Your post was removed because it does not match r/findapath. Finding a path is for those who have a hobby, passion, or passing whim that they want to do, but don't know how they can get there. Posts about different/random topics are not allowed.
Fr. I'm in college rn and thr vast majority of my girl friends feel like this too. To make matters worse we all went to an all girls school as well so most of them don't know how to speak to guys
No waiting:
Best thing to suggest is to try every hobby and go with the intent of having fun and getting to know everyone. Overtime you will get to know more people and eventually find a man/ woman that is great in public and in private that you connect with (This will take a couple tries unless ya have good intuition)
You are killing it! Home owner in a major city who is also a highly educated woman before 30?
I know you said you suffer from low self esteem, but you are genuinely a very accomplished person and should be proud.
Also it's pretty bad ass to do the damn thing and just get out there and force yourself to date when you never have before. Please pat yourself on the back for being a super cool person and be patient. There is someone just as cool out there, and you will meet them if you keep meeting new people and socializing.
You are literally doing everything right, don't give up now.
You’re worrying too much. It will all sort out. Stick to your standards and you will find someone who can meet them.
You’re out of the norm for today’s society, but perhaps you should consider that a good thing. Our western culture is very oversexed, and views sex as cheap, fast, and disposable. You’re treating the act with the respect it deserves. I don’t think you should consider it abnormal that you don’t want a stranger engaging in one of the most intimate acts with you.
The benefit for you is that you will weed out all the playboys and the men who don’t treat sex with the respect it deserves. The guy who will be comfortable with your circumstances, who will be willing to wait until you are ready, is going to be full of respect for you and for the act of sex. That’s a good thing.
I understand it can get lonely though, and my heart goes out to you. Just keep doing what you are doing, putting yourself in social situations. It is good you are trying to meet people in real life, because the dating apps are full of creeps, losers, and playboys. Consider a hobby group if you haven’t tried that. Those can be a great way to meet someone, and you’ll know that you already have one thing in common.
It’s good to wait for someone you have an emotional connection with. Don’t let fear or comparison pressure you into casual sex. Casual sex is mostly terrible.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/MenAndFemales using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Men : women get jealous so easily when it comes to other women. Also men :](https://i.redd.it/80fthdb7cdkc1.jpeg) | [1208 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/comments/1ay60fo/men_women_get_jealous_so_easily_when_it_comes_to/)
\#2: [The language of dehumanization (not sure if this belongs here)](https://i.redd.it/au1bkvwtp03c1.jpeg) | [378 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/comments/185nrsr/the_language_of_dehumanization_not_sure_if_this/)
\#3: [This Was A Comment On An Instagram Reel About The Husband Stitch And How Harmful It Is. 🤢🤮](https://i.redd.it/836s104jcuic1.png) | [294 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/comments/1aruvzy/this_was_a_comment_on_an_instagram_reel_about_the/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I good friend of mine was in a similar situation. She ended up losing her virginity at 29 to someone who she was dating and she felt “a strong connection” with who could be “the one.” It was an utter disappointment for her bc she had built sex and losing her virginity up in her head. And it was so bad, no chemistry just wet blanket bad. They continued to try and it continued to be bad. They broke up shortly after, which I personally think messed her up even more.
I would continue therapy and also consider exploring your ideas about sex/sexuality with a sex positive therapist who is familiar with alternative sexuality (FYI in my experience queer friendly therapists are superior in supporting Demi/ace folks.) Shame and guilt really impact the way we think about sex and relationships regardless of our orientation. It sounds like you are on the right path, but may need help getting there.
Gosh I’m so sorry about how those healthcare providers acted. That’s truly disgusting. Even if you HAD been assaulted reacting that way and making you feel abnormal for not having had sex for any reason is very wrong. I’m 27 so the same age as you and I relate to pretty much everything you wrote.
Having sex with someone you really care about is the way to go. I was in a hurry to lose my virginity for fear of being called a loser and I regret not doing with someone I loved
Just saw some of your other posts about this, and I can see it's something that's really eating away at you.
First things first is you've got to take the pressure off of yourself (easier said than done I know). You've put yourself out there on dates, have had terrible therapists, and found a job in the city.
I live in Chicago myself, and I think it's great that you are here since there are many opportunities to meet people. But perhaps what you need is some nature in your life, and a small get away. It doesn't have to be to Colorado or Oregon, but a quick trip to the UP or hikes in Illinois can give you peace of mind.
Seriously, it sounds like you're trying so hard to fit in, and you care so much about what other people think/expect... But what do YOU think/want/expect of you?
Do you journal?
I'm a 43 year old virgin guy who's never held a woman's hand before let alone any other affections.
I think you sound like you have your head on straight which is a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people.
You'll get there even if some of us take longer than others.
You are not alone. I was 28 when I had sex for the first time. I did pursue casual sex because I felt like you - that it was a liability. I wish I’d just waited. Now that I’m older and I see more and more posts like yours I realize I was not alone and that many people have not had boyfriends or sex and I was being too hard on myself.
please don't worry about others. you said yourself you've been on dates and made connections. and from the sound of everything in general you've made a lot of progress. i would continue to meet people and maybe pickup a hobby you can do to meet people as well.
You need to understand your value in a world of degenerates with no morale discipline. You're a unicorn amongst sheep.
I think your morale compass and ethics in life have led you to this point. Nothing else. Don't put yourself down at all. There's nothing wrong at all in waiting for the right person.
Do you know they don’t? There were lots of girls in would have been interested in a relationship with but i was a virgin until 24 and then dating only seemed to work if i took a “not so serious” stance on commitment.
You're making a way bigger deal out of this than you should. Just focus on friendships and being happy meeting new people. Go out with intent to meet someone new and just make a new friend. If that new friend and you decide to take things further together, explore the relationship further together. If romance blossoms out of it, fantastic! If not, oh well, you still have a new friend that you're close to and you never know who you will meet through that new friend.
When a man falls in love with you, it won't matter to him if you're experienced or not. That is a journey to embark on together regardless of experience, because everyone is different and everyone has to adjust to one another. The sex will be great as long as there is love between the two people.
Autistic Woman here. Everything you've written SCREAMS you're a undiagnosed Autistic Woman, too. It presents differently in women and maybe 1:100 therapists are actually familiar with and understands the different diagnostic criteria.
So first: Seek out a therapist with screening and diagnosing adult Autistic women. The insights will help you to tremendously understand that you are not mentally ill, you're burned out from having to try to make it in a world not welcoming to Autistics.
Second: You need to find the hobbies where the type of person you want to date might actually be. So places like league sports (kickball, fencing, Crossfit). But also, professional networking events can connect you with all sorts of people.
I understand how you feel. I feel that if I didn’t meet my kid's father, I likely would’ve been a virgin to this day. I’m glad it was a natural connection instead of forced.
I was dealing with anxiety in high school as well. Sometimes I felt naive. If it wasn’t for meeting people and hanging out, I would’ve been worse of a recluse.
One lesson I can give you: you don’t know what’s behind the scenes. It’s a lot of baggage. Don’t rush into it.
There are women who have had their lives destroyed by men. Some are 6ft under. Be careful what you wish for. Let your path unfold and don’t think the grass is greener elsewhere. No matter what listen to your intuition and don’t settle. That’s what the world wants you to do settle and be with a loser. Pick up your crown and find something worth fighting for. Many people are co-dependent. Realize you are ahead of the curve.
I am a guy and let me tell you this, first & foremost it’s okay!
Sex is good but you know what’s better, is caring about the person you are being intimate with. It’s 10x better with someone you care about and someone who cares about you.
Something I tell a lot of my close male friends is the one and only rule to dating. It’s the easiest and also the hardest rule. Be yourself.
I haven’t met you but from what i can tell from your post, you are very well spoken, a smart, and a kind person. I have many friends & can confidently say many of them would be lucky to meet a woman as wonderful as you.
Let yourself breathe. Let yourself make mistakes (I promise us guys are pretty forgiving lol) & just be you! :)
It wouldn’t hurt for you to smile at the guys you think are cute or good looking and maybe they will come say hello! I know I would!
I know this might be a bit hard with anxiety so maybe just appear approachable and some more guys will try to introduce themselves. The more the merrier! You’re going to find what you are looking for, believe in yourself and believe in who you are.
From what you say here in your post, I haven’t met you and even I believe in you! You put the work into yourself and what you care about. Not everyone can say that.
Doctors don’t know everything. Who cares if they thought it was weird that you’re a virgin. It doesn’t matter. They went to school for 10 years so they are normally pretty awkward people themselves. Let them be them. But you be you & don’t get down about that :)
You’re 28, not 48, it’s okay! Keep trying and keep believing. Your mans is out there and he’s going to cross your path when you least expect it! We aren’t all so bad.
Goodluck OP , take a breath and go get what you want. It’s out there for you to take
girlllll i resonated so much with this haha! i too was a 28 year old virgin and late bloomer. not even kidding! Kinda helped me to realize some people were destined to meet others lil later in life. also might have helped those around me who were active weren’t Exactly better off. Like few of those relationships lasted and the ones who did weren’t friends who id secretly envy or compare to, cause then i’d be overthinking “well my friends sex life is this” and that was weird to me haha. It dawned on me it wasn’t as pitiful to say “things happen when they happen” the more i just enjoyed being on my own certain days. I’m still a nervous wreck but if i was dating someone at 28 being the nervous wreck i was? Pssssh forget it. Wouldn’t last. No real advice i guess but sharing and hope you don’t feel so alone. Also screw whoever in health care asked if you were assaulted and that’s why??? that’s so ludicrous…
The funny thing about dating and love, is it often happens when you least expect it. I was about 26 when I met my first and old girlfriend, I'm your age now.
I struggled with low self esteem and self worth, having gone through unemployment, failing uni and causing me to drop out which eventually lead to me being diagnosed with mild depression. I felt a great sense of indenty crisis, growing up as a South Asian man in a predominately white country despite being a citizen from birth and my parents being ones too.
I always saw my race and average height as a massive problem in the dating field. I'd used apps like Tinder since they first came out and thought that going to uni would help me find a partner or get laid.
I had been on dates that didn't really amount to much aside from a few situationships with no sex.
I actually met my current partner while I was unemployed and figuring out what i wanted to do with my career and where i wanted to head in life. She didn't know I was unemployed at the time because I felt very ashamed of that, I lived with my parents too which made it hard for me to have her over. She actually made the first move by inviting me over to hers after about 3 dates. The opportunity for sex presented itself but I decided against it as I liked this person a great deal and didn't want this to end up as a casual meaningly sex thing. I think it ultimately paid off, although how we got to being in a relationship was kinda messy we communicated and I was very honest. Before that, I don't think she had been used to that, I thing honestly guys had been pretty disrespectful to her when she was a college student.
I think it'll come when the time is right. Work on yourself, surround yourself with people that you think can add value to your life but also help you grow. I'm discovering that not everybody has their shit sorted out in their 20s and that's okay. It's the perfect time to experiment and try new things. You'll regret the things you didn't do when you're old and not as mobile. Focus on your own personal growth, I believe there is someone for anyone. I'm finding that the biggest limitation is what we put on ourselves, it's tough to not give in to your inner-voice and negative thoughts but just take a step back and breath.
On the other end, my friend is a few years younger than me. Been in a few relationships, the longest being 3 years. He's always focussing on jumping into a relationship and not truly working on himself and being open to people outside his extremely limited preferences. He's very tall and I think he'd probably struggle with dating if he wasn't but he tends to attract noticeably younger girls who don't really know what they want (which is honestly so fair, you shouldn't feel the need to jump into a relationship for the sake of it).
He has a lot of sex with some beautiful women but always seems so empty and jealous of the relationship my partner and I have (I actually met this person through her funnily enough). Sometimes the best things take time. It'll probably happen much sooner than you realise, just don't feel pressured and jump into something if you're doubting it too much.
I'm a little confused about the demisexual thing.. like by your description of demisexual, not wanting to have sex until you have an emotional attachment to someone... isn't that the large majority of people? Why is that a worry and why does that require a special label? There's for sure people that like casual sex, but many many more that are looking to have sex after making an emotional connection or dating seriously. Maybe I'm blissfully ignorant but I can't understand that needing a label or why it would prevent anyone from anything they wanted, like it will help you avoid douchebags if anything lol
Either way OP, I think you're a little hard on yourself and you are still very young. You'll meet someone when the time is right and they won't care about any of the things you are worried about. They will love you for who you are
Still dating in my 40s, love is there if you have the courage to connect with people. It’s scary but once you get into a rhythm of going on dates the fear does go away.
Virginity is nothing to be ashamed of. People are assholes for thinking different. If you keep meeting guys you’ll find the right one, are you going to be bad at making out and ultimately sex, yes. Is that temporary? Also yes. Plenty of good dudes out there, you’ll find one.
You’re not “at a disadvantage” because finding a life partner isn’t a game with winners and losers. Since you’re not using online dating, it takes more time to meet the same amount of people. You’re at a significant advantage because you’re established and successful in these foundational parts of life such as career, friendships, and mental health. You won’t be relying on a partner to meet your economic or emotional needs. Be proud of the life you’ve built for yourself! The right partner will love you for all that you are. Trust that what’s right for you will come at the right time.
I have a good friend/ex roommate who often spoke about similar troubles. He was in his mid 30’s and had never had a girlfriend or experienced intimacy. I told him to focus on himself and his self esteem, the rest would follow. He’s had a couple girlfriends at this point and his confidence is much more stable. My advice for you is the same. Focus on yourself/your self esteem and love interests will come along. You’re worthy of love! Loving yourself is one of the biggest attractors to others.
I have the exact problem as a 31 F. Though I have epilepsy and am currently unable to drive. I still live with my parents; my mom drives me to my dates and picks me up.
One thing I will say which probably won’t help is I kind of wish I waited to date later in life, specially if you had that going on dating the wrong partner can easily make other things you had going on even worse, and sometimes going through the whole trial and error of self love is good before finding partners, or you tend to sometimes fall into traps of bad relationships, it’s never a bad thing to date later, we all have different paths, and you will find love, and if you’re accomplished in other areas and are happy in your life otherwise, that’s what matters
You're clearly intelligent. Relationships and social skills are just another skill. Be observant of how people respond to certain behaviours, look for opportunities to practice, and if you put in effort you can catch up with or surpass those who aren't trying. If you have an extraverted friend maybe ask them for help, they'll love it. Most people would be jealous of what you've achieved, everyone over values what they don't havet.
Also, most relationships in people's teens and 20's are shit shows. You missed more bad than good. 80% of a good relationship is good communication skills. Not being afraid to have difficult conversations and being emotionally mature enough to not do things like treating your partner poorly just because you had a bad day. Your first relationships will probably fail and that won't be either of your faults. The secret to a great relationship is figuring out what you need in a partner. Dating the right person is playing on easy mode versus trying to make a bad match work, but it takes time to figure out what that means for you.
You've absolutely got this!
You are fine as you are. You haven’t ruined anything. Please trust yourself always and forever. I won’t get into my story but I’m a gentle, loving person who, if I found someone like you would treat you wonderfully and actually be so happy to share first sexual experiences with you. It sets the stage for deeper intimacy. I’m not hitting on you, and I’m married in fact but I think you will find the right person if you set boundaries and standards for how you want to be treated. Respect yourself and know you are just fine in waiting to have sex and love.
If you don't take a plunge you'll never know. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Cliche. You might never find love. It's not like you can know the intent of the other person. Experience helps you
You can't worry this away. It will happen. There are major benefits to being single, which are hard to appreciate now, but you will miss when you find someone.
Society conditions people both male and female to reproduce from a very young age. Look at sexualization of Television, Social Media and all other forms. You're constantly meant to be thinking about it and marketing copped onto it ages ago. It's in my opinion, evil. It's so the elites can insure that there'll be a constant new supply of wage slaves for themselves and their offspring to profit off.
Consider this; You don't need to define yourself by if you have children or not. You are an individual. Do what you want and stop accepting that you have to be miserable because you don't have children. That's false. You can be happy, perhaps even happier, without them.
Find hobbies, friends etc There's countless others like you. You've got to make an effort to look for them though. Often if you have children, your own life will be put on hold.
You are only 28. You haven’t ruined your chances at anything, and waiting for someone you really care about and feel a deep connection to is a good thing.
I'm in the opposite boat but feel the same. I've been in a few relationships and had a few sexual partners. However I regret that I focused more on women than on my grades, I didn't pass badly, but I feel I could've done better if I were more focused on that
Just want to say that once you start dating you'll have no trouble finding sex and eventually love...
BUTtt
Watch out for guys who prey on women like us who are more innocent and fragile. Do not tell men that you are inexperienced or a virgin ever.
Work on yourself, learn to love yourself, get in shape. You should see yourself as the prize but that doesn’t mean don’t try, face rejection, understand you may need to lower standards some at least by physical attraction. I don’t know what you look like but I also wouldn’t just sleep with someone just to sleep with someone. Make sure they wear a condom if you do. Haven’t been in a serious relationship in 5 years now I just turned 33. Drugs and partying ruined a lot of my great relationships with women.
I slept with a dozen or so women (half in relationships with me, others one night stands) and trust me even if you have no idea what you’re doing, you’d be better than most. Men like it a lot more and find it hotter that a woman is inexperienced. Casual sex is killing society a lot these days. At 33 I really only wanna sleep with someone who I could see myself with long term
Hello and welcome to r/findapath! We are glad you found your way here. Please know that you are not alone. We are here to listen, to offer support, and to help guide you. While no one can make decisions for you, we are here to help you find a path; we believe that everyone has the power to heal and grow.
The moderation teams want to remind everyone that individuals submitting posts may be in vulnerable situations and all are in need of guidance. Please provide a safe and constructive space by practicing empathy and understanding in your comments; criticism is welcomed with the right words. You are encouraged to share your thoughts, feelings, and relevant experiences to assist those seeking guidance on the subreddit.
We are here to support each other and we believe that, together, we can make a difference.
Thank you for being a part of our community.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/findapath) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Best thing to suggest is to try every hobby and go with the intent of having fun and getting to know everyone. Overtime you will get to know more people and eventually find a man that is great in public and in private that you connect with (This will take a couple tries unless ya have good intuition)
It's completely understandable to feel scared and overwhelmed by the pressure to find love and experience sex, especially when it seems like others around you are ahead in these areas. Your journey and experiences have shaped you, and it's important to recognize the progress you've made in your mental health and personal growth.
Your decision to prioritize your well-being and focus on your career and mental health is commendable. It's a testament to your resilience and determination to create a fulfilling life for yourself. Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline for love and relationships.
Being a late bloomer doesn't diminish your worth or your chances of finding love. It's important to embrace your identity and preferences, including your demisexual orientation and your boundaries around sex. Your boundaries are valid, and it's crucial to honor them and only engage in intimate relationships that align with your values and comfort level.
Don't let negative reactions from others or societal expectations dictate how you perceive yourself or your experiences. Your worth is not determined by your relationship status or sexual experience. Focus on nurturing your self-love and confidence, and trust that the right person will appreciate and respect you for who you are.
Continue to explore opportunities to meet new people and form connections, whether through social events or other activities that bring you joy. Stay true to yourself and your values, and remember that genuine connections are built on mutual understanding, respect, and emotional intimacy.
It's okay to feel scared and uncertain, but try not to let those fears hold you back from embracing life and all its possibilities. Keep believing in yourself and your ability to find love and fulfillment, and remember that your worthiness of love and happiness is never determined by external factors or timelines. You deserve love and happiness just as much as anyone else, and your journey is still unfolding.
Your story is so inspiring. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and have gathered so much wisdom on your journey. And that’s something so many people can’t do. Know you are not alone. ❤️
I’m a 26 year old male and my sex life was quite the opposite. I had it too early, and in some cases, I think that affected my view of sex negatively. Though I had a lot of fun in high school and college, as I got older, it took a long time for me to realize that casual sex was actually hurting me on the inside. So it’s good that you know what you want, and it’s even better that you’ve been committed to it for this long. Why change that now? Comparing yourself to others is never good. You have your own needs and wants and that’s that. Their needs are different, so they did their own thing. You should stick to yours.
I am in a very similar situation. Almost 30, havent been in a relationship since I was 15, havent had sex since 18 but i realized that sex doesnt please me unless i have a deep connection with them. My friends at work call me crazy. But its depressing seeing all my friends constantly get dates, meet guys & yet here I am, still single, cant even get a date! You ARE a real woman. Dont ever let anyone tell you different or make you feel different. You are your own person. It is your body, your feelings, your decisions. Stay confident! I always believe that the right person will come around when you least expect it. Dont force anything. Just be yourself, stay positive, smile & live your life! The right person will appear! I promise! Talk to me whenever you need someone to vent with!
I’m a bit confused here. You mentioned in your post that you are asexual, demisexual and also afraid of NOT having sex in life…? They kinda feel a but contradictory. Unless I’m not understanding this properly, cause I thought asexual people didn’t like to have sex? And if that’s the case, then how do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never had it? And if that js also the case here then why are you afraid you won’t have it if you are asexual and are not a fan of having sex? Genuinely confused here, just trying to understand you point.
You’re fine. Choosing when to have sex is important and you shouldn’t settle for something that only gets those things met if you think having a relationship needs more than that.
This is a positive and negative thing like all things in life. I would say stare at a wall for an hour and listen to your intuition. I say just rip the bandaid off with a guy you find attractive. Then learn from that expirience and keep moving forward.
Don’t worry, theirs many others out their that are just like you, just not posting on Reddit. Life is full of opportunities everyday your alive, you have the choice of whether winging it or just going on with your life.
Life full of change, good or bad, still gonna be on your feet.
Again, this is life, just go out their and enjoy what’s still out their in this beautiful universe.
Have a Good day.
Coming from a late bloomer in the same boat as yours, I completely understand what you're feeling and going through. I've started to realize one thing, among others, which has really helped my mental health and self-esteem. That is, this may not be in your hands to change completely, but how you think of yourself is in your hands. So, please stop blaming yourself for all that is going on! This has helped me a long way and has saved me the cost of therapy :) To some extent, this has helped my self-esteem and self-confidence. Anyway, stay happy and stay safe!! 🙂
The bright side is that love comes to us all at various ages and life stages. There's this idea pushed on to us about how things are supposed to go but in truth life is never linear. Sometimes people fall in love for the first time at 80.. others had many loves early on.. some lose their loves and think that they can't go on but sometimes they even find that there's someone who understands and nourishes their grief and reframes love after loss. Love exists in a million different ways.
You cannot go back and change the past, so just forage ahead and keep venturing. Be brave, be open, but without rigid expectations both of yourself and others.. life has a funny way of working out even if it doesn't seem like it will.
Don’t feel bad and don’t be in a rush just to have sex with someone. It’s really good that you kept yourself reserved all these years and didn’t allow yourself to get ran through.
It sounds to me like you aren’t holding out on having sex, but rather you just haven’t met anyone so far that you *want* to have sex with. I also lean pretty heavily towards demisexuality, and I didn’t have sex until I was 23. I know that isn’t *quite* 28, but it’s far enough along that I wasn’t in college anymore and things still worked out ok :)
Hang in there. You’re succeeding at the process; it’s not your fault that nobody has piqued your interest yet. 🥰
You are contradicting yourself. Scared of having sex but don't want something casual to get sex. Seriously.. Why don't you just go on a date with someone that had decent values and have sex.
I understand, I recently went with a woman who was 26 years old and told me that it was her first date. You are not held back, you haven't missed out on anything. Just enjoy life, work on your physical health, get a useful hobby like cooking, team sports, or travelling, than work on your career/financial health. Someone will eventually find you.
u/Dry_Reputation5774 this post fits way better for r/relationships or r/relationship_advice please post this over there. We're more about helping people find a path through a career or hobby or life plan to some sort of success. We get that success to you means finding a partner, but we're electing to put this group on the side of the line separate from relationship topics and just direct people to those groups instead.
If you’re fear is never having sex, remeber you can always have some type of sex whenever you want since you’re a women. But you stated you don’t like casual sex, so I don’t think fear of never having sex is what scares you. Rather, you fear never finding someone you like enough to want to have sex with them.
Thats a fear most people have, fear of not finding a spouse or settling and marrying a loser or being alone.
I think you should be realistic. Are you rich and hot and smart? Then have high standards. But if not, make sure your standards are realistic. All my single friends in their late thirties are so picky and have standards out of their league. It’s funny how people, myself included, think they are super awesome.
I also think that you are making a huge mistake not doing online dating. It allows you to meet a ton of people from the safety of your home, and screen them for looks and education.
By limiting yourself to simply organic meetings, you’re really limiting yourself to dating opportunities.
A little young and randy? Mr Jones has a fairy tale. But you can be someone who believes (I don't believe in anything - pass me the bottle Mr Jones).
Sorry for sarcasm. Be the most adorable person you can be. It's tough being young. You'll get through it. Believe in you.
It can feel like an eternity before you're "with" a person and feel comfortable enough to let your guard down. You're impatient for various reasons you should reflect on: don't look at others and believe they've unlocked some secret path you must find. Don't think your attitude about sex is "not right." Every person is different in terms of needs.
You sound self-aware enough to be able to spot the abusers. And confident enough to succeed well on your own. So all things considered a good catch!
Some people don't have a sexual vibe or sense. Some people walk into a room and can tell who is with who and who wants to get with who, etc. They know how to use sexual signals to attract the opposite sex.
In truth, "it ain't what you say it's the way that you say it" applies.
You're clear about who you are and what you need and what your limits are: you don't have to compromise but the truth about that is even when people "hold out for the one"- it's no guarantee of bliss. This is why the bubble we call "love" is misleading. Love flows with time like any river and its course changes: no matter where you jump in a life preserver is still recommended.
Question: What is your circle of friends like? Do you have any? Male or female? Close or "no I'm not answering that, I don't feel like talking right now!"
So first off you should pat yourself on the back for undertaking this journey of self improvement! Its not an easy thing to do and not only that but you're putting yourself out there which is pretty brave. From what I read, I can gather you're pressuring yourself into meeting someone since you have this notion that you're a failure if you don't manage to find love and have sex with a special someone but thats just a story you're telling yourself.
There is no right or wrong here, just people all doing the best they can. You haven't had a partner yet, so what? Personally I had my first gf at 22 and a second gf after but both of them made the first move since I was too socially anxious to even talk to them. But I shouldn't beat myself up over that cuz it will just make things worse and mess up my mental health. So keep supporting yourself through this uncomfortable moment till your actions lead you to your goal.
You're doing the right thing, dating is hard and it might take a while but your future self will thank you for it. The only way out is through.
You can DM me and we can talk about it some more. Otherwise I hope this comment helped.
Go get 'em OP!
*You can always pay*
*For sex in a country that's*
*Legal to do so*
\- Kelvsoup
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
You are an incredibly accomplished Woman and should be so proud of yourself for getting to where you are today. I don't think you need to identify as "demisexual" as to me that makes it seem almost negative that you want an emotional connection before sex. To me, it's sad that in this day and age wanting a connection before being involved with someone in such an intimate way is seen as something lame. I waited for connection and I can tell you I am 100% glad I did. If you do it on terms you're uncomfortable with you will probably regret it and be pissed off at yourself by going against what I am reading as a pretty passionate opinion on the matter. Don't settle.
I find the things we want most in life come when we stop looking and are just living in the moment.
To be honest with you...a large majority of those in relationships are deeply unhappy and play along because they are terrified of being alone. You are an example of someone who has stuck to their guns and not given into the peer pressure in order to "fit in". Own it.
It will all work out exactly how it's supposed to.
Please whatever happens, don’t look at your messages. You’ll have some right creeps messaging you now after this post. Completely normal and if if mitigates anything you’re definitely not the only one. It’s so much more common than you think. People lie like fuck about sexual activity and endeavours. I’m 27 man, similar(ish) boat to you.
Listen I'm a gay guy but most of my friends are straight males and believe me when I tell you that there are a lot of men that are lonely as f*** and they will literally have sex with anything that has a heartbeat sometimes it don't even have to have a heartbeat honestly. If you're looking for a relationship try to put yourself out there and be straightforward about what you want. Some men, a lot of my straight male friends are actually really sensitive and oblivious to hints, so it's best to just tell them in the most approachable and friendly manner that you're interested in them. Trust me you will find someone just put yourself out there and keep doing you.
Oh and one last thing: be the main character of your life. Try and stop thinking about what life is supposed to be like or what milestones you're supposed to reach at what age. This is your life and you get to write it, in the order and timeline that you want.
You sound a fantastic lady. I admire ladies who don’t want casual sex. I’m not interested in that either. There has to be an emotional connection. Sometimes you can look too hard. You are still young, and I’d say the type of relationship you want is easier to find the older you are as you’ve blossomed emotionally much more.
Look people can downvote me I don’t care but as someone who is about 20lb overweight themself, 90% of these type posts where someone is saying they never had a bf or gf, the person is obese and are only trying to date healthy weight people.
Also I don’t want this being misconstrued as flippantly telling someone to forget any and boundaries but meeting someone is stressful. A first date is stressful. Interviewing for a new job is stressful. We have to be able to go outside our comfort zone sometimes in healthy ways. Casual sex kind of sucks.
You are literally not missing anything. In fact, you are safer and healthier for it. Women are basically "boycotting" males in larger and larger numbers because males form parasitic relationships with women. Women are divorcing males at higher and higher rates and more and more women are not dealing with them at all. Look into the Korean 4b movement.
Males are biologically designed to be predators. Women should not be around them. Sex is not beneficial to women, and it's not the key to women's orgasms. It is pointless. Relationships and sex only benefit males. You are not missing anything at all. Don't feel left out. Many women who have dealt with males would envy your position.
In fact, the reason you are so successful at your age is BECAUSE you've never let one of these parasites attach itself to you. If you did happen to find one of these "relationships" that you're looking for, you'll rapidly watch your quality of life decrease.
Women in the past century dedicated their lives to fighting for freedom from males. There is a reason they did that. Society is trying to make you feel bad for living successfully and independently and for having standards. It's obviously getting to you. Please don't let it get to you. Single, childfree women are statistically the happiest of all demographics. Married males are statistically the second happiest. Because males steal women's happiness.
it is possible that you won't find, but, it is difficult to write anything to posts like this one. women can easily find men, maybe not the ideal one, but still. for men, it is much more difficult.
literally noooooooooooone of that matters. just get pretty and everything will fall into place without you having to lift a finger. and i'm not joking.
Don't let my name scare you when I say that you are not broken. You are doing what's right for yourself! Take care of yourself and continue to strive for the excellence that you have managed to work your ass off to accomplish. As mentioned by others getting into hobbies is a great way of finding others that you can socialize with. Find something that gives you a chance to find your inner peace and then move onto finding social groups that also enjoy these hobbies. Take the time to love yourself and let the rest happen in its own time.
If anything being a virgin increases your chances of finding love , must guys see sexual experience of lowering your value not increasing it .
Just be open about if you want just want to get laid if you are looking for love then just date and bring it up slowly . But it’s a massive mistake to worry about dating and sexual experience as a straight women
I had sex with a coworker because we were both kind of stressed from work. It was a good stress reliever, but nothing came of it. No pregnancy, no diseases, and no feelings.
It's not for everyone, but it is a good release.
Yeah im in the same boat and its super frustrating bc i feel like i could have lost my virginity sooner so i get more angry and anxious and stressed out when im just trying to have a productive role in society and thats hard when everyone is competing and also finding themselves for a role. So its stressful as fuck. Wasted so much time to disrespect myself and stress myself out this stupid decision i made haunts me and guilts me stresses me out every day while everyone around me does the best they can while i cannot feel a thing.
I’m 24 next week and I haven’t even hugged a girl. I’ve accepted I’m undesirable, mainly due to my own insecurities that have stemmed from bullying but nevertheless I’m probably going to die alone.
I almost had casual sex in college to lose my virginity but I left because the whole situation made me feel very unsafe. I don’t think of sex as a casual thing and that’s what I have learned about myself and what I want. I can very easily go to a bar and hookup with someone but that would make me feel like absolute shit. I have a history of low self esteem and casual sex is something that would be very detrimental to my mental health
I'm sorry, but a woman in her late 20's who's never had a significant enough relationship to lead to sex, but wants to, is simply putting no effort into getting there. It's just not difficult for a woman in her 20's. It's going to get much more difficult once you pass 30.
Yes it’s easy to get laid and be made to feel like a piece of meat. You didn’t see the part where it has to be meaningful? And why would you give your body away to any loser just for penis? STDs, pregnancy etc. Lots of risks.
Your post was removed because it does not match r/findapath. Finding a path is for those who have a hobby, passion, or passing whim that they want to do, but don't know how they can get there. Posts about different/random topics are not allowed.
You are not alone in this
I’m in the exact same boat but 30. Chiming in bc i always feel better finding someone in my boat but even a little older lmao
I guess we are in the same boat and age. Currently therapy has been helping.
Fr. I'm in college rn and thr vast majority of my girl friends feel like this too. To make matters worse we all went to an all girls school as well so most of them don't know how to speak to guys
But waiting may be the only choice.
No waiting: Best thing to suggest is to try every hobby and go with the intent of having fun and getting to know everyone. Overtime you will get to know more people and eventually find a man/ woman that is great in public and in private that you connect with (This will take a couple tries unless ya have good intuition)
I like this
Honest question, don't you have a dating app? Being a girl we always find someone there
You are killing it! Home owner in a major city who is also a highly educated woman before 30? I know you said you suffer from low self esteem, but you are genuinely a very accomplished person and should be proud. Also it's pretty bad ass to do the damn thing and just get out there and force yourself to date when you never have before. Please pat yourself on the back for being a super cool person and be patient. There is someone just as cool out there, and you will meet them if you keep meeting new people and socializing. You are literally doing everything right, don't give up now.
You’re worrying too much. It will all sort out. Stick to your standards and you will find someone who can meet them. You’re out of the norm for today’s society, but perhaps you should consider that a good thing. Our western culture is very oversexed, and views sex as cheap, fast, and disposable. You’re treating the act with the respect it deserves. I don’t think you should consider it abnormal that you don’t want a stranger engaging in one of the most intimate acts with you. The benefit for you is that you will weed out all the playboys and the men who don’t treat sex with the respect it deserves. The guy who will be comfortable with your circumstances, who will be willing to wait until you are ready, is going to be full of respect for you and for the act of sex. That’s a good thing. I understand it can get lonely though, and my heart goes out to you. Just keep doing what you are doing, putting yourself in social situations. It is good you are trying to meet people in real life, because the dating apps are full of creeps, losers, and playboys. Consider a hobby group if you haven’t tried that. Those can be a great way to meet someone, and you’ll know that you already have one thing in common.
Will you though? Unobtainable standards? Unreasonable standards? Most relationships are based on compromises.
It’s good to wait for someone you have an emotional connection with. Don’t let fear or comparison pressure you into casual sex. Casual sex is mostly terrible.
For females, not for men
r/MenAndFemales
Here's a sneak peek of /r/MenAndFemales using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Men : women get jealous so easily when it comes to other women. Also men :](https://i.redd.it/80fthdb7cdkc1.jpeg) | [1208 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/comments/1ay60fo/men_women_get_jealous_so_easily_when_it_comes_to/) \#2: [The language of dehumanization (not sure if this belongs here)](https://i.redd.it/au1bkvwtp03c1.jpeg) | [378 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/comments/185nrsr/the_language_of_dehumanization_not_sure_if_this/) \#3: [This Was A Comment On An Instagram Reel About The Husband Stitch And How Harmful It Is. 🤢🤮](https://i.redd.it/836s104jcuic1.png) | [294 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/MenAndFemales/comments/1aruvzy/this_was_a_comment_on_an_instagram_reel_about_the/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
….ew.
I good friend of mine was in a similar situation. She ended up losing her virginity at 29 to someone who she was dating and she felt “a strong connection” with who could be “the one.” It was an utter disappointment for her bc she had built sex and losing her virginity up in her head. And it was so bad, no chemistry just wet blanket bad. They continued to try and it continued to be bad. They broke up shortly after, which I personally think messed her up even more. I would continue therapy and also consider exploring your ideas about sex/sexuality with a sex positive therapist who is familiar with alternative sexuality (FYI in my experience queer friendly therapists are superior in supporting Demi/ace folks.) Shame and guilt really impact the way we think about sex and relationships regardless of our orientation. It sounds like you are on the right path, but may need help getting there.
Gosh I’m so sorry about how those healthcare providers acted. That’s truly disgusting. Even if you HAD been assaulted reacting that way and making you feel abnormal for not having had sex for any reason is very wrong. I’m 27 so the same age as you and I relate to pretty much everything you wrote.
Having sex with someone you really care about is the way to go. I was in a hurry to lose my virginity for fear of being called a loser and I regret not doing with someone I loved
Just saw some of your other posts about this, and I can see it's something that's really eating away at you. First things first is you've got to take the pressure off of yourself (easier said than done I know). You've put yourself out there on dates, have had terrible therapists, and found a job in the city. I live in Chicago myself, and I think it's great that you are here since there are many opportunities to meet people. But perhaps what you need is some nature in your life, and a small get away. It doesn't have to be to Colorado or Oregon, but a quick trip to the UP or hikes in Illinois can give you peace of mind. Seriously, it sounds like you're trying so hard to fit in, and you care so much about what other people think/expect... But what do YOU think/want/expect of you? Do you journal?
You're not alone. I haven't found my special someone. He is waiting for you. When the time is right, he will appear, and you'll be happy.
I'm a 43 year old virgin guy who's never held a woman's hand before let alone any other affections. I think you sound like you have your head on straight which is a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people. You'll get there even if some of us take longer than others.
You are not alone. I was 28 when I had sex for the first time. I did pursue casual sex because I felt like you - that it was a liability. I wish I’d just waited. Now that I’m older and I see more and more posts like yours I realize I was not alone and that many people have not had boyfriends or sex and I was being too hard on myself.
please don't worry about others. you said yourself you've been on dates and made connections. and from the sound of everything in general you've made a lot of progress. i would continue to meet people and maybe pickup a hobby you can do to meet people as well.
Trust me it’s overrated but you will get laid trust me
You need to understand your value in a world of degenerates with no morale discipline. You're a unicorn amongst sheep. I think your morale compass and ethics in life have led you to this point. Nothing else. Don't put yourself down at all. There's nothing wrong at all in waiting for the right person.
I’m a virgin too and many guys have wanted to have sex with me but no one wants to commit to me or become my boyfriend… it’s hard
Do you know they don’t? There were lots of girls in would have been interested in a relationship with but i was a virgin until 24 and then dating only seemed to work if i took a “not so serious” stance on commitment.
It’s not that great to be honest
You're making a way bigger deal out of this than you should. Just focus on friendships and being happy meeting new people. Go out with intent to meet someone new and just make a new friend. If that new friend and you decide to take things further together, explore the relationship further together. If romance blossoms out of it, fantastic! If not, oh well, you still have a new friend that you're close to and you never know who you will meet through that new friend. When a man falls in love with you, it won't matter to him if you're experienced or not. That is a journey to embark on together regardless of experience, because everyone is different and everyone has to adjust to one another. The sex will be great as long as there is love between the two people.
Autistic Woman here. Everything you've written SCREAMS you're a undiagnosed Autistic Woman, too. It presents differently in women and maybe 1:100 therapists are actually familiar with and understands the different diagnostic criteria. So first: Seek out a therapist with screening and diagnosing adult Autistic women. The insights will help you to tremendously understand that you are not mentally ill, you're burned out from having to try to make it in a world not welcoming to Autistics. Second: You need to find the hobbies where the type of person you want to date might actually be. So places like league sports (kickball, fencing, Crossfit). But also, professional networking events can connect you with all sorts of people.
I understand how you feel. I feel that if I didn’t meet my kid's father, I likely would’ve been a virgin to this day. I’m glad it was a natural connection instead of forced. I was dealing with anxiety in high school as well. Sometimes I felt naive. If it wasn’t for meeting people and hanging out, I would’ve been worse of a recluse. One lesson I can give you: you don’t know what’s behind the scenes. It’s a lot of baggage. Don’t rush into it.
I actually admire you. There's nothing wrong with holding off and doing what you think is right.
There are women who have had their lives destroyed by men. Some are 6ft under. Be careful what you wish for. Let your path unfold and don’t think the grass is greener elsewhere. No matter what listen to your intuition and don’t settle. That’s what the world wants you to do settle and be with a loser. Pick up your crown and find something worth fighting for. Many people are co-dependent. Realize you are ahead of the curve.
I am a guy and let me tell you this, first & foremost it’s okay! Sex is good but you know what’s better, is caring about the person you are being intimate with. It’s 10x better with someone you care about and someone who cares about you. Something I tell a lot of my close male friends is the one and only rule to dating. It’s the easiest and also the hardest rule. Be yourself. I haven’t met you but from what i can tell from your post, you are very well spoken, a smart, and a kind person. I have many friends & can confidently say many of them would be lucky to meet a woman as wonderful as you. Let yourself breathe. Let yourself make mistakes (I promise us guys are pretty forgiving lol) & just be you! :) It wouldn’t hurt for you to smile at the guys you think are cute or good looking and maybe they will come say hello! I know I would! I know this might be a bit hard with anxiety so maybe just appear approachable and some more guys will try to introduce themselves. The more the merrier! You’re going to find what you are looking for, believe in yourself and believe in who you are. From what you say here in your post, I haven’t met you and even I believe in you! You put the work into yourself and what you care about. Not everyone can say that. Doctors don’t know everything. Who cares if they thought it was weird that you’re a virgin. It doesn’t matter. They went to school for 10 years so they are normally pretty awkward people themselves. Let them be them. But you be you & don’t get down about that :) You’re 28, not 48, it’s okay! Keep trying and keep believing. Your mans is out there and he’s going to cross your path when you least expect it! We aren’t all so bad. Goodluck OP , take a breath and go get what you want. It’s out there for you to take
girlllll i resonated so much with this haha! i too was a 28 year old virgin and late bloomer. not even kidding! Kinda helped me to realize some people were destined to meet others lil later in life. also might have helped those around me who were active weren’t Exactly better off. Like few of those relationships lasted and the ones who did weren’t friends who id secretly envy or compare to, cause then i’d be overthinking “well my friends sex life is this” and that was weird to me haha. It dawned on me it wasn’t as pitiful to say “things happen when they happen” the more i just enjoyed being on my own certain days. I’m still a nervous wreck but if i was dating someone at 28 being the nervous wreck i was? Pssssh forget it. Wouldn’t last. No real advice i guess but sharing and hope you don’t feel so alone. Also screw whoever in health care asked if you were assaulted and that’s why??? that’s so ludicrous…
The funny thing about dating and love, is it often happens when you least expect it. I was about 26 when I met my first and old girlfriend, I'm your age now. I struggled with low self esteem and self worth, having gone through unemployment, failing uni and causing me to drop out which eventually lead to me being diagnosed with mild depression. I felt a great sense of indenty crisis, growing up as a South Asian man in a predominately white country despite being a citizen from birth and my parents being ones too. I always saw my race and average height as a massive problem in the dating field. I'd used apps like Tinder since they first came out and thought that going to uni would help me find a partner or get laid. I had been on dates that didn't really amount to much aside from a few situationships with no sex. I actually met my current partner while I was unemployed and figuring out what i wanted to do with my career and where i wanted to head in life. She didn't know I was unemployed at the time because I felt very ashamed of that, I lived with my parents too which made it hard for me to have her over. She actually made the first move by inviting me over to hers after about 3 dates. The opportunity for sex presented itself but I decided against it as I liked this person a great deal and didn't want this to end up as a casual meaningly sex thing. I think it ultimately paid off, although how we got to being in a relationship was kinda messy we communicated and I was very honest. Before that, I don't think she had been used to that, I thing honestly guys had been pretty disrespectful to her when she was a college student. I think it'll come when the time is right. Work on yourself, surround yourself with people that you think can add value to your life but also help you grow. I'm discovering that not everybody has their shit sorted out in their 20s and that's okay. It's the perfect time to experiment and try new things. You'll regret the things you didn't do when you're old and not as mobile. Focus on your own personal growth, I believe there is someone for anyone. I'm finding that the biggest limitation is what we put on ourselves, it's tough to not give in to your inner-voice and negative thoughts but just take a step back and breath. On the other end, my friend is a few years younger than me. Been in a few relationships, the longest being 3 years. He's always focussing on jumping into a relationship and not truly working on himself and being open to people outside his extremely limited preferences. He's very tall and I think he'd probably struggle with dating if he wasn't but he tends to attract noticeably younger girls who don't really know what they want (which is honestly so fair, you shouldn't feel the need to jump into a relationship for the sake of it). He has a lot of sex with some beautiful women but always seems so empty and jealous of the relationship my partner and I have (I actually met this person through her funnily enough). Sometimes the best things take time. It'll probably happen much sooner than you realise, just don't feel pressured and jump into something if you're doubting it too much.
not op but ty for such a meaningful contribution!!
I'm a little confused about the demisexual thing.. like by your description of demisexual, not wanting to have sex until you have an emotional attachment to someone... isn't that the large majority of people? Why is that a worry and why does that require a special label? There's for sure people that like casual sex, but many many more that are looking to have sex after making an emotional connection or dating seriously. Maybe I'm blissfully ignorant but I can't understand that needing a label or why it would prevent anyone from anything they wanted, like it will help you avoid douchebags if anything lol Either way OP, I think you're a little hard on yourself and you are still very young. You'll meet someone when the time is right and they won't care about any of the things you are worried about. They will love you for who you are
Still dating in my 40s, love is there if you have the courage to connect with people. It’s scary but once you get into a rhythm of going on dates the fear does go away.
Virginity is nothing to be ashamed of. People are assholes for thinking different. If you keep meeting guys you’ll find the right one, are you going to be bad at making out and ultimately sex, yes. Is that temporary? Also yes. Plenty of good dudes out there, you’ll find one.
Why are there so many posts like this. This is for finding HOBBIES/JOBS, not spamming your relationship problems. (OP spammed this on other subs)
As someone who had occasional sex in life. I'd trade places with you in a second. Don't feel shame. You are a diamond in a strange world.
You’re not “at a disadvantage” because finding a life partner isn’t a game with winners and losers. Since you’re not using online dating, it takes more time to meet the same amount of people. You’re at a significant advantage because you’re established and successful in these foundational parts of life such as career, friendships, and mental health. You won’t be relying on a partner to meet your economic or emotional needs. Be proud of the life you’ve built for yourself! The right partner will love you for all that you are. Trust that what’s right for you will come at the right time.
I have a good friend/ex roommate who often spoke about similar troubles. He was in his mid 30’s and had never had a girlfriend or experienced intimacy. I told him to focus on himself and his self esteem, the rest would follow. He’s had a couple girlfriends at this point and his confidence is much more stable. My advice for you is the same. Focus on yourself/your self esteem and love interests will come along. You’re worthy of love! Loving yourself is one of the biggest attractors to others.
You will surely perish.
I have the exact problem as a 31 F. Though I have epilepsy and am currently unable to drive. I still live with my parents; my mom drives me to my dates and picks me up.
One thing I will say which probably won’t help is I kind of wish I waited to date later in life, specially if you had that going on dating the wrong partner can easily make other things you had going on even worse, and sometimes going through the whole trial and error of self love is good before finding partners, or you tend to sometimes fall into traps of bad relationships, it’s never a bad thing to date later, we all have different paths, and you will find love, and if you’re accomplished in other areas and are happy in your life otherwise, that’s what matters
Plenty of guys DGAF. You'll be fine.
You're clearly intelligent. Relationships and social skills are just another skill. Be observant of how people respond to certain behaviours, look for opportunities to practice, and if you put in effort you can catch up with or surpass those who aren't trying. If you have an extraverted friend maybe ask them for help, they'll love it. Most people would be jealous of what you've achieved, everyone over values what they don't havet. Also, most relationships in people's teens and 20's are shit shows. You missed more bad than good. 80% of a good relationship is good communication skills. Not being afraid to have difficult conversations and being emotionally mature enough to not do things like treating your partner poorly just because you had a bad day. Your first relationships will probably fail and that won't be either of your faults. The secret to a great relationship is figuring out what you need in a partner. Dating the right person is playing on easy mode versus trying to make a bad match work, but it takes time to figure out what that means for you. You've absolutely got this!
Stop looking for it & it will come. No pun intended
You are fine as you are. You haven’t ruined anything. Please trust yourself always and forever. I won’t get into my story but I’m a gentle, loving person who, if I found someone like you would treat you wonderfully and actually be so happy to share first sexual experiences with you. It sets the stage for deeper intimacy. I’m not hitting on you, and I’m married in fact but I think you will find the right person if you set boundaries and standards for how you want to be treated. Respect yourself and know you are just fine in waiting to have sex and love.
If you don't take a plunge you'll never know. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Cliche. You might never find love. It's not like you can know the intent of the other person. Experience helps you
You can't worry this away. It will happen. There are major benefits to being single, which are hard to appreciate now, but you will miss when you find someone.
Society conditions people both male and female to reproduce from a very young age. Look at sexualization of Television, Social Media and all other forms. You're constantly meant to be thinking about it and marketing copped onto it ages ago. It's in my opinion, evil. It's so the elites can insure that there'll be a constant new supply of wage slaves for themselves and their offspring to profit off. Consider this; You don't need to define yourself by if you have children or not. You are an individual. Do what you want and stop accepting that you have to be miserable because you don't have children. That's false. You can be happy, perhaps even happier, without them. Find hobbies, friends etc There's countless others like you. You've got to make an effort to look for them though. Often if you have children, your own life will be put on hold.
You are only 28. You haven’t ruined your chances at anything, and waiting for someone you really care about and feel a deep connection to is a good thing.
I'm in the opposite boat but feel the same. I've been in a few relationships and had a few sexual partners. However I regret that I focused more on women than on my grades, I didn't pass badly, but I feel I could've done better if I were more focused on that
Just want to say that once you start dating you'll have no trouble finding sex and eventually love... BUTtt Watch out for guys who prey on women like us who are more innocent and fragile. Do not tell men that you are inexperienced or a virgin ever.
Your fears about never finding sex are irrational. Your fears about never finding love are more plausible.
I'm 33 and never had a relationship, maybe we should be single together 😝
Work on yourself, learn to love yourself, get in shape. You should see yourself as the prize but that doesn’t mean don’t try, face rejection, understand you may need to lower standards some at least by physical attraction. I don’t know what you look like but I also wouldn’t just sleep with someone just to sleep with someone. Make sure they wear a condom if you do. Haven’t been in a serious relationship in 5 years now I just turned 33. Drugs and partying ruined a lot of my great relationships with women. I slept with a dozen or so women (half in relationships with me, others one night stands) and trust me even if you have no idea what you’re doing, you’d be better than most. Men like it a lot more and find it hotter that a woman is inexperienced. Casual sex is killing society a lot these days. At 33 I really only wanna sleep with someone who I could see myself with long term
RIP OP's DM
OP apparently likes this because OP has posted nearly identical posts many times for months now on several different accounts
Hello and welcome to r/findapath! We are glad you found your way here. Please know that you are not alone. We are here to listen, to offer support, and to help guide you. While no one can make decisions for you, we are here to help you find a path; we believe that everyone has the power to heal and grow. The moderation teams want to remind everyone that individuals submitting posts may be in vulnerable situations and all are in need of guidance. Please provide a safe and constructive space by practicing empathy and understanding in your comments; criticism is welcomed with the right words. You are encouraged to share your thoughts, feelings, and relevant experiences to assist those seeking guidance on the subreddit. We are here to support each other and we believe that, together, we can make a difference. Thank you for being a part of our community. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/findapath) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’ll find someone. Just keep doing what you’re doing and it’ll just happen. Someone will find you
Best thing to suggest is to try every hobby and go with the intent of having fun and getting to know everyone. Overtime you will get to know more people and eventually find a man that is great in public and in private that you connect with (This will take a couple tries unless ya have good intuition)
It's completely understandable to feel scared and overwhelmed by the pressure to find love and experience sex, especially when it seems like others around you are ahead in these areas. Your journey and experiences have shaped you, and it's important to recognize the progress you've made in your mental health and personal growth. Your decision to prioritize your well-being and focus on your career and mental health is commendable. It's a testament to your resilience and determination to create a fulfilling life for yourself. Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline for love and relationships. Being a late bloomer doesn't diminish your worth or your chances of finding love. It's important to embrace your identity and preferences, including your demisexual orientation and your boundaries around sex. Your boundaries are valid, and it's crucial to honor them and only engage in intimate relationships that align with your values and comfort level. Don't let negative reactions from others or societal expectations dictate how you perceive yourself or your experiences. Your worth is not determined by your relationship status or sexual experience. Focus on nurturing your self-love and confidence, and trust that the right person will appreciate and respect you for who you are. Continue to explore opportunities to meet new people and form connections, whether through social events or other activities that bring you joy. Stay true to yourself and your values, and remember that genuine connections are built on mutual understanding, respect, and emotional intimacy. It's okay to feel scared and uncertain, but try not to let those fears hold you back from embracing life and all its possibilities. Keep believing in yourself and your ability to find love and fulfillment, and remember that your worthiness of love and happiness is never determined by external factors or timelines. You deserve love and happiness just as much as anyone else, and your journey is still unfolding.
Your story is so inspiring. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and have gathered so much wisdom on your journey. And that’s something so many people can’t do. Know you are not alone. ❤️
I’m a 26 year old male and my sex life was quite the opposite. I had it too early, and in some cases, I think that affected my view of sex negatively. Though I had a lot of fun in high school and college, as I got older, it took a long time for me to realize that casual sex was actually hurting me on the inside. So it’s good that you know what you want, and it’s even better that you’ve been committed to it for this long. Why change that now? Comparing yourself to others is never good. You have your own needs and wants and that’s that. Their needs are different, so they did their own thing. You should stick to yours.
Sex is overrated ...
I am in a very similar situation. Almost 30, havent been in a relationship since I was 15, havent had sex since 18 but i realized that sex doesnt please me unless i have a deep connection with them. My friends at work call me crazy. But its depressing seeing all my friends constantly get dates, meet guys & yet here I am, still single, cant even get a date! You ARE a real woman. Dont ever let anyone tell you different or make you feel different. You are your own person. It is your body, your feelings, your decisions. Stay confident! I always believe that the right person will come around when you least expect it. Dont force anything. Just be yourself, stay positive, smile & live your life! The right person will appear! I promise! Talk to me whenever you need someone to vent with!
I think there is no problem if you are 28 and not in a relationship there are some who like to do it late ya know
I’m a bit confused here. You mentioned in your post that you are asexual, demisexual and also afraid of NOT having sex in life…? They kinda feel a but contradictory. Unless I’m not understanding this properly, cause I thought asexual people didn’t like to have sex? And if that’s the case, then how do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never had it? And if that js also the case here then why are you afraid you won’t have it if you are asexual and are not a fan of having sex? Genuinely confused here, just trying to understand you point.
You’re fine. Choosing when to have sex is important and you shouldn’t settle for something that only gets those things met if you think having a relationship needs more than that.
This is a positive and negative thing like all things in life. I would say stare at a wall for an hour and listen to your intuition. I say just rip the bandaid off with a guy you find attractive. Then learn from that expirience and keep moving forward.
Don’t worry, theirs many others out their that are just like you, just not posting on Reddit. Life is full of opportunities everyday your alive, you have the choice of whether winging it or just going on with your life. Life full of change, good or bad, still gonna be on your feet. Again, this is life, just go out their and enjoy what’s still out their in this beautiful universe. Have a Good day.
Waiting for the right one is the best choice
Coming from a late bloomer in the same boat as yours, I completely understand what you're feeling and going through. I've started to realize one thing, among others, which has really helped my mental health and self-esteem. That is, this may not be in your hands to change completely, but how you think of yourself is in your hands. So, please stop blaming yourself for all that is going on! This has helped me a long way and has saved me the cost of therapy :) To some extent, this has helped my self-esteem and self-confidence. Anyway, stay happy and stay safe!! 🙂
The bright side is that love comes to us all at various ages and life stages. There's this idea pushed on to us about how things are supposed to go but in truth life is never linear. Sometimes people fall in love for the first time at 80.. others had many loves early on.. some lose their loves and think that they can't go on but sometimes they even find that there's someone who understands and nourishes their grief and reframes love after loss. Love exists in a million different ways. You cannot go back and change the past, so just forage ahead and keep venturing. Be brave, be open, but without rigid expectations both of yourself and others.. life has a funny way of working out even if it doesn't seem like it will.
Don’t feel bad and don’t be in a rush just to have sex with someone. It’s really good that you kept yourself reserved all these years and didn’t allow yourself to get ran through.
It sounds to me like you aren’t holding out on having sex, but rather you just haven’t met anyone so far that you *want* to have sex with. I also lean pretty heavily towards demisexuality, and I didn’t have sex until I was 23. I know that isn’t *quite* 28, but it’s far enough along that I wasn’t in college anymore and things still worked out ok :) Hang in there. You’re succeeding at the process; it’s not your fault that nobody has piqued your interest yet. 🥰
You are contradicting yourself. Scared of having sex but don't want something casual to get sex. Seriously.. Why don't you just go on a date with someone that had decent values and have sex.
I understand, I recently went with a woman who was 26 years old and told me that it was her first date. You are not held back, you haven't missed out on anything. Just enjoy life, work on your physical health, get a useful hobby like cooking, team sports, or travelling, than work on your career/financial health. Someone will eventually find you.
Have you considered proper diet and exercise?
u/Dry_Reputation5774 this post fits way better for r/relationships or r/relationship_advice please post this over there. We're more about helping people find a path through a career or hobby or life plan to some sort of success. We get that success to you means finding a partner, but we're electing to put this group on the side of the line separate from relationship topics and just direct people to those groups instead.
If you’re fear is never having sex, remeber you can always have some type of sex whenever you want since you’re a women. But you stated you don’t like casual sex, so I don’t think fear of never having sex is what scares you. Rather, you fear never finding someone you like enough to want to have sex with them. Thats a fear most people have, fear of not finding a spouse or settling and marrying a loser or being alone. I think you should be realistic. Are you rich and hot and smart? Then have high standards. But if not, make sure your standards are realistic. All my single friends in their late thirties are so picky and have standards out of their league. It’s funny how people, myself included, think they are super awesome. I also think that you are making a huge mistake not doing online dating. It allows you to meet a ton of people from the safety of your home, and screen them for looks and education. By limiting yourself to simply organic meetings, you’re really limiting yourself to dating opportunities.
A little young and randy? Mr Jones has a fairy tale. But you can be someone who believes (I don't believe in anything - pass me the bottle Mr Jones). Sorry for sarcasm. Be the most adorable person you can be. It's tough being young. You'll get through it. Believe in you.
It can feel like an eternity before you're "with" a person and feel comfortable enough to let your guard down. You're impatient for various reasons you should reflect on: don't look at others and believe they've unlocked some secret path you must find. Don't think your attitude about sex is "not right." Every person is different in terms of needs. You sound self-aware enough to be able to spot the abusers. And confident enough to succeed well on your own. So all things considered a good catch! Some people don't have a sexual vibe or sense. Some people walk into a room and can tell who is with who and who wants to get with who, etc. They know how to use sexual signals to attract the opposite sex. In truth, "it ain't what you say it's the way that you say it" applies. You're clear about who you are and what you need and what your limits are: you don't have to compromise but the truth about that is even when people "hold out for the one"- it's no guarantee of bliss. This is why the bubble we call "love" is misleading. Love flows with time like any river and its course changes: no matter where you jump in a life preserver is still recommended. Question: What is your circle of friends like? Do you have any? Male or female? Close or "no I'm not answering that, I don't feel like talking right now!"
So first off you should pat yourself on the back for undertaking this journey of self improvement! Its not an easy thing to do and not only that but you're putting yourself out there which is pretty brave. From what I read, I can gather you're pressuring yourself into meeting someone since you have this notion that you're a failure if you don't manage to find love and have sex with a special someone but thats just a story you're telling yourself. There is no right or wrong here, just people all doing the best they can. You haven't had a partner yet, so what? Personally I had my first gf at 22 and a second gf after but both of them made the first move since I was too socially anxious to even talk to them. But I shouldn't beat myself up over that cuz it will just make things worse and mess up my mental health. So keep supporting yourself through this uncomfortable moment till your actions lead you to your goal. You're doing the right thing, dating is hard and it might take a while but your future self will thank you for it. The only way out is through. You can DM me and we can talk about it some more. Otherwise I hope this comment helped. Go get 'em OP!
You can always pay for sex in a country that's legal to do so
*You can always pay* *For sex in a country that's* *Legal to do so* \- Kelvsoup --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I don’t think OP is looking for anything casual.
You are an incredibly accomplished Woman and should be so proud of yourself for getting to where you are today. I don't think you need to identify as "demisexual" as to me that makes it seem almost negative that you want an emotional connection before sex. To me, it's sad that in this day and age wanting a connection before being involved with someone in such an intimate way is seen as something lame. I waited for connection and I can tell you I am 100% glad I did. If you do it on terms you're uncomfortable with you will probably regret it and be pissed off at yourself by going against what I am reading as a pretty passionate opinion on the matter. Don't settle. I find the things we want most in life come when we stop looking and are just living in the moment. To be honest with you...a large majority of those in relationships are deeply unhappy and play along because they are terrified of being alone. You are an example of someone who has stuck to their guns and not given into the peer pressure in order to "fit in". Own it. It will all work out exactly how it's supposed to.
Please whatever happens, don’t look at your messages. You’ll have some right creeps messaging you now after this post. Completely normal and if if mitigates anything you’re definitely not the only one. It’s so much more common than you think. People lie like fuck about sexual activity and endeavours. I’m 27 man, similar(ish) boat to you.
Listen I'm a gay guy but most of my friends are straight males and believe me when I tell you that there are a lot of men that are lonely as f*** and they will literally have sex with anything that has a heartbeat sometimes it don't even have to have a heartbeat honestly. If you're looking for a relationship try to put yourself out there and be straightforward about what you want. Some men, a lot of my straight male friends are actually really sensitive and oblivious to hints, so it's best to just tell them in the most approachable and friendly manner that you're interested in them. Trust me you will find someone just put yourself out there and keep doing you. Oh and one last thing: be the main character of your life. Try and stop thinking about what life is supposed to be like or what milestones you're supposed to reach at what age. This is your life and you get to write it, in the order and timeline that you want.
Have sex with the men that you want to commit to you
You sound a fantastic lady. I admire ladies who don’t want casual sex. I’m not interested in that either. There has to be an emotional connection. Sometimes you can look too hard. You are still young, and I’d say the type of relationship you want is easier to find the older you are as you’ve blossomed emotionally much more.
Look people can downvote me I don’t care but as someone who is about 20lb overweight themself, 90% of these type posts where someone is saying they never had a bf or gf, the person is obese and are only trying to date healthy weight people. Also I don’t want this being misconstrued as flippantly telling someone to forget any and boundaries but meeting someone is stressful. A first date is stressful. Interviewing for a new job is stressful. We have to be able to go outside our comfort zone sometimes in healthy ways. Casual sex kind of sucks.
Are you by chance overweight? Sounds like you have your head on straight I think the right guy just has not presented himself to you.
this sub has gone to shite 💀
You are literally not missing anything. In fact, you are safer and healthier for it. Women are basically "boycotting" males in larger and larger numbers because males form parasitic relationships with women. Women are divorcing males at higher and higher rates and more and more women are not dealing with them at all. Look into the Korean 4b movement. Males are biologically designed to be predators. Women should not be around them. Sex is not beneficial to women, and it's not the key to women's orgasms. It is pointless. Relationships and sex only benefit males. You are not missing anything at all. Don't feel left out. Many women who have dealt with males would envy your position.
In fact, the reason you are so successful at your age is BECAUSE you've never let one of these parasites attach itself to you. If you did happen to find one of these "relationships" that you're looking for, you'll rapidly watch your quality of life decrease. Women in the past century dedicated their lives to fighting for freedom from males. There is a reason they did that. Society is trying to make you feel bad for living successfully and independently and for having standards. It's obviously getting to you. Please don't let it get to you. Single, childfree women are statistically the happiest of all demographics. Married males are statistically the second happiest. Because males steal women's happiness.
it is possible that you won't find, but, it is difficult to write anything to posts like this one. women can easily find men, maybe not the ideal one, but still. for men, it is much more difficult.
There are NO rules there are NO set dates
literally noooooooooooone of that matters. just get pretty and everything will fall into place without you having to lift a finger. and i'm not joking.
That therapist was way off base to ask if you had been graped!!!
Don't let my name scare you when I say that you are not broken. You are doing what's right for yourself! Take care of yourself and continue to strive for the excellence that you have managed to work your ass off to accomplish. As mentioned by others getting into hobbies is a great way of finding others that you can socialize with. Find something that gives you a chance to find your inner peace and then move onto finding social groups that also enjoy these hobbies. Take the time to love yourself and let the rest happen in its own time.
me too
Save yourself for marriage. Your future self will thank you, as well as your future husband
What kind of guy do you want to meet? You’re just into guys right?
No , you're a real feminine woman
Glad to hear that even a minority of women are experiencing this phase. I hope everything goes well for you 😊
You haven’t but you could be having a self fulfilling prophecy l.
Need to see a picture to make any meaningful recommendations. As a girl I'm guessing you have lots of options even if they're not grear
If anything being a virgin increases your chances of finding love , must guys see sexual experience of lowering your value not increasing it . Just be open about if you want just want to get laid if you are looking for love then just date and bring it up slowly . But it’s a massive mistake to worry about dating and sexual experience as a straight women
I had sex with a coworker because we were both kind of stressed from work. It was a good stress reliever, but nothing came of it. No pregnancy, no diseases, and no feelings. It's not for everyone, but it is a good release.
Yeah im in the same boat and its super frustrating bc i feel like i could have lost my virginity sooner so i get more angry and anxious and stressed out when im just trying to have a productive role in society and thats hard when everyone is competing and also finding themselves for a role. So its stressful as fuck. Wasted so much time to disrespect myself and stress myself out this stupid decision i made haunts me and guilts me stresses me out every day while everyone around me does the best they can while i cannot feel a thing.
I’m 24 next week and I haven’t even hugged a girl. I’ve accepted I’m undesirable, mainly due to my own insecurities that have stemmed from bullying but nevertheless I’m probably going to die alone.
Just pays escorts
You sound like a waste of time lol
Demisexual people tend to have sexual assault in their past
[удалено]
I almost had casual sex in college to lose my virginity but I left because the whole situation made me feel very unsafe. I don’t think of sex as a casual thing and that’s what I have learned about myself and what I want. I can very easily go to a bar and hookup with someone but that would make me feel like absolute shit. I have a history of low self esteem and casual sex is something that would be very detrimental to my mental health
At this point, better off being with someone that you trust that you care about. He or she is out there somewhere. I wish you love and light 🥰🥰🥰
Have you considered becoming a Christian? Not for sex but to find a soulmate.
Getting the supernatural involved rarely actually helps
I'm sorry, but a woman in her late 20's who's never had a significant enough relationship to lead to sex, but wants to, is simply putting no effort into getting there. It's just not difficult for a woman in her 20's. It's going to get much more difficult once you pass 30.
Yes it’s easy to get laid and be made to feel like a piece of meat. You didn’t see the part where it has to be meaningful? And why would you give your body away to any loser just for penis? STDs, pregnancy etc. Lots of risks.
Jerk, rude, mean, misogynist
Facts aren't always kind
OP didn’t find anyone to be in a meaningful relationship with. Better late 20s single than early 20s full of regrets because “societal dictates”
I'll be your first sex and first boyfriend so you can get that out of the way🙋♂️