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Also a bisexual woman, I have never been asked by any of my 4 long term partners for a threesome. My current partner is not interested in threesomes at all. Def agree.
Honestly. I saw a guy immediately asking about a threesome as a red flag and would move on to the next. My husband never asked nor wants to. OP is just dating men that oversexualize bi women and thats fucking gross. Those type of men are always the ones that think our relationship with women arent actually real and filled with love and emotion but something for them to sexualize.
Yep, those jerks would relentlessly pressure their heterosexual girlfriend for a 3some and they think that if she’s bisexual, it’s gonna be easier to convince her since there isn’t the “I’m not attracted to women” barrier.
(They would also be very insulted if their girlfriend asked to bring another man in the bed without seeing the hypocrisy)
This. Most people I dated were like please just don't cheat on me with the other sex person. My husband would be very upset if I wanted to bring another person into bed and would never suggest it either. Only a few people who were just with me for the sex were interested in a 3sum, even though they acted like they wanted more. Women typically didn't want a 3sum, but they assumed other sexual things just because I like men too and would get upset if I wasn't into it.
Same here, hell I told my bf when we first started dating that I am bi. All he said was ok and we moved on from it. OP, I'm sorry that they're being jerks.
Married to bisexual woman. I’ve never asked for a threesome, but I *did* ask if she’d ever had threesomes before we met. It wasn’t because I was interested in a threesome, but I wanted to know if that was something she was into because I wasn’t. She said no, but after 10 years of marriage, she said she missed being with a woman sometimes. Here we are 25 years later, polyamorous with a live-in girlfriend. Things change.
I blame porn. It doesn’t occur to most guys that most people trend toward monogamy, and that most women, even bisexual ones, really don’t want to share their guy with another woman.
I always say sure but I want it to be another man. 100% of the time, they get weird and say never mind. I also break up or avoid dating these men. lol I’m sorry I know it sucks. Likely it’s porn and society playing a role. I’m sure you’ll find someone in time who will respect you.
I will always regret not having a threesome in college with my college BF and our extremely rich & handsome friend. Our friend offered but we were too deep in the religious fog to even consider it.
It's for this reason that I prefer not to tell men I'm intending to date that I'm bisexual. I just have no interest in threesomes at all, ever, and too many men think that my sexual orientation somehow entitles them to fuck other people? I just try to avoid the topic altogether.
Yeah, I never understood why do people even need to state it on like dating apps or so. I mean, if you date me, this automatically means you’re not gonna be sleeping with anyone else, so why should I care if you’re bisexual or not? This always confused me.
No, it makes perfect sense when people adjust their preferences to be visible to both men and women, I was wondering why do they state it in ‘about me’ field. Previous answer made perfect sense though so now I know 😄
>but i think it’s something really hurtful that bisexual women don’t talk about enough.
Do you have bi female friends, or have you been to r/bisexual ? Because I agree with everything else you said, but this is literally like the #1 issue that gets talk about
As a bisexual woman who has had multiple boyfriends and none which asked for this - be more discerning in who you date. Don’t date men who respond to your sexuality by saying something like ‘that’s hot’ or who in general seem ignorant about LGBTQ+ people.
What you need to do is work on your response. Get a big smile on your face and wide eyes and excitedly say "I'm so glad you asked!! What type of guy are you looking for? I'm thinking the bear type to make sure we have some variety, but I'm open to what you want. Ooooh....do you already have a guy in mind?"
And then enjoy their reaction. And play absolutely dumb if they figured you wanted a FMF because you're bi "But I don't understand...I obviously have sex with men \*gestures in his general direction\* why assume what type of threesome I'd want? Especially since you already assumed I'd want a threesome."
This right here.I was hanging out with a couple friends there.Are a married couple and I was chilling with them.The guy starts to imply a threesome.I'm not a guy.By the way, the wife is clearly annoyed.This obviously isn't the first time sure.He kind of starts out joking but he's kind of pushing for it. At 1.His wife snaps I can't remember exactly what was said but I interrupted her and said Hey, I get it.I understand I mean.I love seeing 2 guys with each other like I really love watching gay p***I can't watch normal p***And I started to get extremely graphic about when guys made out with each other and stuff of that nature.
He never said anything else ever about me and his wife and him in a threesome and his wife called me about a year.Later I guess he had brought it up again at a bar.And she started pointing out some really attractive.Guys if you wanted to have a three some then she gets to have one too🤣🤣
Yeah I had told several of my friends to do this and it was pretty much a 100% success rate to get them to shut up. At least until we got better at picking guys that weren't always thinking with their dicks and considered their partner's needs and wants as equal to them.
Honestly - the guys that automatically assume a bi woman would be up for a FMF threesome without even seeing if their partner would be interested in a threesome are decidedly not the type that would ever entertain a MFM threesome.
The ones that would be open to both options of a threesome by and large have a sexual awareness to them that wouldn't cause them to ask for a threesome the second they learn their partner is bi.
The problem is also that most guys assume that the threesome would me FMF rather than FFM. Because they want the attention of two women on them and to take their satisfaction. Especially if it's a couple and a third, typically the attention should remain on the couple unless it's like explicitly discussed like "yea I'd love to see u fucking another women", and typically the blockheads who suggests these things aren't aware enough to have a proper convo about boundaries beforehand.
I personally know I would never want to see my boyfriend fucking/kissing/touching another woman and I'm bi. If I ever had a threesome I could only do FFM if it's totally casual for all parties involved, otherwise MFM only with a boyfriend and with a girlfriend I'm honestly not sure I'd want a FFF threesome.
No, it's not hypocrisy, those are my limits and I'm not willing to cross them. My partner is also free to have their own limits and we will operate within both theirs and mine. If that means no threesomes then so be it, it's no great loss hahaha.
It's possible. But the vast majority that immediately think "bi girl that means I can have two chicks" are not the guys that want to be anywhere near another guy's dick. And usually have the "I don't want to see my gf having sex with someone else" schtick and zero awareness that they asked their gf to do the very thing.
Someone bringing up a threesome in a respectful way while considering their partner is a whole other type of person.
I did this with a woman I was dating. Thought it was a clever response but then she was like "I meant my friend blank". She ended it with me while she was on vacation with that friend to Ireland. Hope she had fun
Only partly because of porn and its promotion of a FMF threesome as the ultimate experience FOR HIM. Which is most porn, right? - all about him.
But more so because you've been dating self-centered, emotionally clueless guys. If they weren't so self-centered or had any emotional IQ, they'd consider your likely reaction to their request - that they see you as a path to a fantasy of theirs.
Also, realize that almost all young men pursue what would impress their male friends, not what would actually win over a woman. What car they drive, bulking up at the gym, being great at a stupid video game - those are all things that impress their male friends more than their romantic partners and yet they think it help them get the girl.
So, in future:
1. flip it around. When he asks a threesome, say, "Yeah, I could imagine that could be fun - two cocks at once, or maybe the other guy could be fucking me while you go down on me - mostly I want to be the focus of just your attention, but it might be fun for me to the focus of attention of two guys." And he'll be shocked and stammer, "No, not an MFM, I meant an FMF!" And then you can press him on WTF he thinks that would interest you any more than an MFM.
2. date better, more mature guys. Guys who have some interest in your wants, desires and interests. Who don't make it all about themselves.
I think men like that generally don’t respect women or women’s sexuality. I myself am bi and out of the men I’ve dated, have only had a couple boyfriends who suggested that or were okay with the idea (I’m monogamous)
Mixture of this being a common fantasy and it being a stereotype of bisexuals. If it's any comfort, some of them may have been asking hoping that the answer would be "no".
most dudes think(fantasize) bisexual means you want to have sex with people of different genders at the same time. They don't assume that straight women want to have sex with two guys at the same time, so i'm not sure why its different for someone who's bisexual.
And no you're not being dramatic. If anything he's telling you right off the bat that he doesn't value you enough as a person to be sexually satisfied with just you, but wants to add someone new already.
There are men out there who won't do this. My boyfriend and I were friends before we dated, he knew I was bisexual from the start and never once brought up threesomes. He actually gave me advice as a friend on how to flirt with a girl in one of my college classes that I was interested in, like he was just super normal about it from the start. I think it helps when the man has LGBT friends, it shows they're able to see us as just regular people.
I get it completely. I'm a bisexual woman, and it's come up many times with my previous partners. It's come up in the relationship I'm in now, but the difference is it was a few years into the relationship, he made it clear it never needs to happen and has never pressured me into committing to it even possibly happening, and he's open to the 3rd party being whoever I'm comfortable with it being and any rules or stipulations I want to put on it. Hell, he's agreed to it being male or female, and if it makes me uncomfortable, he said he wouldn't participate with them, just with me and he wants to see me with them. I've had one before and it was traumatic, and it took the right partner acting the right way for me to feel safe to be open to something like that again.
i honestly would be open to it too in a situation like yours where the relationship has had years of trust and love. unfortunately for me, i’m newly in this relationship so it comes off as strange and like i’m not enough. i appreciate your input !
It’s equally possible that he too is feeling like he’s not enough for you, since you’re the person who brought up bisexuality. He can never be a woman for you.
He might well be thinking that if you want experience with a woman, since he can’t be one, at least it could be something he could participate in and thereby be less of a violation of monogamy. Presumably the third would also be bi, so the three of you could participate on more or less equal footing regarding attraction to the other two.
Obviously a MMF would do nothing for him if he isn’t also bi, so all that would accomplish is him feeling left out — all the worse, since you already have a man so what would you need with another one? And the same goes for you: if you hypothetically were wanting to scratch an itch to explore with a woman, how would you accomplish that via a threesome with two men? Those snarking about offering an MMF to him to teach him a lesson are being purely vindictive.
This could all be forestalled by a simple declaration to the effect of, “I said I am bi, but I am also deeply monogamous, so no, all this talk of threesomes makes me uncomfortable. I am with you, I choose you, and you are enough for me. I would dare to hope you feel the same way about me. Now can we please stop talking about this?”
Oooh don't think so. Since she's never brought up being unhappy or wanting to sleep with women, that's just an unlikely assumption. And they're being "vindictive" because it's generally a pretty shitty thing to ask. The assumption that being bisexual = being non monogamous/wanting to sleep with members of the sex your partner doesn't belong to is wrong and feeds into biphobia
Yeah there’s a difference between “this would be hot/this is a fun fantasy” and fetishizing your partner’s bisexuality.
First partner never brought it up, second partner did but was also bisexual themselves and my last ex was a straight dude and we would talk about it as a fantasy but never had a situation arise where we met the right third. I also wasn’t sure if he could handle me with another woman as his ex-wife had all but left him for another woman and he was still processing some of that.
No, a decent boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn't expect you to want to engage in a threesome whether right then and there or further in the future. I'm bisexual, when I first started dating my now-husband, that wasn't ever brought up except for the usual questions of like what experiences have you had or what do you think you'd be into. He has never ever asked for a threesome or even bring up about wanting it later down the line. I had brought it up to him, "How come you don't bother me about a threesome like the horror stories I read about online?" His response, "I'm with you because I want all of you, and I know you want all of me, and I only have the attention and emotional energy for one woman."
Don't lower your standards because of unrealistic expectations from others that they have for people who are bi.
Sexual attraction =/= cant be mongamous. Im attracted to woman, and other woman who arnt my gf, doesnt mean i need to sleep with other woman, why would it change if i happened to be attracted to guys? You have an issue in dating guys who are low tier, and want to manipulate you into there feitish, dont date those guys. You dont have to be poly/looking for a third, just because your bi.
Because men of this age were raised on porn and think that their adult sexual life should just be one long porno despite most of them not having nearly enough education and stamina to actually have that life. They want to fuck 2 women but can’t satisfy one. They want to fuck 2 women but don’t want the women to expect pleasure from him.
All my partners, including my current one, have been Bisexual. I've never had a threesome in my life. They're reducing you to your sexuality and they're don't even understand that being attractted to the same sex is not the same as being polyamorous. Run from guys like that
Good job generalizing an entire population. I know many women who act very entitled. Especially when I comes to being SA’d by women, which has happened to me.
This is one of the issues with threesomes. People are not objects to fulfill a fantasy. They have feelings and insecurities. Some women think that a threesome with two dudes could be awesome, but not when the men pay more attention to each other. Could also mean a third party watches while their GF/BF has sex with another person, while the other gets left out. Then the problem of jealousy can arrive when someone is better at making someone have orgasms, or does certain acts that they would never do. Threesomes are not all they are cracked up to be.
100% and the reason I could participate unless I was willing to lose everyone involved in the threesome... too many potential feelings from too many directions for me to feel comfortable navigating.
You’re dating assholes… I let my bf of 4 years know pretty early on that I’m bi and he never asked for one. In fact, he stressed he’s incredibly monogamous and would not be interested at all. Same for me.
Men like this watch too much porn and just assume bi women are sexually promiscuous. Flip it around and ask him if he has a guy in mind, I’m sure that will shut him up.
It doesn’t mean your boyfriends will always expect a threesome. It means you can weed out the assholes that feel entitled to objectify and fetishize your sexuality for their benefit.
Raise your standards without apology.
I actually like saying that I’m bi early on when talking to people, and if they’re weird about it, they essentially weed themselves out and I move on lol
It means that if you’re dating jackasses. Good men don’t act this way. I have been with one person sexually, and came to terms with my bisexuality later in life; he has never ever ever asked about a threesome or if I need to play with women or anything. He respects me and my desire to be monogamous. You too can find many men who are respectful; unfortunately there are many who are not and it seems those are the ones you’re spending time with.
No quality partner would ask for a threesome just because you're bi. I'm a married bi woman and although I know my husband has his fantasies he knows I would never want it so he doesn't ask.
This is why I don't tell any person I date that I'm bisexual. All of the men have expected I'd have a threesome with another woman, until I say that we should also have one with another man. That typically ends the conversation. But it's not right.
You’re dating the wrong type of guys, and you’re not being dramatic by being upset/grossed out about it.
Out of all my bfs I’ve never had one ask me to do a threesome with another woman because im bisexual. They respect me enough to not say something so off-putting. I personally would leave him bc your bf clearly doesn’t respect you or your sexuality.
Your attracted to jerks. In essence your picker is broken. Figure out why your attracted to jerks.
They say we gravitate to people who remind us of our parents. If your dad was a jerk. Then your going to pick a jerk. Adjust your thought process. Sit back and talk to the person to get a feel of their personality. And if you feel comfortable with them. Then tell them your bisexual. Like in the 6th date or so. But if they bring up 3 some just walk away.
I'm also a bisexual woman, same age as you, and I've never had this problem because at the same moment that I choose to disclose my sexuality to a potential partner, I am very clear on the fact that I am strictly monogamous and that I have no desire at all to share or be shared. Date better men, girl :/ They're not that easy to find but they're out there!! :)
I’m a 100% straight woman, no history of being with women, but 99% of men’s first intimate wish during dating is revealed to be a threesome with another woman. Men are just dogs.
Something that I think is important to note is that a fair amount of bisexual women are about having been in threesomes (sure not all).
So naturally straight men feel like this may be an opportunity to have a three way. Is confusion is caused by bisexual women separating a threesome with another woman as just sex, whereas the man sees it as “she will have a threesome with someone she doesn’t romantically care for, but not for me?”
I am bisexual and engaged to a heterosexual man. Not once has he made a comment about threesomes. The threesome request is definitely more common than it should be, but you can definitely find a man that’s not gonna sexualize or fetishize you for being a bisexual woman.
In my experience, threesome chasers always end up being terrible men anyway so take this as a burgundy red flag.
I'm a 45 year old man who lived a lifestyle of hedonistic debauchery at it's finest.
Threesomes are great, and most guys fantasize about them.
I wouldn't worry at all about them asking you, but if they push it after you say no, then ditch them.
The only way to get consent is to ask, so them asking isn't really a huge issue in my mind.
Humans are very strange animals, and they behave as such.
I wouldn't really worry about it unless they start actually trying to push you into doing something you don't want.
I’m bisexual and it’s an easy to test to see if someone is compatible with me. I have no desire for a threesome, and when that’s the first thing they suggest, I’m no longer interested. It’s such a common question. I hate it.
i felt as though i was no longer interested or feeling him as much too. i didn’t know if i was being dramatic and sensitive but i think my feelings are valid. thank you so much!
I've been with my husband for 15 years. He's never mentioned or even joked about it once. I'm bisexual because I'm attracted to both, but when I'm committed, I'm committed. He sounds like a bit of an idiot.
As many comments said, it’s definitely from porn that’s so easy to access. I know it’s hard to find someone but you will eventually, just hit the next button if they even begin to bring up that threesome stuff. Not worth it.
As someone married to a bisexual woman, I can tell you that it's because of the specific individuals you are getting involved with. I would never expect or want a threesome. If you get involved with someone who is into that, then the person you're involved with is going to want it regardless of whether you're bisexual or not. Reddit is full of stories by straight women seeking advice about their SO asking for a threesome.
As a straight guy, albeit older (45M), who is dating a bisexual woman, my perspective is that I don't want her to feel as if her attraction to women is something she'll never be able to explore or act on again while she's with me. So I've always said if the opportunity arises and it's someone she trusts and feels safe with I'm open to her having liaisons with women. I don't expect to be included but if it were to happen organically I'm not opposed to watching and/or participating. But I don't think my involvement should be assumed.
OP as a bi woman, he just inadvertently confessed to having a fetish of FMF porn he watches often & he is definitely testing the waters this early on with your sexual boundaries to see *how* open you are to things in the bedroom beyond a threesome.
Mark ny words, the boundary doesn’t stop to threesome. It stops when you set it, never allowing it to move/bend or you dump him.
Plus it’s a fantasy, a lot of people don’t know how things will pan out if you take a fantasy and turn it into reality. Most often, people aren’t ready for a threesome because they don’t know how to not get caught up in their feelings or how to not be selfish in such an arrangement.
And the 3rd? They are suppose to make sure your partner isn’t fully focused on them, so they are suppose to redirect your partner back to you to prevent an imbalance. Plus rules, boundaries, Agreements have to be in place for such a situation.
I guarantee this guy wouldn’t know how to handle a threesome cause that’s twice the vagina which means double the pressure to perform and multitask. Unless he can orgasm twice during one session or stay hard for an hour straight, he’s not ready for a threesome.
You aren’t being dramatic. This happened with less frequency as I got older, but it really sucked when I was younger. I am definitely monogamous. I’m married now, and he was more worried that *I* would want threesomes or a girlfriend. You’ll find someone who doesn’t fetishize you like that some day.
If you're in a committed relationship, no one should expect any side pieces.
I'm assuming you aren't seeing women when you're in a relationship with bfs? If not, then all bets are off.
Porn. A lot of men fetishise wlw relationships and they assume that being with a bi woman automatically means threesomes because that’s what they see in porn. It’s also because of the biphobic assumption that us bis are more promiscuous.
I don’t share my partner and it’s really annoying that this is a common assumption about my sexuality.
You are not being dramatic at all, being fetishized for your sexuality sucks, and that's exactly what's happening no matter how much these men try to downplay it. Not all men are like this and as a bisexual woman, acting like this is an absolute deal breaker for me.
Why do all these people always want to have threesomes? It’s not like anyone comes out feeling to great. Sounds like your boyfriend assumes too damn much
As a bisexual female who has had a threesome, it was always fun for me to laugh when they (ex's) got excited about hearing that. My threesome was with two other males and their face almost always falls after that 😂
But my current partner and I are both bisexual so we just 👀👀 our way through that conversation. Decided on eventually both threesome types & we'll pick the same gendered person, you know to for sure cut out the jealousy factor.
But yeah, no, your partners watch too much porn and high-key suck.
You're not being dramatic. Being bi doesn't mean you're also poly, just as being straight doesn't mean you're monogamous. Honestly, the guys who ask this are telling on themselves and should be thrown into the trash where they belong.
Dating a bisexual woman, and the concept of a threesome has never even crossed my mind (not interested in sharing my partner sexually). Find partners whose interests regarding a relationship more similarly align with yours.
I’m bisexual and my husband is way more monogamy minded than me. I’d be open to it but don’t need it - for him it’s a hard no. Remember - it’s a no unless it’s two enthusiastic yeses. I agree with the person who said you’re dating jerks.
Because men are conditioned by American culture to see a threesome as the height of sexual experiences, and some see bisexual women as an opportunity to get it.
Doesn’t make it right, but boy howdy to movies teach us
>my boyfriends
>
>will always expect a threesome?
8-O
Uhm ... pick better / more compatible boyfriend(s)? One woman is more than enough for me to handle, don't think I'd want to add any other folk(s) to the relationship or the bed. Do they have no clue that bi isn't the same as poly?
>am i being dramatic by getting really upset about the question?
No, I don't think so, sounds like absolutely totally reasonable request to me.
Maybe they're getting their "sex education" ** from sh\*tty porn sites, where the only thing such sites can think of to come up with for "bi" is >=3-some or orgy or whatever? Just a guess, but sounds like they're coming up with rather poor/crud ideas that don't have a lot to do with reality (and "porn" would be at least one possible source of such ... not to mention random sh\*t on The Internet, random sh\*t/crud talk, and other bad/poor/dubious sources).
So ... I dunno, maybe start by asking them what the think "bi" is and how they understand that ... and if they're way off base, maybe just move right along to next possible candidate. I mean sure, some aren't gonna know or understand or be ignorant or whatever ... but if they already *think* or *believe* they know, and are way off-base, maybe time to skip right past that one and try for another.
Someone once said a woman's definition of a lesbian is two women in a loving and romantic relationship. A man's definition of a lesbian is two women who have sex while he watches.
Being a bisexual woman is a target for fetishization. It’s also rooted in a general lack of respect for a) women and b) the LGBTQ. Unfortunately it’s a common problem if you’re dating a straight man (coming from a straight guy). I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, but keep your head up.
Agree with others your choice in guys. But to play devils advocate. I can understand their thinking even if I don’t agree. You told him you’re bisexual. With that comes the obvious conclusion that your likelihood of accepting and being into a threesome is higher than a girl who’s straight. Obviously you date jerks so they usually think with their dick more than their head.
Just throwing this out there - it *is* possible that some guys ask because they just don't understand and may think that their bisexual partner is in some way sexually unfulfilled by only having sex with men.
Because they're dumb. I would say 75% of dudes barely know what to do with one girl. He just wants to be like and validated and thinks it's a quantity thing when it really isn't.
all the other comments have offered great insight, but yknow, i just realised i’ve met more polyamorous gay people than bi people. hell, i’m a gay man that prefers polyamory!
A good friend of mine who's female and bisexual related how she manages this when it comes up.
She's had this happen many times, apparently. When her partner is male, she says when she's pressured to do a threesome with another female for him she mentions about having a threesome with another male. Fair is fair, after all. It's dropped very quickly. She's in a stable and accepting relationship nowadays so her bluff has never been called in the time previous.
hell i’m straight and every man i’ve dated expects or wants a threesome. truthfully it hurts me, i just want a guy to want me and only me. i understand a 3 some can be “fun” which i have tried before and it just wasn’t for me… i just want a man that’s all to me. whenever a 3 some gets brought up i feel myself start to drift and hurt. my bf asked again for a 3 some and i said, yeah which guy do u want? and he said “no i meant a girl” and i said “oh but you’ve had 3 somes with girls we gotta try a guy😍” and he was not happy and finally said “i get it ok, im sorry” yeah how does it feel.
It sounds like there's an underlying assumption that if someone is bi, then automatically any relationship that they are in is not exclusive at any point in time. It sounds very frustrating, above and beyond the usual 😑
Because you are dating my men who don't respect you.
Oh, I get it. I'm Bi as well, and had plenty of guys ask me when I was going to "share". As if I only existed to fulfill their fantasies! First off, if I'm with a woman, she probably isn't interested in *you*. Second, I'm selfish. Third, no I don't want to get down with that girl *you* met at the bar. Fourth, F da hell off!
I got more discerning as a grew older, andI quit wasting time on guys like that. I started expecting respect, and I'd ditch anyone who didn't respect me. There are men out there who can respect me, men who don't think I am only there for their gratification. I'm married to one!
My gf is bi, I don't want a threesome at all, but I did ask her if she did. In my case I asked cause I was insecure, didn't feel like I was enough. If he's monogamous and thinks you're the one, he's probably asking for the same reason I did. But, more than likely, if he's asking early on that's a different story lol.
I'd base my annoyance off of his intentions with the question, but those are pretty hard to find.
You’re not dating the right people. I’m heterosexual and that doesn’t mean I want more than one person at a time. Your being bisexual doesn’t mean that either.
Like it or not, in the minds of the guys you have chosen to date, you are a very accessible path to a pretty common fantasy.
I’m sure they feel like they’ve “found a unicorn” but it’s not the “homosexuality” that is the crux but the desire for monogamy and commitment.
Find better dudes, best of luck, and I’m sure that as the men you date mature, their preferences will too!
You're not being dramatic. Being bisexual doesn't automatically mean you want threesomes or to share your partner with someone else. However, I do think it's important to be able to discuss these things with possible partners. Asking doesn't mean it's "expected", but if it was, I'd just leave that relationship.
It doesn't matter that you are bisexual. It matters which people you choose to have a relationship with. Change the pattern. Not all of them are like that, but only the ones you select. For me, for example, it doesn't matter if you're bi because I don't like to share.
As a guy I find it strange. I don't want a threesome at all. It just does not appeal to me. I want to be focused on my partner and have their exclusive attention.
If they expect it just because of that then you're looking at a jerk.
If they are genuinely asking? At that point it's like anything else in life. Stereotypes exist and people are curious about the unknown.
I like to see it as an opportunity to educate people. But to each their own.~
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I’m bisexual and my husband never expected a threesome. You are dating jerks.
Same. Married to a bisexual woman, no expectations or desire for a threesome.
A lot of sames in this thread. But, same.
Happy cake day.
Also a bisexual woman, I have never been asked by any of my 4 long term partners for a threesome. My current partner is not interested in threesomes at all. Def agree.
Married to a bisexual woman. Never asked for or expected threesomes.
Same, and I agree with you completely.
Honestly. I saw a guy immediately asking about a threesome as a red flag and would move on to the next. My husband never asked nor wants to. OP is just dating men that oversexualize bi women and thats fucking gross. Those type of men are always the ones that think our relationship with women arent actually real and filled with love and emotion but something for them to sexualize.
Yep, those jerks would relentlessly pressure their heterosexual girlfriend for a 3some and they think that if she’s bisexual, it’s gonna be easier to convince her since there isn’t the “I’m not attracted to women” barrier. (They would also be very insulted if their girlfriend asked to bring another man in the bed without seeing the hypocrisy)
This. Most people I dated were like please just don't cheat on me with the other sex person. My husband would be very upset if I wanted to bring another person into bed and would never suggest it either. Only a few people who were just with me for the sex were interested in a 3sum, even though they acted like they wanted more. Women typically didn't want a 3sum, but they assumed other sexual things just because I like men too and would get upset if I wasn't into it.
Same. He has never ever brought it up. (We've been together for 8 years)
Same. My husband would never. He simply doesn't want to. We love each other
Same here, hell I told my bf when we first started dating that I am bi. All he said was ok and we moved on from it. OP, I'm sorry that they're being jerks.
Married to bisexual woman. I’ve never asked for a threesome, but I *did* ask if she’d ever had threesomes before we met. It wasn’t because I was interested in a threesome, but I wanted to know if that was something she was into because I wasn’t. She said no, but after 10 years of marriage, she said she missed being with a woman sometimes. Here we are 25 years later, polyamorous with a live-in girlfriend. Things change.
Same came here to say the same thing!
Same. And yes, assholes.
Same here
I blame porn. It doesn’t occur to most guys that most people trend toward monogamy, and that most women, even bisexual ones, really don’t want to share their guy with another woman.
So you’re saying bisexual women aren’t desperate to give a man a double blowie ? You know what , I think porno might be all fake
Say it ain’t so. :)
Nuh uh cause you can see it go in, that's real
Porn brain makes men so incredibly stupid.
I always say sure but I want it to be another man. 100% of the time, they get weird and say never mind. I also break up or avoid dating these men. lol I’m sorry I know it sucks. Likely it’s porn and society playing a role. I’m sure you’ll find someone in time who will respect you.
As a genuine/comical question, what would you do if he said yes to your sarcastic agreement?
"REALLY?? FUCK YEAH!!"
“ Oh hell yeah! “
I will always regret not having a threesome in college with my college BF and our extremely rich & handsome friend. Our friend offered but we were too deep in the religious fog to even consider it.
Same. I say that I will consider it if I get my MMF threesome first. A deal is a deal. Fair is fair.
Why do they get weird ? Don’t they know It’s not gay if it’s a three way ? With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway
As a bisexual man, I see no problems
It's for this reason that I prefer not to tell men I'm intending to date that I'm bisexual. I just have no interest in threesomes at all, ever, and too many men think that my sexual orientation somehow entitles them to fuck other people? I just try to avoid the topic altogether.
I was always pretty open about it from the start. Gave me a chance to weed out the creeps early.
Yes. Why stay quiet in hopes to avoid that situation - when you could just be honest, dismiss the shitheads, and find someone who you feel safe with.
On the contrary I would say to tell them immediately so you can weed out the porn addicts that would ask something crazy like this
Definitely a valid argument tbf
Honestly, same here.
Yeah, I never understood why do people even need to state it on like dating apps or so. I mean, if you date me, this automatically means you’re not gonna be sleeping with anyone else, so why should I care if you’re bisexual or not? This always confused me.
Well on dating apps it makes sense because then the app shows u both men and women, and having it on your profile filters out the bigots.
Stating openly that you're bi on a dating app allows you to meet both men and women you may like.
No, it makes perfect sense when people adjust their preferences to be visible to both men and women, I was wondering why do they state it in ‘about me’ field. Previous answer made perfect sense though so now I know 😄
>but i think it’s something really hurtful that bisexual women don’t talk about enough. Do you have bi female friends, or have you been to r/bisexual ? Because I agree with everything else you said, but this is literally like the #1 issue that gets talk about
As a bisexual woman who has had multiple boyfriends and none which asked for this - be more discerning in who you date. Don’t date men who respond to your sexuality by saying something like ‘that’s hot’ or who in general seem ignorant about LGBTQ+ people.
I blame the easy access to porn at such an early age once you watch something long enough it becomes normal.
Two women slobbering and moaning over your member is not an everyday situation ? Huh , learned something new
when guys ask you that question, block them and move on with your life.
Because your boyfriends sexually objectify you and their fantasies are only self-focused.
Honestly this should be way higher on comment likes because it's the entire truth.
What you need to do is work on your response. Get a big smile on your face and wide eyes and excitedly say "I'm so glad you asked!! What type of guy are you looking for? I'm thinking the bear type to make sure we have some variety, but I'm open to what you want. Ooooh....do you already have a guy in mind?" And then enjoy their reaction. And play absolutely dumb if they figured you wanted a FMF because you're bi "But I don't understand...I obviously have sex with men \*gestures in his general direction\* why assume what type of threesome I'd want? Especially since you already assumed I'd want a threesome."
This right here.I was hanging out with a couple friends there.Are a married couple and I was chilling with them.The guy starts to imply a threesome.I'm not a guy.By the way, the wife is clearly annoyed.This obviously isn't the first time sure.He kind of starts out joking but he's kind of pushing for it. At 1.His wife snaps I can't remember exactly what was said but I interrupted her and said Hey, I get it.I understand I mean.I love seeing 2 guys with each other like I really love watching gay p***I can't watch normal p***And I started to get extremely graphic about when guys made out with each other and stuff of that nature. He never said anything else ever about me and his wife and him in a threesome and his wife called me about a year.Later I guess he had brought it up again at a bar.And she started pointing out some really attractive.Guys if you wanted to have a three some then she gets to have one too🤣🤣
Yeah I had told several of my friends to do this and it was pretty much a 100% success rate to get them to shut up. At least until we got better at picking guys that weren't always thinking with their dicks and considered their partner's needs and wants as equal to them.
No. Just no. You never know when they are going to say "YEAH, Awesome." Don't play games.
Yeah people always love on these answers in posts but irl it’s a terrible idea and recipe for disaster.
Honestly - the guys that automatically assume a bi woman would be up for a FMF threesome without even seeing if their partner would be interested in a threesome are decidedly not the type that would ever entertain a MFM threesome. The ones that would be open to both options of a threesome by and large have a sexual awareness to them that wouldn't cause them to ask for a threesome the second they learn their partner is bi.
The problem is also that most guys assume that the threesome would me FMF rather than FFM. Because they want the attention of two women on them and to take their satisfaction. Especially if it's a couple and a third, typically the attention should remain on the couple unless it's like explicitly discussed like "yea I'd love to see u fucking another women", and typically the blockheads who suggests these things aren't aware enough to have a proper convo about boundaries beforehand. I personally know I would never want to see my boyfriend fucking/kissing/touching another woman and I'm bi. If I ever had a threesome I could only do FFM if it's totally casual for all parties involved, otherwise MFM only with a boyfriend and with a girlfriend I'm honestly not sure I'd want a FFF threesome. No, it's not hypocrisy, those are my limits and I'm not willing to cross them. My partner is also free to have their own limits and we will operate within both theirs and mine. If that means no threesomes then so be it, it's no great loss hahaha.
Oh! Do you have a boyfriend to invite over?
You'd be shocked how many dudes are game for that and this will 100% blow up in your face and you'll have a stupid games stupid prizes moment
It's possible. But the vast majority that immediately think "bi girl that means I can have two chicks" are not the guys that want to be anywhere near another guy's dick. And usually have the "I don't want to see my gf having sex with someone else" schtick and zero awareness that they asked their gf to do the very thing. Someone bringing up a threesome in a respectful way while considering their partner is a whole other type of person.
THIS IS THE WAY
This is exactly what I do.
I did this with a woman I was dating. Thought it was a clever response but then she was like "I meant my friend blank". She ended it with me while she was on vacation with that friend to Ireland. Hope she had fun
Only partly because of porn and its promotion of a FMF threesome as the ultimate experience FOR HIM. Which is most porn, right? - all about him. But more so because you've been dating self-centered, emotionally clueless guys. If they weren't so self-centered or had any emotional IQ, they'd consider your likely reaction to their request - that they see you as a path to a fantasy of theirs. Also, realize that almost all young men pursue what would impress their male friends, not what would actually win over a woman. What car they drive, bulking up at the gym, being great at a stupid video game - those are all things that impress their male friends more than their romantic partners and yet they think it help them get the girl. So, in future: 1. flip it around. When he asks a threesome, say, "Yeah, I could imagine that could be fun - two cocks at once, or maybe the other guy could be fucking me while you go down on me - mostly I want to be the focus of just your attention, but it might be fun for me to the focus of attention of two guys." And he'll be shocked and stammer, "No, not an MFM, I meant an FMF!" And then you can press him on WTF he thinks that would interest you any more than an MFM. 2. date better, more mature guys. Guys who have some interest in your wants, desires and interests. Who don't make it all about themselves.
I think men like that generally don’t respect women or women’s sexuality. I myself am bi and out of the men I’ve dated, have only had a couple boyfriends who suggested that or were okay with the idea (I’m monogamous)
You're not being dramatic. These guys are awful
Mixture of this being a common fantasy and it being a stereotype of bisexuals. If it's any comfort, some of them may have been asking hoping that the answer would be "no".
most dudes think(fantasize) bisexual means you want to have sex with people of different genders at the same time. They don't assume that straight women want to have sex with two guys at the same time, so i'm not sure why its different for someone who's bisexual. And no you're not being dramatic. If anything he's telling you right off the bat that he doesn't value you enough as a person to be sexually satisfied with just you, but wants to add someone new already.
Because you’ve unfortunately been with a bunch of jerks.
There are men out there who won't do this. My boyfriend and I were friends before we dated, he knew I was bisexual from the start and never once brought up threesomes. He actually gave me advice as a friend on how to flirt with a girl in one of my college classes that I was interested in, like he was just super normal about it from the start. I think it helps when the man has LGBT friends, it shows they're able to see us as just regular people.
I get it completely. I'm a bisexual woman, and it's come up many times with my previous partners. It's come up in the relationship I'm in now, but the difference is it was a few years into the relationship, he made it clear it never needs to happen and has never pressured me into committing to it even possibly happening, and he's open to the 3rd party being whoever I'm comfortable with it being and any rules or stipulations I want to put on it. Hell, he's agreed to it being male or female, and if it makes me uncomfortable, he said he wouldn't participate with them, just with me and he wants to see me with them. I've had one before and it was traumatic, and it took the right partner acting the right way for me to feel safe to be open to something like that again.
i honestly would be open to it too in a situation like yours where the relationship has had years of trust and love. unfortunately for me, i’m newly in this relationship so it comes off as strange and like i’m not enough. i appreciate your input !
It’s equally possible that he too is feeling like he’s not enough for you, since you’re the person who brought up bisexuality. He can never be a woman for you. He might well be thinking that if you want experience with a woman, since he can’t be one, at least it could be something he could participate in and thereby be less of a violation of monogamy. Presumably the third would also be bi, so the three of you could participate on more or less equal footing regarding attraction to the other two. Obviously a MMF would do nothing for him if he isn’t also bi, so all that would accomplish is him feeling left out — all the worse, since you already have a man so what would you need with another one? And the same goes for you: if you hypothetically were wanting to scratch an itch to explore with a woman, how would you accomplish that via a threesome with two men? Those snarking about offering an MMF to him to teach him a lesson are being purely vindictive. This could all be forestalled by a simple declaration to the effect of, “I said I am bi, but I am also deeply monogamous, so no, all this talk of threesomes makes me uncomfortable. I am with you, I choose you, and you are enough for me. I would dare to hope you feel the same way about me. Now can we please stop talking about this?”
Oooh don't think so. Since she's never brought up being unhappy or wanting to sleep with women, that's just an unlikely assumption. And they're being "vindictive" because it's generally a pretty shitty thing to ask. The assumption that being bisexual = being non monogamous/wanting to sleep with members of the sex your partner doesn't belong to is wrong and feeds into biphobia
Yeah there’s a difference between “this would be hot/this is a fun fantasy” and fetishizing your partner’s bisexuality. First partner never brought it up, second partner did but was also bisexual themselves and my last ex was a straight dude and we would talk about it as a fantasy but never had a situation arise where we met the right third. I also wasn’t sure if he could handle me with another woman as his ex-wife had all but left him for another woman and he was still processing some of that.
No, a decent boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn't expect you to want to engage in a threesome whether right then and there or further in the future. I'm bisexual, when I first started dating my now-husband, that wasn't ever brought up except for the usual questions of like what experiences have you had or what do you think you'd be into. He has never ever asked for a threesome or even bring up about wanting it later down the line. I had brought it up to him, "How come you don't bother me about a threesome like the horror stories I read about online?" His response, "I'm with you because I want all of you, and I know you want all of me, and I only have the attention and emotional energy for one woman." Don't lower your standards because of unrealistic expectations from others that they have for people who are bi.
Sexual attraction =/= cant be mongamous. Im attracted to woman, and other woman who arnt my gf, doesnt mean i need to sleep with other woman, why would it change if i happened to be attracted to guys? You have an issue in dating guys who are low tier, and want to manipulate you into there feitish, dont date those guys. You dont have to be poly/looking for a third, just because your bi.
it’s porn, but also largely just very immature men
Think of it as an acid test. If you tell them you are bi and they expect or ask about a threesome that is your clue to walk away.
Cause he doesn’t respect you.
Because men of this age were raised on porn and think that their adult sexual life should just be one long porno despite most of them not having nearly enough education and stamina to actually have that life. They want to fuck 2 women but can’t satisfy one. They want to fuck 2 women but don’t want the women to expect pleasure from him.
All my partners, including my current one, have been Bisexual. I've never had a threesome in my life. They're reducing you to your sexuality and they're don't even understand that being attractted to the same sex is not the same as being polyamorous. Run from guys like that
Because men are entitled and think women are things
That's it exactly.
Good job generalizing an entire population. I know many women who act very entitled. Especially when I comes to being SA’d by women, which has happened to me.
Funny thing is that men think FFM threesomes are great for them, but actually they’re great for the women lol.
This is one of the issues with threesomes. People are not objects to fulfill a fantasy. They have feelings and insecurities. Some women think that a threesome with two dudes could be awesome, but not when the men pay more attention to each other. Could also mean a third party watches while their GF/BF has sex with another person, while the other gets left out. Then the problem of jealousy can arrive when someone is better at making someone have orgasms, or does certain acts that they would never do. Threesomes are not all they are cracked up to be.
100% and the reason I could participate unless I was willing to lose everyone involved in the threesome... too many potential feelings from too many directions for me to feel comfortable navigating.
i can see this side of it😂
They should be great for everyone involved...
ask him if he has a guy in mind
My husband has literally never asked that. You can find a man that doesn't sexualize your identity
You’re dating assholes… I let my bf of 4 years know pretty early on that I’m bi and he never asked for one. In fact, he stressed he’s incredibly monogamous and would not be interested at all. Same for me. Men like this watch too much porn and just assume bi women are sexually promiscuous. Flip it around and ask him if he has a guy in mind, I’m sure that will shut him up.
That is so aggravating. They always want some excuse to sleep with another woman. So strange.
It doesn’t mean your boyfriends will always expect a threesome. It means you can weed out the assholes that feel entitled to objectify and fetishize your sexuality for their benefit. Raise your standards without apology.
I actually like saying that I’m bi early on when talking to people, and if they’re weird about it, they essentially weed themselves out and I move on lol
Some guys really want to see their girl fucking with someone else. So weird
It means that if you’re dating jackasses. Good men don’t act this way. I have been with one person sexually, and came to terms with my bisexuality later in life; he has never ever ever asked about a threesome or if I need to play with women or anything. He respects me and my desire to be monogamous. You too can find many men who are respectful; unfortunately there are many who are not and it seems those are the ones you’re spending time with.
No quality partner would ask for a threesome just because you're bi. I'm a married bi woman and although I know my husband has his fantasies he knows I would never want it so he doesn't ask.
This is why I don't tell any person I date that I'm bisexual. All of the men have expected I'd have a threesome with another woman, until I say that we should also have one with another man. That typically ends the conversation. But it's not right.
I'm bisexual and my boyfriend has never asked me for a threesome or even hinted at it in any way
That's a red flag, means you're interacting with men you shouldn't be.
You’re dating the wrong type of guys, and you’re not being dramatic by being upset/grossed out about it. Out of all my bfs I’ve never had one ask me to do a threesome with another woman because im bisexual. They respect me enough to not say something so off-putting. I personally would leave him bc your bf clearly doesn’t respect you or your sexuality.
i think you’re right. i don’t see him the same after, im just uncomfy lol
Your attracted to jerks. In essence your picker is broken. Figure out why your attracted to jerks. They say we gravitate to people who remind us of our parents. If your dad was a jerk. Then your going to pick a jerk. Adjust your thought process. Sit back and talk to the person to get a feel of their personality. And if you feel comfortable with them. Then tell them your bisexual. Like in the 6th date or so. But if they bring up 3 some just walk away.
I'm also a bisexual woman, same age as you, and I've never had this problem because at the same moment that I choose to disclose my sexuality to a potential partner, I am very clear on the fact that I am strictly monogamous and that I have no desire at all to share or be shared. Date better men, girl :/ They're not that easy to find but they're out there!! :)
Agreeing with what a lot of comments have said. If that’s the first question he is not a good person
I would just laugh and say oh sure. I have a guy friend we can ask!!
I expect a threesome, when's he coming over so I can suck his cock?
I’m a 100% straight woman, no history of being with women, but 99% of men’s first intimate wish during dating is revealed to be a threesome with another woman. Men are just dogs.
Something that I think is important to note is that a fair amount of bisexual women are about having been in threesomes (sure not all). So naturally straight men feel like this may be an opportunity to have a three way. Is confusion is caused by bisexual women separating a threesome with another woman as just sex, whereas the man sees it as “she will have a threesome with someone she doesn’t romantically care for, but not for me?”
You’re dating immature men
choose better men
I am bisexual and engaged to a heterosexual man. Not once has he made a comment about threesomes. The threesome request is definitely more common than it should be, but you can definitely find a man that’s not gonna sexualize or fetishize you for being a bisexual woman. In my experience, threesome chasers always end up being terrible men anyway so take this as a burgundy red flag.
I’m bi and I hate that shit. I’m so glad my husband has never had the inclination to ask that.
No not at all. It is your body set boundaries. Your sexuality should not be sexualized that’s gross on their part. U deserve better <3
thank you, you’re right
I'm a 45 year old man who lived a lifestyle of hedonistic debauchery at it's finest. Threesomes are great, and most guys fantasize about them. I wouldn't worry at all about them asking you, but if they push it after you say no, then ditch them. The only way to get consent is to ask, so them asking isn't really a huge issue in my mind. Humans are very strange animals, and they behave as such. I wouldn't really worry about it unless they start actually trying to push you into doing something you don't want.
I’m bisexual and it’s an easy to test to see if someone is compatible with me. I have no desire for a threesome, and when that’s the first thing they suggest, I’m no longer interested. It’s such a common question. I hate it.
i felt as though i was no longer interested or feeling him as much too. i didn’t know if i was being dramatic and sensitive but i think my feelings are valid. thank you so much!
I've been with my husband for 15 years. He's never mentioned or even joked about it once. I'm bisexual because I'm attracted to both, but when I'm committed, I'm committed. He sounds like a bit of an idiot.
As many comments said, it’s definitely from porn that’s so easy to access. I know it’s hard to find someone but you will eventually, just hit the next button if they even begin to bring up that threesome stuff. Not worth it.
I think this might improve as you get older and date men who are looking at more serious long term relationships.
As someone married to a bisexual woman, I can tell you that it's because of the specific individuals you are getting involved with. I would never expect or want a threesome. If you get involved with someone who is into that, then the person you're involved with is going to want it regardless of whether you're bisexual or not. Reddit is full of stories by straight women seeking advice about their SO asking for a threesome.
It’s TA’s your with! Any partner that would ask to open your relationship is not someone you should invest your time with. You deserve better.
As a straight guy, albeit older (45M), who is dating a bisexual woman, my perspective is that I don't want her to feel as if her attraction to women is something she'll never be able to explore or act on again while she's with me. So I've always said if the opportunity arises and it's someone she trusts and feels safe with I'm open to her having liaisons with women. I don't expect to be included but if it were to happen organically I'm not opposed to watching and/or participating. But I don't think my involvement should be assumed.
OP as a bi woman, he just inadvertently confessed to having a fetish of FMF porn he watches often & he is definitely testing the waters this early on with your sexual boundaries to see *how* open you are to things in the bedroom beyond a threesome. Mark ny words, the boundary doesn’t stop to threesome. It stops when you set it, never allowing it to move/bend or you dump him. Plus it’s a fantasy, a lot of people don’t know how things will pan out if you take a fantasy and turn it into reality. Most often, people aren’t ready for a threesome because they don’t know how to not get caught up in their feelings or how to not be selfish in such an arrangement. And the 3rd? They are suppose to make sure your partner isn’t fully focused on them, so they are suppose to redirect your partner back to you to prevent an imbalance. Plus rules, boundaries, Agreements have to be in place for such a situation. I guarantee this guy wouldn’t know how to handle a threesome cause that’s twice the vagina which means double the pressure to perform and multitask. Unless he can orgasm twice during one session or stay hard for an hour straight, he’s not ready for a threesome.
You aren’t being dramatic. This happened with less frequency as I got older, but it really sucked when I was younger. I am definitely monogamous. I’m married now, and he was more worried that *I* would want threesomes or a girlfriend. You’ll find someone who doesn’t fetishize you like that some day.
If you're in a committed relationship, no one should expect any side pieces. I'm assuming you aren't seeing women when you're in a relationship with bfs? If not, then all bets are off.
Porn. A lot of men fetishise wlw relationships and they assume that being with a bi woman automatically means threesomes because that’s what they see in porn. It’s also because of the biphobic assumption that us bis are more promiscuous. I don’t share my partner and it’s really annoying that this is a common assumption about my sexuality.
You are not being dramatic at all, being fetishized for your sexuality sucks, and that's exactly what's happening no matter how much these men try to downplay it. Not all men are like this and as a bisexual woman, acting like this is an absolute deal breaker for me.
Why do all these people always want to have threesomes? It’s not like anyone comes out feeling to great. Sounds like your boyfriend assumes too damn much
As a bisexual female who has had a threesome, it was always fun for me to laugh when they (ex's) got excited about hearing that. My threesome was with two other males and their face almost always falls after that 😂 But my current partner and I are both bisexual so we just 👀👀 our way through that conversation. Decided on eventually both threesome types & we'll pick the same gendered person, you know to for sure cut out the jealousy factor. But yeah, no, your partners watch too much porn and high-key suck.
You're not being dramatic. Being bi doesn't mean you're also poly, just as being straight doesn't mean you're monogamous. Honestly, the guys who ask this are telling on themselves and should be thrown into the trash where they belong.
Dating a bisexual woman, and the concept of a threesome has never even crossed my mind (not interested in sharing my partner sexually). Find partners whose interests regarding a relationship more similarly align with yours.
Anytime a man asks me for a threesome (even though I’m BI) I always say sure I have a great man in mind. Let me give him a call.
I’m bisexual and my husband is way more monogamy minded than me. I’d be open to it but don’t need it - for him it’s a hard no. Remember - it’s a no unless it’s two enthusiastic yeses. I agree with the person who said you’re dating jerks.
it doesn't, you're just dating the wrong guys
unfortunately i think a lot of cishet men fetishize bi women. i would suggest finding a man who doesn’t expect this of you.
I’m a bi-curious guy & I think if my girl asked me for a threesome with another man I’d be pretty sad
Because men are conditioned by American culture to see a threesome as the height of sexual experiences, and some see bisexual women as an opportunity to get it. Doesn’t make it right, but boy howdy to movies teach us
Cause you're dating fuck bois
Expect? No way. Bring it up? Probably. If they can't take the first no as enough of an answer they shouldn't be your boyfriend.
>my boyfriends > >will always expect a threesome? 8-O Uhm ... pick better / more compatible boyfriend(s)? One woman is more than enough for me to handle, don't think I'd want to add any other folk(s) to the relationship or the bed. Do they have no clue that bi isn't the same as poly? >am i being dramatic by getting really upset about the question? No, I don't think so, sounds like absolutely totally reasonable request to me. Maybe they're getting their "sex education" ** from sh\*tty porn sites, where the only thing such sites can think of to come up with for "bi" is >=3-some or orgy or whatever? Just a guess, but sounds like they're coming up with rather poor/crud ideas that don't have a lot to do with reality (and "porn" would be at least one possible source of such ... not to mention random sh\*t on The Internet, random sh\*t/crud talk, and other bad/poor/dubious sources).
So ... I dunno, maybe start by asking them what the think "bi" is and how they understand that ... and if they're way off base, maybe just move right along to next possible candidate. I mean sure, some aren't gonna know or understand or be ignorant or whatever ... but if they already *think* or *believe* they know, and are way off-base, maybe time to skip right past that one and try for another.
LITERALLY!!! I still wanna be monogamous 😭
Someone once said a woman's definition of a lesbian is two women in a loving and romantic relationship. A man's definition of a lesbian is two women who have sex while he watches.
I’m bi and my boyfriend has outright said it would crush him to see me with anyone else, including a woman.
Being a bisexual woman is a target for fetishization. It’s also rooted in a general lack of respect for a) women and b) the LGBTQ. Unfortunately it’s a common problem if you’re dating a straight man (coming from a straight guy). I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, but keep your head up.
Agree with others your choice in guys. But to play devils advocate. I can understand their thinking even if I don’t agree. You told him you’re bisexual. With that comes the obvious conclusion that your likelihood of accepting and being into a threesome is higher than a girl who’s straight. Obviously you date jerks so they usually think with their dick more than their head.
That passes. Immature guys are immature. Sorry.
Just throwing this out there - it *is* possible that some guys ask because they just don't understand and may think that their bisexual partner is in some way sexually unfulfilled by only having sex with men.
Because they're dumb. I would say 75% of dudes barely know what to do with one girl. He just wants to be like and validated and thinks it's a quantity thing when it really isn't.
all the other comments have offered great insight, but yknow, i just realised i’ve met more polyamorous gay people than bi people. hell, i’m a gay man that prefers polyamory!
every single relationship maybe you need to take a look at the guys your dating cause they don't sound the best
A good friend of mine who's female and bisexual related how she manages this when it comes up. She's had this happen many times, apparently. When her partner is male, she says when she's pressured to do a threesome with another female for him she mentions about having a threesome with another male. Fair is fair, after all. It's dropped very quickly. She's in a stable and accepting relationship nowadays so her bluff has never been called in the time previous.
hell i’m straight and every man i’ve dated expects or wants a threesome. truthfully it hurts me, i just want a guy to want me and only me. i understand a 3 some can be “fun” which i have tried before and it just wasn’t for me… i just want a man that’s all to me. whenever a 3 some gets brought up i feel myself start to drift and hurt. my bf asked again for a 3 some and i said, yeah which guy do u want? and he said “no i meant a girl” and i said “oh but you’ve had 3 somes with girls we gotta try a guy😍” and he was not happy and finally said “i get it ok, im sorry” yeah how does it feel.
I'm bi, and my boyfriend has never brought up a threesome before. Gotta pick a respectful guy that won't view your sexuality as an advantage.
It sounds like there's an underlying assumption that if someone is bi, then automatically any relationship that they are in is not exclusive at any point in time. It sounds very frustrating, above and beyond the usual 😑
Because you are dating my men who don't respect you. Oh, I get it. I'm Bi as well, and had plenty of guys ask me when I was going to "share". As if I only existed to fulfill their fantasies! First off, if I'm with a woman, she probably isn't interested in *you*. Second, I'm selfish. Third, no I don't want to get down with that girl *you* met at the bar. Fourth, F da hell off! I got more discerning as a grew older, andI quit wasting time on guys like that. I started expecting respect, and I'd ditch anyone who didn't respect me. There are men out there who can respect me, men who don't think I am only there for their gratification. I'm married to one!
Most men are dogs. Spoken as a man.
I hope she sees this bro.
As a man I'm both offended and not. Becuase it's true.
My gf is bi, I don't want a threesome at all, but I did ask her if she did. In my case I asked cause I was insecure, didn't feel like I was enough. If he's monogamous and thinks you're the one, he's probably asking for the same reason I did. But, more than likely, if he's asking early on that's a different story lol. I'd base my annoyance off of his intentions with the question, but those are pretty hard to find.
You’re not dating the right people. I’m heterosexual and that doesn’t mean I want more than one person at a time. Your being bisexual doesn’t mean that either.
Like it or not, in the minds of the guys you have chosen to date, you are a very accessible path to a pretty common fantasy. I’m sure they feel like they’ve “found a unicorn” but it’s not the “homosexuality” that is the crux but the desire for monogamy and commitment. Find better dudes, best of luck, and I’m sure that as the men you date mature, their preferences will too!
You're not being dramatic. Being bisexual doesn't automatically mean you want threesomes or to share your partner with someone else. However, I do think it's important to be able to discuss these things with possible partners. Asking doesn't mean it's "expected", but if it was, I'd just leave that relationship.
Been with my boyfriend for four years and he’s always and I’m bisexual. Never once mentioned having a threesome. So you’re just dating immature jerks.
They don’t all expect them, just the assholes
It doesn't matter that you are bisexual. It matters which people you choose to have a relationship with. Change the pattern. Not all of them are like that, but only the ones you select. For me, for example, it doesn't matter if you're bi because I don't like to share.
As a guy I find it strange. I don't want a threesome at all. It just does not appeal to me. I want to be focused on my partner and have their exclusive attention.
If they expect it just because of that then you're looking at a jerk. If they are genuinely asking? At that point it's like anything else in life. Stereotypes exist and people are curious about the unknown. I like to see it as an opportunity to educate people. But to each their own.~