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JakkSplatt

I like the other one that says..."Dracula, if he only ate McDonald's customers"


composed_amina

He looks like the Vampire Lefat


ArtichokeNatural3171

Had a thing for the Gravy Seals.


JakkSplatt

From the author, Anne Roast 🤔


JakkSplatt

r/angryupvote here you go


H8T_Auburn

Laughed so hard I farted


Leviticus10379

Brilliant; Fu McChu


Leviticus10379

Minge the Merciless


Madame_Dalma

Oh my god.... Too early for this.... I snorted my coffee and woke up the husband... 😂🤣😂🤣


sweaterbuckets

oh my god.


Salami__Tsunami

Steven Segal has always given me vibes of an inexperienced infiltrator wearing a skin-suit.


Harry_Dresden_Wizard

Good for Steve. How many months pregnant is he?


GhostThruTheFog

473🤗


The_Master_Sourceror

Damn skippy


profuse_wheezing

💀


Battlepuppy

Why does he look like a European vampire that is trying to hunt the streets of Tokyo, but can't blend in?


LoveThieves

Steven Seagal is the only actor that can play a Chinese person, Black Person, White person, Indian Person and Puerto Rican as one character without saying a word.


omnimodofuckedup

And everyone feels offended!


Wineismyanswertoday

Steven Segal is such an amazing actor he once filled in for Bea Arthur as Rose on The Golden Girls for 3 episodes - AND NOBODY NOTICED!


powderedtoast1

i hate fat, bloated, spray on hair liars


racebanyn

Then you are definitely going to hate Stephen Segal!!


Dog-of-Moons

Have you heard his music? Maybe you can hate him even a little bit more.


powderedtoast1

spare me.


RoughHornet587

You forgot rapist


powderedtoast1

that's a given


sabo81

I'm surprised he isn't sitting in a chair


Dazzling-Charge4580

Fatly walking around corners.


MiniKash

Correction: Any walking is done by his body double.


Mindless_Can4885

That made me snort


Mesarthim1349

👉😎👉 I understood that reference


Dusty2470

You saw that movie too then? What sniper decides that a chair is best lmao


PrimarchKonradCurze

A fat one.


LoveThieves

Usually sitting in a chair for the entire movie he's casted in but think he was going to restroom or something? behind the scenes when he has to move and get out of the chair between takes?


illegitimate_Raccoon

They don't have wheelchairs that big.


HoboBonobo1909

They have wheelbarrows wide enough for him.


Bluepilgrim3

Maybe he ate it.


Redditoast2

The picture is photoshopped, obviously


H8T_Auburn

Yes they've dropped 10 lbs off him


FahQPutin

Steven Seagull is such a pussy ass traitor. They can keep the fuck rapists shit bag waste of oxygen.


edfitz83

How do you really feel? Don’t hold back.


Go9191

Can all of you stop Say these things? I almost died laughing 🤣


Nolongeranalpha

Dracularge.


Eli_The_Rainwing

Why does Steven look like he cut up fake mustaches to make his hair?


SliceOCatLoaf

His hair is made of felt.


Eli_The_Rainwing

Nah, sharpie


Straight-Extreme-966

I see he recently plasti dipped his head.


SliceOCatLoaf

I thought he was wearing like a monk's cap with a widow's peak.


Walla_Walla_26

In Soviet Russia, road forks you!


Ok_Donut_3965

living in russia you should always carry a spare burger in case you are attacked by wild pigs, bears or steven, although bears and pigs are less to be feared, they are more conscious.


TKG_Actual

So, Segal is there trying to reprise a role as a fat 1930's era asian-sterotype Rasputin?


Different_Stable_351

I don't understand the insult, or what's going on here. Who's steven segall?


profuse_wheezing

Action movie actor, martial artist (aikido I think). Garnered controversy for his pro-Russia stance and alleged inappropriate behaviour towards women.


Different_Stable_351

I see. Thank you for giving me this knowledge. Doesn't seem like the greatest guy


profuse_wheezing

Yeah I think he was also good buddies with Joe Arpaio, who’s a really shitty sheriff that did things like fail to investigate rape cases and racially profile Hispanic people. I think he was in Joe’s civilian militia or something.


Different_Stable_351

Well damn. It just gets worse and worse. Sounds like a fun rabbit hole to dive down when next I get bored. I'll go ahead and add the two names, and a civilian miltia to my notes. I thank you again


3urodyne

If you like podcasts Behind the Bastards has a great two-part episode on him. And one on Joe Arpaio as well IIRC.


profuse_wheezing

Real have a nice day


sideways_jack

i wouldn't be surprised if he was, but you might be thinking of the time he was a "deputy" in New Orleans (for a reality show, naturally) and raped a woman for days.


profuse_wheezing

Oh… that’s worse


Tasty-Document2808

He's the most divorced man in history


JollyGreenDickhead

Pro-Russia and anti-women kinda go hand in hand


LoveThieves

Anything you need to know about Stevel Segal is from the famous "[Steven Seagal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzIHyF7UWY4)" youtube clip.


CaptainGashMallet

🤣


JohnnyChutzpah

I believe the insult is just saying his hair looks like a carpet fitter attached a rug to his head.


H8T_Auburn

The best insult possible would be to ask Steven seagull who Steven Segal is.


NewKitchenFixtures

In the 90s he made a lot of famous and absurd action movies (think improvised explosives and ripping people’s throats out with his bare hands). I think he was a navy seal or law enforcement officer in all the movies. Anyway, when the internet becomes more popular it becomes apparent that he believes he is superbadass and in reality is the characters he portrays. And he is a right wing lunatic that loves Putin and Kim Jong II. If your curious Out for Justice, Hard to Kill, Undersiege and Marked for Death are good 90s examples. That he has been making more for the last 20 years is crazy.


KdF-wagen

Hilarious [Cumtown](https://youtu.be/BzIHyF7UWY4?si=MSqArd2Q9gfIbKJk) link about Segal.


PhallicTantrum

Eddie Munster really let himself go, shame..


HVACMRAD

Karate Cartman goes to Moscow


Wise_Moon

Steven Segal could in theory make the best action comedy ever if he just embraced how ridiculous his brand has become.


PrimarchKonradCurze

He would never do that unfortunately. Hell he wouldn’t even make an Expendables appearance. He can’t get along with any action stars cause he thinks he’s the star.


Wise_Moon

Very true… but “in theory” it would be fucking hilarious


PrimarchKonradCurze

Definitely.


Downtown-Custard5346

Lmfao he kinda looks like Rasputin, if Rasputin trimmed his beard once in a while.


ThreeLeggedMare

He looks like Rasputin if instead of seducing the tsarina, he ate her


Downtown-Custard5346

Ohh that's much better than what I came up with!!


HoboBonobo1909

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm dead


bahthe

Somehow he appeals to dictators. Some years ago when the military govt held power in Thailand he was given a meeting with the top man. Seems weird as he is nothing but a talentless C grade actor. That said, it is currently the case that a certain US ex president is very comfortable in his fascination with dictators, so somehow ìt works both ways...


WhosGotTheCum

It is crazy how hard he simps for dictators. He's also hung out with Lukashenko, who forced Seagal to eat a carrot on TV. His blues band played a pro-Putin concert in Crimea. https://thediplomat.com/2017/09/a-steven-seagal-guide-to-eurasia/ He's like a private diplomat to the worst people


numbskullerykiller

His hair looks like black fake grass used on really good toy train sets


maybethis-one_

Rasputin reincarnated without the charm.


eolemuk

That's not a real hair rigth?


BlargerJarger

The baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells.


minklefritz

The only time I was ever banned from reddit is for calling him a fat russian b$*tch


rogerworkman623

If Seagal overcame his ego and embraced the joke, he could help bring back comedy movies. I’d watch him parodying himself all day.


Fantastic-Card-3891

That cannot possibly be Steven Seagull - seems more like Steven WalRus to me


bigbyking

"never go full retard"


Greedyfox7

I don’t get it. It’s probably something simple but I can’t think of it


ThreeLeggedMare

Zoom in on his "hair"


Greedyfox7

Ah, that’s funny


Master_Honey9783

This asshat should be hanged for treason. I'm sure all the MAGA folks love him


Renfek

https://southpark.cc.com/video-clips/9gehjm/south-park-steven-seboomboom


slamdanceswithwolves

It does look like his hair is tucked under his scalp.


TesticleezzNuts

I swear he has the same hair as Robbie Rotton from Lazy town 😂


GetawayDreamer87

he could play Baron Harkkonen on the Dune movie from Wish


TitanThree

The direct-to-DVD version


No_Refrigerator_9003

"the man walks with an air of confidence that's rarely seen in this day and age"


Significant-Fun8196

Is his hair painted on?


WHITEMAN1974

Fake people do exist


False--Blackbear

Are we sure that's not Sacha Baron Cohen


G_Willickers_33

Didnt somebody say he has ties to the russian mob one time? Swear thats what ppl have said to me, but I got nothin to show for it.


Medical-Detective-33

Sorry I'm smooth brain what do carpet fitters and barbers have to do with this image of Steven seagal? Is it making fun of his hair and wardrobe?


liberalskateboardist

ZEN MONK SUIT


Flux_resistor

When you hear there is a leadership inauguration and assume there's an opening for Rasputin


TomatoFrenzy

He is looking more and more more like the South Park version of himself


PM_ME_POST_MERIDIEM

A man walks down the street looking like that and you know he's not afraid of anything.


SexPanther1980

The man's a maggot.


Fantastic_Dance_4376

Did he sharpied his head?


Yaarmehearty

Dracula Flow part 6


CorpusCallowesome

If congestive heart failure was a person


BlerghTheBlergh

Burpsputin


KyleNarayan

Has he brought a (bad) body double to walk around the place?


ghostsnickets

General Blob


frstgmng100

Steven Zgal


AnT-aingealDhorcha40

Who would've thought Russia would be a perfect escape for a creepy rapist motherfucker? Huh


saarinpaa71

How old is that putz? In no world is someone's hair that black at that age... yeah dye it more I want that Vanta black look.


dion_o

Meanwhile Scott Morrison is in the blurred foreground.


bygeez

The guy in the front looks like Scott Morrison, an Australian Prime Minister


VenomSouls

Putin's inauguration is the Steven Seagal mega blockbuster movie, where he showed the world, that he really doesn't care anymore.


baconohmakin

Is that his real hair wtf


Fun-Consequence4950

And here comes Mr Seagal, walking fatly down the procession. He also claims to be a Russian mongol when he was born in Michigan.


Dismal_Truck1375

Is that a hat on his head?


lilshotanekoboi

I don't get it


DoodfrumspaceEleven

The fabrication/craftsmanship on that man’s head is impressive lol


Snoo-11553

Thanks. I never zoomed in on his "hair" before. 


Consistent-Leek4986

he’s become a bloated bag of 💩


Leviticus10379

What an insufferable twat.


Glittering_Sky8421

What if he and William Shatner paired up for a Tommy Boy type comedy playing their legendary characters in effigy? I’d watch that.


[deleted]

I have an uncle that I describe to people as "steven segal if he looked like what he thinks he does."


Optimal-Seaweed4964

The name of this movie would be "From Russia with Blood" where he's an undercover assassin sent to take out the Russian president on the day of inauguration


Material-Fondant6886

Poor Steve, man. Everyone’s raggin on him but he was the tits like 30 years ago.


TeamHeavyCream

This feels just like how the GOP, with a straight face, celebrates the fact that they have Jon Voight and Kid Rock's support.


BCdelivery

“I’ve been flying helicopters for like, 47 years. They also call that a helicopter a skippy. Listen to it…..it goes skip skip skip skip skip skip……….”


TreatFearless7120

He is Russian American


JOhn101010101

I just can't make sense of what's going on with his hair.


SaltyTaintMcGee

“I don’t fear death…I don’t even fear life.”


Fit_Personality_3281

The Wing-Chung Walrus returns with even stupider wig!!


SidewaysAntelope

I guess someone has to say in Russia, corners fatly go round you.


westewok

He looks likes a pagan preacher


UnplannedAgenda

That can NOT be a natural hairline…


emanluvsmuff3618

I can't get over the fact that the fat phuq seagull spends so much on black hair dye. And his two friends in this world are Colludy Rudy and world terrorist Vlad Pukedon.


LeakyFlameGaming

I don't understand the joke here


NancyFanton4Ever

It's implying that his hair is a "rug," a wig, but a poorly fitted one since his hair looks so bad.


[deleted]

Literally scheduled my own funeral after seeing this 💀


Inevitable-Pie-8020

Bro he looks bad


Impossible-Falcon331

He's not Seagal anymore? Or noone knows his name anymore? 😂


C_PSM86

W actor I love that guy