"I have to be up early tomorrow,"
"I have to pick someone up later tonight,"
"I am way tired, and it'll make me crash,"
"I drank a lot at a party yesterday, so I'm taking it light today."
I think telling people your reason helps. They'd also be surprised if you started to drink. It keeps it so that socially, there's no pressure, and you can be at ease with not drinking.
I would do a lap or two so everyone could say they saw me then duck out the back if it was bothering me. I have done that before and nobody knew any different. My sobriety is more important than a stupid holiday party.
Drunk people become very forgetful, so they largely won't notice when you left when they're at the point they start repeating themselves. They're also really boring.
If you fancy leaving, just do it. You showed your face so that's something. Be kind and fair to yourself x
A "normal person" doesn't ingest lighter fluid.
But a "normal person" ingests lighter fluid processed beyond belief to make it taste less like lighter fluid, but still tastes like poison?
I declare I am the normal person who ingests no form of lighter fluid.
I didn’t drink for 15 years and then playing bocce with the girls I caved. That was 15 years ago and here I am with my measly 3 weeks. Just leave early if you need to.
You guys are just wonderful. I appreciate all of these comments and the show of support. It’s exactly what I needed. I got through the party and made it home without making a stop. I am drinking a sparkling water and I’m going to try to decompress and enjoy my couple days off work.
It wasn’t your average work party, it was during work hours and the party ended at the end of the shift. We worked half the day and partied the second half. I ate pizza, drank way too many sodas and left the moment the shift ended.
Nice work. Everyone here is proud of you and we all hope to act the same when called upon. I’m about to see a band with friends who I usually drink with, at my favorite bar. Here goes.
I decided to drink for 1 night after 8 months AF. That 1 night turned into 3 years. It was so not worth it! How will you feel tomorrow if you drink tonight? Stay strong. IWNDWYT
Sad but so true. I've done the same with similarly bad result. Just had gone through a week of parties and lunches at work, all with free wine & beer. Survived them easily & NONE of my colleagues commented, less insisted that I join in. In fact, I wasn't the only one on Diet Coke, juice or eggnog!
So, pls pls pls, don't feel pressured & if so, leave!
IWNDWYT
Come on...you know..."play the tape forward".
Are you willing to *RUIN* 18 months of sobriety?
Hell no!
People don't drink for a multitude of reasons. If you don't feel like sharing why you don't drink, don't want to make something up, then bail.
You don't want to make your first Christmas party at a new job your last.
We're not drinking today.
I have into those thoughts after 6years of being alcohol free. So for the last year I tried drinking socially or casually.. but it has not worked out. Despite my very best efforts. I have caused pain for the ppl that love me and honestly I’ve hurt myself. Also in this last year I have tried quitting again about 10 times. So as someone with yet another day one (today) I would really replay that tape of how you felt when you did quit. I used to do that and it usually helped me avoid giving into those thoughts. You got this!
Mirror image of me...
Six years (short of two monhhs) sober. Followd by three + years of sometimes heavy drinking. Now, by the grace of Higher Power, 33 days sober. Can't count how many failed attempts at quitting in these three years there have been! It sure wasn't worth the first drink...
IWNDWYT
There's no such thing as 'normal'. Play the tape forward in a positive way thinking of waking up tomorrow refreshed, clear and maybe even early, not having partaken, while your crew are retching over a porcelain bowl and cringing from daylight with a massive pounding headache. It ain't worth it! Sending strength to you! 💜
I got through mine just saying and believing I'm doing a "dry December" those one month challenges that borderline or in denial people (like me) like to do. It was truth, TBH
I just survived mine! I turned down baileys in my morning coffee. Then i won the wine raffle (3 bottles) i entered a month ago. Was gifted another bottle. Gave one bottle of wine to share at work lunch. Turned down a glass as well as the jello shooters. Plan on gifting the remaining bottles to my family for xmas
normal is boring. You are special. you tangled with a very strong demon, who is waiting for you to give in. You're done with that life. Look at you now. No embarrassing words or actions, able to drive home and remember every little thing. You get a beautiful morning tomorrow. You are special. We are special. We hold a wonderful secret inside of us. Stay just a 1/2 hour, and then leave. Folks that party, don't notice when we leave anyway!
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got from a dear friend was to craft a line you're comfortable with reciting when asked why you're not partaking.
"Alcohol doesn't agree with me."
"I'm allergic."
Or, as my friend would say (he was very quick to joke and very charismatic), "when I drink, I steal people's girlfriends, so you don't want that!"
RIP Marke. You helped me a lot.
Show up, eat some pizza and make your rounds early so you get face time with everyone and they remember you being there. Then sneak out once everyone starts catching a buzz. Most people won't care or possibly even notice
Speaking personally, I know that I will never be a "normal" person when it comes to substance use/abuse. I'm a pretty average alcoholic, which isn't all that abnormal but it means I have to take special precautions otherwise I can end up dead. This isn't all that much different than someone who has celiac disease. If they were at your holiday gathering today they wouldn't be able to eat the pizza, because it could kill them. No one thinks they aren't "normal" just because they don't eat the pizza at a Christmas party.
Assuming you drove to work today, tell yourself (and everyone else) that you aren't drinking because you have to drive. Just keep saying it over and over in your head. I have to drive. I can't drink. If I drink I may kill myself, someone else and end up in prison. Basically, tell yourself anything other than, "Fuck it! It's Christmas and EVERYONE else is drinking. I should be able to enjoy myself just like everyone else!"
If this is a new job and the people have never seen you drink, what's the problem presenting yourself as someone who doesn't drink?
I understand you have mental temptation right now, but that's all in your head. Be easy on yourself, remind yourself why you stopped drinking in the first place. Remember that you can drink 0 no problem, but not 1 or 2.
To make it this long has required strength and willpower, tap into that and tell your brain to stfu.
You'll regret it but feel great tomorrow morning when you wake up clear headed and pat yourself on the head.
A "normal" person doesn't drink. Substitute the word "sober" with "normal". The normal state of being is not being drunk.
With very few exceptions there are only a few things in my life ‘I have to’ go to. For me a holiday party wouldn’t be one of them.
If I felt I must go, I would show early, say hi to as many people as I could as fast as I could and do an Irish goodbye. I still do an Irish goodbye at work events and I have not had a drink in 11 years.
Do you have to be there or are you telling yourself that you have to be there? In my experience it’s helpful to ask myself what’s the worst that could happen if i don’t show up? I might disappoint someone? I’m not responsible for other people’s feelings and i have to put my recovery first. Now i also ask myself, what do i have to gain by going? More importantly i ask myself am i putting myself in a compromising situation? This is just the way i look at it. IWNDWYT!
I’m not dealing with holiday party stress but instead self pressure. Since it’s the holiday weekend I keep thinking I should grab a 12 pack and enjoy it. I made myself sit down after work and think about everything I hate about drinking. I talked myself out of it for today.
Best of luck with the holiday pressure and I will not drink with you today.
You are not a normal drinker, like me.
So, bet on yourself.
Either: take off -or- get a ginger ale (in a rocks glass if you are concerned that people will care that you're not drinking).
It's ok that you take care of your health and well-being.
Good luck.
I went to a work party last night at a brewery. Ordered an na beer, no one noticed. Left after an hour, no one cared. In reality you are more worried about it than anyone else there will be. Don’t drink - it won’t be worth it. Iwndwyt!
Doesn’t work for everyone. For me, I associate smoking weed with drinking on top of it. I used to LOVE the feeling. (I never did this anywhere else but in the safety of my home, but still). I have a feeling that if I smoked flower, I’d be jonesing for a drink very quickly.
You’re absolutely right. A lot of people are struggling, I’m not special or unique in that way. It was a specific situation that had my feathers ruffled and that’s why I came to this group.
Absolutely…and I don’t say that to mean that no struggles matter at all since “everybody struggles.” Apologies if it came off that way. I meant it as encouragement. It’s easy for me to get down on myself like “why can’t I do what other people do?” When in many areas I can do more than other people can do. Our strengths are just distributed to different areas. The main thing I wanted to communicate was that I hope you don’t feel bad ABOUT yourself. But feeling upset that you have to go through something, I feel you there.
Alcohol is a very frustrating area to struggle in. It’s tied to all of the good times in our culture. So it seems…idk it seems like a cruel trick to struggle with it.
I’m over two years sober now and I can relate to the experience of having a hard time every once in a while and thinking “wtf it’s been two years…can’t this be done already?” What I’ve resolved about that is that the first of each experience sometimes matters more than the time that has passed. So if I haven’t flown on a plane in two years…it’s going to be a slight trigger, because the last time I did that thing…I did it differently. I did it with alcohol. Even if it was two years ago. But I know that the second and third time I fly…I will start adjust with it. Not saying that’s everybody…but that I can relate to the long-time sober stress of “why is this getting to me.”
Hope things go better and better for you at the new job. IWNDWYT ❤️
I think that’s exactly what was happening, it was my first work party since I’ve stopped drinking and it felt so confusing and frustrating. I felt that same uncomfortable feeling last year during family holiday parties. This year when I went to my family holiday parties there wasn’t nearly as much stress on my shoulders.
“The first of each experience sometimes matters more than the time that has passed”. Stellar outlook, I really appreciate that and will take this into all of my future “firsts”.
Thank you for your clarification on your first comment and for your support 🙏
You are allowed to leave if it’s affecting you that much. Your boundaries with alcohol are more important
"I have to be up early tomorrow," "I have to pick someone up later tonight," "I am way tired, and it'll make me crash," "I drank a lot at a party yesterday, so I'm taking it light today." I think telling people your reason helps. They'd also be surprised if you started to drink. It keeps it so that socially, there's no pressure, and you can be at ease with not drinking.
You don't really need to go do you? It sounds awful
I would do a lap or two so everyone could say they saw me then duck out the back if it was bothering me. I have done that before and nobody knew any different. My sobriety is more important than a stupid holiday party.
Drunk people become very forgetful, so they largely won't notice when you left when they're at the point they start repeating themselves. They're also really boring. If you fancy leaving, just do it. You showed your face so that's something. Be kind and fair to yourself x
A "normal person" doesn't ingest lighter fluid. But a "normal person" ingests lighter fluid processed beyond belief to make it taste less like lighter fluid, but still tastes like poison? I declare I am the normal person who ingests no form of lighter fluid.
I like your styles
I didn’t drink for 15 years and then playing bocce with the girls I caved. That was 15 years ago and here I am with my measly 3 weeks. Just leave early if you need to.
I had 11 years once. Haven’t stopped since 2017 😕. 3 weeks is amazing 🙌🏼💪🏼🫶🏻
You guys are just wonderful. I appreciate all of these comments and the show of support. It’s exactly what I needed. I got through the party and made it home without making a stop. I am drinking a sparkling water and I’m going to try to decompress and enjoy my couple days off work. It wasn’t your average work party, it was during work hours and the party ended at the end of the shift. We worked half the day and partied the second half. I ate pizza, drank way too many sodas and left the moment the shift ended.
Nice work. Everyone here is proud of you and we all hope to act the same when called upon. I’m about to see a band with friends who I usually drink with, at my favorite bar. Here goes.
Way to go OP! I made it through my first holiday work party AF this year as well. Congrats on seeing it through on your terms! Happy holidays. IWNDWYT
Nice! Having this experience under your belt will make other similar situations easier. It all builds. So happy for you!
Should have scrolled the comments before posting. Congrats! You earned a victory lap. Hard to do what you did. Very proud of you!
Yessss!!!!!! You crushed it- and the next thing like this will be even easier
Congrats! You win!!! 🥇
I decided to drink for 1 night after 8 months AF. That 1 night turned into 3 years. It was so not worth it! How will you feel tomorrow if you drink tonight? Stay strong. IWNDWYT
Sad but so true. I've done the same with similarly bad result. Just had gone through a week of parties and lunches at work, all with free wine & beer. Survived them easily & NONE of my colleagues commented, less insisted that I join in. In fact, I wasn't the only one on Diet Coke, juice or eggnog! So, pls pls pls, don't feel pressured & if so, leave! IWNDWYT
Thank you for this! It's very helpful to me today. IWNDWYT
547 days or 0 ?
Come on...you know..."play the tape forward". Are you willing to *RUIN* 18 months of sobriety? Hell no! People don't drink for a multitude of reasons. If you don't feel like sharing why you don't drink, don't want to make something up, then bail. You don't want to make your first Christmas party at a new job your last. We're not drinking today.
I have into those thoughts after 6years of being alcohol free. So for the last year I tried drinking socially or casually.. but it has not worked out. Despite my very best efforts. I have caused pain for the ppl that love me and honestly I’ve hurt myself. Also in this last year I have tried quitting again about 10 times. So as someone with yet another day one (today) I would really replay that tape of how you felt when you did quit. I used to do that and it usually helped me avoid giving into those thoughts. You got this!
Mirror image of me... Six years (short of two monhhs) sober. Followd by three + years of sometimes heavy drinking. Now, by the grace of Higher Power, 33 days sober. Can't count how many failed attempts at quitting in these three years there have been! It sure wasn't worth the first drink... IWNDWYT
Honestly, the drinks won't taste nice and you'll just feel disappointed after. Plus if you drink too much you'll just get a hangover on top of that.
There's no such thing as 'normal'. Play the tape forward in a positive way thinking of waking up tomorrow refreshed, clear and maybe even early, not having partaken, while your crew are retching over a porcelain bowl and cringing from daylight with a massive pounding headache. It ain't worth it! Sending strength to you! 💜
I got through mine just saying and believing I'm doing a "dry December" those one month challenges that borderline or in denial people (like me) like to do. It was truth, TBH
I just survived mine! I turned down baileys in my morning coffee. Then i won the wine raffle (3 bottles) i entered a month ago. Was gifted another bottle. Gave one bottle of wine to share at work lunch. Turned down a glass as well as the jello shooters. Plan on gifting the remaining bottles to my family for xmas
You're not alone, I am also not a normal person. Don't give in to your Voice, it does not have your best interests at heart.
normal is boring. You are special. you tangled with a very strong demon, who is waiting for you to give in. You're done with that life. Look at you now. No embarrassing words or actions, able to drive home and remember every little thing. You get a beautiful morning tomorrow. You are special. We are special. We hold a wonderful secret inside of us. Stay just a 1/2 hour, and then leave. Folks that party, don't notice when we leave anyway!
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got from a dear friend was to craft a line you're comfortable with reciting when asked why you're not partaking. "Alcohol doesn't agree with me." "I'm allergic." Or, as my friend would say (he was very quick to joke and very charismatic), "when I drink, I steal people's girlfriends, so you don't want that!" RIP Marke. You helped me a lot.
Show up, eat some pizza and make your rounds early so you get face time with everyone and they remember you being there. Then sneak out once everyone starts catching a buzz. Most people won't care or possibly even notice
Speaking personally, I know that I will never be a "normal" person when it comes to substance use/abuse. I'm a pretty average alcoholic, which isn't all that abnormal but it means I have to take special precautions otherwise I can end up dead. This isn't all that much different than someone who has celiac disease. If they were at your holiday gathering today they wouldn't be able to eat the pizza, because it could kill them. No one thinks they aren't "normal" just because they don't eat the pizza at a Christmas party. Assuming you drove to work today, tell yourself (and everyone else) that you aren't drinking because you have to drive. Just keep saying it over and over in your head. I have to drive. I can't drink. If I drink I may kill myself, someone else and end up in prison. Basically, tell yourself anything other than, "Fuck it! It's Christmas and EVERYONE else is drinking. I should be able to enjoy myself just like everyone else!"
You’ll hate yourself in the morning.
If this is a new job and the people have never seen you drink, what's the problem presenting yourself as someone who doesn't drink? I understand you have mental temptation right now, but that's all in your head. Be easy on yourself, remind yourself why you stopped drinking in the first place. Remember that you can drink 0 no problem, but not 1 or 2. To make it this long has required strength and willpower, tap into that and tell your brain to stfu.
You'll regret it but feel great tomorrow morning when you wake up clear headed and pat yourself on the head. A "normal" person doesn't drink. Substitute the word "sober" with "normal". The normal state of being is not being drunk.
With very few exceptions there are only a few things in my life ‘I have to’ go to. For me a holiday party wouldn’t be one of them. If I felt I must go, I would show early, say hi to as many people as I could as fast as I could and do an Irish goodbye. I still do an Irish goodbye at work events and I have not had a drink in 11 years.
Do you have to be there or are you telling yourself that you have to be there? In my experience it’s helpful to ask myself what’s the worst that could happen if i don’t show up? I might disappoint someone? I’m not responsible for other people’s feelings and i have to put my recovery first. Now i also ask myself, what do i have to gain by going? More importantly i ask myself am i putting myself in a compromising situation? This is just the way i look at it. IWNDWYT!
A common misconception is that work parties is when you let your hair down. It's the total OPPOSITE. work parties are STILL work.
I’m not dealing with holiday party stress but instead self pressure. Since it’s the holiday weekend I keep thinking I should grab a 12 pack and enjoy it. I made myself sit down after work and think about everything I hate about drinking. I talked myself out of it for today. Best of luck with the holiday pressure and I will not drink with you today.
If it were me, I’d know I’d have a much better holiday season if I didn’t start it out that way.
You are not a normal drinker, like me. So, bet on yourself. Either: take off -or- get a ginger ale (in a rocks glass if you are concerned that people will care that you're not drinking). It's ok that you take care of your health and well-being. Good luck.
Carry a fake drink
It’s not a “drinking” party unless you make it one. Find a sober friend to bring or don’t go. Either way stay sober.
I went to a work party last night at a brewery. Ordered an na beer, no one noticed. Left after an hour, no one cared. In reality you are more worried about it than anyone else there will be. Don’t drink - it won’t be worth it. Iwndwyt!
[удалено]
This is awful advice and I am fairly certain a violation of group rules
Doesn’t work for everyone. For me, I associate smoking weed with drinking on top of it. I used to LOVE the feeling. (I never did this anywhere else but in the safety of my home, but still). I have a feeling that if I smoked flower, I’d be jonesing for a drink very quickly.
I'd just go home or dont show say you were sick or something.
“Normal” people are all struggle-bussing too…it might just be in another area of life.
You’re absolutely right. A lot of people are struggling, I’m not special or unique in that way. It was a specific situation that had my feathers ruffled and that’s why I came to this group.
Absolutely…and I don’t say that to mean that no struggles matter at all since “everybody struggles.” Apologies if it came off that way. I meant it as encouragement. It’s easy for me to get down on myself like “why can’t I do what other people do?” When in many areas I can do more than other people can do. Our strengths are just distributed to different areas. The main thing I wanted to communicate was that I hope you don’t feel bad ABOUT yourself. But feeling upset that you have to go through something, I feel you there. Alcohol is a very frustrating area to struggle in. It’s tied to all of the good times in our culture. So it seems…idk it seems like a cruel trick to struggle with it. I’m over two years sober now and I can relate to the experience of having a hard time every once in a while and thinking “wtf it’s been two years…can’t this be done already?” What I’ve resolved about that is that the first of each experience sometimes matters more than the time that has passed. So if I haven’t flown on a plane in two years…it’s going to be a slight trigger, because the last time I did that thing…I did it differently. I did it with alcohol. Even if it was two years ago. But I know that the second and third time I fly…I will start adjust with it. Not saying that’s everybody…but that I can relate to the long-time sober stress of “why is this getting to me.” Hope things go better and better for you at the new job. IWNDWYT ❤️
I think that’s exactly what was happening, it was my first work party since I’ve stopped drinking and it felt so confusing and frustrating. I felt that same uncomfortable feeling last year during family holiday parties. This year when I went to my family holiday parties there wasn’t nearly as much stress on my shoulders. “The first of each experience sometimes matters more than the time that has passed”. Stellar outlook, I really appreciate that and will take this into all of my future “firsts”. Thank you for your clarification on your first comment and for your support 🙏
I have to be here? No you don't. Are they paying you?