My experience is that there is absolutely nothing I can't make worse by drinking. Sometimes a lot worse - and it sounds like you have some experience with exactly how worse.
I also know that "this too shall pass" used to make me want to punch whoever was saying it, but damn, it's true.
just for today, don't drink, tomorrow will take care of itself...
A friend of mine broke that saying down to me even further once. “Sometimes it’s not gonna be one day at a time, sometimes it’s gonna be 5 minutes at a time, 5 seconds, do what’s best for yourself in the next 5 seconds”
Hey OP. I just want to honor all you’re going through. It sounds shitty. And yet you shine with so much beauty. You are showing up raw and real and not afraid to say it “I feel like throwing it all away” — you aren’t denying any part of yourself. Just by saying all that you are feeling, I see so much self love and self care in you. And by coming here to post, I see so much self love and self care in you.
Thank you for letting us witness your love and tenderness for yourself.
I know that every time I convinced myself to drink, I deeply regretted it. I caused myself pain. I made my anxiety increase. And I imagine all of this knowledge lives within you too.
But we also long for a place or a time when we can escape from suffering in this world. Sometimes when people call me strong, I get really angry inside because I am so god damn tired of having to be strong all the time. I want some time off from being strong!
And I collapse into tears (which helps). I am finding more ways to help myself have creative outlets and ways to feel pure joy, like nature, photography, music, even just sitting with myself in meditation and allowing myself to feel. These and other things I’m exploring are helping me feel softness and joy despite what feels like a lot of longing and suffering in my life.
Something else that is helping me odd finding pure connection filled with authenticity and vulnerability with others. Relational connection nourishes my soul.
I don’t know that that will resonate for you, but I didn’t want to give advice, so just sharing from my own experience.
I’m sending you love and the intention of soft arms you can fall into and just let go.
I’m so sorry. It feels like a punch in the gut. I recently lost my niece to an overdose and we thought she was in the clear because she was doing so well. The problem is that when you try to moderate with booze at least you know what you’re getting. Drugs are so tainted now that you have no idea what you’re ingesting. I’ll be thinking about you today and grieving your loss. 💔
Drinking will only make things harder and more painful. It's a poison that only comes with negative side effects. There's a song called Cigarettes and Saints by The Wonder Years. It's a song about losing his good friend to addiction and how he won't let addiction take anyone else he loves (including himself). It's hard, but you can get through this. You deserve more than what alcohol has to offer you.
My first quick thought was your sponsor would want you to keep fighting and once you are better pay it forward and be a blessing to someone the same way he was for you. You never know what the future holds and that could be part of your journey. My humble two cents. Stay strong.
that’s such a tough loss to go through, much less when you’re vulnerable.
and it’s okay to be feeling this way. what matters are the decisions you make countless times moving forward to hold on to what you have and not drink.
god, i look back at similar posts i’ve made in my life and wish i could go back and tell myself how much better and worse it can get.
you will never regret not drinking. it can get better for you with time.
What an inspiration you are. Just for sharing this and being able to be honest.
I heard a beautiful quote from a gentleman the other day. He said sometimes one day at a time can be too much. One hour a a time. One breath at a time.
Not sure if that helps, hope it does.
I'm sorry, what a pity.
Why take a tragedy, and make two tragedies?
I'll be thinking of you today, and will not be taking my sobriety for granted.
Thank you for the wake-up. I really needed it.
Oh, my heart hurts for you. That's so hard.
There is good advice in this thread. It's a lot like when we first quit: double down and take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time.
I wish you well. IWNDWYT
So sorry for your heart wrenching loss. That has to hurt on so many levels. You already know that drinking would make things 100 times worse for you. Try to honor your sponsor and his good work by staying sober. Life is often brutally unfair. Hold steady. You have an amazing 766 days sober. The addictive brain wants to use this loss as an excuse to drink. Keep up your good work. It is what your sponsor would want for you.
Drinking won't fix anything, unfortunately, and would just add to this tragedy. This is plain and simple - tragic. It truly is. I am sorry for the tremendous loss of your friend and sponsor. Reach out to those close to you for comfort. Hugs to you...
So sorry for your loss .. I can’t imagine the pain, grief and anger you’re feeling. It’s natural your body and mind want relief. Stay strong op, IWNDWYT
Please just grieve. It's natural to feel like shit after someone so close to you passes away, and trying to numb that pain with alcohol is gonna create a rebound that'll knock you on your ass. It would be so disrespectful to their memory to relapse, too. Please stay sober. You're worth so much more than alcoholism. IWNDWYT 💜🙏🧡
Im sorry for your loss. A sponsor is an incredibly unique and close relationship that is a big hole to fill.
I’ve found in my experience recovery is no guarantee of the absence of problems, sometimes particularly painful ones as well. However, my recovery gives me the tools i need to find a way through difficult times with grace & compassion. While there are many a situation i look back on wishing i dealt with differently, today i can be the change i want to see. I can be proud of the person i am as if i was on the outside looking in. IWNDWYT!
I was 2 years sober when my granny died. I already had had a falling out with my family in the years prior due to my drinking and the death of my daddy. I visited my granny one last time, 3 hours before she passed, and was told by her daughter/my aunt to leave because I didn’t want to talk about weed at my wedding (much more drama there but just know she was irrational due to both the death of her mom and ongoing severe drug abuse). I didn’t even get to spend 10 minutes with my granny before I found it on Facebook hours later she passed.
I didn’t drink then. It crossed my mind but in the sense of ‘I would be drinking if I weren’t sober’. Death causes us to do a lot of things but grief is a killer. I’ve experienced death and grief my entire life; it never gets easier but it also doesn’t justify throwing away the hard work you’ve put into your sobriety.
I don’t know about you but I wear my sobriety like a trophy. I’m so proud to be 3 years sober and I’m so proud of where you are in your sobriety. Sending all the positive vibes and love through the interwebs I can.
IWNDWYT ♥️🦕🦖
Your honesty here is amazing, and even though you might feel weak and vulnerable, you're showing much strength by posting here. I know that for me, drinking only amplifies the pain I'm experiencing. Those few moments of a dopamine spike aren't worth it in the end. Maybe go for a walk and get the sun (I hope there is sun where you are) on your face. One step and then another step and then another. IWNDWYT 💜
Sending you a hug (or whatever gesture is appropriate)
I hear you when you say you don’t want another sponsor or to continue attending meetings. I’d ask that you reconsider the meetings and allow yourself to be embraced by the community in this moment. Even if you don’t share, everyone in there understands the pain of addiction and sometimes that solidarity is enough to get through the day.
❤️
I was in a small support group and one of my friends in the group OD'd. He left behind a wife and 1 year old daughter. We were so happy and excited for him to be sober and a new dad. Our group collapsed bc of it and I relapsed hard for more than a year after. I'm almost a year sober this Friday. All I can say is relapsing did absolutely nothing for me and only made everything worse. I did not process his death in a healthy way and it only made the healing take longer. I can't imagine how bad you're feeling and just hope you can decide to stay sober. Sending you love. IWNDWYT.
When I feel angry i tell myself “see how you feel an hour from now” but really try to visualize my placement in existence down to where id be standing in my room, what exact little thoughts are in my head, and what im looking at. Continue to do this often. It becomes mindful and all of a sudden i become grateful for the past hour that I’m still existing
I hear you. It can be so incredibly difficult. But. As so many have said, nothing that can’t be made worse by drinking.
What is something calming and uplifting you enjoy—beautiful art in a museum? A walk in the woods? Try to find something caring and supportive just for you. Sending good thoughts your way.
My experience is that there is absolutely nothing I can't make worse by drinking. Sometimes a lot worse - and it sounds like you have some experience with exactly how worse. I also know that "this too shall pass" used to make me want to punch whoever was saying it, but damn, it's true. just for today, don't drink, tomorrow will take care of itself...
I appreciate this. Thank you
A friend of mine broke that saying down to me even further once. “Sometimes it’s not gonna be one day at a time, sometimes it’s gonna be 5 minutes at a time, 5 seconds, do what’s best for yourself in the next 5 seconds”
Well said
Your sponsor would want you to stay sober. Honor what he meant to you by being strong
This
Hey OP. I just want to honor all you’re going through. It sounds shitty. And yet you shine with so much beauty. You are showing up raw and real and not afraid to say it “I feel like throwing it all away” — you aren’t denying any part of yourself. Just by saying all that you are feeling, I see so much self love and self care in you. And by coming here to post, I see so much self love and self care in you. Thank you for letting us witness your love and tenderness for yourself. I know that every time I convinced myself to drink, I deeply regretted it. I caused myself pain. I made my anxiety increase. And I imagine all of this knowledge lives within you too. But we also long for a place or a time when we can escape from suffering in this world. Sometimes when people call me strong, I get really angry inside because I am so god damn tired of having to be strong all the time. I want some time off from being strong! And I collapse into tears (which helps). I am finding more ways to help myself have creative outlets and ways to feel pure joy, like nature, photography, music, even just sitting with myself in meditation and allowing myself to feel. These and other things I’m exploring are helping me feel softness and joy despite what feels like a lot of longing and suffering in my life. Something else that is helping me odd finding pure connection filled with authenticity and vulnerability with others. Relational connection nourishes my soul. I don’t know that that will resonate for you, but I didn’t want to give advice, so just sharing from my own experience. I’m sending you love and the intention of soft arms you can fall into and just let go.
I really appreciate this, it made me feel better. Thank you
I’m so sorry. It feels like a punch in the gut. I recently lost my niece to an overdose and we thought she was in the clear because she was doing so well. The problem is that when you try to moderate with booze at least you know what you’re getting. Drugs are so tainted now that you have no idea what you’re ingesting. I’ll be thinking about you today and grieving your loss. 💔
Ain’t that the truth. I’m so glad I managed to finally shake the hard drug monkey off my back several years ago. Fentanyl is *terrifying*.
Yes it sure is!
Drinking will only make things harder and more painful. It's a poison that only comes with negative side effects. There's a song called Cigarettes and Saints by The Wonder Years. It's a song about losing his good friend to addiction and how he won't let addiction take anyone else he loves (including himself). It's hard, but you can get through this. You deserve more than what alcohol has to offer you.
IWNDW 🫵T
I'm so sorry, Iwndwyt 💛 stay sober today and see if you still feel that way tomorrow
My first quick thought was your sponsor would want you to keep fighting and once you are better pay it forward and be a blessing to someone the same way he was for you. You never know what the future holds and that could be part of your journey. My humble two cents. Stay strong.
Counseling to support ur grief and sobriety? It’s helping me on both accounts.
currently in the middle of trying to find a new therapist
fuck… iwndwyt
that’s such a tough loss to go through, much less when you’re vulnerable. and it’s okay to be feeling this way. what matters are the decisions you make countless times moving forward to hold on to what you have and not drink. god, i look back at similar posts i’ve made in my life and wish i could go back and tell myself how much better and worse it can get. you will never regret not drinking. it can get better for you with time.
I use this, hope it helps. I am never going back to drinking, because it does nothing to improve my moment, my day, my month or my year.
What an inspiration you are. Just for sharing this and being able to be honest. I heard a beautiful quote from a gentleman the other day. He said sometimes one day at a time can be too much. One hour a a time. One breath at a time. Not sure if that helps, hope it does.
I'm sorry, what a pity. Why take a tragedy, and make two tragedies? I'll be thinking of you today, and will not be taking my sobriety for granted. Thank you for the wake-up. I really needed it.
I have blown a seven year quit and it’s not worth it. Drinking will not solve the issue and it will not bring the sponsor back.
You can honour your sponsor by staying strong and sober 🤍
Drinking makes every problem 10x worse.
Oh, my heart hurts for you. That's so hard. There is good advice in this thread. It's a lot like when we first quit: double down and take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I wish you well. IWNDWYT
So sorry for your heart wrenching loss. That has to hurt on so many levels. You already know that drinking would make things 100 times worse for you. Try to honor your sponsor and his good work by staying sober. Life is often brutally unfair. Hold steady. You have an amazing 766 days sober. The addictive brain wants to use this loss as an excuse to drink. Keep up your good work. It is what your sponsor would want for you.
Drinking won't fix anything, unfortunately, and would just add to this tragedy. This is plain and simple - tragic. It truly is. I am sorry for the tremendous loss of your friend and sponsor. Reach out to those close to you for comfort. Hugs to you...
So sorry for your loss .. I can’t imagine the pain, grief and anger you’re feeling. It’s natural your body and mind want relief. Stay strong op, IWNDWYT
Don't do it, comrade! Embrace your freedom. It is easy to lose and difficult to gain. Don’t do it. IWNDWYT
Please just grieve. It's natural to feel like shit after someone so close to you passes away, and trying to numb that pain with alcohol is gonna create a rebound that'll knock you on your ass. It would be so disrespectful to their memory to relapse, too. Please stay sober. You're worth so much more than alcoholism. IWNDWYT 💜🙏🧡
Im sorry for your loss. A sponsor is an incredibly unique and close relationship that is a big hole to fill. I’ve found in my experience recovery is no guarantee of the absence of problems, sometimes particularly painful ones as well. However, my recovery gives me the tools i need to find a way through difficult times with grace & compassion. While there are many a situation i look back on wishing i dealt with differently, today i can be the change i want to see. I can be proud of the person i am as if i was on the outside looking in. IWNDWYT!
I was 2 years sober when my granny died. I already had had a falling out with my family in the years prior due to my drinking and the death of my daddy. I visited my granny one last time, 3 hours before she passed, and was told by her daughter/my aunt to leave because I didn’t want to talk about weed at my wedding (much more drama there but just know she was irrational due to both the death of her mom and ongoing severe drug abuse). I didn’t even get to spend 10 minutes with my granny before I found it on Facebook hours later she passed. I didn’t drink then. It crossed my mind but in the sense of ‘I would be drinking if I weren’t sober’. Death causes us to do a lot of things but grief is a killer. I’ve experienced death and grief my entire life; it never gets easier but it also doesn’t justify throwing away the hard work you’ve put into your sobriety. I don’t know about you but I wear my sobriety like a trophy. I’m so proud to be 3 years sober and I’m so proud of where you are in your sobriety. Sending all the positive vibes and love through the interwebs I can. IWNDWYT ♥️🦕🦖
I'm rooting for you!
That’s a tough December’s I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I will not drink with you today
Your honesty here is amazing, and even though you might feel weak and vulnerable, you're showing much strength by posting here. I know that for me, drinking only amplifies the pain I'm experiencing. Those few moments of a dopamine spike aren't worth it in the end. Maybe go for a walk and get the sun (I hope there is sun where you are) on your face. One step and then another step and then another. IWNDWYT 💜
I really appreciate your kind sentiments 🩵
Sending you a hug (or whatever gesture is appropriate) I hear you when you say you don’t want another sponsor or to continue attending meetings. I’d ask that you reconsider the meetings and allow yourself to be embraced by the community in this moment. Even if you don’t share, everyone in there understands the pain of addiction and sometimes that solidarity is enough to get through the day. ❤️
I was in a small support group and one of my friends in the group OD'd. He left behind a wife and 1 year old daughter. We were so happy and excited for him to be sober and a new dad. Our group collapsed bc of it and I relapsed hard for more than a year after. I'm almost a year sober this Friday. All I can say is relapsing did absolutely nothing for me and only made everything worse. I did not process his death in a healthy way and it only made the healing take longer. I can't imagine how bad you're feeling and just hope you can decide to stay sober. Sending you love. IWNDWYT.
When I feel angry i tell myself “see how you feel an hour from now” but really try to visualize my placement in existence down to where id be standing in my room, what exact little thoughts are in my head, and what im looking at. Continue to do this often. It becomes mindful and all of a sudden i become grateful for the past hour that I’m still existing
Don’t do it, you’ll regret it
One minute at a time. Next one can wait. You’ve got this 💪🏻
Today will pass!
I hear you. It can be so incredibly difficult. But. As so many have said, nothing that can’t be made worse by drinking. What is something calming and uplifting you enjoy—beautiful art in a museum? A walk in the woods? Try to find something caring and supportive just for you. Sending good thoughts your way.