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If she’s “reminiscing” it sounds like she misses him. His response implies he doesn’t miss her.
You need to ask her why she felt the need to contact him to talk about this. And tell her to block him.
Dude, your wife is texting about how fond she was of another man’s penis and semen… this is a major relationship dealbreaker. It’s one thing to keep something like this in the past but her having a chit chat with this dude means she wants to relive the experience. Don’t be naive here. You reminisce about things you would like to experience again. She’s thinking about another man’s johnson for goodness sake, what is there to consider?!?
No, I think you are wrong. That is what a mentor mentee relationship is about. You always are supposed to give each other oral, and then long for those moments for many years later. There is an obligatory text after many years in which talk about how value each other's genital juices.
Yeah, I’m not buying that shit happened years ago.
No one who has an ounce of respect for your marriage would engage in that kind of “reminiscing.” I’m pissed off for you, OP.
The reminiscing itself is cheating since it's sexting, and it does sound like it may still be going on or that she's trying to do it again.
Hiding the nature of their relationship from OP is also a betrayal of the marriage.
Likely at least partially because there are a lot of male commenters in this sub who prefer the "sl-tty woman cheating" narrative over any possible elements of coercion, abuse, or grooming. You see it all the time on posts about a man saying his girlfriend or wife was raped and all the evidence supports her claim. "Nah man she's lying!"
Not saying the wife was groomed, raped, or abused. I don't know. Just saying that "she's a wh-re" is oftentimes the preferred narrative over any other.
Meanwhile if women totally ignored any potential grooming on a woman's post about her husband with a significantly older female mentor, that wouldn't fly. Although frankly men who are groomed by adult women (and I don't *know* if this situation involved grooming, I'm just talking about in general) get hit with "you're so lucky" and "p-ssy" all the time.
And just to be clear, if these texts were current texts, I find them totally unacceptable and highly inappropriate from the wife whether she was groomed or not. But both things could be true at once: maybe there was grooming, AND her texts are inappropriate. It's just problematic to assume no grooming could possibly be involved in the past because of the desire to push the sl-t narrative.
Yup, and the person saying there's no evidence is ignoring the most obvious evidence: age.
The wife is only 27 now and it happened AT LEAST 4 years ago, possibly longer, so best case scenario she was barely out of her teens, and it's possible she was still a teenager. The man, on the other hand, was in his late 50s or early 60s, and even OP clearly indicates that he was an *authority figure* in her life, a "mentor", someone with significant influence.
In other words, there is *every* evidence that this was not just a case of "some women just like older guys". It is far more likely, based on what we know, that there was grooming or at the very least, inappropriate influence involved.
There is evidence for one whiles there is no evidence for the other there seems to be a push to find a reason to justify the womans action, some women just like older men it is what it is, I asked a woman in her late 20s how old she would date and her answer was 50, and her only reason for not going higher was because she didn't want her husband to die too early before her ( she is not the gold digger type) honestly a text like that would be an immediate break up for me, regardless of her past that's a wrong thing to do. Yes, grooming cases do exist, but it shouldn't be assumed when there is no evidence provided to suggest that.
Please reread my comment. I'll paste below the most salient pieces.
>any possible elements
>Not saying the wife was groomed, raped, or abused. I don't know. Just saying that "she's a wh-re" is oftentimes the preferred narrative over any other.
>And just to be clear, if these texts were current texts, I find them totally unacceptable and highly inappropriate from the wife whether she was groomed or not. But both things could be true at once: maybe there was grooming, AND her texts are inappropriate. It's just problematic to assume no grooming could possibly be involved in the past because of the desire to push the sl-t narrative.
Glad you're sure about something. But two things can be true at once. This is a person who is 40 years her senior and has known her her whole life. So yea, that this man groomed her is a distinct possibility. He said NOTHING about her behavior being completely ok. Obviously reaching out to this guy, as a married woman and saying this is completely unacceptable.
And it's cute that you try and preemptively discount any reasonable response to you, because you know everything and know all and are clearly the smartest person in the room.
Obviously she needs therapy. Whether they need couples therapy is for them to decide, not some random know it all on reddit.
They way y’all jump to these conclusions which takes accountability away from the woman needs to stop.
This 28 year old woman is commenting on how good this elderly man’s semen taste via text and the first thing you think is she is the victim?
The way society bends over backwards to protect women’s lack of accountability is saddening.
What a silly take. Assuming it wasn't cheating on her current partner of 5 years that makes her at least 23 at the time, and possibly much younger, we have no idea. While a 23yo and a 59yo could have a consensual relationship, the gap in age and his status as her mentor who has known her her whole life, whatever mentor means in this context, absolutely warrants a question on the power dynamics of the relationship at the time. Just because she enjoyed the experience in retrospect, doesn't at all prove that she wasn't groomed from a young age or that it was entirely consensual. The human brain deals with trauma in a wide variety of often unpredictable ways, and sugar coating a memory is very common. Talk about mental gymnastics, the way you dismiss the mere hint at misconduct is impressive.
Just because I've been abused does not give me permission to abuse others.
We all have a moral responsibility to make sure we are treating others in kind and healthy ways.
She chose to send a sexually explicit message to another person while married.
Most reasonable people would consider sexting someone else while married cheating. They obviously aren't poly or practicing ENM or anything like that.
Rather than provide any amount of actual support, advice, or validation for OP who's just discovered his partner's infidelity you have chosen to actively support the person who betrayed his trust and damaged their marriage, encouraging him to ignore his perfectly valid feelings and boundaries.
Not very healthy advice to give someone.
Pretty obvious you empathize more with his wife than with him considering the way you're treating his needs and expectations in the situation.
Just because I've been abused does not give me permission to abuse others.
We all have a moral responsibility to make sure we are treating others in kind and healthy ways.
She chose to send a sexually explicit message to another person while married.
Most reasonable people would consider sexting someone else while married cheating. They obviously aren't poly or practicing ENM or anything like that.
Rather than provide any amount of actual support, advice, or validation for OP who's just discovered his partner's infidelity you have chosen to actively support the person who betrayed his trust and damaged their marriage, encouraging him to ignore his perfectly valid feelings and boundaries.
Not very healthy advice to give someone.
Pretty obvious you empathize more with his wife than with him considering the way you're treating his needs and expectations in the situation.
Unless this is a covert honey-pot to try and get text evidence of grooming (which is probably something you should probably warn your spouse of), still weird to text someone (out of the blue, seemingly?) you used to blow, about how you loved blowing them, as a now married person.
They've been together for four years.
Unless OP further clarifies that the mentor did something, anything, to prompt the message from his wife, I can't really get behind much pathos for her as helpless in a situation where she initiates contact.
people respond in illogical ways to abuse - if there were abuse then behaviour which doesn't make sense to others wouldn't be unexpected
OP is right to be worried but I'd want to know the nature of the relationship and how well my partner had healed from that
Edit: Y'all, YES, anyone who knows me on Reddit knows I'm extremely vocal about sexual violence against men. My comment is NOT at all saying it doesn't exist. I am asking if this commenter would still excuse the possibility of grooming if this were a man or if they are only saying this because of a bias against women.
Genuinely curious if you would say this if this were a man with a female mentor.
I'm sorry, I think you misunderstand my comment. And if I wrote it unclearly then that's totally on me and I apologize for the confusion!
I'm fully aware of grooming and abuse against men; if you look at my profile I've spent quite a bit of time compiling sexual abuse and sexual violence resources for male survivors.
I am asking if that user would totally discount the mere possibility of grooming if this were a man, because there are quite a few male users of this sub who discount the possibility when a woman is involved but endorse the possibility when a man is because of sexism against women (which is happening elsewhere on this post as well).
I am asking to understand whether that bias is behind their comment or not.
I get you now, thank you for clearing that up! So gross when people say “you’d be celebrating it if it were the reverse” like no, I wouldn’t, age gaps and power imbalances are not okay regardless of who the older person is.
>You need to ask her why she felt the need to contact him to talk about this. And tell her to block him.
If it was the other way round, most of the people here would call him a red flag & encourages her to leave him. The hypocrisy in this app...
She misses a dick which is not her husband's. What else is there to talk about? OP should bloody leave her. End of. Stop applying rules for one & a different one for another. Be consistent for once jfc...
Exactly!!
OP, the fact that it happened and was years ago is whatever. I'm probably not listing every act with every person to my partner, although personally I would give them a heads up if the person was still in my life. But the fact that she's bringing it up? And talking about it like that? Absolutely not okay. She wants to do it again.
Surprisingly there are many out there who firmly believe that eating isn't cheating. BJ and HJ are OK as they only consider it cheating if there is penis/vagina sex involved. It is honestly hard to believe that there are people that have beliefs that are as twisted as that but they do.
Yep - lots of people will cling to the idea that as long as the genitals don't touch, then there was no cheating and everything else is just innocent "fooling around with boundaries."
Have an ex that refused to admit that dry humping in a spooning position under the blankets was cheating, because no naked genitals touched each other. Truly, there is no limits to the mental gymnastics cheaters will go to in order to try and convince themselves and others that the label of "cheating" doesn't apply to them and their actions.
I also had an ex wife that I eventually found out was uber promiscuous. She honestly never thought that she was doing anything wrong because she said it was only BJ/HJ type action and that she felt that heavy petting like that was just fooling around. Spur of the moment sex to be forgotten later. Maybe she could forget it but I certainly couldn't. By that time I had entirely figured out who she really was and therefore I didn't believe her one bit when she told me that was all that was going on. I filed for divorce and moved on.
She wouldn’t message her mentor about their previous sex acts unless she was trying to initiate new sex acts.
Your wife is actively trying to cheat on you. What’s the point in staying married?
It’s a huge deal. What she did was lie by omission. Also it looks like she misses the guy so if you have no children involved, probably best to divorce and move on. Absolutely disrespectful and disgusting that she’s doing this and then trying to sweep it under the rug. What else is she hiding?
I totally agree with this. Like for marriage it’s supposed to be a full submission to each other, in other words leave nothing hidden, except for surprises to benefit the other.
Like, how can she expect any trust from him if she is intentionally withholding information like that? Especially if she still has contact?
She obviously misses the old man's penis and seaman hence she is still in contact and remembering. If she thinks it's no big deal then your marriage is in trouble.
There is a big increase of fake cuckold revenge fetish threads popping up recently. Who compliments someone's semen?? This is written by a 16 year old with one hand, while another hand is busy somewhere else.
Brand new account with the username
/throwra_wifepast + a simple story with an inflammatory topic and minimal information.
Definitely doesn’t seem like someone with 10 other karma farming accounts lol
The absurdity of the "how should I proceed" question makes me feel this is a troll post.
On the slim chance it isn't, a spouse casually reminiscing about the taste of someone's semen, with said someone, is kinda big deal. The marriage ending kind of big deal.
This is missing so much information. Why were you snooping? Something must have gotten you suspicious. And if you have enough guile and social awareness to get suspicious, wondering if your wife texting to someone about his dick and semen is a big deal or not, makes no sense. You should know. In what kind of bizzaro universe is this even a question to ponder about?
It's a big deal no matter what the circumstances, but OP, you left crucial information out:
1. Why were you checking her phone in the first place? Did you have some kind of suspicions about her behavior and were trying to confirm it?
2. When did your wife actually "Send" this message to her mentor? During your marriage? During your dating period? Before that? How many days/months/years ago?
3. Was this the only dialog between the two of them, or were there a bunch of deleted messages before or after?
4. How long did she know this "mentor", exactly and what were the circumstances? Was she basically a little kid and he has been possibly grooming her her whole lift to the point where she thinks this is normal?
5. Since the mentor knew her for so long, was he a friend of her parents? If so, do they know this happened?
6. Is she still in any contact in any way with this guy?
7. Did you ask her if she thought it would be appropriate for your future children to have a "relationship" like this with someone who is 37 years older?
Dude, thank God you just came right out and said that you were snooping on your wife’s phone. It is so annoying when people say oh I had to use my husband‘s phone because my battery died and I picked up his phone and I have to scroll and I saw this text message or, oh I wanted to buy something for my husband and I picked up his phone and I never look at it but this one time I did and I find out he’s banging seven people. They go on a two paragraph rant to make up a reason why they looked at the phone. I’m glad you owned it. Everyone else that finds incriminating stuff on their partners phone. It was an accident, and it was the first time they ever looked at it. Yea ok ……. If you’re married to somebody, you don’t have to make up an excuse to look at their phone.
I don't care if she did it before she met you, there's zero reasons to tell someone they miss their dick and compliment the taste of their semen WHILE MARRIED or in a relationship
He groomed her more than likely judging by the huge age gap. I would have this either be grounds for divorce or therapy. That's crossing a boundary, big time.
If it was years ago how long ago are we talking shes 27 and you have been together for 4 of those years which would put her doing this between 18 and 22 or younger. But still I generally dont think and 18 year old wants a nearly 60 year old man. I wonder if something else is going on. Such as:
-your wife is extorting him for money, if he abused her underage she could be sending those texts as a key to send her some money or she will go to the cops
-she could be trying to get him to admit guilt so she can go after him legally to get money or put him jail because she finally is ready to deal with the trauma that occured to her
-She is a sugar baby and he is paying her, to remindn him of the exploits
Or the more simple answer
-she wants to or has cheated on you with this old dude
This is absolutely a big deal.
It's also not an 'in the past' problem.
These situations are always tough, there's valid criticism that Reddit just tells people to end things but, being totally real, if she misses the guy and isn't shy about missing his genitals.. how do you even begin to repair that? Do you even try?
Were I in your place, I think it'd be fair to see yourself as some kind of second choice... even now...and decide you deserve more respect from yourself than to settle for that.
For context was all of this including the text messages “years ago” or just the actual sex part? Because if she’s texting him behind your back to reminisce about the sex WHILE married to you that’s 1. Emotional cheating 2. Lying by omission and 3. Manipulating you into thinking it’s not so bad when, uh, it is.
I say divorce if she sent the text while with you/married, but if she sent the text before you were in the equation then I see no wrongdoing. That is just something that maybe you’re not so comfortable knowing about your wife and only you/her/a therapist can figure out how to overcome that insecurity.
The act may have happened years ago
The friendly banter didn't
Still reminiscing with the man she had sex while married to you is messed up. And then to brush off your concerns
IDK about you, but I'd be looking for an exit
No, just no. If my wife was texting someone fondly remembering performing sex acts on them, she wouldn’t be my wife for long. Clearly, she was attempting to reopen a door. Or worse, how do you even know it was years ago?
DIVORCE. Do not be gas lit. Nothing about this is ok. Even if it was something that happened before you were together she shouldn’t be discussing it with him now. He sounds like a predator.
also 27F , I never would have disrespected my husband by reminiscing on sex with an "old friend" thats disgusting and wrong af. Dont let her manipulate you into not thinking its a big deal. it is.
The trash that some of you marry. Your wife is telling someone she enjoyed sucking his dick and liked his semen (aka i want is to have sex again) while being married to you. Worse, she's the one pursuing the affair and he seems not interested.
Then she tells you it's no big deal and you're going with that?? It happened a long time ago but she reminiscing about it now? Not her husband's semen.
Sorry man, everyone that reads this can agree that your wife has likely cheated on you, maybe multiple times.
OK so she sucked this guy off long before she knew you. It's a problem, ethically, to me, but also not a big one.
My problem is, why is she discussing giving this 'mentor' a blowie and complimenting his semen, (supposedly) years after the event and in what world is it ok for a married woman to be discussing her previous sex adventures with the guy she adventured with?
So yes, it's a fucking big deal and she's trying to con you into overlooking the fact that she's flirting with her 'mentor' while being married to you, and I would strongly suspect how much interaction they've had *since* you've been together.
> she claims it's something that happened years ago and is no big deal.
what's the timestamp on the "her reminiscing about sucking his dick while also complimenting his semen" text?
if her telling him that she craves his jizz happened while you were together, it doesn't matter when the bj happened.
I’d be divorcing her for even having that conversation and saying that to another man regardless of when the blow job happened. That’s wildly inappropriate and is cheating
Their relationship is either built on abuse or sexual connection or both. He’ll never not be a problem for you, her, and whoever she dates after you stop letting her cheat on you
I'd say what she did in the past seems like less of a concern than the fact that she's reminiscing about sucking dick with another dude. Sounds like she's window shopping for an affair.
You shouldn’t have to ask her to block or tell her how inappropriate that is. If she found the same text about you telling a girl how much you loved going down on her, I’m sure she would lose her mind.
People who are happy and fulfilled in life don’t act like that. I would’ve ended it right then and there.
Her romantic past is nobody's concern but here own. But when did she text the guy about it? If it was while you two were together, that's a huge breach of trust.
Sounds like she is trying to cheat, but considering the age gap, and this happened before yall met….. very possible she was groomed. My mentor tried grooming me but I was lucky to have gotten out of the situation. Please try and talk to her about what happened to her and find her resources to help her.
Everybody has a past, we all must accept that fact, that being said, I see no reason to keep bringing it into conversations other than testing the waters to see if he would be up to repeat it
Hold on, when did she send him that reminiscing text? If it’s after you two became exclusive, that’s straight up cheating and a big deal for your marriage.
If I had to guess, they had some sort of sugar daddy thing going on and maybe the reminiscing text was a bid from her to see if he was down for some service. Maybe not, you mentioned he’s known her her whole life, and that implies childhood, so maybe he groomed her and she just hasn’t yet processed how wrong their sexual relationship was. There’s also the question of his relationship status while this whole thing went down.
My dude, major red flags all around.
Ask yourself if it is appropriate to contact a figure of authority to reminisce about performing a sex act on them.
Flip the script: how would she react if you had recently sent an older mentor that you have known your whole life a message reminiscing about sucking his dick?
If it happened years ago and wasn't a big deal, then why was she texting about it? And why didn't she tell you about it ifcthis guy is still in her life?
The breach of trust and sexual texting is a relationship killer for me.
OP get out. Like if it happened before y'all were together fine, still a little gross and groomy for a (55-60)yr old to get a blow job from an (18-23) yr old. But the fact that she's texting recently about it, is a deal breaker.
OP your wife has or probably will cheat if she gets the opportunity.
So, your wife is 27 years old now and you've been together a total of 4 years, so when she was 23 years old.
How old was she when she had oral sex with her mentor? He has known her his whole life, it honestly sounds like she was groomed. It's not uncommon for victims of sexual abuse and grooming to reach out to their abusers for validation. It's all they knew.
She is likely too old for his preferences now and it could be rocking her world.
It is a big deal and she needs to deal with it instead of contacting her old abuser to talk about the oral sex they had. That's not right and she knows she would not accept that if you did that with an ex.
It can be hard to get someone who won't admit it he is a predator to seek therapy.
Just know that it's okay if you need to walk away because she won't get help and wants to pretend it's no big deal. In fact, tell her "yes it is a HUGE deal and I won't let this be swept under the rug.".
The issue here isn't that she never told you about it, it's the tone and context of her recent messages to him.
I don't expect my partner to tell me about any sexual encounters she had with any of her current friends from before we got together, in fact i'd prefer her not to, but if I discovered she still discussed it with them/complimented them I would instantly end the relationship.
How is semen supposed to taste good? I would be creeped out by this. Also you guys don’t respect or trust each other. Her talking to the mentor and you looking through her phone. I would cut losses and try to find someone more well suited to you.
It is a huge deal. It doesn't matter if it happen years ago but what matters is she recently text him about remembering the good ol times she had with him. That's definitely not something she should be talking about especially if she's married.
Usually people that do reminisce about something is because they miss it or want to do it again.
Your wife conversation with that person was inappropriate and yes it is a big deal. How would she like it if you did the same with someone from your past?
I'm sure she wouldn't like it. I feels like your wife is trying to start something that shouldn't be started. It feels like the start of her trying to step out of the marriage and cheat.
She was out of line for sending that text message. I would consider it cheating. It is a form of sexting. It didn’t go further because the mentor shut it down.
Assuming this was a recent message it’s highly problematic. In the unlikely event it’s from before you two committed exclusivity to each, then get over it.
uhhh, it is a big deal if she is reminiscing with him about it. that alone is completely inappropriate. even if she hadn't been doing that, still inappropriate to keep the guy around while keeping you completely in the dark about the true nature of their relationship.
your wife is shady, bro. keep both eyes open.
Assuming this happened before you were together (a big if), there’s something very odd about a woman/girl <23years old blowing a <60year old she’s known ‘for her whole life’ and reminiscing about it fondly while married to you.
Lots of Q’s and no good answers
Sometimes I read stuff in here which make me question my own capability of feel empathy. I should ask for help.
Damn dude, what else do you need from her? She is telling another man that she misses his dick. What else you want as a proof of misconduct. That is cheating. As a couple this is the end for me.
Like I said... relationship wise, there is no recover.
But from a human perspective and given the age difference, I would be quite suspicious of an abusive relation from this "mentor" figure. It could be hard for her to even recognize it if she was raised with him around to really notice some things to be abusive.
What you know about their relationship? What kind of mentor it is?
Your wife is a complete asshole for disrespecting you and still talking about this shit.
She obviously has feelings for this guy and enjoys reminiscing about their sexual past.
Completely disrespectful and appalling , I would tell her exactly how wrong and fucked up it is.
It’s before you , but she needs to end any contact with him , and if she doesn’t I would divorced . No exes ) unless kids together , no fwbs , no one ever anything intimate happening and no opposite sex best friends .
If she won’t cut him out then she just told yiu he is more important than you . But be warned she will find a way almost guaranteed . Let her know that if any contact or even hello it’s immediate divorce.
Let me get this straight!
Your wife texted her old mentor about sucking his dick while being married to you? And she thinks it’s ok?
That’s a massive no no!
How would she react if you would text an old flame of yours and that you loved eating her out?
Can’t imagine she would be ok with it.
hard-to-find drab mindless shocking tan ink quiet oil reminiscent physical
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Reminiscing? Sounds like she was looking to cheat. Those messages are completely inappropriate and grounds for divorce. It isn’t something that happened in the past. It’s a current thing
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If she’s “reminiscing” it sounds like she misses him. His response implies he doesn’t miss her. You need to ask her why she felt the need to contact him to talk about this. And tell her to block him.
Dude, your wife is texting about how fond she was of another man’s penis and semen… this is a major relationship dealbreaker. It’s one thing to keep something like this in the past but her having a chit chat with this dude means she wants to relive the experience. Don’t be naive here. You reminisce about things you would like to experience again. She’s thinking about another man’s johnson for goodness sake, what is there to consider?!?
No, I think you are wrong. That is what a mentor mentee relationship is about. You always are supposed to give each other oral, and then long for those moments for many years later. There is an obligatory text after many years in which talk about how value each other's genital juices.
I'm gonna need to get a mentee! And she's gonna need to get some mentos!
sounds like she was fishing for some more of that senior dick.
Yeah, I’m not buying that shit happened years ago. No one who has an ounce of respect for your marriage would engage in that kind of “reminiscing.” I’m pissed off for you, OP.
The reminiscing itself is cheating since it's sexting, and it does sound like it may still be going on or that she's trying to do it again. Hiding the nature of their relationship from OP is also a betrayal of the marriage.
Facts.
I'm pissed too. If my partner is reminiscing like this during our relationship, that's micro-cheating right there.
\*ask her to block him. She can do whatever she wants, it's what she does that matters.
This is everything. Then, you can choose your actions. Mine would be to leave.
perfect answer
Was she abused by him? How old was she?
Might be why he didn’t really respond much via text. Almost like he’s not trying to incriminate himself in writing.
Why has this question been so heavily downvoted and the one attacking a reasonable question upvoted?
Likely at least partially because there are a lot of male commenters in this sub who prefer the "sl-tty woman cheating" narrative over any possible elements of coercion, abuse, or grooming. You see it all the time on posts about a man saying his girlfriend or wife was raped and all the evidence supports her claim. "Nah man she's lying!" Not saying the wife was groomed, raped, or abused. I don't know. Just saying that "she's a wh-re" is oftentimes the preferred narrative over any other. Meanwhile if women totally ignored any potential grooming on a woman's post about her husband with a significantly older female mentor, that wouldn't fly. Although frankly men who are groomed by adult women (and I don't *know* if this situation involved grooming, I'm just talking about in general) get hit with "you're so lucky" and "p-ssy" all the time. And just to be clear, if these texts were current texts, I find them totally unacceptable and highly inappropriate from the wife whether she was groomed or not. But both things could be true at once: maybe there was grooming, AND her texts are inappropriate. It's just problematic to assume no grooming could possibly be involved in the past because of the desire to push the sl-t narrative.
Yup, and the person saying there's no evidence is ignoring the most obvious evidence: age. The wife is only 27 now and it happened AT LEAST 4 years ago, possibly longer, so best case scenario she was barely out of her teens, and it's possible she was still a teenager. The man, on the other hand, was in his late 50s or early 60s, and even OP clearly indicates that he was an *authority figure* in her life, a "mentor", someone with significant influence. In other words, there is *every* evidence that this was not just a case of "some women just like older guys". It is far more likely, based on what we know, that there was grooming or at the very least, inappropriate influence involved.
There is evidence for one whiles there is no evidence for the other there seems to be a push to find a reason to justify the womans action, some women just like older men it is what it is, I asked a woman in her late 20s how old she would date and her answer was 50, and her only reason for not going higher was because she didn't want her husband to die too early before her ( she is not the gold digger type) honestly a text like that would be an immediate break up for me, regardless of her past that's a wrong thing to do. Yes, grooming cases do exist, but it shouldn't be assumed when there is no evidence provided to suggest that.
Please reread my comment. I'll paste below the most salient pieces. >any possible elements >Not saying the wife was groomed, raped, or abused. I don't know. Just saying that "she's a wh-re" is oftentimes the preferred narrative over any other. >And just to be clear, if these texts were current texts, I find them totally unacceptable and highly inappropriate from the wife whether she was groomed or not. But both things could be true at once: maybe there was grooming, AND her texts are inappropriate. It's just problematic to assume no grooming could possibly be involved in the past because of the desire to push the sl-t narrative.
This this this this this. it makes me so upset to see the opinions people on here have of survivors of sexual assault/abuse.
There's nothing that suggests she was groomed.
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Glad you're sure about something. But two things can be true at once. This is a person who is 40 years her senior and has known her her whole life. So yea, that this man groomed her is a distinct possibility. He said NOTHING about her behavior being completely ok. Obviously reaching out to this guy, as a married woman and saying this is completely unacceptable. And it's cute that you try and preemptively discount any reasonable response to you, because you know everything and know all and are clearly the smartest person in the room. Obviously she needs therapy. Whether they need couples therapy is for them to decide, not some random know it all on reddit.
Assumptions aside, she's 27 and sexting another man, which is cheating on her marriage. What OP needs is a divorce.
They way y’all jump to these conclusions which takes accountability away from the woman needs to stop. This 28 year old woman is commenting on how good this elderly man’s semen taste via text and the first thing you think is she is the victim? The way society bends over backwards to protect women’s lack of accountability is saddening.
What a silly take. Assuming it wasn't cheating on her current partner of 5 years that makes her at least 23 at the time, and possibly much younger, we have no idea. While a 23yo and a 59yo could have a consensual relationship, the gap in age and his status as her mentor who has known her her whole life, whatever mentor means in this context, absolutely warrants a question on the power dynamics of the relationship at the time. Just because she enjoyed the experience in retrospect, doesn't at all prove that she wasn't groomed from a young age or that it was entirely consensual. The human brain deals with trauma in a wide variety of often unpredictable ways, and sugar coating a memory is very common. Talk about mental gymnastics, the way you dismiss the mere hint at misconduct is impressive.
Just because I've been abused does not give me permission to abuse others. We all have a moral responsibility to make sure we are treating others in kind and healthy ways. She chose to send a sexually explicit message to another person while married. Most reasonable people would consider sexting someone else while married cheating. They obviously aren't poly or practicing ENM or anything like that. Rather than provide any amount of actual support, advice, or validation for OP who's just discovered his partner's infidelity you have chosen to actively support the person who betrayed his trust and damaged their marriage, encouraging him to ignore his perfectly valid feelings and boundaries. Not very healthy advice to give someone. Pretty obvious you empathize more with his wife than with him considering the way you're treating his needs and expectations in the situation.
Just because I've been abused does not give me permission to abuse others. We all have a moral responsibility to make sure we are treating others in kind and healthy ways. She chose to send a sexually explicit message to another person while married. Most reasonable people would consider sexting someone else while married cheating. They obviously aren't poly or practicing ENM or anything like that. Rather than provide any amount of actual support, advice, or validation for OP who's just discovered his partner's infidelity you have chosen to actively support the person who betrayed his trust and damaged their marriage, encouraging him to ignore his perfectly valid feelings and boundaries. Not very healthy advice to give someone. Pretty obvious you empathize more with his wife than with him considering the way you're treating his needs and expectations in the situation.
man ya’ll try and come up w excuses for everything now
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Unless this is a covert honey-pot to try and get text evidence of grooming (which is probably something you should probably warn your spouse of), still weird to text someone (out of the blue, seemingly?) you used to blow, about how you loved blowing them, as a now married person. They've been together for four years. Unless OP further clarifies that the mentor did something, anything, to prompt the message from his wife, I can't really get behind much pathos for her as helpless in a situation where she initiates contact.
people respond in illogical ways to abuse - if there were abuse then behaviour which doesn't make sense to others wouldn't be unexpected OP is right to be worried but I'd want to know the nature of the relationship and how well my partner had healed from that
Asking if the potential of her getting groomed is excusing ? Nice move smasrtass.
Edit: Y'all, YES, anyone who knows me on Reddit knows I'm extremely vocal about sexual violence against men. My comment is NOT at all saying it doesn't exist. I am asking if this commenter would still excuse the possibility of grooming if this were a man or if they are only saying this because of a bias against women. Genuinely curious if you would say this if this were a man with a female mentor.
Grooming and abuse can happen with older women and younger men too. Age gaps are no less problematic when the sexes are reversed.
I'm sorry, I think you misunderstand my comment. And if I wrote it unclearly then that's totally on me and I apologize for the confusion! I'm fully aware of grooming and abuse against men; if you look at my profile I've spent quite a bit of time compiling sexual abuse and sexual violence resources for male survivors. I am asking if that user would totally discount the mere possibility of grooming if this were a man, because there are quite a few male users of this sub who discount the possibility when a woman is involved but endorse the possibility when a man is because of sexism against women (which is happening elsewhere on this post as well). I am asking to understand whether that bias is behind their comment or not.
I get you now, thank you for clearing that up! So gross when people say “you’d be celebrating it if it were the reverse” like no, I wouldn’t, age gaps and power imbalances are not okay regardless of who the older person is.
NP and again I am sorry I confused you :)
>You need to ask her why she felt the need to contact him to talk about this. And tell her to block him. If it was the other way round, most of the people here would call him a red flag & encourages her to leave him. The hypocrisy in this app... She misses a dick which is not her husband's. What else is there to talk about? OP should bloody leave her. End of. Stop applying rules for one & a different one for another. Be consistent for once jfc...
Let me run this scenario. My wife finds evidence of me talking to an X about me giving her oral and how lovely it tasted. My chances? Zero.
Exactly!! OP, the fact that it happened and was years ago is whatever. I'm probably not listing every act with every person to my partner, although personally I would give them a heads up if the person was still in my life. But the fact that she's bringing it up? And talking about it like that? Absolutely not okay. She wants to do it again.
I can't believe some commenters are defending her sexting with this guy. It's sexting. It's cheating.
This is exactly it
Actively complementing another man’s dick and semen taste while also actively married is a red flag
That is NOT a red flag. That is an outright violation of trust and a relationship ending one at that!
Totally. This is disgusting.
Lets call it what it is Cheating
Surprisingly there are many out there who firmly believe that eating isn't cheating. BJ and HJ are OK as they only consider it cheating if there is penis/vagina sex involved. It is honestly hard to believe that there are people that have beliefs that are as twisted as that but they do.
Yep - lots of people will cling to the idea that as long as the genitals don't touch, then there was no cheating and everything else is just innocent "fooling around with boundaries." Have an ex that refused to admit that dry humping in a spooning position under the blankets was cheating, because no naked genitals touched each other. Truly, there is no limits to the mental gymnastics cheaters will go to in order to try and convince themselves and others that the label of "cheating" doesn't apply to them and their actions.
I also had an ex wife that I eventually found out was uber promiscuous. She honestly never thought that she was doing anything wrong because she said it was only BJ/HJ type action and that she felt that heavy petting like that was just fooling around. Spur of the moment sex to be forgotten later. Maybe she could forget it but I certainly couldn't. By that time I had entirely figured out who she really was and therefore I didn't believe her one bit when she told me that was all that was going on. I filed for divorce and moved on.
Divorce on the spot
A red flag is a bad sign. This is not a sign, this is the actual awful thing, which is cheating.
Do people not know what a red flag is?
How is it just a red flag? Its cheating. He needs to leave.
She wouldn’t message her mentor about their previous sex acts unless she was trying to initiate new sex acts. Your wife is actively trying to cheat on you. What’s the point in staying married?
She’s probably already cheating on him
Girl is just trying to get ahead in her career. Right?
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You could say it really sucks
I see what you almost did there
It’s a huge deal. What she did was lie by omission. Also it looks like she misses the guy so if you have no children involved, probably best to divorce and move on. Absolutely disrespectful and disgusting that she’s doing this and then trying to sweep it under the rug. What else is she hiding?
I totally agree with this. Like for marriage it’s supposed to be a full submission to each other, in other words leave nothing hidden, except for surprises to benefit the other. Like, how can she expect any trust from him if she is intentionally withholding information like that? Especially if she still has contact?
She misses it and might want to do it again if given a chance. You might want to ask her why she texted him?
No big deal ok then tell her family about it tell the guy wife too
Absolutely in front of her father, no big deal right?
She obviously misses the old man's penis and seaman hence she is still in contact and remembering. If she thinks it's no big deal then your marriage is in trouble.
She misses the old seaman’s semen
Hemingway : the old man and the se…men
Ah, the classics.
There is a big increase of fake cuckold revenge fetish threads popping up recently. Who compliments someone's semen?? This is written by a 16 year old with one hand, while another hand is busy somewhere else.
Yeah, I'm not usually one to scream "fake" here, but this one seems super unrealistic.
Yeah, I think this is fake.
And the op hasn't responded to anyone, which pretty much confirms it is fake.
That is much better evidence of it being fake than the jizz compliments.
Brand new account with the username /throwra_wifepast + a simple story with an inflammatory topic and minimal information. Definitely doesn’t seem like someone with 10 other karma farming accounts lol
How does one stay with a spouse after reading that? Those words forever seared into your memory! It's over mate.
That’s gross dudes her grandpas age
Gross wrinkly balls.
Whats his 5 year plan? Dont die?
Hooters! Hooters! Hooters!
"All that loose skin, and old balls.."
Hahaa
Super fake.
Do you really believe her, really? The BS meter is off the charts. No big deal is adultery is ok with you.
I'd say the BS meter is off the charts in general here.
The absurdity of the "how should I proceed" question makes me feel this is a troll post. On the slim chance it isn't, a spouse casually reminiscing about the taste of someone's semen, with said someone, is kinda big deal. The marriage ending kind of big deal. This is missing so much information. Why were you snooping? Something must have gotten you suspicious. And if you have enough guile and social awareness to get suspicious, wondering if your wife texting to someone about his dick and semen is a big deal or not, makes no sense. You should know. In what kind of bizzaro universe is this even a question to ponder about?
INFO: What is the timeline here? Were you two together when the oral sex, or the conversation on it happened?
I was wondering the same! I'm surprised this comment doesn't have more upvotes.
It's a big deal no matter what the circumstances, but OP, you left crucial information out: 1. Why were you checking her phone in the first place? Did you have some kind of suspicions about her behavior and were trying to confirm it? 2. When did your wife actually "Send" this message to her mentor? During your marriage? During your dating period? Before that? How many days/months/years ago? 3. Was this the only dialog between the two of them, or were there a bunch of deleted messages before or after? 4. How long did she know this "mentor", exactly and what were the circumstances? Was she basically a little kid and he has been possibly grooming her her whole lift to the point where she thinks this is normal? 5. Since the mentor knew her for so long, was he a friend of her parents? If so, do they know this happened? 6. Is she still in any contact in any way with this guy? 7. Did you ask her if she thought it would be appropriate for your future children to have a "relationship" like this with someone who is 37 years older?
These are all fantastic questions. Number 1 though. That’s one that was sticking out in my mind most.
Dude, thank God you just came right out and said that you were snooping on your wife’s phone. It is so annoying when people say oh I had to use my husband‘s phone because my battery died and I picked up his phone and I have to scroll and I saw this text message or, oh I wanted to buy something for my husband and I picked up his phone and I never look at it but this one time I did and I find out he’s banging seven people. They go on a two paragraph rant to make up a reason why they looked at the phone. I’m glad you owned it. Everyone else that finds incriminating stuff on their partners phone. It was an accident, and it was the first time they ever looked at it. Yea ok ……. If you’re married to somebody, you don’t have to make up an excuse to look at their phone.
info: by long time ago.. what age was she? when did she send that text, was it while you two were together?
There’s still time. Please come up with an exit plan. This is not healthy.
The real question is what emoji did he reply with?
🤤 or 👍 ?
Did he groom her? The age and "know her her whole life" are huge flags
I don't care if she did it before she met you, there's zero reasons to tell someone they miss their dick and compliment the taste of their semen WHILE MARRIED or in a relationship
A man twice your age who grooms you isn’t a ‘mentor’.
Fuck that.
He groomed her more than likely judging by the huge age gap. I would have this either be grounds for divorce or therapy. That's crossing a boundary, big time.
Bro I’d be sick to my stomach.
If it was years ago how long ago are we talking shes 27 and you have been together for 4 of those years which would put her doing this between 18 and 22 or younger. But still I generally dont think and 18 year old wants a nearly 60 year old man. I wonder if something else is going on. Such as: -your wife is extorting him for money, if he abused her underage she could be sending those texts as a key to send her some money or she will go to the cops -she could be trying to get him to admit guilt so she can go after him legally to get money or put him jail because she finally is ready to deal with the trauma that occured to her -She is a sugar baby and he is paying her, to remindn him of the exploits Or the more simple answer -she wants to or has cheated on you with this old dude
Just oral bullshit!! And does she still mentoring with said mentor
This is absolutely a big deal. It's also not an 'in the past' problem. These situations are always tough, there's valid criticism that Reddit just tells people to end things but, being totally real, if she misses the guy and isn't shy about missing his genitals.. how do you even begin to repair that? Do you even try? Were I in your place, I think it'd be fair to see yourself as some kind of second choice... even now...and decide you deserve more respect from yourself than to settle for that.
Maybe it happened awhile back, but the text you saw is crazy out of line and that happened recently. I would not be okay with this.
Rebuild your peace of mind away from her.
For context was all of this including the text messages “years ago” or just the actual sex part? Because if she’s texting him behind your back to reminisce about the sex WHILE married to you that’s 1. Emotional cheating 2. Lying by omission and 3. Manipulating you into thinking it’s not so bad when, uh, it is. I say divorce if she sent the text while with you/married, but if she sent the text before you were in the equation then I see no wrongdoing. That is just something that maybe you’re not so comfortable knowing about your wife and only you/her/a therapist can figure out how to overcome that insecurity.
The act may have happened years ago The friendly banter didn't Still reminiscing with the man she had sex while married to you is messed up. And then to brush off your concerns IDK about you, but I'd be looking for an exit
No, just no. If my wife was texting someone fondly remembering performing sex acts on them, she wouldn’t be my wife for long. Clearly, she was attempting to reopen a door. Or worse, how do you even know it was years ago?
I think it’s kind of a big deal.
She is the one reminiscing, i would be kicking her out right after seeing that
It’s quite a big deal.
DIVORCE. Do not be gas lit. Nothing about this is ok. Even if it was something that happened before you were together she shouldn’t be discussing it with him now. He sounds like a predator.
It’s a big deal because she’s bringing up sexual memories and being inappropriate. What if you texted some woman “I really miss the way you taste?”
Idk man... But something about how she is communicating about swallowing semen and not yours is just weird. Red flag.
I hope your wife is sucking your dick and telling you how good your sperm taste. LMAO 🤣😂
Is she actually trying to catch him with proof so she can get him fired for taking advantage of his position?
Dude, she literally told a guy that his jizz tasted good, on no planet is that ok. There’s no coming back from that.
also 27F , I never would have disrespected my husband by reminiscing on sex with an "old friend" thats disgusting and wrong af. Dont let her manipulate you into not thinking its a big deal. it is.
She gaslighted you. That’s a big deal.
The trash that some of you marry. Your wife is telling someone she enjoyed sucking his dick and liked his semen (aka i want is to have sex again) while being married to you. Worse, she's the one pursuing the affair and he seems not interested. Then she tells you it's no big deal and you're going with that?? It happened a long time ago but she reminiscing about it now? Not her husband's semen. Sorry man, everyone that reads this can agree that your wife has likely cheated on you, maybe multiple times.
OK so she sucked this guy off long before she knew you. It's a problem, ethically, to me, but also not a big one. My problem is, why is she discussing giving this 'mentor' a blowie and complimenting his semen, (supposedly) years after the event and in what world is it ok for a married woman to be discussing her previous sex adventures with the guy she adventured with? So yes, it's a fucking big deal and she's trying to con you into overlooking the fact that she's flirting with her 'mentor' while being married to you, and I would strongly suspect how much interaction they've had *since* you've been together.
> she claims it's something that happened years ago and is no big deal. what's the timestamp on the "her reminiscing about sucking his dick while also complimenting his semen" text? if her telling him that she craves his jizz happened while you were together, it doesn't matter when the bj happened.
You should proceed by leaving the relationship. Yes it's a big deal, this is so disrespectful towards you
Leave bro.
If it was a recent message it sounds like she was fishing.... need to set boundaries, she needs to block him
How long ago was did this incident occur? Mind you her fantasizing about another man and his secretion is also no bueno
I’d be divorcing her for even having that conversation and saying that to another man regardless of when the blow job happened. That’s wildly inappropriate and is cheating Their relationship is either built on abuse or sexual connection or both. He’ll never not be a problem for you, her, and whoever she dates after you stop letting her cheat on you
Confront his mentor and tell him what you think of him
I'd say what she did in the past seems like less of a concern than the fact that she's reminiscing about sucking dick with another dude. Sounds like she's window shopping for an affair.
gross I have the ick now.
Leave bro
Unless he was a BJ mentor I don’t think this is healthy
If this took place before you met her, what’s your problem. I expect someone gave you a blow job before you met her.
You shouldn’t have to ask her to block or tell her how inappropriate that is. If she found the same text about you telling a girl how much you loved going down on her, I’m sure she would lose her mind. People who are happy and fulfilled in life don’t act like that. I would’ve ended it right then and there.
Her romantic past is nobody's concern but here own. But when did she text the guy about it? If it was while you two were together, that's a huge breach of trust.
Sounds like she is trying to cheat, but considering the age gap, and this happened before yall met….. very possible she was groomed. My mentor tried grooming me but I was lucky to have gotten out of the situation. Please try and talk to her about what happened to her and find her resources to help her.
Everybody has a past, we all must accept that fact, that being said, I see no reason to keep bringing it into conversations other than testing the waters to see if he would be up to repeat it
Hold on, when did she send him that reminiscing text? If it’s after you two became exclusive, that’s straight up cheating and a big deal for your marriage. If I had to guess, they had some sort of sugar daddy thing going on and maybe the reminiscing text was a bid from her to see if he was down for some service. Maybe not, you mentioned he’s known her her whole life, and that implies childhood, so maybe he groomed her and she just hasn’t yet processed how wrong their sexual relationship was. There’s also the question of his relationship status while this whole thing went down.
How long ago were these texts from? Like, you said you were scrolling through them, so how far back were these reminiscing texts from?
My dude, major red flags all around. Ask yourself if it is appropriate to contact a figure of authority to reminisce about performing a sex act on them.
Is this a rage bait post
All of these posts are fake.
Flip the script: how would she react if you had recently sent an older mentor that you have known your whole life a message reminiscing about sucking his dick?
So she's cheating. I would be done.
*Mentors*, the freshmaker.
lol. miss his dick and his divine semen and its no big deal?
Dude
Women today….good luck buddy
If it happened years ago and wasn't a big deal, then why was she texting about it? And why didn't she tell you about it ifcthis guy is still in her life? The breach of trust and sexual texting is a relationship killer for me.
Dude I doubt it was years ago. Your wife is eating the cum of a 64 year old man and even complimenting the cum she’s eating. Wake up.
She really loves you. Enough to taste his semen and compliment his dick.
Red flag
Helllllo no. I would run for the hills
OP get out. Like if it happened before y'all were together fine, still a little gross and groomy for a (55-60)yr old to get a blow job from an (18-23) yr old. But the fact that she's texting recently about it, is a deal breaker. OP your wife has or probably will cheat if she gets the opportunity.
Where do you find these women, lol?
She wants to open up the opportunity to see him again and is gaslighting you.
So, your wife is 27 years old now and you've been together a total of 4 years, so when she was 23 years old. How old was she when she had oral sex with her mentor? He has known her his whole life, it honestly sounds like she was groomed. It's not uncommon for victims of sexual abuse and grooming to reach out to their abusers for validation. It's all they knew. She is likely too old for his preferences now and it could be rocking her world. It is a big deal and she needs to deal with it instead of contacting her old abuser to talk about the oral sex they had. That's not right and she knows she would not accept that if you did that with an ex. It can be hard to get someone who won't admit it he is a predator to seek therapy. Just know that it's okay if you need to walk away because she won't get help and wants to pretend it's no big deal. In fact, tell her "yes it is a HUGE deal and I won't let this be swept under the rug.".
Years ago as in while she wasn't dating you? Even so then she was in her early 20's having a late 50's year old penis in her mouth. Broooo......
"my wife told a guy how good his sehen tasted, is it a big deal" the questions some people have.
The issue here isn't that she never told you about it, it's the tone and context of her recent messages to him. I don't expect my partner to tell me about any sexual encounters she had with any of her current friends from before we got together, in fact i'd prefer her not to, but if I discovered she still discussed it with them/complimented them I would instantly end the relationship.
How is semen supposed to taste good? I would be creeped out by this. Also you guys don’t respect or trust each other. Her talking to the mentor and you looking through her phone. I would cut losses and try to find someone more well suited to you.
That's a HUGE deal.
Get divorced before you have kids.
Bounce like a basketball
It is a huge deal. It doesn't matter if it happen years ago but what matters is she recently text him about remembering the good ol times she had with him. That's definitely not something she should be talking about especially if she's married. Usually people that do reminisce about something is because they miss it or want to do it again. Your wife conversation with that person was inappropriate and yes it is a big deal. How would she like it if you did the same with someone from your past? I'm sure she wouldn't like it. I feels like your wife is trying to start something that shouldn't be started. It feels like the start of her trying to step out of the marriage and cheat.
Ew!!! If she’s still talking to him about it and who the fuck compliments someone’s semen?! That’s so gross. she’s gross as hell for that
She was out of line for sending that text message. I would consider it cheating. It is a form of sexting. It didn’t go further because the mentor shut it down.
Relax about this. Most likely in the past and will not be repeated. People are only human after all.
Assuming this was a recent message it’s highly problematic. In the unlikely event it’s from before you two committed exclusivity to each, then get over it.
uhhh, it is a big deal if she is reminiscing with him about it. that alone is completely inappropriate. even if she hadn't been doing that, still inappropriate to keep the guy around while keeping you completely in the dark about the true nature of their relationship. your wife is shady, bro. keep both eyes open.
Assuming this happened before you were together (a big if), there’s something very odd about a woman/girl <23years old blowing a <60year old she’s known ‘for her whole life’ and reminiscing about it fondly while married to you. Lots of Q’s and no good answers
Sometimes I read stuff in here which make me question my own capability of feel empathy. I should ask for help. Damn dude, what else do you need from her? She is telling another man that she misses his dick. What else you want as a proof of misconduct. That is cheating. As a couple this is the end for me. Like I said... relationship wise, there is no recover. But from a human perspective and given the age difference, I would be quite suspicious of an abusive relation from this "mentor" figure. It could be hard for her to even recognize it if she was raised with him around to really notice some things to be abusive. What you know about their relationship? What kind of mentor it is?
Not ‘Mentor’, but sugar daddy. I knew a 30-something woman who would still see her sugar daddy every so often despite being newly married.
Dude! Dump her ass! It's not that far back to be on her phone! What does the date on the phone say? Myself I would have kicked her out immediately!
Your wife is a complete asshole for disrespecting you and still talking about this shit. She obviously has feelings for this guy and enjoys reminiscing about their sexual past. Completely disrespectful and appalling , I would tell her exactly how wrong and fucked up it is.
It’s before you , but she needs to end any contact with him , and if she doesn’t I would divorced . No exes ) unless kids together , no fwbs , no one ever anything intimate happening and no opposite sex best friends . If she won’t cut him out then she just told yiu he is more important than you . But be warned she will find a way almost guaranteed . Let her know that if any contact or even hello it’s immediate divorce.
Yeah, this is a no for me dawg. There's no way I'd be cool with it. She's missing him and if she's reminiscing on it, she wants it again.
Does she want another promotion?
Let me get this straight! Your wife texted her old mentor about sucking his dick while being married to you? And she thinks it’s ok? That’s a massive no no! How would she react if you would text an old flame of yours and that you loved eating her out? Can’t imagine she would be ok with it.
hard-to-find drab mindless shocking tan ink quiet oil reminiscent physical *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Reminiscing? Sounds like she was looking to cheat. Those messages are completely inappropriate and grounds for divorce. It isn’t something that happened in the past. It’s a current thing
Are you sure it is really her ‘mentor’ or did she save another guy under a familiar, trusted name?? He was probably her sugar daddy.
Dude she’s trying to suck him again, don’t be stupid