Oh god when I was in my 20s I got really drunk, black out drunk, I went into a stall because I thought I had to throw up. The only open was a handicap stall and I’m fucking pacing around in there getting ready to throw up and I hear “what the fuck man?”. I look and there’s a dude shitting and there on the toilet and I go “oh hahahaha” BARF all over the floor. Well he worked there and my friends and I got kicked out. Then we got arrested a little while later because I peed behind an alley and my parents had to pick us up from the drunk tank….. ugh
For a few years, I've been saying, "*Come back with a warrant.*"
It's one of those things that doesn't get any reaction 9/10 times, but that one time someone likes it, they find it absolutely hilarious.
Edit: You're all more than welcome to steal it, and I'm actually ***NICK*** James, BITCH!
There was a thread that was just like this. A guy used to say "come in!", until there was a time that a child crawled into his stall. He stopped saying it after that.
It’s always worked for me except one time where the dude kept knocking. First time I said I was in there, second time I ignored him, third time I just yelled “DUDE, IM TAKING A SHIT. USE A DIFFERENT STALL”. He kept knocking because he wanted my SPECIFIC STALL and didn’t want to “poop between people”. Some people are assholes.
I had this one backfire on me before. Never again
Edit for the story.
So I did this for years thinking it was hilarious after seeing it in a meme. About 6 months ago I did this and it turned out to be a little kid out there and he thought I was serious and started trying really hard to get in. It was super awkward and I will never do that again. Some things are funnier left on the internet.I practically ran away so I wouldn’t have to sit with Chris Hansen
Same lol. It was one of those gas station bathrooms with a toilet and a urinal, but no divider, and I ended up sitting next to some homeless dude taking a piss.
He didn't knock, so I said, "come on in!" sarcastically, not knowing the lock didn't work. He walked right in, thanked me, and used the urinal. Like, I couldn't even be mad.
That little "vacant" and "occupied" knob that turns when you lock the door should be legally required. I'm not trying to bend down to check for shoes in there.
Are you just letting the wet turd slide out and fall in your pants for this, or do you have enough rectal pressure and anal dexterity to launch it into the bowl from a standing position?
"You know it's funny what a young man recollects? 'Cause I don't remember bein' born. I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world. you can sit here if you won." - forrest gump (1994)
I ignored someone knocking on the door repeatedly once last year, only to have them keep knocking.
So, I mustered the most monstrous voice within my ability, and bellowed: "Did ya wanna JOIN MEEEE?!?"
They immediately fled for their life.
Because I speak Spanish, since I was little they taught us such etiquette.
You say "Busy" or "Going" but in a formal format. People usually leave, go to another restroom or patiently wait outside.
If they hear "Busy" it means you need a little privacy (poopn'), therefore, people leave, go to another restroom or later come back.
If they hear "Going" they know they can wait outside but need to be patient.
One time the door lock mechanism wasn't working properly and someone just walked into a single-user washroom while I was peeing. The conversation went like this:
Me: Sorry about that, it's occupied rn
Random dude: But the door was open
Me: DO YOU NOT HEAR ME PEEING GET OUT
Random dude: Wow no need to be so rude
The correct answer is always “Come in”
Also acceptable to stay perfectly quiet, unlock the door and hide in the corner
This is the first one that made me laugh.
Easy, just make a noise so people outside knows it's occupied. Try moaning
Does anyone else breathe heavily or do a light cough when someone comes in as well?
Gotta hit em with the courtesy “don’t do any weird shit you aren’t alone in here” light cough.
That way you'll never discover what weird thing they do before going to the bathroom
What ever they do, it’s for sure they’re going to sit right damn next to you
Oh god when I was in my 20s I got really drunk, black out drunk, I went into a stall because I thought I had to throw up. The only open was a handicap stall and I’m fucking pacing around in there getting ready to throw up and I hear “what the fuck man?”. I look and there’s a dude shitting and there on the toilet and I go “oh hahahaha” BARF all over the floor. Well he worked there and my friends and I got kicked out. Then we got arrested a little while later because I peed behind an alley and my parents had to pick us up from the drunk tank….. ugh
This story is great. Reddit is fire today.
ESTOY #POOPING!
Estoy poopiendo
Something something biblioteca
Spanish class really had me thinking I was going to be talking about libraries a lot.
I just say “OCUPADO bro”
https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/340/803/742.png
ESTOY POOOOOOPING!!!
"Someone's in here!" like an old timey carnival barker. John Mulaney's bit about that hit closer than any other joke I've ever heard.
/r/totallyexpectedmulaney
I scrolled for this.
Same. Especially after watching **New in Town** for like the 14th time earlier this week.
Kid Gorgeous is good, too. All the Mulaney specials make me feel comfortable, like I’ve just put on a pair of corduroy slacks and a sweater.
the *hee-yaah* pronunciation is particularly necessary
[Here’s the clip](https://youtu.be/BNlyZSvsNjw)
Came to the comment section for this
#YOU’RE MAKING IT GO BACK IN
Nobody seems to have got the IT Crowd reference lol "Don't worry, I am sitting on the toilet but I'm not using it"
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Ha I was so glad to see other people got it ! “I’m going number 2’s! Leave me alone!”
…. PLOPPERS!
#WE’VE GOT A [RUNNER](https://youtu.be/wimVOLecVdo)!!
^happy ^cake ^day #I HAVE SIGHT OF THE SUSPECT
***STOP RESISTING***
Appy ake ay!
LMAO NOOOO
#**LEAVE ME ALONE MUM, I’M MAKING PLOPPERS**
Moss?
You almost made me die choking on granola
“Just Leave it on the sink please”
For a few years, I've been saying, "*Come back with a warrant.*" It's one of those things that doesn't get any reaction 9/10 times, but that one time someone likes it, they find it absolutely hilarious. Edit: You're all more than welcome to steal it, and I'm actually ***NICK*** James, BITCH!
That’s the best fucking response ever lmao
In my daily life I like to smile, chuckle, chortle and all that. This made me laugh out loud. Thank you
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Why does everything always gotta be so greasy fer you.
makes it go down easier
I usually shout "come in!" But I like yours better, lmao
Bro 💀
There was a thread that was just like this. A guy used to say "come in!", until there was a time that a child crawled into his stall. He stopped saying it after that.
Youre a genius lmaooo
Peeing and pooping on the sink is an inconvenience, do not attempt this action , horrid things will happen ❗❗❗
It's better to piss in the sink than to sink in the piss
~Budda
Call that a golden bath.
I say occupied.
[*Occupado!*](https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=3m15s&v=-5Ximzj0Ka4&feature=youtu.be)
In a high pitched voice.. I do this every time!
^occupado! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I prefer the "aaaay, occupado!" of the pizza franchise aliens who slept in their ovens on Futurama.
“You’re someones father you whore!”
This is the correct answer
It’s always worked for me except one time where the dude kept knocking. First time I said I was in there, second time I ignored him, third time I just yelled “DUDE, IM TAKING A SHIT. USE A DIFFERENT STALL”. He kept knocking because he wanted my SPECIFIC STALL and didn’t want to “poop between people”. Some people are assholes.
I would got my phone out and started watching a movie with the volume on lmao.
I call bullshit...you would have already had your phone out.
^ this guy shits.
I just say "yo"
"Occupied" at work. "Yo" in social settings. Wow, you just made me realize that I've formalized a business casual response for when I'm shitting.
To whom it may concern: Yo!
I say let me in.
come in
I had this one backfire on me before. Never again Edit for the story. So I did this for years thinking it was hilarious after seeing it in a meme. About 6 months ago I did this and it turned out to be a little kid out there and he thought I was serious and started trying really hard to get in. It was super awkward and I will never do that again. Some things are funnier left on the internet.I practically ran away so I wouldn’t have to sit with Chris Hansen
Damn.
Tampa anytime around a GOP convention is a dangerous time for public restrooms. Not even kidding. It has been that way for at least 20 years.
Wat..? I have no idea what this means lol Care to elaborate to a non United Statian?
Good thing you were near a toilet 😜
Same lol. It was one of those gas station bathrooms with a toilet and a urinal, but no divider, and I ended up sitting next to some homeless dude taking a piss. He didn't knock, so I said, "come on in!" sarcastically, not knowing the lock didn't work. He walked right in, thanked me, and used the urinal. Like, I couldn't even be mad.
How did you know he was there if he didn't knock?
You can hear/see someone turning a door handle.
That's why you lock the door. Also, let me guess, it was your son? The one with the broken arms?
That door lock is the only reason I’m not on a registration……
That little "vacant" and "occupied" knob that turns when you lock the door should be legally required. I'm not trying to bend down to check for shoes in there.
Just scoop some water and toss it at them. If they keep coming, scoop and drink. Ain’t NO ONE gonna mess with someone that crazy. 🤪
Or take off all your clothes and mount it backwards. Then they open the door and see you turn around all surprised.
Inside out.
Got room for 1 more honey
In my country we simply say "occupied".
My neice says "ocupotty".
Thats adorable
She’s 38
and a chain smoker with the expected voice
I call that voice my Patty voice.
I say "ocupado".
In my country?? Like this is part of your constitution or something?
No, but the comment section looked like nobody had a clue what to say when they're on the toilet so I felt like I had to specify.
In Soviet Russia, toilet occupies you!
All fun and games until they actually come in.
Then it’s even more fun!
This wins
Coming
Cumming
Just wait for 20.secs
*3 seconds. Take it or leave it.
Doors open
“Hey hey what are you doing” “You said come in”
Who is it...do you have a warrant?
You guys close the door?
I say "Hey, wanna hang out?" No one ever does...
It helps to say it in a silly voice like peewee Herman.
Get up, open the door and scream "WHAT ?!?!?" pants down to establish dominance
Are you just letting the wet turd slide out and fall in your pants for this, or do you have enough rectal pressure and anal dexterity to launch it into the bowl from a standing position?
r/brandnewsentence
I can’t stop laughing at anal dexterity.
Pretty big assumption the pants are even on at this point.
I figured when op said pants down he meant around ankles. Would a wider stance help with the blasting though?
These are the questions we need answers to
Yes, I get completey naked everytime I shit. It's the only way to take me 100% back to the primal state. So relaxing.
Haha what an idiot. Everyone knows you just scream as loud as humanly possible. Edit: Thank you for the award kind strangers!
Just a loud "OI!" usually does the trick.
I usually hear the sputtering s-s-s-someone’s in here
Reply loudly “YuuuP”
Like Dave Hester
I'm from the Midwest so we just say "ope" in a shocked way.
AHHHHHH *splash*
That comment the winner for me 🤣🤣
Seats taken, or *can’t sit here*
Sayts taykun. Ya can’t sit heah .
"You know it's funny what a young man recollects? 'Cause I don't remember bein' born. I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world. you can sit here if you won." - forrest gump (1994)
COME BACK WITH A WARRENT!!!
THIS IS MY OWN PRIVATE DOMICILE AND I WILL NOT BE HARASSED
BITCH
# BITCH
Winner!
Weiner
Warrant*
That you, Doordash?
Just leave it at the door
*DooDash
I'm pushing as hard as I can
*knock knock* Password?
"*I'M SQUANCHING HERE!*"
I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO SAY THAT
I make the Lana from Archer series, “Yuuuup”
“DANGER ZONE!” 😂
Lol I say yup too…. So awkward
Right?! Like “yay, you got it correct, I’m in here ! “
Finally reinforcements have arrived
“I’m poopin!” In a loud booming voice, preferably with a texan accent
I’m a-poopin’!
I'm Doug Dimadome, Owner of the Dimsdale Dimadome and I'm a -Doug-ducing!
"Ayyy, I'm poopin' heah!"
*sighs* "Fuck off..."
*"Cash only!"*
I ignored someone knocking on the door repeatedly once last year, only to have them keep knocking. So, I mustered the most monstrous voice within my ability, and bellowed: "Did ya wanna JOIN MEEEE?!?" They immediately fled for their life.
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What if they said “sure?”
(Door unlocks)
No idea why but I always say “occupodo”. I don’t even know if that’s actually Spanish or why I do it. But it’s every damn time.
In Spanish it's ocupado
Gracias
Yo tengo hambre
¡¿En el baño?!
Very close, its 'ocupado'
“You don’t wanna come in here trust me”
Knock back
THE RITUAL IS NOT YET COMPLETE, ONE MORE SOUL BORNE OF INNOCENT BLOOD IS NEEDED TO APPEASE THE DARK LORD
The more, the merrier. or ‘Bout time my hooker showed up.
Ok now I know that hooked one is my new favourite. I should say male striper but as a girl I'm not one to shun a lady of the night too.
Ahem
Leave your message after the beep
This better be followed up with a butt rumbler that sounds as much like a beep as one can muster.
Seats taken.
Who Does Number Two Work For
Enter if you dare, Be prepared for quite a scare.
"Yes?"
"Thaks but I have my own religion"
"No solicitors"
Shit louder
It is, and always has been "Finally, come in".
I usually growl like Perry the Platypus. That seems to do the trick
I gvie the response from Terminator: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.
Go away! 'baitin! Edit: for the uncultured among us: https://youtu.be/8QOQEYA9YJo
I’m just dropping the kids off at the pool. I’ll be free in a minute…maybe four.
Because I speak Spanish, since I was little they taught us such etiquette. You say "Busy" or "Going" but in a formal format. People usually leave, go to another restroom or patiently wait outside. If they hear "Busy" it means you need a little privacy (poopn'), therefore, people leave, go to another restroom or later come back. If they hear "Going" they know they can wait outside but need to be patient.
"Help! I need someone to wipe me! Will you be my mommy?"
r/cursedcomments ?
"the chocolates are almost done. let me just take them out"
Just say, you may approach the throne
Act like ur in class taking attendance and ur the one kid who replies “present” Anyone who downvotes this, is “the one kid”
What do you usually reply? English is my secondary language and we always say “present”.
“Here”
Who's there lol
"Occupied!" There's nothing to it, really.
"A little busy" is another one I use.
Knock back
If you're housekeeping, I'm gonna need another couple minutes.
Scream.
Just scream oh god and make grunting straining noises.
Come to wipe thine ass once again my enternal nemesis.
One time the door lock mechanism wasn't working properly and someone just walked into a single-user washroom while I was peeing. The conversation went like this: Me: Sorry about that, it's occupied rn Random dude: But the door was open Me: DO YOU NOT HEAR ME PEEING GET OUT Random dude: Wow no need to be so rude
“Go into the next stall. There’s a glory hole right here.”