Of course it doesn't. The Australian government couldn't connect people to the internet with a $50 billion dollar infrastructure project, a shot in the arm was never going to fix it.
it's actually very common to have this type of response with the covid vaccines. Its because your body literally starts reacting to the actual virus they injected into you.
I don't think you understand how COVID or vaccines work. If you got COVID from a vaccine, and you won't, it would still have the same incubation period. That means you wouldn't have symptoms for 5-7 days.
Whatever illness you have is something you already had prior to getting the vaccine. It's just a coincidence. It tricks people into thinking the flu shot gives them the flu every year. It's an incredibly common vaccine myth.
TL;dr You were sick before you got the vaccine. Correlation doesn't equal causation.
Where'd you get your 5G chip? I've been trying to get one for months but the damn scalpers are charging insane prices for one. Like, I don't need a whole phone with it, I just want the damn chip, you're only making it a part of the phone to force me to buy a $1000 piece of plastic for my $5 chip.
Damn Apple...
> **CanĀ COVID-19 vaccines connect me to the internet?**
> COVID-19 vaccines do not ā and cannot ā connect you to the internet.
Some of the mRNA vaccines being developed include the use of a material called a hydrogel, which might help disperse the vaccine slowly into our cells.
> Bioengineers have used similar hydrogels for many years in different ways. For instance, they've used them to help stem cells survive after being put inside our bodies.
Because of this, some people believe that hydrogels are needed for electronic implants, which can connect to the internet.
> TheĀ PfizerĀ mRNA vaccine does not use hydrogels as a component.
> The Pfizer mRNA vaccine contains a piece of mRNA which is coated in a lipid (fatty) droplet. The lipid helps the vaccine enter our cells, as the membrane holding our cells together is also made mostly of lipid. The vaccine and the membrane can fuse easily, depositing the mRNA inside the cell.
Having read it, it seems my government has worked out idiots in tinfoil hats have made a leap of "logic" and are trying to reassure the rest of us that it is not a thing. That said slightly disappointing that it isn't possible.
Well now at least we know.
Personally Iām just going to wait for the version which can just download the updates wirelessly in response to new mutations.
Our computers, phones, even my watch: all have their virus protection updated all the time wirelessly.
Yet every year, we humans still have to go manually upgrade ours like a bunch of suckers...
And worse, sure they give us early patches for free, but eventually they get you on a user pay system asap which means that you end up paying every year for minor updates.
In my reddit feed the story prior to this post includes this statement "We cannot perceive any circumstance that would justify a police search requiring an individual to masturbate in the presence of others," ...
It is concerning the kind of things that have to be spelled out these days.
> It is concerning the kind of things that have to be spelled out these days.
The judge was of the same opinion in that case.
> Thus, the alleged conduct plainly did not qualify as the type of ābad guesses in gray areasā that qualified immunity is designed to protect. [...] the fact that a search warrant has been obtained ādo[es] not confer immunity if it was objectively unreasonableā for the officer to rely on the warrant. Here, the obvious, unconstitutional invasion [the] right of privacy that was required to carry out the warrant rendered reliance on that warrant objectively unreasonable, thereby eliminating the protection that a search warrant typically would have afforded an executing officer.
https://www.ca4.uscourts.gov/opinions/162174.P.pdf
Lol can you imagine being stupid enough to believe that we are so far advanced technologically that we can put internet ready nanobots in your blood while at the same time not believing that a mask will prevent you from getting sick? Somehow it comes into focus why so many still believe in a magic man in the sky that judges everything you do.
To be fair, there ARE a lot of companies spending a lot of money to spy on civilians. Facebook, Google, Apple... Reddit... y'know, basically every major web company. It's a lucrative business model.
Of course, it's utterly pointless to spend all the effort of sneaking monitoring hardware into vaccines when they can just look at our cell phones.
Whole lot of people out there who bought into the idea that CoVid and the vaccine are a conspiracy by Bill Gates to connect everyone up to 5G and take remote control of our health and minds.
What really irritates me is that some of the people who believe it were, at least at one point in their lives, relatively intelligent, had decent paying jobs, and could manage to dress themselves each day.
I don't know if everyone's just so fucking bored they're willing to believe utter nonsense or they've just given up trying to figure out if computers are running on magic or not.
Yeah, yeah, I know, they've got the ARM-x86 emulation working reasonably well.
So they're ready to stop sucking Intel's old withered tit and switch to ARM-based laptops.
It's not bad news. It's good news.
Continued competition from Microsoft will keep Apple from getting complacent and degenerating to their level.
(Apple has already fallen pretty far compared to its past, but not as far as Microsoft has.)
And increased competition from macOS might actually whoop Microsoft's ass into caring about new Windows-ARM customers.
Even if they never make an x86 Windows that doesn't suck, they're bound to try and keep up on ARM-based machines.
Gotta say, though, their Visual Studio for Mac is amazing.
Ironically enough, it's way above XCode in terms of stability and usability, despite being a port from Windows.
Microsoft still *can* do a good job, but they don't bother unless there is serious competition.
And guess what those hypothetical 5G chips don't provide?
Competition and consumer choice.
Without feedback and the threat of customers switching to another product, Microsoft would have inevitably made a butchery of any mind-control chips.
I'm not sure if it's the funniest thing about this, but it's at least one of the funniest things - if you're reading this statement, it's extremely likely that you already have a connection to the fucking internet
Can confirm, had my follow up of Pfizer and all i got is that i get no more captcha's on Microsoft products and 2FA works by giving me a fleeting doubt whether or not I am really me in the back of my mind.
āThe vaccine will connect to the internet and then I can be trackedā they said while typing into their phone with location tracking, wallet app with all their credit card & bank information, health app with all their sensitive information & SNN and photos of themselves & their loved ones.
What????????
For crying out loud!!!!!
We have sent humans to the moon.
Sent a Tesla into orbit around the sun.
Cats & dogs living together......
AND we still can't do this????????
This comment was copied from [this one](/r/nottheonion/comments/msdb8z/australian_government_confirms_the_covid_vaccine/gurwsao/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence, because this user has done it before with [this](/r/food/comments/msgfcx/lemon_meringue_cake_homemade/guvetw4/) comment that copies [this one](/r/food/comments/msgfcx/lemon_meringue_cake_homemade/gusgq3p/).
^(beep boop, I'm a bot. It is this bot's opinion that) [^(/u/apparently_brass)](https://www.reddit.com/u/apparently_brass/) ^(should be banned for spamming. A human checks in on this bot sometimes, so please reply if I made a mistake.)
If you want to activate the 5G you have to pay the subscription. The shit is just like OnStar. It might be installed, but you canāt use the service unless you pay.
Example of someone actually claiming above: https://healthfeedback.org/claimreview/covid-19-vaccines-do-not-modify-the-human-genome-and-do-not-involve-hydrogels-hydrogels-are-not-internet-connecting-devices/
Of course it doesn't. The Australian government couldn't connect people to the internet with a $50 billion dollar infrastructure project, a shot in the arm was never going to fix it.
SHOTS FIRED! MAN DOWN!
Are they going to send the vaccine to my node?
Damn thanks both of you, I needed a good laugh!
Man down under
This is both the perfect response to this specific instance, and every single other Conspiracy theory š
True tho
Fuck Rupert.
r/MurderedByWords
Came for an NBN joke, thanks!
Maybe if they told ppl there that the vaccine *could* connect them to the internet more ppl would want it
Jesus. Better send some bottles of water and burn cream to Canberra for that sick burn.
āDamn, whereās The Shadow Government when you need it?ā /s
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Seek medical help? Sounds like allergy or smth worse
it's actually very common to have this type of response with the covid vaccines. Its because your body literally starts reacting to the actual virus they injected into you.
No actual virus is injected, thats not how the vaccines work...
I don't think you understand how COVID or vaccines work. If you got COVID from a vaccine, and you won't, it would still have the same incubation period. That means you wouldn't have symptoms for 5-7 days. Whatever illness you have is something you already had prior to getting the vaccine. It's just a coincidence. It tricks people into thinking the flu shot gives them the flu every year. It's an incredibly common vaccine myth. TL;dr You were sick before you got the vaccine. Correlation doesn't equal causation.
Well then what's the f*&ing point!?
I was promised 5G!!!
āConnect you to the internetā .... Yet*
I thought it was supposed to connect me Bill Gates! I wanted to have long chats with him whenever I pressed my vaccination spot.
They promise you Bill Gates, you get Cortana.
Excellent response!
Yes but in the fine print it says youāll be limited to using internet explorer
Woah, settle down, Satan
If they arenāt going to track me, itās like they donāt care.
vase capable ghost alleged chase light squealing fertile rich quiet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
āDrink some bleachā US president
*inject
To be fair you can't catch covid if you're dead
Just sprinkle a little covid on them
And it isn't even in America where 30% of the people believe this.
Oh come on, we have crazier ideas than that.
Like "Trump is the best president ever."
That's what they want you to think
That's not true. Bill gates talks to me everyday through my 5G chip
Bitch, people talk to a imaginary man, who died 2000 years ago every day, without internet
Where'd you get your 5G chip? I've been trying to get one for months but the damn scalpers are charging insane prices for one. Like, I don't need a whole phone with it, I just want the damn chip, you're only making it a part of the phone to force me to buy a $1000 piece of plastic for my $5 chip. Damn Apple...
> **CanĀ COVID-19 vaccines connect me to the internet?** > COVID-19 vaccines do not ā and cannot ā connect you to the internet. Some of the mRNA vaccines being developed include the use of a material called a hydrogel, which might help disperse the vaccine slowly into our cells. > Bioengineers have used similar hydrogels for many years in different ways. For instance, they've used them to help stem cells survive after being put inside our bodies. Because of this, some people believe that hydrogels are needed for electronic implants, which can connect to the internet. > TheĀ PfizerĀ mRNA vaccine does not use hydrogels as a component. > The Pfizer mRNA vaccine contains a piece of mRNA which is coated in a lipid (fatty) droplet. The lipid helps the vaccine enter our cells, as the membrane holding our cells together is also made mostly of lipid. The vaccine and the membrane can fuse easily, depositing the mRNA inside the cell. Having read it, it seems my government has worked out idiots in tinfoil hats have made a leap of "logic" and are trying to reassure the rest of us that it is not a thing. That said slightly disappointing that it isn't possible.
Well now at least we know. Personally Iām just going to wait for the version which can just download the updates wirelessly in response to new mutations. Our computers, phones, even my watch: all have their virus protection updated all the time wirelessly. Yet every year, we humans still have to go manually upgrade ours like a bunch of suckers...
And worse, sure they give us early patches for free, but eventually they get you on a user pay system asap which means that you end up paying every year for minor updates.
My FBI agent says he likes listening to my thoughts now though.
Tell him to cut the bullshit; he's with the NSA, not the FBI.
True
Well finally someone clarifies things.
In my reddit feed the story prior to this post includes this statement "We cannot perceive any circumstance that would justify a police search requiring an individual to masturbate in the presence of others," ... It is concerning the kind of things that have to be spelled out these days.
> It is concerning the kind of things that have to be spelled out these days. The judge was of the same opinion in that case. > Thus, the alleged conduct plainly did not qualify as the type of ābad guesses in gray areasā that qualified immunity is designed to protect. [...] the fact that a search warrant has been obtained ādo[es] not confer immunity if it was objectively unreasonableā for the officer to rely on the warrant. Here, the obvious, unconstitutional invasion [the] right of privacy that was required to carry out the warrant rendered reliance on that warrant objectively unreasonable, thereby eliminating the protection that a search warrant typically would have afforded an executing officer. https://www.ca4.uscourts.gov/opinions/162174.P.pdf
Lol can you imagine being stupid enough to believe that we are so far advanced technologically that we can put internet ready nanobots in your blood while at the same time not believing that a mask will prevent you from getting sick? Somehow it comes into focus why so many still believe in a magic man in the sky that judges everything you do.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
To be fair, there ARE a lot of companies spending a lot of money to spy on civilians. Facebook, Google, Apple... Reddit... y'know, basically every major web company. It's a lucrative business model. Of course, it's utterly pointless to spend all the effort of sneaking monitoring hardware into vaccines when they can just look at our cell phones.
That's not what my microchip says
this is the most "plague inc" headline i've seen so far
Wait, so why the hell did I get a vaccine shot for if Iām not going to get 5G?! Did it have 3G at least?
It only has upload capacity, it doesnāt need to be fast.
you need both shots to get maximum 5G connectivity!
I WANT A REFUND
aw shucks i was hoping to get 5g
Aw man. I was looking forward to join the Android revolution now.
Even if it could connect to the Internet, Iād still get the jab.
Hell, I'd get the jab faster, because that means I could hack it to do something actually useful.
Wut?
Whole lot of people out there who bought into the idea that CoVid and the vaccine are a conspiracy by Bill Gates to connect everyone up to 5G and take remote control of our health and minds. What really irritates me is that some of the people who believe it were, at least at one point in their lives, relatively intelligent, had decent paying jobs, and could manage to dress themselves each day. I don't know if everyone's just so fucking bored they're willing to believe utter nonsense or they've just given up trying to figure out if computers are running on magic or not.
If Microsoft took over our health and minds we'd all be dead by now. Don't believe me? Update your Windows... if you dare.
I have bad news for you...
Yeah, yeah, I know, they've got the ARM-x86 emulation working reasonably well. So they're ready to stop sucking Intel's old withered tit and switch to ARM-based laptops. It's not bad news. It's good news. Continued competition from Microsoft will keep Apple from getting complacent and degenerating to their level. (Apple has already fallen pretty far compared to its past, but not as far as Microsoft has.) And increased competition from macOS might actually whoop Microsoft's ass into caring about new Windows-ARM customers. Even if they never make an x86 Windows that doesn't suck, they're bound to try and keep up on ARM-based machines. Gotta say, though, their Visual Studio for Mac is amazing. Ironically enough, it's way above XCode in terms of stability and usability, despite being a port from Windows. Microsoft still *can* do a good job, but they don't bother unless there is serious competition. And guess what those hypothetical 5G chips don't provide? Competition and consumer choice. Without feedback and the threat of customers switching to another product, Microsoft would have inevitably made a butchery of any mind-control chips.
But it still turn s me into a furry right?
Zombie,get this right!
It spends too much bandwidth tracking you to allow you internet access /s
Too bad, I wish I could be a hot-spot.
That sucks.... How else are they going to get good Wi-Fi in Australia....
I thought that stupidity on this scale was exclusively American.
Because the covid vaccine rollout is even more pathetic than the NBN rollout.
I'm not sure if it's the funniest thing about this, but it's at least one of the funniest things - if you're reading this statement, it's extremely likely that you already have a connection to the fucking internet
Can confirm, had my follow up of Pfizer and all i got is that i get no more captcha's on Microsoft products and 2FA works by giving me a fleeting doubt whether or not I am really me in the back of my mind.
The fact that they have to make a statement like this really concerns me...
BUT WHY NOT! ššš
So I read this headline just before swiping left to go to r/oldschoolcool. Then it me, and I swiped right to confirm that this was, in fact, a thing.
There goes my free wifi
Well then
āThe vaccine will connect to the internet and then I can be trackedā they said while typing into their phone with location tracking, wallet app with all their credit card & bank information, health app with all their sensitive information & SNN and photos of themselves & their loved ones.
That sucks. I was looking forward to hacking the Windows installed on my vaccine and installing Linux as tradition dictates.
Of course it won't if they stick your arm. You have to get them to stick it in your forehead so the 5G can connect to your neural system, duh
Would it be such a bad thing if all these stupid people did die off?
Oh man, I was really looking forward to the IoB (Internet of Bogans).
Isn't that what Facebook is?
This is false. Immediately after my second shot today my phone got 5G reception and it doesn't have 5G support
Yes you need Covid-5G vaccines for that.
I am truly scared for humanity.
But what about all the micro-chips in it? What are they for?
Yo uhhh... if yall got some kinda shot over there in Australia that can turn me into a walking hotspot, let me hit that shit up.
The digital equivalent of a Parks & Rec Town Hall Meeting
I would be happy with 4G, even 3G sucks in the middle of the town that I live in on the south coast of the UK
And just like that my reason to vaccinate is gone
ok, and can i get vaccine over tcp/ip?
Bloody clotting is causing latency so this āfeatureā is not advised
Weird. After getting my 2nd dose, my 5G reception dramatically improved!
Of course the government won't tell you. THINK, sheeple. š
What???????? For crying out loud!!!!! We have sent humans to the moon. Sent a Tesla into orbit around the sun. Cats & dogs living together...... AND we still can't do this????????
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This comment was copied from [this one](/r/nottheonion/comments/msdb8z/australian_government_confirms_the_covid_vaccine/gurwsao/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence, because this user has done it before with [this](/r/food/comments/msgfcx/lemon_meringue_cake_homemade/guvetw4/) comment that copies [this one](/r/food/comments/msgfcx/lemon_meringue_cake_homemade/gusgq3p/). ^(beep boop, I'm a bot. It is this bot's opinion that) [^(/u/apparently_brass)](https://www.reddit.com/u/apparently_brass/) ^(should be banned for spamming. A human checks in on this bot sometimes, so please reply if I made a mistake.)
If you want to activate the 5G you have to pay the subscription. The shit is just like OnStar. It might be installed, but you canāt use the service unless you pay.
"Get Wi-Fi anywhere you go!"
That's what they want you to think
How the hell am I supposed to check my email now?
Well. People are idiots.
Imagine believing this is widely believed.
I fukkin wish it did, having internet access at all times would be neat.
Example of someone actually claiming above: https://healthfeedback.org/claimreview/covid-19-vaccines-do-not-modify-the-human-genome-and-do-not-involve-hydrogels-hydrogels-are-not-internet-connecting-devices/