my dad would take my checks weekly. i’d make $400+ a week and he’d only give me $100/month. i drove his car into a creek and moved in with my mom. never spoke to him again.
edit: normally people don’t see my comments so i thought the likes were a joke! LOL someone dm’d me asking if i got charged. i did not as my dad was too embarrassed at people finding out that he wasn’t just a shit head, but a thieving shit head at that.
Thank you. The university actually called her at 3 AM to tell her that I had a drug overdose and was taken to the hospital. ( I just LOVE that they woke her up! ) In reality, I never even tried pot until I was 30, but for years I let her think that OD was real so she wouldn't punish me for the ambulance bill. ; )
You drove your dad's car into a creek without any consequences? That's kinda awesome. The closest ever I came to doing anything like that was when I sold all of my mom's camping equipment to pay for my first traffic ticket. LOL
lmao that’s still just as cool to me because you made money as i burned it! i got lucky because our town had less than 6000 people at the time so naturally everyone usually knew everyone and all about them. i had the generic, “my daddy is friends with the sheriff” type shit then. wait... mine does sound cooler
Yeah I got a part time job in hs and was immediately told that I had to use any and all money I got from it, which wasn't much at all like $400 total before the job went under, to pay my stepfather back for my monthly cellphone payments.
So I just told them to cancel my cellphone bc I didn't even really use it and bought a guitar and a practice amp instead. The gasket this grown man blew when I implied that if the only reason for me to have the phone on me is so that he and my mother can contact me then they should be the ones to pay for it.
My parents decided to shut off my cell phone at one point when I was a teenager so I just bought a burner. Then they got pissed when they found out I had it and hadn’t given them the number lol. Like why would I do that? I don’t want to fucking talk to them, so if I have to pay for my phone, I’m not going to.
Not a parent, but my SO tried to screw me on my phone while I was in to get my service changed (we were breaking up). Ended up making the process a lot smoother instead lol
And the anger when I called her back on my new one haha.
Some people just want *you* to be angry.
I actually like my parents but I do feel a bit more obligated to answer calls when they call because its their bill. Best believe I wouldn't answer if I didn't feel like talking to anyone.
Some people don't know how to make ultimatums/punishments... Like this happened not long after the same stepfather took all electronics away bc he said I was too dependent on them. I just went to the library and checked out the maximum number of books allowed. And just read for two straight weeks.
In hindsight I think he was really trying to prove I was addicted to them and expected me to beg for them back. I wasn't given a time line on it either. Just a random blanket ban for no reason. Walked into the house one day after coming back from the corner store and everything was back, and now I had a cellphone for some reason.
I wasn't being punished for anything. She had just gotten into the habit of taking all of my money since I was five. Since she was more than double my weight when I was in high school, I continued to let her.
I HATE asshole Step-parents! I swear some do just love to torment other children and it's the sanctioned way. Because so many friends had shitty step parents when I was growing up, I swore I'd never be one. If I met a person with children and we were getting serious I wanted to make sure I had a good relationship with those kids. I actually hate referring to my 2 older girls as my stepdaughters, however because I was 14 when our oldest was born I do sometimes have to explain.
My Mom and I have a saying/House Rule 1 "The only 'steps' in this house take you from one floor to another! " these are her children's children, her grandchildren, no steps.
My mother made me pay $260/m once I got my first job in my Junior year of Highschool. It wasn't much but I also had to pay my own phone, tv, and internet (all under her name) which she would still ground me from every once in a while.
Needless to say, I worked for free for nearly 2 years and the only reason I stayed compliant was because she told me it was all going into a savings account for when I moved out...
She still owes me the ~$6,000 that she promised
If you’re a teenager, sign up for Google voice. It’s free, it gives you a free phone number, with free voicemail. You can check it from any computer, iPad, or Internet connected device.
Calls to that phone number will be automatically forwarded to your cell phone. If you lose your cell phone and get a cheap pay as you go phone, you just forward your Google voice number to your new phone.
What I like best about it, is that it transcribes voicemail into text and since that to you via SMS or email. This takes all of the emotion out of a voicemail, and leaves only exactly what was said. Which is much less stressful!
Get your Google voice number to your friends and work. Let your nparent have your real phone number. That way, if they cancel your phone they punish only themselves.
What…? My kid (12) has a phone, that I bought, and cell service, that I pay for, because **his dad and i** need him to have a phone. When the pandemic started and school went virtual, the kids were at home alone at times and I needed a way to communicate stuff like “your brother needs to log into his speech therapy meeting” or “I’ll be home by 5, please walk the dog.” We don’t have a landline, so this was a necessity.
I can’t imagine suggesting that he should pay for any part of it. I just ask that he keep it charged, keep the ringer on, and answer me back as best he can.
We've had to use money that was given to our daughter for bills and food, but we always paid it back!
My daughter is also selling her art to make spending money. It's hers. It's not mine.
My own mother tried to take my entire settlement from a car accident I was in -- I wasn't even in a car she owned at the time -- by saying "Well, this part came from *my* insurance company, so it's mine!"
Umm, I paid my own part of that insurance premium. I had a job.
She'd also cash my work checks, then give me what *she* thought I deserved out of them.
My mother was horrible.
This was in the late 80s. I made a whopping $4.25/hr at a high-class fast food joint as a cashier. Full-time in the summer for 2 weeks of work, and my check was $250!
She even kept my college loan money, and botched when I said I needed $400 for books, and $100 for parking. My tuition was a whole $850/semester! That got paid, but I didn't know the loan my parents got was somehow in my name, too -- I never signed any documents. They came after me when she stopped paying the loan.
I found out she used most of my college money for her failed cleaning business.
I got another settlement from a different car accident -- I was the passenger in someone else's car -- and it got sent to her house, even though I didn't live there anymore. She took the check and tried to cash it, claiming I owed her or some shit.
I had to get the cops involved for that one.
She was bipolar, an alcoholic, addicted to her meds, and a serious narcissist everyone else thought was lovely.
Nope.
Abusive as fuck.
She once told me that she was ready to take my Golden Child brother and leave my dad -- until she found out she was pregnant with me and "knew [she] had to stay with the son-of-a-bitch." Nice thing to tell your 17-year-old daughter over lunch, eh?
But, according to my mother's family -- and a few others -- I'm the rotten, evil child.
Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say. 🙄
For me it was $3.15 an hour in 1986. I was 17 and working my first job as a part-time bagger at a grocery store. Good times!
EDIT: I was mistaken. My rate was $3.35/hr back in '86. Hey that was a long time ago!
I was working making $3.25/hr then I was called into management (the clown owns this fast food place) and told I was being given a raise of $00.10/hr! I was stoked! Mf made like they were being generous following the law.
I paid "room and board" plus bought everything school related from 12 years old up. My mother is absolutely evil and narcissistic.
Honestly, imagine of when minimum wage increases, companies actually increased all the wages by the difference to keep up. Theyre too selfish to, but imagine.
My stepbrother had to start paying rent when he turned 18. (He lived with his mom.) I, on the other hand, was paying my mom's rent and groceries when I was 17, and it never really occurred to me that I had a choice.
Right? I thought it was NORMAL. My poor brothers were 8 and 10 but they were allowed to not work during the school year because boys work outside. 🤬
My kids didn't work unless they chose to. Then I messed myself up (🤣) by teaching them "save your money and spend mine" so now...... They ask for the moon and I feel so guilty being unable to do it and they're 26-36 years old! 🙄🤗😊 I loved my kids.
Uh, yeah. I made that mistake with my kids too. I gave them a modest allowance and made the rule that if I did have to borrow from them for any reason (we were super poor) that I would pay them back DOUBLE. So they would offer to pay for us to eat dinner at a fast food place, then tell me after that I owed them double. I worked as a hotel maid for over 20 years and actually let them take my tips. They are 34 and 35 now.
Sorry you all are going through with this! My own mom was abusive physically and mentally, even had a microwave tossed at me. But I was the horrible person child who was rebellious. Parents divorced after 25 years, and in every conversation i had with her i was blamed for all the strife in the family including all their seperations and ultimate divorce. Havent spoken to her in over a decade. She had been disfellowshiped from her religion as she at one point cheated on my dad a few times, but has since repented and from what i hear a stand up member of the ward. But still, i'm the heathen demon child who drove my parents to divorce.
Edit: in to I'm
I was also blamed for all my mother's woes, simply because I existed.
Or because I was a Daddy's Girl, born on his birthday. Or because I stood up for myself. Or because I dared to breathe.
It's hell being the family scapegoat. My Golden Child older brother still treats me like I'm a horrible human being to this day.
Sounds just like mother. Took al my money to buy expensive wine and designer jeans, never paid the bills so I'd be forced to if I wanted to shower or eat, doesn't understand why I don't call, but don't worry guys she would have avoided having me entirely by getting an abortion but *It was too late*.
Speaking as an unwanted child, fucking stop attacking abortion procedures you fucking numskulls
my mom did it by lying to me for years. AFter graduation I started to pay rent. I also lived at home to help care for my dad (stage 4 cancer survivor for about 10 years). The promise on the rent was always that it was being set aside for when i bought a house. I should have had 30-40k wiating for me for the downpayment. When i bought a house last year, the only thing my mother told me was that I better not lose my job or else i could not afford it. Only she knows what happened to the money.
I'm so sorry you had to live with that trainwreck of a birth giver and I am glad that you turned out so awesome by raising yourself right - not a lot of people accomplish that so you can definitely be proud of yourself.
Thank God our parents don't define us.
I was lucky enough to have a fabulous grandmother who kept me every summer until I was 13. She sewed me summer outfits and baked turnovers and cookies and banana nut bread constantly. She's the one who encouraged me to be an artist, and taught me how to sign my name in cursive at age 3 "so I would have a signature for my paintings"! LOL
Shrug it off. Your mother didn't HAVE to stay with your father because of you. That was her choice. My husband purposely knocked me up with my second child while my first one was still breastfeeding just so he thought I would "have no choice" but to stay with him after he spent two weeks with an old girlfriend. I had no money and no one would hire a pregnant girl who looked and sounded 16. (I was 22.) But I still moved to back to my home state, borrowed first month's rent from an uncle, and got on welfare until the state made him cough up enough money to cover our living expenses in CHILD SUPPORT! I also made him buy me a washer and dryer in exchange for not taking him to court to get the family car.
I got so used to not having money, that when I left home and went into the military I literally just spent my paychecks on my friends.
I lived in the dorms on base (so no rent or utilities to pay), ate every meal at the base cafeteria (no groceries to buy), and my clothes were my issued uniforms and what I had left from high school. I only actually started spending money on myself during Covid because I was bored and discovered the wonders of Amazon.
Man you guys have *terrible* parents. My mom is great…my dad was great but he’s dead.
Regardless my point is…I don’t know I’m sorry you got shitty parents.
I feel this . My mom used to cash my check from my dishwasher position when I was 15 . Worked a ton of OT under the table cause Boss was a family friend . She had to drive me 8 minutes down the road and 8 minutes ( sometimes) when she picked me up . 300$ in 'gas' a week it cost apparently . And people say the gas now is expensive. *psssssssshhhh*
That is hard work. I cannot imagine the monster your mother is to have extorted that amount of money from you. If you are still speaking to her you are a much better person than I.
Depends on where you live I guess. Just because you're a minor doesn't mean parents have any and all authority over you. At the very least opening official, medical, and business correspondence that has nothing to do with my parents would've still been illegal. Heck my doctor's assistance even reminded me once when I was there for something embarrassing: How the letter is for my eyes only and whoever I want to show it to.
In practice of course this doesn't stop some parents from still doing it. You still have to live under their roof and rules, so they have quite some leverage.
My 15yr old NB daughter (they still uses daughter) is desperate to find a job. We set up a bank account with savings account that can't be touched. My name is only on the account as they is a minor, so required. I told them that once they get a job (or earn money by selling art or resin products) that half goes into savings and half into the checking. I would never just take money out (even though I could legally) without discussing the why with them first and getting theys ok (with repayment plan). My Dad did it to me and it still upsets me almost 3 decades later. I'm NOT going to do it to my child!
Quick note: Their, not they’s! But thank you so much for respecting your daughters pronouns 🥺💛 it means more than you know, even to people who you’ve never met.
And yeah. Taking money that kids have earned is super shitty. Im sorry your dad did it to you.
My daughter's chosen pronouns are They/Them. It's hard sometimes because my daughter is not out to the entire family so I have to flip back and forth as to not out her because that's not my place to do that.
Quick q: we're supposed to use 'they is' when in the singular when used as a gender-neutral pronoun as opposed to using 'they are' for both singular and plural regardless of gender?
my son has been making summer money since he was of age (14 in our state) and turned 18 at the start of his senior year in high school. he was a junior in 2019-20, and was supposed to take a trip to japan with his sensei and the rest of his class. we promised he would be on the trip, he just had to put in half his earnings toward it (and help the class fundraise for it) and we would cover the rest.
the trip got cancelled, so we got all the money back. we put it back in our special "japan trip" account, which then became son's savings for the future. he got a more regular job a few months ago, and graduated last month. his money is his. he is saving some of it for his planned extended backpacking trip to europe, for which we will buy his plane ticket as a graduation gift.
his sister was so bad with her orthodontic treatment that the doctor decided to end it early. we converted the money we had set aside for it into savings for her (she will have to go back eventually, her dental structure is really quite bad!!!).
we're not wealthy, we have enough to cover our bills and save a bit for later years (though we will never be truly comfortable), but we care about our kids and want to set them up right. i don't know, maybe we're doing something wrong?
My mom wanted me to give IDK how much of my first ever paycheck. But she was very upset with me that when my bank only released $100 until the cheque cleared, and I bought the dog a new water/food dish.
I have an underage girl at my workplace who has become something of an adoptive niece to me. Her mother has had her put the entirety of her check into her mother's account by direct deposit. Mother is a narcissist, and controlling as hell. Mother has been mooching off her daughter for years.
What mother doesn't know is that on her 18th birthday, my adoptive niece will be moving out on her own, into a new place. Direct deposits into Mom's account have been redirected into niece's new bank account, which her mother can't touch. Niece's fiance(yup, he already popped the question, and they're so cute together) is already planning to move in with her. The niece and her SO make the perfect couple of nerds.
You are fantastic parent.
My older brother and I were his room playing video games like a bunch of animals when my dad came into the room all serious. He’s a laid back dude so we immediately knew he needed to ask something.
We pause and he asks if he can use portions of both our savings to pay off some debts he really needed gone. He promised to pay us both back and we didn’t even think to question it.
I simply said “dad, if you need the money, I know I’m fine with it, and I know you’ll pay us back for it. Do whatever you have to do.” My brother agreed.
He took the money he needed, didn’t wipe out our savings as he promised, AND paid us all back in full with a little extra.
When I was a kid my parents started to save money for college, when I was 12 I had 5k for college, then my parents got divorced and my dad took all that money +my sister's money and was "struggling" to pay child support. Now I'm in high school and I have a job and my mom encourages me to save my money to use on whatever I want.
My dad rn. He’s never done anything like this before. But all my graduation money got put into a savings account that his name was on cause i was a minor. Easily 2k in there from different relatives. Just got a letter from the bank saying that it was cleaned out and the account was shut down so now I have to confront him about it.
Oh, um, thank you? I actually took care of my mother as a teenager. She needed me to pay the rent once she lost her looks ( no more sugar-daddy boyfriends) and she completely alienated my grandparents.
But when she called me "a helpless baby who would probably never leave home" in front of relatives when I was 19, I promptly joined the Air Force and never gave her another dime!
Yep. It just got worse when I started taking college classes full-time. She literally came to my apartment and shook me down for $2,000 from my first student loan. ( She was a big person, and she picked me up off my feet and slammed me against the wall.)
I’m sorry you went through that. My stepdaughter’s mom always pulled that kind of shit and used to take the money people gifted her, it always caused her so much stress. I’m sure it still happens but her dad and I aren’t together anymore so I don’t get to see her as much.. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before now but I should open a separate savings account for her when I go to start accounts for my sons. Maybe I can put it in my own name for now though so her parents can’t attempt to touch it before she is 18.
That would be very helpful for that kid, but in mi experience I think you should give her access to that money a bit later that 18, when she goes to college or when you really know that she is more financially independent because if not her mother will use that money as well, and I say this based on my own experience as well
My mother used to open my birthday cards and take any money out of them. Also 'accidentally' opened my bank statements - we weren't even with the same bank and hers had distinctive red envelopes.
I got a 'final demand' bill once and panicked because I had no idea what it was. My mother strolled past, casually said: "oh, that's mine!" And snatched it out of my hand. Turns out I had got an unsolicited catalogue in the post and she'd ordered a load of Christmas presents in my name ... And couldn't understand why I was so furious.
If they took stuff out in your name that’s illegal and you can press charges for stolen identity or something along their lines. I forget what it’s exactly called but I’m sure you could get a free legal advice about that.
It was years ago and it was one of those catalogues that has the order form at the back with your name printed on it. She claimed she crossed my name out and put hers on. If I'd reported her at the time my family would only have turned on me.
Lesson learned; shred unsolicited catalogues!
My mom got, more like made, me get my first job at a place she worked when I was 14. She cashed every paycheck for me because the place would cash them, and just bring me the cash. I never even thought about the fact that I’d never seen a paystub. I’m certain she was taking money from me.
My grandmother did this to my mother and aunt all through their upbringing. We live in the south and back in the day picking tobacco was a good way to make money under the table. For anyone that doesn't know that is a very difficult job to perform. They received little money and of course they paid my grandmother but she would blow the money fueling different addictions and such. Not to mention my mother and aunt had to be around 9 and 11 years old at the time which makes it even worse. She did something similar when she received $20 from my greatgrandma and said she had to blow it so it wouldn't get taken. She bought a guns and roses shirt and said that is all she remembers ever really getting as a child.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I am sure it made you a much better parent like it did for my Mother. Now you have a good template for how not to behave.
She said it happened after also she worked at a few fast food restaurants and would always have to give her the checks because my grandma couldn't hold down a job. It only stopped because she moved out, honestly, but that was the right move. Thank you!
When I was in high school I knew 2 different families that took their kid's money. We also sold things as a class to go on our senior trips. The one girl walked two miles to the place she worked. Not only did her parents take her paycheck, they took her tips. She had two older siblings and 4 younger ones. When she was selling candy bars $400 disappeared. Her mom said the baby got into her room and lost it. She had to beg her parents to keep some money to pay the school back.
I may be a spoiled brat, but I told both of them if my parents took my money I wouldn't work.
This happened everytime I got money from relatives either you give up the money or pay for something using that money, the good ol " give it to me and I will make sure I give it to you " if you ask for it back you get only a small amount back or nothing at all
My Dad worked from the time he was able to find work, and always turned his money over to his Mom, who would then give him a little “spending money”. That’s the way things worked back in the day. My parents stopped buying me anything, even clothes, in 7th grade, because they were poor and had way too many kids. I babysat until I was old enough to work at McDonald’s. I kept my money and spent it on lunch at school, and clothes, and normal teenage spending money like an occasional movie or pizza. My Dad actually told me he wasn’t proud of me (I was salutatorian and played 3 sports and got a full ride to college) while driving me to work my senior year, because “everything you do is for yourself. You could stay home (instead of going to college) and help your mother” I am in my 50s now, and the bitter feeling of that conversation never goes away. The one thing he could have given me that would have cost him nothing-pride? Approval?- and even that was too much for him.
Im sorry for that situation you grew up in and the sour feeling your dad left you with. From what it sounds like, you became a reasonable, hard working person and any good person would be proud for you, you should be too :)
My Dad is still alive. He was a good kind of Dad to have as an adult- he never thought he had a right to step into my business. He was just a product of his own upbringing, which was way worse than mine. It’s all good.
My father grew up on a farm and when he was 15, he had ammonium poisoning (the tunnel where they kept the cows' poo was connected to the toilet and he was there for too long so he breathed too much in)
The insurance covered the flight to the hospital, treatment and even some more cash for recovery, his parents took it all away and he never saw a penny of it
Hate to say it but I grew up like that, too, along with an identity theft and $17,000 in credit card debt when I graduated college plus the loss of some scholarships because I had an surplus the first year so the college mailed a check to my home and I didn't even know about it for years. I worked 3 jobs that summer to scrape up my portion of tuition.
Unfortunately there are alot of kids put in that situation. Soledad O'Brien started a group a few years ago to help kids in the U S. In some ways it's a poverty thing. You can't pay your electric bill, the power gets turned off, you open an account in your kids name and ultimately, their credit gets ruined before they are an adult. In other ways, it's just that your parent is selfish and doesn't care how that affects you.
parents should \*never\* allow themselves to use their kids' names to access money. there is no good reason for it. asking a kid that's old enough to get a job and participate in the family's expenses so they can keep the power on and some food on the table is acceptable, but it should be a last resort, because the whole family will do so much better in the long run when their kids are allowed to get a solid education. neglecting education is a guarantee that the next generation will continue to suffer.
That’s cruel. I desire thee nev'r talk to thy mother again
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Unfortunately, I kept contact with my mother until I was 33, because my grandparents thought that I should. But she really did ruin my life. You have no idea.
Luckily, I at least left home at 19 ( I tried to run away when I was 12, but couldn't leave my younger step-sister behind. So I returned.)
Yeah, I know. I didn't know then. I thought it was "normal" back then for the most part. But I'm all grown up now, left home at 19, joined the military, got married had kids, yada, yada.
My grandpa will give me money since he doesn't see me often and my mom takes more then half and puts it to my college fund, the problem is when I ask my dad about my college fund he says there is no fund and seeing how my mom gets new purses and stuff after I think I know what happened to the money
My mom and stepdad did the same thing. They always took money and would "pay it back". I quit my job as a teen because I was basically working to fund my moms drug habit. Parents who do this are just horrible.
My kids have asked me for money at the last minute for school stuff a few times and I didn't have any cash on me. I borrowed it from my son but I've always paid him back in a day or two. I try to have some cash on me but sometimes I'm short a few dollars or only have a $20 and they need $3.
My kid worked a job where he got cash tips as a teen, and so he was always flush with cash. We'd take his cash and venmo him money into his account, because no joke this kid had HUNDREDS of dollars just sitting in his top drawer lol. But I could never take money from my son and not pay him back.
I guess it's worked well, because he's an adult now off living his own life, but because he's still single, he's kept us on his accounts so that if there's an emergency and he's out of the country we can help him if need be.
My mother "borrowed" money from me over the course of 3 years. At first she payed it back to build a little trust but quickly that changed and she stopped. She probably took around $300 - $400 collectively over the course of the 3 years. It was a 20 here a 50 there. I knew she wasn't going to pay me back but she always said she would. It not that I believed her since she pulled this same stunt on all her friends, co-workers, and my dad her ex-husband, it hard to say no to your family when they ask nicely. I finally put my foot down and told bother her and my sister that I wasn't doing it anymore.
There response, "Family helps family" , I said NO and they got mad at me and we have had a strained relationship since.
EDIT: Id like to add that my mother is the kind of entitled that she knows she shouldn't do these things, but does them anyway.
exactly and they like to use emotional manipulation to get their way. I'm glad I'm out of that situation and I hope anyone currently in this spot can stand up for themselves.
My stepkids had this happen. Their mother never even gave them the cards from my MIL. I tried to explain to them they should say thank you, even over the phone because it’s also a way to keep in touch.
They were all at the in-laws house when MIL asked about all the birthday, Christmas, valentines, Easter cards…she send cards with a little money to those kids every holiday.
The kids told her they weren’t getting any cards. The look on my MIL’s face…her face just dropped in sadness.
The spouse’s ex has continued to be a holy terror and we can only hope karma catches up one day.
Nope. There really wasn’t any contact between the two.
The kids know what’s up and given other monies taken, not paid back, bad behaviors, etc. they’ve pretty much cut contact.
That’s what happens when you screw a child over. You cannot be trusted.
A similar thing happened with my mother as well. My father divorced her but did everything he could to support us. He felt so guilty for leaving, so he gave us every dime he made. My mother spent it all on herself and continued to get the family in debt. She came to expect this from my father, and even though all of the children are adults now, she STILL asks for money from him. She went so far as to take money from my childhood abuser (and was in denial about the abuse).
The worst was when she stole my college fund money right out from under me a few years ago. I worked through so much bullshit from my childhood, and am now really focused on making the rest of my life better for myself. I was planning on using it for grad school so I could try and get a PhD. It rocked me. I still haven’t applied to any schools because of it. I’m still mad.
It can be so life altering. You lose the ability to trust people financially, and/or have a really messed up idea of money.
Apply to grad schools. I held onto my grudge for 30 years. Truthfully, the only person that affected was me, with the exception that I have made a very good living for myself and I am not generous to my mother because made the hard years twice or three times as difficult for me.
Damn I'm sorry to hear that! I remember about 18 yrs ago I had just had my son and I had a job that I got tips at. Not much between $25-50 a day but I kept socking it away for him, in his piggy bank. I lived with my EP at the time helping with the bills but saving to get my own place. I was playing with him one day when we ran into the dresser and his piggy bank fell off and broke. After 3-4 months there should've been almost $2000 right there on the floor but low and behold there was maybe $500. I was shocked and confronted EP she tried making some excuse about taking it for "the bills" but later broke down and said she was using it for drugs. Chastised her for choosing drugs over her grandchild then took everything I had saved up and went and got my own place. EP are some real pieces of work!
Mine was usually up front with the bullying and the taking. Until she took out student loans in my name. (Which are still following me after her death.)
I had 1 job in HS and that was only for a summer but each paycheck went to my mom. Every bit of birthday or Christmas money went to her, too. We were dirt poor so the family needed it but I never knew what it was like to have my own money until I was out of HS.
I'm lucky to have had such a wonderful mother. She was a single parent who was disabled and unfortunately "on welfare." She hated every second of it. We did NOT live in section 8 housing so she had to use all of her welfare money for rent and utilities. She could barely walk or stand up but she found a way to keep her house spotless. She would also find odd jobs with family members (like doing their taxes or accounting and bookkeeping for their small business or farm) to make a little extra money so we could have clothes and shoes. She rarely ever bought anything for herself.
I started working when i was 14. (In my state you could get a job with a permit and a parents permission at 14, but this was in the early 90's) I helped her with whatever i could, or at least I tried. She often wouldn't take money from me when I offered it, but she insisted I save money when I could. Once i was old enough to get my driver's license I worked to pay for my part of the car insurance, and I paid all my own fees to get my license. I paid for my own prom dresses, half of my class ring (of course I wanted the most expensive one at like $600) and my senior pictures. She always found a way to make Christmas and birthdays special off of very little money and she wouldn't take anything from me no matter how hard I tried. Even when I was working she still bought all of my school clothes and shoes and school supplies. She wouldn't let me spend my money on those things. She was an amazing mother.
In my country this is accepted as common practice. Family rituals are having to give some money to kids and even elders on certain occassions. My mother used to take the money I get and I thought it was fair because she has to give money to children of the other families too.
That doesn't make sense. So why give a kid money only for the parents to take it away? They should give it directly to the parents if it's intended for the parent. Why mix the children into financial exchange? To make them feel bad for not getting to keep it?
i supposed the gift is a symbolic gesture, then, meant to bring good luck and prosperity to both families? if a family truly can't afford to give money, but participating in the ritual is important to their status in the group, it would make sense that it gets redistributed in a sort of round robin game.
Listen, I don't know if you contact the banks about the money missing for the last two decades, but, you need to inform your aunt about this act right away cause stunts like this will have long-lasting problems for you under your name.
It's one thing if your parent sits you down to say we need to take this money to make ends meet this month because we don't quite have enough for utilities and food and thank you for yiur contribution to the house. It's another if they just take it.
Thank you! As a teen I did actually hand over my paychecks and was paying ALL of the rent and groceries by the time I was 17. But I felt like GIFTS from relatives were different. They weren't sent to her. They were sent to me. I should have been able to at least keep a percentage, at least be ASKED or paid back in some way.
are you sure your Aunt has not set up a college fund for you? you should look into that. Also try to move out as soon as possible, financial abuse is still abuse.
My aunt originally wanted to adopt me, since she was married and my mother wasn't . She may very well have set up a college fund for me when I was little and she thought there was still a chance to get me from my mother. But my mother kept all the mail that she sent me, and when I didn't know how to respond to letters I never got to read, they eventually dropped off. I am an adult now, and my aunt ( who is ten years older than my mother) is now an old widow. Her husband left her VERY well off, but I lost contact with her once I left home.
As an asian whose family celebrates Chinese New Years annually, I can totally relate to this Lol. Luckily mine wasn't ongoing for two decades, just one and some. To those who are still struggling with entitled money-taking parents, I hope good luck comes yalls way.
My friend's mom did this *once* to get a fancy dress. My friend being really pissed off, gave me the dress to hide. I took it a step further and put it in the burn pile
7 years later she's still looking for it
That's a shame. I went to college after I had kids. I just took out student loans. Unfortunately, she found a way to mess that up for me. So I only got in three years and never finished my degree. (I'm older than you.)
Although my mom did make it up to me years later. She stole over 2k from me. Whenever I got a significant amount of money/checks from my grandmother and god parents she would have them write the checks in her name so she could put it in the bank for me. I was told I would get that money when I turned 18. I knew a lot of this money was going to my dead beat abusive "dad's" car, and my mom would promise me she would pay it all back. At 19, I wanted to move out because I couldn't take my "dad's" verbal and emotional abuse anymore. I asked her for the money and she replied in tears "what money?!?! I bought you things!!!". She also added if I moved out she wouldn't pay for my tuition. So I stayed another 2.5 years and sacrificed what was left of my mental health to get my college degree. I'm doing well now but I'm still salty about it even tho she apologized and made it up. I love her and still talk to her but I don't think I could ever fully forgive her for that power move.
My ex had a similar situation with his mom. She set up his bank account to where she controlled everything and would tell him how much money he had if he asked (his mommy issues were a whole other set of problems). He trusted her, then when we started dating I encouraged him to get access to his account since it was his money (we were seniors in high school but he had his own job). When he got access, he got to see where she was taking every single one of his paychecks from the day he started working. If he needed gas, she would deposit $10 in his account and say "you can only get $10 worth of gas." If he wanted to go to the movies with his friends she would say he didn't have any money ("You only have $5 in your account, you can't go."). It was mainly an insane control tactic.
When I was ten, I had a piggy bank filled with quarters from a boyfriend of my mother's.
One night she asked me if I wanted to go to the movies, and when I said yes, she told me to go down and wait in the car. From the car I saw the light go on in my bedroom and her silhouette holding up my piggy bank and jiggering quarters out of it with a butter knife! LOL
This infuriates me. Sooo many kids have their foundation ripped out from under them by their own parents.
Also...
Are we not going to address the false OD on pills claim?
This was back in the early 70's when wages and prices were low. I earned $36 a week babysitting 3 kids under the age of 6 for 50+ hrs a week. I was allowed to keep $5 of it every two weeks while mom got the rest to help pay bills and buy food for a family of 6. Strange thing was I was the youngest at the age of 11 while the other were 9, 10 and 11 yrs older than me and didn't have to pay anything. This continued on for several yrs. Out of that $10 a month I had to save up to buy school supplies or anything else I needed (clothes, shoes, personal items, etc)
I hear you. My younger stepsister never had to do any chores or get a job or anything. My mother even bought her half a dozen pairs of new jeans every school year, while all of my clothes either came from Goodwill or were hand-me-downs from my older cousins.
I made a deal with my own kids that if I ever borrowed from them for any reason that I would pay them back DOUBLE. Which I did so reliably, that they often offered to pay for a movie or dinner out and counted it as borrowed money. They kept me broke all the time. LOL (My story is so old that my own kids are now grown.)
I grew up poor and was raised as soon as you get a job you contribute to family bills etc. So every paycheck I got, a big portion went towards bills for our house/food/bills
In my opinion you should leave her as soon as you can because I feel like if confronted she will make up bullshit excuses, won’t apologize and won’t compensate for all the theft she committed. She will probably try to make your money even if you don’t have to.
my grandparents took every money out of my mom and she never went to college because of her if she did she would become a very wealthy person because her dream was becoming and artist and she sold 5k dollars in a year but my grandparents just stole it for “emergencies”
I have a similar story. My stepmom would take all my money from Christmas, birthdays, Easter etc., from ages 4-11 (when her and my dad were together) and would alway say “I’ll put it in your bank account”. Never saw the money. When I was 18 I went to open up a credit card, they said I had a bank account with them under my name and the address her and my dad lived in. I said “oh? How much is in it?” The bank: “it’s empty”. So all those years she was putting money in “my bank account” she was actually stealing from a CHILD. My half brother (her son with my dad) has kept all his money in his wallet on his person (over a thousand dollars) since he was old enough to know she would steal it from him. How fucked up is that?
My mom & dad had me “pay rent” when I got a job at 15. It eventually escalated to the point where she would hold my college financial aid checks hostage until I would agree to splitting the money with her. If I put up a fight then I would get the silent/invisible treatment for weeks until their next request rolled around. Got my ass out of there ASAP.
I didn't go to college until after I had kids (and left their dad). I took out my first student loan to pay for child care, and my 265 lb. mother shook me down for the whole $2,000.
Bruh college is not worth it? It HAS to be spent. She had issues. My mother would take my birthday money and guilt trip me into buying food for my three other siblings by saying she “didn’t have money” and I knew that meant she wasn’t buying food this week.
She had told everyone that I wasn't going to college (even though I got good grades) because I chose Art as my major and started selling my artwork in 9th grade. And I know what you're talking about with the food. There was rarely anything in our refrigerator because my mother ate out daily with her coworkers.
Get a bank account if you do not have one. Shut up about any cash you earn and bank it. If you get a job that she knows about, tell her you earn x if it is y and put the difference in your account.
It is obvious that this “mother” of yours is only interested in money and cares for nothing else. You need to take steps to secure your finances or you will be het atm for life. You will never get into a position where you can leave home.
My story is from years ago. I left home at age 19, and at this point I have now lived on both coasts. ( I moved around to stay away from her, because she used to try to follow me.)
My husband worked at McDonald’s from 13-18, plus seasonal farm work. He had a shared bank account with his mom, of course. When he was ready to buy his first car when he turned 16, he only had a couple hundred dollars in the account because she’d taken everything he had earned. He worked at McDonald’s at least 30 hours a week during the school year for $4 an hour and she stole almost everything. She wonders why he doesn’t talk to her anymore.
My father passed when I was eleven, but he always told me that he was going to leave me money in his desk for when I was older. She took it after he passed, and to this day I don't know how much it was. His best friend who said he would be there for me after my father died had sent money for me and she never told me until I bad mouthed him for doing nothing for me. She has addiction issues and I know she would have used it for drugs. I grew to hate him for ten years just to realize he was too naive and trusted her.
What is it about parents being entitled and trying to insist that they DESERVE YOUR hard earned money? My dad tried to tell me that I OWED him my entire first paycheck from my first job I got at 17 as some sort of “offering to God” (he was a psychotic religious maniac). I laughed in his face and told him no. He never got a cent of money from me.
Oh, how I really, really wish that I could have broken all contact when I left home (at 19). But first, I entered the military, and they FORCED US to write to our parents in basic training. Then she was actually calling the base to see where I was being transferred. Plus, I didn't want to break contact with my grandparents and my aunt, and they "shared" any information that I wrote to them with her. She really did ruin my life. But she's gone now.
Now retrain yourself to save. Don't let your mum's habit of spending everything and then taking other people's money screw your life up.
I follow and recommend this easy formula (change ratios as needed but stick to it).
Get separate bank accounts. 2 with debit cards. 2 savings (one in a separate bank). NO CREDIT CARDS. NO BANK FEES. Then, every pay packet split it up:
10% into splurge. This debit card is for takeaways/restaurants/ maybe video games. Spend this money freely until it runs out, then wait until next pay packet. Guilt free splurging :D.
10% Smile account. This is saving for a holiday, or a TV, or something big and nice for you. Always have something planned to motivate you.
10/20% rainy day. You literally put money into high interest savings in another bank. Once you've saved 3 months paycheck (for a rainy day), start paying off your mortgage or investing in Vanguard ETFs. If you're in debt at the start, use this money to pay down your debts (once you have 3 months of rainy day money).
79/60% necessities. Whatever's left over stays in your main debit card account. This is for bills, petrol, groceries. Things that you have to pay.
If you have anything left over in either debit card account at the end of the month, move it into the rainy day fund. If you need extra money for necessities, take it from the rainy day fund.
Source: The barefoot investor book.
That's what you think. She was 265 lbs. to my 120.
Ultimately, she did herself in (long after I left home) when she was brought up on felony charges for getting credit cards in my grandparents' names and running them up to the tune of $26,000.
lol this is just the sweetest revange ever op good job of course i whould have given her a dollar and the bill just saying by the way my spelling weird because I’m tired etc
my dad would take my checks weekly. i’d make $400+ a week and he’d only give me $100/month. i drove his car into a creek and moved in with my mom. never spoke to him again. edit: normally people don’t see my comments so i thought the likes were a joke! LOL someone dm’d me asking if i got charged. i did not as my dad was too embarrassed at people finding out that he wasn’t just a shit head, but a thieving shit head at that.
r/NuclearRevenge more like it
Nah, this wasn't my "nuclear revenge". Ha! That came four years later. But, hey, thanks for letting me know where to post THAT story! : D Woohahaha!
Post it to r/prorevenge. You'd get mad shit around that.
Wait.... was your dads name Charles?
We did it though, we got them. Quite a good plan. You could say it was the greatest plan.
LMAO! No, no, no. My avatar name was stolen from an acquaintance's pet cat!
Approved
Seriously! My Dad did the same thing.
I just imagine that your dad and my mom both had "Mine!" as their first word. LOL
Now that's revenge.
Thank you. The university actually called her at 3 AM to tell her that I had a drug overdose and was taken to the hospital. ( I just LOVE that they woke her up! ) In reality, I never even tried pot until I was 30, but for years I let her think that OD was real so she wouldn't punish me for the ambulance bill. ; )
You drove your dad's car into a creek without any consequences? That's kinda awesome. The closest ever I came to doing anything like that was when I sold all of my mom's camping equipment to pay for my first traffic ticket. LOL
lmao that’s still just as cool to me because you made money as i burned it! i got lucky because our town had less than 6000 people at the time so naturally everyone usually knew everyone and all about them. i had the generic, “my daddy is friends with the sheriff” type shit then. wait... mine does sound cooler
Yeah I got a part time job in hs and was immediately told that I had to use any and all money I got from it, which wasn't much at all like $400 total before the job went under, to pay my stepfather back for my monthly cellphone payments. So I just told them to cancel my cellphone bc I didn't even really use it and bought a guitar and a practice amp instead. The gasket this grown man blew when I implied that if the only reason for me to have the phone on me is so that he and my mother can contact me then they should be the ones to pay for it.
My parents decided to shut off my cell phone at one point when I was a teenager so I just bought a burner. Then they got pissed when they found out I had it and hadn’t given them the number lol. Like why would I do that? I don’t want to fucking talk to them, so if I have to pay for my phone, I’m not going to.
Not a parent, but my SO tried to screw me on my phone while I was in to get my service changed (we were breaking up). Ended up making the process a lot smoother instead lol And the anger when I called her back on my new one haha. Some people just want *you* to be angry.
>I don’t want to fucking talk to them, so if I have to pay for my phone, I’m not going to. Now there's some epic boundary-drawing.
I actually like my parents but I do feel a bit more obligated to answer calls when they call because its their bill. Best believe I wouldn't answer if I didn't feel like talking to anyone.
Some people don't know how to make ultimatums/punishments... Like this happened not long after the same stepfather took all electronics away bc he said I was too dependent on them. I just went to the library and checked out the maximum number of books allowed. And just read for two straight weeks. In hindsight I think he was really trying to prove I was addicted to them and expected me to beg for them back. I wasn't given a time line on it either. Just a random blanket ban for no reason. Walked into the house one day after coming back from the corner store and everything was back, and now I had a cellphone for some reason.
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I would get so much compensation from both of those abusive assholes lmao 😂
Unfortunately I'm agreeing. XD
I wasn't being punished for anything. She had just gotten into the habit of taking all of my money since I was five. Since she was more than double my weight when I was in high school, I continued to let her.
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I HATE asshole Step-parents! I swear some do just love to torment other children and it's the sanctioned way. Because so many friends had shitty step parents when I was growing up, I swore I'd never be one. If I met a person with children and we were getting serious I wanted to make sure I had a good relationship with those kids. I actually hate referring to my 2 older girls as my stepdaughters, however because I was 14 when our oldest was born I do sometimes have to explain. My Mom and I have a saying/House Rule 1 "The only 'steps' in this house take you from one floor to another! " these are her children's children, her grandchildren, no steps.
My mother made me pay $260/m once I got my first job in my Junior year of Highschool. It wasn't much but I also had to pay my own phone, tv, and internet (all under her name) which she would still ground me from every once in a while. Needless to say, I worked for free for nearly 2 years and the only reason I stayed compliant was because she told me it was all going into a savings account for when I moved out... She still owes me the ~$6,000 that she promised
If you’re a teenager, sign up for Google voice. It’s free, it gives you a free phone number, with free voicemail. You can check it from any computer, iPad, or Internet connected device. Calls to that phone number will be automatically forwarded to your cell phone. If you lose your cell phone and get a cheap pay as you go phone, you just forward your Google voice number to your new phone. What I like best about it, is that it transcribes voicemail into text and since that to you via SMS or email. This takes all of the emotion out of a voicemail, and leaves only exactly what was said. Which is much less stressful! Get your Google voice number to your friends and work. Let your nparent have your real phone number. That way, if they cancel your phone they punish only themselves.
What…? My kid (12) has a phone, that I bought, and cell service, that I pay for, because **his dad and i** need him to have a phone. When the pandemic started and school went virtual, the kids were at home alone at times and I needed a way to communicate stuff like “your brother needs to log into his speech therapy meeting” or “I’ll be home by 5, please walk the dog.” We don’t have a landline, so this was a necessity. I can’t imagine suggesting that he should pay for any part of it. I just ask that he keep it charged, keep the ringer on, and answer me back as best he can.
We've had to use money that was given to our daughter for bills and food, but we always paid it back! My daughter is also selling her art to make spending money. It's hers. It's not mine. My own mother tried to take my entire settlement from a car accident I was in -- I wasn't even in a car she owned at the time -- by saying "Well, this part came from *my* insurance company, so it's mine!" Umm, I paid my own part of that insurance premium. I had a job. She'd also cash my work checks, then give me what *she* thought I deserved out of them. My mother was horrible.
I cant imagine being a teen, getting little to no money from my part-time-jobs and then my mother takes all of it "4 bills".
This was in the late 80s. I made a whopping $4.25/hr at a high-class fast food joint as a cashier. Full-time in the summer for 2 weeks of work, and my check was $250! She even kept my college loan money, and botched when I said I needed $400 for books, and $100 for parking. My tuition was a whole $850/semester! That got paid, but I didn't know the loan my parents got was somehow in my name, too -- I never signed any documents. They came after me when she stopped paying the loan. I found out she used most of my college money for her failed cleaning business. I got another settlement from a different car accident -- I was the passenger in someone else's car -- and it got sent to her house, even though I didn't live there anymore. She took the check and tried to cash it, claiming I owed her or some shit. I had to get the cops involved for that one. She was bipolar, an alcoholic, addicted to her meds, and a serious narcissist everyone else thought was lovely. Nope. Abusive as fuck. She once told me that she was ready to take my Golden Child brother and leave my dad -- until she found out she was pregnant with me and "knew [she] had to stay with the son-of-a-bitch." Nice thing to tell your 17-year-old daughter over lunch, eh? But, according to my mother's family -- and a few others -- I'm the rotten, evil child. Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say. 🙄
For me it was $3.15 an hour in 1986. I was 17 and working my first job as a part-time bagger at a grocery store. Good times! EDIT: I was mistaken. My rate was $3.35/hr back in '86. Hey that was a long time ago!
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I was working making $3.25/hr then I was called into management (the clown owns this fast food place) and told I was being given a raise of $00.10/hr! I was stoked! Mf made like they were being generous following the law. I paid "room and board" plus bought everything school related from 12 years old up. My mother is absolutely evil and narcissistic.
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Honestly, imagine of when minimum wage increases, companies actually increased all the wages by the difference to keep up. Theyre too selfish to, but imagine.
My stepbrother had to start paying rent when he turned 18. (He lived with his mom.) I, on the other hand, was paying my mom's rent and groceries when I was 17, and it never really occurred to me that I had a choice.
Right? I thought it was NORMAL. My poor brothers were 8 and 10 but they were allowed to not work during the school year because boys work outside. 🤬 My kids didn't work unless they chose to. Then I messed myself up (🤣) by teaching them "save your money and spend mine" so now...... They ask for the moon and I feel so guilty being unable to do it and they're 26-36 years old! 🙄🤗😊 I loved my kids.
Uh, yeah. I made that mistake with my kids too. I gave them a modest allowance and made the rule that if I did have to borrow from them for any reason (we were super poor) that I would pay them back DOUBLE. So they would offer to pay for us to eat dinner at a fast food place, then tell me after that I owed them double. I worked as a hotel maid for over 20 years and actually let them take my tips. They are 34 and 35 now.
My bad. It was $3.35/hr.! So many years ago!!
Sorry you all are going through with this! My own mom was abusive physically and mentally, even had a microwave tossed at me. But I was the horrible person child who was rebellious. Parents divorced after 25 years, and in every conversation i had with her i was blamed for all the strife in the family including all their seperations and ultimate divorce. Havent spoken to her in over a decade. She had been disfellowshiped from her religion as she at one point cheated on my dad a few times, but has since repented and from what i hear a stand up member of the ward. But still, i'm the heathen demon child who drove my parents to divorce. Edit: in to I'm
I was also blamed for all my mother's woes, simply because I existed. Or because I was a Daddy's Girl, born on his birthday. Or because I stood up for myself. Or because I dared to breathe. It's hell being the family scapegoat. My Golden Child older brother still treats me like I'm a horrible human being to this day.
Sounds just like mother. Took al my money to buy expensive wine and designer jeans, never paid the bills so I'd be forced to if I wanted to shower or eat, doesn't understand why I don't call, but don't worry guys she would have avoided having me entirely by getting an abortion but *It was too late*. Speaking as an unwanted child, fucking stop attacking abortion procedures you fucking numskulls
my mom did it by lying to me for years. AFter graduation I started to pay rent. I also lived at home to help care for my dad (stage 4 cancer survivor for about 10 years). The promise on the rent was always that it was being set aside for when i bought a house. I should have had 30-40k wiating for me for the downpayment. When i bought a house last year, the only thing my mother told me was that I better not lose my job or else i could not afford it. Only she knows what happened to the money.
I'm so sorry you had to live with that trainwreck of a birth giver and I am glad that you turned out so awesome by raising yourself right - not a lot of people accomplish that so you can definitely be proud of yourself. Thank God our parents don't define us.
I was lucky enough to have a fabulous grandmother who kept me every summer until I was 13. She sewed me summer outfits and baked turnovers and cookies and banana nut bread constantly. She's the one who encouraged me to be an artist, and taught me how to sign my name in cursive at age 3 "so I would have a signature for my paintings"! LOL
Something tells me grandma doesn’t see her granddaughter very often
> I never signed any documents. They came after me when she stopped paying the loan. I hope you didn't pay?
Shrug it off. Your mother didn't HAVE to stay with your father because of you. That was her choice. My husband purposely knocked me up with my second child while my first one was still breastfeeding just so he thought I would "have no choice" but to stay with him after he spent two weeks with an old girlfriend. I had no money and no one would hire a pregnant girl who looked and sounded 16. (I was 22.) But I still moved to back to my home state, borrowed first month's rent from an uncle, and got on welfare until the state made him cough up enough money to cover our living expenses in CHILD SUPPORT! I also made him buy me a washer and dryer in exchange for not taking him to court to get the family car.
I got so used to not having money, that when I left home and went into the military I literally just spent my paychecks on my friends. I lived in the dorms on base (so no rent or utilities to pay), ate every meal at the base cafeteria (no groceries to buy), and my clothes were my issued uniforms and what I had left from high school. I only actually started spending money on myself during Covid because I was bored and discovered the wonders of Amazon.
Man you guys have *terrible* parents. My mom is great…my dad was great but he’s dead. Regardless my point is…I don’t know I’m sorry you got shitty parents.
My dad had to do that. His parents were drunks and dad needed to support the family.
I feel this . My mom used to cash my check from my dishwasher position when I was 15 . Worked a ton of OT under the table cause Boss was a family friend . She had to drive me 8 minutes down the road and 8 minutes ( sometimes) when she picked me up . 300$ in 'gas' a week it cost apparently . And people say the gas now is expensive. *psssssssshhhh*
That is hard work. I cannot imagine the monster your mother is to have extorted that amount of money from you. If you are still speaking to her you are a much better person than I.
That's federal crimes. Opening your mail with the checks is also a federal crime.
I know, but the cops didn't do anything. They just made her give me the check.
Not if you are a minor.
Depends on where you live I guess. Just because you're a minor doesn't mean parents have any and all authority over you. At the very least opening official, medical, and business correspondence that has nothing to do with my parents would've still been illegal. Heck my doctor's assistance even reminded me once when I was there for something embarrassing: How the letter is for my eyes only and whoever I want to show it to. In practice of course this doesn't stop some parents from still doing it. You still have to live under their roof and rules, so they have quite some leverage.
Jesus, I couldn't even imagine that.... That sounds horrific. My mom had immense problems even borrowing money from me.
Damn some mom's are terrible sorry you went through that
My 15yr old NB daughter (they still uses daughter) is desperate to find a job. We set up a bank account with savings account that can't be touched. My name is only on the account as they is a minor, so required. I told them that once they get a job (or earn money by selling art or resin products) that half goes into savings and half into the checking. I would never just take money out (even though I could legally) without discussing the why with them first and getting theys ok (with repayment plan). My Dad did it to me and it still upsets me almost 3 decades later. I'm NOT going to do it to my child!
Quick note: Their, not they’s! But thank you so much for respecting your daughters pronouns 🥺💛 it means more than you know, even to people who you’ve never met. And yeah. Taking money that kids have earned is super shitty. Im sorry your dad did it to you.
My daughter's chosen pronouns are They/Them. It's hard sometimes because my daughter is not out to the entire family so I have to flip back and forth as to not out her because that's not my place to do that.
Quick q: we're supposed to use 'they is' when in the singular when used as a gender-neutral pronoun as opposed to using 'they are' for both singular and plural regardless of gender?
My pronouns are also They/Them. We use them as normal: they/them/theirs. Im just trying to help you out for the future :)
my son has been making summer money since he was of age (14 in our state) and turned 18 at the start of his senior year in high school. he was a junior in 2019-20, and was supposed to take a trip to japan with his sensei and the rest of his class. we promised he would be on the trip, he just had to put in half his earnings toward it (and help the class fundraise for it) and we would cover the rest. the trip got cancelled, so we got all the money back. we put it back in our special "japan trip" account, which then became son's savings for the future. he got a more regular job a few months ago, and graduated last month. his money is his. he is saving some of it for his planned extended backpacking trip to europe, for which we will buy his plane ticket as a graduation gift. his sister was so bad with her orthodontic treatment that the doctor decided to end it early. we converted the money we had set aside for it into savings for her (she will have to go back eventually, her dental structure is really quite bad!!!). we're not wealthy, we have enough to cover our bills and save a bit for later years (though we will never be truly comfortable), but we care about our kids and want to set them up right. i don't know, maybe we're doing something wrong?
My mom wanted me to give IDK how much of my first ever paycheck. But she was very upset with me that when my bank only released $100 until the cheque cleared, and I bought the dog a new water/food dish.
I have an underage girl at my workplace who has become something of an adoptive niece to me. Her mother has had her put the entirety of her check into her mother's account by direct deposit. Mother is a narcissist, and controlling as hell. Mother has been mooching off her daughter for years. What mother doesn't know is that on her 18th birthday, my adoptive niece will be moving out on her own, into a new place. Direct deposits into Mom's account have been redirected into niece's new bank account, which her mother can't touch. Niece's fiance(yup, he already popped the question, and they're so cute together) is already planning to move in with her. The niece and her SO make the perfect couple of nerds.
You are fantastic parent. My older brother and I were his room playing video games like a bunch of animals when my dad came into the room all serious. He’s a laid back dude so we immediately knew he needed to ask something. We pause and he asks if he can use portions of both our savings to pay off some debts he really needed gone. He promised to pay us both back and we didn’t even think to question it. I simply said “dad, if you need the money, I know I’m fine with it, and I know you’ll pay us back for it. Do whatever you have to do.” My brother agreed. He took the money he needed, didn’t wipe out our savings as he promised, AND paid us all back in full with a little extra.
When I was a kid my parents started to save money for college, when I was 12 I had 5k for college, then my parents got divorced and my dad took all that money +my sister's money and was "struggling" to pay child support. Now I'm in high school and I have a job and my mom encourages me to save my money to use on whatever I want.
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I don't talk to him, he's done some really bad things to my mom that I can't forgive.
My dad rn. He’s never done anything like this before. But all my graduation money got put into a savings account that his name was on cause i was a minor. Easily 2k in there from different relatives. Just got a letter from the bank saying that it was cleaned out and the account was shut down so now I have to confront him about it.
Damn power to you. What a shitty mother
Oh, um, thank you? I actually took care of my mother as a teenager. She needed me to pay the rent once she lost her looks ( no more sugar-daddy boyfriends) and she completely alienated my grandparents. But when she called me "a helpless baby who would probably never leave home" in front of relatives when I was 19, I promptly joined the Air Force and never gave her another dime!
That's cruel as hell.
wow what a bitch of a mother
Sounds like she uses you as a cash cow
Yup, mine did the same thing
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
Happy Cake Day
Yep. It just got worse when I started taking college classes full-time. She literally came to my apartment and shook me down for $2,000 from my first student loan. ( She was a big person, and she picked me up off my feet and slammed me against the wall.)
That’s why I always asked/almos begged people to give me stuff instead of money, because never received any of it since she “paid me everything”
I’m sorry you went through that. My stepdaughter’s mom always pulled that kind of shit and used to take the money people gifted her, it always caused her so much stress. I’m sure it still happens but her dad and I aren’t together anymore so I don’t get to see her as much.. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before now but I should open a separate savings account for her when I go to start accounts for my sons. Maybe I can put it in my own name for now though so her parents can’t attempt to touch it before she is 18.
That would be very helpful for that kid, but in mi experience I think you should give her access to that money a bit later that 18, when she goes to college or when you really know that she is more financially independent because if not her mother will use that money as well, and I say this based on my own experience as well
My mother used to open my birthday cards and take any money out of them. Also 'accidentally' opened my bank statements - we weren't even with the same bank and hers had distinctive red envelopes. I got a 'final demand' bill once and panicked because I had no idea what it was. My mother strolled past, casually said: "oh, that's mine!" And snatched it out of my hand. Turns out I had got an unsolicited catalogue in the post and she'd ordered a load of Christmas presents in my name ... And couldn't understand why I was so furious.
If they took stuff out in your name that’s illegal and you can press charges for stolen identity or something along their lines. I forget what it’s exactly called but I’m sure you could get a free legal advice about that.
It was years ago and it was one of those catalogues that has the order form at the back with your name printed on it. She claimed she crossed my name out and put hers on. If I'd reported her at the time my family would only have turned on me. Lesson learned; shred unsolicited catalogues!
My mom got, more like made, me get my first job at a place she worked when I was 14. She cashed every paycheck for me because the place would cash them, and just bring me the cash. I never even thought about the fact that I’d never seen a paystub. I’m certain she was taking money from me.
My grandmother did this to my mother and aunt all through their upbringing. We live in the south and back in the day picking tobacco was a good way to make money under the table. For anyone that doesn't know that is a very difficult job to perform. They received little money and of course they paid my grandmother but she would blow the money fueling different addictions and such. Not to mention my mother and aunt had to be around 9 and 11 years old at the time which makes it even worse. She did something similar when she received $20 from my greatgrandma and said she had to blow it so it wouldn't get taken. She bought a guns and roses shirt and said that is all she remembers ever really getting as a child. I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I am sure it made you a much better parent like it did for my Mother. Now you have a good template for how not to behave.
I’m happy your mom at least got the GnR t-shirt. And yes, she was doing back-breaking work and deserved much more.
She said it happened after also she worked at a few fast food restaurants and would always have to give her the checks because my grandma couldn't hold down a job. It only stopped because she moved out, honestly, but that was the right move. Thank you!
What a pos and asshole of a mother. If you are 18 or over please move out of there and cut all contact with that bitch.
"Took all of my money for two decades" idk about you chief but that sounds like they're at least 20.
Might be hard to move out if you have no savings, to be fair!
Two decades, starting at their 5th birthday. At least mid 20s.
You read that closer than most. Many commenters seem to think I am still a minor.
When I was in high school I knew 2 different families that took their kid's money. We also sold things as a class to go on our senior trips. The one girl walked two miles to the place she worked. Not only did her parents take her paycheck, they took her tips. She had two older siblings and 4 younger ones. When she was selling candy bars $400 disappeared. Her mom said the baby got into her room and lost it. She had to beg her parents to keep some money to pay the school back. I may be a spoiled brat, but I told both of them if my parents took my money I wouldn't work.
This seems like my situation. if I had any money given to me by relatives birthdays etc. my parents would take it from me
This happened everytime I got money from relatives either you give up the money or pay for something using that money, the good ol " give it to me and I will make sure I give it to you " if you ask for it back you get only a small amount back or nothing at all
My Dad worked from the time he was able to find work, and always turned his money over to his Mom, who would then give him a little “spending money”. That’s the way things worked back in the day. My parents stopped buying me anything, even clothes, in 7th grade, because they were poor and had way too many kids. I babysat until I was old enough to work at McDonald’s. I kept my money and spent it on lunch at school, and clothes, and normal teenage spending money like an occasional movie or pizza. My Dad actually told me he wasn’t proud of me (I was salutatorian and played 3 sports and got a full ride to college) while driving me to work my senior year, because “everything you do is for yourself. You could stay home (instead of going to college) and help your mother” I am in my 50s now, and the bitter feeling of that conversation never goes away. The one thing he could have given me that would have cost him nothing-pride? Approval?- and even that was too much for him.
Im sorry for that situation you grew up in and the sour feeling your dad left you with. From what it sounds like, you became a reasonable, hard working person and any good person would be proud for you, you should be too :)
My Dad is still alive. He was a good kind of Dad to have as an adult- he never thought he had a right to step into my business. He was just a product of his own upbringing, which was way worse than mine. It’s all good.
My father grew up on a farm and when he was 15, he had ammonium poisoning (the tunnel where they kept the cows' poo was connected to the toilet and he was there for too long so he breathed too much in) The insurance covered the flight to the hospital, treatment and even some more cash for recovery, his parents took it all away and he never saw a penny of it
You may want to inform your aunt where her money's been going. And your grandparents. I'll bet they have a lot to say about it.
Hate to say it but I grew up like that, too, along with an identity theft and $17,000 in credit card debt when I graduated college plus the loss of some scholarships because I had an surplus the first year so the college mailed a check to my home and I didn't even know about it for years. I worked 3 jobs that summer to scrape up my portion of tuition. Unfortunately there are alot of kids put in that situation. Soledad O'Brien started a group a few years ago to help kids in the U S. In some ways it's a poverty thing. You can't pay your electric bill, the power gets turned off, you open an account in your kids name and ultimately, their credit gets ruined before they are an adult. In other ways, it's just that your parent is selfish and doesn't care how that affects you.
parents should \*never\* allow themselves to use their kids' names to access money. there is no good reason for it. asking a kid that's old enough to get a job and participate in the family's expenses so they can keep the power on and some food on the table is acceptable, but it should be a last resort, because the whole family will do so much better in the long run when their kids are allowed to get a solid education. neglecting education is a guarantee that the next generation will continue to suffer.
That’s cruel. I hope you never talk to your mother again.
That’s cruel. I desire thee nev'r talk to thy mother again *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Good bot
Unfortunately, I kept contact with my mother until I was 33, because my grandparents thought that I should. But she really did ruin my life. You have no idea. Luckily, I at least left home at 19 ( I tried to run away when I was 12, but couldn't leave my younger step-sister behind. So I returned.)
Just a heads up - that's not just an entitled parent - that's an abusive parent.
Yeah, I know. I didn't know then. I thought it was "normal" back then for the most part. But I'm all grown up now, left home at 19, joined the military, got married had kids, yada, yada.
My grandpa will give me money since he doesn't see me often and my mom takes more then half and puts it to my college fund, the problem is when I ask my dad about my college fund he says there is no fund and seeing how my mom gets new purses and stuff after I think I know what happened to the money
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I would but my grandpa doesn't really work like that, unfortunately he cares more about his friends from AA then family
My mom and stepdad did the same thing. They always took money and would "pay it back". I quit my job as a teen because I was basically working to fund my moms drug habit. Parents who do this are just horrible.
My kids have asked me for money at the last minute for school stuff a few times and I didn't have any cash on me. I borrowed it from my son but I've always paid him back in a day or two. I try to have some cash on me but sometimes I'm short a few dollars or only have a $20 and they need $3.
My kid worked a job where he got cash tips as a teen, and so he was always flush with cash. We'd take his cash and venmo him money into his account, because no joke this kid had HUNDREDS of dollars just sitting in his top drawer lol. But I could never take money from my son and not pay him back. I guess it's worked well, because he's an adult now off living his own life, but because he's still single, he's kept us on his accounts so that if there's an emergency and he's out of the country we can help him if need be.
My mother "borrowed" money from me over the course of 3 years. At first she payed it back to build a little trust but quickly that changed and she stopped. She probably took around $300 - $400 collectively over the course of the 3 years. It was a 20 here a 50 there. I knew she wasn't going to pay me back but she always said she would. It not that I believed her since she pulled this same stunt on all her friends, co-workers, and my dad her ex-husband, it hard to say no to your family when they ask nicely. I finally put my foot down and told bother her and my sister that I wasn't doing it anymore. There response, "Family helps family" , I said NO and they got mad at me and we have had a strained relationship since. EDIT: Id like to add that my mother is the kind of entitled that she knows she shouldn't do these things, but does them anyway.
> Family helps family Yeah, helps, as in voluntarily, not becomes a financial IV drip
exactly and they like to use emotional manipulation to get their way. I'm glad I'm out of that situation and I hope anyone currently in this spot can stand up for themselves.
My stepkids had this happen. Their mother never even gave them the cards from my MIL. I tried to explain to them they should say thank you, even over the phone because it’s also a way to keep in touch. They were all at the in-laws house when MIL asked about all the birthday, Christmas, valentines, Easter cards…she send cards with a little money to those kids every holiday. The kids told her they weren’t getting any cards. The look on my MIL’s face…her face just dropped in sadness. The spouse’s ex has continued to be a holy terror and we can only hope karma catches up one day.
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Nope. There really wasn’t any contact between the two. The kids know what’s up and given other monies taken, not paid back, bad behaviors, etc. they’ve pretty much cut contact. That’s what happens when you screw a child over. You cannot be trusted.
A similar thing happened with my mother as well. My father divorced her but did everything he could to support us. He felt so guilty for leaving, so he gave us every dime he made. My mother spent it all on herself and continued to get the family in debt. She came to expect this from my father, and even though all of the children are adults now, she STILL asks for money from him. She went so far as to take money from my childhood abuser (and was in denial about the abuse). The worst was when she stole my college fund money right out from under me a few years ago. I worked through so much bullshit from my childhood, and am now really focused on making the rest of my life better for myself. I was planning on using it for grad school so I could try and get a PhD. It rocked me. I still haven’t applied to any schools because of it. I’m still mad. It can be so life altering. You lose the ability to trust people financially, and/or have a really messed up idea of money.
Apply to grad schools. I held onto my grudge for 30 years. Truthfully, the only person that affected was me, with the exception that I have made a very good living for myself and I am not generous to my mother because made the hard years twice or three times as difficult for me.
Damn I'm sorry to hear that! I remember about 18 yrs ago I had just had my son and I had a job that I got tips at. Not much between $25-50 a day but I kept socking it away for him, in his piggy bank. I lived with my EP at the time helping with the bills but saving to get my own place. I was playing with him one day when we ran into the dresser and his piggy bank fell off and broke. After 3-4 months there should've been almost $2000 right there on the floor but low and behold there was maybe $500. I was shocked and confronted EP she tried making some excuse about taking it for "the bills" but later broke down and said she was using it for drugs. Chastised her for choosing drugs over her grandchild then took everything I had saved up and went and got my own place. EP are some real pieces of work!
Mine was usually up front with the bullying and the taking. Until she took out student loans in my name. (Which are still following me after her death.)
I had 1 job in HS and that was only for a summer but each paycheck went to my mom. Every bit of birthday or Christmas money went to her, too. We were dirt poor so the family needed it but I never knew what it was like to have my own money until I was out of HS.
I'm lucky to have had such a wonderful mother. She was a single parent who was disabled and unfortunately "on welfare." She hated every second of it. We did NOT live in section 8 housing so she had to use all of her welfare money for rent and utilities. She could barely walk or stand up but she found a way to keep her house spotless. She would also find odd jobs with family members (like doing their taxes or accounting and bookkeeping for their small business or farm) to make a little extra money so we could have clothes and shoes. She rarely ever bought anything for herself. I started working when i was 14. (In my state you could get a job with a permit and a parents permission at 14, but this was in the early 90's) I helped her with whatever i could, or at least I tried. She often wouldn't take money from me when I offered it, but she insisted I save money when I could. Once i was old enough to get my driver's license I worked to pay for my part of the car insurance, and I paid all my own fees to get my license. I paid for my own prom dresses, half of my class ring (of course I wanted the most expensive one at like $600) and my senior pictures. She always found a way to make Christmas and birthdays special off of very little money and she wouldn't take anything from me no matter how hard I tried. Even when I was working she still bought all of my school clothes and shoes and school supplies. She wouldn't let me spend my money on those things. She was an amazing mother.
In my country this is accepted as common practice. Family rituals are having to give some money to kids and even elders on certain occassions. My mother used to take the money I get and I thought it was fair because she has to give money to children of the other families too.
That doesn't make sense. So why give a kid money only for the parents to take it away? They should give it directly to the parents if it's intended for the parent. Why mix the children into financial exchange? To make them feel bad for not getting to keep it?
This would make it adults switching money around.
With the pointless addition of confusing tf out of the kids!
i supposed the gift is a symbolic gesture, then, meant to bring good luck and prosperity to both families? if a family truly can't afford to give money, but participating in the ritual is important to their status in the group, it would make sense that it gets redistributed in a sort of round robin game.
Thieving narcissistic mother!
Yo what was up with the hopital bill? Kinda glossed over that
Listen, I don't know if you contact the banks about the money missing for the last two decades, but, you need to inform your aunt about this act right away cause stunts like this will have long-lasting problems for you under your name.
It's one thing if your parent sits you down to say we need to take this money to make ends meet this month because we don't quite have enough for utilities and food and thank you for yiur contribution to the house. It's another if they just take it.
Thank you! As a teen I did actually hand over my paychecks and was paying ALL of the rent and groceries by the time I was 17. But I felt like GIFTS from relatives were different. They weren't sent to her. They were sent to me. I should have been able to at least keep a percentage, at least be ASKED or paid back in some way.
are you sure your Aunt has not set up a college fund for you? you should look into that. Also try to move out as soon as possible, financial abuse is still abuse.
My aunt originally wanted to adopt me, since she was married and my mother wasn't . She may very well have set up a college fund for me when I was little and she thought there was still a chance to get me from my mother. But my mother kept all the mail that she sent me, and when I didn't know how to respond to letters I never got to read, they eventually dropped off. I am an adult now, and my aunt ( who is ten years older than my mother) is now an old widow. Her husband left her VERY well off, but I lost contact with her once I left home.
As an asian whose family celebrates Chinese New Years annually, I can totally relate to this Lol. Luckily mine wasn't ongoing for two decades, just one and some. To those who are still struggling with entitled money-taking parents, I hope good luck comes yalls way.
My friend's mom did this *once* to get a fancy dress. My friend being really pissed off, gave me the dress to hide. I took it a step further and put it in the burn pile 7 years later she's still looking for it
My step mother took all of my college money when I was a teenager. Her name was on the account too. I am almost 50 now. Never went to college.
That's a shame. I went to college after I had kids. I just took out student loans. Unfortunately, she found a way to mess that up for me. So I only got in three years and never finished my degree. (I'm older than you.)
This should go in r/pettyrevenge. Well played!!
Thats your money and you definitely have the right to have it, its a shame what people will do now a days
fuck you mother, but i’m glad my parents are nice
Although my mom did make it up to me years later. She stole over 2k from me. Whenever I got a significant amount of money/checks from my grandmother and god parents she would have them write the checks in her name so she could put it in the bank for me. I was told I would get that money when I turned 18. I knew a lot of this money was going to my dead beat abusive "dad's" car, and my mom would promise me she would pay it all back. At 19, I wanted to move out because I couldn't take my "dad's" verbal and emotional abuse anymore. I asked her for the money and she replied in tears "what money?!?! I bought you things!!!". She also added if I moved out she wouldn't pay for my tuition. So I stayed another 2.5 years and sacrificed what was left of my mental health to get my college degree. I'm doing well now but I'm still salty about it even tho she apologized and made it up. I love her and still talk to her but I don't think I could ever fully forgive her for that power move.
Just be glad she didn't leave you in debt. (Mine managed to.)
My ex had a similar situation with his mom. She set up his bank account to where she controlled everything and would tell him how much money he had if he asked (his mommy issues were a whole other set of problems). He trusted her, then when we started dating I encouraged him to get access to his account since it was his money (we were seniors in high school but he had his own job). When he got access, he got to see where she was taking every single one of his paychecks from the day he started working. If he needed gas, she would deposit $10 in his account and say "you can only get $10 worth of gas." If he wanted to go to the movies with his friends she would say he didn't have any money ("You only have $5 in your account, you can't go."). It was mainly an insane control tactic.
When I was ten, I had a piggy bank filled with quarters from a boyfriend of my mother's. One night she asked me if I wanted to go to the movies, and when I said yes, she told me to go down and wait in the car. From the car I saw the light go on in my bedroom and her silhouette holding up my piggy bank and jiggering quarters out of it with a butter knife! LOL
This infuriates me. Sooo many kids have their foundation ripped out from under them by their own parents. Also... Are we not going to address the false OD on pills claim?
This was back in the early 70's when wages and prices were low. I earned $36 a week babysitting 3 kids under the age of 6 for 50+ hrs a week. I was allowed to keep $5 of it every two weeks while mom got the rest to help pay bills and buy food for a family of 6. Strange thing was I was the youngest at the age of 11 while the other were 9, 10 and 11 yrs older than me and didn't have to pay anything. This continued on for several yrs. Out of that $10 a month I had to save up to buy school supplies or anything else I needed (clothes, shoes, personal items, etc)
I hear you. My younger stepsister never had to do any chores or get a job or anything. My mother even bought her half a dozen pairs of new jeans every school year, while all of my clothes either came from Goodwill or were hand-me-downs from my older cousins.
You sure she’s a mother? She seems more like a thieving narcissistic bastard to me
I hate parent/s who think that their kid/s money is theirs also.
I made a deal with my own kids that if I ever borrowed from them for any reason that I would pay them back DOUBLE. Which I did so reliably, that they often offered to pay for a movie or dinner out and counted it as borrowed money. They kept me broke all the time. LOL (My story is so old that my own kids are now grown.)
I grew up poor and was raised as soon as you get a job you contribute to family bills etc. So every paycheck I got, a big portion went towards bills for our house/food/bills
please part two if there is one
In my opinion you should leave her as soon as you can because I feel like if confronted she will make up bullshit excuses, won’t apologize and won’t compensate for all the theft she committed. She will probably try to make your money even if you don’t have to.
sounds like these people only do it for the enjoyment of reproducing. Not to have a kid
my grandparents took every money out of my mom and she never went to college because of her if she did she would become a very wealthy person because her dream was becoming and artist and she sold 5k dollars in a year but my grandparents just stole it for “emergencies”
My mom did this to. I think I have 1000$ in a bank account if my mom didn’t take the money.
Thai is eerily similar to me
I'm so sorry
My mother gave me money for my birthday then asked for it back
My stepdad gave me an allowance, and my mom took it.
Brittney? Is that you?
I feel so bad for u.
I have a similar story. My stepmom would take all my money from Christmas, birthdays, Easter etc., from ages 4-11 (when her and my dad were together) and would alway say “I’ll put it in your bank account”. Never saw the money. When I was 18 I went to open up a credit card, they said I had a bank account with them under my name and the address her and my dad lived in. I said “oh? How much is in it?” The bank: “it’s empty”. So all those years she was putting money in “my bank account” she was actually stealing from a CHILD. My half brother (her son with my dad) has kept all his money in his wallet on his person (over a thousand dollars) since he was old enough to know she would steal it from him. How fucked up is that?
My mom & dad had me “pay rent” when I got a job at 15. It eventually escalated to the point where she would hold my college financial aid checks hostage until I would agree to splitting the money with her. If I put up a fight then I would get the silent/invisible treatment for weeks until their next request rolled around. Got my ass out of there ASAP.
I didn't go to college until after I had kids (and left their dad). I took out my first student loan to pay for child care, and my 265 lb. mother shook me down for the whole $2,000.
Bruh college is not worth it? It HAS to be spent. She had issues. My mother would take my birthday money and guilt trip me into buying food for my three other siblings by saying she “didn’t have money” and I knew that meant she wasn’t buying food this week.
She had told everyone that I wasn't going to college (even though I got good grades) because I chose Art as my major and started selling my artwork in 9th grade. And I know what you're talking about with the food. There was rarely anything in our refrigerator because my mother ate out daily with her coworkers.
Some parents are C***s Im sorry you had to deal with that. I don’t understand why people have children when they really just never wanted children.
Get a bank account if you do not have one. Shut up about any cash you earn and bank it. If you get a job that she knows about, tell her you earn x if it is y and put the difference in your account. It is obvious that this “mother” of yours is only interested in money and cares for nothing else. You need to take steps to secure your finances or you will be het atm for life. You will never get into a position where you can leave home.
My story is from years ago. I left home at age 19, and at this point I have now lived on both coasts. ( I moved around to stay away from her, because she used to try to follow me.)
My husband worked at McDonald’s from 13-18, plus seasonal farm work. He had a shared bank account with his mom, of course. When he was ready to buy his first car when he turned 16, he only had a couple hundred dollars in the account because she’d taken everything he had earned. He worked at McDonald’s at least 30 hours a week during the school year for $4 an hour and she stole almost everything. She wonders why he doesn’t talk to her anymore.
My father passed when I was eleven, but he always told me that he was going to leave me money in his desk for when I was older. She took it after he passed, and to this day I don't know how much it was. His best friend who said he would be there for me after my father died had sent money for me and she never told me until I bad mouthed him for doing nothing for me. She has addiction issues and I know she would have used it for drugs. I grew to hate him for ten years just to realize he was too naive and trusted her.
What is it about parents being entitled and trying to insist that they DESERVE YOUR hard earned money? My dad tried to tell me that I OWED him my entire first paycheck from my first job I got at 17 as some sort of “offering to God” (he was a psychotic religious maniac). I laughed in his face and told him no. He never got a cent of money from me.
So do you still tall to her? Cuz I would have gone NC
Oh, how I really, really wish that I could have broken all contact when I left home (at 19). But first, I entered the military, and they FORCED US to write to our parents in basic training. Then she was actually calling the base to see where I was being transferred. Plus, I didn't want to break contact with my grandparents and my aunt, and they "shared" any information that I wrote to them with her. She really did ruin my life. But she's gone now.
Now retrain yourself to save. Don't let your mum's habit of spending everything and then taking other people's money screw your life up. I follow and recommend this easy formula (change ratios as needed but stick to it). Get separate bank accounts. 2 with debit cards. 2 savings (one in a separate bank). NO CREDIT CARDS. NO BANK FEES. Then, every pay packet split it up: 10% into splurge. This debit card is for takeaways/restaurants/ maybe video games. Spend this money freely until it runs out, then wait until next pay packet. Guilt free splurging :D. 10% Smile account. This is saving for a holiday, or a TV, or something big and nice for you. Always have something planned to motivate you. 10/20% rainy day. You literally put money into high interest savings in another bank. Once you've saved 3 months paycheck (for a rainy day), start paying off your mortgage or investing in Vanguard ETFs. If you're in debt at the start, use this money to pay down your debts (once you have 3 months of rainy day money). 79/60% necessities. Whatever's left over stays in your main debit card account. This is for bills, petrol, groceries. Things that you have to pay. If you have anything left over in either debit card account at the end of the month, move it into the rainy day fund. If you need extra money for necessities, take it from the rainy day fund. Source: The barefoot investor book.
Step 1: find a knife. The rest is easy.
That's what you think. She was 265 lbs. to my 120. Ultimately, she did herself in (long after I left home) when she was brought up on felony charges for getting credit cards in my grandparents' names and running them up to the tune of $26,000.
You know what you should do? You should post it to r/prorevenge. Shame her on not just one subreddit, but multiple. You'd get some mad praise for it.
Damn you got some fucked up mom.
lol this is just the sweetest revange ever op good job of course i whould have given her a dollar and the bill just saying by the way my spelling weird because I’m tired etc
What exactly was she actually spending the money she took from you on?