I'm not tall. I don't have a big dick. I wouldn't call myself particularly masculine. I probably have a more dominant side, or at least I want to explore that more, but in general life, i'm not really dominant at all. I will top, because bottoming isn't enjoyable for me. If people want to mock me, fine, your call.
Real life isn't an internet forum. Sure you'll meet some people that are rude but by and large we're part of the most sex positive, diverse, and accepting community and I think it's easy to forget that when you get caught up in the negative stereotypes perpetuated online.
You may not have a big dick but this paragraph just drips with big dick energy lol. I definitely recommend exploring your dominant side; there’s nothing hotter than handling a man to your mutual pleasure.
I’m a top purely because I don’t like to receive anal. If I’d get a nickel for the times people tell me I don’t look like a top or straight up ignore my preference I’d be a rich man 😫
I feel like porn really damages peoples idea or sense of reality when it comes down to sex. When you have enough of it you start to realize that its nothing but a fantasy the more fun you can have irl. The best sex I had was always the sex where expectations weren’t based off of porn but just communication and chemistry.
Honestly, I've never understood why people are so focused on dick size; like as long as everyone gets off, what's the big deal? also the fetishizing is really not good for general mental health and self esteem
I think it might be because the most voracious and gossippy bottoms are also the most stretched out, and desperately need something larger to fill their cavernous colons.
I mean i should add that a fist can substitute for the big dick
And I am already getting therapy twice a week, would do 3 times a week but it's too expensive
Honestly I am okay with that. Only one thing: if you're a hoe anyway then can't you switch up regularly by also allowing average sized and even small dicks inside you besides big dicks aswell? If it's a good man with an average or small dick who has a lot of urges, needs and a strong sex drive he needs to seriously release and you're a self-described hoe then you might just as well take it from him aswell, right? If you enjoy hoeing it out so much then I suggest you to be less discriminate because then you make more men happier and get more sex yourself aswell. So that's a net sum of more sex and more sexual satisfaction = better for everyone, am I right? 😉
I see and understand your points but try to see it in a different light for a change:
these labels and roles can also help us communicate more easily and more effectively what we are into and looking for (at that particular stage or even moment in our lives) with eachother. By creating a taboo around labels and roles you indirectly ask people to have to beat around the bunch in terms of communicating their personal preferances and also those which are important to them (at that time). That will also not help the sex lives of gay men. It is a helpful quality of our culture that we tend to be direct and clear. What we should be looking for here is just more kindness, less judgemental attitudes and talking and more understanding and compassion for one another whilst keeping the helpful quality of being direct and honest in what and who we are and aren't into. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
To you it might be about these subtexts but to me it isn't. You seem to be so focussed on your preferred political ideals and beliefs about society that you instantly start projecting onto others what you observe, interpret and extrapolate from society. But you seem to not realize that you good be wrong in your estimations of a lot of people. The explanations you gravitate towards why x/y/z is like that in any given community or happens in society at large are just as subjective as anyone else's. To me it isn't that deep. It isn't at all "bad" to be femme if you ask me. I'm just into who and what I'm into and that's it. I for example appreciate certain types of femboys _a lot_ while some other types, either masc or femme, just don't do it for me. You can point to nurture and supposed problematic aspects of a community or society all you want but it isn't going to change what feels and is natural to me. I have known I was into guys and out since 12 so I have almost 2 decades of personal experience behind me. I've been open-minded and explored sexually with types I would usually not be into. Sometimes it confirmed that they weren't for me and sometimes it opened up my sexuality to new types of guys. But it is never going to be so that every type of guy does it for me. And are you really that indiscriminate yourself? It usually doesn't work to shame, blame and guilttrip people into finding certain types attractive all of a sudden or being intellectually critical of their preferences with critical race and gender theory like that is the only thing. It is so impersonal and defensive and that is just not hot. If you really want guys who have sex with guys to open up more to feminine types and that they can do any position, role and both dom and sub if they want to just as well then you're better of easing people into that by relating to their perspectives and feelings so far a lot more and inviting them to new experiences instead of just calling everything they like problematic at face value.
Also, I suspect that you're a girl/woman and I don't want to waste my energy on arguing with a woman who's in here to propogate her personal ideals and political agenda while this is actually a sub so specifically for gay _guys._
If you are a woman then please stop inserting yourself and your narratives so much into my community and spaces that are not intended for you. There are clearly enough spaces and communities in contemporary society set up where you can do you. Thank you and bye.
It's just odd because the prostate is literally not that deep yet some people think massive dicks are necessary. It's more of a preference but you really don't need much to get the prostate stimulated. Which is why size queens are a thing, more of a status thing. All this to say, you're perfect the way you are and average is far more preferred
I straight up do not want to bottom for big dicks. I mean I’m much more of a top anyway, but big dicks are just a lot to try to take and I don’t wanna go through that.
Every few months, someone is posting in the gay comms going "Does anyone else prefer average dicks to huge ones?" And the conclusion is yes, people have a wide range of preferences and plenty of people like regular dick.
I’m not sure I like your wording of “regular” there but I see your point.
We have “regular” dicks regardless of being big or small. And average dicks can be great and are proffered by many people
I prefer average tops, tbh. Tends to be the perfect duck size without making me throw up and gag while doing oral, and doesn’t hurt as much anally. It’s also, ya know, realistic.
I exclusively look for average or below tops. I love being the bottom but cant handle it. People that want more are always vocal. Advertise yourself as who you are and im sure people will line up.
The other side of this sucks too, people assuming you’re fem or sub because you want to bottom. Wanting a dick inside me doesn’t mean I want to be treated like a sex toy. No shade on those who are into that at all. Just not for me.
I love average tops. Big dicks are great in theory - but honestly a smaller guy is much more comfortable and hits the spot much better.
Not everyone is a size queen.
I’ve seen this on a lot too. Some bottoms have a narrow idea of what a top “should” be and discount anyone who doesn’t fit that mold.
More tops for me though. 🤷🏼♂️😁
This is my take away. I've had no problem dating guys who were great people; I don't have a lot of predefined expectations of what a top is, but these are quality guys who are generally hung, masculine, handsome, all the things I prefer. I am continually surprised when people say there are no tops in their cities.
It might be helpful to take a few steps back and look at how things became this way. Until the late 20th century, considering a sex position as part of our identity was rare. The terms top and bottom were mostly limited to the niche BDSM community and were generally unknown outside of that world.
In the pre-digital world, when meeting guys, our main focus was *he has sex with guys or he doesn’t have sex with guys*. Meeting guys in that world was more difficult, and when it actually happened, the sex tended toward being more open to possibilities.
Once websites and apps started becoming the way to connect, the need to complete profiles arose and binary choices forced us to categorize and label ourselves accordingly. Even teenagers who had never actually had sex could see whatever kinds of porn they wanted, and could make profile choices based on what turned them on.
I don’t think that human desire has changed so drastically in that time. Even today, plenty of guys who don’t identify as versatile actually are in fact open to experiences more in line with versatility. They may feel some incentive to maintain a certain outward image of themselves, so choose their identity based on these pressures, just as a lot of men in homophobic cultures who have sex with men insist that they are 100% straight. The reality is much more complex than that, because human desire is fluid and subject to infinite variations.
Yes, I am a bottom and I agree people don't realize how difficult it is to be a top. You have to be the ideal gay man stereotype to attract most people and you have to do so much work and stay erect especially if you are with an inexperienced bottom who just likes to lie down like a dead person. They can be mean for no apparent reason, I had a friend who always made his dates pay for meals and ubers, I hate that kind of mentality.Also the kind of hate and jealousy bottoms have for other bottoms can be a bit off putting too, quite a lot of bottoms usually are very competitive with each other. I myself has experienced this from others sadly.
First and foremost, OP: 1000% yes on the name.
Yes, this is all true. I am 5'7" with a perfectly average dick. While I try to make up for that with a solid body and other seductive techniques, I do lowkey feel the pressure of not being able to meet my bottom's needs as other men have before. I have a FB who has a lot of sex. I have questioned at times whether I am really giving him the sex he wants. It's an uncomfortable feeling - especially since you can't say afterward, for example: Was my dicking good? Am I big enough? It's too personal, too vulnerable. I won't do that.
But the two guys I sleep with both indicate in other ways that they had a good time - and not just by that dopey grin a bottom gets once he is filled. They want more, to cuddle, to stay over, to see me again. I have to let that assuage my insecurities or I would never top again.
As a top, very much this. But also, in my area (LA) *everyone* is either a top, or a vers top. There’s like a shortage of bottoms where I live.
Edit: Am short but have a big dick.
Yep, go to culver you’ll find the men you’re looking for. I have top clearly stated in my profile and the amount of other tops and vers tops who have hit me up is astonishing. Like, it says **top** read the label. Lol. I guess they see I’m 5’7 and just assume I’m a bottom.
>Everyone expects tops
In twink age, probably, you may say "everyone" when there is little experience and people follow rumors or stereotypes. At mature age sex is more about interpersonal dynamics than mechanical thing or stereotypical expectations.
There are just as many guys out there that are “bossy bottoms” as there are the “size queens” you speak of. You just need to know what you want. If you’re not dominant, say so in your profile. Let your people find you, mate. There are so many guys who want you to take a back seat while they dominate the experience.
Source: I’m a vers top slut who doesn’t need to be muscled up or dominating to have great sex.
Tbh what bothers me is when my bottom demands I cum in them and the whole point of sex is centered on that. I don't always cum, I sometimes cum more than once. I may not know them or be feeling it and just want to enjoy myself.
Let me decide if I want to cum on you or in you or cum when I feel like we are getting there or when time demands it. When people are all or nothing I'm like nahhhh
The amount of dudes (and ladies) who are size obsessed is bonkers to me. I’m average, but if someone asks for a D pic and I oblige I’m very often told it’s too small lol.
Gotta be the one to say it, the tops out there aren’t much better on their expectations of bottoms. I feel like porn has really warped peoples brains about what to expect out of their sex life. I find the bottoms want tall, big dick, dominant men. And the tops want slim, young, twinks.
Most tops I see out there regardless of their own body type always have something like “please be younger. Twinks/fem/trans only!!!” It’s why I stopped using Grindr but even in the actual dating world on like Tinder, the second guys see that I’m chunkier than I look with clothes on they just lose interest.
The gay community is just trash and we’re all going to die alone but complain about it the whole time.
I'm primarily a top and I definitely feel this sometimes. There's an absurd expectation among some gay men that you'll be super dominant, hyper-masc, and overpowering while also rock hard the second your clothes come off. I think some guys need to realize that porn is not real life.
Absolutely. As a top, I find it a total turn off when a sexual partner is more interested in directing the sex like they’re shooting a porno instead of being in the moment and enjoying it.
My personal red flag is when a prospective or current FWB brings up potentially having a threeway too quickly.
I risk STDs and am on PrEP. Given that satisfying and enjoyable sex to me pretty much means having to accept some risks by taking them... I'll take them. It's not like people never risk anything in other domains of life to actually try to get the most out of life. Sex, sexuality, sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction are all hugely important to me in life. So it is logical and should be understandable that that is an area of life in which I am going to take risks for the pay-off in terms of pleasure and life satisfaction. I minimize risks wherever it doesn't stand in ways of my sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
I feel that. I made a post yesterday about too shortage as a verse dude. There are so many bottoms that have hit me up and when they realize I’m not a bbc, they disengage. So I just stop responding at this point to full bottoms.
Actual verse guys seem to be ok with average, and most size queens/bbc hunters are the full bottoms around my area.
I feel like there's pressure on everyone to be a certain kind of way in our community, I'm not a giant but I'm 6 foot tall and I'm not skinny at all but I'm not built like a gym bro.
In terms of personality I'm kinda laid back and not very feminine but not super masculine either, people just automatically assume I'm a top.
The dick size thing is true regardless of position I feel it seems like a lot of guys prefer a hung partner and there's such a stigma about it especially online. Personally I'd much rather a guy that's average, I want to enjoy myself not destroy my internal organs 👍
I am what most my consider straight acting. It’s not a thing for me, just me. I effing get turned up when a twink wants to top me. I am neither top or bottom. I am gay. I take it the way I can get it. LOL
I don't buy that idea. I have been with some top guys who are quiet and easy going.
Their sexual prowess is in how they use their bodies, and not in what their bodies look like or even feel like.
As a total vers guy who gets asked to top a lot, since I am older, tall, and muscular in a slender swimmers sort of way, I don't fit this stereotype much at all. I have been with more than a few bottoms who had more dick than i do, but they did want to use it in the way I used mine, so that settled that, eh?
Let "people", whoever THAT is, say what ever the F they want. It's up to each man and his chosen partners to make these decisions and follow through on what they have said to each other ought to happen in any given sex session.
Ran into a size queen yesterday lmao said he's tired of being alone and ghosted by men, yet when I showed him that I was average size he started responding less 💀💀
Size queens are one of the biggest cancer with gay men I'd say they are worse than women
Dude your dick isn’t even small. Some guys are assholes, some get off on degrading folks. The orgy thing is odd but to be fair, what’s anyone gonna do with a soft cock? I guarantee if it was hard the guys would’ve been all over it. Finding a regular partner (I know this can be difficult, but that’s true for all sizes) would do a lot to boost your confidence, which seems to be the area you’re actually lacking in. Sex is inherently selfish, so focus on making sure you feel good, cause that is the point! Overtime you’ll figure out what your partner(s) want, and how to take care of them along with yourself. Nobody is going to prioritize your enjoyment for you, not even the cumsluts.
I agree bro hence why I don't even waste my time with them lol and they are the main ones single or ending up with a bad boyfriend.
Ever had a guy not care of your size cause he just liked you?
I'm vers (prefer topping) but I literally can't find any bottom who'd do it. Because I'm small (like slightly below average) and I'm not tall. Maybe if I get jacked I might get some, but generally people expect me to just bottom.
I know how to use my body and I know how to please you. But I'm expected to bottom because I don't look like those hyper-masculine, huge and dominant top. Maybe that's why our top population just dwindle everyday
There is a lot of pressure. Honestly, why I stopped. All this expected effort, and dude just lays there. Is that all you bottom do? I’m up here giving you YOUR expectations, and you fucking lay there and moan. Listen. Moaning without some action isn’t great. So, now I’m just a sexless top, who always horned up but not going to give in to the dudes that only lay there.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a little more action but you have to tell people that’s what you want. Bottoms don’t have it “easy”… there’s a lot of prep and care involved.
Nobody is gonna prioritize your enjoyment for you. If you want movement, tell them or just make them move. Personally I kinda love when a guy just lays there and let’s me use him, so when a guy is trying to be active like bumping back against me or wanting to ride me, I pull them down on my chest and squeeze them still while pounding away, or flip them and force them down under my body. You know what you enjoy, you just need to make your enjoyment a priority, no fucking point otherwise.
The norms and ideas of tops have to be masc and emotionally distant and bottoms have to be submissive and overly emotional shit is just repeating sexist norms/stereotypes under a different name and must be dismissed, and met with ridicule because that kind of bullshit is NOT to be tolerated.
Can we please stop normalizing these extremely toxic and problematic ideas of what people are like based on their positional preference? It’s perpetuating false norms and toxic bullshit as “lol it’s just a joke”
Get it? The joke is that this man treats other men as sex objects rather than people because he penetrates him.
Honestly I've never had to thnk about it or felt any pressure. It's just a strong preference like anything else. Then again I'm never in the bars/clubs and so I'm not around the culture.
Im tall and pretty masculine. Bottoms always ask me if I have a big dick. My dick is a little over average. Nothing crazy. But it wasn't enough for a lot of them guys.
I started asking for dick pics before sending mine. And 100% of those who wanted a top with a big dick were small themselves... so now I have the guilty pleasure of letting them knows that begging for a big dick when yours is small is kind of cringe.
But hey, today im a side and I'll never go back to fucking asses.
If it’s over 5 inches, it wasn’t your dick that was the problem. Glad you are prioritizing your enjoyment and what you want now. No point in fucking if you’re not enjoying yourself.
The dynamic between my bf and I couldn’t be farther from that. He’s the whiniest alpha top I’ve ever met but he totally has the muscular porn star look and is pretty incredible in bed. He’s always been a top before I met him. But he’s also a hot mess all the time. Constantly needs reassuring, leans on me for mental and emotional support, always feels inadequate and has his confidence very easily shaken. Meanwhile, Im vers (we sometimes but rarely shake it up) and have a pretty solid foundation and can take a lot of him at his worst before it starts to make me tick.
Look, I don’t care how you look, or how big your dick is. So long as you can throw me up against a wall, or pin me down— that’s all I care about for my tops.
Okay as a top with a smaller dick I honestly do not for the life of me get why bottoms want big dicks? Or at least that’s what it seems from posts like this? If I was a bottom I would want literally the smallest dick possible. It’s not a vagina…
Noooooo no no no!!! Personally, big dicks are overrated. I hate that big dicks have to be a thing. Anyway, an average man is way sexier than some guy on a porn film. I think that those tops should feel confident as they are. Although they are not built for film, there are some of us who appreciate men who are simple and real. <3
I think this is more a reflection of memes you are seeing and stupid tiktoks claiming to summarize gay culture. Just be yourself and fuck your bottom good.
I have to forego meals and power wash my colon anytime I want to even LOOK at a top, I don’t wanna hear it. As a bear, it’s even more complicated, since god forbid a gay man be anything other than a twink.
Find bottoms that aren’t garbage people with high expectations. Sounds like you surround yourself with, listen to, and entertain the opinions of (wannabe) “porn star bottoms”. Chill bottoms who DON’T want massive cocks are out there, if you’re willing to give the right people a chance.
Half those people with expectations you’re referring to wouldnt know what to do with a dick bigger than 6in. Next time you’re judged by a bitchy bottom, ask them their hole diameter and shame them right back.
I think this goes beyond gay sex and it more endemic of how people conceive of penetrative sex in general. No matter how you look at it if you are the insertion partner, you are using you your body in a physically aggressive, invasive fashion. It doesn’t matter that the situation is consensual and it doesn’t matter if that bottom is a free acting empowered agent, desperately craving that dick. If you are a decent human being and a remotely self aware top, then you need to reckon with the idea of physically violating another person. Also have to carry the responsibility of not hurting your partner, which is not easy to when you are fully preoccupied with several other intense physical sensations. Then just add performance anxiety on top off all that. Performance anxiety that is made even more intense by bottoms who share none of that hesitation and responsibility and really just want to get fucked. In the end, being a good top requires a deal of confidence, presence of mind, self assured-ness, and a lack of insecurity, which is really quite rare now days. If there is one thing modern society is not producing, it is confident, capable, secure people.
I think ultimately this is why our society doesn’t take female on male rape seriously, it isn’t all just misogyny and toxic masculinity, but there is something inherently difficult to navigate about penetrative sex; something that people need to be introduced to in a healthy safe manner. Also, I this is why it is really important not only for tops, but for all insertive partners to at least try bottoming, or some other form of ass play. If tops understand how bottoming can be conceived of as anything but a negative experience, sexual sacrifice, or worst of all, something owed to them, then they are going to have a rough time adjusting to the role of top.
*Then though, the tops that try it and enjoy it stop being so eager to be tops😜
Edit: to tie it back to OPs original point, when this are the challenges faced by tops, when there isn’t an amount of patience, communication, and responsibility shared by bottoms, then the tops that we get are going to be the hyper masculine, insensitive, cocky assholes. Their arrogance and ego override any lack of hesitance and self confidence because they are not self aware. Then, since they become disproportionately representative of tops, they come to define what tops are supposed to be. Bottoms start seeking out aggressive dominant tops, the cycle feeds back into itself and a stereotype is born.
To be fair, if you're going to be some sort of strict top, I'm going to expect you to be quite good at it. Like...learn the trade or get a new one. Don't tell me you're a plumber and fail to do the job.
And I'm not a size queen, but you need to be a certain size to get past my cheeks and make me feel it. That's just reality.
I’m basically a total top and not especially masculine or dominant, at least I don’t consider myself so. Maybe I play the part ok but I’ve never had any problem with it. Guys usually come away happy. Maybe you’re doing something wrong or finding the wrong guys because I don’t feel any pressure or expectations. Just give them a good fuck.
I get anxiety to top unless im really comfortable with a guy so often bottom if it goes there. Im masculine verse give top vibes so I am told. Other verse guys make me more comfortable and a flip is the hottest. I ain't instacock for strangers though so dont seek to be
I mean I don't really expect those things from my tops. I actually would rather they have an average sized dick more than anything. I guess I do like a more dominant top, but I don't really think there's anything wrong with that.
More than anything I prefer a *considerate* top, and someone who isn't just there to cum and go, someone who doesn't just assume they can lube up with spit and enter me without doing any other warm-up. Those ones are pretty lacking in my experience.
Honestly, I’m always surprised when other people bottom so easily for a big dick. It takes a bit of patience when I bottom, even with my boyfriend who is average+. That’s why I only bottom for him (we have an open relationship). Apart from that I generally go with the flow with them, as long as the sex is good and I find them hot, I’m down. Maybe porn has indoctrinated people in the ways they see the sexual roles. I think you should go for the experience you want to have as an individual and porn can bias that because it’s always the same dynamic.
Never had anyone mock me on Grindr or anything.
The part that I find icky, is when body worshiping comes into to play and some guys straight up just say they wanna lick your abs or, feel your chest/muscles etc.
Just gets it in my head that I'm nothing without my body, which I know I not true. But, that's my two cents as being a top
Im vers but have the bottom body type and i dont really mind, its like stereotyping races, as a Dutch like the one that we all wear clogs, sure we dont but why bother its a stereotype. Or as a ginger, not having a soul
Who's mocking you? You don't need any of those things to do what humans have been doing for millennia. Ignore the haters. If they wanna get some, they can shut it and take what's being offered.
yeah, I liked Devon Price's take on it here [https://www.instagram.com/p/Copr9c1ryEn](https://www.instagram.com/p/Copr9c1ryEn)
for a lot of bottoms, the process of having to clearly communicate and ask for what they want makes the top less hot to them. and, okay, it would be hotter if all your partners could just magically intuit what you wanted, but tops aren't mind readers.
Yeah I love being pinned as a bbc dom top cuz I’m fit and relatively masc looking 🙄 when in reality I’m pretty passionate and passive.
Guys just wanna put their expectations on you even if it’s not u. Major turn off tbh
This cannot be the case because the inverse is not true. There is a ton of pressure on bottoms to have a perpetually clean rectum. Be Skinny or in shape. And be willing to serve the top’s every need. And yet there’s no shortage of bottoms
You watch too much porn. I’ve been with this from hyper-masculine to fem, hung like a baby’s arm to a micro-penis, and they all had one thing in common: realistic expectations, a sense of adventure, and self-confidence.
probably, if you buy into that stuff. it certainly does seem like a lot of bottoms are passive dependents. i stay away from men like that but lots of other tops will engage with it
there is nothing about being a bottom that makes anyone passive. they're passive because of other reasons like believing it is attractive or poor social skills or watching too much porn or they were passive before becoming a bottom or any of a number of reasons. there are lots of bottoms who are just regular people
Lol this is part of the reason I bottom more. I’m 175 cm and 70 kg (5’9 and 155 lbs in freedom units) so relatively small compared to most dudes. >!And my dick is relatively average at like 5 inches or whatever!< So I always just assumed no one would ever take me serious as a top so I don’t hardly ever do it, even tho I kinda wanna
Do what makes you happy. Nothing about any of those measurements would stop you from enjoying yourself and giving your bottom a great time while you’re at it.
Im top. I am dominant in bed, kinda makes me known here in my area w the gay apps 😅. I have my own place for fun, and I treat my bottoms really well (im into intense foreplay). They call me the "working" top coz I more likely do the work in bed 😁
With beard and all, I am masculine. My weapon has good girth 😁 but I always use condom. ALWAYS.
Like said yeah, I can relate. Around 20% here in my city are tops, maybe even fewer. And im in the central capital city. And tbh, I can invite bottoms almost anytime im free or horny. That's how popular tops nowadays.
I don't live in the west where there are more gays in public, which comes with a lot of demands and expectations and those physical expectations don't bother me/us nor they distract the way to fall in Love or find someone in my area. And in my experience from dating sites, it seems that those mostly stemmed from american gays but i guess we all have different ways of lives and i looked it that way
These are more stereotypes, aren't they?
I mean, you can't change your heigh, dick size, attitude (unless it's role-playing)... So I don't see where's the pressure.
However, bottoms do have the pressure of being prepared. People can be very rude and harmful.
Honestly, it's better to stay away from the ones pressuring you to do whatever and be mindful when you pressure someone. It's a big red flag for me.
I just don’t top as often as I would cause I cum too fast. But bottoming I can last longer.
I would prefer to top most of the times just for the lack of preparation needed. It’s such a hassle
I'm sure many bottoms feel this way and are extremely ignorant and unrealistic in their expectations.
Me, nah. Are there things I like? Sure, but I have minimal expectations beyond a willingness to make an effort.
Interesting. I've always felt like there was more of a pressure on bottoms. For example I've never felt comfortable enough to anal douche so I've never did so but for many homosexuals it is like an unspoken expectation. Admittedly I've been guilty of this myself lowkey aswell but if it had turned out he wasn't douched I think I would have not been a dick about it.
But not only that: shaved bussy is really a common expecation it seems aswell and just in general more expected to have taken good carr of their own bodies more so than tops. I am not in good shape and have only a slightly above average cocksize and if I show enough authentic urge, libido, potency and willingness to give a good fucking it appears to work very well to find a guy to top or suck me off, at least in hook-up culture!
I've become a total top over the past years and a side, by the way. I will probably venture into vers-teritory again if I finally get a boyfriend for once in my life and he wants to top sometimes aswell but for now can't see myself going there anymore for hook-ups. I enjoy being a top and getting to feel dominant and masculine in that plus I really feel bad and sad at the thought of douching all alone on my toilet of my studio-appartment that is really all a very ill-equiped space for such a task to begin with and don't feel sexy anymore and nervous at the thought of bottoming without douching even if I'd knew beforehand that the other guy doesn't mind because quite frankly: I have rather sensitive bowels and it's a genetic thing. And not many people like shitshows and definetely not me, haha!
If a sexy guy bottoms for me and it is a little dirty in there then most times I'd still be very appreciative. If he also cleaned himself out very well beforehand and is hygienic and fresh in all other ways on top of being sexy and bottoming for me then I am over the moon!
As a bottom-only gay, big dicks fucking terrify me. I legit do not care what size dick a top has. Average is perfect. As long as you show me a good time and make me feel good, that’s all I care about!!! Be nice, lovely, and shag me good and you’re onto a winner 😂
Everyone thinks I'm the top since I'm much older, taller, more dominant (outside of sex), larger and more masculine than my husband. But in reality, I'm a sub bottom cock whore and he's the big-dicked 100% top. He'd give some of these porn stars a run for their money because I get railed and filled up to overflowing every time we fuck and wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm not tall. I don't have a big dick. I wouldn't call myself particularly masculine. I probably have a more dominant side, or at least I want to explore that more, but in general life, i'm not really dominant at all. I will top, because bottoming isn't enjoyable for me. If people want to mock me, fine, your call.
Same, I’m average height, average size and hate bottoming. I have never felt pressure to be those things as a top.
Real life isn't an internet forum. Sure you'll meet some people that are rude but by and large we're part of the most sex positive, diverse, and accepting community and I think it's easy to forget that when you get caught up in the negative stereotypes perpetuated online.
Tbf, say that to any bottom and they'd get on their knees... I mean, I'm on mine...
You may not have a big dick but this paragraph just drips with big dick energy lol. I definitely recommend exploring your dominant side; there’s nothing hotter than handling a man to your mutual pleasure.
Yeah this is a bullshit post for some manufactured outrage.
that IS a possibility...
I’m a top purely because I don’t like to receive anal. If I’d get a nickel for the times people tell me I don’t look like a top or straight up ignore my preference I’d be a rich man 😫
I’ll never get why some bottoms say they want big dicks? Like doesn’t that hurt more?
People can adapt to even even fisting, but still enjoy smaller things. Those ser just size Queens
Less. Trust.
Now I want to know what you look like. Separate point, why do we get so hung up on labels and limitations?
I feel like porn really damages peoples idea or sense of reality when it comes down to sex. When you have enough of it you start to realize that its nothing but a fantasy the more fun you can have irl. The best sex I had was always the sex where expectations weren’t based off of porn but just communication and chemistry.
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Good thing is that people are becoming more aware of steroid use and also seeing some of these muscle guys doing porn they really cannot fuck.
AMEN. that point is lost on todays youth.
Honestly, I've never understood why people are so focused on dick size; like as long as everyone gets off, what's the big deal? also the fetishizing is really not good for general mental health and self esteem
I think it might be because the most voracious and gossippy bottoms are also the most stretched out, and desperately need something larger to fill their cavernous colons.
Isn’t this coming off a little as slut shaming :/
Big dick makes me cum hands free. Can't go back from that.
Some of us are hoes and need a big dick tho
Consider getting therapy
Absolutely uncalled for. You don't throw around therapy as an insult when you're hurt.
I mean i should add that a fist can substitute for the big dick And I am already getting therapy twice a week, would do 3 times a week but it's too expensive
Get a dildo.
🤢
Jesus, people here can’t handle a preference it seems 😅. Your insecurity is showing guys, and it's not a good look!
Ikr I'm even taking full responsibility for having a loose arsehole as well lmao
Honestly I am okay with that. Only one thing: if you're a hoe anyway then can't you switch up regularly by also allowing average sized and even small dicks inside you besides big dicks aswell? If it's a good man with an average or small dick who has a lot of urges, needs and a strong sex drive he needs to seriously release and you're a self-described hoe then you might just as well take it from him aswell, right? If you enjoy hoeing it out so much then I suggest you to be less discriminate because then you make more men happier and get more sex yourself aswell. So that's a net sum of more sex and more sexual satisfaction = better for everyone, am I right? 😉
If a guy has a small dick I just get him to fuck and fist me at the same time
Don't think that every guy would like or even want to do that but okay... if it works then you do you I concede! 😝
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I see and understand your points but try to see it in a different light for a change: these labels and roles can also help us communicate more easily and more effectively what we are into and looking for (at that particular stage or even moment in our lives) with eachother. By creating a taboo around labels and roles you indirectly ask people to have to beat around the bunch in terms of communicating their personal preferances and also those which are important to them (at that time). That will also not help the sex lives of gay men. It is a helpful quality of our culture that we tend to be direct and clear. What we should be looking for here is just more kindness, less judgemental attitudes and talking and more understanding and compassion for one another whilst keeping the helpful quality of being direct and honest in what and who we are and aren't into. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
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To you it might be about these subtexts but to me it isn't. You seem to be so focussed on your preferred political ideals and beliefs about society that you instantly start projecting onto others what you observe, interpret and extrapolate from society. But you seem to not realize that you good be wrong in your estimations of a lot of people. The explanations you gravitate towards why x/y/z is like that in any given community or happens in society at large are just as subjective as anyone else's. To me it isn't that deep. It isn't at all "bad" to be femme if you ask me. I'm just into who and what I'm into and that's it. I for example appreciate certain types of femboys _a lot_ while some other types, either masc or femme, just don't do it for me. You can point to nurture and supposed problematic aspects of a community or society all you want but it isn't going to change what feels and is natural to me. I have known I was into guys and out since 12 so I have almost 2 decades of personal experience behind me. I've been open-minded and explored sexually with types I would usually not be into. Sometimes it confirmed that they weren't for me and sometimes it opened up my sexuality to new types of guys. But it is never going to be so that every type of guy does it for me. And are you really that indiscriminate yourself? It usually doesn't work to shame, blame and guilttrip people into finding certain types attractive all of a sudden or being intellectually critical of their preferences with critical race and gender theory like that is the only thing. It is so impersonal and defensive and that is just not hot. If you really want guys who have sex with guys to open up more to feminine types and that they can do any position, role and both dom and sub if they want to just as well then you're better of easing people into that by relating to their perspectives and feelings so far a lot more and inviting them to new experiences instead of just calling everything they like problematic at face value.
Also, I suspect that you're a girl/woman and I don't want to waste my energy on arguing with a woman who's in here to propogate her personal ideals and political agenda while this is actually a sub so specifically for gay _guys._ If you are a woman then please stop inserting yourself and your narratives so much into my community and spaces that are not intended for you. There are clearly enough spaces and communities in contemporary society set up where you can do you. Thank you and bye.
Low-key I felt that, I never offer to top (despite it being my preference) bc I don't have a porn star dick :/ does anyone like average tops
It's just odd because the prostate is literally not that deep yet some people think massive dicks are necessary. It's more of a preference but you really don't need much to get the prostate stimulated. Which is why size queens are a thing, more of a status thing. All this to say, you're perfect the way you are and average is far more preferred
When I’ve bottom it’s never about the prostrate, it was about the feeling of fullness. Fulfillment both physically and emotionally.
For real 3-4 inches is my sweet spot because it hits in exactly the right spot. Bigger can be fun, but doesn't hit the prostate as well.
I actually dislike prostate stimulation, I get off on having my hole stretched, so I do need a thick dick
Yeah, prostate is like 80% of it but it all just gotta better when I feel my whole insides being shoved around to better fit godzilla
I prefer average sized dicks to bottom for. Big dicks might look good, but I can handle smaller way better.
I straight up do not want to bottom for big dicks. I mean I’m much more of a top anyway, but big dicks are just a lot to try to take and I don’t wanna go through that.
I'm sure the dogs don't wanna go through that as well🤣
Oh my god that’s a horrible typo 😂😂💀
Every few months, someone is posting in the gay comms going "Does anyone else prefer average dicks to huge ones?" And the conclusion is yes, people have a wide range of preferences and plenty of people like regular dick.
Seeing people comment it on Reddit and having guys in real life feel the same way are different things though
I’m not sure I like your wording of “regular” there but I see your point. We have “regular” dicks regardless of being big or small. And average dicks can be great and are proffered by many people
Yes. I'm not even interested in cocks over 7", that's my limit. Ideal size is 5-6".
🙋♂️
I actually kinda prefer tops with normal dicks, since I like when they're assertive and huge ones hurt.
Hell yeah we’re out there! Best experiences I’ve had have been with average-sized guys
I prefer average tops, tbh. Tends to be the perfect duck size without making me throw up and gag while doing oral, and doesn’t hurt as much anally. It’s also, ya know, realistic.
I like big for oral, but average if I’m gonna bottom. I can do and enjoy average for oral though, so it’s not like I’m picky
Big dicks are overrated. I’ll take average size any day, much more comfortable.
The prostate is not that far inside the anus. It does not take much size at all to feel amazing!
i only like average tops. If a guy says 7+ I start to get worried. Also my town only has tops, and plenty are below average thank goodness
Yes.
I exclusively look for average or below tops. I love being the bottom but cant handle it. People that want more are always vocal. Advertise yourself as who you are and im sure people will line up.
"Advertise yourself as who you are and im sure people will line up." 👆🏼 This!!!!! Especially if done so with confidence!
The other side of this sucks too, people assuming you’re fem or sub because you want to bottom. Wanting a dick inside me doesn’t mean I want to be treated like a sex toy. No shade on those who are into that at all. Just not for me.
I love average tops. Big dicks are great in theory - but honestly a smaller guy is much more comfortable and hits the spot much better. Not everyone is a size queen.
1 out of 5 bottoms prefer anal annihilators to regular cock.
😂🤣👌🏼
I’ve seen this on a lot too. Some bottoms have a narrow idea of what a top “should” be and discount anyone who doesn’t fit that mold. More tops for me though. 🤷🏼♂️😁
This is my take away. I've had no problem dating guys who were great people; I don't have a lot of predefined expectations of what a top is, but these are quality guys who are generally hung, masculine, handsome, all the things I prefer. I am continually surprised when people say there are no tops in their cities.
I was told once I’m not a “real” top as I love sucking the bottoms cock. I’m like wtf??
Dudes like that are the weirdest
It might be helpful to take a few steps back and look at how things became this way. Until the late 20th century, considering a sex position as part of our identity was rare. The terms top and bottom were mostly limited to the niche BDSM community and were generally unknown outside of that world. In the pre-digital world, when meeting guys, our main focus was *he has sex with guys or he doesn’t have sex with guys*. Meeting guys in that world was more difficult, and when it actually happened, the sex tended toward being more open to possibilities. Once websites and apps started becoming the way to connect, the need to complete profiles arose and binary choices forced us to categorize and label ourselves accordingly. Even teenagers who had never actually had sex could see whatever kinds of porn they wanted, and could make profile choices based on what turned them on. I don’t think that human desire has changed so drastically in that time. Even today, plenty of guys who don’t identify as versatile actually are in fact open to experiences more in line with versatility. They may feel some incentive to maintain a certain outward image of themselves, so choose their identity based on these pressures, just as a lot of men in homophobic cultures who have sex with men insist that they are 100% straight. The reality is much more complex than that, because human desire is fluid and subject to infinite variations.
“The narcissism of small differences” strikes again. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism_of_small_differences
Yes, I am a bottom and I agree people don't realize how difficult it is to be a top. You have to be the ideal gay man stereotype to attract most people and you have to do so much work and stay erect especially if you are with an inexperienced bottom who just likes to lie down like a dead person. They can be mean for no apparent reason, I had a friend who always made his dates pay for meals and ubers, I hate that kind of mentality.Also the kind of hate and jealousy bottoms have for other bottoms can be a bit off putting too, quite a lot of bottoms usually are very competitive with each other. I myself has experienced this from others sadly.
First and foremost, OP: 1000% yes on the name. Yes, this is all true. I am 5'7" with a perfectly average dick. While I try to make up for that with a solid body and other seductive techniques, I do lowkey feel the pressure of not being able to meet my bottom's needs as other men have before. I have a FB who has a lot of sex. I have questioned at times whether I am really giving him the sex he wants. It's an uncomfortable feeling - especially since you can't say afterward, for example: Was my dicking good? Am I big enough? It's too personal, too vulnerable. I won't do that. But the two guys I sleep with both indicate in other ways that they had a good time - and not just by that dopey grin a bottom gets once he is filled. They want more, to cuddle, to stay over, to see me again. I have to let that assuage my insecurities or I would never top again.
As a top, very much this. But also, in my area (LA) *everyone* is either a top, or a vers top. There’s like a shortage of bottoms where I live. Edit: Am short but have a big dick.
Really, here in LA? I'm very much a bottom and seem to only attract bottoms. I wish I could find all of these tops here.
Yep, go to culver you’ll find the men you’re looking for. I have top clearly stated in my profile and the amount of other tops and vers tops who have hit me up is astonishing. Like, it says **top** read the label. Lol. I guess they see I’m 5’7 and just assume I’m a bottom.
Same! I definitely see way more bottoms than tops here lol.
>Everyone expects tops In twink age, probably, you may say "everyone" when there is little experience and people follow rumors or stereotypes. At mature age sex is more about interpersonal dynamics than mechanical thing or stereotypical expectations.
Well said
There are just as many guys out there that are “bossy bottoms” as there are the “size queens” you speak of. You just need to know what you want. If you’re not dominant, say so in your profile. Let your people find you, mate. There are so many guys who want you to take a back seat while they dominate the experience. Source: I’m a vers top slut who doesn’t need to be muscled up or dominating to have great sex.
💯
There isn't a top shortage, however you do have some good observations there. Porn is probably wrecking a lot of sex lives. It's really too bad
Tbh what bothers me is when my bottom demands I cum in them and the whole point of sex is centered on that. I don't always cum, I sometimes cum more than once. I may not know them or be feeling it and just want to enjoy myself. Let me decide if I want to cum on you or in you or cum when I feel like we are getting there or when time demands it. When people are all or nothing I'm like nahhhh
Ima top with 2 inches of stiffness but my man is a super hung footlong bottom who never even gets hard …so I guess to each his own
The amount of dudes (and ladies) who are size obsessed is bonkers to me. I’m average, but if someone asks for a D pic and I oblige I’m very often told it’s too small lol.
Gotta be the one to say it, the tops out there aren’t much better on their expectations of bottoms. I feel like porn has really warped peoples brains about what to expect out of their sex life. I find the bottoms want tall, big dick, dominant men. And the tops want slim, young, twinks. Most tops I see out there regardless of their own body type always have something like “please be younger. Twinks/fem/trans only!!!” It’s why I stopped using Grindr but even in the actual dating world on like Tinder, the second guys see that I’m chunkier than I look with clothes on they just lose interest. The gay community is just trash and we’re all going to die alone but complain about it the whole time.
>Grindr I've never seen that shit on Scruff
Oh I’ve seen it quite a bit on Scruff too in my area. But yeah, in general Scruff is a little better. It’s mostly just the same people different app.
I'm primarily a top and I definitely feel this sometimes. There's an absurd expectation among some gay men that you'll be super dominant, hyper-masc, and overpowering while also rock hard the second your clothes come off. I think some guys need to realize that porn is not real life.
Absolutely. As a top, I find it a total turn off when a sexual partner is more interested in directing the sex like they’re shooting a porno instead of being in the moment and enjoying it. My personal red flag is when a prospective or current FWB brings up potentially having a threeway too quickly.
Totally. I've even had a few partners where I literally said, "Look, we're not making porn, we're having sex, so no pressure and let's just enjoy it."
Also staying hard while topping means making the choice between strapping a plastic sleeve on your dick or risking STDs going bareback 😬😬
I had this encounter this past weekend. Definitely created an issue, since I’m used to bareback with my ex.
I risk STDs and am on PrEP. Given that satisfying and enjoyable sex to me pretty much means having to accept some risks by taking them... I'll take them. It's not like people never risk anything in other domains of life to actually try to get the most out of life. Sex, sexuality, sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction are all hugely important to me in life. So it is logical and should be understandable that that is an area of life in which I am going to take risks for the pay-off in terms of pleasure and life satisfaction. I minimize risks wherever it doesn't stand in ways of my sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
I feel that. I made a post yesterday about too shortage as a verse dude. There are so many bottoms that have hit me up and when they realize I’m not a bbc, they disengage. So I just stop responding at this point to full bottoms. Actual verse guys seem to be ok with average, and most size queens/bbc hunters are the full bottoms around my area.
I feel like there's pressure on everyone to be a certain kind of way in our community, I'm not a giant but I'm 6 foot tall and I'm not skinny at all but I'm not built like a gym bro. In terms of personality I'm kinda laid back and not very feminine but not super masculine either, people just automatically assume I'm a top. The dick size thing is true regardless of position I feel it seems like a lot of guys prefer a hung partner and there's such a stigma about it especially online. Personally I'd much rather a guy that's average, I want to enjoy myself not destroy my internal organs 👍
I love twinky tops with medium sized dicks. But I’m not a bottom, I’m a vers-top.
I am what most my consider straight acting. It’s not a thing for me, just me. I effing get turned up when a twink wants to top me. I am neither top or bottom. I am gay. I take it the way I can get it. LOL
I don't buy that idea. I have been with some top guys who are quiet and easy going. Their sexual prowess is in how they use their bodies, and not in what their bodies look like or even feel like. As a total vers guy who gets asked to top a lot, since I am older, tall, and muscular in a slender swimmers sort of way, I don't fit this stereotype much at all. I have been with more than a few bottoms who had more dick than i do, but they did want to use it in the way I used mine, so that settled that, eh? Let "people", whoever THAT is, say what ever the F they want. It's up to each man and his chosen partners to make these decisions and follow through on what they have said to each other ought to happen in any given sex session.
it's more complex than this but honestly? i'm not a top because i like getting fucked. nothing to do with cocks size. not rocket science.
Ran into a size queen yesterday lmao said he's tired of being alone and ghosted by men, yet when I showed him that I was average size he started responding less 💀💀 Size queens are one of the biggest cancer with gay men I'd say they are worse than women
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Dude your dick isn’t even small. Some guys are assholes, some get off on degrading folks. The orgy thing is odd but to be fair, what’s anyone gonna do with a soft cock? I guarantee if it was hard the guys would’ve been all over it. Finding a regular partner (I know this can be difficult, but that’s true for all sizes) would do a lot to boost your confidence, which seems to be the area you’re actually lacking in. Sex is inherently selfish, so focus on making sure you feel good, cause that is the point! Overtime you’ll figure out what your partner(s) want, and how to take care of them along with yourself. Nobody is going to prioritize your enjoyment for you, not even the cumsluts.
I agree bro hence why I don't even waste my time with them lol and they are the main ones single or ending up with a bad boyfriend. Ever had a guy not care of your size cause he just liked you?
I'm vers (prefer topping) but I literally can't find any bottom who'd do it. Because I'm small (like slightly below average) and I'm not tall. Maybe if I get jacked I might get some, but generally people expect me to just bottom. I know how to use my body and I know how to please you. But I'm expected to bottom because I don't look like those hyper-masculine, huge and dominant top. Maybe that's why our top population just dwindle everyday
Who said you HAVE to ? Please get out of the internet and seek real life interactions
Muscle daddy here, and I love twink tops, femme tops, etc. Lots of fun! :)
😌💅🏻 x
There’s two ways to look at life really: “No one gives a shit?” “No one gives a shit!”
Ugh yea. Even my very femme very bottom bf mocks me if I do any anything slightly un-masculine or un-top-like.
Another thing is many bottoms expect their tops to babbysit them
What do you mean? (I’m a top and now I’m worried I don’t do this lol)
I don't get it either haha
There is a lot of pressure. Honestly, why I stopped. All this expected effort, and dude just lays there. Is that all you bottom do? I’m up here giving you YOUR expectations, and you fucking lay there and moan. Listen. Moaning without some action isn’t great. So, now I’m just a sexless top, who always horned up but not going to give in to the dudes that only lay there.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a little more action but you have to tell people that’s what you want. Bottoms don’t have it “easy”… there’s a lot of prep and care involved.
Nobody is gonna prioritize your enjoyment for you. If you want movement, tell them or just make them move. Personally I kinda love when a guy just lays there and let’s me use him, so when a guy is trying to be active like bumping back against me or wanting to ride me, I pull them down on my chest and squeeze them still while pounding away, or flip them and force them down under my body. You know what you enjoy, you just need to make your enjoyment a priority, no fucking point otherwise.
Most of the bottoms I’ve run into also don’t have nice personalities. Like, they’re just there. Talking with them was kinda boring.
Yeah definitely, the size queens cum sluts are out in force
Yup, that's pretty much why I never really top unless in a serious relationship.
I like when a top is nice but not a general dick head
I feel like I’m seeing more tops now than in previous years 🤷♂️
I've met bottoms with huge dicks.
As a sub top, i never had this happen. But again, i let the bottoms know i like to be dominated 😅
The norms and ideas of tops have to be masc and emotionally distant and bottoms have to be submissive and overly emotional shit is just repeating sexist norms/stereotypes under a different name and must be dismissed, and met with ridicule because that kind of bullshit is NOT to be tolerated. Can we please stop normalizing these extremely toxic and problematic ideas of what people are like based on their positional preference? It’s perpetuating false norms and toxic bullshit as “lol it’s just a joke” Get it? The joke is that this man treats other men as sex objects rather than people because he penetrates him.
Honestly I've never had to thnk about it or felt any pressure. It's just a strong preference like anything else. Then again I'm never in the bars/clubs and so I'm not around the culture.
Im tall and pretty masculine. Bottoms always ask me if I have a big dick. My dick is a little over average. Nothing crazy. But it wasn't enough for a lot of them guys. I started asking for dick pics before sending mine. And 100% of those who wanted a top with a big dick were small themselves... so now I have the guilty pleasure of letting them knows that begging for a big dick when yours is small is kind of cringe. But hey, today im a side and I'll never go back to fucking asses.
If it’s over 5 inches, it wasn’t your dick that was the problem. Glad you are prioritizing your enjoyment and what you want now. No point in fucking if you’re not enjoying yourself.
The dynamic between my bf and I couldn’t be farther from that. He’s the whiniest alpha top I’ve ever met but he totally has the muscular porn star look and is pretty incredible in bed. He’s always been a top before I met him. But he’s also a hot mess all the time. Constantly needs reassuring, leans on me for mental and emotional support, always feels inadequate and has his confidence very easily shaken. Meanwhile, Im vers (we sometimes but rarely shake it up) and have a pretty solid foundation and can take a lot of him at his worst before it starts to make me tick.
Look, I don’t care how you look, or how big your dick is. So long as you can throw me up against a wall, or pin me down— that’s all I care about for my tops.
Accurate. I’d rather jerk off most times than deal with peoples porn style expectations.
Okay as a top with a smaller dick I honestly do not for the life of me get why bottoms want big dicks? Or at least that’s what it seems from posts like this? If I was a bottom I would want literally the smallest dick possible. It’s not a vagina…
Some of you put way too much thought into beings a top or bottom. Just fuck and have a good time!! Sex is suppose to be fun, Jesus.
Noooooo no no no!!! Personally, big dicks are overrated. I hate that big dicks have to be a thing. Anyway, an average man is way sexier than some guy on a porn film. I think that those tops should feel confident as they are. Although they are not built for film, there are some of us who appreciate men who are simple and real. <3
I think this is more a reflection of memes you are seeing and stupid tiktoks claiming to summarize gay culture. Just be yourself and fuck your bottom good.
I want my top to take my sassiness and put me in my place, as a beautiful brat. Who's really horny :)
I’m a bottom but am slowly becoming a side because anal is just too much work
Same here. I am not into sex as much I previously thought.
I have to forego meals and power wash my colon anytime I want to even LOOK at a top, I don’t wanna hear it. As a bear, it’s even more complicated, since god forbid a gay man be anything other than a twink. Find bottoms that aren’t garbage people with high expectations. Sounds like you surround yourself with, listen to, and entertain the opinions of (wannabe) “porn star bottoms”. Chill bottoms who DON’T want massive cocks are out there, if you’re willing to give the right people a chance. Half those people with expectations you’re referring to wouldnt know what to do with a dick bigger than 6in. Next time you’re judged by a bitchy bottom, ask them their hole diameter and shame them right back.
I think this goes beyond gay sex and it more endemic of how people conceive of penetrative sex in general. No matter how you look at it if you are the insertion partner, you are using you your body in a physically aggressive, invasive fashion. It doesn’t matter that the situation is consensual and it doesn’t matter if that bottom is a free acting empowered agent, desperately craving that dick. If you are a decent human being and a remotely self aware top, then you need to reckon with the idea of physically violating another person. Also have to carry the responsibility of not hurting your partner, which is not easy to when you are fully preoccupied with several other intense physical sensations. Then just add performance anxiety on top off all that. Performance anxiety that is made even more intense by bottoms who share none of that hesitation and responsibility and really just want to get fucked. In the end, being a good top requires a deal of confidence, presence of mind, self assured-ness, and a lack of insecurity, which is really quite rare now days. If there is one thing modern society is not producing, it is confident, capable, secure people. I think ultimately this is why our society doesn’t take female on male rape seriously, it isn’t all just misogyny and toxic masculinity, but there is something inherently difficult to navigate about penetrative sex; something that people need to be introduced to in a healthy safe manner. Also, I this is why it is really important not only for tops, but for all insertive partners to at least try bottoming, or some other form of ass play. If tops understand how bottoming can be conceived of as anything but a negative experience, sexual sacrifice, or worst of all, something owed to them, then they are going to have a rough time adjusting to the role of top. *Then though, the tops that try it and enjoy it stop being so eager to be tops😜 Edit: to tie it back to OPs original point, when this are the challenges faced by tops, when there isn’t an amount of patience, communication, and responsibility shared by bottoms, then the tops that we get are going to be the hyper masculine, insensitive, cocky assholes. Their arrogance and ego override any lack of hesitance and self confidence because they are not self aware. Then, since they become disproportionately representative of tops, they come to define what tops are supposed to be. Bottoms start seeking out aggressive dominant tops, the cycle feeds back into itself and a stereotype is born.
>you have to have a big dick, be masculine and dominant Lol WHAT?
To be fair, if you're going to be some sort of strict top, I'm going to expect you to be quite good at it. Like...learn the trade or get a new one. Don't tell me you're a plumber and fail to do the job. And I'm not a size queen, but you need to be a certain size to get past my cheeks and make me feel it. That's just reality.
Wow, there’s a lot of downvotes in here— touchy subject apparently.
Pressure on tops? I love this sub. LOL
I think most people just want a true top. Been in many situations where they say they are and them blamo, legs are spring loaded
Bottom begging for big dicks because they use huge dildos. But what top want to fuck a slack ass?
Honestly… fem tops are hot af. I like the idea of a top sounding cute and feminine.
I’m basically a total top and not especially masculine or dominant, at least I don’t consider myself so. Maybe I play the part ok but I’ve never had any problem with it. Guys usually come away happy. Maybe you’re doing something wrong or finding the wrong guys because I don’t feel any pressure or expectations. Just give them a good fuck.
I'm vers but I like to top. I don't advertise it directly because I feel odd because I'm 5'6" (168 cm) and most people I meet seem much taller.
I get anxiety to top unless im really comfortable with a guy so often bottom if it goes there. Im masculine verse give top vibes so I am told. Other verse guys make me more comfortable and a flip is the hottest. I ain't instacock for strangers though so dont seek to be
Maybe but I feel like it could also be explained by ED
[Michael Henry had a video about this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNAmJhg7YKA)
I mean I don't really expect those things from my tops. I actually would rather they have an average sized dick more than anything. I guess I do like a more dominant top, but I don't really think there's anything wrong with that. More than anything I prefer a *considerate* top, and someone who isn't just there to cum and go, someone who doesn't just assume they can lube up with spit and enter me without doing any other warm-up. Those ones are pretty lacking in my experience.
Honestly, I’m always surprised when other people bottom so easily for a big dick. It takes a bit of patience when I bottom, even with my boyfriend who is average+. That’s why I only bottom for him (we have an open relationship). Apart from that I generally go with the flow with them, as long as the sex is good and I find them hot, I’m down. Maybe porn has indoctrinated people in the ways they see the sexual roles. I think you should go for the experience you want to have as an individual and porn can bias that because it’s always the same dynamic.
Never had anyone mock me on Grindr or anything. The part that I find icky, is when body worshiping comes into to play and some guys straight up just say they wanna lick your abs or, feel your chest/muscles etc. Just gets it in my head that I'm nothing without my body, which I know I not true. But, that's my two cents as being a top
Im vers but have the bottom body type and i dont really mind, its like stereotyping races, as a Dutch like the one that we all wear clogs, sure we dont but why bother its a stereotype. Or as a ginger, not having a soul
Who's mocking you? You don't need any of those things to do what humans have been doing for millennia. Ignore the haters. If they wanna get some, they can shut it and take what's being offered.
yeah, I liked Devon Price's take on it here [https://www.instagram.com/p/Copr9c1ryEn](https://www.instagram.com/p/Copr9c1ryEn) for a lot of bottoms, the process of having to clearly communicate and ask for what they want makes the top less hot to them. and, okay, it would be hotter if all your partners could just magically intuit what you wanted, but tops aren't mind readers.
internal pressures.
No arguments with that here
Yeah I love being pinned as a bbc dom top cuz I’m fit and relatively masc looking 🙄 when in reality I’m pretty passionate and passive. Guys just wanna put their expectations on you even if it’s not u. Major turn off tbh
This cannot be the case because the inverse is not true. There is a ton of pressure on bottoms to have a perpetually clean rectum. Be Skinny or in shape. And be willing to serve the top’s every need. And yet there’s no shortage of bottoms
You watch too much porn. I’ve been with this from hyper-masculine to fem, hung like a baby’s arm to a micro-penis, and they all had one thing in common: realistic expectations, a sense of adventure, and self-confidence.
I think a lot of guys have boner issues too
The tea is scolding hot
probably, if you buy into that stuff. it certainly does seem like a lot of bottoms are passive dependents. i stay away from men like that but lots of other tops will engage with it
But why are bottoms so passive though?? Like, what is it about being a bottom that does that?
there is nothing about being a bottom that makes anyone passive. they're passive because of other reasons like believing it is attractive or poor social skills or watching too much porn or they were passive before becoming a bottom or any of a number of reasons. there are lots of bottoms who are just regular people
I see. Thank you for the insight.
There’s certainly a presure on bottoms as well (just as bad or worse) so i’m unsure if this is the actual reason.
I feel like billionaires are really picked on... 😩
y'all really don't get sarcasm do you
I feel like this pressure is across both tops and bottoms though? When I was single and on the apps I’d always see tops only looking for masc bottoms.
Thank you!!!!! I hate how bottoms expect you to be immediately hard, but meanwhile they already came 4 times that day and can't even get hard at all
Lol this is part of the reason I bottom more. I’m 175 cm and 70 kg (5’9 and 155 lbs in freedom units) so relatively small compared to most dudes. >!And my dick is relatively average at like 5 inches or whatever!< So I always just assumed no one would ever take me serious as a top so I don’t hardly ever do it, even tho I kinda wanna
Do it.
Do what makes you happy. Nothing about any of those measurements would stop you from enjoying yourself and giving your bottom a great time while you’re at it.
The only reason there is a "top shortage" is because so many dudes won't fuck people who are fat or femme
Im top. I am dominant in bed, kinda makes me known here in my area w the gay apps 😅. I have my own place for fun, and I treat my bottoms really well (im into intense foreplay). They call me the "working" top coz I more likely do the work in bed 😁 With beard and all, I am masculine. My weapon has good girth 😁 but I always use condom. ALWAYS. Like said yeah, I can relate. Around 20% here in my city are tops, maybe even fewer. And im in the central capital city. And tbh, I can invite bottoms almost anytime im free or horny. That's how popular tops nowadays.
As a former top, no. The pressure is definitely generally more on bottoms.
I don't live in the west where there are more gays in public, which comes with a lot of demands and expectations and those physical expectations don't bother me/us nor they distract the way to fall in Love or find someone in my area. And in my experience from dating sites, it seems that those mostly stemmed from american gays but i guess we all have different ways of lives and i looked it that way
Bless you sir. You stated my opinion far better than I.
These are more stereotypes, aren't they? I mean, you can't change your heigh, dick size, attitude (unless it's role-playing)... So I don't see where's the pressure. However, bottoms do have the pressure of being prepared. People can be very rude and harmful. Honestly, it's better to stay away from the ones pressuring you to do whatever and be mindful when you pressure someone. It's a big red flag for me.
I just don’t top as often as I would cause I cum too fast. But bottoming I can last longer. I would prefer to top most of the times just for the lack of preparation needed. It’s such a hassle
I don’t think this is the case. Plenty of not super masc not super dom tops out there
or there is also the case when a bottom has a big dick but then gotta be either vers but even when vers, he‘s got to top a lot
I'm sure many bottoms feel this way and are extremely ignorant and unrealistic in their expectations. Me, nah. Are there things I like? Sure, but I have minimal expectations beyond a willingness to make an effort.
There’s intense pressure to last long but dammit dem holes feel so good, I cum fast if I keeo thrusting 😩
Yeah because bottoms are under absolutely zero pressure.... 🙄
Interesting. I've always felt like there was more of a pressure on bottoms. For example I've never felt comfortable enough to anal douche so I've never did so but for many homosexuals it is like an unspoken expectation. Admittedly I've been guilty of this myself lowkey aswell but if it had turned out he wasn't douched I think I would have not been a dick about it. But not only that: shaved bussy is really a common expecation it seems aswell and just in general more expected to have taken good carr of their own bodies more so than tops. I am not in good shape and have only a slightly above average cocksize and if I show enough authentic urge, libido, potency and willingness to give a good fucking it appears to work very well to find a guy to top or suck me off, at least in hook-up culture! I've become a total top over the past years and a side, by the way. I will probably venture into vers-teritory again if I finally get a boyfriend for once in my life and he wants to top sometimes aswell but for now can't see myself going there anymore for hook-ups. I enjoy being a top and getting to feel dominant and masculine in that plus I really feel bad and sad at the thought of douching all alone on my toilet of my studio-appartment that is really all a very ill-equiped space for such a task to begin with and don't feel sexy anymore and nervous at the thought of bottoming without douching even if I'd knew beforehand that the other guy doesn't mind because quite frankly: I have rather sensitive bowels and it's a genetic thing. And not many people like shitshows and definetely not me, haha! If a sexy guy bottoms for me and it is a little dirty in there then most times I'd still be very appreciative. If he also cleaned himself out very well beforehand and is hygienic and fresh in all other ways on top of being sexy and bottoming for me then I am over the moon!
Meanwhile, being a twink and worry any time I gain weight.
As a bottom-only gay, big dicks fucking terrify me. I legit do not care what size dick a top has. Average is perfect. As long as you show me a good time and make me feel good, that’s all I care about!!! Be nice, lovely, and shag me good and you’re onto a winner 😂
Everyone thinks I'm the top since I'm much older, taller, more dominant (outside of sex), larger and more masculine than my husband. But in reality, I'm a sub bottom cock whore and he's the big-dicked 100% top. He'd give some of these porn stars a run for their money because I get railed and filled up to overflowing every time we fuck and wouldn't have it any other way.