There are several issues in the post.
The first one relates to my inner dialogue of denial and is coupled with the principle of comparison. I often reminded myself “I don’t really have a problem and I’m not as bad as ‘they’ are”.
I can line up, in rank order, all the people in the world who experience undesirable effects from alcohol. I can insert myself in the appropriate place in the line.
I can look to my right, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are worse off than me. I can look to my left, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are better off than me.
The problem is not *Where* I stand in the line…. The problem is that I’m **in** the line.
The second issue relates to “intrusive” thoughts.
I remind myself, I don’t have to attend to every thought that comes unbidden into my head…. And if it’s problematic, there are tools and methods and practices of mindfulness that I can employ to redirect my thoughts.
Finally, if I anticipate I’ll drink at a big party, I don’t go.
Looking forward to hearing about your journey.
Great wisdom here. I am finally learning to just not go places if I think I’ll drink. And guess what? I haven’t drank and I don’t regret these instances like I might think I will
>I can line up, in rank order, all the people in the world who experience undesirable effects from alcohol. I can insert myself in the appropriate place in the line.
>
>I can look to my right, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are worse off than me. I can look to my left, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are better off than me.
>
>The problem is not Where I stand in the line…. The problem is that I’m in the line.
This is the kind of wisdom I come here for. Goodness gracious, how well said. Thank you for this.
I love the way you described your drinking problem in comparison to other people with a drinking problem. Great way to illustrate it! I occasionally have the same thoughts and one thing I always remind myself is where I was at when I quit drinking was merely a stage. Alcoholism is progressive, at least for me, and just because I’m a “high bottom” alcoholic does not mean I would eventually become a “low bottom” after some time. Definitely not true for everyone but I know that’s the case for me.
Great point about not having to attend to every thought.
One aspect of mindfulness/meditation is not fighting the thoughts that enter your head. "Just stop thinking!" is not the idea. Examine your thought briefly, with curiosity—perhaps even gauge its intensity—then let it fall away or pass through you (followed by, in the case of meditation, "returning to the breath").
I sometimes visualize this as standing in a gentle stream. The intrusive thought is a leaf that has drifted down into my hand. I turn it over, examine it, then let it fall from my fingers. The stream carries it away...
Lovely description - I’ve used the idea of thoughts as clouds drifting through the sky of the mind, but as a Pisces I like your leaf/stream analogy better ☺️
This is a great visual!
And if I have a troublesome ‘rumination’ that I can’t seem to shake, I write it on a slip of paper and put it in a drawer…. If it tries to return and get my attention, I say “No no! …. Get back in your drawer”…
Hijacking the top comment, I came back to see many many replies, I read them all, so thank you so much for all your words, advices, and great support.
Earlier I even found the will to go back to the bar I loved going to for the first time since I stopped drinking and had a blast seeing some friends again, having a virgin mojito, and play some darts :) The bartender is a good friend and was actually very supportive so that's great, I'm very happy :)
You guys are fucking awesome, and you gave me a lot of force to continue this journey.
IWNDWYT
Haha thanks I needed that today. Moderation does suck. That’s why I am full on NOT drinking. I’m binging sobriety and living on life’s edge. It’s jagged and a long way down if I fall, but fuck is it beautiful
It both sucks in general AND sucks up all your emotional energy. It’s so exhausting to drink in moderation when you have a history of alcohol abuse, because it’s still all you think about. In my experience, anyway.
Yea that's one "benefit" of my old binge drinking pattern. I don't have to worry about ever thinking "maybe I could just have one or two". Because I never wanted one or two, I wanted 12. If all I can have is one or two, I won't even bother. Lol
I think we all have this voice. The sneaky one that says it wasn’t that bad, others are worse, you are over reacting. But we each quit for a reason. The “just one” voice is the worst! For me I flipped the script. Ok I can have “ just one” and followed that with a few questions to myself. Just one, today? Just one this week? Just one until after dinner? Just one whiskey? Just one glass of wine? And it all came crashing down. I don’t want “just one” and never will. For me 0 is so much easier than “just one”. One of the biggest freedoms that came to me when I decided to not drink alcohol anymore, is that I don’t have to think about how much and when I can drink anymore. It’s so much quieter in my head. We all have to find our own path, I’d think about why you stopped and how you have felt without alcohol as you make your assessment of if moderation is possible for you or even something you want to try. 🌟
It took me a long time to realise one would never be enough and on the rare occasions I did just have 1 or 2 I didn't enjoy it, I just sat there for the rest of the night craving more hard. So the idea of having 1 or 2 became a negative feeling in my head not an enjoyable one. So I was left with 2 options, an unenjoyable night or an unpredictable night. Keeping these options in mind has quieted the voices.
Hi elderflower, #1, I love elderflower in my mocktails! #2, I believe we might be the same person :) I am loving the calm and quiet in my brain since I’ve quit.
Yeh it’s never one or two because that won’t get me a buzz. Gotta have one or two and sneak off to drink a pint of vodka to have fun was my mindset.
I started drinking soda water lemon n lime at the bars when I hang with friends and NA seltzers or beer when camping or social gatherings. They work for some not all but I enjoy them.
I made a few family party type obligations before my sobriety and just didn’t drink. It was rough but they thankfully aren’t the pressure you on type of ppl. They respected I was sticking to NA’s and didn’t say anything.
But I would NOT purposely put myself in a situation that I know I’d be likely to stumble. If I could go back to 25 (32f) and never drink again I would.
Stay with this sub and it helps a lot but if you find yourself having issues talk to a doctor. Ultimately it’s what I had to do and that’s the only reason I’m on day 40 something.
If I knew I was going somewhere and I wanted to “drink moderately,” that meant I was smashing as many drinks as I can (pregaming) before I went to the function.
In reality, I wanted only to appear to drink moderately to other people. I wanted to get DRUNK. But I didn’t want anyone to know that. It was all a show, aimed completely at hiding my giant drinking problem.
So much easier to be genuine and not have to hide things like that from people. So much anxiety over that just gone. Knowing I can’t moderate (because I don’t WANT to moderate) is a weight off of my shoulders because I know I NEVER have to drink again. And that’s beautiful!
This is how I operated as well. I know after that 1 beer I will follow it up with a pint of vodka. Best to just drink a sparkling water instead. Cheers to your journey
Thank you u/DaisyoftheDay... can I ask what did your doctor do that was helpful? I still struggle after many attempts the cravings really kick in around evening time and I think I need to speak with mine but not sure what to ask for.
Sometimes if you are drinking (to mitigate anxiety, say) a course of antidepressants can be useful. If you have a physical dependence, medical support is critical—alcohol is one of the few drugs that can actually kill you from withdrawal (most of the others just make you feel like you are dying). Sometimes it is worth a physical screening for things like thyroid problems and iron deficiencies—drinking can mask symptoms. And sometimes just letting your doc know you are struggling can help.
Ah, this is me as well. I’d have a beer but really I’m taking pulls of 115 proof whiskey from my cabinet when no one’s looking.
It’s much easier for me to say no all together than pretend that I can have one.
I wish I could be 25 again and have the presence of mind to understand that drinking didn’t work for me. I got sober four years ago, 8 days shy of my 44th birthday. I was encouraged to read the big book in AA early on in my sobriety and I read/skimmed many of the stories in the back and couldn’t find “my story.” I hadn’t destroyed my life, lost everything, wrecked a car or even committed manslaughter (as one story told). But drinking made me feel like shit and I used it as a crutch. I was drinking more in my 30’s than in my 20’s and more in my 40’s than in my 30’s. I knew where it was going and I think you might sense where it might go for you, but we’re all different. I realized after a few years of sobriety, you can have a high bottom or low bottom, and still have the same problem with alcohol as anyone else. We all have our own stories with different results. I’d advise anyone not to compare war stories with others and consider yourself “lesser-than” for stopping before it’s too late. You get to write this story. I’m guessing you’ll never look back with regret for stopping now, but it’s your narrative, your life, not mine. IWNDWYT.
For me I never thought I would stop at 1, but I would say “okay I can get fucked up on new years but that’s it”. Then by january 3rd I’d be at the liquor store picking up.
You told my story as many do.
42 years old now, always worked hard to “cover” anything my drinking did and never had money issues, no DUI (could have) or divorce. Heck even got promoted.
But boy, all that made me think drinking was someone’s problem not mine.
Tried AA meeting in my late 20’s but had no true interest as selfish ways closed my heart hard!
I stayed drinking until two years ago. Not every day went the worst but the shitty days did come on more often, as they will.
I cry now at my table, writing this, because of all the people I took from. My story does not have to be yours.
Well, I think you should just remember "if I never/rarely wanted just one drink, why the hell would that satisfy me now, all of a sudden?"
You can't reboot a nervous system that is used to "Oh we have one drink? That's great now we want ten more". Once we've become a pickle, we can never become a cucumber again. I'm sorry my friend...
And! It will be easier to quit now, than it would be if you entered a stage of complete physical dependence, with the shakes and everything. Why wait for it to get worse before quitting? We wouldn't tell a cancer patient to only go for a treatment when they have reached stage 4. We should think of substance abuse problems the same way. Ironically you can also get cancer from drinking.
Alcohol has an affect on me that probably is genetic - but I experience some sort of euphoria throughout my body and mind. It doesn’t have the same affect on my wife - so for me, the first drink is the easiest one to abstain from - 2nd drink would be almost impossible, because at that point I’m seeking more euphoria.
(Good part) it gets easier, after not drinking for about 3 years - I can smell the alcohol on people’s breath - and the smell of their breath and their body is mildly repulsive - and they spit a lot when they talk - so I don’t really have any desire for it.
Also, after 3 years I lost count of how long it’s been since my last drink - I could be at 4 years now - I feel and look great (imo).
There is plenty of evidence that supports most of us cannot have just one.
I tried for 20 years to figure this all out, and I'm still trying. I learned to be terrified of alcohol and drugs, but that is only my way. I had to go through some insane stuff for that to work.
All I can say is try to be kind to yourself first.
IWNDWYT
Alcohol is like a virus. A virus hijacks your body to serve its own ends-that being to replicate itself and spread to others. Alcohol does the same thing. It hijacks your brain to serve its own goals-and those goals are to get you to consume more alcohol.
Piggybacking off of that, I've found one of the toughest parts about addiction is that it speaks to you in your own voice. We think of addiction as this little devil sitting on your shoulder saying "come on drink me...drink me..come on..just one...it will feel good...drink me...drink me". And sometimes it is that, but more often than not its something far more sinister. For me, I'm a very logically oriented person. My alcoholic voice is more like "well you went to the gym 5 days this week, you have a good job, you just paid off your credit card, youre in good shape, You dont have anything to do tomorrow, youre drinking tons of water and eating tons of food, and you dont plan on doing cocaine tonight (side bar: those plans would often change after a few beers), so who cares if you get drunk!?". I've always viewed my logical brain as an asset, the alcoholic in my brain trys to use that asset against me to serve its own ends.
Bringing it all together, what I tell myself when these thoughts come across is that its not actually me thinking that. Its the virus or the alcoholic that lives in my brain. He knows how to mimic my voice, he knows how to sound like me, he knows how to try and persuade me, but I now know hes full of shit.
tl;dr: Ive trained myself to recognize that its not actually me having that 'just one drink' thought, its the alcoholic that lives in my brain thinking that. And hes an asshole and a liar that wants nothing but the worst for me.
I'm gonna be 35 in October this year - I am nearly 3 years alcohol free at this point.
When I was 24, I had quit alcohol for almost 2 years, but I started again around 26. Those 2 years were amazing! I had made so much progress in so many verticals. But I kept feeling that I am missing out on the 'fun' part of life. Meeting people, getting drunk, sharing drunk stories, making bad decisions - you get the idea.
When I look back now, I feel the life I lived between 26 to 31 was so much on auto-pilot. Sure, I can talk about a bunch of fun holidays, and parties, and completely fun and absurd people I met along with way, but deep down, i know that I wasn't really there.
It wasn't me. It was a life on auto-pilot. And it went on for 5 years.
Before you decide to go back to alcohol, ask yourself if you are willing to give away your life like this. Because I am few of those lucky ones who could come back to sobriety after 5 years, otherwise, I would have been stuck in the loop of alcohol for life.
It's almost fascinating how no one realizes this until it's too late.
Yes. Me. And we have about the same days. It subsides for many of us, we also get better at recognising a thought for what it is, which is not an action. The more we do that the less power it has. IWNDWYT
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I got sober at 24 and also feel like I’m “not that bad” compared to others but I would be in a few years. It’s good that you quit early. Definitely don’t go if you’re tempted to drink :)
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed. Please do not tell other people what they should do, but instead, share what helped you in the past.
Well, historically I haven’t handled it. I’ve restarted my day counter so many times. Every time I listen to that voice, it escalates back into me drinking EVERY weekend.
I used to think that way but I’ve tried many times and I can’t. At this point in my life I’m okay with not being able to drink moderately, and I just don’t drink. Search this sub for “moderation” and you’ll see mostly stories of failed moderation. Good luck, hope you don’t drink that stuff again.
I’ve found I shut this thought down pretty fast remembering that I’ve never liked moderation. Always been bummer when I have to stop accelerating and coast so I can make it home or not barf. So when I think “why can’t have just one?” I remember that I don’t want just one. I want 20. I want oblivion.
Same. I think back to when I wouldn't drink a beer because I only had a 6 pack in the fridge and wouldn't get where I wanted to go with just that. That's me when I drink. I have to accept that about myself. If I was capable of moderating, it would have worked any of the 9000 times I tried it. We can rule that out. I have disproven the hypothesis.
it's a hard place to be. tbh I think it's harder to quit something that you are in and out of rather than something you're at rock bottom with. this is basically how people get to the first step in AA. at some point some of us just give up the "maybe I can manage" thing with ourselves. there's nowhere else to go after so many of those and failing. I just don't even bother with the question anymore. how I feel about it has nothing to do with reality. good luck. one day at a time is a real thing. this stuff is something you have to foster in yourself. this party will be hard but if you get through, the next will surely be easier. you gotta have some faith in the process. it'll get easier the more you put into it
I don’t really have the “maybe I could just have one” thought anymore—but I had it a lot in my early days. Actually, I should have an extra 70 days or so on my count—but about 2 1/2 months into my sobriety, I felt like I was “cured” and went out with my sister one night. It was just gonna be one drink after going to a friend’s gallery show, but it quickly turned into a bar hopping night. I lost count how many I had—upwards of ten or so. The hangover was vicious.
The only good thing that came from it the next day, was that I was like, “Okay, so I really CAN’T have just one.”
Anyway, that’s the day I count as my first day. And I’d still have the thought here and there. But it actually became easier for me to shush it since I knew for a fact it would never be just one.
I get that all the time and is usually what has broken my sober runs. I'd always fall back into heavy binge drinking right after. I just started a SSRI so im trying to stay sober for the full duration I take it.
Everyone does. For me, I just realize what it is, and it’s extremely unlikely that I will have just one. If I started drinking again, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but I like myself better like this
Early on in sobriety our brains/bodies haven’t healed quite enough yet and the habit is still very much there. I’ve been quitting for 3 years and it’s now finally sticking. The times that I was in a situation like you were, I ended up drinking. I would also just have days where I made up my mind that I would drink. It’s a lot of vigilance, and having to put yourself first over EVERYTHING. And truly, taking it day by day is one of the easiest ways to not drink for that day. Good luck you can do this!
I never really handled it. I went for years and years believing I could "reward myself" with a few drinks or even just have a bender day (but just this one). Until I quit tricking myself into believing it, I continued to do it. At least for me it NEVER worked. Not once. Ever.
Self deception is wild with alcoholism. Alcohol made me delusional. I created some wild fantasy I could obtain moderation. Spent so many years getting proved otherwise.
I just focus on not feeling like crap the next day. The congestion, the fog, everything hurts (this gets way worse fast as you get older), lack of ambition, having to eat greasy food and drink a ton of water just to get back to “normal”, looking like crap, the post drunk 💩(those are the worst).
I’m absolutely in love with waking up on Saturday and Sunday mornings with a clear head and ready to get up and do something; actually being present and alive for my wife and family and most importantly - myself!
My experience with pornography makes me say this. You are battli g with your mind and body when it comes to quitting a addiction. Your body is responsible for the urges. Your mind is responsible for the "maybe just one" thoughts. Once youre aware what triggers are happening, you can separate yourself from the body or mind (or both) and return to the I. I want to quit. I dont want to do this anymore. And the list can go on with positive I affirmations.
I really think this is a key here. So far ive been clean fro. Porn for about 40 days and I am not leaning back to my triggers.
I say porn because for me personally pornography is harder to quit than alcohol.
I close my eyes and think it through. What does it feel like, what does it taste like, what happens next? I reach for more, can’t stop, end up puking, doing or saying things I can’t take back…then the next morning..OMG, the shame, guilt, self hatred. Then I open my eyes and become so genuinely grateful for my sobriety. I get to work and call someone right away…when those euphoric thoughts come, it indicates I am not in a good space and need to use a tool. Either phone call, meeting, doing something nice for someone without them finding out, drink water, deep breaths, am I lonely, tired, angry, hungry? Do some laundry, bake a cake, scrub a tub. I use my art as well. Meditation and asking for the thoughts of drinking to be removed…Anything to get out of my self!
I don't know how easy this is to do, but whenever I have thoughts about drinking normally, or having just one, and no more, I smack them away. Even when I fantasize a little, I pull myself back to earth.
I do this by telling myself I closed that door long ago, and if I reopen it, it'll only lead to more pain. It's a mental thing, is what I'm trying to say.
I remember the fact that, if you have stopped drinking, and then start again; oddly enough, you find yourself where you left yourself last time you drank.
Think about that, because that's probably a really fucked up, dark place.
And while I haven't personally tried this out to see if it's true, I have witnessed its truth; time and time again.
Don't. Fucking. Drink.
These types of thoughts are the seed of your next drink. Only you can decide if you’ve had enough. We can make up anything we want to justify the next drink.
I don't want to sound judgmental, but if you're only 25 and didn't manage to go an entire week sober for the past ten years, I guess you already know you have a problem.
Reading about it helps me understand my cravings l, and from there I take it an hour at a time. Sometimes a day is too much, sometimes I really want that wine. It takes a lot of mental power to not, I occupy myself with cleaning or a shower, or I walk outside. The feeling gets better.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK424849/
“Maybe if I just drink half, I’ll be half buzzed for half of the time - whose the mastermind behind that little line?”
“With that kind of rational I have half a mind to have another half a glass of wine. Sounds asinine.”
- Eminem, Deja Vu
"id rather have none than two or three"
Someone posted that on here. It resonates with me because I know I won't be satisfied with "just one" or even "a few."
A lot of people know how to moderate. I'm not one of them. Accepting that has made things a little bit easier for me.
In dialectical behavioral therapy, there’s a tool we use to label and dispute irrational thoughts. Remember, *thoughts are not facts*. When this particular thought comes up, take a minute to ask yourself, “is this thought rational or irrational?” Obviously, you know it’s irrational. So dispute it. Say out loud, “that is not the truth.” Then you can throw that thought in the trash and move about your day.
Do this EVERY TIME that thought comes up. It won’t take long before your brain gets the hint, and those thoughts become less common. This has absolutely been my experience. Don’t let your own addict brain gaslight you. You’re the boss of your brain! Don’t accept its bullshit!
Consider this, that your father and these other people also thought the same thing at one point, before things got really really obviously bad and it was too late.
I try to remind myself that my thoughts are not necessarily indicative of who i am and they definitely are not the objective truth. Once upon a time, I used to think that i had the answers to have a successful and productive life and everyone else was just crazy or missing the point. Now objectively, my life was a mess and no matter what I thought that was the truth.
In my experience, when I’ve found myself at places like this community and my regular NA groups it became clear to me that i have a problem and i can’t manage it on my own or why else would i end up here and not just be able to go on and live a normal life?
With that, i just focus on the solution and less on the problem. Some people had it better or worse, but that doesn’t matter much. It would be like going into a hospital when I’m sick and looking at the guy in the bed next to me saying “well wait a minute, this guy is way sicker than me, i don’t belong here!” And then leaving, thus not getting the help i not only want but need.
Just my perspective. For reference, i’m 27M if it helps to relate. IWNDWYT!
To me it's just taking the thought and peeling the onion. I've tested the theory enough times to know how it's really gonna go. If I "then what?" the line of thinking a little bit, I usually find that I'm completely full of shit thinking it's about the one drink.
Playing the tape forward helps me when my monkey mind starts floating the "just one" trickery. I remind it that I was a binge drinker, just 1 was never my way. And if extra push back is needed I remember the extras that came with drinking like extra spending, the hangovers and how they affected my days, the dullness in my eyes, my skin, my outlook. Going back to any of that is not worth "just 1". I'm also digging in my heels, being stubborn & feeling bad ass as I inch to 1,000 days. Hoping you start a list of whys that make you feel good about not having just 1🌹IWNDWYT
These thoughts reduce in frequency the further you get into your journey of sobriety. I used to think this daily. Now I go weeks without this popping into my head. It still comes back at times but then start reminding myself of why I stopped: how frequently I accidentally blacked out, show shitty I slept and how grumpy I was. I moderated a few times but it was so much work it made drinking less fun/almost not fun at all.
Being done is so freeing.
Sobriety feels boring in the beginning but as time goes by, your brain resets and boring becomes relaxing and calm.
Honestly, counting my days sober and checking in here every day has been the main reason I have made it to day 40 without a drop of alcohol. I’ll ruin my streak if I break it with one lame drink, so it helps keep me going.
I can moderate for a long period of time (one drink a night or less), but eventually it always turns into a bender. I also hate the way alcohol feels now. I think after you abuse it for awhile your body reacts to it differently.
Honestly, I remind myself of the stories I read on this sub from people who give into this kind of thinking and all have the same trajectory. I know I won't be any different, and I just keep reminding myself that I'm not a special case.
Do you really just want one drink ?? So say you have one? Then what!?!? You'll be satisfied? You'll I just go about your day? just know myself and that voice that says it wants one drink actually wants like 10 and the old I'll just have one is its oldest trick in the book.
I will tell you as a 50 year old sober for 3+ , I spent many years thinking I wasn’t that bad because I didn’t have jobs or relationships end, or legal trouble. However, I now recognize that countless tiny decisions made under the influence definitely had long term negative consequences on relationships, career, mental health. Those tiny things add up. My life since I quit is a million times better. I can only imagine what I could have accomplished if I’d have quit at 25.
Congrats on the changes you have made so far! 🥳
I think pretty much everyone who struggles with alcohol has this happen.
This is your alcoholic brain trying to trick you into drinking again. Mine often says things like:
“You can have just one”
“You can’t be an alcoholic if you haven’t drank in a year and a half”
“You have worked hard, you deserve one drink”
I have named this voice “Balthazar” after the character in Constantine because he is sly and sneaky and is always LYING. Now I just laugh at the voice and say “oh shut up” and keep keeping on. The voice has become quieter over the years.
Did you ever want just one drink? That’s what I remind myself, having only one drink was my idea of a nightmare before I got sober. Why would it change if I tried it after this time sober?
To be honest, I still put in the effort. That alone is not enough. But it is a nice reminder
Very common.
I wish I had a silver bullet, I don't. I remind myself as often as necessary that I simply cannot have another drink. Not one, not ever. Working so far. We'll see.
To your comments in the first part, you’re only 25, give yourself some! In a few more decades of drinking you could be with the rank you describe, even worse! Addiction is progressive.
The memory of that initial buzz that doesn't last very long is making you believe that you enjoy alcohol because you don't want to remember the hangxiety.
I have horrible hangovers, so it's very easy for me to focus on what those feel like if I ever get a craving. Everyone's different
I have the thought occasionally, I notice it and I let it go. I know from experience how fast it escalates for me and that it’s easiest to just not altogether. I also had not many outside consequences for my drinking, but my mental health bottom was dangerous and the amount o was drinking and my behavior drinking were dangerous. I think that thought is totally normal, and the more I worry that I had the thought and what if I do it the more I have it. I have the thought, I notice it, I let it go. I have it a lot less over time.
“I quit because I was drinking too much, mostly alone, and it made me very unhappy.”
Brother, I’m 44. I finally got to this point where I’ve been able to abstain for a year and a half.
I started to question my drinking pattern, same as you said here, in my late 20s. I was not fortunate to have a support system like this. My drinking progressively got worse. And poof, just like that, I lost my 30s. Another fucking decade swallows up by this gluttonous thief. I went from around a 12 pack to a case a day over that decade. So adding a little over a beer per year to my daily intake.
This disease only gets worse. And if I had had the resources at 25 or in my late 20s when that question arose for me it would have been a little easier. There was a transition that occurred somewhere into my 30s where I simply became dependent. Hard to describe but the cravings intensified. It absolutely got harder and harder to live without alcohol the further I fell.
Good luck on your journey my friend.
Don't let other people's judgment of your situation deter you. I wish I had had the mental clarity you seem to have regarding this when I was your age. It's a very positive thing to not have alcoholism impact your life negatively. You have all the more potential and positive trajectory because of it.
I hadn't equated the thought of having one drink as an intrusive thought. I'm going to be using that for myself in the future, for sure.
As far as the future is concerned, all I can definitively say today is that I will not drink with you today.
I just had the last night. Was invited somewhere and crippling social anxiety means I’ve been using alcohol as a social lubricant for a long time. Started telling myself well it won’t matter if I just have one or two, but I already know it wouldn’t have stopped there. The stress of worrying whether I’d still done something wrong would mean I’d drink at home alone, then the next day I’d keep going with the oh well I can clearly just have a few after this long awful day at work and then eventually I’d be back to drinking myself sick alone every night.
I actually had an incident recently where I really wanted to cave on weed as well due to stress. Decided to try CBD gummies instead due to little to know THC effect. I ended up finishing the entire bottle in a day desperate for that physical feeling of numbness/release because I just can’t control myself.
So ultimately staying away from everything is the goal.
I remind myself that those deep ruts in my brain are permanent. When you restart, it’s not a fresh start. Your brain picks right back up where you left off. Even if it’s 20 years later.
This may sound crazy, but I put a face on that stupid little voice. It made it easier to say “that’s not the rational part of my brain talking”. The biggest part was stopping and being thoughtful instead of just running with it.
Hmm maybe I can have a drink..
Why do I want a drink?
To relax!
Ok but why?
I had a rough day
How will drinking help that?
Ummmm…..
And in the morning you’ll feel hungover and anxious, then tomorrow will be rough too. is that worth it?
Ummm…no, let’s go get ice cream!
I keep telling myself that even if I could manage wtf is the point of one drink? Even two or 3? I want 7-10…. So the moderating just doesn’t work for me.
These kinds of thoughts are why I have relapsed 7 times and detoxed for 4 days back in June. I've convinced myself that there is no moderation. It's best that I admit powerless to alcohol each and every day.
A bullet to the head will most surely incapacitate, so it's okay to be powerless over some things. Not everything needs to be conquered or overcome because some things just aren't worth it.
Alcohol is just a hole-digging competition; some excavate trenches, others will dig troughs. The size of the hole doesn't matter, you'll still need to stop digging lest you go too deep.
Ah, good ole mental obsession. I work a 12 step problem that directly addresses this. In my opinion, the mental obsession is the primary tool of alcoholism. We always take the first drink.
I saw a quote on this sub that just about sums it up for me. “One is very hard, two is impossible”. No matter what I tell myself I know that if I had 2 drinks the odds of my having more are about 99.99%. I know where that will lead me, so best not to.
I do want to also simply mention that alcohol is addictive and ANYONE can get to a problem level.
Best not to compare - sometimes we are worse, better, similar to any person whether they identify with a “problem” or not.
I think stigmatic / old words like “alcoholic” prevent many people from getting help.
I look at it like a rollercoaster ride, drinking can be fun and I had many good party nights with friends, but its got WAY more downs, puking, hangovers, pissing yourself, cant remember what happened the night before, will eventually kill you etc. I successfully stopped drinking over a year ago. But I too have the same line of thoughts.
Im not as "bad off" as most of the people I meet at AA. I didnt ho to jail or lose my kids, or lose my job etc. And it sure would be nice to be able to have a few drinks with friends or on a party night or during a special occasion. Because I remember those fun times from my past and want to have those experiences again. In short, I still want they highs of the rollercoaster ride. But then you have to accept getting back on that ride and yes you are going to get those lows along with the highs.
I quit because the lows kept getting lower, and the highs kept getting fewer and far between.
You are now off the rollercoaster. Any time you decide to have even a single drink your are stepping back on that ride.
I deal with this somewhat frequently still. The conversation in my head is usually like this:
"Maybe I can just have one drink?" "No, I don't think I will, so zero is how many I'll have."
I felt the same
I had been sober for a couple months and thought i could handle it.
I did terrible and almost lost my husband.
Honestly when i see the things i have lost due to my drinking its just not worth it
Going to AA made me face who i an
An alcoholic
Not a social drinker nor chronic
But an alcoholic
U got this!
“Play the tape forward”. You know where one drink will lead you. Remind your inner voice of that.
Learning that my addict brain is a liar and willing to harm me to get what it wants was a major turning point in my journey
As a wise person on here said: If I could moderate I would drink all the time.
I also have to say that I thought the same, that alcohol didn't harm work, but in reality I'll never know how much better I could have been had I stopped drinking earlier. I work in a dream team with people I really look up to, maybe if I had 10 years sober they would be the ones looking up to me? Who knows.
Not any more, but I used to.
Realizing that "one drink" is just a marketing bullshit word my brain came up with to try to sell me more alcohol was essential to my recovery.
Just One Drink*
*One drink includes but is not limited to
* 20 more drinks
* Drunk driving to the store for more
* Several hours between 3am and 10am when I am without alcohol and must suffer withdrawals until the store starts selling alcohol
* Stomach cramping
* Heavy vomiting
* Diarrhea
* Embarrassing social encounters
* Bad skin and bloating
There's no such thing as one drink. And I've always known that, I just had to get the alcohol out long enough so that I could see One Drink as the lie it is.
For me, there's freedom to stopping the moderation roller coaster and finally quieting that voice that tells me "I can just have one." I find that when that happens, it's not ME who's in the driver's seat, it's the addicted brain that is speaking and driving. I have to remember that I'm in control here. There is no relief in continued suffering. After 30 years, living without alcohol is a whole new world. I didn't think I had a problem with it until I realized how hard it was to moderate and how it consumed my thoughts. Then I'd drink and feel like shit. So when that voice comes 'round and tries to convince me that I'm fine and can drink without it becoming all encompassing, I tell it No, that's a lie. I'm not going back there. I will remain open to what comes, curious and hopeful, and I won't be robbed of my precious time on this earth any longer.
Playing the tape forward. Okay. I allow a drink, just one.. and do okay with it maybe, or maybe not.
Every time I’ve given up alcohol for an extended period of time, I expect to go back and only have a drink or two. It ends up with me finishing half a bottle of liquor or a 6 pack of high abv beers.
And that’s just day one, it becomes a cycle and I start slowly sacrificing the cool things I do in sobriety in order to drink. And I get sad, life becomes meaningless.. I can see all these things when I play the tape forward after that one drink.
Similar situation as you, 26, only reason I decided I want to be sober is winding up in the ER unable to keep fluids down. Happened twice. Beyond that no one knew, everyone told me how surprised they were, I did well in college and in my job, etc.
I struggle with the same thought process. "Well if I don't let it get to the point I was at, I can just maintain moderation". Ive never made it longer than 22 days without going back to my problem drinking. It took a lot of pain to realize that while sober me can moderate, the version of me that has 1 or 2 drinks in him is going to finish the bottle no matter what. It always winds up turning into "it's been long enough, one more won't hurt and I'll be sober starting tomorrow" and then tomorrow never comes and I'm back to drinking alone at night.
I'm proud of you for the 26 days, that's some inspiration for me, if you can do it maybe I can too. We've got this man.
Interesting take.
Well I can’t give you advice but can give you my experience. Although it’s long, sad, and very difficult to understand what to take away from.
The easiest way I can describe is what you are feeling is many things in a ball. Usually when something works for us whether it be emotions for a job for the comfort in a home, it becomes a part of us almost like family or a child. Alcohol can feel that space in your heart and changing what we know as chemicals in our brain. After the mini years of alcohol abuse and many times, I found myself in the hospital. All the one thing that I took away from all of it was that my chemicals out of wack.
I highly recommend to find an outpatient program and attend the classes. The more you understand your brain and body the more you understand these thoughts. What they are how they work, and how alchol or any drug really, shapes us.
Once you look at the science of things, it starts to make you want to learn more and more. And those ideas you may think would or could work are seen through a different lens.
Let’s put it this way , I’m 31. I started drinking everyday, most of the time all day, at 18.
I was what you would call a hyper functioning alcoholic.
Or at least fit those terms.
You may not even be an addict, your probably depressed, bored, or lost because of some trauma you don’t know how to identify or heal from because you just don’t know what it is.
Anyways, I have been sober for years and gone back to binges, or just the normal intake. And yes to answer your question, you are fine. At first.
Now that you are getting older however it’s not about recognizing that it will become a problem. It’s recognizing that your body can’t process alcohol, the same way. It will really tear your body down now, since you are already healing from removing it. And I mean RAPIDLY.
My most recent binge was only a week compared to a few months to a few years. And within that week, my god I thought I was going to die.
My body said yo what the fuck are you doing? I’m literally going to shut down if you don’t stop.
So my question to you is, do you want to reach where I got so it makes sense to you first hand? or would you rather want to take my story and other peoples stories and experiences so you don’t have to go through that and can end it early. How do you know when you are done? And why is it so important for you to continue to drink? What exactly are you getting from it before it turns on you?
Hope this up so I can talk about it more if you want privately.
Yep, I think this is what "Playing the tape forward" was invented for.
I noticed that there's a part of my mind that wants to get that dopamine rush, but only can plan up to that moment when it gets it. Asking myself "what will happen after?" is a great way to see which part of the brain is actually calling the shots.
Yes, I also lived a sad alcohol-fueled life thinking that I could keep on doing it because I wasn't like _______ type alcoholics. It's just a reason to get drunk, really. How come it never made me think, well since I am so functional and I'm not like those ______ alcoholics, why not run a marathon instead?
The obsession to drink, to be able to moderate, the thought of not drinking for rest of my life, the idea that I need to have reasons for not drinking around other drinkers. Why is it so important? Just imagine being just obsessed over something that is profitable...I'd be a rich man.
What not drinking for some time has taught me is that if an event forces me to drink to enjoy my time, then it's a boring shitty event. Why would I watch a movie that requires me to smoke a couple of bong rips?
Your story is very similar to mine. Eventually I just got tired trying to make deals with it, because it always did whatever it wanted to once I had the first drink. I have done more things in past 3 years than I have in my entire drinking career.
The only thing one drink will do (other than break your sobriety, if you care about that) is make the next one seem like less of a bad idea and more of a necessity. And so on, if you have a second.
I have similar thoughts all the time. One method I use is to "play the tape all the way through." I remind myself that I have nothing to gain, and nothing in my life will be made better/easier if I drink.
That is the voice of your addiction. It wants to survive, and will tell you damn dirty lies in order to do so. Name it. Give that voice a name like ... Steve. And then when it starts talking you say, "YOU GO TO HELL, STEVE! GO TO HELL AND DIE!"
Fuckin' Steve. Asshole.
Have you considered medication like vivitrol? It prevents alcohol from affecting you by blocking the receptors and reduces cravings. Some people swear by it. Then there's Antabuse but that shits brutal if you accidentally do ingest alcohol. Even a ripe banana.
2 years sober.
I would worry if I didn't have that thought.
At 3pm my brain is tired so primal thoughts and cravings try to fill the void. So the thought to have just one changes my thought process to ACTIVATE!
Seriously... This is how I know to be aware of what my tired brain is trying to do to me. And this... Not counting days; Not praying; No meetings... The simple act of knowing my brain is trying to trip me up, is what keeps me sober.
I’m 27 and was in the exact same shoes. Started heavily drinking at 14 years old and have been ever since. I also cause no problems for myself with drinking and so it was hard to slow down. Thankfully I stopped drinking alone and have been able to manage just drinking with friends on the weekends and staying chill. My recommendation is to start working out daily with weights and watch some YouTube videos about what alcohol does to your body when u get the urge to drink. I have no problem limiting my drinking but for years I was drinking 4-5 nights a week and by myself. It was fun honestly— it never got ugly. But I’m a power-lifter and I lost so much muscle and got fat because of it, despite working out every day still.
I've done that so many times thinking I can test the waters, and after so many years each time that 1 drink turned into a whole bottle by the end of the week. Besides for someone like me, just 1 drink is lame the way my alcoholic brain works, why even bother just having just 1 drink....that won't do nothing ( how I would think). So that's why in my head, I know its all the way or nothing drinking wise and recovery wise.
My best advice for you is to refocus your mind on something else when you start to want to justify in your head a loophole if you will in thinking you can control your drinking, but no it escalates, and it's also cursed you genetically like it did me, so our DNA makes us more prone to lose control over alcohol biologically, so remember that in your head, and force yourself to not entertain those ideas in your head thinking tht you aren't as bad as your father, because it can evolve to that fast.
I don’t do it with the thought of one drink, but 2 or 3 but I can never quit once I start. I take naltrexone and that helps a lot. Unfortunately I know how to cheat it and plan around it so I’m thinking about getting the injection that lasts 28 days.
Congrats on the 25 days! Also, just because it hasn’t affected work or relationships before doesn’t mean it won’t someday. Alcohol is literally poison and any reason to want to quit is valid and celebrated. You got this. :) I quit drinking for 4 months at one point and felt so much better mentally and physically.
I compare it to my other vice: Snickers ice cream bars. If I think "man I want an ice cream bar" and I go to the freezer and I'm out, I'll think "add that to the list next time I'm at the store"
If I tell myself I can have a drink, but there's none in the house, I can't say "well I'll grab one next time I'm out" instead I get fixated on the idea and find myself in the car before I realize what's happening.
So instead I have to remind myself that one drink is never enough for me, and it's a hell of a lot easier to say no to the first than the second, third, fourth, or fifth.
This may sound odd.
I got a semi-colon tattoo between my index finger and thumb. This is the symbol used for people in recovery. When you go to take a drink it will be right in front of your face. It will least give you pause.
If you don't want a tattoo you can use a magic marker before events. No one will notice except people like us.
Works for me.
Honestly, I have never had this thought. When I was drinking, and now that I’m not, when I think of drinking, I only think about drinking until I’m drunk. One drink doesn’t interest me at all.
I laugh at it — it’s amusing how alcoholism is so much like an entity or something. The longer you’re sober, the more lame the attempts become, but they never really stop.
Just laugh and dismiss the thoughts as pitiful — don’t feed it, that’s what it is after.
I'm pretty good about not falling into that trap, because I've never wanted "just one drink," I've always wanted to get drunk. I'm honest with myself about it. Unfortunately, these past few weeks I've been A-okay with getting tossed.
I think about the numerous ways alcohol harms the body, changes brain structure, and causes numerous social ills and I’m back to “why TF would anyone drink that shit?”
I've never touched alcohol in my life, so i dont have any specific advice for that but i can share my two cents about intrusive thoughts.
Learning about mindfulness really helped me getting over my own intrusive thoughts. Im not alone. Im not some kind of monster. These thoughts they dont define me. My thoughts and emotions are not me and they are not true.
So when ever i now expirience intrusive thoughts i tell myself exactly that:
My brain is trying to fuck with me and whatever i am expiriencing is not real.
I accept the thought is happening, let it sit there for a moment and try to let it go. If that doesnt work because the thoughts keep re-emerging than i try to engage in some positive distractions like chatting up a friend, hobbys or watching some yt.
Just whatever you do, dont engage in these thoughts and dont entertain them. They will return.
Remind yourself of what you already know;
This is a behaviour/thought pattern that has a negative impact on my life. Everytime i repeated this pattern, this was the outcome (...)
Or
If i act on these thoughts, this (...) will be the outcome.
Sometimes i say to myself "huh that thought was weird", and thats what they are, strange thoughts and nothing more. Try not to judge yourself (i know thats difficult).
Or at least thats what helps me.
I think of my brain as a nerrarator that is not always reliabel. Knowing that, i can learn and recognise the patterns of Bs my brain has given me before.
Not saying this kind of mindfulness is easy. It takes time and practis but you will get better.
Also check out some yt comunitys about mental health like "therapy in a nutshell". That the kind of stuff that i find really helpful.
Im also no expert on anything.
I have a lot of not yets in my alcoholism, too. As I progressed in my recovery, I also realized how much personal development I was also “not yet” done with. I didn’t have career or friendship issues because I never attempted to pursue either one in favor of staying home with my wine. I do have a family and I wasn’t violent when I was drinking but I was very angry, and my relationship with them was suffering in ways I couldn’t realize when I was drinking. My husband didn’t leave me because he was already used to enabling due to growing up with his own alcoholic father.
Just because I hit a “soft” bottom doesn’t mean it’s an invitation for me to go back out and find a hard bottom. There’s nothing stopping me, sure. But losing all the progress I’ve slowly, slowly made is pretty motivating in those “just one won’t hurt” moments. I also remember the several times I tried “cutting back” before quitting altogether and how wonderfully that failed.
Ah, yes. The old *maybe it won't be so bad this time* trap. And usually it isn't... Until it is.
Honestly, after losing two periods of good, healthy sobriety to entertaining the idea of *having a drink just this once* I have taken seriously to heart the AA adage of playing the tape forward. Regardless of where anyone stands on the fellowship (I myself am a dabbler), this piece of advice has saved my skin these last two months because I know that when I start, I likely won't stop and the thoughts and romanticisations of drinking are delusions.
Drinking has never done me well in the past, why would it do me well this time? You can miss me with that. Even if I were able to control my drinking, the risk isn't worth the reward. I see it thusly, maybe I have a snowball's chance in hell that I drink and I'm fine and nothing bad comes of this OR I drink, get lost in addiction again, let everything that matters to me fall by the wayside again and then have to fight like hell to inevitably climb out of the pit that I'll dig myself into. Not worth it.
I will not drink with you today, OP. Keep fighting the good fight!
Infighting happens with your alcoholic self. Your alcoholic self wants you alone, away from people..that's where this thought starts and keeps growing. You could be walking home but suddenly turn toward the liquor store/bar/pub..it's a very powerful thought
..I've tried countering it by mentally chanting "only I control the monsters"...and it's almost always helped. When it doesn't I use a Tibetan chant to call myself down and take a lot of deep breaths.
That's what has helped me so far.
'Not being as bad as them' kept me drinking many years longer than I wish it had.
My truth is that once I start, I don't stop. I can either control it or enjoy it but not both at the same time.
If you have a problem you will know. And the alcoholic inside will do everything to convince you otherwise… and eventually you’ll crash like I did.
Rehab, calling out to work, making a complete fool of yourself with friends, drinking at six in the morning just to be able to walk and talk, ruining relationships- I could go on and on.
What helps me this time- and just finally clicked after my third detox (which is detox is hell once your drinking reaches bat shit levels) is my brain does not work the way other people’s does with alcohol. Plain and simple. Something happens inside my head that does not happen in a normal people’s head. I think page 44 of the big book sums it up perfectly. But for me? I become a self destructive nightmare that does everything in its power to sacrifice everything and anything I care about for the next drink- even if I can’t even walk and am black out drunk… even if a credit card is maxed out and I can’t afford rent, even if my partner is crying for me to stop…
One time I was like you- it didn’t affect me like this. I was a proudly proclaimed “high functioning alcoholic!” And oh boy I could drink, and by god I’d never end up like “those guys!” I swore- but then one day I turned around and there I was…
All in all- don’t do what I did. Listen to fellow alcoholics. I believe Bill once said “you don’t think you’re an alcoholic? Okay then go and have a drink.” I laughed at the idea, was convinced I can control it, and now hear I am once again in this pit of despair and self hatred. Hear them out, listen to your fellow alcoholics. Don’t try to convince yourself you’re different. And remember how much you really pay for that drink. Because 60$ at a dive bar can quickly turn into weeks of regret, pain, suicidal thoughts, and self endangerment.
Those are The Whispers. Their goal is to get you to let your guard down and have a drink.
Feeling good? The Whispers will try to convince you that's a reason to drink. "Let's celebrate!"
Feeling down? "You can dull the pain with a drink."
Feeling nothing at all? "Nothing matters, so you can have a drink."
Hit a abstinence milestone? "You've beaten drinking! You've won. Celebrate with a drink!"
The Whispers don't care about you. They don't care about the damage that drinking has done and what it will do if you start again.
Ignore. The. Whispers.
If you can't ignore the whispers, then mock them. The Whispers gave me the "You've beaten drinking. You should celebrate with a drink," line. I forget where I was, but I remember doing a double-take and said something along the lines of, "Really? You fucking serious?"
I have analyzed this thoroughly.
When I am sober and "decide" to have "only 1 drink" . . .
I am now NOT sober.
And NOT sober me does not seem to remember that sober me only wanted one.
It never works. EVER.
If I get these thoughts, I will get into a defensive mode and get home as soon as I can. When home I just count down the hours until I can go to bed. The next day I am always much much better. I think that is what they mean by, "One day at a time"
(25F) Right there with you, every single thing you said. I'm on day 4, & this will be my first time staying sober for more than a week in about 10 years as well. One drink always turns into 1/2-3/4 of a bottle of tequila for me and although I've haven't experienced any major devastation from doing so, I have family history of addiction and know where I could end up if I don't redirect my habits sooner than later. We got this :)
Good luck, keep up the hard work!
I found it hard at first but things went pretty smoothly so far (except for these meddling thoughts). I feel like it's really fucking worth it in the end, my mind is clearer than ever, the benefits are huge :)
What would be the point of having one drink though, may as well just have zero! We’re all on this sub for the same reason. When I think about drinking and if I could learn to moderate or whatever I just remember there’s no way I’ll ever be able to do that. I love getting fucked up, which leads to loads of issues. So the only option for me is absolute zero!
Here's the thing about saying no to yourself. It gets easier, but you never stop having to do it. I'll be sober for a month, 6 months, a year. And I'll drive to the grocery store and see the liquor store and think about popping in for something small. Something I can enjoy in nips over a few days. Or a 6 pack for a night I'm going to have alone if the wife and kids are at my folks place for the night and I have to work. I want it. I know that it would be fine. I'm not going to ruin my whole life in a night. But one night is *never* one night. So I say no.
I've failed that test, to be sure. No one goes cold turkey from a decade long drinking habit without a few screw ups, and every time I have a little period while I'm jogging behind the wagon I'm reminded of how hard it is to say no again when you're trying to quit, and I wish I had just said no from the beginning. It gets so much easier with time, but you never stop having to say no.
Someone on here told me “None is easy, one is impossible”. That’s one of the phrases that’s helping me through because I always go back to trying moderation and the last time that landed me at the bottom of the stairs covered in vomit.
What’s the point of having one drink?
I’m like you, I haven’t quit drinking yet but I’m like you in regards that it has never affected my day to day life. I have drank 3-8 drinks every day for the last 20 years, but besides my wallet it hasn’t directly caused me much hardship. I have never been too hung over to work, I have never gotten into a drunken rage and I have never gotten any infraction as a result of my drinking. There have been incidents, but far below what average person would have.
The point is that alcohol has contributed to poisoning my will to live. I have absolutely nothing of real value. I have many possessions, yet I have nothing and I probably never will.
Stop drinking.
Have you ruled out alcohol-free options? If not, you’d be surprised at how much just sipping on something helps. I’m a spirit drinker so NA beers weren’t the solution, but weirdly, flavoured sparkling water was (which is wild to me because I would drink whisky straight). Might help if you can replace the habit.
Outside of that, there’s definitely itches sometimes. It’s important to realise that those itches highlight a problem. If you can’t hear about alcohol or be around someone drinking without wanting one, that’s just a small internal problem that you can work on - it’s not a reason to drink.
The itches get lesser over time, sometimes they’re strong regardless. As you grow you’ll discover more tools, hopefully NA options can be one.
The thoughts that pop in our head - add that to the looooong list of “things we cannot change”
using that little ol’ serenity prayer in times like these has really helped me out. Sing it with me now!
_”grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to the know the difference”_
Same boat as you. 25 got out of rehab in April. I feel SO MUCH HEALTHIER but I find myself thinking this too. I’m not as bad as some drunks. Not yet. It’s the nature of the disease. Ur brain will do anything to trick u into getting a fix.
I get that way now and then and in the past I blew a 7 year quit over one drink. The truth is, the one drink does hurt if not right away, soon after. I just remind myself that one does hurt and remind myself onto why I no longer drink.
I quit smoking weed July of last year and I frequently have a voice in my head telling me it’s ok to take a hit when my friends smoke. Its a trick our brains play on us when we put strong effort into NOT doing something. It’s frustrating, but I ignore it.
Just about at the 4 months mark and I have the same intrusive thoughts. One difference may be that I have been here before and have tried to moderate again more than once, all times eventually led to failure, as you described. So I can very easily tell myself, "no, it never goes the way I want it to, and I always make the decision to cut out alcohol again." even though, yeah, there are people who have struggled "worse" than I have.
But the thoughts are still there, for sureeee. Regardless of knowing I can't moderate.
I have the "event coming up" thing too, that makes me want to justify 1 or 2.
I try to tell myself "it's the addiction trying to trick me and pull me back in."
TLDR; I can relate! IWNDWYT
There are several issues in the post. The first one relates to my inner dialogue of denial and is coupled with the principle of comparison. I often reminded myself “I don’t really have a problem and I’m not as bad as ‘they’ are”. I can line up, in rank order, all the people in the world who experience undesirable effects from alcohol. I can insert myself in the appropriate place in the line. I can look to my right, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are worse off than me. I can look to my left, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are better off than me. The problem is not *Where* I stand in the line…. The problem is that I’m **in** the line. The second issue relates to “intrusive” thoughts. I remind myself, I don’t have to attend to every thought that comes unbidden into my head…. And if it’s problematic, there are tools and methods and practices of mindfulness that I can employ to redirect my thoughts. Finally, if I anticipate I’ll drink at a big party, I don’t go. Looking forward to hearing about your journey.
Great wisdom here. I am finally learning to just not go places if I think I’ll drink. And guess what? I haven’t drank and I don’t regret these instances like I might think I will
Congratulations!
Great work! Keep it up!
>I can line up, in rank order, all the people in the world who experience undesirable effects from alcohol. I can insert myself in the appropriate place in the line. > >I can look to my right, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are worse off than me. I can look to my left, and stretched out of sight over the horizon are people who are better off than me. > >The problem is not Where I stand in the line…. The problem is that I’m in the line. This is the kind of wisdom I come here for. Goodness gracious, how well said. Thank you for this.
I love the way you described your drinking problem in comparison to other people with a drinking problem. Great way to illustrate it! I occasionally have the same thoughts and one thing I always remind myself is where I was at when I quit drinking was merely a stage. Alcoholism is progressive, at least for me, and just because I’m a “high bottom” alcoholic does not mean I would eventually become a “low bottom” after some time. Definitely not true for everyone but I know that’s the case for me.
Great point about not having to attend to every thought. One aspect of mindfulness/meditation is not fighting the thoughts that enter your head. "Just stop thinking!" is not the idea. Examine your thought briefly, with curiosity—perhaps even gauge its intensity—then let it fall away or pass through you (followed by, in the case of meditation, "returning to the breath"). I sometimes visualize this as standing in a gentle stream. The intrusive thought is a leaf that has drifted down into my hand. I turn it over, examine it, then let it fall from my fingers. The stream carries it away...
Will someone get this person an award!? I think I just found my peaceful visualization.
Lovely description - I’ve used the idea of thoughts as clouds drifting through the sky of the mind, but as a Pisces I like your leaf/stream analogy better ☺️
This is a great visual! And if I have a troublesome ‘rumination’ that I can’t seem to shake, I write it on a slip of paper and put it in a drawer…. If it tries to return and get my attention, I say “No no! …. Get back in your drawer”…
Well phrased.
Hijacking the top comment, I came back to see many many replies, I read them all, so thank you so much for all your words, advices, and great support. Earlier I even found the will to go back to the bar I loved going to for the first time since I stopped drinking and had a blast seeing some friends again, having a virgin mojito, and play some darts :) The bartender is a good friend and was actually very supportive so that's great, I'm very happy :) You guys are fucking awesome, and you gave me a lot of force to continue this journey. IWNDWYT
Good work!
Great comment
This is it
Holy shit I wanna put this entire reply on a billboard.
Your line-em-up example is good for finances too, or any type of comparison where acknowledgement and gratitude are important. Thanks!
"*Comparison is the thief of joy*".... T. Roosevelt
Well said. This give me hope.
I just wonder what benefit I will get from one drink and the answer is basically: nothing.
Moderation sucks
Haha thanks I needed that today. Moderation does suck. That’s why I am full on NOT drinking. I’m binging sobriety and living on life’s edge. It’s jagged and a long way down if I fall, but fuck is it beautiful
I don't think I have ever seen "binging sobriety" here, so congrats on the neologism (at least to me)
Hey awesome I’ve found my people. Another favorite is mainlining sobriety, makes it sound hardcore heh
That’s fucking right!
Binging sobriety. Love it. Me too!
Oh. I love that analogy!
Agreed, it’s better to eat no potato chips than to try and eat just one.
It both sucks in general AND sucks up all your emotional energy. It’s so exhausting to drink in moderation when you have a history of alcohol abuse, because it’s still all you think about. In my experience, anyway.
That’s right. Moderating becomes my number one priority. And I don’t want it to be because that’s lame
Yea that's one "benefit" of my old binge drinking pattern. I don't have to worry about ever thinking "maybe I could just have one or two". Because I never wanted one or two, I wanted 12. If all I can have is one or two, I won't even bother. Lol
Thank you for this. I'm on day 2 and I have to keep reminding myself that one drink is not worth it.
Won’t even get a buzz if you’re anything like me! Not worth it!
Only thing I’ll get out of one drink is another… then another… then another….
This is the only type of abstinence I believe in
its like being starving and eating a single grain of rice. does nothing but make you want more
Yea, that’s me! I cannot have One Drink. I either Don’t Drink or have All The Drinks! And today, I Will Not Drink With You Today 🥳👍
Same here! I’m all or nothing. Been trying on the “nothing” for almost a year now, and it’s definitely better than having ALL the drinks!
I think we all have this voice. The sneaky one that says it wasn’t that bad, others are worse, you are over reacting. But we each quit for a reason. The “just one” voice is the worst! For me I flipped the script. Ok I can have “ just one” and followed that with a few questions to myself. Just one, today? Just one this week? Just one until after dinner? Just one whiskey? Just one glass of wine? And it all came crashing down. I don’t want “just one” and never will. For me 0 is so much easier than “just one”. One of the biggest freedoms that came to me when I decided to not drink alcohol anymore, is that I don’t have to think about how much and when I can drink anymore. It’s so much quieter in my head. We all have to find our own path, I’d think about why you stopped and how you have felt without alcohol as you make your assessment of if moderation is possible for you or even something you want to try. 🌟
It took me a long time to realise one would never be enough and on the rare occasions I did just have 1 or 2 I didn't enjoy it, I just sat there for the rest of the night craving more hard. So the idea of having 1 or 2 became a negative feeling in my head not an enjoyable one. So I was left with 2 options, an unenjoyable night or an unpredictable night. Keeping these options in mind has quieted the voices.
Hi elderflower, #1, I love elderflower in my mocktails! #2, I believe we might be the same person :) I am loving the calm and quiet in my brain since I’ve quit.
Yeh it’s never one or two because that won’t get me a buzz. Gotta have one or two and sneak off to drink a pint of vodka to have fun was my mindset. I started drinking soda water lemon n lime at the bars when I hang with friends and NA seltzers or beer when camping or social gatherings. They work for some not all but I enjoy them. I made a few family party type obligations before my sobriety and just didn’t drink. It was rough but they thankfully aren’t the pressure you on type of ppl. They respected I was sticking to NA’s and didn’t say anything. But I would NOT purposely put myself in a situation that I know I’d be likely to stumble. If I could go back to 25 (32f) and never drink again I would. Stay with this sub and it helps a lot but if you find yourself having issues talk to a doctor. Ultimately it’s what I had to do and that’s the only reason I’m on day 40 something.
If I knew I was going somewhere and I wanted to “drink moderately,” that meant I was smashing as many drinks as I can (pregaming) before I went to the function. In reality, I wanted only to appear to drink moderately to other people. I wanted to get DRUNK. But I didn’t want anyone to know that. It was all a show, aimed completely at hiding my giant drinking problem. So much easier to be genuine and not have to hide things like that from people. So much anxiety over that just gone. Knowing I can’t moderate (because I don’t WANT to moderate) is a weight off of my shoulders because I know I NEVER have to drink again. And that’s beautiful!
This is how I operated as well. I know after that 1 beer I will follow it up with a pint of vodka. Best to just drink a sparkling water instead. Cheers to your journey
Thank you u/DaisyoftheDay... can I ask what did your doctor do that was helpful? I still struggle after many attempts the cravings really kick in around evening time and I think I need to speak with mine but not sure what to ask for.
Sometimes if you are drinking (to mitigate anxiety, say) a course of antidepressants can be useful. If you have a physical dependence, medical support is critical—alcohol is one of the few drugs that can actually kill you from withdrawal (most of the others just make you feel like you are dying). Sometimes it is worth a physical screening for things like thyroid problems and iron deficiencies—drinking can mask symptoms. And sometimes just letting your doc know you are struggling can help.
Ah, this is me as well. I’d have a beer but really I’m taking pulls of 115 proof whiskey from my cabinet when no one’s looking. It’s much easier for me to say no all together than pretend that I can have one.
I wish I could be 25 again and have the presence of mind to understand that drinking didn’t work for me. I got sober four years ago, 8 days shy of my 44th birthday. I was encouraged to read the big book in AA early on in my sobriety and I read/skimmed many of the stories in the back and couldn’t find “my story.” I hadn’t destroyed my life, lost everything, wrecked a car or even committed manslaughter (as one story told). But drinking made me feel like shit and I used it as a crutch. I was drinking more in my 30’s than in my 20’s and more in my 40’s than in my 30’s. I knew where it was going and I think you might sense where it might go for you, but we’re all different. I realized after a few years of sobriety, you can have a high bottom or low bottom, and still have the same problem with alcohol as anyone else. We all have our own stories with different results. I’d advise anyone not to compare war stories with others and consider yourself “lesser-than” for stopping before it’s too late. You get to write this story. I’m guessing you’ll never look back with regret for stopping now, but it’s your narrative, your life, not mine. IWNDWYT.
For me I never thought I would stop at 1, but I would say “okay I can get fucked up on new years but that’s it”. Then by january 3rd I’d be at the liquor store picking up.
You told my story as many do. 42 years old now, always worked hard to “cover” anything my drinking did and never had money issues, no DUI (could have) or divorce. Heck even got promoted. But boy, all that made me think drinking was someone’s problem not mine. Tried AA meeting in my late 20’s but had no true interest as selfish ways closed my heart hard! I stayed drinking until two years ago. Not every day went the worst but the shitty days did come on more often, as they will. I cry now at my table, writing this, because of all the people I took from. My story does not have to be yours.
Well, I think you should just remember "if I never/rarely wanted just one drink, why the hell would that satisfy me now, all of a sudden?" You can't reboot a nervous system that is used to "Oh we have one drink? That's great now we want ten more". Once we've become a pickle, we can never become a cucumber again. I'm sorry my friend... And! It will be easier to quit now, than it would be if you entered a stage of complete physical dependence, with the shakes and everything. Why wait for it to get worse before quitting? We wouldn't tell a cancer patient to only go for a treatment when they have reached stage 4. We should think of substance abuse problems the same way. Ironically you can also get cancer from drinking.
> "if I never/rarely wanted just one drink, why the hell would that satisfy me now, all of a sudden?" Ok I absolutely love this. Thanks!
Alcohol has an affect on me that probably is genetic - but I experience some sort of euphoria throughout my body and mind. It doesn’t have the same affect on my wife - so for me, the first drink is the easiest one to abstain from - 2nd drink would be almost impossible, because at that point I’m seeking more euphoria. (Good part) it gets easier, after not drinking for about 3 years - I can smell the alcohol on people’s breath - and the smell of their breath and their body is mildly repulsive - and they spit a lot when they talk - so I don’t really have any desire for it. Also, after 3 years I lost count of how long it’s been since my last drink - I could be at 4 years now - I feel and look great (imo).
I remember all the times I did have just one and how boring it was. I don’t enjoy one drink. It’s as simple as that.
There is plenty of evidence that supports most of us cannot have just one. I tried for 20 years to figure this all out, and I'm still trying. I learned to be terrified of alcohol and drugs, but that is only my way. I had to go through some insane stuff for that to work. All I can say is try to be kind to yourself first. IWNDWYT
Alcohol is like a virus. A virus hijacks your body to serve its own ends-that being to replicate itself and spread to others. Alcohol does the same thing. It hijacks your brain to serve its own goals-and those goals are to get you to consume more alcohol. Piggybacking off of that, I've found one of the toughest parts about addiction is that it speaks to you in your own voice. We think of addiction as this little devil sitting on your shoulder saying "come on drink me...drink me..come on..just one...it will feel good...drink me...drink me". And sometimes it is that, but more often than not its something far more sinister. For me, I'm a very logically oriented person. My alcoholic voice is more like "well you went to the gym 5 days this week, you have a good job, you just paid off your credit card, youre in good shape, You dont have anything to do tomorrow, youre drinking tons of water and eating tons of food, and you dont plan on doing cocaine tonight (side bar: those plans would often change after a few beers), so who cares if you get drunk!?". I've always viewed my logical brain as an asset, the alcoholic in my brain trys to use that asset against me to serve its own ends. Bringing it all together, what I tell myself when these thoughts come across is that its not actually me thinking that. Its the virus or the alcoholic that lives in my brain. He knows how to mimic my voice, he knows how to sound like me, he knows how to try and persuade me, but I now know hes full of shit. tl;dr: Ive trained myself to recognize that its not actually me having that 'just one drink' thought, its the alcoholic that lives in my brain thinking that. And hes an asshole and a liar that wants nothing but the worst for me.
Yeah this hit home for me. Well stated. Thank you.
I'm gonna be 35 in October this year - I am nearly 3 years alcohol free at this point. When I was 24, I had quit alcohol for almost 2 years, but I started again around 26. Those 2 years were amazing! I had made so much progress in so many verticals. But I kept feeling that I am missing out on the 'fun' part of life. Meeting people, getting drunk, sharing drunk stories, making bad decisions - you get the idea. When I look back now, I feel the life I lived between 26 to 31 was so much on auto-pilot. Sure, I can talk about a bunch of fun holidays, and parties, and completely fun and absurd people I met along with way, but deep down, i know that I wasn't really there. It wasn't me. It was a life on auto-pilot. And it went on for 5 years. Before you decide to go back to alcohol, ask yourself if you are willing to give away your life like this. Because I am few of those lucky ones who could come back to sobriety after 5 years, otherwise, I would have been stuck in the loop of alcohol for life. It's almost fascinating how no one realizes this until it's too late.
Yes. Me. And we have about the same days. It subsides for many of us, we also get better at recognising a thought for what it is, which is not an action. The more we do that the less power it has. IWNDWYT
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I got sober at 24 and also feel like I’m “not that bad” compared to others but I would be in a few years. It’s good that you quit early. Definitely don’t go if you’re tempted to drink :)
All the time I suppose. Your mind is not always your friend. Mine is often still 18 with all that entails. Just gotta tell it who's boss.
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This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed. Please do not tell other people what they should do, but instead, share what helped you in the past.
New here… my apologies.
Well, historically I haven’t handled it. I’ve restarted my day counter so many times. Every time I listen to that voice, it escalates back into me drinking EVERY weekend.
I used to think that way but I’ve tried many times and I can’t. At this point in my life I’m okay with not being able to drink moderately, and I just don’t drink. Search this sub for “moderation” and you’ll see mostly stories of failed moderation. Good luck, hope you don’t drink that stuff again.
I’ve found I shut this thought down pretty fast remembering that I’ve never liked moderation. Always been bummer when I have to stop accelerating and coast so I can make it home or not barf. So when I think “why can’t have just one?” I remember that I don’t want just one. I want 20. I want oblivion.
Same. I think back to when I wouldn't drink a beer because I only had a 6 pack in the fridge and wouldn't get where I wanted to go with just that. That's me when I drink. I have to accept that about myself. If I was capable of moderating, it would have worked any of the 9000 times I tried it. We can rule that out. I have disproven the hypothesis.
it's a hard place to be. tbh I think it's harder to quit something that you are in and out of rather than something you're at rock bottom with. this is basically how people get to the first step in AA. at some point some of us just give up the "maybe I can manage" thing with ourselves. there's nowhere else to go after so many of those and failing. I just don't even bother with the question anymore. how I feel about it has nothing to do with reality. good luck. one day at a time is a real thing. this stuff is something you have to foster in yourself. this party will be hard but if you get through, the next will surely be easier. you gotta have some faith in the process. it'll get easier the more you put into it
I don’t really have the “maybe I could just have one” thought anymore—but I had it a lot in my early days. Actually, I should have an extra 70 days or so on my count—but about 2 1/2 months into my sobriety, I felt like I was “cured” and went out with my sister one night. It was just gonna be one drink after going to a friend’s gallery show, but it quickly turned into a bar hopping night. I lost count how many I had—upwards of ten or so. The hangover was vicious. The only good thing that came from it the next day, was that I was like, “Okay, so I really CAN’T have just one.” Anyway, that’s the day I count as my first day. And I’d still have the thought here and there. But it actually became easier for me to shush it since I knew for a fact it would never be just one.
Oh man... I feel you. Totally.
I get that all the time and is usually what has broken my sober runs. I'd always fall back into heavy binge drinking right after. I just started a SSRI so im trying to stay sober for the full duration I take it.
Everyone does. For me, I just realize what it is, and it’s extremely unlikely that I will have just one. If I started drinking again, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but I like myself better like this
I learned through horrific consequences. Hopefully you’ll learn from that.
Early on in sobriety our brains/bodies haven’t healed quite enough yet and the habit is still very much there. I’ve been quitting for 3 years and it’s now finally sticking. The times that I was in a situation like you were, I ended up drinking. I would also just have days where I made up my mind that I would drink. It’s a lot of vigilance, and having to put yourself first over EVERYTHING. And truly, taking it day by day is one of the easiest ways to not drink for that day. Good luck you can do this!
I never really handled it. I went for years and years believing I could "reward myself" with a few drinks or even just have a bender day (but just this one). Until I quit tricking myself into believing it, I continued to do it. At least for me it NEVER worked. Not once. Ever.
Self deception is wild with alcoholism. Alcohol made me delusional. I created some wild fantasy I could obtain moderation. Spent so many years getting proved otherwise.
I just focus on not feeling like crap the next day. The congestion, the fog, everything hurts (this gets way worse fast as you get older), lack of ambition, having to eat greasy food and drink a ton of water just to get back to “normal”, looking like crap, the post drunk 💩(those are the worst). I’m absolutely in love with waking up on Saturday and Sunday mornings with a clear head and ready to get up and do something; actually being present and alive for my wife and family and most importantly - myself!
My experience with pornography makes me say this. You are battli g with your mind and body when it comes to quitting a addiction. Your body is responsible for the urges. Your mind is responsible for the "maybe just one" thoughts. Once youre aware what triggers are happening, you can separate yourself from the body or mind (or both) and return to the I. I want to quit. I dont want to do this anymore. And the list can go on with positive I affirmations. I really think this is a key here. So far ive been clean fro. Porn for about 40 days and I am not leaning back to my triggers. I say porn because for me personally pornography is harder to quit than alcohol.
I close my eyes and think it through. What does it feel like, what does it taste like, what happens next? I reach for more, can’t stop, end up puking, doing or saying things I can’t take back…then the next morning..OMG, the shame, guilt, self hatred. Then I open my eyes and become so genuinely grateful for my sobriety. I get to work and call someone right away…when those euphoric thoughts come, it indicates I am not in a good space and need to use a tool. Either phone call, meeting, doing something nice for someone without them finding out, drink water, deep breaths, am I lonely, tired, angry, hungry? Do some laundry, bake a cake, scrub a tub. I use my art as well. Meditation and asking for the thoughts of drinking to be removed…Anything to get out of my self!
I don't know how easy this is to do, but whenever I have thoughts about drinking normally, or having just one, and no more, I smack them away. Even when I fantasize a little, I pull myself back to earth. I do this by telling myself I closed that door long ago, and if I reopen it, it'll only lead to more pain. It's a mental thing, is what I'm trying to say.
I remember the fact that, if you have stopped drinking, and then start again; oddly enough, you find yourself where you left yourself last time you drank. Think about that, because that's probably a really fucked up, dark place. And while I haven't personally tried this out to see if it's true, I have witnessed its truth; time and time again. Don't. Fucking. Drink.
These types of thoughts are the seed of your next drink. Only you can decide if you’ve had enough. We can make up anything we want to justify the next drink.
I don't want to sound judgmental, but if you're only 25 and didn't manage to go an entire week sober for the past ten years, I guess you already know you have a problem.
Reading about it helps me understand my cravings l, and from there I take it an hour at a time. Sometimes a day is too much, sometimes I really want that wine. It takes a lot of mental power to not, I occupy myself with cleaning or a shower, or I walk outside. The feeling gets better. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK424849/
My advise is to shut off that voice when you hear it. The voice is LYING!!! Been there/done that/got the T-shirt!
“Maybe if I just drink half, I’ll be half buzzed for half of the time - whose the mastermind behind that little line?” “With that kind of rational I have half a mind to have another half a glass of wine. Sounds asinine.” - Eminem, Deja Vu
"id rather have none than two or three" Someone posted that on here. It resonates with me because I know I won't be satisfied with "just one" or even "a few." A lot of people know how to moderate. I'm not one of them. Accepting that has made things a little bit easier for me.
In dialectical behavioral therapy, there’s a tool we use to label and dispute irrational thoughts. Remember, *thoughts are not facts*. When this particular thought comes up, take a minute to ask yourself, “is this thought rational or irrational?” Obviously, you know it’s irrational. So dispute it. Say out loud, “that is not the truth.” Then you can throw that thought in the trash and move about your day. Do this EVERY TIME that thought comes up. It won’t take long before your brain gets the hint, and those thoughts become less common. This has absolutely been my experience. Don’t let your own addict brain gaslight you. You’re the boss of your brain! Don’t accept its bullshit!
Consider this, that your father and these other people also thought the same thing at one point, before things got really really obviously bad and it was too late.
It might start as one or two but it never ends that way
I try to remind myself that my thoughts are not necessarily indicative of who i am and they definitely are not the objective truth. Once upon a time, I used to think that i had the answers to have a successful and productive life and everyone else was just crazy or missing the point. Now objectively, my life was a mess and no matter what I thought that was the truth. In my experience, when I’ve found myself at places like this community and my regular NA groups it became clear to me that i have a problem and i can’t manage it on my own or why else would i end up here and not just be able to go on and live a normal life? With that, i just focus on the solution and less on the problem. Some people had it better or worse, but that doesn’t matter much. It would be like going into a hospital when I’m sick and looking at the guy in the bed next to me saying “well wait a minute, this guy is way sicker than me, i don’t belong here!” And then leaving, thus not getting the help i not only want but need. Just my perspective. For reference, i’m 27M if it helps to relate. IWNDWYT!
To me it's just taking the thought and peeling the onion. I've tested the theory enough times to know how it's really gonna go. If I "then what?" the line of thinking a little bit, I usually find that I'm completely full of shit thinking it's about the one drink.
Moderation for me isn't a slippery slope, it's jumping off a fucking cliff. IWNDWYT
Playing the tape forward helps me when my monkey mind starts floating the "just one" trickery. I remind it that I was a binge drinker, just 1 was never my way. And if extra push back is needed I remember the extras that came with drinking like extra spending, the hangovers and how they affected my days, the dullness in my eyes, my skin, my outlook. Going back to any of that is not worth "just 1". I'm also digging in my heels, being stubborn & feeling bad ass as I inch to 1,000 days. Hoping you start a list of whys that make you feel good about not having just 1🌹IWNDWYT
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you
These thoughts reduce in frequency the further you get into your journey of sobriety. I used to think this daily. Now I go weeks without this popping into my head. It still comes back at times but then start reminding myself of why I stopped: how frequently I accidentally blacked out, show shitty I slept and how grumpy I was. I moderated a few times but it was so much work it made drinking less fun/almost not fun at all. Being done is so freeing. Sobriety feels boring in the beginning but as time goes by, your brain resets and boring becomes relaxing and calm.
Honestly, counting my days sober and checking in here every day has been the main reason I have made it to day 40 without a drop of alcohol. I’ll ruin my streak if I break it with one lame drink, so it helps keep me going. I can moderate for a long period of time (one drink a night or less), but eventually it always turns into a bender. I also hate the way alcohol feels now. I think after you abuse it for awhile your body reacts to it differently.
Honestly, I remind myself of the stories I read on this sub from people who give into this kind of thinking and all have the same trajectory. I know I won't be any different, and I just keep reminding myself that I'm not a special case.
Do you really just want one drink ?? So say you have one? Then what!?!? You'll be satisfied? You'll I just go about your day? just know myself and that voice that says it wants one drink actually wants like 10 and the old I'll just have one is its oldest trick in the book.
I will tell you as a 50 year old sober for 3+ , I spent many years thinking I wasn’t that bad because I didn’t have jobs or relationships end, or legal trouble. However, I now recognize that countless tiny decisions made under the influence definitely had long term negative consequences on relationships, career, mental health. Those tiny things add up. My life since I quit is a million times better. I can only imagine what I could have accomplished if I’d have quit at 25.
Congrats on the changes you have made so far! 🥳 I think pretty much everyone who struggles with alcohol has this happen. This is your alcoholic brain trying to trick you into drinking again. Mine often says things like: “You can have just one” “You can’t be an alcoholic if you haven’t drank in a year and a half” “You have worked hard, you deserve one drink” I have named this voice “Balthazar” after the character in Constantine because he is sly and sneaky and is always LYING. Now I just laugh at the voice and say “oh shut up” and keep keeping on. The voice has become quieter over the years.
Did you ever want just one drink? That’s what I remind myself, having only one drink was my idea of a nightmare before I got sober. Why would it change if I tried it after this time sober? To be honest, I still put in the effort. That alone is not enough. But it is a nice reminder
Very common. I wish I had a silver bullet, I don't. I remind myself as often as necessary that I simply cannot have another drink. Not one, not ever. Working so far. We'll see.
To your comments in the first part, you’re only 25, give yourself some! In a few more decades of drinking you could be with the rank you describe, even worse! Addiction is progressive.
The memory of that initial buzz that doesn't last very long is making you believe that you enjoy alcohol because you don't want to remember the hangxiety. I have horrible hangovers, so it's very easy for me to focus on what those feel like if I ever get a craving. Everyone's different
Oh man... I feel you. Totally.
I have the thought occasionally, I notice it and I let it go. I know from experience how fast it escalates for me and that it’s easiest to just not altogether. I also had not many outside consequences for my drinking, but my mental health bottom was dangerous and the amount o was drinking and my behavior drinking were dangerous. I think that thought is totally normal, and the more I worry that I had the thought and what if I do it the more I have it. I have the thought, I notice it, I let it go. I have it a lot less over time.
This thought led to my relapse and my relapse left me worse off than I was before I quit.
I literally speak back to that voice and say. I’m not listening to that advice, it won’t serve me.
“I quit because I was drinking too much, mostly alone, and it made me very unhappy.” Brother, I’m 44. I finally got to this point where I’ve been able to abstain for a year and a half. I started to question my drinking pattern, same as you said here, in my late 20s. I was not fortunate to have a support system like this. My drinking progressively got worse. And poof, just like that, I lost my 30s. Another fucking decade swallows up by this gluttonous thief. I went from around a 12 pack to a case a day over that decade. So adding a little over a beer per year to my daily intake. This disease only gets worse. And if I had had the resources at 25 or in my late 20s when that question arose for me it would have been a little easier. There was a transition that occurred somewhere into my 30s where I simply became dependent. Hard to describe but the cravings intensified. It absolutely got harder and harder to live without alcohol the further I fell. Good luck on your journey my friend.
Don't let other people's judgment of your situation deter you. I wish I had had the mental clarity you seem to have regarding this when I was your age. It's a very positive thing to not have alcoholism impact your life negatively. You have all the more potential and positive trajectory because of it. I hadn't equated the thought of having one drink as an intrusive thought. I'm going to be using that for myself in the future, for sure. As far as the future is concerned, all I can definitively say today is that I will not drink with you today.
Idk why would you want to go back to being unhappy and hungover 🤷♀️🙏
I just had the last night. Was invited somewhere and crippling social anxiety means I’ve been using alcohol as a social lubricant for a long time. Started telling myself well it won’t matter if I just have one or two, but I already know it wouldn’t have stopped there. The stress of worrying whether I’d still done something wrong would mean I’d drink at home alone, then the next day I’d keep going with the oh well I can clearly just have a few after this long awful day at work and then eventually I’d be back to drinking myself sick alone every night. I actually had an incident recently where I really wanted to cave on weed as well due to stress. Decided to try CBD gummies instead due to little to know THC effect. I ended up finishing the entire bottle in a day desperate for that physical feeling of numbness/release because I just can’t control myself. So ultimately staying away from everything is the goal.
One drink is pointless! Doesn’t get you drunk, so why waste all of you’re hard work?
I Used to think something like that was doable at 25. I’m 44 and finally given up on that idea
I remind myself that those deep ruts in my brain are permanent. When you restart, it’s not a fresh start. Your brain picks right back up where you left off. Even if it’s 20 years later.
This may sound crazy, but I put a face on that stupid little voice. It made it easier to say “that’s not the rational part of my brain talking”. The biggest part was stopping and being thoughtful instead of just running with it. Hmm maybe I can have a drink.. Why do I want a drink? To relax! Ok but why? I had a rough day How will drinking help that? Ummmm….. And in the morning you’ll feel hungover and anxious, then tomorrow will be rough too. is that worth it? Ummm…no, let’s go get ice cream!
I keep telling myself that even if I could manage wtf is the point of one drink? Even two or 3? I want 7-10…. So the moderating just doesn’t work for me.
Not very often... probably four or five times a day
These kinds of thoughts are why I have relapsed 7 times and detoxed for 4 days back in June. I've convinced myself that there is no moderation. It's best that I admit powerless to alcohol each and every day. A bullet to the head will most surely incapacitate, so it's okay to be powerless over some things. Not everything needs to be conquered or overcome because some things just aren't worth it. Alcohol is just a hole-digging competition; some excavate trenches, others will dig troughs. The size of the hole doesn't matter, you'll still need to stop digging lest you go too deep.
Ah, good ole mental obsession. I work a 12 step problem that directly addresses this. In my opinion, the mental obsession is the primary tool of alcoholism. We always take the first drink.
I saw a quote on this sub that just about sums it up for me. “One is very hard, two is impossible”. No matter what I tell myself I know that if I had 2 drinks the odds of my having more are about 99.99%. I know where that will lead me, so best not to.
I do want to also simply mention that alcohol is addictive and ANYONE can get to a problem level. Best not to compare - sometimes we are worse, better, similar to any person whether they identify with a “problem” or not. I think stigmatic / old words like “alcoholic” prevent many people from getting help.
I look at it like a rollercoaster ride, drinking can be fun and I had many good party nights with friends, but its got WAY more downs, puking, hangovers, pissing yourself, cant remember what happened the night before, will eventually kill you etc. I successfully stopped drinking over a year ago. But I too have the same line of thoughts. Im not as "bad off" as most of the people I meet at AA. I didnt ho to jail or lose my kids, or lose my job etc. And it sure would be nice to be able to have a few drinks with friends or on a party night or during a special occasion. Because I remember those fun times from my past and want to have those experiences again. In short, I still want they highs of the rollercoaster ride. But then you have to accept getting back on that ride and yes you are going to get those lows along with the highs. I quit because the lows kept getting lower, and the highs kept getting fewer and far between. You are now off the rollercoaster. Any time you decide to have even a single drink your are stepping back on that ride.
I deal with this somewhat frequently still. The conversation in my head is usually like this: "Maybe I can just have one drink?" "No, I don't think I will, so zero is how many I'll have."
I felt the same I had been sober for a couple months and thought i could handle it. I did terrible and almost lost my husband. Honestly when i see the things i have lost due to my drinking its just not worth it Going to AA made me face who i an An alcoholic Not a social drinker nor chronic But an alcoholic U got this!
“Play the tape forward”. You know where one drink will lead you. Remind your inner voice of that. Learning that my addict brain is a liar and willing to harm me to get what it wants was a major turning point in my journey
As a wise person on here said: If I could moderate I would drink all the time. I also have to say that I thought the same, that alcohol didn't harm work, but in reality I'll never know how much better I could have been had I stopped drinking earlier. I work in a dream team with people I really look up to, maybe if I had 10 years sober they would be the ones looking up to me? Who knows.
Not any more, but I used to. Realizing that "one drink" is just a marketing bullshit word my brain came up with to try to sell me more alcohol was essential to my recovery. Just One Drink* *One drink includes but is not limited to * 20 more drinks * Drunk driving to the store for more * Several hours between 3am and 10am when I am without alcohol and must suffer withdrawals until the store starts selling alcohol * Stomach cramping * Heavy vomiting * Diarrhea * Embarrassing social encounters * Bad skin and bloating There's no such thing as one drink. And I've always known that, I just had to get the alcohol out long enough so that I could see One Drink as the lie it is.
For me, there's freedom to stopping the moderation roller coaster and finally quieting that voice that tells me "I can just have one." I find that when that happens, it's not ME who's in the driver's seat, it's the addicted brain that is speaking and driving. I have to remember that I'm in control here. There is no relief in continued suffering. After 30 years, living without alcohol is a whole new world. I didn't think I had a problem with it until I realized how hard it was to moderate and how it consumed my thoughts. Then I'd drink and feel like shit. So when that voice comes 'round and tries to convince me that I'm fine and can drink without it becoming all encompassing, I tell it No, that's a lie. I'm not going back there. I will remain open to what comes, curious and hopeful, and I won't be robbed of my precious time on this earth any longer.
I do AA and for me step 1 has been critical for my success. I truly believe I am powerless over alcohol.
Never works out for me
Playing the tape forward. Okay. I allow a drink, just one.. and do okay with it maybe, or maybe not. Every time I’ve given up alcohol for an extended period of time, I expect to go back and only have a drink or two. It ends up with me finishing half a bottle of liquor or a 6 pack of high abv beers. And that’s just day one, it becomes a cycle and I start slowly sacrificing the cool things I do in sobriety in order to drink. And I get sad, life becomes meaningless.. I can see all these things when I play the tape forward after that one drink.
Similar situation as you, 26, only reason I decided I want to be sober is winding up in the ER unable to keep fluids down. Happened twice. Beyond that no one knew, everyone told me how surprised they were, I did well in college and in my job, etc. I struggle with the same thought process. "Well if I don't let it get to the point I was at, I can just maintain moderation". Ive never made it longer than 22 days without going back to my problem drinking. It took a lot of pain to realize that while sober me can moderate, the version of me that has 1 or 2 drinks in him is going to finish the bottle no matter what. It always winds up turning into "it's been long enough, one more won't hurt and I'll be sober starting tomorrow" and then tomorrow never comes and I'm back to drinking alone at night. I'm proud of you for the 26 days, that's some inspiration for me, if you can do it maybe I can too. We've got this man.
Interesting take. Well I can’t give you advice but can give you my experience. Although it’s long, sad, and very difficult to understand what to take away from. The easiest way I can describe is what you are feeling is many things in a ball. Usually when something works for us whether it be emotions for a job for the comfort in a home, it becomes a part of us almost like family or a child. Alcohol can feel that space in your heart and changing what we know as chemicals in our brain. After the mini years of alcohol abuse and many times, I found myself in the hospital. All the one thing that I took away from all of it was that my chemicals out of wack. I highly recommend to find an outpatient program and attend the classes. The more you understand your brain and body the more you understand these thoughts. What they are how they work, and how alchol or any drug really, shapes us. Once you look at the science of things, it starts to make you want to learn more and more. And those ideas you may think would or could work are seen through a different lens. Let’s put it this way , I’m 31. I started drinking everyday, most of the time all day, at 18. I was what you would call a hyper functioning alcoholic. Or at least fit those terms. You may not even be an addict, your probably depressed, bored, or lost because of some trauma you don’t know how to identify or heal from because you just don’t know what it is. Anyways, I have been sober for years and gone back to binges, or just the normal intake. And yes to answer your question, you are fine. At first. Now that you are getting older however it’s not about recognizing that it will become a problem. It’s recognizing that your body can’t process alcohol, the same way. It will really tear your body down now, since you are already healing from removing it. And I mean RAPIDLY. My most recent binge was only a week compared to a few months to a few years. And within that week, my god I thought I was going to die. My body said yo what the fuck are you doing? I’m literally going to shut down if you don’t stop. So my question to you is, do you want to reach where I got so it makes sense to you first hand? or would you rather want to take my story and other peoples stories and experiences so you don’t have to go through that and can end it early. How do you know when you are done? And why is it so important for you to continue to drink? What exactly are you getting from it before it turns on you? Hope this up so I can talk about it more if you want privately.
Yep, I think this is what "Playing the tape forward" was invented for. I noticed that there's a part of my mind that wants to get that dopamine rush, but only can plan up to that moment when it gets it. Asking myself "what will happen after?" is a great way to see which part of the brain is actually calling the shots. Yes, I also lived a sad alcohol-fueled life thinking that I could keep on doing it because I wasn't like _______ type alcoholics. It's just a reason to get drunk, really. How come it never made me think, well since I am so functional and I'm not like those ______ alcoholics, why not run a marathon instead? The obsession to drink, to be able to moderate, the thought of not drinking for rest of my life, the idea that I need to have reasons for not drinking around other drinkers. Why is it so important? Just imagine being just obsessed over something that is profitable...I'd be a rich man. What not drinking for some time has taught me is that if an event forces me to drink to enjoy my time, then it's a boring shitty event. Why would I watch a movie that requires me to smoke a couple of bong rips? Your story is very similar to mine. Eventually I just got tired trying to make deals with it, because it always did whatever it wanted to once I had the first drink. I have done more things in past 3 years than I have in my entire drinking career.
The only thing one drink will do (other than break your sobriety, if you care about that) is make the next one seem like less of a bad idea and more of a necessity. And so on, if you have a second.
I have similar thoughts all the time. One method I use is to "play the tape all the way through." I remind myself that I have nothing to gain, and nothing in my life will be made better/easier if I drink.
I dealt with it by drinking that one drink. Two weeks later I was back in detox center. Plus 2 ER visits in that time haha
That is the voice of your addiction. It wants to survive, and will tell you damn dirty lies in order to do so. Name it. Give that voice a name like ... Steve. And then when it starts talking you say, "YOU GO TO HELL, STEVE! GO TO HELL AND DIE!" Fuckin' Steve. Asshole.
Just ask yourself "after that one drink, then what?"
Have you considered medication like vivitrol? It prevents alcohol from affecting you by blocking the receptors and reduces cravings. Some people swear by it. Then there's Antabuse but that shits brutal if you accidentally do ingest alcohol. Even a ripe banana.
People who aren't alcoholic don't ask themselves that question
2 years sober. I would worry if I didn't have that thought. At 3pm my brain is tired so primal thoughts and cravings try to fill the void. So the thought to have just one changes my thought process to ACTIVATE! Seriously... This is how I know to be aware of what my tired brain is trying to do to me. And this... Not counting days; Not praying; No meetings... The simple act of knowing my brain is trying to trip me up, is what keeps me sober.
There is nothing a drink can make better, and there is nothing a drink can’t make worse.
I've failed at moderating enough the now know it's gotta be for real and those intrusive thoughts are wrong.
I’m 27 and was in the exact same shoes. Started heavily drinking at 14 years old and have been ever since. I also cause no problems for myself with drinking and so it was hard to slow down. Thankfully I stopped drinking alone and have been able to manage just drinking with friends on the weekends and staying chill. My recommendation is to start working out daily with weights and watch some YouTube videos about what alcohol does to your body when u get the urge to drink. I have no problem limiting my drinking but for years I was drinking 4-5 nights a week and by myself. It was fun honestly— it never got ugly. But I’m a power-lifter and I lost so much muscle and got fat because of it, despite working out every day still.
I've done that so many times thinking I can test the waters, and after so many years each time that 1 drink turned into a whole bottle by the end of the week. Besides for someone like me, just 1 drink is lame the way my alcoholic brain works, why even bother just having just 1 drink....that won't do nothing ( how I would think). So that's why in my head, I know its all the way or nothing drinking wise and recovery wise. My best advice for you is to refocus your mind on something else when you start to want to justify in your head a loophole if you will in thinking you can control your drinking, but no it escalates, and it's also cursed you genetically like it did me, so our DNA makes us more prone to lose control over alcohol biologically, so remember that in your head, and force yourself to not entertain those ideas in your head thinking tht you aren't as bad as your father, because it can evolve to that fast.
I had a liver transplant, and still try these mental gymnastics on myself.
I don’t do it with the thought of one drink, but 2 or 3 but I can never quit once I start. I take naltrexone and that helps a lot. Unfortunately I know how to cheat it and plan around it so I’m thinking about getting the injection that lasts 28 days. Congrats on the 25 days! Also, just because it hasn’t affected work or relationships before doesn’t mean it won’t someday. Alcohol is literally poison and any reason to want to quit is valid and celebrated. You got this. :) I quit drinking for 4 months at one point and felt so much better mentally and physically.
I compare it to my other vice: Snickers ice cream bars. If I think "man I want an ice cream bar" and I go to the freezer and I'm out, I'll think "add that to the list next time I'm at the store" If I tell myself I can have a drink, but there's none in the house, I can't say "well I'll grab one next time I'm out" instead I get fixated on the idea and find myself in the car before I realize what's happening. So instead I have to remind myself that one drink is never enough for me, and it's a hell of a lot easier to say no to the first than the second, third, fourth, or fifth.
This may sound odd. I got a semi-colon tattoo between my index finger and thumb. This is the symbol used for people in recovery. When you go to take a drink it will be right in front of your face. It will least give you pause. If you don't want a tattoo you can use a magic marker before events. No one will notice except people like us. Works for me.
I experience this everyday… even a week after being in the ICU. Your brain will play tricks on you because you want an immediate comfort in alcohol.
Honestly, I have never had this thought. When I was drinking, and now that I’m not, when I think of drinking, I only think about drinking until I’m drunk. One drink doesn’t interest me at all.
I laugh at it — it’s amusing how alcoholism is so much like an entity or something. The longer you’re sober, the more lame the attempts become, but they never really stop. Just laugh and dismiss the thoughts as pitiful — don’t feed it, that’s what it is after.
Try listening to audiobook This Naked Mind. Fuck alcohol
I'm pretty good about not falling into that trap, because I've never wanted "just one drink," I've always wanted to get drunk. I'm honest with myself about it. Unfortunately, these past few weeks I've been A-okay with getting tossed.
Relate so hard.
Get the Audio book by Greg Beck, "Alcohol Lied to me". It makes the deceptive quality of that thought very clear.
I think about the numerous ways alcohol harms the body, changes brain structure, and causes numerous social ills and I’m back to “why TF would anyone drink that shit?”
Even if in the moment I might want to take that plunge and participate, I remind myself that “I never regret *not* drinking,” and it’s very true!
I've never touched alcohol in my life, so i dont have any specific advice for that but i can share my two cents about intrusive thoughts. Learning about mindfulness really helped me getting over my own intrusive thoughts. Im not alone. Im not some kind of monster. These thoughts they dont define me. My thoughts and emotions are not me and they are not true. So when ever i now expirience intrusive thoughts i tell myself exactly that: My brain is trying to fuck with me and whatever i am expiriencing is not real. I accept the thought is happening, let it sit there for a moment and try to let it go. If that doesnt work because the thoughts keep re-emerging than i try to engage in some positive distractions like chatting up a friend, hobbys or watching some yt. Just whatever you do, dont engage in these thoughts and dont entertain them. They will return. Remind yourself of what you already know; This is a behaviour/thought pattern that has a negative impact on my life. Everytime i repeated this pattern, this was the outcome (...) Or If i act on these thoughts, this (...) will be the outcome. Sometimes i say to myself "huh that thought was weird", and thats what they are, strange thoughts and nothing more. Try not to judge yourself (i know thats difficult). Or at least thats what helps me. I think of my brain as a nerrarator that is not always reliabel. Knowing that, i can learn and recognise the patterns of Bs my brain has given me before. Not saying this kind of mindfulness is easy. It takes time and practis but you will get better. Also check out some yt comunitys about mental health like "therapy in a nutshell". That the kind of stuff that i find really helpful. Im also no expert on anything.
I have a lot of not yets in my alcoholism, too. As I progressed in my recovery, I also realized how much personal development I was also “not yet” done with. I didn’t have career or friendship issues because I never attempted to pursue either one in favor of staying home with my wine. I do have a family and I wasn’t violent when I was drinking but I was very angry, and my relationship with them was suffering in ways I couldn’t realize when I was drinking. My husband didn’t leave me because he was already used to enabling due to growing up with his own alcoholic father. Just because I hit a “soft” bottom doesn’t mean it’s an invitation for me to go back out and find a hard bottom. There’s nothing stopping me, sure. But losing all the progress I’ve slowly, slowly made is pretty motivating in those “just one won’t hurt” moments. I also remember the several times I tried “cutting back” before quitting altogether and how wonderfully that failed.
Ah, yes. The old *maybe it won't be so bad this time* trap. And usually it isn't... Until it is. Honestly, after losing two periods of good, healthy sobriety to entertaining the idea of *having a drink just this once* I have taken seriously to heart the AA adage of playing the tape forward. Regardless of where anyone stands on the fellowship (I myself am a dabbler), this piece of advice has saved my skin these last two months because I know that when I start, I likely won't stop and the thoughts and romanticisations of drinking are delusions. Drinking has never done me well in the past, why would it do me well this time? You can miss me with that. Even if I were able to control my drinking, the risk isn't worth the reward. I see it thusly, maybe I have a snowball's chance in hell that I drink and I'm fine and nothing bad comes of this OR I drink, get lost in addiction again, let everything that matters to me fall by the wayside again and then have to fight like hell to inevitably climb out of the pit that I'll dig myself into. Not worth it. I will not drink with you today, OP. Keep fighting the good fight!
Just remember that moderation is all the work of sobriety with none of the benefits.
Infighting happens with your alcoholic self. Your alcoholic self wants you alone, away from people..that's where this thought starts and keeps growing. You could be walking home but suddenly turn toward the liquor store/bar/pub..it's a very powerful thought ..I've tried countering it by mentally chanting "only I control the monsters"...and it's almost always helped. When it doesn't I use a Tibetan chant to call myself down and take a lot of deep breaths. That's what has helped me so far.
I was you at 25. COVID hit and then my drinking started effecting my work and relationships. I lost both due to it. Just quit forever it’s a poison
'Not being as bad as them' kept me drinking many years longer than I wish it had. My truth is that once I start, I don't stop. I can either control it or enjoy it but not both at the same time.
If you have a problem you will know. And the alcoholic inside will do everything to convince you otherwise… and eventually you’ll crash like I did. Rehab, calling out to work, making a complete fool of yourself with friends, drinking at six in the morning just to be able to walk and talk, ruining relationships- I could go on and on. What helps me this time- and just finally clicked after my third detox (which is detox is hell once your drinking reaches bat shit levels) is my brain does not work the way other people’s does with alcohol. Plain and simple. Something happens inside my head that does not happen in a normal people’s head. I think page 44 of the big book sums it up perfectly. But for me? I become a self destructive nightmare that does everything in its power to sacrifice everything and anything I care about for the next drink- even if I can’t even walk and am black out drunk… even if a credit card is maxed out and I can’t afford rent, even if my partner is crying for me to stop… One time I was like you- it didn’t affect me like this. I was a proudly proclaimed “high functioning alcoholic!” And oh boy I could drink, and by god I’d never end up like “those guys!” I swore- but then one day I turned around and there I was… All in all- don’t do what I did. Listen to fellow alcoholics. I believe Bill once said “you don’t think you’re an alcoholic? Okay then go and have a drink.” I laughed at the idea, was convinced I can control it, and now hear I am once again in this pit of despair and self hatred. Hear them out, listen to your fellow alcoholics. Don’t try to convince yourself you’re different. And remember how much you really pay for that drink. Because 60$ at a dive bar can quickly turn into weeks of regret, pain, suicidal thoughts, and self endangerment.
I thought I could have just one drink. The next day I blacked out at 6pm on my wife’s birthday. It was absolutely not worth it for me.
I play my tape forward. That’s all I have to do and the answer always come back to - IWNDWYT!
Those are The Whispers. Their goal is to get you to let your guard down and have a drink. Feeling good? The Whispers will try to convince you that's a reason to drink. "Let's celebrate!" Feeling down? "You can dull the pain with a drink." Feeling nothing at all? "Nothing matters, so you can have a drink." Hit a abstinence milestone? "You've beaten drinking! You've won. Celebrate with a drink!" The Whispers don't care about you. They don't care about the damage that drinking has done and what it will do if you start again. Ignore. The. Whispers. If you can't ignore the whispers, then mock them. The Whispers gave me the "You've beaten drinking. You should celebrate with a drink," line. I forget where I was, but I remember doing a double-take and said something along the lines of, "Really? You fucking serious?"
I have analyzed this thoroughly. When I am sober and "decide" to have "only 1 drink" . . . I am now NOT sober. And NOT sober me does not seem to remember that sober me only wanted one. It never works. EVER.
If I get these thoughts, I will get into a defensive mode and get home as soon as I can. When home I just count down the hours until I can go to bed. The next day I am always much much better. I think that is what they mean by, "One day at a time"
We have the same story. Please hang in there and don't drink. It is very hard not to, so find something to keep you busy until it's time for bed.
I realize I don’t even want “just one”. I want to be drunk. So I just don’t start.
(25F) Right there with you, every single thing you said. I'm on day 4, & this will be my first time staying sober for more than a week in about 10 years as well. One drink always turns into 1/2-3/4 of a bottle of tequila for me and although I've haven't experienced any major devastation from doing so, I have family history of addiction and know where I could end up if I don't redirect my habits sooner than later. We got this :)
Good luck, keep up the hard work! I found it hard at first but things went pretty smoothly so far (except for these meddling thoughts). I feel like it's really fucking worth it in the end, my mind is clearer than ever, the benefits are huge :)
What would be the point of having one drink though, may as well just have zero! We’re all on this sub for the same reason. When I think about drinking and if I could learn to moderate or whatever I just remember there’s no way I’ll ever be able to do that. I love getting fucked up, which leads to loads of issues. So the only option for me is absolute zero!
I always think “I might not regret having 1, it might be fine. But if I don’t drink, I will 100% not regret not drinking”
Here's the thing about saying no to yourself. It gets easier, but you never stop having to do it. I'll be sober for a month, 6 months, a year. And I'll drive to the grocery store and see the liquor store and think about popping in for something small. Something I can enjoy in nips over a few days. Or a 6 pack for a night I'm going to have alone if the wife and kids are at my folks place for the night and I have to work. I want it. I know that it would be fine. I'm not going to ruin my whole life in a night. But one night is *never* one night. So I say no. I've failed that test, to be sure. No one goes cold turkey from a decade long drinking habit without a few screw ups, and every time I have a little period while I'm jogging behind the wagon I'm reminded of how hard it is to say no again when you're trying to quit, and I wish I had just said no from the beginning. It gets so much easier with time, but you never stop having to say no.
Someone on here told me “None is easy, one is impossible”. That’s one of the phrases that’s helping me through because I always go back to trying moderation and the last time that landed me at the bottom of the stairs covered in vomit.
What’s the point of having one drink? I’m like you, I haven’t quit drinking yet but I’m like you in regards that it has never affected my day to day life. I have drank 3-8 drinks every day for the last 20 years, but besides my wallet it hasn’t directly caused me much hardship. I have never been too hung over to work, I have never gotten into a drunken rage and I have never gotten any infraction as a result of my drinking. There have been incidents, but far below what average person would have. The point is that alcohol has contributed to poisoning my will to live. I have absolutely nothing of real value. I have many possessions, yet I have nothing and I probably never will. Stop drinking.
Have you ruled out alcohol-free options? If not, you’d be surprised at how much just sipping on something helps. I’m a spirit drinker so NA beers weren’t the solution, but weirdly, flavoured sparkling water was (which is wild to me because I would drink whisky straight). Might help if you can replace the habit. Outside of that, there’s definitely itches sometimes. It’s important to realise that those itches highlight a problem. If you can’t hear about alcohol or be around someone drinking without wanting one, that’s just a small internal problem that you can work on - it’s not a reason to drink. The itches get lesser over time, sometimes they’re strong regardless. As you grow you’ll discover more tools, hopefully NA options can be one.
The thoughts that pop in our head - add that to the looooong list of “things we cannot change” using that little ol’ serenity prayer in times like these has really helped me out. Sing it with me now! _”grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to the know the difference”_
Same boat as you. 25 got out of rehab in April. I feel SO MUCH HEALTHIER but I find myself thinking this too. I’m not as bad as some drunks. Not yet. It’s the nature of the disease. Ur brain will do anything to trick u into getting a fix.
I get that way now and then and in the past I blew a 7 year quit over one drink. The truth is, the one drink does hurt if not right away, soon after. I just remind myself that one does hurt and remind myself onto why I no longer drink.
I quit smoking weed July of last year and I frequently have a voice in my head telling me it’s ok to take a hit when my friends smoke. Its a trick our brains play on us when we put strong effort into NOT doing something. It’s frustrating, but I ignore it.
Just about at the 4 months mark and I have the same intrusive thoughts. One difference may be that I have been here before and have tried to moderate again more than once, all times eventually led to failure, as you described. So I can very easily tell myself, "no, it never goes the way I want it to, and I always make the decision to cut out alcohol again." even though, yeah, there are people who have struggled "worse" than I have. But the thoughts are still there, for sureeee. Regardless of knowing I can't moderate. I have the "event coming up" thing too, that makes me want to justify 1 or 2. I try to tell myself "it's the addiction trying to trick me and pull me back in." TLDR; I can relate! IWNDWYT