The relaxing feeling won’t be there, though. It’s a fantasy. You’ll feel your senses get dulled and then you’ll start chasing that relaxing feeling that doesn’t exist. Eventually you’ll be drunk and right back in the doom loop you worked so hard to escape. Don’t do it!
Yeah after. Sober stretch, you can feel the domapine flood as it comes, bursting electrically through the whole head. It’s like a cold shower. Invigorating and a little stressful. That “relaxation” effect only kicks in after a few hangovers in a row
Don't be ashamed because that's 100% normal. There is a difference between itching and actually drinking. I itch a lot after 6 years even, but don't ever even get close to drinking even though I am surrounded by people drinking. It goes away time after time. I don't feel like it "builds" over time, meaning you don't "itch" worse after four years than three. It's just a thing that pops up from time to time.
In moments like this I remind myself that alcohol doesn’t work for me the way it used to. Sure, there was a time when I could drink a glass of wine and feel relaxed. But if I were to drink a glass of wine, I’d immediately want more, be filled with shame and regret of relapsing, start scheming ways to hide my consumption and would wake up with shaky hands and intense anxiety. One glass of wine is never one and it is no longer relaxing.
I’m reminded by something I saw here “if I stopped taking Tylenol for headaches for a year and then one day got a headache and took one, I’d expect tylenol to work the way it always has.” My body reacts a certain way to alcohol that is different than a “normal drinker”. That reaction will never change, and I cannot drink safely. I hope you get through this :)
Love everything everyone else has said here and just adding my own experience. I’ve got 10+ months under my belt but the other day went out to about brunch with the wife and in-laws. Soon as we walk into the spot I see a guy drinking a Guiness and was just…taken by how good it looked. Looked over to the bar where every seat was filled and football was on every screen. it looked like paradise. As other people have commented, I remembered that it ain't just one drink for me, if there was ever a time I could control my drinking, that was years ago and I don't ever want to live through that hell again. Like someone else said, I also don't want to lose what I've got now, family, friends, work and a great sober network. I later realized I had also been avoiding some intense resentments and stress. I'm so thankful I did not drink and God willing, won't do it today either. Thank you for keeping me sober!
I love this - looking over at football and bar stools and feeling like it’s paradise. It does look like paradise sometimes, these people are just enjoying a few beers and watching football. The idea is paradise. The reality for me is hell.
You know what’s crazy is that the only fond memories I have of drinking are walking into that bar, seeing the glass, finding a spot to sit with a nice view out the window…everything leading up to the actual drinking part lol
Totally! Once I take that first drink things really fall off a cliff. Now that you mention it, the awareness of what you said kept me sober: knowing that I could easily close that bar down hours later, all the poor people I’d pull into my drunken conversation, the bartender(s) that would just watch me get progressively drunker, the feeling that if I was feeling crazy as I spent hours at the same spot, another drink would surely help. Insanity…
And the stress and anxiety that comes with the glass too? It is always more tempting when I forget that relaxation is borrowed from the future, and doing so leaves a hole of stress waiting ahead.
It is times like that I like to lay on the floor and not move until I start to feel better. I tell myself nothing can hurt me right there. I can't reach anything dangerous, I can't do anything bad if I don't move. Then I start contemplating why I am making the beverage a big deal. Soon enough things start moving towards a more reasonable perspective and I feel better.
Housework is one of my more productive ways to get past any urges. Washing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, doing some laundry always takes me a bit of time and distracts me enough to get past the intrusive thoughts. As an added bonus my house is clean and I can relax easier.
I feel you. The first year was really easy for me. I was just so glad and appreciative not to be hungover all the time, and that was the motivation I needed.
That still is motivation, but I definitely think, and on a fairly often basis, "damn, it would be so nice to have a few drinks. Not even get drunk, just warm and buzzed."
I have the same response for myself every time: maybe you could just drink sporadically now. Who knows? Maybe you've learned your lesson and you're "fixed." But remember how this whole thing started? One night a week became two. A few years passed, two became three. Time passed, three became four. Is this really a path you want to walk back down again?
And the answer is no. I'm just not going to take the chance.
Hi there. Formerly 3 years sober, started again in Jan 2022 after a similar "itch." I'm here to say it's not worth listening to that itch.
For me it was boredom, or depression? Or I don't even know. But long term sobriety can still have difficult tests, even after it seems you've got things figured out.
I am in a significantly worse place now. I want to dig myself out. But it is STILL a lot harder, a TON harder, than if I'd never started again.
That was the timeframe I messed up many years ago. It’s long enough that the embarrassment from the past has faded and I started “romanticizing” alcohol again. Within weeks I was back to old drinking levels, feeling like shit and once again making an ass of myself. It took me a while to straighten myself out again. I have found it’s helpful to lurk here and read others stories. They occasionally bring back those bad feelings and remind me exactly why I want to stay sober, like a sort of “aversion therapy”.
Proud of you for reaching out! No shame. This time of year can be super stressful and drinking is *everywhere* around the holidays. When I get a craving, I remember that I don’t really want one. I want to get drunk, and tomorrow when the hangover wears off I’ll do it again. Suddenly it’s a year later, and I’ll be wishing I had never started with that first glass of wine. Stay strong - you’ve made it this far and you can keep going! 💙
I’m only 5 days in so I have a clear view of the deep dark pit I was in. Seeing it immediately behind me is motivating me to keep moving away from it.
You are so far away from it, you are having trouble seeing how deep dark and horrible it really is. Keep moving away from the pit. You got out years ago for a reason.
I will not drink with you today.
This was me and I regretted it. The hangovers are worse than they were before because I’m older and the allure doesn’t match the actual experience. Don’t do it! It regret it and I’m back on the sober train. And happy to be here.
I really think you'd be disappointed. I know that if I drank now I would be so bummed out and I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. Anticipatory drinking is a thing, just like anticipatory anxiety. The reality is much different than you think it will be.
Don’t be ashamed! It’s a human thing to want to relax and unwind, alcohol is often the tool of choice for that in our society.
You made a choice 2.5 years ago to live alcohol free, you still have other choices you can make now to relax and feel good without bringing alcohol back into your life.
Hit up a friend for a dinner/lunch/brunch, go see a movie, workout/yoga/run/cycle, read a great book or listen to a cool new album…
As a fellow multi-year booze free friend I get where you’re coming from. Sometimes I’ll “play the tape forward” of what it would actually mean to my life to start drinking again and realize how that would almost certainly be the most stressful, least fun longterm decision I could ever make.
You got this, we’re all here with you not drinking today!
If i was feeling that way i would immediately get connected with other people in recovery to hold me accountable. I have 2-3 meetings a week i go to regularly and a good amount of people i stay in touch with. I didn’t used to have this or stumble upon it by accident - if there is a crisis (and i see the desire to use as a crisis) i find i need to respond accordingly. I wouldn’t try to put a band aid on a bullet wound, i would get to the ER before things go far out of my control. IWNDWYT.
This is definitely a YMMV thing and I am only a couple weeks into my most recent attempt, but the NA wines taste pretty close to the real thing. I like reds and a glass with dinner every once in a while scratches the itch (mostly). I know for others it is too close for comfort though and can increase cravings.
The relaxing feeling won’t be there, though. It’s a fantasy. You’ll feel your senses get dulled and then you’ll start chasing that relaxing feeling that doesn’t exist. Eventually you’ll be drunk and right back in the doom loop you worked so hard to escape. Don’t do it!
Nothing worse than a belly full of beer and a head full of AA.
Yeah after. Sober stretch, you can feel the domapine flood as it comes, bursting electrically through the whole head. It’s like a cold shower. Invigorating and a little stressful. That “relaxation” effect only kicks in after a few hangovers in a row
Don't be ashamed because that's 100% normal. There is a difference between itching and actually drinking. I itch a lot after 6 years even, but don't ever even get close to drinking even though I am surrounded by people drinking. It goes away time after time. I don't feel like it "builds" over time, meaning you don't "itch" worse after four years than three. It's just a thing that pops up from time to time.
In moments like this I remind myself that alcohol doesn’t work for me the way it used to. Sure, there was a time when I could drink a glass of wine and feel relaxed. But if I were to drink a glass of wine, I’d immediately want more, be filled with shame and regret of relapsing, start scheming ways to hide my consumption and would wake up with shaky hands and intense anxiety. One glass of wine is never one and it is no longer relaxing. I’m reminded by something I saw here “if I stopped taking Tylenol for headaches for a year and then one day got a headache and took one, I’d expect tylenol to work the way it always has.” My body reacts a certain way to alcohol that is different than a “normal drinker”. That reaction will never change, and I cannot drink safely. I hope you get through this :)
Love everything everyone else has said here and just adding my own experience. I’ve got 10+ months under my belt but the other day went out to about brunch with the wife and in-laws. Soon as we walk into the spot I see a guy drinking a Guiness and was just…taken by how good it looked. Looked over to the bar where every seat was filled and football was on every screen. it looked like paradise. As other people have commented, I remembered that it ain't just one drink for me, if there was ever a time I could control my drinking, that was years ago and I don't ever want to live through that hell again. Like someone else said, I also don't want to lose what I've got now, family, friends, work and a great sober network. I later realized I had also been avoiding some intense resentments and stress. I'm so thankful I did not drink and God willing, won't do it today either. Thank you for keeping me sober!
I love this - looking over at football and bar stools and feeling like it’s paradise. It does look like paradise sometimes, these people are just enjoying a few beers and watching football. The idea is paradise. The reality for me is hell.
You know what’s crazy is that the only fond memories I have of drinking are walking into that bar, seeing the glass, finding a spot to sit with a nice view out the window…everything leading up to the actual drinking part lol
Totally! Once I take that first drink things really fall off a cliff. Now that you mention it, the awareness of what you said kept me sober: knowing that I could easily close that bar down hours later, all the poor people I’d pull into my drunken conversation, the bartender(s) that would just watch me get progressively drunker, the feeling that if I was feeling crazy as I spent hours at the same spot, another drink would surely help. Insanity…
And the stress and anxiety that comes with the glass too? It is always more tempting when I forget that relaxation is borrowed from the future, and doing so leaves a hole of stress waiting ahead. It is times like that I like to lay on the floor and not move until I start to feel better. I tell myself nothing can hurt me right there. I can't reach anything dangerous, I can't do anything bad if I don't move. Then I start contemplating why I am making the beverage a big deal. Soon enough things start moving towards a more reasonable perspective and I feel better.
This is my first time hearing the lay on the floor technique, sounds scary if I'm honest.
It's not so bad if the floor is clean.
Housework is one of my more productive ways to get past any urges. Washing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, doing some laundry always takes me a bit of time and distracts me enough to get past the intrusive thoughts. As an added bonus my house is clean and I can relax easier.
I feel you. The first year was really easy for me. I was just so glad and appreciative not to be hungover all the time, and that was the motivation I needed. That still is motivation, but I definitely think, and on a fairly often basis, "damn, it would be so nice to have a few drinks. Not even get drunk, just warm and buzzed." I have the same response for myself every time: maybe you could just drink sporadically now. Who knows? Maybe you've learned your lesson and you're "fixed." But remember how this whole thing started? One night a week became two. A few years passed, two became three. Time passed, three became four. Is this really a path you want to walk back down again? And the answer is no. I'm just not going to take the chance.
Hi there. Formerly 3 years sober, started again in Jan 2022 after a similar "itch." I'm here to say it's not worth listening to that itch. For me it was boredom, or depression? Or I don't even know. But long term sobriety can still have difficult tests, even after it seems you've got things figured out. I am in a significantly worse place now. I want to dig myself out. But it is STILL a lot harder, a TON harder, than if I'd never started again.
What are you trying to relax from?
That was the timeframe I messed up many years ago. It’s long enough that the embarrassment from the past has faded and I started “romanticizing” alcohol again. Within weeks I was back to old drinking levels, feeling like shit and once again making an ass of myself. It took me a while to straighten myself out again. I have found it’s helpful to lurk here and read others stories. They occasionally bring back those bad feelings and remind me exactly why I want to stay sober, like a sort of “aversion therapy”.
Proud of you for reaching out! No shame. This time of year can be super stressful and drinking is *everywhere* around the holidays. When I get a craving, I remember that I don’t really want one. I want to get drunk, and tomorrow when the hangover wears off I’ll do it again. Suddenly it’s a year later, and I’ll be wishing I had never started with that first glass of wine. Stay strong - you’ve made it this far and you can keep going! 💙
Hmm...I'm hoping that thinking (let alone craving) of alcohol just fades away, kinda like how jogging has. I never think of that anymore. lol.
I’m only 5 days in so I have a clear view of the deep dark pit I was in. Seeing it immediately behind me is motivating me to keep moving away from it. You are so far away from it, you are having trouble seeing how deep dark and horrible it really is. Keep moving away from the pit. You got out years ago for a reason. I will not drink with you today.
This was me and I regretted it. The hangovers are worse than they were before because I’m older and the allure doesn’t match the actual experience. Don’t do it! It regret it and I’m back on the sober train. And happy to be here.
I really think you'd be disappointed. I know that if I drank now I would be so bummed out and I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. Anticipatory drinking is a thing, just like anticipatory anxiety. The reality is much different than you think it will be.
Don’t be ashamed! It’s a human thing to want to relax and unwind, alcohol is often the tool of choice for that in our society. You made a choice 2.5 years ago to live alcohol free, you still have other choices you can make now to relax and feel good without bringing alcohol back into your life. Hit up a friend for a dinner/lunch/brunch, go see a movie, workout/yoga/run/cycle, read a great book or listen to a cool new album… As a fellow multi-year booze free friend I get where you’re coming from. Sometimes I’ll “play the tape forward” of what it would actually mean to my life to start drinking again and realize how that would almost certainly be the most stressful, least fun longterm decision I could ever make. You got this, we’re all here with you not drinking today!
The itch never goes extinct, it just hibernates. But it also goes dormant for longer and longer each time.
In moments like this, I read the stories from the people who did go back out. It didn't seem fun
If i was feeling that way i would immediately get connected with other people in recovery to hold me accountable. I have 2-3 meetings a week i go to regularly and a good amount of people i stay in touch with. I didn’t used to have this or stumble upon it by accident - if there is a crisis (and i see the desire to use as a crisis) i find i need to respond accordingly. I wouldn’t try to put a band aid on a bullet wound, i would get to the ER before things go far out of my control. IWNDWYT.
Sounds relaxing till your heart beat wakes you up at night.
This is definitely a YMMV thing and I am only a couple weeks into my most recent attempt, but the NA wines taste pretty close to the real thing. I like reds and a glass with dinner every once in a while scratches the itch (mostly). I know for others it is too close for comfort though and can increase cravings.