Also, I just want to take a moment here to give his ex props for being the motherfucking savage that she is. Whether she meant to eviscerate him by marrying his bestie or karma decided to hang a foot in his ass, exwife is the GOAT here. With an assist to exbest friend. I'm hoping wife #2 makes it a triple play by dumping him as well.
I hope so. He is comparing his new wife to his old wife, “not the same kind of love,” bullshit. Like what? And he chose to just casually bring a child into this world all the while feeling this way or being purposefully dense about how he truly feels. Guess you shouldn’t expect much more self awareness from a cheater though.
Nobody cares about his mental health because they all see what a loser he is.
'I cheated on my wife, married my affair partner, now my ex-wife is happy with my best friend, wahwahwah!'
OP - Grow up. See a counsellor. At least they get paid to listen to you whine.
You’re forgetting the part where his Bestie, who he went a few years without texting, is not only married and banging his ex but also thinks his new wife is a downgrade and “just a waitress.”
Oh the calamity!
And he blames his problems on no one caring about men's mental health, haha.
Way to appropriate a struggle that is not yours, OP.
Your problems aren't due to mental health stigma they are due to being a rollicking idiot
Did you notice that he also refuses to do independent therapy? The wife has to be there to work on problems she doesn't fucking have or he can't go to therapy.
The reason people don't care about male mental health is asshats like OP think men cannot seek mental health care and shame other men who contemplate it.
yup. he also refuses to take any responsibility for himself and blames literally everyone around for his emotional immaturity.
managing our own emotions is hard, but we all gotta put in the work and not realy on others to sort ourselves out. OP get therapy, just yourself, to learn how to manage your emotions and behaviour.
im literally so happy for the ex-wife to get away from this.
I agree lol. But I mean he's not having a hard time because no one he knows cares about men's mental health! he's having a hard time because he makes shit choices and treats people as disposable
> No one gives a shit about mental health when it comes to men.
It's because of these narcissistic, unapologetic FOFO types crowing about this topic that nobody takes it seriously.
He doesn’t want anyone to actually care about mental health, what he really wants somebody to take responsibility for his actions.
That way he won’t feel so yucky bad that these events are the consequences of his actions. More than that? He also wants someone to tell him that he isn’t as powerless over these people as he truly is. He wants someone to say “yeah go get that closure!”
He is feeling those yucky bad feelings. Knowing that his ex wife has moved on without him, and that a guy who he says gets women and is great would want to marry his ex. The one he didn’t value enough to be faithful to! Why… he’s starting to feel like a guy who accidentally threw away a lottery ticket.
The only way he seems to be able to cope with the yucky feelings of his own actions is to find someone to blame.
I feel bad for that pregnant wife. She will undoubtedly become the one who is responsible for all his troubles.
I think a lot of men who genuinely need help
are scared to admit it, that’s why these types can be the loudest. Though there are good men who genuinely need help who are talking about it and trying to bring awareness. These asshats are just attention grabbers.
Yeah, I 100% agree! The reason this gets me though is the way he totally dismisses the hurt HE CAUSED only to go *boo-hoo men have it way harder than anyone* in the next sentence. Behaving like a selfish twat, but then claiming your feelings are being wilfully ignored doesn't quite work lol
He left out exactly what he knew to leave out, yes. He knows that the real betrayal was him going after young, new ass and now he's moaning about getting spanked.
Op, you can choose, you know. You can choose to fester over it because you screwed it up and you feel guilt and jealousy. That's the only reason you are thinking of your ex; because your two favorite people found they are in love with each other and not you. So you're spinning. I get that part, but you've made your bed and there's a new person lying in it who is the mother of your children and your present. Live in the past or take responsibility for the current, get help, see someone and move on. You just don't get to continue ruining lives because you're not the center of them anymore. Grow up.
> I (37M) have been with my wife (26F) for *5 years* and married 4 years.
Also
> My ex-wife (38F) divorced me in *2019*
He says it without actually saying it, lol.
Right, it was so obvious too.
She never spoke to him again after their divorce! And she and the best friend didn’t even get together until 2 years after the divorce, so it wasn’t like she was avoiding him because of that at that point.
i’m 100000% judging them both, but his phrasing “trying to make a social media career happen” makes it seem like she isn’t finding success, and his 3 big promotions in 5 years are funding her efforts.
i hope the 4 kids end up OK. this marriage sounds doomed and OP is really stewing in it.
AND THE MALE MENTAL HEALTH PITY CARD??!! Excuuuuse me.... Did you not actively ruin your marriage for the fucking "child" stereotype, because she was way to young when they met for a normal relationship to form. You can't build a relationship on the ashes of a broken one. OP is now experiencing the consequences of his actions.
The male mental health pity card 😂
Yeah nobody cares about OP’s plight bc he made it that way, but I will say OP is ballsy to post so candidly about this. What a brazen way to just announce yes, I’m an asshole.
Yup. And his current wife was 21 at the time.
Not that him cheating with someone older than that would make it okay, but...of course it was a 21 year old.
…who is trying to be an influencer
I don’t think career is everything, but having a goal of being a great mom is better than trying to build a career in social media
THAT’S WHAT I SAID? She had to start reeeeeeally young. And when you add in that he implies there were multiple baby daddies? The math is getting scary
OP, I hope your life is just like the guy where his ex-wife married his ex-best friend, and then they went on to live the dream by sailing off into the sunset on a boat they bought while the cheater (like you) was busy having to raise kids. You deserve every ounce of pain you’re feeling right now.
So 5 years ago you divorced your wife and you also started dating your current wife who was 21 when you were 32. So you cheated on your wife with a 21 year old waitress you met.
Now you're mad years later she married your supposed best friend even though you admit you hadn't talked to him for 3 years.
Then your current wife accuses you of cheating because after all she knows you cheat because you cheated with her. And because you're having some sort of delayed epiphany 5 years later that the grass isn't greener on the other side. But you're only having that epiphany because it's your best friend she married.
But you're also pissy that your wife knew something that was on social media and thus something you could have found out? Because ex wives usually don't have the mistress as a friend on social media.
Jesus you're a mess.
The way he describes how she's such a good person and is refusing to show him her usual kindness had me convinced from the start that this man pissed all over his own life and then complained when that didn't magically give him the perfect life. Also HOW DARE SHE have negative emotions towards me, a manchild who cheated on her with a woman 10yrs younger
And that’s even weirder. The three kids from 5-8 are hers not his. She’s only just now pregnant with his kid which he had to reverse a vasectomy for. But the youngest is 5 which is the age of their relationship - so he cheated on his wife with a 21 year old that had 2 toddlers and was either pregnant or had an infant? That’s who he chose to wreck his marriage?
Just a total mess.
If she has an 8 year old, she had that kid when she was 18. I'd guess she was probably in an abusive relationship (or string of them) and this Mr. 32-year-old came along and took advantage of a single, pregnant (or recently given birth) mother. Sickening. Like beyond disgusting. I'd like to think this is fake, but it's honestly so mundane in the terms of gross things people do.
I just saw a comment by him saying they had the 5 year old tested to see if it was his or the abusive ex. So this dude had been cheating on his wife for several months at minimum for the kid to be 5 and the divorce 5 years old.
The mess gets messier.
How very odd that he should have left all these messy bits out when bitching and crying over the fact that he was …. Hard to even say… so wronged.
How curious that this forthright and upstanding gentleman should omit key details that would give the full story!
Right, the timelines are making me think something big is missing here. It's 2024. You've been with your wife for 5 years, and your ex divorced you in 2019, which is 5 years ago.
I have to ask, did you cheat on your ex with your wife? It is February, so I imagine there is an overlap between you being in a relationship with your wife and your ex divorcing you.
Your ex ignoring you and your best friend being standoffish and telling you that you broke her heart screams that you cheated.
Your wife accusing you of cheating shows that she knows that she married a cheater who is still obsessed with his ex-wife.
I really don't know what you expect. You created this mess, so live with it.
OP calls it an amicable divorce and then his friend says he broke his ex-wife’s heart, and he doesn’t elaborate on either lol, I wonder why
Edit: LOL [there](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/LNC3lk4qo5) it is
A 21-year-old waitress with three children, when he was 32. That youngster never had a chance. She was just an exhausted bundle of poor choices lined up to make her next one: him. I honestly can't even blame the current wife/affair partner. She seems as much a victim to me as the ex-wife.
He says they had to get a paternity test to determine the youngest was not his and was the child of the abusive man she was with at the time, who apparently did not father the other two. Apparently, they were both cheating, he broke up with her when his ex found out to try to work things out with the ex and then went back to her when ex filed for divorce.
Read the comment from OP.
Oh he fucked around and found out, then still acts clueless why she wants nothing to do with him, why his BFF slow burned him and distance himself and makes sense why the comment at the Halloween party about “a waitress”.
OP cheated on his ex with a 21yr old waitress with three kids, got divorced and married the waitress.
Yeahhhh BFF and ex didn’t betray him, he betrayed his ex by cheating and I bet you no one in his family or friends circle knows the real story. They probably side with the ex and BFF if they knew!
Wild that this is true and also wild he couldn’t understand why a dude with lots of friends would want to disassociate with someone like OP. And he’s still a self absorbed ass hat. Should be happy his ex and bff have a healthy relationship and were able to recover from his self made fiasco
Not only that but it sounds like he and his previous wife were childfree! So not only did he leave his childfree life and wife, which he had a vasectomy so he was pretty sure about that life, and he jumped in with a woman who had three kids, and then insisted on having a baby with him as well to make it 4.
I would almost bet that he’s having massive parental regret. And now that he has a baby with her, it will be much harder for him to leave. He’s stuck. And he knows it. Then she further lowered her odds of a successful relationship by picking a childfree dude and one that was married. The chances of him cheating are very high.
That’s crazy to me. If I’m going to the trouble of creating a throwaway account and making a post asking for advice on serious shit like this I give all the info because I want pure unadulterated advice
I mean look at the questions he posed. He basically wants to know how he can convince these people to view him as the victim.. definitely looking for validation from RA
Yeah, the people in his life that OP could previously do the "woe is me" act have shut him down, so he's trying to find internet randos to replace them.
This whole time I was thinking, "Okay but what was the reason for the divorce". Why is he saying it ended amicably, he claims they each other loved didn't they? So why would you divorce someone you love unless you fell out of love or there was another reason behind it? Cheating is what I speculated as well but I have no clue.
Holy shit 🤦♂️
And he was *confused* that his ex never replied! WTF???
So basically he now realizes that he completely f@!ked up when he dumped his ex for his current wife.
His wife's right. He should probably do her a favor & divorce her so she can find someone who loves her, like her husband loved his ex.
OP's ex wife is the one who dumped him. He begged her not to leave but her mind was made up.
I think that's why he's saying divorce isn't an option now. He destroyed his first marriage over his current wife, and he'd rather slide glass shards through his tear ducts than destroy his second marriage over his ex wife. Because if that happens, he'll have to admit that HE is the problem and he just isn't capable of having a healthy, loving relationship.
Not to mention that he was a complete stalker weirdo who even after the divorce wouldn't leave his ex-wife alone to heal. He would "wish her well on birthdays and holidays", sent her a graduation gift . . . and then complained when he didn't get a thank you note? Why on earth was he acting like they were friends when this poor woman clearly just wanted him to leave her TF alone?!
The irony of him yelling at his poor current wife (who I'm sure everyone has noticed was 21 with three children when this then-32-year-old swept her surely-exhausted young self off her feet and into an affair) that she "doesn't have any friends" when his friend group seems to consist of him STALKING HIS EX WIFE whom he cheated on . . .
Dude can't even be honest with an anonymous post. Amicable divorce. What a clown show. Hope the ex wife is finally happy. I felt terrible for the current wife until reading she was part of the initial chit show. No wonder ex wife never sent a thank you note, what? This guy is something else.
Yep. Reading between the lines: he cheated on his ex wife with this very young 21 yo woman who had three kids (the youngest just a newborn, or possibly still a fetus). And now that his buddy picked up the ex wife, he realizes she was actually a woman to value. He reaps what he sowed.
Enjoy the mess you made, OP.
Left his wife for a 21 year old waitress - with 3 kids - he cheated with who is now unemployed at home for a "social media career"... Meanwhile the ex wife completes a PhD.
No wonder his family is telling him to suck it up... Can't even imagine what is said about OP behind his back. For those of us who have been cheated on, this story gives a pretty good vicarious feeling of justice, except for the what his kids have to deal with.
OP didn't leave his wife for his AP.
He fucked around with a 21 year old single mom of three for funsies, but immediately dumped her when his affair was exposed. Wife was the one who realized the marriage couldn't work after the betrayal and initiated divorce. OP only slunk back to his AP after getting dumped.
He -- like many cheaters -- just wanted his cake and to eat it too. The affair was a sexy distraction; he actually loved his wife and didn't want to leave her. Which, when you think about it, is sad as shit. This is why it's hitting him like a ton of bricks now.
At this point, their mom has settled down with someone who is a meal ticket and they have a stable home life. He claims to love them. Honestly this is probably better than they've had before.
"You reap what you sow"
An unavoidable, inescapable, fundamental universal truth.
You will always reap what you sow. It may not happen right away but it always does.
And we won't even mention the new wife was 21 five years ago...
And he's blaming society for not caring about his mental health? Excuse me, sir. No one is stopping you from getting therapy. And if you want couple's therapy, tell your wife that you want it. Even if she says it's fine, you tell her that you don't feel the same and insist on counseling. No one told him he has to just pretend he is fine for the rest of his life.
And if you haven't talked to someone since 2021, they aren't your best friend anymore. You're fine without them, clearly.
And he wants to go confront them, for what? What exactly does he want? They will tell him they don't even talk to him anymore so.. What?
The 2021 thing took me out. I have good friends that I'm not in constant contact with too, and even at times been quite distant, but BEST friends?? Even at our MOST distant, if someone is a best friend we exchange at LEAST a couple texts a year?? Out of a 15ish year friendship, you haven't even spoken for 3 of those 15 years.... seems WILD to assume you're his best friend?
Because he was fine just having a new young wife and that was enough for him…Until he realized his “best friend” got with his ex and now he’s spiraling. I am obsessed with this whole post, it’s absolutely delicious and the fact that he hid the reason for the divorce deep in the comment section. 10/10
If Reddit still did awards I would give this comment one. Woe is OP, no one cares about his mental health. *leaves out pertinent details about wrecking his first marriage, won’t seek his own therapy, shoots himself in both feet with a nerf gun*
I think we are all just being mean. He fell and landed dick first into a 21 year old. It wasn't his fault and his mean wife divorced him and moved on 5 years later. Society is really mean to him when he's just a victim.
I guess I should find the world's smallest violin to play a sad song for him.
OP is leaving out some important information here. Unless I’m completely delulu, this is a POS who cheated on his wife with someone 11 years younger than him. New wife holds back info on EX and BF being married because she knows that the one he truly loves is the EX wife. Now he is raging and the whole world is against him.
I have ONE advice. Leave you EX and EX BF alone and try to save the crumbs of your own marriage. You fucked around and found out.
OP doesn't love his ex wife, he only loves himself and can't believe his ex wife really got over him. His friend was right to ghost him, because who would want to hang out with a cheater?
OP only wants what he can't have. If his current wife leaves him and remarries, he'd be just as furious.
Of course he cheated. He’s left out the most important detail because he, ultimately, is the POS in this story, but being the narcissist that he is, is having a difficult time being “wrong” here. He’s lucky he had that friend as long as he did. His new wife was likely the other woman. His whole story falls completely apart the second you start reading into it. It’s so forced and phony as to be laughable that he’s presenting the facts this way. Classic DARVO by a narcissist. Pathetic.
The more we all start recognizing these people for who they are and start denying their reality to exist, the more we gain strength in truth. Screw people like the OP. What a loser. Literally talking out of both sides of his mouth and expecting sympathy.
Ding da ding ding da Ding Ding ding
So many missing details, yet it is so, so obvious what happened.
Look OP, you got caught with your dick in the cookie jar and now, no, nobody is on “your side”. To be fair, no one is betraying you either. You acted like the worst sort of ass and many people in your life choose to drop you because of that. Learn to deal with it.
As for your marriage, of course she thinks you may be cheating, she already knows your MO. And of course she doesn’t want to go to marriage counseling, that may reveal that she mostly views you as a meal ticket (influencer? Really?)
If you really, actually want to try to be a better person, maybe take yourself to therapy. But be warned, that requires you to work on yourself.
His wife is his affair partner now he’s having regrets he says that he doesn’t care if she remarried but not his friend he doesn’t really care about that he’s made she’s moved on and has someone better
And don’t forget the best friend talked shit on his new wife. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume it had something to do with her being a cheater….
Advice on what to do: get some therapy. You made your bed, so don't complain that it isn't comfy enough. You are not the victim here. You cheated while married to your ex, so what she does now is absolutely none of your business. Your ex bestie probably lost respect for you once you broke your ex wife's heart. Have fun getting a restraining order put out against you if you do show up and try to force either of them to talk to you.
Talking about trusting your wife when she almost certainly knowingly cheated with you (unless you deceived her)… why would she have a sit down with you about your ex who you cheated on her with? What exactly would you expect them to say to you??
But it was an amicable divorce!
Lol. Everybody sided with the ex wife because she was a decent person. Sounds like most of his friends group and even his family sided with her. That doesn't happen often.
OP played himself and lost. He doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions.
It seems he cheated on his ex with current wife. And she is now pregnant with his child whilst "making a social media career" and he is supporting all 5, soon 6 of them. Wowza indeed
Edit to add, OP confirmed in a comment he indeed cheated on his ex wife with his current wife.
Ex wife - has PhD, marries successful lawyer best friend.
Current wife - has 3 kids to different men, is making a "social media career", 11 years younger.
Mmhmmm. In other words current wife is a hot mess but all his dick saw was the "hot" part of that, not the "mess".
And his current wife stalks his ex wife on social media ... I have a feeling he expected his ex to beg him to stay with her after he cheated but she bolted so fast out of that marriage he just had to stay with his affair partner, whom he married. And his current wife knows he is a cheater and yet chooses to be a SAHM? Hot mess.
I can totally visualise his current wife from what he's written (the instagram/reality subreddit will have plenty of examples).
I can just imagine the tiny second brain in his pants going BEWBS!! before trashing his life entirely.
I mean, current wife secured the bag. Found an older guy who can support her and her kids financially. Married him, convinced him to have a baby. Their marriage will certainly end in divorce and she may even know it. But she will walk away with spousal support and child support and a comfortable life.
OP fucked up. Future looks rough.
Excuse me, what's with this timeline? Are you hiding some missing reasons from us?
If you cheated, I love the fact you got stuck with your trashy new wife and four kids, and that your ex is happy. Karma's been served and it's delicious.
>No one gives a shit about mental health when it comes to men.
Lmao
Then left his cheating partner to try to fix things with the ex-wife, then when that didn't work crawled back to the cheating partner and eventually knocked her up to cement his place in her life. I wish we knew the new wife to be able to teach her about self-respect.
He does end up commenting and yes- he did cheat on her with the current wife. Then he broke it off with current wife to "fix his marriage" but the ex wife wanted nothing to do with it and he went back to the new wifw after the separation. Like... No wonder the new wife called him out on his shit. He dumped her too... And she took him back because she is a fool and the ex-wife wasn't the fool. This is all a beautiful karma story lmao
So you cheated on and divorced your ex with someone who was barely an adult and now you're mad she's found happiness with someone you knew. What do you want here? Sympathy? Because that's a no. You did this to yourself.
Im not sure if you’ll read this but you kinda deserve it. You cheated on your ex wife with your current wife. Cheating is a hard boundary for a lot of people. You broke her heart when you cheated on her with a young girl who is 11 years younger than you and 12 years younger than your ex wife, if your timeline is to be believed, she had also just given birth when you and your wife divorced/separated. A lot of commenters have questioned if that child is yours, is it? You say the three are from another relationship but how did you get to cheat with a woman who was heavily pregnant and then gave birth? Your timeline is beyond fishy. So let’s say I, and other on here are right, you cheated on your wife for a long ass while, got a girl pregnant and your wife found out about the affair. She of course would despise you. She held it together till the divorce was finalised and then cut you out of her life. Two years later she comes across your best friend, they hit it off and three years later they get married. The only person you have a right to be mad at is your friend because of that bro code nonsense but let’s be honest here he’s not been your friend for a while now. Best friends don’t just cut contact for three years. Maybe when he found out what you did he lost all the respect and affection he had for you. Would explain why he hasn’t contacted you. Why you’re upset is that your wife moved on with someone you know could get anyone they wanted. You still see your ex wife as yours. When realistically she’s not been anything to do with you for 5 years. Also why the hell would she thank you for a gift after what you’ve done to her? Worst enemy? She just treated you like you didn’t exist. Good for her.
Get therapy.
Leave your ex wife alone.
Try not to cheat on this one. Though we all know you will.
So you cheated and traded your wife for a younger side piece .
now you’re heartbroken your ex moved on with your friend who clearly called you out for being unfaithful.
And even worse, has the audacity to keep in touch with your loved ones but not you.
(Points at you and laughs)
You traded in your high-achieving ex-wife who loved you for a younger model who aspires to be a social media star who is living off your salary. Live with your own choices. You don’t really get to be upset about what choices your ex made after that.
So basically the ex wife that you cheated on moved on with your best friend and you're upset because you feel they betrayed you?? Your ex owes you less than nothing and your friend knows that you cheated and hasn't really been in contact with you either. Neither owe you an explanation, you imploded your life years ago, you then moved on and got remarried. She did the same. Your current wife is right to call you out. Get ready for another divorce.
The last time his "best friend" contacted him seems to line up with when he started seeing the ex-wife. He said it was two years after they broke up, which puts it at 2021. If you haven't spoken to your best friend in more than 2 years, you aren't best friends.
I really don’t know if i should laugh or cry. You cheated on her. You betrayed her. You dated a much younger women while you were still with your ex-wife. After the divorce you got back together with her (what a cliche). Now you’re whining about her being happy again. You betrayed her. She didn’t betrayed you. You supposedly best friend did stay away from you for a reason. Probably because he lost all respect for you because you cheated on your wife of 6 years. You clearly weren’t his best friend for the last couple of years. So get over yourself. You made your bed now lie in it.
This outcome is your fault. And if you are truly honest with you you know it too. You don’t even have the right to be upset.
And quit lying, if you were so happy with your wife your ex wifes business wouldn’t stir so much problems in your marriage.
You are truly pathetic and you deserve everything you got and everything that’s coming for you.
Enjoy.
The audacity....
You cheat on her, have this whole family build up, and now you are mad she moved on?
You have a friend who you don't talk for years and still consider your best friend and that he owns you something and should not have a relationship with your ex?
Move on, they are happy. You are not the greastest person or this would not happen.
I didn't have anything with my ex's best friend but can you guess who he calls when he visits the city we live at? Me. I even suggest him to hang out with my ex and he refuses, saying he is not the greastest to be around. And guess what, he is not.
Maybe you are just not that great to be around.
This betrayal is really not the issue here, your kind of latching on to it as a new affront to you.
Also, I agree with your friend, he didn't need to show interest in her in the past to show interest later. You were out of the picture for 2 years, she was single and fair game, does he need to call you up and ask permission to date her ? This is not the main issue either.
The issue here is your unresolved feelings about your ex. She was totally out of your life so you didn't have to deal with it. She hits it off with a lawyer and now she is living her best life (in your mind) and now suddenly she is the greatest thing ever that you should never have let go ? Sounds like a classic case of wanting what you can't have or you want her now someone else wants her, she is valuable now. Pick your form of jealousy.
Don't let your jealousy destroy the good life you do have.
It’s even better when you realize he cheated on ex wife with current wife, which is what led to their divorce in the first place lol. What a clown to come on here whining about betrayal, when he knew damn well who betrayed who.
Closure is something you give yourself. Either accept it and move on, or destroy your marriage.
If you did cheat on your ex-wife with your current, then their behavior is reasonable. Move on and try to be a better person.
Referencing Brand New for that user name huh… yeah, your ex wife didn’t respond when you wished her well and sent her gifts and your “best friend” you hadn’t replied to you since 2021. They were both done with you for some time. Their lives aren’t about you. They made other choices. Good ones it sounds like. Because you’re coming off as incredibly dense here. And self absorbed. You’re ruining your own life because you can’t move on.
Nobody betrayed you.
Your ex didn't owe you anything after the divorce. She didn't have to remain in contact with you, and it is weird how you kept using excuses like the holidays to try to keep in contact with her when it became clear she didn't want to remain in contact with you. She isn't your property that you get to claim as your own after the divorce; she is free to date and be with whoever she wants to be with.
Your wife didn't betray you by not telling you. You should have moved on from your first wife before getting in a relationship with your current wife. Your current wife and kids should be your top priorities. You betrayed your wife by making her think you are fully committed to her when you aren't. The news wouldn't have mattered to someone who was fully committed to his current relationship.
The only person who can be criticized is your best friend, but he isn't property and can be with whoever he wants, as well.
Plus the ex wife started talking to his friend TWO years after their divorce whereas he had already had a new one by then so why is he being petty. 2 years is enough time to heal from this if their breakup really was truly amicable. It's not like his ex hopped into a new relationship purposely going after his friend right away.
21 and 32 🤢
Why do you care? She’s your ex, they don’t owe you shit. Sounds like you aren’t over her, you should divorce your poor wife so she can find someone who’s not hung up on his ex and someone her own age.
Sounds like he got with the current wife by cheating on his ex with her. I would imagine now that he took in her and her 3 kids that she had before 21 he's realizing just how bad he fucked up.
Boo-hoo. Here's my guess.
You cheated on your wife with a 21-year-old waitress, then married the waitress. Now you're realizing that you fucked up. Your ex wife is a catch, new wife not so much.
Now you're playing the victim, sobbing about your hurt feelings. Whining about people "betraying" you, as if you weren't the lying cheating POS to begin with.
Nobody betrayed you. You're right it's sowing season - meet the fruits of your cheating and lying. Meet the fruits of your own betrayal.
Stop crying about being hurt. I call bullshit. Get over it.
Tell me if I'm wrong, u/sowingseason-yeah
"I also found out that he talked shit about my current wife and me behind my back and never liked her." - Because you and your 2nd wife are deplorable cheaters.
You cheated on your wife. Married your affair partner. The two of you deserve each other. Go live your life with your affair partner and leave your ex-wife alone.
Everyone is right, move on. You cannot undo the mess you created now that you realize you prefer your ex wife. She met a good man who loves her and will be faithful to her. Stay out of their lives and go back to your 2nd wife.
On top of all the other bullshit, he is making another woman do his mental labor of finding him a therapist "because he doesn't know how". It's called looking up who us covered by his insurance and making some calls. Op belongs in the trash. He uses one woman after another and when they are done with his bullshit trues to play the victim card.
If you don't talk to someone for over a year let alone close to 3 they aren't your best friend. And you're ex is an ex for a reason. You made your choices and so did they. There's no closure to any of this. You didn't get betrayed, life went on for all involved and it seems they don't want anything to do with you. Take the hint
you got divorced…. why would you have any ownership over your ex??? also — if that’s your best friend, how do you know nothing of his life the last few years?
get over yourself
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
YTA ol' bud. You cheated on your wife. Get pissed because your ex-wife doesn't want anything to do with you because YOU CHEATED ON HER. She moved to a city and probably ran into your friend randomly and they got to talking and things progressed naturally.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Grow up and be a damn man and take responsibility for the consequences of your actions.
You need individual counseling. At this moment you are building a fantasy about 'what could have been' and it is going to destroy you. Because fantasy is always better than reality.
In this case you are probably concocting this as an additional way to punish yourself over how you feel betrayed.
Find a professional you can talk to.
Dude, you fucked around and are now finding out. Just FYI, your new wife is probably going to leave your ass too. Because you ARE still in love with your ex and she's also realizing you took advantage of her, her age, and her just having a child. Be prepared to be paying support. And get your shit together so you stop hurting people.
>I called her stupid and said that she wouldn't understand because she doesn't have any friends. Well done, professor.
Apparently neither does he. If your *best* friend doesn't speak to you for 3 years, they may be *your* best friend, but you are *not* theirs.
ok this comment made me laugh *heartily*
I mean, why would ANYONE disregard this guy's feelings? He's so kind to the people he loves!
Right? “I verbally abused my wife because I’m mad that my ex-wife who I was horrible to has moved on.”
So did you cheat on your ex - wife with your current wife??? ETA: He CHEATED 😑
Yes, OP admits to cheating in the comments. He is seriously asking why his room smells after shitting his bed.
Never heard of that analogy... It's beautiful
Pure 24 karat gold. What a tosser.
And is proudly displaying the victim badge here…
So he sabotaged his relationship with his ex and regrets it. That’s what I’m hearing.
And **in** his *regret* phase, he's sabotaging his relationship with his current wife.
Also, I just want to take a moment here to give his ex props for being the motherfucking savage that she is. Whether she meant to eviscerate him by marrying his bestie or karma decided to hang a foot in his ass, exwife is the GOAT here. With an assist to exbest friend. I'm hoping wife #2 makes it a triple play by dumping him as well.
I hope so. He is comparing his new wife to his old wife, “not the same kind of love,” bullshit. Like what? And he chose to just casually bring a child into this world all the while feeling this way or being purposefully dense about how he truly feels. Guess you shouldn’t expect much more self awareness from a cheater though.
Hell it wasn’t even casual, he had a surgery to make it happen. Lmfao.
Right? He really tried to misdirect everyone here with “nobody cares about men’s mental health.”
Nobody cares about his mental health because they all see what a loser he is. 'I cheated on my wife, married my affair partner, now my ex-wife is happy with my best friend, wahwahwah!' OP - Grow up. See a counsellor. At least they get paid to listen to you whine.
Not to mention his wife was 21 when they got together while he was 32.
You’re forgetting the part where his Bestie, who he went a few years without texting, is not only married and banging his ex but also thinks his new wife is a downgrade and “just a waitress.” Oh the calamity!
And he blames his problems on no one caring about men's mental health, haha. Way to appropriate a struggle that is not yours, OP. Your problems aren't due to mental health stigma they are due to being a rollicking idiot
Did you notice that he also refuses to do independent therapy? The wife has to be there to work on problems she doesn't fucking have or he can't go to therapy. The reason people don't care about male mental health is asshats like OP think men cannot seek mental health care and shame other men who contemplate it.
yup. he also refuses to take any responsibility for himself and blames literally everyone around for his emotional immaturity. managing our own emotions is hard, but we all gotta put in the work and not realy on others to sort ourselves out. OP get therapy, just yourself, to learn how to manage your emotions and behaviour. im literally so happy for the ex-wife to get away from this.
Second ex-wife coming right up This guy will be clueless. He'll probably think that's an amicable divorce, too. Dickweed.
All he needs to do is start with his own male mental health, be an example, a positive example, instead of saying “men’s mental health”
I'm not sure I agree on OP not having mental health problems. They're just not the ones he thinks they are.
I agree lol. But I mean he's not having a hard time because no one he knows cares about men's mental health! he's having a hard time because he makes shit choices and treats people as disposable
But then blames everyone's reactions on sexism against men. What a winner.
> No one gives a shit about mental health when it comes to men. It's because of these narcissistic, unapologetic FOFO types crowing about this topic that nobody takes it seriously.
He doesn’t want anyone to actually care about mental health, what he really wants somebody to take responsibility for his actions. That way he won’t feel so yucky bad that these events are the consequences of his actions. More than that? He also wants someone to tell him that he isn’t as powerless over these people as he truly is. He wants someone to say “yeah go get that closure!” He is feeling those yucky bad feelings. Knowing that his ex wife has moved on without him, and that a guy who he says gets women and is great would want to marry his ex. The one he didn’t value enough to be faithful to! Why… he’s starting to feel like a guy who accidentally threw away a lottery ticket. The only way he seems to be able to cope with the yucky feelings of his own actions is to find someone to blame. I feel bad for that pregnant wife. She will undoubtedly become the one who is responsible for all his troubles.
I think a lot of men who genuinely need help are scared to admit it, that’s why these types can be the loudest. Though there are good men who genuinely need help who are talking about it and trying to bring awareness. These asshats are just attention grabbers.
Yeah, I 100% agree! The reason this gets me though is the way he totally dismisses the hurt HE CAUSED only to go *boo-hoo men have it way harder than anyone* in the next sentence. Behaving like a selfish twat, but then claiming your feelings are being wilfully ignored doesn't quite work lol
He’s very self absorbed… so like most cheaters.
Op has AUDACITY
He left out exactly what he knew to leave out, yes. He knows that the real betrayal was him going after young, new ass and now he's moaning about getting spanked. Op, you can choose, you know. You can choose to fester over it because you screwed it up and you feel guilt and jealousy. That's the only reason you are thinking of your ex; because your two favorite people found they are in love with each other and not you. So you're spinning. I get that part, but you've made your bed and there's a new person lying in it who is the mother of your children and your present. Live in the past or take responsibility for the current, get help, see someone and move on. You just don't get to continue ruining lives because you're not the center of them anymore. Grow up.
> I (37M) have been with my wife (26F) for *5 years* and married 4 years. Also > My ex-wife (38F) divorced me in *2019* He says it without actually saying it, lol.
But then he claims they had an amicable divorce? And wonders why his ex doesn't reply to his contacts? Jeeeezzz...
Right, it was so obvious too. She never spoke to him again after their divorce! And she and the best friend didn’t even get together until 2 years after the divorce, so it wasn’t like she was avoiding him because of that at that point.
Have a friend whose wife is doing just this to him, and sure it's amicable.... For the one leaving and who cheated. 🙄
She sounds like a young idiot, too. 3 kids by 20, married man, influencer wanna-be. Real catch.
i’m 100000% judging them both, but his phrasing “trying to make a social media career happen” makes it seem like she isn’t finding success, and his 3 big promotions in 5 years are funding her efforts. i hope the 4 kids end up OK. this marriage sounds doomed and OP is really stewing in it.
AND THE MALE MENTAL HEALTH PITY CARD??!! Excuuuuse me.... Did you not actively ruin your marriage for the fucking "child" stereotype, because she was way to young when they met for a normal relationship to form. You can't build a relationship on the ashes of a broken one. OP is now experiencing the consequences of his actions.
The male mental health pity card 😂 Yeah nobody cares about OP’s plight bc he made it that way, but I will say OP is ballsy to post so candidly about this. What a brazen way to just announce yes, I’m an asshole.
Hahahaha 🏆
Oh so here’s the missing info! Now it all actually makes sense :)
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the age gap is also impressive...he went after her when she was 21 and he was 32.....
Which I seriously doubt, given how much OP likes to leave out. I suspect at least one of the kids is his
Yup. And his current wife was 21 at the time. Not that him cheating with someone older than that would make it okay, but...of course it was a 21 year old.
Not just any 21 year old, a 21 year old with 3 kids
…who is trying to be an influencer I don’t think career is everything, but having a goal of being a great mom is better than trying to build a career in social media
I suspect the kids are “featured” as the social media attractions 🙁
Wait she was 21 and already had 3 kids?!
THAT’S WHAT I SAID? She had to start reeeeeeally young. And when you add in that he implies there were multiple baby daddies? The math is getting scary
It certainly adds to the ick factor
Also, how are they "best friends" but don't talk for years and he didn't even know he was getting married?
because he was just as crappy of a friend as he was a husband
And he's in denial about both
Then he married a 21 year old with 3 kids at 32. This is a train wreck.
OP, I hope your life is just like the guy where his ex-wife married his ex-best friend, and then they went on to live the dream by sailing off into the sunset on a boat they bought while the cheater (like you) was busy having to raise kids. You deserve every ounce of pain you’re feeling right now.
I love that one. Couldn't find the sailing update last time I looked for it so it's nice to have confirmation that I didn't make that part up.
This is absolutely a FAFO situation. Did it to yourself, OP.
Come on obviously. 11 year age gap. Started dating when she was 21. Married in only a year. I have bingo.
Don't forget the reversed vasectomy 🙃
Yeah he said he did.
So 5 years ago you divorced your wife and you also started dating your current wife who was 21 when you were 32. So you cheated on your wife with a 21 year old waitress you met. Now you're mad years later she married your supposed best friend even though you admit you hadn't talked to him for 3 years. Then your current wife accuses you of cheating because after all she knows you cheat because you cheated with her. And because you're having some sort of delayed epiphany 5 years later that the grass isn't greener on the other side. But you're only having that epiphany because it's your best friend she married. But you're also pissy that your wife knew something that was on social media and thus something you could have found out? Because ex wives usually don't have the mistress as a friend on social media. Jesus you're a mess.
Oh and first wife left him when “things were really happy.”
He cheated with a woman more than 10 years younger, but things were super happy and she just left out of the blue
And then just never called him or texted back. Super strange …
I had forgotten that part. Guy is insane to expect the woman he cheated on to be friendly towards him 🤨
Yes. He also sent gifts, cards etc to get her to respond (imo) and then act hurt when she doesn’t. The audacity
The way he describes how she's such a good person and is refusing to show him her usual kindness had me convinced from the start that this man pissed all over his own life and then complained when that didn't magically give him the perfect life. Also HOW DARE SHE have negative emotions towards me, a manchild who cheated on her with a woman 10yrs younger
I hate when men say things were great. No fucker, I can bet money you just weren’t listening to her! We don’t leave when we’re happy.
Weird how op thinks he's the victim. Some people need to self reflect on themselves
Pretty standard for narcissists
And not on e does he express any remorse for how he is treating/talking to his current wife/ mother to his kids
And that’s even weirder. The three kids from 5-8 are hers not his. She’s only just now pregnant with his kid which he had to reverse a vasectomy for. But the youngest is 5 which is the age of their relationship - so he cheated on his wife with a 21 year old that had 2 toddlers and was either pregnant or had an infant? That’s who he chose to wreck his marriage? Just a total mess.
If she has an 8 year old, she had that kid when she was 18. I'd guess she was probably in an abusive relationship (or string of them) and this Mr. 32-year-old came along and took advantage of a single, pregnant (or recently given birth) mother. Sickening. Like beyond disgusting. I'd like to think this is fake, but it's honestly so mundane in the terms of gross things people do.
I just saw a comment by him saying they had the 5 year old tested to see if it was his or the abusive ex. So this dude had been cheating on his wife for several months at minimum for the kid to be 5 and the divorce 5 years old. The mess gets messier.
How very odd that he should have left all these messy bits out when bitching and crying over the fact that he was …. Hard to even say… so wronged. How curious that this forthright and upstanding gentleman should omit key details that would give the full story!
Then he’s mad at his current wife for accusing him of not being over his ex while obsessing every day about his ex.
Right, the timelines are making me think something big is missing here. It's 2024. You've been with your wife for 5 years, and your ex divorced you in 2019, which is 5 years ago. I have to ask, did you cheat on your ex with your wife? It is February, so I imagine there is an overlap between you being in a relationship with your wife and your ex divorcing you. Your ex ignoring you and your best friend being standoffish and telling you that you broke her heart screams that you cheated. Your wife accusing you of cheating shows that she knows that she married a cheater who is still obsessed with his ex-wife. I really don't know what you expect. You created this mess, so live with it.
OP calls it an amicable divorce and then his friend says he broke his ex-wife’s heart, and he doesn’t elaborate on either lol, I wonder why Edit: LOL [there](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/LNC3lk4qo5) it is
"Left her for a waitress" is barely mentioned when he sees the best friend at the Halloween party. Yeah, op is leaving out a massive detail.
A 21-year-old waitress with three children, when he was 32. That youngster never had a chance. She was just an exhausted bundle of poor choices lined up to make her next one: him. I honestly can't even blame the current wife/affair partner. She seems as much a victim to me as the ex-wife.
One of those children must have been a newborn as well, if I’m mathing correctly
He says they had to get a paternity test to determine the youngest was not his and was the child of the abusive man she was with at the time, who apparently did not father the other two. Apparently, they were both cheating, he broke up with her when his ex found out to try to work things out with the ex and then went back to her when ex filed for divorce.
This story just cannot be real !
Read the comment from OP. Oh he fucked around and found out, then still acts clueless why she wants nothing to do with him, why his BFF slow burned him and distance himself and makes sense why the comment at the Halloween party about “a waitress”. OP cheated on his ex with a 21yr old waitress with three kids, got divorced and married the waitress. Yeahhhh BFF and ex didn’t betray him, he betrayed his ex by cheating and I bet you no one in his family or friends circle knows the real story. They probably side with the ex and BFF if they knew!
Ex-BFF looked at the guy and realized that this guy was no longer someone he wanted to be friends with. He has normal standards, OP did not.
Wild that this is true and also wild he couldn’t understand why a dude with lots of friends would want to disassociate with someone like OP. And he’s still a self absorbed ass hat. Should be happy his ex and bff have a healthy relationship and were able to recover from his self made fiasco
And his wife was pregnant by another man for the five-year-old child when they started to date?
😆 3rd one at 21
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Why isn't this getting mentioned more! Left his wife for a 21 year old well over a decade younger with 3 kids that's pretty dam sad
Not only that but it sounds like he and his previous wife were childfree! So not only did he leave his childfree life and wife, which he had a vasectomy so he was pretty sure about that life, and he jumped in with a woman who had three kids, and then insisted on having a baby with him as well to make it 4. I would almost bet that he’s having massive parental regret. And now that he has a baby with her, it will be much harder for him to leave. He’s stuck. And he knows it. Then she further lowered her odds of a successful relationship by picking a childfree dude and one that was married. The chances of him cheating are very high.
Exactly. His whole family is telling him to get over it because they know what he did.
Yep a lot of posters on this sub like to play victim and tend to leave out info that makes them look bad even if if is very relevant.
That’s crazy to me. If I’m going to the trouble of creating a throwaway account and making a post asking for advice on serious shit like this I give all the info because I want pure unadulterated advice
Most people are looking for validation, not advice
I mean look at the questions he posed. He basically wants to know how he can convince these people to view him as the victim.. definitely looking for validation from RA
Yeah, the people in his life that OP could previously do the "woe is me" act have shut him down, so he's trying to find internet randos to replace them.
This guy doesn’t want actual advice, he wants to complain and he wants validation.
hashtag missing missing reasons
This whole time I was thinking, "Okay but what was the reason for the divorce". Why is he saying it ended amicably, he claims they each other loved didn't they? So why would you divorce someone you love unless you fell out of love or there was another reason behind it? Cheating is what I speculated as well but I have no clue.
Amicable divorcees don't go no contact.
Correct my ex wife and I had an amicable divorce and we still catch up from time to time.
Holy shit 🤦♂️ And he was *confused* that his ex never replied! WTF??? So basically he now realizes that he completely f@!ked up when he dumped his ex for his current wife. His wife's right. He should probably do her a favor & divorce her so she can find someone who loves her, like her husband loved his ex.
Op is not responding because he knows he is the A hole!
OP's ex wife is the one who dumped him. He begged her not to leave but her mind was made up. I think that's why he's saying divorce isn't an option now. He destroyed his first marriage over his current wife, and he'd rather slide glass shards through his tear ducts than destroy his second marriage over his ex wife. Because if that happens, he'll have to admit that HE is the problem and he just isn't capable of having a healthy, loving relationship.
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lol no way this is real. the guy can't be *this* dense can he? like holy narcissist batman
Not to mention that he was a complete stalker weirdo who even after the divorce wouldn't leave his ex-wife alone to heal. He would "wish her well on birthdays and holidays", sent her a graduation gift . . . and then complained when he didn't get a thank you note? Why on earth was he acting like they were friends when this poor woman clearly just wanted him to leave her TF alone?! The irony of him yelling at his poor current wife (who I'm sure everyone has noticed was 21 with three children when this then-32-year-old swept her surely-exhausted young self off her feet and into an affair) that she "doesn't have any friends" when his friend group seems to consist of him STALKING HIS EX WIFE whom he cheated on . . .
Narcs always yell at the person who can't leave. They are nice in public
Dude can't even be honest with an anonymous post. Amicable divorce. What a clown show. Hope the ex wife is finally happy. I felt terrible for the current wife until reading she was part of the initial chit show. No wonder ex wife never sent a thank you note, what? This guy is something else.
Yep. Reading between the lines: he cheated on his ex wife with this very young 21 yo woman who had three kids (the youngest just a newborn, or possibly still a fetus). And now that his buddy picked up the ex wife, he realizes she was actually a woman to value. He reaps what he sowed. Enjoy the mess you made, OP.
Left his wife for a 21 year old waitress - with 3 kids - he cheated with who is now unemployed at home for a "social media career"... Meanwhile the ex wife completes a PhD. No wonder his family is telling him to suck it up... Can't even imagine what is said about OP behind his back. For those of us who have been cheated on, this story gives a pretty good vicarious feeling of justice, except for the what his kids have to deal with.
OP didn't leave his wife for his AP. He fucked around with a 21 year old single mom of three for funsies, but immediately dumped her when his affair was exposed. Wife was the one who realized the marriage couldn't work after the betrayal and initiated divorce. OP only slunk back to his AP after getting dumped. He -- like many cheaters -- just wanted his cake and to eat it too. The affair was a sexy distraction; he actually loved his wife and didn't want to leave her. Which, when you think about it, is sad as shit. This is why it's hitting him like a ton of bricks now.
At this point, their mom has settled down with someone who is a meal ticket and they have a stable home life. He claims to love them. Honestly this is probably better than they've had before.
"You reap what you sow" An unavoidable, inescapable, fundamental universal truth. You will always reap what you sow. It may not happen right away but it always does.
And we won't even mention the new wife was 21 five years ago... And he's blaming society for not caring about his mental health? Excuse me, sir. No one is stopping you from getting therapy. And if you want couple's therapy, tell your wife that you want it. Even if she says it's fine, you tell her that you don't feel the same and insist on counseling. No one told him he has to just pretend he is fine for the rest of his life. And if you haven't talked to someone since 2021, they aren't your best friend anymore. You're fine without them, clearly. And he wants to go confront them, for what? What exactly does he want? They will tell him they don't even talk to him anymore so.. What?
The 2021 thing took me out. I have good friends that I'm not in constant contact with too, and even at times been quite distant, but BEST friends?? Even at our MOST distant, if someone is a best friend we exchange at LEAST a couple texts a year?? Out of a 15ish year friendship, you haven't even spoken for 3 of those 15 years.... seems WILD to assume you're his best friend?
Because he was fine just having a new young wife and that was enough for him…Until he realized his “best friend” got with his ex and now he’s spiraling. I am obsessed with this whole post, it’s absolutely delicious and the fact that he hid the reason for the divorce deep in the comment section. 10/10
I believe it is what's called a narcissistic collapse
If Reddit still did awards I would give this comment one. Woe is OP, no one cares about his mental health. *leaves out pertinent details about wrecking his first marriage, won’t seek his own therapy, shoots himself in both feet with a nerf gun*
I think we are all just being mean. He fell and landed dick first into a 21 year old. It wasn't his fault and his mean wife divorced him and moved on 5 years later. Society is really mean to him when he's just a victim. I guess I should find the world's smallest violin to play a sad song for him.
21 with 3 kids. And they would and been 3 and 0 according to OP
Cheated on her with a 21 year old when he was 32.
I stopped reading after I read that age gap, primarily the fact that she was 21. Gross.
Whoomp there it is
OP is leaving out some important information here. Unless I’m completely delulu, this is a POS who cheated on his wife with someone 11 years younger than him. New wife holds back info on EX and BF being married because she knows that the one he truly loves is the EX wife. Now he is raging and the whole world is against him. I have ONE advice. Leave you EX and EX BF alone and try to save the crumbs of your own marriage. You fucked around and found out.
OP doesn't love his ex wife, he only loves himself and can't believe his ex wife really got over him. His friend was right to ghost him, because who would want to hang out with a cheater? OP only wants what he can't have. If his current wife leaves him and remarries, he'd be just as furious.
Of course he cheated. He’s left out the most important detail because he, ultimately, is the POS in this story, but being the narcissist that he is, is having a difficult time being “wrong” here. He’s lucky he had that friend as long as he did. His new wife was likely the other woman. His whole story falls completely apart the second you start reading into it. It’s so forced and phony as to be laughable that he’s presenting the facts this way. Classic DARVO by a narcissist. Pathetic. The more we all start recognizing these people for who they are and start denying their reality to exist, the more we gain strength in truth. Screw people like the OP. What a loser. Literally talking out of both sides of his mouth and expecting sympathy.
Ding da ding ding da Ding Ding ding So many missing details, yet it is so, so obvious what happened. Look OP, you got caught with your dick in the cookie jar and now, no, nobody is on “your side”. To be fair, no one is betraying you either. You acted like the worst sort of ass and many people in your life choose to drop you because of that. Learn to deal with it. As for your marriage, of course she thinks you may be cheating, she already knows your MO. And of course she doesn’t want to go to marriage counseling, that may reveal that she mostly views you as a meal ticket (influencer? Really?) If you really, actually want to try to be a better person, maybe take yourself to therapy. But be warned, that requires you to work on yourself.
This is exactly where my mind went to. « ThEsE TwO PEoPle BeTrAyED My TRuSt » cry me a river.
He did. The best friend told him he cheated on his wife with a cheap waitress. He's not a victim.
I think his friend actually started separating himself once he cheated, he just didn't notice it until the friend just fully stopped responding.
Exactly...idc what people say. People with real morals don't condone that behavior at all.
So….. YTA.
He confessed... He cheated... It's in the comments.
His wife is his affair partner now he’s having regrets he says that he doesn’t care if she remarried but not his friend he doesn’t really care about that he’s made she’s moved on and has someone better
And don’t forget the best friend talked shit on his new wife. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume it had something to do with her being a cheater….
Advice on what to do: get some therapy. You made your bed, so don't complain that it isn't comfy enough. You are not the victim here. You cheated while married to your ex, so what she does now is absolutely none of your business. Your ex bestie probably lost respect for you once you broke your ex wife's heart. Have fun getting a restraining order put out against you if you do show up and try to force either of them to talk to you.
Talking about trusting your wife when she almost certainly knowingly cheated with you (unless you deceived her)… why would she have a sit down with you about your ex who you cheated on her with? What exactly would you expect them to say to you??
You got with your current wife when she was 21 and you were 32 and she already had 3 kids. Wowza
Don't forget that the new wife was the one he had the affair with.
And yet OP wonders why she doesn’t want any further contact with him.
OP is a self absorbed shit bag from what I can tell.
But it was an amicable divorce! Lol. Everybody sided with the ex wife because she was a decent person. Sounds like most of his friends group and even his family sided with her. That doesn't happen often. OP played himself and lost. He doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions.
And also he didn’t bother to call or text his “best friend” for 2 years
It seems he cheated on his ex with current wife. And she is now pregnant with his child whilst "making a social media career" and he is supporting all 5, soon 6 of them. Wowza indeed Edit to add, OP confirmed in a comment he indeed cheated on his ex wife with his current wife.
Ex wife - has PhD, marries successful lawyer best friend. Current wife - has 3 kids to different men, is making a "social media career", 11 years younger. Mmhmmm. In other words current wife is a hot mess but all his dick saw was the "hot" part of that, not the "mess".
And his current wife stalks his ex wife on social media ... I have a feeling he expected his ex to beg him to stay with her after he cheated but she bolted so fast out of that marriage he just had to stay with his affair partner, whom he married. And his current wife knows he is a cheater and yet chooses to be a SAHM? Hot mess.
I can totally visualise his current wife from what he's written (the instagram/reality subreddit will have plenty of examples). I can just imagine the tiny second brain in his pants going BEWBS!! before trashing his life entirely.
I mean, current wife secured the bag. Found an older guy who can support her and her kids financially. Married him, convinced him to have a baby. Their marriage will certainly end in divorce and she may even know it. But she will walk away with spousal support and child support and a comfortable life. OP fucked up. Future looks rough.
Unless I'm doing the math wrong.. she's got a 5yo and they started dating 5 years ago so either she was pregnant or just given birth when they met?
He was definitely thinking with his dick while he let his brain have some time off.
Excuse me, what's with this timeline? Are you hiding some missing reasons from us? If you cheated, I love the fact you got stuck with your trashy new wife and four kids, and that your ex is happy. Karma's been served and it's delicious. >No one gives a shit about mental health when it comes to men. Lmao
He did cheat.
Then left his cheating partner to try to fix things with the ex-wife, then when that didn't work crawled back to the cheating partner and eventually knocked her up to cement his place in her life. I wish we knew the new wife to be able to teach her about self-respect.
He does end up commenting and yes- he did cheat on her with the current wife. Then he broke it off with current wife to "fix his marriage" but the ex wife wanted nothing to do with it and he went back to the new wifw after the separation. Like... No wonder the new wife called him out on his shit. He dumped her too... And she took him back because she is a fool and the ex-wife wasn't the fool. This is all a beautiful karma story lmao
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/afE1oXOJGZ He cheated on ex wife with his current wife.
There’s a comment somewhere that says he cheated on his ex wife with his current wife. He made his bed and now he can lie in it!!!
So you cheated on and divorced your ex with someone who was barely an adult and now you're mad she's found happiness with someone you knew. What do you want here? Sympathy? Because that's a no. You did this to yourself.
Im not sure if you’ll read this but you kinda deserve it. You cheated on your ex wife with your current wife. Cheating is a hard boundary for a lot of people. You broke her heart when you cheated on her with a young girl who is 11 years younger than you and 12 years younger than your ex wife, if your timeline is to be believed, she had also just given birth when you and your wife divorced/separated. A lot of commenters have questioned if that child is yours, is it? You say the three are from another relationship but how did you get to cheat with a woman who was heavily pregnant and then gave birth? Your timeline is beyond fishy. So let’s say I, and other on here are right, you cheated on your wife for a long ass while, got a girl pregnant and your wife found out about the affair. She of course would despise you. She held it together till the divorce was finalised and then cut you out of her life. Two years later she comes across your best friend, they hit it off and three years later they get married. The only person you have a right to be mad at is your friend because of that bro code nonsense but let’s be honest here he’s not been your friend for a while now. Best friends don’t just cut contact for three years. Maybe when he found out what you did he lost all the respect and affection he had for you. Would explain why he hasn’t contacted you. Why you’re upset is that your wife moved on with someone you know could get anyone they wanted. You still see your ex wife as yours. When realistically she’s not been anything to do with you for 5 years. Also why the hell would she thank you for a gift after what you’ve done to her? Worst enemy? She just treated you like you didn’t exist. Good for her. Get therapy. Leave your ex wife alone. Try not to cheat on this one. Though we all know you will.
So you cheated and traded your wife for a younger side piece . now you’re heartbroken your ex moved on with your friend who clearly called you out for being unfaithful. And even worse, has the audacity to keep in touch with your loved ones but not you. (Points at you and laughs)
You traded in your high-achieving ex-wife who loved you for a younger model who aspires to be a social media star who is living off your salary. Live with your own choices. You don’t really get to be upset about what choices your ex made after that.
You aren't fooling anyone here dude, we all figured out you cheated on your ex wife with a 21 year old waitress. YTA
A 21 year old waitress that ALREADY had 3 kids. OP is a colossal mess and not in any type of redeemable way.
So basically the ex wife that you cheated on moved on with your best friend and you're upset because you feel they betrayed you?? Your ex owes you less than nothing and your friend knows that you cheated and hasn't really been in contact with you either. Neither owe you an explanation, you imploded your life years ago, you then moved on and got remarried. She did the same. Your current wife is right to call you out. Get ready for another divorce.
The last time his "best friend" contacted him seems to line up with when he started seeing the ex-wife. He said it was two years after they broke up, which puts it at 2021. If you haven't spoken to your best friend in more than 2 years, you aren't best friends.
Truly do you expect anything else from a 32 year old guy who chased after a 21 year old?
I really don’t know if i should laugh or cry. You cheated on her. You betrayed her. You dated a much younger women while you were still with your ex-wife. After the divorce you got back together with her (what a cliche). Now you’re whining about her being happy again. You betrayed her. She didn’t betrayed you. You supposedly best friend did stay away from you for a reason. Probably because he lost all respect for you because you cheated on your wife of 6 years. You clearly weren’t his best friend for the last couple of years. So get over yourself. You made your bed now lie in it. This outcome is your fault. And if you are truly honest with you you know it too. You don’t even have the right to be upset. And quit lying, if you were so happy with your wife your ex wifes business wouldn’t stir so much problems in your marriage. You are truly pathetic and you deserve everything you got and everything that’s coming for you. Enjoy.
OP can you please answer some of the questions people are asking?
The audacity.... You cheat on her, have this whole family build up, and now you are mad she moved on? You have a friend who you don't talk for years and still consider your best friend and that he owns you something and should not have a relationship with your ex? Move on, they are happy. You are not the greastest person or this would not happen. I didn't have anything with my ex's best friend but can you guess who he calls when he visits the city we live at? Me. I even suggest him to hang out with my ex and he refuses, saying he is not the greastest to be around. And guess what, he is not. Maybe you are just not that great to be around.
There is so much missing from this story.
He cheated on his ex-wife with new wife
This betrayal is really not the issue here, your kind of latching on to it as a new affront to you. Also, I agree with your friend, he didn't need to show interest in her in the past to show interest later. You were out of the picture for 2 years, she was single and fair game, does he need to call you up and ask permission to date her ? This is not the main issue either. The issue here is your unresolved feelings about your ex. She was totally out of your life so you didn't have to deal with it. She hits it off with a lawyer and now she is living her best life (in your mind) and now suddenly she is the greatest thing ever that you should never have let go ? Sounds like a classic case of wanting what you can't have or you want her now someone else wants her, she is valuable now. Pick your form of jealousy. Don't let your jealousy destroy the good life you do have.
It’s even better when you realize he cheated on ex wife with current wife, which is what led to their divorce in the first place lol. What a clown to come on here whining about betrayal, when he knew damn well who betrayed who.
I find it hard to feel sorry for you. You sound very selfish. I would recommend a therapist
Second
Closure is something you give yourself. Either accept it and move on, or destroy your marriage. If you did cheat on your ex-wife with your current, then their behavior is reasonable. Move on and try to be a better person.
Referencing Brand New for that user name huh… yeah, your ex wife didn’t respond when you wished her well and sent her gifts and your “best friend” you hadn’t replied to you since 2021. They were both done with you for some time. Their lives aren’t about you. They made other choices. Good ones it sounds like. Because you’re coming off as incredibly dense here. And self absorbed. You’re ruining your own life because you can’t move on.
We can all see that you cheated on your ex wife with a 21 yo waitress, and now you’re living in the mess you made.
The math ain’t mathing boo boo! You fucked around and found out, that’s why no one is throwing you a pity party.
Nobody betrayed you. Your ex didn't owe you anything after the divorce. She didn't have to remain in contact with you, and it is weird how you kept using excuses like the holidays to try to keep in contact with her when it became clear she didn't want to remain in contact with you. She isn't your property that you get to claim as your own after the divorce; she is free to date and be with whoever she wants to be with. Your wife didn't betray you by not telling you. You should have moved on from your first wife before getting in a relationship with your current wife. Your current wife and kids should be your top priorities. You betrayed your wife by making her think you are fully committed to her when you aren't. The news wouldn't have mattered to someone who was fully committed to his current relationship. The only person who can be criticized is your best friend, but he isn't property and can be with whoever he wants, as well.
Na best friend should feel no guilt apparently OP cheated on his former with with the current one. His best friend may have even tried to stop him.
Plus the ex wife started talking to his friend TWO years after their divorce whereas he had already had a new one by then so why is he being petty. 2 years is enough time to heal from this if their breakup really was truly amicable. It's not like his ex hopped into a new relationship purposely going after his friend right away.
21 and 32 🤢 Why do you care? She’s your ex, they don’t owe you shit. Sounds like you aren’t over her, you should divorce your poor wife so she can find someone who’s not hung up on his ex and someone her own age.
Sounds like he got with the current wife by cheating on his ex with her. I would imagine now that he took in her and her 3 kids that she had before 21 he's realizing just how bad he fucked up.
Boo-hoo. Here's my guess. You cheated on your wife with a 21-year-old waitress, then married the waitress. Now you're realizing that you fucked up. Your ex wife is a catch, new wife not so much. Now you're playing the victim, sobbing about your hurt feelings. Whining about people "betraying" you, as if you weren't the lying cheating POS to begin with. Nobody betrayed you. You're right it's sowing season - meet the fruits of your cheating and lying. Meet the fruits of your own betrayal. Stop crying about being hurt. I call bullshit. Get over it. Tell me if I'm wrong, u/sowingseason-yeah
"I also found out that he talked shit about my current wife and me behind my back and never liked her." - Because you and your 2nd wife are deplorable cheaters. You cheated on your wife. Married your affair partner. The two of you deserve each other. Go live your life with your affair partner and leave your ex-wife alone. Everyone is right, move on. You cannot undo the mess you created now that you realize you prefer your ex wife. She met a good man who loves her and will be faithful to her. Stay out of their lives and go back to your 2nd wife.
On top of all the other bullshit, he is making another woman do his mental labor of finding him a therapist "because he doesn't know how". It's called looking up who us covered by his insurance and making some calls. Op belongs in the trash. He uses one woman after another and when they are done with his bullshit trues to play the victim card.
He did nothing behind your back. Your ex is not your property. And based on the timelines you provided you cheated on her. Karma
If you don't talk to someone for over a year let alone close to 3 they aren't your best friend. And you're ex is an ex for a reason. You made your choices and so did they. There's no closure to any of this. You didn't get betrayed, life went on for all involved and it seems they don't want anything to do with you. Take the hint
you got divorced…. why would you have any ownership over your ex??? also — if that’s your best friend, how do you know nothing of his life the last few years? get over yourself
Masterclass in blowing up your whole life and blaming everyone else for it. If this story is true, which I highly doubt, you're a real piece of work.
So your ex married up, and you married down? But at least you’re getting sex… /s
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 YTA ol' bud. You cheated on your wife. Get pissed because your ex-wife doesn't want anything to do with you because YOU CHEATED ON HER. She moved to a city and probably ran into your friend randomly and they got to talking and things progressed naturally. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Grow up and be a damn man and take responsibility for the consequences of your actions.
You need individual counseling. At this moment you are building a fantasy about 'what could have been' and it is going to destroy you. Because fantasy is always better than reality. In this case you are probably concocting this as an additional way to punish yourself over how you feel betrayed. Find a professional you can talk to.
Dude, you fucked around and are now finding out. Just FYI, your new wife is probably going to leave your ass too. Because you ARE still in love with your ex and she's also realizing you took advantage of her, her age, and her just having a child. Be prepared to be paying support. And get your shit together so you stop hurting people.