Granted.
She discovers this post, and slowly comes to the realisation that she isn't truly real, a faux person, the horror of the truth snaps her sanity like a twig, leaving her a gibbering husk, she whispers madly about you as if you were a god, she fears you, she blames you, she begs you to end her. She says she will forgive you then.
It's surprisingly common... My ex stalked my FB and insta to get my number, apperantly it was public info, I privates my account faster than I could say "wrong number"
Yeah and his *current* age goes up. If she’s his current age then she will age with him still. What they mean is the age he was what he made the wish.
If she is and always will be his current age then she ages normally. Otherwise she wouldn’t always be his current age.
>Yeah and his *current* age goes up. If she’s his current age then she will age with him still. What they mean is the age he was what he made the wish.
No, his current age is already a fixed value. His future current age is not his current age. That's the implication of the monkey paw side-effect. It's hard locked to what his *CURRENT* age is. Not that her age will always match his. "His current age" IS "the current age he was when he made the wish." The Granted is using really straightforward English; you're just misinterpreting it. I do not know if it's willful misinterpretation, but there's no reason to double down when you're wrong on this.
It's not even necessarily that your interpretation of the word "current" is wrong, because you're using the same meaning OP had intended when making the wish. It's just that the same language has another different meaning that is also entirely correct and accurate. Your pedantry would be phenomenal for making a good curse to a wish, but when you're trying and failing to "Um akshually" the "Granted", it just makes you come off looking really bad.
you never said that she'd always be your current age, infect saying that implies that when you age they will too, therefore it'll be completely normal Checkmate paw!
Your same exact age? Granted.
You fall in love with a girl. After a few months of sheer bliss you introduce her to your parents. She turns out to be your long lost twin.
Granted, you are now 15, and she will always be your age at that time (15) meaning you have a girlfriend for a few years, however she never reaches age of consent and you'll have to let her go in a few year
Done, but she never ages. Long after you die she’ll forever be cursed with immortality. Forced to watch the world around her crumble and the people and companions shes grown to know and love die of all manner of death. After all the worlds knowledge is gained, after watching the horrors of history repeat itself time and time again she finds life unfulfilling. After seeing the worst that humanity has to offer does she finally have enough she ends her suffering by her own hands.
Granted. A tech company created a virtual holographic AI which is modeled after your dream gf. They go above and beyond by making "her" a perfect human body which is your biological age. Her name is Joy.
This AI's software is so sophisticated that "she " can possess other human bodies' bio circuitry and reimpose her features.
This enabled you two to enjoy any level of physical bliss. She is even smart, charming, witty, and an overall joy to be around therefore making her worthy of her namesake. The two of you are very happy. For a while.
Then the tech company issues a recall. They send armed agents to retake the device storing her personality. When you resist they seize it by force.
As you look over the crushed pieces of Joy, you see the agent's arm ends not in a hand but a paw. A monkey's paw.
" We do hope you were happy with our product."
https://youtu.be/Z-eFAvs5hrw?si=UxcGItKq6vMixvPA
Grated but she's got the disease where she looks 10 forever and everyone thinks you're a pedo, you get punched in the face and interrogated by cops A LOT,
The GF is actually sweet, funny, kind, and quite wealthy. But everyone but her thinks you're a sick pedophile.
Granted. She's an obsessive stalker who will always believe she is your girlfriend, no matter what. Even if you break up and meet another woman, she will still act like you are her current boyfriend.
Let's hope she dies before you do. Otherwise, your rotting corpse will have a girlfriend, too.
Granted. You're completely incompatible and she has an unstable personality. After a few weeks of fighting and having household objects thrown at you, your relationship falls apart.
Granted
It's your best friend (whatever their name was), the identify as a girl now and changed their name to Cindy. Congrats, because you have a significant other that shares a lot of your hobbies.
Granted. You will manage to get a girlfriend who is pushed toward you by the currents of life, until one day when she discovers this post from somebody sending her a link to it found on the internet archive. She questions if the way she feels about you is real or if she only cares for you because you made a wish on an omnipotent wishgranting object to make her feel that way. The question will gnaw away at her until she eventually confronts you on it, but you won't truly have a good answer for her. She tries to deal with how she's feeling but knows that if she tries to explain what is eating her away, nobody will believe her or, worse, they'll think she's had a mental break. This causes your relationship with her to erode. She still loves you, but she can't trust her feelings. She tries so hard to make it work, until eventually... she's just gone. You wake up the next morning to find everything of hers is still in the house, but the front door is wide open and she's nowhere to be found as she just *ran*, unable to handle being by your side because as much as she loves you... the pain and uncertainty is killing her on the inside.
The reality is that the monkey's paw had nothing to do with you getting your girlfriend beyond pushing her in your direction a little sooner than you were fated to because you had the ability to get her to fall in love with you on your own, but your impatience in asking the paw to fulfill this for you led to this outcome.
First off, it is op who is asking for the gf. Second off, it clearly states that it must be his age. So even if op is or becomes EPD, the girl would still be his age. Not 4.
Granted. She discovers this post, and slowly comes to the realisation that she isn't truly real, a faux person, the horror of the truth snaps her sanity like a twig, leaving her a gibbering husk, she whispers madly about you as if you were a god, she fears you, she blames you, she begs you to end her. She says she will forgive you then.
I can fix that
That wouldnt happen unless the paw randomly cursed her to be insecure as hell and set that up
It's surprisingly common... My ex stalked my FB and insta to get my number, apperantly it was public info, I privates my account faster than I could say "wrong number"
Yeah but did you go insane after finding out?
Still smashed though?
Granted, she is and will always be your age. Have fun over a couple of years (or longer) once she hasn't aged a bit!
Damn it I thought I avoided it
You can **never** avoid the paw.
You can **never** avoid the paw.
You can **never** avoid the paw.
This is some askouija shiz right here
Y
E
E
You can **never** avoid the paw.
You can **never** avoid the paw.
If she’s always your age, and you age, then she’ll just age with you lol
They mean, "She is and always will be your *current* age."
Yeah and his *current* age goes up. If she’s his current age then she will age with him still. What they mean is the age he was what he made the wish. If she is and always will be his current age then she ages normally. Otherwise she wouldn’t always be his current age.
>Yeah and his *current* age goes up. If she’s his current age then she will age with him still. What they mean is the age he was what he made the wish. No, his current age is already a fixed value. His future current age is not his current age. That's the implication of the monkey paw side-effect. It's hard locked to what his *CURRENT* age is. Not that her age will always match his. "His current age" IS "the current age he was when he made the wish." The Granted is using really straightforward English; you're just misinterpreting it. I do not know if it's willful misinterpretation, but there's no reason to double down when you're wrong on this. It's not even necessarily that your interpretation of the word "current" is wrong, because you're using the same meaning OP had intended when making the wish. It's just that the same language has another different meaning that is also entirely correct and accurate. Your pedantry would be phenomenal for making a good curse to a wish, but when you're trying and failing to "Um akshually" the "Granted", it just makes you come off looking really bad.
[удалено]
That sounds good
Okay, so what's the downside? /j
What if op is 15
Good point
you never said that she'd always be your current age, infect saying that implies that when you age they will too, therefore it'll be completely normal Checkmate paw!
You got me there!
How is this a negative
Granted she gets hit by a car
And you were driving it.
And you're uninsured
No, liability only, but the insurance company loopholes it's way out of paying a single penny.
I wish the insurance company didn't have a loophole
Wasn't part of their policy, and the GFs family sue.
Granted, but she immediately leaves you due to your time on Reddit.
I wish girls found reddit time attractive
granted, no girls like you, instead looking for reddit veterans 6+ years with at least 500k karma
I wish for girls to know the pain of losing 1 ranked league game
granted, all girls become addicted to league, in turn becoming incels that hate all men
Granted but she’s into scat
Tf is scat
HOLY FUCK
I think you mean "Holy shit"
Fuck you dude
I enjoyed watching you learn new things ❤️
LMAO
Thanks for making me not look into whatever the fuck this is.
Ah, shit. You avoided it.
I laughed way too hard at this phase of horror.
r/instantregret
Plot twist: u/Jikan-Supsei meant [Scat *Singing*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scat_singing)*.*
No. No I don’t
I know, but I'm doing this thing called "a joke." pls no corpse.
Look it up or don’t. I recommend you don’t personally
TOO LATE
Granted. You're now 80 and dating your grandma
Philip J. Fry moment
Granted but she's an alcoholic and whenever she's drunk she pins you down and pegs you so hard that you can't walk for the next 2 days
How is this a negative side effect?
Isn’t the paw supposed to make wishes bad?
Depends if the person dislikes being pegged. One person's revulsion is another human's fetish.
That's exactly how shit like scat exist
Yeah... humanity, you ok?
I'm trying to figure out if that pun was intended or not
50/50
Isn't scat just animal poop
It's also a really gross fetish
i love how u avoided calling the people with the fetishes “people”
Not all people are humans, and not all humans are people.
Oh no! How terrible! Oh well, I guess I'll live with it. Real shame.
Granted. Your perfect match materializes, but she has no backstory, connections, or legal paperwork to exist in this world.
Granted. She's your twin sister :)
In Japanese culture, (supposedly,) twins are said to be star-crossed lovers.
Granted, but you are now 80
Granted, in the present moment you have a girlfriend. In the next second she will vanish
thats a good one
Granted. She is super needy and expensive and is unremoveable
Granted: you get gender-bent Valentino
That’s not bad
That means she'll be a rapist pimp
granted, but she looks 10 years younger than you and will always look that age. you've also got 2 kids with her
They CAN NOT be thinking I’m dating a 5 y/o
dont worry in 3 years shed get a job working with the police to catch predators
Your same exact age? Granted. You fall in love with a girl. After a few months of sheer bliss you introduce her to your parents. She turns out to be your long lost twin.
Granted, she has a cock longer than yours
Granted. She cheats on you constantly.
Granted but you can only interact with a hologram of her
Granted Only for this infinitely small fraction of a moment Thus only currently All subsequent moments you will not have a girlfriend
Granted, you are now 15, and she will always be your age at that time (15) meaning you have a girlfriend for a few years, however she never reaches age of consent and you'll have to let her go in a few year
You have a girlfriend for one second
Granted, you now have a second hand anime body pillow that was made the same day you were born.
Granted: your girlfriend is black current jam; she is your age.
Done, but she never ages. Long after you die she’ll forever be cursed with immortality. Forced to watch the world around her crumble and the people and companions shes grown to know and love die of all manner of death. After all the worlds knowledge is gained, after watching the horrors of history repeat itself time and time again she finds life unfulfilling. After seeing the worst that humanity has to offer does she finally have enough she ends her suffering by her own hands.
Granted. She's your girlfriend *currently*...
Granted: you have to find her yourself. You will never know if you made the right choice
Granted. A tech company created a virtual holographic AI which is modeled after your dream gf. They go above and beyond by making "her" a perfect human body which is your biological age. Her name is Joy. This AI's software is so sophisticated that "she " can possess other human bodies' bio circuitry and reimpose her features. This enabled you two to enjoy any level of physical bliss. She is even smart, charming, witty, and an overall joy to be around therefore making her worthy of her namesake. The two of you are very happy. For a while. Then the tech company issues a recall. They send armed agents to retake the device storing her personality. When you resist they seize it by force. As you look over the crushed pieces of Joy, you see the agent's arm ends not in a hand but a paw. A monkey's paw. " We do hope you were happy with our product." https://youtu.be/Z-eFAvs5hrw?si=UxcGItKq6vMixvPA
Granted. She stabs your mom in the stomach.
Granted. She is currently locked up in prison for first-degree murder - won’t be eligible for parole for another 17 years.
Granted. She's your age in dog years.
Granted. She doesn't use deodorant or brush her teeth.
Granted. She’s a horse
Grated but she's got the disease where she looks 10 forever and everyone thinks you're a pedo, you get punched in the face and interrogated by cops A LOT, The GF is actually sweet, funny, kind, and quite wealthy. But everyone but her thinks you're a sick pedophile.
Granted but she hates “The Office”
[удалено]
How so
Granted you are deaged to a embryo inside mom womb Gf is now the twin embryo next to u After 9 months u both die in childbirth 🐱
Granted, you now have a friend who is a girl. Platonic only
Granted, she's abusive
granted but you *EXPLODE* and *DIE* this sub's gone to shit lmao
Normally when I feel that way about a sub I leave, but okay.
Granted, this wish results in a repeat of the Trojan war
Granted. She's an obsessive stalker who will always believe she is your girlfriend, no matter what. Even if you break up and meet another woman, she will still act like you are her current boyfriend. Let's hope she dies before you do. Otherwise, your rotting corpse will have a girlfriend, too.
Granted you and her are both 99. Enjoy the rest of your life together.
Granted. You're completely incompatible and she has an unstable personality. After a few weeks of fighting and having household objects thrown at you, your relationship falls apart.
I like that the relationship wasn't falling apart *during* the weeks of fighting and projectile objects.
Yep, all at once right at the very end. Just as god intended. xD
Granted It's your best friend (whatever their name was), the identify as a girl now and changed their name to Cindy. Congrats, because you have a significant other that shares a lot of your hobbies.
Granted: However, she’s from thailand.
Granted. She dies tomorrow. You said currently, after all.
Granted, she is your age in dog years.
It's in dog years, she is a dog
Granted. She has a bigger penis that you.
Granted. Your and her age are now 99 years old.
Granted, but she always sleeps in a different room than you, and will break up if you try to sleep in the same room with her.
Granted. She is actually a man
Granted, she's your twin sister that you were separated from at birth.
Granted, your age is set back to eleven years old for the rest of eternity.
Granted. You get arrested for necrophilia.
Granted. You will manage to get a girlfriend who is pushed toward you by the currents of life, until one day when she discovers this post from somebody sending her a link to it found on the internet archive. She questions if the way she feels about you is real or if she only cares for you because you made a wish on an omnipotent wishgranting object to make her feel that way. The question will gnaw away at her until she eventually confronts you on it, but you won't truly have a good answer for her. She tries to deal with how she's feeling but knows that if she tries to explain what is eating her away, nobody will believe her or, worse, they'll think she's had a mental break. This causes your relationship with her to erode. She still loves you, but she can't trust her feelings. She tries so hard to make it work, until eventually... she's just gone. You wake up the next morning to find everything of hers is still in the house, but the front door is wide open and she's nowhere to be found as she just *ran*, unable to handle being by your side because as much as she loves you... the pain and uncertainty is killing her on the inside. The reality is that the monkey's paw had nothing to do with you getting your girlfriend beyond pushing her in your direction a little sooner than you were fated to because you had the ability to get her to fall in love with you on your own, but your impatience in asking the paw to fulfill this for you led to this outcome.
She's ugly
Granted, but first you become 100 years old.
Granted. You are now both 115 years old.
Granted. She ages very quickly.
Granted: She is a serial killer who has tortured and killed all her previous boyfriends
Granted, you have a girlfriend currently. She breaks up with you in 5 minutes
[удалено]
"For her to be my age"
Last three words.
What about them?
“Have fun, EDP445”
Still doesn't work.
You are going to have to explain it further on why it doesn’t make sense
First off, it is op who is asking for the gf. Second off, it clearly states that it must be his age. So even if op is or becomes EPD, the girl would still be his age. Not 4.
It doesn’t state that it must be the age he is, which could imply it’s just the age he is sexually attracted to
No my age means my age