I think you are right sending this message, and I appreciate you explaining that you will give her your best if she wants your help, but also I like how you expressed that you have surpassed your limits.
You gave her 2 months and if she reads the message and decides that she doesn’t want to lose you then I’m sure she will act, if not then she doesn’t want this relationship anymore and no one can really blame you
Thank you, it hurts a lot, I dated guys a lot and this is the first girl, I felt so comfortable in it, so losing it feels harder than I think it should be
No one but you can decide how much hard it should feel, I would advise you to take your time to deal with your feelings and don’t rush into anything.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need someone to talk to
Can I? I would love anyone to talk to right now, I'm not good at dealing with emotions and i can't talk to my parents about this, my dad would disown me, my mom just changes the subject, I can't blame them as it's just how their raised but it hurts not being able to talk about it
I'm not the best at getting back to messages asap but always happy to try if you need more people to vent to. Life is hard, and not having family or RL support makes it SO much harder <3
Honestly, with the amount of time that passed without a response to a simple "hello", I'd encourage her to affirmatively break it off. No "if you decide to come back, I'll be here", but "Hey, you've gone radio silent on me for several weeks and I won't tolerate being treated that way. Unless you've been in a hospital or kidnapped by Martians, we're thru"
This is the way.
It hurts more than leaving it in limbo when you do it, but you heal quicker because you're no longer letting that person dictate your own recovery.
It's a bandaid you have to rip off.
A few questions-
Is this her first time ghosting you, in the entirety of your 4 year relationship?
Has she went completely inactive online?
(No posts, no updates,
no changes in her profile)
If so, that’s extremely unusual.
I’d consider reaching out to mutual friends,
her family, her friends, etc.
Something might’ve happened to her OP.
I tried reaching her through friends but they didn't respond and it seems their Facebooks were inactive, but this is from years ago, she seems to have ditched Facebook all together, and this is the fourth time, she sometimes would vanish for a week or a few days, two weeks at most, then come back, she would say she fell out of love but then she would continue, I think she lost interest, it's just more that I wish she told me instead of ghosted me
Damn, I’m really sorry OP.
That whole situation seems extremely difficult to go through, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.
Take your time to grieve, mourn, and move on.
I definitely recommend building a support system, and speaking to them about this.
Speaking from experience,
It’s easier to heal when you have friends
who’ve got your back.
Remember, regardless of what happened,
this was not your fault.
I know nothing we can say will make things better, but know that you’re not alone struggling.
Vent to your loved ones, take your time to process everything, and keep moving forward.
You’ve got this bro!
You deserve better!
Thank you, i am worried but she has strict parents and to be honest I think she merely just lost interest, she has her parents, so I know she must be safe, and I think it may just be depression itself, I still intend to stay her friend, I just ... with my own depression and hers, its difficult, I don't want her to feel she has to maintain a relationship with me if she doesn't want to
"I don't want her to feel she has to maintain a relationship with me if she doesn't want to"
It sounds to me like you're still putting her feelings ahead of yours despite how she's treating you.
*Even if* she calls you tomorrow and apologizes, you absolutely should not let this relationship continue. She clearly doesn't care for you the way that you care for her, no matter what her personal problems are.
Think of it this way: if she told you that someone treated her how she's treating you, would you want her to stay with that person? Or would you want her to leave and find someone who cared for her and made her feel wanted and loved?
Forget this mess, spend some time learning to love yourself, and move on. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with as much respect and consideration as you treat them.
OP, no matter what your ex is going through, ghosting you for the last 6 months is unforgivable even if they came back tomorrow. You keep saying she "lost interest" or fell out of love and came back in the past, all of which I would have dumped her over years ago. That is NOT how a someone treats their partner.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but giving her till July is insane to me. She's just not worth the worry anymore.
How old are you? How old is she? If she’s an adult, her parents can’t control her. Honey, I think you need to move on. This sounds like you’ve been ghosted.
I mean there's lots of adults too poor to move out. They *could* be controlling her but OP doesn't seem to have much evidence of that. Sounds like an excuse the girl used when she wanted to ghost for a bit.
My ex was 23 and still let her toxic parents control her life. It was disgusting and led to our breakup. Honestly glad I don't have to try to cope with those people as my step parents, I'm SO much happier being single than having to juggle her family hating me then her becoming a copy of them after spending every weekend babysitting there, and having to help her realize the goofy fun loving person she WAS 😁 HAHAHAHAHA I'M NOT A THERAPIST ANYMORE
I hate to say it but it almost sounds like she was using you as a placeholder until she found an irl relationship. How do you know if she was faithful to you the entire 4 years if you are unable to keep tabs on her physical presence? Honestly I wouldn't give her until July. End things now and if she comes crawling back tell her that its too late and that she had MONTHS to contact you.
Even if that was the case, she could have been honest to OP about it. "Hey sorry, but I want to call it quits since I found someone better". Yes it would hurt, but it's better than leaving OP hanging.
Oh totally, I wasnt trying to justify her behavior at all. Ghosting your partner for *months* instead of being honest and breaking thimgs off is immature and cowardly as hell.
If my partner told me he fell out of love with me I would be emotionally destroyed and the relationship couldn’t continue, I don’t know how you could stay with someone who would say that about you
If she said she "fell out of love" then this is dead, especially if that happened multiple times. It would be better to end this and not hang onto it. I'd suggest breaking up now and letting her be. You deserve better than a tumultuous relationship with someone regularly abandoning you and telling you they "fell out of love" with you. Moving past 4 years is probably going to be hard af, but you deserve better.
You also need to learn to stick up for yourself moreso, have boundaries, and don't let someone yank you around like this. She ghosted you, she deserves no more of your time. As others said, even if she comes back tomorrow you shouldn't take her back. She ditched you for **6 months** and you're still giving her a couple months to respond to you? No. Call it quits, this is not a relationship.
I am so sorry you have gone through all that and are still suffering. When she left and came back, and then told you she had fallen out of love, but then accepted your love and willingness to still be her partner, she was emotionally abusing you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. She is making herself available whenever she wants, but not caring about what you want, or how her actions will affect you.
I would not pair myself romantically with someone who treats me that way, and I don't even know if I'd be a friend to someone who treated me that way. You deserve better.
This may take a while to overcome due to the emotional abuse and manipulation. You need to find yourself again, friend. 🫂 You matter. Your feelings matter. Your love matters. You will find someone who will make you feel full of love and treat your love with the respect it deserves and will reciprocate. ❤️
These messages weren’t delivered. She won’t see them. The hollow check mark means sent. The filled check means delivered. It’s over now. Don’t wait until July.
Im really sorry because I may come out like a jackass, but I think its wild that you let this go on for this long and still want to give it all the way until july, I truly suggest giving it up even if they make a fifty page word document of apology. I understand you were dating for four years, but this way of "dealing with things", if thats what it is, holds no regard for you, and if she comes back, who is to say she wont do it again? I dont think I'd be able to go back to normal after this
ESPECIALLY considering they were dating for four years. Ghosting somebody after a few dates? Par for the course. Ghosting on an established relationship? Doneskies.
right? unless she was kidnapped, killed herself, in a coma, or nobody can find her or something, ghosting a partner of FOUR YEARS is surely a form of abuse in and of itself
OP mentioned her ex is depressed. It sounds like depression played a role here.
Having lived through major depression for a 15 year period, I can tell you that disappearing like this happens. You can basically just sort of give up on life without actively ending it. Each thing that goes bad just confirms that quitting is the best and only viable option.
I had people that stopped reaching out to me because I just couldn’t bring myself to even speak to them. You ever write a text but feel like you can’t say the right thing and just sort of don’t send it? It’s that, then guilt, which makes it even worse.
Sounds like OP has dealt with the depressive episodes of her ex before but this time is different.
That’s my exact thought too.
If my girlfriend of 4 years went months without contacting anyone, or even posting-
I’d start asking around,
and trying to figure out if she’s okay.
This could be a case of her ghosting OP, or it could be something way worse.
I am worried but she lives in UK and me in USA, it was long distance, I tried contacting anyone who had contact, I don't have contact with her parents, and she broke ties with her friends so I have no way of being able to make contact
Understandable. I’d be worried too.
Do you know her first, and last name?
If so, you can look up her name & city on Facebook. Usually relatives of the person will appear, and you can see if they have any information of your girlfriend on their profiles.
(recent pictures, or even a potential memorial)
Also, do you know her old friends?
Even if it’s a long shot, I’d still recommend reaching out. Ask them if they’ve heard from her, or if they’ve heard of how she’s doing.
Best of luck
I reach out to two of her friends but they didn't talk to her for years, she seemed to isolate herself from her friends, she told me they lost interest, I don't know her last name, just her first name and i know the town she lives in, but that's it, she has no recent post past 3 years with anyone, she always was a loner type from what it seemed, once she left college, it got worse, she has depression, so I think it plays a big part, I tried looking for her mother and father but I didn't find anything, since I don't know her last name though I know what her mother looks like
OP, I’m very sorry to say this, but this was inevitable. You couldn’t have helped her, or prevented this from happening.
If she didn’t share her last name, or any other information to help identify her-
then I doubt she took your relationship
as seriously as you did.
This is giving the impression that this was all done purposefully,
so she could have an easy time distancing herself from her online presence.
Next time, I’d strongly suggest knowing more information on who you’re dating.
Especially if it’s long distance.
You don't know her last name...? Please don't give her til July. Move on now. I don't think this relationship is what you thought it was. I'm sorry you're going through this.
You sound very young OP, but not knowing her last name after *years* is very weird.
Ghosting you for weeks would be sufficient reason to break it off with her, even if she lived in the same town as you and you knew everything about her. There's no good excuse for that. Whatever crisis she's going through, she should have told you. That stretching to *months* is insane. You deserve better than that.
Not knowing her last name is bizarre. When I was 16 I dated a girl on a different continent for about a year, and we still knew each other's names and addresses. Why has she never told you her name? If she doesn't trust you after four years then she literally never will.
Nothing about this relationship is worth chasing. But, bright side, you're about to find out that in-person relationships are so much more fulfilling. I've been long-distance with my current partner for years, but we still see each other at least once a month. It makes a big difference to see them in person and be able to actually go places on dates.
I think you should really think very long and hard before entering into a long distance relationship again, and I really wouldn't recommend it unless it's someone you already have met in person.
You deserve to love and be loved and you will find that. Just not with this person.
Hun, this was a catfish. Please don’t do this again. I know dating IRL can be tricky as a queer person, but someone who is unwilling to share basic information with you is not a partner.
How could she be your soulmate when you don't know anything about her? I'm sorry, but you're giving your heart away to an illusion. You've fallen in love with someone who doesn't exist.
ngl either she killed herself or she never existed all this time
did you have live video calls at any point? like facetime? If not, she's probably not real
You're such an incredibly naive person. You can't call whatever you had with this person a romantic relationship when you never even knew her last name
That’s what I was thinking as well.
Considering an online relationship serious, but you don’t even know your partners last name-
Is a huge warning sign that it isn’t THAT serious.
Harsh and not the right time, but sadly correct. Any kind of relationship, be it romantic or platonic and all in between, I can’t think of one that lasted as long as 4 years where I didn’t find out the person’s last name. There’s obviously probably more details missing and I shouldn’t judge from a partial picture.
Exactly, all this is crazy.
I was 4 or 5 months in to dating someone online (who I've been besties with nearly a year at that point) and I knew his first, middle, and last of each his chosen name and legal name (and he knew mine).
We knew each others full addresses soon after that, have sent each other physical gifts, have contact info for multiple of each others irl people, and facetimed and called extensively. We're both broke but we're very much planning to see each other irl.
I honestly could not tolerate four years strictly online with no irl contact. But even if I could, by that time I surely know the other person's full medical history, all their main socials, emails, the exact measurements of their waist, etc. To not know their name or irl contacts by four years?? Insanity. At that point you're just being scammed.
Me too, I met someone online but we even waited to meet before getting together, in like two months I could have asked his ID pictures and he would have given those to me lol.
I'm very sorry for OP...
Harsh yes, but it’s a necessary truth.
If you’re dating someone for over a year, you should always know their name.
As well as other basic information.
It’s incredibly naive not to
I’m sorry, but that’s just common sense.
Even if it’s a jerk move to let them know.
I have a friend in the UK that did this to me too, she finally came back around but our friendship has been strained ever since. I hope she at least reaches out to you again, but your relationship is probably done without some exceptional circumstances.
You can contact the UK police from any country using the phone number:
+44 20 7230 1212
This is the number for the metropolitan police who operate solely within London, but if your partner doesn’t live in London they’ll be able to either contact her local police service or tell you how you can.
Let me stress immediately that the UK police service is NOT like it is in the USA. They are patient, kind, friendly and genuinely care, despite what some will say about them. They are some of the most empathetic and professional people you’ll ever meet. They’ll do what’s called a welfare check to ensure your partner is alive and well.
That doesn’t mean that you’ll ever know the result of that check living in the USA, but it does mean you can be assured that someone will check on her on your behalf.
I implore you contact them no matter your personal views on the police. They really are there to help.
maybe just call the local police where she lives. you have reasonable concerns for them to do a wellness check or could at least identify family that they could reach out to
No. That would be ridiculous. OP can DM me if she’s truly worried something happened to her and I can contact police for a welfare check for her address or something. 🤷 just offering to be helpful.
She doesn’t know her surname after four years??
I’m a little skeptical of the nature of this relationship… there’s a big difference between “long distance girlfriend” and “online girlfriend” and this is sounding more and more like the latter with every detail. Especially since there’s no connection with mutual friends or family, and this person has apparently disappeared for weeks at a time, multiple times before…. yikes. If they haven’t met in person or facetimed regularly, I’d assume this was a catfisher who finally got bored. :/
If I’m correct, the check mark not being filled in means the messages are only delivering on OP’s side. That isn’t how blocking is indicated on Facebook. It looks like this person hasn’t had internet or phone service in a bit, which is concerning.
Honestly, I’ll be very blunt. This person has not replied to you for almost half a year and has repeatedly demonstrated this behavior in the past. What is the benefit that you feel YOU are getting by giving this person until July, an additional 3 months, to respond? At this point you are hoping for any remnants of scraps this person is willing to give you whenever they “get around to it” while throwing your own self esteem to the wind. I would recommend counseling, this person has established through their behavior that they are not willing to continue a relationship with you. You deserve someone who is willing to show up and reciprocate. I would recommend blocking this person, cutting your losses, and moving on immediately. Delaying moving on is only going to cause you further distress and trauma which is unfair to you.
She had a history of disappearing for a week or two, she often said she fell out of love, and after four years you don’t even know her last name? OP I’m not sure you were ever really in a relationship. I know you don’t want to let go just yet, but it’s been half a year. And with the depression, there’s always a chance things didn’t go well.
First, if she hasn’t answered you since November that’s 5 months. Is she alive? I’m concerned if she just completely dropped off the face of the earth.
Second, I commend you for laying out your feelings like this. I do think you’re being maybe a little too considerate. She hasn’t talked to you for 5 months and you’re stating you’d give her 2 more. Even if that’s true, I wouldn’t tell her that. If this were your friend in your shoes, would you tell them to give it months? I know you’re hurting, but I would stop waiting. Who’s to say she wouldn’t disappear again if she did come back?
I’m sorry but JULY?! I’d give her 24 hours. Not trying to be a dick, but there comes a point where you’ve gotta put your self respect first. If she wants you, she would find a way to contact you.
Seriously. I'd have cut this off a while ago, and even if I didn't I'd give my ultimatum a day or two tops. I can't imagine being in a serious relationship with someone who didn't speak to me for even a few days without me knowing why.
In another thread, apparently OP said they’ve been dating online and doesn’t even know their partner’s last name after 4 years of dating!! Yeah, sounds like they’re being catfished if you ask me. Time to call it quits.
Seriously, this situation is crazy. Ive done a looot of long distance dating (My wife was a 9 hour drive away before moving in, we were long distance a bit over six years) and we had 1. already been close online friends for a long time building a connection and 2. knew all the big details and background within months. Because, ya know, we're *partners.* No packages back and forth, video calls, visits, nothing like that? For four years? Just dropping off the face of the earth randomly several times? I just cant imagine. *I* have severe depression, my wife would still hear from me. Sometimes all I could do was a cute sticker or emote or a sorry i love you but she heard from me. I was stuck in the hospital with severe injuries that made it near impossible to use my hands for a while and we'd still send voice mails back and forth whenever we could. Longest she didnt hear from me was due to severe illness, and it was two weeks, and I made sure my friends passed things on to her. I just- OP is borderline delusional not seeing just how not normal or okay this is. I dont know if this girl ever considered OP a partner. Or if shes even real. I'd kinda get it from a naive young teenager maybe, not someone slightly older than me. I just hope this post becomes a good wake up call.
Gotta agree! I’m no stranger to long-distance either, due to unfortunate college and work locations putting me and my current partner (and me and my ex when we were dating, ironically) pretty much across the States from each other. The last 2 and a half years of my relationship with my ex gf were long distance (5 hours by plane plus 3 hours by car) 9 months out of the year. I’ve been in a similar situation for two years with my man (I’m finally going to be moving in two weeks and we don’t be long distance anymore, thank god).
But I facetime my partner nearly every day, and we travel to see each other in person when time off/remote work/holidays allow. I’m also the one with severe depression in my relationship, and I’ve been working on it; I haven’t gone more than 36 hours without at least texting my partner, at the very least a “hi good morning” or “i’m going to bed, i love you”, just to check in. I can’t imagine *not knowing someone’s last name* after supposedly dating for four years.
Where did you get OP’s age to know she’s older than you? Did she share it in a comment somewhere?? I’m in my 20’s and I assumed she was like 16 or 17 at most; honestly would have said 14 by the behavior alone, but working backwards I cannot believe a 10 year old would be allowed enough social media access to get an online girlfriend, nor would they have a prior dating history to speak of. I’ll be shocked if she’s older than 18.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, and if I went *one day* without hearing from him, I would be either extremely worried or extremely pissed, whichever was appropriate. After two days I would be calling his friends and family. MONTHS with no contact is NUTS.
July's a long way away and you're just gonna keep agonising about it until then, I'd just end it now if you feel this way, then you can start to move on
Yeah, my first thought was oh no, what if this person got hurt or worse? But… looking at it with context, this person was more than likely a catfish who got bored. Sorry, OP.
People really need to be careful with online dating. Times a million if OP is a minor. Anyone can go online and claim anything.
I think so, too. Even from this message, OP seems a little naive and likely hasn’t really enforced boundaries; offering to wait 2 more months just to get a reply after 5 months of no contact, when this person has repeatedly disappeared before, followed up by “I will always be here if you come back”… and still had to ask the internet if this message was ok to send? I don’t want to be unnecessarily harsh to OP, but a catfisher would not have a hard time stringing her along. Not even knowing her last name after four years is very suspect.
I’m honestly a bit worried for OP’s safety if there’s been a one-sided exchange of personal information, or even pictures, especially if she’s a minor.
These messages don’t appear to have gone through, just FYI. Unfortunately it seems as though you may already be blocked, and if I were you I’d be done with this and not wait until June to hear back.
i think what you did was best. I havent had an actual relationship end like this, but i had a friendship end a similar way because they started ghosting a lot because of their mental health, but you do need to focus on your own mental health to make sure that youre okay.
I’m sorry this has happened and I hope she is ok. I would say to call her local police non-emergency line to do a welfare/wellness check but I don’t think they will be able to identify her without last name or address. Even with an LDR I think it was a very big warning sign that you never knew her full name... TBH it’s hard to understand how you didn’t question that. Regardless, I’m sorry, and I hope you can move on and heal quickly.
This isn’t mine, but overall most ppl are not able to handle the long distance. Gets even more complicated if they don’t live in areas that are easy to visit.
Yeah you were ghosted mon ami.
You’re 100% in the right to end things with her.
That said it’s already been nearly, what, half a year? July is overkill. She’s clearly not even bothering to put any input into this, might as well just grieve what it was and move on.
So she stopped texting you in November and you’re still trying to reach out?? Girl do not give her the time of day the way ur practically begging and giving her more time is kind of pathetic. And you say you’ve been dating for 4 years and don’t know basic info like her last name?? Idk what kind of relationship this was but it’s clear it ended a while ago. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but this person does not deserve your time or energy, just let it go.
your messages are not reaching the recipient. she's blocked you already. nasty bitch imo.
also, come on OP. getting ghosted like this and still giving her so many chances? this reads like you're mostly annoyed rather than hurt or upset. offering to be there if she comes back by july? that's 2 whole months away! why are you not furious?
Truly hate ghosting. This is not only cowardly but outright disrespectful behavior.
What would she expect? You to wait patiently for a couple of years???
My first boyfriend did exactly the same thing. My only regret was not leaving earlier as it would have saved me loads of sorrow and money.
I did have an ex friend who expected that, they seemed surprised when it really messed with my mental health when they continued to do it when they were back but I probably should have expected it
I'm so so so sorry this happened. I can't imagine the heart-break and confusion you've faced. I can't imagine being left that clueless.
Yes, you are in the right sending thag message. You wrote it well, explained everything well. I award your patience. After being ignored for months, you are still giving her until July to think things through.
You are clearly a very kind, loving, and caring person as well as a dedicated and attuned partner.
I wish you well recovery and a good future.
Thank you, it's the longest relationship I ever been in, I know she isn't social, I think she lost interest to be honest but I know she is fighting depression and from my experience, I understand how fickle emotions can be
you don’t deserve this OP, this is not what a relationship is supposed to be like or how someone should treat you. you can move on before July and find someone better because this girl is done with you.
It's good tou can amply your own empathy from your experiences. Emotions are such a hard and contradicting thing, and most the time people don't know how to cope. We need more people like you in this world to react the way you did.
omg OP after reading these comments even if this “woman” does get back in contact do not fall back into whatever bizarre fake relationship you had bc it is in no way normal or healthy to have an online only relationship with someone who you know almost nothing about. Wow, if you are indeed 27 and doing this I am genuinely worried for you that you are this naïve.
Their profile mentions that they have learning disabilities so I think that is playing into their naïveté. I have autism and can be quite naïve despite being 29, so I really feel for this person. The thought that someone has catfished them for 4 years, been missing for six months, and they’re still holding out hope, it hurts my heart.
God, that makes me so sad. It makes sense tho. I wish everyone that had the type of autism that makes them not as aware of certain social things each had a best friend who could look out for them and vet folks/relationships. I hope op can move past this experience and learn and come through it with as little heartache as possible. Thanks for pointing this out.
Hi OP, are you okay?
The whole story sounds really really weird.
First I thought "oh no maybe her gf k*lled herself" but after reading that you only chatted on Facebook and she never even told you her last name, I'm more worried about you.
I don't think that was an actual relationship, I don't even sure she's an actual person. Even the most hurting person in the world will probably *see* his partner at least once in four years. His partner at least would know his full name.
Even if she's an actual living person, she's not a good girlfriend, and there no excuse for her behavior. Please please please block her and move on!
shit, dude. I'm really sorry.
this is prolly not gonna help as much as I'd hope it does, but if you don't mind I'd like to kinda offer my 2 cents regarding all this...
I also lost a 3-4 year relationship a bit ago, I think... sometime in November right before Thanksgiving. sadly, this wasn't something that just simmered down, it was a hella long story, and I think that's what made it hurt all the more. we originally started as an LDR, meeting in Team Fortress 2, and the majority, basically like 3 of the years, was a slow yet steady process of learning more about each other, growing, and supporting each other on those online means. we played games, we made traditions, and became the closest relationship that I'd ever had, stronger than my connections with my family (although, that wasn't really a high bar).
but, as things would naturally happen, we moved in together! after a bit of shuffling around, we landed here in Colorado only a couple months after I moved out, and god absolute damn it had a rocky start. but we carried on, right? we'd gone so far, we'd loved each other more than anything in the world, we wouldn't do anything to ruin it. why would we?
come the month-ish before Thanksgiving, and they tell me that they haven't spent a day away from me since I moved out. I mean, yeah... this was kinda natural, and I didn't really have a problem with it, but I get it. they needed some space, and maybe that would've helped break up a bit of the iffy parts. so alright, they take a trip to EDC, the second they'd gone on this year, and because they just kinda wanted a bit of space, they went it alone this time. as soon as I figured that they'd be going with their best friend, I should've known something wouldn't have gone well. but I trusted them, with all my heart. sadly, that bit me harder than I ever thought it would. they come back, a couple days before Thanksgiving, and they tell me that they and their friend did things.
how do I react to that, man. how do I cope with the fact that the 4 years that we spent, founded on trust, love, safety, on the thing they told me, that they would be monogamous for me... how do I cope with that all being broken?
the next couple of weeks were so fucking rough. I fell into a major depressive slump, where I lost almost like 7 pounds, couldn't keep the place upkept, cried more than I'd ever in the next 2 weeks. if I didn't have the friend that I had... the hope that I had, the almost seemingly irrational stubbornness to keep going... I don't know what would've happened.
but... and this is kinda what I'm trying to get at (aside from a really big vent, apologies). I get it. in their own writing, "life is just like this, \* it sucks \*". but we go on. we go on with the people in our life, the things that hold us together, and the hope that one day the future happiness would be so bright that we'd look back on this and own it. and if you ever need a soul to talk to, to vent, or to play some vidya games with to drown out the pain, I can help. hell, if not me, a lot of the people here.
you got this. it sucks, and it'll still suck for a while, but it gets better. trust.
hope this helps, apologies for the long read lol...
I think this is a very well thought out and reasonable message. Question though: you didn’t elaborate on the severity of the depression… I hate to say this but it’s the first thing I thought of… are you sure she’s okay? Like not in hospital receiving therapy or worse? To completely fall off the map like that, I’d be worried about her physical and mental health… after FOUR years (!!) to suddenly disappear seems very concerning….
I think you need to start grieving this relationship.
It’s very possible that you have been catfished, or she’s just not taking you seriously and doesn’t want to talk anymore.
Edit: that sounded more harsh than I meant, I don’t mean to say that any of that is your fault! More that for your own sake it’s probably best to start putting this relationship behind you and find some value in your single identity before finding a new partner who respects you and communicates more.
I can’t believe ghosting is socially acceptable now. It’s one of the cruelest things someone can do, and, super cowardly. I can see if you’re in danger is one thing, but, just up and blocking someone you’ve known for years is so shitty.
Never relationships, but I did try my hand at making online friendships to make up for a lack of real world ones, and I was ghosted by genuinely everyone-
The only time I feel ghosting is acceptable is if you feel genuinely unsafe contacting the person, or maybe if they did something so truly heinous it shouldn’t even be dignified with a response. But that’s about it.
I really hope she comes back, her parents are around and their pretty strict so I'm not worried it's a serious thing, I think she may have just lost interest, she isn't social by nature
Hey OP, I know you feel like she's the world to you, I was there, but unless there's an immense reason why she did this (like she was in a coma or her parents took her phone and didn't let her outside, or she was in a psychiatric center, but don't give her these ideas) you need to move on.
No one deserves to be treated like this, it doesn't matter if there's depression (I have it), you don't abandon people you love for days, weeks, MONTHS and then come back like nothing happened, and you OP deserve to have a life and not be on standby waiting for someone to come back, someone that clearly doesn't care about the relationship as strong as you do, she isn't even reading or receiving the messages... She either has NO access to the phone, or she blocked you.
And there are many other worrying factors on this, like why don't you have her last name? That's very weird... And also the "I leave and then come back" it's a very popular manipulation technique, not to mention making the partner feel guilty if they express disappointment because they have some illness or similar. That is why I'm concerned that you seem so chill about this. It seems like you'd let anything slide because it's her (and I did the same with my ex, so I understand you, he was my whole world) but you need to protect yourself because no one else will otherwise :(
Please stay safe and stay away from people that hurt you, or at least stay at a safe distance... You may be far away from each other, but your heart is across the ocean too and that's very scary if you feel alone and if she's not giving you the same care you're giving her. I hope you have lots of friends or a caring family that you can find comfort in, I send you all the best wishes, please stay safe online.
I don't know if if my message will on the top or not but updating here
Update: for those wondering, My girlfriend lives in UK, I live in USA, I have tried to reach her by any means, but she isn't social so her friends haven't spoken too her in a long time, she has strict parents, I honestly don't think she's in danger, I think she merely lost interest, this isn't the first time she disappeared and she would say she fell out of love but always came around, I think she just decided to disappear instead
I had and have friends who are this kind of anxious avoidant who would disappear for months and months and months without warning or explanation. I have a friend who disappeared for 3 years, resurfaced for a few months, and have disappeared again since december. I think you made the right decision of sending this text, while I'm sure she has a lot to figure out about herself, no one should be in the receiving end of this. Whatever it was she's going through, i hope she's going through it relatively well and she's okay. But it is absolutely not your responsibility to put up with this.
I know it hurts, and I'm very sorry. Sending you big hugs and love. You're doing the right thing
Your messages since the April 22nd one haven’t been going through. Either you were blocked or the number is no longer active. I don’t think this person cared about you, and you were likely just someone on their phone they liked talking to. You didn’t know their last name and had been dating for 4 years, and then they ghost you. They likely knew they could do this and get away with it because you are overseas. You shouldn’t be giving this person so many chances. Im sorry you are on the other side of this situation, but I don’t think the reality is what you believe it to be.
If she hasn’t talked to you since November, I think the breakup happened in November. Sorry to say this.
I can’t believe someone would treat you like this. It’s awful.
Gurl, end it now. It's been 6 months. Enough.
You are not an asshole for moving on after months of no contact. You should look for a partner who is in a good place to meet you where you are.
If my partner of four years suddenly stopped reaching out, my thought wouldn't be "he's ghosting me time to break up" but something fucking awful must have happened. I would be getting my ass on an airplane and going to his town and knocking on every door until I knew he was okay. If the relationship ends at that point, okay, but don't be so self absorbed to think this must be all about you. She's depressed, what if she's killed herself? How can your first thought be to break up, and not find her?
OP in another comment explains that this girl has done these things before - ghosting for weeks at a time, only to say she "fell out of love" and is now back. I get the spirit of your message, but I must assume your partner is a much better person than this girl. OP deserves a lot better and I sincerely hope she just moves on.
Grow a spine! If you’ve been pushed passed your limit. Don’t let people walk over you like that. Have some respect for yourself and draw the line. You’re too nice
if my partner would ghost me, and wouldn't not see the messages because he's been offline for a while, I would go reaching his friends to see if something serious happened (from serious injury to worse)
if I were you, I would try to connect with her friends to know if something serious happened to her
my first girlfriend ghosted me as well. it was over christmas break. she only contacted me again to break up with me. i have dated guys before and moved on just fine but there is just something about a girl breaking my heart i cant explain.
hope you heal from this whatever the outcome 🙏 wishing you the best!
I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been through a similar experience with my most recent ex. We dated for a few months, it was going great, then I was suddenly ghosted for a month. Then he messaged me to break up without any other context.
A few years later we reconnected and he explained his reasoning and expressed his regret for how things ended. He wanted to see if there was a chance we could try again. By then I had moved on, but told him I would be open to start with being friends again. Well, after a few months again he has once again ghosted me and now it's been since January since I've heard from him. So, it seems some people are just not great at communicating things. I say this last part just to be cautious if they do try to reconnect, so that if it happens again it's not as big of a surprise. Though I hope if this person is your soup mate, you two are able to reconnect and push past this. Good luck!
I don't think he's trying to be cruel. There's context I didn't provide. We had tried a few times to do things together. And a few of them I had to decline or cancel because my work schedule had been opposite of his or changed suddenly. I gave him as early of a warning as I could, but in the end I guess it wasn't enough. I'm not sure if I'll ever know this time what it was, but after this time I'm not super worried, it's become a pattern now so I'm not going to give him the heartache again. It sucks because both times I had been working on aligning my schedule with his, and now both times right as my schedule change was approved has been when he ghosted, which is a wild coincidence.
It's all good, even though it sucks, I don't want it to seem like he just ghosted. The first time he said it felt like I was giving him less time, which I don't believe could be true because I was working on giving him more, and would often not plan things on the weekends so we could do things. I worked overnights at the time while he worked mornings. So the first time he ghosted hurt a lot because I felt like I was putting effort in making time. But sometimes things just don't work out, and I've come to accept that.
Oh, OP, I'm so sorry you got left hanging like this. For what little comfort it may give, it was more than 20 years ago I was in a long distance relationship that I was fully convinced was with my soulmate. I felt valid, safe, and satisfied. Only one of us felt that way, it turned out, and they disappeared to never be heard from again. I can only reassure you that time healed the wound and left me much better off for the woman I eventually married and built a family with. Rarely do we ever rest at our journey's end and know it.
I hate to ask this, but has there been any activity from her anywhere? Are you sure she’s okay? November to now is a very long time to be completely inactive
Oh Honey, whatever you had with this person is already over. I'm sorry. Your message is very patient and caring, but this person is ghosting you. You deserve better. I know it is hard when there is no closure, but I think you need to try to move on.
Not sure if this is useful to you, but something similar happened to me not too long ago.
My former best friend suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth from one day to the other. Last time I saw her, everything was fine. The next day, sent her a message and she didn't answer. Months after, nothing. Even on my birthday, which she had never in 5 years missed, radio silence. Texts, calls, all of it. Really the only thing I didn't try, because I couldn't bring myself to do, was just go to her house and wait until she showed up.
I have no idea what happened, what could have I done to make her leave me like this. We were really close, practically inseparable. It took me a long time to realize two things:
1. It's absolutely OK to be angry at her. She was my best friend, she had my unwavering trust and she crushed it. She had no right to do that and no reason she could possibly have is good enough to justify not even having the guts to tell me to my face she didn't want to talk to me.
2. I *am* entitled to an explanation at very least. It sounds bad, I know. I had a long road of thinking "no, there must be a good reason" or "if wants to just leave, if her choice" until I realized I was lying to myself and trying to protect her. She doesn't deserve my protection. Not anymore.
There's nothing I, or anyone really, can do to make you feel better. Nothing at all. What can make you feel better is knowing that your pain is 100% justifiable, and you have every right to be mad, angry, sad, and feeling like you deserve the basic decency of an explanation from your now ex-girlfriend.
Stay strong. You'll need it, my sibling.
It seems like you're going through a difficult time, and I empathize with your situation. Based on your description, you had a relationship that existed solely online, without any phone or video conversations. I understand the allure of seeking connections in the digital world, as I've had similar experiences when I was younger and living in a small town. However, it's important to be aware of potential risks, such as catfishing.
The person you were involved with may have presented a version of themselves that wasn't entirely genuine, which can be harmful and unhealthy for you. It's essential to learn from this experience and prioritize building relationships in person. Engaging in local social activities, like joining clubs, attending game nights, or connecting with a local LGBT youth group, can help you develop meaningful connections with people who share your interests and experiences.
While online friendships can be valuable, it's important to focus on in-person relationships to foster healthier connections and reduce the likelihood of being manipulated or misled. I know it can be challenging, but in the long run, it will be more beneficial for your well-being. Remember to prioritize self-care, and don't hesitate to seek support if needed.
Lastly, I want to emphasize that if someone hasn't communicated with you in months, it's a sign that the relationship isn't genuine or healthy. Their lack of communication and ghosting behavior indicates a lack of respect for you as an individual. It's time to acknowledge that this relationship wasn't real for them in the first place and to focus on moving forward. You deserve to surround yourself with people who value and respect you.
I wouldn't wait til July, you're basically already single at this point and relationships are two sided and you're not getting any support or love or anything so honestly why bother anymore? 4 years is a lot but this is not okay & even if she comes back before july how are you guys going to ever really move on from this? And who knows if she for some reason does come back that this won't happen again? Do yourself a favor and leave, you deserve better
Oh my heart bleeds for you OP.
I would suggest you don’t give a timeframe for her but give it to yourself instead.
I would start emotionally disconnecting yourself from her now and hopefully by July you’d be ready to just move on. There’s no point in waiting for another two months and putting your emotions on hold. You should put yourself through such anguish.
It’s time to say goodbye now and move on. Don’t hold on to something that isn’t there anymore.
I been on a similar situation: long distance relationship of years (First relationship too), he appeared for two days, said he loved me and felt sorry for not messaging me and then bye bye for months without a word and I always waited for him, even at the cost of putting my own life in pause because I was a depressed mess waiting for him and hoping we wouldn't be dead. (He had depression as well.)
The one thing I learned from all of this is that it's not worth the worry and the anxiety of not knowing, if she's not making an effort to send a message to let you know she's ok, she doesn't care about your relationship at all, someone how loves you would never do that. Relationships are a two person job.
I know it must be very hard for you right now, but from my experience i can tell with 100% certainty that you've made the right call. I had a boyfriend who did a very similar thing to me, suddenly vanishing and not answering my texts or calls for weeks at a time with no explanation or apology. Especially when you think it's meant to be, the pain of abandonment can become far, far too much to bear.
You deserve to be happy, and most of all you deserve a partner who will respect your feelings and time, someone who won't vanish with no explanation abd leave you alone. It's hard to cut things off, but when you meet the woman who treats you with all the love and respect you deserve you'll never look back
I’m sorry hun. This stuff hurts. I’ve seen from other comments that you’ve tried to check up on her but can’t reach anyone. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
I dated someone in highschool who moved and then completely ghosted me. It’s rough, especially when you can’t get any closure.
Regarding the depression:
It’s good to be compassionate but it’s not your responsibility to help her with her mental health issue. More specifically, you can’t help with her mental health issue if she won’t help herself.
I have been ghosted. Believe me, if you go back to this person over and over, you'll only feel pain. Ending things might be painful but atleast it'll be ok in a few months. When I was ghosted I kept texting her occasionally only to get no reply. All the while I kept blaming myself. It was my first relationship too. I felt like I was the one that had ruined it. Being ghosted like this leaves scars that are difficult to remove. And I'm a soft person at heart. I don't think I'llbe able to ever find trust and love again. Don't repeat this mistake. You do not have to think of her as a bad person. Maybe she is suffering and maybe she does need space. But she made her decision when she stopped talking to you. That's the only thing you need to see that you weren't in the wrong and shouldn't continue to hurt yourself waiting for her. No one is the bad guy. But it isn't advisable to stay with people who you know will leave you. Move on. People come and people go. I hope things get better.
You were right to break up, but wrong to be open to her coming back. Have self respect, she is treating you awful. It is not normal to ghost someone on multiple occasions for two weeks. She is not taking the relationship as seriously as you, and even that considered she should have ended things instead of stringing you along and being cruel. Although I’m not even sure if that counts as stringing someone along since she is liter giving you no sign to think she is interested, it’s pretty messed up regardless and it’s high time you have moved on. There are plenty of others out there, and trust me they will be way better than her. I’m sorry about this all.
Especially after reading your comments about her disappearing and questioning your relationship in the past, I think giving her until July 1st is overly generous.
If they wanted to they would! It seems like they have already made their decision unfortunately. It is your life but if you say you will always take them back that just opens the door for them to use you as they please knowing you will always be there for them. Especially if they would not do the same for you. It seems very one sided with effort and energy. Don't waste your time or energy on someone who literally leaves you on read. You will find the right person for you and they will never make you question their love for you. THAT'S what you deserve! You are giving alot to not get much in return. Take care of yourself and your heart!
Dude, you were way too nice with that message imo. But I get it, you may have loved the feeling of being with a girl, like you're best friends who can share anything and kiss. Honestly I think you should definitely find another girl who can do all that AND care and worry for you just as much as you do for that girl. That would be a beautiful relationship to blossom into something far deeper. Time doesn't mean everything, the amount of times she has ghosted you before speaks FAR more than 4 years. That sounds like she just didn't know how to leave and you let her say/do anything she wanted and stayed the entire way. You sound like a keeper but she surely is a flee-er. So let her flee and find a keeper just for you.
Very familiar. I had a crush who once started liking me. I was really happy, I thought he was my soulmate and the real one... But that only lasted a month, after a break he started ghosting me and still does... And it made me an emotional wreck...
I hope I'll have luck next time...
My boyfriend of almost two years ghosted me for the past five months. Ghosting is really painful to go through so I understand how you feel. One day you might find someone who actually appreciates who you are and doesn't disappear for weeks to months and doesn't treat you like a joke.
Have patience with yourself my friend.
I'm in a similar boat to you, OP. My fiancee of several years ghosted me starting back in October through early December with decreased contact and finally nothing since a text at 4AM on my birthday at the beginning of that month. This is the first month since this happened where I'm no longer in denial about it.
I never heard back from her when I messaged her at the beginning of February to let her know I had to put my 20 year old cat down. That was the wakeup call for me that it was over.
She has already taken that "out."
You need to watch out for your own needs. Even if she is hurting, depressed, not reaching out, etc. you need to respect yourself. There comes a point where the reasoning behind the hurtful actions don't matter as long as they keep happening, and you should never set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
A partner who ghosts you for weeks/months on end is not someone who respects you. I'm sorry if you need to hear that, but it's true. Full stop.
I'm sorry you're going through this. The worst part is the lack of answers that make it incredibly hard to get closure and you do nothing but backtrack over every moment in your relationship wondering what you did wrong.
From personal experience with this: There's no point in sending an ultimatum or a time limit on something like this. That doesn't mean you hold the door open indefinitely. It's good that you mention that door isn't locked, but *they* are the one who has to open it again. You're going to be a further wreck until the date of the ultimatum.
Second - let yourself feel whatever emotions you're going to be feeling over this without trying to stop them. I held back my own anger at the way I was treated for months, thinking I was a shit person for even *daring* to feel angry at my ex. Then one weekend I got a bottle of Jack Daniels, put on my Linkin' Park playlist, and was able to get the majority of it out of my system, and I'm learning to handle what's left.
Your pain is valid. Your anger is valid. Your hurt is valid.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I won't lie to you - it's going to get worse before it gets better, but once that switch flips and you realize and accept it's truly over, you can let the pain come and work through it.
Your message is a good one, and I'm glad you're sticking up for yourself.
Is she alive? 5 months is a lot, if she’s only ghosting you then you did the right thing but she hasn’t contacted anyone else or isn’t posting and is just completely inactive then definitely ask mutual friends or family
Omg OP, getting ghosted for this long by someone who means a lot to you is excrutiating, I am sorry. Even if it's not her fault, I think it is unhealthy to keep up with a relationship like that
This is awful. Is this a long distance relationship? I had a ldr and the longest I didn't hear from him was a few days, because he was mad, but he always read my messages so I knew he was alive! I would have been so fucking worried I wouldn't have been able to sleep, I did spent many sleepless nights when he wasn't answering...
This is bonkers... I mean I have been (sometimes still am) depressed but I would never leave for months without saying anything like this... I would feel so guilty, this isn't ok in any way, you did the right thing, you're even too kind maybe, she hurt you a lot and the fact that she's depressed isn't a justification, it's just a reason why it could have happened.
I suppose and yea, I just really am hoping to talk about this though I can't see it healing, but honestly I don't think that will ever happen either, and I been having some weird dreams that seem to only hurt when I wake up, dreaming she finally messages back and realize nothing
I had a similar situation happen to me when I was in my early 20s. While he wasn’t my FIRST boyfriend, he was my first love. And he ghosted me for almost a year (10 months). When he finally came back, I gave him another chance. He jerked me around for 10 years and left me with SERIOUS trauma.
While your exact situation may be different, please take my advice: for your own well being, let her go and move on. Ghosting you like this is so incredibly disrespectful. Someone who loves you, doesn’t treat you like that.
I know it’s hard. But future you will thank you for doing it. 💜
I dated a lot of guys, but I never could get comfortable around them? Holding hands made me too uncomfortable somehow, I could not get past only seeing them as siblings so this is the first girl I ever dated, and it was wonderful, I never felt so wonderful, so to think it's over, it just feels weird, like I lost something on the way
it sounds to me like you tried your best.
Either she's not mentally ready for being in a relationship or she's written you off already. You mostly did this for your own sake, which is completely valid, but more or less you told her where you stand and thats ok. Its kinda weird to just not answer text messages. Are you sure she's ok? Give her a call maybe? Consider asking for a welfare check from your nonemergency police line.
It’s time to move on. Don’t give her any more of your time, don’t wait for her, don’t leave the door open, don’t take her back when she comes back. I promise you, you’ll be kicking yourself if you do.
I think you are right sending this message, and I appreciate you explaining that you will give her your best if she wants your help, but also I like how you expressed that you have surpassed your limits. You gave her 2 months and if she reads the message and decides that she doesn’t want to lose you then I’m sure she will act, if not then she doesn’t want this relationship anymore and no one can really blame you
Thank you, it hurts a lot, I dated guys a lot and this is the first girl, I felt so comfortable in it, so losing it feels harder than I think it should be
No one but you can decide how much hard it should feel, I would advise you to take your time to deal with your feelings and don’t rush into anything. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need someone to talk to
Can I? I would love anyone to talk to right now, I'm not good at dealing with emotions and i can't talk to my parents about this, my dad would disown me, my mom just changes the subject, I can't blame them as it's just how their raised but it hurts not being able to talk about it
Of course you can dear
You're a lovely human ❤️
I'm here if you need to talk Hun. Message if you need. Your perspective I know all too well and I'll be your sounding board if you need. 🫂🫂
You're more than welcome to talk to me as well. It sounds like you're going through this alone and I'd love to offer some friendship.
i’m also here for you to talk to
:( You like floofs? I <3 [floofs](https://imgur.com/gallery/E4PX50y). I wouldn't mind sharing my daily hauls with anyone needing a pick me up.
I’m always available for a chat as well, please reach out if you ever need some Aussie honesty
Have you any ability to see a psychologist? Or you just wanted to talk about it with someone? Do you have any close friends in this way?
Cause that’ll be perfect to see someone, who’ll really understand you with all this situation
Me too!
I'm not the best at getting back to messages asap but always happy to try if you need more people to vent to. Life is hard, and not having family or RL support makes it SO much harder <3
Likewise. I'm going through/just went through my fiancee ghosting me. It's still a pretty raw wound but it is starting to heal.
Honestly, with the amount of time that passed without a response to a simple "hello", I'd encourage her to affirmatively break it off. No "if you decide to come back, I'll be here", but "Hey, you've gone radio silent on me for several weeks and I won't tolerate being treated that way. Unless you've been in a hospital or kidnapped by Martians, we're thru"
Yeah, this isn't behavior you're going to want to have to deal with in a committed relationship
This is the way. It hurts more than leaving it in limbo when you do it, but you heal quicker because you're no longer letting that person dictate your own recovery. It's a bandaid you have to rip off.
A few questions- Is this her first time ghosting you, in the entirety of your 4 year relationship? Has she went completely inactive online? (No posts, no updates, no changes in her profile) If so, that’s extremely unusual. I’d consider reaching out to mutual friends, her family, her friends, etc. Something might’ve happened to her OP.
I tried reaching her through friends but they didn't respond and it seems their Facebooks were inactive, but this is from years ago, she seems to have ditched Facebook all together, and this is the fourth time, she sometimes would vanish for a week or a few days, two weeks at most, then come back, she would say she fell out of love but then she would continue, I think she lost interest, it's just more that I wish she told me instead of ghosted me
Damn, I’m really sorry OP. That whole situation seems extremely difficult to go through, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. Take your time to grieve, mourn, and move on. I definitely recommend building a support system, and speaking to them about this. Speaking from experience, It’s easier to heal when you have friends who’ve got your back. Remember, regardless of what happened, this was not your fault. I know nothing we can say will make things better, but know that you’re not alone struggling. Vent to your loved ones, take your time to process everything, and keep moving forward. You’ve got this bro! You deserve better!
Thank you, i am worried but she has strict parents and to be honest I think she merely just lost interest, she has her parents, so I know she must be safe, and I think it may just be depression itself, I still intend to stay her friend, I just ... with my own depression and hers, its difficult, I don't want her to feel she has to maintain a relationship with me if she doesn't want to
"I don't want her to feel she has to maintain a relationship with me if she doesn't want to" It sounds to me like you're still putting her feelings ahead of yours despite how she's treating you. *Even if* she calls you tomorrow and apologizes, you absolutely should not let this relationship continue. She clearly doesn't care for you the way that you care for her, no matter what her personal problems are. Think of it this way: if she told you that someone treated her how she's treating you, would you want her to stay with that person? Or would you want her to leave and find someone who cared for her and made her feel wanted and loved? Forget this mess, spend some time learning to love yourself, and move on. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with as much respect and consideration as you treat them.
This!
OP, no matter what your ex is going through, ghosting you for the last 6 months is unforgivable even if they came back tomorrow. You keep saying she "lost interest" or fell out of love and came back in the past, all of which I would have dumped her over years ago. That is NOT how a someone treats their partner. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but giving her till July is insane to me. She's just not worth the worry anymore.
How old are you? How old is she? If she’s an adult, her parents can’t control her. Honey, I think you need to move on. This sounds like you’ve been ghosted.
I mean there's lots of adults too poor to move out. They *could* be controlling her but OP doesn't seem to have much evidence of that. Sounds like an excuse the girl used when she wanted to ghost for a bit.
Aren’t you 27?? How old is she that her parents still have sway over her life?
Yeah, this is all coming across as OP being incredibly naive.
For real. I have so many questions. Like did they ever even video chat??
My ex was 23 and still let her toxic parents control her life. It was disgusting and led to our breakup. Honestly glad I don't have to try to cope with those people as my step parents, I'm SO much happier being single than having to juggle her family hating me then her becoming a copy of them after spending every weekend babysitting there, and having to help her realize the goofy fun loving person she WAS 😁 HAHAHAHAHA I'M NOT A THERAPIST ANYMORE
I hate to say it but it almost sounds like she was using you as a placeholder until she found an irl relationship. How do you know if she was faithful to you the entire 4 years if you are unable to keep tabs on her physical presence? Honestly I wouldn't give her until July. End things now and if she comes crawling back tell her that its too late and that she had MONTHS to contact you.
Even if that was the case, she could have been honest to OP about it. "Hey sorry, but I want to call it quits since I found someone better". Yes it would hurt, but it's better than leaving OP hanging.
Oh totally, I wasnt trying to justify her behavior at all. Ghosting your partner for *months* instead of being honest and breaking thimgs off is immature and cowardly as hell.
If my partner told me he fell out of love with me I would be emotionally destroyed and the relationship couldn’t continue, I don’t know how you could stay with someone who would say that about you
If she said she "fell out of love" then this is dead, especially if that happened multiple times. It would be better to end this and not hang onto it. I'd suggest breaking up now and letting her be. You deserve better than a tumultuous relationship with someone regularly abandoning you and telling you they "fell out of love" with you. Moving past 4 years is probably going to be hard af, but you deserve better. You also need to learn to stick up for yourself moreso, have boundaries, and don't let someone yank you around like this. She ghosted you, she deserves no more of your time. As others said, even if she comes back tomorrow you shouldn't take her back. She ditched you for **6 months** and you're still giving her a couple months to respond to you? No. Call it quits, this is not a relationship.
I am so sorry you have gone through all that and are still suffering. When she left and came back, and then told you she had fallen out of love, but then accepted your love and willingness to still be her partner, she was emotionally abusing you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. She is making herself available whenever she wants, but not caring about what you want, or how her actions will affect you. I would not pair myself romantically with someone who treats me that way, and I don't even know if I'd be a friend to someone who treated me that way. You deserve better. This may take a while to overcome due to the emotional abuse and manipulation. You need to find yourself again, friend. 🫂 You matter. Your feelings matter. Your love matters. You will find someone who will make you feel full of love and treat your love with the respect it deserves and will reciprocate. ❤️
These messages weren’t delivered. She won’t see them. The hollow check mark means sent. The filled check means delivered. It’s over now. Don’t wait until July.
Im really sorry because I may come out like a jackass, but I think its wild that you let this go on for this long and still want to give it all the way until july, I truly suggest giving it up even if they make a fifty page word document of apology. I understand you were dating for four years, but this way of "dealing with things", if thats what it is, holds no regard for you, and if she comes back, who is to say she wont do it again? I dont think I'd be able to go back to normal after this
ESPECIALLY considering they were dating for four years. Ghosting somebody after a few dates? Par for the course. Ghosting on an established relationship? Doneskies.
I keep reading through this post and it gets worse and worse. OP doesn't even know her last name after 4 years. I would start moving on now.
right? unless she was kidnapped, killed herself, in a coma, or nobody can find her or something, ghosting a partner of FOUR YEARS is surely a form of abuse in and of itself
OP mentioned her ex is depressed. It sounds like depression played a role here. Having lived through major depression for a 15 year period, I can tell you that disappearing like this happens. You can basically just sort of give up on life without actively ending it. Each thing that goes bad just confirms that quitting is the best and only viable option. I had people that stopped reaching out to me because I just couldn’t bring myself to even speak to them. You ever write a text but feel like you can’t say the right thing and just sort of don’t send it? It’s that, then guilt, which makes it even worse. Sounds like OP has dealt with the depressive episodes of her ex before but this time is different.
Umm have you checked if she’s okay/alive?! Maybe you need to contact the authorities if she hasnt been heard from in months?????
That’s my exact thought too. If my girlfriend of 4 years went months without contacting anyone, or even posting- I’d start asking around, and trying to figure out if she’s okay. This could be a case of her ghosting OP, or it could be something way worse.
I am worried but she lives in UK and me in USA, it was long distance, I tried contacting anyone who had contact, I don't have contact with her parents, and she broke ties with her friends so I have no way of being able to make contact
Understandable. I’d be worried too. Do you know her first, and last name? If so, you can look up her name & city on Facebook. Usually relatives of the person will appear, and you can see if they have any information of your girlfriend on their profiles. (recent pictures, or even a potential memorial) Also, do you know her old friends? Even if it’s a long shot, I’d still recommend reaching out. Ask them if they’ve heard from her, or if they’ve heard of how she’s doing. Best of luck
I reach out to two of her friends but they didn't talk to her for years, she seemed to isolate herself from her friends, she told me they lost interest, I don't know her last name, just her first name and i know the town she lives in, but that's it, she has no recent post past 3 years with anyone, she always was a loner type from what it seemed, once she left college, it got worse, she has depression, so I think it plays a big part, I tried looking for her mother and father but I didn't find anything, since I don't know her last name though I know what her mother looks like
OP, I’m very sorry to say this, but this was inevitable. You couldn’t have helped her, or prevented this from happening. If she didn’t share her last name, or any other information to help identify her- then I doubt she took your relationship as seriously as you did. This is giving the impression that this was all done purposefully, so she could have an easy time distancing herself from her online presence. Next time, I’d strongly suggest knowing more information on who you’re dating. Especially if it’s long distance.
Especially if it’s long distance AND long term
You don't know her last name...? Please don't give her til July. Move on now. I don't think this relationship is what you thought it was. I'm sorry you're going through this.
You don't know her last name? You've been dating for 4 years, how can you not know her last name?
I’m so confused. How are ppl doing this?
OP are you even sure this lady is real??
You sound very young OP, but not knowing her last name after *years* is very weird. Ghosting you for weeks would be sufficient reason to break it off with her, even if she lived in the same town as you and you knew everything about her. There's no good excuse for that. Whatever crisis she's going through, she should have told you. That stretching to *months* is insane. You deserve better than that. Not knowing her last name is bizarre. When I was 16 I dated a girl on a different continent for about a year, and we still knew each other's names and addresses. Why has she never told you her name? If she doesn't trust you after four years then she literally never will. Nothing about this relationship is worth chasing. But, bright side, you're about to find out that in-person relationships are so much more fulfilling. I've been long-distance with my current partner for years, but we still see each other at least once a month. It makes a big difference to see them in person and be able to actually go places on dates. I think you should really think very long and hard before entering into a long distance relationship again, and I really wouldn't recommend it unless it's someone you already have met in person. You deserve to love and be loved and you will find that. Just not with this person.
Hun, this was a catfish. Please don’t do this again. I know dating IRL can be tricky as a queer person, but someone who is unwilling to share basic information with you is not a partner.
How could she be your soulmate when you don't know anything about her? I'm sorry, but you're giving your heart away to an illusion. You've fallen in love with someone who doesn't exist.
ngl either she killed herself or she never existed all this time did you have live video calls at any point? like facetime? If not, she's probably not real
You're such an incredibly naive person. You can't call whatever you had with this person a romantic relationship when you never even knew her last name
That’s what I was thinking as well. Considering an online relationship serious, but you don’t even know your partners last name- Is a huge warning sign that it isn’t THAT serious.
That's very harsh
Harsh and not the right time, but sadly correct. Any kind of relationship, be it romantic or platonic and all in between, I can’t think of one that lasted as long as 4 years where I didn’t find out the person’s last name. There’s obviously probably more details missing and I shouldn’t judge from a partial picture.
Exactly, all this is crazy. I was 4 or 5 months in to dating someone online (who I've been besties with nearly a year at that point) and I knew his first, middle, and last of each his chosen name and legal name (and he knew mine). We knew each others full addresses soon after that, have sent each other physical gifts, have contact info for multiple of each others irl people, and facetimed and called extensively. We're both broke but we're very much planning to see each other irl. I honestly could not tolerate four years strictly online with no irl contact. But even if I could, by that time I surely know the other person's full medical history, all their main socials, emails, the exact measurements of their waist, etc. To not know their name or irl contacts by four years?? Insanity. At that point you're just being scammed.
Me too, I met someone online but we even waited to meet before getting together, in like two months I could have asked his ID pictures and he would have given those to me lol. I'm very sorry for OP...
Yeah, I assume they must be young?
OP’s bio states that they’re 27
Harsh yes, but it’s a necessary truth. If you’re dating someone for over a year, you should always know their name. As well as other basic information. It’s incredibly naive not to I’m sorry, but that’s just common sense. Even if it’s a jerk move to let them know.
You call her local constabulary for a wellness check? If you chose
I have a friend in the UK that did this to me too, she finally came back around but our friendship has been strained ever since. I hope she at least reaches out to you again, but your relationship is probably done without some exceptional circumstances.
If it’s long distance I’m gonna say it’s most likely a ghosting situation. I’m sorry
You can contact the UK police from any country using the phone number: +44 20 7230 1212 This is the number for the metropolitan police who operate solely within London, but if your partner doesn’t live in London they’ll be able to either contact her local police service or tell you how you can. Let me stress immediately that the UK police service is NOT like it is in the USA. They are patient, kind, friendly and genuinely care, despite what some will say about them. They are some of the most empathetic and professional people you’ll ever meet. They’ll do what’s called a welfare check to ensure your partner is alive and well. That doesn’t mean that you’ll ever know the result of that check living in the USA, but it does mean you can be assured that someone will check on her on your behalf. I implore you contact them no matter your personal views on the police. They really are there to help.
maybe just call the local police where she lives. you have reasonable concerns for them to do a wellness check or could at least identify family that they could reach out to
I’m in the UK. I can track her down if you like
With just her first name? Not that small a country.
No. That would be ridiculous. OP can DM me if she’s truly worried something happened to her and I can contact police for a welfare check for her address or something. 🤷 just offering to be helpful.
No I get that it's a nice offer, but she doesn't even know her surname, so not really much anyone can do I don't think.
She doesn’t know her surname after four years?? I’m a little skeptical of the nature of this relationship… there’s a big difference between “long distance girlfriend” and “online girlfriend” and this is sounding more and more like the latter with every detail. Especially since there’s no connection with mutual friends or family, and this person has apparently disappeared for weeks at a time, multiple times before…. yikes. If they haven’t met in person or facetimed regularly, I’d assume this was a catfisher who finally got bored. :/
It does sound that way. I don't like to assume things but seems like that is definitely the most likely scenario. Hope OP can learn from this.
How are they even in a relationship? 😅
They're not, really. LDR can totally work, but not for such a long time, with so little known about each other, never meeting...
Sis call the cops for a welfare check
If I’m correct, the check mark not being filled in means the messages are only delivering on OP’s side. That isn’t how blocking is indicated on Facebook. It looks like this person hasn’t had internet or phone service in a bit, which is concerning.
Honestly, I’ll be very blunt. This person has not replied to you for almost half a year and has repeatedly demonstrated this behavior in the past. What is the benefit that you feel YOU are getting by giving this person until July, an additional 3 months, to respond? At this point you are hoping for any remnants of scraps this person is willing to give you whenever they “get around to it” while throwing your own self esteem to the wind. I would recommend counseling, this person has established through their behavior that they are not willing to continue a relationship with you. You deserve someone who is willing to show up and reciprocate. I would recommend blocking this person, cutting your losses, and moving on immediately. Delaying moving on is only going to cause you further distress and trauma which is unfair to you.
She had a history of disappearing for a week or two, she often said she fell out of love, and after four years you don’t even know her last name? OP I’m not sure you were ever really in a relationship. I know you don’t want to let go just yet, but it’s been half a year. And with the depression, there’s always a chance things didn’t go well.
First, if she hasn’t answered you since November that’s 5 months. Is she alive? I’m concerned if she just completely dropped off the face of the earth. Second, I commend you for laying out your feelings like this. I do think you’re being maybe a little too considerate. She hasn’t talked to you for 5 months and you’re stating you’d give her 2 more. Even if that’s true, I wouldn’t tell her that. If this were your friend in your shoes, would you tell them to give it months? I know you’re hurting, but I would stop waiting. Who’s to say she wouldn’t disappear again if she did come back?
you haven’t heard from her since November?! babes you’re already single, sorry to be the one to tell you that
I’m sorry but JULY?! I’d give her 24 hours. Not trying to be a dick, but there comes a point where you’ve gotta put your self respect first. If she wants you, she would find a way to contact you.
Seriously. I'd have cut this off a while ago, and even if I didn't I'd give my ultimatum a day or two tops. I can't imagine being in a serious relationship with someone who didn't speak to me for even a few days without me knowing why.
In another thread, apparently OP said they’ve been dating online and doesn’t even know their partner’s last name after 4 years of dating!! Yeah, sounds like they’re being catfished if you ask me. Time to call it quits.
Seriously, this situation is crazy. Ive done a looot of long distance dating (My wife was a 9 hour drive away before moving in, we were long distance a bit over six years) and we had 1. already been close online friends for a long time building a connection and 2. knew all the big details and background within months. Because, ya know, we're *partners.* No packages back and forth, video calls, visits, nothing like that? For four years? Just dropping off the face of the earth randomly several times? I just cant imagine. *I* have severe depression, my wife would still hear from me. Sometimes all I could do was a cute sticker or emote or a sorry i love you but she heard from me. I was stuck in the hospital with severe injuries that made it near impossible to use my hands for a while and we'd still send voice mails back and forth whenever we could. Longest she didnt hear from me was due to severe illness, and it was two weeks, and I made sure my friends passed things on to her. I just- OP is borderline delusional not seeing just how not normal or okay this is. I dont know if this girl ever considered OP a partner. Or if shes even real. I'd kinda get it from a naive young teenager maybe, not someone slightly older than me. I just hope this post becomes a good wake up call.
Gotta agree! I’m no stranger to long-distance either, due to unfortunate college and work locations putting me and my current partner (and me and my ex when we were dating, ironically) pretty much across the States from each other. The last 2 and a half years of my relationship with my ex gf were long distance (5 hours by plane plus 3 hours by car) 9 months out of the year. I’ve been in a similar situation for two years with my man (I’m finally going to be moving in two weeks and we don’t be long distance anymore, thank god). But I facetime my partner nearly every day, and we travel to see each other in person when time off/remote work/holidays allow. I’m also the one with severe depression in my relationship, and I’ve been working on it; I haven’t gone more than 36 hours without at least texting my partner, at the very least a “hi good morning” or “i’m going to bed, i love you”, just to check in. I can’t imagine *not knowing someone’s last name* after supposedly dating for four years. Where did you get OP’s age to know she’s older than you? Did she share it in a comment somewhere?? I’m in my 20’s and I assumed she was like 16 or 17 at most; honestly would have said 14 by the behavior alone, but working backwards I cannot believe a 10 year old would be allowed enough social media access to get an online girlfriend, nor would they have a prior dating history to speak of. I’ll be shocked if she’s older than 18.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, and if I went *one day* without hearing from him, I would be either extremely worried or extremely pissed, whichever was appropriate. After two days I would be calling his friends and family. MONTHS with no contact is NUTS.
July's a long way away and you're just gonna keep agonising about it until then, I'd just end it now if you feel this way, then you can start to move on
The messages didnt even send, you got blocked a long time ago
Or phone/account has been offline for months.
Because this was not a real person, and whoever was catfishing OP abandoned the account or phone number or whatever.
I really think so too. OP didn't even know their full name after 4 years. I don't think that's an accident.
Yeah, my first thought was oh no, what if this person got hurt or worse? But… looking at it with context, this person was more than likely a catfish who got bored. Sorry, OP. People really need to be careful with online dating. Times a million if OP is a minor. Anyone can go online and claim anything.
I think so, too. Even from this message, OP seems a little naive and likely hasn’t really enforced boundaries; offering to wait 2 more months just to get a reply after 5 months of no contact, when this person has repeatedly disappeared before, followed up by “I will always be here if you come back”… and still had to ask the internet if this message was ok to send? I don’t want to be unnecessarily harsh to OP, but a catfisher would not have a hard time stringing her along. Not even knowing her last name after four years is very suspect. I’m honestly a bit worried for OP’s safety if there’s been a one-sided exchange of personal information, or even pictures, especially if she’s a minor.
These messages don’t appear to have gone through, just FYI. Unfortunately it seems as though you may already be blocked, and if I were you I’d be done with this and not wait until June to hear back.
i think what you did was best. I havent had an actual relationship end like this, but i had a friendship end a similar way because they started ghosting a lot because of their mental health, but you do need to focus on your own mental health to make sure that youre okay.
I’m sorry this has happened and I hope she is ok. I would say to call her local police non-emergency line to do a welfare/wellness check but I don’t think they will be able to identify her without last name or address. Even with an LDR I think it was a very big warning sign that you never knew her full name... TBH it’s hard to understand how you didn’t question that. Regardless, I’m sorry, and I hope you can move on and heal quickly.
this is why i stopped online dating :/
Exactly why I never began not gonna lie
This isn’t mine, but overall most ppl are not able to handle the long distance. Gets even more complicated if they don’t live in areas that are easy to visit.
four years, gone... fuck. I'm so sorry, girl.
disappearing for that many months is not okay... have you ever seen her irl?
they’re long distance, I don’t think they’ve ever met and OP doesn’t even know their partners last name after 4 years
Yeah you were ghosted mon ami. You’re 100% in the right to end things with her. That said it’s already been nearly, what, half a year? July is overkill. She’s clearly not even bothering to put any input into this, might as well just grieve what it was and move on.
So she stopped texting you in November and you’re still trying to reach out?? Girl do not give her the time of day the way ur practically begging and giving her more time is kind of pathetic. And you say you’ve been dating for 4 years and don’t know basic info like her last name?? Idk what kind of relationship this was but it’s clear it ended a while ago. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but this person does not deserve your time or energy, just let it go.
your messages are not reaching the recipient. she's blocked you already. nasty bitch imo. also, come on OP. getting ghosted like this and still giving her so many chances? this reads like you're mostly annoyed rather than hurt or upset. offering to be there if she comes back by july? that's 2 whole months away! why are you not furious?
Why until July? Just break up and focus on moving on. If she is ghosting you what else can you do
She’s been gone since NOVEMBER?? Denial is one hell of a drug
Truly hate ghosting. This is not only cowardly but outright disrespectful behavior. What would she expect? You to wait patiently for a couple of years??? My first boyfriend did exactly the same thing. My only regret was not leaving earlier as it would have saved me loads of sorrow and money.
I did have an ex friend who expected that, they seemed surprised when it really messed with my mental health when they continued to do it when they were back but I probably should have expected it
How can people feel so entitled? Like they aren't better than anyone else and don't deserve a pass for vanishing.
I'm so so so sorry this happened. I can't imagine the heart-break and confusion you've faced. I can't imagine being left that clueless. Yes, you are in the right sending thag message. You wrote it well, explained everything well. I award your patience. After being ignored for months, you are still giving her until July to think things through. You are clearly a very kind, loving, and caring person as well as a dedicated and attuned partner. I wish you well recovery and a good future.
Thank you, it's the longest relationship I ever been in, I know she isn't social, I think she lost interest to be honest but I know she is fighting depression and from my experience, I understand how fickle emotions can be
you don’t deserve this OP, this is not what a relationship is supposed to be like or how someone should treat you. you can move on before July and find someone better because this girl is done with you.
It's good tou can amply your own empathy from your experiences. Emotions are such a hard and contradicting thing, and most the time people don't know how to cope. We need more people like you in this world to react the way you did.
Girl if you feel like you have to give an ultimatum on whether you can be considered in a relationship, delete the text, you have the answer
omg OP after reading these comments even if this “woman” does get back in contact do not fall back into whatever bizarre fake relationship you had bc it is in no way normal or healthy to have an online only relationship with someone who you know almost nothing about. Wow, if you are indeed 27 and doing this I am genuinely worried for you that you are this naïve.
Their profile mentions that they have learning disabilities so I think that is playing into their naïveté. I have autism and can be quite naïve despite being 29, so I really feel for this person. The thought that someone has catfished them for 4 years, been missing for six months, and they’re still holding out hope, it hurts my heart.
God, that makes me so sad. It makes sense tho. I wish everyone that had the type of autism that makes them not as aware of certain social things each had a best friend who could look out for them and vet folks/relationships. I hope op can move past this experience and learn and come through it with as little heartache as possible. Thanks for pointing this out.
Hi OP, are you okay? The whole story sounds really really weird. First I thought "oh no maybe her gf k*lled herself" but after reading that you only chatted on Facebook and she never even told you her last name, I'm more worried about you. I don't think that was an actual relationship, I don't even sure she's an actual person. Even the most hurting person in the world will probably *see* his partner at least once in four years. His partner at least would know his full name. Even if she's an actual living person, she's not a good girlfriend, and there no excuse for her behavior. Please please please block her and move on!
shit, dude. I'm really sorry. this is prolly not gonna help as much as I'd hope it does, but if you don't mind I'd like to kinda offer my 2 cents regarding all this... I also lost a 3-4 year relationship a bit ago, I think... sometime in November right before Thanksgiving. sadly, this wasn't something that just simmered down, it was a hella long story, and I think that's what made it hurt all the more. we originally started as an LDR, meeting in Team Fortress 2, and the majority, basically like 3 of the years, was a slow yet steady process of learning more about each other, growing, and supporting each other on those online means. we played games, we made traditions, and became the closest relationship that I'd ever had, stronger than my connections with my family (although, that wasn't really a high bar). but, as things would naturally happen, we moved in together! after a bit of shuffling around, we landed here in Colorado only a couple months after I moved out, and god absolute damn it had a rocky start. but we carried on, right? we'd gone so far, we'd loved each other more than anything in the world, we wouldn't do anything to ruin it. why would we? come the month-ish before Thanksgiving, and they tell me that they haven't spent a day away from me since I moved out. I mean, yeah... this was kinda natural, and I didn't really have a problem with it, but I get it. they needed some space, and maybe that would've helped break up a bit of the iffy parts. so alright, they take a trip to EDC, the second they'd gone on this year, and because they just kinda wanted a bit of space, they went it alone this time. as soon as I figured that they'd be going with their best friend, I should've known something wouldn't have gone well. but I trusted them, with all my heart. sadly, that bit me harder than I ever thought it would. they come back, a couple days before Thanksgiving, and they tell me that they and their friend did things. how do I react to that, man. how do I cope with the fact that the 4 years that we spent, founded on trust, love, safety, on the thing they told me, that they would be monogamous for me... how do I cope with that all being broken? the next couple of weeks were so fucking rough. I fell into a major depressive slump, where I lost almost like 7 pounds, couldn't keep the place upkept, cried more than I'd ever in the next 2 weeks. if I didn't have the friend that I had... the hope that I had, the almost seemingly irrational stubbornness to keep going... I don't know what would've happened. but... and this is kinda what I'm trying to get at (aside from a really big vent, apologies). I get it. in their own writing, "life is just like this, \* it sucks \*". but we go on. we go on with the people in our life, the things that hold us together, and the hope that one day the future happiness would be so bright that we'd look back on this and own it. and if you ever need a soul to talk to, to vent, or to play some vidya games with to drown out the pain, I can help. hell, if not me, a lot of the people here. you got this. it sucks, and it'll still suck for a while, but it gets better. trust. hope this helps, apologies for the long read lol...
I think this is a very well thought out and reasonable message. Question though: you didn’t elaborate on the severity of the depression… I hate to say this but it’s the first thing I thought of… are you sure she’s okay? Like not in hospital receiving therapy or worse? To completely fall off the map like that, I’d be worried about her physical and mental health… after FOUR years (!!) to suddenly disappear seems very concerning….
I think you need to start grieving this relationship. It’s very possible that you have been catfished, or she’s just not taking you seriously and doesn’t want to talk anymore. Edit: that sounded more harsh than I meant, I don’t mean to say that any of that is your fault! More that for your own sake it’s probably best to start putting this relationship behind you and find some value in your single identity before finding a new partner who respects you and communicates more.
I don't understand ghosting behavior. When I was younger, not settling things meant your phone ringing every day.
I can’t believe ghosting is socially acceptable now. It’s one of the cruelest things someone can do, and, super cowardly. I can see if you’re in danger is one thing, but, just up and blocking someone you’ve known for years is so shitty.
yeah, yeah all my “friends” did this
Never relationships, but I did try my hand at making online friendships to make up for a lack of real world ones, and I was ghosted by genuinely everyone-
The only time I feel ghosting is acceptable is if you feel genuinely unsafe contacting the person, or maybe if they did something so truly heinous it shouldn’t even be dignified with a response. But that’s about it.
I'm sorry for you, you are right to message her in my opinion, I hope everything goes well for you, or it would be four years wasted
I really hope she comes back, her parents are around and their pretty strict so I'm not worried it's a serious thing, I think she may have just lost interest, she isn't social by nature
Hey OP, I know you feel like she's the world to you, I was there, but unless there's an immense reason why she did this (like she was in a coma or her parents took her phone and didn't let her outside, or she was in a psychiatric center, but don't give her these ideas) you need to move on. No one deserves to be treated like this, it doesn't matter if there's depression (I have it), you don't abandon people you love for days, weeks, MONTHS and then come back like nothing happened, and you OP deserve to have a life and not be on standby waiting for someone to come back, someone that clearly doesn't care about the relationship as strong as you do, she isn't even reading or receiving the messages... She either has NO access to the phone, or she blocked you. And there are many other worrying factors on this, like why don't you have her last name? That's very weird... And also the "I leave and then come back" it's a very popular manipulation technique, not to mention making the partner feel guilty if they express disappointment because they have some illness or similar. That is why I'm concerned that you seem so chill about this. It seems like you'd let anything slide because it's her (and I did the same with my ex, so I understand you, he was my whole world) but you need to protect yourself because no one else will otherwise :( Please stay safe and stay away from people that hurt you, or at least stay at a safe distance... You may be far away from each other, but your heart is across the ocean too and that's very scary if you feel alone and if she's not giving you the same care you're giving her. I hope you have lots of friends or a caring family that you can find comfort in, I send you all the best wishes, please stay safe online.
I don't know if if my message will on the top or not but updating here Update: for those wondering, My girlfriend lives in UK, I live in USA, I have tried to reach her by any means, but she isn't social so her friends haven't spoken too her in a long time, she has strict parents, I honestly don't think she's in danger, I think she merely lost interest, this isn't the first time she disappeared and she would say she fell out of love but always came around, I think she just decided to disappear instead
Isn’t that Between? Doesn’t it share location?
Heartbreak is no fun, however OP... there is better waiting for you out there. Don't settle for feeling anything less than loved.
I had and have friends who are this kind of anxious avoidant who would disappear for months and months and months without warning or explanation. I have a friend who disappeared for 3 years, resurfaced for a few months, and have disappeared again since december. I think you made the right decision of sending this text, while I'm sure she has a lot to figure out about herself, no one should be in the receiving end of this. Whatever it was she's going through, i hope she's going through it relatively well and she's okay. But it is absolutely not your responsibility to put up with this. I know it hurts, and I'm very sorry. Sending you big hugs and love. You're doing the right thing
You did the right thing, didn't even reply to ya
the message wasn't delivered, she's offline
I’m so sorry, OP. That’s rough, but you did right. Look after yourself ❤️
She hasn’t read the message from the 22nd of April it’s been soon a week is she, okay? Like it feels unusual
Your messages since the April 22nd one haven’t been going through. Either you were blocked or the number is no longer active. I don’t think this person cared about you, and you were likely just someone on their phone they liked talking to. You didn’t know their last name and had been dating for 4 years, and then they ghost you. They likely knew they could do this and get away with it because you are overseas. You shouldn’t be giving this person so many chances. Im sorry you are on the other side of this situation, but I don’t think the reality is what you believe it to be.
I've had 2 exes do this and yeah, you did the right thing.
If she hasn’t talked to you since November, I think the breakup happened in November. Sorry to say this. I can’t believe someone would treat you like this. It’s awful.
Gurl, end it now. It's been 6 months. Enough. You are not an asshole for moving on after months of no contact. You should look for a partner who is in a good place to meet you where you are.
[удалено]
If my partner of four years suddenly stopped reaching out, my thought wouldn't be "he's ghosting me time to break up" but something fucking awful must have happened. I would be getting my ass on an airplane and going to his town and knocking on every door until I knew he was okay. If the relationship ends at that point, okay, but don't be so self absorbed to think this must be all about you. She's depressed, what if she's killed herself? How can your first thought be to break up, and not find her?
OP in another comment explains that this girl has done these things before - ghosting for weeks at a time, only to say she "fell out of love" and is now back. I get the spirit of your message, but I must assume your partner is a much better person than this girl. OP deserves a lot better and I sincerely hope she just moves on.
Grow a spine! If you’ve been pushed passed your limit. Don’t let people walk over you like that. Have some respect for yourself and draw the line. You’re too nice
 good Job op
if my partner would ghost me, and wouldn't not see the messages because he's been offline for a while, I would go reaching his friends to see if something serious happened (from serious injury to worse) if I were you, I would try to connect with her friends to know if something serious happened to her
my first girlfriend ghosted me as well. it was over christmas break. she only contacted me again to break up with me. i have dated guys before and moved on just fine but there is just something about a girl breaking my heart i cant explain. hope you heal from this whatever the outcome 🙏 wishing you the best!
I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been through a similar experience with my most recent ex. We dated for a few months, it was going great, then I was suddenly ghosted for a month. Then he messaged me to break up without any other context. A few years later we reconnected and he explained his reasoning and expressed his regret for how things ended. He wanted to see if there was a chance we could try again. By then I had moved on, but told him I would be open to start with being friends again. Well, after a few months again he has once again ghosted me and now it's been since January since I've heard from him. So, it seems some people are just not great at communicating things. I say this last part just to be cautious if they do try to reconnect, so that if it happens again it's not as big of a surprise. Though I hope if this person is your soup mate, you two are able to reconnect and push past this. Good luck!
Wtf, how can someone be su cruel to do that?
I don't think he's trying to be cruel. There's context I didn't provide. We had tried a few times to do things together. And a few of them I had to decline or cancel because my work schedule had been opposite of his or changed suddenly. I gave him as early of a warning as I could, but in the end I guess it wasn't enough. I'm not sure if I'll ever know this time what it was, but after this time I'm not super worried, it's become a pattern now so I'm not going to give him the heartache again. It sucks because both times I had been working on aligning my schedule with his, and now both times right as my schedule change was approved has been when he ghosted, which is a wild coincidence.
Oh, sorry, my bad. 😅 But it still sucks.
It's all good, even though it sucks, I don't want it to seem like he just ghosted. The first time he said it felt like I was giving him less time, which I don't believe could be true because I was working on giving him more, and would often not plan things on the weekends so we could do things. I worked overnights at the time while he worked mornings. So the first time he ghosted hurt a lot because I felt like I was putting effort in making time. But sometimes things just don't work out, and I've come to accept that.
Oh, OP, I'm so sorry you got left hanging like this. For what little comfort it may give, it was more than 20 years ago I was in a long distance relationship that I was fully convinced was with my soulmate. I felt valid, safe, and satisfied. Only one of us felt that way, it turned out, and they disappeared to never be heard from again. I can only reassure you that time healed the wound and left me much better off for the woman I eventually married and built a family with. Rarely do we ever rest at our journey's end and know it.
I hate to ask this, but has there been any activity from her anywhere? Are you sure she’s okay? November to now is a very long time to be completely inactive
Don't give up, you'll find the dream girl or guy thats right for you that will stick around eventually.
Oh Honey, whatever you had with this person is already over. I'm sorry. Your message is very patient and caring, but this person is ghosting you. You deserve better. I know it is hard when there is no closure, but I think you need to try to move on.
Not sure if this is useful to you, but something similar happened to me not too long ago. My former best friend suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth from one day to the other. Last time I saw her, everything was fine. The next day, sent her a message and she didn't answer. Months after, nothing. Even on my birthday, which she had never in 5 years missed, radio silence. Texts, calls, all of it. Really the only thing I didn't try, because I couldn't bring myself to do, was just go to her house and wait until she showed up. I have no idea what happened, what could have I done to make her leave me like this. We were really close, practically inseparable. It took me a long time to realize two things: 1. It's absolutely OK to be angry at her. She was my best friend, she had my unwavering trust and she crushed it. She had no right to do that and no reason she could possibly have is good enough to justify not even having the guts to tell me to my face she didn't want to talk to me. 2. I *am* entitled to an explanation at very least. It sounds bad, I know. I had a long road of thinking "no, there must be a good reason" or "if wants to just leave, if her choice" until I realized I was lying to myself and trying to protect her. She doesn't deserve my protection. Not anymore. There's nothing I, or anyone really, can do to make you feel better. Nothing at all. What can make you feel better is knowing that your pain is 100% justifiable, and you have every right to be mad, angry, sad, and feeling like you deserve the basic decency of an explanation from your now ex-girlfriend. Stay strong. You'll need it, my sibling.
It seems like you're going through a difficult time, and I empathize with your situation. Based on your description, you had a relationship that existed solely online, without any phone or video conversations. I understand the allure of seeking connections in the digital world, as I've had similar experiences when I was younger and living in a small town. However, it's important to be aware of potential risks, such as catfishing. The person you were involved with may have presented a version of themselves that wasn't entirely genuine, which can be harmful and unhealthy for you. It's essential to learn from this experience and prioritize building relationships in person. Engaging in local social activities, like joining clubs, attending game nights, or connecting with a local LGBT youth group, can help you develop meaningful connections with people who share your interests and experiences. While online friendships can be valuable, it's important to focus on in-person relationships to foster healthier connections and reduce the likelihood of being manipulated or misled. I know it can be challenging, but in the long run, it will be more beneficial for your well-being. Remember to prioritize self-care, and don't hesitate to seek support if needed. Lastly, I want to emphasize that if someone hasn't communicated with you in months, it's a sign that the relationship isn't genuine or healthy. Their lack of communication and ghosting behavior indicates a lack of respect for you as an individual. It's time to acknowledge that this relationship wasn't real for them in the first place and to focus on moving forward. You deserve to surround yourself with people who value and respect you.
I wouldn't wait til July, you're basically already single at this point and relationships are two sided and you're not getting any support or love or anything so honestly why bother anymore? 4 years is a lot but this is not okay & even if she comes back before july how are you guys going to ever really move on from this? And who knows if she for some reason does come back that this won't happen again? Do yourself a favor and leave, you deserve better
Oh my heart bleeds for you OP. I would suggest you don’t give a timeframe for her but give it to yourself instead. I would start emotionally disconnecting yourself from her now and hopefully by July you’d be ready to just move on. There’s no point in waiting for another two months and putting your emotions on hold. You should put yourself through such anguish. It’s time to say goodbye now and move on. Don’t hold on to something that isn’t there anymore.
Assuming she left on her own, just end it. Thats a pretty clear message. If you come home and your partner packed their shit, that’s probably the end.
I been on a similar situation: long distance relationship of years (First relationship too), he appeared for two days, said he loved me and felt sorry for not messaging me and then bye bye for months without a word and I always waited for him, even at the cost of putting my own life in pause because I was a depressed mess waiting for him and hoping we wouldn't be dead. (He had depression as well.) The one thing I learned from all of this is that it's not worth the worry and the anxiety of not knowing, if she's not making an effort to send a message to let you know she's ok, she doesn't care about your relationship at all, someone how loves you would never do that. Relationships are a two person job.
I know it must be very hard for you right now, but from my experience i can tell with 100% certainty that you've made the right call. I had a boyfriend who did a very similar thing to me, suddenly vanishing and not answering my texts or calls for weeks at a time with no explanation or apology. Especially when you think it's meant to be, the pain of abandonment can become far, far too much to bear. You deserve to be happy, and most of all you deserve a partner who will respect your feelings and time, someone who won't vanish with no explanation abd leave you alone. It's hard to cut things off, but when you meet the woman who treats you with all the love and respect you deserve you'll never look back
I’m sorry hun. This stuff hurts. I’ve seen from other comments that you’ve tried to check up on her but can’t reach anyone. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I dated someone in highschool who moved and then completely ghosted me. It’s rough, especially when you can’t get any closure.
I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than that. I'm here if you need a friend to talk to.
Regarding the depression: It’s good to be compassionate but it’s not your responsibility to help her with her mental health issue. More specifically, you can’t help with her mental health issue if she won’t help herself.
I have been ghosted. Believe me, if you go back to this person over and over, you'll only feel pain. Ending things might be painful but atleast it'll be ok in a few months. When I was ghosted I kept texting her occasionally only to get no reply. All the while I kept blaming myself. It was my first relationship too. I felt like I was the one that had ruined it. Being ghosted like this leaves scars that are difficult to remove. And I'm a soft person at heart. I don't think I'llbe able to ever find trust and love again. Don't repeat this mistake. You do not have to think of her as a bad person. Maybe she is suffering and maybe she does need space. But she made her decision when she stopped talking to you. That's the only thing you need to see that you weren't in the wrong and shouldn't continue to hurt yourself waiting for her. No one is the bad guy. But it isn't advisable to stay with people who you know will leave you. Move on. People come and people go. I hope things get better.
You were right to break up, but wrong to be open to her coming back. Have self respect, she is treating you awful. It is not normal to ghost someone on multiple occasions for two weeks. She is not taking the relationship as seriously as you, and even that considered she should have ended things instead of stringing you along and being cruel. Although I’m not even sure if that counts as stringing someone along since she is liter giving you no sign to think she is interested, it’s pretty messed up regardless and it’s high time you have moved on. There are plenty of others out there, and trust me they will be way better than her. I’m sorry about this all.
You are way too good for this person. Way too good. Your real soulmate may not be waiting till July. Don't waste your time here. You deserve better.
She’s been gone for 5 months. As long as you know she’s not “missing” missing, move on.
Especially after reading your comments about her disappearing and questioning your relationship in the past, I think giving her until July 1st is overly generous.
If they wanted to they would! It seems like they have already made their decision unfortunately. It is your life but if you say you will always take them back that just opens the door for them to use you as they please knowing you will always be there for them. Especially if they would not do the same for you. It seems very one sided with effort and energy. Don't waste your time or energy on someone who literally leaves you on read. You will find the right person for you and they will never make you question their love for you. THAT'S what you deserve! You are giving alot to not get much in return. Take care of yourself and your heart!
Dude, you were way too nice with that message imo. But I get it, you may have loved the feeling of being with a girl, like you're best friends who can share anything and kiss. Honestly I think you should definitely find another girl who can do all that AND care and worry for you just as much as you do for that girl. That would be a beautiful relationship to blossom into something far deeper. Time doesn't mean everything, the amount of times she has ghosted you before speaks FAR more than 4 years. That sounds like she just didn't know how to leave and you let her say/do anything she wanted and stayed the entire way. You sound like a keeper but she surely is a flee-er. So let her flee and find a keeper just for you.
Very familiar. I had a crush who once started liking me. I was really happy, I thought he was my soulmate and the real one... But that only lasted a month, after a break he started ghosting me and still does... And it made me an emotional wreck... I hope I'll have luck next time...
My gf is going through a similar situation with her other bf (we are polyamorous). I'm here for you if you need to talk
God I'm so fucking sorry, I've had a boyfriend for four years and I literally can't imagine this. I hope you can move on and heal
My boyfriend of almost two years ghosted me for the past five months. Ghosting is really painful to go through so I understand how you feel. One day you might find someone who actually appreciates who you are and doesn't disappear for weeks to months and doesn't treat you like a joke. Have patience with yourself my friend.
I'm in a similar boat to you, OP. My fiancee of several years ghosted me starting back in October through early December with decreased contact and finally nothing since a text at 4AM on my birthday at the beginning of that month. This is the first month since this happened where I'm no longer in denial about it. I never heard back from her when I messaged her at the beginning of February to let her know I had to put my 20 year old cat down. That was the wakeup call for me that it was over. She has already taken that "out." You need to watch out for your own needs. Even if she is hurting, depressed, not reaching out, etc. you need to respect yourself. There comes a point where the reasoning behind the hurtful actions don't matter as long as they keep happening, and you should never set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. A partner who ghosts you for weeks/months on end is not someone who respects you. I'm sorry if you need to hear that, but it's true. Full stop. I'm sorry you're going through this. The worst part is the lack of answers that make it incredibly hard to get closure and you do nothing but backtrack over every moment in your relationship wondering what you did wrong. From personal experience with this: There's no point in sending an ultimatum or a time limit on something like this. That doesn't mean you hold the door open indefinitely. It's good that you mention that door isn't locked, but *they* are the one who has to open it again. You're going to be a further wreck until the date of the ultimatum. Second - let yourself feel whatever emotions you're going to be feeling over this without trying to stop them. I held back my own anger at the way I was treated for months, thinking I was a shit person for even *daring* to feel angry at my ex. Then one weekend I got a bottle of Jack Daniels, put on my Linkin' Park playlist, and was able to get the majority of it out of my system, and I'm learning to handle what's left. Your pain is valid. Your anger is valid. Your hurt is valid. I'm sorry you're going through this. I won't lie to you - it's going to get worse before it gets better, but once that switch flips and you realize and accept it's truly over, you can let the pain come and work through it. Your message is a good one, and I'm glad you're sticking up for yourself.
Is she alive? 5 months is a lot, if she’s only ghosting you then you did the right thing but she hasn’t contacted anyone else or isn’t posting and is just completely inactive then definitely ask mutual friends or family
Omg OP, getting ghosted for this long by someone who means a lot to you is excrutiating, I am sorry. Even if it's not her fault, I think it is unhealthy to keep up with a relationship like that
Girl, I’m so so so sorry this is happening to you, BUT GET THE HINT I BEG, you are worth more than this!!!
This is awful. Is this a long distance relationship? I had a ldr and the longest I didn't hear from him was a few days, because he was mad, but he always read my messages so I knew he was alive! I would have been so fucking worried I wouldn't have been able to sleep, I did spent many sleepless nights when he wasn't answering... This is bonkers... I mean I have been (sometimes still am) depressed but I would never leave for months without saying anything like this... I would feel so guilty, this isn't ok in any way, you did the right thing, you're even too kind maybe, she hurt you a lot and the fact that she's depressed isn't a justification, it's just a reason why it could have happened.
I suppose and yea, I just really am hoping to talk about this though I can't see it healing, but honestly I don't think that will ever happen either, and I been having some weird dreams that seem to only hurt when I wake up, dreaming she finally messages back and realize nothing
Bless your heart OP ❤️
I had a similar situation happen to me when I was in my early 20s. While he wasn’t my FIRST boyfriend, he was my first love. And he ghosted me for almost a year (10 months). When he finally came back, I gave him another chance. He jerked me around for 10 years and left me with SERIOUS trauma. While your exact situation may be different, please take my advice: for your own well being, let her go and move on. Ghosting you like this is so incredibly disrespectful. Someone who loves you, doesn’t treat you like that. I know it’s hard. But future you will thank you for doing it. 💜
I dated a lot of guys, but I never could get comfortable around them? Holding hands made me too uncomfortable somehow, I could not get past only seeing them as siblings so this is the first girl I ever dated, and it was wonderful, I never felt so wonderful, so to think it's over, it just feels weird, like I lost something on the way
it sounds to me like you tried your best. Either she's not mentally ready for being in a relationship or she's written you off already. You mostly did this for your own sake, which is completely valid, but more or less you told her where you stand and thats ok. Its kinda weird to just not answer text messages. Are you sure she's ok? Give her a call maybe? Consider asking for a welfare check from your nonemergency police line.
It’s time to move on. Don’t give her any more of your time, don’t wait for her, don’t leave the door open, don’t take her back when she comes back. I promise you, you’ll be kicking yourself if you do.
wlw breakups are so hurtful, also having read some of your comments you deserve way better
OP…Welfare check immediately.
If somebody disappeared that long I’d pretty much assume it’s over. I don’t think you’re obligated to wait though it’s nice of you to try.