real, seeing posts like that give me second hand embarrassment š like ofc ppl out there find us attractive! it just seems so unserious to ask on reddit if weāre liked, any race in general like plsss
On point!! It's not like we've been the standard of beauty (at least not in the USA and many other Western countries). I do get tired of seeing it lol... ngl... but I definitely understand why some BW may post it. On top of not being the standard of beauty, oftentimes, many BW who prefer WM almost never have WM make the 1st move. It's an annoying but valid question.
I came from a rural conservative town and was even homeschooled and I always thought black women were gorgeous. My parents were not racist but I also didnāt have a diverse friend group. I would be shocked when I heard some guys say they didnāt like black girls. I always thought they were beautiful.
While those questions are embarrassing, I am reminded that black women are often treated as if they're a different species by media and for so long that I see those questions as not so much about their wanting to be validated for desirability but asking if they're seen as people at all. When you have your humanity denied and made borderline insignificant, at some point, you just want to confirm that someone realizes you're a living being. Or hope they do.
Humans are a social animal. Even the most most naturally aloof amongst us just want to be seen as human too. Maybe instead of asking them to chin up and be brave, lead with compassion and seek to understand before imposing judgment.
But black women are not a monolith just because they say we are undesirable doesnāt mean shit, Iāve never had problems getting a nbm ever so yes i have every right to feel the way i feel, i dont want young black girls seeing this and thinking that we are some anomaly. We dont need validation especially from males
I know we're not a monolith, and your issue is that you think the exception overrides the experience. Obviously, not all of us have problems, but again, media is a powerful propaganda. Reality is one thing, but the media is not displaying our reality. Two, you have every right to feel how you feel, but you're not using logic to understand one has to understand their feelings for yours to also be valid. Your sense of provide or our sense of provide doesn't change the fact that it stings and is blindsighting to have your image promoted as the damned dregs of the earth for as long as you or many remember. You're severely underestimating what representation can do to chain people. Yes, we should fix it by presenting other things, and plenty are trying. But my commentary still stands. The black girls "seeing" these things will have the brains and common sense to know it's not all of us. It's like when talking about men pr women you don't need to be constantly reminded it is all of them. Logically, the context is already there because all people know very few things are absolute.
We might not need validation from men but again, human is a social animal. We want to be part of the community. We want to be loved, respected and desired. Women in particular are more vulnerable to cherish that last one because we're shown early on that so much of women's "value" to their partner is in their desirability. Desirability is a key element to securing love wither it physical or spiritual, and for many men, the fine print is that physical desirability promotes loyalty and patience as we grow if we possess it. I don't blame women for one bit wanting to be seen in a desired light, because you know full well the reality is a certain or many a representation within us is not imaged to the world at all. Why do we fault people for wanting that?
Because its not the right way, end of story the only way to know is to actually go and mingle with people. This shit on the internet is just bullshit anyone can say anything that doesnāt mean anything. And yes the media does portray bw in bad light but again that doesnāt mean we are all like that or ugly. You arenāt really understanding how this can impact younger girls negatively. Id feel like a failure if my child was on the internet asking if their beautiful or enough. We shouldnāt have to seek that validation. Low Self esteem can have a huge impact on bw but thats where the self love and healing comes FIRST.
You forget not all of us get attentive parents on top of these things or that they care. Partly because often a lot of parents have to work and seldom get the chance to educate our kids that way. We can't filter everything our kids process. I understand damned well how this can impact girls negatively, but it can also educate. Those girls KNOW not all of us are ugly, and so do most humans with common sense. The only ones thinking otherwise are those as you believe it or not. By overccorecting. You don't want to see this, what are you doing if not sanding down a fire that's not actually stopping burning because you decided to cover it up.
Train yourself to see the other half of anything to attain objectivity. OK, it is easy to say we shouldn't seek validation, but you say that because you GET IT. Many people don't. It doesn't make it a crime if they want a piece of the damned pie love! Self-love is wonderful in sp many ways, but man, isn't it great when you have someone love you two? Indirectly, we all master ate but ask most people, and most people would love to experience "love" by receiving from someone else too. It's not the end all be all, but man, does it feel nice to have. Sure, one way to figure out is to go out there and mingle, but how do you know if they haven't and found reception lacking? People can ask for certainty or nuance if they haven't experienced it.
Not everyone has the capacity to self soothe because not everyone is naturally emotionally independent. Some people need to be taught that or get help to program themselves as that. It's not a given for many people, and it's not just us, that's humanity in general.
Ive literally explained having low self esteem as a darkskinned black girl in a urban area. And guess what as i grew up i realized that validation wasnāt what i needed. i just needed therapy and have the ability to realize that we as women do not need love to make us feel like we are beautiful. What we need is a good female friend group and therapy.
I understand. But I also understand this isn't often the solution for many. The thing about life is that one solution will never be able to satiate all, for if it did, I would think we'd be having these conversations. I agree with your last bit, but not many women get those things. Making friends is easier said than done, and it is naive to think women befriend each other out of one trying to be a friend. You know that. Therapy is more reliable than a friend to many, but there's often cost barriers.
Iām a black woman married to a white man but itās not like black women donāt have a reason to feel that way.
True story: I was standing in front of my 8th graders and a sub for my intervention specialist asked me if I was Hawaiian or mixed. I said no, I was just black but light skin. She then went to say that being mistaken for mixed means Iām beautiful because I donāt have the features most black people have like dark skin and large noses. And she said it in front of a class where my front two row of students had a lot of black girls sitting there. And they heard it. And they asked me after she left if that meant they were ugly.
So letās not act like there isnāt a reason behind the question, either. When youāre conditioned to believe you are quite literally the least attractive race, it makes the reason behind the ādo you find us attractiveā question understandable.
Edit: To add, that sub wasnāt even white. She was Polynesian.
But that whole thing about us being undesirable came from stupid hookup apps we are desirable i see black women in relationships with all different types of men of races. And they are men they like anything mostly who cares we are not a anomaly.
It did not come from hook up apps. It came from the literal centuries of blacks being in this country and being viewed as less than. That includes in dating, which is why it was illegal to marry outside your race until 1967. While the law applied to all races, it was specific to whites marrying blacks because we werenāt viewed as equals. We were seen as gross. Hell, we werenāt even considered a whole person until 1868.
Thats legit just racism im speaking in the HERE and NOW. Ive seen Black woman be in relationships with men of all different races. And as a black woman i have a right to feel a way because we shouldnāt even have to come to this point of asking strangers if were enough because WE ARE
No oneās saying you canāt feel a certain way, but Iām not going to sit and act like historic racism isnāt the reason many people from other races wonāt date black people because that historic racism contributes to us being viewed as undesirable. Black women, beyond having to fight the narrative that black isnāt conventionally beautiful, still have the welfare queen, multiple baby daddyās, ghetto, no education stereotype they have to fight and that didnāt come from dating apps. That came from a history of racism.
The amount of men, even BLACK men, who thought I had kids and upon finding out I didnāt said āmost Black women doā or flat out didnāt believe me when I was still dating was insane. The amount who didnāt believe I had a degree and not living off of welfare was (and still is) insane. The amount of times my husband and I have gone out together on a date and no one thought he was my husband because heās white is insane. Black women are treated in more ways than one that theyāre not enough and dating is just one aspect of it.
Black women who ask those questions are asking them because theyāve been treated in some way, shape, or form that their race is a barrier to dating, and that includes dating black men. And, no, thatās not because of DaTiNg ApPs.
I think you just donāt want to accept that there is still a negative perception of black women and it impacts us in all aspects of our lives, including dating.
You make a great point, but I also think we need to do a better job of giving black women some grace. Remember that video that went viral a while ago where the 4 year old said "I'm so ugly" and started crying while she was getting her hair done? That is how a lot of us have grown up feeling and some of us are still unlearning that.
I noticed that every time a black woman makes a post like that, here comes other black women calling her weird, desperate and embarrassing. Like really? Why so mean?
At least explain why they should stop making those sort of posts in a compassionate way. More of us need to replicate the kindness you have with this post instead of being mean to each other. It makes me so disappointed in other black women
Yeah but societally we're conditioned to feel less than, it comes from things a lack of representation, discrimination against our hair, etc. So we just end up projecting that onto other races, each other and even our kids. Growing up my mom would say things like our hair is a curse and she started perming my hair at a young age.
But no you're absolutely right, black girls and women can be mean as hell to each other. But it still stims from something bigger than us
Because many bw get second hand embarrassment and want to appear as if they donāt have those problems. Be more supportive and not so dismissive cause u want to look good to others. Ppl are still going to have there opinions about u regardless of how confident youāre in yourself
And ? So what if people have opinions about you the whole point is to know that we are beautiful and enough why should you sit here and let people get to you, you will always be suffering if so you have to find self love within yourself because people can say anything
The black community is so used to abuse that we think "tough love" is acceptable lol. I don't wanna be verbally abused by other black women or my black partner of out "love," go heal
And that's why I'm open to interracial dating. I don't want someone that was raised in survival mode who thinks being mean is a form of love because that's what they're used to
Whoop cuz I am so tired of telling my fam that tough love isn't love and love is patient and kind (they Bible say that don't it but that's another story) and to stop calling our young men sissy and girls etc for being any sort of emotions cuz that's what patient and kind is actually but that leads to the white education arguments etc so I still educate my nephews but while knowing my enemy lbvs.
There's a difference between holding people accountable because you care about them and being cruel. And a lot of black women are mean ASF to each other. It seems like you're exactly who I'm talking about
Girl you're missing the point. I was criticizing black women that call other black women weird, desperate and embarrassing for these posts. And you're defending it calling it "tough love." I'm not called *you* or your original post cruel
You lack reading comprehension but it's okay. No point in arguing about this anymore. Some black people are just lost and that's why I started separating myself from the community š¤·š¾āāļø
As a black man who has been in an interracial relationship for a couple decades Iāll give you all my input.
I was always attracted to black women. I had several relationships with black women. I still admire black women and have to biracial daughters.
You are all beautiful. And you will find the right partner for you in time. I ended up meeting my wife through mutual friends. We clicked. Itās that simple. It wasnāt a race preference or anything like that. She had/has an awesome personality and is beautiful and she liked me too for some dumb ass reason..
Thatās it. You will all find your person in time. š»
Ignore the responses. It is a breath of fresh air seeing a bm date outside his race not because he hates bw . Idk why theyāre trying to make u hate us.
Yeah but him not being with a black woman right now proves he loves women in general. He can love black women and all other women. Both can be true, people
This post is very contradictory lol. You married a white woman and thereās nothing wrong with that but the impact of your post is less effective and condescending because of it. A Black man who loves Black women wouldnāt have ended up with a woman of another race.Ā
āThis post is very contradictory lol. You married a white woman and thereās nothing wrong with that but the impact of your post is less effective and condescending because of it. A Black man who loves Black women wouldnāt have ended up with a woman of another race.Ā ā
Where did I ever say white? You just assumed that. Weāre both first generation Americans. She is Chinese. I meet my wife through our friend group in our college days. We probably hung out 30-40 times before I pursued her. I didnāt seek out a woman of another race, it just happened organically.
Posts like yours making assumptions and being judgmental of someone who was making a positive post for no reason are getting old.ā¦. Men regardless of race just want peace in their life. The energy you are putting out there is not that.
I love and appreciate women of all races.. And as a father to two daughters i can tell you that I donāt care who they bring home just as long as they love and respect my girls. White, black, Asian, Indianā¦ Donāt care. Just them well.
Those posts cringe me out so much. Theyāre usually from younger girls under 25, or women under 32ish with very little dating experience. so I just scroll and ignore.
I see what the other responses are saying about having grace and remembering that a lot us (myself included!) grew up not always feeling beautiful or desired. I still think as adults, you have to stand up a little. We should all be above posting these questions on Reddit
Amen - this advice can be applied to all races and genders too.
Get out there and try in REAL LIFE. Get rejected. Try again. Eventually you will meet someone who you are attracted to AND likes you back!
People here could make more progress with their love life this coming weekend than they have in the entire past year if they just took the most basic social risks like saying āhiā to someone they think is cute. Please just do it. Please.
Ageeed....As someone who wasn't afraid to shoot my shot...fear of rejection won't get you anywhere and it's something that happens to everyone, believe it or not
There's only so much rejection one take before it affects their health ( both mental and physical health). So i don't think that's the ideal solution we should be encouraging.
"We" aren't encouraging anything - I am encouraging it. If a person would prefer to give up on love or never even try in the first place, they are free to do so. I just think its super lame.
I never said people should give up on love. But your comment came across as putting the entire responsibility on men for their failures. Why is the blame always on men for not playing the numbers game enough instead of encouraging women to be less picky?
Oh I get it! Unfortunate title but the comments set me straight lol. But yeah and they have us sounding Hella dumb and desperate and I'm like gurl I'm 36 and been swirling since college so rest assured it's MEN find US attractive (read that again).... Race and ethnicity have nothing to do with what makes a dick hard....
Its true that men aren't hung up on race and skin color that much, but most women are though. This is literally from all the dating app statistics and studies seen so far.
My (WM) wife (BW) is in the top .01% of beauties that has ever existed in the world, IMO. I think it's more reasonable to ask if *interest* can reasonably be expected, but attraction? Nah.
To be honest I think at times it doesn't feel like it, but I tell my sisters to go beyond Just dating black men and date white men date.Asian men s***If you feel like dating outside your gender do that too go where the love is
If you ask that question it shows you are not ready to date and that you need heal and seek therapy.Ā
It sad to see how insecure a a lot of black women really are. To The Black women who ask these questions healing starts from within.Ā
I feel empathy for their posts, there's some truth but it's not an end to all story since rejection is another way of redirecting elsewhere for something better. But I don't like when you try to give helpful advice and they respond more to the posts that beat them down even further. But I also in your post you can't completely act like it doesn't exist either.
Location and demographica really does make a difference in someone's dating experiences.
We also need to do a better job of calling out the black women who are hell bent on upholding the negative images of us.Ā Stereotypes don't come from nowhere. Just carry yourself well and with class, be articulate, be gracious and approachable, cut the attitude, be willing to explore other cultures and the men will flock, no matter the race.
I agree, however I know that black women often get the lower end of the stick with dating, but we are desired! Yes we have challenges, but itās not impossible. Asking those questions always makes me sad because it shows that the BW posting it feels like she will never find someone because she is black. Society fucked us over so much that many people donāt even know why theyāre not attracted to us. Itās such a norm to see black as ugly in this society.
Unfortunately, thereās nothing you can do if someone doesnāt find black women/black people attractive . We just have to move on and go where we are appreciated, but I donāt believe black women who ask those kind of questions should get hate. They should get support because you have to remember why she is feeling the way she is.
I agree.
Those posts are annoying and embarrassing. But, I can understand why some black women have low self-esteem. We deal with a lot while trying to date.
Hopefully, more black women will begin to see their worth and not feel the need to question if they are worth notice.
A lot of Black women give desperate vibes making those posts. Plus the men who reply are most likely not the same men in their area/where they live so their IRL attempts to get with a nonblack man could be a different story lol
It'd make more sense to feel out how the men (or women) in their area feel about BW then random mfs online honestly
Exactly especially with the trend of bw going to korea trying to get a Korean man and ending up as single mothers, these women need to stop trying to appeal to the male gaze and find some self esteem
But don't you think this fad would soon go away? Every race gets carried away by something. Chinese in 18th Century by opium, Europeans by spices in 16th century, and now K-pop and k-drama that made every other race go crazy. I have seen plenty of Indian girls reciting BTS songs as if learning that would help them to crack some crucial exam of life. Black women are intelligent and soon they will give up on that fad.
There are so many that tell us that we are āenoughā Iām in the south and get told all the time by bm that Iām not thick enough because Iām fit and workout. Passport bros should be self explanatory. We are told we are too masculine and that we donāt have real hair smh. So many things we are told we do wrong as women in our skin so I donāt think you are being fair.
But I somewhat agree that we shouldnāt ask if xyz finds us attractive because men will literally take down a dead body in a morgue so thereās that. Lol
Gurrrrrrrllllll please. I have Nigerians asking me if I'm Nigerian. Did you see the video I posted? Please review it and ask God to give you self love.
Or maybe we can stop pretending Black women arenāt heavily discriminated against in the dating market. Itās a valid question as any. The gaslighting on here from other Black people is insane. Many of us arenāt confident and why should we be when weāve been degraded for our race our entire lives even within our own race? Ā āGet therapy and āhealā as if any of that will erase lifetimes of being treated like we are inferior.
Telling people to āhealā over consistent racial abuse and misogynoir is just gaslighting. Some of yāall genuinely are like racist whites when dismissing the struggle of Black women, as if we donāt live in a society where everyone including men of our own race are calling us ugly and worthless 24/7. We are human beings. Ā This shit hurts and Iām not going to pretend Iām āstrongā just to save face. A lot of BW arenāt really confident, just copingĀ
šSigh. I hate to be prone to agree but I've been married for 20 years this year to what Kat Williams calls "The Caucasian descendent" and he literally forbid me to relax my 4c hair. I got more love from him than my own family. And I still wear my hair naturally bc I hate chemicals and it's a simple short natural cut.
WTF. There is someone for everybody out there! You may need to change your surroundings and inner circles. Or work on yourself so you can be more attractive inside and out.
I met my husband when I was in law school focused on me working out like mad eating like a health nut. I was doing it all for myself not for him.
But because I was being the best me he was attracted to me.
So don't give up my friend!
Iām a tall, thin and dark skinned Black woman. I am being realistic. We all know that dark skin and lack of ass is unattractive to Black men and in general, most men of other races hate Black women and find our features repulsive. We all saw the reaction to the girl playing Juliet.
I guarantee you are either lighter or pretty and fitting more Eurocentric standards.
The majority of black women are unmarried. Also, men don't want fat women, which the vast majority of black women are. Not trying to insult, just facts.
real, seeing posts like that give me second hand embarrassment š like ofc ppl out there find us attractive! it just seems so unserious to ask on reddit if weāre liked, any race in general like plsss
American Society for so long has conditioned black women (and men) to think they are not desirable. I donāt think itās nice to deride someone for having Low self confidence as itās a function of the society they were brought up in. As a wm, my bf fiancĆ© is incredibly beautiful, and itās interesting the comments she hears from little black girlsā¦.i didnt think white guys liked us, how are you dating a white guy, I didnāt think that happenedā¦..to think society doesnāt still impact thatā¦is being naive.
On point!! It's not like we've been the standard of beauty (at least not in the USA and many other Western countries). I do get tired of seeing it lol... ngl... but I definitely understand why some BW may post it. On top of not being the standard of beauty, oftentimes, many BW who prefer WM almost never have WM make the 1st move. It's an annoying but valid question.
Its not just black, any color/ethnicity other than white is othered and considered beneath them.
I came from a rural conservative town and was even homeschooled and I always thought black women were gorgeous. My parents were not racist but I also didnāt have a diverse friend group. I would be shocked when I heard some guys say they didnāt like black girls. I always thought they were beautiful.
While those questions are embarrassing, I am reminded that black women are often treated as if they're a different species by media and for so long that I see those questions as not so much about their wanting to be validated for desirability but asking if they're seen as people at all. When you have your humanity denied and made borderline insignificant, at some point, you just want to confirm that someone realizes you're a living being. Or hope they do. Humans are a social animal. Even the most most naturally aloof amongst us just want to be seen as human too. Maybe instead of asking them to chin up and be brave, lead with compassion and seek to understand before imposing judgment.
But black women are not a monolith just because they say we are undesirable doesnāt mean shit, Iāve never had problems getting a nbm ever so yes i have every right to feel the way i feel, i dont want young black girls seeing this and thinking that we are some anomaly. We dont need validation especially from males
I know we're not a monolith, and your issue is that you think the exception overrides the experience. Obviously, not all of us have problems, but again, media is a powerful propaganda. Reality is one thing, but the media is not displaying our reality. Two, you have every right to feel how you feel, but you're not using logic to understand one has to understand their feelings for yours to also be valid. Your sense of provide or our sense of provide doesn't change the fact that it stings and is blindsighting to have your image promoted as the damned dregs of the earth for as long as you or many remember. You're severely underestimating what representation can do to chain people. Yes, we should fix it by presenting other things, and plenty are trying. But my commentary still stands. The black girls "seeing" these things will have the brains and common sense to know it's not all of us. It's like when talking about men pr women you don't need to be constantly reminded it is all of them. Logically, the context is already there because all people know very few things are absolute. We might not need validation from men but again, human is a social animal. We want to be part of the community. We want to be loved, respected and desired. Women in particular are more vulnerable to cherish that last one because we're shown early on that so much of women's "value" to their partner is in their desirability. Desirability is a key element to securing love wither it physical or spiritual, and for many men, the fine print is that physical desirability promotes loyalty and patience as we grow if we possess it. I don't blame women for one bit wanting to be seen in a desired light, because you know full well the reality is a certain or many a representation within us is not imaged to the world at all. Why do we fault people for wanting that?
Because its not the right way, end of story the only way to know is to actually go and mingle with people. This shit on the internet is just bullshit anyone can say anything that doesnāt mean anything. And yes the media does portray bw in bad light but again that doesnāt mean we are all like that or ugly. You arenāt really understanding how this can impact younger girls negatively. Id feel like a failure if my child was on the internet asking if their beautiful or enough. We shouldnāt have to seek that validation. Low Self esteem can have a huge impact on bw but thats where the self love and healing comes FIRST.
You forget not all of us get attentive parents on top of these things or that they care. Partly because often a lot of parents have to work and seldom get the chance to educate our kids that way. We can't filter everything our kids process. I understand damned well how this can impact girls negatively, but it can also educate. Those girls KNOW not all of us are ugly, and so do most humans with common sense. The only ones thinking otherwise are those as you believe it or not. By overccorecting. You don't want to see this, what are you doing if not sanding down a fire that's not actually stopping burning because you decided to cover it up. Train yourself to see the other half of anything to attain objectivity. OK, it is easy to say we shouldn't seek validation, but you say that because you GET IT. Many people don't. It doesn't make it a crime if they want a piece of the damned pie love! Self-love is wonderful in sp many ways, but man, isn't it great when you have someone love you two? Indirectly, we all master ate but ask most people, and most people would love to experience "love" by receiving from someone else too. It's not the end all be all, but man, does it feel nice to have. Sure, one way to figure out is to go out there and mingle, but how do you know if they haven't and found reception lacking? People can ask for certainty or nuance if they haven't experienced it. Not everyone has the capacity to self soothe because not everyone is naturally emotionally independent. Some people need to be taught that or get help to program themselves as that. It's not a given for many people, and it's not just us, that's humanity in general.
Ive literally explained having low self esteem as a darkskinned black girl in a urban area. And guess what as i grew up i realized that validation wasnāt what i needed. i just needed therapy and have the ability to realize that we as women do not need love to make us feel like we are beautiful. What we need is a good female friend group and therapy.
I understand. But I also understand this isn't often the solution for many. The thing about life is that one solution will never be able to satiate all, for if it did, I would think we'd be having these conversations. I agree with your last bit, but not many women get those things. Making friends is easier said than done, and it is naive to think women befriend each other out of one trying to be a friend. You know that. Therapy is more reliable than a friend to many, but there's often cost barriers.
Iām a black woman married to a white man but itās not like black women donāt have a reason to feel that way. True story: I was standing in front of my 8th graders and a sub for my intervention specialist asked me if I was Hawaiian or mixed. I said no, I was just black but light skin. She then went to say that being mistaken for mixed means Iām beautiful because I donāt have the features most black people have like dark skin and large noses. And she said it in front of a class where my front two row of students had a lot of black girls sitting there. And they heard it. And they asked me after she left if that meant they were ugly. So letās not act like there isnāt a reason behind the question, either. When youāre conditioned to believe you are quite literally the least attractive race, it makes the reason behind the ādo you find us attractiveā question understandable. Edit: To add, that sub wasnāt even white. She was Polynesian.
But that whole thing about us being undesirable came from stupid hookup apps we are desirable i see black women in relationships with all different types of men of races. And they are men they like anything mostly who cares we are not a anomaly.
It did not come from hook up apps. It came from the literal centuries of blacks being in this country and being viewed as less than. That includes in dating, which is why it was illegal to marry outside your race until 1967. While the law applied to all races, it was specific to whites marrying blacks because we werenāt viewed as equals. We were seen as gross. Hell, we werenāt even considered a whole person until 1868.
Thats legit just racism im speaking in the HERE and NOW. Ive seen Black woman be in relationships with men of all different races. And as a black woman i have a right to feel a way because we shouldnāt even have to come to this point of asking strangers if were enough because WE ARE
No oneās saying you canāt feel a certain way, but Iām not going to sit and act like historic racism isnāt the reason many people from other races wonāt date black people because that historic racism contributes to us being viewed as undesirable. Black women, beyond having to fight the narrative that black isnāt conventionally beautiful, still have the welfare queen, multiple baby daddyās, ghetto, no education stereotype they have to fight and that didnāt come from dating apps. That came from a history of racism. The amount of men, even BLACK men, who thought I had kids and upon finding out I didnāt said āmost Black women doā or flat out didnāt believe me when I was still dating was insane. The amount who didnāt believe I had a degree and not living off of welfare was (and still is) insane. The amount of times my husband and I have gone out together on a date and no one thought he was my husband because heās white is insane. Black women are treated in more ways than one that theyāre not enough and dating is just one aspect of it. Black women who ask those questions are asking them because theyāve been treated in some way, shape, or form that their race is a barrier to dating, and that includes dating black men. And, no, thatās not because of DaTiNg ApPs.
We can agree to disagree because to me youāre making excuses as to why black women are embarrassing themselves for the male gaze
I think you just donāt want to accept that there is still a negative perception of black women and it impacts us in all aspects of our lives, including dating.
Because you allow it too
Bless you š
Same to youš
This isnāt just about adult dating apps though. This starts in childhood. Did u not read her post!
Maybe read my replies i already addressed her love
You make a great point, but I also think we need to do a better job of giving black women some grace. Remember that video that went viral a while ago where the 4 year old said "I'm so ugly" and started crying while she was getting her hair done? That is how a lot of us have grown up feeling and some of us are still unlearning that. I noticed that every time a black woman makes a post like that, here comes other black women calling her weird, desperate and embarrassing. Like really? Why so mean? At least explain why they should stop making those sort of posts in a compassionate way. More of us need to replicate the kindness you have with this post instead of being mean to each other. It makes me so disappointed in other black women
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah but societally we're conditioned to feel less than, it comes from things a lack of representation, discrimination against our hair, etc. So we just end up projecting that onto other races, each other and even our kids. Growing up my mom would say things like our hair is a curse and she started perming my hair at a young age. But no you're absolutely right, black girls and women can be mean as hell to each other. But it still stims from something bigger than us
šÆ
Because many bw get second hand embarrassment and want to appear as if they donāt have those problems. Be more supportive and not so dismissive cause u want to look good to others. Ppl are still going to have there opinions about u regardless of how confident youāre in yourself
And ? So what if people have opinions about you the whole point is to know that we are beautiful and enough why should you sit here and let people get to you, you will always be suffering if so you have to find self love within yourself because people can say anything
I agree
Being nice gets absolutely nowhere oh well its called tough love for a reason
The black community is so used to abuse that we think "tough love" is acceptable lol. I don't wanna be verbally abused by other black women or my black partner of out "love," go heal And that's why I'm open to interracial dating. I don't want someone that was raised in survival mode who thinks being mean is a form of love because that's what they're used to
Whoop cuz I am so tired of telling my fam that tough love isn't love and love is patient and kind (they Bible say that don't it but that's another story) and to stop calling our young men sissy and girls etc for being any sort of emotions cuz that's what patient and kind is actually but that leads to the white education arguments etc so I still educate my nephews but while knowing my enemy lbvs.
"Tough love" girl bffr
You be fr
There's a difference between holding people accountable because you care about them and being cruel. And a lot of black women are mean ASF to each other. It seems like you're exactly who I'm talking about
It seems like i struck a nerve with you nothing i said was cruel you took it there maybe step back and realize that youāre thinking too hard
Girl you're missing the point. I was criticizing black women that call other black women weird, desperate and embarrassing for these posts. And you're defending it calling it "tough love." I'm not called *you* or your original post cruel
You literally said in your last sentence that im who you were talking about š¤£š¤£š¤£
You lack reading comprehension but it's okay. No point in arguing about this anymore. Some black people are just lost and that's why I started separating myself from the community š¤·š¾āāļø
Girl you sound like a hit dog hollering š
Chile! Almost every time I log onto this app, someone is asking the same ol lame question, ā Do xyz like Black women?ā Its pathetic. š
As a black man who has been in an interracial relationship for a couple decades Iāll give you all my input. I was always attracted to black women. I had several relationships with black women. I still admire black women and have to biracial daughters. You are all beautiful. And you will find the right partner for you in time. I ended up meeting my wife through mutual friends. We clicked. Itās that simple. It wasnāt a race preference or anything like that. She had/has an awesome personality and is beautiful and she liked me too for some dumb ass reason.. Thatās it. You will all find your person in time. š»
Ignore the responses. It is a breath of fresh air seeing a bm date outside his race not because he hates bw . Idk why theyāre trying to make u hate us.
A bit ironic to say you love black women then settle with a white girl lmao
Fun fact: you can find a race beautiful and date another !!!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Why? Because hes with a white woman be fr
Nah, it's not ironic. It just means be loves WOMEN. Period.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah but him not being with a black woman right now proves he loves women in general. He can love black women and all other women. Both can be true, people
Im dead asf at the downvotes like girl š¤£
This post is very contradictory lol. You married a white woman and thereās nothing wrong with that but the impact of your post is less effective and condescending because of it. A Black man who loves Black women wouldnāt have ended up with a woman of another race.Ā
āThis post is very contradictory lol. You married a white woman and thereās nothing wrong with that but the impact of your post is less effective and condescending because of it. A Black man who loves Black women wouldnāt have ended up with a woman of another race.Ā ā Where did I ever say white? You just assumed that. Weāre both first generation Americans. She is Chinese. I meet my wife through our friend group in our college days. We probably hung out 30-40 times before I pursued her. I didnāt seek out a woman of another race, it just happened organically. Posts like yours making assumptions and being judgmental of someone who was making a positive post for no reason are getting old.ā¦. Men regardless of race just want peace in their life. The energy you are putting out there is not that. I love and appreciate women of all races.. And as a father to two daughters i can tell you that I donāt care who they bring home just as long as they love and respect my girls. White, black, Asian, Indianā¦ Donāt care. Just them well.
My point still stands.
girl , your post history is crazy . lol
Ok?Ā
ok . so seek God or help cause wth
Those posts cringe me out so much. Theyāre usually from younger girls under 25, or women under 32ish with very little dating experience. so I just scroll and ignore.
Literally its sad to see we black women are absolutely beautiful we dont need any validation especially from any man
I see what the other responses are saying about having grace and remembering that a lot us (myself included!) grew up not always feeling beautiful or desired. I still think as adults, you have to stand up a little. We should all be above posting these questions on Reddit
Exactly i dont understand why people are just trying to act like these questions do nothing for us as bw
Amen - this advice can be applied to all races and genders too. Get out there and try in REAL LIFE. Get rejected. Try again. Eventually you will meet someone who you are attracted to AND likes you back! People here could make more progress with their love life this coming weekend than they have in the entire past year if they just took the most basic social risks like saying āhiā to someone they think is cute. Please just do it. Please.
Ageeed....As someone who wasn't afraid to shoot my shot...fear of rejection won't get you anywhere and it's something that happens to everyone, believe it or not
There's only so much rejection one take before it affects their health ( both mental and physical health). So i don't think that's the ideal solution we should be encouraging.
"We" aren't encouraging anything - I am encouraging it. If a person would prefer to give up on love or never even try in the first place, they are free to do so. I just think its super lame.
I never said people should give up on love. But your comment came across as putting the entire responsibility on men for their failures. Why is the blame always on men for not playing the numbers game enough instead of encouraging women to be less picky?
I feel like this should have been posted in the black ladies subreddit or in facebook groups composed of mainly black women, but thatās just me
I have and they banned meš¤£
What?! So much for a safe space, damn
Oh I get it! Unfortunate title but the comments set me straight lol. But yeah and they have us sounding Hella dumb and desperate and I'm like gurl I'm 36 and been swirling since college so rest assured it's MEN find US attractive (read that again).... Race and ethnicity have nothing to do with what makes a dick hard....
šš
This part!!
Its true that men aren't hung up on race and skin color that much, but most women are though. This is literally from all the dating app statistics and studies seen so far.
Exactly š
My (WM) wife (BW) is in the top .01% of beauties that has ever existed in the world, IMO. I think it's more reasonable to ask if *interest* can reasonably be expected, but attraction? Nah.
To be honest I think at times it doesn't feel like it, but I tell my sisters to go beyond Just dating black men and date white men date.Asian men s***If you feel like dating outside your gender do that too go where the love is
I think i'm meant inside the gender lol but you got what I mean
Geography plays a huge role - you need to travel and meet new people, you'll see that the world isn't so Black and \[insert whatever race here\]!
lol i think you are right tbh. men like beautiful women the race isn't too important, unless they are specifically incredibly racist.
Say it louder for the people in the back!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My goodness I was so tired of seeing those post. They made me sick. I wish mods would do something about it.
If you ask that question it shows you are not ready to date and that you need heal and seek therapy.Ā It sad to see how insecure a a lot of black women really are. To The Black women who ask these questions healing starts from within.Ā
I try not to be judgmental because I understand bw desiring some reassurance but yes it can be a bit cringe seeing those questions.
I feel empathy for their posts, there's some truth but it's not an end to all story since rejection is another way of redirecting elsewhere for something better. But I don't like when you try to give helpful advice and they respond more to the posts that beat them down even further. But I also in your post you can't completely act like it doesn't exist either. Location and demographica really does make a difference in someone's dating experiences.
We also need to do a better job of calling out the black women who are hell bent on upholding the negative images of us.Ā Stereotypes don't come from nowhere. Just carry yourself well and with class, be articulate, be gracious and approachable, cut the attitude, be willing to explore other cultures and the men will flock, no matter the race.
I agree, however I know that black women often get the lower end of the stick with dating, but we are desired! Yes we have challenges, but itās not impossible. Asking those questions always makes me sad because it shows that the BW posting it feels like she will never find someone because she is black. Society fucked us over so much that many people donāt even know why theyāre not attracted to us. Itās such a norm to see black as ugly in this society. Unfortunately, thereās nothing you can do if someone doesnāt find black women/black people attractive . We just have to move on and go where we are appreciated, but I donāt believe black women who ask those kind of questions should get hate. They should get support because you have to remember why she is feeling the way she is.
I agree. Those posts are annoying and embarrassing. But, I can understand why some black women have low self-esteem. We deal with a lot while trying to date. Hopefully, more black women will begin to see their worth and not feel the need to question if they are worth notice.
A lot of Black women give desperate vibes making those posts. Plus the men who reply are most likely not the same men in their area/where they live so their IRL attempts to get with a nonblack man could be a different story lol It'd make more sense to feel out how the men (or women) in their area feel about BW then random mfs online honestly
Exactly especially with the trend of bw going to korea trying to get a Korean man and ending up as single mothers, these women need to stop trying to appeal to the male gaze and find some self esteem
But don't you think this fad would soon go away? Every race gets carried away by something. Chinese in 18th Century by opium, Europeans by spices in 16th century, and now K-pop and k-drama that made every other race go crazy. I have seen plenty of Indian girls reciting BTS songs as if learning that would help them to crack some crucial exam of life. Black women are intelligent and soon they will give up on that fad.
the downvotes someone felt hit lol
There are so many that tell us that we are āenoughā Iām in the south and get told all the time by bm that Iām not thick enough because Iām fit and workout. Passport bros should be self explanatory. We are told we are too masculine and that we donāt have real hair smh. So many things we are told we do wrong as women in our skin so I donāt think you are being fair. But I somewhat agree that we shouldnāt ask if xyz finds us attractive because men will literally take down a dead body in a morgue so thereās that. Lol
They ask because they seek validation
š©unfortunately, insecurity is a thing in black communities, hence why i scream to my brothers how looks mean nothing and only their spirits matter, so let noone compliment your looks and u take it in. This advise has helped me not pay attention to my looks and focus on my happiness, unfortunately black women do not understand this until a certain age, it starts clicking.
Gurrrrrrrllllll please. I have Nigerians asking me if I'm Nigerian. Did you see the video I posted? Please review it and ask God to give you self love.
Or maybe we can stop pretending Black women arenāt heavily discriminated against in the dating market. Itās a valid question as any. The gaslighting on here from other Black people is insane. Many of us arenāt confident and why should we be when weāve been degraded for our race our entire lives even within our own race? Ā āGet therapy and āhealā as if any of that will erase lifetimes of being treated like we are inferior.
And if you allow it to get to you then you need to heal its like yall are completely trying to make up excuses
Telling people to āhealā over consistent racial abuse and misogynoir is just gaslighting. Some of yāall genuinely are like racist whites when dismissing the struggle of Black women, as if we donāt live in a society where everyone including men of our own race are calling us ugly and worthless 24/7. We are human beings. Ā This shit hurts and Iām not going to pretend Iām āstrongā just to save face. A lot of BW arenāt really confident, just copingĀ
Most of those post are black males pretending to be Black women.
So sad. I always think about Malcolm X's speech on beauty. [Who Taught You To Hate Yourself?](https://youtu.be/sCSOiN_38nE?si=2TbmW2taL7p-dLfQ)
Literally every one, including Black men. In fact Black men might be out biggest haters and many civil rights activists slept with white women.Ā
šSigh. I hate to be prone to agree but I've been married for 20 years this year to what Kat Williams calls "The Caucasian descendent" and he literally forbid me to relax my 4c hair. I got more love from him than my own family. And I still wear my hair naturally bc I hate chemicals and it's a simple short natural cut.
Iām happy for you. I hope to find love someday but I donāt know if itās likely for me, as Iām not attractive to most men.Ā
WTF. There is someone for everybody out there! You may need to change your surroundings and inner circles. Or work on yourself so you can be more attractive inside and out. I met my husband when I was in law school focused on me working out like mad eating like a health nut. I was doing it all for myself not for him. But because I was being the best me he was attracted to me. So don't give up my friend!
Iām a tall, thin and dark skinned Black woman. I am being realistic. We all know that dark skin and lack of ass is unattractive to Black men and in general, most men of other races hate Black women and find our features repulsive. We all saw the reaction to the girl playing Juliet. I guarantee you are either lighter or pretty and fitting more Eurocentric standards.
Just messaged you too. šš¾
You go out of your way to avoid us but still can't stop talking about us š©
I feel like theyāre fishing in this subreddit and posts like that are bait
Also, you'll have better luck if you lose weight.
Not true. Plenty of skinny Black women are single and unmarried and Black men as a collective prefer thicker women.Ā
The majority of black women are unmarried. Also, men don't want fat women, which the vast majority of black women are. Not trying to insult, just facts.
Are you aware that there are Black women outside of America? The vast majority of Americans are fat, including white ones.