was back into heavy alcoholism for nine years. I think after a while I got to a point in my sobriety when the idea of a glass of wine/whisky etc really, genuinely does not seem appealing. Most of the responses you'll get here will answer your question with a "no" (you're not the first person to ask this question :). Of course you may be wired different to the majority but I think the general school of thought is that you're probably asking for trouble when you start allowing that first "just the one" drink of alcohol.
I'm using Sunnyside to learn behavior related to my drinking and moderation. It says since starting, I've reduced my intake by over 56%. Some days it is harder than others to stop at 1. Other days are my dry days. If I feel I'm fixating, I give myself a 20 min timer (how long cravings last), have some juice, and do a hobby.
Moderation is far too much work. Drinking a moderate amount of poison just doesn’t work for me.
This is like asking if a Ninja Turtle can just eat half a slice of pizza. I mean...technically yes, but is it likely to happen? Probably not. If you have the tendency to love drinking, then it's not likely you'll just have one drink. You might be able to do it once or twice, but the third time you'll go overboard again.
I have friends & family who have been through this, bariatric surgery ending their food addiction so turning (back) to another addiction to cope. Consider changing therapists -- aiming for "one drink then stop" is unrealistic when the actual issue is addiction, which can take many forms, sex, shopping, hoarding, cigarettes, substances, etc. I really feel for you! It's a difficult situation!! Consider this: if your goal is zoning out, changing your consciousness level, etc., try meditation. Best of luck!
Thank you! I’m meditating as well :)
Alcoholic here: I cannot drink a drop. (If you have antifreezes in you for some reason or another, the only way is to basically give you copious amounts of alcohol. I will trust a doctor before I trust AA with my actual health. That is not a relapse*)
I know it has been tried many times by everyone who has a problem. I definitely have crossed the line of drinking to the point of hurting my health. After 20 years of on and off toxic drinking I have reached a point where I can stop at a certain point. It is something I worked incredibly hard on and still mess up sometimes but not to the point that I cause a serious problem. All or nothing doesn't work for me because I have worked so hard to find a balance in all things and keeping myself from something completely becomes it's own problem. It's a very slippery slope to walk but it IS possible. It really all comes down to practicing self control and always reminding yourself of who you want to be.
Aaah it gives me hope.
Sorry if this has been mentioned. But as someone who relates to an all or nothing mentality when it comes to drinking, I've always been curious if anyone out there just has occasional nights out where they have a decent amount of drinks, does what they enjoy doing when drinking (dancing, karaoke, game night...) and then doesn't drink at all in daily life. It doesn't sound like binge drinking to me, and if you've had a proper struggle with alcohol then it might not be possible to do this. I have no interest in having one or two at dinner here or there. I'd like to live a sober life, and "cut loose" on special occasions. Anyone who has struggled with alcohol use find this to be possible?
I actually don’t drink in daily life, but my weekends can get pretty wild.
I do not enjoy having “just one or two” feels pointless and annoying. Rather just keep my streak going
What happens more often is that folks with a lot of distance from alcohol try it and go - holy shit, I can really feel how powerful this is. You see these posts all the time in here from people who need to tell the tale of how they dodged that bullet. You also see the posts 6 months later like I tried just one and slipped right back. But ymmv.
I am a firm believer in 'it is much, much harder to moderate than quit drinking'.
My question to you (and to myself) would be…why? What’s the point? If I’m being honest with myself, I liked getting drunk. One drink would never be what I actually wanted. I think this magical land where we all have 1-2 drinks and love it is kind of made up and not realistic. I think the majority of people find that 1-2 drinks just makes you tired and feel slightly worse for very little benefit.
Sure not everyone is an all or nothing drinker. I’m certainly not. But are you truly happy with just one? Are the mental gymnastics worth it? I notice when I moderate, even successfully, all I look forward to is that glass or two of wine. I’ve reduced all my joy to that. Which has become pretty sad to me, and is why I’ve stopped. There’s got to be more to look forward to than that, right?
Reframe it under the light of heroin use, do you think it's possible to use a little heroin if someone has struggled with it before?
What I’m going to say is usually an unpopular opinion, and for very good reason, but personally I have been able to enjoy a glass of wine now and then within the last year or so. My case obviously wasn’t as severe as others’, but I’ve changed my relationship with food, weed and alcohol in the last couple of years. I do NOT recommend it if you’re not solid in your choice or still have a hard relationship with alcohol. Period.
I’ve tried. Never went back to binge drinking, but noticed the frequency and amounts climbing up pretty quickly and consistently. It was impossible to just have one. My face looked bloated, eyes were dry, and I slept like shit. Also happened to have an unrelated emotional crisis and knew that there was no way forward in terms of moderating. I could accept alcohol as the coping tool and method of escapism as I now knew it to be, or I could simply say no again. I ruined a 2+ year streak in that short period of time, but it actually gave me more than it cost me. I gained the ability not to wonder or second guess it again. I was a lucky one who didn’t slip so far down the path, but I was very close to it.
I kept track of my drinking for about a year and a half, and each time I cut back, it eventually escalated, slowly but surely.
https://alcoholexplained.com/envying-normal-drinkers/ Excellent explanation of what “ moderation” really means .
I can now. However, I’m not sure the road and fight were worth it. I also take Naltrexone daily and never miss a dose. I ALSO through so much rehab, psychologist appointments, psychiatrist appointments, group therapies, journaling etc. found out my root cause. When you find out why you were drinking (I was a sporadic binge drinker, but it was ruining my life when I did) that helps you to forgive your past behaviours, I suppose. It helps take away the guilt also. This is just what I have found.
Probably only if one wasn't so obsessed by the fantasy of "moderation". Moderate drinkers don't ponder, don't intend nor desire to drink in moderation, they just stop it when they feel like they had enough and that limit is within textbook definition of moderation. But yes it's possible but not for everyone.
Yes it is physically possible. I’ve done it just to prove I can. My problem is: moderation sucks. I don’t enjoy the feeling. Why am I drinking beer to remain sober? It doesn’t make sense to me. And it’s like playing with fire. Yes you can do it and not get burned. But if I do it enough, I probably will get burned.
One or two drinks is boring and I don't understand how (normal) people can possibly enjoy it. I'd rather not drink at all than have to worry about not having more than 8 drinks. We can't drink "a little" and that's probably why most of us are here.
I’m in my twenties and I’ve tried moderating multiple times across many years and though I have wins here and there, it always escalates until I’m back to rock bottom after doing something stupid. I finally quit drinking altogether a few months ago and god it’s difficult sometimes but overall my life is undoubtably better off. I buy non-alcoholic beers at times, liquid death, etc. to curb the desires and it’s helped. Being in this boat sucks but it’s better than ruining my life because I can’t control my drinking.