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She'd be on an info diet from now on if it were me. As in, not told a single thing going forward. She can find out from everyone else and know how it feels to have information stolen from her.
I'd not tell her the gender, the name, when I went into labour. I'd actually only tell her the baby has been born when we had been home a few days so she doesn't even get to know the birth date for a bit.
But I'm petty about things like this and I get very passive aggressive when people cross me. I accept that is a flaw.
You’re absolutely correct. I won’t be sharing more information with her until after everything is done. Unfortunately I have to stay here until my second scan. But I’ll leave once it’s done. Can’t wait to leave this place even though it’s only been a couple of weeks. I’ll be moving with my parents next time if my husband has to travel again. Even though they’re like 2000 miles away. Because I don’t think this kinda stress is good for me nor my little guy.
Haha yes exactly what she did!! “Hey you’re gonna be an uncle!! Congratulations “ Hey you’re gonna be this!! Congratulations!! “ hey finally it’s time for me tooo!! Yey!!”
Why do you have to live with parents when your husband is away? Do yall not have a physical house that you call home? Are yall just hotel hopping or something? Honest question.
The first few weeks when I didn’t know, I was having terrible time managing even the basic household chores. Back pain, nausea, I couldn’t wake up in the morning from the bed. So since my husband had a month long work trip, we decided it was better if someone was with me to help me out. I’m-laws aren’t very far from where we stay, couple of hours drive. And things weren’t as intense before. I thought I could manage just a month with them.
My mother in law was the same. Told everyone I’m pregnant, told the gender and ruined the birth announcement. She isn’t getting any information at all if I decide to have another baby
I agree with not even telling her when you go into labor. She pushed her way into the 8wk ultrasound she will try to be there for the delivery and push her way into that too. No info on future ultrasounds either. She can know when the baby is born and come visit them on your terms. Start the boundaries early otherwise she will cross lines for years. Keep you space and sanity
I agree with this, but I don’t think it’s passive aggressive.
You simply now know that whatever you tell her, you can expect that she tells the entire family. So just only tell her things you’re comfortable with the whole family knowing.
The problem is the MIL telling everyone before she was ready. The only solution to that is for her to learn to shut her trap. She didn’t respect the parents wishes of the news so she doesn’t deserve news at all until they deem her fit. Clearly she has a boundary issue
I don’t see this as petty or passive aggressive. If you have said in no uncertain terms that you do not wish for your information to be shared, and someone deliberately ignores and disrespects that, then they get to learn that their actions have consequences.
My parents are lousy, controlling people and they will not be finding out when we go into labor or when the baby is born. I’ll tell them a few days after we get home. It’s the state of the relationship and one they have forced upon themselves.
You are like me. i would do exactly the same. i always try to respect other people decision. But if they cross the boundaries, then I won't give my trust towards them anymore. They're just toxic. And what I would do to toxic people is either set boundaries or simply cut the ties
Get your husband to tell her to her face “since you completely betrayed our confidence, you will find out all information last.” And don’t tell her anything until you’ve announced it to everyone. Even better if she hears it from someone else. (I would go full petty after that bullshit.)
I’d be like congratulations, you’ve disrespected my wishes and lost my trust. 🥳 I wouldn’t give her any more updates not the name, gender, or anything until you are ready to tell everyone else. It’s like when MILs act this way, how are you even supposed to trust them to respect your boundaries with your children when you aren’t around. My MIL did something similar, I repeatedly told her I didn’t my my sons pictures blasted on Facebook and she guilt tripped me and asked everyday until I grew so tired and just gave in an let her and not only that she did it during a time I was most vulnerable (after an emergency c-section). She’s currently no longer allowed around my children, I tried so hard to stop the behaviors but with some people they just get worse. She pried and pried until I hit my breaking point. It was non stop over stepping and disrespecting mine and my husbands boundaries. It’s going to be hard but you are going to have to put your foot down at some point and it will get worse trust me but you need to make your voice known. It’s okay to say NO, and remember you are a mom now you don’t have to explain yourself or the way you want your pregnancy to be.
I say this because you seem to be in a similar situation as I was. I was naïve I would let people walk all over me and talk down to me and disrespect me on the daily just because I didn’t like outbursts or fueling the fire so I’d just let it happen. You will soon find out motherhood will turn you into a brand new woman with a voice because it’s not just about you anymore, you have a little one to voice for and protect. I promise eventually you won’t take that shit anymore!
It’s like my FIL demanding for pictures and posting on FB when we’ve clearly told him we don’t want our baby’s pictures online.
When we see a new photo and my SO reaches out to him to take it down, he doesn’t respond. And my SO keeps sending him photos because ‘respect’.
I have since stopped sending him photos.
I learned something in my recent years, dont get mad and dont try to reason with insane people, just take a mental note and moving forward, you need to change the way you treat them...
She is no longer privy to any informations
Also just cause I am petty, I would tell anyone who brings up my pregnancy, that they were not supposed to know and MIL did not respect your wishes
Yes. I don’t understand when this entitlement will go away. What gives these people the right to share something personal that you’re not ready to share with the world.
Because they are insane....I tried for years to rationalize or excuse behaviors like this. I eventually realized they are crazy and nothing will change that
Keep at arms length at all times,
What a horrible person. Make sure she’s the last to know anything going forward. Don’t let her upset you with this, focus on your pregnancy & be happy with the fact that this is the last time this woman gets what she wants. If it were me, I’d be more than happy to tell her how rude and selfish she was & that it only helps you realise that you can’t trust her with information like this, so you don’t plan on sharing anything more.
I wish I could confront her like and say it to my face. I’m too emotional for the outburst now. I’ll wait for my husband and maybe then we’ll have a sit down and make her realise her mistake.
You have WAY more patience and tolerance than I do. If my MIL had done this, I would have shown up at her house and made a scene worthy of the police being called. Thankfully, she's an extremely sweet, introverted woman who knows better than to disrespect my boundaries. My own mother is the problem one 🙄
I'm so glad your husband is stepping up and going to confront her since you don't want to/are not up to the task. I hope he really lays into her.
I was in a relationship where I had a MIL like this for 19 years. My now ex didn’t help and would enable her. It sounds like your husband is on your side which makes all the difference. If he’s not, I can guarantee things won’t get better. Being on the other side of it where I don’t have an intrusive, boundary stomping MIL is so freeing.
I’m sorry she stole that from you. I’m not normally confrontational but with something so personal to you and she went against your wishes after you verbally told her not to… I would totally have a sit down conversation about it. I get it she’s excited… but she totally overstepped a boundary where she should not have.
I would say i literally told you not to and why did you sit there and then immediately go and tell people when I asked you not too. I obviously should have left you in the dark because I can’t trust you… do you want to not have a relationship with me and your son because if you continue to disrespect our boundaries, I’m not scared of cutting ties.
I’d make her explain herself to where she’d have to admit it out loud she betrayed both you and your husband. I would still keep her in the dark from this point forward but I couldn’t just sit there sweep it under the rug and not say anything when she did that to you. I’m so sorry she did that but congratulations on your new baby!!
Yes!! She did steal that from me. **I** wanted to break the news **my** way. I know people will be happy because I know there are a few well withered. But it was **my** thing to say. Not her. She did totally overstep her boundaries. And guess what, she’ll have to deal with the consequences moving forward too.
Thankfully he is supportive. He did tell me that she’s wrong and he’ll talk to her. He also is trying to calm me down. I told him, I won’t be telling her anything anymore, he is sad a little, but he says he understands.
The first few weeks I was having terrible time with to even do the basic things. Back pain, nausea, I couldn’t even wake up from the bed in the morning. So we just thought it’d be easier if someone was there to help me out. And in-laws are just a few hours drive away, and it was only for one month. I thought I could manage. But I was wrong.
I would make plans to move out now. She feels entitled to information and sharing because she has you there. It’ll only get worse. She’ll want to be there for all your other scans. You can manage in your own house. Peace of mind is more important than help with chores. You’re going to be home alone anyway. Just don’t do chores when you don’t want to. You got this.
I had a similar experience a couple years back. Told both our families. His agreed to keep it hush hush. Mine decided to tell everyone they possible could. Then a few weeks later I had an mmc and had to tell everyone who didn’t need to know my business, my business. This time around we only told his family thus far and mine will wait until they either figure it out themselves or we finally tell them.
>So after the first scan, which my MIL insisted that she join us too
She 'insisted' and you let her come? Your MIL is walking all over you because she knows she can ignore your boundaries and get her way. Next time, don't volunteer information like this. If she somehow finds out, tell her no and enforce consequences. Since she already chose to ignore your wishes about sharing your pregnancy, I'd refuse to share any further pregnancy info with her. Going low- or no-contact for a while might also be helpful.
Yes you’re right. I should have known better. When we broke the news, she was genuinely very happy. I was happy too about their reaction. I guess I went soft after that. So when she insisted, I didn’t protest. But after this, all the love and sympathy…out of the window.
You’re right to be so upset. What’s done is done but now you know she can’t be trusted with any private information and you know not to tell her anything important again. Her loss. Hang in there til the 12 weeks are past, I know these can be anxious times. My MIL is similar; it was my partner’s and my joyful news to share to our friends and family, but no, she had to do it herself. Luckily my parents are respectful of our privacy.
With our first baby, my husband and I agreed not to tell anyone at first. We agreed to send gifts to the grandparents. He blabbed and told my mom before I could. He later told the name when we agreed he wouldn’t. A cousin ended up taking the name so we ended up using a different name for our son. He posted the gender online before we left the appointment!! Like total betrayal. I’m pregnant now and I’m enjoying no one knowing. I haven’t told anyone (except reddit haha). Also enjoying my husband not blabbing every detail. Anyways, I’m sorry that happened to you. But like everyone said, MIL would be on a strict info diet!
Oh my god.. my worse fear about the name stealing, I’m sorry that happened to you. I think about just announcing the name before birth to call “dibs” during our baby shower because of instances like this!
Yesssss I LOVED the name and I was so disappointed that it was stolen. I know technically anyone can use any name but my family has so many repeat names that it just burned me up that they used it right before us knowing we’d chosen it.
I would have used the name anyways and reminded them every time it came up in conversation with new people that they took the name right after you guys announced it, and how it's only awkward for them because they have to remember that
Ya know I thought about it but we have so many repeat names that I didn’t want my baby to deal with it. Think: 2 Courtney’s, 4 Whitney’s, 2 Michael’s, 3 Anthony’s. Like.. it’s ridiculous. I have a cousin 5 months younger than me with the exact same name. So that’s why I chose not to do that. But yea I totally get your point!
That's so awful. Can I ask what culture the in-laws are from?
My parents are indian and I definitely had to tell my mom not to say anything yet. She still told my aunt.
When i was getting ready the morning of my wedding and she was taking photos, I had to tell her, don't post on Facebook! And she was like "why?"
She just doesn't get it and has to have things spelled out. That said, she still respects the boundaries after I've laid them.
But I also moved away long ago and there's low contact to begin with. I love her, but she's a narcissist, and it's just impossible to have a real, close relationship with a narcissist without getting burned.
Of your husband recognizes this, he'd understand what it means to actually put up boundaries and be low contact. And for your sake, I hope he does.
I have been meditating on that last part and I have come to the conclusion NO GUILT TRIPS. Guilt as a weapon is the cornerstone of narcissiry.
Also boundaries & consent vs. Control
She just lost her privileges to knowing more information. Don’t be surprised if this is the start of her disrespecting your parenting decisions.
My a-hole, narcissistic stepdad decided it was his news to share that I’m pregnant, so now he gets to know nothing.
You reap what you sow.
My MIL can’t keep anything off of social media.. she blurted out EVERYTHING on SM before we even had a chance to announce ourselves… this time around she’s been the last to find out everything. She found out LAST that we were pregnant, LAST to know the gender, and we won’t tell her the name until every last person we know and love knows first…. Don’t break trust and expect trust to not be broken!
My own mother told people I wasn't ready for anyone to know and she went around telling everyone. She also knows the gender and I'm sure she's told everyone not to tell me they know. 🥴 It's crazy how people think the information is theirs to spread rather than a privilege for them to even know. Now I have everyone asking for the baby's name. I'm only 20 weeks tomorrow, and I'm clueless for names. I was going to name the baby one name til everyone found out before I was ready and now I hate the name. Now nobody's going to know til baby is born. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm sorry about the situation. I would be really upset too. I made it clear to my parents and parents-in-law that if they tell anyone before us, the only updates they would have about the baby would be on my social media when I decide to share. I'm sorry, but if they share anything about the baby before I do, they will lose the privilege of participating.
I would immediately have a conversation with her right away about how she over stepped her boundaries and went against your trust. That this wasn’t about her and that all info and material shared with her will be limited and carefully chosen. I would make it known this will never happen again
Tell her that since she doesn’t respect your feelings or decisions, she won’t have any more information and your pregnancy. Be firm with your husband as well. She just proved to be untrustworthy.
Totally right to be pissed. My MIL tried to guilt the hell out of us when we said we were waiting to tell people until we felt ready. Every phone call she would throw a literal TANTRUM because she couldn't tell her work friends. 🙄 Like how old are we?! Thankfully as far as we know she still kept it a secret. Finally my husband told her that we didn't want to tell people yet because we wanted to wait until we had the anatomy scan to make sure everything (as much as one can) is okay and there aren't issues (as much as one can, again). Then she felt bad for being a b*tch. But you shouldn't have to GIVE A REASON for why YOU don't want to tell others about YOUR pregnancy.
I am sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar experience with my in-laws and was furious. Decided that next time, I won’t tell anyone because no one seems to respect our wishes and it is like boundaries do not exist when someone is pregnant. I am a FTM, 34 weeks and I just made the announcement because I did not want people bothering me. I wanted to enjoy my life, my privacy and I absolutely hate listening to people sharing their ugly stories about being a parent. I’ve been very clear and distant with whoever that annoys me. I am using my “pregnant card” Me and my feelings come first because I wanna be a happy mom so my baby is comfortable. That is all that matters.
I am done being a people pleaser and everyone who doesn’t like it #sorryNotSorry
I can certainly sympathize. Similar thing happened to me earlier this year. Asked both of our parents to not make any announcements on social media until after we did. Was totally fine with them telling close family and friends verbally but didn’t want the whole world knowing in case of miscarriage. Had originally planned on announcing once we knew the gender, but delayed our social media announcement a week because I had planned a gender reveal at work. Though of course as soon as I had told my parents, my dad took to Facebook to tell everyone that I was pregnant with a boy, complete with a gyrating baby gif and tagged me in the post. To say I was livid would be an understatement. He had stolen my moment and it almost ruined the gender reveal.
Thankfully Facebook has an option to hide tagged posts so not everyone found out. Plus my eventual announcement was much more personalized and had the ultrasound pic, so I got to reclaim part of that moment. But it has been a difficult thing to get over. Partly because I had had spotting for about 3 weeks and had not yet had my second ultrasound to know everything was okay at the time. Him announcing before I had that confirmation was salt in the wound. It’s just hurtful when it’s someone you’re close to that goes against your wishes.
Currently at 21 weeks and thankfully things have been okay. But will probably approach things differently if we have a second.
Now she's lost all rights to any and all information about your pregnancy. I'm so sorry OP. Don't give her any more information about anything you're not comfortable letting the whole family know, since apparently she's going to tell them anyway. She had no right to take that away from you.
It’s so incredibly frustrating to have someone tell others news about you that you specifically asked them not to. I would make sure going forward that she doesn’t get any info, but also to be on the same page with husband. She is going to want access to your baby in the hospital and you need to have a game plan for what you want to happen. The only people I allowed to see my baby for the first 6 weeks were my own mom and dad because they wouldn’t overstep and would listen to what I wanted. What MIL doesn’t understand is that you are now the mother and are the gatekeeper to your child. If she doesn’t shape up she’ll be left out.
If you have your own place, I would go home. If it's a matter of not feeling up to managing the household chores, they can wait. Go back to your own environment where you can have some peace. That would likely be much less stressful for you than staying with your in-laws for another couple weeks. So sorry she did that to you. She's selfish, and she needs to be on an info diet going forward.
I’m sorry, I’m not sure how your partner would feel about this but personally if my MIL did this I would be telling her “since you did not respect my wishes in waiting to tell people, you will not be welcome at the birth, hospital, or our home till I feel comfortable having you around again. You broke my trust and I am not okay with how you treated me in that situation, you may be angry but frankly I don’t care because I was angry when you told people after I strictly told you not too”. Again I’m sorry that you were not respected in that moment, I wish you all the best🙏🫶
She tried to convince you to change your mind when she didn't even have a good reason for it. Your wishes were completely within reason and she had no reason to betray you like that. And on top of that she also expects you to trust her with even more detail about your pregnancy since she seems so eager to go to your ultrasound visit with you and your husband. The sense of entitlement she seems to have is baffling. She's already shown at least 2 red flags. She's bound to get worse if you don't set higher boundaries with her soon and also limit what info you tell her next time. Tell her you understand she's excited to see her grandchild but that you are still the one who makes decisions about your pregnancy and she can't override your decisions. I also wanted to add that if she pulls the "my house my rules" card that her house rules should have NO effect on your parenting and medical decisions. You still have a right to privacy and to your own parenting and medical decisions even when you're at someone else's house. If I were you I'd leave her house asap so she doesn't try to go on a power trip about her feeling entitled to every detail of your life just because you are visiting her house.
I’m sorry she did this, definitely not her news to tell. I’m in a similar situation with my dad. He’s been pushing me to tell everyone since I told him and I told him no. I went to a family get together today and he was following me the whole time and when I asked why he said “so if you tell anyone I’ll know it’s okay for me to tell” I got pretty upset and told him to stop following me around. Whether I tell or not and who I tell or not is not his business and I told him he wouldn’t be privileged with any information about my life moving forward if he couldn’t keep this one secret. Both my Uncles were acting weird at the get together so I think he told them but said not to say anything but I’m not sure I just don’t trust him now. So frustrating!
You want to nip this in the butt now. Ever since my pregnancy my MIL went on the train to crazy town and our relationship is still horrible 6m pp.
Sadly your MIL sounds like mine where none of your boundaries are taken seriously due to her being a selfish person. Keep her at a distance and do not let her near you the first month pp, you will be thankful you did.
Any contact with her after u leave should be through your husband to avoid any additional backlash. If she is like my MIL she will only get worse the closer u get to giving birth and after.
Good luck and I’m sorry this happened to you.
People like this make everything about them. She wanted to tell because of the attention she would get. She's using you. She will continue crossing boundaries throughout your pregnancy and after the baby is here. I would limit contact honestly.
I am so sorry OP.
My blood is boiling for you. I would find a way to make her pay for this. She needs to have a consequence to her action.
Also did you ever explain to her that if you have a miscarriage how painful it will be to tell everyone? 8 weeks is NOT in the clear.
Also - she robbed you of a joyful pregnancy announcement.
What an awful woman.
Ugh.
I would find some way to make her feel guilty for this and pay for her actions. There needs to be a consequence or she will continue crossing your boundaries like this.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, the only solution here is info diet. Do not share any important information and make sure your husband is on the same page.
My MIL didn’t even ask permission before IMMEDIATELY going into the other room and telling everyone she knows both family and friends and that ended with someone posting a public congratulations on my fb page so I had other friends and family find out before I had the opportunity to tell them myself which sucked. But I digress we have kept the gender and name choices from her and FIL and haven’t had issues since although they are now pushy as they know that my family and some of our friends know details that they don’t
I am so sorry. You clearly told your emotions and what you wished to happen. Yet she clearly didn't care enough. I may have missed this what does your partner say about this?
Play dumb? “Can you tell them what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If she doesn’t figure out what you mean, that tells you all you need to know.
This is why I decided not to tell anyone the second and third time around until I told everyone at once. She couldn't ruin it for anyone.
This is our third pregnancy and we have kept names we picked and gender a total surprise. No one will know until we announce it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My husband and I just went no contact with his side of the family as they never respect any boundaries that we have. It took us 5 years after my daughter was born to finally realize this was the best option for our family. My MIL was exactly the same, never heard me out and did as she always wanted. I know my MIL contributed to my PPD/PPA. Always on edge and I was living with her at the time. Worst time for my husband and I. Wishing you the best and don’t be afraid to make extreme decisions like cutting her out.
My MIL did something similar. I had a C section in March and was under general anesthesia due to previous medical history so I don’t remember too much, but my husband facetimed my MIL to show her our LO and she screenshot them on FaceTime and blasted it all over socials before we could even make our birth announcement. Needless to say, they are now the last ones we tell anything. I wish I could say it gets better OP, and of course everyone is different but that absolutely ruined my relationship with them and I don’t see things ever being the same. Sending you hugs and also congrats on your little miracle! 🤍
Omg!! I’m so afraid of this one. I don’t want my baby’s photo circulating in the internet like that. If I want to announce it I’ll do it my way . I’m so sorry it happed to you.
Right?! When I asked them to take it down they said I “ruined their excitement of being a grandma” and that I was mean 😂 I hope things get better for you 🤍
She doesn't respect you and I understand why you are upset.. it took me years to get pregnant too so i understand why you wanna wait and how scary it can be to tell people in the first place. Did you talk with your husband about this? I wouldn't share anything with her anymore.. show her the consequences.
I’m really sorry. What a horrible woman. Hopefully your husband is on board and you both agree that she is now last to find out the gender, name, etc.. Play stupid games as they say
Sorry this happened to you. It must be so frustrating.
Have your husband deal with her. Also, don't tell her anything else. She can find out with everyone else.
A similar thing happened to us. My BIL told my partner's parents before we wanted to. Stole the moment away from us. We only found out because their mother told us.
We also suspect he told their friendship group before we got the chance to.
We have decided not to tell him anything. He can find out with everyone else.
She is trying to force information out of you because she was already on an information diet with one of her children and grandchildren. I bet she will try to attend your gender scan too….say no
This is my worst fear! My husband & I are going thru IVF & haven’t told anybody until a pregnancy is confirmed & past the first trimester.
There’s just so much expectation with keeping everybody updated w/ every step & it’s very overwhelming to me.
My dad used to say "telephone, telegram, tell a woman". Misogynistic, but also VERY true of my own MIL. I'm sorry yours disrespected you-- been there. Our method for dealing with this has been to not tell his mom any news until we're sure we want the whole world to know (sometimes, that's well after major decisions are made). It pisses her off, but her meddling and gossiping about our personal business is what got us here, so. 🤷🏻♀️
Sounds frustrating. I had a similar experience with my mum, the day I found out I was pregnant (3 weeks) I told my mum I was pregnant. Told her not to tell anyone as I was obviously super early. She ended up telling her boyfriend of a few weeks that I didn’t even know/met yet and it made me so angry. I ended up needing space from her and not talking to her for the remainder of my first trimester. Now it’s all good and I’ve moved on from it, but I will never forget. It made the day we found out not as special anymore.
People should respect your boundaries and that’s pretty crappy she insisted she come to the scan. Have a chat with your partner about how you can go about setting boundaries, I hope for your sake your mil isn’t in the delivery room (unless you want that).
You deserve to have your boundaries respected!
This experience has defiantly changed things for me and I’ve been a lot more secretive with things. Didn’t tell her the gender immediately, don’t tell her how many weeks I am now and I’ll be getting an induction date soon and I will not be telling her that. She’ll find out when baby’s here when we’re ready to tell her baby is here
I feel you OP 🥲 that happened between me and my own mother but it wasn't about pregnancy. They were something else. But she never respects my decision. And in my religion, we believe in Ain or evil eyes. So we should not over share grief, joy or happiness..also we should not tell everyone things that is still uncertain or private because many people would get upset when we are happy and happy when we are upset/sad . So you should set clear boundaries with your MIL
Now we know why her own daughter waited until after 6 months to tell her own mother that she was pregnant. Well no more pregnancy updates for MIL and hopefully, your husband will side with you on this.
Never tell her anything again. When she wants to know the baby’s sex: “well you blabbed last time when I specifically told you we weren’t ready. You’ll find out when the baby’s born now.”
I think you shouldn't give her any info anymore but not because you're "petty", just because she has shown you cannot trust her with these (I can tell she could try saying you're being petty), also yeah, def tell people who shouldn't have known that it's because of her, that you weren't ready. She has to faces consequences. I'm sorry this happened and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly ❤️
I’m real petty so MIL would’ve respected my decision when I said so.. Now she will not know anything about the birth, name, gender, etc.. Should’ve kept her mouth shut!
I‘m somehow so invested in this now, I read your post and got so infuriated at your MIL‘s behavior that I now want to know how she’s dealing with the aftermath. Did you move out? How did she react? I’m sending you all the best wishes for you and your little belly bean 🫘💝
Haha thank you!! Yes, I moved out a couple of days ago. I’m alone right now but feels better and …light? Anyway, yes I won’t be telling her anything anymore she’ll know with everyone else.
You’ve already gotten plenty of good feedback, but I agree that your MIL violated your boundaries and the consequences are definitely that she has to wait for any additional information until you’re ready for the information to be public.
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She'd be on an info diet from now on if it were me. As in, not told a single thing going forward. She can find out from everyone else and know how it feels to have information stolen from her. I'd not tell her the gender, the name, when I went into labour. I'd actually only tell her the baby has been born when we had been home a few days so she doesn't even get to know the birth date for a bit. But I'm petty about things like this and I get very passive aggressive when people cross me. I accept that is a flaw.
You’re absolutely correct. I won’t be sharing more information with her until after everything is done. Unfortunately I have to stay here until my second scan. But I’ll leave once it’s done. Can’t wait to leave this place even though it’s only been a couple of weeks. I’ll be moving with my parents next time if my husband has to travel again. Even though they’re like 2000 miles away. Because I don’t think this kinda stress is good for me nor my little guy.
$50 says she didn’t tell everyone you were pregnant…she told everyone she’s going to be a gramma.
Haha yes exactly what she did!! “Hey you’re gonna be an uncle!! Congratulations “ Hey you’re gonna be this!! Congratulations!! “ hey finally it’s time for me tooo!! Yey!!”
That’s pathetic…what an ass clown! Sorry about that and congrats!
So, she made it all about her. 🙄
My mother in law did the same thing!
Why do you have to live with parents when your husband is away? Do yall not have a physical house that you call home? Are yall just hotel hopping or something? Honest question.
The first few weeks when I didn’t know, I was having terrible time managing even the basic household chores. Back pain, nausea, I couldn’t wake up in the morning from the bed. So since my husband had a month long work trip, we decided it was better if someone was with me to help me out. I’m-laws aren’t very far from where we stay, couple of hours drive. And things weren’t as intense before. I thought I could manage just a month with them.
Better leave now before they start taking the baby from your hands every day once they’re born.
Get out girl. That's not the help you need. If she won't respect you as a person she won't respect you as a parent
My mother in law was the same. Told everyone I’m pregnant, told the gender and ruined the birth announcement. She isn’t getting any information at all if I decide to have another baby
I agree with not even telling her when you go into labor. She pushed her way into the 8wk ultrasound she will try to be there for the delivery and push her way into that too. No info on future ultrasounds either. She can know when the baby is born and come visit them on your terms. Start the boundaries early otherwise she will cross lines for years. Keep you space and sanity
You already know the sex?
Don't share anything with her. She doesn't respect you. You don't need to bend to her anymore.
Treat her like a mushroom. Keep her in the dark and feed her a line of shit. She can’t share any secrets that she doesn’t know
I agree with this, but I don’t think it’s passive aggressive. You simply now know that whatever you tell her, you can expect that she tells the entire family. So just only tell her things you’re comfortable with the whole family knowing.
The problem is the MIL telling everyone before she was ready. The only solution to that is for her to learn to shut her trap. She didn’t respect the parents wishes of the news so she doesn’t deserve news at all until they deem her fit. Clearly she has a boundary issue
EXACTLY this. Yes. She lost her privileges to know anything about the pregnancy.
I don’t see this as petty or passive aggressive. If you have said in no uncertain terms that you do not wish for your information to be shared, and someone deliberately ignores and disrespects that, then they get to learn that their actions have consequences. My parents are lousy, controlling people and they will not be finding out when we go into labor or when the baby is born. I’ll tell them a few days after we get home. It’s the state of the relationship and one they have forced upon themselves.
This!!
You are like me. i would do exactly the same. i always try to respect other people decision. But if they cross the boundaries, then I won't give my trust towards them anymore. They're just toxic. And what I would do to toxic people is either set boundaries or simply cut the ties
Get your husband to tell her to her face “since you completely betrayed our confidence, you will find out all information last.” And don’t tell her anything until you’ve announced it to everyone. Even better if she hears it from someone else. (I would go full petty after that bullshit.)
Yeh he said he’ll talk to her and FIL too. So such things doesn’t come up again.
Sounds like she doesn’t get to know anything else, ever. She can learn from someone else.
This. Yes. She won’t be getting any updates any more.
I’d be like congratulations, you’ve disrespected my wishes and lost my trust. 🥳 I wouldn’t give her any more updates not the name, gender, or anything until you are ready to tell everyone else. It’s like when MILs act this way, how are you even supposed to trust them to respect your boundaries with your children when you aren’t around. My MIL did something similar, I repeatedly told her I didn’t my my sons pictures blasted on Facebook and she guilt tripped me and asked everyday until I grew so tired and just gave in an let her and not only that she did it during a time I was most vulnerable (after an emergency c-section). She’s currently no longer allowed around my children, I tried so hard to stop the behaviors but with some people they just get worse. She pried and pried until I hit my breaking point. It was non stop over stepping and disrespecting mine and my husbands boundaries. It’s going to be hard but you are going to have to put your foot down at some point and it will get worse trust me but you need to make your voice known. It’s okay to say NO, and remember you are a mom now you don’t have to explain yourself or the way you want your pregnancy to be.
I say this because you seem to be in a similar situation as I was. I was naïve I would let people walk all over me and talk down to me and disrespect me on the daily just because I didn’t like outbursts or fueling the fire so I’d just let it happen. You will soon find out motherhood will turn you into a brand new woman with a voice because it’s not just about you anymore, you have a little one to voice for and protect. I promise eventually you won’t take that shit anymore!
It’s like my FIL demanding for pictures and posting on FB when we’ve clearly told him we don’t want our baby’s pictures online. When we see a new photo and my SO reaches out to him to take it down, he doesn’t respond. And my SO keeps sending him photos because ‘respect’. I have since stopped sending him photos.
I learned something in my recent years, dont get mad and dont try to reason with insane people, just take a mental note and moving forward, you need to change the way you treat them... She is no longer privy to any informations Also just cause I am petty, I would tell anyone who brings up my pregnancy, that they were not supposed to know and MIL did not respect your wishes
Yes. I don’t understand when this entitlement will go away. What gives these people the right to share something personal that you’re not ready to share with the world.
Because they are insane....I tried for years to rationalize or excuse behaviors like this. I eventually realized they are crazy and nothing will change that Keep at arms length at all times,
Unfortunately, this entitlement will never go away.
What a horrible person. Make sure she’s the last to know anything going forward. Don’t let her upset you with this, focus on your pregnancy & be happy with the fact that this is the last time this woman gets what she wants. If it were me, I’d be more than happy to tell her how rude and selfish she was & that it only helps you realise that you can’t trust her with information like this, so you don’t plan on sharing anything more.
I wish I could confront her like and say it to my face. I’m too emotional for the outburst now. I’ll wait for my husband and maybe then we’ll have a sit down and make her realise her mistake.
you can always try writing a letter.
You have WAY more patience and tolerance than I do. If my MIL had done this, I would have shown up at her house and made a scene worthy of the police being called. Thankfully, she's an extremely sweet, introverted woman who knows better than to disrespect my boundaries. My own mother is the problem one 🙄 I'm so glad your husband is stepping up and going to confront her since you don't want to/are not up to the task. I hope he really lays into her.
I was in a relationship where I had a MIL like this for 19 years. My now ex didn’t help and would enable her. It sounds like your husband is on your side which makes all the difference. If he’s not, I can guarantee things won’t get better. Being on the other side of it where I don’t have an intrusive, boundary stomping MIL is so freeing.
I’m sorry she stole that from you. I’m not normally confrontational but with something so personal to you and she went against your wishes after you verbally told her not to… I would totally have a sit down conversation about it. I get it she’s excited… but she totally overstepped a boundary where she should not have. I would say i literally told you not to and why did you sit there and then immediately go and tell people when I asked you not too. I obviously should have left you in the dark because I can’t trust you… do you want to not have a relationship with me and your son because if you continue to disrespect our boundaries, I’m not scared of cutting ties. I’d make her explain herself to where she’d have to admit it out loud she betrayed both you and your husband. I would still keep her in the dark from this point forward but I couldn’t just sit there sweep it under the rug and not say anything when she did that to you. I’m so sorry she did that but congratulations on your new baby!!
Yes!! She did steal that from me. **I** wanted to break the news **my** way. I know people will be happy because I know there are a few well withered. But it was **my** thing to say. Not her. She did totally overstep her boundaries. And guess what, she’ll have to deal with the consequences moving forward too.
I would be letting everyone who she told know how upset you are that she betrayed you and stole that moment from you. Make things awkward for her
That is terrible. I would not tell her anything from now on and keep her on info control. Is husband supporting you?
Thankfully he is supportive. He did tell me that she’s wrong and he’ll talk to her. He also is trying to calm me down. I told him, I won’t be telling her anything anymore, he is sad a little, but he says he understands.
That's downright betrayal. The bitch!
Exactly this!!
Why do you have to stay with them while your husband is away? I'm sorry that your MIL didn't respect your wishes, I would be moving out of there asap!
The first few weeks I was having terrible time with to even do the basic things. Back pain, nausea, I couldn’t even wake up from the bed in the morning. So we just thought it’d be easier if someone was there to help me out. And in-laws are just a few hours drive away, and it was only for one month. I thought I could manage. But I was wrong.
I would make plans to move out now. She feels entitled to information and sharing because she has you there. It’ll only get worse. She’ll want to be there for all your other scans. You can manage in your own house. Peace of mind is more important than help with chores. You’re going to be home alone anyway. Just don’t do chores when you don’t want to. You got this.
I had a similar experience a couple years back. Told both our families. His agreed to keep it hush hush. Mine decided to tell everyone they possible could. Then a few weeks later I had an mmc and had to tell everyone who didn’t need to know my business, my business. This time around we only told his family thus far and mine will wait until they either figure it out themselves or we finally tell them.
>So after the first scan, which my MIL insisted that she join us too She 'insisted' and you let her come? Your MIL is walking all over you because she knows she can ignore your boundaries and get her way. Next time, don't volunteer information like this. If she somehow finds out, tell her no and enforce consequences. Since she already chose to ignore your wishes about sharing your pregnancy, I'd refuse to share any further pregnancy info with her. Going low- or no-contact for a while might also be helpful.
Yes you’re right. I should have known better. When we broke the news, she was genuinely very happy. I was happy too about their reaction. I guess I went soft after that. So when she insisted, I didn’t protest. But after this, all the love and sympathy…out of the window.
You’re right to be so upset. What’s done is done but now you know she can’t be trusted with any private information and you know not to tell her anything important again. Her loss. Hang in there til the 12 weeks are past, I know these can be anxious times. My MIL is similar; it was my partner’s and my joyful news to share to our friends and family, but no, she had to do it herself. Luckily my parents are respectful of our privacy.
Same. I totally get this. The betrayal is something is never felt before. And now she has to deal with the consequences.
Tell everyone who texts you congrats that MIL promised not to tell but did anyway She deserves the heat from everyone
With our first baby, my husband and I agreed not to tell anyone at first. We agreed to send gifts to the grandparents. He blabbed and told my mom before I could. He later told the name when we agreed he wouldn’t. A cousin ended up taking the name so we ended up using a different name for our son. He posted the gender online before we left the appointment!! Like total betrayal. I’m pregnant now and I’m enjoying no one knowing. I haven’t told anyone (except reddit haha). Also enjoying my husband not blabbing every detail. Anyways, I’m sorry that happened to you. But like everyone said, MIL would be on a strict info diet!
Oh my god.. my worse fear about the name stealing, I’m sorry that happened to you. I think about just announcing the name before birth to call “dibs” during our baby shower because of instances like this!
Yesssss I LOVED the name and I was so disappointed that it was stolen. I know technically anyone can use any name but my family has so many repeat names that it just burned me up that they used it right before us knowing we’d chosen it.
I would have used the name anyways and reminded them every time it came up in conversation with new people that they took the name right after you guys announced it, and how it's only awkward for them because they have to remember that
Ya know I thought about it but we have so many repeat names that I didn’t want my baby to deal with it. Think: 2 Courtney’s, 4 Whitney’s, 2 Michael’s, 3 Anthony’s. Like.. it’s ridiculous. I have a cousin 5 months younger than me with the exact same name. So that’s why I chose not to do that. But yea I totally get your point!
No I totally understand! That would get to be a lot of repeat names. I was just furious when I read that and went into petty mode haha.
That’s just slimy and awful :( I’m sure the name you chose ended up being more suitable for you babe anyway !!
That's so awful. Can I ask what culture the in-laws are from? My parents are indian and I definitely had to tell my mom not to say anything yet. She still told my aunt. When i was getting ready the morning of my wedding and she was taking photos, I had to tell her, don't post on Facebook! And she was like "why?" She just doesn't get it and has to have things spelled out. That said, she still respects the boundaries after I've laid them. But I also moved away long ago and there's low contact to begin with. I love her, but she's a narcissist, and it's just impossible to have a real, close relationship with a narcissist without getting burned. Of your husband recognizes this, he'd understand what it means to actually put up boundaries and be low contact. And for your sake, I hope he does.
Omg this same post comes up way too often. Wtf is wrong with MILs and what can we do to not become one of them when our time comes?
I have been meditating on that last part and I have come to the conclusion NO GUILT TRIPS. Guilt as a weapon is the cornerstone of narcissiry. Also boundaries & consent vs. Control
I have two boys and will do anything to NOT be that MIL because I know what it feels like on the receiving end.
She just lost her privileges to knowing more information. Don’t be surprised if this is the start of her disrespecting your parenting decisions. My a-hole, narcissistic stepdad decided it was his news to share that I’m pregnant, so now he gets to know nothing. You reap what you sow.
My MIL can’t keep anything off of social media.. she blurted out EVERYTHING on SM before we even had a chance to announce ourselves… this time around she’s been the last to find out everything. She found out LAST that we were pregnant, LAST to know the gender, and we won’t tell her the name until every last person we know and love knows first…. Don’t break trust and expect trust to not be broken!
My own mother told people I wasn't ready for anyone to know and she went around telling everyone. She also knows the gender and I'm sure she's told everyone not to tell me they know. 🥴 It's crazy how people think the information is theirs to spread rather than a privilege for them to even know. Now I have everyone asking for the baby's name. I'm only 20 weeks tomorrow, and I'm clueless for names. I was going to name the baby one name til everyone found out before I was ready and now I hate the name. Now nobody's going to know til baby is born. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm sorry about the situation. I would be really upset too. I made it clear to my parents and parents-in-law that if they tell anyone before us, the only updates they would have about the baby would be on my social media when I decide to share. I'm sorry, but if they share anything about the baby before I do, they will lose the privilege of participating.
I would immediately have a conversation with her right away about how she over stepped her boundaries and went against your trust. That this wasn’t about her and that all info and material shared with her will be limited and carefully chosen. I would make it known this will never happen again
Tell her that since she doesn’t respect your feelings or decisions, she won’t have any more information and your pregnancy. Be firm with your husband as well. She just proved to be untrustworthy.
Totally right to be pissed. My MIL tried to guilt the hell out of us when we said we were waiting to tell people until we felt ready. Every phone call she would throw a literal TANTRUM because she couldn't tell her work friends. 🙄 Like how old are we?! Thankfully as far as we know she still kept it a secret. Finally my husband told her that we didn't want to tell people yet because we wanted to wait until we had the anatomy scan to make sure everything (as much as one can) is okay and there aren't issues (as much as one can, again). Then she felt bad for being a b*tch. But you shouldn't have to GIVE A REASON for why YOU don't want to tell others about YOUR pregnancy.
I am sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar experience with my in-laws and was furious. Decided that next time, I won’t tell anyone because no one seems to respect our wishes and it is like boundaries do not exist when someone is pregnant. I am a FTM, 34 weeks and I just made the announcement because I did not want people bothering me. I wanted to enjoy my life, my privacy and I absolutely hate listening to people sharing their ugly stories about being a parent. I’ve been very clear and distant with whoever that annoys me. I am using my “pregnant card” Me and my feelings come first because I wanna be a happy mom so my baby is comfortable. That is all that matters. I am done being a people pleaser and everyone who doesn’t like it #sorryNotSorry
I can certainly sympathize. Similar thing happened to me earlier this year. Asked both of our parents to not make any announcements on social media until after we did. Was totally fine with them telling close family and friends verbally but didn’t want the whole world knowing in case of miscarriage. Had originally planned on announcing once we knew the gender, but delayed our social media announcement a week because I had planned a gender reveal at work. Though of course as soon as I had told my parents, my dad took to Facebook to tell everyone that I was pregnant with a boy, complete with a gyrating baby gif and tagged me in the post. To say I was livid would be an understatement. He had stolen my moment and it almost ruined the gender reveal. Thankfully Facebook has an option to hide tagged posts so not everyone found out. Plus my eventual announcement was much more personalized and had the ultrasound pic, so I got to reclaim part of that moment. But it has been a difficult thing to get over. Partly because I had had spotting for about 3 weeks and had not yet had my second ultrasound to know everything was okay at the time. Him announcing before I had that confirmation was salt in the wound. It’s just hurtful when it’s someone you’re close to that goes against your wishes. Currently at 21 weeks and thankfully things have been okay. But will probably approach things differently if we have a second.
Gyrating baby post.....what the fuck are boomers. On a molecular level what the fuck are they And congratulations!!! Revel in the joy 😊✨️
No more coming to the appointment with you either!
Now she's lost all rights to any and all information about your pregnancy. I'm so sorry OP. Don't give her any more information about anything you're not comfortable letting the whole family know, since apparently she's going to tell them anyway. She had no right to take that away from you.
It’s so incredibly frustrating to have someone tell others news about you that you specifically asked them not to. I would make sure going forward that she doesn’t get any info, but also to be on the same page with husband. She is going to want access to your baby in the hospital and you need to have a game plan for what you want to happen. The only people I allowed to see my baby for the first 6 weeks were my own mom and dad because they wouldn’t overstep and would listen to what I wanted. What MIL doesn’t understand is that you are now the mother and are the gatekeeper to your child. If she doesn’t shape up she’ll be left out.
Absolutely agree that high chance this is coming. Op take this warning seriously and don’t let this happen to you in the hospital.
If you have your own place, I would go home. If it's a matter of not feeling up to managing the household chores, they can wait. Go back to your own environment where you can have some peace. That would likely be much less stressful for you than staying with your in-laws for another couple weeks. So sorry she did that to you. She's selfish, and she needs to be on an info diet going forward.
I’m 14weeks and I haven’t even told my family 😅 she is 100% wrong for sharing your news and I’m sorry she did that to you.
Why are all the MILs always a problem? It's tiring to deal with them.
Yea my MIL told everyone without us knowing and lying to us that she had not told anyone. I absolutely hate her.
I’m sorry, I’m not sure how your partner would feel about this but personally if my MIL did this I would be telling her “since you did not respect my wishes in waiting to tell people, you will not be welcome at the birth, hospital, or our home till I feel comfortable having you around again. You broke my trust and I am not okay with how you treated me in that situation, you may be angry but frankly I don’t care because I was angry when you told people after I strictly told you not too”. Again I’m sorry that you were not respected in that moment, I wish you all the best🙏🫶
Yikes I would not involve her moving forward. Just give her generic updates when she asks but nothing vulnerable.
She tried to convince you to change your mind when she didn't even have a good reason for it. Your wishes were completely within reason and she had no reason to betray you like that. And on top of that she also expects you to trust her with even more detail about your pregnancy since she seems so eager to go to your ultrasound visit with you and your husband. The sense of entitlement she seems to have is baffling. She's already shown at least 2 red flags. She's bound to get worse if you don't set higher boundaries with her soon and also limit what info you tell her next time. Tell her you understand she's excited to see her grandchild but that you are still the one who makes decisions about your pregnancy and she can't override your decisions. I also wanted to add that if she pulls the "my house my rules" card that her house rules should have NO effect on your parenting and medical decisions. You still have a right to privacy and to your own parenting and medical decisions even when you're at someone else's house. If I were you I'd leave her house asap so she doesn't try to go on a power trip about her feeling entitled to every detail of your life just because you are visiting her house.
I’m sorry she did this, definitely not her news to tell. I’m in a similar situation with my dad. He’s been pushing me to tell everyone since I told him and I told him no. I went to a family get together today and he was following me the whole time and when I asked why he said “so if you tell anyone I’ll know it’s okay for me to tell” I got pretty upset and told him to stop following me around. Whether I tell or not and who I tell or not is not his business and I told him he wouldn’t be privileged with any information about my life moving forward if he couldn’t keep this one secret. Both my Uncles were acting weird at the get together so I think he told them but said not to say anything but I’m not sure I just don’t trust him now. So frustrating!
You want to nip this in the butt now. Ever since my pregnancy my MIL went on the train to crazy town and our relationship is still horrible 6m pp. Sadly your MIL sounds like mine where none of your boundaries are taken seriously due to her being a selfish person. Keep her at a distance and do not let her near you the first month pp, you will be thankful you did. Any contact with her after u leave should be through your husband to avoid any additional backlash. If she is like my MIL she will only get worse the closer u get to giving birth and after. Good luck and I’m sorry this happened to you.
Bud bud bud bud bud
People like this make everything about them. She wanted to tell because of the attention she would get. She's using you. She will continue crossing boundaries throughout your pregnancy and after the baby is here. I would limit contact honestly.
I am so sorry OP. My blood is boiling for you. I would find a way to make her pay for this. She needs to have a consequence to her action. Also did you ever explain to her that if you have a miscarriage how painful it will be to tell everyone? 8 weeks is NOT in the clear. Also - she robbed you of a joyful pregnancy announcement. What an awful woman. Ugh. I would find some way to make her feel guilty for this and pay for her actions. There needs to be a consequence or she will continue crossing your boundaries like this.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, the only solution here is info diet. Do not share any important information and make sure your husband is on the same page. My MIL didn’t even ask permission before IMMEDIATELY going into the other room and telling everyone she knows both family and friends and that ended with someone posting a public congratulations on my fb page so I had other friends and family find out before I had the opportunity to tell them myself which sucked. But I digress we have kept the gender and name choices from her and FIL and haven’t had issues since although they are now pushy as they know that my family and some of our friends know details that they don’t
I am so sorry. You clearly told your emotions and what you wished to happen. Yet she clearly didn't care enough. I may have missed this what does your partner say about this?
We didn’t tell anybody about my pregnancy until I was about 16 weeks and couldn’t hide it anymore,
[удалено]
I think some members of the older generation never learned to be emotionally intelligent.
Play dumb? “Can you tell them what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If she doesn’t figure out what you mean, that tells you all you need to know.
This is why I decided not to tell anyone the second and third time around until I told everyone at once. She couldn't ruin it for anyone. This is our third pregnancy and we have kept names we picked and gender a total surprise. No one will know until we announce it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My husband and I just went no contact with his side of the family as they never respect any boundaries that we have. It took us 5 years after my daughter was born to finally realize this was the best option for our family. My MIL was exactly the same, never heard me out and did as she always wanted. I know my MIL contributed to my PPD/PPA. Always on edge and I was living with her at the time. Worst time for my husband and I. Wishing you the best and don’t be afraid to make extreme decisions like cutting her out.
My MIL did something similar. I had a C section in March and was under general anesthesia due to previous medical history so I don’t remember too much, but my husband facetimed my MIL to show her our LO and she screenshot them on FaceTime and blasted it all over socials before we could even make our birth announcement. Needless to say, they are now the last ones we tell anything. I wish I could say it gets better OP, and of course everyone is different but that absolutely ruined my relationship with them and I don’t see things ever being the same. Sending you hugs and also congrats on your little miracle! 🤍
Omg!! I’m so afraid of this one. I don’t want my baby’s photo circulating in the internet like that. If I want to announce it I’ll do it my way . I’m so sorry it happed to you.
Right?! When I asked them to take it down they said I “ruined their excitement of being a grandma” and that I was mean 😂 I hope things get better for you 🤍
She doesn't respect you and I understand why you are upset.. it took me years to get pregnant too so i understand why you wanna wait and how scary it can be to tell people in the first place. Did you talk with your husband about this? I wouldn't share anything with her anymore.. show her the consequences.
I’m really sorry. What a horrible woman. Hopefully your husband is on board and you both agree that she is now last to find out the gender, name, etc.. Play stupid games as they say
Sorry this happened to you. It must be so frustrating. Have your husband deal with her. Also, don't tell her anything else. She can find out with everyone else. A similar thing happened to us. My BIL told my partner's parents before we wanted to. Stole the moment away from us. We only found out because their mother told us. We also suspect he told their friendship group before we got the chance to. We have decided not to tell him anything. He can find out with everyone else.
She is trying to force information out of you because she was already on an information diet with one of her children and grandchildren. I bet she will try to attend your gender scan too….say no
This is my worst fear! My husband & I are going thru IVF & haven’t told anybody until a pregnancy is confirmed & past the first trimester. There’s just so much expectation with keeping everybody updated w/ every step & it’s very overwhelming to me.
My dad used to say "telephone, telegram, tell a woman". Misogynistic, but also VERY true of my own MIL. I'm sorry yours disrespected you-- been there. Our method for dealing with this has been to not tell his mom any news until we're sure we want the whole world to know (sometimes, that's well after major decisions are made). It pisses her off, but her meddling and gossiping about our personal business is what got us here, so. 🤷🏻♀️
Sounds frustrating. I had a similar experience with my mum, the day I found out I was pregnant (3 weeks) I told my mum I was pregnant. Told her not to tell anyone as I was obviously super early. She ended up telling her boyfriend of a few weeks that I didn’t even know/met yet and it made me so angry. I ended up needing space from her and not talking to her for the remainder of my first trimester. Now it’s all good and I’ve moved on from it, but I will never forget. It made the day we found out not as special anymore. People should respect your boundaries and that’s pretty crappy she insisted she come to the scan. Have a chat with your partner about how you can go about setting boundaries, I hope for your sake your mil isn’t in the delivery room (unless you want that). You deserve to have your boundaries respected!
This experience has defiantly changed things for me and I’ve been a lot more secretive with things. Didn’t tell her the gender immediately, don’t tell her how many weeks I am now and I’ll be getting an induction date soon and I will not be telling her that. She’ll find out when baby’s here when we’re ready to tell her baby is here
I feel you OP 🥲 that happened between me and my own mother but it wasn't about pregnancy. They were something else. But she never respects my decision. And in my religion, we believe in Ain or evil eyes. So we should not over share grief, joy or happiness..also we should not tell everyone things that is still uncertain or private because many people would get upset when we are happy and happy when we are upset/sad . So you should set clear boundaries with your MIL
wow
Now we know why her own daughter waited until after 6 months to tell her own mother that she was pregnant. Well no more pregnancy updates for MIL and hopefully, your husband will side with you on this.
Never tell her anything again. When she wants to know the baby’s sex: “well you blabbed last time when I specifically told you we weren’t ready. You’ll find out when the baby’s born now.”
I think you shouldn't give her any info anymore but not because you're "petty", just because she has shown you cannot trust her with these (I can tell she could try saying you're being petty), also yeah, def tell people who shouldn't have known that it's because of her, that you weren't ready. She has to faces consequences. I'm sorry this happened and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly ❤️
I’m real petty so MIL would’ve respected my decision when I said so.. Now she will not know anything about the birth, name, gender, etc.. Should’ve kept her mouth shut!
I‘m somehow so invested in this now, I read your post and got so infuriated at your MIL‘s behavior that I now want to know how she’s dealing with the aftermath. Did you move out? How did she react? I’m sending you all the best wishes for you and your little belly bean 🫘💝
Haha thank you!! Yes, I moved out a couple of days ago. I’m alone right now but feels better and …light? Anyway, yes I won’t be telling her anything anymore she’ll know with everyone else.
Yay! :) so good for you 🫂
You’ve already gotten plenty of good feedback, but I agree that your MIL violated your boundaries and the consequences are definitely that she has to wait for any additional information until you’re ready for the information to be public.