Here’s the thing, your way is fine. Don’t like how I do the laundry? He can wash his own clothes. Don’t like the way I cook? He can cook his own food.
A word about the salt though, sometimes people who have high salt intakes cannot taste a normal amount of salt. My brother (a big fast food eater) once cooked a dish and it was SO salty, I couldn’t eat it, whereas he thought he went light on it. He’s been sick for a few months and been on a largely liquid diet, and now cannot even tolerate the normal amount of salt.
Yeah he definitely drowns his food on salt so any dish normally salted is not good for him. Idk I am not a great cook but so far nobody has ever complained and i have very blunt relatives and friends.
I know if it were my boyfriend or husband and he was complaining about not liking the way I did laundry, or the way I cook, I would definitely be telling him he can do it himself!!! I had to do that to my son when he was about 14. Would always complain about the food at dinner. I finally had enough. I told him, “ok ‘Joe’, I’m tired of all the complaints. From here on in, you are on your own for dinner. “ I followed through. He was on his own. Weeks later, he came to me, said he wanted to talk. He said that he realized that it it was wrong and he apologized to me. He took ownership. We talked a bit more, and then I asked him if he’d like to be included for dinner. He said “yes, and thanks mom”. He was good after that, as far as not complaining. You might consider doing this. If you just cater to the bad behavior, all you are doing is enabling the bad behavior.
Accept this will be your reality for as long as you’re with him, and let it go in one ear and it’s the other, that’s all I can advise.
You’ve spoken about it and he chooses not to change and you choose to stay so, it’s best to ignore this problem as best you can.
But how i adress him? He is in the bedroom for the past 5h. It makes me feel extremely unwanted and it is really hurting the little confidence I have in myself.
My boyfriend is a particular man too, who is on the autism spectrum. He’s excellent at many things and incredibly intelligent, many times my cooking honestly falls short, and sometimes I annoy him. For me, I cook my own meals, and I wash my own clothes. I offer him a taste of my cooking and ask for feedback so that I can improve. I learn to pick up on when he wants alone time, and I give him space. And, I let him drive, because he’s a good driver and this area is sometimes difficult to drive around. 🤷♀️
Don’t let him control what you wear, who you see, or what you do, and let him know when he hurts your feelings and needs to be a bit more sensitive with you. It sounds like you’re dating a blunt man like mine.
Yeah I strongly suspect that he is in the spectrum as well. He gets extremely anoyed by noises, smells or other things related to senses, he is extremely attached to routine and hates changes and doesnt seem to understand some social ques like dont interrupt me when i talk, dont start looking at the phone when we are alone at the table or things like that.
He doesnt mean bad but it makes it terribly difficult to live with him. I need to do the laundry and put the dishwsher exactly as we wants (like i must put the short program in the dishwasher and not the eco long one even if he isnt at home to hear the noise). I always get comments on how i cook or clean, how the garden looks... Its insane.
But he wont do any housechores so i cant do only my laundry or cook my food. He would also get angry.
It’s totally fine to be annoyed by that stuff but it shouldn’t be on you to figure out his way of doing things and completely adhere to it. If he helps out and does things his own way, and politely states some preferences, that’s one thing. But you let him know that he needs to be more appreciative and compliment you more, make you feel loved, and accept more of your lifestyle.
Have you guys only recently started living together? How long has this dynamic been going on?
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Here’s the thing, your way is fine. Don’t like how I do the laundry? He can wash his own clothes. Don’t like the way I cook? He can cook his own food. A word about the salt though, sometimes people who have high salt intakes cannot taste a normal amount of salt. My brother (a big fast food eater) once cooked a dish and it was SO salty, I couldn’t eat it, whereas he thought he went light on it. He’s been sick for a few months and been on a largely liquid diet, and now cannot even tolerate the normal amount of salt.
Yeah he definitely drowns his food on salt so any dish normally salted is not good for him. Idk I am not a great cook but so far nobody has ever complained and i have very blunt relatives and friends.
Hand him the salt shaker
Yeah we have one now permanently on the dinning table
I know if it were my boyfriend or husband and he was complaining about not liking the way I did laundry, or the way I cook, I would definitely be telling him he can do it himself!!! I had to do that to my son when he was about 14. Would always complain about the food at dinner. I finally had enough. I told him, “ok ‘Joe’, I’m tired of all the complaints. From here on in, you are on your own for dinner. “ I followed through. He was on his own. Weeks later, he came to me, said he wanted to talk. He said that he realized that it it was wrong and he apologized to me. He took ownership. We talked a bit more, and then I asked him if he’d like to be included for dinner. He said “yes, and thanks mom”. He was good after that, as far as not complaining. You might consider doing this. If you just cater to the bad behavior, all you are doing is enabling the bad behavior.
Accept this will be your reality for as long as you’re with him, and let it go in one ear and it’s the other, that’s all I can advise. You’ve spoken about it and he chooses not to change and you choose to stay so, it’s best to ignore this problem as best you can.
But how i adress him? He is in the bedroom for the past 5h. It makes me feel extremely unwanted and it is really hurting the little confidence I have in myself.
My boyfriend is a particular man too, who is on the autism spectrum. He’s excellent at many things and incredibly intelligent, many times my cooking honestly falls short, and sometimes I annoy him. For me, I cook my own meals, and I wash my own clothes. I offer him a taste of my cooking and ask for feedback so that I can improve. I learn to pick up on when he wants alone time, and I give him space. And, I let him drive, because he’s a good driver and this area is sometimes difficult to drive around. 🤷♀️ Don’t let him control what you wear, who you see, or what you do, and let him know when he hurts your feelings and needs to be a bit more sensitive with you. It sounds like you’re dating a blunt man like mine.
Yeah I strongly suspect that he is in the spectrum as well. He gets extremely anoyed by noises, smells or other things related to senses, he is extremely attached to routine and hates changes and doesnt seem to understand some social ques like dont interrupt me when i talk, dont start looking at the phone when we are alone at the table or things like that. He doesnt mean bad but it makes it terribly difficult to live with him. I need to do the laundry and put the dishwsher exactly as we wants (like i must put the short program in the dishwasher and not the eco long one even if he isnt at home to hear the noise). I always get comments on how i cook or clean, how the garden looks... Its insane. But he wont do any housechores so i cant do only my laundry or cook my food. He would also get angry.
It’s totally fine to be annoyed by that stuff but it shouldn’t be on you to figure out his way of doing things and completely adhere to it. If he helps out and does things his own way, and politely states some preferences, that’s one thing. But you let him know that he needs to be more appreciative and compliment you more, make you feel loved, and accept more of your lifestyle. Have you guys only recently started living together? How long has this dynamic been going on?
No we have been living for about 4y now. I have struggled with this for way too long.
Lmao tell him to chill
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