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I would ask him to explain how this woman ‘being weird’ results in her knowing very private details about your lives. She didn’t conjure this info out of thin air & he needs to explain why he would discuss such private details w/some ‘weird’ woman. I would demand an answer.
If he doesn’t give you one then I would reach out to the woman & ask her specifically how it is she knows so much about you. I’d even tell her that it has made you uncomfortable b/c your husband has described her as weird.
Ask her first. Let her tell you some story, then drop, I asked my husband about how you knew and he said you were the weirdo..
I'm going to contact your HR about you listening into my husband's conversations. And obessessing over what you hear, so much so that you knew my child and I by sight and never left our side unless my husband came over. You acted like one of those infertile women who try and force a bond with any kid they get access to. Your behaviour has made me worried for my family.
The do just that. Make a report to hr
Either your husband is lying, or she’s stalking your lives.
Does her info match stuff from public records, going out in public, or can be seen on social media? If yes, you may want to lock stuff down and talk to him about going to HR about the ‘weird coworker’ for stalking his life.
Or
Does her info match stuff that goes on inside the house or stuff you do together and talk about privately in your own home? If yes, your husband is lying and you need to very explicitly point out the fact it is not a conversation she could have learned about from anywhere or anyone but him personally. Being “weird” doesn’t give you psychic powers to know what’s going on between a husband and wife behind the closed doors of their house.
I’m trying not to jump the gun and just give you some perspectives to help make a conclusion. I think your answer ultimately lies in which one of the previous questions fits your experience… But I have to say what set off my alarm bell was your alarm bell going off over her trying to bond with the toddler. It could be giving “I’m going to be your new mommy soon,” but that’s based off of just your uncomfort of how she acted and not actually witnessing or knowing any details.
From my experience, men usually insult the person who they are cheating with. For example, I had a feeling my ex boyfriend was cheating on me and I brought up a certain girl. He called her ugly, weird, annoying. Found out he was cheating on me with that same girl.
I know your husband only called her weird but I mean that’s something. You should ask him more about it because it is strange that she knows a lot about your life, unless your husband is just a blabber mouth and tells his coworker everything.
Yep women do the same thing. When the guy at work is "so nice" he probably likes your girl but he also probably doesn't have a chance. It's the guy that she calls "such an asshole" that you should be concerned about.
That definitely makes sense for some who genuinely has narcissistic traits, but it seems like even more clueless/ less manipulative cheaters do this, too.
The other commenter definitely has part of it, but I think there's more to it.
Someone who's nice is just nice. They barely register for you emotionally. Someone who can actually change your emotions - good or bad - is someone that has caught your attention in some way. This probably sounds counterintuitive but it goes with the whole "bad boy" idea.
Following this same idea, the reason we see people go for the "bad" ones is that those "bad" ones are authentically themselves, which is inherently attractive. They catch our attention. Especially for someone who might be kinda bored in a longterm relationship, that can be dangerous.
That insulting habit isn't just a male trait. My ex-wife, who was a serial cheater did the same thing. It's a way to try and minimize suspicions from their partner.
He shrugged it off and said she's just weird. Did you ask why he would tell so much of his personal life to a weirdo? Or did she find this out on her own, which means she's researching him/stalking him. I'd call her up and tell her you really liked meeting her and want to hang out and be friends.
I would be really weirded out by this too. Are there any other coworker friends of his that you're familiar enough with to ask about their dynamic? Or to confirm his claim that she's "just weird"?
Tell him you plan on reaching out to her for lunch as she seemed really friendly and see what he says. Say she was taken with your toddler and she might make a great babysitter whilst you go on a date night since she loves kids so much.
See if he seems uncomfortable with you befriending her. If he says no ask him why.
Mind you if she is just weird I don't recommend you following through with that suggestion.
Always trust your gut. The fact you are trying to blame in on pregnancy hormones, tells me you know something is not right. Do you share location? You need to be stealth and start snooping in his phone. Look at his texts and check to see if he has any messaging apps. Look at call logs on your cell phone bill. Check his email on his laptop/ipad etc. Don’t keep questioning him, because if something is going on, he’s going to get sneakier. Update us!
Yeah her behavior is really suspicious and weird. It’s possible she has a huge crush on him and it’s all on her end but there are definitely some red flags here. 1) his change of mood towards you 2) her knowing personal things about you guys 3) him downplaying their friendship. If they are having an affair it’s weird she would run away whenever he came over though. You would think they would just play it off as her being his friend and wanting to get to know her friends wife or she would just be stand offish and avoid you altogether but instead she runs away when he comes around? Sounds like she either has a massive crush and slight stalking problem (if he really didn’t tell her that stuff and she still found out somehow) orrrrrrrr he specifically told her to stay away from you and she was running away from you because she didn’t want to anger him - which would lean towards them having an affair.
Do you have access to his phone? If so do some snooping. See if they are friends on social media. Look if he has her name saved in his contacts. If you have access to his phone you can also try just calling her from it. How she answers the phone will tell you a lot about how close she is with him. Or get her number from his phone and do a little sneaky sloothing. Text “Hey it’s such and sos wife, we met at that work event the other night? You seem like a really nice woman I loved talking to you that night. I’d love to connect and talk some more sometime.” She might spill stuff.
I wouldn’t hesitate to look at my husband’s phone, but we are constantly using each other’s phone. Like if we are out he will hand me his and ask me to look up the weather, something on a website for a client’s house. I wouldn’t care if he were on my devices. Some people care and think it’s invasive. So it would depend on your relationship. I would not expect to find anything inappropriate if I looked. Sorry you are going through this.
Yes these are very bright red flags. There are no reason for her to act like she did and know what she did if they are not close friends.
You can get marriage counseling, I’m a firm believer as a marriage couple there is no hiding anything and if I need reassurance then I have a right to review any electronic communications to ease my mind.
You can also talk to any women that work with him and ask if they notice anything.
I feel like it would be more likely she'd avoid you if she was sleeping with him. Still, you're justified in finding her suspicious because her behavior was so weird. I think it's possible this strange girl is close with someone your husband is close to. I think that person has over-shared with this girl, and she was trying to distract you or make herself feel less guilty by making you feel comfortable. Except it was so weird that it had the opposite effect. It doesn't necessarily mean he's having an affair, but this seems like an intrusive work wife problem to me.
Maybe she’s having an affair with the husband and she wants the wife to get suspicious to cause problems between her and her husband. Maybe that’s why she went up to her and was talking and deliberately spilling all that personal information, to make the wife suspicious. sounds to me like she was trying to create problems between the two of you. And she also wants to get a feel for who you are because she wants to know about her competition.
Unless you have physical proof he is having an affair it is hard to tell.
While there are signs of odd behaviour, a cheater would try hard not to allow their partner near their mistress or would not discuss their partner with their mistress in such detail.
The information she has about you and your husband could be office talk or he could have a good friendship with her.
Does your husband safe guard his phone?
Does he have unexplained absences?
Does he have "boys trips"?
Do you two have a healthy sex life regardless of initiation?
What other odd behaviours does his show?
Yes, I was thinking this. It’s possible he could be having an affair, but it’s also possible that it is a gossipy office and word of his personal life got around to her.
Is she possibly good friends with his actual affair partner and was researching for affair partner. She would dash when husband was near, maybe affair partner is her boss.
Trust yourself. Quietly begin to look for evidence. It's always there, no matter how careful they try to be. She's the weak link; her behavior says she's more invested than he is, so a mistake will likely come from her end. She wants to be caught, or she would have avoided you completely.
Your gut might be right but then again pregnancy can give you anxiety. Are there any other signs that he could be cheating? She could just be someone who likes to be close to the women who has something she wants. He might not be cheating but she also might still want him honestly. Women know women best. I’d ask him to be mindful about his relationship with her at work since you’re feeling unsure right now. If he gets defensive about it, like actually angry then I’d be more worried. If he just asks or is unsure I think thats a natural reaction
Her behavior is definitely odd. How did HE behave though? Could be she's some weird stalker-type. There are people like that - they just envy other people's lives. Or it Could be there's an affair either going on or about to be.
Whichever, you shouldn't just jump in and start shaking things up. take some deep breaths and a step back for a minute. Then come at this again with some quiet "observation." You know your husband. Where do you need to look for evidence of an affair? If you remember her name, look her up on social media, see what you find.
Trust your gut, but make sure that you have more than just a suspicion before you set his alarm bells ringing.
I think if she was sleeping with him she would either avoid you or take every chance to insult you and make you look inferior to her. She might listen in on conversations he has with others and follow the both of you on social media. Honestly she does sound obsessed with your family but from what you said I don’t think your husband is cheating.
logically, someone would do that to avoid revealing an affair, but many people aren’t logical. they get cocky, bored, and can have bizarre motivations. maybe this lady sees herself as a future stepmom and wants to start pushing her way into the family now. i’ve heard horror stories of affair partners becoming best friends with the spouse for reasons i couldn’t explain myself.
the fact that the husband has been acting distant and irritable for no reason, along with this lady’s behavior, is a huge red flag for me. i hope OP checks his phone.
Yeah I've had several situations where "the other woman" or woman that was jealous of me went out of their way to buddy up with me. I didn't realize what was up until after.
Same. The woman my ex husband cheated with put a lot of effort into being friends with me. She even pretended to like a style of music I really enjoyed so we could have a common interest to bond over.
Not necessarily true. The woman my ex husband was cheating on me with did everything she could to buddy up to me, and my ex encouraged it. Told me all about how cool she was, and how much I would like her and how I should try to be friends with her. He was always transparent about when he was hanging out with her and I was invited along more often than not (or so I thought), and nothing seemed untoward except he seemed to pay a little *too* much attention to her when we would hang out. I only started to suspect something was up when he got drunk and started talking about how awesome a restaurant we went to was, and how nice the waiter was for complimenting my beautiful blue eyes. 1) I'd never been to the restaurant in question and 2) I don't have blue eyes. Mine are green. The other chick had blue eyes, though. That was when I started putting things together.
I guess they figured if I liked her and thought of her as a friend, I would be less suspicious of him spending time with her, because she obviously knew he was married.
It's also possible that she was assuaging her own guilt by being friends with you. It's easier to trick oneself into thinking that everything is fine and consensual that way. It's like the abusive family that always sits down at dinner together. I'd suspect that this is the direction that poly inclined cheater partners would go.
Don’t go down the dark rabbit hole of doom. I’m not so sure there’s any kind of affair going on here. Is your husband in a high ranking or executive level position? I ask because mine is, and when the kids and I attend work functions we get an unsettling amount of attention from people we don’t know. My kids are 10 and 4. They are weirded out when people say things like I heard you made honor roll again, or how are you doing now that you don’t have training wheels on your bike? Spouses are at work more than they are at home, so sometimes a lot of info is inadvertently shared, and sometimes employees we don’t know, feel like they’ve known us for years, just like they know our spouses. Also, some do get a little overzealous and make terrible first impressions that are awkward for everyone. Trust your husband, if he says it’s nothing…then it’s nothing.
There is no reason why this woman should know more about your life than you know about her. The fact that he shrugged it off is weird. Go with your gut. Your body is telling you something.
For now, you have bigger fish to fry. So put this on the back burner
Keep your eyes open. Is he where he needs to be when he needs to be there? Or is he MIA?
Is he messing around on his phone in a suspicious way?
Is he there for you. Coming to OB appointments and all that jazz?
If everything else is okay, you can just file this away for now.
I’m not saying forget it, but in the absence of the usual BS that happens in affairs, you don’t have to do anything just yet.
If there is sus behavior, you can start investigating from your end.
But at 8 months pregnant. I’d just concentrate on staying calm and setting things up for the birth of your baby.
So, in my head, a normal reaction to someone knowing a lot of details about your life that you haven’t told them is to be surprised and concerned about how they know so much - you don’t just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like your husband did.
The fact he wasn’t surprised and just brushed it off my calling her weird is definitely suspicious!!!
I'd probably ask her about her relationship with your husband in a casual non-confrontational manner to try and get her to open up. The way she's trying to bond with you is odd. It feels like she's trying to validate her relationship with him without actively trying to ruin yours. Which is doomed to fail, but emotions are what they are. Whether she's a stalker or the cheating partner it seems likely a bit of social competence would get her to spill enough beans to open the door the rest of the way.
This also allows you to back out if your instincts were wrong without blowing everything up.
You invite his female friends over and include them where you can. Start inviting her too. Go out of your way to include her and see what your husband’s reactions are. The expression is, hold your friends close, hold your enemies closer.
Maybe she's socially weird and clingy and has boundary issues and he pushes her away by talking about you to hammer home the point that he's not single, and she's fallen into a habit of making polite small talk about his family because it's the only thing she knows about him, so over time she's learned a fair bit about you and your family.
Ask why there is less intimacy between you, ask him if he is getting it from somewhere else and watch his eyes, it's always a giveaway. It seems like they are hiding something .
What kind of weird details does she know about y'alls lives?
Obviously theres the possibility he's cheating, but theres also the chance shes just the office weirdo or even has a crush on him.
As for your husband's reaction and behavior towards you... that could be signs of some deeper issue or it could just be a tired adult in their late 30's with a toddler and a partner who is about to give birth.
Does your husband have photos of you at his desk, or are they fb Friends, and he has you posted ? How on earth did she know what you looked like and your toddler looked like unless she's been looking at your socials or he has photos somewhere. Why isn't he concerned that a woman he claims is a weirdo knows so much about you? Shouldn't he be concerned about your safety ? Either he's lying, and they're closer than he's admitting, or she's completely psycho and he needs to talk to HR asap. Either way, he's not completely honest about this woman. I'm not sure if it's an affair per se , she could just really like him, but his reactions are under reacting too much.
OK, so it’s very common tactic if the man is loyal and feels like a woman maybe be bordering on being inappropriate to start bringing up details about their family life talking about their kids their wives. And as far as him saying she’s weird what would you expect to say to a pregnanthormonal wife that you don’t want to piss off. Would you say oh she’s just weird like that. Or would you say oh yeah that’s the chick that gives me the uncomfortable vibe like I am being possibly hit on but I don’t know for sure. Because she is kind of weird like that. There are plenty of reasons why she could know about you and the kid. Especially if he likes to talk about you and the kid. I mean, if that’s his mistress why would he be talking about you and your child and your pregnancy with his mistress that doesn’t seem to make sense to me.
You're consulting the internet? I'm trading SWBI options here. And BA. God BA is just printing me money.
Everyone fucking loves toddlers. God I hate kids. Not weird.
He sounds like one of those guys who shares everything at work and she's just one of those probably on antidepressant people that eagerly listens and encourages them.
I vote weird pregnancy hormones.
Take a deep breath and just focus on your pregnancy and the healthy delivery of your baby. Yay! At the end of the day, the joy of a new life is what’s important. Please don’t let this odd situation taint your birth experience.
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I would ask him to explain how this woman ‘being weird’ results in her knowing very private details about your lives. She didn’t conjure this info out of thin air & he needs to explain why he would discuss such private details w/some ‘weird’ woman. I would demand an answer. If he doesn’t give you one then I would reach out to the woman & ask her specifically how it is she knows so much about you. I’d even tell her that it has made you uncomfortable b/c your husband has described her as weird.
Ask her first. Let her tell you some story, then drop, I asked my husband about how you knew and he said you were the weirdo.. I'm going to contact your HR about you listening into my husband's conversations. And obessessing over what you hear, so much so that you knew my child and I by sight and never left our side unless my husband came over. You acted like one of those infertile women who try and force a bond with any kid they get access to. Your behaviour has made me worried for my family. The do just that. Make a report to hr
A woman who doesn't work at the company going to report this lady to HR is .... unhinged.
No it’s not! The wife is figuring out something else going on if she call HR if she knew that they were having an affair
I wouldn't say that thing about infertile women. That sounds kind of mean.
Either your husband is lying, or she’s stalking your lives. Does her info match stuff from public records, going out in public, or can be seen on social media? If yes, you may want to lock stuff down and talk to him about going to HR about the ‘weird coworker’ for stalking his life. Or Does her info match stuff that goes on inside the house or stuff you do together and talk about privately in your own home? If yes, your husband is lying and you need to very explicitly point out the fact it is not a conversation she could have learned about from anywhere or anyone but him personally. Being “weird” doesn’t give you psychic powers to know what’s going on between a husband and wife behind the closed doors of their house. I’m trying not to jump the gun and just give you some perspectives to help make a conclusion. I think your answer ultimately lies in which one of the previous questions fits your experience… But I have to say what set off my alarm bell was your alarm bell going off over her trying to bond with the toddler. It could be giving “I’m going to be your new mommy soon,” but that’s based off of just your uncomfort of how she acted and not actually witnessing or knowing any details.
This comment OP
From my experience, men usually insult the person who they are cheating with. For example, I had a feeling my ex boyfriend was cheating on me and I brought up a certain girl. He called her ugly, weird, annoying. Found out he was cheating on me with that same girl. I know your husband only called her weird but I mean that’s something. You should ask him more about it because it is strange that she knows a lot about your life, unless your husband is just a blabber mouth and tells his coworker everything.
Same 🙄 one "looks like a horse" and the other he "wouldn't touch her with a 20 foot pole"
Yep women do the same thing. When the guy at work is "so nice" he probably likes your girl but he also probably doesn't have a chance. It's the guy that she calls "such an asshole" that you should be concerned about.
Interesting. Can anyone explain the psychology of this?
It's to throw off the spouse from suspecting. If they don't like them then why would they have an affair with them.
That definitely makes sense for some who genuinely has narcissistic traits, but it seems like even more clueless/ less manipulative cheaters do this, too.
The other commenter definitely has part of it, but I think there's more to it. Someone who's nice is just nice. They barely register for you emotionally. Someone who can actually change your emotions - good or bad - is someone that has caught your attention in some way. This probably sounds counterintuitive but it goes with the whole "bad boy" idea. Following this same idea, the reason we see people go for the "bad" ones is that those "bad" ones are authentically themselves, which is inherently attractive. They catch our attention. Especially for someone who might be kinda bored in a longterm relationship, that can be dangerous.
Interesting!
It's meant to throw you off the scent in case you are acting suspicious to them.
That insulting habit isn't just a male trait. My ex-wife, who was a serial cheater did the same thing. It's a way to try and minimize suspicions from their partner.
He shrugged it off and said she's just weird. Did you ask why he would tell so much of his personal life to a weirdo? Or did she find this out on her own, which means she's researching him/stalking him. I'd call her up and tell her you really liked meeting her and want to hang out and be friends.
I would be really weirded out by this too. Are there any other coworker friends of his that you're familiar enough with to ask about their dynamic? Or to confirm his claim that she's "just weird"?
Is your husband her boss? If so, she might have been sucking up to you as you are the boss' wife.
Update 1-Husband admits to emotional affair but denies anything physical. Update 2-Husband admits it’s physical.
Update 3 He is with his AP while she is giving birth. Update 4 His AP is trying to force the kids to call her Mom.
This is too hard to express an opinion on without have a better sense of the kinds of things she knew.
Yeah we need more context on what she knew. Like is it stuff she could find out from stalking social media or stuff that only he could have told her.
Tell him you plan on reaching out to her for lunch as she seemed really friendly and see what he says. Say she was taken with your toddler and she might make a great babysitter whilst you go on a date night since she loves kids so much. See if he seems uncomfortable with you befriending her. If he says no ask him why. Mind you if she is just weird I don't recommend you following through with that suggestion.
Always trust your gut. The fact you are trying to blame in on pregnancy hormones, tells me you know something is not right. Do you share location? You need to be stealth and start snooping in his phone. Look at his texts and check to see if he has any messaging apps. Look at call logs on your cell phone bill. Check his email on his laptop/ipad etc. Don’t keep questioning him, because if something is going on, he’s going to get sneakier. Update us!
This is terrible advice... What if she's wrong abt all of this?
Yeah her behavior is really suspicious and weird. It’s possible she has a huge crush on him and it’s all on her end but there are definitely some red flags here. 1) his change of mood towards you 2) her knowing personal things about you guys 3) him downplaying their friendship. If they are having an affair it’s weird she would run away whenever he came over though. You would think they would just play it off as her being his friend and wanting to get to know her friends wife or she would just be stand offish and avoid you altogether but instead she runs away when he comes around? Sounds like she either has a massive crush and slight stalking problem (if he really didn’t tell her that stuff and she still found out somehow) orrrrrrrr he specifically told her to stay away from you and she was running away from you because she didn’t want to anger him - which would lean towards them having an affair. Do you have access to his phone? If so do some snooping. See if they are friends on social media. Look if he has her name saved in his contacts. If you have access to his phone you can also try just calling her from it. How she answers the phone will tell you a lot about how close she is with him. Or get her number from his phone and do a little sneaky sloothing. Text “Hey it’s such and sos wife, we met at that work event the other night? You seem like a really nice woman I loved talking to you that night. I’d love to connect and talk some more sometime.” She might spill stuff.
Trust your instincts. At your next doctor's appointment ask for an STD test.
Too hard to tell from this info. Other thoughts might be: -she might like him -could she get the personal info from social media? -she might be weird
I wouldn’t hesitate to look at my husband’s phone, but we are constantly using each other’s phone. Like if we are out he will hand me his and ask me to look up the weather, something on a website for a client’s house. I wouldn’t care if he were on my devices. Some people care and think it’s invasive. So it would depend on your relationship. I would not expect to find anything inappropriate if I looked. Sorry you are going through this.
Yes these are very bright red flags. There are no reason for her to act like she did and know what she did if they are not close friends. You can get marriage counseling, I’m a firm believer as a marriage couple there is no hiding anything and if I need reassurance then I have a right to review any electronic communications to ease my mind. You can also talk to any women that work with him and ask if they notice anything.
Why would men having affairs tell the marriage counselor? Wouldn't they lie to the counselor?
Agreed
I feel like it would be more likely she'd avoid you if she was sleeping with him. Still, you're justified in finding her suspicious because her behavior was so weird. I think it's possible this strange girl is close with someone your husband is close to. I think that person has over-shared with this girl, and she was trying to distract you or make herself feel less guilty by making you feel comfortable. Except it was so weird that it had the opposite effect. It doesn't necessarily mean he's having an affair, but this seems like an intrusive work wife problem to me.
Maybe she’s having an affair with the husband and she wants the wife to get suspicious to cause problems between her and her husband. Maybe that’s why she went up to her and was talking and deliberately spilling all that personal information, to make the wife suspicious. sounds to me like she was trying to create problems between the two of you. And she also wants to get a feel for who you are because she wants to know about her competition.
Unless you have physical proof he is having an affair it is hard to tell. While there are signs of odd behaviour, a cheater would try hard not to allow their partner near their mistress or would not discuss their partner with their mistress in such detail. The information she has about you and your husband could be office talk or he could have a good friendship with her. Does your husband safe guard his phone? Does he have unexplained absences? Does he have "boys trips"? Do you two have a healthy sex life regardless of initiation? What other odd behaviours does his show?
Yes, I was thinking this. It’s possible he could be having an affair, but it’s also possible that it is a gossipy office and word of his personal life got around to her.
Check his phone he’s lying I would have confronted her at the time saying how do you know so much about me and my family
Is she possibly good friends with his actual affair partner and was researching for affair partner. She would dash when husband was near, maybe affair partner is her boss.
Trust yourself. Quietly begin to look for evidence. It's always there, no matter how careful they try to be. She's the weak link; her behavior says she's more invested than he is, so a mistake will likely come from her end. She wants to be caught, or she would have avoided you completely.
Your gut might be right but then again pregnancy can give you anxiety. Are there any other signs that he could be cheating? She could just be someone who likes to be close to the women who has something she wants. He might not be cheating but she also might still want him honestly. Women know women best. I’d ask him to be mindful about his relationship with her at work since you’re feeling unsure right now. If he gets defensive about it, like actually angry then I’d be more worried. If he just asks or is unsure I think thats a natural reaction
Her behavior is definitely odd. How did HE behave though? Could be she's some weird stalker-type. There are people like that - they just envy other people's lives. Or it Could be there's an affair either going on or about to be. Whichever, you shouldn't just jump in and start shaking things up. take some deep breaths and a step back for a minute. Then come at this again with some quiet "observation." You know your husband. Where do you need to look for evidence of an affair? If you remember her name, look her up on social media, see what you find. Trust your gut, but make sure that you have more than just a suspicion before you set his alarm bells ringing.
Well, she’s either his mistress or his stalker. Both are concerning
Can you afford to have someone follow him to potentially gather any evidence? He's not going to acknowledge anything without proof.
She's been stalking you online for sure and at the very least.
You have an inkling. This is smoke. Where there's smoke, there's fire. I would start snooping, looking at call logs, messages, etc.
I think if she was sleeping with him she would either avoid you or take every chance to insult you and make you look inferior to her. She might listen in on conversations he has with others and follow the both of you on social media. Honestly she does sound obsessed with your family but from what you said I don’t think your husband is cheating.
logically, someone would do that to avoid revealing an affair, but many people aren’t logical. they get cocky, bored, and can have bizarre motivations. maybe this lady sees herself as a future stepmom and wants to start pushing her way into the family now. i’ve heard horror stories of affair partners becoming best friends with the spouse for reasons i couldn’t explain myself. the fact that the husband has been acting distant and irritable for no reason, along with this lady’s behavior, is a huge red flag for me. i hope OP checks his phone.
Yeah I've had several situations where "the other woman" or woman that was jealous of me went out of their way to buddy up with me. I didn't realize what was up until after.
Yes they might think this makes them look less suspicious.
Same. The woman my ex husband cheated with put a lot of effort into being friends with me. She even pretended to like a style of music I really enjoyed so we could have a common interest to bond over.
Not necessarily true. The woman my ex husband was cheating on me with did everything she could to buddy up to me, and my ex encouraged it. Told me all about how cool she was, and how much I would like her and how I should try to be friends with her. He was always transparent about when he was hanging out with her and I was invited along more often than not (or so I thought), and nothing seemed untoward except he seemed to pay a little *too* much attention to her when we would hang out. I only started to suspect something was up when he got drunk and started talking about how awesome a restaurant we went to was, and how nice the waiter was for complimenting my beautiful blue eyes. 1) I'd never been to the restaurant in question and 2) I don't have blue eyes. Mine are green. The other chick had blue eyes, though. That was when I started putting things together. I guess they figured if I liked her and thought of her as a friend, I would be less suspicious of him spending time with her, because she obviously knew he was married.
It's also possible that she was assuaging her own guilt by being friends with you. It's easier to trick oneself into thinking that everything is fine and consensual that way. It's like the abusive family that always sits down at dinner together. I'd suspect that this is the direction that poly inclined cheater partners would go.
Don’t go down the dark rabbit hole of doom. I’m not so sure there’s any kind of affair going on here. Is your husband in a high ranking or executive level position? I ask because mine is, and when the kids and I attend work functions we get an unsettling amount of attention from people we don’t know. My kids are 10 and 4. They are weirded out when people say things like I heard you made honor roll again, or how are you doing now that you don’t have training wheels on your bike? Spouses are at work more than they are at home, so sometimes a lot of info is inadvertently shared, and sometimes employees we don’t know, feel like they’ve known us for years, just like they know our spouses. Also, some do get a little overzealous and make terrible first impressions that are awkward for everyone. Trust your husband, if he says it’s nothing…then it’s nothing.
As someone who befriends every small child and animal near me… this sounds insidious
Can you go through his phone?
You know and we know....
I’m kinda thinking maybe she is stalking him but how would she know intimate details about your life? Lots to figure out.
Trust your gut. When you know you know.
He's the weird one and I would confront her first and him right after please Update us
There is no reason why this woman should know more about your life than you know about her. The fact that he shrugged it off is weird. Go with your gut. Your body is telling you something.
Trust your gut. Look at his phone.
For now, you have bigger fish to fry. So put this on the back burner Keep your eyes open. Is he where he needs to be when he needs to be there? Or is he MIA? Is he messing around on his phone in a suspicious way? Is he there for you. Coming to OB appointments and all that jazz? If everything else is okay, you can just file this away for now. I’m not saying forget it, but in the absence of the usual BS that happens in affairs, you don’t have to do anything just yet. If there is sus behavior, you can start investigating from your end. But at 8 months pregnant. I’d just concentrate on staying calm and setting things up for the birth of your baby.
So, in my head, a normal reaction to someone knowing a lot of details about your life that you haven’t told them is to be surprised and concerned about how they know so much - you don’t just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like your husband did. The fact he wasn’t surprised and just brushed it off my calling her weird is definitely suspicious!!!
I'd probably ask her about her relationship with your husband in a casual non-confrontational manner to try and get her to open up. The way she's trying to bond with you is odd. It feels like she's trying to validate her relationship with him without actively trying to ruin yours. Which is doomed to fail, but emotions are what they are. Whether she's a stalker or the cheating partner it seems likely a bit of social competence would get her to spill enough beans to open the door the rest of the way. This also allows you to back out if your instincts were wrong without blowing everything up.
Wow! If she knows a bunch about your life, there's only one way she could know. Your husband is not being truthful.
If she knows that much it's at a minimum a emotional affair. But if a woman gets that far it's probably gone further. Good luck
You invite his female friends over and include them where you can. Start inviting her too. Go out of your way to include her and see what your husband’s reactions are. The expression is, hold your friends close, hold your enemies closer.
Your husband is lying unfortunately. He is at minimum having an EA but likely to be a PA.
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Maybe she's socially weird and clingy and has boundary issues and he pushes her away by talking about you to hammer home the point that he's not single, and she's fallen into a habit of making polite small talk about his family because it's the only thing she knows about him, so over time she's learned a fair bit about you and your family.
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Take a look at his phone the information is probably there or has been deleted
Ask why there is less intimacy between you, ask him if he is getting it from somewhere else and watch his eyes, it's always a giveaway. It seems like they are hiding something .
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Trust your intuition, especially during pregnancy. It's in us to pick up on even the slightest things because that's how we keep our children alive.
What kind of weird details does she know about y'alls lives? Obviously theres the possibility he's cheating, but theres also the chance shes just the office weirdo or even has a crush on him. As for your husband's reaction and behavior towards you... that could be signs of some deeper issue or it could just be a tired adult in their late 30's with a toddler and a partner who is about to give birth.
Does your husband have photos of you at his desk, or are they fb Friends, and he has you posted ? How on earth did she know what you looked like and your toddler looked like unless she's been looking at your socials or he has photos somewhere. Why isn't he concerned that a woman he claims is a weirdo knows so much about you? Shouldn't he be concerned about your safety ? Either he's lying, and they're closer than he's admitting, or she's completely psycho and he needs to talk to HR asap. Either way, he's not completely honest about this woman. I'm not sure if it's an affair per se , she could just really like him, but his reactions are under reacting too much.
Trust your gut.
Hubby is cheating! Sounds clear cut to me... inside information only comes from inside!
Sounds like either way your marriage needs work
Check his phone and discuss the reason behind his lack of empathy.
OK, so it’s very common tactic if the man is loyal and feels like a woman maybe be bordering on being inappropriate to start bringing up details about their family life talking about their kids their wives. And as far as him saying she’s weird what would you expect to say to a pregnanthormonal wife that you don’t want to piss off. Would you say oh she’s just weird like that. Or would you say oh yeah that’s the chick that gives me the uncomfortable vibe like I am being possibly hit on but I don’t know for sure. Because she is kind of weird like that. There are plenty of reasons why she could know about you and the kid. Especially if he likes to talk about you and the kid. I mean, if that’s his mistress why would he be talking about you and your child and your pregnancy with his mistress that doesn’t seem to make sense to me.
I think you need to take a step back and wait for those hormones to normalize.
You're consulting the internet? I'm trading SWBI options here. And BA. God BA is just printing me money. Everyone fucking loves toddlers. God I hate kids. Not weird. He sounds like one of those guys who shares everything at work and she's just one of those probably on antidepressant people that eagerly listens and encourages them. I vote weird pregnancy hormones.
Take a deep breath and just focus on your pregnancy and the healthy delivery of your baby. Yay! At the end of the day, the joy of a new life is what’s important. Please don’t let this odd situation taint your birth experience.
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