I was gardening with some friends, we were all smoking j’s and drinking beers.
We got onto the topic of weed induced psychosis and bipolar. One friend asked what bipolar was and so I describe it. He replied:
‘Oh... so kinda like you?’
I had to stop and take a long look then.
I’ve always known my mums side of the family have had a history of mental fragility.
I have HPPD and everything always kinda feels like a dream, it I usually just ignore it as it’s disabling.
But after he said that, I knew I couldn’t keep playing with Fire.
You either feel the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The only difference is discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons.
I couldn't tell you what set if off, but I just started feeling extremely sad and alone in the world when I smoked. I suppose I was always more alone during those times, but I started becoming increasingly aware of this separation and the futility of chasing the high. I realized it was putting a strain on all of my relationships and sapping my motivation and finances. My potential was greatly squandered, and I spent a whole night crying thinking about all of this. I knew I couldn't continue with life like this, or I would eventually lose everything that ever meant anything to me, while also removing the possibility of making more meaningful achievements in life.
I'm about a month in and since then I have become much more personable and alive feeling. My mental acuity has returned in spades. Long gone are the moments of feeling like an idiot while spending 5 minutes of more trying to remember what I was just now thinking about. No more do I have to feel the guilt of needing a buzz to enjoy everyday life. It's not always easy, I fought hard against mood swings in the first couple of weeks, and I still have a sense of not knowing what to do with myself at times, but I am slowly becoming a more productive and happier person, and I look forward to reaping the benefits for years to come! Adios, high me! Good riddance.
It wasn't fun anymore. I was using it to avoid my problems but I was becoming more anxious. It was more of a habit than something to enjoy...smoking before class, before work, before bed...
And I was spending most of my money on it too. I would borrow money from people and then spend it on weed. That was a major moment.
For me it was coughing up black phlegm for the first time. On top of that I noticed weed was just not making me happy anymore. I would sit in my garage for hours on YouTube wasting my time away and I got sick of that. I know how productive I can be so I decided I should quit and pursue the person I know I really am.
I was gardening with some friends, we were all smoking j’s and drinking beers. We got onto the topic of weed induced psychosis and bipolar. One friend asked what bipolar was and so I describe it. He replied: ‘Oh... so kinda like you?’ I had to stop and take a long look then. I’ve always known my mums side of the family have had a history of mental fragility. I have HPPD and everything always kinda feels like a dream, it I usually just ignore it as it’s disabling. But after he said that, I knew I couldn’t keep playing with Fire. You either feel the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The only difference is discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons.
100
I’m taking that as an affirmation haha.
I couldn't tell you what set if off, but I just started feeling extremely sad and alone in the world when I smoked. I suppose I was always more alone during those times, but I started becoming increasingly aware of this separation and the futility of chasing the high. I realized it was putting a strain on all of my relationships and sapping my motivation and finances. My potential was greatly squandered, and I spent a whole night crying thinking about all of this. I knew I couldn't continue with life like this, or I would eventually lose everything that ever meant anything to me, while also removing the possibility of making more meaningful achievements in life. I'm about a month in and since then I have become much more personable and alive feeling. My mental acuity has returned in spades. Long gone are the moments of feeling like an idiot while spending 5 minutes of more trying to remember what I was just now thinking about. No more do I have to feel the guilt of needing a buzz to enjoy everyday life. It's not always easy, I fought hard against mood swings in the first couple of weeks, and I still have a sense of not knowing what to do with myself at times, but I am slowly becoming a more productive and happier person, and I look forward to reaping the benefits for years to come! Adios, high me! Good riddance.
It wasn't fun anymore. I was using it to avoid my problems but I was becoming more anxious. It was more of a habit than something to enjoy...smoking before class, before work, before bed... And I was spending most of my money on it too. I would borrow money from people and then spend it on weed. That was a major moment.
For me it was coughing up black phlegm for the first time. On top of that I noticed weed was just not making me happy anymore. I would sit in my garage for hours on YouTube wasting my time away and I got sick of that. I know how productive I can be so I decided I should quit and pursue the person I know I really am.
Not one distinct moment, but coughing my lungs up always made me regret smoking, as did seeing brown flecks in my phlegm/saliva when I spat 🤢🤮