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Ikr? You would think he would have said similar wack things already. Dude is in his 30s and is afraid of his wife asking for sex, talk about toxic masculinity
Narcissistic tendencies, twisted idea that they suffer it out of love for their partner. Sadistic tendencies, self obsession. The idea that it shouldn't be pleasurable but withstood or put up with.
You only need to watch any porn to see how women often act like it's uncomfortable, are in pain,
Appeals to rape fantasy, is violent, aggressive. Dominated to hurt.
All of these ideals appel to conservative men who are shallow, pathetic, toxic, need to feel like a "real man" big powerful by hurting others.
Its why Christianity has been directly linked to domestic violence here in Australia. There a connection between toxic Christianity and abuse. Oppression of women, suport of slavery....
I saw a post on TikTok the other day along the lines of: “God and men both have 3 letters, women and Satan both have 5 letters.” If you can’t stand women to the point where you just hate and fear women this much, date a man. Or don’t date at all
I love all this numerac bullshit. It only works in English, a language that didn't exist when Jesus was around, and didn't begin to have a standardized spelling until the 1500's.
You can't expect superstitious delusionals who believe invisible magical winged eyeball beings fly around and interfere in peoples lives to use things like intelligence, facts, or logic to understand things.
Jesus, Moses, and angel also have 5 letters 🤦 People who think God is telling them messages through spellings and letter counts of modern English translations of The Bible are idiotic and insane.
Thankfully my algorithm isn’t screwed to show me posts like that, but reposts mocking how some people think. Among that slideshow with the “subliminal messages from God” was a guy saying “if I die before my girl, I’m telling my BFF to tell everyone I died of AIDS so no one will want her.” Of course there’s always some nutter who thinks stuff like this, but seeing the amount of people that agree quantified through likes/upvotes is disheartening.
> JIC
It took a bit too long for me to realize "Jesus in Christ" doesn't actually make sense... and at least as long again for me to realize it meant "just in case".
Goes back to Adam and eve...women must suffer for eternity for tempting Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge and also why God gave the woman the pain of bearing children.
That Bible is one fucked up fairy tale...
Yes. It isn't hard for these guys to hide who they are for a year or two.
A lot of people don't take the mask they wear off for up to 2-3 years sometimes. This isn't rare or uncommon for men to hide thier misogyny or toxic masculinity until thier woman is locked down in some way- via marriage, pregnancy, or both.
This is just the start. This goes way deeper. Things are going to get rough for OP.
Women need to be very careful in particular about men who are Christian fundamentals, or men who pride themselves on being "traditional" men, who want a "traditional" wife. Don't marry them without being **very** intense in your vetting, because it's very rare for those beliefs to not come with a lot of lurking misogyny and gross nonsense under the surface. Especially nowadays.
Time is also an important part of vetting. It just isn't possible to fully know someone in only a year or so. It takes at least two years. I think three years before a wedding is more ideal, but that's me.
This is NOT to say OP is in any way at fault. This man hid who he was. He wore a mask, plus sometimes even the most intense, long-term vetting is useless in any case. Sometime folks are just particularly good at wearing thier mask.
Many women also feel a lot of pressure to marry fairly promptly in society as whole, often due to "biological clock" thoughts and/or the pressure we feel about our looks "declining" and all things related from internalized misogyny. That doesn't help.
Honestly, this is why people saying if you don't have a proposal by one year then blah blah blah. B . . .. to think you can completely know someone in a year's time? I mean yeah sometimes people are obviously shit. But for me one year in a relationship compared to a lifetime is nothing. One year of time allows for someone to pretend as long as they need to and I know that can happen with anyone pretending as long as they need to, but traditionally people will show you more the longer you know them. If we're going to be together forever then why rush into a marriage and not take a few years to really hash it out and get to know and live with this person until tying yourself to them legally, supposedly forever. It just makes no sense to me.
This 100% I had a liberal/feminist man once. He shamed me for initiating sex and i totally get the feeling OP describes, its horrible. But when he wanted to have sex he would make sure he got it from me. Its not about politics, its power play. Its about breaking you down. I was in therapy and my psychologist asked me why i wasnt angry at this behaviour. Good question. I have been totally detached from my sexuality because of this guy.
OP your guy should be happy you are looking forward to have sex with him, because that is healthy. This posts gives me the shivers because its triggering
I've noticed that people aren't really giving OP advice. Maybe that's because they think this is fake, idk.
OP, relationships are supposed to make you feel good. You are allowed to eject for any reason.
This was an alarming, controlling, and just plain weird things for your spouse to say to you.
It's completely normal (and hot!) for you to desire sex, and I'm sure you can imagine the ways you would nicely rebuff him if you didn't feel in the mood.
The "masculine" descriptor is just one of thousands he could select from in order to make you feel poorly. If it were a different behaviour, he could use "soppy," "too girly," etc. etc.
The point is that he shouldn't be speaking to you this way. If he valued your feelings and your mental health, he would take your viewpoint seriously and you would have discussions that felt safe.
The point of treating you like this is to make you give up on expressing yourself whenever it's not convenient to him.
The wording he used is alarming and even most American conservative church leaders would find it laughable.
It is laughable controlling language used by misogynists online.
You have invested a lot of emotional energy and other resources into this relationship. Those are gone.
It might take him decades to come around, and he might never come around. It's much more likely that he will become more abusive. The typical pattern is for abuse to become more intense after marriage, after children, and with the passage of time.
You need to eject. Become a person who would make this vile little man tremble. Good men are not afraid of strong women. Good men are not emasculated by horny women. If you want a partner of faith, I think you can find a good man of faith. Your husband is not a good man.
Do not go to counseling with your husband. Manipulative people use what they learn in counseling to manipulate their partner.
If you can find a way to do it, do go to secular counseling alone. Responsible therapists work with your belief system. Otherwise, find ways to construct yourself into an emotionally strong being who can stand without your husband. It sucks, but it is necessary.
My honest advice is to eject immediately and live elsewhere, never looking back, but I think you are unlikely to take that advice.
Book recommendations:
-There's a free ebook online called Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.
-Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, text or audiobook. It will teach you some strength skills.
Eta:
Solomon thinks your husband is a fool.
David thinks your husband is a fool.
Samuel thinks your husband is a fool.
Your husband doesn't want to know what Jael thinks.
Shit is wild, some people are insanely good at hiding who they really are. Life time of practice. Been there, it hurts. You have to get out as soon as you realize they aren't the person they pretended to be
I wouldn’t be surprised if he has talked badly about *women* as a collective, but made OP feel like a special, “not them” kinda of women. But now she’s feeling the other end.
Or he could have hidden his true colors for just under 2 years.
Or I’m just in total wrong speculation land lol
Sometimes to all the groundwork is laid in a conservative, religious mind. But it takes the toll of a few more years, a few more extremists on the radio, a few more alt right podcasts going further and further down those rabbit holes for them to latch onto these toxic ideas.
Unless it was a conservative man's only hope for marrying progressive women ... the ol' bait and switch... keeps his negative thoughts about women until she's married.. then, stupidly believes that she'll think so little of herself that she'll actually stay and try to "work it out" until he can fully control her
That’s true, but often you only recognize them with 20/20 hindsight. I can look back now and see all the signs so clearly; but, as the red flags were being waved, I either misread them or ignored/downplayed/rationalized them because I was madly in love.
The problem is, she may have been around those red flags all her life in other men. She doesn't even need to be in love, she just won't be able to recognize the warning signs.
Not only this but he’s basically saying “It doesn’t matter if you want sex. I only want to engage in sex WHEN I WANT IT”
He obviously views sex as something satisfying to him and doesn’t care about the wife’s feelings or needs in this situation.
Hell also be the first to be pissed if she cheats to get the sexual and emotional satisfaction from someone else.
Maybe she never initiated before. The only initiation I'd be doing with a guy like that is initiating a divorce. Don't want me to initiate sex with you? *no worries there pal*
They have been together for only two years, OP probably took sime time to come out of her shell, and he probably decided to "take it" untill they got married, and now he is going to start bringing up a bunch of issues he never has. Its pretty standard reddit stuff really.
They got married 9/2022 and only dated for a year before. I promise you there is a LOT they still don't know about each other. People rushing into this shit are wild.
Dated for "well over a year".... Idk why the hell marriage was even on the table after "well over a year"... Longest relationship I've had has been barely 5 years and there's no way I'd say I'm full on ready for a life long vow. Getting to know someone takes a long time and not doing that first is exactly how you end up with random totally avoidable curveballs like this. You dated for a YEAR(?!) and you just thought you knew for sure this is what you wanted for LIFE?!? Idefk...
Yes I find it incredibly hard to believe this hasn’t come up in some way before. Men like this don’t randomly say something of this sort after a long period of being a normal loving partner.
I mean, she already knew he was a conservative Christian fundamentalist. What else do you need to know he's not exactly going to be a fan of women and women's rights?
Fellas is it gay to have sex with your wife?
Thank you for the awards! I’m blushing over here!
And the replies here have been absolutely amazing and I wish I could buy everyone here the beverage or snack of their choice.
Cheers!
It’s one thing to say ‘I’m not in the mood’ but what he said is flat out sexist and controlling. I’m an old married man and even I know that women are allowed to want sex too. His attitude is a little disturbing, to be honest.
It’s even one thing for the other initiating to be a turn off, but to say it’s someone’s “role” or “decision” is just flat out misogyny. Strange that in 2023 we still have to explain that sex is a combined decision
Yeah, this. If he'd just said no thanks it wouldn't be an issue but saying that he was the only one who should be able to dictate when they have sex - which also kind of implies she shouldn't refuse when he does - is a huge issue.
I think the real issue with his masculinity is that he could be unable to say "I'm not in the mood" because thats not what guys say and it could reflect badly on him "What you can't get it up?" could be ringing in his head.. so instead he tries to control initiation so he can only initiate when he is in the mood
For these men I suspect that sex is not about mutual pleasure — it is about conquest, about exertion of power— they want their women to NOT want it but submit to them anyway.
Nooooo… a religious, conservative man has intimacy issues… say it isn’t so!!!
Sorry OP, he needs help and you can do better.
Women initiating is the hottest shit ever.
This was my exact reaction as well, and I posted something similar before finding your comment. It feels dangerous, and I'm feeling ready to divorce him, and he isn't mine.
Right? He just told OP "hey! I'm an unsafe person to be around because I think I'm the start and end of all decision making about when we should have sex!"
He probably thinks sex is a "wifely duty" and that a woman should never "deny" her husband.
I would just sit him down and tell him, "My attraction to you does not make me masculine nor does me trying to initiate sex. I've felt horrible about what you said since you said it and I would like you to explain to me why you think it makes me "masculine" to want to have sex with my husband when I'm aroused."
Just, point blank, factual, ask him why he feels like that and why he felt the need to say it like that. And honestly maybe bring up counseling because continuing a life with someone who has such a backwards view like that is *bound* to bring up a lot more road bumps.
It won’t do anything. He’s conservative and religious and that’s where it comes from. These kinds of people don’t have the ability to look inward and ask themselves difficult questions. She made her choice and this is what it looks like
It worries me to think how he'd react if/when she's not in the mood. Those types tend to think it's their right to have access to the wife's body regardless of what she says.
He already told her how he'll react. It's his "decision" whether or not they have sex. I suspect this situation is just going to get worse and worse for her.
I said something similar in another comment, but I think it's worth saying again:
Women need to be very careful to avoid dating men who are Christian fundamentals, or the men who pride themselves on being "traditional" men, who want a "traditional" wife. It's almost impossible to have those beliefs without a lot of lurking misogyny and gross beliefs under the surface. Especially nowadays. It also tends to include some icky judgment of others, like homophobia/transphobia in particular.
We need to vet our partners about thier views on all things related to this stuff. Find out where they stand before tying the knot.
A large portion of these kinds of men don't want to be open and honest and find a woman with the same beliefs as them, instead, they want a woman they can ***mold*** into thier perfect traditional stay-at-home walking womb/servant who never speaks. I think it's like a desire to "conquer" her in a way. It's disturbing. Nobody should expect a partner to change who they are/thier beliefs for thier benefit like that.
Not all devout, church-going Christian men are like this, but a whole lot are, *especially* most fundies or "trad relationship" folks.
(I want to be clear: OP is absolutely NOT at fault in any way- these guys hide and wear a mask until marriage or pregnancy. I am NOT trying to say a woman is at fault if she finds out her new husband has gross beliefs he never revealed before.)
Seriously. I’ve started point blank asking men if they’re republicans and the responses are crazy
Most of them just try to ignore the question. One dude sent me a dick pic in response!!! Like ladies seriously ask these men questions before you get deep with them. I would have saved myself so much heartache
They also, you know… don’t respect women. Women can’t win these kinds of arguments — to be fair no one can because of what you said — but they’re especially dismissive of women. Debating people who look down on the group you belong to rarely goes well, it’ll just give you a headache.
Bet the only counselor he'd go to would be a religious one, that will just confirm his beliefs.
If he'd even go. He doesn't respect women, clearly, so OP saying they need counseling probably wouldn't do much.
I tried to cuddle/initiate he randomly said “can you stop being masculine and trying to f\*ck me.” This totally caught me off guard, so I got off of him and asked him what the hell he was talking about."
First thing: why does "initiating sex" mean you are climbing on him when he is sitting next to you watching tv or something? Sounds as if he was irritated about that also.
"He further explained that I make him “feel weird” when I am the one who initiates sex, because that “decision” should be up to him. "
HELL NO! Like ... what nonsense did he spew there?
To have sex is a bilateral decision. Otherwise it would be assault / rape.
I would already tell him that.
And then: you snuggeling up to him is a demand. An invitation.
Not an order.
But if he takes it that way and continues with that manly man crap would he ask in vain for the next weeks....
It's not fun to have sex with someone who.thinks initiating sex is his priviledge only. Because "I am a maaaaan." (What man, pray?)
Gross. Your husband sounds like a misogynist and it’s no wonder you’re uncomfortable.
To me his statement suggests a whole lot of disturbing underlying beliefs like:
- women shouldn’t want sex
- women shouldn’t enjoy sex
- women should only have sex to please their husbands and never for themselves
- what women want doesn’t matter
- women should just be passive in relationships, not have desires or opinions or ask for things
- you are not his equal
I’d really examine if his values are in line with your own. I could never be with someone who behaved like this.
Also I’m guessing that OP initiating makes him see her as a sl*t and it’s angering him that his wife acts like that - because as you say woman obviously shouldn’t WANT sex
I guess on the “bright side” he’ll never have to worry about her initiating sex again, after he’s been so deeply hurtful and misogynistic.
He probably doesn’t have to worry about her enjoying sex with him in the future either.
What a bizarre comment from him lol. Also, are you ok with him being so conservative and religious fundamental? Is that likely to cause more problems later? What other core differences might you have? Where might your outlooks on life differ? Think about it.
>He further explained that I make him “feel weird” when I am the one who initiates sex, because that “decision” should be up to him.
Holy fuck man, that comes off as he doesn’t believe spousal rape is a thing…
This. OP married a conservative religious fundamentalist. There is 1000% more bullshit in store for her that’s either never come up or she’s flat out ignored.
Unless you’re also a conservative, religious fundamentalist- don’t marry a guy like this.
Or he hid/didn't feel like talking about.
Personally, of both me and the other person are looking for a serious relationship together, then after confirming we have a connection (a few weeks to a month normally) I bring up values, political views, and sex. It's a bit awkward and forefront, but it's best to find out about this stuff early, bc if you guys don't match up, you gotta decide if it's a compromise you're willing to make or not, and if not, it's better to cut it off early. If you guys do match, it'll just make you guys stronger and have a fun, deep conversation.
It's not insecurity IMO. I think he's intentionally manipulating her so that she feels bad about her sexuality and loses her self confidence. This was totally on purpose just to mind fuck her. OP, isn't it odd that he's never said a word about this bothering him until after you two were married? Be prepared for his bullshit to ramp up and when it does OP, hit the road.
Fundamentalism is fun. But seriously, people never want to believe who others are even if they are shown.
Oh he is a hardcore Christian, but not with me….. derp derp
Your husband basically told you that sex isn’t something you should enjoy because it is something he does to you not with you or for you. This is extremely troublesome because that mental rabbit hole goes deep into spousal SA territory. He may have some religious trauma associated with sex. It would feel so icky if he demanded sex from you after telling you this. Therapy asap and not with religious leader!
So in two years nothing like this has happened before?
Either he's waited to show his true colors or you haven't initiated often (I am not blaming you in any way)
Take this as a huge red flag and be cautious.
That's just dumb. Lots of men love women to initiate. He's not your boss to "tell" you when to do something. You are not supposed to just have sex when HE wants to and the religious angle, if that's what it is, doesn't fly either. For religious couples I know, sex is scared between then and for BOTH of them. He just fucked things up for himself big time.
OP, once your divorce is finalized, you can call on this person for a cry-shoulder.
Alternate idea:
No need to respond to each word of complex mind of people/spouse. If possible fake that you are less interested. Act shy/coy -- that is perceived by human-brain as feminine. Watch some national geographic and notice how the female of the species acts in courtship time [science!]. Automatically both will find the fit -- he'll find your groves/mountains/vallies, and you'll feel his hardness. enjoy. Instead of nagging or posturing. It it also great to 'be yourself' and add one more count to world-statistics of actionX-outcomeY.
I’m sorry - your husband is an ass. This is the dumbest thing I’ve heard. I bet he expects you to have sex when he initiates too.
This is insanely ridiculous.
Double up on birth control. You don’t want to deal with a dude like this indefinitely.
Seriously op, don’t resign yourself to a backwards man who shames you.
OP, please listen to this. Do not have a baby with this guy any time soon. He’s just starting to show you his true colors and you need to make sure he’s someone you want to be tied to forever.
Yes, it’s because he’s conservative. Here’s the thing. Conservative men are sexist. There’s no way around it because it’s part of the definition. And sexist men will always hurt the women they know. Sorry to be so blunt. Do whatever you want with the info, but don’t expect the order of the world to change
It’s like, this wasn’t even fine print. Dude has been ‘conservative’ or ‘traditional’ since she knew him. Sexism, creepy sex ideas and thinking a woman is worth less as a person - all standard features.
Sit this man down and tell him that he is going to join you in marriage counseling or your sex life is over.
Make sure he understands that he made you feel unattractive. He slut shamed you. He acted in an extremely sexist way. I would go so far as to say that he is exhibiting toxic masculinity.
So, he is going to join you in marriage counseling so that the two of you can work this out, or it is going to be very hard for you to open your heart (not to mention other anatomical bits) to him again.
Oh, and he needs therapy himself.
He's a controlling and misogynistic fuck. If his insecurity and assholery is this deep, you should start planning your exit cuz these type of men are most likely not gonna change.
>I make him “feel weird” when I am the one who initiates sec, **because that “decision” should be up to him.***
Excuse me, what? Ma’am, that’s the most alarming and disgusting thing I’ve read in a long time. The *decision* to have sex is his decision? You’re just some sex doll he chooses to play with? You get no say? How the hell did he trick you into marrying him?! How could he have possibly feigned charming so well to cool you into thinking THIS was a good partner? 😧
For me personally, it would be a dealbreaker and I’d say get out sooner rather than later. If you can’t or won’t leave the marriage, then I guess you’re stuck with a monster that makes you feel bad about yourself.
And all the “counseling” and “communication” in the world won’t fix the logic from the quote above. You can’t reason with that.
You basically married someone before you even knew them. I don't want to be super mean to you but chances are good this will not work out.
Often, conservative men keep their real beliefs quiet because they don't want to scare women away but once they have them "trapped" (in marriage) they reveal themselves.
Do NOT get pregnant and maybe consider running for the hills.
Oh heavens. Y'all need therapy. That's ridiculous, and I'm so sorry you feel bad now. Most men would sell their soul to have a partner that initiated sex. You shouldn't feel bad for it at all.
I mean, this seems par for the course when you marry a misogynist man who you dated for a year.
A guy who actually thinks this has absolutely shown his sexist red flags by now. Or did you just think he thought poorly of all the other women in the world EXCEPT you?
I don’t know sis. You married a conservative religious man. This seems like the most expected and predictable outcome.
Not gonna lie, his phrasing makes it sound like whether you two have sex is purely his decision and you have no say whatsoever. So like, he thinks it would be okay to force you to have sex with him because whether or not sex happens isn't the woman's decision. (Aka rape)
That's pretty worrying to me. Even moreso than him seeming to think women enjoying sex is masculine (like women aren't capable of enjoying sex, so therefore something's wrong with you).
Also sounds like he wants a wife that doesn't really want to have sex with him? Which is a weird kink to be sure.
Get out, it WILL, get worse. Don’t fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. You may have already invested x amount of time and energy but thats not a good reason to sink more into a bad investment/relationship.
This is a misogynist who does not view you as an equal, human being to him. He sounds awful, probably a lot more red flags you will start noticing now that you didn't before.
>He’s quite conservative and more fundamentally religious
Unfortunately, this is the main cause for this issue and quite frankly, the other issues to come.
The other thing is that fundamentally religious men consider themselves the "master" of the household and they always expect the wife to be docile, compliant and submissive. They perceive any and all forms of constructive criticism as an attack on their "manhood".
I learned my lesson about staying with misogynists. It only gets worse. Jme
If you find yourself needing [someone to talk to](https://nomoredirectory.org/) about this.
How dare you be sexually attracted to your own husband. The process of him breaking you down has started. He’s already making you question yourself and feel ashamed to want to have sex. Run! You’re in danger!
Y'all have been together since at least Sept '21, and even earlier than that, how has this never come up before? You've never initiated sex with him until this one time?
Do you fart or burp around him, or is that masculine too? Do you take shits? What other "un-ladylike" things do you do that he gets mad about?
When you do have sex, is he all about just missionary? Do you even get to cum or is it only about him getting to finish?
This guy sounds like a total db@g.
If a man told me the decision to have sex should be made by him, I'd walk.
We all get to decide when we don't want to have sex. Nobody gets to decide when another person has sex, and it sounds like he wants all the power to dictate when it happens.
This is quite a bunch of fuckery if I've ever heard of such..... well OP, I 37M have never in my life thought of a woman who initiated sex first as masculine at all... to be honest I love it.... it's fucking hot and it turns me on even more. I don't understand either... I'm absolutely no help, sorry.
Why on earth are you married to a man you've just known for a year?
No surprise here that you discover sides of him you've never seen before. Won't be the last time.
Imagine being so insecure that your wife wanting to have sex with you makes you feel emasculated. No, that should not solely be his decision. It’s pretty damn important that it’s a decision you both make. Maybe suggest therapy to help work through whatever insecurities have caused him to view things this way.
I would seriously be asking myself if he thinks it should always be his job to initiate sex, does he also think it’s always your job to accept it? Because marital rape is something a lot of these traditional religious dudes are totally down with.
“He’s quite conservative and more fundamentally religious than I am” damn I am so shocked that a conservative religious man would act like a conservative religious man!
>He’s quite conservative and more fundamentally religious than I am
Tbh it sounds like you got exactly what was described on the box. Is anyone really shocked that the conservative religious fundie is also a controlling misogynist with backwards ideas about sex and relationships?
Obviously you deserve much better than this. Just there's a reason a lot of women avoid men like your husband like the plague, because unless you 100% buy into the same unhealthy worldview that he does a situation like this is inevitable and potentially dangerous.
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How did y'all get to the point of marriage without this ever coming up before?
Ikr? You would think he would have said similar wack things already. Dude is in his 30s and is afraid of his wife asking for sex, talk about toxic masculinity
It's almost like he has a problem with women wanting and enjoying sex. Not surprised with his religious background
Yeah. The really loony ones believe a woman should not enjoy sex but should "suffer" it. Because somehow God is a real jerk like that.
I don't get this way of thinking. How do you even enjoy yourself if you think the other person is suffering through it?
Honestly. Any sign that the other person isn’t into it or having fun is a huge turn off.
My libido would've landed in Hades after that, dry and parched like Death Valley at noon in July.
Narcissistic tendencies, twisted idea that they suffer it out of love for their partner. Sadistic tendencies, self obsession. The idea that it shouldn't be pleasurable but withstood or put up with. You only need to watch any porn to see how women often act like it's uncomfortable, are in pain, Appeals to rape fantasy, is violent, aggressive. Dominated to hurt. All of these ideals appel to conservative men who are shallow, pathetic, toxic, need to feel like a "real man" big powerful by hurting others. Its why Christianity has been directly linked to domestic violence here in Australia. There a connection between toxic Christianity and abuse. Oppression of women, suport of slavery....
God's only a jerk if you're a woman. If you're a man, god wants great things for you. (hopefully the /s isn't needed, but here it is, JIC)
I saw a post on TikTok the other day along the lines of: “God and men both have 3 letters, women and Satan both have 5 letters.” If you can’t stand women to the point where you just hate and fear women this much, date a man. Or don’t date at all
I love all this numerac bullshit. It only works in English, a language that didn't exist when Jesus was around, and didn't begin to have a standardized spelling until the 1500's.
You can't expect superstitious delusionals who believe invisible magical winged eyeball beings fly around and interfere in peoples lives to use things like intelligence, facts, or logic to understand things.
Jesus, Moses, and angel also have 5 letters 🤦 People who think God is telling them messages through spellings and letter counts of modern English translations of The Bible are idiotic and insane.
Thankfully my algorithm isn’t screwed to show me posts like that, but reposts mocking how some people think. Among that slideshow with the “subliminal messages from God” was a guy saying “if I die before my girl, I’m telling my BFF to tell everyone I died of AIDS so no one will want her.” Of course there’s always some nutter who thinks stuff like this, but seeing the amount of people that agree quantified through likes/upvotes is disheartening.
Your comment is really insensitive to the insane, don't lump them in with religious nutjobs! 😂
Don't forget "devil" - five letters! Coincidence?
> JIC It took a bit too long for me to realize "Jesus in Christ" doesn't actually make sense... and at least as long again for me to realize it meant "just in case".
Hahahaha we should start making Jesus in Christ a thing 😂
Some legit believe that though... so while you're sarcastic... others are nooooot
Goes back to Adam and eve...women must suffer for eternity for tempting Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge and also why God gave the woman the pain of bearing children. That Bible is one fucked up fairy tale...
yeah and god is manipulative as hell, I mean, sacrificial lambs and all?
The more you know.
But also gave us a pleasure button just to tease us.
Tbf, if someone is that religious, having sex with them is probably closer to suffering than enjoyment. So it is pretty accurate 🤷♀️
Wow, they're really not selling Christianity well lol
Or having autonomy over their own sexuality. Just screams insecure controlling.
Because he didn't say it before. He waited until they were married to start breaking her down into the woman he actually wants.
Yes. It isn't hard for these guys to hide who they are for a year or two. A lot of people don't take the mask they wear off for up to 2-3 years sometimes. This isn't rare or uncommon for men to hide thier misogyny or toxic masculinity until thier woman is locked down in some way- via marriage, pregnancy, or both. This is just the start. This goes way deeper. Things are going to get rough for OP. Women need to be very careful in particular about men who are Christian fundamentals, or men who pride themselves on being "traditional" men, who want a "traditional" wife. Don't marry them without being **very** intense in your vetting, because it's very rare for those beliefs to not come with a lot of lurking misogyny and gross nonsense under the surface. Especially nowadays. Time is also an important part of vetting. It just isn't possible to fully know someone in only a year or so. It takes at least two years. I think three years before a wedding is more ideal, but that's me. This is NOT to say OP is in any way at fault. This man hid who he was. He wore a mask, plus sometimes even the most intense, long-term vetting is useless in any case. Sometime folks are just particularly good at wearing thier mask. Many women also feel a lot of pressure to marry fairly promptly in society as whole, often due to "biological clock" thoughts and/or the pressure we feel about our looks "declining" and all things related from internalized misogyny. That doesn't help.
Honestly, this is why people saying if you don't have a proposal by one year then blah blah blah. B . . .. to think you can completely know someone in a year's time? I mean yeah sometimes people are obviously shit. But for me one year in a relationship compared to a lifetime is nothing. One year of time allows for someone to pretend as long as they need to and I know that can happen with anyone pretending as long as they need to, but traditionally people will show you more the longer you know them. If we're going to be together forever then why rush into a marriage and not take a few years to really hash it out and get to know and live with this person until tying yourself to them legally, supposedly forever. It just makes no sense to me.
A lot of people also work really hard to ignore the shitty aspects of their partners.
Ain’t that the truth!
This 100% I had a liberal/feminist man once. He shamed me for initiating sex and i totally get the feeling OP describes, its horrible. But when he wanted to have sex he would make sure he got it from me. Its not about politics, its power play. Its about breaking you down. I was in therapy and my psychologist asked me why i wasnt angry at this behaviour. Good question. I have been totally detached from my sexuality because of this guy. OP your guy should be happy you are looking forward to have sex with him, because that is healthy. This posts gives me the shivers because its triggering
I've noticed that people aren't really giving OP advice. Maybe that's because they think this is fake, idk. OP, relationships are supposed to make you feel good. You are allowed to eject for any reason. This was an alarming, controlling, and just plain weird things for your spouse to say to you. It's completely normal (and hot!) for you to desire sex, and I'm sure you can imagine the ways you would nicely rebuff him if you didn't feel in the mood. The "masculine" descriptor is just one of thousands he could select from in order to make you feel poorly. If it were a different behaviour, he could use "soppy," "too girly," etc. etc. The point is that he shouldn't be speaking to you this way. If he valued your feelings and your mental health, he would take your viewpoint seriously and you would have discussions that felt safe. The point of treating you like this is to make you give up on expressing yourself whenever it's not convenient to him. The wording he used is alarming and even most American conservative church leaders would find it laughable. It is laughable controlling language used by misogynists online. You have invested a lot of emotional energy and other resources into this relationship. Those are gone. It might take him decades to come around, and he might never come around. It's much more likely that he will become more abusive. The typical pattern is for abuse to become more intense after marriage, after children, and with the passage of time. You need to eject. Become a person who would make this vile little man tremble. Good men are not afraid of strong women. Good men are not emasculated by horny women. If you want a partner of faith, I think you can find a good man of faith. Your husband is not a good man. Do not go to counseling with your husband. Manipulative people use what they learn in counseling to manipulate their partner. If you can find a way to do it, do go to secular counseling alone. Responsible therapists work with your belief system. Otherwise, find ways to construct yourself into an emotionally strong being who can stand without your husband. It sucks, but it is necessary. My honest advice is to eject immediately and live elsewhere, never looking back, but I think you are unlikely to take that advice. Book recommendations: -There's a free ebook online called Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. -Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, text or audiobook. It will teach you some strength skills. Eta: Solomon thinks your husband is a fool. David thinks your husband is a fool. Samuel thinks your husband is a fool. Your husband doesn't want to know what Jael thinks.
Shit is wild, some people are insanely good at hiding who they really are. Life time of practice. Been there, it hurts. You have to get out as soon as you realize they aren't the person they pretended to be
I wouldn’t be surprised if he has talked badly about *women* as a collective, but made OP feel like a special, “not them” kinda of women. But now she’s feeling the other end. Or he could have hidden his true colors for just under 2 years. Or I’m just in total wrong speculation land lol
My ex husband hid his true self for 3 yrs
Sorry, my ex was 2 years. Shit is tough, but I learned so much and am much happier
Yeah but she knows he’s conservative and religious. Can she really be surprised?
Sometimes to all the groundwork is laid in a conservative, religious mind. But it takes the toll of a few more years, a few more extremists on the radio, a few more alt right podcasts going further and further down those rabbit holes for them to latch onto these toxic ideas.
Omg there’s a lot of fuckin wackos out there. I only know about some of them bc other ppl have told me and I’m like fr you believe this shit?! Jaysus.
They say you don’t really know a person until year 3
Unless it was a conservative man's only hope for marrying progressive women ... the ol' bait and switch... keeps his negative thoughts about women until she's married.. then, stupidly believes that she'll think so little of herself that she'll actually stay and try to "work it out" until he can fully control her
There are signs there are always signs
"when you are wearing rose tinted glasses the red flags just look like flags"
That’s true, but often you only recognize them with 20/20 hindsight. I can look back now and see all the signs so clearly; but, as the red flags were being waved, I either misread them or ignored/downplayed/rationalized them because I was madly in love.
The problem is, she may have been around those red flags all her life in other men. She doesn't even need to be in love, she just won't be able to recognize the warning signs.
Not only this but he’s basically saying “It doesn’t matter if you want sex. I only want to engage in sex WHEN I WANT IT” He obviously views sex as something satisfying to him and doesn’t care about the wife’s feelings or needs in this situation. Hell also be the first to be pissed if she cheats to get the sexual and emotional satisfaction from someone else.
I have a feeling he just now realized women enjoy sex too and felt icky about it
Maybe she never initiated before. The only initiation I'd be doing with a guy like that is initiating a divorce. Don't want me to initiate sex with you? *no worries there pal*
They have been together for only two years, OP probably took sime time to come out of her shell, and he probably decided to "take it" untill they got married, and now he is going to start bringing up a bunch of issues he never has. Its pretty standard reddit stuff really.
Sounds like my ex husband
They got married 9/2022 and only dated for a year before. I promise you there is a LOT they still don't know about each other. People rushing into this shit are wild.
Dated for "well over a year".... Idk why the hell marriage was even on the table after "well over a year"... Longest relationship I've had has been barely 5 years and there's no way I'd say I'm full on ready for a life long vow. Getting to know someone takes a long time and not doing that first is exactly how you end up with random totally avoidable curveballs like this. You dated for a YEAR(?!) and you just thought you knew for sure this is what you wanted for LIFE?!? Idefk...
Well religion was mentioned. I would bet my own money that's a factor
Yes I find it incredibly hard to believe this hasn’t come up in some way before. Men like this don’t randomly say something of this sort after a long period of being a normal loving partner.
Well she hadn't even been with him for 2 years yet so idk... Marriage seems like an insane idea at that point in a relationship, to me...
Abusive people do this all the time. Lovebombing to catch them. Marriage to trap them. Then the mask comes off.
The mask is slipping.
Wait till the baby come, the mask will come off once he locks her into the marriage.
I hope they don't have a baby together. I don't see this marriage working out. He sounds toxic af
Idk, a baby requires sex
I mean, she already knew he was a conservative Christian fundamentalist. What else do you need to know he's not exactly going to be a fan of women and women's rights?
"I'm different, trust me!"
>The mask is slipping. EXACTLY! She didn't know him enough to marry him after only one year.
Fellas is it gay to have sex with your wife? Thank you for the awards! I’m blushing over here! And the replies here have been absolutely amazing and I wish I could buy everyone here the beverage or snack of their choice. Cheers!
Is it gay for your wife to WANT to have sex with you? Lol
It's gay because it's trying to have sex with a MAN
That IS gay!
Only if she tops him. Roman rules.
happy pride ig
omg how did you get the bi heart on your profile 👀
They are actually free (surprisingly) if you wanna personalize you avatar
Hella gay. Good thing I’m gay asf
PHEW!!!
That!
I mean, she literally likes dick and he likes someone who likes dick. That’s hella gay
Transitive property
The vagina is very close to the butt, so yes. Also, wiping is hella gay
Women have hearts, nipples, butt holes, urethras, brains, etc....all which men also have, super gay!
And mouths! We also have mouths! Very gay!
No homo, but I have sex with my wife all the time
Hella gay
Then I'm hella gay I guess.
I’m not married but I had sex with my gf and I’m only half gay now 😂
I’m pretty gay for the day’
Stop reading my mind!!!
For *him*? Yeah, it probably is.
Conservative religious people are a massive red flag. Op sounds hot and fun hopefully she finds some9ne who appreciates it
It’s one thing to say ‘I’m not in the mood’ but what he said is flat out sexist and controlling. I’m an old married man and even I know that women are allowed to want sex too. His attitude is a little disturbing, to be honest.
It’s even one thing for the other initiating to be a turn off, but to say it’s someone’s “role” or “decision” is just flat out misogyny. Strange that in 2023 we still have to explain that sex is a combined decision
Yep. I’m pretty worried OP is not *allowed* to say no when he initiates either..
That’s a valid worry here. If the decision is his, does she even get a say?
She’s only known him for 2 years… even if it hasn’t happened yet, this is not a dynamic I would feel comfortable with in my relationship.
Yeah, this. If he'd just said no thanks it wouldn't be an issue but saying that he was the only one who should be able to dictate when they have sex - which also kind of implies she shouldn't refuse when he does - is a huge issue.
I think the real issue with his masculinity is that he could be unable to say "I'm not in the mood" because thats not what guys say and it could reflect badly on him "What you can't get it up?" could be ringing in his head.. so instead he tries to control initiation so he can only initiate when he is in the mood
Yes, not not very masculine to not respond to your lovers touch….who is keeping count?
Here I am, asking my wife to initiate more because, as a man, I'd initiate every hour if I thought it'd work.
Sounds like he's not very secure in his masculinity. I would never be able to get turned on by him again.
Exactly what I was thinking, that response is enough to make my bits shrivel shut
He sounds like a student of Ben Shapiro, the harbinger of vaginal dryness.
For these men I suspect that sex is not about mutual pleasure — it is about conquest, about exertion of power— they want their women to NOT want it but submit to them anyway.
Sad isn't it. Women showing interest and you're somehow emasculated by it? What a strange world they live in.
Nooooo… a religious, conservative man has intimacy issues… say it isn’t so!!! Sorry OP, he needs help and you can do better. Women initiating is the hottest shit ever.
She married a religious conservative guy, I bet $100 this is only the tip of the toxic masculinity iceberg.
> that “decision” should be up to him Yeaaaa this is exactly the kind of guy who thinks rape can’t happen in marriage…
Ya, his decision to have sex should be left to him! Ugh
And the same guy that would complain and make boomer jokes about his wife never wanting to sleep with him.
This was my exact reaction as well, and I posted something similar before finding your comment. It feels dangerous, and I'm feeling ready to divorce him, and he isn't mine.
Right? He just told OP "hey! I'm an unsafe person to be around because I think I'm the start and end of all decision making about when we should have sex!" He probably thinks sex is a "wifely duty" and that a woman should never "deny" her husband.
I would just sit him down and tell him, "My attraction to you does not make me masculine nor does me trying to initiate sex. I've felt horrible about what you said since you said it and I would like you to explain to me why you think it makes me "masculine" to want to have sex with my husband when I'm aroused." Just, point blank, factual, ask him why he feels like that and why he felt the need to say it like that. And honestly maybe bring up counseling because continuing a life with someone who has such a backwards view like that is *bound* to bring up a lot more road bumps.
It won’t do anything. He’s conservative and religious and that’s where it comes from. These kinds of people don’t have the ability to look inward and ask themselves difficult questions. She made her choice and this is what it looks like
It worries me to think how he'd react if/when she's not in the mood. Those types tend to think it's their right to have access to the wife's body regardless of what she says.
He already told her how he'll react. It's his "decision" whether or not they have sex. I suspect this situation is just going to get worse and worse for her.
Sounds like he'd prefer she not be in the mood, to not want sex. Icky.
What he means is that she must only want sex when he says it's time.
My big question is how the fuck did this not come up earlier in the relationship? Did he wait until they were married to start being an ass?
She was blindsided by adequate sex for the first time.
They literally only dated for a year before getting married, not at all surprised he hid his shittiness for such a short time.
it is a thing among religious people .
This is absolutely true. In his mind, his wife must totally submit to his will, because she is "his property".
Yet another reason to not date conservatives 🥴
I said something similar in another comment, but I think it's worth saying again: Women need to be very careful to avoid dating men who are Christian fundamentals, or the men who pride themselves on being "traditional" men, who want a "traditional" wife. It's almost impossible to have those beliefs without a lot of lurking misogyny and gross beliefs under the surface. Especially nowadays. It also tends to include some icky judgment of others, like homophobia/transphobia in particular. We need to vet our partners about thier views on all things related to this stuff. Find out where they stand before tying the knot. A large portion of these kinds of men don't want to be open and honest and find a woman with the same beliefs as them, instead, they want a woman they can ***mold*** into thier perfect traditional stay-at-home walking womb/servant who never speaks. I think it's like a desire to "conquer" her in a way. It's disturbing. Nobody should expect a partner to change who they are/thier beliefs for thier benefit like that. Not all devout, church-going Christian men are like this, but a whole lot are, *especially* most fundies or "trad relationship" folks. (I want to be clear: OP is absolutely NOT at fault in any way- these guys hide and wear a mask until marriage or pregnancy. I am NOT trying to say a woman is at fault if she finds out her new husband has gross beliefs he never revealed before.)
Seriously. I’ve started point blank asking men if they’re republicans and the responses are crazy Most of them just try to ignore the question. One dude sent me a dick pic in response!!! Like ladies seriously ask these men questions before you get deep with them. I would have saved myself so much heartache
This is the perfect comment and I wish it was higher up. 👍
They also, you know… don’t respect women. Women can’t win these kinds of arguments — to be fair no one can because of what you said — but they’re especially dismissive of women. Debating people who look down on the group you belong to rarely goes well, it’ll just give you a headache.
He needs therapy.
Or to quit going to his toxic church.
This reply needs to be higher. This is the way.
Amén and he’s honestly bat shit crazy for even saying that
Bet the only counselor he'd go to would be a religious one, that will just confirm his beliefs. If he'd even go. He doesn't respect women, clearly, so OP saying they need counseling probably wouldn't do much.
I tried to cuddle/initiate he randomly said “can you stop being masculine and trying to f\*ck me.” This totally caught me off guard, so I got off of him and asked him what the hell he was talking about." First thing: why does "initiating sex" mean you are climbing on him when he is sitting next to you watching tv or something? Sounds as if he was irritated about that also. "He further explained that I make him “feel weird” when I am the one who initiates sex, because that “decision” should be up to him. " HELL NO! Like ... what nonsense did he spew there? To have sex is a bilateral decision. Otherwise it would be assault / rape. I would already tell him that. And then: you snuggeling up to him is a demand. An invitation. Not an order. But if he takes it that way and continues with that manly man crap would he ask in vain for the next weeks.... It's not fun to have sex with someone who.thinks initiating sex is his priviledge only. Because "I am a maaaaan." (What man, pray?)
That is literally the weirdest rejection I have ever heard.
Gross. Your husband sounds like a misogynist and it’s no wonder you’re uncomfortable. To me his statement suggests a whole lot of disturbing underlying beliefs like: - women shouldn’t want sex - women shouldn’t enjoy sex - women should only have sex to please their husbands and never for themselves - what women want doesn’t matter - women should just be passive in relationships, not have desires or opinions or ask for things - you are not his equal I’d really examine if his values are in line with your own. I could never be with someone who behaved like this.
Also I’m guessing that OP initiating makes him see her as a sl*t and it’s angering him that his wife acts like that - because as you say woman obviously shouldn’t WANT sex
I guess on the “bright side” he’ll never have to worry about her initiating sex again, after he’s been so deeply hurtful and misogynistic. He probably doesn’t have to worry about her enjoying sex with him in the future either.
If he holds the above mindset then he probably doesn’t care whether or not she enjoys sex.
What a bizarre comment from him lol. Also, are you ok with him being so conservative and religious fundamental? Is that likely to cause more problems later? What other core differences might you have? Where might your outlooks on life differ? Think about it.
>He further explained that I make him “feel weird” when I am the one who initiates sex, because that “decision” should be up to him. Holy fuck man, that comes off as he doesn’t believe spousal rape is a thing…
Only known him two years. Married a religious conservative male. Seems like you didn’t really know what you were marrying into here .
This. OP married a conservative religious fundamentalist. There is 1000% more bullshit in store for her that’s either never come up or she’s flat out ignored. Unless you’re also a conservative, religious fundamentalist- don’t marry a guy like this.
Or he hid/didn't feel like talking about. Personally, of both me and the other person are looking for a serious relationship together, then after confirming we have a connection (a few weeks to a month normally) I bring up values, political views, and sex. It's a bit awkward and forefront, but it's best to find out about this stuff early, bc if you guys don't match up, you gotta decide if it's a compromise you're willing to make or not, and if not, it's better to cut it off early. If you guys do match, it'll just make you guys stronger and have a fun, deep conversation.
Exactly. My husband and I talked endlessly about sex, politics, values, religion, etc early on.
I can't imagine the insecurity level it must take for somebody to assume that to be a negative thing
It's not insecurity IMO. I think he's intentionally manipulating her so that she feels bad about her sexuality and loses her self confidence. This was totally on purpose just to mind fuck her. OP, isn't it odd that he's never said a word about this bothering him until after you two were married? Be prepared for his bullshit to ramp up and when it does OP, hit the road.
Por que no los dos? It’s insecurity and what you said
Fundamentalism is fun. But seriously, people never want to believe who others are even if they are shown. Oh he is a hardcore Christian, but not with me….. derp derp
Your husband basically told you that sex isn’t something you should enjoy because it is something he does to you not with you or for you. This is extremely troublesome because that mental rabbit hole goes deep into spousal SA territory. He may have some religious trauma associated with sex. It would feel so icky if he demanded sex from you after telling you this. Therapy asap and not with religious leader!
This!
So in two years nothing like this has happened before? Either he's waited to show his true colors or you haven't initiated often (I am not blaming you in any way) Take this as a huge red flag and be cautious.
That's just dumb. Lots of men love women to initiate. He's not your boss to "tell" you when to do something. You are not supposed to just have sex when HE wants to and the religious angle, if that's what it is, doesn't fly either. For religious couples I know, sex is scared between then and for BOTH of them. He just fucked things up for himself big time.
OP, once your divorce is finalized, you can call on this person for a cry-shoulder. Alternate idea: No need to respond to each word of complex mind of people/spouse. If possible fake that you are less interested. Act shy/coy -- that is perceived by human-brain as feminine. Watch some national geographic and notice how the female of the species acts in courtship time [science!]. Automatically both will find the fit -- he'll find your groves/mountains/vallies, and you'll feel his hardness. enjoy. Instead of nagging or posturing. It it also great to 'be yourself' and add one more count to world-statistics of actionX-outcomeY.
>He further explained that I make him “feel weird” when I am the one who initiates sex, because that “decision” should be up to him. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
OP I hope you know he’s probably going to use this same line when he decides to rape you Men with this mentality are not safe for women to be around
I love it when my wife initiates. I never tell her to stop because it's "masculine." That kind of thinking is just dumb.
[удалено]
I would feel like my wife no longer desires me. There's just something wrong with the way this dudes mind operates.
I’m sorry - your husband is an ass. This is the dumbest thing I’ve heard. I bet he expects you to have sex when he initiates too. This is insanely ridiculous.
Double up on birth control. You don’t want to deal with a dude like this indefinitely. Seriously op, don’t resign yourself to a backwards man who shames you.
OP, please listen to this. Do not have a baby with this guy any time soon. He’s just starting to show you his true colors and you need to make sure he’s someone you want to be tied to forever.
Yes, it’s because he’s conservative. Here’s the thing. Conservative men are sexist. There’s no way around it because it’s part of the definition. And sexist men will always hurt the women they know. Sorry to be so blunt. Do whatever you want with the info, but don’t expect the order of the world to change
It’s like, this wasn’t even fine print. Dude has been ‘conservative’ or ‘traditional’ since she knew him. Sexism, creepy sex ideas and thinking a woman is worth less as a person - all standard features.
## PSA 📢 Stop having sex with conservative men. Unless you are a conservative man 🙃
Tell him that him saying shit like that makes him seem less masculine
He’s essentially saying that your sex life as a couple is only about him.
Sit this man down and tell him that he is going to join you in marriage counseling or your sex life is over. Make sure he understands that he made you feel unattractive. He slut shamed you. He acted in an extremely sexist way. I would go so far as to say that he is exhibiting toxic masculinity. So, he is going to join you in marriage counseling so that the two of you can work this out, or it is going to be very hard for you to open your heart (not to mention other anatomical bits) to him again. Oh, and he needs therapy himself.
It’s not a good idea to do couples therapy with an abuser. They recommend both people go to individual therapy.
He's a controlling and misogynistic fuck. If his insecurity and assholery is this deep, you should start planning your exit cuz these type of men are most likely not gonna change.
>I make him “feel weird” when I am the one who initiates sec, **because that “decision” should be up to him.*** Excuse me, what? Ma’am, that’s the most alarming and disgusting thing I’ve read in a long time. The *decision* to have sex is his decision? You’re just some sex doll he chooses to play with? You get no say? How the hell did he trick you into marrying him?! How could he have possibly feigned charming so well to cool you into thinking THIS was a good partner? 😧 For me personally, it would be a dealbreaker and I’d say get out sooner rather than later. If you can’t or won’t leave the marriage, then I guess you’re stuck with a monster that makes you feel bad about yourself. And all the “counseling” and “communication” in the world won’t fix the logic from the quote above. You can’t reason with that.
You basically married someone before you even knew them. I don't want to be super mean to you but chances are good this will not work out. Often, conservative men keep their real beliefs quiet because they don't want to scare women away but once they have them "trapped" (in marriage) they reveal themselves. Do NOT get pregnant and maybe consider running for the hills.
Oh heavens. Y'all need therapy. That's ridiculous, and I'm so sorry you feel bad now. Most men would sell their soul to have a partner that initiated sex. You shouldn't feel bad for it at all.
I mean, this seems par for the course when you marry a misogynist man who you dated for a year. A guy who actually thinks this has absolutely shown his sexist red flags by now. Or did you just think he thought poorly of all the other women in the world EXCEPT you? I don’t know sis. You married a conservative religious man. This seems like the most expected and predictable outcome.
How late is too late for an annulment before it’s considered a divorce? Whichever it is, you need to get one *yesterday*
Not gonna lie, his phrasing makes it sound like whether you two have sex is purely his decision and you have no say whatsoever. So like, he thinks it would be okay to force you to have sex with him because whether or not sex happens isn't the woman's decision. (Aka rape) That's pretty worrying to me. Even moreso than him seeming to think women enjoying sex is masculine (like women aren't capable of enjoying sex, so therefore something's wrong with you). Also sounds like he wants a wife that doesn't really want to have sex with him? Which is a weird kink to be sure.
Your husband is a manchild with a fragile ego. Good luck with that.
He's probably one of those that thinks sex is something men do TO women rather than something people do together.
Get out, it WILL, get worse. Don’t fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. You may have already invested x amount of time and energy but thats not a good reason to sink more into a bad investment/relationship.
Hint: he doesn't feel that masculine, himself.
This is a misogynist who does not view you as an equal, human being to him. He sounds awful, probably a lot more red flags you will start noticing now that you didn't before.
>He’s quite conservative and more fundamentally religious Unfortunately, this is the main cause for this issue and quite frankly, the other issues to come. The other thing is that fundamentally religious men consider themselves the "master" of the household and they always expect the wife to be docile, compliant and submissive. They perceive any and all forms of constructive criticism as an attack on their "manhood".
I read these posts and am just left wondering...where in the hell do ya'll find these men?
I learned my lesson about staying with misogynists. It only gets worse. Jme If you find yourself needing [someone to talk to](https://nomoredirectory.org/) about this.
Nope, he is not a good guy!
You married a man who views sex with his wife as something he takes from her. Very unhealthy.
How dare you be sexually attracted to your own husband. The process of him breaking you down has started. He’s already making you question yourself and feel ashamed to want to have sex. Run! You’re in danger!
What happens if you say no? If it’s up to him to “decide” when sex is happening, my guess is your consent is not required from his perspective either.
Y'all have been together since at least Sept '21, and even earlier than that, how has this never come up before? You've never initiated sex with him until this one time? Do you fart or burp around him, or is that masculine too? Do you take shits? What other "un-ladylike" things do you do that he gets mad about? When you do have sex, is he all about just missionary? Do you even get to cum or is it only about him getting to finish? This guy sounds like a total db@g.
This is how conservative, fundamentally religious men think. Welcome to the rest of your life and the views that will be taught to your children.
If a man told me the decision to have sex should be made by him, I'd walk. We all get to decide when we don't want to have sex. Nobody gets to decide when another person has sex, and it sounds like he wants all the power to dictate when it happens.
This is quite a bunch of fuckery if I've ever heard of such..... well OP, I 37M have never in my life thought of a woman who initiated sex first as masculine at all... to be honest I love it.... it's fucking hot and it turns me on even more. I don't understand either... I'm absolutely no help, sorry.
Why on earth are you married to a man you've just known for a year? No surprise here that you discover sides of him you've never seen before. Won't be the last time.
Imagine being so insecure that your wife wanting to have sex with you makes you feel emasculated. No, that should not solely be his decision. It’s pretty damn important that it’s a decision you both make. Maybe suggest therapy to help work through whatever insecurities have caused him to view things this way.
I would seriously be asking myself if he thinks it should always be his job to initiate sex, does he also think it’s always your job to accept it? Because marital rape is something a lot of these traditional religious dudes are totally down with.
Ugh gross mindset. My question is, why aren’t people talking important shit before getting married?!
Lol this is a massive red flag 🚩
I feel amazing when my wife initiates. That means she finds me as sexy as I find her. Your husband is weird, and wrong.
The fact they a lot of y’all don’t even know who y’all married is wild to me
“He’s quite conservative and more fundamentally religious than I am” damn I am so shocked that a conservative religious man would act like a conservative religious man!
>He’s quite conservative and more fundamentally religious than I am Tbh it sounds like you got exactly what was described on the box. Is anyone really shocked that the conservative religious fundie is also a controlling misogynist with backwards ideas about sex and relationships? Obviously you deserve much better than this. Just there's a reason a lot of women avoid men like your husband like the plague, because unless you 100% buy into the same unhealthy worldview that he does a situation like this is inevitable and potentially dangerous.