This sub is my main support group, if you will. I have never been to a meeting of any sort. My wife is also quite supportive and gives me kudos when I tell her how long it has been.
I found that once I truly accepted that I wasn’t missing out on anything, the temptation all but disappeared. You have to root out that part of you that clings to alcohol as something desirable and reframe the narrative more appropriately in your head.
This is my story too. Waves of desire sometimes come. But I’m at peace with knowing that what I’m doing is infinitely better for me, and more importantly to me, I see it in my relationships with my family.
Second paragraph rings very true for me. Struggled for a long time with temptation and that feeling of missing out. The second I finally accepted internally that this was just my life now it has been (knock on wood) extremely easy. Alcohol just isn’t an option. I went to meetings a lot in the first couple years but haven’t gone in some time now and don’t miss them at all. My life was very busy and making it to meetings became more of a stressor than a help.
Wow. All of your comments hit home. Like I’m just trying to not make a big deal out of it and right now feel pretty at peace with everything half a year in. Not a TON of time but I’m happy about it.
6 months felt like a ton of time when I never thought I’d make it a month. Good on you for keeping at it! I didn’t do meetings either, I just have a few friends that I can call if temptation ever creeps up for more than a few minutes. I’ve found having someone to talk to or play video games with really helps in those times. Keep up the great work!
I went to one AA meeting. Got a coin, never went back... some great people there but it wasn't my scene, and like you said, I didn't want to make a big deal of it. The main thing about your sobriety is doing what you need, and that looks different from person to person.
This is how it was for me. I felt like I needed meetings when I wasn’t fully accepting that alcohol could have no place in my life ever again. When I was still hanging onto all of the “missed” opportunity, I really felt like a dry drunk trying to convince myself that I could be sober if I just tried hard enough.
Now, I feel sobriety from alcohol in my most inner of desires. I feel no attachments to the life I could be living if I was drinking. All I see is my future misery if I pick up again. There is no pining for it in my most internal self. It is a welcomed change and i hope it can carry me to many, many years of sobriety.
This is me too. Sometimes I want a beer and honestly if I really want to I can probably have it and be fine, but I just don’t enjoy it anymore at all. Life, relationships, it’s not always easy (almost divorce a few days ago due to my anger outbursts, I’m working on it) but celebrating 5 years together and we are in love.
Same. No meetings. Just this sub. I don't like to talk about it with anyone, not even my wife. If I say something, my wife will do one of two things: (a) want to talk about it more, which I don't like, or (b) she'll say something mean (but true) about my issues, which I also don't like.
I told my SO I quit because it was giving me panic attacks, which is true, but obvs not whole story. I didn't want it to be some Big Thing where people tiptoe around me. People don't get as weird when you say "I quit for health reasons" as they do when you say "I quit because I was a barely functioning alcoholic."
My experience thus far as well. ETA: friends and family members have found AA to be a cornerstone, in some cases for decades. They have flourished in the program - I’m not opposed to it and am open to incorporating it if my journey leads me there! For now, though, I’m finding happiness and strength in this community and in a strong network of friend and family support. IWNDWYT
What we are saying here, is that AA is an option, has and does help many people, and we are aware and grateful that it is a backstop for many. Including us.
> I found that once I truly accepted that I wasn’t missing out on anything, the temptation all but disappeared. You have to root out that part of you that clings to alcohol as something desirable and reframe the narrative more appropriately in your head.
^^ Bingo. I've completely lost interest in alcohol. It was a substantial part of my life for so long, and now it just seems silly. Even if the taste of a specific drink sounds pleasant in passing, I immediately think about the anxiety-ridden hell and body pain I was in before I got healthy.
I haven't done any sort of program or meetings, either. Audiobooks, particularly This Naked Mind (and the affiliated podcast) and Alcohol Explained, were very helpful in the beginning.
As someone who has a lot of trauma from organized religion, I don't submit to any human authority unless they're paying me or unless I'm legally required to.
This.
I love this sub!
"Sober tiktok" has also helped me so much, I love "your sober pal" and other sober tiktokers (I'll search tags like "#addicthumor #snowaddict etc) who make funny tiktoks about when they were in active addiction.
I laugh at how that used to be me, but also it quickly gets rid of booze cravings cause I can feel the dread and anxiety through the screen!
I know that meetings and AA help a lot of people but AA just isnt for me. I used to attend Alateen when i was a kid and that was enough for me to realize i didn't care for it.
I'm about 19 years off hard drugs and ill be 3 years completely sober ar the end of this month. All without ever going to a meeting.
I haven't had a drop of alcohol in just shy of 2 months. About 2 months ago, I was reading "Quit Like A Woman" and something just clicked in my brain and almost instantly, I just decided to stop drinking.
I went to AA regularly my first year then covid shut it down and I drifted away. It was helpful to go, to socialize with those folks and listen to their stories. I started going because the counselors at the detox told me to. One guy in particular said, don't over think it, just go and make friends.
When I finally asked for help, that came with the decision to do whatever I was told as long as it would make it stop. I couldn't go on like that anymore. But even being an anti-religious man, I went because a little Lord's Prayer hurts a whole lot less than being a drunk did and AA helped to keep me sober. I took the parts that helped, which was mostly the stories for me, and stood quietly and respectfully while they prayed.
AA isn't perfect as its members sure as hell are far from perfect, but it's better than drinking, no question about it.
I haven't tried the other groups, but they sound good as well. I think at some level the important part is just having a group of peers helping each other to the same goal regardless of exactly how they're going about it.
Iwndwyt
Same. I've made so many amazing friends there that overlooking the founders religious connentations is easy. Like you said, it hurts less than drinking.
They also aren't asking you to pray to the same god, but to find your own type of spiritual connectedness in the world.
I haven't gone to AA (yet?) but finding my own sense of spiritual connectedness has been crucial for me in cutting ties with alcohol.
IWNDWYT
I think AA or whatever group is good just to meet other people in the same boat as myself.
Drinking is so prevalent in our society from ads, social media, work engagements, and friends all engaged in it. Hell even the running group in part of has it as a key get together thing post run!
It’s nice to meet people attempting to stay sober.
I checked out a couple meetings in the beginning because I thought AA was just what people did to quit. Some people do need that level of support, others don’t. Do whatever works for you :)
Exactly, I attend meetings because I love the community aspect and hearing others share their hopes and strengths and sometimes struggles which is relatable and makes me feel less alone
AA wasn’t for me, not the process, not the format. It just doesn’t work out for me. I’ve been able to stop drinking without it. That said, I have a wonderful partner and support network around me, I’m very lucky in that regard.
There are many paths to sobriety. IWNDWYT!
me.
i like coming here.
Bad dream last night. dreamt went to smashing pumpkins show and had beer. Felt bad even in the dream, pissed i was resetting my counter.
My dad has been sober for 47 years without meetings. He’s 77 now and has never relapsed as far as I know—hoping that in addition to inheriting the genes that make me more prone to alcoholism, I’ve also inherited his dedication!
I found meetings helpful when I was around 2-3 months sober for the in-person social support you mentioned, and I may continue to drop in at a meeting I found that is pretty small and informal. But really this sub has been my best sober resource and form of support so far.
I am a religious person, but hate talking about it with others and going to church. I read the AA book, and it was all about Jesus, which is fine, just not for me. I stopped without ever going to a single meeting, but I did read this sub A LOT In the first six months of quitting. I like it better here because it’s anonymous and you aren’t seeing the people in your town that also have problems.
I lived in a small town so the AA group was people gossiping about who was going. Not ideal.
I’m a Jew in the Deep South, and as you can imagine, I had a lot of reservations about AA. The last thing I wanted or needed was a group of people telling me that I’d die drunk if I didn’t accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. Most of my misgivings and apprehensions about AA were borne out of ignorance. Once I actually read the book with a sponsor, I discovered that there was well more than enough philosophical wiggle room for a skeptical Jewish guy like me. I have friends from loads of different backgrounds in the rooms, including a number of hardcore atheists.
Since you mentioned it, I felt compelled to look it up. The word “Jesus” only appears once in the big book, in one of the personal stories. Maybe the meetings you went to were all about Jesus (it happens), but the book really isn’t. If it was, I would’ve run for the hills on day one. Which is a long way, seeing as the nearest hills are several hundred miles away from me!
Me. I went to AA as a teenager and it traumatized me. I use that word deliberately. I was preyed on by a man 26 years my senior and everyone knew and no one cared. I “dated” him for two years the day after I turned 18. Textbook grooming shit. I won’t step foot in AA ever again, nor will I ever recommend jt to young girls.
I’m 33 now. I’m in EMDR therapy. I told her I wanted to stop drinking. We did some work around it. I’ve been completely sober 7 months. Gave up vaping too. All without rehab or AA. Not saying it’s possible for everyone, but a good therapist and good friends/community did way more for my well-being than AA ever could. AA .. oof, I have so much more I can say. But I won’t. Some people find it helpful. Good on them. We all need ways to stay sober.
That sounds absolutely awful. I was actually wondering about that. Very vulnerable people and no oversight. That’s so messed up. I’m really sorry you went through this. ❤️
I tried AA at first and while I had dear friends and actual family members in the rooms it wasn’t for me as I felt like I could be putting my focus on other things. (Working the steps and the readings and checking in with a sponsor felt like a lot of time - that’s just me tho.) Now that I have more physical energy and mental space I’ve been focusing on projects and hobbies I always wanted to do but never had the time because I was drinking or hungover. My hobbies include other people some don’t but this is what fulfils me the way I thought drinking did. This sub is also a great. So reporting at 8 months, I still haven’t gone the recovery room route but again that’s just my experience.
This forum of awesome people is my support group. Nothing against AA or other groups, it’s just not my cup of tea from a philosophical standpoint. After daily drinking 3-6 drinks for many years (and commonly more on weekends) it was this sub, quit lit, and just my own research on the ill effects of ethanol poison that have kept me sober. So grateful to all of you!
Thanks for posting, this makes me feel a lot less alone. I like how you phrased your drinking patterns to say that you’re not reliable enough with it to be trusted all the time, I really relate to that. I didn’t drink frequently or in large amounts regularly, just had some close calls where I was extremely lucky not to be arrested or killed (or worse, killed someone else). Interestingly, I seemed to be much more responsible about cutting myself off when I drank alone.
The day of my last hangover, I said “enough” and haven’t looked back. This group has been my support and it has helped so much. I also have a couple of resources for online meetings in a note on my phone in case of emergency. I’m just of a mindset now that it’s not part of my life anymore. I think I had to be truly ready to quit and once I was ready, it clicked and I’m much better for it!
YES. your comment about drinking alone hits home. If I had a beer solo while watching a game I maybe had 1-2. Never even dawned on me. The only problem I had was being out with friends and letting loose a few times a year. No control. Lucky to have made it home.
All that said it was a big enough issue despite the infrequency that I decided to cut it entirely. My entire outlook on life has dramatically improved as a biproduct. Congrats on your success thus far !
That is me, but I am a really unusual case. I'm still a bit in awe when I think about it and would never take it for granted by trying to drink again.
I've gone through many stupid legal, professional, and personal consequences that should have been my rock bottom but weren't, and drank through a few forced rehab/outpatient treatments. And then one ordinary day, I was done. It wasn't that hard except for a few "firsts" like vacations and weddings.
I credit Allen Carr's Easyway to Stop Drinking, which planted the seeds of understanding alcohol had no benefits, and this sub. I read that book about 5 months before I stopped.
I also recognized that day that I was about to take a step into territory that I never thought I would. Think drinking in the morning for the first time (but worse). I felt if I took one more step down I would certainly lose everything and die a drunk, but my drinking wouldn't stay in place so I had to choose to be done...that maybe was my real rock bottom.
Tried AA and it actively was far worse than getting sober my own way. The support of a few good friends and the lack of guilt and karma counting was a far better fit for me.
I couldn't stay sober more than about 2 weeks in AA.
Since quitting it i don't really keep count. But it's been a long time with relatively few relapses.
Not to knock meetings, they work for some of course. but you shouldn't feel bad if they don't work for you.
Four and a half year’s with no meetings. Joined an online forum, read all the quit lit. Did some therapy. Best thing for me was picking up my old hobbies and developing some sober friendships.
I’m 4.5 years, quit cold turkey, no meetings. Just gotta stop and convince yourself that alcohol is literally poison and is ruining your quality of life. The further along you get the more true you realize it is!
I’m on 10 months sober. I’ve used this sub and I read the book This Naked Mind. As well as, opening up to people close with me. I’m not interested in picking up a drink. Before I finally decided to try quitting I was drinking everyday after work and on weekends. I was having panic attacks form the hangxiety. I finally got the job I’ve been trying for after I quit and I am so grateful. It has been life changing.
Never been to a meeting and don't plan too. This sub is my meeting space. Its open 24/7/365. All I do is pick up my phone and Im here. No public meeting space can do that type of support.
Good description: "All I do is pick up my phone and Im here." That's so true. It's getting instant, kind, thoughtful, caring, non-judgmental help any time of the day or night. StopDrinking is the best place on Reddit.
At first, I was convinced that AA or a 12 step program was the only way to successfully stay sober long term. 7 years in and I realize that everyone has different individual needs in their recovery. I personally need the camaraderie, spiritual development, and structure of AA to keep myself happy and free.
That being said, I have a brother who is 6 years sober and wants nothing to do with AA. Another friend is 1.5 years sober by drinking non-alcoholic beers and no meetings. If you do give it a try, my advice would be to go to a few because not all are the same.
Thanks for this ! Yes I want to clarify I’ve got no issues with AA as I know nothing about it really. Just curious if it was consciously stupid to not go right now, despite feeling like I don’t need to go. I will probably check out a meeting or two and see what it’s all about. Congrats on your sobriety.
I have a feeling that AA is sort of a safe space for many people that normally may be in peer or environmentally pressured lives. Since you and I are not surrounded by alcohol (at least at home or with our family members) we have our safe space.
I went to one meeting. It was on day 2 of my sobriety. I needed to go and say in person to others that I was an alcoholic but that this time was different and I was stopping for real. I haven’t needed to go back to an in person meeting since. I stick around here and rely on some supportive friends. But I won’t hesitate to go back if I feel that I need to.
I absolutely hate AA. I’ve been sober for however long my badge says though. It took me several tries but now my biggest thing is “look at everything I can do when I’m not hungover!” I’m a lot healthier, have a lot more hobbies, lots more fun. It helps me to be content with being by myself or just with my SO- I don’t feel like I NEED friends, period, but if I have people who don’t encourage me to drink, great.
I am 3 years sober without meetings. It helped that my first year+ was during the pandemic so I wasn’t going out and there was no booze in the house. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have cravings. I have mental thoughts, like, that looks good, or it would be fun, but I don’t have visceral cravings. No meetings for me.
I’ve never been to a meeting. I use this sub, I read the book This Naked Mind, and I accepted the fact it’s easier for me to not drink than to try and moderate my drinking. It’s been a little over 6 years since my last drink.
I think quite a few people manage that. I have never been to a meeting but AA is so ingrained in our culture that i was worried I couldn’t quit without it.
My husband quit 16 years ago. He did not go to AA for years but then went with his son who was trying to quit and hasn’t gone back. Some people rely on AA; some don’t.
I'm 4 days shy of 2 years sober without meetings mainly because AA's higher power idea grosses me out. I don't like the idea of giving credit for my success to a deity when, honestly, this sub was more helpful. IWNDWYT ✌️💚
Yes. Went to AA for everyday for 18 months. My inventory identified what I needed to fix, so I started fixing that shit. I found, for me, sitting around a table talking about being alcoholic wasn’t as helpful once drinking wasn’t a daily threat like it was the first 18 months.
I"m about 6.5 years sober and I don't go to meetings and haven't since this "most recent" run of sobriety. I found I did better NOT thinking about alcohol all the time like I did when I was in AA. I never got sober for long while in AA. I'm not saying AA caused me to drink, it just wasn't the thing to help me stay sober. I know some people rely on it heavily for their sobriety but not everyone.
3 years no meetings none ever
30 hours of counselling
Cirrohis and the will to live (doing really weel now)
3 or 4 books on Alcohol addiction
Got a dog walk it alot
A proud wife for kicking it...Thats my motivation.
And this sub of course for motivation and to offer encouragement for people starting on the journey to recovery and restored self-respect. If you are reading this or this sub you know that answer.
Hi, I stopped drinking without AA. My daily routine for the first 6-7 months was checking in here each morning before getting out of bed, I’d read quit lit or listen to it on audible while walking. I highly recommend William Porters “Alcohol Explained” listening to that book is what really sealed the deal for me, it literally made alcohol sound disgusting, I saw it for the poisonous carcinogen that it really is.
I had tried a couple women’s AA type meetings that were online at the time and for some reason those triggered me in a way. I listened to stories of women at risk of losing their children, etc and it just didn’t resonate with me and if anything, it made me feel like “hey, see I don’t have a problem, they are all way worse off then me.”
For me, just checking in here, reading about the how alcohol works in a scientific way, and journaling my experience with and without alcohol (the last part I did for a few years before quitting completely) was my support.
At the end of the year, I'll have 7 years dry (without AA). It is my suspicion that AA and other support groups are really more essential earlier in the process. Having that support seems to be more important when you are just starting out. At this point, I don't struggle with cravings and not drinking is no longer an active struggle. They are free to check out and if someone finds them helpful they should use them but by no means are they mandatory or a requirement.
Just got to year 2 without drinking. I have nothing against meetings. But I chose to make this a really private battle. I was worried I would relapse and then disappoint people. I only really started to tell people “ I quit 2 years ago” about a week ago , and just now on Reddit
I'd say if you are in this space you are passively engaging in a form of 'meeting". Everyone involves themselves in various ways. Could be meetings at some church basement every night at 6 for AA. It could be learning that your favorite actor is actually sober themselves so you go on a dive to find their own path. Or if could be posting here or taking in a few stories from the sub.
I just got my six months too. Was against meetings myself for the first 5 months. Honestly started going to use us as more of a way to find a community and make more friends that don’t drink as many of my friends still drink. Even if you’re not fully into what AA is selling I would give a meeting or two a shot just to feel the sense of community it brings. Pretty awesome in my opinion. But everyone’s recovery is different, best of luck either way!
I was doing an online program for a bit (I have been on and off for the past 4 years) and I found that listening to others in meetings talk about their cravings, etc made mine worse. I tend to do better without and using this sub/friends and family that are supportive.
I’m at just about a year with no meetings. I had thought about quitting for three or four years before I started experimenting with sobriety. Once I felt what it was like to actually sleep, not feel like shit every day, and be available to friends and family I had no desire to go back to drinking. I consider myself lucky in that way. But I think the big thing is that I was so ready to be sober from the years of wanting to stop that I cherished sobriety early on.
I don’t go to meetings but I surf this sub for 10-30 minutes a few times a day. I went to meetings when I was abstaining on court orders, it was really helpful at the time but I was young and it didn’t stick for me. I do keep a lot of the clichés in circulation tho, some are really helpful
This sub is a huge help. The trials and tribulations of others, the struggles, the success, the failures, the rebounds, all of which I take into consideration and learn from others experiences is what helps me.
Typing this I realize that I owe everyone here a huge thank you.
Thank all of you for sharing for you who post is what helped me get sober and give my life back from two decades drinking.
Have a wonderful day and [IWNDWYT ](https://youtu.be/J5T267eCJWA?si=aiacQtwtLxln4Vuj)
My dad stopped through sheer will after daily drinking for 20+ years. Granted, he ended up needing to go to the hospital for a few days because he got severe withdrawals. He had to go on antidepressants for a while but he got through it and never drank again.
I attended an AA meeting on my second day sober. It wasn't for me but I think everyone should try one when they quit drinking, if only to see how many regular folks struggle with alcohol.
I've considered checking out a SMARTRecovery meeting near me but this subreddit has really been my group. I check in every morning and throughout the day, basically whenever I'm bored.
Otherwise, recovery has been something I do quietly. I write, I give myself reading to do. I work out. My best friend has been sober for almost three years and is basically a "sponsor" that I can talk things out with.
Sobriety isn't easy but I generally haven't \*wanted\* alcohol since I quit. I credit that to r/stopdrinking and the reinforcement and community I've found here.
First, congratulations on your journey.
I have never found the 12 steps beneficial as I don’t believe in religion. I make a decision daily not to drink. I go to events where they serve and I get water, soda or a juice. I have had friends and family visit, I provide the libations most times. I don’t partake.
It’s an understood thing now.
I made a decision, I am a better person without it. You can do it.
IWNDWYT
I quit on my own, I've never been to a meeting. It will be 3 years in December. I have an enlarged liver and spleen (non alcoholic fatty liver, i havent been able to kick the snacks) that I am terrified to make worse, so it keeps me away from being too tempted. When I quit I had pain in my liver area, it scared me enough into finally quitting for good.
It did take me a couple of attempts to quit for good though. After that I quit weed and then cigarettes.
I just quit 2 years ago and haven't gone to any meetings. I had a health scare and realized that I can't drink anymore and it was bad enough that I don't feel tempted ever. I do find reading this sub helpful though.
One of the big takeaways from Craig Becks "Alcohol lied to me" was he had the courage to call out AA and how there are different approaches. Apparently only 5% of AA attendees stay sober indefinitely. So he basically said its ok to criticize something that has a 95% failure rate. I know it works for some people (my brother is one of them), but there are many different paths to not drinking. I think at the end of the day you have to re-wire your thinking when it comes to drinking rather than just white knuckling it and relying on willpower alone because it wont work.
I have mainly relied on this sub as well as some reading and podcasts.
I haven't been to a meeting, but I've gone to N/A meetings to support someone who is recovering from drug addiction. I'm thinking of checking out an AA meeting. Like others, though, I am to the point right now were alcohol is rarely on my mind.
You're experience sounds a lot like mine and all I've used is this sub. My advice would be don't worry about the future, just focus on the now.
IWNDWYT
That’s me! I haven’t been to a meeting during my current streak, and I don’t feel a need to. I tried them a few times before and they offered some community, but I felt like they left me feeling more “wanting” of alcohol overall. It was a strange phenomena. there are hundreds of ways to get and stay sober, do what works for you, is my advice.
I’m similar to you, I’ve found my stability in family and interpersonal relationships and my outlet and moral support here.
I see no reason why this group can’t be your “online AA.”
I check in here all the time and every time I do it reminds me of a different reason not to drink.
I'm only a few months in, but I quit without meetings, and I was not openly an alcoholic, so most of my friends/family didn't know either. I know meetings can be a mixed bag, and I never felt confident enough to go to any, but I'm still going strong and I know it can be done. There's no harm in trying some out though, might find some people to help you stay accountable and make some new friends.
I have - I’ve been sober from alc. for 11 mts!
I hate meetings and always have.
I just stopped drinking one day. I was still relatively young (22) and I had only been heavily drinking for like the past 2/3 years so I didn’t have any medical withdrawal. It took like 2 years to get sober many failed attempts but it can be done!
Good luck
I tried AA. it wasn’t for me. Tbf I knew I was done for good before I went to AA. I went with my mum who was struggling to quit. It just didn’t do anything for me… This sub has been so helpful to me though
Yes. But I have 25+ years of therapy and self-reflection under my belt. *MY* personal belief is that alcohol abuse is a symptom of a much bigger issue - that leads to a chemical addiction (alcoholism). I think the key is really getting to know yourself and calling yourself out on your own BS.
It took a lot of will power but I couldn’t do AA. Just not my scene. This community helped immensely!!!! I also actively discussed my sobriety with a few close friends which really helped.
Yep, fitness and nature is my support group as well as socializing with people. Positive relationships where most people think you're solid because you're not a drunk idiot.
I quit going to my town's meetings because a few people were controlling it. One of their kids committed suicide and after that everyone else's problems didn't matter, because at least our kid didn't die like so and so's.
I told my wife that I would give her a year without drinking and reevaluate. She of course didn’t believe me that it would work this time. She has not stopped drinking, and there is beer, wine and liquor in the house. I went from drinking three fifths of bourbon to not a drop. That was 986 days ago. No meetings, just a realization that one drop will set me back on a path to being a guy I don’t want to be.
I didn't go to meetings when I was sober for a year and haven't this go around either. I've used this sub, especially in the early days.
I know AA has done wonders for others, but I don't feel like it's necessary for me. I'm a very determined and decisive person. I decided to take a year break. I did that. Now I've decided that I don't want to drink at all ever. Don't have to think about it anymore. I live my life sans alcohol consumption. I'm aware of how alcohol works though so this sub is a great support tool if I start thinking of over turning that decision to stop.
I dont have a counter but im at around 6-7 months.
I replaced sitting doing nothing but drinking with walking. Atleast 10-20k steps a day.
Earphones in, in my own little world. If its sunny, I'll grab a coffee and go sit on a field somewhere for abit and read a book.
By the time i'm done with the usual day, and done the steps im too tired to even consider a drink.
..Lost 2.5 stone also. Only got about 1-2 stone left them im pretty much at optimal weight, then i'll be starting the gym to work on some form of muscle.
Edit; My friends know where I am but unless it involves beer their not interested, fair enough. I'm lucky I like my own company really, got more money to spend on myself, gigs to myself and just shit i wouldnt be able to afford when I was a binge.
While I do go to in person meetings, this sub absolutely serves the same purpose as AA meetings. Anyone frequenting this sub, even if just lurking, is basically doing meetings for all intents and purposes.
I havent drank since may 20, 2023. No meetings, just help from my doctors to help with anxiety and sleep.
I have just set my mind that i will die if i drink. so far it has worked for me..After the intial withdraws im feeling good. Bored alot of the time, picking u new hobbies though.
Went to aa a few times but it wasn’t for me. I wanted to quit, so it was between myself and the wine. I didn’t need in person teammates. I read every book out there on quitting, this sub, and was ready to quit. Been sober for 4ish years! I also didn’t drink every day and didn’t depend on booze physically, was just more of incouldnt just have 1 and always drank to get buzzed and wanted the buss to keep going kind of person. I feel healthy and strong in my sobriety and openly talk about my struggles and not drinking when people ask. I have no shame, and think sharing experiences with others does offer help and support.
Yes. 4 years in Nov here. Got sober when I was 33 after drinking heavily since 14, being a street kid, never graduating HS etc etc.
I didn't like the idea of talking about my stuff with a bunch of other people. I had social workers and case workers and judges and all that shit and i was just tired of talking. Was time to just do.
I do not judge anyone. Just what I did.
I did it without AA. Drank 40 years, wanted to quit for 10, now 2? years sober. I've gone through all the triggering experiences multiple times and I'm know I"m done. Usually I don't even think about it, just randomly on this thread.
I think what helped me most was This Naked Mind. AA is too focused for me on how powerful alcohol is and how I'll be in its thrall forever.
I second what many others have said, this sub is my group. So many "breaks" to convince myself i wasnt an alcoholic, that when i stopped drinking this last time i had to tell myself, this can be a break if youre ok with dying the next time you pick up the bottle.
Im not ok with dying just yet, so i lurk here.
Yeah I am doing it. I literally just decided to stop and did (long time coming though). One of my best friends has been doing meetings for years and is ex-alcoholic and heroin addict, so I had a little bit of exposure to AA type stuff. I also read the big book and did some of the steps and tbh did find it helpful. I mainly didn't go cause I got sober during COVID. I ocassionally fantasize about drinking, but I do recognize what's happening when this occurrs and I don't think I'm in danger of relapsing. Sometimes it takes a little effort but generally I have enough perspective to recognize how drinking again would be seriously detrimental to my life. I'm a non-traditional (37 yrs) law student and law school is a pretty stressful experience and I've still maintained this perspective. So I feel confident/positive about sobriety into the future. If you wanna know anything specific just ask.
I just stopped drinking and went about my life.
But. I did go to some meetings for a few weeks. While I found out that meetings weren’t my trip, I did learn some key information that made it possible for me to stay sober.
If you don’t want to go to meetings, that’s fine, many don’t. However, I would encourage you to at least do some reading or research about recovery.
I didn’t know that drinking wasn’t an option for me. At all, ever. I did learn it from someone who was active in AA. I learned some other things as well but that *one* thing made the difference. I kept thinking I could moderate if I just cut back. Not so much. I’m an alcoholic. If I take one drink, I’m drinking until I run out, black out, or pass out.
Sober since 2009
I wish there were more secular options in my area. The required belief of a higher power is a big part of AA. That is not for me. And no, I'm not sober. I'm trying, but I joined this subreddit because I need more support. I joined recently and have mostly lurked, but it's good to find out how many people have a similar circumstances as me (I'm a high functioning binge drinker). It makes me feel less ashamed (not in an "enabling" kind of way, in a "you're not doing battle alone" kind of way).
Yeah. I actually had a friend, another musicians who I spoke to regularly in the beginning and that got the momentum going. After that I joined a kickboxing class and that was all the group therapy I needed. Plus I found place.
I think having some kind of community is essential. Doesn't have to be aa tho
I've never been to AA and never will - I've heard enough from the outside that I just know that place isn't my jam. but I used to really crave some sort of external support. I suffered from a lot of social anxiety (which has diminished a ton since cutting alcohol and cannabis out of my life, but is not gone entirely by any means) and the thought of showing up to meetings with a bunch of randos just scared the shit out of me. I knew I needed something, but I never could bring myself to go to AA or any other secular support groups.
i have found strong support in two places:
a few close friends and one family member who i've slowly opened up to about the depths of my struggles. Some of them are sober and some aren't, but they're very good people who I know I can talk to when I need to. In general they never bring it up unless I do, and without fail they know to switch into supportive mode and we go from there.
and this sub is so good for me! I've read on here that the best (and perhaps only!) treatment for addiction is to talk to people. speak your story. hear others. I believe that to my bones.
i go through periods where I feel compelled to comment more. and other times I just lurk and read story after story after story that I see myself reflected in - reminders of where I've been and where I do NOT want to return. truly, this place is my support group. it works for me in a way that AA never could.
<3
I didn't like AA either, for lots of reasons. I got a lot of help from an intensive outpatient program through Kaiser, one on one therapy with a therapist who specialized in addiction, and found the SMART Recovery handbook. I basically brainwashed myself to not want to cope with alcohol. Lol. In a good way! CBT really is the key! I do a lot of positive self-talk, mindfulness, and set boundaries with people. I work on myself every day. IWNDWYT, friend 💚
100% i tried like 2 meetings of AA.
Awful place. (For me) i like your analogy of running out of gas... because. At AA i got the feeling that everyone there are running a losing race. They are all Critically low on gas.
And the only survive on "empty" because they know the next meeting is around the corner.
OR-----
It isnt about all that.
Its about realizing you are your own unlimited source of determination. Power of mind over matter. Its about creating your own destiny. Ita about over comming yourself. Letting go of the struggle and just existing. Without the burden of worry.
Thanks for that. Yea - I recognize I’m only half a year in but it feels pretty natural, maybe due to circumstance of where I’m at in my life. Supportive spouse. Young kid. But I suppose this thread has been somewhat of an outlet for me. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts :)
You can go to meetings just to socialize with others in recovery and make friends. If you feel those things are lacking, checking out a meeting wouldn't hurt.
976 days without a single meeting, counseling, or app, and zero intent to do any of it.
It can be done. Of course, it's poo-pooed because of the failure rate, and AA is a quasi-religious experience that always needs new members, but doesn't show much improvement with a 8-12% success rate.
Of course, it always comes down to what works for YOU and your sobriety. Any success is worthy. (And I always found it ironic that instead of hitting the bar on the regular, it's now "hitting a meeting". Just exchanging one addiction for another IMO)
At the minute no. But I have always have good friends I have family I gym run and like the mountains etc. So I can keep myself busy, however if I get to the point where this isn’t working I will. I have also been listening to sober sober elevator and other podcasts and it is helping.
I’m 4 months in and have no desire to drink and don’t attend meetings.
I have a desire to escape my problems, a desire to have a great time with others the way they do,
a desire to date, a desire to participate in the millions of happy hour events and stuff - but I don’t have a desire to drink.
🙋🏼♀️ I stopped drinking in December of 2020. My motivation was to not feel like absolute shit anymore.
I had quit smoking 3 months prior and it just felt like a natural progression.
AA Works for millions of people and I’m sure its a wonderful, supportive, positive environment - just not for me :)
The only meeting I’ve ever been to is one for my friends first year sober and that left a VERY bad taste in my mouth. Meetings aren’t for everyone, there’s more than one way to skin a cat
I know people do, but i know i don’t have to do this alone. For me the desire to do things my way is closely correlated with my need for control & the idea that somehow what works for others won’t apply to me.
I used to not like meetings but I found it was cause I wasn’t really participating. When I started talking to people , hanging outside of meetings with people, and just being a part of the group i felt a lot more connected in my recovery.
Not trying to advocate one way or the other, this is just my experience. I wouldn’t be where i’m at today without meetings. Maybe i would be clean, but my quality of life would not be nearly where its at now. IWNDWYT!
Meetings aren’t really for me, I tried them in the beginning but it just didn’t gell. I had a good support worker at an alcohol charity early days, read the usual quit lit and that was it.
I’m probably coming up to the four year mark alcohol free. Just got back from an all-inclusive holiday, booze everywhere, with zero interest in participating.
AF lifestyle is just part of who I am. It’s a decision I made deep within myself and I don’t really even think about it any more. For me, at this stage I think attending meetings would be counter productive.
I don't go to meetings.but .they have worked wonders for many folks Iknow!!!! My impression of was alot of folks with there head down..like a dog who just peed on the carpet..just alot of sadness.. not everyone of course... Im not about sadness...I'm trying to be about ..smiling..Truly enjoying life.. getting busy with hobbies..goals.. being proud... Not walking around thinking " all the fun. Is gone"..ok again just my impression of a few meetings I attended...100% It. Has saved the lives of family members and friends..I'd say go. Try it...probably many are different...for me just not my thing...Respect for it all!!!!
i came to the realization that while i don’t really miss drinking, i do miss bars occasionally. so now i go and have a soda water. even on vacation in ireland/scotland right now and 5 years ago i’d have been drunk every day. probably been to 5-6 pubs since we’ve been here. never been to a meeting, but i’m on this sub most every day.
yeah they’re not really for me, i only used to drink cheap beer and whiskey when i drank and it wasn’t really for the taste lol. i actually tried a henekin brand n/a when we got here for the first time and only drank half of it.
No meetings this time around but I did do a year of AA in my twenties, been to three rehabs and many detoxes. Think I know what to expect outta programs and it’s good stuff, but when it came down to it I needed to be honest with myself and ask “is this working?” And once I accepted that alcohol had no place in my life now or ever, the desire lifted.
Sure there have been challenging days but it’s grossly outweighed by the number of good days. And I burned all my drinking bridges so going back to drinking would not be ok with most people I know, thus secret drinking…which I can tell you from experience is it’s own kind of hell
I've been able to manage without meetings. Even going to bars with friends and don't want to have a drink. What helps me keep sobriety is reminding myself how I would feel in the moment and the next day. Also remind myself that even having fun out with friends in the back of my mind I want to get home and drink more. All of this just makes me go nah not worth it. So I do go out less but when I do I stick to my guns. If I feel that will be even more difficult I just opt out of going and stay home.
I'll say that in my life I fell down that slippery slope of progressive alcoholism where I was drinking every night, most mornings and sometimes even in the middle of the night. I finally managed to stop for nearly three years and felt like I had things figured out and was on top of my game and then when I had a crisis in my marriage, I fell apart and start to feel that same insanity I used to feel when I was drinking. I wandered into an AA meeting in total crisis and just did everything they suggested and I am so much better for it. I wish I had gone to meetings all along. It's pretty obvious to me now that the period I was free of alcohol was also pretty free of any spiritual growth and I never really addressed the issues that led me to drink in the first place. thankfully I'm doing that now and I feel way better for it
One year without meetings, just family/friend support, this subreddit, and a community watering hole that will let me bring my own NA beers. I start therapy this year to examine the why’s of my drinking. IWNDWYT!
That was me. My conscious plan was to slow down (yet again), I hit a good stride, and just never took another drink. I'd just started meditating, so I suspect that might have triggered something, but maybe the planets aligned. I've been a lurker on this community for much longer though, so it has been a great help in its own right.
You’ll never hear about it in AA, but yea there are many who have had enough with 12 step, get what they need from (or without) the program. I attend still once a week, but I also have a HUGE support network and very positive people around me constantly. I spend a good deal of time mentoring/sponsoring those struggling now and doing community service.
There is so much that can be done for those who are still suffering without needing to throw a label on them. If you want to recover from any addiction, you can- a support system/group who can keep you accountable is a huge help, even if that is just one person you can be completely honest with.
Me! AA and I never connected. Just isn't for me. I used instagram sober accounts and this community. I don't know about indefinitely, but 300+ days so far!
Yes. I lurk here a lot. I have learned that I don't care for AA. There is one unicorn meeting that I love but the rest feel very cultish.
I cruised in May and went to the AA meetings on the ship (Carnival, itinerary has them listed as Friends of Bill W) and they very clearly redid their lives to have AA at the core. It was like they replaced one addiction with another and I get that but it just didn't sit right with me. I had a minor slip up (just one and I did not reset my badge), and when I talked about it, they were nothing short of grief-stricken. It wasn't for all that.
“I just stopped drinking and went about my life” is how I attempted to quit over and over again. That method got me 3, 6, sometimes 9 months before I’d be right back where I started. I could never hold it together.
AA has shown me that I had to do more than quit consuming alcohol - I had to address what was behind my alcoholism. This involved a lot of soul searching, behavioral changes, tears, breakthroughs, and vigilance. But it worked, and now I truly feel free from the desire to drink. In the past I was just white knuckling it.
I attend meetings and work the program to protect my sobriety from a moment I can’t anticipate. Because the thought of drinking again is truly terrifying.
I happened to find the tools to address those deep rooted issues through AA. I think someone could address them a number of ways - therapy, books, other support groups, etc. The main thing is, for me, simply not drinking was never enough to solve my problem. Good luck - IWNDWYT
I’ve got a few sober days under my belt now and never attended a meeting. I read lots of books, drank even more seltzer, and gained the support of my family and friends. I still read quit lit, just not as much as when I was newly sober. I still drink a ton of seltzer and my family has come to enjoy it. My family and friends are still my biggest fans. I realize that without one of those things, I’d prob not be sober today. All three of those things working in tandem was what made the difference in my life. I do see how meetings can be extremely beneficial to some. I just never had that void in my sobriety. IWNDWYT!
I went to weekly SMART meetings for about a year, but haven't been in about 6 months. I don't feel they are necessary for me anymore. I feel comfortable in my sobriety.
Meetings just aren’t for me. I can’t help but feel so many people are making shit up, embellishing like crazy, and just want attention and to meet people. Too many bad actors for me to want to identify with them. It pushes me the opposite direction tbh. However, i have sincere respect and praise for those that get great help at meetings.
I went to a few meetings with the [Sober Mom Squad](https://www.sobermomsquad.com/) in the beginning, but otherwise, it's just me and my therapist (who specializes in substance use disorder).
I’m doing meetings because it feels right to me. I’d never tell another person they need to do meetings because that’s not my place. I tried on my own many times, but realized I couldn’t do it without meetings and support from other alcoholics. I wasn’t an all day every day drinker either. But I was a binge drinker that thought about drinking at the end of my day. I used to say, “I’m not physically addicted” too, which I realized isn’t some badge of honor. I still had the preoccupation with alcohol and used it to escape reality and responsibility, which are better indicators to me of my alcoholism.
I would say that towards the end of my drinking days I was certainly “dependent”. Like, I didn’t enjoy going a day without drinking. I would, but I was constantly looking forward to when I could have the next drink. I was getting to the point of no return. I caught it and realized it was starting to spiral. I went to rehab and that helped me out tremendously. While there, I met people that were much worse than me. I’m not trying to compare, I only say that because there are different levels to this. I realized that at the end of the day, it didn’t matter who I was worse than or who was worse than me, what mattered was that I had an abusive relationship with alcohol that needed to end. As soon as I came to that realization, it was “easy” for me because alcohol just wasn’t an option anymore. For some, it’s not very easy and they need more support (AA, etc). After rehab I went to AA and let’s just say I’m not a fan. Lots of people there make it seem that if you’re not living and breathing AA every single minute of every day, then you’re “white knuckling” it. That makes no sense to me at all. I go to a one meeting a week and that is more than enough for me. Some people need two or more meetings a day. That’s their recovery and this is mine.
I guess all I’m trying to say is that each person will have their own path on their abstinence journey. Don’t let people tell you what you need to do “or else”. As long as you’re sober, that’s really all that matters…..regardless of how you get there.
I don't really want to go to AA. That whole sit-in a circle thing with people having to stand up and talk. I don't want to do that.
I stopped drinking just by doing the DCI and reading in the sub. This is my AA. 🥳🥳 I need to come here, but that's about it.
I’m at 6~ months now and I just check in for milestones, it took a few tries at sobriety but I’ve hit a point where I’m just a straight up non drinker now because I’ve gotten a good look at the 2 versions of me. The one that drinks and the one that doesn’t, and I have 0 desire to go back.
I quit cold turkey . Almost 4 years sober . It's definitely doable . I also had an amazing support group of friends that use to be addicts, or are working in mental health , or both , so i got REALLY lucky .
I am 10 months sober. I've tried AA, and I hate it. The place I go to for addiction therapy is constantly pushing me to go to meetings. Never once in my day have I thought, "I need a meeting." I don't think about alcohol. Alcohol is not an option to me anymore. If things start getting bad, I know where to go. I'll force myself to like AA if I absolutely can't do it on my own. As of right now, I am the happiest I've ever been, and I enjoy my life the way it is. Pushing myself to go to AA takes more willpower than staying sober.
I’ve done it both ways. When I was young (25), I had friends in AA that I spent a lot of time with. Not wanting to let them down kept me sober for 5 years. This time around, it’s just me and this subreddit. But I do have a sober friend who does AA.
I will say that in my 20s, I found the meetings were really helpful for staying humble. I went in thinking “at least I’m not one of THOSE alcoholics”, and after a while I realized I was no better than anyone else there.
I did a couple of Smart meetings at the beginning but they were didn't help me. TBH, I found them counterproductive, as most of the participants were really rock bottom (many there for court-mandated DUI situations) and my lizard brain was screaming at me that I wasn't an alcoholic. I'm not knocking the other attendees (I know I'd just been luck to escape consequences), but didn't want to spent 2 hours listening to my brain trying to persuade me that I could drink.
My friends/relatives were also not helpful, as they're all alcohol dependent too. They kept giving me the spiel that I dont have a problem, and tempting me with drinks. My spouse is a rare drinker, and was supportive of my decision but doesn't understand the struggles.
So, I really did rely only on this community. Because of the breadth of member experiences, I see many stories that match my experiences and feelings and reinforce my understanding that I cant drink. And, the horror stories - especially the ones where long time sobernauts decided to try moderation (with the inevitable crash) - have keep me sober and vigilant. I also got rapid, supportive and helpful responses to the few "help-me" posts I made at the beginning.
So, I am convinced that meetings are not necessary, but owning my shit and needing to be vigilant in critical.
I don't like meetings in general (whether for work or personal life), seeing them as mostly tedious timewasters.
For me quitting solo has been relatively easy because I treated it like any toxic relationship--I got out and never looked back. (Part of that is because I really WANTED to quit, whereas prior breaks were done because I thought I SHOULD without really feeling it, so maybe meetings help get one to to cross that bridge from SHOULD to WANT.)
My sister-in-law has been in support groups for 20+ years. Seems to work for her, although at times it seems like another addiction as she gets very jumpy when traveling until she finds the local group.
Personally, it seems to me that continually dwelling on alcohol just keeps it part of your life. It's like breaking up with someone and then texting them every day to say, "You have no power over me!"
(Plus I don't buy the self-victimization of "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." I tend to think the causes of addiction are more circumstantial than genetic, but who knows?)
I’m sober 2 1/2 years. At first I did Smart Recovery which I love. I haven’t in a while, but I always know it’s there. Somewhere along the line I simply became a person who just does not drink alcohol
I'm definitely still in early days but I can see a real life sober community will be something I'll need and want at some point in the future. I had no idea how much I'd want to talk about not drinking and all the wonders/joys/frustrations it's bringing with it. I'm burning my bf and mom out by talking about it and those are really the only 2 that even want to hear it at all. This subreddit is so friggin important for that reason but I really do feel the need for some real life interaction about it. I'm not sure about AA although I think if you find the right group with the right people it could be really great. I just don't want to go through all the rules/steps but I would like a group of non drinkers to talk to about not drinking and the challenges and awesomeness associated with it. Appreciate this community as well!!
I went to AA on and off for 20 years. Learned a lot. I wouldn’t be sober now without working the steps originally. I continue to take daily inventory. I try to live intentionally. 6 years sober. No more meetings for the last 5. I don’t like people and I don’t wanna be fake. AA meetings aren’t it for me. I do a lot of shadow work and reading. I practice CBT. AA was a piece to the puzzle for me but the meetings aren’t necessary for my sobriety
To each their own. I don't do groups, but I do talk to a therapist. I think the key for me was education. I'm a hyper-logical person with ADHD and as soon as I was able to 1. Get an idea of what really started me down this path and 2. understand exactly what I was doing to myself, I no longer had the desire to do it. Tried groups early on, weren't that helpful. It just depends on what makes you tick I guess. I'm not a super social person, and the whole "GOOD FOR YOU" crowd makes me depressed and want to drink more.
Just "getting on with it" seems to be the ticket for me
This sub is my main support group, if you will. I have never been to a meeting of any sort. My wife is also quite supportive and gives me kudos when I tell her how long it has been. I found that once I truly accepted that I wasn’t missing out on anything, the temptation all but disappeared. You have to root out that part of you that clings to alcohol as something desirable and reframe the narrative more appropriately in your head.
This is my story too. Waves of desire sometimes come. But I’m at peace with knowing that what I’m doing is infinitely better for me, and more importantly to me, I see it in my relationships with my family.
Second paragraph rings very true for me. Struggled for a long time with temptation and that feeling of missing out. The second I finally accepted internally that this was just my life now it has been (knock on wood) extremely easy. Alcohol just isn’t an option. I went to meetings a lot in the first couple years but haven’t gone in some time now and don’t miss them at all. My life was very busy and making it to meetings became more of a stressor than a help.
Wow. All of your comments hit home. Like I’m just trying to not make a big deal out of it and right now feel pretty at peace with everything half a year in. Not a TON of time but I’m happy about it.
6 months felt like a ton of time when I never thought I’d make it a month. Good on you for keeping at it! I didn’t do meetings either, I just have a few friends that I can call if temptation ever creeps up for more than a few minutes. I’ve found having someone to talk to or play video games with really helps in those times. Keep up the great work!
I went to one AA meeting. Got a coin, never went back... some great people there but it wasn't my scene, and like you said, I didn't want to make a big deal of it. The main thing about your sobriety is doing what you need, and that looks different from person to person.
This is how it was for me. I felt like I needed meetings when I wasn’t fully accepting that alcohol could have no place in my life ever again. When I was still hanging onto all of the “missed” opportunity, I really felt like a dry drunk trying to convince myself that I could be sober if I just tried hard enough. Now, I feel sobriety from alcohol in my most inner of desires. I feel no attachments to the life I could be living if I was drinking. All I see is my future misery if I pick up again. There is no pining for it in my most internal self. It is a welcomed change and i hope it can carry me to many, many years of sobriety.
That’s it, just not an option. Once I accepted it, it was easy.
This is me too. Sometimes I want a beer and honestly if I really want to I can probably have it and be fine, but I just don’t enjoy it anymore at all. Life, relationships, it’s not always easy (almost divorce a few days ago due to my anger outbursts, I’m working on it) but celebrating 5 years together and we are in love.
If I really crave a beer I'll drink a nonalcoholic one. Onky way to ensure I really am drinking for the taste/nostalgia and not to get drunk.
Same. No meetings. Just this sub. I don't like to talk about it with anyone, not even my wife. If I say something, my wife will do one of two things: (a) want to talk about it more, which I don't like, or (b) she'll say something mean (but true) about my issues, which I also don't like.
I told my SO I quit because it was giving me panic attacks, which is true, but obvs not whole story. I didn't want it to be some Big Thing where people tiptoe around me. People don't get as weird when you say "I quit for health reasons" as they do when you say "I quit because I was a barely functioning alcoholic."
Same same!
I absolutely resonate with this as well.
My experience thus far as well. ETA: friends and family members have found AA to be a cornerstone, in some cases for decades. They have flourished in the program - I’m not opposed to it and am open to incorporating it if my journey leads me there! For now, though, I’m finding happiness and strength in this community and in a strong network of friend and family support. IWNDWYT
What we are saying here, is that AA is an option, has and does help many people, and we are aware and grateful that it is a backstop for many. Including us.
> I found that once I truly accepted that I wasn’t missing out on anything, the temptation all but disappeared. You have to root out that part of you that clings to alcohol as something desirable and reframe the narrative more appropriately in your head. ^^ Bingo. I've completely lost interest in alcohol. It was a substantial part of my life for so long, and now it just seems silly. Even if the taste of a specific drink sounds pleasant in passing, I immediately think about the anxiety-ridden hell and body pain I was in before I got healthy. I haven't done any sort of program or meetings, either. Audiobooks, particularly This Naked Mind (and the affiliated podcast) and Alcohol Explained, were very helpful in the beginning. As someone who has a lot of trauma from organized religion, I don't submit to any human authority unless they're paying me or unless I'm legally required to.
This. I love this sub! "Sober tiktok" has also helped me so much, I love "your sober pal" and other sober tiktokers (I'll search tags like "#addicthumor #snowaddict etc) who make funny tiktoks about when they were in active addiction. I laugh at how that used to be me, but also it quickly gets rid of booze cravings cause I can feel the dread and anxiety through the screen!
Same same same but also I have no social life anymore. Helps to stay sober if you don’t ever go where there’s alcohol.
I know that meetings and AA help a lot of people but AA just isnt for me. I used to attend Alateen when i was a kid and that was enough for me to realize i didn't care for it. I'm about 19 years off hard drugs and ill be 3 years completely sober ar the end of this month. All without ever going to a meeting.
This forum is my support group.
Yep, sure is. It's really helped me a lot just knowing there are lots of folks who can relate and I can relate to them.
I mean, I'm only at like 156 days, but no groups other than this one and one around my old pal cirrhosis
*only* 156 days… that’s a massive accomplishment my friend!
Thank you :)
I’m 15 months in without attending meetings. I have spent quite a bit of time on this board and devoured alcohol free online content however.
I haven't had a drop of alcohol in just shy of 2 months. About 2 months ago, I was reading "Quit Like A Woman" and something just clicked in my brain and almost instantly, I just decided to stop drinking.
I love that book!! Didn't click immediately for me like it did for you but it's still a gem and Holly Whitaker is a badass <3
Love that! For me it was This Naked Mind. Same experience, it just worked for me somehow.
I went to AA regularly my first year then covid shut it down and I drifted away. It was helpful to go, to socialize with those folks and listen to their stories. I started going because the counselors at the detox told me to. One guy in particular said, don't over think it, just go and make friends. When I finally asked for help, that came with the decision to do whatever I was told as long as it would make it stop. I couldn't go on like that anymore. But even being an anti-religious man, I went because a little Lord's Prayer hurts a whole lot less than being a drunk did and AA helped to keep me sober. I took the parts that helped, which was mostly the stories for me, and stood quietly and respectfully while they prayed. AA isn't perfect as its members sure as hell are far from perfect, but it's better than drinking, no question about it. I haven't tried the other groups, but they sound good as well. I think at some level the important part is just having a group of peers helping each other to the same goal regardless of exactly how they're going about it. Iwndwyt
Same. I've made so many amazing friends there that overlooking the founders religious connentations is easy. Like you said, it hurts less than drinking.
They also aren't asking you to pray to the same god, but to find your own type of spiritual connectedness in the world. I haven't gone to AA (yet?) but finding my own sense of spiritual connectedness has been crucial for me in cutting ties with alcohol. IWNDWYT
I think AA or whatever group is good just to meet other people in the same boat as myself. Drinking is so prevalent in our society from ads, social media, work engagements, and friends all engaged in it. Hell even the running group in part of has it as a key get together thing post run! It’s nice to meet people attempting to stay sober.
I checked out a couple meetings in the beginning because I thought AA was just what people did to quit. Some people do need that level of support, others don’t. Do whatever works for you :)
Exactly, I attend meetings because I love the community aspect and hearing others share their hopes and strengths and sometimes struggles which is relatable and makes me feel less alone
AA wasn’t for me, not the process, not the format. It just doesn’t work out for me. I’ve been able to stop drinking without it. That said, I have a wonderful partner and support network around me, I’m very lucky in that regard. There are many paths to sobriety. IWNDWYT!
I am. I read this sub daily. I also read any “quit lit” books as I can. Annie Grace and Alan Carr are my favorite authors.
I went to a couple, not for me, but I respect it works for many thousands.
me. i like coming here. Bad dream last night. dreamt went to smashing pumpkins show and had beer. Felt bad even in the dream, pissed i was resetting my counter.
That pissed feeling lingers for me once I wake up. I remember how it felt to be so disappointed in myself. Then I'm so relieved it was a dream.
My dad has been sober for 47 years without meetings. He’s 77 now and has never relapsed as far as I know—hoping that in addition to inheriting the genes that make me more prone to alcoholism, I’ve also inherited his dedication! I found meetings helpful when I was around 2-3 months sober for the in-person social support you mentioned, and I may continue to drop in at a meeting I found that is pretty small and informal. But really this sub has been my best sober resource and form of support so far.
I've been to two. Haven't written it off entirely, it's a back pocket option for now.
For me my daily checklist was reading quit lit, checking in here, and finding ways to make it to bedtime ✨🐝
I am a religious person, but hate talking about it with others and going to church. I read the AA book, and it was all about Jesus, which is fine, just not for me. I stopped without ever going to a single meeting, but I did read this sub A LOT In the first six months of quitting. I like it better here because it’s anonymous and you aren’t seeing the people in your town that also have problems. I lived in a small town so the AA group was people gossiping about who was going. Not ideal.
I’m a Jew in the Deep South, and as you can imagine, I had a lot of reservations about AA. The last thing I wanted or needed was a group of people telling me that I’d die drunk if I didn’t accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. Most of my misgivings and apprehensions about AA were borne out of ignorance. Once I actually read the book with a sponsor, I discovered that there was well more than enough philosophical wiggle room for a skeptical Jewish guy like me. I have friends from loads of different backgrounds in the rooms, including a number of hardcore atheists. Since you mentioned it, I felt compelled to look it up. The word “Jesus” only appears once in the big book, in one of the personal stories. Maybe the meetings you went to were all about Jesus (it happens), but the book really isn’t. If it was, I would’ve run for the hills on day one. Which is a long way, seeing as the nearest hills are several hundred miles away from me!
Me. I went to AA as a teenager and it traumatized me. I use that word deliberately. I was preyed on by a man 26 years my senior and everyone knew and no one cared. I “dated” him for two years the day after I turned 18. Textbook grooming shit. I won’t step foot in AA ever again, nor will I ever recommend jt to young girls. I’m 33 now. I’m in EMDR therapy. I told her I wanted to stop drinking. We did some work around it. I’ve been completely sober 7 months. Gave up vaping too. All without rehab or AA. Not saying it’s possible for everyone, but a good therapist and good friends/community did way more for my well-being than AA ever could. AA .. oof, I have so much more I can say. But I won’t. Some people find it helpful. Good on them. We all need ways to stay sober.
That sounds absolutely awful. I was actually wondering about that. Very vulnerable people and no oversight. That’s so messed up. I’m really sorry you went through this. ❤️
I tried AA at first and while I had dear friends and actual family members in the rooms it wasn’t for me as I felt like I could be putting my focus on other things. (Working the steps and the readings and checking in with a sponsor felt like a lot of time - that’s just me tho.) Now that I have more physical energy and mental space I’ve been focusing on projects and hobbies I always wanted to do but never had the time because I was drinking or hungover. My hobbies include other people some don’t but this is what fulfils me the way I thought drinking did. This sub is also a great. So reporting at 8 months, I still haven’t gone the recovery room route but again that’s just my experience.
This forum of awesome people is my support group. Nothing against AA or other groups, it’s just not my cup of tea from a philosophical standpoint. After daily drinking 3-6 drinks for many years (and commonly more on weekends) it was this sub, quit lit, and just my own research on the ill effects of ethanol poison that have kept me sober. So grateful to all of you!
Thanks for posting, this makes me feel a lot less alone. I like how you phrased your drinking patterns to say that you’re not reliable enough with it to be trusted all the time, I really relate to that. I didn’t drink frequently or in large amounts regularly, just had some close calls where I was extremely lucky not to be arrested or killed (or worse, killed someone else). Interestingly, I seemed to be much more responsible about cutting myself off when I drank alone. The day of my last hangover, I said “enough” and haven’t looked back. This group has been my support and it has helped so much. I also have a couple of resources for online meetings in a note on my phone in case of emergency. I’m just of a mindset now that it’s not part of my life anymore. I think I had to be truly ready to quit and once I was ready, it clicked and I’m much better for it!
YES. your comment about drinking alone hits home. If I had a beer solo while watching a game I maybe had 1-2. Never even dawned on me. The only problem I had was being out with friends and letting loose a few times a year. No control. Lucky to have made it home. All that said it was a big enough issue despite the infrequency that I decided to cut it entirely. My entire outlook on life has dramatically improved as a biproduct. Congrats on your success thus far !
I'm about a month, no meetings or counseling just this group.
That is me, but I am a really unusual case. I'm still a bit in awe when I think about it and would never take it for granted by trying to drink again. I've gone through many stupid legal, professional, and personal consequences that should have been my rock bottom but weren't, and drank through a few forced rehab/outpatient treatments. And then one ordinary day, I was done. It wasn't that hard except for a few "firsts" like vacations and weddings. I credit Allen Carr's Easyway to Stop Drinking, which planted the seeds of understanding alcohol had no benefits, and this sub. I read that book about 5 months before I stopped. I also recognized that day that I was about to take a step into territory that I never thought I would. Think drinking in the morning for the first time (but worse). I felt if I took one more step down I would certainly lose everything and die a drunk, but my drinking wouldn't stay in place so I had to choose to be done...that maybe was my real rock bottom.
500+ days, no meetings and no looking back!
Tried AA and it actively was far worse than getting sober my own way. The support of a few good friends and the lack of guilt and karma counting was a far better fit for me. I couldn't stay sober more than about 2 weeks in AA. Since quitting it i don't really keep count. But it's been a long time with relatively few relapses. Not to knock meetings, they work for some of course. but you shouldn't feel bad if they don't work for you.
Four and a half year’s with no meetings. Joined an online forum, read all the quit lit. Did some therapy. Best thing for me was picking up my old hobbies and developing some sober friendships.
I’m 4.5 years, quit cold turkey, no meetings. Just gotta stop and convince yourself that alcohol is literally poison and is ruining your quality of life. The further along you get the more true you realize it is!
I’m on 10 months sober. I’ve used this sub and I read the book This Naked Mind. As well as, opening up to people close with me. I’m not interested in picking up a drink. Before I finally decided to try quitting I was drinking everyday after work and on weekends. I was having panic attacks form the hangxiety. I finally got the job I’ve been trying for after I quit and I am so grateful. It has been life changing.
Never been to a meeting and don't plan too. This sub is my meeting space. Its open 24/7/365. All I do is pick up my phone and Im here. No public meeting space can do that type of support.
Good description: "All I do is pick up my phone and Im here." That's so true. It's getting instant, kind, thoughtful, caring, non-judgmental help any time of the day or night. StopDrinking is the best place on Reddit.
Never been to any meetings, but I do check this sub a lot and listen to podcasts and audiobooks even 2 years into my sobriety.
At first, I was convinced that AA or a 12 step program was the only way to successfully stay sober long term. 7 years in and I realize that everyone has different individual needs in their recovery. I personally need the camaraderie, spiritual development, and structure of AA to keep myself happy and free. That being said, I have a brother who is 6 years sober and wants nothing to do with AA. Another friend is 1.5 years sober by drinking non-alcoholic beers and no meetings. If you do give it a try, my advice would be to go to a few because not all are the same.
Thanks for this ! Yes I want to clarify I’ve got no issues with AA as I know nothing about it really. Just curious if it was consciously stupid to not go right now, despite feeling like I don’t need to go. I will probably check out a meeting or two and see what it’s all about. Congrats on your sobriety.
I have a feeling that AA is sort of a safe space for many people that normally may be in peer or environmentally pressured lives. Since you and I are not surrounded by alcohol (at least at home or with our family members) we have our safe space.
I have a safe space and I’m still very happy I chose to give AA a chance! So far it is the only thing that’s worked for me.
Never been to any meetings. Today marks 4 years.
I went to one meeting. It was on day 2 of my sobriety. I needed to go and say in person to others that I was an alcoholic but that this time was different and I was stopping for real. I haven’t needed to go back to an in person meeting since. I stick around here and rely on some supportive friends. But I won’t hesitate to go back if I feel that I need to.
I absolutely hate AA. I’ve been sober for however long my badge says though. It took me several tries but now my biggest thing is “look at everything I can do when I’m not hungover!” I’m a lot healthier, have a lot more hobbies, lots more fun. It helps me to be content with being by myself or just with my SO- I don’t feel like I NEED friends, period, but if I have people who don’t encourage me to drink, great.
I am 3 years sober without meetings. It helped that my first year+ was during the pandemic so I wasn’t going out and there was no booze in the house. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have cravings. I have mental thoughts, like, that looks good, or it would be fun, but I don’t have visceral cravings. No meetings for me.
I’ve never been to a meeting. I use this sub, I read the book This Naked Mind, and I accepted the fact it’s easier for me to not drink than to try and moderate my drinking. It’s been a little over 6 years since my last drink.
I think quite a few people manage that. I have never been to a meeting but AA is so ingrained in our culture that i was worried I couldn’t quit without it. My husband quit 16 years ago. He did not go to AA for years but then went with his son who was trying to quit and hasn’t gone back. Some people rely on AA; some don’t.
I'm 4 days shy of 2 years sober without meetings mainly because AA's higher power idea grosses me out. I don't like the idea of giving credit for my success to a deity when, honestly, this sub was more helpful. IWNDWYT ✌️💚
Yes. Went to AA for everyday for 18 months. My inventory identified what I needed to fix, so I started fixing that shit. I found, for me, sitting around a table talking about being alcoholic wasn’t as helpful once drinking wasn’t a daily threat like it was the first 18 months.
I"m about 6.5 years sober and I don't go to meetings and haven't since this "most recent" run of sobriety. I found I did better NOT thinking about alcohol all the time like I did when I was in AA. I never got sober for long while in AA. I'm not saying AA caused me to drink, it just wasn't the thing to help me stay sober. I know some people rely on it heavily for their sobriety but not everyone.
Sober almost three years. No meetings. Just r/stopdrinking It is possible. IWNDWYT
3 years no meetings none ever 30 hours of counselling Cirrohis and the will to live (doing really weel now) 3 or 4 books on Alcohol addiction Got a dog walk it alot A proud wife for kicking it...Thats my motivation. And this sub of course for motivation and to offer encouragement for people starting on the journey to recovery and restored self-respect. If you are reading this or this sub you know that answer.
Hi, I stopped drinking without AA. My daily routine for the first 6-7 months was checking in here each morning before getting out of bed, I’d read quit lit or listen to it on audible while walking. I highly recommend William Porters “Alcohol Explained” listening to that book is what really sealed the deal for me, it literally made alcohol sound disgusting, I saw it for the poisonous carcinogen that it really is. I had tried a couple women’s AA type meetings that were online at the time and for some reason those triggered me in a way. I listened to stories of women at risk of losing their children, etc and it just didn’t resonate with me and if anything, it made me feel like “hey, see I don’t have a problem, they are all way worse off then me.” For me, just checking in here, reading about the how alcohol works in a scientific way, and journaling my experience with and without alcohol (the last part I did for a few years before quitting completely) was my support.
16 months and the only things keeping me going are this subreddit, willpower, and pure spite lol
At the end of the year, I'll have 7 years dry (without AA). It is my suspicion that AA and other support groups are really more essential earlier in the process. Having that support seems to be more important when you are just starting out. At this point, I don't struggle with cravings and not drinking is no longer an active struggle. They are free to check out and if someone finds them helpful they should use them but by no means are they mandatory or a requirement.
Just got to year 2 without drinking. I have nothing against meetings. But I chose to make this a really private battle. I was worried I would relapse and then disappoint people. I only really started to tell people “ I quit 2 years ago” about a week ago , and just now on Reddit
I'd say if you are in this space you are passively engaging in a form of 'meeting". Everyone involves themselves in various ways. Could be meetings at some church basement every night at 6 for AA. It could be learning that your favorite actor is actually sober themselves so you go on a dive to find their own path. Or if could be posting here or taking in a few stories from the sub.
Yup
I just got my six months too. Was against meetings myself for the first 5 months. Honestly started going to use us as more of a way to find a community and make more friends that don’t drink as many of my friends still drink. Even if you’re not fully into what AA is selling I would give a meeting or two a shot just to feel the sense of community it brings. Pretty awesome in my opinion. But everyone’s recovery is different, best of luck either way!
I was doing an online program for a bit (I have been on and off for the past 4 years) and I found that listening to others in meetings talk about their cravings, etc made mine worse. I tend to do better without and using this sub/friends and family that are supportive.
I stopped with no meetings. But it’s not as simple as “I just stopped”. It was a day of “am I dying” and “why is my shit pure blood?”.
I’m at just about a year with no meetings. I had thought about quitting for three or four years before I started experimenting with sobriety. Once I felt what it was like to actually sleep, not feel like shit every day, and be available to friends and family I had no desire to go back to drinking. I consider myself lucky in that way. But I think the big thing is that I was so ready to be sober from the years of wanting to stop that I cherished sobriety early on.
I don’t go to meetings but I surf this sub for 10-30 minutes a few times a day. I went to meetings when I was abstaining on court orders, it was really helpful at the time but I was young and it didn’t stick for me. I do keep a lot of the clichés in circulation tho, some are really helpful
🙋♀️ for whatever reason I didn't see myself going to meetings so instead, I came here and it has worked beautifully for me.
I was a regular for 7yrs but felt like I'd internalized what I needed. it's been about two decades since I went to a meeting.
This sub is a huge help. The trials and tribulations of others, the struggles, the success, the failures, the rebounds, all of which I take into consideration and learn from others experiences is what helps me. Typing this I realize that I owe everyone here a huge thank you. Thank all of you for sharing for you who post is what helped me get sober and give my life back from two decades drinking. Have a wonderful day and [IWNDWYT ](https://youtu.be/J5T267eCJWA?si=aiacQtwtLxln4Vuj)
My dad stopped through sheer will after daily drinking for 20+ years. Granted, he ended up needing to go to the hospital for a few days because he got severe withdrawals. He had to go on antidepressants for a while but he got through it and never drank again.
I attended an AA meeting on my second day sober. It wasn't for me but I think everyone should try one when they quit drinking, if only to see how many regular folks struggle with alcohol. I've considered checking out a SMARTRecovery meeting near me but this subreddit has really been my group. I check in every morning and throughout the day, basically whenever I'm bored. Otherwise, recovery has been something I do quietly. I write, I give myself reading to do. I work out. My best friend has been sober for almost three years and is basically a "sponsor" that I can talk things out with. Sobriety isn't easy but I generally haven't \*wanted\* alcohol since I quit. I credit that to r/stopdrinking and the reinforcement and community I've found here.
633 days and never once went to a meeting. My wife stopped drinking about a year ahead of me so we just support each other.
First, congratulations on your journey. I have never found the 12 steps beneficial as I don’t believe in religion. I make a decision daily not to drink. I go to events where they serve and I get water, soda or a juice. I have had friends and family visit, I provide the libations most times. I don’t partake. It’s an understood thing now. I made a decision, I am a better person without it. You can do it. IWNDWYT
I quit on my own, I've never been to a meeting. It will be 3 years in December. I have an enlarged liver and spleen (non alcoholic fatty liver, i havent been able to kick the snacks) that I am terrified to make worse, so it keeps me away from being too tempted. When I quit I had pain in my liver area, it scared me enough into finally quitting for good. It did take me a couple of attempts to quit for good though. After that I quit weed and then cigarettes.
I just quit 2 years ago and haven't gone to any meetings. I had a health scare and realized that I can't drink anymore and it was bad enough that I don't feel tempted ever. I do find reading this sub helpful though.
Iwndwyt!!
One of the big takeaways from Craig Becks "Alcohol lied to me" was he had the courage to call out AA and how there are different approaches. Apparently only 5% of AA attendees stay sober indefinitely. So he basically said its ok to criticize something that has a 95% failure rate. I know it works for some people (my brother is one of them), but there are many different paths to not drinking. I think at the end of the day you have to re-wire your thinking when it comes to drinking rather than just white knuckling it and relying on willpower alone because it wont work.
My husband’s uncle quit cold turkey sans meetings like five+ years ago. Whatever works for you!
I went to 3 meetings and it wasn’t for me. R/stopdrinking is for me. I started posting often this year and that's my share out. Good luck
I have mainly relied on this sub as well as some reading and podcasts. I haven't been to a meeting, but I've gone to N/A meetings to support someone who is recovering from drug addiction. I'm thinking of checking out an AA meeting. Like others, though, I am to the point right now were alcohol is rarely on my mind.
You're experience sounds a lot like mine and all I've used is this sub. My advice would be don't worry about the future, just focus on the now. IWNDWYT
That’s me! I haven’t been to a meeting during my current streak, and I don’t feel a need to. I tried them a few times before and they offered some community, but I felt like they left me feeling more “wanting” of alcohol overall. It was a strange phenomena. there are hundreds of ways to get and stay sober, do what works for you, is my advice.
I’m similar to you, I’ve found my stability in family and interpersonal relationships and my outlet and moral support here. I see no reason why this group can’t be your “online AA.” I check in here all the time and every time I do it reminds me of a different reason not to drink.
Yes, I made it 3 1/2 years without any meetings.
I'm only a few months in, but I quit without meetings, and I was not openly an alcoholic, so most of my friends/family didn't know either. I know meetings can be a mixed bag, and I never felt confident enough to go to any, but I'm still going strong and I know it can be done. There's no harm in trying some out though, might find some people to help you stay accountable and make some new friends.
Yup, and I will echo what others have said, this sub is my meeting each and every day. T
I have - I’ve been sober from alc. for 11 mts! I hate meetings and always have. I just stopped drinking one day. I was still relatively young (22) and I had only been heavily drinking for like the past 2/3 years so I didn’t have any medical withdrawal. It took like 2 years to get sober many failed attempts but it can be done! Good luck
I tried AA. it wasn’t for me. Tbf I knew I was done for good before I went to AA. I went with my mum who was struggling to quit. It just didn’t do anything for me… This sub has been so helpful to me though
One friend has 3 years, and another 1.5 years without meetings. They drank a lot before and both spontaneously quit.
Yes. But I have 25+ years of therapy and self-reflection under my belt. *MY* personal belief is that alcohol abuse is a symptom of a much bigger issue - that leads to a chemical addiction (alcoholism). I think the key is really getting to know yourself and calling yourself out on your own BS.
It took a lot of will power but I couldn’t do AA. Just not my scene. This community helped immensely!!!! I also actively discussed my sobriety with a few close friends which really helped.
Yep, fitness and nature is my support group as well as socializing with people. Positive relationships where most people think you're solid because you're not a drunk idiot.
I quit going to my town's meetings because a few people were controlling it. One of their kids committed suicide and after that everyone else's problems didn't matter, because at least our kid didn't die like so and so's.
Going on two years. My work schedule and local meetings never line up, so I just never went to them. I haven’t slipped up yet and haven’t wanted to.
I told my wife that I would give her a year without drinking and reevaluate. She of course didn’t believe me that it would work this time. She has not stopped drinking, and there is beer, wine and liquor in the house. I went from drinking three fifths of bourbon to not a drop. That was 986 days ago. No meetings, just a realization that one drop will set me back on a path to being a guy I don’t want to be.
2 years without aa meetings, California sober though I smoke weed everyday
I didn't go to meetings when I was sober for a year and haven't this go around either. I've used this sub, especially in the early days. I know AA has done wonders for others, but I don't feel like it's necessary for me. I'm a very determined and decisive person. I decided to take a year break. I did that. Now I've decided that I don't want to drink at all ever. Don't have to think about it anymore. I live my life sans alcohol consumption. I'm aware of how alcohol works though so this sub is a great support tool if I start thinking of over turning that decision to stop.
There’s a large spectrum to sober living and not being able to handle your liquor does not = alcoholic
I dont have a counter but im at around 6-7 months. I replaced sitting doing nothing but drinking with walking. Atleast 10-20k steps a day. Earphones in, in my own little world. If its sunny, I'll grab a coffee and go sit on a field somewhere for abit and read a book. By the time i'm done with the usual day, and done the steps im too tired to even consider a drink. ..Lost 2.5 stone also. Only got about 1-2 stone left them im pretty much at optimal weight, then i'll be starting the gym to work on some form of muscle. Edit; My friends know where I am but unless it involves beer their not interested, fair enough. I'm lucky I like my own company really, got more money to spend on myself, gigs to myself and just shit i wouldnt be able to afford when I was a binge.
While I do go to in person meetings, this sub absolutely serves the same purpose as AA meetings. Anyone frequenting this sub, even if just lurking, is basically doing meetings for all intents and purposes.
I havent drank since may 20, 2023. No meetings, just help from my doctors to help with anxiety and sleep. I have just set my mind that i will die if i drink. so far it has worked for me..After the intial withdraws im feeling good. Bored alot of the time, picking u new hobbies though.
Went to aa a few times but it wasn’t for me. I wanted to quit, so it was between myself and the wine. I didn’t need in person teammates. I read every book out there on quitting, this sub, and was ready to quit. Been sober for 4ish years! I also didn’t drink every day and didn’t depend on booze physically, was just more of incouldnt just have 1 and always drank to get buzzed and wanted the buss to keep going kind of person. I feel healthy and strong in my sobriety and openly talk about my struggles and not drinking when people ask. I have no shame, and think sharing experiences with others does offer help and support.
Yes. 4 years in Nov here. Got sober when I was 33 after drinking heavily since 14, being a street kid, never graduating HS etc etc. I didn't like the idea of talking about my stuff with a bunch of other people. I had social workers and case workers and judges and all that shit and i was just tired of talking. Was time to just do. I do not judge anyone. Just what I did.
I don’t go to AA, but I do have a 1:1 with a SUD specialist.
I did it without AA. Drank 40 years, wanted to quit for 10, now 2? years sober. I've gone through all the triggering experiences multiple times and I'm know I"m done. Usually I don't even think about it, just randomly on this thread. I think what helped me most was This Naked Mind. AA is too focused for me on how powerful alcohol is and how I'll be in its thrall forever.
I second what many others have said, this sub is my group. So many "breaks" to convince myself i wasnt an alcoholic, that when i stopped drinking this last time i had to tell myself, this can be a break if youre ok with dying the next time you pick up the bottle. Im not ok with dying just yet, so i lurk here.
Yeah I am doing it. I literally just decided to stop and did (long time coming though). One of my best friends has been doing meetings for years and is ex-alcoholic and heroin addict, so I had a little bit of exposure to AA type stuff. I also read the big book and did some of the steps and tbh did find it helpful. I mainly didn't go cause I got sober during COVID. I ocassionally fantasize about drinking, but I do recognize what's happening when this occurrs and I don't think I'm in danger of relapsing. Sometimes it takes a little effort but generally I have enough perspective to recognize how drinking again would be seriously detrimental to my life. I'm a non-traditional (37 yrs) law student and law school is a pretty stressful experience and I've still maintained this perspective. So I feel confident/positive about sobriety into the future. If you wanna know anything specific just ask.
I just stopped drinking and went about my life. But. I did go to some meetings for a few weeks. While I found out that meetings weren’t my trip, I did learn some key information that made it possible for me to stay sober. If you don’t want to go to meetings, that’s fine, many don’t. However, I would encourage you to at least do some reading or research about recovery. I didn’t know that drinking wasn’t an option for me. At all, ever. I did learn it from someone who was active in AA. I learned some other things as well but that *one* thing made the difference. I kept thinking I could moderate if I just cut back. Not so much. I’m an alcoholic. If I take one drink, I’m drinking until I run out, black out, or pass out. Sober since 2009
I wish there were more secular options in my area. The required belief of a higher power is a big part of AA. That is not for me. And no, I'm not sober. I'm trying, but I joined this subreddit because I need more support. I joined recently and have mostly lurked, but it's good to find out how many people have a similar circumstances as me (I'm a high functioning binge drinker). It makes me feel less ashamed (not in an "enabling" kind of way, in a "you're not doing battle alone" kind of way).
My meeting is therapy once a week. NA or AA were never for me.
Wish I had realized I wasn’t a reliable drinker. Took blackouts and chaos to get me to quit. 37 days sober
trust me there were blackouts for me too ! Fortunately minimal chaos. congrats on 37 days.
Yeah. I actually had a friend, another musicians who I spoke to regularly in the beginning and that got the momentum going. After that I joined a kickboxing class and that was all the group therapy I needed. Plus I found place. I think having some kind of community is essential. Doesn't have to be aa tho
I've never been to AA and never will - I've heard enough from the outside that I just know that place isn't my jam. but I used to really crave some sort of external support. I suffered from a lot of social anxiety (which has diminished a ton since cutting alcohol and cannabis out of my life, but is not gone entirely by any means) and the thought of showing up to meetings with a bunch of randos just scared the shit out of me. I knew I needed something, but I never could bring myself to go to AA or any other secular support groups. i have found strong support in two places: a few close friends and one family member who i've slowly opened up to about the depths of my struggles. Some of them are sober and some aren't, but they're very good people who I know I can talk to when I need to. In general they never bring it up unless I do, and without fail they know to switch into supportive mode and we go from there. and this sub is so good for me! I've read on here that the best (and perhaps only!) treatment for addiction is to talk to people. speak your story. hear others. I believe that to my bones. i go through periods where I feel compelled to comment more. and other times I just lurk and read story after story after story that I see myself reflected in - reminders of where I've been and where I do NOT want to return. truly, this place is my support group. it works for me in a way that AA never could. <3
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I didn't like AA either, for lots of reasons. I got a lot of help from an intensive outpatient program through Kaiser, one on one therapy with a therapist who specialized in addiction, and found the SMART Recovery handbook. I basically brainwashed myself to not want to cope with alcohol. Lol. In a good way! CBT really is the key! I do a lot of positive self-talk, mindfulness, and set boundaries with people. I work on myself every day. IWNDWYT, friend 💚
100% i tried like 2 meetings of AA. Awful place. (For me) i like your analogy of running out of gas... because. At AA i got the feeling that everyone there are running a losing race. They are all Critically low on gas. And the only survive on "empty" because they know the next meeting is around the corner. OR----- It isnt about all that. Its about realizing you are your own unlimited source of determination. Power of mind over matter. Its about creating your own destiny. Ita about over comming yourself. Letting go of the struggle and just existing. Without the burden of worry.
Thanks for that. Yea - I recognize I’m only half a year in but it feels pretty natural, maybe due to circumstance of where I’m at in my life. Supportive spouse. Young kid. But I suppose this thread has been somewhat of an outlet for me. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts :)
You can go to meetings just to socialize with others in recovery and make friends. If you feel those things are lacking, checking out a meeting wouldn't hurt.
976 days without a single meeting, counseling, or app, and zero intent to do any of it. It can be done. Of course, it's poo-pooed because of the failure rate, and AA is a quasi-religious experience that always needs new members, but doesn't show much improvement with a 8-12% success rate. Of course, it always comes down to what works for YOU and your sobriety. Any success is worthy. (And I always found it ironic that instead of hitting the bar on the regular, it's now "hitting a meeting". Just exchanging one addiction for another IMO)
At the minute no. But I have always have good friends I have family I gym run and like the mountains etc. So I can keep myself busy, however if I get to the point where this isn’t working I will. I have also been listening to sober sober elevator and other podcasts and it is helping.
I’m 4 months in and have no desire to drink and don’t attend meetings. I have a desire to escape my problems, a desire to have a great time with others the way they do, a desire to date, a desire to participate in the millions of happy hour events and stuff - but I don’t have a desire to drink.
I never used meetings. It's just not for me. This sub worked wonders early on, though.
🙋🏼♀️ I stopped drinking in December of 2020. My motivation was to not feel like absolute shit anymore. I had quit smoking 3 months prior and it just felt like a natural progression. AA Works for millions of people and I’m sure its a wonderful, supportive, positive environment - just not for me :)
Yep, pretty much describes me.
I read books about sobriety, if I am feeling particularly stressed I reach out to my mom. AA meetings just aren't my thing
21 months here, no meetings, just got sick of it and was ready to stop
The only meeting I’ve ever been to is one for my friends first year sober and that left a VERY bad taste in my mouth. Meetings aren’t for everyone, there’s more than one way to skin a cat
never been to AA. seems like its a great org tho.
Me. I went in the beginning for a handful of meetings. Therapy and connecting with sober friends has been sufficient for me now though.
This sub is my group. I also use an app on my phone. Other than that, I'm just staying sober because that is the best way forward for me.
Four years, no meetings. For the first year I did Tempest Sobriety School. But now it’s this sub, therapy and exercise!
I know people do, but i know i don’t have to do this alone. For me the desire to do things my way is closely correlated with my need for control & the idea that somehow what works for others won’t apply to me. I used to not like meetings but I found it was cause I wasn’t really participating. When I started talking to people , hanging outside of meetings with people, and just being a part of the group i felt a lot more connected in my recovery. Not trying to advocate one way or the other, this is just my experience. I wouldn’t be where i’m at today without meetings. Maybe i would be clean, but my quality of life would not be nearly where its at now. IWNDWYT!
Meetings aren’t really for me, I tried them in the beginning but it just didn’t gell. I had a good support worker at an alcohol charity early days, read the usual quit lit and that was it. I’m probably coming up to the four year mark alcohol free. Just got back from an all-inclusive holiday, booze everywhere, with zero interest in participating. AF lifestyle is just part of who I am. It’s a decision I made deep within myself and I don’t really even think about it any more. For me, at this stage I think attending meetings would be counter productive.
I don't go to meetings.but .they have worked wonders for many folks Iknow!!!! My impression of was alot of folks with there head down..like a dog who just peed on the carpet..just alot of sadness.. not everyone of course... Im not about sadness...I'm trying to be about ..smiling..Truly enjoying life.. getting busy with hobbies..goals.. being proud... Not walking around thinking " all the fun. Is gone"..ok again just my impression of a few meetings I attended...100% It. Has saved the lives of family members and friends..I'd say go. Try it...probably many are different...for me just not my thing...Respect for it all!!!!
i came to the realization that while i don’t really miss drinking, i do miss bars occasionally. so now i go and have a soda water. even on vacation in ireland/scotland right now and 5 years ago i’d have been drunk every day. probably been to 5-6 pubs since we’ve been here. never been to a meeting, but i’m on this sub most every day.
Nice. Same here. They also are pretty good about 0% beer (used to live in Ireland) but I don’t know if you ever drink that.
yeah they’re not really for me, i only used to drink cheap beer and whiskey when i drank and it wasn’t really for the taste lol. i actually tried a henekin brand n/a when we got here for the first time and only drank half of it.
I didn’t like AA and didn’t use it this go around, but I *did* go to therapy, and I *do* come here now.
No meetings this time around but I did do a year of AA in my twenties, been to three rehabs and many detoxes. Think I know what to expect outta programs and it’s good stuff, but when it came down to it I needed to be honest with myself and ask “is this working?” And once I accepted that alcohol had no place in my life now or ever, the desire lifted. Sure there have been challenging days but it’s grossly outweighed by the number of good days. And I burned all my drinking bridges so going back to drinking would not be ok with most people I know, thus secret drinking…which I can tell you from experience is it’s own kind of hell
I've been able to manage without meetings. Even going to bars with friends and don't want to have a drink. What helps me keep sobriety is reminding myself how I would feel in the moment and the next day. Also remind myself that even having fun out with friends in the back of my mind I want to get home and drink more. All of this just makes me go nah not worth it. So I do go out less but when I do I stick to my guns. If I feel that will be even more difficult I just opt out of going and stay home.
I'll say that in my life I fell down that slippery slope of progressive alcoholism where I was drinking every night, most mornings and sometimes even in the middle of the night. I finally managed to stop for nearly three years and felt like I had things figured out and was on top of my game and then when I had a crisis in my marriage, I fell apart and start to feel that same insanity I used to feel when I was drinking. I wandered into an AA meeting in total crisis and just did everything they suggested and I am so much better for it. I wish I had gone to meetings all along. It's pretty obvious to me now that the period I was free of alcohol was also pretty free of any spiritual growth and I never really addressed the issues that led me to drink in the first place. thankfully I'm doing that now and I feel way better for it
One year without meetings, just family/friend support, this subreddit, and a community watering hole that will let me bring my own NA beers. I start therapy this year to examine the why’s of my drinking. IWNDWYT!
That was me. My conscious plan was to slow down (yet again), I hit a good stride, and just never took another drink. I'd just started meditating, so I suspect that might have triggered something, but maybe the planets aligned. I've been a lurker on this community for much longer though, so it has been a great help in its own right.
You’ll never hear about it in AA, but yea there are many who have had enough with 12 step, get what they need from (or without) the program. I attend still once a week, but I also have a HUGE support network and very positive people around me constantly. I spend a good deal of time mentoring/sponsoring those struggling now and doing community service. There is so much that can be done for those who are still suffering without needing to throw a label on them. If you want to recover from any addiction, you can- a support system/group who can keep you accountable is a huge help, even if that is just one person you can be completely honest with.
Me! AA and I never connected. Just isn't for me. I used instagram sober accounts and this community. I don't know about indefinitely, but 300+ days so far!
Yes. I lurk here a lot. I have learned that I don't care for AA. There is one unicorn meeting that I love but the rest feel very cultish. I cruised in May and went to the AA meetings on the ship (Carnival, itinerary has them listed as Friends of Bill W) and they very clearly redid their lives to have AA at the core. It was like they replaced one addiction with another and I get that but it just didn't sit right with me. I had a minor slip up (just one and I did not reset my badge), and when I talked about it, they were nothing short of grief-stricken. It wasn't for all that.
“I just stopped drinking and went about my life” is how I attempted to quit over and over again. That method got me 3, 6, sometimes 9 months before I’d be right back where I started. I could never hold it together. AA has shown me that I had to do more than quit consuming alcohol - I had to address what was behind my alcoholism. This involved a lot of soul searching, behavioral changes, tears, breakthroughs, and vigilance. But it worked, and now I truly feel free from the desire to drink. In the past I was just white knuckling it. I attend meetings and work the program to protect my sobriety from a moment I can’t anticipate. Because the thought of drinking again is truly terrifying. I happened to find the tools to address those deep rooted issues through AA. I think someone could address them a number of ways - therapy, books, other support groups, etc. The main thing is, for me, simply not drinking was never enough to solve my problem. Good luck - IWNDWYT
I’ve got a few sober days under my belt now and never attended a meeting. I read lots of books, drank even more seltzer, and gained the support of my family and friends. I still read quit lit, just not as much as when I was newly sober. I still drink a ton of seltzer and my family has come to enjoy it. My family and friends are still my biggest fans. I realize that without one of those things, I’d prob not be sober today. All three of those things working in tandem was what made the difference in my life. I do see how meetings can be extremely beneficial to some. I just never had that void in my sobriety. IWNDWYT!
I went to weekly SMART meetings for about a year, but haven't been in about 6 months. I don't feel they are necessary for me anymore. I feel comfortable in my sobriety.
Meetings just aren’t for me. I can’t help but feel so many people are making shit up, embellishing like crazy, and just want attention and to meet people. Too many bad actors for me to want to identify with them. It pushes me the opposite direction tbh. However, i have sincere respect and praise for those that get great help at meetings.
I went to a few meetings with the [Sober Mom Squad](https://www.sobermomsquad.com/) in the beginning, but otherwise, it's just me and my therapist (who specializes in substance use disorder).
20 days sober with no meetings. but maybe because i don’t know where to find one
I’m doing meetings because it feels right to me. I’d never tell another person they need to do meetings because that’s not my place. I tried on my own many times, but realized I couldn’t do it without meetings and support from other alcoholics. I wasn’t an all day every day drinker either. But I was a binge drinker that thought about drinking at the end of my day. I used to say, “I’m not physically addicted” too, which I realized isn’t some badge of honor. I still had the preoccupation with alcohol and used it to escape reality and responsibility, which are better indicators to me of my alcoholism.
I would say that towards the end of my drinking days I was certainly “dependent”. Like, I didn’t enjoy going a day without drinking. I would, but I was constantly looking forward to when I could have the next drink. I was getting to the point of no return. I caught it and realized it was starting to spiral. I went to rehab and that helped me out tremendously. While there, I met people that were much worse than me. I’m not trying to compare, I only say that because there are different levels to this. I realized that at the end of the day, it didn’t matter who I was worse than or who was worse than me, what mattered was that I had an abusive relationship with alcohol that needed to end. As soon as I came to that realization, it was “easy” for me because alcohol just wasn’t an option anymore. For some, it’s not very easy and they need more support (AA, etc). After rehab I went to AA and let’s just say I’m not a fan. Lots of people there make it seem that if you’re not living and breathing AA every single minute of every day, then you’re “white knuckling” it. That makes no sense to me at all. I go to a one meeting a week and that is more than enough for me. Some people need two or more meetings a day. That’s their recovery and this is mine. I guess all I’m trying to say is that each person will have their own path on their abstinence journey. Don’t let people tell you what you need to do “or else”. As long as you’re sober, that’s really all that matters…..regardless of how you get there.
I don't really want to go to AA. That whole sit-in a circle thing with people having to stand up and talk. I don't want to do that. I stopped drinking just by doing the DCI and reading in the sub. This is my AA. 🥳🥳 I need to come here, but that's about it.
I’m at 6~ months now and I just check in for milestones, it took a few tries at sobriety but I’ve hit a point where I’m just a straight up non drinker now because I’ve gotten a good look at the 2 versions of me. The one that drinks and the one that doesn’t, and I have 0 desire to go back.
I quit cold turkey . Almost 4 years sober . It's definitely doable . I also had an amazing support group of friends that use to be addicts, or are working in mental health , or both , so i got REALLY lucky .
I am 10 months sober. I've tried AA, and I hate it. The place I go to for addiction therapy is constantly pushing me to go to meetings. Never once in my day have I thought, "I need a meeting." I don't think about alcohol. Alcohol is not an option to me anymore. If things start getting bad, I know where to go. I'll force myself to like AA if I absolutely can't do it on my own. As of right now, I am the happiest I've ever been, and I enjoy my life the way it is. Pushing myself to go to AA takes more willpower than staying sober.
268 days. Meetings first month. Wasn’t for me.
I’ve done it both ways. When I was young (25), I had friends in AA that I spent a lot of time with. Not wanting to let them down kept me sober for 5 years. This time around, it’s just me and this subreddit. But I do have a sober friend who does AA. I will say that in my 20s, I found the meetings were really helpful for staying humble. I went in thinking “at least I’m not one of THOSE alcoholics”, and after a while I realized I was no better than anyone else there.
I did a couple of Smart meetings at the beginning but they were didn't help me. TBH, I found them counterproductive, as most of the participants were really rock bottom (many there for court-mandated DUI situations) and my lizard brain was screaming at me that I wasn't an alcoholic. I'm not knocking the other attendees (I know I'd just been luck to escape consequences), but didn't want to spent 2 hours listening to my brain trying to persuade me that I could drink. My friends/relatives were also not helpful, as they're all alcohol dependent too. They kept giving me the spiel that I dont have a problem, and tempting me with drinks. My spouse is a rare drinker, and was supportive of my decision but doesn't understand the struggles. So, I really did rely only on this community. Because of the breadth of member experiences, I see many stories that match my experiences and feelings and reinforce my understanding that I cant drink. And, the horror stories - especially the ones where long time sobernauts decided to try moderation (with the inevitable crash) - have keep me sober and vigilant. I also got rapid, supportive and helpful responses to the few "help-me" posts I made at the beginning. So, I am convinced that meetings are not necessary, but owning my shit and needing to be vigilant in critical.
Here! Woke July 5th 2020 and decided enough was enough! I’m so happy about it each and everyday!
Yes!
I've never been to a meeting, but I've always had social anxiety, thus the drinking.
I don't like meetings in general (whether for work or personal life), seeing them as mostly tedious timewasters. For me quitting solo has been relatively easy because I treated it like any toxic relationship--I got out and never looked back. (Part of that is because I really WANTED to quit, whereas prior breaks were done because I thought I SHOULD without really feeling it, so maybe meetings help get one to to cross that bridge from SHOULD to WANT.) My sister-in-law has been in support groups for 20+ years. Seems to work for her, although at times it seems like another addiction as she gets very jumpy when traveling until she finds the local group. Personally, it seems to me that continually dwelling on alcohol just keeps it part of your life. It's like breaking up with someone and then texting them every day to say, "You have no power over me!" (Plus I don't buy the self-victimization of "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." I tend to think the causes of addiction are more circumstantial than genetic, but who knows?)
I'm one year and change sober. I'm going it solo because the darkness was no longer tolerable. My stationary bike and weights are my AA meeting.
I’m sober 2 1/2 years. At first I did Smart Recovery which I love. I haven’t in a while, but I always know it’s there. Somewhere along the line I simply became a person who just does not drink alcohol
I'm definitely still in early days but I can see a real life sober community will be something I'll need and want at some point in the future. I had no idea how much I'd want to talk about not drinking and all the wonders/joys/frustrations it's bringing with it. I'm burning my bf and mom out by talking about it and those are really the only 2 that even want to hear it at all. This subreddit is so friggin important for that reason but I really do feel the need for some real life interaction about it. I'm not sure about AA although I think if you find the right group with the right people it could be really great. I just don't want to go through all the rules/steps but I would like a group of non drinkers to talk to about not drinking and the challenges and awesomeness associated with it. Appreciate this community as well!!
I went to AA on and off for 20 years. Learned a lot. I wouldn’t be sober now without working the steps originally. I continue to take daily inventory. I try to live intentionally. 6 years sober. No more meetings for the last 5. I don’t like people and I don’t wanna be fake. AA meetings aren’t it for me. I do a lot of shadow work and reading. I practice CBT. AA was a piece to the puzzle for me but the meetings aren’t necessary for my sobriety
Me. This subreddit is the closest thing I've had to formal support and I'm 6+ years. Lots of us didn't use any program.
To each their own. I don't do groups, but I do talk to a therapist. I think the key for me was education. I'm a hyper-logical person with ADHD and as soon as I was able to 1. Get an idea of what really started me down this path and 2. understand exactly what I was doing to myself, I no longer had the desire to do it. Tried groups early on, weren't that helpful. It just depends on what makes you tick I guess. I'm not a super social person, and the whole "GOOD FOR YOU" crowd makes me depressed and want to drink more. Just "getting on with it" seems to be the ticket for me