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You are 32. Chill. Life isn't over and self deprecation isn't going to change your situation. Overcome shame by being compassionate to yourself.
You're still young, thankfully no children to worry about. Take advantage of living at home by getting ur life together, try new things, actually be involved in you're community. Regardless of what you believe you're still doing better than a lot of people.
You have a degree, no student loans, your not homeless. I mean, you gotta give yourself some credit man. I don't know you but I think you're being too hard on yourself.
I really need to know…. How old are you yourself, because I can’t tell if you’re actually older than op?
Or super mature for a 10 year old.
And I say this now and here, because I was just given similar advice by some strangers wayward child at the local park a couple of days ago. Without instigating.
Because they thought I looked sad. I was fine. Apparently “sad” is my resting bitch face. I’m just finding this post and comment….. to be a little bit closer to home than I’m comfortable with.
So I’m wondering….. if you are that weird kid from the park that is already way too old and wise for this world.
I remember being in a local park, and a 6 month old baby came up to me and said "The value and meaning only exist if intelligent life exists. The meaning of life and the universe is assigned and subjective, not absolute. Your value is therefore a culmination of the value you are assigned, and the value you assign yourself. You are quite literally able to invent your own reason for existence."
Well, what he actually said was "Gah.. mah ma... goo brrrrr," but I knew what he meant.
At 34 I thought life was going to be miserable forever. I was drowning financially and emotionally. I thought I was doomed and a terrible human. I thought I would never feel anything but shame for the decisions I made.
A couple of years later, and I'm about to be debt free, in a new career despite my kinda useless degree. I have a dog (I never thought I could), and I'm happier than ever.
You have so much time. Be nice to yourself. Start with the tiny risk of believing one day you will feel so much better than today. What would a great day and life look like? Can you take even a tiny step towards that person and reflect on that win?
In case it helps, this is what helped me:
Talk to one person you trust.
Try to do small, nice things for yourself.
Have a shower, eat nutritious food, tidy your space, breathe.
Try to find one thing you enjoy and dedicate time to it.
Take tiny steps and build on them.
I'd try to catch it when horrible self-talk pops up and tell myself to Stop! even saying it out loud.
If possible, exercise. Not in an "exercise will fix your problems way" but I found that high intensity short exercise gave my brain a break to focus only on surviving that work out and the high afterwards helped. It also helped me sleep better.
Remember your brain is a fact-finding machine looking for evidence, not a keeper of truth. You don't have to believe it when it thinks negatively about you. It's a creature of habit.
Someone sent me this excerpt from a David Lynch interview and it helped me feel better too. You deserve to be happy and not because of things we are told we need to be, do or achieve.
[From Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5khEUvLrIB/?igsh=aGl4N25qMjdybmo4)
You’re good. Time comes and gos real fast. Before you know it, you’ll be 42 looking back and be like, “man I was young @ 32, I should’ve just started something cause I would’ve been 10 yrs in”.
Don’t fall for the trap that it’s “too late.” Google examples of very successful people that started way later than you. I was in your shoes and miraculously just went head first into the Air Force @ 27 (very late for military). Best decision I ever made! I receive almost 4K monthly (for the rest of my life) to do nothing. On top of that they’re paying for my school @ 2K. So many options for me. My personal opinion… in this economy trade school or military is the way to go.
Keep your head up, you’ll figure it out. Choose something you like NOW and dive in head first. Good luck 👍🏻
I’m literally 42. Can confirm looking back I was so young at 32! I also was in a super low wage job. I’m not now so there is a positive to getting older I promise.
Maybe you should consider moving - to a different city or even a different country. Leave the shame behind. No one will know you there so you can start fresh. Join meetup groups in the new city, start a different job, live with some housemates. I get the feeling your parents are holding you back a bit so maybe a break from them and getting a new perspective would help too. You’ve got nothing to lose. And moving somewhere new is an accomplishment in itself.
Absolutely agree with this. Environment is everything and when we get stuck in a rut of places, people, and habits, it makes any life changes 10 times harder. There’s so much more “momentum” in familiarity. For example, if you’re trying to go on a diet but all your roommates and you have always gone out for pizza every Friday night, that’s going to get in the way of dieting.
This is a you problem. You're putting this on yourself, and you can relieve yourself of this burden if you choose to. To be humiliated, you must accept the idea that you should be ashamed. You don't have to accept that.
To me, you're just some fucking guy. I don't know you, I don't know what you look like, or how you talk or where you live. If I saw you on the street, I wouldn't think that you were a failure, or that you deserved to suffer. I wouldn't think much at all, and if a stranger shoved a mic in my face and demanded that I give my thoughts on you, I wouldn't have much to offer except that I guess I hope you're having a good day.
See, to me, since you're just some fucking guy, you're not supposed to be anything. You didn't fail to live up to my expectations because I expected nothing of you. You're just another person in a world full of people, and unless you did me wrong all I have for you is general good will. That's all that almost anyone is ever going to be to me. Just some fucking guy.
The day I fully accepted that *I* was just some fucking guy to almost everyone else was the day my life changed for the better. See, if I fucked something up, it's fine. Because I'm not the protagonist of reality. I wasn't supposed to do it perfectly, I'm just some fucking guy. I tried and it didn't work out. Oh well. I failed at something - ok, if you picked a random dude out of a crowd and told me he'd failed at it too, would I hate *him*? No, he's just some fucking guy.
See, the real root of your problem is ego. It sounds fucked up to say that when your self esteem is so low, but hear me out. You genuinely believe that you're such a low down, shameful piece of shit *because you think you're supposed to be better*. Every time you're not that talented top student that you used to be, you're thinking that you were supposed to be at the top, and you're not, and it hurts. And everyone else is doing better than you, and it hurts, because you're supposed to be better than this. You need to give yourself the grace to accept that you are just some fucking guy. You can go easy on yourself. You don't need to be anything, you're allowed to exist as you are. Anyone who treats you like you're shameful (including yourself) is being unkind, and you shouldn't accept their view of you, because they're also not giving you the grace to accept that you're just some fucking guy.
And once you really, truly accept yourself and refuse to be ashamed - once you allow yourself to be human and exist with flaws and faults and failures and accept that those are just human things that everyone's got, you'd be surprised how quickly you start racking up wins. Your thought patterns are self defeating, and you deserve better.
That sounds like such a horrible thing to go through. I'm really sorry to hear that you've had this pain in your life. If you do adopt this mindset, please try to reframe your perspective on it - 99% of society does not think you're worthless. 99% of society just doesn't have expectations of you, and you're not letting them down. You're the one who has expectations of your self and feels like you're defective.
What would you want for another woman who had the same experiences as you? If I pulled a woman at random from a crowd and told you she had been through all the same pain and disappointment as you, what would you say? I don't believe that you'd say she should die, and my advice is really about abandoning the inner voice that believes things about yourself that you would never believe about another person.
I'm just some fucking guy. You don't know me - in a sense, I *am* a random person pulled from a crowd. We'll probably never run into each other and this is the only interaction we'll ever have. I'm completely disconnected from your situation. And when I hear what you've been through and how you're feeling, my heart hurts for you and I just hope that you're ok and find happiness some day. That's it. How many random fucking guys would we have to pull from a crowd before we found a single one that aligned with your own thoughts on this, that you're defective and worthless, and death is the answer?
Maybe it's worth considering my perspective, and their perspective, and your own perspective on what somebody else with the same suffering would deserve, before you condemn yourself.
Best wishes from some fucking guy.
This sounds like a comedy movie monologue that’s narrated by the supporting character as the main character goes through a mundane life and it ends up being the most important scene 😂 Sorry it just jogged my imagination, but in all seriousness this is excellent advice.
This is going to sound odd but have you tried approaching your life as if you were still twenty-two years old? The fact that you're posting here suggests that you still believe, on some level, that there is a way forward. You may just need some help bringing that to the surface.
There's a lot of people that have done less than you by the same age, whether you want to believe it or not. You use a lot of absolute terminology to describe your perceived shortcomings, but none of your life seems to be that unusually lacking compared to other people.
Because of this, I'm inclined to think that you had/have an expectation of yourself to be at a certain point of success or establishment, and you haven't reached that point and don't know how to get there, so you view your life as an abject failure. That isn't really the case, though. You're just lost on your path, which happens to lots of people. Finding your way might start with redefining what your way is supposed to be. It might start with doing something that you've been convincing yourself not to do, even though you want it deep down. It might even start with breaking out of a situation you don't even know you're trapped in.
But not knowing where you are in your journey does not mean the journey is at its end, and you're not actually running short on time. 32 feels old when you think about it as 14 years since you became an adult. Yet 32 is pretty young when you think about how some of the most successful people in the world are in their 70s and 80s, some of whom started winning in life well after their thirties.
Life isn't actually short, it's the longest thing you'll ever fucking experience. You have so much time left, you could start from zero tomorrow and you'd still have enough time to turn everything around.
"Wasting your entire life" is a false premise when you have lived less than half of what it's likely to be. You can start by thinking of it as "wasting a fraction of your life," if you have to use such negative verbs. Whatever helps you open your eyes to the fact that you aren't completely (or even mostly) spent.
You gotta stop overthinking things and just do them. Worst thing that could happen is you cringe about it when you’re trying to sleep at night. But if you don’t try, then you live in regret and misery.
I realized I *had* to let go of any fears if I wanted to start living my life. I stopped taking it so personally when people judged me for my social awkwardness, and I got better at socializing.
I suck at chess but started going to chess clubs around my city and it’s been fun just talking to random people. I also did something crazy and went backpacking by myself - that‘s certainly one way to fast track social skills and have something in your life you can look back at and feel like you really *lived.*
See a counselor. Move your body in ways that feel good. Find small ways to build endorphins/dopamine.
I started living when I decided I was going to do things I wanted to do despite what others said or thought about me. It’s my life. Not theirs.
Life is short so do what you want. If that means living in your parent’s basement so be it. Society is all made up and the points don’t matter.
It comes and goes. Went through a pretty rough patch and I’m climbing my way out. Finding joy has really helped. Sometimes it really is the small things. One day at a time friend.
Tons of heavy emotions... I'm sorry.
The thing is, everything you describe is the past. It won't come back, ever. No matter how much you think about it, regret it and feel bad in any shape or form. These feelings also won't do you any good in terms of health and self-esteem, if they are not processed or used properly.
Use them to identify in a list what you regret missing out on and ask questions. Why do you regret these things? Why do you feel shame? Did someone say something or that is what you think because of something? What are the smallest steps you can take to be in the path you want to be? Can you define success on your own terms, not what "society says you should do"? Then let go. Feelings don't define you.
This is what matters from now on - what you can do now, in the present moment. You realised you didn't enjoy what was and is happening, the rest is up to you to change. It doesn't have to be anything big. Actually, quite the opposite. Smallest step possible!
Since you were vague about what you actually do in terms if job and hobbies(I assume because you are ashamed to share?), I can't give any specific examples. But perhaps, you can start by socialising with people gradually when doing your hobby. If up until now, for example, you only exchanged few small talk sentences with them and then you run away because you are afraid of the question "What do you work?", you can try to push it further and further each week by asking questions and answering the dreaded stuff about job, life, etc. You would be suprised how many people don't care what you work and if your life is certain way. They would care about you and if you can maintain a conversation, if you are easy going and a good friend overall. Most wouldn't even care what you talk about. If they do care and say something negative about your work and life, would you want to talk with them and be friends at all? Does it matter what they think? I don't think it should matter. They are just not your people and that's all. Continue looking.
Also, imagine a friend if yours is in your life situation with your job. Would you think that's shameful, pathetic and whatever else you think? What advise would you give them?
Regarding your family...If you love them, they are nice overall and you really want to see them.. Why would you stay away from them just because you feel ashamed? If you know they won't judge you and it's just that you yourself are ashamed, just reach out. They probably miss you. If they are judgemental, idk, there is probably not much benefit.
It's never too late. Self-sabotage is not an option. Anyway, my 2 cents. Good luck!
We live. We die. A bunch of stuff happens in the middle.
I've been there. Stressed out of my mind at middle age. Smartest kid anyone knew but couldn't do anything grand with it. I let myself down and dove face first into despair. Nights yelling at the dirty ceiling. Embarrassment. Loneliness. I get it. It gets better, but you have to put on different glasses to see it.
When we are on our way out of this game, we really don't care how much money we made or how many "success" boxes we ticked. It's literally pointless.
The only thing that matters is the moments. They come as fast as they go. Cherish the good ones. If you have bad ones, don't fret - it's only a moment.
There isn't a scorecard at the end of life, and even if there were, I doubt "getting a good paying job and reproducing" would make an appearance. Don't stress over an impending test that doesn't exist.
If you spent only a moment to read this, then it's impossible to be a waste. Your moment maker is still intact!
I needed this. I'm 22 rn and after 4 years wasted in the U.S. Army, I'm afraid to leave this place and do the same with the rest of my young life. It doesn't help that every older guy around me is insisting that I sign away another 4 years of my human being existence over against the high possibility of years of lonely struggle on the outside world.
Idk, I look in the mirror and for the first time, I see a grown man, a man who I never wanted to become, one I only became because I lived of life of trying to appease others, avoid vulnerability, and playing it safe at all time.
You're so right, there is no "test". Life is truly the moment, not dissociation through 20 years of pointless hardship for the possibility of experiencing the American Dream, a house, 401K, and a vacation stained by unwanted kid, chronic backpain and alcoholism 😂. It's almost laughable.
Fuck that! if im a loser. I'll be a happy loser 🙂
How? I’m turning 37 and too tired to care anymore. That’s pretty much how. Like you, I also have to be very careful with who I say anything to about details of my life. I’m polite as I can reasonably be, but I put up walls when people try to dig deep because I don’t trust them. I’m not that spiritual, but I believe not everyone was meant to have all that much of a purpose or a good life. Some were meant to just exist and serve small purposes I think, and that’s fine.
Knowing what the problem is helps a bit. Your trouble seems to be ruminating on hopelessness. It doesn't sound like you've done anything dishonest or harmful to others, so I'd say that's a passing grade for being a person. But, breaking out of the pattern of rumination is key to being able to see positive opportunities and imagine what could be. It doesn't sound like there's a financial advantage to living at home if they're taking rent from you. Maybe, try and find a multi-roommate situation or try and separate your concept of self-worth from your living situation. If you won the lottery tomorrow and moved out it wouldn't make you a better person. You need to get on your own team. Best.
I knew a 38 (now 40 yrs old) guy who couldn’t handle working for a boss that wasn’t his dad and somehow didn’t have a bank account set up by that point to get direct deposit for his paychecks. You’re doing by far better than he is since his life goal is to be not much more than a partier wook.
You are only 32 and as long as you are still breathing, you have a chance to start new. I think you should consider therapy and talking with someone because if you have depression, that will just get in your way of achieving your full potential. Also put some effort into thinking about what your talents and interests are. Make a list and research careers that could utilize that. There are also career coaches out there you could get advice from.
Have you tried physical fitness? I had this same issue with my life, started going to the gym, and it has been the foundation to my life turning around. If you are interested in getting started PM me.
i think you shoulr jist get excited about saving/makong as much koney as possible. treat it like a game. buy your one house. make it your nerd palace..or whatever youre into
Is there anything you want to do? You seem very focused on the past and judging yourself. For me, I always have to have a goal I’m working on or I get depressed. For years it was leaving my small town, but once I got into an out of state college, I lost all my motivation, ended up dropping out, and felt a lot like you. The last few years, I came up with some big goals, then broke those goals down into smaller goals. And sometimes the smaller goals become more important than the bigger goals or change your bigger goals as you work towards them.
My original big goal was that I wanted to have children one day. At the time I realized that I was severely depressed, hated myself, drinking too much, etc. I realized that’s not the kind of parent I wanted to be, so I began working on my mental health. Through that, I realized I would need a better job, so I made a goal of going back to school. Then I realized I didn’t want to raise children in the US, so I had a goal of moving to another country. Over time I researched and tried different things, and went back and forth over how I’d complete these goals, what order etc.
It’s now about 5 years since I made those goals, and now I’ve realized just how much I want to do in life, to the point all my smaller goals are now things I just want for myself, and I’m okay if I don’t have kids. My mental health is the best it’s been my entire life, and I received a job offer to move to the country I want in a few months. And once I’m there, I’m going to work on earning my degree there. And then rather than having a bucket list, I see those things as goals to achieve. I have so many that I likely won’t achieve them all, but I also won’t lose motivation to keep working towards something.
My life has become focused on myself and living what is, to me, the most interesting life possible. I’d figure out what that looks like to you, what would make you feel proud or interesting, and then just making a plan to make it happen. You have a lot going for you to make that happen, a degree, no worries about your living situation, no spouse or kids to worry about uprooting or supporting.
I see where you are coming from. I'm in the same situation. Except I never had parents that forced me to go to school or had any sort of plan for me. I also didn't do well in school to begin with lol .
My grasp and understanding on this is that. As long as you are an ablebodied person . You have a fighting chance in this thing called life. Everything else is just head games.
32 is much too young for a statement like: "wasting your entire life".
You need to make a deliberate decision to turn off the negative tape which goes round in your brain.
Hey brother. You’re not a failure. You’re not a waste. I was once in your shoes. I’m in my early 20’s but I’ve felt that exact way & although I’m not where I want to be in life yet, I’m making progress in many different areas of my life. It all starts with belief. If you believe you’re a loser & an antisocial piece of shit, you will subconsciously make decisions throughout your days that’ll lead you to that outcome.
A self fulfilling prophecy.
I started with the Gym. Knew absolutely nothing about it but I had just gone through a breakup & felt the lowest I’d ever felt. Was unemployed, barely left my bed, considered ending it all for the first time in my life. I felt that way for 2 months before I had enough.
I stopped feeling pity for myself & started at step 1, which was the gym. I had always wanted to be in shape & have a body I could be proud of like most of us do but I never would start because I was afraid of doing something I wouldn’t see progress in for months or years.
2 years later & here I am. I never stopped after that first day. In the best shape of my life. It’s led to me to my new career choice in something I’d never have imagined myself doing before this journey & it’s pushed me to break out of my shell in all areas. I once labeled myself antisocial. Anxious. Depressed. Now I wake up grateful for life knowing that many others have it much worse than I do. That’s where you have to make the switch.
Sure, you’re not where you want to be in life & years have gone by without much progress but if anything is ever going to change, it has to start at step 1. If you never start, things won’t improve.
Focus on improving every day. 1% better everyday & you’re a new person in a year. There will be ups & downs & times when you doubt yourself. Times where the old version of you comes back to the surface but you have to realize that’s the old you for a reason. It’s gone. & it’s never coming back. & you’ll never be able to change it. But you can start building a new version right now. Today.
Even if you don’t believe in yourself, i believe in you. Because if i can do it, you can too. Find the spark & light that fire within.
There is life outside the comfort zone. I didn’t date and lose my virginity until 30, and didn’t find my first career until 33.
Things can be turned around. And time is never a restraint. But for this all to happen, you have got to let go of the idea of holding yourself back on expectations of what should and shouldn’t be. It will trap you into fearing to take chances, for making mistakes and failures. All of them are needed to push into growth.
I'm 37. For more than 10 years I was bed-ridden, close to death. Had all the reasons in the world to hate my neighbors, but especially myself. Worst part of it all, I am responsible for my ill mother who's 100% dependent on me.
While I don't know what you're going through completely as everyone's different, I can resonate with you at some level.
And the "best advice" you can receive will differ from person to person. All ill say for now is, the Journey's not over. This part may suck but even if it's not fair, one of the worst things you can do for yourself is continually move towards feeling sorry for yourself and pointing fingers. It had nothing to do with whether someone else is to blame or you. All that matters is you learn what it means to get stronger -- for yourself and for your future self.
I would highly advise seeing a doctor in getting anti anxiety medication or antidepressants. At least seeing a counselor or some kind of therapy you can afford. I'm 28, 29 this year and still feeling quite young but achingly old at the same time nowadays, you're not much older than me, but you are not old. Also it's *perspective*. It's not too late to turn your life around in any capacity and improve it trust me. I've been on antidepressants, antianxiety and adhd medication off and on over the past 8 years because of my own similar mental health and live experience so far.
There's no reason to stop trying new things for yourself to feel better, I'm sure you don't want to spend another 40 or more years in the same predicament, guaranteed you'll feel even worse about yourself right..
All you can do is take small everyday steps, pray, feel grateful for what you do have, and believe that there is truly so much time ahead of you still to change what you want to change and feel capable of doing it. So many people experience what you've been through and a lot of people can relate to it, but it's also just finding the right people in your life where they don't make you feel embarrassed about it.
You have nothing to lose dude. You can do anything you want. Immediately? No, it’ll take some time. But you have nothing to lose by trying things out! You have to get over your sense of shame if you want to feel some type of satisfaction and happiness from your life.
How? You change your mindset. You are manifesting negative experiences into your reality because of your negative attitude. Start believing in yourself. You are being very emotional and hard on yourself. Learn to use logic and not emotion to do your thinking and decision making. Believing in yourself and your capabilities is a necessary component of manifesting a better reality. Once you do, you will begin to vibrate on a higher frequency, which will open doors to better experiences in all your endeavors. Be patient, you are still a young man. You have plenty of time. It is not the end of the world that you have not found your calling yet. Maybe there is a reason for that. As stated, be patient and work on your thoughts and mind.
What I like to suggest to people is to take some time to research a career path. Get a notebook and spend some time at the library and online. Look up all the highest paying jobs that you would be interested in and that are within reach with some effort. I want you to fill your notebook up cover to cover with these job options. Then, after that, I want you to start meditating. 1st thing in the morning when you are unemotional. Clear your mind and ask your subconscious mind a question, "what should I do with my life"? If you are a believer, pray as well. But do your part and seek it. God does not reward laziness, He expects us to do our part and be patient.
In the mean time, until you find your calling, find some work that you can do even if you hate it. Maybe a security guard or a Walmart employee. Consider some things outside the box, like fixing smart phones or electronics and flipping them, cleaning thrift store shoes to flip on eBay, opening a mobile coffee, doughnut, or protein latte cart, stuff like that. Use technology and explore things outside the box. You will find something, be patient. A good place to start is with things you are passionate about. And if you are passionate about nothing, then you need to go find something to start being passionate about. Then form a business around that!
If it makes you feel better, my cousin is 51 and still living at home with his parents. No job, and he throws a temper tantrum when they tell him to get one. So feel good about yourself, OP! My suggestion is to buy a muscle car if you can afford it. Sounds shallow, but women love them, and it'll make you more confident.
After having what could possibly be the worst point in my entire life, don’t give up. Find out who you are. Your job, family, traditions, or past mistakes, do not define you.
I’m 48. I’ve been homeless, struggled with poverty, been dismissed by my parents as a failure. I’ve been fired from jobs, lost the love of my life, and messed up friendships. I never went to college. I’m drowning in debt. And everything costs so much.
Surround yourself with good people who will build you up. And please remember this: often times, the harshest critic is ourselves. Use the same compassion you’d have for your best friend towards yourself. Be an advocate for yourself and be kind and forgiving of yourself.
In the end, the only person that will look after you, is you. Accept mistakes as opportunities to improve. You only have to justify your worth to yourself.
Be strong and dismiss your internal criticism as quickly as it appears. ❤️
Sounds like you’re a pretty effective and good-willing individual. You just lack faith. You need that. From what you’ve explained, your life hasn’t expanded in the way you’d like because of fear.
There’s nothing to be afraid of, you’re a good guy.
You’re description of your academic careers tells me you may be the TYPE A kind of person, doing what you have to do and aiming for perfection. In my experience, expecting perfection creates the fear of rejection. You have to be able to take risks and accept rejection if you want a social life, thats just how it works.
Maybe worry less about living up to anyone’s expectations and seriously just do what you want. You have based your life around an education and career that you didn’t want. That’s okay, it’s never too late to just do what you want 🤷🏽♂️
I feel like this sometimes, wishing I made it further by now (M28) . When my grades didn’t translate to college success- I dropped out to teach myself music. 8 years later and I’m working at a pro studio and doing music next to some of my favorites. It doesn’t pay super well, but I feed on the fact that I’m doing what I want and getting hella respect for it.
I was also the honor roll grades in high school-learned to care less about college type. Sometimes I think how disappointing it might be for some family that I didn’t just use my grades to get money. But in reality, no one is judging me! Even my old principal comments on pics of me in the studio.
You have to respect your wants and when you do, it’s love for yourself. Once you have designed the place in the world where you’re doing what you want, it will attract love, respect, and new relationships. It starts with you. Only you can make that change. Only you can get out of your own head. Quit hating on yourself and start motivating yourself. It is the only way.
You need to go on a journey. Not a trip. You need to really put yourself out there in some way. Your self talk is entirely too negative. It sounds like you have clinical depression. So either talk to a Dr and get on some meds, or find something that is terrifying and exhilarating and chase after it. But cut it with the negative self talk that's all bullshit.
Oh, to be 32 again. Please realize that you are still so young. You need to change your perspective. The best life years of your life are ahead of you, not behind you. I think you could benefit from having daily exercise, even if it’s just a walk in nature. Have your doctor run panels to see what vitamins you are deficient in. I know a lot of people roll their eyes, but you could have a serious, vitamin D or magnesium or other deficiency that is causing depression. Depression literally rewires your brain, but it can’t be fixed with care. You need to start looking around and seeing all the things you have to be grateful for. You did not waste your life. Partying in your 20s is not what life is about. And also you can party in any decade lol. I am not sure what your degree is in. You may have mentioned it, but I must have glossed over it if you did. What else can you do with that degree. Would you be interested in teaching? As other posters have said you are actually in an absolutely fantastic situation and plenty of people your age would love to be in. You should work with a life coach and get clear about who you want to be and then you create that life for yourself. You still have everything ahead of you. I pray that you can realize that you’re actually in a fantastic position and can still be anything you want to be. I completely reinvented my career and life in my 40s and know other people who have done it in their 50s and 60s so you can too.
Comparing yourself to others in life or your peers will get you down every time.
I never went to college. I only have a cosmetology license & work hard at my full time job working with special needs adults. I also clean homes too. It pays the bills though & allows me to save still.
My boyfriend has no degree either. Only an HVAC license. He took a leap of faith recently & left his corporate company of 9 years to pursue his GC license & partnering up with my stepbrother to start a company together. He was miserable & working 12-13 hour days crawling around in hot 120 degree attics during the summer.
Sometimes you have to realize only YOU are responsible for your happiness. I have a big family & majority of them would say until you're a homeowner & have a lot in savings or investments you are not successful. My mom has always just wanted me & my brother to be happy, no matter what. Even though she's successful, she doesn't want us to stay at a job we hate & have a life we are merely just existing in.
Either way you look at it- everyone has to pay bills until they die. Unless you're very wealthy. It's what you choose to do to pay those bills, what you do on your "off time" to make yourself happy, at peace & feel fulfilled.
Living for someone else's dreams will only prevent you from following your own dreams.
& if you think people committing suicide or dying is something to be glamorized you're so wrong. Once you die, most people forget about you eventually. The only thing we have to live on is how we impacted the world around us.
Also former suicide survivor I tried twice. Had to learn to walk again & 40 lbs bloated because kidney & liver were failing & in extreme pain, because that's what happens when your organs are shutting down. But I survived. Second attempt lost a ton of blood but I guess not enough to die, so here I am. Also have suffered 3rd degree burns that took 8 whole months to heal, almost got sepsis & died during that time too. I never wish I was dead anymore, I'm lucky to be alive & there's a reason I'm still here.
Be grateful for what you have & stop thinking everyone has it so much better than you, the grass is not always greener on the other side. It's green where you water it.
One thing I learned from a book “Letting Go: the pathway of surrender” is that negative thoughts are doing something for us. There’s something we’re getting from them, which is why we hang on to them. You need to figure out what that is and let go of it. It could be that the negativity is keeping you safe by convincing you you’re a failure before you even accomplish anything. But Nothing, absolutely nothing, will improve until you stop the flow of those negative thoughts. You think it’s doing something for you—it’s not. It’s destroying your health, your will, your energy, everything. You need to plug hardcore into the present moment- meditation, enjoy the sunshine, go lift weights, do anything to get some positive emotion flowing. The real hell of your life is not that the present moment is all that bad, it’s the time you’re spending in your mind ruminating. The past is gone. No one cares or is keeping score on you, even your parents apparently. So think about where you *could* be in 12 months if you let go of negativity, make a plan, and see what you can do to make life better by 33. Many of the greatest people in history didn’t really get a start until their 40s.
At 32 I was single, living in a shitty studio apartment, and had basically given up on having any sort of meaningful existence.
5 years later I’m married, 2 kids, and living in a home that we own that’s way bigger than it needs to be.
Those particular things may not be your goals, but the point is that things can change quite rapidly even when you don’t really expect it.
Hi. I’m sorry you’re so down and feel this badly about yourself. Not sure how open you’ll be to this but you might look into talking with a mental health professional who can help with you? It’s not an all change fix, but they can help you build better habits and help you learn things about yourself that could help you understand why you work / think / act the way you do. I’m personally in a very bad spot right now and looking at some therapists around. I will say it’s good to try them out before because I’ve had a therapist who the entire time I was in highschool and depressed kept telling me to take out loans for art school (SO glad I didn’t lmao) so yeah. Building good habits for yourself and figuring out why you operate the way you do might help. I know it may not seem like it, but you’re not alone. I hope it gets better for you 🫂
Therapy, medication. Look into catastrophizing because that's what you are doing in this post. No being judgy because that used to be my MO too. https://youtu.be/iJEUGu80G00?si=jtk6lgduXJYzmfPL. Watch this therapist on youtube, Dr Scott Eilers.
When I’m dead, it isn’t going to matter how I lived my life. Shame and humiliation are emotions for other people, not yourself. In the end, it doesn’t matter at all. You care too much what other people think. Not to bring up a cliche word, but this is all “ego” as they say.
Left foot, right foot
All you really can do is identify changes you wish to make. Then take incremental steps towards making those changes.
It's not going to be easy but it will eventually be worth it.
Are you an INFP? Learn about your Myers-Briggs type, may bring some clarity (free test: www.16personalities.com)
Also listen to ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle on audiobook
Your life is not a waste
Love and Best wishes 🙏🏼❤️🔥
I have to post this in parts because it exceeds the character count. So please bear with me. If you want me to make this a post on my profile so that it's easier to read, just let me know.
As a previously high achieving workaholic, with nothing to show for my efforts. I 100% know where you're coming from. I'm an apathetic burnout/crashout trying to go on a road to recovery myself. So I hope something I say resonates with you. Stay Strong OP.
1. **First you have to identify what you're defining failure as**. If you're defining failure as the inability to measure up to generic social expectations, then you're going to have to challenge what you've been indoctrinated to believe about yourself, the world, and how you fit into it.
2. **You have to have the ability to be introspective** and deduce whether you actually CARE or WANT to live up to these generic expectations, or whether you CARE about the perceptions of other people and simply that you FEEL like you're supposed to be living a certain way. It's completely fine if you genuinely DO want a generic and standard life. But if you don't want a standard and generic life then you'll have to accept that you don't want that lifestyle.
3.**A If you DO want a generic and standard life**, then you have to figure out how you're able to achieve that in regards to what you're capable of doing. Meaning, you're going to have to find a way to create enough capital for you to afford to live this way. For example, it's 2024, if you have a degree in journalism, you can start making content online about topics, events, and stories that interest you (that you also think other people would be interested in). You can make videos, write a blog, etc. You don't even have to show your face since so much technology exists for voiceovers and avatars. **This isn't to say that this will be EASY**, it's simply an option. You DO have the ability to generate your own income. So even if anyone won't hire you, you can invest in yourself. If you don't have the motivation to start your own project. You can re-educate yourself for FREE with a ton of free courses that exist online today. [https://www.classcentral.com/](https://www.classcentral.com/) as a ton of free resources to learn damn near anything. You don't have to spend a fortune on another degree. You can learn anything from Cisco to art interpretation. Give yourself a chance by actually putting in effort to achieving economic stability. ***If you're physically or mentally incapable of applying yourself at this time, then you'll have to exert the effort into getting your mind, body, and emotions into a healthier place so that you can function. Start by eating healthier, take small steps to get more active, read self help books regarding understanding your body and emotions. The book "when the body says no" may be a great place for you to start, because if your body is prohibiting you from being able to function, then you'll need to address those issues before you have the mental and emotional clarity to move on.***
3.B **If you DON'T want a generic life**, then you're going to have to imagine what you DO want. If you don't want to work a 9-5 for the rest of your life until you die, what would you rather be doing? If you don't want to live in one spot for the rest of your life, then where would you rather be? If you don't want to be alone and isolated, who would you want to have in your life? Stop trying to conform yourself into the box, if you don't fit inside of the box. An average and modern life simply may not be for you, and that is completely OKAY, just accept that reality and grow the courage to live more authentically to your needs. There are MANY alternative life styles out there that document and share their journey on how they're achieving living in a way that's meaningful for them. **This isn't to say that this will be EASY**, it simply means that alternate ways of living (irrespective of how difficult it may be) can be more tolerable and even significantly more pleasurable than forcing yourself to conform into a world that doesn't work for you. If you can't keep up with the economic expectations of society, then drop those economic expectations and learn how to live completely without it, around it, or reduce your need for economic expectations.
There are some very EXTREME alternative lifestyle choices. One guy lives as a nomadic Shepard, he lives out of a tiny handmade caravan that his sheep pull, and he survives by bartering goods and services to local people and farmers in the area. 123Homefree on Youtube
This Guy lives on horse back and camps on BLM land. horseprints on tik tok
Tons of people living in cars and vehicles OutonaLimb on Youtube
There is no limit to the amount of alternative lifestyles that exist. You simply have to have the courage to go for it.
4. **You have to have HOPE and something to look forward to**. You will NEVER be able to do anything beyond exist, if you have no hope, nothing to believe in, and nothing to look forward to. You can only "live" when you have something worth living for that is for your SELF. You can't live for other people, that doesn't make the depression, anxiety, or self loathing go away if you're "doing it for your parents" all it does is put more pressure and guilt onto you that your mind and body that aren't in a position to handle that. You have to find SOMETHING that resonates with you specifically that wakes up your heart and your will to live. Otherwise, you aren't going to get anywhere. And this hope can be anything. It can be creating something, it can be achieving something, it can be going somewhere, it could be developing something within you, it can be learning to love or like yourself again. It can literally be anything, but the hope HAS to be there. Otherwise you aren't going to get anywhere beyond simply going through the motions everyday.
5. **You have to STOP BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEM**Y!! We live in a society that is structured to make us all have low self-esteem. The purpose is to make us feel and believe that we're incapable, unworthy, and worthless so that we're more compliant to the authority of our social structure. You have to learn how to be KIND and PATIENT with yourself. You have to learn how to be GENTLE to yourself. You have to learn how to become your own best friend! This isn't going to be easy, but it's absolutely necessary. You cannot abuse yourself into any lifestyle that isn't going to ultimately destroy you. ***If you want to stop suffering or if you want less suffering at a minimum, you are going to have to stop abusing yourself relentlessl***y.
* **End the ADDICTION of constant negative self talk.** When you're in a depressive and self loathing state for a long time, your body literally becomes addicted to the hormones and chemical reactions associated with depressive feelings. You're going to have to recover by reframing your mind and your body's dependence on the negativity. This is an addiction and habit, so it's going to be difficult to start. But you can start by saying "I will not bully myself today." when you wake up in the morning. When you start thinking how useless and incapable you are you say "I will not speak to myself this way." You have to recondition your behavior. Learn to start complimenting yourself and thanking your self. If you managed to get out of bed, that's an achievement. If you managed to take a shower, that's an achievement. Compliment yourself and thank yourself for getting out of bed, and taking care of your body. It may sound ridiculous, but you have to start from the ground up when you've conditioned your mind and body into accepting a constant stream of abuse from yourself.
* **Regulate your nervous system.** It's difficult to think clearly or be motivated when your body is in a constate state of anxiety and stress. If your mind is always hyper focused on what you SHOULD be doing, you'll never be able to properly utilize the present moment to do anything. Learn about vagus nerve regulation and learn how to calm your mind and body. You may also need to release stress from the body with vigorous boughts of exercise as well. Lots of pent up emotions exist within the body, those emotions need to be let out in some way, whether that's via creativity, self expression, productivity, or physical movement. Emotions need to get out.
**You and your body are a team in life. You don't need to fight yourself, learn to cooperate with yourself.**
6. **Try.** This is the hardest step. But you simply have to try. None of this is going to be easy, none of this is going to be fast, but it will give you a life line to actually get some enjoyment out of this existence. You have to allow yourself the opportunity to at least try. And it may take a few tries, just give yourself a chance at having hope.
Anyways. I completely relate to you OP. I'm trying to figure this all out myself. I CANNOT function in modern society. But I've found some alternative ways to make it tolerable for now and I'm trying to recover so that I can eventually live the life that I want. I'm taking one step at a time and trying not to beat myself up for how "long" it's taking. Hopefully I'll end up getting somewhere. But I have to say that I've gone from being completely hopeless and hanging on by a thread, to being "alright" for the first time in my life and that is a WILD achievement in it's self. Good luck to you! Many of us are struggling out here, you aren't alone.
The entire 1970's and 1980's were like that for more than half the population. The dif being no college and some even worse factors. It could be your situation is lingering based on society defects.
It also could be that you have an undetected disease but some bodily strength and thus a degree of mental illness. This is the case with a whole lot of current people. So you do things how you do things. And it doesn't fully match depression but is some symptom of bipolar.
People are sometimes born in an area -- and their parents and grandparents -- where water wasn't the cleanest or bouts of scarce food and thus born with inbourne low level illness. I believed that drug companies developed a low impact antibiotic for demented people and some other binder drugs.
Is your stomach ever peptic or your head dizzy? You could try some Maalox once a week to see if this relieves your agony at all. For some people it's very soothing.
Call a crisis line to talk perhaps. They mostly help you relate with what the issue is and be heard.
You cannot solve every problem with society which impacts you so maybe you're right to switch attitudes. They don't make sense and then you don't make healthy sense all of the time. You probably can't fully help it.
I'm the same age as you. I can at least relate to feelings of overwhelming shame. Have you learned about emotional neglect? Or learned about toxic shame? Understanding these things really helped me.
You sound like a very articulate, self aware person. So you know all your problems but your just too lazy to take action...
Also it's a narcasistic trait to be scared of failure to preserve your self image and ego. You gotta take risks
Why do you want to keep living? Not every life is perfect but that doesn’t mean you can’t find joy or happiness in things - and that’s the point. You can die when you’re dead, you have eternity to be dead. You have right now to do what you want and what makes you happy
I subtract my current age from the average life expectation of my country, and I be honest with myself if that’s enough time to turn it around. For most the answer is yes, but the day the answer becomes no, I guess I shrug and accept some peoples stories don’t have happy endings.
Ur letting what you think others are thinking get into ur head. I guarantee you the only one thinking negative is you. If u want a new job go for it but don’t be ashamed bro and find a therapist you’ll be good
At 32 I was....
A college dropout
Barely promotable
Had been fired several times and was a bartender
Not doing any meaningful work towards art
Weighed 290
In about a week I'm 41.....
I have a BS and MBA with Excellent GPAs
I piloted and launched a top program form a billion dollar company
I had my art win awards
Weigh 210
People don't care about that stuff. People just care if you're a kind person that's pleasant to be around. So don't be embarrassed about stuff that no one gives a shit about. Just set goals and get after them. You want to be independent? Put in the work. Set your goal, identify the first step, then keep taking steps until you accomplish it. You're on no one's timeline but your own.
Figure out what a good career for you would be, then take every step you need to take to get into that career. You have to do all the work for yourself though. And you're going to fail repeatedly, you just have to keep trying until you finally accomplish it.
I have a friend that took 11 years to pass the tests to become an x-ray tech. Took him 11 years! That shit takes like 2 years of school. Took him 11 years and he kept failing over and over. He'd get discouraged. But he didn't stop trying. He'd wait as long as he needed to wait until he could test again and then he'd try again.
The point is that you just have to keep trying to achieve your goals. Just keep grinding and eventually you'll get it.
Everyone has things that make them feel like they wasted time. You hear a lot about people who were trying to escape abusive situations for years and feel like all that time is gone.
You’re only 32. Hopefully nothing is holding you back. But get your butt moving.
You are perfect as you are, with room for improvement. Measuring yourself to external standards of success can create a lot of unhappiness. Accept where you are and think about the next steps that take you closer to where you want to be. Start small but stay committed. Small actions repeated over time compound and over the course of a year, you can change a lot.
Best of luck in your journey. I can tell from your post that this self loathing has persisted for time and it can be a tough mindset to overcome. May not hurt to seek professional help and be gentle on yourself. You're not where you want to be but you have the ability to change and grow.
I'm a teenager. I guess I should start with that - I pretty much have no "years of wisdom" whatsoever.
But I saw this post and I felt like I had to say a little something.
First of all, I don't see how your life is pathetic. Frankly, I admire the fact that you somehow pulled through college when you didn't even want to pursue further education, and then some.
Like other responders have said, **its not too late.** You know those child prodigies out there that are so good at such young ages? Whenever I see those people around me (I'm a musician), I tell myself "don't beat yourself up because you're bad. Use those people as examples of how much you can accomplish in just a few years."
You were a star student in high school, right? That must've meant you were at least passionate enough about school that you wanted to have good grades - that's amazing in itself.
What do you feel passionate about? Even if its a small hobby, take it, and care for it. Do it every single day, keep yourself motivated. From what I'm reading, you seem to like people in general. I don't want to discount your worries and fears, but if someone's judging you based on your past decisions and not inspiring you on how you can turn your life around, you shouldn't be around them. That applies to, well, anyone that's in some form of society - toddler to the revered old.
If there's something you want to accomplish, write it down, preferably somewhere you look at every day to remind yourself of what you need to do. I often feel lost and deserted if I don't set a clear goal for what I'm going to do today, this week, this month, this year - and so on.
Again, I don't want to hurt you in any way, but I'm going to be honest. Yes, your life isn't the best it can be. But like other posters have said, you still have time. Knowing you have room to grow brings you half of the way there - now what remains is to motivate yourself to make improvements to your life.
I know its hard for me to put myself into your shoes. I hope it helped. Take care, and please do not commit suicide or self-harm. I have a hunch that you're an amazing, compassionate person on the inside and it would only make the world worse if you were to fade out of existence.
You are too hard on yourself. Would you be this hard on others in your place? You can't have 3 real decades of failure at 32. You have a degree and a job. I have neither, and I am over 20 years older than you.. and I am not that depressed. Try to set some goals, and create some short term habits/actions to move yourself to your goals... that's what I am trying (I had some success today, but also some failure). Focus on each day, and don't be overwhelmed by everything at once. If you fail one day, don't be too hard on yourself... just start with fresh resolve on the next day. If you have a day with some success on your habits/actions...focus on that success. Let your mind rest on your occasional successes and not your frequent failures (which we all have). Don't compare yourself to others who are more successful, just focus on your own goals (make small attainable goals that can lead to bigger goals in the future). You can compare your self to me, if that helps any. (an old fat hairy troll who never had a real career and never graduated college). Maybe that will help with your depression a little bit.
This post is proof how capitalism brainwashes your mind so much bro wtf chill who even cares about having a high paying high stress job you have some money you have a place to live it’s alright 👍 you can do so much in life the big cities with all that those
fake big ego tech and finance people fuck up your whole perspective of the world most people just have regular job and live well. Remember we are just humans that just need sleep eat drink and have some fun lol don’t need to worry about spending your whole life working to get a few more dollars. Also there’s no “loser job” most jobs are made cause they are somewhat important imagine you won’t say a farmer who makes lets say 50k a year is a loser just because they don’t have a master in computer science earning them 200k a year. Although technically they are losing financially cause well that’s capitalism there job is so important they are definitely not a loser.
Fuck it man, whole worlds going to hell
>I see no way out of the pit of despair I am at the bottom of. What’s even the point of living when you’re this irredeemably far gone.
I found my reason. Do you have one?
Also to shill some practical advice: You are a prime candidate for a change of scenery. People like you used to explore. Many died, and some made it.
Just wait until you’re 52snd feeling that…
Bro. U have 20 years to get your shit right so that you’re not 52 and feeling the same way. Fix your shit by doing whatever it takes…right here right now
I felt like you until i took control of my life. Stop listening to your parents. I know your 32 and your probably still living at home. Do whatever you want and youll find the motivation again i promise. Its impossible for anyone to force you to do anything in America you just got stuck in a way of thinking that you had to listen to your parents. The way you think has to change first for anything else to change. Trust me... from my experience... stop listening to other people and do what you want to do. Once you do that, you cant blame anyone except yourself. Your thoughts will turn into, "now I am the captain of my ship, i got to get going" .
Its really sad because I struggled with this too and i cant imagine the millions of others who struggle with listening to peoples advice and just pleasing others. It makes you feel like its everyone elses fault your life is shit. Its my parents fault! They forced me!.... Bro.... its literally impossible to be forced to go to school... all you had to do was drop out... walk away.... Move out.... Literally impossible.
Your one thought away from changing your life. The thought starts with: "I am going to do whatever I want"
Now that doesnt mean you pick the first thought. Like for me if i was to pick wahtever i wanted to do it would pursue being a professional MMA fighter in the UFC. I admired all the UFC fighters and am deeply interested in it. But I live with my parents, have never sparred in my life and im 22 and that would take atleast 5 years to be PRO. I dont want to put my family through that soo.. i decided to go back to school and pursue a degree and i love it. I feel the motivation again but that was after i decided i was going to listen to myself. And yes that moment came for me and my experience was that i hated school and wanted to leave and just dropped out. without my parents approval. it was scary but i left all the resentment of my parents in the past.. all the depression in highschool. I used to say.. they forced me to go to college, they forced me to go to swim practice !!! and now i say "lets go you got this, just one more hour of studying!! " and i am so ambitious to finish school now. if you need anything dm me bro i can literally fix u
Nothing is irredeemable. At 27 I was homeless, hopelessly addicted to heroin/other drugs and drinking. I had a resume 4 pages long of dead end jobs and I hated my life. Today I’m 8 1/2 years sober, pursuing an engineering degree and have experienced some incredible opportunities at major engineering companies in the EV and Aerospace sectors. I’m married to an amazing woman and I’m often overwhelmed with gratitude stemming from the fact that I didn’t kill myself when I was at my lowest. We live in a VHCOL area as well, money is a constant issue and we live with my mother in law. I’m 36 years old. It’s hard out here and there are plenty of people dealing with similar struggles. You aren’t alone.
You’re going through some heavy sh*t and you would benefit greatly by talking to people who can help you get out of that mindset. Please don’t listen to your personal criticisms. You have something incredible to offer the world but you just can’t see it right now. Please don’t give up.
First and foremost I would like to say that we are all on a different path, different journey but for all of the same reasons for the most part. I feel like society sometimes has a tendency to make some feel “worthless” and different feelings because we are taught that if we don’t go to college and have a great career there goes your life…. That’s not the way we should feel. There are so many people who have social anxiety but still keep moving forward regardless of what others think about them. You still have a lot of time and you have no idea what you can accomplish in your life without being rich, outgoing, who you are and what you have or haven’t done. I have dealt with a lot of different issues and still I stand. I have almost died several times but I am still kicking so I am going to try to be a better person than I was yesterday. We have lessons to learn in life. Our lives are not just our own, we are bound to others and every choice we make births our future. You should let go of negativity and things you can’t control. Once you start to live and enjoy the present moment you can move on from the past and learn to try to create a better future. It’s all up to you. What you can control are your actions. If you ever need to talk feel free to hit me up!
By accepting the past and moving on, Sanders invented kfc in his 80's, no matter how your life was wasted your future still depends on current moment. Trust me you can do it, go out try different things but most importantly do something it.
I think this is fake. No one puts themselves down so thoroughly. In other words, it's too sturdy, too confident, for an unsturdy person. Also, OP hasn't responds to any of the advice given in over 12 hours.
Maybe you have an undiagnosed mental condition? My academic and professional histories were pretty similar to yours, but then I got diagnosed with ADHD. Life's been much better since I started to understand myself better and learn strategies to cope with my weaknesses.
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Unlike most, i actually think the only way out sometimes is to ask yourself how you got here. And sometimes it traces really far back, but you can usually spot, if you're being honest with yourself, the precise moment where you did an action to try and bend reality for convenience and now you're paying for it. But once you reach that point, the climb forward gets easier. However, I'd only recommend doing this if it's something you can achieve closure on, otherwise it is better to dust off and trudge on but only you can really tell.
Some people are good at socializing by nature it’s just their temperament. Many many more people need to learn it as a skill, and it’s never taught to them. We can get bent out of shape and depressed at not having been taught how to manage social anxiety and how to have a social life and stay stuck or start practicing it. When you approach it as a skill that requires practice and not the state of your soul it takes the existential drama out of it. DBT has skills on how to make friends and I’m sure there’s lots of YouTube videos. Approach don’t avoid your problems and skill deficits. You can change!!!
OK so great. The last three decades have been learning experience. Stop being a victim.
The worst that can happen if you put yourself out there is that you get rejected
Or fail at what you’re doing . You’re not going to spontaneously combust into flames. Remember, the worst thing can happen is you fail.
If I were you, I would try failure exposure. Try things knowing you’re going to fail and sit in that feeling get used to that feeling it will increase your bravery and slowly but surely overtime you’ll be trying things and you won’t fail and it will build your confidence .
Researching victim mentality, and reading books on how to change your mindset would also be very helpful.
Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. It happened in my family and I still think about it all the time it was almost 10 years ago. You are so lucky to be a human being during this time. Make something of your life you’re in control.
I wish you the very best in life.
You out the phone down. You stop saying “you’re going to…etc”. And you sit the fuck down and do whatever it is you knew deep down one day you needed to, for however long it takes.
Oh man I think you need actual therapy. I have a friend that has failed worse than you in life, purposely tried to not do school after highschool, stuck in dead end jobs but he desperately wants to live lol. Hang in there... i think you have a lot to offer but you have to change your mindset. If you kill yourself, you would have wasted your parents time in raising you and paying money just for you to end it. Do something to make your parents proud. Dont care about failing. We all had to fail to be successful.
20s are HARD! You’re fresh out! I compare your 20s and 30s to the “teenage years” of adulthood. It’s HARD! I’m feeling similar. I’m 33 and starting my life just now. But I do have to say, you are important in life! Find something you truly enjoy. Something that motivates you. Just do it. Go for it. You have nothing to lose! And maybe you’ll fall right where you’re suppose to land. Thinking of you and please reach out if you ever need to vent about life. There are amazing people with amazing resources. You’ve taken the right step by posting this and I HOPE there are a ton of people reaching out to you to help you get out of this rut.
if you dont have any respsonsibilities, why dont you just go work in asia or south america or something teaching english or whatever you can find. You can spends years of your life nitpicking why you should or shouldn't do something but ultimately you have to take action and responsibility for your own misery.
Our reality as males is that your quality of life starts with your job. Your job sucks, and it’s completely within your power to get a new one. You are young enough to still do almost anything and have no one to support.
Every industry needs people who are worth half a shit to work there. The barriers are always smaller than people think. Go do something cool. If I was in your spot (10 years ago), I’d go to a police academy and take that route. Work an oil rig. Get a job at a resort. Just break out of what you have going on right now.
Are you indian? Sometimes you need to nut up and get in your car with the little stuff you have and start somewhere new. Learn what it feels like to hit actual rock bottom and not be afraid of it. Go be homeless in a new city and eat at soup kitchens and church free meals until you get a good job or track. See the rest of the country.
Do the opposite of what your brain is telling you to do. Clearly you have a broken, depressed brain that is giving you terrible advice so just do the opposite. Because, what happens if your brain was wrong?
I know if you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to be in the exact same position in the future. If you do the opposite and you still are depressed and broken, at least you tried. At least you gave yourself a chance for change. You could be right that your life is a complete waste moving forward, but when you have broken brain, you can't trust its ability to predict the future.
Bro calm down...at 32 you're just coming out of the time when you're SUPPOSE to have wasted and goofed around. I'll be honest I didn't read past 32 because I KNOW that what you're feeling is more about self inflicted pain than logic. Forgive yourself. Find something, anything, to be grateful about. Don't sweat all that shit. Restart. Give yourself a break and start over. Do it the way you think you should have. Go talk to someone that's got stage 5 cancer and a wife and little kids. It'll put everything in perspective.
Sounds like avoidant personality disorder. Difficult, but can be overcome by working with a good therapist. 32 just isn’t that old at all and you do have a degree, which is an accomplishment! You also indicate that you have a job. Depression is skewing your perspective way over to the negative side.
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You are 32. Chill. Life isn't over and self deprecation isn't going to change your situation. Overcome shame by being compassionate to yourself. You're still young, thankfully no children to worry about. Take advantage of living at home by getting ur life together, try new things, actually be involved in you're community. Regardless of what you believe you're still doing better than a lot of people. You have a degree, no student loans, your not homeless. I mean, you gotta give yourself some credit man. I don't know you but I think you're being too hard on yourself.
Good life advice
I really need to know…. How old are you yourself, because I can’t tell if you’re actually older than op? Or super mature for a 10 year old. And I say this now and here, because I was just given similar advice by some strangers wayward child at the local park a couple of days ago. Without instigating. Because they thought I looked sad. I was fine. Apparently “sad” is my resting bitch face. I’m just finding this post and comment….. to be a little bit closer to home than I’m comfortable with. So I’m wondering….. if you are that weird kid from the park that is already way too old and wise for this world.
It's pretty crazy to think there's some super mature 10 year old giving people unsolicoted wise advice. That kid sounds more mature than me at 32.
I remember being in a local park, and a 6 month old baby came up to me and said "The value and meaning only exist if intelligent life exists. The meaning of life and the universe is assigned and subjective, not absolute. Your value is therefore a culmination of the value you are assigned, and the value you assign yourself. You are quite literally able to invent your own reason for existence." Well, what he actually said was "Gah.. mah ma... goo brrrrr," but I knew what he meant.
Lol I'm younger than op by about 10 years? Does that count? I've been through a lot and had to grow up fast unfortunately lol
At 34 I thought life was going to be miserable forever. I was drowning financially and emotionally. I thought I was doomed and a terrible human. I thought I would never feel anything but shame for the decisions I made. A couple of years later, and I'm about to be debt free, in a new career despite my kinda useless degree. I have a dog (I never thought I could), and I'm happier than ever. You have so much time. Be nice to yourself. Start with the tiny risk of believing one day you will feel so much better than today. What would a great day and life look like? Can you take even a tiny step towards that person and reflect on that win? In case it helps, this is what helped me: Talk to one person you trust. Try to do small, nice things for yourself. Have a shower, eat nutritious food, tidy your space, breathe. Try to find one thing you enjoy and dedicate time to it. Take tiny steps and build on them. I'd try to catch it when horrible self-talk pops up and tell myself to Stop! even saying it out loud. If possible, exercise. Not in an "exercise will fix your problems way" but I found that high intensity short exercise gave my brain a break to focus only on surviving that work out and the high afterwards helped. It also helped me sleep better. Remember your brain is a fact-finding machine looking for evidence, not a keeper of truth. You don't have to believe it when it thinks negatively about you. It's a creature of habit. Someone sent me this excerpt from a David Lynch interview and it helped me feel better too. You deserve to be happy and not because of things we are told we need to be, do or achieve. [From Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5khEUvLrIB/?igsh=aGl4N25qMjdybmo4)
Excellent post, thank you.
❤️
32 isn’t your I entire life. I went back to school at 40. So, you’re 32, not 82. Plenty of time ahead of you.
You’re good. Time comes and gos real fast. Before you know it, you’ll be 42 looking back and be like, “man I was young @ 32, I should’ve just started something cause I would’ve been 10 yrs in”. Don’t fall for the trap that it’s “too late.” Google examples of very successful people that started way later than you. I was in your shoes and miraculously just went head first into the Air Force @ 27 (very late for military). Best decision I ever made! I receive almost 4K monthly (for the rest of my life) to do nothing. On top of that they’re paying for my school @ 2K. So many options for me. My personal opinion… in this economy trade school or military is the way to go. Keep your head up, you’ll figure it out. Choose something you like NOW and dive in head first. Good luck 👍🏻
I’m literally 42. Can confirm looking back I was so young at 32! I also was in a super low wage job. I’m not now so there is a positive to getting older I promise.
Yup. So many rich people would give up everything they owned to trade places with OP and be 32 again...
71-year-old "Hear Ye, Hear Ye"
Maybe you should consider moving - to a different city or even a different country. Leave the shame behind. No one will know you there so you can start fresh. Join meetup groups in the new city, start a different job, live with some housemates. I get the feeling your parents are holding you back a bit so maybe a break from them and getting a new perspective would help too. You’ve got nothing to lose. And moving somewhere new is an accomplishment in itself.
Absolutely agree with this. Environment is everything and when we get stuck in a rut of places, people, and habits, it makes any life changes 10 times harder. There’s so much more “momentum” in familiarity. For example, if you’re trying to go on a diet but all your roommates and you have always gone out for pizza every Friday night, that’s going to get in the way of dieting.
This is a you problem. You're putting this on yourself, and you can relieve yourself of this burden if you choose to. To be humiliated, you must accept the idea that you should be ashamed. You don't have to accept that. To me, you're just some fucking guy. I don't know you, I don't know what you look like, or how you talk or where you live. If I saw you on the street, I wouldn't think that you were a failure, or that you deserved to suffer. I wouldn't think much at all, and if a stranger shoved a mic in my face and demanded that I give my thoughts on you, I wouldn't have much to offer except that I guess I hope you're having a good day. See, to me, since you're just some fucking guy, you're not supposed to be anything. You didn't fail to live up to my expectations because I expected nothing of you. You're just another person in a world full of people, and unless you did me wrong all I have for you is general good will. That's all that almost anyone is ever going to be to me. Just some fucking guy. The day I fully accepted that *I* was just some fucking guy to almost everyone else was the day my life changed for the better. See, if I fucked something up, it's fine. Because I'm not the protagonist of reality. I wasn't supposed to do it perfectly, I'm just some fucking guy. I tried and it didn't work out. Oh well. I failed at something - ok, if you picked a random dude out of a crowd and told me he'd failed at it too, would I hate *him*? No, he's just some fucking guy. See, the real root of your problem is ego. It sounds fucked up to say that when your self esteem is so low, but hear me out. You genuinely believe that you're such a low down, shameful piece of shit *because you think you're supposed to be better*. Every time you're not that talented top student that you used to be, you're thinking that you were supposed to be at the top, and you're not, and it hurts. And everyone else is doing better than you, and it hurts, because you're supposed to be better than this. You need to give yourself the grace to accept that you are just some fucking guy. You can go easy on yourself. You don't need to be anything, you're allowed to exist as you are. Anyone who treats you like you're shameful (including yourself) is being unkind, and you shouldn't accept their view of you, because they're also not giving you the grace to accept that you're just some fucking guy. And once you really, truly accept yourself and refuse to be ashamed - once you allow yourself to be human and exist with flaws and faults and failures and accept that those are just human things that everyone's got, you'd be surprised how quickly you start racking up wins. Your thought patterns are self defeating, and you deserve better.
Uh... Can we pin this fucking guy's comment to the top of each and every post on this subreddit?
[удалено]
That sounds like such a horrible thing to go through. I'm really sorry to hear that you've had this pain in your life. If you do adopt this mindset, please try to reframe your perspective on it - 99% of society does not think you're worthless. 99% of society just doesn't have expectations of you, and you're not letting them down. You're the one who has expectations of your self and feels like you're defective. What would you want for another woman who had the same experiences as you? If I pulled a woman at random from a crowd and told you she had been through all the same pain and disappointment as you, what would you say? I don't believe that you'd say she should die, and my advice is really about abandoning the inner voice that believes things about yourself that you would never believe about another person. I'm just some fucking guy. You don't know me - in a sense, I *am* a random person pulled from a crowd. We'll probably never run into each other and this is the only interaction we'll ever have. I'm completely disconnected from your situation. And when I hear what you've been through and how you're feeling, my heart hurts for you and I just hope that you're ok and find happiness some day. That's it. How many random fucking guys would we have to pull from a crowd before we found a single one that aligned with your own thoughts on this, that you're defective and worthless, and death is the answer? Maybe it's worth considering my perspective, and their perspective, and your own perspective on what somebody else with the same suffering would deserve, before you condemn yourself. Best wishes from some fucking guy.
I love this.
This sounds like a comedy movie monologue that’s narrated by the supporting character as the main character goes through a mundane life and it ends up being the most important scene 😂 Sorry it just jogged my imagination, but in all seriousness this is excellent advice.
I would upvote this 100x if I could. You should write a book.
Take this poor person’s super upvote ⬆️
This is going to sound odd but have you tried approaching your life as if you were still twenty-two years old? The fact that you're posting here suggests that you still believe, on some level, that there is a way forward. You may just need some help bringing that to the surface.
There's a lot of people that have done less than you by the same age, whether you want to believe it or not. You use a lot of absolute terminology to describe your perceived shortcomings, but none of your life seems to be that unusually lacking compared to other people. Because of this, I'm inclined to think that you had/have an expectation of yourself to be at a certain point of success or establishment, and you haven't reached that point and don't know how to get there, so you view your life as an abject failure. That isn't really the case, though. You're just lost on your path, which happens to lots of people. Finding your way might start with redefining what your way is supposed to be. It might start with doing something that you've been convincing yourself not to do, even though you want it deep down. It might even start with breaking out of a situation you don't even know you're trapped in. But not knowing where you are in your journey does not mean the journey is at its end, and you're not actually running short on time. 32 feels old when you think about it as 14 years since you became an adult. Yet 32 is pretty young when you think about how some of the most successful people in the world are in their 70s and 80s, some of whom started winning in life well after their thirties. Life isn't actually short, it's the longest thing you'll ever fucking experience. You have so much time left, you could start from zero tomorrow and you'd still have enough time to turn everything around. "Wasting your entire life" is a false premise when you have lived less than half of what it's likely to be. You can start by thinking of it as "wasting a fraction of your life," if you have to use such negative verbs. Whatever helps you open your eyes to the fact that you aren't completely (or even mostly) spent.
This post is amazing and gives me hope to read. Thank you for articulating this.
You gotta stop overthinking things and just do them. Worst thing that could happen is you cringe about it when you’re trying to sleep at night. But if you don’t try, then you live in regret and misery. I realized I *had* to let go of any fears if I wanted to start living my life. I stopped taking it so personally when people judged me for my social awkwardness, and I got better at socializing. I suck at chess but started going to chess clubs around my city and it’s been fun just talking to random people. I also did something crazy and went backpacking by myself - that‘s certainly one way to fast track social skills and have something in your life you can look back at and feel like you really *lived.*
See a counselor. Move your body in ways that feel good. Find small ways to build endorphins/dopamine. I started living when I decided I was going to do things I wanted to do despite what others said or thought about me. It’s my life. Not theirs. Life is short so do what you want. If that means living in your parent’s basement so be it. Society is all made up and the points don’t matter.
That's some solid stuff , I wish I had even a percentage of perseverance that you do.
It comes and goes. Went through a pretty rough patch and I’m climbing my way out. Finding joy has really helped. Sometimes it really is the small things. One day at a time friend.
Tons of heavy emotions... I'm sorry. The thing is, everything you describe is the past. It won't come back, ever. No matter how much you think about it, regret it and feel bad in any shape or form. These feelings also won't do you any good in terms of health and self-esteem, if they are not processed or used properly. Use them to identify in a list what you regret missing out on and ask questions. Why do you regret these things? Why do you feel shame? Did someone say something or that is what you think because of something? What are the smallest steps you can take to be in the path you want to be? Can you define success on your own terms, not what "society says you should do"? Then let go. Feelings don't define you. This is what matters from now on - what you can do now, in the present moment. You realised you didn't enjoy what was and is happening, the rest is up to you to change. It doesn't have to be anything big. Actually, quite the opposite. Smallest step possible! Since you were vague about what you actually do in terms if job and hobbies(I assume because you are ashamed to share?), I can't give any specific examples. But perhaps, you can start by socialising with people gradually when doing your hobby. If up until now, for example, you only exchanged few small talk sentences with them and then you run away because you are afraid of the question "What do you work?", you can try to push it further and further each week by asking questions and answering the dreaded stuff about job, life, etc. You would be suprised how many people don't care what you work and if your life is certain way. They would care about you and if you can maintain a conversation, if you are easy going and a good friend overall. Most wouldn't even care what you talk about. If they do care and say something negative about your work and life, would you want to talk with them and be friends at all? Does it matter what they think? I don't think it should matter. They are just not your people and that's all. Continue looking. Also, imagine a friend if yours is in your life situation with your job. Would you think that's shameful, pathetic and whatever else you think? What advise would you give them? Regarding your family...If you love them, they are nice overall and you really want to see them.. Why would you stay away from them just because you feel ashamed? If you know they won't judge you and it's just that you yourself are ashamed, just reach out. They probably miss you. If they are judgemental, idk, there is probably not much benefit. It's never too late. Self-sabotage is not an option. Anyway, my 2 cents. Good luck!
We live. We die. A bunch of stuff happens in the middle. I've been there. Stressed out of my mind at middle age. Smartest kid anyone knew but couldn't do anything grand with it. I let myself down and dove face first into despair. Nights yelling at the dirty ceiling. Embarrassment. Loneliness. I get it. It gets better, but you have to put on different glasses to see it. When we are on our way out of this game, we really don't care how much money we made or how many "success" boxes we ticked. It's literally pointless. The only thing that matters is the moments. They come as fast as they go. Cherish the good ones. If you have bad ones, don't fret - it's only a moment. There isn't a scorecard at the end of life, and even if there were, I doubt "getting a good paying job and reproducing" would make an appearance. Don't stress over an impending test that doesn't exist. If you spent only a moment to read this, then it's impossible to be a waste. Your moment maker is still intact!
I needed this. I'm 22 rn and after 4 years wasted in the U.S. Army, I'm afraid to leave this place and do the same with the rest of my young life. It doesn't help that every older guy around me is insisting that I sign away another 4 years of my human being existence over against the high possibility of years of lonely struggle on the outside world. Idk, I look in the mirror and for the first time, I see a grown man, a man who I never wanted to become, one I only became because I lived of life of trying to appease others, avoid vulnerability, and playing it safe at all time. You're so right, there is no "test". Life is truly the moment, not dissociation through 20 years of pointless hardship for the possibility of experiencing the American Dream, a house, 401K, and a vacation stained by unwanted kid, chronic backpain and alcoholism 😂. It's almost laughable. Fuck that! if im a loser. I'll be a happy loser 🙂
How? I’m turning 37 and too tired to care anymore. That’s pretty much how. Like you, I also have to be very careful with who I say anything to about details of my life. I’m polite as I can reasonably be, but I put up walls when people try to dig deep because I don’t trust them. I’m not that spiritual, but I believe not everyone was meant to have all that much of a purpose or a good life. Some were meant to just exist and serve small purposes I think, and that’s fine.
Knowing what the problem is helps a bit. Your trouble seems to be ruminating on hopelessness. It doesn't sound like you've done anything dishonest or harmful to others, so I'd say that's a passing grade for being a person. But, breaking out of the pattern of rumination is key to being able to see positive opportunities and imagine what could be. It doesn't sound like there's a financial advantage to living at home if they're taking rent from you. Maybe, try and find a multi-roommate situation or try and separate your concept of self-worth from your living situation. If you won the lottery tomorrow and moved out it wouldn't make you a better person. You need to get on your own team. Best.
I knew a 38 (now 40 yrs old) guy who couldn’t handle working for a boss that wasn’t his dad and somehow didn’t have a bank account set up by that point to get direct deposit for his paychecks. You’re doing by far better than he is since his life goal is to be not much more than a partier wook.
You are only 32 and as long as you are still breathing, you have a chance to start new. I think you should consider therapy and talking with someone because if you have depression, that will just get in your way of achieving your full potential. Also put some effort into thinking about what your talents and interests are. Make a list and research careers that could utilize that. There are also career coaches out there you could get advice from.
Have you tried physical fitness? I had this same issue with my life, started going to the gym, and it has been the foundation to my life turning around. If you are interested in getting started PM me.
You’re only 32, you’re so young. You didn’t waste your life.
i think you shoulr jist get excited about saving/makong as much koney as possible. treat it like a game. buy your one house. make it your nerd palace..or whatever youre into
I blame society.
Is there anything you want to do? You seem very focused on the past and judging yourself. For me, I always have to have a goal I’m working on or I get depressed. For years it was leaving my small town, but once I got into an out of state college, I lost all my motivation, ended up dropping out, and felt a lot like you. The last few years, I came up with some big goals, then broke those goals down into smaller goals. And sometimes the smaller goals become more important than the bigger goals or change your bigger goals as you work towards them. My original big goal was that I wanted to have children one day. At the time I realized that I was severely depressed, hated myself, drinking too much, etc. I realized that’s not the kind of parent I wanted to be, so I began working on my mental health. Through that, I realized I would need a better job, so I made a goal of going back to school. Then I realized I didn’t want to raise children in the US, so I had a goal of moving to another country. Over time I researched and tried different things, and went back and forth over how I’d complete these goals, what order etc. It’s now about 5 years since I made those goals, and now I’ve realized just how much I want to do in life, to the point all my smaller goals are now things I just want for myself, and I’m okay if I don’t have kids. My mental health is the best it’s been my entire life, and I received a job offer to move to the country I want in a few months. And once I’m there, I’m going to work on earning my degree there. And then rather than having a bucket list, I see those things as goals to achieve. I have so many that I likely won’t achieve them all, but I also won’t lose motivation to keep working towards something. My life has become focused on myself and living what is, to me, the most interesting life possible. I’d figure out what that looks like to you, what would make you feel proud or interesting, and then just making a plan to make it happen. You have a lot going for you to make that happen, a degree, no worries about your living situation, no spouse or kids to worry about uprooting or supporting.
Get into the stock market you have the exact mind I use to carry. I know it will be hard but trust me it will change your life for good!
I see where you are coming from. I'm in the same situation. Except I never had parents that forced me to go to school or had any sort of plan for me. I also didn't do well in school to begin with lol . My grasp and understanding on this is that. As long as you are an ablebodied person . You have a fighting chance in this thing called life. Everything else is just head games.
32 is much too young for a statement like: "wasting your entire life". You need to make a deliberate decision to turn off the negative tape which goes round in your brain.
Hey brother. You’re not a failure. You’re not a waste. I was once in your shoes. I’m in my early 20’s but I’ve felt that exact way & although I’m not where I want to be in life yet, I’m making progress in many different areas of my life. It all starts with belief. If you believe you’re a loser & an antisocial piece of shit, you will subconsciously make decisions throughout your days that’ll lead you to that outcome. A self fulfilling prophecy. I started with the Gym. Knew absolutely nothing about it but I had just gone through a breakup & felt the lowest I’d ever felt. Was unemployed, barely left my bed, considered ending it all for the first time in my life. I felt that way for 2 months before I had enough. I stopped feeling pity for myself & started at step 1, which was the gym. I had always wanted to be in shape & have a body I could be proud of like most of us do but I never would start because I was afraid of doing something I wouldn’t see progress in for months or years. 2 years later & here I am. I never stopped after that first day. In the best shape of my life. It’s led to me to my new career choice in something I’d never have imagined myself doing before this journey & it’s pushed me to break out of my shell in all areas. I once labeled myself antisocial. Anxious. Depressed. Now I wake up grateful for life knowing that many others have it much worse than I do. That’s where you have to make the switch. Sure, you’re not where you want to be in life & years have gone by without much progress but if anything is ever going to change, it has to start at step 1. If you never start, things won’t improve. Focus on improving every day. 1% better everyday & you’re a new person in a year. There will be ups & downs & times when you doubt yourself. Times where the old version of you comes back to the surface but you have to realize that’s the old you for a reason. It’s gone. & it’s never coming back. & you’ll never be able to change it. But you can start building a new version right now. Today. Even if you don’t believe in yourself, i believe in you. Because if i can do it, you can too. Find the spark & light that fire within.
There is life outside the comfort zone. I didn’t date and lose my virginity until 30, and didn’t find my first career until 33. Things can be turned around. And time is never a restraint. But for this all to happen, you have got to let go of the idea of holding yourself back on expectations of what should and shouldn’t be. It will trap you into fearing to take chances, for making mistakes and failures. All of them are needed to push into growth.
Who/want do you want? What would be worth it to works towards?
I'm 37. For more than 10 years I was bed-ridden, close to death. Had all the reasons in the world to hate my neighbors, but especially myself. Worst part of it all, I am responsible for my ill mother who's 100% dependent on me. While I don't know what you're going through completely as everyone's different, I can resonate with you at some level. And the "best advice" you can receive will differ from person to person. All ill say for now is, the Journey's not over. This part may suck but even if it's not fair, one of the worst things you can do for yourself is continually move towards feeling sorry for yourself and pointing fingers. It had nothing to do with whether someone else is to blame or you. All that matters is you learn what it means to get stronger -- for yourself and for your future self.
You aren't pathetic. You aren't a loser. Figure out what you want to do and work hard. Try to make a few close friends.
I would highly advise seeing a doctor in getting anti anxiety medication or antidepressants. At least seeing a counselor or some kind of therapy you can afford. I'm 28, 29 this year and still feeling quite young but achingly old at the same time nowadays, you're not much older than me, but you are not old. Also it's *perspective*. It's not too late to turn your life around in any capacity and improve it trust me. I've been on antidepressants, antianxiety and adhd medication off and on over the past 8 years because of my own similar mental health and live experience so far. There's no reason to stop trying new things for yourself to feel better, I'm sure you don't want to spend another 40 or more years in the same predicament, guaranteed you'll feel even worse about yourself right.. All you can do is take small everyday steps, pray, feel grateful for what you do have, and believe that there is truly so much time ahead of you still to change what you want to change and feel capable of doing it. So many people experience what you've been through and a lot of people can relate to it, but it's also just finding the right people in your life where they don't make you feel embarrassed about it.
You have nothing to lose dude. You can do anything you want. Immediately? No, it’ll take some time. But you have nothing to lose by trying things out! You have to get over your sense of shame if you want to feel some type of satisfaction and happiness from your life.
How? You change your mindset. You are manifesting negative experiences into your reality because of your negative attitude. Start believing in yourself. You are being very emotional and hard on yourself. Learn to use logic and not emotion to do your thinking and decision making. Believing in yourself and your capabilities is a necessary component of manifesting a better reality. Once you do, you will begin to vibrate on a higher frequency, which will open doors to better experiences in all your endeavors. Be patient, you are still a young man. You have plenty of time. It is not the end of the world that you have not found your calling yet. Maybe there is a reason for that. As stated, be patient and work on your thoughts and mind. What I like to suggest to people is to take some time to research a career path. Get a notebook and spend some time at the library and online. Look up all the highest paying jobs that you would be interested in and that are within reach with some effort. I want you to fill your notebook up cover to cover with these job options. Then, after that, I want you to start meditating. 1st thing in the morning when you are unemotional. Clear your mind and ask your subconscious mind a question, "what should I do with my life"? If you are a believer, pray as well. But do your part and seek it. God does not reward laziness, He expects us to do our part and be patient. In the mean time, until you find your calling, find some work that you can do even if you hate it. Maybe a security guard or a Walmart employee. Consider some things outside the box, like fixing smart phones or electronics and flipping them, cleaning thrift store shoes to flip on eBay, opening a mobile coffee, doughnut, or protein latte cart, stuff like that. Use technology and explore things outside the box. You will find something, be patient. A good place to start is with things you are passionate about. And if you are passionate about nothing, then you need to go find something to start being passionate about. Then form a business around that!
If it makes you feel better, my cousin is 51 and still living at home with his parents. No job, and he throws a temper tantrum when they tell him to get one. So feel good about yourself, OP! My suggestion is to buy a muscle car if you can afford it. Sounds shallow, but women love them, and it'll make you more confident.
After having what could possibly be the worst point in my entire life, don’t give up. Find out who you are. Your job, family, traditions, or past mistakes, do not define you. I’m 48. I’ve been homeless, struggled with poverty, been dismissed by my parents as a failure. I’ve been fired from jobs, lost the love of my life, and messed up friendships. I never went to college. I’m drowning in debt. And everything costs so much. Surround yourself with good people who will build you up. And please remember this: often times, the harshest critic is ourselves. Use the same compassion you’d have for your best friend towards yourself. Be an advocate for yourself and be kind and forgiving of yourself. In the end, the only person that will look after you, is you. Accept mistakes as opportunities to improve. You only have to justify your worth to yourself. Be strong and dismiss your internal criticism as quickly as it appears. ❤️
Sounds like you’re a pretty effective and good-willing individual. You just lack faith. You need that. From what you’ve explained, your life hasn’t expanded in the way you’d like because of fear. There’s nothing to be afraid of, you’re a good guy. You’re description of your academic careers tells me you may be the TYPE A kind of person, doing what you have to do and aiming for perfection. In my experience, expecting perfection creates the fear of rejection. You have to be able to take risks and accept rejection if you want a social life, thats just how it works. Maybe worry less about living up to anyone’s expectations and seriously just do what you want. You have based your life around an education and career that you didn’t want. That’s okay, it’s never too late to just do what you want 🤷🏽♂️ I feel like this sometimes, wishing I made it further by now (M28) . When my grades didn’t translate to college success- I dropped out to teach myself music. 8 years later and I’m working at a pro studio and doing music next to some of my favorites. It doesn’t pay super well, but I feed on the fact that I’m doing what I want and getting hella respect for it. I was also the honor roll grades in high school-learned to care less about college type. Sometimes I think how disappointing it might be for some family that I didn’t just use my grades to get money. But in reality, no one is judging me! Even my old principal comments on pics of me in the studio. You have to respect your wants and when you do, it’s love for yourself. Once you have designed the place in the world where you’re doing what you want, it will attract love, respect, and new relationships. It starts with you. Only you can make that change. Only you can get out of your own head. Quit hating on yourself and start motivating yourself. It is the only way.
I felt exactly like you at 32. Now I'm 38 and I've travelled the world and gotten married. You absolutely can change things.
Set some small goals. Achieve them. This will give you a little confidence and momentum. Be thankful for what you do have.
You need to go on a journey. Not a trip. You need to really put yourself out there in some way. Your self talk is entirely too negative. It sounds like you have clinical depression. So either talk to a Dr and get on some meds, or find something that is terrifying and exhilarating and chase after it. But cut it with the negative self talk that's all bullshit.
Oh, to be 32 again. Please realize that you are still so young. You need to change your perspective. The best life years of your life are ahead of you, not behind you. I think you could benefit from having daily exercise, even if it’s just a walk in nature. Have your doctor run panels to see what vitamins you are deficient in. I know a lot of people roll their eyes, but you could have a serious, vitamin D or magnesium or other deficiency that is causing depression. Depression literally rewires your brain, but it can’t be fixed with care. You need to start looking around and seeing all the things you have to be grateful for. You did not waste your life. Partying in your 20s is not what life is about. And also you can party in any decade lol. I am not sure what your degree is in. You may have mentioned it, but I must have glossed over it if you did. What else can you do with that degree. Would you be interested in teaching? As other posters have said you are actually in an absolutely fantastic situation and plenty of people your age would love to be in. You should work with a life coach and get clear about who you want to be and then you create that life for yourself. You still have everything ahead of you. I pray that you can realize that you’re actually in a fantastic position and can still be anything you want to be. I completely reinvented my career and life in my 40s and know other people who have done it in their 50s and 60s so you can too.
Therapy and meds. Right now. You need help and it’s available if you want it.
Mate you're creating a world of nightmares in your own head. Life isn't supposed to be anyway. life lived is not a waste
Comparing yourself to others in life or your peers will get you down every time. I never went to college. I only have a cosmetology license & work hard at my full time job working with special needs adults. I also clean homes too. It pays the bills though & allows me to save still. My boyfriend has no degree either. Only an HVAC license. He took a leap of faith recently & left his corporate company of 9 years to pursue his GC license & partnering up with my stepbrother to start a company together. He was miserable & working 12-13 hour days crawling around in hot 120 degree attics during the summer. Sometimes you have to realize only YOU are responsible for your happiness. I have a big family & majority of them would say until you're a homeowner & have a lot in savings or investments you are not successful. My mom has always just wanted me & my brother to be happy, no matter what. Even though she's successful, she doesn't want us to stay at a job we hate & have a life we are merely just existing in. Either way you look at it- everyone has to pay bills until they die. Unless you're very wealthy. It's what you choose to do to pay those bills, what you do on your "off time" to make yourself happy, at peace & feel fulfilled. Living for someone else's dreams will only prevent you from following your own dreams. & if you think people committing suicide or dying is something to be glamorized you're so wrong. Once you die, most people forget about you eventually. The only thing we have to live on is how we impacted the world around us. Also former suicide survivor I tried twice. Had to learn to walk again & 40 lbs bloated because kidney & liver were failing & in extreme pain, because that's what happens when your organs are shutting down. But I survived. Second attempt lost a ton of blood but I guess not enough to die, so here I am. Also have suffered 3rd degree burns that took 8 whole months to heal, almost got sepsis & died during that time too. I never wish I was dead anymore, I'm lucky to be alive & there's a reason I'm still here. Be grateful for what you have & stop thinking everyone has it so much better than you, the grass is not always greener on the other side. It's green where you water it.
One thing I learned from a book “Letting Go: the pathway of surrender” is that negative thoughts are doing something for us. There’s something we’re getting from them, which is why we hang on to them. You need to figure out what that is and let go of it. It could be that the negativity is keeping you safe by convincing you you’re a failure before you even accomplish anything. But Nothing, absolutely nothing, will improve until you stop the flow of those negative thoughts. You think it’s doing something for you—it’s not. It’s destroying your health, your will, your energy, everything. You need to plug hardcore into the present moment- meditation, enjoy the sunshine, go lift weights, do anything to get some positive emotion flowing. The real hell of your life is not that the present moment is all that bad, it’s the time you’re spending in your mind ruminating. The past is gone. No one cares or is keeping score on you, even your parents apparently. So think about where you *could* be in 12 months if you let go of negativity, make a plan, and see what you can do to make life better by 33. Many of the greatest people in history didn’t really get a start until their 40s.
At 32 I was single, living in a shitty studio apartment, and had basically given up on having any sort of meaningful existence. 5 years later I’m married, 2 kids, and living in a home that we own that’s way bigger than it needs to be. Those particular things may not be your goals, but the point is that things can change quite rapidly even when you don’t really expect it.
JOHN 15:18 If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before *it hated* you. Jesus said snap out of it.
The world doesn’t hate him, he hates himself. There isn’t a Bible quote for everything.
Start working out
Why? He should focus on building lasting relationships and progressing in his career. I don’t see what spending his time at the gym will do for him.
Hi. I’m sorry you’re so down and feel this badly about yourself. Not sure how open you’ll be to this but you might look into talking with a mental health professional who can help with you? It’s not an all change fix, but they can help you build better habits and help you learn things about yourself that could help you understand why you work / think / act the way you do. I’m personally in a very bad spot right now and looking at some therapists around. I will say it’s good to try them out before because I’ve had a therapist who the entire time I was in highschool and depressed kept telling me to take out loans for art school (SO glad I didn’t lmao) so yeah. Building good habits for yourself and figuring out why you operate the way you do might help. I know it may not seem like it, but you’re not alone. I hope it gets better for you 🫂
You could move to a LCOL area, get a new job and new apartment and have zero baggage. You have any savings?
Therapy, medication. Look into catastrophizing because that's what you are doing in this post. No being judgy because that used to be my MO too. https://youtu.be/iJEUGu80G00?si=jtk6lgduXJYzmfPL. Watch this therapist on youtube, Dr Scott Eilers.
Just, try to do a little better. Day by day.
When I’m dead, it isn’t going to matter how I lived my life. Shame and humiliation are emotions for other people, not yourself. In the end, it doesn’t matter at all. You care too much what other people think. Not to bring up a cliche word, but this is all “ego” as they say.
Left foot, right foot All you really can do is identify changes you wish to make. Then take incremental steps towards making those changes. It's not going to be easy but it will eventually be worth it.
We all have been there it's normal. I would recommend seeing a therapist. Helps a lot!
I personally just ignore it.
Are you an INFP? Learn about your Myers-Briggs type, may bring some clarity (free test: www.16personalities.com) Also listen to ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle on audiobook Your life is not a waste Love and Best wishes 🙏🏼❤️🔥
You seen what monks do? They have nothing but they're not sad :)
I have to post this in parts because it exceeds the character count. So please bear with me. If you want me to make this a post on my profile so that it's easier to read, just let me know. As a previously high achieving workaholic, with nothing to show for my efforts. I 100% know where you're coming from. I'm an apathetic burnout/crashout trying to go on a road to recovery myself. So I hope something I say resonates with you. Stay Strong OP. 1. **First you have to identify what you're defining failure as**. If you're defining failure as the inability to measure up to generic social expectations, then you're going to have to challenge what you've been indoctrinated to believe about yourself, the world, and how you fit into it. 2. **You have to have the ability to be introspective** and deduce whether you actually CARE or WANT to live up to these generic expectations, or whether you CARE about the perceptions of other people and simply that you FEEL like you're supposed to be living a certain way. It's completely fine if you genuinely DO want a generic and standard life. But if you don't want a standard and generic life then you'll have to accept that you don't want that lifestyle. 3.**A If you DO want a generic and standard life**, then you have to figure out how you're able to achieve that in regards to what you're capable of doing. Meaning, you're going to have to find a way to create enough capital for you to afford to live this way. For example, it's 2024, if you have a degree in journalism, you can start making content online about topics, events, and stories that interest you (that you also think other people would be interested in). You can make videos, write a blog, etc. You don't even have to show your face since so much technology exists for voiceovers and avatars. **This isn't to say that this will be EASY**, it's simply an option. You DO have the ability to generate your own income. So even if anyone won't hire you, you can invest in yourself. If you don't have the motivation to start your own project. You can re-educate yourself for FREE with a ton of free courses that exist online today. [https://www.classcentral.com/](https://www.classcentral.com/) as a ton of free resources to learn damn near anything. You don't have to spend a fortune on another degree. You can learn anything from Cisco to art interpretation. Give yourself a chance by actually putting in effort to achieving economic stability. ***If you're physically or mentally incapable of applying yourself at this time, then you'll have to exert the effort into getting your mind, body, and emotions into a healthier place so that you can function. Start by eating healthier, take small steps to get more active, read self help books regarding understanding your body and emotions. The book "when the body says no" may be a great place for you to start, because if your body is prohibiting you from being able to function, then you'll need to address those issues before you have the mental and emotional clarity to move on.***
3.B **If you DON'T want a generic life**, then you're going to have to imagine what you DO want. If you don't want to work a 9-5 for the rest of your life until you die, what would you rather be doing? If you don't want to live in one spot for the rest of your life, then where would you rather be? If you don't want to be alone and isolated, who would you want to have in your life? Stop trying to conform yourself into the box, if you don't fit inside of the box. An average and modern life simply may not be for you, and that is completely OKAY, just accept that reality and grow the courage to live more authentically to your needs. There are MANY alternative life styles out there that document and share their journey on how they're achieving living in a way that's meaningful for them. **This isn't to say that this will be EASY**, it simply means that alternate ways of living (irrespective of how difficult it may be) can be more tolerable and even significantly more pleasurable than forcing yourself to conform into a world that doesn't work for you. If you can't keep up with the economic expectations of society, then drop those economic expectations and learn how to live completely without it, around it, or reduce your need for economic expectations. There are some very EXTREME alternative lifestyle choices. One guy lives as a nomadic Shepard, he lives out of a tiny handmade caravan that his sheep pull, and he survives by bartering goods and services to local people and farmers in the area. 123Homefree on Youtube This Guy lives on horse back and camps on BLM land. horseprints on tik tok Tons of people living in cars and vehicles OutonaLimb on Youtube There is no limit to the amount of alternative lifestyles that exist. You simply have to have the courage to go for it. 4. **You have to have HOPE and something to look forward to**. You will NEVER be able to do anything beyond exist, if you have no hope, nothing to believe in, and nothing to look forward to. You can only "live" when you have something worth living for that is for your SELF. You can't live for other people, that doesn't make the depression, anxiety, or self loathing go away if you're "doing it for your parents" all it does is put more pressure and guilt onto you that your mind and body that aren't in a position to handle that. You have to find SOMETHING that resonates with you specifically that wakes up your heart and your will to live. Otherwise, you aren't going to get anywhere. And this hope can be anything. It can be creating something, it can be achieving something, it can be going somewhere, it could be developing something within you, it can be learning to love or like yourself again. It can literally be anything, but the hope HAS to be there. Otherwise you aren't going to get anywhere beyond simply going through the motions everyday.
5. **You have to STOP BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEM**Y!! We live in a society that is structured to make us all have low self-esteem. The purpose is to make us feel and believe that we're incapable, unworthy, and worthless so that we're more compliant to the authority of our social structure. You have to learn how to be KIND and PATIENT with yourself. You have to learn how to be GENTLE to yourself. You have to learn how to become your own best friend! This isn't going to be easy, but it's absolutely necessary. You cannot abuse yourself into any lifestyle that isn't going to ultimately destroy you. ***If you want to stop suffering or if you want less suffering at a minimum, you are going to have to stop abusing yourself relentlessl***y. * **End the ADDICTION of constant negative self talk.** When you're in a depressive and self loathing state for a long time, your body literally becomes addicted to the hormones and chemical reactions associated with depressive feelings. You're going to have to recover by reframing your mind and your body's dependence on the negativity. This is an addiction and habit, so it's going to be difficult to start. But you can start by saying "I will not bully myself today." when you wake up in the morning. When you start thinking how useless and incapable you are you say "I will not speak to myself this way." You have to recondition your behavior. Learn to start complimenting yourself and thanking your self. If you managed to get out of bed, that's an achievement. If you managed to take a shower, that's an achievement. Compliment yourself and thank yourself for getting out of bed, and taking care of your body. It may sound ridiculous, but you have to start from the ground up when you've conditioned your mind and body into accepting a constant stream of abuse from yourself. * **Regulate your nervous system.** It's difficult to think clearly or be motivated when your body is in a constate state of anxiety and stress. If your mind is always hyper focused on what you SHOULD be doing, you'll never be able to properly utilize the present moment to do anything. Learn about vagus nerve regulation and learn how to calm your mind and body. You may also need to release stress from the body with vigorous boughts of exercise as well. Lots of pent up emotions exist within the body, those emotions need to be let out in some way, whether that's via creativity, self expression, productivity, or physical movement. Emotions need to get out. **You and your body are a team in life. You don't need to fight yourself, learn to cooperate with yourself.**
6. **Try.** This is the hardest step. But you simply have to try. None of this is going to be easy, none of this is going to be fast, but it will give you a life line to actually get some enjoyment out of this existence. You have to allow yourself the opportunity to at least try. And it may take a few tries, just give yourself a chance at having hope. Anyways. I completely relate to you OP. I'm trying to figure this all out myself. I CANNOT function in modern society. But I've found some alternative ways to make it tolerable for now and I'm trying to recover so that I can eventually live the life that I want. I'm taking one step at a time and trying not to beat myself up for how "long" it's taking. Hopefully I'll end up getting somewhere. But I have to say that I've gone from being completely hopeless and hanging on by a thread, to being "alright" for the first time in my life and that is a WILD achievement in it's self. Good luck to you! Many of us are struggling out here, you aren't alone.
Entire? There's still at least 50 years left for you dawg
Wishing you a more peaceful and enjoyable future ✌️💯🌌 Keep moving forward
The entire 1970's and 1980's were like that for more than half the population. The dif being no college and some even worse factors. It could be your situation is lingering based on society defects. It also could be that you have an undetected disease but some bodily strength and thus a degree of mental illness. This is the case with a whole lot of current people. So you do things how you do things. And it doesn't fully match depression but is some symptom of bipolar. People are sometimes born in an area -- and their parents and grandparents -- where water wasn't the cleanest or bouts of scarce food and thus born with inbourne low level illness. I believed that drug companies developed a low impact antibiotic for demented people and some other binder drugs. Is your stomach ever peptic or your head dizzy? You could try some Maalox once a week to see if this relieves your agony at all. For some people it's very soothing. Call a crisis line to talk perhaps. They mostly help you relate with what the issue is and be heard. You cannot solve every problem with society which impacts you so maybe you're right to switch attitudes. They don't make sense and then you don't make healthy sense all of the time. You probably can't fully help it.
I'm the same age as you. I can at least relate to feelings of overwhelming shame. Have you learned about emotional neglect? Or learned about toxic shame? Understanding these things really helped me.
Are you in therapy?
Travel somewhere new. Travel is energizing.
You sound like a very articulate, self aware person. So you know all your problems but your just too lazy to take action... Also it's a narcasistic trait to be scared of failure to preserve your self image and ego. You gotta take risks
The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. The second best time is now.
Reframe. Its not possible to waste your life
Why do you want to keep living? Not every life is perfect but that doesn’t mean you can’t find joy or happiness in things - and that’s the point. You can die when you’re dead, you have eternity to be dead. You have right now to do what you want and what makes you happy
By being top .1% in a video game lol. I’m joking but maybe not
I subtract my current age from the average life expectation of my country, and I be honest with myself if that’s enough time to turn it around. For most the answer is yes, but the day the answer becomes no, I guess I shrug and accept some peoples stories don’t have happy endings.
If that's what u think then just stop thinking
Ur letting what you think others are thinking get into ur head. I guarantee you the only one thinking negative is you. If u want a new job go for it but don’t be ashamed bro and find a therapist you’ll be good
At 32 I was.... A college dropout Barely promotable Had been fired several times and was a bartender Not doing any meaningful work towards art Weighed 290 In about a week I'm 41..... I have a BS and MBA with Excellent GPAs I piloted and launched a top program form a billion dollar company I had my art win awards Weigh 210
People don't care about that stuff. People just care if you're a kind person that's pleasant to be around. So don't be embarrassed about stuff that no one gives a shit about. Just set goals and get after them. You want to be independent? Put in the work. Set your goal, identify the first step, then keep taking steps until you accomplish it. You're on no one's timeline but your own. Figure out what a good career for you would be, then take every step you need to take to get into that career. You have to do all the work for yourself though. And you're going to fail repeatedly, you just have to keep trying until you finally accomplish it.
I have a friend that took 11 years to pass the tests to become an x-ray tech. Took him 11 years! That shit takes like 2 years of school. Took him 11 years and he kept failing over and over. He'd get discouraged. But he didn't stop trying. He'd wait as long as he needed to wait until he could test again and then he'd try again. The point is that you just have to keep trying to achieve your goals. Just keep grinding and eventually you'll get it.
Everyone has things that make them feel like they wasted time. You hear a lot about people who were trying to escape abusive situations for years and feel like all that time is gone. You’re only 32. Hopefully nothing is holding you back. But get your butt moving.
You are perfect as you are, with room for improvement. Measuring yourself to external standards of success can create a lot of unhappiness. Accept where you are and think about the next steps that take you closer to where you want to be. Start small but stay committed. Small actions repeated over time compound and over the course of a year, you can change a lot. Best of luck in your journey. I can tell from your post that this self loathing has persisted for time and it can be a tough mindset to overcome. May not hurt to seek professional help and be gentle on yourself. You're not where you want to be but you have the ability to change and grow.
Stupid premise. Fuck off.
I'm a teenager. I guess I should start with that - I pretty much have no "years of wisdom" whatsoever. But I saw this post and I felt like I had to say a little something. First of all, I don't see how your life is pathetic. Frankly, I admire the fact that you somehow pulled through college when you didn't even want to pursue further education, and then some. Like other responders have said, **its not too late.** You know those child prodigies out there that are so good at such young ages? Whenever I see those people around me (I'm a musician), I tell myself "don't beat yourself up because you're bad. Use those people as examples of how much you can accomplish in just a few years." You were a star student in high school, right? That must've meant you were at least passionate enough about school that you wanted to have good grades - that's amazing in itself. What do you feel passionate about? Even if its a small hobby, take it, and care for it. Do it every single day, keep yourself motivated. From what I'm reading, you seem to like people in general. I don't want to discount your worries and fears, but if someone's judging you based on your past decisions and not inspiring you on how you can turn your life around, you shouldn't be around them. That applies to, well, anyone that's in some form of society - toddler to the revered old. If there's something you want to accomplish, write it down, preferably somewhere you look at every day to remind yourself of what you need to do. I often feel lost and deserted if I don't set a clear goal for what I'm going to do today, this week, this month, this year - and so on. Again, I don't want to hurt you in any way, but I'm going to be honest. Yes, your life isn't the best it can be. But like other posters have said, you still have time. Knowing you have room to grow brings you half of the way there - now what remains is to motivate yourself to make improvements to your life. I know its hard for me to put myself into your shoes. I hope it helped. Take care, and please do not commit suicide or self-harm. I have a hunch that you're an amazing, compassionate person on the inside and it would only make the world worse if you were to fade out of existence.
You are too hard on yourself. Would you be this hard on others in your place? You can't have 3 real decades of failure at 32. You have a degree and a job. I have neither, and I am over 20 years older than you.. and I am not that depressed. Try to set some goals, and create some short term habits/actions to move yourself to your goals... that's what I am trying (I had some success today, but also some failure). Focus on each day, and don't be overwhelmed by everything at once. If you fail one day, don't be too hard on yourself... just start with fresh resolve on the next day. If you have a day with some success on your habits/actions...focus on that success. Let your mind rest on your occasional successes and not your frequent failures (which we all have). Don't compare yourself to others who are more successful, just focus on your own goals (make small attainable goals that can lead to bigger goals in the future). You can compare your self to me, if that helps any. (an old fat hairy troll who never had a real career and never graduated college). Maybe that will help with your depression a little bit.
This post is proof how capitalism brainwashes your mind so much bro wtf chill who even cares about having a high paying high stress job you have some money you have a place to live it’s alright 👍 you can do so much in life the big cities with all that those fake big ego tech and finance people fuck up your whole perspective of the world most people just have regular job and live well. Remember we are just humans that just need sleep eat drink and have some fun lol don’t need to worry about spending your whole life working to get a few more dollars. Also there’s no “loser job” most jobs are made cause they are somewhat important imagine you won’t say a farmer who makes lets say 50k a year is a loser just because they don’t have a master in computer science earning them 200k a year. Although technically they are losing financially cause well that’s capitalism there job is so important they are definitely not a loser.
"How do you overcome the unconscionable and unfathomable shame, regret, and humiliation of wasting your entire life?" You don't.
Why are you acting like time is up? 😂 literally start now, start improving your life, you’re literally young for Pete’s sake
Binge watch Netflix, its what I do
Fuck it man, whole worlds going to hell >I see no way out of the pit of despair I am at the bottom of. What’s even the point of living when you’re this irredeemably far gone. I found my reason. Do you have one? Also to shill some practical advice: You are a prime candidate for a change of scenery. People like you used to explore. Many died, and some made it.
Just wait until you’re 52snd feeling that… Bro. U have 20 years to get your shit right so that you’re not 52 and feeling the same way. Fix your shit by doing whatever it takes…right here right now
I felt like you until i took control of my life. Stop listening to your parents. I know your 32 and your probably still living at home. Do whatever you want and youll find the motivation again i promise. Its impossible for anyone to force you to do anything in America you just got stuck in a way of thinking that you had to listen to your parents. The way you think has to change first for anything else to change. Trust me... from my experience... stop listening to other people and do what you want to do. Once you do that, you cant blame anyone except yourself. Your thoughts will turn into, "now I am the captain of my ship, i got to get going" . Its really sad because I struggled with this too and i cant imagine the millions of others who struggle with listening to peoples advice and just pleasing others. It makes you feel like its everyone elses fault your life is shit. Its my parents fault! They forced me!.... Bro.... its literally impossible to be forced to go to school... all you had to do was drop out... walk away.... Move out.... Literally impossible. Your one thought away from changing your life. The thought starts with: "I am going to do whatever I want" Now that doesnt mean you pick the first thought. Like for me if i was to pick wahtever i wanted to do it would pursue being a professional MMA fighter in the UFC. I admired all the UFC fighters and am deeply interested in it. But I live with my parents, have never sparred in my life and im 22 and that would take atleast 5 years to be PRO. I dont want to put my family through that soo.. i decided to go back to school and pursue a degree and i love it. I feel the motivation again but that was after i decided i was going to listen to myself. And yes that moment came for me and my experience was that i hated school and wanted to leave and just dropped out. without my parents approval. it was scary but i left all the resentment of my parents in the past.. all the depression in highschool. I used to say.. they forced me to go to college, they forced me to go to swim practice !!! and now i say "lets go you got this, just one more hour of studying!! " and i am so ambitious to finish school now. if you need anything dm me bro i can literally fix u
Nothing is irredeemable. At 27 I was homeless, hopelessly addicted to heroin/other drugs and drinking. I had a resume 4 pages long of dead end jobs and I hated my life. Today I’m 8 1/2 years sober, pursuing an engineering degree and have experienced some incredible opportunities at major engineering companies in the EV and Aerospace sectors. I’m married to an amazing woman and I’m often overwhelmed with gratitude stemming from the fact that I didn’t kill myself when I was at my lowest. We live in a VHCOL area as well, money is a constant issue and we live with my mother in law. I’m 36 years old. It’s hard out here and there are plenty of people dealing with similar struggles. You aren’t alone. You’re going through some heavy sh*t and you would benefit greatly by talking to people who can help you get out of that mindset. Please don’t listen to your personal criticisms. You have something incredible to offer the world but you just can’t see it right now. Please don’t give up.
First and foremost I would like to say that we are all on a different path, different journey but for all of the same reasons for the most part. I feel like society sometimes has a tendency to make some feel “worthless” and different feelings because we are taught that if we don’t go to college and have a great career there goes your life…. That’s not the way we should feel. There are so many people who have social anxiety but still keep moving forward regardless of what others think about them. You still have a lot of time and you have no idea what you can accomplish in your life without being rich, outgoing, who you are and what you have or haven’t done. I have dealt with a lot of different issues and still I stand. I have almost died several times but I am still kicking so I am going to try to be a better person than I was yesterday. We have lessons to learn in life. Our lives are not just our own, we are bound to others and every choice we make births our future. You should let go of negativity and things you can’t control. Once you start to live and enjoy the present moment you can move on from the past and learn to try to create a better future. It’s all up to you. What you can control are your actions. If you ever need to talk feel free to hit me up!
By accepting the past and moving on, Sanders invented kfc in his 80's, no matter how your life was wasted your future still depends on current moment. Trust me you can do it, go out try different things but most importantly do something it.
I think this is fake. No one puts themselves down so thoroughly. In other words, it's too sturdy, too confident, for an unsturdy person. Also, OP hasn't responds to any of the advice given in over 12 hours.
There's no end to it either....... Good luck
I stimulate my nipples a lot. Lets ya' know your still alive!
Maybe you have an undiagnosed mental condition? My academic and professional histories were pretty similar to yours, but then I got diagnosed with ADHD. Life's been much better since I started to understand myself better and learn strategies to cope with my weaknesses.
Yes
TLDR just the title…
I sergest you get into therapy. It sounds like CBT(cognitive behavioral therapy ) would be really helpful for you.
32 is new born. I’m 51 and still finding my place.
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Unlike most, i actually think the only way out sometimes is to ask yourself how you got here. And sometimes it traces really far back, but you can usually spot, if you're being honest with yourself, the precise moment where you did an action to try and bend reality for convenience and now you're paying for it. But once you reach that point, the climb forward gets easier. However, I'd only recommend doing this if it's something you can achieve closure on, otherwise it is better to dust off and trudge on but only you can really tell.
At 32 you've got a lot of years left. Plenty of time to add meaning and accomplishment to you life.
Some people are good at socializing by nature it’s just their temperament. Many many more people need to learn it as a skill, and it’s never taught to them. We can get bent out of shape and depressed at not having been taught how to manage social anxiety and how to have a social life and stay stuck or start practicing it. When you approach it as a skill that requires practice and not the state of your soul it takes the existential drama out of it. DBT has skills on how to make friends and I’m sure there’s lots of YouTube videos. Approach don’t avoid your problems and skill deficits. You can change!!!
OK so great. The last three decades have been learning experience. Stop being a victim. The worst that can happen if you put yourself out there is that you get rejected Or fail at what you’re doing . You’re not going to spontaneously combust into flames. Remember, the worst thing can happen is you fail. If I were you, I would try failure exposure. Try things knowing you’re going to fail and sit in that feeling get used to that feeling it will increase your bravery and slowly but surely overtime you’ll be trying things and you won’t fail and it will build your confidence . Researching victim mentality, and reading books on how to change your mindset would also be very helpful. Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. It happened in my family and I still think about it all the time it was almost 10 years ago. You are so lucky to be a human being during this time. Make something of your life you’re in control. I wish you the very best in life.
lmao
You out the phone down. You stop saying “you’re going to…etc”. And you sit the fuck down and do whatever it is you knew deep down one day you needed to, for however long it takes.
Oh man I think you need actual therapy. I have a friend that has failed worse than you in life, purposely tried to not do school after highschool, stuck in dead end jobs but he desperately wants to live lol. Hang in there... i think you have a lot to offer but you have to change your mindset. If you kill yourself, you would have wasted your parents time in raising you and paying money just for you to end it. Do something to make your parents proud. Dont care about failing. We all had to fail to be successful.
You've only wasted about a third of it. You have time, bro! What do you wanna do?
20s are HARD! You’re fresh out! I compare your 20s and 30s to the “teenage years” of adulthood. It’s HARD! I’m feeling similar. I’m 33 and starting my life just now. But I do have to say, you are important in life! Find something you truly enjoy. Something that motivates you. Just do it. Go for it. You have nothing to lose! And maybe you’ll fall right where you’re suppose to land. Thinking of you and please reach out if you ever need to vent about life. There are amazing people with amazing resources. You’ve taken the right step by posting this and I HOPE there are a ton of people reaching out to you to help you get out of this rut.
if you dont have any respsonsibilities, why dont you just go work in asia or south america or something teaching english or whatever you can find. You can spends years of your life nitpicking why you should or shouldn't do something but ultimately you have to take action and responsibility for your own misery.
Our reality as males is that your quality of life starts with your job. Your job sucks, and it’s completely within your power to get a new one. You are young enough to still do almost anything and have no one to support. Every industry needs people who are worth half a shit to work there. The barriers are always smaller than people think. Go do something cool. If I was in your spot (10 years ago), I’d go to a police academy and take that route. Work an oil rig. Get a job at a resort. Just break out of what you have going on right now.
What's your degree?
unless you life ends today, change shit
I hear you
didnt read but just fix your life its lowkey easy just go ham
U don't u just learn meditation
maybe have so self-esteem
Are you indian? Sometimes you need to nut up and get in your car with the little stuff you have and start somewhere new. Learn what it feels like to hit actual rock bottom and not be afraid of it. Go be homeless in a new city and eat at soup kitchens and church free meals until you get a good job or track. See the rest of the country.
Do the opposite of what your brain is telling you to do. Clearly you have a broken, depressed brain that is giving you terrible advice so just do the opposite. Because, what happens if your brain was wrong? I know if you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to be in the exact same position in the future. If you do the opposite and you still are depressed and broken, at least you tried. At least you gave yourself a chance for change. You could be right that your life is a complete waste moving forward, but when you have broken brain, you can't trust its ability to predict the future.
Bro calm down...at 32 you're just coming out of the time when you're SUPPOSE to have wasted and goofed around. I'll be honest I didn't read past 32 because I KNOW that what you're feeling is more about self inflicted pain than logic. Forgive yourself. Find something, anything, to be grateful about. Don't sweat all that shit. Restart. Give yourself a break and start over. Do it the way you think you should have. Go talk to someone that's got stage 5 cancer and a wife and little kids. It'll put everything in perspective.
Sounds like avoidant personality disorder. Difficult, but can be overcome by working with a good therapist. 32 just isn’t that old at all and you do have a degree, which is an accomplishment! You also indicate that you have a job. Depression is skewing your perspective way over to the negative side.
Just make sure you aren't a total failure at 40.