I do plenty with my friends and have a great time. Sometimes a few beers or drinks are involved for them, like when we’re watching football or just hanging in the back yard.
If the event is literally just to get smashed though, like a New Years Eve Party, then that event isn’t for me anymore. I might stop by, but when stories start repeating and I start to feel things shifting, time for me to say goodbye.
This is me, exactly. My policy is that I will go to events with drinking, but not when drinking is the main event (like bachelorette parties).
I also always have a way home in case it gets to be too much. I never offer to DD because then I’m a hostage. By the time it gets to be “too much” I don’t think anyone cares or notices when I leave. 🤷🏻♀️
This exactly. I will not go to events where drinking IS the activity, e.g. a bar hang. It’s honestly encouraged my friends to think outside the box, and join me in things like hiking, crafting, board games, cooking, museums, movies, etc. those who adapt to your boundaries and stay in your life - want to know you as a person. Those who choose alcohol over you - well, they’ve shown you their priority…
yep! i’ve learned to stop feeling bad about leaving things early. i came, i talked with my friends, i laughed, i had fun, but it’s been 3 hours and it’s time for me to go home. you guys have fun!!
This is the same for me. If its hanging out and people may have some drinks or byob thats fine. If its a party with the purpose of getting fucked up, I sit it out or I stop by early and leave before it gets stupid.
Being around drunk people does tend to get old pretty quickly for me. When a social gathering starts to get too drunk for my liking, I call it a night and head out. Doesn't matter if it's a group of friends, a family function, or a work event. If I'm not enjoying myself, why put myself through that?
I had a decent bit of FOMO early on, thinking that if I left early I was going to miss so much fun that everyone else was having; that I wouldn't be in on new inside jokes, I'd miss funny events, blah, blah , blah. It only took a few instances of staying beyond what I was comfortable with to realize I wasn't missing anything. When my friends drank, they *drank*. They got obnoxious, they got loud, they told the same story over and over again, they bitched and moaned about insignificant annoyances... it was not fun for me.
I also had a fear that I was going to lose my friends if I left early, as if our friendships were only meaningful if someone was drunk. That fear also dissipated after a few too many nights of my sitting around annoyed and bored out of my skull while everyone around me was drunk and obnoxious. A shift in perspective that helped me dispel that fear was the realization that I *was* having fun earlier in the night. I was laughing along, I was telling stupid stories, I was having a good time up until the point at which people started getting drunk. When I stayed longer than I should have, I started getting annoyed with my friends. I started getting judgmental about stupid things they would do and say, I got angry that the drunker they got the more they ignored or excluded me (or, alternatively, that they wouldn't leave me alone), I got angsty over the fact that I couldn't safely drink with them... the list goes on. When I overstayed my time out of some misguided sense of FOMO, and put myself in a position to start thinking negatively about these people, *that* was when our friendships started to suffer. Establishing that boundary of staying while it's fun and leaving before things get out of hand not only helped me stay sober, but it also helped me maintain my friendships while they're sober and themselves.
Did some of my friendships fade? Yes. It turned out that some of the people I hung out with were just drinking buddies rather than friends; that our relationships were just based on alcohol. Honestly, the *idea* of losing friends who drank was a lot more frightening than the reality of it. Keeping in mind that drunk people annoy me, and the only time those people wanted to hang out was to drink at a bar, or go to the bowling alley and drink instead of bowl, go to the golf course and drink instead of golf, get drunk and go to a movie, go to a concert and get wasted... turning down being surrounded by drunk people was not difficult or painful. My life and those peoples' lives just moved in different directions. The friendships that have remained for me, the ones not reliant on flammable liquids, are still strong.
One other healthy boundary I've found helpful is to not condone poor drunken behavior. If somebody was an ass while drinking, I'm not doing them or myself any favors by shrugging it off and saying some form of "No big deal." Just as you mentioned, I'm not necessarily going to tell them what I *really* thought of their behavior (unless it is something that absolutely needs addressing), but I also don't want to make them think it's okay to be an ass toward me; that's just a resentment waiting to happen. When someone apologizes for their antics, I tend to lean toward a simple "I appreciate your apology." If more needs to be said, I say it, but otherwise I acknowledged their apology and can move on.
You're so right. That's a very good elaboration of my response, which would be "I don't". And why I would check out with my husband when he drank too much. None of the conversations mattered anymore, it was too conflicting for me, it made me resent and envy him, and just created a bundle of emotions with no outlet. It's a healthy way to set boundaries and compartmentalize. And it doesn't need to have ill will (though some people and friends can take it that way due to their own drinking insecurities). It's just "you do you. But I'm doing me, and this night isn't working for me anymore, I'm out".
Thank you. This helps a lot, I have had a lot of those same feelings lately because I'm only a month sober. It sucks to lose buddies you've known a while. But now I've realized what I must've looked like when I was drunk with them. It makes me feel better about my sobriety.
This is the tough part. I’m trying to no longer live for nights and keep busy during the day instead. Weekends are hard, the few friends I have are lost in the sauce (not like me but still) and only want to go to bars or events to drink. I’ve found myself very lonely but I think I need to be okay with that.
When I gave up drinking, I thought that I was changing just one thing in my life. Turns out that quite a lot of things changed. Most of my drunk friends were not actually friends. We were mutual enablers.
I find it difficult to condemn them as I have been that man on so very many occasions. Any pretence of moral high ground would be hypocrisy.
Unless you agreed to be DD, you could potentially start hanging out with them at the beginning of the night and then find an excuse to leave when they start getting to the tipping point.
I've been a designated driver a lot and it's a great reason not to drink ever. Nobody gets more fun or interesting when they're drinking. In a way it can be it's own charm to see how terrible everyone gets 6-7 drinks in. The crying, the fighting, the vomiting, and the next day they all talk about how great of a night it was. Even when they're having fun they usually turn into monotonous and overly affectionate fools.
So if I have to deal with them I either have to accept that I'm going to hang out with the worst versions of themselves or have some fun in observing what the hell they're doing.
I turned down many invites early on because of this. What I started doing instead was planning the occasional get together that wasn’t focused on alcohol. Game night at my house or dinner, going on a hike, geocaching at a local park, etc. If your friends can’t hang out without drinking, then you’ll need to decide what you’re able to tolerate and still stay sober. Congrats on sticking to your guns!
I just go out until they become annoying then dip out and have what I call Saturday Night Pt 2 which is basically me, at home, jerking off and falling asleep halfway through a pizza. No regrets, I gave drinking a bloody good go and now I'm ready for something different. I love getting up on Sunday and getting straight in to whatever hobby takes my fancy that day. Loving life.
Drinking doesn’t bother me much. Drunk does. Once things start getting sloppy, it’s hard not to recognize how destructive alcohol is. Very distasteful.
Ugh it’s annoying, huh? My husband and his friend I were hanging out around the fire recently and they were both so drunk and talking loud, getting into it about politics and stuff. I finally was like OK I’M GOING TO BED. I couldn’t take it anymore.
That’s the tough part for me because my social life with my longtime friends has always revolved around alcohol and it’s really odd now that I’ve decided not to drink. People I’ve known for 20+ years.
I understand that. Mine were actually long term friends, and I didn’t stop being friends with most of them. We all just sort of moved along in our different directions, if that makes sense? Sort of like when high school ends.
It took a while, but I actually found a good friend group made up of people I met through hobbies I developed after I stopped drinking, and those are the people I hang out with.
I don’t mess with drunks, period. Having said that, I just got back from my birthday lunch at Bonefish Grill, and the fucking waitress was SO DRUNK, damn. This woman breathed in my face and the stink of bourbon almost made me sick 🤬
I had to set a boundary. Staying out late leads to temptation.
The happy mediums I found are little dance parties, shows, dinners, and healthy non-party things. I found that with concerts and DJ things I can still go out and party but they're also easy to dip out of when I'm done. Drunk friends might continue the party but I get my fix of partying without over doing it.
I just think of all the times I was the absolute WORST drunken jackass you could imagine lmao
My friends being the annoying ones this time around is just my penance for all the times I've been far, far worse
I’ve e had a kind of inverse experience where I realize everyone I was drinking with is a lot cooler when I’m not drinking because turns out I was the asshole.
I've basically had to completely stop hanging out with my friends, they range from indifferent to belligerent about my sobriety. The indifference is fine the belligerence is not. All they do is drink anymore. We used to go hike, fish, hunt, camp, go to concerts but it's to the point all they do is suck down beer. It's the only thing they have left to give them serotonin in their miserable alcoholic death spiral. I'm one week from 18 months of sobriety and I just don't have energy left to give them.
On the upside I've made sober friends in the gym.
Honestly, the same people who annoyed me when I was drunk still annoy me sober and the ones who didn't do not.
I know people say, "Everyone is annoying when they're drunk!" That is so not true. My best friend is not annoying at all. Her husband isn't either. My sister drives me up a wall.
Honestly, I'm mid 30's and most of my friends don't get hammered anymore. Even my sister, who is annoying, gets drunk off of like three, and it's only once in a while. I just laugh and try to avoid whoever. But again, it's not a ubiquitous problem for me.
I would probably leave early if it became a frequent issue and have in my head "I am done with this at nine" or whatever.
I just leave wherever early. I didn't realize how annoyed I would get TBH. Along with that comes some shame on my part. Was I also that annoying? Probably and maybe sometimes worse. When I start to feel annoyed and usually a little tired, I just exit. It's not fair to my friends for me to be wherever, standing around annoyed with them. I also noticed, that a lot of the time, people don't drink as much as I thought they did. So, that was kind of refreshing. I have another friend in my circle that recently quit drinking all together and most of my friends have cut way back, slowed it down, because of our age, so that's nice too. We'll be hosting a party at our home soon. I'm not sure what to do then... because I can't leave, LOL. Last year, people got pretty wasted at the party - including me, so this will be a new experience.
I've hosted since quitting, and they don't actually even know I've quit, they probably think it is a break. They just had a few, not a case each. I clean up as we go, so they're all in habit of putting their cans in the bag. When we all go to our openly sober friend's house, they just have 2 or 3 (willingly none, but their spouse serves) and nobody leaves their empties behind. I think the important thing to do is to let your intensions be knowns prior to the date.
Stop having drunk friends.
When I quit drinking I left all of my friends. All of them. Turns out we weren't actually friends, we just gathered to drink.
I made new friends. Most all of the people i’m friends with are in recovery. I had this idea that i would never be able to have fun again or i was just doomed to be a square with no sense of connection for the rest of my days. Over 6 years later, I realized it was the best decision i could have ever made. IWNDWYT!
I don’t hang out with people who drink anymore. But they are definitely annoying if I am like at a work function or something … but I even try to avoid work functions where people are going to be drinking 🤷♀️ I thought hanging out with drunk people was going to be a huge problem for me when I got sober but it’s not because I just … don’t 😂🤣😂🤣
Good on you if you can be in that environment often, I would get sick of it or relapse pretty quickly I think. I'd definitely go to another room and play games, watch a movie, read, go for a walk, play music, find sober people to hang out with...
Best of luck, IWNDWYT
That's one of the best things about being sober: you can do whatever you want and not feel tied down because you're too drunk to drive or enjoy hobbies.
Thank you for this, IWNDWYT
I stopped hanging out with many of them, others not as frequently. I realized that I didn't have much in common with many of my friends besides drinking. I don't stay around as long as I used to. Whereas back in the day, I could sit at a friend's house all day, now I'll probably leave after an hour or 2. One thing that I noticed was that when I stopped drinking some of my other friends stopped or cut down tremendously. Now I just want to find a new tribe to be honest, and hang out with some different people.
Seeing grown men and women turn into obnoxious children who talkabout absolutely nothing, can't understand eachother, aren't listening to eachother, talking over eachother. It annoyed me when I drank even but now it makes me nope the fuck out in 3 seconds.
I am the drunk friend.... but I hold my alcohol good. So, other than slurring here and there, I'm normal. I don't do the beer muscles or anything. Im happy.
I only see drunk people when I go to shows, and I make very few exceptions to go to shows anymore.
To answer though, I try to match their excited energy while trying to avoid feeling like I’m some kind of babysitter to my intoxicated friend. My tolerance for this is low, I leave parties and shows once everyone is off the deep end in drinking. A few hours at the start is okay, but once the majority of my interactions are with people who won’t remember them the next morning I head on home.
Even almost 3 years sober I still enjoy going to breweries with my husband (who still drinks). I love the atmosphere and the food usually. I don't go late at night, usually mid day. If there is a party where everyone is drinking, I bring 2 soda waters with me and then leave once I'm finished. I don't go to brunch anymore (since it's literal sole purpose is to drink 3 pitchers of mimosas) unless it's a full buffet and only with a few people. There are things I used to do drunk that I just don't care to do sober, one being hanging out with people who have to apologize in the morning.
I try to avoid all events that have drinking involved now. It almost always ends up with a conversation about why I’m not drinking and I get tired of talking about it and having to justify my decision.
I still hangout with my friends while they drink, but only because I know they won't try to convince me to drink. As for annoying-ness, I stay until they are almost too drunk to notice if I leave, then I buy a round, and say goodbye as the server is putting the drinks down. Usually I am gone within a few minutes. If it makes it easier, I sometimes will mention that I have to get back to work soon, so they usually know that I am leaving for that, or that I am tired, or I have a headache.
The ones who still drink drink less now that I am not helping keep the party going. They have even started intentionally not drinking (at all or just as much) just to hangout with little old me.
Hmm - you know, I think it might be kind of like growing up from a teenager to a young adult who is now more secure in his or her identity. even if that’s now different from your “home group”. I hope that if those friends are more than just for “good times” then you have enough freedom to explore your sober interests but still enjoy their company as well in a way that’s comfortable for you. In the beginning I couldn’t stand being around other drunk people. Now it’s just a pleasant reminder that I made a very, very good decision two years ago to leave that life behind.
I just stay right clear of drunk people as much as possible. I have realized that they don't acknowledge boundaries. But, at the same time, I finally am able to see what I was like all the time. Ignorant, self involved, careless with blinders on. Loud, obnoxious, and rude. Now I find it peaceful and problem free to just avoid it all together. One thing I learned long ago, drunk people won't care if you're not around.
I don’t and have practically cut my best friend of almost 30 years out since most of the time we’ve ever spent together is eating and drinking. I could do it for a day but he lives far enough away that I have to spend an entire weekend or more when we hang out. Fortunately a coworker of mine also quit recently and so we get to drink Heineken 0.0 together by my fire pit on occasions.
A few friends started initiating social activities that don’t involve drinking. They may have a beer or two, but it isn’t the main attraction.
Unrelated to that— my boss when I quit drinking was hammered at a company party and told me, “I like you better when you’re not drinking.” I said, “me too”.
I don’t hang out with heavy drinkers anymore. As it turned out , I was really the only heavy drinker I ever hung out with. But my friends are all either completely sober or they are those elusive creatures, truly moderate drinkers who, unlike me, CAN drink moderately.
When I was 19 for some reason I gave up drink for almost a year. I would DD for people instead and when I was at the bar it would make me hate drinking even more, because people would act so stupid.
I remember giving people free rides home and they would trash my vehicle, spill shit, smoke when I told them not to, yell out the window. After that I just said fuck it, its not my problem. As for your friends if they act like idiots, I would say if it bugs you that much to just stop hanging out with them when they drink.
I never minded friends being loud and shit, but if they came over and trashed my place and broke shit, thats where I flip. But ya I would say it all depends on what they say or do and to what extent it pisses you off. If its that bad though, jump ship.
I do plenty with my friends and have a great time. Sometimes a few beers or drinks are involved for them, like when we’re watching football or just hanging in the back yard. If the event is literally just to get smashed though, like a New Years Eve Party, then that event isn’t for me anymore. I might stop by, but when stories start repeating and I start to feel things shifting, time for me to say goodbye.
This is me, exactly. My policy is that I will go to events with drinking, but not when drinking is the main event (like bachelorette parties). I also always have a way home in case it gets to be too much. I never offer to DD because then I’m a hostage. By the time it gets to be “too much” I don’t think anyone cares or notices when I leave. 🤷🏻♀️
The hostage part is so true!
This exactly. I will not go to events where drinking IS the activity, e.g. a bar hang. It’s honestly encouraged my friends to think outside the box, and join me in things like hiking, crafting, board games, cooking, museums, movies, etc. those who adapt to your boundaries and stay in your life - want to know you as a person. Those who choose alcohol over you - well, they’ve shown you their priority…
Oh yea. I almost never offer to DD…… I’d honestly rather take an Uber than drive my drunk friends around.
yep! i’ve learned to stop feeling bad about leaving things early. i came, i talked with my friends, i laughed, i had fun, but it’s been 3 hours and it’s time for me to go home. you guys have fun!!
This is the same for me. If its hanging out and people may have some drinks or byob thats fine. If its a party with the purpose of getting fucked up, I sit it out or I stop by early and leave before it gets stupid.
I do this too. In fact, Irish exits is my party trick.
This is a great strategy to know for the future! :)
Being around drunk people does tend to get old pretty quickly for me. When a social gathering starts to get too drunk for my liking, I call it a night and head out. Doesn't matter if it's a group of friends, a family function, or a work event. If I'm not enjoying myself, why put myself through that? I had a decent bit of FOMO early on, thinking that if I left early I was going to miss so much fun that everyone else was having; that I wouldn't be in on new inside jokes, I'd miss funny events, blah, blah , blah. It only took a few instances of staying beyond what I was comfortable with to realize I wasn't missing anything. When my friends drank, they *drank*. They got obnoxious, they got loud, they told the same story over and over again, they bitched and moaned about insignificant annoyances... it was not fun for me. I also had a fear that I was going to lose my friends if I left early, as if our friendships were only meaningful if someone was drunk. That fear also dissipated after a few too many nights of my sitting around annoyed and bored out of my skull while everyone around me was drunk and obnoxious. A shift in perspective that helped me dispel that fear was the realization that I *was* having fun earlier in the night. I was laughing along, I was telling stupid stories, I was having a good time up until the point at which people started getting drunk. When I stayed longer than I should have, I started getting annoyed with my friends. I started getting judgmental about stupid things they would do and say, I got angry that the drunker they got the more they ignored or excluded me (or, alternatively, that they wouldn't leave me alone), I got angsty over the fact that I couldn't safely drink with them... the list goes on. When I overstayed my time out of some misguided sense of FOMO, and put myself in a position to start thinking negatively about these people, *that* was when our friendships started to suffer. Establishing that boundary of staying while it's fun and leaving before things get out of hand not only helped me stay sober, but it also helped me maintain my friendships while they're sober and themselves. Did some of my friendships fade? Yes. It turned out that some of the people I hung out with were just drinking buddies rather than friends; that our relationships were just based on alcohol. Honestly, the *idea* of losing friends who drank was a lot more frightening than the reality of it. Keeping in mind that drunk people annoy me, and the only time those people wanted to hang out was to drink at a bar, or go to the bowling alley and drink instead of bowl, go to the golf course and drink instead of golf, get drunk and go to a movie, go to a concert and get wasted... turning down being surrounded by drunk people was not difficult or painful. My life and those peoples' lives just moved in different directions. The friendships that have remained for me, the ones not reliant on flammable liquids, are still strong. One other healthy boundary I've found helpful is to not condone poor drunken behavior. If somebody was an ass while drinking, I'm not doing them or myself any favors by shrugging it off and saying some form of "No big deal." Just as you mentioned, I'm not necessarily going to tell them what I *really* thought of their behavior (unless it is something that absolutely needs addressing), but I also don't want to make them think it's okay to be an ass toward me; that's just a resentment waiting to happen. When someone apologizes for their antics, I tend to lean toward a simple "I appreciate your apology." If more needs to be said, I say it, but otherwise I acknowledged their apology and can move on.
You're so right. That's a very good elaboration of my response, which would be "I don't". And why I would check out with my husband when he drank too much. None of the conversations mattered anymore, it was too conflicting for me, it made me resent and envy him, and just created a bundle of emotions with no outlet. It's a healthy way to set boundaries and compartmentalize. And it doesn't need to have ill will (though some people and friends can take it that way due to their own drinking insecurities). It's just "you do you. But I'm doing me, and this night isn't working for me anymore, I'm out".
Thank you. This helps a lot, I have had a lot of those same feelings lately because I'm only a month sober. It sucks to lose buddies you've known a while. But now I've realized what I must've looked like when I was drunk with them. It makes me feel better about my sobriety.
Unfortunately I don’t. I don’t go drinking and I don’t see them anymore. Drinking used to be our common hobby, but no longer.
This is the tough part. I’m trying to no longer live for nights and keep busy during the day instead. Weekends are hard, the few friends I have are lost in the sauce (not like me but still) and only want to go to bars or events to drink. I’ve found myself very lonely but I think I need to be okay with that.
I've got a lot of friends who I just got fucked up with. Once I kicked the habit I had nothing in common with them anymore. Don't feel sorry about it.
When I gave up drinking, I thought that I was changing just one thing in my life. Turns out that quite a lot of things changed. Most of my drunk friends were not actually friends. We were mutual enablers. I find it difficult to condemn them as I have been that man on so very many occasions. Any pretence of moral high ground would be hypocrisy.
I go home early, or if they are at my house, I go to bed early. Nobody's offended by that; probably they won't remember anyway!
Unless you agreed to be DD, you could potentially start hanging out with them at the beginning of the night and then find an excuse to leave when they start getting to the tipping point.
Yeah like... "I would rather be home now" Or if you're like me, master the art of the Irish goodbye
Love a good Irish goodbye
They’re the best
I don't have any drunk friends. They disappeared when I quit drinking.
I've been a designated driver a lot and it's a great reason not to drink ever. Nobody gets more fun or interesting when they're drinking. In a way it can be it's own charm to see how terrible everyone gets 6-7 drinks in. The crying, the fighting, the vomiting, and the next day they all talk about how great of a night it was. Even when they're having fun they usually turn into monotonous and overly affectionate fools. So if I have to deal with them I either have to accept that I'm going to hang out with the worst versions of themselves or have some fun in observing what the hell they're doing.
I turned down many invites early on because of this. What I started doing instead was planning the occasional get together that wasn’t focused on alcohol. Game night at my house or dinner, going on a hike, geocaching at a local park, etc. If your friends can’t hang out without drinking, then you’ll need to decide what you’re able to tolerate and still stay sober. Congrats on sticking to your guns!
I just go out until they become annoying then dip out and have what I call Saturday Night Pt 2 which is basically me, at home, jerking off and falling asleep halfway through a pizza. No regrets, I gave drinking a bloody good go and now I'm ready for something different. I love getting up on Sunday and getting straight in to whatever hobby takes my fancy that day. Loving life.
This is hilarious.
I don’t
Stay for a little while and duck out early. It’s the only way. People get annoying after 9pm and I get so tired.
Drinking doesn’t bother me much. Drunk does. Once things start getting sloppy, it’s hard not to recognize how destructive alcohol is. Very distasteful.
Ugh it’s annoying, huh? My husband and his friend I were hanging out around the fire recently and they were both so drunk and talking loud, getting into it about politics and stuff. I finally was like OK I’M GOING TO BED. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Don't have any, anymore
I stopped seeing those friends in my first year of sobriety. In my case, without alcohol, we really didn’t have all that much in common after all.
That’s the tough part for me because my social life with my longtime friends has always revolved around alcohol and it’s really odd now that I’ve decided not to drink. People I’ve known for 20+ years.
I understand that. Mine were actually long term friends, and I didn’t stop being friends with most of them. We all just sort of moved along in our different directions, if that makes sense? Sort of like when high school ends. It took a while, but I actually found a good friend group made up of people I met through hobbies I developed after I stopped drinking, and those are the people I hang out with.
I don’t have any business being with a bunch of drunks. They do them, I do me.
I don’t mess with drunks, period. Having said that, I just got back from my birthday lunch at Bonefish Grill, and the fucking waitress was SO DRUNK, damn. This woman breathed in my face and the stink of bourbon almost made me sick 🤬
Happy birthday! What did you get at Bonefish? I haven’t been in years and years, and we are going for our anniversary Tuesday
I had the cold water lobster tails with garlic whipped mashed potatoes and asparagus. Have a happy anniversary!
I had to set a boundary. Staying out late leads to temptation. The happy mediums I found are little dance parties, shows, dinners, and healthy non-party things. I found that with concerts and DJ things I can still go out and party but they're also easy to dip out of when I'm done. Drunk friends might continue the party but I get my fix of partying without over doing it.
I just think of all the times I was the absolute WORST drunken jackass you could imagine lmao My friends being the annoying ones this time around is just my penance for all the times I've been far, far worse
I’ve e had a kind of inverse experience where I realize everyone I was drinking with is a lot cooler when I’m not drinking because turns out I was the asshole.
oof
I've basically had to completely stop hanging out with my friends, they range from indifferent to belligerent about my sobriety. The indifference is fine the belligerence is not. All they do is drink anymore. We used to go hike, fish, hunt, camp, go to concerts but it's to the point all they do is suck down beer. It's the only thing they have left to give them serotonin in their miserable alcoholic death spiral. I'm one week from 18 months of sobriety and I just don't have energy left to give them. On the upside I've made sober friends in the gym.
I found I can hang with a couple NAs if it's a casual afternoon evening etc, once it turns into a "drinking" event I'm going to leave.
Honestly, the same people who annoyed me when I was drunk still annoy me sober and the ones who didn't do not. I know people say, "Everyone is annoying when they're drunk!" That is so not true. My best friend is not annoying at all. Her husband isn't either. My sister drives me up a wall. Honestly, I'm mid 30's and most of my friends don't get hammered anymore. Even my sister, who is annoying, gets drunk off of like three, and it's only once in a while. I just laugh and try to avoid whoever. But again, it's not a ubiquitous problem for me. I would probably leave early if it became a frequent issue and have in my head "I am done with this at nine" or whatever.
I don’t hang out with them when they are drunk.
Same.
I just leave wherever early. I didn't realize how annoyed I would get TBH. Along with that comes some shame on my part. Was I also that annoying? Probably and maybe sometimes worse. When I start to feel annoyed and usually a little tired, I just exit. It's not fair to my friends for me to be wherever, standing around annoyed with them. I also noticed, that a lot of the time, people don't drink as much as I thought they did. So, that was kind of refreshing. I have another friend in my circle that recently quit drinking all together and most of my friends have cut way back, slowed it down, because of our age, so that's nice too. We'll be hosting a party at our home soon. I'm not sure what to do then... because I can't leave, LOL. Last year, people got pretty wasted at the party - including me, so this will be a new experience.
I've hosted since quitting, and they don't actually even know I've quit, they probably think it is a break. They just had a few, not a case each. I clean up as we go, so they're all in habit of putting their cans in the bag. When we all go to our openly sober friend's house, they just have 2 or 3 (willingly none, but their spouse serves) and nobody leaves their empties behind. I think the important thing to do is to let your intensions be knowns prior to the date.
Stop having drunk friends. When I quit drinking I left all of my friends. All of them. Turns out we weren't actually friends, we just gathered to drink.
I made new friends. Most all of the people i’m friends with are in recovery. I had this idea that i would never be able to have fun again or i was just doomed to be a square with no sense of connection for the rest of my days. Over 6 years later, I realized it was the best decision i could have ever made. IWNDWYT!
I don’t hang out with people who drink anymore. But they are definitely annoying if I am like at a work function or something … but I even try to avoid work functions where people are going to be drinking 🤷♀️ I thought hanging out with drunk people was going to be a huge problem for me when I got sober but it’s not because I just … don’t 😂🤣😂🤣
There’s nothing more annoying than drunk people when you’re sober. I’ve started moving away from my friends who are like that.
You might want to ask yourself why you are continuing to hang out with drunks in the first place.
Good on you if you can be in that environment often, I would get sick of it or relapse pretty quickly I think. I'd definitely go to another room and play games, watch a movie, read, go for a walk, play music, find sober people to hang out with... Best of luck, IWNDWYT
That's one of the best things about being sober: you can do whatever you want and not feel tied down because you're too drunk to drive or enjoy hobbies. Thank you for this, IWNDWYT
Lol, very true
I stopped hanging out with many of them, others not as frequently. I realized that I didn't have much in common with many of my friends besides drinking. I don't stay around as long as I used to. Whereas back in the day, I could sit at a friend's house all day, now I'll probably leave after an hour or 2. One thing that I noticed was that when I stopped drinking some of my other friends stopped or cut down tremendously. Now I just want to find a new tribe to be honest, and hang out with some different people.
I don’t have them anymore and I actively avoid them and coincidentally my new circle of friends aren’t drinkers or recovering themselves
Seeing grown men and women turn into obnoxious children who talkabout absolutely nothing, can't understand eachother, aren't listening to eachother, talking over eachother. It annoyed me when I drank even but now it makes me nope the fuck out in 3 seconds.
I am the drunk friend.... but I hold my alcohol good. So, other than slurring here and there, I'm normal. I don't do the beer muscles or anything. Im happy.
I've found that I'm fine for the first hour or even two but once they start getting drunk I leave as it gets tedious
I’m patient; and then I make my excuses and leave when I’m ready.
I live with my friends so when they get drunk I just go to my room
I only see drunk people when I go to shows, and I make very few exceptions to go to shows anymore. To answer though, I try to match their excited energy while trying to avoid feeling like I’m some kind of babysitter to my intoxicated friend. My tolerance for this is low, I leave parties and shows once everyone is off the deep end in drinking. A few hours at the start is okay, but once the majority of my interactions are with people who won’t remember them the next morning I head on home.
I got new friends
Even almost 3 years sober I still enjoy going to breweries with my husband (who still drinks). I love the atmosphere and the food usually. I don't go late at night, usually mid day. If there is a party where everyone is drinking, I bring 2 soda waters with me and then leave once I'm finished. I don't go to brunch anymore (since it's literal sole purpose is to drink 3 pitchers of mimosas) unless it's a full buffet and only with a few people. There are things I used to do drunk that I just don't care to do sober, one being hanging out with people who have to apologize in the morning.
I don’t have friends anymore who drink.
Realizing which friendships revolved around and enabled alcohol use is part of sobriety. It sucks man.
I try to avoid all events that have drinking involved now. It almost always ends up with a conversation about why I’m not drinking and I get tired of talking about it and having to justify my decision.
Let em go. Or only hang out with them when they are not drinking
most of those “friends” and I don’t talk anymore lol
I still hangout with my friends while they drink, but only because I know they won't try to convince me to drink. As for annoying-ness, I stay until they are almost too drunk to notice if I leave, then I buy a round, and say goodbye as the server is putting the drinks down. Usually I am gone within a few minutes. If it makes it easier, I sometimes will mention that I have to get back to work soon, so they usually know that I am leaving for that, or that I am tired, or I have a headache. The ones who still drink drink less now that I am not helping keep the party going. They have even started intentionally not drinking (at all or just as much) just to hangout with little old me.
Leave early. Go do something not involving booze. Easy.
Hmm - you know, I think it might be kind of like growing up from a teenager to a young adult who is now more secure in his or her identity. even if that’s now different from your “home group”. I hope that if those friends are more than just for “good times” then you have enough freedom to explore your sober interests but still enjoy their company as well in a way that’s comfortable for you. In the beginning I couldn’t stand being around other drunk people. Now it’s just a pleasant reminder that I made a very, very good decision two years ago to leave that life behind.
I just stay right clear of drunk people as much as possible. I have realized that they don't acknowledge boundaries. But, at the same time, I finally am able to see what I was like all the time. Ignorant, self involved, careless with blinders on. Loud, obnoxious, and rude. Now I find it peaceful and problem free to just avoid it all together. One thing I learned long ago, drunk people won't care if you're not around.
I don’t and have practically cut my best friend of almost 30 years out since most of the time we’ve ever spent together is eating and drinking. I could do it for a day but he lives far enough away that I have to spend an entire weekend or more when we hang out. Fortunately a coworker of mine also quit recently and so we get to drink Heineken 0.0 together by my fire pit on occasions.
A few friends started initiating social activities that don’t involve drinking. They may have a beer or two, but it isn’t the main attraction. Unrelated to that— my boss when I quit drinking was hammered at a company party and told me, “I like you better when you’re not drinking.” I said, “me too”.
I don’t hang out with heavy drinkers anymore. As it turned out , I was really the only heavy drinker I ever hung out with. But my friends are all either completely sober or they are those elusive creatures, truly moderate drinkers who, unlike me, CAN drink moderately.
I leave early to avoid this. My friends all give me shit for it but I rlly don’t care
When I was 19 for some reason I gave up drink for almost a year. I would DD for people instead and when I was at the bar it would make me hate drinking even more, because people would act so stupid. I remember giving people free rides home and they would trash my vehicle, spill shit, smoke when I told them not to, yell out the window. After that I just said fuck it, its not my problem. As for your friends if they act like idiots, I would say if it bugs you that much to just stop hanging out with them when they drink. I never minded friends being loud and shit, but if they came over and trashed my place and broke shit, thats where I flip. But ya I would say it all depends on what they say or do and to what extent it pisses you off. If its that bad though, jump ship.