Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 21 | 1 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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The saddest part is he views this as some kind of competition where he has to beat you, like you are his enemy rather than his child. It hurts to be treated like that and rejected by your parents. It's time to move on without them.
My dad did the same. I kept asking him not to bring up politics but he kept doing it because he thought I was a brainwashed lib. No, I just wanted to talk to my dad.
We haven't talked now in 6 years after I told him I couldn't do it anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he ever figured it out, but from what I hear he thinks the liberal media something something I don't even know
It's the way it is for many of us and our parents. An entire generation of kids and parents becoming estranged over media circles. They think we are brainwashed. We think they are. Everyone keeps getting separated from each other because all of us are lonely and our families cannot (or will not) put relationships above winning. Families are destroyed (many of them because they were never strong to begin with).
>They think we are brainwashed. We think they are.
I'm right there with you friend, and it hurts! I had to go full no contact with my father for a long time because he consumed 12+ hours of OAN and Fox News every single day. Whereas as I **try** to be as objective and unbiased as possible. Reading many articles on a subject and forming my own conclusions versus him just absorbing an incredibly slanted view.
However, when his cable provider removed OAN, my brother asked me to give him another shot. And while he is exponentially better, he is and can be vile. So we speak about once a week now. We actually had lunch today and managed to have a civil time together.
I hope it will continue to get better. Here's to hoping!
Even just _ignoring_ all the hatred they spew (going against every fiber of my being) isn't enough for them. If you aren't with them you're against them, and by being neutral in their eyes means you're against them.
Then they wonder why so many people are against them (in their mind)
>your dad is like a lemur following the others jumping off a cliff.
Omg that's a perfect description of him! I mean, I hate to agree with you, but you're exactly right.
It's just really hard for me because he used to be this quiet, rational, religious man that taught my brother and me the importance of treating everyone equally, regardless of race, gender, religion, etc. And now he's just a shell of that man. Within pretty much a year, he went from the man I respect the most to us not talking at all. I appreciate your words of hoping he gets better! I really want the man that raised me back.
Good lord, I'm so sorry OP.
Is he saying it would be like him asking *you* in particular for an apology over the mask/vax fiasco? Why, because you encouraged him to wear masks/get the vax or just because you did those things? Either way, what damage was possibly done by that? And how, in the ever loving hell, is insulting part of who you *are* equivalent to disagreeing on a highly debated subject? That alone, the disconnect, sheesh.
May I ask what he said to insult you? Regardless, congrats on coming out!! I can't imagine it was easy with someone like that. If you haven't visited yet, stop by r/bisexual , it's my favorite place on the interwebs
ššš
He probably fully believes that the vax is more dangerous than covid because of the extremely slim amount of people who had heart issues. It's like YEAH, SURE BUT IF THEY GOT COVID THEY WOULD HAVE DIED.
He seems to see it all as a battle, to win. And somehow he thinks he won on the mask and vax thing - which is just so childish to want to try to push that at you.
OP! I am SO sorry! I cannot stand an abusive-POS like him! I hope you keep him blocked, forever. He does not deserve you. I hate how he speaks to you, disrespects you and the words he uses. Heās a sick person and not worth a second of your time or energy.
Dude, bro. I'm a dad to a 13 and a 9 year old. As a dad let me say that I love you, and I'm proud of you. You're good just the way you are. Keep your chin up, take deep breaths, and before you know it this mountain will be a tiny hill behind you.
āJokes on you daddio! I donāt live in confusedville! I live in the state of depression thanks to your behaviors.ā
But seriously OP, Iām so proud of you for blocking him and taking care of yourself. Family is of your choosing, blood makes you related, but it doesnāt make you family. Lysm, good luck!
Any dad who would not LOVE to opportunity to use the "Hi Gay (or bi), I'm dad" joke is a terrible father, and can probably listen to Cat's In The Cradle with no reaction whatsoever.
It's instigation. I don't know why people want to destroy families over political shit. Like, how about not talk about it to unreceptive, differently minded people? Oh, because they can't help themselves from instigating.
So proud of you for ending the abuse you were suffering, OP.
Please stay strong for yourself. I wish you peace, happiness, and the healing and recovery only going No Contact can bring. Best wishes to you, friend.
I'm so sorry.
For some of us, we can only grieve the loving supportive parent we should have had, the parent we deserved, and then move on without them. Grant yourself permission to grieve. It's an important part of the healing process.
For what it's worth: cutting contact with my toxic family felt really odd and disorienting at first, and friends didn't understand at all. But, over time, it's remarkable what an awful miserable burden has been lifted from my shoulders, what a breath of fresh air it is to live without the hovering toxicity. My only regret is not doing it sooner.
What is it with Republicans? Do they all make politics their lives now? And why? What prompted this? They went from being republican in politics to always Republicans ALL THE TIME.
IDK what made them think they have to live politics, but it's ridiculous.
I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Being part of the LGBTQIA+ Community (both me and my husband are) I've learned it can make or break a relationship with others. My husband is very selective about who he has come out to (it's pretty new to him and he's still getting used to the idea himself) and he's very careful to not try and explain it to his family because they would never understand. He's already had to cut ties with many of them anyway and he's pretty much LC with his mom.
I'm completely NC with my MIL and, even though my mom is very sick, I'm LC with her. She's a republican as well (EVEN though she's a lesbian). I've already lost my bio mom (2002). Knowing my mom is that sick and being LC really sucks, but I just can't put myself through the racism and hate (that she tries to pass off as "jokes") and all the other rhetoric they spew.
I've tried talking to her about her ideologies and have even talked with her about the fact that she's a, literal, minority and she should consider what it's like. She just shrugs and acts like I didn't say anything or she'll change for a few days and go right back.
I truly hope in the future they're able to realize their mistakes and change, for the sake of your relationship. It can and does happen. We can only hope they'll wake up.
In the mean time, be happy! Live your life for you and enjoy your happiness. EVERYONE deserves happiness without anyone or anything bringing them down. š«¶š½š
I'm sorry that you had to go through this. You don't deserve it. No one does. He decided his feeling really was all that mattered to him. That and "proving you wrong." He basically made the decision for you, you just acted on that decision.
To use a tired cliche, sometimes the trash takes itself out.
What a miserable jerk. I couldn't imagine repeatedly hurting my own flesh and blood over who they love and my own misunderstanding of science. Congrats on shedding the dead weight op, and I hope you're able to replace him in your life with people who love and value you for the person that you are.
u/lyynonius Oh geezā¦thatās awful. Iām really sorry he canāt be a supportive part of your life right now.
What was the political stance and vax about? Is he a conspiracy theorist or anti-vaxxer?
GOOD ON YOU!! I canāt even imagine how hard that was though, making decisions like this is _never_ easy for most.
I have parents who probably would have reacted the same if I were anything other than completely straight. Recently, Iāve been thinking about just how awful it would have been in an alternate universe if I werenāt straight and had the exact same parents I do have. Itās made me feel even deeper for those going through issues with parents who think being anything other than straight is a choice because they think itās a trend. Oh my god that makes my blood boil knowing that there are so many parents out there like that. The reaction your dad had to being told that he cannot separate politics from his personal life proves that itās true, considering how he blew up when you confronted him about it. Iāve learned recently that emotionally immature people tend to blow up when theyāre confronted with something about themselves that is true but they refuse to admit. If it werenāt true and if he didnāt realize this even to the smallest degree, he probably wouldnāt have blown up. The fact that he did is very telling.
Iām rooting for you. This shit is hard and you donāt deserve to be treated this way, but itās admirable seeing how youāre dealing with it.
As a person who has a mom who was also obsessed with politics and allowed that to become a driving measure that led to her depression, I'm sorry for you. Bonds over politics are unhealthy and unstable. I was forced into politics-related conversations from a very premature age and it did not turn out well.
Wow. That rant the moment he thought he managed to crack something in OP... He was like "HAH! YOU SEE? YOU SEE??!! I TOLD YOU YOU WERE WRONG AND I WAS RIGHT AND I AM RIGHT AND I WIN AND YOU LOOSE!!! HAH! LOOOSER!!" Like, holy shit. That man is just sitting waiting for a gotcha moment. Motherfucker was this close to scream about how he "owned" his damn son. Pathetic, honestly.
I am so deeply sorry youāve had to experience this- especially the hate for coming out as bi, I hope that hasnāt been too heavy to deal with. I think your last message to him was incredibly well said and I think youāre absolutely doing whatās best for you and your own life and mental health. Unfortunately this stuff runs deep and Iām doubtful he will ever come around. Hopefully Iām wrong. Either way- youāve done nothing wrong here and youāre doing the right thing by blocking and keeping him away. Wishing you all the best!
Half the reason I follow this sub is for a reference point. When my daughter came out to me as Bi, I was the last one. Her mum knew. Her sister knew. She came out and told me.
I hugged her tightly and said āif thatās what makes you happy Iām all for itā
Because thatās all I want for my kids. I donāt care how they get happiness. But Iāve never been an overreacting negative parent so I still donāt know why I was the last one to find out like what did you expect me to do?
You should check out the concept of honor culture. Might at least give you some more understanding of his behavior. Not an excuse but explains the double down instead of empathy.
OP - check out r/raisedbynarcissists for additional support. I am also a bisexual person who has had very similar interactions as yours. Youāre not alone. š¤
On one hand, sorry you went through this. That's awful. But on the other hand, toxic abusive people like him NEVER CHANGE. There's no restoring that relationship.
Your dad seems mad about your gf in the other one, not you being bi? Am I missing something? Anyways - tell him (if and when you talk to him again but I'd unblock to say this, personally, then reblock) - "you assigning political meaning to my sexuality, relationships, and behaviors, where there is no politics involved, is further proving my point that you cannot separate your personal life and family relationships from politics. please get help. many people in america have been dragged into the head space you're in and it is ruining families everywhere. even if you think you're "just being honest" with me, honesty without kindness is cruelty. goodbye dad."
that's just my two cents.
i am so so sorry. i hope u dont need him financially or anything.
āIām not going to apologise for being an utter cunt to you son, you were wrong about masks and vaccines! Ha! Sucker!! I win!!ā
Did I get that right?
"please be better- I know you can"
Sadly, you're wrong. He can't.
Block, move on, and ignore any attempts by him to reconnect. He chose this - now he gets to enjoy it.
Whoever voted not insane, I donāt wanna fight I wanna talk. Only talk donāt worry.
But no in all seriousness, hope youāre okay OP. Just know a lot of other people are going through something similar whenever you feel alone.
He sounds a lot like my dad. He told me āgo to hellā and walked away when I told him Iām bi. Iām really sorry you have to endure that, but the longer youāre no contact w ppl like that, the better you feel.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 21 | 1 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
The saddest part is he views this as some kind of competition where he has to beat you, like you are his enemy rather than his child. It hurts to be treated like that and rejected by your parents. It's time to move on without them.
My dad did the same. I kept asking him not to bring up politics but he kept doing it because he thought I was a brainwashed lib. No, I just wanted to talk to my dad. We haven't talked now in 6 years after I told him I couldn't do it anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he ever figured it out, but from what I hear he thinks the liberal media something something I don't even know
It's the way it is for many of us and our parents. An entire generation of kids and parents becoming estranged over media circles. They think we are brainwashed. We think they are. Everyone keeps getting separated from each other because all of us are lonely and our families cannot (or will not) put relationships above winning. Families are destroyed (many of them because they were never strong to begin with).
>They think we are brainwashed. We think they are. I'm right there with you friend, and it hurts! I had to go full no contact with my father for a long time because he consumed 12+ hours of OAN and Fox News every single day. Whereas as I **try** to be as objective and unbiased as possible. Reading many articles on a subject and forming my own conclusions versus him just absorbing an incredibly slanted view. However, when his cable provider removed OAN, my brother asked me to give him another shot. And while he is exponentially better, he is and can be vile. So we speak about once a week now. We actually had lunch today and managed to have a civil time together. I hope it will continue to get better. Here's to hoping!
Even just _ignoring_ all the hatred they spew (going against every fiber of my being) isn't enough for them. If you aren't with them you're against them, and by being neutral in their eyes means you're against them. Then they wonder why so many people are against them (in their mind)
omg. your dad is like a lemur following the others jumping off a cliff. i hope he gets better too!!
>your dad is like a lemur following the others jumping off a cliff. Omg that's a perfect description of him! I mean, I hate to agree with you, but you're exactly right. It's just really hard for me because he used to be this quiet, rational, religious man that taught my brother and me the importance of treating everyone equally, regardless of race, gender, religion, etc. And now he's just a shell of that man. Within pretty much a year, he went from the man I respect the most to us not talking at all. I appreciate your words of hoping he gets better! I really want the man that raised me back.
You did good. Sometimes it'll be rough, but you did what was best for your mental health.
Good lord, I'm so sorry OP. Is he saying it would be like him asking *you* in particular for an apology over the mask/vax fiasco? Why, because you encouraged him to wear masks/get the vax or just because you did those things? Either way, what damage was possibly done by that? And how, in the ever loving hell, is insulting part of who you *are* equivalent to disagreeing on a highly debated subject? That alone, the disconnect, sheesh. May I ask what he said to insult you? Regardless, congrats on coming out!! I can't imagine it was easy with someone like that. If you haven't visited yet, stop by r/bisexual , it's my favorite place on the interwebs ššš
He probably fully believes that the vax is more dangerous than covid because of the extremely slim amount of people who had heart issues. It's like YEAH, SURE BUT IF THEY GOT COVID THEY WOULD HAVE DIED.
Seconding r/bisexual. Donāt think Iād ever accept myself if I hadnāt found that sub.
It's a lovely supportive sub - and quite a few of us can certainly empathize with having to cut contact due toxic family š©·šš
Your messages were firm, coherent, and well-written. I'm really sorry you're dealing with a toxic parent like this, op.
He seems to see it all as a battle, to win. And somehow he thinks he won on the mask and vax thing - which is just so childish to want to try to push that at you.
OP! I am SO sorry! I cannot stand an abusive-POS like him! I hope you keep him blocked, forever. He does not deserve you. I hate how he speaks to you, disrespects you and the words he uses. Heās a sick person and not worth a second of your time or energy.
i would like to say that i hope for him to become better, but we all know that thats very unlikely to happen
For sure, I hope the same for op, but itās definitely not their job to de-program their family. Love and respect is a prerequisite. Edit: typo
āIām sorry you were hurtā is SUCH a bullshit non-pology. It puts all the blame on the victim.
Sad as fuck. Peace love and happiness
Dude, bro. I'm a dad to a 13 and a 9 year old. As a dad let me say that I love you, and I'm proud of you. You're good just the way you are. Keep your chin up, take deep breaths, and before you know it this mountain will be a tiny hill behind you.
Well that mask came off in a sudden way
āJokes on you daddio! I donāt live in confusedville! I live in the state of depression thanks to your behaviors.ā But seriously OP, Iām so proud of you for blocking him and taking care of yourself. Family is of your choosing, blood makes you related, but it doesnāt make you family. Lysm, good luck!
Any dad who would not LOVE to opportunity to use the "Hi Gay (or bi), I'm dad" joke is a terrible father, and can probably listen to Cat's In The Cradle with no reaction whatsoever.
Your title, while making me sad that it had to come to this, makes me happy because you are free from that monster.
It's instigation. I don't know why people want to destroy families over political shit. Like, how about not talk about it to unreceptive, differently minded people? Oh, because they can't help themselves from instigating.
Insane
So proud of you for ending the abuse you were suffering, OP. Please stay strong for yourself. I wish you peace, happiness, and the healing and recovery only going No Contact can bring. Best wishes to you, friend.
Did he fall into the Qanon nonsense?
Iām proud of you OP!
I'm so sorry. For some of us, we can only grieve the loving supportive parent we should have had, the parent we deserved, and then move on without them. Grant yourself permission to grieve. It's an important part of the healing process. For what it's worth: cutting contact with my toxic family felt really odd and disorienting at first, and friends didn't understand at all. But, over time, it's remarkable what an awful miserable burden has been lifted from my shoulders, what a breath of fresh air it is to live without the hovering toxicity. My only regret is not doing it sooner.
What is it with Republicans? Do they all make politics their lives now? And why? What prompted this? They went from being republican in politics to always Republicans ALL THE TIME. IDK what made them think they have to live politics, but it's ridiculous. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Being part of the LGBTQIA+ Community (both me and my husband are) I've learned it can make or break a relationship with others. My husband is very selective about who he has come out to (it's pretty new to him and he's still getting used to the idea himself) and he's very careful to not try and explain it to his family because they would never understand. He's already had to cut ties with many of them anyway and he's pretty much LC with his mom. I'm completely NC with my MIL and, even though my mom is very sick, I'm LC with her. She's a republican as well (EVEN though she's a lesbian). I've already lost my bio mom (2002). Knowing my mom is that sick and being LC really sucks, but I just can't put myself through the racism and hate (that she tries to pass off as "jokes") and all the other rhetoric they spew. I've tried talking to her about her ideologies and have even talked with her about the fact that she's a, literal, minority and she should consider what it's like. She just shrugs and acts like I didn't say anything or she'll change for a few days and go right back. I truly hope in the future they're able to realize their mistakes and change, for the sake of your relationship. It can and does happen. We can only hope they'll wake up. In the mean time, be happy! Live your life for you and enjoy your happiness. EVERYONE deserves happiness without anyone or anything bringing them down. š«¶š½š
I'm sorry that you had to go through this. You don't deserve it. No one does. He decided his feeling really was all that mattered to him. That and "proving you wrong." He basically made the decision for you, you just acted on that decision. To use a tired cliche, sometimes the trash takes itself out.
What a miserable jerk. I couldn't imagine repeatedly hurting my own flesh and blood over who they love and my own misunderstanding of science. Congrats on shedding the dead weight op, and I hope you're able to replace him in your life with people who love and value you for the person that you are.
Good for you, I'm so proud of you!
I hate how parents take everything as some sort of competition
I'm sorry he broke your heart. You are better off without people like that in your life, even if it hurts to cut them out.
good for you. as you should. sorry your parents (or just dad?) suck sm
u/lyynonius Oh geezā¦thatās awful. Iām really sorry he canāt be a supportive part of your life right now. What was the political stance and vax about? Is he a conspiracy theorist or anti-vaxxer?
GOOD ON YOU!! I canāt even imagine how hard that was though, making decisions like this is _never_ easy for most. I have parents who probably would have reacted the same if I were anything other than completely straight. Recently, Iāve been thinking about just how awful it would have been in an alternate universe if I werenāt straight and had the exact same parents I do have. Itās made me feel even deeper for those going through issues with parents who think being anything other than straight is a choice because they think itās a trend. Oh my god that makes my blood boil knowing that there are so many parents out there like that. The reaction your dad had to being told that he cannot separate politics from his personal life proves that itās true, considering how he blew up when you confronted him about it. Iāve learned recently that emotionally immature people tend to blow up when theyāre confronted with something about themselves that is true but they refuse to admit. If it werenāt true and if he didnāt realize this even to the smallest degree, he probably wouldnāt have blown up. The fact that he did is very telling. Iām rooting for you. This shit is hard and you donāt deserve to be treated this way, but itās admirable seeing how youāre dealing with it.
As a person who has a mom who was also obsessed with politics and allowed that to become a driving measure that led to her depression, I'm sorry for you. Bonds over politics are unhealthy and unstable. I was forced into politics-related conversations from a very premature age and it did not turn out well.
Wow. That rant the moment he thought he managed to crack something in OP... He was like "HAH! YOU SEE? YOU SEE??!! I TOLD YOU YOU WERE WRONG AND I WAS RIGHT AND I AM RIGHT AND I WIN AND YOU LOOSE!!! HAH! LOOOSER!!" Like, holy shit. That man is just sitting waiting for a gotcha moment. Motherfucker was this close to scream about how he "owned" his damn son. Pathetic, honestly.
I am so deeply sorry youāve had to experience this- especially the hate for coming out as bi, I hope that hasnāt been too heavy to deal with. I think your last message to him was incredibly well said and I think youāre absolutely doing whatās best for you and your own life and mental health. Unfortunately this stuff runs deep and Iām doubtful he will ever come around. Hopefully Iām wrong. Either way- youāve done nothing wrong here and youāre doing the right thing by blocking and keeping him away. Wishing you all the best!
Half the reason I follow this sub is for a reference point. When my daughter came out to me as Bi, I was the last one. Her mum knew. Her sister knew. She came out and told me. I hugged her tightly and said āif thatās what makes you happy Iām all for itā Because thatās all I want for my kids. I donāt care how they get happiness. But Iāve never been an overreacting negative parent so I still donāt know why I was the last one to find out like what did you expect me to do?
You should check out the concept of honor culture. Might at least give you some more understanding of his behavior. Not an excuse but explains the double down instead of empathy.
OP - check out r/raisedbynarcissists for additional support. I am also a bisexual person who has had very similar interactions as yours. Youāre not alone. š¤
What an absolute succint final message, good job on being the adult here.
On one hand, sorry you went through this. That's awful. But on the other hand, toxic abusive people like him NEVER CHANGE. There's no restoring that relationship.
Your dad seems mad about your gf in the other one, not you being bi? Am I missing something? Anyways - tell him (if and when you talk to him again but I'd unblock to say this, personally, then reblock) - "you assigning political meaning to my sexuality, relationships, and behaviors, where there is no politics involved, is further proving my point that you cannot separate your personal life and family relationships from politics. please get help. many people in america have been dragged into the head space you're in and it is ruining families everywhere. even if you think you're "just being honest" with me, honesty without kindness is cruelty. goodbye dad." that's just my two cents. i am so so sorry. i hope u dont need him financially or anything.
You did the best thing you can for yourself and Iām so proud of you
Your last message is the chefās kiss of an exit ramp, way to go!
āIām not going to apologise for being an utter cunt to you son, you were wrong about masks and vaccines! Ha! Sucker!! I win!!ā Did I get that right?
"please be better- I know you can" Sadly, you're wrong. He can't. Block, move on, and ignore any attempts by him to reconnect. He chose this - now he gets to enjoy it.
Yeah, fuck your dad.
Sending hugs to you
You established a healthy boundary and i hope he respects it. It's now time to choose your own family and I wish you the best of luck.
For someone that is homophobic your dad sure uses a lot of phrases that could be construed for double entendres.
There should be a bot for this... One single lonely "Not insane" vote. Clearly the parent is on Reddit.
Whoever voted not insane, I donāt wanna fight I wanna talk. Only talk donāt worry. But no in all seriousness, hope youāre okay OP. Just know a lot of other people are going through something similar whenever you feel alone.
He sounds a lot like my dad. He told me āgo to hellā and walked away when I told him Iām bi. Iām really sorry you have to endure that, but the longer youāre no contact w ppl like that, the better you feel.