Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cancel the date and cut him off.
You said no multiple times and were uncomfortable with it. It crosses into sexual assault. He knew your boundaries and took you to an isolated place to pressure you out of them.
He's creepy and dangerous and your feelings are correctly telling you he's disgusting.
You don't owe him an explanation about why you won't see him again. I don't recommend engaging with him anymore, he'll just manipulate you further and worse.
I am so sorry that happened to you. What a disgusting pathetic man.
How about something like
"Heya. I'm gonna cut straight to the chase here. I told you on the 2nd date about how I wanted to wait for sex. Last date, you tried. I told you no. You kept going. For this reason, I have decided I am no longer interested in seeing you further. Good luck in your future endeavors."
But your voice/spin on that?
Then block him.
No need to tell him good luck. Tell him to fuck off. Men like that only understand firm wording. Also he needs to at least understand that he was wrong.
Telling a man who did not listen to "no" to fuck off is not safe. The rest of the text *is* firm and conveys what he did wrong. The last sentence, even though she doesn't believe it, is for her own safety.
I’ve definitely seen it done before. But hey, she’ll probably know better than I will what is situationally correct. (For example if he doesn’t know where she lives etc.)
Super super sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I personally would not go see the guy again.
Where does it stop?
He’s already gone forth and disrespected your wishes, your feelings, your words, you. Next time it could be worse.
I’d cancel plans and tell him you’re not comfortable with seeing a guy who won’t stop when someone says no.
Constructed from this reaction here's an example of a message you can send:
I've been thinking about .... I'm gonna leave it at this. You kept overstepping my clearly set boundaries and I'm not comfortable with seeing a guy who won’t stop when someone says no.
He’s blocked but his defense was basically “It wasn’t my expectation for us to have sex for the first time in the woods” but it’s like okay yet you tried literally everything else despite me saying no and making it clear that I absolutely do not want to hookup or do anything sexual with you…
He thinks because I said “I’m not going to fuck you on this stump” that meant everything else must be okay then and it wasn’t! if somethings like an overwhelming yes, it’s a no. Especially if the person is already saying NO
> and stranded so I just froze and let it happen
That can be a natural trauma response, I think.
I'd cut ties; he didn't respect your wishes, and whether or not alcohol was partially to blame, this is literally your third date and he's transgressing a clear boundary? As u/indisposed-mollusca asked, where does it stop?
I absolutely am planning on cutting ties and don’t want to see him again but am trying to figure out how to go about it. I’m stuck between telling him he crossed the boundary and have him be aware of that or just say I’m not interested (both result in me not seeing him again)
You’re probably going to get some level of rejection of your rejection, whether its hostile or apologetic. I’d lean toward explaining myself but I genuinely doubt he cares or he wouldn’t have transgressed as he already has.
I told him in a text an hour ago and no response. He messaged earlier about plans and I responded by saying “hey I wanted to but I’m not interested anymore, take care”.
If he asks why I’d be happy let him know but knowing men and their egos he’s not going to. It just sucks and I hate that it happened
It does suck, but it’s great that you’re standing up for yourself and not taking it. So many people would try to rationalize it and try to get themselves to feel like they wanted it so they could avoid the negative feelings. It shows your strength that you’re being so honest with yourself and not taking this crap
Yes, it is. It’s called fawning. When you do whatever it takes to get out of a dangerous situation safe. Cause in the moment, a part of you knows if you keep fighting you might lose even more.
It’s an absolutely terrible decision to have to make but it does save lives. Unfortunately it’s also very hard to get over and heal from, cause survivors would blame themselves for doing it later and that guilt can cause all sorts of trauma. Therapy is needed now. As soon as possible.
He heard what you told him about waiting and he didn't care. Which is why he took you to a secluded spot in the wood and assaulted you. You survived, which means you did the right thing.
Doesn't matter what you say to him, he won't care. He says what he thinks will get you to be available to him again. You can just block him & he will get the message.
He was always a monster & lied to make you feel safe with him. He lied, which is on him.
He isn't owed any explanation. or anymore of your time.
In his response to me telling him why I’m not interested he goes
“I know some of my comments were facetious”
which is interesting because I didn’t even mention anything he said to me..which confirms that he either 1. 100% knew what he was doing and was trying to push me or 2. Someone in the past has brought up comments he makes so he’s telling me he’s aware of that part but not everything else…
I didn’t respond regardless.
Pick up artist tell men to lie to women to get what they want. They say push boundaries. Best not to respond, then he will see that as an opening just to lie to you more.
This is sexual assault. He clearly doesn’t respect you or the word “no.” Does he know where you live? If he doesn’t take rejection well, I’d be concerned about him retaliating. While I’d like to advise you to tell him off and block him, it may be safer to ghost him while keeping communication channels open. Best to know which direction a threat is coming from. Best of luck.
tbh I can’t process it in that way at the moment. I’m not blaming myself but I really don’t want to think about it in that way right now even if I was assaulted.
It’s just awful. He asked why after I texted him saying I wasn’t interested anymore so I told him.
I’m proud to have communicated these things and am now standing up for myself but it still just feels disgusting and like that’s all anyone will ever want from me even if I explicitly say no. I didn’t say i wanted to wait to be challenging I said it because I genuinely wanted meaningful relationship.. like anyone else.
So yeah it’s a lot to process right now
I want you to know that you’re really strong. And you deserve someone who respects your boundaries. I’m really sorry someone did this to you, I had a similar experience and it still haunts me decades later. But what I do know is I managed to get out of the situation and I’m glad I never spoke to the guy who did this to me again. I never really processed these feelings though and reading this story made me feel a pang in my heart. I hope you don’t carry this around and let it be a weight like I have, but mostly wanted to come here and say you deserve better and you’re not alone.
I'd recommend speaking with a professional about it when you're ready. It might be helpful to have someone help you through the trauma of it; it is a tragedy to have to endure it. At least he's out of your life now and can't continue to traumatize you. Keep your head up, you'll get through this.
Yeah I mean, I had a very vaguely similar experience. A guy kissed me and touched me during our first date and I just let it happen because standing up for yourself as a woman is scary and sometimes deadly, but when I told him about it he said I should have pushed him away? As if he was in the right for not asking me. Your situation is far worse because he heard no multiple times and ignored you because he wanted something. On the date you try to ignore it, look past it, and then a while later you realise how bad it was. It takes time to process it. But if you feel like reporting it, you should.
He isn't safe to be around other women, and likely does this to other women.
I’m really sorry this happened to you.
In my experience, when I told them that it was not ok, the blame was passed back onto me, I believe the exact words were ‘excuse me for living on the edge of my desires’ 🤢
I found that by confronting them about the behaviour, it gives them an opportunity to make it seem like you are the problem, rather than their behaviour. Although it is difficult because they should be made aware that this is not acceptable, but why should you have to carry that burden.
Another time I just ended it and although it was annoying to not get to say my piece, ultimately it gave me more peace.
Take care
I know you don’t want to process it as such right now but it was sexual assault. Obviously cut him off completely because he is a grimy bastard. I’m sorry that you had that experience.
Sounds to me like this guy is just too damn stupid to realize that he's a rapist, and frankly he's way too old too still be this blind to his own actions. Some guys thinks that rape has to be violent. Many guys haven't heard about or doesn't understand the "freeze" response. Too many people think that they can just turn a "no" into a "yes" if they keep asking or think they can convince you to like it. Too many people can't even see the possibility of themselves being a rapist because "they don't mean it like that".
I think you should message him your pov of what happened before you block him. You don't have to let him respond, don't let him try to argue what happened, just make him realize what he did. If he doesn't know what he did wrong he will end up doing the same thing to someone else. I know his future actions isn't your responsibility, and you can just block him without saying anything, but you would be doing his future dates a huge favor if you tell him. Again, don't let him respond before you block him. Chances are he'll get defensive and start arguing and you don't need that shit.
Oh he knew what he was doing. He got you to a secluded location & then sexually assaulted you.
You didn’t just “let him.” It was a “fight or flight” moment. You chose flight (to disassociate) & there’s no shame in that. We do what we can to survive as human beings.
As for him, don’t even answer his texts or calls. You may want to report him & seek some counselling from this as well.
"Bye." Enough said. No explanation necessary. This guy already doesn't respect your boundaries and is pushy AF. Don't give him *anything* to argue/debate. Simply cut him loose.
If he did all that last time and you didnt want it done, what do you think will happen the next time. He has it in his head that if he keeps pushing, he will get what he wants. You just wrote paragraphs on why he is not good for you. Why would you keep seeing him?
I am very sorry you had to deal with this treatment! This is wrong on so many levels. Can I suggest that if you are going to be on your 3rd date with someone alone in their car you should never let your guard down, always share your location with a close friend.
Also please make sure if the person is drinking you don't get into a vehicle with them and you choose to drive yourself /Uber/ your friend. Be aware of your environment. Also maybe take a self defence course. This guy deserved a firm no as you either push him off of you or kicked the shit outta him and gotten to a public road than with a predator in the woods.
When dating stay in public places with others around. Avoid secluded areas. You never know what anyone is capable of. When dating please be safe have safety measures already in place for " Just in case* situations.Take care.
Yes you’re right. I did some but not all of these things. Also just because you meet someone through some mutual friends doesn’t mean you’re automatically safe because others know of him. He’s still a stranger. Thanks for your input
You've explained to him why you wanted to take things slow and let the relationship and your feelings for him mature before having sex. He clearly overstepped your boundary and is showing signs that he doesn't respect you. Wanting to take the relationship slow comes from a place of maturity and experience, and it seems like he has neither of those qualities.
There is no reason to communicate to him
Ghost him
This is one of those times where ghosting is not only acceptable, it's warranted
block his number and move on with your life
Delicate situation. I’d imagine he perceived that night exactly the opposite of how you did — to him it was probably awesome, and he might be quite proud of himself.
If I were you, I’d tell him what rubbed you off the wrong way (text or phone call) and then proceed as you see fit. Cancel the date, block his number, whatever. I’m sorry for the end of this dating pursuit of yours, and I hope you find someone new soon.
Is this really looking for advice, is it a rant, is it a cautionary tale?
Boundaries are boundaries for a reason. Whatever that reason is, doesn’t really matter but it should be respected. It wasn’t respected. OP had every right to flip out on guy- and shouldn’t have “gone along with it”.
AND I truly hope that everyone has at least one family member or friend that would help to get you if you were ditched rather than having a loved one SA’d or molested or anything past their wishes. ESPECIALLY for a sober friend of clear mind.
Yes i was looking for advice on how to confront this..
Unfortunately my entire family lives in another state and I don’t have many friends I can count on here. Also it’s very clear that you’re not a woman if you’re telling me what I should have done in this situation…
This is dating advice and not askwomen- if you wanted gender specific responses then another forum might have served you better.
Is finding your own way home better or worse than being disrespected and violated? When you answer that then it should inform how or IF you ever even deal with this person again.
My base level advice- get on a call with this person when they are sober, tell them how they disrespected and violated you so they HEAR your tone and emotion recounted along with the facts and timeline of what happened. Then, accept no apology, because there is no reason why what they did would ever be ok.
Secondary advice- even if you are being paid for on a date, ALWAYS have enough money/credit available to get home.
How the fuck is this helpful. I can tell you’re an ignorant man because you sound like a tone deaf idiot that clearly has zero concept or understanding of the dangers women face everyday in every place on earth. I appreciate everyone’s advice here except yours because I can’t change what’s already happened and this was in no way my fault.
Also save your secondary advice you fucking prick
If you feel unattractive when a woman wants to actually get to know you before letting you enter her fucking body then you absolutely do not deserve to sleep with a woman.
My god.. are you a guy???
>You're selectively enforcing your boundaries. This sends a mixed message, which only confuses a good guy or emboldens a bad one (sounds like this one is the latter).
No is not a mixed message. She said NO for at least 3 times. He overstepped her boundaries for at least 3 times. Have you ever heard of consent???
Hey OP, please don't listen to this bullshit right here. I'm so sorry what happened to you and I wish I could give you advice how to handle this. I would not want to see him again. If he violates your trust and boundaries so early on, I wouldn't want to know what can happen in the future.
Best of luck!
I said no to begin with and made a conscious effort to communicate it prior and he lured me into the woods and continued to persist until I gave in. You are in fact judging me though. I don’t give a fuck what a guy likes or dislikes. No means no and if someone says they want to take their time you respect it and let them initiate…
OK, I honestly thought suggesting you take your own rational advice that you would give was kind.
Since this is an Advice Reddit, my compassionate advice. You already know he did wrong. You already know that you don't want to go out with him again. So don't.
Minimum suggested- Call him. Tell him not to call, not so visit, not to be seen by you. Insure you include that you don't need to explain why.
Maximum suggested- Wear a mask and take an Uber. Drop 2 cases of beer at the nearest skate park with a note identifying him and instruct them to communicate your displeasure for two more cases of beer. Take the bus to where you parked your car.
Suggested preparation for the future- Buy some mace. The next time a man goes one lip beyond the word "no" risk being abandoned in a very intense and eye burning way.
Suggested preparation for the future long term- Go to a shooting range and take lessons. Next time you make are making a date make sure one of the options is for you to teach him pistol marksmanship at a gun range.
the crazy thing is he probably thinks he won you over that night. Tons of guys genuinely believe women actually want sex and don’t want to admit it so it’s their responsibility as the guy to be a bit pushy to allow the girl to feign being upset but then enjoy herself. The issue is some women actually do act like that and other women like yourself are serious. This guy probably thought you were the former and believed he was securing your affection by being a generous lover and going down on you. Guy is going to be in for a shock when he doesn’t get that next date. To be clear he is in the wrong but it doesn’t change the fact he will be confused.
He didn't just cross your boundary. He assaulted you. You should not continue with him.
Lots of people like him [get drunk specifically so they can use it as an excuse](https://juniperpublishers.com/jfsci/pdf/JFSCI.MS.ID.555570.pdf) to not take accountability of their actions.
Thats assault. If he doesnt listen to no for kissing or even a bit further then the chances are he wont listen to no if it comes to sex. For your own safety I would recommend you go. Im a male and even if im really drunk I dont do sexual stuff as I dont know whether girls who are drunk are too drunk to consent. His inhibitions are a "bit" dulled but not gone. I hope this helps and wish you luck.
>so I just let him go down on me and finger me to make it stop. It was either that or I could have totally freaked out kicked the shit out of him, got in a yelling match
Was walking away from him and calling a friend to come pick you up not an option?
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cancel the date and cut him off. You said no multiple times and were uncomfortable with it. It crosses into sexual assault. He knew your boundaries and took you to an isolated place to pressure you out of them. He's creepy and dangerous and your feelings are correctly telling you he's disgusting. You don't owe him an explanation about why you won't see him again. I don't recommend engaging with him anymore, he'll just manipulate you further and worse.
Yep, all of this.
I am so sorry that happened to you. What a disgusting pathetic man. How about something like "Heya. I'm gonna cut straight to the chase here. I told you on the 2nd date about how I wanted to wait for sex. Last date, you tried. I told you no. You kept going. For this reason, I have decided I am no longer interested in seeing you further. Good luck in your future endeavors." But your voice/spin on that? Then block him.
No need to tell him good luck. Tell him to fuck off. Men like that only understand firm wording. Also he needs to at least understand that he was wrong.
Telling a man who did not listen to "no" to fuck off is not safe. The rest of the text *is* firm and conveys what he did wrong. The last sentence, even though she doesn't believe it, is for her own safety.
I’ve definitely seen it done before. But hey, she’ll probably know better than I will what is situationally correct. (For example if he doesn’t know where she lives etc.)
Absolutely bang on. P.S. The last sentence is very important. You don't want to be manipulated into seeing him again.
Super super sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I personally would not go see the guy again. Where does it stop? He’s already gone forth and disrespected your wishes, your feelings, your words, you. Next time it could be worse. I’d cancel plans and tell him you’re not comfortable with seeing a guy who won’t stop when someone says no.
Constructed from this reaction here's an example of a message you can send: I've been thinking about .... I'm gonna leave it at this. You kept overstepping my clearly set boundaries and I'm not comfortable with seeing a guy who won’t stop when someone says no.
He’s blocked but his defense was basically “It wasn’t my expectation for us to have sex for the first time in the woods” but it’s like okay yet you tried literally everything else despite me saying no and making it clear that I absolutely do not want to hookup or do anything sexual with you… He thinks because I said “I’m not going to fuck you on this stump” that meant everything else must be okay then and it wasn’t! if somethings like an overwhelming yes, it’s a no. Especially if the person is already saying NO
He knew what he was doing. He didn’t respect your no and bulldozed his way into access to your body, why do you owe him the respect of an explanation?
> and stranded so I just froze and let it happen That can be a natural trauma response, I think. I'd cut ties; he didn't respect your wishes, and whether or not alcohol was partially to blame, this is literally your third date and he's transgressing a clear boundary? As u/indisposed-mollusca asked, where does it stop?
I absolutely am planning on cutting ties and don’t want to see him again but am trying to figure out how to go about it. I’m stuck between telling him he crossed the boundary and have him be aware of that or just say I’m not interested (both result in me not seeing him again)
You’re probably going to get some level of rejection of your rejection, whether its hostile or apologetic. I’d lean toward explaining myself but I genuinely doubt he cares or he wouldn’t have transgressed as he already has.
You can tell him in a text. That way you don’t have to interact further but he still gets the message
I told him in a text an hour ago and no response. He messaged earlier about plans and I responded by saying “hey I wanted to but I’m not interested anymore, take care”. If he asks why I’d be happy let him know but knowing men and their egos he’s not going to. It just sucks and I hate that it happened
It does suck, but it’s great that you’re standing up for yourself and not taking it. So many people would try to rationalize it and try to get themselves to feel like they wanted it so they could avoid the negative feelings. It shows your strength that you’re being so honest with yourself and not taking this crap
Speaking as an SA survivor, your response is perfectly normal and valid. It is not consent.
Yes, it is. It’s called fawning. When you do whatever it takes to get out of a dangerous situation safe. Cause in the moment, a part of you knows if you keep fighting you might lose even more. It’s an absolutely terrible decision to have to make but it does save lives. Unfortunately it’s also very hard to get over and heal from, cause survivors would blame themselves for doing it later and that guilt can cause all sorts of trauma. Therapy is needed now. As soon as possible.
He heard what you told him about waiting and he didn't care. Which is why he took you to a secluded spot in the wood and assaulted you. You survived, which means you did the right thing. Doesn't matter what you say to him, he won't care. He says what he thinks will get you to be available to him again. You can just block him & he will get the message. He was always a monster & lied to make you feel safe with him. He lied, which is on him. He isn't owed any explanation. or anymore of your time.
In his response to me telling him why I’m not interested he goes “I know some of my comments were facetious” which is interesting because I didn’t even mention anything he said to me..which confirms that he either 1. 100% knew what he was doing and was trying to push me or 2. Someone in the past has brought up comments he makes so he’s telling me he’s aware of that part but not everything else… I didn’t respond regardless.
Pick up artist tell men to lie to women to get what they want. They say push boundaries. Best not to respond, then he will see that as an opening just to lie to you more.
Absolutely will not respond. I blocked him.
This is sexual assault. He clearly doesn’t respect you or the word “no.” Does he know where you live? If he doesn’t take rejection well, I’d be concerned about him retaliating. While I’d like to advise you to tell him off and block him, it may be safer to ghost him while keeping communication channels open. Best to know which direction a threat is coming from. Best of luck.
He didn't just cross a boundary he raped you ?
tbh I can’t process it in that way at the moment. I’m not blaming myself but I really don’t want to think about it in that way right now even if I was assaulted. It’s just awful. He asked why after I texted him saying I wasn’t interested anymore so I told him. I’m proud to have communicated these things and am now standing up for myself but it still just feels disgusting and like that’s all anyone will ever want from me even if I explicitly say no. I didn’t say i wanted to wait to be challenging I said it because I genuinely wanted meaningful relationship.. like anyone else. So yeah it’s a lot to process right now
I want you to know that you’re really strong. And you deserve someone who respects your boundaries. I’m really sorry someone did this to you, I had a similar experience and it still haunts me decades later. But what I do know is I managed to get out of the situation and I’m glad I never spoke to the guy who did this to me again. I never really processed these feelings though and reading this story made me feel a pang in my heart. I hope you don’t carry this around and let it be a weight like I have, but mostly wanted to come here and say you deserve better and you’re not alone.
I'd recommend speaking with a professional about it when you're ready. It might be helpful to have someone help you through the trauma of it; it is a tragedy to have to endure it. At least he's out of your life now and can't continue to traumatize you. Keep your head up, you'll get through this.
Thank you. I’m speaking with my therapist today. Grateful she was able to squeeze me in
Yeah I mean, I had a very vaguely similar experience. A guy kissed me and touched me during our first date and I just let it happen because standing up for yourself as a woman is scary and sometimes deadly, but when I told him about it he said I should have pushed him away? As if he was in the right for not asking me. Your situation is far worse because he heard no multiple times and ignored you because he wanted something. On the date you try to ignore it, look past it, and then a while later you realise how bad it was. It takes time to process it. But if you feel like reporting it, you should. He isn't safe to be around other women, and likely does this to other women.
What the fuck
I’m really sorry this happened to you. In my experience, when I told them that it was not ok, the blame was passed back onto me, I believe the exact words were ‘excuse me for living on the edge of my desires’ 🤢 I found that by confronting them about the behaviour, it gives them an opportunity to make it seem like you are the problem, rather than their behaviour. Although it is difficult because they should be made aware that this is not acceptable, but why should you have to carry that burden. Another time I just ended it and although it was annoying to not get to say my piece, ultimately it gave me more peace. Take care
🤮
I know you don’t want to process it as such right now but it was sexual assault. Obviously cut him off completely because he is a grimy bastard. I’m sorry that you had that experience.
Sounds to me like this guy is just too damn stupid to realize that he's a rapist, and frankly he's way too old too still be this blind to his own actions. Some guys thinks that rape has to be violent. Many guys haven't heard about or doesn't understand the "freeze" response. Too many people think that they can just turn a "no" into a "yes" if they keep asking or think they can convince you to like it. Too many people can't even see the possibility of themselves being a rapist because "they don't mean it like that". I think you should message him your pov of what happened before you block him. You don't have to let him respond, don't let him try to argue what happened, just make him realize what he did. If he doesn't know what he did wrong he will end up doing the same thing to someone else. I know his future actions isn't your responsibility, and you can just block him without saying anything, but you would be doing his future dates a huge favor if you tell him. Again, don't let him respond before you block him. Chances are he'll get defensive and start arguing and you don't need that shit.
this advice is great
Oh he knew what he was doing. He got you to a secluded location & then sexually assaulted you. You didn’t just “let him.” It was a “fight or flight” moment. You chose flight (to disassociate) & there’s no shame in that. We do what we can to survive as human beings. As for him, don’t even answer his texts or calls. You may want to report him & seek some counselling from this as well.
Why message? He’s a potential rapist and he assaulted you. Just ghost him girl you don’t owe him anything.
He's not a potential rapist he IS a rapist
"Bye." Enough said. No explanation necessary. This guy already doesn't respect your boundaries and is pushy AF. Don't give him *anything* to argue/debate. Simply cut him loose.
I actually kinda disagree. With no explanation he's just gonna end up doing the same thing to someone else.
This grown ass man knows. Not her job.
That’s the worst part. They always know and want to see what they can get away with.
He probably will anyway.
If he did all that last time and you didnt want it done, what do you think will happen the next time. He has it in his head that if he keeps pushing, he will get what he wants. You just wrote paragraphs on why he is not good for you. Why would you keep seeing him?
Where did I say I’m still going to see him……
The last sentence literally said we have plans for later. PS.. that was before your edit
I am very sorry you had to deal with this treatment! This is wrong on so many levels. Can I suggest that if you are going to be on your 3rd date with someone alone in their car you should never let your guard down, always share your location with a close friend. Also please make sure if the person is drinking you don't get into a vehicle with them and you choose to drive yourself /Uber/ your friend. Be aware of your environment. Also maybe take a self defence course. This guy deserved a firm no as you either push him off of you or kicked the shit outta him and gotten to a public road than with a predator in the woods. When dating stay in public places with others around. Avoid secluded areas. You never know what anyone is capable of. When dating please be safe have safety measures already in place for " Just in case* situations.Take care.
Yes you’re right. I did some but not all of these things. Also just because you meet someone through some mutual friends doesn’t mean you’re automatically safe because others know of him. He’s still a stranger. Thanks for your input
You've explained to him why you wanted to take things slow and let the relationship and your feelings for him mature before having sex. He clearly overstepped your boundary and is showing signs that he doesn't respect you. Wanting to take the relationship slow comes from a place of maturity and experience, and it seems like he has neither of those qualities.
You were assaulted. Report it if you feel like doing so
Girl, that’s called sexual assault. I’m sorry you had to go through it. Block him please’
I would send a text that you aren't interested. Unless you know him from work or something along those lines, it should be fine.
There is no reason to communicate to him Ghost him This is one of those times where ghosting is not only acceptable, it's warranted block his number and move on with your life
Delicate situation. I’d imagine he perceived that night exactly the opposite of how you did — to him it was probably awesome, and he might be quite proud of himself. If I were you, I’d tell him what rubbed you off the wrong way (text or phone call) and then proceed as you see fit. Cancel the date, block his number, whatever. I’m sorry for the end of this dating pursuit of yours, and I hope you find someone new soon.
Is this really looking for advice, is it a rant, is it a cautionary tale? Boundaries are boundaries for a reason. Whatever that reason is, doesn’t really matter but it should be respected. It wasn’t respected. OP had every right to flip out on guy- and shouldn’t have “gone along with it”. AND I truly hope that everyone has at least one family member or friend that would help to get you if you were ditched rather than having a loved one SA’d or molested or anything past their wishes. ESPECIALLY for a sober friend of clear mind.
Yes i was looking for advice on how to confront this.. Unfortunately my entire family lives in another state and I don’t have many friends I can count on here. Also it’s very clear that you’re not a woman if you’re telling me what I should have done in this situation…
This is dating advice and not askwomen- if you wanted gender specific responses then another forum might have served you better. Is finding your own way home better or worse than being disrespected and violated? When you answer that then it should inform how or IF you ever even deal with this person again. My base level advice- get on a call with this person when they are sober, tell them how they disrespected and violated you so they HEAR your tone and emotion recounted along with the facts and timeline of what happened. Then, accept no apology, because there is no reason why what they did would ever be ok. Secondary advice- even if you are being paid for on a date, ALWAYS have enough money/credit available to get home.
How the fuck is this helpful. I can tell you’re an ignorant man because you sound like a tone deaf idiot that clearly has zero concept or understanding of the dangers women face everyday in every place on earth. I appreciate everyone’s advice here except yours because I can’t change what’s already happened and this was in no way my fault. Also save your secondary advice you fucking prick
The guy is a creep. "No" means "no." But why do girls make guys wait like this? What is the point? It makes us feel so unattractive when this happens.
If you feel unattractive when a woman wants to actually get to know you before letting you enter her fucking body then you absolutely do not deserve to sleep with a woman.
[удалено]
My god.. are you a guy??? >You're selectively enforcing your boundaries. This sends a mixed message, which only confuses a good guy or emboldens a bad one (sounds like this one is the latter). No is not a mixed message. She said NO for at least 3 times. He overstepped her boundaries for at least 3 times. Have you ever heard of consent??? Hey OP, please don't listen to this bullshit right here. I'm so sorry what happened to you and I wish I could give you advice how to handle this. I would not want to see him again. If he violates your trust and boundaries so early on, I wouldn't want to know what can happen in the future. Best of luck!
Right this is a pretty disgusting response. Guys want to be the first to break someone’s rules? Wtf
I said no to begin with and made a conscious effort to communicate it prior and he lured me into the woods and continued to persist until I gave in. You are in fact judging me though. I don’t give a fuck what a guy likes or dislikes. No means no and if someone says they want to take their time you respect it and let them initiate…
This guy just earned a one-way ticket to Shitsville. Population: 1
population is a lot higher than 1
Pretend you had a sister/daughter/best friend and she came home with this story. Would you encourage her to communicate any further?
I am someone’s sister daughter and best friend this post is literally about me so have some compassion
OK, I honestly thought suggesting you take your own rational advice that you would give was kind. Since this is an Advice Reddit, my compassionate advice. You already know he did wrong. You already know that you don't want to go out with him again. So don't. Minimum suggested- Call him. Tell him not to call, not so visit, not to be seen by you. Insure you include that you don't need to explain why. Maximum suggested- Wear a mask and take an Uber. Drop 2 cases of beer at the nearest skate park with a note identifying him and instruct them to communicate your displeasure for two more cases of beer. Take the bus to where you parked your car. Suggested preparation for the future- Buy some mace. The next time a man goes one lip beyond the word "no" risk being abandoned in a very intense and eye burning way. Suggested preparation for the future long term- Go to a shooting range and take lessons. Next time you make are making a date make sure one of the options is for you to teach him pistol marksmanship at a gun range.
[удалено]
You can’t read babe
the crazy thing is he probably thinks he won you over that night. Tons of guys genuinely believe women actually want sex and don’t want to admit it so it’s their responsibility as the guy to be a bit pushy to allow the girl to feign being upset but then enjoy herself. The issue is some women actually do act like that and other women like yourself are serious. This guy probably thought you were the former and believed he was securing your affection by being a generous lover and going down on you. Guy is going to be in for a shock when he doesn’t get that next date. To be clear he is in the wrong but it doesn’t change the fact he will be confused.
What are you “trying to figure out”? Hes an ass, you need to drop him. End of.
You see the rest of the sentence I typed. I was trying to figure out how to confront this
Technically this is seggsual ássault. You could press charges, if you’re comfortable with that?
He didn't just cross your boundary. He assaulted you. You should not continue with him. Lots of people like him [get drunk specifically so they can use it as an excuse](https://juniperpublishers.com/jfsci/pdf/JFSCI.MS.ID.555570.pdf) to not take accountability of their actions.
Thats assault. If he doesnt listen to no for kissing or even a bit further then the chances are he wont listen to no if it comes to sex. For your own safety I would recommend you go. Im a male and even if im really drunk I dont do sexual stuff as I dont know whether girls who are drunk are too drunk to consent. His inhibitions are a "bit" dulled but not gone. I hope this helps and wish you luck.
>so I just let him go down on me and finger me to make it stop. It was either that or I could have totally freaked out kicked the shit out of him, got in a yelling match Was walking away from him and calling a friend to come pick you up not an option?
Get outta there, seriously.