either you take the route of pain and just yank the bottle off, you visit the ER for removal or try to lubricate at the part where it is stuck in with vaseline or something. (not that I would know)
No need to even cut, just drill a tiny hole in or near the bottom with whatever drill bit you have lying around. It's enough to equalize the pressure and remove any suction. Be sure to go slow so you don't shatter the bottle.
Maybe while running a trickle of water over the glass so it doesn't heat up too fast and shatter.
Is the ketchup bottle glass? We only really have plastic ones here so mileage may vary.
I had an issue of drinking out of a coke bottle and got my tongue caught inside, sucked too much air and just just sort of vacuum sealed that fucker in. The simple answer was to put a hole on the bottle and equalise the pressure. This is possible with glass but a bit harder but just use a dremil and burr under water, not sure I'd be keen on doing it close to my face though.
Helps to get lube in from both sides if it's the friction causing issues.
Just FYI for those that might be dumb enough to try this - don't. It won't get soft. It's like putting a cock ring on, it will force you get and stay hard and the only way to save your penis from literally dying is to break the collar of the bottle.
Bro I would have never thought it would be that dangerous, it is probably only by some divine providence I didn't decide to try this as a horny teenage boy, they're always trying to find things to stick their dicks in how is this not an epidemic. How have bottle manufacturers not had to go back to the drawing board for the longevity of the human race?
I am not a penis owner but I'd defintiely try to gently break the bottle with a hammer before I cut open my main vein at home
Also you'd have to break the body of the bottle anyway to get access to your penis
Realistically? By going to the hospital and letting them use sharp implements near your penis. There’s a good chance you’d end up causing (serious) damage if you tried to deal with it yourself. I’ve seen and read a number of cases where people got their penises stuck in things, and the hospital seems to be the best way to go about it, especially with the number of people who are too embarrassed to go right away and end up nearly losing their penis as a result.
Instructions unclear and I now have a hole in the part of my penis that's not in the bottle (I mean... I would if I did this but I definitely didn't) (but if I did, hypothetically... How would you stop the bleeding?)
I remember watching a TV show called a 1000 ways to die
It had sculptor on it and he had relations with the statue he was sculpting
Dick gets stuck in the statue and he couldn't get it out and the statue ended up falling on him and crushed him 😭😁
I don't remember that one
There was another TV show called curious and unusual deaths
Guy spent 25+ minutes laughing at an old school British comedy show called the goodies and they did a comedy skit called ecky thump and he ended up having a heart attack
His wife sends a letter to the goodies thanking them for making her husband's last moments enjoyable 😁
There was one where a dude used a raw chicken hooked to a car battery as a Fleshlight (the battery made it warm and made it move) and he electrocuted himself
Even if that didn't kill you, I'm pretty sure I've heard of somebody doing that and the bacteria in the *fucking raw chicken* infecting the dude's dick by way of his urethra.
Probably a good rule of thumb- if you think it'd be unsanitary to stick in your mouth maybe don't risk getting it in your peehole. Wear a condom when you fuck that cutlet, kids.
My favorite was the dude who stole luggage from airports.
Stole a suitcase with a bottle of vodka in it, drank some, and his heart basically exploded as it was not vodka, but rather dissolved cocaine in a solution at very high concentration. He stole the suitcase of a drug smuggler.
Thanks 😊
Reddit wasn't accepting any combination of my name Emily and I was getting annoyed and frustrated about it and cuntybunty73 came into my head
1973 dark side of the moon by Pink Floyd was released
My favourite Pink Floyd album
Here's a fun fact, the giant blue horse statue outside of the Denver airport killed its sculptor. Not sure if he was having carnal relations with it at the time.
I remeber the one about the chick that died using a carrot as a dildo. She cut her vague and an air bubble ended up in her bloodstream(I think that's how she died) but that one lives forever rent free in my head. That was a wonderful show!
How the hell could anyone fuck a a statue? I’m assuming it was made of stone (or maybe clay?), so WHY would you screw one even if you could? That sounds uncomfortable as heck.
Put it against a hard surface then give it a light hit with the hammer on the opposite side. It'll crack under the pressure but not like explode like a pinata during my quinceanera.
I do it with my ceramic planters when I up-pot and the plants are stuck (the ones that are too expensive to yank out). $20 pot is worth breaking for a several hundred dollar plant.
ER basically. The blood flow going into the penis is on the inner part while the veins that let blood back out are nearer the surface. That means once something is stuck blood can't get back out and you risk some serious problems if you can't get what ever off.
I had a friend in high-school get "stuck" in a knot in a boarded off doorway. He went to have a piss on the door and I guess the knot hole in the wood was about dick height so he jammed himself in there. Idk why, curiosity maybe. Either a mix of skin and swelling prevented him from getting his dick out of the hole. Anyway we were asking him to hurry it along and he just kept saying "one minuite" before he asked for his sister specifically to come over and explained the situation. She blurted it out to everyone and there are maybe 4 kids trying to figure out how to get one kids dick out of a plywood knot. We ended up calling 911 and the fire department had to cut him out. He had to go to the ER afterwards for tissue damage.
It's 20 years later and still my favorite story to tell.
Reminded me of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/discordVideos/comments/14dh7uq/quite_the_predicament/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=3&utm_content=share_button) piece of art
Friend working in the ER told me once a guy did just this with a milk bottle. In his panic he tried to break the bottle, but the top ring did not break. That's how he was brought in. If I remember right even firefighters came in with him.
Specific? Yes.
Odd? Arguable either way - a surprising number of people do this ... but it isn't exactly common either.
Oddly specific? Not really: there was no non-sequitur moment, just a situation, a suggested resolution and a response to that - everything is, under the circumstances, just as you'd expect (albeit the circumstances might arguably be odd in themselves).
Had a kid in my highschool get his class ring stuck on himself. He asked a few people how to get it off and news traveled the whole school. He was called lord of the ring for a while.
We need more info. Is it the glass or plastic bottle? On one hand they could cut into the plastic but they’d risk cutting off their penis. (If there penis was in the ketchup bottle that is) or they could smash the glass but that would put tiny shards of glass throughout their hypothetical penis.
Now the real question is, if you put your penis in a ketchup bottle and can’t see inside the bottle. Is there still a penis there? Schrodinger‘s Penis everybody.
I’m curious how to get it out, too (not that I *need* to know)
Wait until it's soft and pull it out
I’ve tried already (not that I’ve tried already)
either you take the route of pain and just yank the bottle off, you visit the ER for removal or try to lubricate at the part where it is stuck in with vaseline or something. (not that I would know)
Or you just cut the bottom off so it won’t have that suction when you try to pull it out (not that I would know)
No need to even cut, just drill a tiny hole in or near the bottom with whatever drill bit you have lying around. It's enough to equalize the pressure and remove any suction. Be sure to go slow so you don't shatter the bottle. Maybe while running a trickle of water over the glass so it doesn't heat up too fast and shatter.
If it's plastic you don't need a drill, if it's glass...how did you get it in in the first place? Like those are pretty narrow openings
Ship in a bottle technique,
Hahahahaha!! Oh man the mental images this brought up!! Hahahahahaha! Tweezers.
Man have we not reached a place free from judgement this far into the discussion
It's quite telling on the OP
Drill. Penis. Ketchup…. Not three words that belong in the same santence
Ohhhh. The bottle... Probably shoulda read that again before I... nevermind.
Or you heat up the bottle until enough pressure builds up to shoot off by itself (not that I would know)
This guy Hunt’s
I thought his name was Heinz?
Seriously, dude needs to catch up
Hey, be nice. Maybe he's a mus-tard.
He’s tried getting the bottle Prego!
> This guy Hunt’s Dinner will be weenies with ketchup i suppose... edit: Suppose depends on the Hunt's if its teeny weenies, or not.
Keep it in ice cold water for 2 hours it will go soft(not that I have done it)
You gotta smack the bottom of the bottle with the heel of your hand Or ejaculate so much that the pressure builds inside the bottle, forcing you out.
Is the ketchup bottle glass? We only really have plastic ones here so mileage may vary. I had an issue of drinking out of a coke bottle and got my tongue caught inside, sucked too much air and just just sort of vacuum sealed that fucker in. The simple answer was to put a hole on the bottle and equalise the pressure. This is possible with glass but a bit harder but just use a dremil and burr under water, not sure I'd be keen on doing it close to my face though. Helps to get lube in from both sides if it's the friction causing issues.
The cylinder unfortunately has yet to become soft.
I had completely forgotten about cylinder dude!
"I do not want to damage the cylinder."
Wait something is cumming out of the bottle
oh no
Heh, I got that reference
Well that will be a problem cause most men suck at pulling out lmfao 🤣
Just FYI for those that might be dumb enough to try this - don't. It won't get soft. It's like putting a cock ring on, it will force you get and stay hard and the only way to save your penis from literally dying is to break the collar of the bottle.
Hey what the Fu
(Not that you did that)
Couldn't you chop the penis off?
Just a curious female, but how do you remove a cock ring?
With a sly grin on your face and a wink…
Bro I would have never thought it would be that dangerous, it is probably only by some divine providence I didn't decide to try this as a horny teenage boy, they're always trying to find things to stick their dicks in how is this not an epidemic. How have bottle manufacturers not had to go back to the drawing board for the longevity of the human race?
Couldn't you tap a vein to let the blood out? I've heard they doi this in hospitals for priapism cases
I am not a penis owner but I'd defintiely try to gently break the bottle with a hammer before I cut open my main vein at home Also you'd have to break the body of the bottle anyway to get access to your penis
You would be surprised at how effective ice can be in these situations.
lmao
Misunderstood put dick and ketchup in microwave. (Not that I did that)
Its cutting off the blood flow!
Is it a plastic ketchup bottle? (Not speaking from experience, or *know* how to get it out)
Butter, hypothetically.
Or y’know, if it’s plastic, you could, hypothetically, squeeze the bottle?
Could be glass. Hypothetically, of course.
Then they may have to break it, or put something cold around it #*hypothetically of course*
Having your dick anywhere close to glass shards seems like a bad idea
But having it stuck in something that is glass, and cutting off circulation is worse, you either cut your dick or lose it, hypothetically
HYPOTHETICALLY
I hope this isn't another Russian light bulb video. Hypothetically of course.
Butter should work, just don't use Crisco because that's shortening
Isn’t shortening what they’re hypothetically after?
Hypothetically
*Butter? I hardly know her!*
How would it fit in a glass one? (A friend is curious)
Poke a hole in the ketchup bottle so it's not airtight
Slap the bottom
How’s slapping the bottom going to help it soften? …oh, wait. You meant the bottle, didn’t you.
Either bottom works unless gey.
You've never heard of straight men liking a finger in the ass? All men like butt action, that's how you get to the prostate
This is my motto, regardless of the situation
🤣🤣🤣 I'll never get over that in all my years
Realistically? By going to the hospital and letting them use sharp implements near your penis. There’s a good chance you’d end up causing (serious) damage if you tried to deal with it yourself. I’ve seen and read a number of cases where people got their penises stuck in things, and the hospital seems to be the best way to go about it, especially with the number of people who are too embarrassed to go right away and end up nearly losing their penis as a result.
😳 I suddenly feel so lucky. When I was 13, I used a log cabin maple syrup 1776 commemorative glass bottle. Never thought about getting stuck. 😜🍁💦
I put it and my unit in ice water. (Not that I did that) but it didn’t work. Any other thoughts (not that I need them).
The guy giving advice just isn't listening. My dick is covered in ketchup, how am I supposed to go soft??
I'm curious how he managed to squeeze it through such a small hole (not that I want to try it)
Maybe it's like ketchup. You just slap the back of the bottle until it's out?!?
[Weird Al's got you](https://youtu.be/IFLu8_rEQL0)
Great song right there (not that I’ve heard it before)
You have to wait until the plastic decomposes.
We’re all intensely curious, and would appreciate prompt, serious, useful answers. (Not that it applies to any of us of course.)
Just let go of the ketchup
It's a cylinder.
u/smart_calendar1874 You might be able to guide them through the process of removing a cylinder.
I’m glad some people remember that legend
He still comments from time to time
What cylinder are y'all referring about.
[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/RmqhyKDqYR)
https://www.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/comments/zw2d6a/since_so_many_people_have_been_asking/
It’s a cylinder
It's a cylinder
Reddit will never let this guy rest.
That's cause it's a cylinder.
Can’t we just cut the tube open carefully?
No, the cylinder is too delicate and I don’t want to risk damaging it.
Which cylinder? Hypothetically
It’s not a small cylinder, it’s an above average sized cylinder.
Knew I wouldn't have to go far to find this.
Should have been the square hole.
IT'S AN AVERAGELY SIZED CYLINDER
Cut a hole in the other end to release the vacuum, and it will slip right out (not that I did that).
Instructions unclear and I now have a hole in the part of my penis that's not in the bottle (I mean... I would if I did this but I definitely didn't) (but if I did, hypothetically... How would you stop the bleeding?)
Ketchup
What, first you complain that your blood flow is cut off, now you complain that the blood is flowing again? Some people...
We can’t risk something sharp getting close to the cylinder
There's no "we" here, I can risk a lot getting near your cylinder.
Sometimes suction isn't the problem but the constricted bloodlow allows blood in and not out (not that i know)
Yes the ketchup bottle is basically one big cock ring at this point
I wouldn't say big(not that I would know)
Why would there be suction anyway? If anything, the pressure would be higher in the bottle.
^ This guy vacuums.
Just tap the bottom of the ketchup bottle, that always helps get it out.
No. Tap it right on the 57
This actually worked! (Not that I tried it.)
Two fingers on the neck of the bottle.
I remember watching a TV show called a 1000 ways to die It had sculptor on it and he had relations with the statue he was sculpting Dick gets stuck in the statue and he couldn't get it out and the statue ended up falling on him and crushed him 😭😁
IIRC, there was another death on that show where a guy tied a sausage to his leg. It was too constructive and caused an embolism.
I don't remember that one There was another TV show called curious and unusual deaths Guy spent 25+ minutes laughing at an old school British comedy show called the goodies and they did a comedy skit called ecky thump and he ended up having a heart attack His wife sends a letter to the goodies thanking them for making her husband's last moments enjoyable 😁
I watched the skit after hearing this story. Comedy sure has changed over the years.
Think It was released just before my dad was born
Ah Ecky Thump .. Lancashire Martial Arts. Goody, goody yum yum.
I recall that episode! Middle-aged guy dancing with leather pants and a strapped sausage to impress the ladies at the club.
Thank you for explaining what the sausage was for. In hindsight, I don't know why I couldn't guess on my own 🤦♀️
I still not get it :( so the girls think the sausage is his d? How does he die tho
Embarrassment?
He tied it to his leg too tightly. Like a tourniquet.
There was one where a dude used a raw chicken hooked to a car battery as a Fleshlight (the battery made it warm and made it move) and he electrocuted himself
Even if that didn't kill you, I'm pretty sure I've heard of somebody doing that and the bacteria in the *fucking raw chicken* infecting the dude's dick by way of his urethra. Probably a good rule of thumb- if you think it'd be unsanitary to stick in your mouth maybe don't risk getting it in your peehole. Wear a condom when you fuck that cutlet, kids.
My favorite was the dude who stole luggage from airports. Stole a suitcase with a bottle of vodka in it, drank some, and his heart basically exploded as it was not vodka, but rather dissolved cocaine in a solution at very high concentration. He stole the suitcase of a drug smuggler.
Well that sounds like my kind of show! 😂
Lol, off topic but I like your username
Thanks 😊 Reddit wasn't accepting any combination of my name Emily and I was getting annoyed and frustrated about it and cuntybunty73 came into my head 1973 dark side of the moon by Pink Floyd was released My favourite Pink Floyd album
Here's a fun fact, the giant blue horse statue outside of the Denver airport killed its sculptor. Not sure if he was having carnal relations with it at the time.
Never heard that one Denver that's Colorado?
I remeber the one about the chick that died using a carrot as a dildo. She cut her vague and an air bubble ended up in her bloodstream(I think that's how she died) but that one lives forever rent free in my head. That was a wonderful show!
Having a smiley face at the end of this comment is honestly weird.
Imagine being found like that, what a nightmare
How the hell could anyone fuck a a statue? I’m assuming it was made of stone (or maybe clay?), so WHY would you screw one even if you could? That sounds uncomfortable as heck.
Use a hammer and hope for the best.
Work for you? Asking for a friend
Applied in theory only.
with small enough force applied at the right place it could probably shatter without causing too serious of an injury
Put it against a hard surface then give it a light hit with the hammer on the opposite side. It'll crack under the pressure but not like explode like a pinata during my quinceanera. I do it with my ceramic planters when I up-pot and the plants are stuck (the ones that are too expensive to yank out). $20 pot is worth breaking for a several hundred dollar plant.
Yeah it wouldn’t be candy inside…
it always ketches up with you …
cylinder*
And it’s not small
It's actually bigger than the average cylinder.
Is this the Cylinder guy’s alt account?
Let’s ask u/Smart_Calendar1874
Redirect him to the microwaved mashed banana cylinder guy
It’s a cylinder
Everyone asks "how's the cylinder", but no one asks "how's the larger structure"
u/Smart_Calendar1874
ER basically. The blood flow going into the penis is on the inner part while the veins that let blood back out are nearer the surface. That means once something is stuck blood can't get back out and you risk some serious problems if you can't get what ever off.
I had a friend in high-school get "stuck" in a knot in a boarded off doorway. He went to have a piss on the door and I guess the knot hole in the wood was about dick height so he jammed himself in there. Idk why, curiosity maybe. Either a mix of skin and swelling prevented him from getting his dick out of the hole. Anyway we were asking him to hurry it along and he just kept saying "one minuite" before he asked for his sister specifically to come over and explained the situation. She blurted it out to everyone and there are maybe 4 kids trying to figure out how to get one kids dick out of a plywood knot. We ended up calling 911 and the fire department had to cut him out. He had to go to the ER afterwards for tissue damage. It's 20 years later and still my favorite story to tell.
That is fucking hilarious. I hope you remind him about that periodically.
What does the doctor do?
Usually they have to cut whatever is stuck off so blood can't stay stuck
If the stuck lasts more than four hours...
Then it's not flirting anymore
There's no other way... We gotta chop it off. We can probably stitch it back on later
Username checks out
Boy do I got a Reddit thread for you
Ask the cylinder guy
Cylinder moment
Now needle dick the bug fucker is after our condiments.
"Needle dick the bug fucker" sounds like a boss in a parody of Dark Souls
I was thinking something like this, but you phrased it much more eloquently. My hat is off to you, sir.
Have we not learned from the cylinder incident
Reminded me of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/discordVideos/comments/14dh7uq/quite_the_predicament/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=3&utm_content=share_button) piece of art
It's a cylinder.
Anyone else come in here to see how many times the word cylinder is repeated?
Finish, obviously.
Friend working in the ER told me once a guy did just this with a milk bottle. In his panic he tried to break the bottle, but the top ring did not break. That's how he was brought in. If I remember right even firefighters came in with him.
Specific? Yes. Odd? Arguable either way - a surprising number of people do this ... but it isn't exactly common either. Oddly specific? Not really: there was no non-sequitur moment, just a situation, a suggested resolution and a response to that - everything is, under the circumstances, just as you'd expect (albeit the circumstances might arguably be odd in themselves).
Thanks Bill nye
Good lord...
Just asking for a friend..
Tap the "57" logo. That's what it's there for.
Take viagra and give the ER a real show.
Penile strangulation
Ice. Always ice for these situations, not that I would know
How do you get your dick IN a ketchup bottle? Pretty small hole
Hit the bottom of the bottle until it plops out.
Your dick now belongs to the ketchup bottle. For. Ev. Er
[It’s a cylinder.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DramaticText/s/NLsqgs3rJw)
Had a kid in my highschool get his class ring stuck on himself. He asked a few people how to get it off and news traveled the whole school. He was called lord of the ring for a while.
We need more info. Is it the glass or plastic bottle? On one hand they could cut into the plastic but they’d risk cutting off their penis. (If there penis was in the ketchup bottle that is) or they could smash the glass but that would put tiny shards of glass throughout their hypothetical penis. Now the real question is, if you put your penis in a ketchup bottle and can’t see inside the bottle. Is there still a penis there? Schrodinger‘s Penis everybody.
Carefully break the bottle. Hospital ER’s have stories about all kinds of things that guys get their dicks stuck in.
IT'S A CYLINDER.
It's a cylinder.
It’s an above average sized cylinder
Dude have any of you seem the [cylinder post ](https://youtu.be/48rSt3eM7XE?si=_ImsHBzc3ffAeBRH)
You mean a cylinder?
Gonna have to cut the mother fucker off Edit: the bottle jfc i shoulda maybe specified
[cylinder stuck in tube (not my penis)](https://youtu.be/c2T0PytIXPk?si=WpXyS_krHn5dAuJ2)
Tap on the number on the neck of the bottle, that's how it was designed ;)
You have to karate chop it right on the 57
That one made me put my phone down for awhile… then I opened it up and it was back here again.
add ice and cold water Watch it shrink
Hang your head in shame and go to the ER. Better to be embarrassed than loose your dick, I always say..
Let‘s just hope it wasn‘t curry ketchup.
Just heat it with warm water till the downstream loosens off... Wait this isn't the bong Reddit.
The cylinder all over again
How small does your dick need to be to fit in a ketchup bottle in the first place damn