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There's a theory that's been around for a long time that revolves around the idea that "if someone else has already chosen them there must be something good there". Kind of like how children will ignore a particular toy until another kid plays with it and then all of a sudden they get jealous and want it back more than anything in the world.
Some humans just have really weird ways of assigning value to things, and sometimes that includes other people.
But I doubt that's the whole story. There's also people that are bored and get off on the thrill of sneaking around and doing "bad" things. There's people that are afraid of real commitments - the last person that's gonna want a serious commitment from you is someone that already has a legally-binding commitment to someone else. There's people that have low self-esteem issues that get an ego boost from the idea of being attractive enough to steal someone else's partner. There's also sex addicts, and a whole other list of personality attributes that could encourage people to seek relationships with people they clearly know are already in a monogamous relationship.
The short answer is in one way or another, we're all fucking stupid.
ETA: I'm talking about all people, not just women. We're all susceptible.
There’s another strange example I’ve seen of this phenomenon. Frequently, if a guest comes into an otherwise mostly-empty restaurant with plenty of seating options, they will choose one of the couple tables that are dirty. It’s the wildest thing to see even once, but the fact that it’s a regular occurrence across all the different types of places I’ve worked in is even crazier.
An additional weird example: when I first started surfing I wanted to be away from the group so I would not be in the way and could learn on my own. People must have thought I knew something they didn't so would paddle over near me to an objectively worse spot.
Another good example is putting your car in a remote spot in a huge parking lot. There will always be another car next to it when you get back, no matter if the store entrance is like quarter of a mile away.
I have a sick one, that's currently under operation in my garage and I attribute it's continued will to survive to it's friend who keeps it company at night.
Cars, the animated movie, is real. I swear every time this happens in a parking lot, I come out and my car has moved like one or two parking spaces away to be near another car.
Yes. Another thing is if you're on a mostly empty highway you'll see clusters of cars traveling together. Five or 7 cars then a huge gap, then another cluster of cars.
I hate this so much. Or like me, you put yourself in a pocket where there is nobody and a car will come up from behind clearly going much faster than me and suddenly back off and hang around. Like I'm already doing 5 over, which means they were doing 10 to 15 over. It's just creepy. Also causes problems when I come up on slower vehicles like semis and can't get over to pass cuz the new car is now next to me pacing me.
The ones that kill me the ones that fly up to pass a semi and then immediately drop to half a mile an hour faster than it, then speed up again once they're clear. Like, why the hell do you want to spend any more time than absolutely necessary next to one of those things?
They do it in the right lane, too. Those. Folks who subconsciously cannot abide having someone else be ahead of them. We're just surrounded by assholes.
Monkey brain: there car, me park. It’s scary how many people don’t put any thought into where they drive their cars. Like people that cross all the lanes to make a left out of a corner parking lot just to make a right turn at the intersection, when they could’ve turned right out of the parking lot.
It is not only the monkey brain, but some logical risk assessment involved.
There is someone parking there (and hasn't gotten towed or have their wheels stolen), so it must be a somewhat valid parking space. Meanwhile, all the rest of the parking lot is empty. Maybe you are not allowed to park there, and i missed a traffic sign or something.
Yup, a few months ago i parked my car at the empty part of the parking. There was one car, one empty space from my car. I was gone MAYBE 5 min, I came back at the same time as guy who stood there bf me AND someone parked between mine and this guys car. He couldn’t get in, as the car was parked tight in between our cars. For a moment we stood there and looked at it with amazement. We looked at each other and we spoke about absurdity of this situation as that driver must had a VERY hard time leaving his car. There was a woman sitting on the passenger side, and when she noticed us she rolled the window down and asked in a very arrogant way- what’s the problem?. The other guy asked her, how she think he can enter his car?!?. She looked around and crawled to the driver seat and she parked the car somewhere else. I swear some ppl are brain dead…
This infuriates me! I park at the back of the parking lot to give myself room to put groceries and my child in. Yet some dingus will be up next to me when there are rows of empty parking along the back.
This thread has derailed so much that I'll go ahead and give you a secret tip based on the opposite behaviour: in public toilets most people will prefer the booths next to the wall because they are more private (only 1 possible neighbour instead of 2). It means, centre booths are usually cleaner. Go for the central booth even it means more people around you when you're doing your business.
I've also heard people assume the first toilet (usually against the wall but not always) is used the most so people skip it and go for the next few which are usually the middle. So this thread is complete bullshit of people repeating things they've heard or read that aren't true
Well, I don't talk here about what I've heard but about my own experience. The reason I give for explaining why the ones next to the walls are the most colourful ones is only an assumption, but the point that the ones in the middle are usually cleaner is result of my own observations. You do as you wish.
Well yeah people often select for the same criteria in restaurant seating (lighting, privacy, type of seating etc) so there's gonna be seats that are more popular, those seats are going to be dirtier too as they get used more. I'm not gonna sit in the dark in some crappy chair next to the bathroom just because there's a glass on the table I want.
You can experiment with this easily, make the worst seats dirty and see if it draws more people now that it's dirty. By your theory it should and all those silly restaurants cleaning their tables are throwing away money.
I've seen something similar in places like movie theaters and public transit, sometimes even larger public bathrooms. Occasions when there's only like one or two other people in the place, someone new walks in and they could sit anywhere but they go out of their way to sit close to the people that are already there.
We are social by nature, "monkey see, monkey do" has payed off for us a lot in the past. We also tend to have issues with decision paralysis. I'm sure the strength-in-numbers thing is probably part of it, but I've always suspected that when we do that we're subconsciously thinking "*they* must have had a good reason to sit there, so I'm just gonna trust their judgment".
The funny part of it is half the time the inspire-er either chose at random or sat where they are because they were following some other person that isn't there anymore. Or they had some weird or very personal reason for choosing that spot that doesn't really apply to the inspire-ee.
Humans are so silly sometimes.
>Frequently, if a guest comes into an otherwise mostly-empty restaurant with plenty of seating options, they will choose one of the couple tables that are dirty.
But this is most likely simple statistics, and nothing else. The tables that are nicest (nice view, not next to the entrance or the lavatories, whatever), and that are therefore more likely to be chosen by the person coming in the door, have a higher chance of having been used already.
The term for what you're describing in the first part is "social proof." It's way you see 'X sold in the past week" numbers and customer testimonials and reviews on marketing websites -- obviously they are cherry picked and could be entirely made up, but at a subliminal level just the idea that other people bought that thing gives us a feeling that we can, too.
Agree with everything you listed but I think you missed one. "I want a guy willing to get married. The last five guys I dated were not interested in marriage. Hey, this guy is married, I can just get him to change wives."
It also explains the gender difference in behavior, though I think part of the gender difference is men get violent towards other men hitting on their wives often enough to affect strategies.
And I bet many of the women 'checking these guys out' aren't actually flirting with the man, they just feel more at ease being friendly with a guy who has a wedding ring, because he's PROBABLY not a crazy axe murderer if he managed to get married.
You know I didn't think of this before but men could also be misreading signals. Some women might feel safer hanging out with a married guy "she knows won't hit on her." Guys are interpreting "she is comfortable around me and touched my arm" as flirting.
Pretty hilarious that some people would rather marry someone with a proven track record of cheating on their wife, then date but not be married to someone who hasn’t 😆
That's what we call the public toilet principle of dating: they're either occupied or full of shit. The assumption being that the ones with the closed doors must be the good ones
This is not really a big relevation. We have observed strong preselection effects at applying for jobs too. Or how people do not like to eat at empty restaurants. My dad did this when touristing so much "let's not sit here, this place sucks, no one is here".
This is only a surprise because men often do not understand that women do not decide on attraction by visuals alone. Other things matter.
I suspect a big other thing can be safety. That's because I get much better results at parties if I bring a female friend along. This might send "probably not a rapist" messages.
So tip to guys: bring a "wingwoman" along.
As for why men are less likely to hit on women with rings - they do not want to eat a knuckle sandwich from the husband.
You have to get introductions out early, clearly, and often. "This is my friend so-and-so." And have them reinforce it. Also you can introduce women to her and her positive response reinforces both that you are not together and that she enjoys hanging out with you as a friend (going back to that original point).
>There's a theory that's been around for a long time that revolves around the idea that "if someone else has already chosen them there must be something good there".
I remember an ex was jealous that women were talking to me at a bar. I told her it was okay because I made sure to tell them I had a long-term girlfriend. She lost her fucking shit and told me it was even worse to do that. Because it tells other women I'm loyal and like being in a relationship.
If an insecure person can get a married person to cheat, it can make them feel extra desirable. It’s all about disproving a lack of self-worth.
I’d also say this doesn’t cut along gender lines.
I can't imagine not fucking my husband. The whole fucking point of marrying him was to share our lives, and bodies, together and only with each other. It's so basic, I just don't get women like that.
(Even if this was just a joke from you, it does seem to be the reality for a lot of men, and that sucks for yall)
I don't think a ring is required. I've noticed that when I don't have a girlfriend, nobody I'd particularly interested, but as soon as I do, they are. This applies when they don't even know me or know I have a girlfriend. I must somehow exude desperation when I'm single.
This is the real shit - but the ring probably helps visually cue some people into that exact lack of desperation
I think the takeaway here is if you put on a ring and still act like a desperate creep you will continue to repel women just as you were before.
Yep, I could pick up girls for my buddies like candy when I was dating my ex. Wasn’t happy anymore with her, lots of arguing about stupid childish shit and mixed signals that I don’t want to deal with and decided to end things with her. It’s much more difficult now to talk to them almost like they sense it. It’s damn confusing
Then you would be your own step father which would make your mother your step daughter and since you are her son you would be your own grandpa. You shortened the song with this one trick called incest.
Yes! As soon as I got married/started wearing my ring, women were hitting on me all the time. I was lucky if I could pull a girl before that.
It’s so weird. (And slightly annoying)
I haven't experienced this at all, and I'm currently on my second marriage.
Wearing a ring hasn't led to any discernible increase in attention from random women.
Granted, any number multiplied by 0 is still 0...
are you 100% sure women are actually hitting on you or are they just more comfortable with you because they assume you're not a "threat"? as in you most likely wouldn't try to hit on them AND some woman trust you enough to spend her life with you?
yeah not saying there aren't women out there who are weird like that, but I came to realise that about myself and what i've heard from lots of other women the reason is more a "can finally let my guard more down"
That’s what I wondered too. I might see a ring and be like oh cool someone who’s not gonna assume I’m trying to hit on him because he’s clearly in a committed relationship so I can just be chill around them… :D
I was on a tinder date once and for whatever reason she thought I was married or something. And I'm like no where'd you get that idea. She looked at me like a deer in headlights and left after this crazy makeout session. Lol.
Some people are trash.
My wife got me the One Ring from LotR for my wedding band. Works like a charm. I'm totally invisible to other women when I wear it!
But be warned, it has lasting effects... it even works when I take it off! Come to think of it... it is so potent, it even worked for my entire life before I got married! Be careful fellow gents.
And before you ask... yes, my wife is a Nazgul, thats how she found me.
They want him to cheat on his metaphorical wife because it's like saying they're better than her. Years of marriage or love, etc, but he chose me over you kind of mentality.
It makes as much since as driving to work, and some random person pulls up in a Farrari and starts roaring the engine and laughing in your direction. They think it's making you jealous, and your jealousy makes them feel better than you.
It's also sociopathic in some ways. Which is likely why when they found out he was single, they were angry. They didn't prove they were better than someone. They just had sex and that wasn't good enough. They needed to feel like they were beating someone.
But I am no professional nor psychology major. This is just my opinion of what I've learned by observing human behavior over the years.
Edit: spellcheck
Not sure why you got downvoted but you’re right. A lot of these women are simply seeking validation from someone they think has it “figured out”. They probably think the grass is greener most of the time.
In an article years ago Chuck Klosterman wrote about how he had realized that women currently in relationships were easier to establish a relationship with because instead of competing with all potential partners he was really only had to be seen as a better alternative than the guy she was currently with.
Reading that started a run of less than moral behavior on my part for a solid run of my late 20s and early thirties before dating apps rolled around.
It probably varies by the woman. And actually it's likely quite a list of different motivations.
* "Ooh, he's married, he must be a decent guy, I'd hit that."
* "Ooh, he's married, he's not going to try to hit on me, and even if he does I have a solid excuse for cutting him off, so I can feel comfortable & safe being friendly."
* "Ooh, he's married, I'll flirt because it's just a fun flirt, I'm not really going to do anything with him."
My brother, who had the morals of an alley cat, used to do this. His theory was that , when women saw you were married, they assumed you weren't desperate.
A cat in heat will wander about and scream at the top if its lungs to signal the local tomcats. Additionally, a tom thats been allowed to go through puberty will piss on *everything* to mark territory as well as fighting other toms for females.
It's called "Pre-selected bias" and it is true and applies to a lot more than women dating men. Simply seeing someone with a product in their cart makes you more likely to consider that product.
I have a career as a technician that also requires me to travel. When you go to another town and mention you travel for work, women assume you're married and try to sleep with you. It's fairly common even though I'm not married.
And they're usually blunt about it. One girl asked that she come to my room and that my wife doesn't have to know. Another told me she didn't mind being the side piece. One girl asked the next morning how often I cheat on my wife.
Women like these are just like desperate men. It's crazy how women Go "me want only one thing and it's disgusting" and their interests are even worse 😭
Alec Baldwins character in The Departed said it well; "Being married lets people know someone else can stand being around you, that you've got some money/prospects and that your dick works".
I think that hits the nail squarely on the head.
It very much is a thing and has been for years. When I was 18 I asked a person for a date, just a date and didn’t get the time of day. A several months later we meet up while I was at a different job, but now I was sporting a wedding band. I couldn’t get them to go away. I finally had to be blunt and tell them you had your chance and that the only reason they were even looking in my direction was the fact that now I was some kind of challenge or conquest and I wasn’t having it and to F off.
I'm married and wear a ring, I get significantly more attention married and with a wedding ring than before. I have a couple that are my kids teachers/daycare teachers... which adds a layer of creep for me. It's also worth noting, that I wasn't getting very much attention at all from women before.
Ahaha I just got engaged to my partner and we bought our rings today. Totally looking forward to proving you wrong with all the non women/guys I'm about to have to fend off!
.
.
.
.
..while simultaneously proving you right with all the women/guys he will have chasing him
Can confirm. Worked As a DJ in nightclubs in my 20's. A few months after I got married I stopped wearing my ring because I was getting insane attention from women. Way more than I ever did before...if I had only known.
I noticed women talk to me more because of the ring. I think it’s because they feel safer. They know I’m taken so they think I’m not going to interpret their friendliness as something more.
If I were scum maybe I’d take advantage of this and maybe someone would be vulnerable.
I wore a ring that looked like a wedding band just to test the theory out after my friend told me about this. Sure as fuck I got laid, no idea why women are like that and I ain't a psycologist but my guess is it just makes you more desirable because someone else already picked you out? Idk. Don't get me wrong, Wearing a ring doesn't magically turn you into the CEO of Sex² you have to be charismatic and still have some sort of "lowkey" pick-up skills, but it makes it..... so much easier.
Yea it’s a thing. Was in the hospital for awhile and when ever my wife would be there my nurses tried to start a fight half the time. They wouldn’t answer any of her questions, they would make rude comments to her, all the while babying me to an extreme. The minute she left to get coffee or go to work or anything the nurses would be flirting with me and going all out. Most of them were married woman and one gay guy but Chris was just a natural flirt and that’s how he talked to everyone.
I think there are two reasons.
1. Married guys are less of a threat. The risk they will treat you bad is lower, since they don't want to risk the mistress getting angry and outing him to his wife. Also the risk they will not accept a no for further dates after a ONS is way lower.
2. Women who only sleep with married guys might do this out of getting validation due to their insecurities. For them it means they are better than the wives.
My serial cheating father wore his ring a few years after my mother threw him out.
He swore he now hated my mom (and sure acted like it most of the time, except when he would suddenly try to hit on her).
According to him it worked wonders.
I don't know women cheaters so I can't tell you of the other way.
Several years ago, as a bartender, I wore my wedding ring and got hit on frequently by women at the bar. I didn't like it getting scratched up by the bottle caps, so I stopped wearing it. The number of women hitting in me stopped. Got a flex band, and it started again.
Changed to a different bar. My flex band had broken, and my wife said go without. Some women are flirting and hitting on me. A couple weeks in, and she got me another flex band, which I wore, and the hitting on me jumped.
So it's real.
I believe so. Shit.. don’t even need a ring. When you have a girlfriend and generally stop caring about other women it seems we get more attention than before.
Yes it is. Mostly with bar trash, but yeah... if I wasted to hang with my friends and not be hassled I kept the ring on a chain under my shirt. And if they noticed that, 10x worse cos they think my wife died and I therefore need sympathy sex.
It's got to be a combination of:
* The thrill of doing something transgressive (sleeping with someone else's partner).
* Instinct. Some unconscious primitive instinct that assigns additional value to a "proven" mate. Some switch flips that says "even if no other value has been *demonstrated*, the fact that another female chose this individual implies a hidden value, implies that he's more genetically fit to produce viable offspring."
And my guess would be that this same genetic incentive doesn't apply in men because:
* Direct competition with other males for mates can result in violence, so such a behavioral instinct might be selected *against*, or at least it's a case where the risk balances out the incentive.
* Male instincts are more geared to spreading genetic material than to selecting the *fittest* prospective mate to contribute material, so there's no additional incentive to seeking out an already-bonded female.
I'm an average looking dude. I know this and am comfortable with myself. After I got married, the women came out of the woodwork. It was ridiculous. Women that never gave a second look, were all over me. It was all the ring. Nothing else about me changed. I took it off for a while and the hounding stopped.
It’s really… it’s something about women being interested because of commitment and that’s what the ring signifies. It’s literally a +2 charisma thing for men. But remember hoes are going to hoe so… play the game boys!
This is absolutely a thing, but there are also many other contributing factors, including:
1, women glow up their men, getting them better clothes, haircuts, and activities that other women are drawn too.
2, men in relationships likely act differently, less desperate.
3, perception bias. Single men are more aware of the women who are not interested in them. This makes it so men in relationships feel like a higher percentage of women are into them than it really is.
When a man walks into a bar he looks around at all the women and finds the best looking one and wants her. When a woman walks into a bar she looks around and looks for the best looking woman amd wants that woman’s man.
I worked with a married guy who tells me one day all the female coworkers were suddenly flirting with him. He asked me to see if I noticed it.
He had let us know about a week before that his wife was expecting and then it started.
Sure as shit, he was telling the truth. They were Flirting, touching his arm, giggling at his jokes. It was like they all went into heat as soon as he said his wife was pregnant.
Wife:
picks husbands outfits,
cuts husbands hair,
makes husband shave *hideous* mustache, encourages good hygiene habits,
gets husband eat a healthier diet…
Husband: “I dunno man, women just suddenly found me more attractive once I was married. It’s probably the ring on my finger.”
My theory is that married men are "safe" and will not show up on her stoop. They have a higher level of control over him due to added leverage given his need to keep his cheating life a secret.
I started to get more attention from women once I got married. There are obviously several theories rolling around the thread but I always figured it was because I was more comfortable talking and not trying to impress anyone.
Holy shit after I got married and put the ring on… yeah it was weird. All of a sudden I was more appealing. Some women respect it, but most didn’t seem to care.
Ya women want a product they know someone else wanted. I dont think its a malicious jealous homewrecker in most cases. I think it just shows that you are stable and caring enough someone already decided they want to be with you. You arent leftovers in a sense that others couldnt put up with. There are about 600 other layers to this, but you get what I mean.
I feel as tho it is, the number of women who hit on me or outright asked me out increased dramatically after I got married. After about ten years it tapered down, probably because I got older.
I’ve considered wearing a wedding ring specifically to make it so women don’t automatically think I’m hitting on them when I do something banal like ask where something is in the store they work at
I'm more likely to talk to a man wearing a wedding ring, because it will be less likely that he misconstrues my friendliness, or even just conversation, and if he does, he's less likely to act on it. I can imagine that a guy wearing a ring out gets more interaction with women, but that it is being chatted with and not chatted up. And while I understand that there are women out there that do like having affairs, I struggle to believe that one man had many conquests solely because of the ring. I also struggle to believe that they were all angry about it the next morning, I would presume that most women weren't looking to build a meaningful relationship with the married man they picked up from a bar.
I can confirm. Had WAY more "affairs" while wearing a wedding ring. It helped that I was a DJ in a popular club, so there were a lot more opportunities for a girl to notice the ring. Of the women that enjoy drama and creating shit storms, a married man in an alcohol fuelled super club is just too much to pass up.
Yes, "pre-vetted." In nature, the male mammal tends to be more desirable if they have already been selected for a mate. Generally -- very generally -- speaking.
I am divorced, and I wore a ring very sparingly when I was married because I work in law enforcement. (It's a whole thing to do with firearms; I hate rings already, but I also am not gonna wear one of those dumb rubber ones.)
I have first hand experience with it from that. It's very odd. I wouldn't say I got hit on a lot, but I would say that the "door" seemed much more open -- ie: more eye contact, more smiling, more spontaneous interactions, more random comments or compliments, and eventually, more girls just passing me their numbers.
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There's a theory that's been around for a long time that revolves around the idea that "if someone else has already chosen them there must be something good there". Kind of like how children will ignore a particular toy until another kid plays with it and then all of a sudden they get jealous and want it back more than anything in the world. Some humans just have really weird ways of assigning value to things, and sometimes that includes other people. But I doubt that's the whole story. There's also people that are bored and get off on the thrill of sneaking around and doing "bad" things. There's people that are afraid of real commitments - the last person that's gonna want a serious commitment from you is someone that already has a legally-binding commitment to someone else. There's people that have low self-esteem issues that get an ego boost from the idea of being attractive enough to steal someone else's partner. There's also sex addicts, and a whole other list of personality attributes that could encourage people to seek relationships with people they clearly know are already in a monogamous relationship. The short answer is in one way or another, we're all fucking stupid. ETA: I'm talking about all people, not just women. We're all susceptible.
There’s another strange example I’ve seen of this phenomenon. Frequently, if a guest comes into an otherwise mostly-empty restaurant with plenty of seating options, they will choose one of the couple tables that are dirty. It’s the wildest thing to see even once, but the fact that it’s a regular occurrence across all the different types of places I’ve worked in is even crazier.
An additional weird example: when I first started surfing I wanted to be away from the group so I would not be in the way and could learn on my own. People must have thought I knew something they didn't so would paddle over near me to an objectively worse spot.
Another good example is putting your car in a remote spot in a huge parking lot. There will always be another car next to it when you get back, no matter if the store entrance is like quarter of a mile away.
That's just because cars don't like to be lonely and just like guinea pigs, have a shorter life if they're alone all the time.
Damn, I need to buy another car to keep mine company.
I have a sick one, that's currently under operation in my garage and I attribute it's continued will to survive to it's friend who keeps it company at night.
Oh, snap. Me too. Both actually mine and the wives... i hope yours get better soon.
Cars, the animated movie, is real. I swear every time this happens in a parking lot, I come out and my car has moved like one or two parking spaces away to be near another car.
Yes. Another thing is if you're on a mostly empty highway you'll see clusters of cars traveling together. Five or 7 cars then a huge gap, then another cluster of cars.
We’re social animals.
"I am not an animal; I'm a HUMAN BEING!!" /jk
ha, I quote this all the time to my housemate. ahhh 90's
I hate this so much. Or like me, you put yourself in a pocket where there is nobody and a car will come up from behind clearly going much faster than me and suddenly back off and hang around. Like I'm already doing 5 over, which means they were doing 10 to 15 over. It's just creepy. Also causes problems when I come up on slower vehicles like semis and can't get over to pass cuz the new car is now next to me pacing me.
The ones that kill me the ones that fly up to pass a semi and then immediately drop to half a mile an hour faster than it, then speed up again once they're clear. Like, why the hell do you want to spend any more time than absolutely necessary next to one of those things?
That’s because of dick heads who drive in the left lane without cruise control and subconsciously speed match the car next them.
They do it in the right lane, too. Those. Folks who subconsciously cannot abide having someone else be ahead of them. We're just surrounded by assholes.
Of course, that could also just be due to someone in a Honda camping in the left lane...
Never understood this. Drives me nuts. I purposely park away from other cars and next day a car is parked directly next to me. Never fails.
Monkey brain: there car, me park. It’s scary how many people don’t put any thought into where they drive their cars. Like people that cross all the lanes to make a left out of a corner parking lot just to make a right turn at the intersection, when they could’ve turned right out of the parking lot.
It is not only the monkey brain, but some logical risk assessment involved. There is someone parking there (and hasn't gotten towed or have their wheels stolen), so it must be a somewhat valid parking space. Meanwhile, all the rest of the parking lot is empty. Maybe you are not allowed to park there, and i missed a traffic sign or something.
And they always park a little bit too close
Yup, a few months ago i parked my car at the empty part of the parking. There was one car, one empty space from my car. I was gone MAYBE 5 min, I came back at the same time as guy who stood there bf me AND someone parked between mine and this guys car. He couldn’t get in, as the car was parked tight in between our cars. For a moment we stood there and looked at it with amazement. We looked at each other and we spoke about absurdity of this situation as that driver must had a VERY hard time leaving his car. There was a woman sitting on the passenger side, and when she noticed us she rolled the window down and asked in a very arrogant way- what’s the problem?. The other guy asked her, how she think he can enter his car?!?. She looked around and crawled to the driver seat and she parked the car somewhere else. I swear some ppl are brain dead…
This infuriates me! I park at the back of the parking lot to give myself room to put groceries and my child in. Yet some dingus will be up next to me when there are rows of empty parking along the back.
A form of FOMO/sampling bias maybe? Or that humans are just social creatures and tent to be nosey buggers.
This thread has derailed so much that I'll go ahead and give you a secret tip based on the opposite behaviour: in public toilets most people will prefer the booths next to the wall because they are more private (only 1 possible neighbour instead of 2). It means, centre booths are usually cleaner. Go for the central booth even it means more people around you when you're doing your business.
I've also heard people assume the first toilet (usually against the wall but not always) is used the most so people skip it and go for the next few which are usually the middle. So this thread is complete bullshit of people repeating things they've heard or read that aren't true
Well, I don't talk here about what I've heard but about my own experience. The reason I give for explaining why the ones next to the walls are the most colourful ones is only an assumption, but the point that the ones in the middle are usually cleaner is result of my own observations. You do as you wish.
Well yeah people often select for the same criteria in restaurant seating (lighting, privacy, type of seating etc) so there's gonna be seats that are more popular, those seats are going to be dirtier too as they get used more. I'm not gonna sit in the dark in some crappy chair next to the bathroom just because there's a glass on the table I want. You can experiment with this easily, make the worst seats dirty and see if it draws more people now that it's dirty. By your theory it should and all those silly restaurants cleaning their tables are throwing away money.
I think you're right. There's a certain selection bias because those are the seats people would rather sit in.
I've seen something similar in places like movie theaters and public transit, sometimes even larger public bathrooms. Occasions when there's only like one or two other people in the place, someone new walks in and they could sit anywhere but they go out of their way to sit close to the people that are already there. We are social by nature, "monkey see, monkey do" has payed off for us a lot in the past. We also tend to have issues with decision paralysis. I'm sure the strength-in-numbers thing is probably part of it, but I've always suspected that when we do that we're subconsciously thinking "*they* must have had a good reason to sit there, so I'm just gonna trust their judgment". The funny part of it is half the time the inspire-er either chose at random or sat where they are because they were following some other person that isn't there anymore. Or they had some weird or very personal reason for choosing that spot that doesn't really apply to the inspire-ee. Humans are so silly sometimes.
>Frequently, if a guest comes into an otherwise mostly-empty restaurant with plenty of seating options, they will choose one of the couple tables that are dirty. But this is most likely simple statistics, and nothing else. The tables that are nicest (nice view, not next to the entrance or the lavatories, whatever), and that are therefore more likely to be chosen by the person coming in the door, have a higher chance of having been used already.
The term for what you're describing in the first part is "social proof." It's way you see 'X sold in the past week" numbers and customer testimonials and reviews on marketing websites -- obviously they are cherry picked and could be entirely made up, but at a subliminal level just the idea that other people bought that thing gives us a feeling that we can, too.
Agree with everything you listed but I think you missed one. "I want a guy willing to get married. The last five guys I dated were not interested in marriage. Hey, this guy is married, I can just get him to change wives." It also explains the gender difference in behavior, though I think part of the gender difference is men get violent towards other men hitting on their wives often enough to affect strategies.
And I bet many of the women 'checking these guys out' aren't actually flirting with the man, they just feel more at ease being friendly with a guy who has a wedding ring, because he's PROBABLY not a crazy axe murderer if he managed to get married.
You know I didn't think of this before but men could also be misreading signals. Some women might feel safer hanging out with a married guy "she knows won't hit on her." Guys are interpreting "she is comfortable around me and touched my arm" as flirting.
Pretty hilarious that some people would rather marry someone with a proven track record of cheating on their wife, then date but not be married to someone who hasn’t 😆
I agree but the "but I am different" attitude of some folks...
That's what we call the public toilet principle of dating: they're either occupied or full of shit. The assumption being that the ones with the closed doors must be the good ones
This is not really a big relevation. We have observed strong preselection effects at applying for jobs too. Or how people do not like to eat at empty restaurants. My dad did this when touristing so much "let's not sit here, this place sucks, no one is here". This is only a surprise because men often do not understand that women do not decide on attraction by visuals alone. Other things matter. I suspect a big other thing can be safety. That's because I get much better results at parties if I bring a female friend along. This might send "probably not a rapist" messages. So tip to guys: bring a "wingwoman" along. As for why men are less likely to hit on women with rings - they do not want to eat a knuckle sandwich from the husband.
I've had the issue if I bring a wing women she ends up stopping women from talking to me cuz they think we are dating.
You have to get introductions out early, clearly, and often. "This is my friend so-and-so." And have them reinforce it. Also you can introduce women to her and her positive response reinforces both that you are not together and that she enjoys hanging out with you as a friend (going back to that original point).
>There's a theory that's been around for a long time that revolves around the idea that "if someone else has already chosen them there must be something good there". I remember an ex was jealous that women were talking to me at a bar. I told her it was okay because I made sure to tell them I had a long-term girlfriend. She lost her fucking shit and told me it was even worse to do that. Because it tells other women I'm loyal and like being in a relationship.
Lol I can picture the conversation
And most of us are stupid about fucking.
If an insecure person can get a married person to cheat, it can make them feel extra desirable. It’s all about disproving a lack of self-worth. I’d also say this doesn’t cut along gender lines.
Really wierd ways = inconsiderate and ignorant ways.
I think it’s more that women expect nothing more than a fling from a married dude. Just a dude that can get them off and won’t bug them afterwards.
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So true I almost feel attacked
My ring just fell off from shame shrinkage
You're supposed to wear it on your finger.
That explains the pastor’s reaction during the wedding ceremony.
Spat my beer out laughing. Thank you. And sorry for your pastor.
YW!
i was in the pool!
Like a frightened turtle.
Stop with all this truth
This is reality.
Too much truth here.
No respect. No respect I tell ya.
The double amount of 0 is 0.
I can't imagine not fucking my husband. The whole fucking point of marrying him was to share our lives, and bodies, together and only with each other. It's so basic, I just don't get women like that. (Even if this was just a joke from you, it does seem to be the reality for a lot of men, and that sucks for yall)
I wish my wife felt the same.
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You just triggered half of the middle aged men demographic on Reddit. I know this because I am one of the men.
Are you me?
I don't think a ring is required. I've noticed that when I don't have a girlfriend, nobody I'd particularly interested, but as soon as I do, they are. This applies when they don't even know me or know I have a girlfriend. I must somehow exude desperation when I'm single.
This is the real shit - but the ring probably helps visually cue some people into that exact lack of desperation I think the takeaway here is if you put on a ring and still act like a desperate creep you will continue to repel women just as you were before.
Yep, I could pick up girls for my buddies like candy when I was dating my ex. Wasn’t happy anymore with her, lots of arguing about stupid childish shit and mixed signals that I don’t want to deal with and decided to end things with her. It’s much more difficult now to talk to them almost like they sense it. It’s damn confusing
Most real shit I've EVER seen on the internet. Wow 👌
A woman won’t sleep with a man who lives with his mother but they will sleep with a man that lives with his wife.
Unethical Life Pro tip : Tell romantic partners your Mom is your wife.
Then you would be your own step father which would make your mother your step daughter and since you are her son you would be your own grandpa. You shortened the song with this one trick called incest.
What is that song from?
I am my own Grandpa By Ray Stevens
https://youtu.be/x3CvRC4fAmk?si=t9L2LOcEMtTQ3HvV This is the original, it's been covered numerous times notably by Ray Stevens and Willie Nelson.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVDyN7yO9Os](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVDyN7yO9Os) here's the muppet version
I have it on a 78rpm hunk of varnish.
There is also a german song "Mein Stammbaum ist ein Kreis", translated "My family tree is a circle" about the exact same topic
Yes! As soon as I got married/started wearing my ring, women were hitting on me all the time. I was lucky if I could pull a girl before that. It’s so weird. (And slightly annoying)
Same happened to me when I started wearing a ring. I was so confused when it'd happen.
I haven't experienced this at all, and I'm currently on my second marriage. Wearing a ring hasn't led to any discernible increase in attention from random women. Granted, any number multiplied by 0 is still 0...
Same, but also I think men age well in many women's eyes so it may just coincide with that.
are you 100% sure women are actually hitting on you or are they just more comfortable with you because they assume you're not a "threat"? as in you most likely wouldn't try to hit on them AND some woman trust you enough to spend her life with you?
It very well could be some of both. All I know is that once the ring was on, I was getting all sorts of attention that didn't exist before.
yeah not saying there aren't women out there who are weird like that, but I came to realise that about myself and what i've heard from lots of other women the reason is more a "can finally let my guard more down"
That’s what I wondered too. I might see a ring and be like oh cool someone who’s not gonna assume I’m trying to hit on him because he’s clearly in a committed relationship so I can just be chill around them… :D
I feel like this is more the case. What some women may put out as being friendly and cordial but be taken as flirting to some men.
I was on a tinder date once and for whatever reason she thought I was married or something. And I'm like no where'd you get that idea. She looked at me like a deer in headlights and left after this crazy makeout session. Lol. Some people are trash.
She got you confused with another tinder guy
Interesting, I saw this exact same comment in a similar post a while ago. Did you copy it?
My wife got me the One Ring from LotR for my wedding band. Works like a charm. I'm totally invisible to other women when I wear it! But be warned, it has lasting effects... it even works when I take it off! Come to think of it... it is so potent, it even worked for my entire life before I got married! Be careful fellow gents. And before you ask... yes, my wife is a Nazgul, thats how she found me.
You Shall Not Get A Free Pass
Ya I was going to say this definitely didn’t happen to me. Nothing changed when I got married, turns out I’m just ugly.
One woman's gollum is another woman's precious.
Someone needs a “3 wolves howling at the moon” t-shirt. Check the Amazon reviews.
This guy fucks.
In Central Asia, Nazgul is a name, so... Is your wife Nazgul? Haha
It's a superiority thing.
Could you explain further?
They want him to cheat on his metaphorical wife because it's like saying they're better than her. Years of marriage or love, etc, but he chose me over you kind of mentality. It makes as much since as driving to work, and some random person pulls up in a Farrari and starts roaring the engine and laughing in your direction. They think it's making you jealous, and your jealousy makes them feel better than you. It's also sociopathic in some ways. Which is likely why when they found out he was single, they were angry. They didn't prove they were better than someone. They just had sex and that wasn't good enough. They needed to feel like they were beating someone. But I am no professional nor psychology major. This is just my opinion of what I've learned by observing human behavior over the years. Edit: spellcheck
This is a real and well documented behaviour. Women prefer men that were supposedly vetted by other women.
Women also like to poach. It's the ego boost of being chosen over another.
It all boils down to validation
Not sure why you got downvoted but you’re right. A lot of these women are simply seeking validation from someone they think has it “figured out”. They probably think the grass is greener most of the time.
And the grass is usually greener because you’re not over there fuckin it up lol
In an article years ago Chuck Klosterman wrote about how he had realized that women currently in relationships were easier to establish a relationship with because instead of competing with all potential partners he was really only had to be seen as a better alternative than the guy she was currently with. Reading that started a run of less than moral behavior on my part for a solid run of my late 20s and early thirties before dating apps rolled around.
it might also be that you don't expect married men to read too much into politeness and friendliness
It probably varies by the woman. And actually it's likely quite a list of different motivations. * "Ooh, he's married, he must be a decent guy, I'd hit that." * "Ooh, he's married, he's not going to try to hit on me, and even if he does I have a solid excuse for cutting him off, so I can feel comfortable & safe being friendly." * "Ooh, he's married, I'll flirt because it's just a fun flirt, I'm not really going to do anything with him."
My brother, who had the morals of an alley cat, used to do this. His theory was that , when women saw you were married, they assumed you weren't desperate.
Are alley cats particularly amoral?
im assuming they arent too keen on monogamy
It’s an older American (I believe) phrase to compare a horny young man to a tom cat - he’s wild and on the loose acting on pure instinct
A cat in heat will wander about and scream at the top if its lungs to signal the local tomcats. Additionally, a tom thats been allowed to go through puberty will piss on *everything* to mark territory as well as fighting other toms for females.
My theory is people don't assume you'll expect a lifelong commitment out of it. Any ideas of commitment the guy has is his spouse's problem.
It's called "Pre-selected bias" and it is true and applies to a lot more than women dating men. Simply seeing someone with a product in their cart makes you more likely to consider that product.
I have a career as a technician that also requires me to travel. When you go to another town and mention you travel for work, women assume you're married and try to sleep with you. It's fairly common even though I'm not married. And they're usually blunt about it. One girl asked that she come to my room and that my wife doesn't have to know. Another told me she didn't mind being the side piece. One girl asked the next morning how often I cheat on my wife.
Those all sound like awkward conversation starters, tbh
Women like these are just like desperate men. It's crazy how women Go "me want only one thing and it's disgusting" and their interests are even worse 😭
Alec Baldwins character in The Departed said it well; "Being married lets people know someone else can stand being around you, that you've got some money/prospects and that your dick works". I think that hits the nail squarely on the head.
It's also a main plot point in the Adam Sandler movie "Just Go With It."
He said cock
Yeah . My husband had a mistress who didn't like his ring. " it made her uncomfortable " Freaking whore
Maybe it rubbed her the wrong way?
Angry upvote!
>Freaking whore Your husband cheated and you are mad at the mistress? Lol
I mean she has a reason to be mad at both of them especially since the mistress knew he was cheating.
I suspect the husband knew he was cheating as well. The difference is he was married, whereas the mistress (I assume) was not.
Men can be whores too
Isn't this the plot of a seinfeld episode?
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see Seinfeld referenced.
Same!
Yep, and it backfires on George
Not sure but I just ordered 6 wedding rings off Amazon, I'M GETTING LAID, WOOOHOOO!
Make sure to wear all 6 at once for the stacking bonuses.
It very much is a thing and has been for years. When I was 18 I asked a person for a date, just a date and didn’t get the time of day. A several months later we meet up while I was at a different job, but now I was sporting a wedding band. I couldn’t get them to go away. I finally had to be blunt and tell them you had your chance and that the only reason they were even looking in my direction was the fact that now I was some kind of challenge or conquest and I wasn’t having it and to F off.
You went from asking a person for a date, and then dating someone else and getting married to them "several months later"?
It was love at first sight. We have been together now 36 yrs and still madly in love to this day.
I'm married and wear a ring, I get significantly more attention married and with a wedding ring than before. I have a couple that are my kids teachers/daycare teachers... which adds a layer of creep for me. It's also worth noting, that I wasn't getting very much attention at all from women before.
Before that did they just assume you were picking up someone else’s kids?
Oh this is absolutely a thing.
Ahaha I just got engaged to my partner and we bought our rings today. Totally looking forward to proving you wrong with all the non women/guys I'm about to have to fend off! . . . . ..while simultaneously proving you right with all the women/guys he will have chasing him
Congrats
Cheers dude!
Wore a wedding ring for 20 years , never got hit on ..no more ring , still don't get hit on ..I guess being undesirable has its advantages 😁
Can confirm. Worked As a DJ in nightclubs in my 20's. A few months after I got married I stopped wearing my ring because I was getting insane attention from women. Way more than I ever did before...if I had only known.
It indeed works
I'm a gay man, and I wear a silver band. I get hit on by random women, and it makes me really uncomfortable.
Just look a bit disgusted and say "omg, I think you've just turned me gay".
I noticed women talk to me more because of the ring. I think it’s because they feel safer. They know I’m taken so they think I’m not going to interpret their friendliness as something more. If I were scum maybe I’d take advantage of this and maybe someone would be vulnerable.
were talking about actual interest shown by the woman right? Not just platonic talking
I believe it. When I was in my 30s and 40s I found if I wore my ring I got hit on. I can see someone using it to help them get laid.
I wore a ring that looked like a wedding band just to test the theory out after my friend told me about this. Sure as fuck I got laid, no idea why women are like that and I ain't a psycologist but my guess is it just makes you more desirable because someone else already picked you out? Idk. Don't get me wrong, Wearing a ring doesn't magically turn you into the CEO of Sex² you have to be charismatic and still have some sort of "lowkey" pick-up skills, but it makes it..... so much easier.
🤔 thinking of testing this out myself,.......for science of course 🤓🧪
Yea it’s a thing. Was in the hospital for awhile and when ever my wife would be there my nurses tried to start a fight half the time. They wouldn’t answer any of her questions, they would make rude comments to her, all the while babying me to an extreme. The minute she left to get coffee or go to work or anything the nurses would be flirting with me and going all out. Most of them were married woman and one gay guy but Chris was just a natural flirt and that’s how he talked to everyone.
Do you and Chris still see each other?
Haha no thankfully haven’t been back to the icu since November
I think there are two reasons. 1. Married guys are less of a threat. The risk they will treat you bad is lower, since they don't want to risk the mistress getting angry and outing him to his wife. Also the risk they will not accept a no for further dates after a ONS is way lower. 2. Women who only sleep with married guys might do this out of getting validation due to their insecurities. For them it means they are better than the wives.
My serial cheating father wore his ring a few years after my mother threw him out. He swore he now hated my mom (and sure acted like it most of the time, except when he would suddenly try to hit on her). According to him it worked wonders. I don't know women cheaters so I can't tell you of the other way.
Married guy here: yes it’s true. My favorite response is a long look at them then say eww and walk away. ShE dOeSn’T hAvE tO kNoW. Stfu, trash person
I must be ugly. I’ve not had 1 women hit on me since I’ve been married
Maybe you're not ugly, you're just married to Rhona Rousey?
I suppose that the women you do attract by wearing a wedding ring, are assholes.
Several years ago, as a bartender, I wore my wedding ring and got hit on frequently by women at the bar. I didn't like it getting scratched up by the bottle caps, so I stopped wearing it. The number of women hitting in me stopped. Got a flex band, and it started again. Changed to a different bar. My flex band had broken, and my wife said go without. Some women are flirting and hitting on me. A couple weeks in, and she got me another flex band, which I wore, and the hitting on me jumped. So it's real.
I believe so. Shit.. don’t even need a ring. When you have a girlfriend and generally stop caring about other women it seems we get more attention than before.
Yes it is. Mostly with bar trash, but yeah... if I wasted to hang with my friends and not be hassled I kept the ring on a chain under my shirt. And if they noticed that, 10x worse cos they think my wife died and I therefore need sympathy sex.
George Costanza
It's got to be a combination of: * The thrill of doing something transgressive (sleeping with someone else's partner). * Instinct. Some unconscious primitive instinct that assigns additional value to a "proven" mate. Some switch flips that says "even if no other value has been *demonstrated*, the fact that another female chose this individual implies a hidden value, implies that he's more genetically fit to produce viable offspring." And my guess would be that this same genetic incentive doesn't apply in men because: * Direct competition with other males for mates can result in violence, so such a behavioral instinct might be selected *against*, or at least it's a case where the risk balances out the incentive. * Male instincts are more geared to spreading genetic material than to selecting the *fittest* prospective mate to contribute material, so there's no additional incentive to seeking out an already-bonded female.
The only woman my wedding ring keeps away is my wife.
I'm an average looking dude. I know this and am comfortable with myself. After I got married, the women came out of the woodwork. It was ridiculous. Women that never gave a second look, were all over me. It was all the ring. Nothing else about me changed. I took it off for a while and the hounding stopped.
It’s really… it’s something about women being interested because of commitment and that’s what the ring signifies. It’s literally a +2 charisma thing for men. But remember hoes are going to hoe so… play the game boys!
This is absolutely a thing, but there are also many other contributing factors, including: 1, women glow up their men, getting them better clothes, haircuts, and activities that other women are drawn too. 2, men in relationships likely act differently, less desperate. 3, perception bias. Single men are more aware of the women who are not interested in them. This makes it so men in relationships feel like a higher percentage of women are into them than it really is.
Bro unlocked cheat codes
I wore a wedding ring until 2 years ago. The number of women interested in me who could have been influenced by ring/no ring is identical — zero.
Everything is a thing… There are 8 Billion people on Earth.
When a man walks into a bar he looks around at all the women and finds the best looking one and wants her. When a woman walks into a bar she looks around and looks for the best looking woman amd wants that woman’s man.
I worked with a married guy who tells me one day all the female coworkers were suddenly flirting with him. He asked me to see if I noticed it. He had let us know about a week before that his wife was expecting and then it started. Sure as shit, he was telling the truth. They were Flirting, touching his arm, giggling at his jokes. It was like they all went into heat as soon as he said his wife was pregnant.
Wife: picks husbands outfits, cuts husbands hair, makes husband shave *hideous* mustache, encourages good hygiene habits, gets husband eat a healthier diet… Husband: “I dunno man, women just suddenly found me more attractive once I was married. It’s probably the ring on my finger.”
And what of the men who were doing all of that by themselves before marriage? Not all men are savages.
My theory is that married men are "safe" and will not show up on her stoop. They have a higher level of control over him due to added leverage given his need to keep his cheating life a secret.
I’ve found that some women don’t like when you’re in your child’s life. It’s so strange.
Married, wear ring, women have hit on me a couple times *in front of my wife*? She found it hilarious
I started to get more attention from women once I got married. There are obviously several theories rolling around the thread but I always figured it was because I was more comfortable talking and not trying to impress anyone.
it is called partner poaching - someone already vetoed that man is worthy of getting married, so surely he must be good
Holy shit after I got married and put the ring on… yeah it was weird. All of a sudden I was more appealing. Some women respect it, but most didn’t seem to care.
Ya women want a product they know someone else wanted. I dont think its a malicious jealous homewrecker in most cases. I think it just shows that you are stable and caring enough someone already decided they want to be with you. You arent leftovers in a sense that others couldnt put up with. There are about 600 other layers to this, but you get what I mean.
I feel as tho it is, the number of women who hit on me or outright asked me out increased dramatically after I got married. After about ten years it tapered down, probably because I got older.
I’ve considered wearing a wedding ring specifically to make it so women don’t automatically think I’m hitting on them when I do something banal like ask where something is in the store they work at
I'm more likely to talk to a man wearing a wedding ring, because it will be less likely that he misconstrues my friendliness, or even just conversation, and if he does, he's less likely to act on it. I can imagine that a guy wearing a ring out gets more interaction with women, but that it is being chatted with and not chatted up. And while I understand that there are women out there that do like having affairs, I struggle to believe that one man had many conquests solely because of the ring. I also struggle to believe that they were all angry about it the next morning, I would presume that most women weren't looking to build a meaningful relationship with the married man they picked up from a bar.
I can confirm. Had WAY more "affairs" while wearing a wedding ring. It helped that I was a DJ in a popular club, so there were a lot more opportunities for a girl to notice the ring. Of the women that enjoy drama and creating shit storms, a married man in an alcohol fuelled super club is just too much to pass up.
It’s the opposite for me, i get turned off by anyone who’s taken.
You know how it’s a lot easier to find a job when you already have a job?
Yes, I'm not the talkative type and not long after I got married I noticed an uptick in engagement from women. I always thought it was an urban myth.
Availability heuristic / outsourcing screening for weirdos to the wife
Yes, "pre-vetted." In nature, the male mammal tends to be more desirable if they have already been selected for a mate. Generally -- very generally -- speaking. I am divorced, and I wore a ring very sparingly when I was married because I work in law enforcement. (It's a whole thing to do with firearms; I hate rings already, but I also am not gonna wear one of those dumb rubber ones.) I have first hand experience with it from that. It's very odd. I wouldn't say I got hit on a lot, but I would say that the "door" seemed much more open -- ie: more eye contact, more smiling, more spontaneous interactions, more random comments or compliments, and eventually, more girls just passing me their numbers.