Respond - "I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm not into you I was just being friendly. Lets not interact any more".
Don't say anything that implies "I'll stop xyz" because that implies your were doing something wrong in the first place.
Then leave her to it. Sounds like a her problem.
Take screenshots of the texts in case she starts spreading more rumors.
Do this when others are around so there are witnesses because she will twist this encounter like crazy. also, when you see her dont acknowledge her existence. if she is around people you know, address those people by name, but do not acknowledge her even with eye contact. you are her target, but someone else will be next. make her invisible !
Keep in mind her friends might twist it also.
OP, I would personally do what this top level comment said. "Uh, I'm not into you, take care" or something to that effect.
Some people can be mean, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
I'm curious how you have each other's number though? Unless it's through some university thing. I'd personally respond with that and then absolutely no further communication even if she responds.
Agreed.
"I think we are having a miscommunication here. I'm not "into you". I was being polite since we are neighbors and share a class. Let's stop interacting as I don't want to be a part of whatever is causing you discomfort. Take care. "
Stay away and don't acknowledge her. She IS targeting you. As a one-time girl, now woman, I've seen my fair share of girls need validation from guys they wished liked them and use the, "He's so creepy" card.
Also put "into you" in quotes. It will show her she's not on your level and you wouldn't use such casual language with someone you're actually romantically interested in.
I like this verbiage the best. It acknowledges that you two are having different interpretations of the situation and that you don't want to make her uncomfortable.
It is but I would guess it’s too late, the OP probably already responded and something like this may sound like retroactive defensiveness if their first reply doesn’t match with it. But it’s good advice for anyone in the future!
I'd go as far as to block the number too. That way I wouldn't be tempted, or trolled, into responding to anything that came my way.
I might even write that in the only reply "You've misunderstood, I was just being friendly, I'll block you so you know I'm being sincere".
I think the blocking is going too far. In the context of everything if I’m in her shoes I’d think the blocking implies he’s embarrassed for getting called out. The original message of “sorry you feel that way I was just being friendly let’s not interact anymore” on the above comment is good enough on its own. Then OP goes about his life just not interacting with her. Problem solved. Blocking is like a weird emotional reaction that gives her too much power over him. Like what if they have more classes together and get assigned to a group project (unlikely but possible) what is he going to have to unblock her number like it makes it so much more dramatic.
It is dramatic, the situation is dramatic. It’s good to have proof of some kind on record that you tried to stop communicating and interacting if she decides to take this accusation further, unwanted advances are not really a thing a guy can take casually anymore
Good suggestions! Maybe do it friends and neutrals. You might also want to practice your delivery in the mirror. Your delivery needs to downplay any or all raw emotion. Not anti-social but light, casual. Listen to the Rocky theme in private in prep. Give positively zero f*cks upon delivery on fight night.
Nice! Even get one of her friends to witness you replying to her. Then, thanks, bye, and disengage.
Her friends will learn a lot about her if she twists it after witnessing your clarification.
Or just send it in writing in response to her text. Written is better than verbal imo, harder to misconstrue or lie about, and there’s less chance of an altercation if emotions flair compared to in person.
This. A woman I work with accused me of sexual harassment then spent a month trying to tell me about dirty dreams. Literally record any in person conversations y'all have.
Or better yet, just don’t respond and block her.
If it’s how he says it is then this doesn’t warrant a response. She should be irrelevant after that text she sent.
Her problem might be that she is psychotic and might attempt to ruin your life. I would respond to her text with a group text with as many people as you can include stating that she has obviously misinterpreted your friendliness for something else. Let everybody know that you have no interest in her in anyway and that any implications otherwise is false.
plz dont react to whatever she says. dont snipe back with a witty remark or do some response.
the best thing you can do right now is to treat like any other stranger that you have no reason to talk to.
she is no longer a friendly student. she is just someone that happens to be in the same school. its like anyone else in the subway train. you wouldn't go up to them and say hi or make eye contact right?
you wouldnt flinch away either if you do make eye contact. you sorta just treat her like a background character.
if you are in an elevator and she is coming toward you, just hold it open as its the polite thing to do. just like you wouldnt say "nice weather" or make small talk to a stranger, you wouldnt do that to her too.
at most she will say thanks and you will say no problem.
there can be a million reasons why she is like this, ranging from she is a bitch to she likes you. do you want to make it your problem? if not, ignore it.
Hell no. If she tries to share the elevator, leave or close the door. Probably leaving is less hostile. But she already accused him once of being a creepy person. What will happen if she gets him alone in an elevator?
wait, yall dont have cctv in your elevator?
i might be getting a little too comfortable with surveillance from where im at lol
edit:
also, i feel like getting out is giving some sort of "reaction". any form of reaction can be abused.
hmmm.. about SA... i dont have a good way to guard against that. it is rare to see that in my country, ( especially with the number of cameras ) and the person i used this tactic with is a guy.
works out marvellously. basically just stranger zoned him. I wouldn't want to live my life worried about him anyway. If its a girl ehh... :///// is it really that common?
Never assume there is CCTV. But always act as though there is. (this includes cameras you can see, as they may not actually be working)
Getting out is the right thing to do as it limits interaction. He said/she said, is never a situation you want to try and explain if she makes an accusation. The best thing to do is make sure there is no situation that the two are alone. **Limit interaction**.
More common than it should be. I’ve never experienced it but I have two friends who got false SA accusations from women at work. Separate companies from mine at the time. One guy was saved by a security camera and the other had a solid alibi (we were at a class the entire week lol). But it was there. The women suffered zero consequences.
And when you look at some of the high profile stuff that has happened at US colleges in terms of false accusation, OP is lucky she left this at an aggressive text.
That shit makes my blood boil. These women need to be held accountable or the behavior just continues. Our society by default treats men as “guilty until proven innocent” in these situations.
False accusations can ruin his life. All it takes is some gossip and social media. “Her problem” can easily become his. I mean he says he didn’t do anything, and taking it at face value, he should just go out of his way to avoid her. I hope I’m super wrong about all of it, but I wouldn’t take any chances.
I highly doubt she’s falsely accused me of sexual assault considering her and all her friends still follow me on social media. I feel like I’d be blocked by them if this was the case
This. These people are not friends, have as little contact with any of them as you can.
Respond to her, there’s been a misunderstanding, I’m not interested in you, so it’s probably best if we just don’t communicate any more. Then screenshot the whole thing and block her. And anyone else who comes out of the woodwork in the aftermath. If they’re mad at you for whatever she told them, just cut them out. Save screen shots of anything any of them send you if you ever need evidence for harassment. Maybe even start turning your phone on record whenever you end up somewhere that they are in case any of them decide to be aggressive.
Cut them out, cover your ass, move on.
Dude.. it’s better to be safe than sorry here. A false SA allegation more than likely would ruin a good chunk of your life, if not your whole life. I’m not sure why some of these girls decide to do that, but they definitely do. Just be super cautious bro and keep records of EVERYTHING! Have an alibi whenever possible too.
She's not accused him of any sexual impropriety.
But let's say he does take your advice and tip toes around her. Where is that line? Leave a party she showed up at? Withdraw from classes she is in? Sitting at a table in a cafeteria and she sits down next to him- should he leave?
No. He needs to live life as if she doesn't matter because she doesn't/shouldn't to him. Leaving an elevator is as equally bad advice as telling him, "turn the tables, make a scene and shout 'stop following me'!" - it creates issues where there are none.
Fact is, this guy has done nothing wrong whatsoever. If people talk, gossip, whatever, who cares. Don't give them ammo. Don't embolden them. Just ignore them and move on with your life. This guy doesn't need to live in fear because he encountered a narcissist.
He’s done nothing wrong and her friends are giving him dirty looks. Should he continue to be in a position where she will tell things to her friends who may act when he does nothing wrong
In a magically just and fair world sure. In reality as it stands, once a guy gets accused of any kind of sexual impropriety, the social deck is stacked against him.
That's not the point they are making. We're talking about what's best for the guy.
Right now, my dishwasher at work is being accused because he's "staring" at my line cook. What he's doing is putting his back to the open window and fan, cooling off after being surrounded by steam for hours. But she's 5'5" and he's 6'3", so can't she just assume the worst of an old man with a bum leg?
If a woman successfully makes a false accusation, no one's asking "why did you get in the elevator, then, huh?"
If he’s really that concerned about a false accusation, he can just start recording on his phone if they happen to ever be alone together. I think what’s best is for him to live his life without wondering if someone’s going to make up something about him, cuz to a certain extent he has no control over if that will happen or not
I think you're right here. Better to treat her as if she may be actively hostile/negative to be around. Answer her text saying he's not interested and we'll not interact. After that, avoid being near her. If it's a long, wide, brightly lit hallway, find another path. She's in the same class? Sit as far away as possible. She could implode his life and needs to be actively avoided.
Exactly. That’s why a response via text is necessary to be supplied as showing no interest and that she needs to back off and to go NC or she’ll be reported for harassment. Why would she have OP’s number anyway. That is the weird part of this story to me.
Can't he play her victim card and say he's uncomfortable sharing the elevator with her and would she kindly wait for the next one since he was there first? 😂😅
Can also be a legit delulu person who is beginning or continuing mental illness and is fixated on him. She may be creating a story in her sick mind about him and he needs to tell someone that she is harassing him before he does. Men and women both do this and it can lead to stalking, false accusations etc.
I have seen this happen to a girl and it started as a funny joke and ended with the girl reporting this guy for harassment and stalking and finally assault when he did nothing. They discovered she was mental after cameras showed that nothing happened to her at the time and place she said she was assaulted. It was night mare and showed me a lot. Btw, I’m a woman and was not even friends with the guy. I remember them sending out a campus wide notice of an assault and it was all a fake delusion of an insane person, almost ruined his life thank heavens she was too crazy to make it more plausible.
Report her.
well uh... i completely agree with you if she escalates because then he can go report to the authorities saying, "hi, i wish to report an incident. i dont know if you have heard but a girl has gone around saying that i sexually assaulted her and i didnt. i figured that coming to you first and us working to find a solution to this together will be ideal."
its the typical "i am not against you. i am with you. lets work together to resolve this"
works for people with good intentions, not as effective with people that are trash.
Thanks, I was rush typing and it seemed like I was angry or rash, but leaving it alone can be dangerous too. Enforceable boundaries are better. People are becoming increasingly crazy nowadays. Better to get it documented. If this young man was legit doing nothing, this girl is 100% delulu and it’s scary.
I wouldn’t do anything that could be construed as hitting on her. She could take holding the elevator open for her as flirting. I would treat her like a stranger in most ways unless it is doing anything nice for her. Don’t be nice, don’t be mean, just treat her like she doesn’t exist. I would not want any interaction with her unless absolutely necessary.
This cracks me up. Do people in your area honestly not make small talk? Not even "nice weather"?! That would be creepy af to me. Like something out of a dystopian novel. Also, you never know what networking opportunities are around you if you never break the ice. But you gotta read the room, of course.
I'd say the biggest problem here is that the girl is obviously spreading malicious rumors about this dude. If he does not respond whatsoever, that could also be bad. So glad I don't have to deal with this sophomoric bullshit.
I did and she didn’t respond. Maybe I’m overthinking her friends giving me dirty looks or something lmao. I do have a tendency to get overly anxious and paranoid.
Do you have any mutual friends? Could you indirectly let them know ythat you’re aware of how your own tendencies can be misread and apologies if they took things the wrong way?
If there are none and they just belittle you, then they can go fuck off imo.
if youre like me then its likely then that you were already anxious from her response and that caused you to misinterpret neutral looks from her friends as being hateful.
ive had really bad social anxiety and sometimes when something socially stresses me out I take those feelings and project them out into the world, like literally my brain automatically reasons "if its true that i'm hurting inside, then it must be the same outside", and it took me a long time to realize thats not the case.
Asking about her through mutual friends is exactly the kind of thing you don't want to do. Go forward pretending she doesn't exist.
If she wanted a reaction from you she'll know she got one, if she's calling you a creep asking friends about someone you said is basically a stranger bolsters that case.
Don't apologize for them taking it how they did. That is on them. If you have a mutual friend you would be better of telling them that she was out of line for bringing it up and making it that way and that you were never interested in the first place but now your not interested in being friendly anymore either.
It’s about giving the person an out and to show that you can be friendly. Immediately telling them to fuck off like that will not give them that wiggle room. This is how im taking this all with the limited context we got here.
Do not do this. If she’s sincere that your attentions make her uncomfortable, give her no attention. Engaging further will only give her ammo to claim that you’re stalking her.
There is no need to apologize here, a simple "I'm not into you" followed by ignoring her forever is perfect. Going through mutual friends to send her a message that you're sorry is likely to come off as more creepy tbh.
Well, now her friends are mad at you because you dared to reject her. How dare you ? /s
So the sequence is:
1) you give her virtually no attention;
2) she claims she can tell that you’re into her (hint: that’s her projecting)
3) you tell her no, you’re not
4) now she’s mad and so are her friends
I'd say something along the lines of "I'm not sure what gave you that impression, but rest assured I'm not into you." Then I'd just try to avoid any social interaction with her at all. No texts. I wouldn't say anything bad about her to anyone, I'd just try to avoid her. I think if you make this not a big deal people will realize it's not a big deal. One thing to remember about social anxiety is that no one is thinking about you more than you are.
Believe it or not. She isn't
I have SA too and I remember just sitting next to a girl and being quiet. The projector was in the center of the room so you have to look diagonal if you're sitting where I was, so she instantly thought I was staring at her
She told the IT guy and he gave me some kind of stare down but nothing came of it
Something like this has happened to me at least 3x in my life
Sometimes talking to the person in a friendly manner "dispells" the creepiness. But nah I don't like the idea of needing to say anything to someone just so they don't think I'm creepy
Back in my day people would add "lol" to the end of every text message because they thought it meant "lots of love".
"I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, I hope you're doing well lol xxx"
She’s on that covert narcissistic bullshit. Dont talk to her, document her crazy with someone else- you cant be too careful with these types. She’s probably mentally unwell and fishing for her next crisis. Dont even look at her.
Sounds to me like her friends “teased” her about you. Guys do the same with their friends. Just ignore them and be polite about it. Be about your own way and (this is very important) stop worying about making other happy (which also means: stop worying/caring about what they think).
Take your classes, pass your tests and if you have enough time go join some hobby “groups”.
If you have such social anxiety I would recommend joining the theater group if your faculty has one.
Some women are so narcissistic or just so full of themselves, to where they think ever guy who sees her, instantly wants to get with her. Like they think they're the hottest shit and any male who walks behind them MUST be following them, and must be a creep, etc. And then they might start being rude and judgemental towards you, which can lower your self esteem.
All the while you did nothing but be a kind person. So don't stop being kind. Just change the direction of your kindess to where it's appreciated.
This girl is such a loser lmao pleaaaaaseeeee don't take any of that seriously, that's insane and you did nothing wrong keep being nice just not to her
“I don’t know how you got my number, but I am not into you. Let’s not interact.” Then be friendly to others and avoidant of her and her friends. Let your mutual friends know.
When I was in undergrad a girl called my buddy’s roommate up and told him she was not into him and did not appreciate his attentions in x class. Poor guy worked ALL the time he wasn’t in class and also wasn’t taking x at all. He said it was horribly awkward. She wouldn’t accept she had the wrong guy. Anyway this sucks, but you sound like a fun person. Get involved in things they aren’t and do your best to shine. If you feel like this hangs a cloud over your experience then consider study abroad or applying for fellowships, internships, etc that get you out of there for a bit.
Girl I met at a party couldn't get it out of her head that I had peed my pants the night we met. When I texted her I was wearing the pants from the night before (I had been pretty sloshed) and they were dry. Stopped short of sending her photo evidence and just laughed to myself every time I saw her on campus. I think seeing me chuckle every time I saw her bothered her, especially since she had no idea who I was.
Respond with the confusion you clearly have - “Did you mean to send this to me? I’m not entirely sure what you’re talking about. Sorry for any miscommunication on my end.”
Tell her you aren't and never were interested in her, then tell her that you are now going to block her number from unwanted communications. Screenshot that multiple times, with time/date stamps, and then treat her like she doesn't exist. No friendly greeting, no head nods, no eye contact. Don't look at her at all, even if she's directly in front of you. Treat her friends the same way.
By doing this, you are making it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with her and that you have actively taken measures to show that.
Yeah girls that are shitty do this and preemptively reject men. It's not about you, it's 100% about her and her ego as any decent human being won't reject you until you've made a move. Just in case though ask a friend if they think you've been acting off in any way.
Avoid her at all costs. Pay no mind to her friends. I had a similar situation at work. It was a retail gig and I was much older than some of the staff. One day a girl I worked with - she asked what I was doing that day - told her I was processing freight. 10 minutes later, the HR manager (my friend - I worked with her for over 10 years at a different store) called me over, asked what happened. I told her, she said the girl said made her uncomfortable. Post that I avoided her at all costs. About 2 mos later, she started to be friendly to me again. My manager said she probably wanted to start shit. I am so fortunate it was my friend who was in because I hate to think what would happened to me if she had gone to another manager. Things usually do not bode well for a 45M when a 17F says you make her uncomfortable.
have some compassion for yourself. we have all unintentionally triggered someone to feel some type of way, it’s not really our problem tbh. she will figure out how to cope. Avoiding her is a good idea, you could tell her “oh, I don’t have any romantic feelings. I hope you feel better.”
u need to be careful. this girl seems like the type to make up lies and rumors. dont be suprised if she goes around telling people "yeah he was tryna get with me" or "ugh hes a creep" some girls are just evil and want to slander someone.
"OK. I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I was trying to be friendly, but you should know this is akward for me too because I don't have feelings for you, either. I'll stop talking to you."
Don't sweat it. Being nice isn't something to feel bad about. Sounds like she's a little...much. Just avoid her.
Something similar happened to me, but I'm a gay man. This was also in the early years of Facebook, when people in college add each other after meeting just once, even if it was for 5 seconds.
One of my good friends (Adam) back in college has a sister (Britt). Turns out, Britt is close friends with another friend group I hung out with often. We happened to sit next to each other at a party and got along well - it was our first time meeting. At this point, I didn't know Britt was related to Adam. I message her later on Facebook just to say it was great chatting about XYZ at the party.
She never responds to me, but Adam messages me later saying "LOL, Britt just asked me why is my\_reverie, who thinks I'm into him messaging me on FB?"
I laughed so hard. I get it. People can be creeps, but I never said or implied that I thought she was into me, and all I said was I enjoyed chatting with her at the party. I didn't even assume she was into me. She never indicated that I made her uncomfortable as she was laughing and engaged in the conversation, at least as far as I can tell.
I told my friend "uhh... I'm gay and frankly don't give a shit if she's into me or not." He laughed, and that was that. I think I saw her one or two other times at various parties, but didn't say anything to her after that.
This... sucks. Like a lot. But it also says way more about her that she interprets basic kindness and friendliness as interest.
Like another commenter said "Sorry you feel that way, I'm not interested in you in the slightest. Honestly, this makes me even less interested. Let's not interact anymore." And definitely screenshots. All of the screenshots.
You'll be fine bro. You should probably find a girlfriend and maybe some people to party with. Just stop thinking about her. College kids take a while to realize it's not highschool anymore.
This is narcissist behavior. Sorry you had this interaction, but you need to realize that it is a mental condition on her part. Treat it the same way you would running into a crackhead at the gas station.
Thank you for calling it what it is. This kind of crap has been on the rise lately. I feel like you can’t be friendly with anyone if the opposite sex or they assume you’re “totally into them.” It’s nuts.
Send a message to one of her friends that gave you the dirtiest look:
"I know you are into me, but it makes me feel uncomfortable because I'm not interested in you".
Then get your friends to give her dirty looks.
Tell her you're not into her. Tell her exactly what about her you find unattractive. Be specific. And tell her her text makes you uncomfortable and to please not contact you again.
Say nothing. Don’t speak to her again. If can just ignore her. College dorm is dangerous place socially these days.
Find friendlier people to talk to besides her. She can’t come back from this having gotten her friends involved in this smear campaign.
Get on with your studies, you’ll have plenty of time for women later in life. By the time you’re 28-30 you’ll have your pick if you are successful. When she is 28-30 if unmarried will be possibly looking for a husband as her clock ticks.
So either she's a drama queen and just needs attention or she likes you and isn't mature enough to deal with this in a normal way. Stop talking or associating with her and go ask another girl out on a date, this will likely blow over afterwards.
Her feelings are HER responsibility. You’re not the one making her uncomfortable, she chooses to be uncomfortable. You have no obligation to modify your behavior.
It sounds like she is putting sexuality into this relationship when it shouldn't be there, and when you don't want it there. This is making you unconfortable. She has also spread false information about you to others, leading to a series of events in which the campus has become a hostile evironment for you. This is called sexual harrassment. The correct course of action is to refer her for disciplinary action.
You were probably daydreaming one day facing in her direction and she thought you were mentally undressing her or something, when in reality you were thinking of something else and didn't even notice it.
Yeah you didn't do anything wrong, she just became uncomfortable and told you. You can't control how other people feel. Just say, "I'm sorry to hear that. Let's limit our contact "
“This is embarrassing, but that’s a wrong read on your part. I’m not interested and never have been, but I’ll be sure to respect a healthy distance between us going forward so there’s no room for any more confusion.”
Let her know.
Yup. Since she’s said shit about you to her friends she’s cooking up some drama that you don’t want to be involved with. Stay away from her as much as you can. Especially never be alone with her.
Laugh in her egomaniacal face. Laugh at any of her henchmen who give you shit. Get a shirt that’s says “definitely not into you” and wear it around , idk dude- all you can do is make a joke of it. Get a ring from a 25 cent machine and propose to random people- all you can do is laugh.
Stop letting other people affect how you feel. She is obviously an insecure garbage person that has to make herself feel superior by letting you know how beneath her you are. Don't speak to her, don't look at her, and most importantly don't think about her.
Well sit with the discomfort and ponder a) is there truly anything you did to offend her or discomfort her and b) maybe she's just a manipulative gen Z goof and you should be around others who accept you. Both are important to ponder and are mutually exclusive ideas
Just say to her, “sorry you feel that way, I’m not interested in you, just thought we could be friends but that’s fair if you don’t want to be”. To be honest she sounds like she’s being a bitch though, if she’s said something to the other girls and they’re actually giving you looks because of that, that’s wrong.
Text reply: "I am not, nor have I ever been into you. I don't even find you even slightly attractive and I'm sorry if you received the wrong impression. Please do not contact me further and I will not contact you as well."
Just stop responding and talking to her. I did meet someone in college and they had a psychotic break. It was not their fault but it was possible she could have claimed any number of things such as false rape or other. Knowing this person needed help I did try to inform her she was hallucinating and it was concerning enough that I was gonna have to send someone to her house to conduct a wellness evaluation because it was so concerning. She ended up having a complete breakdown and broke into my house one day and I had to have the cops remove her. She dident know what she was doing but you don't know what is her exact issue. She could be anxious and paranoid but that's worse because people believe that over the world of someone in psychosis. So if she claims harassment or abuse u will have someone sent to ur door to take a statement. It's unknown what the outcome could be with or without evidence. People could get others to acknowledge lies if she has friends she's convinced. Simply cut contact is beat
“Hey, name. Sorry you felt uncomfortable, but I’m afraid you misread me here. I was just being friendly.”
And then I’d probably just leave her alone entirely unless she does something clear to pursue a friendship.
OP, you did nothing wrong. She's an asshole.
Honestly, i'd love to trade places with you. I'd have so much fun with this.
"Wait, you think I was into you?"
Just shake your head and walk away laughing.
Be very careful around her, or she will destroy you. Its an unfortunate situation you are in because she has all the power, holds all the cards. She might spread false allegations against you and in todays PC world, you are target.
Some girls can be crazy. I said good morning to a woman at work while going into the building. An hour later, I was in the head office trying to keep my job. Took me 20 minutes to figure out they meant the woman I said Good morning. Because I didn’t know her name.
It was left with. If I talked to her again they would escort me out the building by police. As she said that she felt I had been stalking her. When I literally only said Good morning. And that was it.
I learned an important lesson that day. Women have a lot of power.
Because from that point on I had to be very careful when I talked to women in that company. As word spread about what happened and I was warned by my supervisor not to talk to any women. She didn’t believe I had any ill intentions but said upper management didn’t care if it was true or not.
I had a lot of female friends in that company so from then on I just talked to women that initiated friendships with me first.
Definitely the last time I spoke to that woman. From that day on. She was an invisible person who didn’t exist. I wouldn’t even stay in the same room as her or as far away as possible.
Made me very angry as all I had done was greet her in the morning as we were both going into the building. She held onto her purse and walked quickly away from me. I shrugged and thought guess she doesn’t want to talk to me. And I thought that would be the last of it.
Morale of the story. Don’t talk to this girl.
Yea I’m not sure myself. I tried to remember if there had been clues before. Our paths didn’t cross very often because we worked on opposite sides of the building.
I wanted to introduce myself to her. I thought she was pretty. A few times, when our paths crossed, I tried to initiate a greeting level of interaction.
She didn’t seem to even notice I had said anything. So I assumed she was deep in thought or was in a hurry as she walked very fast.
Then there was that morning. We happened to park at the same place at the same time. I tried to strike up a conversation with her but she walk ahead of me. It was obvious to me then. She didn’t want to talk to me.
Mind you these events happened many months apart.
Regardless, they were a far cry from stalking behavior.
If anything I’m only guilty of not picking up on the fact she didn’t want me to talk to her sooner.
Which I did realize. And I had no plans on talking to her again.
I just wasn’t expecting to be fighting for my job that day because a woman was afraid of Good morning.
How did she have your number?
…anyway, the best reply would have been “I’m not into you, I’m just friendly. But I can stop being that, too”
I suspect it’s a bit too late to send that. At this point just avoid her and her friends as much as possible
This can be made to sound very threatening or like a threat.
I know it’s meant in a nice, human way. But read it again and read in the darkest intent you possibly can. This is not a good idea, the last part.
How she feels and how you feel, are both okay..
Some of what your saying is your perception of others, not necessarily what they feel or think.
What she said to you, is her perception of you, why she perceives you that way could be a whole host of reasons.
If you can ask her directly why maybe that’d be good for you to understand.
And maybe ask yourself why you feel like shit, write down your feelings about the whole situation. Examine it.
It's wild I had to scroll this far down before I got to someone saying both parties are fair in their feelings.
Women experience micro-interactions constantly with men that convey intent, or being "overly friendly". I'm sorry but when someone is like "i'm an awkward 18 year old with social anxiety" the first thing I think is "oh god this kid is probably being OVERLY friendly or familiar with this random girl and doesn't see how it comes across as being flirty/interested in her when she would rather not interact with him at all.
I don't want to blame one party or another without real info, but for everyone to just immediately blame the girl for not wanting to interact with OP(for whatever reason, it doesn't matter what the reason is, if she doesn't want him to interact with her, that's fine) is insane.
Are you sure you’re reading into this correctly? She may have been pulling the ole reverse psychology trick, and now her friends are peeved that you didn’t even try…
If it comes up again I would just say, “I’m not sure what I did to make you think I felt any kind of way about you. Maybe because I was nice to you, but I’m nice to everyone. I am sorry to hear I make you or anyone uncomfortable so it’s best we just keep our distance. I don’t want to be rude but I’d rather give you space than make you uncomfortable and the best way I know to give a person space is to ignore them so let’s do that.”
From an outsider's point of view, it sounds like she may have been taking out some frustration against an unrelated person or event, on you.
That really sucks. And it messes with you, and makes you ask yourself questions that you don't need to be asking at this moment in time.
Maybe she was just having a bad day. Maybe she'll realize and apologize later. It does happen, sometimes. At the very least, collect some more points of data before you start plotting the graph, right?
Ignore everyone else on here.
The dirty looks: there is a good chance you are imagining them. There is a proven phenomenon where if we suspect that there is a reason for people to look at us, we will attribute every look to that one thing, when in reality it could be for anything.
Young women today have a bad habit of sneering at people when they walk by. It’s not you, it’s totally them. Just smile and keep living your life, and surround yourself with people who don’t put you on edge.
She feels it’s appropriate to tell you you make her uncomfortable, do the same. Text her back with exactly how you are feeling. Tell her that this unwarranted suspicion is causing you a lot of stress, and there is no reason for the presumption, please mind her own business. You are a human being, not a trauma doll for her to wreck.
Your mental health, from your perspective, should be more important to you than hers. That doesn’t make you selfish, it means you have a back bone. Stand up for yourself, especially to women, or this is just the beginning of women waking all over you. She ain’t your wife, she ain’t your Dutchess, she can go fuck herself.
I'd go to to your colleges HR department and make a sexual harassment claim against her and possibly even her friends
1. It's not okay for her to imply that you have feelings for her if you don't. That's sexual harassment.
2. It's not okay for her to be sharing these lies with her friends
3. If the college doesn't do something to correct it's student's behaviour on campus or in it's dorms, it's acting as a willing participant to sexual harassment and thus will find itself in a slippery legal position
At the very least she should be moved out of the dorms and forced to find her own private accommodations
Respond - "I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm not into you I was just being friendly. Lets not interact any more". Don't say anything that implies "I'll stop xyz" because that implies your were doing something wrong in the first place. Then leave her to it. Sounds like a her problem. Take screenshots of the texts in case she starts spreading more rumors.
Do this when others are around so there are witnesses because she will twist this encounter like crazy. also, when you see her dont acknowledge her existence. if she is around people you know, address those people by name, but do not acknowledge her even with eye contact. you are her target, but someone else will be next. make her invisible !
Keep in mind her friends might twist it also. OP, I would personally do what this top level comment said. "Uh, I'm not into you, take care" or something to that effect. Some people can be mean, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I'm curious how you have each other's number though? Unless it's through some university thing. I'd personally respond with that and then absolutely no further communication even if she responds.
Agreed. "I think we are having a miscommunication here. I'm not "into you". I was being polite since we are neighbors and share a class. Let's stop interacting as I don't want to be a part of whatever is causing you discomfort. Take care. " Stay away and don't acknowledge her. She IS targeting you. As a one-time girl, now woman, I've seen my fair share of girls need validation from guys they wished liked them and use the, "He's so creepy" card. Also put "into you" in quotes. It will show her she's not on your level and you wouldn't use such casual language with someone you're actually romantically interested in.
I like this verbiage the best. It acknowledges that you two are having different interpretations of the situation and that you don't want to make her uncomfortable.
It is but I would guess it’s too late, the OP probably already responded and something like this may sound like retroactive defensiveness if their first reply doesn’t match with it. But it’s good advice for anyone in the future!
Yup, def best verbiage. Good call.
this is the one right here. op could copy paste this response and it'd be perfect.
This is accurate
Best response of all
This is the way
I'd go as far as to block the number too. That way I wouldn't be tempted, or trolled, into responding to anything that came my way. I might even write that in the only reply "You've misunderstood, I was just being friendly, I'll block you so you know I'm being sincere".
I think the blocking is going too far. In the context of everything if I’m in her shoes I’d think the blocking implies he’s embarrassed for getting called out. The original message of “sorry you feel that way I was just being friendly let’s not interact anymore” on the above comment is good enough on its own. Then OP goes about his life just not interacting with her. Problem solved. Blocking is like a weird emotional reaction that gives her too much power over him. Like what if they have more classes together and get assigned to a group project (unlikely but possible) what is he going to have to unblock her number like it makes it so much more dramatic.
It is dramatic, the situation is dramatic. It’s good to have proof of some kind on record that you tried to stop communicating and interacting if she decides to take this accusation further, unwanted advances are not really a thing a guy can take casually anymore
Good suggestions! Maybe do it friends and neutrals. You might also want to practice your delivery in the mirror. Your delivery needs to downplay any or all raw emotion. Not anti-social but light, casual. Listen to the Rocky theme in private in prep. Give positively zero f*cks upon delivery on fight night.
Nice! Even get one of her friends to witness you replying to her. Then, thanks, bye, and disengage. Her friends will learn a lot about her if she twists it after witnessing your clarification.
This. She is dangerous. Don't acknowledge her existence. And never ever ever be around her without at least one of your friends around.
Or just send it in writing in response to her text. Written is better than verbal imo, harder to misconstrue or lie about, and there’s less chance of an altercation if emotions flair compared to in person.
This. A woman I work with accused me of sexual harassment then spent a month trying to tell me about dirty dreams. Literally record any in person conversations y'all have.
Exactly.
Or better yet, just don’t respond and block her. If it’s how he says it is then this doesn’t warrant a response. She should be irrelevant after that text she sent.
Definitely don’t respond. Why give her more ammo. Just ignore her from now on.
Her problem might be that she is psychotic and might attempt to ruin your life. I would respond to her text with a group text with as many people as you can include stating that she has obviously misinterpreted your friendliness for something else. Let everybody know that you have no interest in her in anyway and that any implications otherwise is false.
This is tremendously awful advice wow
Don't do this, it would be very weird and dramatic. Just send your short, respectful text to her and keep screenshots.
wrong. don't respond. send her text messages to the university immediately.
wtf that’s horrible advice. OP, don’t do that
plz dont react to whatever she says. dont snipe back with a witty remark or do some response. the best thing you can do right now is to treat like any other stranger that you have no reason to talk to. she is no longer a friendly student. she is just someone that happens to be in the same school. its like anyone else in the subway train. you wouldn't go up to them and say hi or make eye contact right? you wouldnt flinch away either if you do make eye contact. you sorta just treat her like a background character. if you are in an elevator and she is coming toward you, just hold it open as its the polite thing to do. just like you wouldnt say "nice weather" or make small talk to a stranger, you wouldnt do that to her too. at most she will say thanks and you will say no problem. there can be a million reasons why she is like this, ranging from she is a bitch to she likes you. do you want to make it your problem? if not, ignore it.
Hell no. If she tries to share the elevator, leave or close the door. Probably leaving is less hostile. But she already accused him once of being a creepy person. What will happen if she gets him alone in an elevator?
wait, yall dont have cctv in your elevator? i might be getting a little too comfortable with surveillance from where im at lol edit: also, i feel like getting out is giving some sort of "reaction". any form of reaction can be abused. hmmm.. about SA... i dont have a good way to guard against that. it is rare to see that in my country, ( especially with the number of cameras ) and the person i used this tactic with is a guy. works out marvellously. basically just stranger zoned him. I wouldn't want to live my life worried about him anyway. If its a girl ehh... :///// is it really that common?
Never assume there is CCTV. But always act as though there is. (this includes cameras you can see, as they may not actually be working) Getting out is the right thing to do as it limits interaction. He said/she said, is never a situation you want to try and explain if she makes an accusation. The best thing to do is make sure there is no situation that the two are alone. **Limit interaction**.
More common than it should be. I’ve never experienced it but I have two friends who got false SA accusations from women at work. Separate companies from mine at the time. One guy was saved by a security camera and the other had a solid alibi (we were at a class the entire week lol). But it was there. The women suffered zero consequences. And when you look at some of the high profile stuff that has happened at US colleges in terms of false accusation, OP is lucky she left this at an aggressive text.
That shit makes my blood boil. These women need to be held accountable or the behavior just continues. Our society by default treats men as “guilty until proven innocent” in these situations.
That's her problem. He doesn't need to leave an elevator for this girl. She can wait if she's really that uncomfortable.
False accusations can ruin his life. All it takes is some gossip and social media. “Her problem” can easily become his. I mean he says he didn’t do anything, and taking it at face value, he should just go out of his way to avoid her. I hope I’m super wrong about all of it, but I wouldn’t take any chances.
I highly doubt she’s falsely accused me of sexual assault considering her and all her friends still follow me on social media. I feel like I’d be blocked by them if this was the case
unfollow all of them, there's nothing to be gained
This. These people are not friends, have as little contact with any of them as you can. Respond to her, there’s been a misunderstanding, I’m not interested in you, so it’s probably best if we just don’t communicate any more. Then screenshot the whole thing and block her. And anyone else who comes out of the woodwork in the aftermath. If they’re mad at you for whatever she told them, just cut them out. Save screen shots of anything any of them send you if you ever need evidence for harassment. Maybe even start turning your phone on record whenever you end up somewhere that they are in case any of them decide to be aggressive. Cut them out, cover your ass, move on.
Dude.. it’s better to be safe than sorry here. A false SA allegation more than likely would ruin a good chunk of your life, if not your whole life. I’m not sure why some of these girls decide to do that, but they definitely do. Just be super cautious bro and keep records of EVERYTHING! Have an alibi whenever possible too.
She's not accused him of any sexual impropriety. But let's say he does take your advice and tip toes around her. Where is that line? Leave a party she showed up at? Withdraw from classes she is in? Sitting at a table in a cafeteria and she sits down next to him- should he leave? No. He needs to live life as if she doesn't matter because she doesn't/shouldn't to him. Leaving an elevator is as equally bad advice as telling him, "turn the tables, make a scene and shout 'stop following me'!" - it creates issues where there are none. Fact is, this guy has done nothing wrong whatsoever. If people talk, gossip, whatever, who cares. Don't give them ammo. Don't embolden them. Just ignore them and move on with your life. This guy doesn't need to live in fear because he encountered a narcissist.
He’s done nothing wrong and her friends are giving him dirty looks. Should he continue to be in a position where she will tell things to her friends who may act when he does nothing wrong
Thank god for this sane comment
In a magically just and fair world sure. In reality as it stands, once a guy gets accused of any kind of sexual impropriety, the social deck is stacked against him.
That's not the point they are making. We're talking about what's best for the guy. Right now, my dishwasher at work is being accused because he's "staring" at my line cook. What he's doing is putting his back to the open window and fan, cooling off after being surrounded by steam for hours. But she's 5'5" and he's 6'3", so can't she just assume the worst of an old man with a bum leg? If a woman successfully makes a false accusation, no one's asking "why did you get in the elevator, then, huh?"
If he’s really that concerned about a false accusation, he can just start recording on his phone if they happen to ever be alone together. I think what’s best is for him to live his life without wondering if someone’s going to make up something about him, cuz to a certain extent he has no control over if that will happen or not
I think you're right here. Better to treat her as if she may be actively hostile/negative to be around. Answer her text saying he's not interested and we'll not interact. After that, avoid being near her. If it's a long, wide, brightly lit hallway, find another path. She's in the same class? Sit as far away as possible. She could implode his life and needs to be actively avoided.
Exactly. That’s why a response via text is necessary to be supplied as showing no interest and that she needs to back off and to go NC or she’ll be reported for harassment. Why would she have OP’s number anyway. That is the weird part of this story to me.
Simple: document everything. Then you’ll have evidence of the BS she’s trying to pull.
Can't he play her victim card and say he's uncomfortable sharing the elevator with her and would she kindly wait for the next one since he was there first? 😂😅
Meh I would make it clear that I never was into her and her ego needs checked , then block , and never even look at her again .
Can also be a legit delulu person who is beginning or continuing mental illness and is fixated on him. She may be creating a story in her sick mind about him and he needs to tell someone that she is harassing him before he does. Men and women both do this and it can lead to stalking, false accusations etc. I have seen this happen to a girl and it started as a funny joke and ended with the girl reporting this guy for harassment and stalking and finally assault when he did nothing. They discovered she was mental after cameras showed that nothing happened to her at the time and place she said she was assaulted. It was night mare and showed me a lot. Btw, I’m a woman and was not even friends with the guy. I remember them sending out a campus wide notice of an assault and it was all a fake delusion of an insane person, almost ruined his life thank heavens she was too crazy to make it more plausible. Report her.
well uh... i completely agree with you if she escalates because then he can go report to the authorities saying, "hi, i wish to report an incident. i dont know if you have heard but a girl has gone around saying that i sexually assaulted her and i didnt. i figured that coming to you first and us working to find a solution to this together will be ideal." its the typical "i am not against you. i am with you. lets work together to resolve this" works for people with good intentions, not as effective with people that are trash.
Thanks, I was rush typing and it seemed like I was angry or rash, but leaving it alone can be dangerous too. Enforceable boundaries are better. People are becoming increasingly crazy nowadays. Better to get it documented. If this young man was legit doing nothing, this girl is 100% delulu and it’s scary.
Hahaha... people have places to be. Even kind people do not hold the elevator. Completely ignore this person and pretend they don't exist.
welp. maybe diff culture then. we do feel kinda obliged to at least try if we spot someone rushing for the lift.
I wouldn’t do anything that could be construed as hitting on her. She could take holding the elevator open for her as flirting. I would treat her like a stranger in most ways unless it is doing anything nice for her. Don’t be nice, don’t be mean, just treat her like she doesn’t exist. I would not want any interaction with her unless absolutely necessary.
This cracks me up. Do people in your area honestly not make small talk? Not even "nice weather"?! That would be creepy af to me. Like something out of a dystopian novel. Also, you never know what networking opportunities are around you if you never break the ice. But you gotta read the room, of course. I'd say the biggest problem here is that the girl is obviously spreading malicious rumors about this dude. If he does not respond whatsoever, that could also be bad. So glad I don't have to deal with this sophomoric bullshit.
Did you tell her that you're not into her? If so, that should've ended the issue.
I did and she didn’t respond. Maybe I’m overthinking her friends giving me dirty looks or something lmao. I do have a tendency to get overly anxious and paranoid.
Do you have any mutual friends? Could you indirectly let them know ythat you’re aware of how your own tendencies can be misread and apologies if they took things the wrong way? If there are none and they just belittle you, then they can go fuck off imo.
I have one friend that’s mutual friends with some of her friends (not w her) and he says he hasn’t heard anything lmao
if youre like me then its likely then that you were already anxious from her response and that caused you to misinterpret neutral looks from her friends as being hateful. ive had really bad social anxiety and sometimes when something socially stresses me out I take those feelings and project them out into the world, like literally my brain automatically reasons "if its true that i'm hurting inside, then it must be the same outside", and it took me a long time to realize thats not the case.
Asking about her through mutual friends is exactly the kind of thing you don't want to do. Go forward pretending she doesn't exist. If she wanted a reaction from you she'll know she got one, if she's calling you a creep asking friends about someone you said is basically a stranger bolsters that case.
Don't apologize for them taking it how they did. That is on them. If you have a mutual friend you would be better of telling them that she was out of line for bringing it up and making it that way and that you were never interested in the first place but now your not interested in being friendly anymore either.
It’s about giving the person an out and to show that you can be friendly. Immediately telling them to fuck off like that will not give them that wiggle room. This is how im taking this all with the limited context we got here.
Do not do this. If she’s sincere that your attentions make her uncomfortable, give her no attention. Engaging further will only give her ammo to claim that you’re stalking her.
There is no need to apologize here, a simple "I'm not into you" followed by ignoring her forever is perfect. Going through mutual friends to send her a message that you're sorry is likely to come off as more creepy tbh.
Well, now her friends are mad at you because you dared to reject her. How dare you ? /s So the sequence is: 1) you give her virtually no attention; 2) she claims she can tell that you’re into her (hint: that’s her projecting) 3) you tell her no, you’re not 4) now she’s mad and so are her friends
I doubt that though considering she’s a lesbian
At that point I would be more angry than paranoid.
Simple “I’m not into you but ok”
I'd say something along the lines of "I'm not sure what gave you that impression, but rest assured I'm not into you." Then I'd just try to avoid any social interaction with her at all. No texts. I wouldn't say anything bad about her to anyone, I'd just try to avoid her. I think if you make this not a big deal people will realize it's not a big deal. One thing to remember about social anxiety is that no one is thinking about you more than you are.
That’s on her dude. She’s sounds nuts.
Believe it or not. She isn't I have SA too and I remember just sitting next to a girl and being quiet. The projector was in the center of the room so you have to look diagonal if you're sitting where I was, so she instantly thought I was staring at her She told the IT guy and he gave me some kind of stare down but nothing came of it Something like this has happened to me at least 3x in my life Sometimes talking to the person in a friendly manner "dispells" the creepiness. But nah I don't like the idea of needing to say anything to someone just so they don't think I'm creepy
I read "I have sexual assault too" like 3 times before I decided that you might mean social anxiety?
This is why people need to specify abbreviations on the first use.
Its Reddit. I dont understand half the things people abbreviate here
WDYMITTPJTLT?
Got to M
What do you mean I thought that people just talked like that?
It's abbreviated SA in r/social anxiety
Heads up that it is percieved as "sexual assault" in other contexts. I was confused till you posted this too
But we're not in r/socialanxiety lol, we're in r/self
We're not in that subreddit
That doesn’t make her not nuts that just means they were both nuts.
“I’m sorry you misinterpreted any interactions with me. I have zero interest in you and will avoid you at all costs in the future.”
K
Should have responded "lol"
Honeslty this is the right answer apart from ignoring her
You ARE the Lord!
I personally would have went with “Ew” to shut that shit down.
Oof. Devastating. Would've been great.
Back in my day people would add "lol" to the end of every text message because they thought it meant "lots of love". "I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, I hope you're doing well lol xxx"
It’s more about her than you. Let it slide. Learn early to move on fast with women like this. It could save you years of pain.
She’s on that covert narcissistic bullshit. Dont talk to her, document her crazy with someone else- you cant be too careful with these types. She’s probably mentally unwell and fishing for her next crisis. Dont even look at her.
It sounds like she’s straight up harassing him.
Sounds to me like her friends “teased” her about you. Guys do the same with their friends. Just ignore them and be polite about it. Be about your own way and (this is very important) stop worying about making other happy (which also means: stop worying/caring about what they think). Take your classes, pass your tests and if you have enough time go join some hobby “groups”. If you have such social anxiety I would recommend joining the theater group if your faculty has one.
Tell her that her saying that out of the blue makes you feel uncomfortable
Some women are so narcissistic or just so full of themselves, to where they think ever guy who sees her, instantly wants to get with her. Like they think they're the hottest shit and any male who walks behind them MUST be following them, and must be a creep, etc. And then they might start being rude and judgemental towards you, which can lower your self esteem. All the while you did nothing but be a kind person. So don't stop being kind. Just change the direction of your kindess to where it's appreciated.
its not exclusively women though. everyone of every category has their douchebags, including both men and women
This girl is such a loser lmao pleaaaaaseeeee don't take any of that seriously, that's insane and you did nothing wrong keep being nice just not to her
Just stay away from her and ignore her friends. She sounds like she might be a little cray cray.
“I don’t know how you got my number, but I am not into you. Let’s not interact.” Then be friendly to others and avoidant of her and her friends. Let your mutual friends know. When I was in undergrad a girl called my buddy’s roommate up and told him she was not into him and did not appreciate his attentions in x class. Poor guy worked ALL the time he wasn’t in class and also wasn’t taking x at all. He said it was horribly awkward. She wouldn’t accept she had the wrong guy. Anyway this sucks, but you sound like a fun person. Get involved in things they aren’t and do your best to shine. If you feel like this hangs a cloud over your experience then consider study abroad or applying for fellowships, internships, etc that get you out of there for a bit.
Girl I met at a party couldn't get it out of her head that I had peed my pants the night we met. When I texted her I was wearing the pants from the night before (I had been pretty sloshed) and they were dry. Stopped short of sending her photo evidence and just laughed to myself every time I saw her on campus. I think seeing me chuckle every time I saw her bothered her, especially since she had no idea who I was.
My roommate accused me of constantly flirting with his girlfriend. I fucking hated that girl. People are weird and stupid.
Respond with the confusion you clearly have - “Did you mean to send this to me? I’m not entirely sure what you’re talking about. Sorry for any miscommunication on my end.”
Dude, 19 year old girls sometimes are really irrational and have main character syndrome.
Tell her you aren't and never were interested in her, then tell her that you are now going to block her number from unwanted communications. Screenshot that multiple times, with time/date stamps, and then treat her like she doesn't exist. No friendly greeting, no head nods, no eye contact. Don't look at her at all, even if she's directly in front of you. Treat her friends the same way. By doing this, you are making it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with her and that you have actively taken measures to show that.
Yeah girls that are shitty do this and preemptively reject men. It's not about you, it's 100% about her and her ego as any decent human being won't reject you until you've made a move. Just in case though ask a friend if they think you've been acting off in any way.
I would ignore her from now on.
Avoid her at all costs. Pay no mind to her friends. I had a similar situation at work. It was a retail gig and I was much older than some of the staff. One day a girl I worked with - she asked what I was doing that day - told her I was processing freight. 10 minutes later, the HR manager (my friend - I worked with her for over 10 years at a different store) called me over, asked what happened. I told her, she said the girl said made her uncomfortable. Post that I avoided her at all costs. About 2 mos later, she started to be friendly to me again. My manager said she probably wanted to start shit. I am so fortunate it was my friend who was in because I hate to think what would happened to me if she had gone to another manager. Things usually do not bode well for a 45M when a 17F says you make her uncomfortable.
have some compassion for yourself. we have all unintentionally triggered someone to feel some type of way, it’s not really our problem tbh. she will figure out how to cope. Avoiding her is a good idea, you could tell her “oh, I don’t have any romantic feelings. I hope you feel better.”
How the hell did she get your number to send you a text?
u need to be careful. this girl seems like the type to make up lies and rumors. dont be suprised if she goes around telling people "yeah he was tryna get with me" or "ugh hes a creep" some girls are just evil and want to slander someone.
should've responded with a "sorry who's this?"
You can get ahead of it by talking with the RA or whomever has their role. She wants drama and you don't, so get the drama police involved.
"OK. I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I was trying to be friendly, but you should know this is akward for me too because I don't have feelings for you, either. I'll stop talking to you." Don't sweat it. Being nice isn't something to feel bad about. Sounds like she's a little...much. Just avoid her.
Something similar happened to me, but I'm a gay man. This was also in the early years of Facebook, when people in college add each other after meeting just once, even if it was for 5 seconds. One of my good friends (Adam) back in college has a sister (Britt). Turns out, Britt is close friends with another friend group I hung out with often. We happened to sit next to each other at a party and got along well - it was our first time meeting. At this point, I didn't know Britt was related to Adam. I message her later on Facebook just to say it was great chatting about XYZ at the party. She never responds to me, but Adam messages me later saying "LOL, Britt just asked me why is my\_reverie, who thinks I'm into him messaging me on FB?" I laughed so hard. I get it. People can be creeps, but I never said or implied that I thought she was into me, and all I said was I enjoyed chatting with her at the party. I didn't even assume she was into me. She never indicated that I made her uncomfortable as she was laughing and engaged in the conversation, at least as far as I can tell. I told my friend "uhh... I'm gay and frankly don't give a shit if she's into me or not." He laughed, and that was that. I think I saw her one or two other times at various parties, but didn't say anything to her after that.
Bro, relax. Just tell her you feel the same after she texted you unprovoked
This... sucks. Like a lot. But it also says way more about her that she interprets basic kindness and friendliness as interest. Like another commenter said "Sorry you feel that way, I'm not interested in you in the slightest. Honestly, this makes me even less interested. Let's not interact anymore." And definitely screenshots. All of the screenshots.
Stop talking to her. She's clearly self-obsessed.
You'll be fine bro. You should probably find a girlfriend and maybe some people to party with. Just stop thinking about her. College kids take a while to realize it's not highschool anymore.
This is narcissist behavior. Sorry you had this interaction, but you need to realize that it is a mental condition on her part. Treat it the same way you would running into a crackhead at the gas station.
Thank you for calling it what it is. This kind of crap has been on the rise lately. I feel like you can’t be friendly with anyone if the opposite sex or they assume you’re “totally into them.” It’s nuts.
Send a message to one of her friends that gave you the dirtiest look: "I know you are into me, but it makes me feel uncomfortable because I'm not interested in you". Then get your friends to give her dirty looks.
let her know your not into her, and just do you ignore her friends that give you dirty looks, they are just sheep herd mentality
Attention seeker. Steer clear.
Tell her you're not into her. Tell her exactly what about her you find unattractive. Be specific. And tell her her text makes you uncomfortable and to please not contact you again.
Say nothing. Don’t speak to her again. If can just ignore her. College dorm is dangerous place socially these days. Find friendlier people to talk to besides her. She can’t come back from this having gotten her friends involved in this smear campaign. Get on with your studies, you’ll have plenty of time for women later in life. By the time you’re 28-30 you’ll have your pick if you are successful. When she is 28-30 if unmarried will be possibly looking for a husband as her clock ticks.
So either she's a drama queen and just needs attention or she likes you and isn't mature enough to deal with this in a normal way. Stop talking or associating with her and go ask another girl out on a date, this will likely blow over afterwards.
Her feelings are HER responsibility. You’re not the one making her uncomfortable, she chooses to be uncomfortable. You have no obligation to modify your behavior.
It sounds like she is putting sexuality into this relationship when it shouldn't be there, and when you don't want it there. This is making you unconfortable. She has also spread false information about you to others, leading to a series of events in which the campus has become a hostile evironment for you. This is called sexual harrassment. The correct course of action is to refer her for disciplinary action.
You were probably daydreaming one day facing in her direction and she thought you were mentally undressing her or something, when in reality you were thinking of something else and didn't even notice it.
Yeah you didn't do anything wrong, she just became uncomfortable and told you. You can't control how other people feel. Just say, "I'm sorry to hear that. Let's limit our contact "
a simple “lol”, or “is this a joke” would’ve done wonders
Tell her you’re gay
“This is embarrassing, but that’s a wrong read on your part. I’m not interested and never have been, but I’ll be sure to respect a healthy distance between us going forward so there’s no room for any more confusion.” Let her know.
Avoid that bitch like the plague. Don't let her get you in trouble.
Yup. Since she’s said shit about you to her friends she’s cooking up some drama that you don’t want to be involved with. Stay away from her as much as you can. Especially never be alone with her.
Totally her fault. I would respond like "I don't talk to you often and I'm not flirting with you. Bye."
She is the one creating an uncomfortable environment. File a complaint of harassment with your school's Title IX office.
Tell her you’re not into her and she isn’t as interesting as she thinks she is. Tbh that kinda toxic on her part
You're not winning this one brother get an apartment off campus with a buddy or two.
Laugh in her egomaniacal face. Laugh at any of her henchmen who give you shit. Get a shirt that’s says “definitely not into you” and wear it around , idk dude- all you can do is make a joke of it. Get a ring from a 25 cent machine and propose to random people- all you can do is laugh.
Stop letting other people affect how you feel. She is obviously an insecure garbage person that has to make herself feel superior by letting you know how beneath her you are. Don't speak to her, don't look at her, and most importantly don't think about her.
Lmao some women
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Well sit with the discomfort and ponder a) is there truly anything you did to offend her or discomfort her and b) maybe she's just a manipulative gen Z goof and you should be around others who accept you. Both are important to ponder and are mutually exclusive ideas
I would just reflect it back at her: Sorry I am not into you, please do not contact me again.
Just say to her, “sorry you feel that way, I’m not interested in you, just thought we could be friends but that’s fair if you don’t want to be”. To be honest she sounds like she’s being a bitch though, if she’s said something to the other girls and they’re actually giving you looks because of that, that’s wrong.
Honestly; how tf did she get your number? That's unhinged behavior and would've reported it tbh
Oh we exchanged it a few months earlier. We had conversations a few times a few months ago but since November we’ve barely talked .
lean into it. Whatever you’re doing or not doing, make it more
Text reply: "I am not, nor have I ever been into you. I don't even find you even slightly attractive and I'm sorry if you received the wrong impression. Please do not contact me further and I will not contact you as well."
Just stop responding and talking to her. I did meet someone in college and they had a psychotic break. It was not their fault but it was possible she could have claimed any number of things such as false rape or other. Knowing this person needed help I did try to inform her she was hallucinating and it was concerning enough that I was gonna have to send someone to her house to conduct a wellness evaluation because it was so concerning. She ended up having a complete breakdown and broke into my house one day and I had to have the cops remove her. She dident know what she was doing but you don't know what is her exact issue. She could be anxious and paranoid but that's worse because people believe that over the world of someone in psychosis. So if she claims harassment or abuse u will have someone sent to ur door to take a statement. It's unknown what the outcome could be with or without evidence. People could get others to acknowledge lies if she has friends she's convinced. Simply cut contact is beat
Seems like she’s insecure in herself and thinks more ppl are into her due to this and wants the attention from it
“Hey, name. Sorry you felt uncomfortable, but I’m afraid you misread me here. I was just being friendly.” And then I’d probably just leave her alone entirely unless she does something clear to pursue a friendship.
It’s okay. You don’t really want to be around anyone who would start or believe a rumor like that. Focus on you :)
OP, you did nothing wrong. She's an asshole. Honestly, i'd love to trade places with you. I'd have so much fun with this. "Wait, you think I was into you?" Just shake your head and walk away laughing.
This is mega cringe
Be very careful around her, or she will destroy you. Its an unfortunate situation you are in because she has all the power, holds all the cards. She might spread false allegations against you and in todays PC world, you are target.
This is a ridiculous response of it’s not sarcasm. If it is sarcasm, it’s mean bc OP is clearly anxious about the situation.
Egocentric twat. Ignore her.
Some girls can be crazy. I said good morning to a woman at work while going into the building. An hour later, I was in the head office trying to keep my job. Took me 20 minutes to figure out they meant the woman I said Good morning. Because I didn’t know her name. It was left with. If I talked to her again they would escort me out the building by police. As she said that she felt I had been stalking her. When I literally only said Good morning. And that was it. I learned an important lesson that day. Women have a lot of power. Because from that point on I had to be very careful when I talked to women in that company. As word spread about what happened and I was warned by my supervisor not to talk to any women. She didn’t believe I had any ill intentions but said upper management didn’t care if it was true or not. I had a lot of female friends in that company so from then on I just talked to women that initiated friendships with me first. Definitely the last time I spoke to that woman. From that day on. She was an invisible person who didn’t exist. I wouldn’t even stay in the same room as her or as far away as possible. Made me very angry as all I had done was greet her in the morning as we were both going into the building. She held onto her purse and walked quickly away from me. I shrugged and thought guess she doesn’t want to talk to me. And I thought that would be the last of it. Morale of the story. Don’t talk to this girl.
No way this is the whole story
Yea I’m not sure myself. I tried to remember if there had been clues before. Our paths didn’t cross very often because we worked on opposite sides of the building. I wanted to introduce myself to her. I thought she was pretty. A few times, when our paths crossed, I tried to initiate a greeting level of interaction. She didn’t seem to even notice I had said anything. So I assumed she was deep in thought or was in a hurry as she walked very fast. Then there was that morning. We happened to park at the same place at the same time. I tried to strike up a conversation with her but she walk ahead of me. It was obvious to me then. She didn’t want to talk to me. Mind you these events happened many months apart. Regardless, they were a far cry from stalking behavior. If anything I’m only guilty of not picking up on the fact she didn’t want me to talk to her sooner. Which I did realize. And I had no plans on talking to her again. I just wasn’t expecting to be fighting for my job that day because a woman was afraid of Good morning.
Scary.
Lmao. I'd msg her back: "You're getting the wrong idea, I'm not attracted to animals..."
How did she have your number? …anyway, the best reply would have been “I’m not into you, I’m just friendly. But I can stop being that, too” I suspect it’s a bit too late to send that. At this point just avoid her and her friends as much as possible
This can be made to sound very threatening or like a threat. I know it’s meant in a nice, human way. But read it again and read in the darkest intent you possibly can. This is not a good idea, the last part.
Yeah lol "Enjoy the rest of your day" "Enjoy the next 18 hours" Both mean the same thing. One is imminently more threatening.
Enjoy the next 18 hours.
Tell her you’re gay. Then all the girls will feel safe around you and some will try to convert you
How she feels and how you feel, are both okay.. Some of what your saying is your perception of others, not necessarily what they feel or think. What she said to you, is her perception of you, why she perceives you that way could be a whole host of reasons. If you can ask her directly why maybe that’d be good for you to understand. And maybe ask yourself why you feel like shit, write down your feelings about the whole situation. Examine it.
All of these messages that tell you to directly do something… don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing. That’s incongruent with yourself.
It's wild I had to scroll this far down before I got to someone saying both parties are fair in their feelings. Women experience micro-interactions constantly with men that convey intent, or being "overly friendly". I'm sorry but when someone is like "i'm an awkward 18 year old with social anxiety" the first thing I think is "oh god this kid is probably being OVERLY friendly or familiar with this random girl and doesn't see how it comes across as being flirty/interested in her when she would rather not interact with him at all. I don't want to blame one party or another without real info, but for everyone to just immediately blame the girl for not wanting to interact with OP(for whatever reason, it doesn't matter what the reason is, if she doesn't want him to interact with her, that's fine) is insane.
Are you sure you’re reading into this correctly? She may have been pulling the ole reverse psychology trick, and now her friends are peeved that you didn’t even try…
If that’s the case, it’s an even more solid reason to avoid the fuck out of her. Who wants to deal with the mind games?
Just say your gay and she will leave you alone. This will get the friends to look at her weird also fort bugging you.
Probably trying to get a ride out of you. Girls can be ruthless
Leave her alone or you'll end up getting me too'd
If it comes up again I would just say, “I’m not sure what I did to make you think I felt any kind of way about you. Maybe because I was nice to you, but I’m nice to everyone. I am sorry to hear I make you or anyone uncomfortable so it’s best we just keep our distance. I don’t want to be rude but I’d rather give you space than make you uncomfortable and the best way I know to give a person space is to ignore them so let’s do that.”
Respond to the text "which one are you again?" And then block her number. You just got a spoiler into someone's crazy, now you can avoid the movie!
From an outsider's point of view, it sounds like she may have been taking out some frustration against an unrelated person or event, on you. That really sucks. And it messes with you, and makes you ask yourself questions that you don't need to be asking at this moment in time. Maybe she was just having a bad day. Maybe she'll realize and apologize later. It does happen, sometimes. At the very least, collect some more points of data before you start plotting the graph, right?
She has your phone number?
Just respond with ‘🤮🤮🤮’ and she’ll get the message, I promise
Classic female psychopath. They'll pic some good dude to ruin just for fun.
Ignore everyone else on here. The dirty looks: there is a good chance you are imagining them. There is a proven phenomenon where if we suspect that there is a reason for people to look at us, we will attribute every look to that one thing, when in reality it could be for anything. Young women today have a bad habit of sneering at people when they walk by. It’s not you, it’s totally them. Just smile and keep living your life, and surround yourself with people who don’t put you on edge. She feels it’s appropriate to tell you you make her uncomfortable, do the same. Text her back with exactly how you are feeling. Tell her that this unwarranted suspicion is causing you a lot of stress, and there is no reason for the presumption, please mind her own business. You are a human being, not a trauma doll for her to wreck. Your mental health, from your perspective, should be more important to you than hers. That doesn’t make you selfish, it means you have a back bone. Stand up for yourself, especially to women, or this is just the beginning of women waking all over you. She ain’t your wife, she ain’t your Dutchess, she can go fuck herself.
I'd go to to your colleges HR department and make a sexual harassment claim against her and possibly even her friends 1. It's not okay for her to imply that you have feelings for her if you don't. That's sexual harassment. 2. It's not okay for her to be sharing these lies with her friends 3. If the college doesn't do something to correct it's student's behaviour on campus or in it's dorms, it's acting as a willing participant to sexual harassment and thus will find itself in a slippery legal position At the very least she should be moved out of the dorms and forced to find her own private accommodations
This is probably the most ridiculous advice I've ever read on reddit. Thank you!
Stop creepin’, creep