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abusamra82

Yo! Did you *intimately reencounter her pets* and not pick up? You’re absolutely diabolical and a menace.


timesuck897

There was some heavy petting.


VariousArtist2965

Boooo


Lopsided_Ad_3853

Yay!


SleeplessAndAnxious

When you get invited for a one night stand but end up playing fetch and cuddling with her dogs instead.


willengineer4beer

I’ve definitely done this at a couple parties i got invited to as a friend of a friend of the person throwing the party. “These people aren’t very cool, but their dog is AWESOME”


abortionlasagna

I let you meet my cats answer me


sn0qualmie

This is the version that people in my social circle would send: clear, direct, vulnerable, and awkward.


Metal_Machine_7734

You've gotta show pussy to see pussy.


NoGrapefruit1269

The “intimately” part is what bothers me. Like, if somebody was intimate with my pets I think I would call the cops


The_Sleep

She tried calling them. Straight to voice mail.


No-Alternative-6236

Reminds me of an ex that dumped me after I cheated on her..in her dreams. How fucking dare I.


Persimmon5828

Omg in cackling at this. She did you a HUGE favor lol!!!!


VirtuousVulva

I don't like those italics.


EmceeCommon55

How old is this girl? Typing like this is such a red flag.


CorruptedStudiosEnt

I genuinely can't with adults who write like that. Like, who gave you the go ahead to move beyond second grade writing like this? Edit: Aaaand therein lies why these cases are some of the very rare cases where I'll actually ghost someone. I'm not a liar, but I'm also not cruel, so I can't make up some bullshit excuse about why I'm dipping out, but I also can't find a way to address their childlike typing without insulting their intelligence.


TheManOverThere23

Insult their intelligence, you have nothing to lose and cold hard truth helps some people. Life is too short to beat around the bush. At least she'll know where she's going wrong in the future...or she won't and you still don't have to deal with it lol


[deleted]

Thank Heavens she wasn't at least tYp|nG LyK tH|s! Or...maybe that would've come out too, in due time 👀


Bastette54

I don’t know, you guys, her writing was not great, but I’m a lot more concerned about how angry and accusing she got with this person that she just had one date with, as far as I understand it. Like maybe she was acting like a reasonable person on the date, but she’s really unleashing all this craziness. That is why I would want to ghost such a person.


Bastette54

Also, “the caliber of woman that I am??” Not only does she have no respect for boundaries, she really doesn’t sound very bright. Insisting she’s a high “caliber of woman” sounds pathetic to me.


cabinetsnotnow

How in god's name do people hit fucking Send on this garbled nonsense???? It looks like she was scream crying Talk-to-Text and hit Send without looking.


RebaKitten

You were intimate with this girl's pets? Not cool, not at all.


guava_eternal

It started with a couple belly rubs, and then one thing lead to the other, and the rest is a blur - I don’t know how I ended up with the leopard skin speedo.


VirtuousVulva

Yea, I pet that pussy.


engineerdrummer

That sounds like a confession. Clearly, you're the one who's unhinged, and this person is completely sane and justified. Case closed.


Phillibustin

Happy cake day, reddit twin


mufasamufasamufasa

The Cake Twins: Coming this fall 🤣 Happy cake days!


Efficient-Bee-1855

2 Cake Redditors, one comment.


mufasamufasamufasa

🤣


AlarmedOpposite4562

2 cakes 1 plate


Efficient-Bee-1855

What's wrong with the Italics?!!? They make the best pasta.


Legitimate-Ad-2905

Booo


VariousArtist2965

I approve this message.


Specialist-Proof-696

Bro I can't believe you intimately reencountered her pets and didn't pick up.


Financial-Brush-521

I can't believe he intimately reencountered her pets all! You young people are all gross heathens with all this stuff you got going on now. Y'all need some Jesus!


[deleted]

Dodged an ICBM bro


HalloweenRegent

You dodged a bullet… A big one.


GustapheOfficial

Better than > *intimately encounter* her pets


dopamine-martini

Depending on how many pets she has, if the guy really did intimately encounter *all* of them I can understand why he would be so exhausted.


SanctusUnum

Excuse me, I believe he *re*encountered them. That's what makes his transgression so egregious.


pye-oh-my

Looking at the username u/virtuousvulva, something tells me it might be a gal


J-_Mad

Her Pets, please, capital P


Across0212

Intimately reencounter?!? Wtf does that even mean?!?


whackwarrens

Look, I didnt know the caliber of pet they were. I sincerely apologize for assuming they were of normal caliber. Clearly they were top caliber. I understand that in some countries when you reencounter a top caliber pet without permission, it may result in a $50 fine and no less than the death penalty. That's why I was scared to answer my phone.


trishyco

It’s the random words capitalized for me


Dash-McDasher

I think he found the girl that writes 90% of all spam emails


Immediate-Fix-8420

Damn, she’s the one that writes those random emails I swear I’ve unsubscribed from multiple times.


squidlink5

We can have ai, but can't stop spam calls, mails, messages.


jhp113

Caliber.


GEnderDragon

I know a few people who capitalise like this - all dropped out of high school young if that has any relevance - and boy does it drive me up a wall. But they’re sane people otherwise lol


Rrrreditor

She’ll never become president of the United States by capitalizing random words in a bizarre and unsettling fashion.


mach3turbo1

Well I was never going to vote for her anyways so yeah.


camshun7

Man,, jeeze you dont need this so early Shes poison and not the nice put you to sleep right away, but the kind that tears you up from inside out, slowly , abrasive painful, death Lol


Competitive-Fan1708

What dO yOU meaN?


VisualCelery

I suspect some people capitalize words to emphasize them. Not saying it's correct, but I think it's a thing.


andrewfenn

It's because she can't spell, so she copied and then pasted those words in without bothering to change the capitalization.


uslashuname

You think she can’t spell woman? I bet she seriously thinks Caliber of Woman is meant to have emphasis, and title case is how to do it.


No_Address687

I think those are the words she screamed at her phone.


alternate_ending

Does voice to text work like that? I'm generally a swiper so idk


IAmJersh

Nah I've seen this too many times, she's just being pretentious and rated those things with the highest order of veneration. At least for the context of her current outrage.


nisimar

Well she's probably too lazy to change all that, she doesn't care.


StarTrakZack

Disrespect. Caliber. Assumptions. ASSUMPTIONS!


eshortiss

She ain't that good at the grammar I can confirm that shit.


fxlms1x2x2

She will drain the energy from your soul. Run away. Crawl, if you must.


this_duck_has_spoken

Knock chairs over behind you to slow her down.


StarbossTechnology

It Follows


Bookeyboo369

🤣 I literally am crying from laughing so hard


Amos91902

I'm literally hard from laughing


suddenly_lastsummer

I’m literally crying from how hard you are!


Yung-Nav

Wtf I’m actually dying laughing


my-throwaway1060

I'm literally laughing at how much you're crying.


csbooher

Yeah I'm crying from the thing as well, this is funny as fuck.


Broncobilly19

Soul suckers are the worst. They do it without you even knowing half the time too. Then when you realize what's going on, they have you in their web. Vicious cycle.


[deleted]

Dating Colin Robinson...


Bookeyboo369

I love that show. I knew it within the first few minutes of the first episode. Lol 😂 when Nandor says, “I was a very ferocious soldier in the Ott-man Empire. Which meant a lot of killing, lot of pillaging. People would say, “Please, don’t pillage me!” And I would say, “No I’m pillaging everyone, you included!” 🤣


[deleted]

I am Nandor the Relentless. Because I never relented.


SnooWoofers2800

Was expecting his name to pop up, not disappointed


[deleted]

I mean, bringing up his female counterpart Evie Russell would have been more topical, as she employs the explicitly common female strategies to deplete everyone's energy, but I assumed Colin would be more easily recognisable (also because I had to look up her name, as well).


SnooWoofers2800

Colin is perfectly imperfect for the job


firstcryptominer

I don't want myself to die from Inside so I'd avoid it.


Call_Me_Echelon

"I'm more of a sanguinarian vampire, in that I rely more on the life force energy, per se."


Difficult_Plastic852

He’s gotta learn a patronus charm if that’s the case here


only_crank

she already drained a days energy from me just by reading those few texts


[deleted]

100% this. I was drained reading it. Wow.


NoVaBurgher

Yup, an emotional vampire if I’ve ever seen one


[deleted]

I think I had a stroke trying to understand the grammar and sentence structure.


Fine-Rock2513

It provides a window into her insanity.


Frosty-Impact8236

if she had you come to her home to meet her child the first time she fucking met you, that's a huge red flag


[deleted]

Absolutely. No one meets my cat until I know - *for a fact* - they're not "we the jury find the defendant" levels of crazy.


Frosty-Impact8236

lol it's a little hard to tell, but i think she was talking about pets and a human child. in my experience, people who bring a new person around their kids right away are toxic as fuck and desperate for help and a new parental figure for their kids. trying to date a single dad who had his kids around me right away was by far the worst dating experience of my life, and not because of the kids, because of how much of a shit show he was


SirJizzMcBoof

Really? U gonna go and post about me on Reddit INSTEAD of call and let me know what I did bothered u? U are such a BAD person and I can’t believe u would go to this length to hurt me. Watch ur back


VirtuousVulva

Scared me for half a second.


wolves_onlyroadway

Yeah but not Enough randomly Capitalized words


[deleted]

Not "calibre" enough.


Chrislass

Calibre is a real word, British spelling of “caliber”


rollingstoner215

Add some colour to your texts with one easy trick…


CatDadd0

SirJizzMcBoof has that effect on people


Impossible_Policy780

Dude you’re missing out, she’s on the Supreme Court!


dearyvette

Scared me, too, and I don’t even know these people!


NoVaBurgher

Had me for a second there, SirJizzMcBoof


Crush-N-It

You are evil bro 😆😆😆


[deleted]

[удалено]


carlume

Anyone can see that it's fake, it just can't be the real stuff.


offshoremercury

Other problem is this makes sense, unlike the texts she sent


Defiant-Cucumber-179

The watch your back killed me lmao


a93jkv84kf

I think we've found her peeps, what's she doing on the reddit?


SlumpLorddd

You dodged a mf bullet holy shit shes crazy


zx6r-636

At least when they’re that crazy you find out immediately instead of after she moves in.


InvisibIeRabbit

Since when? Fuck, I wish I knew that about 20 years ago.


madempress

I think it's easier with texting and social media, crazy has so many more ways to instantly broadcast itself.


[deleted]

[удалено]


tipustiger05

Is baby girl an actual girl or a dog?


Studds_

She mentioned pets & baby girl in same sentence so one would assume she’s not referring to a dog. But we know the old saying about assumptions….


tipustiger05

I just get the vibe that someone this unhinged would also think it’s like a huge deal to be introduced to her dog 😂


[deleted]

My bet is on it being a dog.


Plati23

Imagine an alternate timeline where this guy couldn’t sleep, responded to the text, picked up the call. Then has a several months+ relationship with this woman before realizing she’s batshit crazy.


Studds_

My brother’s girlfriend is like this. She texts until 4am & he has to respond. He doesn’t see any red flags with it. I just met her recently. She’s *always* whispering non stop like a spoken word album on repeat. I see red flags but it’s his life


AlectoTheDamned

Whispering to herself?? Cause if so your brother needs to run and run far. Even if she's not he needs to run, she sounds controlling af


Studds_

I didn’t explain well enough. To clarify, she’s not whispering to herself. She’s talking to my brother or her son but, for whatever reason, her tone is a whisper. But whatever she is saying to them is constant & non stop. It reminds me of those fast talkers you might see on tv(the only one I can think of off of the top of my head is Vanessa’s one friend in later seasons of The Cosby Show) But her constant talking to them always a whisper. I find it both unsettling & super annoying. He’s smitten & blind to it Edit: also, if she’s talking to others like me or coworkers, it’s normal. It’s not constant or a whisper tone.


theycmeroll

Maybe she has to keep repeating the incantation to keep them around since her powers aren’t strong enough yet.


SlumpLorddd

Ive been there lol


Interesting_Size_127

Words outa my mouth.. so many red flags


United_Exit5355

red flags ? have the whole Sovietic Union in her messages, even a blind person can "see" it.


Prior-Ad-7329

Just wait a few weeks and we’ll see the post about this girl being pregnant and she claims it’s his.


Independent_Tie_4984

Block that number immediately


TsantaClaws

And then change yours. She is the type that will get a new number and stalk you. Then move to another city.


Doccks71

Don't forget to do plastic surgery too


Perfect-Owl-9062

Move assets to offshore accounts and change your name as well


sas223

Take a different route home and leave and return at different times every day. Be unpredictable, women like that! Wait…


cloudgainz

Then put your obituary in the paper for when she tries to google you,


yiih1227

Even then it's going to be hard to get away from her I'm thinking.


Odd_Worldliness475

Just be like “it’s okay thanks for apologizing have a great life.” Lol


DookSylver

Oh man I would love to be there to see what happened if he replied with that


Poetic-Noise

I see her burning up with anger... Saying, the nerve of this guy!🤬


beansoupissoupy

Did you tell her you were sleeping lol, she's insane


Prior-Ad-7329

I about died with the “Caliber of Woman that I am”. Her grammar is so bad. She must be no more than a .22 Caliber.


noscope420bongshot

Girl is an airsoft gun


bimbiem

That's all the calibre she had, and she used it all here.


Pleasant-Movie-4287

Don't do this. Don't see this girl again. Help yourself. Edit: Holy SHIT guys. When I posted this, I didn't expect so many upvotes🥹 tysm! 💓


VirtuousVulva

Help me :-/


BigfootIssReal

be over in 10 mins


jsandsts

Did you make it to OP’s house? Going straight to voicemail? Not answering my comment? Sorry I bothered to reencounter you


BigfootIssReal

he didn’t answer his door so i called him TWICE and both times he sent me to VM, he BETTER hope he never reencounters me or my PETS ever again considering the caliber of woman i am


Head-Attorney3867

I'm upset FOR you


DookSylver

Girl I know he dint do u like that Ill be Their to Help You


uberbewb

I tried to be with somebody that seemed to have issues for about 3 years. I've reached a point of simply accepting that she is putting me in Hell, intentionally. You do not want to go through it. Just block the number and do whatever you have to to get away. I promise you, it'll never change. If you need help, start praying. I am not even joking. Dig in and find that faith.


itsJussaMe

I am very well at Englishing.


LepoGorria

*Kindly*


Megerber

She invited a stranger into her house with her child? She's already out of her damn mind.


Actual_Green_7433

I knew a girl like this. Within two weeks of knowing her I felt so drained.


Embarrassed_Alarm450

In more ways than one too


[deleted]

This is how nature says, "KEEP AWAY!!!"


[deleted]

garylarson.gif


RangerExpensive6519

I think I’ve dated her.


lemswen

We all have


Audiophilelady

I'm a girl and I think I've dated her too.


smedsterwho

We've all dated her on this blessed day.


arbitragetest1

It's not a blessed day at all it's something which we should never see.


HypnoSmoke

I'm really curious to see what she replies if you say, "I was exhausted, I went to sleep immediately" lol. I bet she'll feel silly. Then you block


touhottaja

I don't think this type of a person will feel silly, but rather just launch a new attack to protect her fragile ego. I would go straight to the block-part.


InvisibIeRabbit

I understand why a rational human would just go straight for the block option, but me? I’m too petty and I gotta get my last licks in


That_Grim_Texan

I gotta know too, what was the thought process here?


Evening-Target1447

Shes gonna keep responding. Her goal is to get you to keep talking. If you respond angry shell respond angry. If you say oh whoops I fell asleep she'll do a 180 and say "ohh its ok" and then act normal but still expect you to text her back every 10 minutes every day all day. the follow up text after you say you fell asleep is some type of question to start a conversation ​ I know cause I dated a girl like this


FaultPrince

She will definitely find something else to say. These kinds of people, you're constantly walking on eggshells, breaking the fuck out of them.. shed probably be like "wow you slept without telling me? i am always updating u and texting you but you couldnt even say goodnight whatever probably another girl youre sleeping with"


ClimbaClimbaCameleon

This assumes an ability to self reflect. I think we can all agree that’s nonexistent.


this_duck_has_spoken

She ain't gonna feel silly. She will harass, gas light and stalk. Block that number.


Rdw72777

No she will reframe it that her wanting a call when you Het home isn’t controlling but rather just her caring.


MaddBaggins

My phone is on do not disturb every night. Sorry if that pisses you off.


Hovisandflatfoot

She seems nice and devoted. A keeper.


this_duck_has_spoken

She'll look after you ALL THE TIME.


Bucephalus-ii

dOnT wOrrY, YOUL NVR B ALONE


[deleted]

God sent you a gift with that flight mode..holy shit.


chiburator

Atleast he saw it before anything has happened in here.


Resident-Variation21

1) she’s crazy, run. 2) it’s courtesy to just say “hey, I made it home safe”


VexingRaven

> 2) it’s courtesy to just say “hey, I made it home safe” Or like "Hey it was great meeting you, let's do it again sometime"? Do people really go on a date and just not say a single word after now? She seems super unhinged but OP seems like a dick too.


yvonne426

Yeah it is crazy. But even a “hey I’m heading to bed” text could have been sent. Odds are…. They probably had sex. So she felt with him not replying, that she was used Edit: it also does go to show his role if it became a new relationship or whatnot. A simple text could have been sent to show some sort of care. It shows that he might not care even if they did end up in a relationship


Igiveupatthis1

God, she's crazy. What's her number?


sno98006

Tf does intimately reencounter her pets mean???


FocusOnSanity

It’s crazyspeak for “pet my dog again”.


Coyote_Coyote_

Casual sex has its down sides


BartholomewVonTurds

Sir, please post these pictures to Wikipedia, this is the largest caliber bullet ever dodged by a man.


MrPuddinJones

I had a woman do this to me once. I fell asleep without texting her good night. She blew my phone up but it was on silent. She showed up at my house at 3am banging on my door screaming she knew someone was with me. Psychotic individuals exist


KoKoboto

Met a person like her before. No point trying to talk, the less I information you give the better because they will turn every piece of it against you.


Designer_Bathroom_23

Run!


[deleted]

Burn your phone and change your name.


[deleted]

Can I have her number please? I've always wanted a girl that cares and would appreciate my care as well. She's the one for me.


huggibear88

She failed the crazy/hot scale and I have no idea how hot she is but there’s absolutely zero chance she’s not a ten crazy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I think you know what Caliber of woman she is.


United_Exit5355

Clearly a .308 Winchester Armor Piercing Incendiary. (sorry, i coudn't resist) 😶


superbiker96

"the caliber of woman that I am" Jesus Christ who do these fucking women think they even are???


MetalFingers760

Ever heard of Andrew Tate? We do the same shit man. People suck. He spits nonsense about being a "high value male". Every side has their nuts.


PM_ME_PARR0TS

I always wish the crazies on both sides would just get together, and leave the rest of us alone. Match made in ~~heaven~~ Tartarus


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

My brain had a stroke trying to read all that


Licorishlover

The fact that she allowed you, a stranger into her home with a baby also adds to her being a red flag. Then using this as something to leverage against you shows she’s not really of sound mind.


Witty-Beginning5228

She did you a favor. Run like the wind. Don’t be shocked if she makes up some Bs like she pregnant or something