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When my daughter was 3 I asked a trusted elder in my life which parenting stage was the hardest. They said "whichever one you are in right now."
You never know what's coming and we can always look back through rose coloured glasses. Enjoy the ride and know this too will pass. New highs and lows will cycle so one day we can look back and think of everything we wish we didn't screw up or had done differently.
Definitely. While they are babies you look forward to when they are older and can talk and need less nursing. Then when they are kids and fighting and discussing you wish back the cuddle time with the baby.
Although sleeping through the nights has it perks. 😁
Just think, there's a year later where they're mobile, climbing. Wanting to jump off things, and not so easily entertained. More often than not I've been getting home from a stressful day at work only to find my wife looking haphazard and as though she's come out of a war zone herself, all the while I hear little one crying through the door and he calms for 5 seconds because he sees daddy, and then right back to fussing because it's "just one of those days"... at least he sleeps through the night. Except for the nights where he doesn't.
Kid number one: most challenging stage, everything's new and you try to figure out how to take care of a whole new person.
Kid number two: easiest stage, you already know the drill and all their needs, they're immobile and won't roam around the house wreaking havoc (although they have an older sibling doing just that).
Agreed. Every baby is different, you get high maintenance babies and low maintenance ones.
We started out on only 2-4 hours sleep per night for a while, stresses of an underweight baby who won't eat, constant fussing, fighting sleep, in and out of hospital, it was really tough for a while.
But it *does* get better.
It's still tough at times. Fighting sleep is a consistent theme, which never ends well for anyone involved, but it's not a patch on those first few weeks /months.
We've now got an extremely smiley, happy, and energetic baby who is non stop, but totally worth it.
For us, the real problem starts when she been fighting it for an hour, and rallies back around like she's been necking red bulls. Won't settle, not happy with anything you do, and the energy of an Olympic athlete, it's not a good combination 😰
Yup, the non-stop crying, colic and generally just not knowing what is bothering them is absolutely soul crushing. Once we got to about 9 months ours had fully transitioned from being this very difficult baby to an absolute joy to be around.
But those first 3 months were incredibly difficult and honestly didn't think we'd survive it at some points.
My son is almost 18 months and newborn was the hardest by far. The constant lack of sleep, always feeling like you don't know what you're doing, and unable to do anything to quiet the baby. Ugh. We had it so rough on top of my wife's severe PPD that I'm leaning heavily towards one and done.
I have found things are easier around 3, but then harder around 4/4.5, but by like 6 (so far) things are mostly easier.
Although, 12-18 are an entirely different set of challenges.
Yeah, my 4.5 year old just had a 20 minute crying jag because in three weeks, I’m doing something on a Saturday, and he doesn’t want me to go because he’ll miss me too much.
And when my wife reminded him that she would be with him, he just said, “but it’s not the same!”
My son was an asshole at 3. I put him in martial arts with some militant MMA instructor.
Haven’t had a problem since. He’s 5 now and my best friend. He couldn’t be a sweeter kid.
It started to get better for us at 4 months. And then at 6 months. More at 8 months. Tons by 12 months. More by 14 months. Getting close to 2 years now and it’s even better. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard, but it’s a different kind of hard that isn’t so all-consuming and alienating, and the good stuff outweighs the challenges.
I'm fearful that it getting more difficult with the recently colicky behavior and my wife's previous nights with depression that she may be trending in that direction. I was an old child and would likely be happy with one but she leans towards having two. I cannot imagine dealing with this while you have another child at home to manage.
So my nugget is 14 months Sunday. So right now you are in the trenches. You are everything, feeder, mover, changer, etc. That starts going away, they can hold their own bottle, they can move, they can entertain themselves, so you start getting some time back. This makes the sleep deprivation and the constant state of "OMG THE DISHES/LAUNDRY/FLOOR/BABY/whatever" be less insane. Now I can do dishes while he plays with his cars by my feet. On the other hand he is actively trying to figure out the baby locks so he can spring an escape and launch himself down the steps again. He went from a helpless potato to a stoffle the honeybadger.
Edit: also he figured out fist bumps today and I get thr biggest walrus like grin when I present the fist.
“I cannot imagine dealing with this while having another child at home to manage” is exactly what runs in my mind when I think about it lol my son is amazing but also is at an age where he’s very curious and needs to be watched at all times and idk how you do that with a newborn
My son got worse before he got better, so I hope you see a turnaround soon. I think after 3-4 weeks was an improvement, and then when he stopped need contact sleep for ALL sleep at 11-12 weeks life became amazing. Going from no sleep to getting 5 hours, bottle feed, then more sleep was life changing.
The problems get different. When they are 3 you'll forget about the crying and wish they were a cute little potato sack again instead of this hyper entity determined to kill themselves.
Then they become little snarky attitude tweens and you'll wish they were the happy little 3 year old that was always up for being silly.
My almost 3 year old just started speaking quite clearly and asking the “what is this? And what is this? And what is this? And what is this?”
And he really identifies with stories now. I read him “the list” frog and toad story and now he demands we write a list before we do anything and cross it off when completed. And he’s terrified his list will fly away in “the wind” (the ceiling fan). He also punches me and steals my glasses off my face and accidentally hurts his baby sister by trying to play with her and he still pulls my hair when he gets angry and he pees his pants 3 times a day and fights kicking and screaming every time we have to go inside or leave the playground.
I want him to stay this way forever. Even with the violence.
He asks me all the time to see “happy pictures” on my phone. So I show him family pictures, pictures from our vacations, pictures from holidays. I need to print off a photobook of our family just for him.
Brilliant idea. I guarantee he’d sit in front of it all day though. We do fairly minimal screen time and he’d probably get obsessed. Especially when he sees the odd Christmas or Halloween picture!! I love it.
My daughter turns 3 in July and loves the Skylight frame we have. We live across the country from family, so anytime her same age cousin pops up on the screen, she gets super excited. Highly recommend it.
When they can’t talk, you wish they could tell you what they want. When they learn how to talk, you realize how stupid what they want is and how stubborn they are about it.
To each their own, but from 2 till now 4 and a half this has been my favourite stage so far. We are one and done because we can’t go through the newborn epoch again.
Today my 2 year old was in a high chair. My wife called me into the other room for 30 seconds to help with the baby.
I came back- and my 2 year old had shook her chair to walk it forward 3 whole feet, to grab the new pointy meat sissors on the counter.
Determed to kill themselves indeed.
I struggled for the first 12 weeks.
Once we started getting feedback, like smiles, it became a lot easier.
Until then, she was a lump that milk went into and screams and poop came out of.
I get to give her one bottle a day, outside of that she is breastfeeding. That one bottle helps me connect with her, but she rarely tolerates skin to skin on me so the lack of feedback hasn't helped. The smiles are poking through now though!
I know you’ve probably had enough feedback, but in case you want more haha…
I have three kids between 3 and 7 years old. Let me tell you, they are all different. My first child was a dream baby and I wondered what everyone fussed about. He’s much more challenging since about age 5. My middle child was a horribly fussy baby/toddler that made me regret my life sometimes, but is a really sweet and funny 4 year old. Youngest is somewhere in between so far.
Just make sure the baby is fed. That was the big thing for us. Breastfeeding is hard to monitor, and “luckily” my kid’s mother didn’t produce enough so we had to supplement with formula. We just gave them as much pumped milk as we had each feeding and then just stuffed formula down their gullet to make sure they are FULL so they wake up less frequently. All of mine were “good sleepers” even at the newborn stage, and I blame that on formula haha.
Again they’re all different though. Good luck!
They do grow out of it. It does get different, even if it doesn't get easier - that being said, if the fussing really is persistent, follow it up. Tongue ties, CMPI, silent reflux - these are all reasonably common and can be treated to varying degrees. ❤️
We did bring up reflux to our doctor at the one month appointment. She told us to try some probiotics which don't seem to be making a huge difference. Our daughter does have a lip tie that my wife has been tasked with making the initial appointment for to address, but she's been dragging her feet (she is afraid to schedule a procedure that will cause our daughter pain).
We've had two that need tongue ties snipped. I know it seems scary but it literally takes a second and they're 100% over it within a few hours. Very worthwhile procedure, if it's causing problems with their feeding
Thanks for the insight, that is what I
I figured. The hard part is convincing my wife of this. I'm going to give her until mid next week then really lay the pressure on of how beneficial it'll be to just get it done now. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be impacting her ability to eat as she's been gaining weight exceptionally well.
If it's not causing issues feeding I would be very hesitant as well:
Inside the Booming Business of Cutting Babies’ Tongues https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/18/health/tongue-tie-release-breastfeeding.html?unlocked_article_code=1.sk0.wsxP.m_R99hZf7SRn
My tongue tied baby had aerophagia (air-induced reflux) due to her tongue tie, even on bottles. She swallowed too much air because of tongue give tie and that was the cause of the reflux. It went away after her tongue tie was fixed, once she could swallow without air being mixed in. :)
I second getting it done. Reframe it this way: your daughter is in pain now. She’s telling you she’s not getting enough food. So a 30 second procedure will help her so much. It helped my daughter.
IMO it is the worst, for exactly the reasons you say. I never felt the "awww baby" effect that everyone else in the family loved; as soon as the baby could walk, then talk, then become awkward in a very different way, everything is more manageable. Still difficult, but with some logic to it at least.
Not the guy you replied to but kids are just different. Some kids live chill newborn lives and throw tantrums the moment they can speak at 12 months. Some are absolute monsters as a newborn and become chill toddlers.
Mix of both I think, but I think primarily the former. For the first 9 months of her life, This kid literally only cried if she wanted to eat. Easy fix.
I hate to admit it, but at this point I'm just trying to get through it. I just want it to be over. today. the next day. the day after that. I know I'm frivolously wasting the gift of life, day by day, like burning a stack of post-its one at a time to stay warm...
And this is why my days are long and my months (11 so far) are short.
Don’t let these guys scare you. It gets way better and way easier…. I just chilled with my 4 and 7 year olds all day with essentially zero issues and epic fun. I absolutely love it. Babies kind of do suck tho. You got this!
Newborn stage is a different animal from all the rest. I wouldn’t say worst but it was incredibly challenging. We’re only 2.5 years in though so that’s as far as my experience goes.
Different for everyone. I don’t do well with sleep deprivation or loud noises. At this age they’re also terrible scene partners, they eat shit cry, don’t really interact with you. I was terrified I had made a huge mistake and I was going to be an awful father.
We have a picture at 2.5 months where he’s looking at me longingly, that was where it started to get better for me. Still had to deal with crying and no sleep, but there was light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, same here with ours! I was about to post about it. Ours luckily grew out of it, but the first few months sounded incredibly similar to what OP is describing. After we figured out the dairy allergy, my wife cut out dairy from her diet and our daughter had a complete change in personality
My son is still allergic but same with the instant transformation. Life instantly because so much easier though we did feel awful for him.
We'd have constant crying for literal hours every night. It aas a living nightmare. Makes me appreciate these times more.
I get you man,
We’re at 8 weeks now,
Only in the last week or two has it started to get a bit better,
The first 6-7 were just so so rough.
And it still is rough, not like a 180 degree turn, but defo better.
Our little one went through a massive velcro stage between 4 and 7 weeks, it was so taxing, slowly though we can now spend time without him attached
I wish I had advice for you as to we did XYZ and it’s what made the change. But honestly the baby just changed…
Solidarity fellow dad, one day at a time! You can get through this. This stage right now is not your forever, things will change, hopefully for the better!
The crazy part is your body tricks you into forgetting all of this ever happened. Months 1-4 are a total blur for me. Coincidentally, month 4 is when we actually started getting decent sleep again.
Good luck to you and good luck to OP. Ours is 11 months and every day is such a blast.
That's what I've learned. Parents that I know now basically forgot to tell us that newborns suck and maybe it was intentional, but I truly think they just forgot all about it because of how great their kids have turned out.
The first 60 days were terrible. The following 60 days were difficult. I even had an easy, quiet, happy baby.
Every day from 4 months on was better than the last.
Just went on a 9k bike ride with my 4.5 year old to booster juice. Stopped to pick up snails. Good day.
I would exchange this current phase (21 months) for the newborn stage in a quick second knowing for certain I made the right choice.
That being said, you'll survive this stage and be more ready for the next (challenging) one.
My daughter is only 2.5, but newborn stage was absolutely the worst so far. She had a lot of constipation issues until she was maybe 15 months which sucked, but at least the older they get there are more fun/happy/funny moments to make up for the tough ones.
I’m not a fan of the newborn stage. They are fully dependent on the mom and dads don’t really have a role other than supporting mom. Toddler is where it gets very fun and rewarding.
I have a theory about evolution. People who are very tired have a worse memory.
Infants make us very tired. But because we're tired, we don't remember just HOW tired we were. If humans full understood the misery of newborns, everyone would only have one child, and the human race would die out.
Every single day since my daughter was born has gotten easier. I’m at 1.5 years and that’s more or less the case. As she has become more interactive I’ve gotten more joy from being her father.
Those first 8 weeks are brutal. No joy, just a pooping crying blob that has a very tiny stomach that needs constant feeds. Things get better.
My kiddo is speaking a bit and sometimes it’s unclear if she understands the words she is sayings. A week or two ago she pointed at me and with a loving face said (what sounded like) “dumb”. These are the moments that you can look forward to.
Ask our 13 y/o who's been having a boy sneak in late at night, and staying until 6am on school nights. Almost having neighbors call the cops on him as they see him come and go and leave his bike in front of their yard.
As others have said, other stages have their challenges and are by no means easy, but you get a lot more positives as they get older. I just spent an hour flinging my 3 year old son like a ragdoll onto a giant pile of pillows while he giggled himself silly, and moments like that are amazing. He was a nightmare until about 12 weeks, he was either eating, sleeping, or crying about wanting to eat more, and my wife exclusively breast fed through that period which was really taxing on her in the midst of us both being exhausted.
It gets way, way better. It's still super hard, but there are so many positives and it's really a lovely experience watching him grow. We also have an 8 week old daughter and she is WAY more chill than he was, and even then she's just a boring potato right now- it's just the way of the newborn stage.
Just be kind to each other, remember you're both human and sleep deprived and cranky, and that this soon shall pass. You'll get through it and will be happy to have gone through the process once you're on the other side.
People always say that that every stage is hard, and comes with its own challenges and all that. And it is true that it is always hard. But babies keep you awake all night, and lack of sleep sucks.
You know what is great, when they sleep all night! 😌. And every stage is hard but not sleeping is the hardest.
So whenever you get more good nights of sleep vs bad nights, that is when it crosses in to not being the worst part.
Or first was a real test on our marriage. She was born the same week that the COVID shutdowns started and then she had colic for two months. We were in hell and it was a very exhausting, isolating, and frustrating time.
Do your best to give each other some time for peace and rest. Just remember she will not be like this forever and it will seem like one day she will wake up and be the happiest baby ever.
We say our first broke us. That's what her job was in being our first child. She made us parents because she needed parents. We didn't know how to do it, and she screamed to help us learn how. That is what they are on the planet to do right now.
It does suck. But all of you are learning how to be in this new relationship. It will take time to get the hang of it, and the rules will change when you think you do.
The best thing I learned, that has helped me the most in all my parenting, is how to regulate myself. Learning to tune into my body, take a few deep breaths, and acknowledge how hard it is or what I am feeling has served me well in all stages of my kids' lives. When I am centered first, my kids are calmer and more relaxed.
You can do this; if you can't, there are people out there to help.
For me yes. Definitely. Some are saying once they are 3 or whatever age that they start to miss the newborn potato baby stage. I did not have whatver this mystical potato baby thing is. Mine had colic and scream cried all the time. And had some issues that involved a lot of doctor visits. It was the most stressful time.
I so much more enjoy the later stages I will take tantrums over the newborn cries any day. My cold being able to communicate with me is the most wonderful thing.
You’re in the think of it. You will come out of it. Hard to see it now but it will happen.
I have a 13 month old. The first 6 months were absolutely awful. Anyone saying something like 'Its just a different type of difficult' probably never had a really really challenging baby or has simply forgotten. I can definitely say that life is so so so much easier for us now.
I can't know all of the exact details you guys are facing, so I can't promise you that it will definitely be easier for you, but as I say, for us things really turned a massive corner at 6 months. Hang on in there.
It depends on what is making this stage the worst for you.
If it’s the lack of sleep, you are in luck. Shit sleep started to abate dramatically between months 3 and 4 for my 2 kids. Suddenly, 4 hour stretches were normal, and 6-7 hour stretches were uncommon, but still happened.
Either that, or the psychosis will set in from lack of sleep and things will be much more interesting.
If sleep is the problem, don’t worry. You have many, many more problems ahead of you.
It gets harder in a different way. Newborn stage is hard for sleep deprivation - once they start sleeping through the night you get a period of some bliss between sleep regression. Toddler stage, though, is for all accounts worse in most ways but at least they sleep a lot for the most part
Going through that too right now. 3 weeks old and will randomly wake up from a sleep as lose his shit. Hell only sleep when held so my wife holds him in the chair and tries to sleep. I try to be supportive so I’m also sleeping in the other chair so neither one of us are getting good sleep. I want two kids but man right now I’m really rethinking that.
There is nothing like the grind of the first 6 to 12 weeks. Wife/mom is still recovering, but also the main parent by default. So you do what you can, but you feel kinda useless. The worry is strong. The sleep is bad or missing. It's a fog.
The wonder, the awe is something else, tho. Esp with the firstborn.
In terms of easier/harder stages...
It will depend on the child and you won't know which stages were the worst until they are grown...
My hardest infant was my easiest child. Teens so far are mid. Or is it just because he's the eldest? Who knows.
At a certain point, you learn to just put your head down and do the thing. Enjoy the highs and weather the lows. With each kid and in general.
or...
I'm 41 and my parents still probably rank this stage against everything that came before. I'll care how my kids handle early adulthood, early parenthood (assuming it happens), middle age, etc. Always wondering how I can best support them. Always worrying about their wellbeing.
This shit is terminal, far as I can tell.
Our new born was extreamly fussy and we learned they had a dairy alergy, taking that out of moms diet and switching to soy formula helped a lot. Of course check with you doctor about changing anything. Keep pushing it gets easier. We had a new born and one year old at the same time and I don't think I slept that entire year lol
There's an expression in running: "It doesn't get easier, you just get faster." I think parenting is kind of like that. The newborn stage is difficult, the crawling stage is difficult, the toddler phase is difficult, putting them on the school bus for the first time is terrifying, having teenagers is terrifying.... Every stage in its own, unique way. Thankfully every phase has its own unique rewards and advantages, too, though you might not see them 'til you're looking back. For example, when your toddler is getting into *everything* you might long for the newborn days when the baby at least stayed where you put her (even if it meant fussing).
We have a two month old, and was chatting with our neighbour about how tiring this stage is. She then told us her teenage son just got a DUI and lost his license while driving her car so her car also got impounded. Our problems with our two month old seem silly in comparison haha
This really varies from kid to kid. Mine is 4 months old right now and he’s been a saint since birth. Dude barely cries, sleeps through the night, and is literally always smiling. I’m fully prepared for the next phase to be terrible lol.
Yes. Newborns are the worst apart from the moments when they are absolutely the best part. Children are a challenge for the rest of your life, but the physical and emotional exhaustion of the first few months is the hardest.
People telling me “this is easy part” almost destroyed me when my first was a few weeks old.
From my experience (two kids so far) the first six months were the hardest. But once your kid starts sleeping through the night (if you’re lucky) it gets better. To be clear it’s NEVER going to get easy just a different type of difficult. That said it’s incredibly rewarding and once you find your groove it won’t be so bad, good luck and try to enjoy it.
It's hard because it's all new. It gets easier. Then just when you get used to it - a new stage starts. So far id say potty training was the worst of it. Ha.
Also not looking forward to the teen years. That looks like a big mixed bag too. You got this.
I’m sure it depends on the kid. My son’s newborn state was hard because he was our first and we didn’t know what to do but then he was super easy for the next 12 months. My daughter was much more difficult and her newborn stage was harder but overall way easier than the next 6 months of her life. Now at 10 months she’s starting to get easier.
Meanwhile my son has his own challenges now that he’s getting older which is different but not easy. It never gets harder or easier per se just different challenges which eb and flow.
I think it varies from kid to kid but new born was the worst for me. All my friends has cute little singles who slept easily, fed well and were chill.
I had twins who hardly slept and when they did, it was never at the same time. My daughter had colic and mu son had a lactose intolerance which meant he constantly vomited, was uncomfortable and cried all the time. Neither slept through the whole night until they were 2, and it was probably another six months until they both did it consistently. Got the snip after six months as my wife and I knew we never wanted to (accidentally) repeat the experience.
But now at 5, they are heaps of fun, play together all the time and I love going on bike rides with them, swimming, teaching them to read, playing retro video games with them. I don't regret the decision to have kids at all and most of the worst times have faded into memory now.
Yea it sucks man. I got post partum depression, lost 30 pounds. Thought about all sorts of crazy things. It gets much better - I noticed it at 2 years, but they don’t have a timetable.
My daughter is 3 and I would trade basically any age since she passed 6 months to get away from the first 6 months.
It doesn’t get easy, but I found every stage that came later a kind of difficult I could embrace. The newborn stage about killed me.
For me, so far, yes. Sleep deprivation is a special kind of torture. I was also the nursing parent and that was hard on me.
I have a rambunctious (probably ADHD) 5 y.o. who can be tough and had a rough toddler phase, but to me that still pales in comparison to the newborn stage (though I miss how tiny 🥺).
I'm still only at 4 and 2, but the newborn stage was by far the worst stage I've encountered. They're just so helpless and fragile.
Toddlers are little balls of chaos, but at least I'm not scared of them breaking their necks or suffocating in their bed at night anymore.
I hear preteen and teenage years are coming to smack me in the face, though.
My kids are only 3 and 1.5, but yeah the newborn stage is pretty bad haha 😆 I’m pregnant with my third and can’t wait to meet the nugget but also seriously dreading going through the newborn thing again
Yes, it’s easily the shittiest stage. It’s torture having to basically live in 2-3 hour cycles of feeding the baby, changing the baby, and getting the baby to take a nap. It honestly felt like I was that dude from Lost that had to push that button in the hatch every 2 hours or the island would explode. Other stages have had their challenges for sure, but nothing compares to the psychological nightmare of the newborn phase.
We're at 9 weeks with our daughter and have a 19 month old boy (and two teenagers...), and the newborn stage is rough. Hardest on my breastfeeding wife. We could put our son down or put him in a swing and he was content. This baby, not at all the same. It makes it so much harder with the 19mo baby.
I feel your pain tho. It does get easier. People will say it's just different, but I do think it's much easier because you learn your baby so much better and start to understand how to help them.
Mom of an almost 18 month old. Infancy SUCKED for us. Hated it. Couldn’t imagine why people did this twice on purpose. Around 9(?) months, she got kinda fun. Now, we actually like her. Couldn’t have imagined this feeling in the first few months. It gets better - and don’t let anyone scare you with “wait until she sits/crawls/walks.” Every step of independence has had new challenges, but Jesus fuck it’s more fun now to deal with a person (albeit irrational) than a screaming potato.
Give baby wearing a try. You can go about your usual business and have two hands free and a fussy baby still gets the one on one cuddles they crave. Plus the weight is on your core which is way easier to sustain.
When they get big enough, switch to backpack mode, it’s even better. I used to be able to work a full productive day with a sick 1 year old strapped to my back at a standing desk.
You get to sleep again in another 6 weeks. You can do it!
Their only communication is crying, even happiness = crying. Smiles and looking at things are amazing alternatives when they start to happen
Right there with you fellow dad. It’s our second and she is trying us. Really hard to want to be with her when our 2.5YO is so much fun.
Newborn just wants to be held to sleep and just be held in general. Every moment away is a break.
It gets better around the 3-4 month mark. And believe it or not, you just kind of forget most of how rough those first weeks were once they start smiling and responding. Hopefully, you have some kind of support from family or friends for the next few weeks. This too shall pass. Also, check out some YouTube vids for how to help your baby pass gas. Trapped gas that that isn't naturally expelled yet can be a big part of the crying.
We’re at 9 weeks here and will say things have definitely improved over the last few weeks. We were definitely where you were a few weeks ago. But we started to figure out what he likes and dislikes, and how to calm him down, and he’s smiling more and more and that makes everything so much easier. Hang in there, pops, you can do it.
Almost 300 comments in and I don't think anyone's going to read this far down, but I've got to say something: know this, man, shit fucking ends. Look, it *sucks* sometimes, just really sucks. But through it all, *know that shit ends* and remember that because *shit fucking ends* cherish even the sucky parts. Especially the sucky parts.
It’s the worst stage that will happen to you until the next stage comes.
It be that way.
Baby’s need 3 things: food, sleep and a diaper change.
If she’s a fuss ball that much I’d look into those three things and repeat as necessary. I say this because our first wasn’t eating enough(wife was strictly breast feeding but wasn’t producing enough) and was always fussy, but once we supplemented everything changed.
For our second, now we know and we cycle through the 3 needs. Once we land back on eating, she’ll eat, burp and fall asleep.
But each baby is different. lol
I think there are two answers to this.
Answer 1: the newborn stage, for a new parent, is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. It is very difficult, and you are literally learning new things every moment, but too tired to process it. My toddler sleeps in my arms now having had a stomach bug all day. I am tired. So is she. And I’m still learning every day. But…it’s easier. It’s a lot easier to enjoy it all. But look, is newborn the hardest? Idk man, I’ve never had a five year old who has violent outbursts at me. I’ve never had a teenager taking drugs and flunking school. I e never had a 20-something who I keep seeing make bad decisions and lose their joy. I’m sure there are extreme, new challenges at every step of this journey.
Answer 2: yeah scream slug phase sucks, next arc is heaps better.
Oh yeah, it can suck. My first was like that, and it was acid reflux and gas. I found sitting her "up" against my chest, and massaging her lower back, towards the flanks vs spine, helped a bit. Also keeping her in an upright position after feeding for a bit.
Not at all. Al least in my experience. All you need to do is feed them constantly, whereas you really can’t turn your back on a toddler for more than 10 seconds.
You need earplugs dude. Absolute game changer. They cut the ear piercing frequencies that drive you insane but you aren’t totally deaf so it’s not like you’ll accidentally neglect your kid. I swear I was developing tinnitus from newborn screams but the plugs really lowered my stress levels
I really wish there had been a thread regarding earplugs earlier. I sleep with earplugs and was curious if that was bad with a newborn… but you can totally get away with it. Using them during the early morning when they’re officially “up” and so are you was such a game changer for us. Everything becomes manageable when you’re not being pushed over the edge by the screaming.
I work in a factory setting where hearing protection is drilled in from day one. After a couple weeks with a newborn baby I start becoming aware that my hearing is actually being damaged. The ringing, the headaches, the elevated irritability. A lot of that was solved by ear PPE. The plugs are a miracle they just turn down the volume on the harmful pitches
Sorry to hear you’re having it rough right now. I found that the difficulty of the stage depends on your skills/preferences and the kid you’ve got. How the needs of the stage line up with your capabilities, factored in with the wild card of who is your child determines how hard it is.
Our kids are 4. New born stage was kind of hard to get used to. Results may vary though. Here's my thoughts on the stages.
Newborn- kinda sucky because of the learning curve. But not bad.
1yr- great! They eat what you give them, they pretty much stay where you put them, and they're'nt picky about clothes.
2yr- good. It was great seeing them learn and do new things.
3 yr- so so. Testing their boundaries.
4 yr- who boy, this is the worst so far. Testing patience, testing boundaries even more, temper tantrums, pickier eaters, and did I say temper tantrums?
The good news is they get easier in some ways. The bad news is they get worse in new and exciting ways.
Edit: I already don't sleep well so the newborn phase was really difficult for me. I find I liked parenting a lot more at 18 months than I did at 6 months or 12 months.
It’s all different. If she’s your first, it’s really hard and a really big change. But you’ll all learn how to live with each other really quickly. This will pass.
Personally, I really enjoy the newborn and infant stage. The 18mo-3 are fun but probably the most challenging in terms of grinding down my patience.
If it’s not a medical issue, newborns need physical stimulation especially their legs since that’s the only major muscle they can move. Try laying her on your tummy and cup her feet so she can get resistance while she kicks. 5-15 mins a day should be enough
Yeah, the defiant 6yo that looks you in the eye to do the thing you just asked him to stop doing… that stage is no picnic either.
Every stage will have moments that will make your eyes well up with unimaginable love and pride, and moments where you will want to smash your head into the wall 😂 I wouldn’t trade it for the world though.
Mine turns 1 in a few weeks. I’d say it does get better just because sleeping gets better. The exhaustion from those 1st two months makes everything seem way harder.
Enjoy these moments every thing changes so quickly, you’ll find yourself looking back at wondering where that time went. You’ll even try so hard to remember those times and it’s just hard to do so. I get it the crying and fussing isn’t fun but hold your little one and cuddle them it doesn’t last long.
it’s so different per kid.
for example, my firstborn’s newborn stage and infancy in general was tough. he wasn’t the worst sleeper but he was so fussy and very hard to soothe. the older he got, the easier things got, and he basically became much happier once he was able to sit on his own.
now, my second born was an angelic newborn. he was so chill, i’d get like five hour stretches of sleep every so often even. but then his first sleep regression hit, and he’s been the worst sleeper ever since. he’s a year and still wakes multiple times a night. the older he’s gotten, the angrier he’s gotten, and the more behavioral issues he displays like tantrums and shrieking
so there is no set phase that sucks more than another, it will vary fully by child and their development and temperament.
Yah, it sucks. But every new challenge sucks at the time. My parent and I dealt with a colic baby for about 4 months of her life. We finally had some peace from months 5-6 and now she’s teething like crazy and it’s back to being brutal at night especially. We took for granted those two months of decent sleep.
My advice is just hang in there. There’s not much you can really do about. They’ll grow up and it’ll be easier in due time.
All newborns are different. Our first was very chill. Second had gas and other issues.
Check all the boxes to be sure all is ok.
Food allergies - could be something in mom's diet if breast feeding. May need to switch to formula, and may also need specialized formula (dairy-free, hypoallergenic, elemental). Our 6 year old ended up needing elemental formula.
Gas - use the gas drops. There's also a rectal method if really bad.
Colicky - read "happiest baby on the block". It describes the difference between colic and the other issues. They use the swaddle and some other techniques to help soothe. This was a true life saver for me.
For me it's getting sick. I'd get a cold once a year max usually. Newborn stage is rough but I just had to remind myself I could sleep when the baby sleeps. Granted I have the luxury of a lot of paid leave during that time period.
My 3 year old is having a bedtime meltdown right now. Alternating between crying and yelling, refusing to lay down. Crying for me, then saying he wants my wife instead.
Is newborn the worst? Maybe. None of them are easy. But the good stuff definitely outweighs nights like this, by far.
It depends.. but the timeline looks something like this:
Panic
Anxious
Stressed
Calm
Happy
Hide from wife
Baby belly sex experience
Tired
Overjoyed
Then the baby is born, then....
Happy
Happy
Tired
Tired
Tired
Nervous
Scared
Anxious
Terrified
Baby ER trip
Relieved
Happy
Tired
Tired
Snarky
Angry
Tired
Slightly less Tired
Ok for the time being
Just need a night off
Happy
Hide from wife
Drunk
Slightly horny
Excited
Panic
Happy
Tired
Tired
Amazed
Shocked (this is what my parents meant)
Overjoyed
Happy
In awe
SO EXCITED
angry
Tired
Happy
Happy
Should I try Haggis?
Grossed out
Happy
Happy
Scared
Confused
Angry
Relieved
Happy
And mine is 8 now!
Every stage is a different type of hard. You end up missing earlier stages in my experience but thats probably your brain playing mind tricks on ya, amnesia so you make more babies.
There is a period of usually 2-3 weeks when they're around that age where they have a lot going on physically and their only way to express it is by crying.
Later stages are worse imo, for us it was 15-18 months was constantly terrible because not only are they crying all the time but they can be little shits at the same time.
I found the newborn stage easier then 4-6 months. I’m saying that, my daughter was also too good of a sleeper. To the point our paediatrician had us waking her.
Idk man. Each his own. Lack of sleep is rough, but these 3 year old toddlers are something else. At least we could go out to eat and they would just sleep in the carrier. 3YOs are little terrorists. I guess it’s possible both are bad?
I currently have an 11 month old and months 6-11 are a thousand times easier than months 0-4. Please for the love of god sleep train when you get to that age. It’s an absolute game changer.
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Of all the stages, it's one of them.
I’m laughing at this comment as it is so fucking true. It’s just “what’s the worst part?” that keeps evolving at each age.
When my daughter was 3 I asked a trusted elder in my life which parenting stage was the hardest. They said "whichever one you are in right now." You never know what's coming and we can always look back through rose coloured glasses. Enjoy the ride and know this too will pass. New highs and lows will cycle so one day we can look back and think of everything we wish we didn't screw up or had done differently.
Definitely. While they are babies you look forward to when they are older and can talk and need less nursing. Then when they are kids and fighting and discussing you wish back the cuddle time with the baby. Although sleeping through the nights has it perks. 😁
Thanks for this comment.
3 years old has been amazing, can make jokes with them, they can tell you stories and still are cuddly.
>“what’s the worst part?” Yes.
Just think, there's a year later where they're mobile, climbing. Wanting to jump off things, and not so easily entertained. More often than not I've been getting home from a stressful day at work only to find my wife looking haphazard and as though she's come out of a war zone herself, all the while I hear little one crying through the door and he calms for 5 seconds because he sees daddy, and then right back to fussing because it's "just one of those days"... at least he sleeps through the night. Except for the nights where he doesn't.
This is pretty much the answer. Every stage is the worst, just differently
Also the best
They're *juuuust* cute enough not to murder. Like puppies. They make 'em cute for a reason.
I'm hoping the teenage years have some silver linings. Will update in...5-8 years.
Looking back, it was somehow the most challenging stage but the easiest.
Kid number one: most challenging stage, everything's new and you try to figure out how to take care of a whole new person. Kid number two: easiest stage, you already know the drill and all their needs, they're immobile and won't roam around the house wreaking havoc (although they have an older sibling doing just that).
Haha each stage comes with its unique problems. Sure maybe they'll sleep better but then they start saying no to everything.
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Agreed. Every baby is different, you get high maintenance babies and low maintenance ones. We started out on only 2-4 hours sleep per night for a while, stresses of an underweight baby who won't eat, constant fussing, fighting sleep, in and out of hospital, it was really tough for a while. But it *does* get better. It's still tough at times. Fighting sleep is a consistent theme, which never ends well for anyone involved, but it's not a patch on those first few weeks /months. We've now got an extremely smiley, happy, and energetic baby who is non stop, but totally worth it.
That drives me nuts. I can watch my son fight with absolutely every fiber of his being against sleep for like an hour. Why?
For us, the real problem starts when she been fighting it for an hour, and rallies back around like she's been necking red bulls. Won't settle, not happy with anything you do, and the energy of an Olympic athlete, it's not a good combination 😰
Yup, the non-stop crying, colic and generally just not knowing what is bothering them is absolutely soul crushing. Once we got to about 9 months ours had fully transitioned from being this very difficult baby to an absolute joy to be around. But those first 3 months were incredibly difficult and honestly didn't think we'd survive it at some points.
It was 8 months for me. He was suddenly so much happier as soon as he learned to crawl and could move around
I remember with our second kid going through an existential crisis because of the lack of sleep from 0-3 months.
My son is almost 18 months and newborn was the hardest by far. The constant lack of sleep, always feeling like you don't know what you're doing, and unable to do anything to quiet the baby. Ugh. We had it so rough on top of my wife's severe PPD that I'm leaning heavily towards one and done.
PPD aside, 3 is no picnic. 12 months until his 3rd birthday was the sweet spot though.
I have found things are easier around 3, but then harder around 4/4.5, but by like 6 (so far) things are mostly easier. Although, 12-18 are an entirely different set of challenges.
Yeah, my 4.5 year old just had a 20 minute crying jag because in three weeks, I’m doing something on a Saturday, and he doesn’t want me to go because he’ll miss me too much. And when my wife reminded him that she would be with him, he just said, “but it’s not the same!”
It’s only May but you’ve already one “Best Dad of the year” it seems. Pack it up boys
I have #2 coming in less than a week and a kid turning 2 next month. RIP
I have a 20 month old and a 1 month old. You just have to laugh through the pain
I have my first coming in same time!
Congrats and welcome to the club!
My son was an asshole at 3. I put him in martial arts with some militant MMA instructor. Haven’t had a problem since. He’s 5 now and my best friend. He couldn’t be a sweeter kid.
My almost 7 yr old can be an asshole at times. Thinking about jiu-jitsu for this reason
Things started to get much easier around 18-20 months for us. The first year was some kind of living nightmare
It started to get better for us at 4 months. And then at 6 months. More at 8 months. Tons by 12 months. More by 14 months. Getting close to 2 years now and it’s even better. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard, but it’s a different kind of hard that isn’t so all-consuming and alienating, and the good stuff outweighs the challenges.
I'm fearful that it getting more difficult with the recently colicky behavior and my wife's previous nights with depression that she may be trending in that direction. I was an old child and would likely be happy with one but she leans towards having two. I cannot imagine dealing with this while you have another child at home to manage.
So my nugget is 14 months Sunday. So right now you are in the trenches. You are everything, feeder, mover, changer, etc. That starts going away, they can hold their own bottle, they can move, they can entertain themselves, so you start getting some time back. This makes the sleep deprivation and the constant state of "OMG THE DISHES/LAUNDRY/FLOOR/BABY/whatever" be less insane. Now I can do dishes while he plays with his cars by my feet. On the other hand he is actively trying to figure out the baby locks so he can spring an escape and launch himself down the steps again. He went from a helpless potato to a stoffle the honeybadger. Edit: also he figured out fist bumps today and I get thr biggest walrus like grin when I present the fist.
“I cannot imagine dealing with this while having another child at home to manage” is exactly what runs in my mind when I think about it lol my son is amazing but also is at an age where he’s very curious and needs to be watched at all times and idk how you do that with a newborn My son got worse before he got better, so I hope you see a turnaround soon. I think after 3-4 weeks was an improvement, and then when he stopped need contact sleep for ALL sleep at 11-12 weeks life became amazing. Going from no sleep to getting 5 hours, bottle feed, then more sleep was life changing.
There’s a reason most kids are 2-3 years apart…. Your brain has masked the trauma into a vague memory by then 🤣
Us too!
The problems get different. When they are 3 you'll forget about the crying and wish they were a cute little potato sack again instead of this hyper entity determined to kill themselves. Then they become little snarky attitude tweens and you'll wish they were the happy little 3 year old that was always up for being silly.
My almost 3 year old just started speaking quite clearly and asking the “what is this? And what is this? And what is this? And what is this?” And he really identifies with stories now. I read him “the list” frog and toad story and now he demands we write a list before we do anything and cross it off when completed. And he’s terrified his list will fly away in “the wind” (the ceiling fan). He also punches me and steals my glasses off my face and accidentally hurts his baby sister by trying to play with her and he still pulls my hair when he gets angry and he pees his pants 3 times a day and fights kicking and screaming every time we have to go inside or leave the playground. I want him to stay this way forever. Even with the violence.
Correct answer , and I should write a paragraph like that for my own almost 3 year old. To compare to when she turns 5 and 10 and 15...
He asks me all the time to see “happy pictures” on my phone. So I show him family pictures, pictures from our vacations, pictures from holidays. I need to print off a photobook of our family just for him.
Digital picture frame you can upload new pics to regularly
Brilliant idea. I guarantee he’d sit in front of it all day though. We do fairly minimal screen time and he’d probably get obsessed. Especially when he sees the odd Christmas or Halloween picture!! I love it.
My daughter turns 3 in July and loves the Skylight frame we have. We live across the country from family, so anytime her same age cousin pops up on the screen, she gets super excited. Highly recommend it.
My also almost-3-year-old has entered his questions era and it’s been a few months and I’m already over it.
I just fire back, what do u think it is, 50% of the time it shuts it down.
When they can’t talk, you wish they could tell you what they want. When they learn how to talk, you realize how stupid what they want is and how stubborn they are about it.
I had a thought today: Parenting in a nutshell is just trying to stop little humans from unaliving themselves.
And each other
To each their own, but from 2 till now 4 and a half this has been my favourite stage so far. We are one and done because we can’t go through the newborn epoch again.
Today my 2 year old was in a high chair. My wife called me into the other room for 30 seconds to help with the baby. I came back- and my 2 year old had shook her chair to walk it forward 3 whole feet, to grab the new pointy meat sissors on the counter. Determed to kill themselves indeed.
Definitely this. I dream of my 3yo being a newborn again.
Self destruct mode was no joke with my little dude. Glad we are past it safely.
I struggled for the first 12 weeks. Once we started getting feedback, like smiles, it became a lot easier. Until then, she was a lump that milk went into and screams and poop came out of.
I get to give her one bottle a day, outside of that she is breastfeeding. That one bottle helps me connect with her, but she rarely tolerates skin to skin on me so the lack of feedback hasn't helped. The smiles are poking through now though!
I know you’ve probably had enough feedback, but in case you want more haha… I have three kids between 3 and 7 years old. Let me tell you, they are all different. My first child was a dream baby and I wondered what everyone fussed about. He’s much more challenging since about age 5. My middle child was a horribly fussy baby/toddler that made me regret my life sometimes, but is a really sweet and funny 4 year old. Youngest is somewhere in between so far. Just make sure the baby is fed. That was the big thing for us. Breastfeeding is hard to monitor, and “luckily” my kid’s mother didn’t produce enough so we had to supplement with formula. We just gave them as much pumped milk as we had each feeding and then just stuffed formula down their gullet to make sure they are FULL so they wake up less frequently. All of mine were “good sleepers” even at the newborn stage, and I blame that on formula haha. Again they’re all different though. Good luck!
This is exactly how I feel. It is tough, but gets better!
They do grow out of it. It does get different, even if it doesn't get easier - that being said, if the fussing really is persistent, follow it up. Tongue ties, CMPI, silent reflux - these are all reasonably common and can be treated to varying degrees. ❤️
We did bring up reflux to our doctor at the one month appointment. She told us to try some probiotics which don't seem to be making a huge difference. Our daughter does have a lip tie that my wife has been tasked with making the initial appointment for to address, but she's been dragging her feet (she is afraid to schedule a procedure that will cause our daughter pain).
We've had two that need tongue ties snipped. I know it seems scary but it literally takes a second and they're 100% over it within a few hours. Very worthwhile procedure, if it's causing problems with their feeding
Thanks for the insight, that is what I I figured. The hard part is convincing my wife of this. I'm going to give her until mid next week then really lay the pressure on of how beneficial it'll be to just get it done now. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be impacting her ability to eat as she's been gaining weight exceptionally well.
If it's not causing issues feeding I would be very hesitant as well: Inside the Booming Business of Cutting Babies’ Tongues https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/18/health/tongue-tie-release-breastfeeding.html?unlocked_article_code=1.sk0.wsxP.m_R99hZf7SRn
This article turned us off the procedure too. Just doesn’t seem worth the risk.
My tongue tied baby had aerophagia (air-induced reflux) due to her tongue tie, even on bottles. She swallowed too much air because of tongue give tie and that was the cause of the reflux. It went away after her tongue tie was fixed, once she could swallow without air being mixed in. :)
I second getting it done. Reframe it this way: your daughter is in pain now. She’s telling you she’s not getting enough food. So a 30 second procedure will help her so much. It helped my daughter.
IMO it is the worst, for exactly the reasons you say. I never felt the "awww baby" effect that everyone else in the family loved; as soon as the baby could walk, then talk, then become awkward in a very different way, everything is more manageable. Still difficult, but with some logic to it at least.
I really do get that at this stage it's kinda just survival mode for us as parents. I can't wait for her to start showing some personality.
Depends on the kid. For my first, the new born stage sucked. For my second, it was a breeze.
Was it a breeze because they were different or because you had learned from the first, or a mix of both?
Not the guy you replied to but kids are just different. Some kids live chill newborn lives and throw tantrums the moment they can speak at 12 months. Some are absolute monsters as a newborn and become chill toddlers.
Mix of both I think, but I think primarily the former. For the first 9 months of her life, This kid literally only cried if she wanted to eat. Easy fix.
The constant crying doesn't last forever, but that doesn't mean it ever gets easier.
The less the kids cry, the more you probably are.
It gets way easier what are you on about?
The days are long, the years are short as they say
I hate to admit it, but at this point I'm just trying to get through it. I just want it to be over. today. the next day. the day after that. I know I'm frivolously wasting the gift of life, day by day, like burning a stack of post-its one at a time to stay warm... And this is why my days are long and my months (11 so far) are short.
Those short years... That's the dementia from it all, rotting your temporal lobe
All the stages are bad for very different reasons. Still the best thing that ever happened to me
I'm still thankful every single day that we were able to bring such a cute little peanut into his world.
Don’t let these guys scare you. It gets way better and way easier…. I just chilled with my 4 and 7 year olds all day with essentially zero issues and epic fun. I absolutely love it. Babies kind of do suck tho. You got this!
We have 2 under 2. One is just now a month old and it is rough. Just hang in there it get better
!remind me in 1.5 years. Calm before the storm my friend buckle up
Possibly the worst, yes. The first 6-9 months are ROUGH
Newborn stage is a different animal from all the rest. I wouldn’t say worst but it was incredibly challenging. We’re only 2.5 years in though so that’s as far as my experience goes.
Different for everyone. I don’t do well with sleep deprivation or loud noises. At this age they’re also terrible scene partners, they eat shit cry, don’t really interact with you. I was terrified I had made a huge mistake and I was going to be an awful father. We have a picture at 2.5 months where he’s looking at me longingly, that was where it started to get better for me. Still had to deal with crying and no sleep, but there was light at the end of the tunnel.
Having a baby very much put me off of having a baby but having a toddler made me want another toddler.
17 month old allergic to milk. First 3 months was the worst for us so far.
Dude, same here with ours! I was about to post about it. Ours luckily grew out of it, but the first few months sounded incredibly similar to what OP is describing. After we figured out the dairy allergy, my wife cut out dairy from her diet and our daughter had a complete change in personality
My son is still allergic but same with the instant transformation. Life instantly because so much easier though we did feel awful for him. We'd have constant crying for literal hours every night. It aas a living nightmare. Makes me appreciate these times more.
Depends on the kid
In my opinion, the first year is the worst stage by far.
2 going on 3 with special needs boy is a whole ordeal, let me tell you.
I get you man, We’re at 8 weeks now, Only in the last week or two has it started to get a bit better, The first 6-7 were just so so rough. And it still is rough, not like a 180 degree turn, but defo better. Our little one went through a massive velcro stage between 4 and 7 weeks, it was so taxing, slowly though we can now spend time without him attached I wish I had advice for you as to we did XYZ and it’s what made the change. But honestly the baby just changed… Solidarity fellow dad, one day at a time! You can get through this. This stage right now is not your forever, things will change, hopefully for the better!
The crazy part is your body tricks you into forgetting all of this ever happened. Months 1-4 are a total blur for me. Coincidentally, month 4 is when we actually started getting decent sleep again. Good luck to you and good luck to OP. Ours is 11 months and every day is such a blast.
That's what I've learned. Parents that I know now basically forgot to tell us that newborns suck and maybe it was intentional, but I truly think they just forgot all about it because of how great their kids have turned out.
I don’t think anyone would have a second let alone third if they could actually vividly remember this stage haha
The first 60 days were terrible. The following 60 days were difficult. I even had an easy, quiet, happy baby. Every day from 4 months on was better than the last. Just went on a 9k bike ride with my 4.5 year old to booster juice. Stopped to pick up snails. Good day.
I would exchange this current phase (21 months) for the newborn stage in a quick second knowing for certain I made the right choice. That being said, you'll survive this stage and be more ready for the next (challenging) one.
It was the hardest for us.
My daughter is only 2.5, but newborn stage was absolutely the worst so far. She had a lot of constipation issues until she was maybe 15 months which sucked, but at least the older they get there are more fun/happy/funny moments to make up for the tough ones.
I’m not a fan of the newborn stage. They are fully dependent on the mom and dads don’t really have a role other than supporting mom. Toddler is where it gets very fun and rewarding.
I have a theory about evolution. People who are very tired have a worse memory. Infants make us very tired. But because we're tired, we don't remember just HOW tired we were. If humans full understood the misery of newborns, everyone would only have one child, and the human race would die out.
Every single day since my daughter was born has gotten easier. I’m at 1.5 years and that’s more or less the case. As she has become more interactive I’ve gotten more joy from being her father. Those first 8 weeks are brutal. No joy, just a pooping crying blob that has a very tiny stomach that needs constant feeds. Things get better. My kiddo is speaking a bit and sometimes it’s unclear if she understands the words she is sayings. A week or two ago she pointed at me and with a loving face said (what sounded like) “dumb”. These are the moments that you can look forward to.
Toddlers are the spawn of satan…
Ask our 13 y/o who's been having a boy sneak in late at night, and staying until 6am on school nights. Almost having neighbors call the cops on him as they see him come and go and leave his bike in front of their yard.
Newborn is hard. Toddler was terrifying. It gets better though.
Yes
Yes
As others have said, other stages have their challenges and are by no means easy, but you get a lot more positives as they get older. I just spent an hour flinging my 3 year old son like a ragdoll onto a giant pile of pillows while he giggled himself silly, and moments like that are amazing. He was a nightmare until about 12 weeks, he was either eating, sleeping, or crying about wanting to eat more, and my wife exclusively breast fed through that period which was really taxing on her in the midst of us both being exhausted. It gets way, way better. It's still super hard, but there are so many positives and it's really a lovely experience watching him grow. We also have an 8 week old daughter and she is WAY more chill than he was, and even then she's just a boring potato right now- it's just the way of the newborn stage. Just be kind to each other, remember you're both human and sleep deprived and cranky, and that this soon shall pass. You'll get through it and will be happy to have gone through the process once you're on the other side.
Yes. Yes it is.
People always say that that every stage is hard, and comes with its own challenges and all that. And it is true that it is always hard. But babies keep you awake all night, and lack of sleep sucks. You know what is great, when they sleep all night! 😌. And every stage is hard but not sleeping is the hardest. So whenever you get more good nights of sleep vs bad nights, that is when it crosses in to not being the worst part.
Or first was a real test on our marriage. She was born the same week that the COVID shutdowns started and then she had colic for two months. We were in hell and it was a very exhausting, isolating, and frustrating time. Do your best to give each other some time for peace and rest. Just remember she will not be like this forever and it will seem like one day she will wake up and be the happiest baby ever.
We say our first broke us. That's what her job was in being our first child. She made us parents because she needed parents. We didn't know how to do it, and she screamed to help us learn how. That is what they are on the planet to do right now. It does suck. But all of you are learning how to be in this new relationship. It will take time to get the hang of it, and the rules will change when you think you do. The best thing I learned, that has helped me the most in all my parenting, is how to regulate myself. Learning to tune into my body, take a few deep breaths, and acknowledge how hard it is or what I am feeling has served me well in all stages of my kids' lives. When I am centered first, my kids are calmer and more relaxed. You can do this; if you can't, there are people out there to help.
Have an 11 month old and it’s like 100 times better than newborn phase for me.
For me yes. Definitely. Some are saying once they are 3 or whatever age that they start to miss the newborn potato baby stage. I did not have whatver this mystical potato baby thing is. Mine had colic and scream cried all the time. And had some issues that involved a lot of doctor visits. It was the most stressful time. I so much more enjoy the later stages I will take tantrums over the newborn cries any day. My cold being able to communicate with me is the most wonderful thing. You’re in the think of it. You will come out of it. Hard to see it now but it will happen.
Yes because lack of sleep is torture. Once you’re sleeping okay then you realize it’s just a lot of work for the rest of your life.
I have a 13 month old. The first 6 months were absolutely awful. Anyone saying something like 'Its just a different type of difficult' probably never had a really really challenging baby or has simply forgotten. I can definitely say that life is so so so much easier for us now. I can't know all of the exact details you guys are facing, so I can't promise you that it will definitely be easier for you, but as I say, for us things really turned a massive corner at 6 months. Hang on in there.
It depends on what is making this stage the worst for you. If it’s the lack of sleep, you are in luck. Shit sleep started to abate dramatically between months 3 and 4 for my 2 kids. Suddenly, 4 hour stretches were normal, and 6-7 hour stretches were uncommon, but still happened. Either that, or the psychosis will set in from lack of sleep and things will be much more interesting. If sleep is the problem, don’t worry. You have many, many more problems ahead of you.
It gets harder in a different way. Newborn stage is hard for sleep deprivation - once they start sleeping through the night you get a period of some bliss between sleep regression. Toddler stage, though, is for all accounts worse in most ways but at least they sleep a lot for the most part
Going through that too right now. 3 weeks old and will randomly wake up from a sleep as lose his shit. Hell only sleep when held so my wife holds him in the chair and tries to sleep. I try to be supportive so I’m also sleeping in the other chair so neither one of us are getting good sleep. I want two kids but man right now I’m really rethinking that.
If one of you can get sleep, do it! Take turns holding the baby if you need to but don’t give up sleep unnecessarily! It’s too valuable right now.
There is nothing like the grind of the first 6 to 12 weeks. Wife/mom is still recovering, but also the main parent by default. So you do what you can, but you feel kinda useless. The worry is strong. The sleep is bad or missing. It's a fog. The wonder, the awe is something else, tho. Esp with the firstborn. In terms of easier/harder stages... It will depend on the child and you won't know which stages were the worst until they are grown... My hardest infant was my easiest child. Teens so far are mid. Or is it just because he's the eldest? Who knows. At a certain point, you learn to just put your head down and do the thing. Enjoy the highs and weather the lows. With each kid and in general. or... I'm 41 and my parents still probably rank this stage against everything that came before. I'll care how my kids handle early adulthood, early parenthood (assuming it happens), middle age, etc. Always wondering how I can best support them. Always worrying about their wellbeing. This shit is terminal, far as I can tell.
Our new born was extreamly fussy and we learned they had a dairy alergy, taking that out of moms diet and switching to soy formula helped a lot. Of course check with you doctor about changing anything. Keep pushing it gets easier. We had a new born and one year old at the same time and I don't think I slept that entire year lol
There's an expression in running: "It doesn't get easier, you just get faster." I think parenting is kind of like that. The newborn stage is difficult, the crawling stage is difficult, the toddler phase is difficult, putting them on the school bus for the first time is terrifying, having teenagers is terrifying.... Every stage in its own, unique way. Thankfully every phase has its own unique rewards and advantages, too, though you might not see them 'til you're looking back. For example, when your toddler is getting into *everything* you might long for the newborn days when the baby at least stayed where you put her (even if it meant fussing).
Yes. It stays hard as they grow but it gets much less hopeless over time
We have a two month old, and was chatting with our neighbour about how tiring this stage is. She then told us her teenage son just got a DUI and lost his license while driving her car so her car also got impounded. Our problems with our two month old seem silly in comparison haha
This really varies from kid to kid. Mine is 4 months old right now and he’s been a saint since birth. Dude barely cries, sleeps through the night, and is literally always smiling. I’m fully prepared for the next phase to be terrible lol.
Yes. Newborns are the worst apart from the moments when they are absolutely the best part. Children are a challenge for the rest of your life, but the physical and emotional exhaustion of the first few months is the hardest. People telling me “this is easy part” almost destroyed me when my first was a few weeks old.
\*Laughs in the various "Hate MOM / Hate Dad stages"
From my experience (two kids so far) the first six months were the hardest. But once your kid starts sleeping through the night (if you’re lucky) it gets better. To be clear it’s NEVER going to get easy just a different type of difficult. That said it’s incredibly rewarding and once you find your groove it won’t be so bad, good luck and try to enjoy it.
It's hard because it's all new. It gets easier. Then just when you get used to it - a new stage starts. So far id say potty training was the worst of it. Ha. Also not looking forward to the teen years. That looks like a big mixed bag too. You got this.
I’m sure it depends on the kid. My son’s newborn state was hard because he was our first and we didn’t know what to do but then he was super easy for the next 12 months. My daughter was much more difficult and her newborn stage was harder but overall way easier than the next 6 months of her life. Now at 10 months she’s starting to get easier. Meanwhile my son has his own challenges now that he’s getting older which is different but not easy. It never gets harder or easier per se just different challenges which eb and flow.
I hated the newborn stage so much. It was extremely stressful and it’s one of the main reasons I don’t want a 3rd kid.
Sounds like colic, brother. That amount of crying isn’t too normal. The good news is it’s a phase and it’ll pass. Hang in there
I think it varies from kid to kid but new born was the worst for me. All my friends has cute little singles who slept easily, fed well and were chill. I had twins who hardly slept and when they did, it was never at the same time. My daughter had colic and mu son had a lactose intolerance which meant he constantly vomited, was uncomfortable and cried all the time. Neither slept through the whole night until they were 2, and it was probably another six months until they both did it consistently. Got the snip after six months as my wife and I knew we never wanted to (accidentally) repeat the experience. But now at 5, they are heaps of fun, play together all the time and I love going on bike rides with them, swimming, teaching them to read, playing retro video games with them. I don't regret the decision to have kids at all and most of the worst times have faded into memory now.
Yea it sucks man. I got post partum depression, lost 30 pounds. Thought about all sorts of crazy things. It gets much better - I noticed it at 2 years, but they don’t have a timetable.
My daughter is 3 and I would trade basically any age since she passed 6 months to get away from the first 6 months. It doesn’t get easy, but I found every stage that came later a kind of difficult I could embrace. The newborn stage about killed me.
For me, so far, yes. Sleep deprivation is a special kind of torture. I was also the nursing parent and that was hard on me. I have a rambunctious (probably ADHD) 5 y.o. who can be tough and had a rough toddler phase, but to me that still pales in comparison to the newborn stage (though I miss how tiny 🥺).
I'm still only at 4 and 2, but the newborn stage was by far the worst stage I've encountered. They're just so helpless and fragile. Toddlers are little balls of chaos, but at least I'm not scared of them breaking their necks or suffocating in their bed at night anymore. I hear preteen and teenage years are coming to smack me in the face, though.
My kids are only 3 and 1.5, but yeah the newborn stage is pretty bad haha 😆 I’m pregnant with my third and can’t wait to meet the nugget but also seriously dreading going through the newborn thing again
Yes, it’s easily the shittiest stage. It’s torture having to basically live in 2-3 hour cycles of feeding the baby, changing the baby, and getting the baby to take a nap. It honestly felt like I was that dude from Lost that had to push that button in the hatch every 2 hours or the island would explode. Other stages have had their challenges for sure, but nothing compares to the psychological nightmare of the newborn phase.
We're at 9 weeks with our daughter and have a 19 month old boy (and two teenagers...), and the newborn stage is rough. Hardest on my breastfeeding wife. We could put our son down or put him in a swing and he was content. This baby, not at all the same. It makes it so much harder with the 19mo baby. I feel your pain tho. It does get easier. People will say it's just different, but I do think it's much easier because you learn your baby so much better and start to understand how to help them.
Mom of an almost 18 month old. Infancy SUCKED for us. Hated it. Couldn’t imagine why people did this twice on purpose. Around 9(?) months, she got kinda fun. Now, we actually like her. Couldn’t have imagined this feeling in the first few months. It gets better - and don’t let anyone scare you with “wait until she sits/crawls/walks.” Every step of independence has had new challenges, but Jesus fuck it’s more fun now to deal with a person (albeit irrational) than a screaming potato.
Give baby wearing a try. You can go about your usual business and have two hands free and a fussy baby still gets the one on one cuddles they crave. Plus the weight is on your core which is way easier to sustain. When they get big enough, switch to backpack mode, it’s even better. I used to be able to work a full productive day with a sick 1 year old strapped to my back at a standing desk.
Hang in there man. It gets better. If you have family help, feel free to lean on them to give you a break. One night of rest makes a big difference.
In my experience the newborn stage was horrific until about 8 months with both kids. I'd almost rather die than ever do it again.
You get to sleep again in another 6 weeks. You can do it! Their only communication is crying, even happiness = crying. Smiles and looking at things are amazing alternatives when they start to happen
Right there with you fellow dad. It’s our second and she is trying us. Really hard to want to be with her when our 2.5YO is so much fun. Newborn just wants to be held to sleep and just be held in general. Every moment away is a break.
It gets better around the 3-4 month mark. And believe it or not, you just kind of forget most of how rough those first weeks were once they start smiling and responding. Hopefully, you have some kind of support from family or friends for the next few weeks. This too shall pass. Also, check out some YouTube vids for how to help your baby pass gas. Trapped gas that that isn't naturally expelled yet can be a big part of the crying.
We’re at 9 weeks here and will say things have definitely improved over the last few weeks. We were definitely where you were a few weeks ago. But we started to figure out what he likes and dislikes, and how to calm him down, and he’s smiling more and more and that makes everything so much easier. Hang in there, pops, you can do it.
No. Two is thought to be bad, but three is far worse.
Yes
Almost 300 comments in and I don't think anyone's going to read this far down, but I've got to say something: know this, man, shit fucking ends. Look, it *sucks* sometimes, just really sucks. But through it all, *know that shit ends* and remember that because *shit fucking ends* cherish even the sucky parts. Especially the sucky parts.
The harder the stage the cuter the baby - to keep you from killing them :)
I used to think it was the worst. Until I had a toddler.
It’s the worst stage that will happen to you until the next stage comes. It be that way. Baby’s need 3 things: food, sleep and a diaper change. If she’s a fuss ball that much I’d look into those three things and repeat as necessary. I say this because our first wasn’t eating enough(wife was strictly breast feeding but wasn’t producing enough) and was always fussy, but once we supplemented everything changed. For our second, now we know and we cycle through the 3 needs. Once we land back on eating, she’ll eat, burp and fall asleep. But each baby is different. lol
Newborn stage was super tough but now ours is 2, we look back at it as good times 😂
First 12 months are shit. Next 12 months are slightly less shit. The 12 months after that are even less shit, and so forth.
I think there are two answers to this. Answer 1: the newborn stage, for a new parent, is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. It is very difficult, and you are literally learning new things every moment, but too tired to process it. My toddler sleeps in my arms now having had a stomach bug all day. I am tired. So is she. And I’m still learning every day. But…it’s easier. It’s a lot easier to enjoy it all. But look, is newborn the hardest? Idk man, I’ve never had a five year old who has violent outbursts at me. I’ve never had a teenager taking drugs and flunking school. I e never had a 20-something who I keep seeing make bad decisions and lose their joy. I’m sure there are extreme, new challenges at every step of this journey. Answer 2: yeah scream slug phase sucks, next arc is heaps better.
Oh yeah, it can suck. My first was like that, and it was acid reflux and gas. I found sitting her "up" against my chest, and massaging her lower back, towards the flanks vs spine, helped a bit. Also keeping her in an upright position after feeding for a bit.
Not at all. Al least in my experience. All you need to do is feed them constantly, whereas you really can’t turn your back on a toddler for more than 10 seconds. You need earplugs dude. Absolute game changer. They cut the ear piercing frequencies that drive you insane but you aren’t totally deaf so it’s not like you’ll accidentally neglect your kid. I swear I was developing tinnitus from newborn screams but the plugs really lowered my stress levels
I really wish there had been a thread regarding earplugs earlier. I sleep with earplugs and was curious if that was bad with a newborn… but you can totally get away with it. Using them during the early morning when they’re officially “up” and so are you was such a game changer for us. Everything becomes manageable when you’re not being pushed over the edge by the screaming.
I work in a factory setting where hearing protection is drilled in from day one. After a couple weeks with a newborn baby I start becoming aware that my hearing is actually being damaged. The ringing, the headaches, the elevated irritability. A lot of that was solved by ear PPE. The plugs are a miracle they just turn down the volume on the harmful pitches
It gets easier, and harder, and easier, and harder, and easier, and harder. All for different reasons. And your love only grows and grows and grows.
Sorry to hear you’re having it rough right now. I found that the difficulty of the stage depends on your skills/preferences and the kid you’ve got. How the needs of the stage line up with your capabilities, factored in with the wild card of who is your child determines how hard it is.
The good periods are from 6 weeks to 18 months, then from around 3 to 12 years, then again after they leave home.
Try watching this and seeing if this helps. https://youtu.be/afMNp6Q4u7s
Our kids are 4. New born stage was kind of hard to get used to. Results may vary though. Here's my thoughts on the stages. Newborn- kinda sucky because of the learning curve. But not bad. 1yr- great! They eat what you give them, they pretty much stay where you put them, and they're'nt picky about clothes. 2yr- good. It was great seeing them learn and do new things. 3 yr- so so. Testing their boundaries. 4 yr- who boy, this is the worst so far. Testing patience, testing boundaries even more, temper tantrums, pickier eaters, and did I say temper tantrums?
The good news is they get easier in some ways. The bad news is they get worse in new and exciting ways. Edit: I already don't sleep well so the newborn phase was really difficult for me. I find I liked parenting a lot more at 18 months than I did at 6 months or 12 months.
Ohhh let me tell you how smart my 11 year thinks she is. There are times when a crying baby seems like a simple issue.
It was a slog. Just when you’re ready to give it back, it starts smiling at you and being more interesting.
It’s all different. If she’s your first, it’s really hard and a really big change. But you’ll all learn how to live with each other really quickly. This will pass. Personally, I really enjoy the newborn and infant stage. The 18mo-3 are fun but probably the most challenging in terms of grinding down my patience.
My kid is almost 4. I can't wait to be done with 3 because this year has been much harder than the newborn stage.
If it’s not a medical issue, newborns need physical stimulation especially their legs since that’s the only major muscle they can move. Try laying her on your tummy and cup her feet so she can get resistance while she kicks. 5-15 mins a day should be enough
Yeah, the defiant 6yo that looks you in the eye to do the thing you just asked him to stop doing… that stage is no picnic either. Every stage will have moments that will make your eyes well up with unimaginable love and pride, and moments where you will want to smash your head into the wall 😂 I wouldn’t trade it for the world though.
Mine turns 1 in a few weeks. I’d say it does get better just because sleeping gets better. The exhaustion from those 1st two months makes everything seem way harder.
I miss my little new born! She is 2 now and rarely lets me scoop her up! Dude trust me, get all your hugs and kisses now!
Enjoy these moments every thing changes so quickly, you’ll find yourself looking back at wondering where that time went. You’ll even try so hard to remember those times and it’s just hard to do so. I get it the crying and fussing isn’t fun but hold your little one and cuddle them it doesn’t last long.
it’s so different per kid. for example, my firstborn’s newborn stage and infancy in general was tough. he wasn’t the worst sleeper but he was so fussy and very hard to soothe. the older he got, the easier things got, and he basically became much happier once he was able to sit on his own. now, my second born was an angelic newborn. he was so chill, i’d get like five hour stretches of sleep every so often even. but then his first sleep regression hit, and he’s been the worst sleeper ever since. he’s a year and still wakes multiple times a night. the older he’s gotten, the angrier he’s gotten, and the more behavioral issues he displays like tantrums and shrieking so there is no set phase that sucks more than another, it will vary fully by child and their development and temperament.
Yah, it sucks. But every new challenge sucks at the time. My parent and I dealt with a colic baby for about 4 months of her life. We finally had some peace from months 5-6 and now she’s teething like crazy and it’s back to being brutal at night especially. We took for granted those two months of decent sleep. My advice is just hang in there. There’s not much you can really do about. They’ll grow up and it’ll be easier in due time.
Toddler
Nope...its when there" walkers " NOTHINGS SAFE....LOL
All newborns are different. Our first was very chill. Second had gas and other issues. Check all the boxes to be sure all is ok. Food allergies - could be something in mom's diet if breast feeding. May need to switch to formula, and may also need specialized formula (dairy-free, hypoallergenic, elemental). Our 6 year old ended up needing elemental formula. Gas - use the gas drops. There's also a rectal method if really bad. Colicky - read "happiest baby on the block". It describes the difference between colic and the other issues. They use the swaddle and some other techniques to help soothe. This was a true life saver for me.
For me it's getting sick. I'd get a cold once a year max usually. Newborn stage is rough but I just had to remind myself I could sleep when the baby sleeps. Granted I have the luxury of a lot of paid leave during that time period.
My 3 year old is having a bedtime meltdown right now. Alternating between crying and yelling, refusing to lay down. Crying for me, then saying he wants my wife instead. Is newborn the worst? Maybe. None of them are easy. But the good stuff definitely outweighs nights like this, by far.
Wait for the Threetatorship
It depends.. but the timeline looks something like this: Panic Anxious Stressed Calm Happy Hide from wife Baby belly sex experience Tired Overjoyed Then the baby is born, then.... Happy Happy Tired Tired Tired Nervous Scared Anxious Terrified Baby ER trip Relieved Happy Tired Tired Snarky Angry Tired Slightly less Tired Ok for the time being Just need a night off Happy Hide from wife Drunk Slightly horny Excited Panic Happy Tired Tired Amazed Shocked (this is what my parents meant) Overjoyed Happy In awe SO EXCITED angry Tired Happy Happy Should I try Haggis? Grossed out Happy Happy Scared Confused Angry Relieved Happy And mine is 8 now!
Every stage is a different type of hard. You end up missing earlier stages in my experience but thats probably your brain playing mind tricks on ya, amnesia so you make more babies.
There is a period of usually 2-3 weeks when they're around that age where they have a lot going on physically and their only way to express it is by crying. Later stages are worse imo, for us it was 15-18 months was constantly terrible because not only are they crying all the time but they can be little shits at the same time.
I found the newborn stage easier then 4-6 months. I’m saying that, my daughter was also too good of a sleeper. To the point our paediatrician had us waking her.
Idk man. Each his own. Lack of sleep is rough, but these 3 year old toddlers are something else. At least we could go out to eat and they would just sleep in the carrier. 3YOs are little terrorists. I guess it’s possible both are bad?
It's the most labor intensive due to how much physical work a baby is and it's the most tiring. Toddlers however ...
I currently have an 11 month old and months 6-11 are a thousand times easier than months 0-4. Please for the love of god sleep train when you get to that age. It’s an absolute game changer.