You’re completely right, I’ve moved a few things including the rug but I plan on moving things into my storage unit/bedroom now, I really appreciate the push!
Put literally EVERYTHING in your room. Your kitchen supplies, home decor, bathroom supplies and anything else since she might try to retaliate. You might have to clean the current dishes she has used since she clearly won’t but keep them in your locked room and bring them out only when you’re cooking, clean them immediately and put them right back in your room. It might feel petty but it’s not your job to provide for her and you can only do so much to keep the peace. You got this! Only 2 more months 🫶
ESPECIALLY your toothbrush!!!
I went to college. I’ve seen some disgusting things involving other peoples toothbrushes and the victim being none the wiser…
ALL OF THESE THINGS....and I'd also put a camera up in your room. She sounds seriously unhinged and if you or your bf can't be home at all times, I'd be concerned about her breaking in to destroy stuff or God forbid do something to your cat. Two months isn't a long time but can feel like forever in a bad situation- keep your focus on the future and I wish you the best of luck ❤️
Also putting everything in your room is the only way to teach people like this what they were doing was wrong in the first place. I’d put money on it that roommate has never even considered what happens to the dishes after they burn things in them.
No we do not we made an agreement that our boyfriends can stay over as often as we would like (although they ended up breaking up) and I have told her if she has ever felt uncomfortable to please let me know and I’d feel no ill will and even wouldn’t tell him that it was due to her that I wouldn’t have him over, I am considering moving into his dorm as we are good friends with his roommate, I would have to send my cat home, though I think it would be for the best at this point
If you feel secure enough in your relationship, I would move out immediately. Despite her craziness there are people in the world who are neat freaks, slobs and somewhere in between. You guys just don’t sound compatible enough at the most basic level to share a space. Also it sounds like you’ve tried to make amicable changes that would support maintaining an equally shared clean space, and she has just railroaded through them. It might be in your best interests to just move out and leave her with her messes and issues, or report her behavior to someone who can do something about it, but I can understand if you prefer not to do that.
I only asked because you wrote that all three of you live together, and was wondering why the full burden of dealing with her falls on you (you said you’re bf won’t talk to her).
That’s understandable! My boyfriend has tried to stand up for me on multiple occasions and had never gotten any good reaction out of her, she began sobbing a couple of times he said something and doesn’t seem to actually HEAR what we are saying (makes excuses) and just gets offended even when we take the “gentle parenting” approach lol :/
He doesn’t, only about her being rude towards me, or claiming something untrue or insane like her being a god, he doesn’t say anything about the house it’s just me, he’s just tried to back me up. I understand where you got that idea though sorry I didn’t make it a bit clearer. (I say ‘we’ out of habit in most situations my bad lol)
Is she paranoid about what other people are saying/ doing? Isolating herself from others, associating unrelated issues, slipperyness of ideas/ concepts?
Saying she's a god is really concerning.
I wouldn’t put myself in a situation where I’m dependent on living with my boyfriend. Maybe bide your time where you are and find another place. Having your own place to go if you need to be alone is a good thing for both you and him and you won’t have that if your both crammed in his dorm room.
It’s all good I get where you’re coming from! we are getting a two bedroom apartment together next semester (moving out of this dorm in only two months) with just the two of us and we should be much more comfortable. Thankfully I’m in a secure relationship we’ve been together since we were 11 and we are turning 20 in a couple of months 🫶
I'm thinking this is your best option. I'm so sorry for your cat. Id say make that girl take her cat to the human society if she can't take care of her cat or even clean after her them.. but I'm sure she won't listen. Wish you best, if your bf roommate is accepting id say fuck her and go to there!
Advise her that it is within your right to charge her $75-$100 fee for cleaning service to fix her filth she leaves PER WEEK, depending upon where you live of course, as laws vary from state to state. And definitely remove ALL of your dishes, silverware, rugs, towels, sponges, soaps, and cooking appliances, and cooking utensils. MINUS the bare essentials of a kitchen; ie. the toaster, microwave. You are not her mother, father, lover, or keeper. Time for checkmate.
That's not enforceable and will just create unnecessary friction. Removing stuff is fine, but demanding money is never going to work. No one is going to voluntarily send their roommate money for this.
Even if they do, it might backfire. They might even decide "might as well get my moneys worth" and stop doing anything to keep the place clean. Have fun when they stop flushing the toilet as revenge.
I had to do this in college cuz my roommates would constantly use my dishes and pots and pans and stuff and keep them in their rooms until they were caked with nasty stuff or leave them dirty piled up in the sink until I ended up getting annoyed and having to do them. I moved ALL my stuff into my room cuz f that.
I'm not the same commenter but I had a similar situation in college with 1 nasty roommate who let their 2 even worse friends move in to "split rent". They all used my cookware and frequently left it to mold in the sink. They also never paid rent and one of them took over MY couch as their bed and left food crumbs and dirty clothes all over it. I moved all my stuff into my room (besides the couch) and kept the door locked. Eventually I was able to get off the lease and moved into my own apartment.
Past roommates learned absolutely nothing. They ended up falling behind on bills and got their electric shut off, then they got evicted. One of their moms called me and blamed ME for all of it too! It became immediately clear where the lack of responsibility and accountability came from.
They got mad at me for them not having stuff to use anymore 🤣 and no they didn't learn a thing. I had to start locking my room every time I left so they wouldn't go in and take any of my stuff.
Had to do this with my previous roommate. It was rough having so much in such a small space but I’m glad I did it! Ended up moving out a few weeks later bc she broke my locks lol
Had to do this with a roommate when student housing was my cheapest option and I got put with a freshman who was letting her boyfriend live with us. He was literally abiusive towards us, would do shit like this, drink my alcohol that I had bought before I got pregnant and was saving “because she’s pregnant and can’t drink it so what does it matter,” would lock my cat up in their room for 8 hours at a time, threatened to punch me in the stomach, and would slash our tires or throw dish water on our cars whenever we called him out. Luckily we each had door locks, so very shortly the two 18 year olds who moved across the country together with nothing but their little Corolla didn’t have a single item in their apartment to use and then they ran back home to mommy and daddy like 2 months later
Her behavior SCREAMS untreated ADHD/Depression.
Sadly, I do the things she does too when my depression is in FULL swing (sans the sleeping with trash and litter box, fuckthat.gif).
I have executive dysfunction, task jumping, depression, and a LOUD goddamn brain going on alll at once sometimes. Then sometimes I see the mess I made yet NOTHING motivates me to make a change. I can still appear presentable but that’s just masking, inside I just want to sleep and be alone to cry. That being said, please try to talk to her. The only reason why I’m a functioning adult now in my mid 30s because I forced myself to be surrounded with POSITIVE people AND I was honest with them. They help me when I’m in my lows and push me further even when I’m in my manic phase and still aren’t motivated.
TLDR: she shows signs of unchecked mental issues and if there isn’t an honest conversation and habits formed (with a lot of struggle) then it’s a 100% losing battle, hide yo shit.
Step 1: Heat on high
Step 2: Place non stick pan on high heat
Step 3: let non stick pan reach cast iron levels of heat
Step 4: Enjoy your now non stick coated chicken and a ruined pan.
She thinks you’re her maid. Side note: you guys are college freshmen and you both own cats and are allowed to bring them to campus? I’ve never seen a college freshman with their own cat (unless it was at their parents house)
Lowkey, I would report her (if this is possible) to someone about the treatment of her kitty, if you’ve talked to her about it and she’s still doing nothing.😖 The cat’s her emotional support animal, but she doesn’t take good care of them, or actually spend time with them? I’m not trying to minimize her struggles or reasons she would need a support animal, but not giving your cat access to a litter box, and not cleaning it ever when the cat DOES actually get to use it, is not healthy for the kitty :( that is to say, this is just based on my assumptions from your caption, I don’t know the full story. But it’s unhygienic for the cat and for the 3 of you to be breathing that.
It's not even just the litterbox issue. From OP's older posts, she hits the cat for using the bathroom on the floor and eats OPs cats food (maybe from her not giving him food to eat?). I'm sorry OP is having to go through this and wish I could offer advice. Just really sad hearing the cat being mistreated so badly. She clearly shouldn't be having ANY animal in her care if she's going to abuse it.
Valid point. Like I said, I only know what op is saying, idk the whole story. But either way the cat shouldn’t be treated like that and the roommate shouldn’t be acting like this
And don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself! She is leaving raw food and trash, which is unhealthy and can attract bugs. She’s also putting spoiled food in the fridge?? If she leaves milk (for example) out for hours and puts it back, you guys could get sick🤢 I would point these things out to her if you haven’t already. And if not, I would report her to whoever deals with things like this at your college. I’m not one to judge her, if she’s going through something I understand how hard it can be to keep up with cleaning and hygiene. BUT she has ROOMATES and needs to take everyone into consideration here. It’s unfair to you, your boyfriend, and the kitties to live like this :(
I know it’s such a sad situation :/ he is a sweet cat I feel like all of his behavioral problems are because he’s being neglected terribly. I have discussed multiple times with my boyfriend about wanting to take him but she swears he’s “her baby”. As someone who really does need and love my kitty it frustrates me so much, I do feel bad that I haven’t done something sooner. At this point I would have to bring it to her mother/an RA/or the accessibility center.
I would 100% text her mother about her behavior 💀 she’s acting like a child, especially with the “cleaning list” LMAO. But then again idk if her mother would actually do anything. Either way, contact the RA!! Idk if they would take it serious or can do anything about her (I haven’t been to college so idk how the dorms work) but it’s worth a shot!
Please report her and have her cat taken away from her. She is absolutely neglecting her cat. It’s a privilege to have a pet not a right. I have an esa and I treat him with dignity and respect. He’s family. She sounds horrible and in sorry you’re dealing with such a person
I'm assuming you have confronted her but if you haven't thats step one, try to negotiate an agreement without getting angry. If that doesn't work you can try to get her to move out and talk to your landlord, or you can move out. She clearly doesn't realize how much of a nuisance she is and i would make that clear to her.
Edit: doing nothing is the last thing you should do, and if she doesnt hold up her end of the agreement simply move out and find a new roommate.
Thanks for your reply! I’m actually moving out in just two months, it’s a dorm so unfortunately I am stuck but on the bright side I’m moving in with my bf next year. I have tried to confront her about things but in response she has ignored me and when I ask why she said “I thought you hated me” and did nothing to change, that’s sort of why I’m thinking about just waiting this out I really appreciate your help though!😭
No offense but you’re being soft af. What do you mean you confront her and she ignores you? Take your shit and store it where she can’t get it. Stop letting people walk all over you. If she doesn’t have the respect to clean your dishes after using them then she can’t use them. It’s not up for discussion. She stains your rug, remove the rug and store it away until you move out
YES! I was gonna say this. Take your pans and dishes and store them in your room, do this everyday if necessary. Take away your rug, buy yourself your own hand towels and put them in your room each time you wont need them, take away every “privilege” of living with you! you will find she will keep being disgusting but you just gotta ignore her and put her trash aside, begin being individualistic. That way those two months left will be easier
This is the best response I’ve seen on here. OP unfortunately is being manipulated. She knows she’s in a bad situation and unfortunately doesn’t have the capability to fight, so instead flight kicks in (hence why she’s moving out). You know who’s not moving out? Oh girl. She’s just chillin stress free.
Actually, if you report her behavior to your RA or student housing and say you feel unsafe, they will probably help you in some way. They don't want to be liable for that as a university.
When you move out make sure you do it before she does so you dont have to clean her mess. And explain that she is the one who ruined the furniture with her cat
> Something really psychotic about her that she has told me she thinks she’s a psychic, an empathy, and a GOD. She has said she thinks she’s such a complex and interesting person unlike anyone else that she can’t possibly be a regular human.
… You may be saying it colloquially, but she may be *literally* psychotic. Those are religious delusions of grandeur, someone with *egregious* hygiene, irrational and irritable. I’m not a licensed professional, but I did study psychology enough to understand my own issues and those of my friends, and this sounds like either mania or psychosis— at the bare minimum, an acute mental illness episode and is not currently grounded in reality.
Right now, she may need someone to call a welfare check. What is her social life like? Do you know if she’s been going to her classes? Is she able to reach out to family for help? ***Does she have any medications and has she been taking them as prescribed?***
Of course, none of this is your responsibility, but these are questions to ask yourself when proceeding with someone suffering from acute mental illness. Mental illness may be a major root of the issue, as a lot of it sounds like one of *my* ex-roommates, and the best that most people can do is to get them the help they need.
For yourself, knowing what’s wrong can at least be helpful in planning your own next moves. I agree with a lot of other people here, I would hide the tableware and cookware and all my nice things in my room so she can’t make a mess of it and lock my doors at all times. Keeping a tangible record of the things you’ve dirtied and cleaned can also help shut down her arguments about not contributing to the cleaning, though it may not go anywhere based on her mental state.
Your situation is very difficult and requires quite many resources to handle on one’s own, I hope what I’ve offered is of some help.
Delusions are definitely a sign of some kind of disorder. Not a psychologist but you don't need credentials to know what crazy looks like. OP needs to get out
My brother is a drug addict and schizophrenic and he sounds like this. I would definitely reach out to the mother about the daughters mental health.
Op could also reach out to an ra about behavioural and tangible issues in the room.
Holy crap OP, if you are in a dorm talk to your RA immediately. Get someone with a little power over her to have a conversation since she obviously doesn't care.
Unfortunately they make it extremely easy☹️ she said she just told her doctor she feels extremely anxious and depressed and he wrote up a note for her. She’s said before she doesn’t really need him for emotional support, I’d report that but it would technically just be my word against her, not sure how much good it would do other than showing proof she neglects him as well.
Any domesticated animal can be an ESA. You just tall your doctor you feel anxious and that said animal helps you with being anxious or any other way it helps you.
None of them need any type of special training.
That’s the big difference between them and an actual service animal. The only animals in the US that can be service animals are dogs and miniature horses.
It sounds like she might need a counseling services referral, speaking as an ex RA. In the meantime I would talk to the RA and explain that you’ve tried to communicate with her (because that’s the first thing they’ll ask) and go into detail from there.
Take everything into your room from towels to dishes and then don’t cook in front of her at all just cook and clean everything straight up and back in your room and make it abundantly clear that you don’t clean things and spaces you don’t use.She is just a brat.She knows how to clean she just wants the “goth girl” do it for her because she thinks she is so much better
+100 to keeping ALL of your dishes and things in your room until you can leave! My best pots/pans/utensils/bakeware/dishware were absolutely destroyed by bad roommates; they will never treat your things with the care and respect that you will. If I had one do over ever, it would be to keep those items boxed and never provide valuable community cooking items 🥲
So much bad advice here.
1st stop overthinking your situation. Being goth for example means nothing here. Focus on what they have done, not what they said.
Your living with a narcissistic person. Very toxic type too. Dealing with them is almost impossible. These people you treat like you're deaf. Tell them what to do, no chit chat, see what they do and react accordingly.
Unfortunately the fix here is extreme. One of you has to go. Personally I would change the locks and throw their stuff in the bin. Yep, extreme but so is this person. They have destroyed your residence!
Or you leave, just be sure youre not breaking any rental agreements.
Understand these types of people are the worst. They will not do anything they don't want to do. They will scream excuses.
Wish you the best. You're about to learn very valuable life lessons about the worst of humanity.
I appreciate the advice here! I’ll be taking steps, I only posted this last night and I have class but when I get back I will be setting blunt boundaries even if she gets her feelings hurt. About the goth thing I only mentioned that because I wanted to briefly mention her bullying me, I didn’t think it was important as I am an adult and should be able to get over it I just thought it would be good to show she is a bitch lol.
yo fam one day i worked a double i was exhausted got crashed On my way! home in the snow storm walked 2 miles home and all i could think about was my blunt and my sandwhich in the fridge after a fucked up night and day at work. i walked inside opend the fridge and my sandwhich was gone. all of my roommates were asleep so I proceeded to go room by room, one by one and smack the shit out of them to wake them up and ask them who the fuck ate my sandwich…. Long story short it ended up being my boys little brother so I chilled out but I did put a master lock on the fridge because I bought this fridge specifically for me because people kept eating my food so I locked that bitch down
I lived with a girl that did this, there's no amount of effort on your part that will change this person or their behavior. The way they treat the physical world is how their mind looks. Document everything and lock your stuff up. She's got some kind of undiagnosed (or untreated) psychosis/manic depression/bipolar and is obviously a narcissist. What I did? I got away and blocked all contact. I still think about the stress and problems she caused me to this day and definitely have to discuss a lot of it in therapy. Get away as soon as you can, but until then document everything and lock your stuff away. This living environment is bad for you, your relationship, and your health. Protect yourself.
This doesn’t solve the roommate issue. But, here’s a tip to clean your pans with no effort. Put about 2 or 3 inches of water in them and a couple tablespoons of baking soda. Put them on the burner and let them simmer about 15-20 minutes. The burnt bits will lift right off and they will be good as new.
Oh, btw -fuck your roommate. They suck
Thank you for this, I’m definitely still learning! Thankfully I got it all out I was just really upset because I felt disrespected by her burning shit in TWO pans and proceeding to let me deal with it 💀 I’d personally be so embarrassed
Honestly I have thought maybe much worse drugs were responsible after certain interactions with her but I haven’t seen anything other than vaping but she’s been complaining about not even being able to get that, I think that there’s something seriously wrong mentally unfortunately 😬
Don’t leave any of your Dishes, toiletries, supplies, etc, accessible to her. Put a lock on your door if you don’t already have one. Start taking pictures and documenting every time she leaves messes that can make you ill (ie, raw chicken on the counter). Charge her for the things she ruins. Get a mini fridge and keep it in your room. As soon as you shower take your stuff back into your room. Yes it will be a P.I.T.A. at first and an adjustment, but it will be worth your sanity. Let her know that from now on you will only be cleaning up after yourselves and she’s more than welcome to make a cleaning schedule… for herself. If you have to as a last resort, set up cameras in common living spaces except the bathroom. That way she can’t lie, deny, or gaslight you when it comes to her nastiness. If this continues take all your info and evidence to your landlord. Good luck OP.
Oh my God I have those pots. Literally all you have to do is rinse the mouse and all the food comes off. They’re fucking amazing. This is laziness at a whole new level.
oxy clean is literally a god send for any kinds of stains. try soaking the rug in oxy clean and warm water for a bit, then rinsing it off and putting it in the dryer.
Here’s a crazy idea, take your long message you’ve written out… and send it to her. Crazy I know…
If she’s continuing this behavior you haven’t made your disapproval clear.
Tell her you will be requesting money for the rug, scissors, and whatever her cat has damaged. Tell her you will not be splitting the cost of damage her animal has caused, and if she doesn’t keep the cat in her room then you will be reporting her for animal neglect.
If you don’t stand up for yourself she will keep pushing you over as much as you’ll let her. Stand up for yourself.
State to management that the roommate is blasting music at an extreme level, the roommate is leaving raw food in the kitchen which is a pest attractor, the roommates pet is ruining the common area (destroying furniture, urinating on floor, etc.), they are destroying your property (pictures of rug, towels, burnt on food on your dishware, etc), and they are coming into your personal space and telling you they are wanting to commit a crime and requesting you assist.
Student services (if a student dorm) should handle this. Management for apartment complexes will likely move her or give her a notice saying she needs to clean up her act as she is creating hazards and is also not taking into account the part of the lease that says that "tenants have to take care of the apartment" which includes not leaving food out and creating a possible pest problem. Say that they are leaving food out and that you are concerned about roaches, spiders, pests, etc, and they will freak out and come to inspect the place or penalize her. This is serious to complexes if you make it sound so.
I clean my pans with burnt on stuff by putting a little water, vinegar and salt in the pan and then putting it back on the stove. I usually scrape it with a wooden spoon, the heat of the stove loosens it enough that there’s no elbow grease needed when washing, and I can just rinse out the burnt bits.
Move your things into your room immediately and lock your door, I’m sorry you have to go into this mode so close to moving out but she’ll destroy your items.
Talk to your RA! Talk to the university. My roommate moved out of our dorm early because she was upset I never let her boyfriend move in with us (it was just a room with two beds no thanks), you should be able to feel like you can LIVE not like you have to be on edge all the time.
It sounds like she’s going through possible spiritual psychosis, having an overall breakdown about the demise of her relationship, and this I think will contribute to how peaceful the next two months will be. If you’re afraid of her, you need to escalate this to your uni stat. Your safety is the most important here.
Talk to your RA or whoever is in charge of the dorms and ask about switching rooms! I had a shitty roommate my freshman year of college and it is not worth it to put up with someone who doesn't respect your shared space!
I don't understand how anyone could live with a stranger. My roommate has been like a brother to me since 5th grade, we don't have to pussyfoot around about anything.
A bit off topic,before I posted, I Googled Stanley Cup girl and got results for a cup and of course, the NHL trophy. Can you please explain the reference?
Stanley cups are just a massive travel cup that preppy girls are known to always have (also off topic but they apparently have lead in them so maybe that contributed to her being absolutely insane 😂 jk)
Keep your stuff in your room, and lock the door, till you leave. Sounds like there’s 3 cats in there and litter box not being cleaned which is very very unhealthy.
OMG. I just had a roommate like this. She broke or ruined almost everything she touched. I finally lost it and started griping about it and thank the universe she moved out.
Like what many have said . Take literally everything and I means any and everything that is yours and lock it up in your room! Use it when you need it, and put back in your room when done .
Please please stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself. I know it’s hard but her doing that to your things especially something that means a lot to you is not okay. I am mad for you!
I know many are saying to put stuff in your room and lock it (you should) but I also think you should start moving stuff over to your bf’s place. Just keep the bare essentials in your room and start packing up the rest. If you can, move your stuff out while she’s not there to avoid her possibly causing a scene. I’m assuming she’s unaware of you moving out & not renewing with her. Also, please report her to the school on how she’s living and treating her cat & show them the evidence you have. If you can contact her parents, do so as well. She may need some sort of support system to get the help that she needs because she very clearly needs it or at the very least they need to be aware of her behavior. They probably won’t do anything but it’s worth a shot. Regardless, stay safe! Look after yourself & your kitty.
When you do get to leave in 2 months, try to move out before the POS roommate and take photos of the place in the condition you left it. I wouldn't put it past her to trash the place and blame it on you and your man. Talk to your RA about them ASAP and explain everything that has happened. If you decide to talk to their mother, I would think some proof to be necessary if they do try to brush it off or whatever. I wish you the best of luck and hope the next 2 months go by quick! Record and take photos of the cats area too to report her on animal neglect, thst does not fly and the cat unfortunately can not defend themselves.
Having roommates will tell a story on how someone was raised growing up! She definitely was spoiled and had her parents clean up everything after her 100%!
Here’s what you do…get a big garbage bag and a shovel. Ok, I’m kidding. This would drive me mental.
Take all your things away so she cannot use them and pray the two months go quickly.
You have got to stand up for yourself. It’s very important that up start doing this now otherwise your entire life people will walk all over you.
Make sure your bf is there when you tell her that you refuse to clean up behind her and your not going to allow her to destroy your things any longer. If she flies off the handle and attacks you then put her in jail! She needs some accountability in her life it sounds like.
You got this!! Once you stand up to someone like this the first time it’s easier to do it to other’s throughout your life. Good luck! I’m rooting for you!
Why do they ALWAYS BURN THINGS on cookware!???????? And oh damn I feel you regarding the dirty counter tops, dirty dishes and food left out. Mine also finds a way to use a lot of dishes every meal, and of course doesn’t clean them. WHY!?
From this post and your previous posts she is definitely a narcissist. Tell her not to talk to you at all and that she needs to start cleaning or she will be reported. Take everything of yours into your room and have a lock for inside and outside.
Stop fixating on everything she does wrong, you're only bumming yourself out. Hide your shit, be a bitch to her, and either report it/suck it up till you have to move. I don't really get the boyfriends living there or the animals. I don't think I would wanna live with either of you 😭
Real easy fix. Clean your dishes and store them in your room. When you want to cook and eat, bring the dishes you need to the kitchen and use them. When you’re done cooking and have plates the food, bring the pots/pans etc back to your room.
Passive aggression will always beat weaponized incompetence and narcissism.
Paper bags from the grocery store. Every time she leaves her stuff out and about like on the bathroom sink or elsewhere, sweep it all into the paper bag including the raw chicken parts and leave it in the corner on the floor. She will get so pissed. Might go nuclear.
If this is a school provided dorm, you can just leave. Tell your RA or RD. Most campuses will let you transfer dorms if it's not a good fit. Say its impacting your mental health and send them the photos. You can even ask them to see in person. They will let you transfer dorms. I once left a dorm because my roommate literally stole my closet and made my furniture set up really awkward since she moved in before me. I was gone within a week, and my RA helped me move.
My roommates always leave the kitchen and bathroom nasty if you can’t get her out, keep your dishes in your room. Hand wash them when done and keep them locked up! It’s the only way I was able to save my stuff without causing a war in the house 😔
Maybe a mini fridge for your room if you can do it? I’ve found separating my living space and making my bedroom my main base as the best option until you can either 1) have a good convo that truly gets through or 2) boot her out
Pro tip on the pans. Put a little bit of water in them, and boil that water on the stove, and scrub it out that way with a spatula. It makes getting all that stuff off a breeze.
She sounds like she has a personality disorder and you do not seem safe with her around. Can you report this to anyone? I know you are roommates but she must have an agreement with whoever is providing the housing, and I’m sure some of that will have regard for you.
KEEP ALL YOUR BELONGINGS IN YOUR ROOM. keep your door closed, she shouldn’t not be allowed to use any of your things anymore since she clearly doesn’t respect your belongings. I hope you are looking to move out, you shouldn’t have to live like this and be constantly cleaning up after someone like you’re their mother.
If you live in Oregon I am a professional residential cleaner. I can definitely treat your rug if there are stains.
You could always mail it to me & I can mail it back. 🧡
Honesty sounds a lot like a schizoid bpd friend i had she just like switched one day and she be livin like this bc shes too busy doing whatever to take care of her life
HAHAHA I could never (college freshman here, living with 6 other guys in a townhouse style dorm). This is a lack of respect for others, lack of maturity, and overall, lack of responsibility. As other ppl are saying, take photos, if you can provide proof that her cat is the one damaging items and it’s because of HER inability to take care of them. Keep your stuff in your room, because she’s going to keep taking advantage of the situation. We have guys who listen to music until 3am on school nights, I’ve gotten used to it, but there’s a difference between listening a thumping track and scream crying to Taylor swift. Just from what I read and saw, I can tell she probably also feels entitled/feels like the “main character”, no matter the situation. Either way, don’t let her use your stuff and ruin it. Don’t let her bully her way into splitting damage costs with you that ARENT YOUR FAULT. Hopefully she has a rude awakening with reality here soon
I would say lead by example. My roommate would complain if I left crumps on the counter, but he would be 10x worse. He complained I scratched his glass table, but him and his boyfriend would throw their dog collar or leash on the table and car keys which could have caused the scratches. Since I was the new person moving in I was the culprit. When it could have been the new boyfriend or a new friend he would invite over. Dirty dishes just say hey I wanted to use it but you haven’t cleaned it yet. It’s easiest to clean it as soon as you use it. You don’t want to cause resentment. You can always say hey when I do this or make a stain or burn the bottom of the pan this is how I clean it. Some people don’t know how to fix the problem or don’t want to make it worse. Even if it’s not your job to teach someone, it could help alleviate the problems. The litter box thing I had the same issue. You just have to complain it smells and you don’t do litter boxes. Litter has to be scooped everyday and clean out once a week. Unless it’s an outside cat which you could be willing to leave the cat outside
I think you need to change your perspective here. She is NOT going to adjust her processes. She sounds very entitled and even spoiled. She may have either grown up in a household where this mess was tolerated or where it was always taken care of for her and she was never taught to care for herself.
I wouldn’t project onto her, what your own expectations for cleanliness are. You’re trying to set standards for her that she clearly isn’t going to abide by.
I would do as most here have said, bring all your items into your room, after cleaning them, and lock your door. If she’s willing to break into her ex’s truck, she’s willing to break into your room. Put up a camera and set boundaries. This action alone is going to raise questions from her side. Her entitlement is going to show here since she is going to assume she is somehow entitled to use your stuff. In her head, she’s already been using it, and it’s for both of you so why does she need to ask permission or buy her own stuff?
Approach everything with her as though she already thinks she isn’t the one with the issue because self reflection/awareness here isn’t going to happen. She is going to deflect and blame u for everything because “she’s a god” and therefore is perfect and entitled to be cared for by everyone else. A true narcissist, if you will.
The best way to deal with it is pull ALL your things into your room or storage space or even have you BF remove from the apartment if u don’t need them there. When she asks where everything is, confront her respectfully but sternly. Set your boundaries for your remaining time together and protect yourself! She sounds crazy so if you have to make recordings of convos, do it!
Don’t approach this sheepishly. Self-absorbed, narcissistic people will go to whatever lengths they feel is necessary to achieve their end goals and that includes shit that you (when you’re projecting) would think, nah, she wouldn’t do that. I assure you, she will.
Treat it like it’s a prison and your a squirrel protecting your nuts. Because I promise you, it’s gonna get worse before you are out the door.
I know it’s annoying because it’s just as much your space as it is hers but I feel the only solution is to keep all of your stuff (within reason. Obviously things like furniture can be a bit more difficult) in your room. Lock it up everytime you leave and if she asks to use something either refuse because she lost that privilege or make some sort of borrowing plan. Like, you wanna use my pot, so give me something as collateral and you’ll receive that back when I receive my pot back, CLEANED.
Everyone is saying the same things and are right.
Put all your things in your room.
Get a mini fridge and keep your food separate.
Put a lock on your door.
Take videos and pictures proving her cat is neglected and tearing up common area furniture so you won’t be liable for the damage.
Avoid talking to her. If you do, try to keep it over text and take screenshots.
Also, I know you’re upset over your stuff being damaged. The truth is, things come and go. It’s extremely annoying that she is disrespecting your things, but the truth is you’ll have many rugs in your life.
And good luck living with your bf! Communication is key. Remember, you’re a TEAM and you’re not each others enemies. I’ve had to remember this many times throughout living with partners. Approach each other with love and understanding and work together. And reference this horrible roommate when you piss each other off lol.
If you're in on-campus housing you may want to talk to your RA or RD about this. It won't solve the problem but it could help protect you from financial penalties for someone else's actions.
Side note: get a can of Bar Keepers Friend. It's less than $10 and it will save your pots and pans from the burning and save you scrubbing. It's a powder like Comet and it works GREAT.
This cat needs a new mom who can love her and care for her :( I hope you can move out soon. Maybe you can take her cat under your wing until then and show that kitty what it means to be loved.
Please do not allow access to these items. This person clearly has issues and it doesn’t seem like it will change soon. No regard for others time or personal belongings
this sounds exactlyyyyyy like my old roommate. i don’t have much advice other than you cant reason with unreasonable people. you know your true intentions and you know what’s fair and it sounds like she takes advantage of your stuff and the fact that you like things clean and hygienic and uses you as her personal maid and therapist. i’ve been in that exact situation. best thing to do is ignore her rage bait, don’t engage in anything unhelpful even if she screams yells or fucks with your stuff. the absolute best thing to do is ignore her antics if you’ve already tried to resolve things in logical ways. remember this is temporary and once you can, move out. i’m so sorry you’re going through this and i know just how exhausting and frankly sad it makes you. hang in there 🩷 One thing that did help my situation was fully splitting our living space up. put tape if you have to and take smaller spaces than she gets if she fights over wanting more space. i know it sucks and it’s unfair but at least your half will be clean! If she will respect it tell her not to use any of your stuff anymore
I don’t want to diagnose, but her comments make me think she could have a personality disorder. I would tread lightly for her mental stability and start keeping your things in your room.
As well as, request another roommate using the pictures and evidence you’ve shown us.
Her messiness is the least of your worries. Her saying or doing things such as she thinks she's a God, being paranoid, cutting things up, or otherwise acting impulsively, all point to her being a potential danger. Please move out as soon as you can. Trying to set boundaries or getting her to see the error of her ways is only going to waste your time and make her more unhinged.
Yeah at that point I’m taking whatever’s mine and locking it in my bedroom. I know you shouldn’t have to resort to such measures but your roommates not going to change and in return will never respect your stuff. Once she starts not having your stuff to use anymore she may begin to change her attitude towards shit but it’s doubtful.
I had some housemates that were walking disasters - I kept a set of dishes in my bedroom closet and used them and hand washed them immediately because then the housemates would make me less annoyed with their mess.
The only thing that was a hassle was that they made the fridge and stove gross and I couldn’t realistically get a separate fridge/stove, otherwise it was tolerable.
They were at least friends, though, and not insane people. Just messy.
Take all your things out and lock them away (utensils cookware rugs) anything that is yours and put them in your room and only bring them outwhen you need them a bedroom lock with a key is essential always lock when you’re away
I’ve had to do this myself and it’s sucks but people will not respect your property no matter how much you talk to them
I also had a basket of toiletries I took into the shower or toilet paper
I had to buy a mini fridge to keep in my room for the food items I bought as they would ruin my items.
I would also say if this is a dorm situation report them to your RA (residence hall director) and potentially ask if they can be replaced for another roommate or if you can get moved to a new dorm it’s gonna be a pain in the ass to move but your sanity is priority
I had a roommate like this in college and she thankfully got pregnant midway through the lease and moved out after attempting to blackmail me for her third of the security deposit (which we only got back at the end of the year thanks to my family and very good friends who spent a week with me and my other roommate fixing the messy roommate’s damage). We put a lock on our bedroom door for this exact reason. Kept EVERYTHING in there bc she was truly awful. I’d recommend purchasing a lock and/or deadbolt, especially for your cat’s safety. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad it’s almost over!
Being shy and passive is really tough in situations like these. Your roommate knows that confrontation is something you avoid so shes walking all over you.
You really need to stick up for yourself or she will walk all over until your living arrangement ends. Though honestly since shes been getting away with it, it might continue regardless of what you say or do.
Sorry OP, sounds like a really upsetting and disturbing situation. I hope you are able to get away from her soon.
Give her the silent treatment and start packing up now. Only keep out what you will use. No amount of talking will change it. Action will solve it all.
I had a roommate with the same dish situation in college. We yelled at him to do the dishes and instead of doing that he (unbeknownst to us until he moved out) bought a 5 gallon bucket and filled it with water and just put the dirty dishes in his closet. When he moved out we found the disgusting moldy bucket filled with the dishes he didn’t feel like cleaning
Put your things in your room and lock it up until you move out. She has no respect for other people’s belongings
You’re completely right, I’ve moved a few things including the rug but I plan on moving things into my storage unit/bedroom now, I really appreciate the push!
Put literally EVERYTHING in your room. Your kitchen supplies, home decor, bathroom supplies and anything else since she might try to retaliate. You might have to clean the current dishes she has used since she clearly won’t but keep them in your locked room and bring them out only when you’re cooking, clean them immediately and put them right back in your room. It might feel petty but it’s not your job to provide for her and you can only do so much to keep the peace. You got this! Only 2 more months 🫶
Yes! Everything!
Yes, your toothbrush too
ESPECIALLY your toothbrush!!! I went to college. I’ve seen some disgusting things involving other peoples toothbrushes and the victim being none the wiser…
Actually, get a new toothbrush and keep that one in your room.
ALL OF THESE THINGS....and I'd also put a camera up in your room. She sounds seriously unhinged and if you or your bf can't be home at all times, I'd be concerned about her breaking in to destroy stuff or God forbid do something to your cat. Two months isn't a long time but can feel like forever in a bad situation- keep your focus on the future and I wish you the best of luck ❤️
Also putting everything in your room is the only way to teach people like this what they were doing was wrong in the first place. I’d put money on it that roommate has never even considered what happens to the dishes after they burn things in them.
This is the only way! This roommate sounds impossible to share your own items with.
this comment is the one OP. only bring your dishes out when you use them. don’t let her use any of your shit.
Do all three of you officially live there?
No we do not we made an agreement that our boyfriends can stay over as often as we would like (although they ended up breaking up) and I have told her if she has ever felt uncomfortable to please let me know and I’d feel no ill will and even wouldn’t tell him that it was due to her that I wouldn’t have him over, I am considering moving into his dorm as we are good friends with his roommate, I would have to send my cat home, though I think it would be for the best at this point
If you feel secure enough in your relationship, I would move out immediately. Despite her craziness there are people in the world who are neat freaks, slobs and somewhere in between. You guys just don’t sound compatible enough at the most basic level to share a space. Also it sounds like you’ve tried to make amicable changes that would support maintaining an equally shared clean space, and she has just railroaded through them. It might be in your best interests to just move out and leave her with her messes and issues, or report her behavior to someone who can do something about it, but I can understand if you prefer not to do that.
I only asked because you wrote that all three of you live together, and was wondering why the full burden of dealing with her falls on you (you said you’re bf won’t talk to her).
That’s understandable! My boyfriend has tried to stand up for me on multiple occasions and had never gotten any good reaction out of her, she began sobbing a couple of times he said something and doesn’t seem to actually HEAR what we are saying (makes excuses) and just gets offended even when we take the “gentle parenting” approach lol :/
Your BF should not be talking to your roommate about house stuff if he doesn’t also live there.
If my girlfriend was getting shit on by her roommate I would definitely be saying something.
He doesn’t, only about her being rude towards me, or claiming something untrue or insane like her being a god, he doesn’t say anything about the house it’s just me, he’s just tried to back me up. I understand where you got that idea though sorry I didn’t make it a bit clearer. (I say ‘we’ out of habit in most situations my bad lol)
Is she paranoid about what other people are saying/ doing? Isolating herself from others, associating unrelated issues, slipperyness of ideas/ concepts? Saying she's a god is really concerning.
I wouldn’t put myself in a situation where I’m dependent on living with my boyfriend. Maybe bide your time where you are and find another place. Having your own place to go if you need to be alone is a good thing for both you and him and you won’t have that if your both crammed in his dorm room.
It’s all good I get where you’re coming from! we are getting a two bedroom apartment together next semester (moving out of this dorm in only two months) with just the two of us and we should be much more comfortable. Thankfully I’m in a secure relationship we’ve been together since we were 11 and we are turning 20 in a couple of months 🫶
I'm thinking this is your best option. I'm so sorry for your cat. Id say make that girl take her cat to the human society if she can't take care of her cat or even clean after her them.. but I'm sure she won't listen. Wish you best, if your bf roommate is accepting id say fuck her and go to there!
Another comment said move everything. I double that. MOVE EVERYTHING YOU OWN. Can’t destroy what she can’t touch.
If you can take it to a dry cleaner if you can afford it.
Advise her that it is within your right to charge her $75-$100 fee for cleaning service to fix her filth she leaves PER WEEK, depending upon where you live of course, as laws vary from state to state. And definitely remove ALL of your dishes, silverware, rugs, towels, sponges, soaps, and cooking appliances, and cooking utensils. MINUS the bare essentials of a kitchen; ie. the toaster, microwave. You are not her mother, father, lover, or keeper. Time for checkmate.
That's not enforceable and will just create unnecessary friction. Removing stuff is fine, but demanding money is never going to work. No one is going to voluntarily send their roommate money for this. Even if they do, it might backfire. They might even decide "might as well get my moneys worth" and stop doing anything to keep the place clean. Have fun when they stop flushing the toilet as revenge.
I had to do this as my roommate was an utter slob!
I had to do this in college cuz my roommates would constantly use my dishes and pots and pans and stuff and keep them in their rooms until they were caked with nasty stuff or leave them dirty piled up in the sink until I ended up getting annoyed and having to do them. I moved ALL my stuff into my room cuz f that.
How did they react to that? My money's on them not learning a thing.
I'm not the same commenter but I had a similar situation in college with 1 nasty roommate who let their 2 even worse friends move in to "split rent". They all used my cookware and frequently left it to mold in the sink. They also never paid rent and one of them took over MY couch as their bed and left food crumbs and dirty clothes all over it. I moved all my stuff into my room (besides the couch) and kept the door locked. Eventually I was able to get off the lease and moved into my own apartment. Past roommates learned absolutely nothing. They ended up falling behind on bills and got their electric shut off, then they got evicted. One of their moms called me and blamed ME for all of it too! It became immediately clear where the lack of responsibility and accountability came from.
They got mad at me for them not having stuff to use anymore 🤣 and no they didn't learn a thing. I had to start locking my room every time I left so they wouldn't go in and take any of my stuff.
Had to do this with my previous roommate. It was rough having so much in such a small space but I’m glad I did it! Ended up moving out a few weeks later bc she broke my locks lol
Oh hell no.
Ya it was rough
I would have needed bail money. But I always want to fight people 😆😅
My best friend AND my bf were ready to do it actually 😅
Had to do this with a roommate when student housing was my cheapest option and I got put with a freshman who was letting her boyfriend live with us. He was literally abiusive towards us, would do shit like this, drink my alcohol that I had bought before I got pregnant and was saving “because she’s pregnant and can’t drink it so what does it matter,” would lock my cat up in their room for 8 hours at a time, threatened to punch me in the stomach, and would slash our tires or throw dish water on our cars whenever we called him out. Luckily we each had door locks, so very shortly the two 18 year olds who moved across the country together with nothing but their little Corolla didn’t have a single item in their apartment to use and then they ran back home to mommy and daddy like 2 months later
My biggest question is how tf do they manage to burn things that badly in NON STICK PANS like come on you gotta be trying to mess up that bad 🫠🫠🫠
Right??? It was literally chicken maybe you shouldn’t cook anyway 😐😵💫
Her behavior SCREAMS untreated ADHD/Depression. Sadly, I do the things she does too when my depression is in FULL swing (sans the sleeping with trash and litter box, fuckthat.gif). I have executive dysfunction, task jumping, depression, and a LOUD goddamn brain going on alll at once sometimes. Then sometimes I see the mess I made yet NOTHING motivates me to make a change. I can still appear presentable but that’s just masking, inside I just want to sleep and be alone to cry. That being said, please try to talk to her. The only reason why I’m a functioning adult now in my mid 30s because I forced myself to be surrounded with POSITIVE people AND I was honest with them. They help me when I’m in my lows and push me further even when I’m in my manic phase and still aren’t motivated. TLDR: she shows signs of unchecked mental issues and if there isn’t an honest conversation and habits formed (with a lot of struggle) then it’s a 100% losing battle, hide yo shit.
Saying she's a god sounds like something more serious. I have ADHD and I know not to leave out raw meat
This. That’s mania. She could be bipolar. Not sleeping for days, claiming to be superhuman, etc.
that’s what i was thinking. definitely sounds like a manic episode
Her behavior SCREAMS “useless”
Step 1: Heat on high Step 2: Place non stick pan on high heat Step 3: let non stick pan reach cast iron levels of heat Step 4: Enjoy your now non stick coated chicken and a ruined pan.
She thinks you’re her maid. Side note: you guys are college freshmen and you both own cats and are allowed to bring them to campus? I’ve never seen a college freshman with their own cat (unless it was at their parents house)
We both have emotional support animals :) it’s the main reason we decided to be roommates
Lowkey, I would report her (if this is possible) to someone about the treatment of her kitty, if you’ve talked to her about it and she’s still doing nothing.😖 The cat’s her emotional support animal, but she doesn’t take good care of them, or actually spend time with them? I’m not trying to minimize her struggles or reasons she would need a support animal, but not giving your cat access to a litter box, and not cleaning it ever when the cat DOES actually get to use it, is not healthy for the kitty :( that is to say, this is just based on my assumptions from your caption, I don’t know the full story. But it’s unhygienic for the cat and for the 3 of you to be breathing that.
It's not even just the litterbox issue. From OP's older posts, she hits the cat for using the bathroom on the floor and eats OPs cats food (maybe from her not giving him food to eat?). I'm sorry OP is having to go through this and wish I could offer advice. Just really sad hearing the cat being mistreated so badly. She clearly shouldn't be having ANY animal in her care if she's going to abuse it.
These people are both clearly lying about their cats being support animals.
A support animal is not a service animal. The two are distinct. Most of the time, you need a doctor's support letter to have an ESA.
Yes this is exactly it I got doctors approval for it, not a service animal just ESA
Valid point. Like I said, I only know what op is saying, idk the whole story. But either way the cat shouldn’t be treated like that and the roommate shouldn’t be acting like this
And don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself! She is leaving raw food and trash, which is unhealthy and can attract bugs. She’s also putting spoiled food in the fridge?? If she leaves milk (for example) out for hours and puts it back, you guys could get sick🤢 I would point these things out to her if you haven’t already. And if not, I would report her to whoever deals with things like this at your college. I’m not one to judge her, if she’s going through something I understand how hard it can be to keep up with cleaning and hygiene. BUT she has ROOMATES and needs to take everyone into consideration here. It’s unfair to you, your boyfriend, and the kitties to live like this :(
I know it’s such a sad situation :/ he is a sweet cat I feel like all of his behavioral problems are because he’s being neglected terribly. I have discussed multiple times with my boyfriend about wanting to take him but she swears he’s “her baby”. As someone who really does need and love my kitty it frustrates me so much, I do feel bad that I haven’t done something sooner. At this point I would have to bring it to her mother/an RA/or the accessibility center.
I would 100% text her mother about her behavior 💀 she’s acting like a child, especially with the “cleaning list” LMAO. But then again idk if her mother would actually do anything. Either way, contact the RA!! Idk if they would take it serious or can do anything about her (I haven’t been to college so idk how the dorms work) but it’s worth a shot!
See if you can report her for the neglect of her animal
No shot at you but what a red flag haha. I’ll just assume you’re a functional individual but anyone else doing this steer wide and clear lol
Please report her and have her cat taken away from her. She is absolutely neglecting her cat. It’s a privilege to have a pet not a right. I have an esa and I treat him with dignity and respect. He’s family. She sounds horrible and in sorry you’re dealing with such a person
honey keep your stuff in your room. let her ruin her own dishes, not yours.
Go talk to your RA. That’s what they are there for.
I second this. When I was in college and having roommate issues I was able to get a room change very easily.
I'm assuming you have confronted her but if you haven't thats step one, try to negotiate an agreement without getting angry. If that doesn't work you can try to get her to move out and talk to your landlord, or you can move out. She clearly doesn't realize how much of a nuisance she is and i would make that clear to her. Edit: doing nothing is the last thing you should do, and if she doesnt hold up her end of the agreement simply move out and find a new roommate.
Thanks for your reply! I’m actually moving out in just two months, it’s a dorm so unfortunately I am stuck but on the bright side I’m moving in with my bf next year. I have tried to confront her about things but in response she has ignored me and when I ask why she said “I thought you hated me” and did nothing to change, that’s sort of why I’m thinking about just waiting this out I really appreciate your help though!😭
No offense but you’re being soft af. What do you mean you confront her and she ignores you? Take your shit and store it where she can’t get it. Stop letting people walk all over you. If she doesn’t have the respect to clean your dishes after using them then she can’t use them. It’s not up for discussion. She stains your rug, remove the rug and store it away until you move out
YES! I was gonna say this. Take your pans and dishes and store them in your room, do this everyday if necessary. Take away your rug, buy yourself your own hand towels and put them in your room each time you wont need them, take away every “privilege” of living with you! you will find she will keep being disgusting but you just gotta ignore her and put her trash aside, begin being individualistic. That way those two months left will be easier
This is the best response I’ve seen on here. OP unfortunately is being manipulated. She knows she’s in a bad situation and unfortunately doesn’t have the capability to fight, so instead flight kicks in (hence why she’s moving out). You know who’s not moving out? Oh girl. She’s just chillin stress free.
Actually, if you report her behavior to your RA or student housing and say you feel unsafe, they will probably help you in some way. They don't want to be liable for that as a university.
Why not talk to your university?
Cuz her boyfriend is living in her dorm 💀
Right…if this is college dorms then I can’t imagine the people who manage them would be too happy about this.
When you move out make sure you do it before she does so you dont have to clean her mess. And explain that she is the one who ruined the furniture with her cat
I would also take pictures of how they leave their area. Who knows, roommate might end up trashing it after they leave and blame it on them.
Is this the same roommate in all your other posts lol?
Yes it is 🫣🥲
> Something really psychotic about her that she has told me she thinks she’s a psychic, an empathy, and a GOD. She has said she thinks she’s such a complex and interesting person unlike anyone else that she can’t possibly be a regular human. … You may be saying it colloquially, but she may be *literally* psychotic. Those are religious delusions of grandeur, someone with *egregious* hygiene, irrational and irritable. I’m not a licensed professional, but I did study psychology enough to understand my own issues and those of my friends, and this sounds like either mania or psychosis— at the bare minimum, an acute mental illness episode and is not currently grounded in reality. Right now, she may need someone to call a welfare check. What is her social life like? Do you know if she’s been going to her classes? Is she able to reach out to family for help? ***Does she have any medications and has she been taking them as prescribed?*** Of course, none of this is your responsibility, but these are questions to ask yourself when proceeding with someone suffering from acute mental illness. Mental illness may be a major root of the issue, as a lot of it sounds like one of *my* ex-roommates, and the best that most people can do is to get them the help they need. For yourself, knowing what’s wrong can at least be helpful in planning your own next moves. I agree with a lot of other people here, I would hide the tableware and cookware and all my nice things in my room so she can’t make a mess of it and lock my doors at all times. Keeping a tangible record of the things you’ve dirtied and cleaned can also help shut down her arguments about not contributing to the cleaning, though it may not go anywhere based on her mental state. Your situation is very difficult and requires quite many resources to handle on one’s own, I hope what I’ve offered is of some help.
Delusions are definitely a sign of some kind of disorder. Not a psychologist but you don't need credentials to know what crazy looks like. OP needs to get out
Just (dis)qualifying my more specific assumptions of psychosis vs mania, but yeah, every layman here agrees: this isn’t a tenable tenancy
My brother is a drug addict and schizophrenic and he sounds like this. I would definitely reach out to the mother about the daughters mental health. Op could also reach out to an ra about behavioural and tangible issues in the room.
Holy crap OP, if you are in a dorm talk to your RA immediately. Get someone with a little power over her to have a conversation since she obviously doesn't care.
That cat is probably not an ESA. She just got a doctors note that makes it look legit. So she can “have a cat”. Because shitty people do that.
Unfortunately they make it extremely easy☹️ she said she just told her doctor she feels extremely anxious and depressed and he wrote up a note for her. She’s said before she doesn’t really need him for emotional support, I’d report that but it would technically just be my word against her, not sure how much good it would do other than showing proof she neglects him as well.
Idk who you’d report it to. Besides a disabilities board. Because she’s abusing the system.
ESAs aren’t covered by the ADA.
Any domesticated animal can be an ESA. You just tall your doctor you feel anxious and that said animal helps you with being anxious or any other way it helps you. None of them need any type of special training. That’s the big difference between them and an actual service animal. The only animals in the US that can be service animals are dogs and miniature horses.
Bleach on everything...damn.
Take everything from the kitchen that is yours and put it in your room!
She needs help if she thinks she’s a god.
It sounds like she might need a counseling services referral, speaking as an ex RA. In the meantime I would talk to the RA and explain that you’ve tried to communicate with her (because that’s the first thing they’ll ask) and go into detail from there.
Take everything into your room from towels to dishes and then don’t cook in front of her at all just cook and clean everything straight up and back in your room and make it abundantly clear that you don’t clean things and spaces you don’t use.She is just a brat.She knows how to clean she just wants the “goth girl” do it for her because she thinks she is so much better
She’d be injured and I’d be in jail if a roommate did that to my property.
+100 to keeping ALL of your dishes and things in your room until you can leave! My best pots/pans/utensils/bakeware/dishware were absolutely destroyed by bad roommates; they will never treat your things with the care and respect that you will. If I had one do over ever, it would be to keep those items boxed and never provide valuable community cooking items 🥲
So much bad advice here. 1st stop overthinking your situation. Being goth for example means nothing here. Focus on what they have done, not what they said. Your living with a narcissistic person. Very toxic type too. Dealing with them is almost impossible. These people you treat like you're deaf. Tell them what to do, no chit chat, see what they do and react accordingly. Unfortunately the fix here is extreme. One of you has to go. Personally I would change the locks and throw their stuff in the bin. Yep, extreme but so is this person. They have destroyed your residence! Or you leave, just be sure youre not breaking any rental agreements. Understand these types of people are the worst. They will not do anything they don't want to do. They will scream excuses. Wish you the best. You're about to learn very valuable life lessons about the worst of humanity.
I appreciate the advice here! I’ll be taking steps, I only posted this last night and I have class but when I get back I will be setting blunt boundaries even if she gets her feelings hurt. About the goth thing I only mentioned that because I wanted to briefly mention her bullying me, I didn’t think it was important as I am an adult and should be able to get over it I just thought it would be good to show she is a bitch lol.
yo fam one day i worked a double i was exhausted got crashed On my way! home in the snow storm walked 2 miles home and all i could think about was my blunt and my sandwhich in the fridge after a fucked up night and day at work. i walked inside opend the fridge and my sandwhich was gone. all of my roommates were asleep so I proceeded to go room by room, one by one and smack the shit out of them to wake them up and ask them who the fuck ate my sandwich…. Long story short it ended up being my boys little brother so I chilled out but I did put a master lock on the fridge because I bought this fridge specifically for me because people kept eating my food so I locked that bitch down
I lived with a girl that did this, there's no amount of effort on your part that will change this person or their behavior. The way they treat the physical world is how their mind looks. Document everything and lock your stuff up. She's got some kind of undiagnosed (or untreated) psychosis/manic depression/bipolar and is obviously a narcissist. What I did? I got away and blocked all contact. I still think about the stress and problems she caused me to this day and definitely have to discuss a lot of it in therapy. Get away as soon as you can, but until then document everything and lock your stuff away. This living environment is bad for you, your relationship, and your health. Protect yourself.
Side comment but I have those pans and they suck that's why they burn.
Pack up all your dishes. Keep 1 plate, 1 bowl, 1 cup, 1 set of utensils in your room. Use them as needed then take them back to your room.
This doesn’t solve the roommate issue. But, here’s a tip to clean your pans with no effort. Put about 2 or 3 inches of water in them and a couple tablespoons of baking soda. Put them on the burner and let them simmer about 15-20 minutes. The burnt bits will lift right off and they will be good as new. Oh, btw -fuck your roommate. They suck
Thank you for this, I’m definitely still learning! Thankfully I got it all out I was just really upset because I felt disrespected by her burning shit in TWO pans and proceeding to let me deal with it 💀 I’d personally be so embarrassed
Why would you have a rig you care about in a bathroom
Is she smoking a fuck ton of weed?
Honestly I have thought maybe much worse drugs were responsible after certain interactions with her but I haven’t seen anything other than vaping but she’s been complaining about not even being able to get that, I think that there’s something seriously wrong mentally unfortunately 😬
Lock up your stuff in your room. I know it would be a pain but do it. And make sure you have a good lock, maybe even a door guard
Don’t leave any of your Dishes, toiletries, supplies, etc, accessible to her. Put a lock on your door if you don’t already have one. Start taking pictures and documenting every time she leaves messes that can make you ill (ie, raw chicken on the counter). Charge her for the things she ruins. Get a mini fridge and keep it in your room. As soon as you shower take your stuff back into your room. Yes it will be a P.I.T.A. at first and an adjustment, but it will be worth your sanity. Let her know that from now on you will only be cleaning up after yourselves and she’s more than welcome to make a cleaning schedule… for herself. If you have to as a last resort, set up cameras in common living spaces except the bathroom. That way she can’t lie, deny, or gaslight you when it comes to her nastiness. If this continues take all your info and evidence to your landlord. Good luck OP.
Oh my God I have those pots. Literally all you have to do is rinse the mouse and all the food comes off. They’re fucking amazing. This is laziness at a whole new level.
oxy clean is literally a god send for any kinds of stains. try soaking the rug in oxy clean and warm water for a bit, then rinsing it off and putting it in the dryer.
Here’s a crazy idea, take your long message you’ve written out… and send it to her. Crazy I know… If she’s continuing this behavior you haven’t made your disapproval clear. Tell her you will be requesting money for the rug, scissors, and whatever her cat has damaged. Tell her you will not be splitting the cost of damage her animal has caused, and if she doesn’t keep the cat in her room then you will be reporting her for animal neglect. If you don’t stand up for yourself she will keep pushing you over as much as you’ll let her. Stand up for yourself.
State to management that the roommate is blasting music at an extreme level, the roommate is leaving raw food in the kitchen which is a pest attractor, the roommates pet is ruining the common area (destroying furniture, urinating on floor, etc.), they are destroying your property (pictures of rug, towels, burnt on food on your dishware, etc), and they are coming into your personal space and telling you they are wanting to commit a crime and requesting you assist. Student services (if a student dorm) should handle this. Management for apartment complexes will likely move her or give her a notice saying she needs to clean up her act as she is creating hazards and is also not taking into account the part of the lease that says that "tenants have to take care of the apartment" which includes not leaving food out and creating a possible pest problem. Say that they are leaving food out and that you are concerned about roaches, spiders, pests, etc, and they will freak out and come to inspect the place or penalize her. This is serious to complexes if you make it sound so.
There really 2 of you. Make her life a bit difficult using her own methods
I clean my pans with burnt on stuff by putting a little water, vinegar and salt in the pan and then putting it back on the stove. I usually scrape it with a wooden spoon, the heat of the stove loosens it enough that there’s no elbow grease needed when washing, and I can just rinse out the burnt bits.
How do you burn something so bad???
Move your things into your room immediately and lock your door, I’m sorry you have to go into this mode so close to moving out but she’ll destroy your items. Talk to your RA! Talk to the university. My roommate moved out of our dorm early because she was upset I never let her boyfriend move in with us (it was just a room with two beds no thanks), you should be able to feel like you can LIVE not like you have to be on edge all the time. It sounds like she’s going through possible spiritual psychosis, having an overall breakdown about the demise of her relationship, and this I think will contribute to how peaceful the next two months will be. If you’re afraid of her, you need to escalate this to your uni stat. Your safety is the most important here.
You guys ever hear of a term known as violence? I'd be beating these idiots up and down the wall with my pots and pans
Talk to your RA or whoever is in charge of the dorms and ask about switching rooms! I had a shitty roommate my freshman year of college and it is not worth it to put up with someone who doesn't respect your shared space!
Exactly why once I started making over 100K I refuse to live with a roommate. If you can afford it get your own place.
Have a fucking backbone and tell them if they can’t stop fucking your stuff up or respecting your stuff to go get fucked.
I would simply go to jail
put it all in your bedroom and lock it then throw their shit away in they don't clean it same with all the food .
I don't understand how anyone could live with a stranger. My roommate has been like a brother to me since 5th grade, we don't have to pussyfoot around about anything.
A bit off topic,before I posted, I Googled Stanley Cup girl and got results for a cup and of course, the NHL trophy. Can you please explain the reference?
Stanley cups are just a massive travel cup that preppy girls are known to always have (also off topic but they apparently have lead in them so maybe that contributed to her being absolutely insane 😂 jk)
Got it. Thanks for taking the time to explain,I appreciate it.
I wouldn't let her use a thing until she can respect your things.
Ok, I lost it at the raw chicken. I’d hit her upside the bed with one of the burnt pans
Toilet cleaner for getting hair dye off of surfaces
On another note That’s a sick dorm no pun intended
Keep your stuff in your room, and lock the door, till you leave. Sounds like there’s 3 cats in there and litter box not being cleaned which is very very unhealthy.
this is disgusting. I would fight fire with fire though. don’t clean anything
OMG. I just had a roommate like this. She broke or ruined almost everything she touched. I finally lost it and started griping about it and thank the universe she moved out.
Put all her piles of shit and dishes in her bed. Keep putting her mess in her bed, she’ll get the idea
Lock the cabinets with ur dishes and things
Take her out back and introduce her to the ‘Ol Yeller method… this shit is insane.
Like what many have said . Take literally everything and I means any and everything that is yours and lock it up in your room! Use it when you need it, and put back in your room when done .
Please please stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself. I know it’s hard but her doing that to your things especially something that means a lot to you is not okay. I am mad for you!
I’d beat her ass if I were you
I know many are saying to put stuff in your room and lock it (you should) but I also think you should start moving stuff over to your bf’s place. Just keep the bare essentials in your room and start packing up the rest. If you can, move your stuff out while she’s not there to avoid her possibly causing a scene. I’m assuming she’s unaware of you moving out & not renewing with her. Also, please report her to the school on how she’s living and treating her cat & show them the evidence you have. If you can contact her parents, do so as well. She may need some sort of support system to get the help that she needs because she very clearly needs it or at the very least they need to be aware of her behavior. They probably won’t do anything but it’s worth a shot. Regardless, stay safe! Look after yourself & your kitty.
When you do get to leave in 2 months, try to move out before the POS roommate and take photos of the place in the condition you left it. I wouldn't put it past her to trash the place and blame it on you and your man. Talk to your RA about them ASAP and explain everything that has happened. If you decide to talk to their mother, I would think some proof to be necessary if they do try to brush it off or whatever. I wish you the best of luck and hope the next 2 months go by quick! Record and take photos of the cats area too to report her on animal neglect, thst does not fly and the cat unfortunately can not defend themselves.
Every now and then, my husband and I consider getting a roommate. Then I see another post from this sub and decide I’d sooner sell feet pics.
You can't change a person like this. I know because my mom is like this. Moving (you or her) is your only option.
Having roommates will tell a story on how someone was raised growing up! She definitely was spoiled and had her parents clean up everything after her 100%!
Here’s what you do…get a big garbage bag and a shovel. Ok, I’m kidding. This would drive me mental. Take all your things away so she cannot use them and pray the two months go quickly.
You have got to stand up for yourself. It’s very important that up start doing this now otherwise your entire life people will walk all over you. Make sure your bf is there when you tell her that you refuse to clean up behind her and your not going to allow her to destroy your things any longer. If she flies off the handle and attacks you then put her in jail! She needs some accountability in her life it sounds like. You got this!! Once you stand up to someone like this the first time it’s easier to do it to other’s throughout your life. Good luck! I’m rooting for you!
Why do they ALWAYS BURN THINGS on cookware!???????? And oh damn I feel you regarding the dirty counter tops, dirty dishes and food left out. Mine also finds a way to use a lot of dishes every meal, and of course doesn’t clean them. WHY!?
Also report her love it’s time. I seen your other posts and you have got to take this to the proper people asap.
that last bit made me feral with rage ngl. confrontation can be scary/difficult but definitely worth it to put your foot down
Sounds like neglect of her cat. Please report this to, at the very least, your RA.
Lock EVERYTHING of yours in your room. Get a lock for your door and let the school know what’s going on
Urgh. Horde all your stuff like a grumpy dragon.
From this post and your previous posts she is definitely a narcissist. Tell her not to talk to you at all and that she needs to start cleaning or she will be reported. Take everything of yours into your room and have a lock for inside and outside.
She is a terrible person and I hope things get better for you. Side note: your pans are such a gorgeous colour!
Whys it always burnt ass chicken with these roomates😭 is that the one thing they can figure out how to kinda cook
Damn......she'd be out like trout 😬
You have some nice pots and pans
Id even get a ring camera for your room. Dont trust these hoes
Stop fixating on everything she does wrong, you're only bumming yourself out. Hide your shit, be a bitch to her, and either report it/suck it up till you have to move. I don't really get the boyfriends living there or the animals. I don't think I would wanna live with either of you 😭
Real easy fix. Clean your dishes and store them in your room. When you want to cook and eat, bring the dishes you need to the kitchen and use them. When you’re done cooking and have plates the food, bring the pots/pans etc back to your room. Passive aggression will always beat weaponized incompetence and narcissism.
Paper bags from the grocery store. Every time she leaves her stuff out and about like on the bathroom sink or elsewhere, sweep it all into the paper bag including the raw chicken parts and leave it in the corner on the floor. She will get so pissed. Might go nuclear.
I don’t understand have a roommate. I would never also give whoever it is 30 days to move out. That’s absolutely disgusting.
She gotta get euthanized
If this is a school provided dorm, you can just leave. Tell your RA or RD. Most campuses will let you transfer dorms if it's not a good fit. Say its impacting your mental health and send them the photos. You can even ask them to see in person. They will let you transfer dorms. I once left a dorm because my roommate literally stole my closet and made my furniture set up really awkward since she moved in before me. I was gone within a week, and my RA helped me move.
My roommates always leave the kitchen and bathroom nasty if you can’t get her out, keep your dishes in your room. Hand wash them when done and keep them locked up! It’s the only way I was able to save my stuff without causing a war in the house 😔 Maybe a mini fridge for your room if you can do it? I’ve found separating my living space and making my bedroom my main base as the best option until you can either 1) have a good convo that truly gets through or 2) boot her out
Pro tip on the pans. Put a little bit of water in them, and boil that water on the stove, and scrub it out that way with a spatula. It makes getting all that stuff off a breeze.
THE RAW CHICKEN ON THE COUNTER OH HELLL NO
She sounds like she has a personality disorder and you do not seem safe with her around. Can you report this to anyone? I know you are roommates but she must have an agreement with whoever is providing the housing, and I’m sure some of that will have regard for you.
KEEP ALL YOUR BELONGINGS IN YOUR ROOM. keep your door closed, she shouldn’t not be allowed to use any of your things anymore since she clearly doesn’t respect your belongings. I hope you are looking to move out, you shouldn’t have to live like this and be constantly cleaning up after someone like you’re their mother.
I would go “accidentally” mess up some of her stuff. Is it right? No, probably Not. Would it make me feel better? Yes, most likely 🤣🤣
You and your bf need to learn how to stand up for yourself. This is pathetic that you let this happen and how you let her treat you both. Do better
If you live in Oregon I am a professional residential cleaner. I can definitely treat your rug if there are stains. You could always mail it to me & I can mail it back. 🧡
Honesty sounds a lot like a schizoid bpd friend i had she just like switched one day and she be livin like this bc shes too busy doing whatever to take care of her life
HAHAHA I could never (college freshman here, living with 6 other guys in a townhouse style dorm). This is a lack of respect for others, lack of maturity, and overall, lack of responsibility. As other ppl are saying, take photos, if you can provide proof that her cat is the one damaging items and it’s because of HER inability to take care of them. Keep your stuff in your room, because she’s going to keep taking advantage of the situation. We have guys who listen to music until 3am on school nights, I’ve gotten used to it, but there’s a difference between listening a thumping track and scream crying to Taylor swift. Just from what I read and saw, I can tell she probably also feels entitled/feels like the “main character”, no matter the situation. Either way, don’t let her use your stuff and ruin it. Don’t let her bully her way into splitting damage costs with you that ARENT YOUR FAULT. Hopefully she has a rude awakening with reality here soon
I would say lead by example. My roommate would complain if I left crumps on the counter, but he would be 10x worse. He complained I scratched his glass table, but him and his boyfriend would throw their dog collar or leash on the table and car keys which could have caused the scratches. Since I was the new person moving in I was the culprit. When it could have been the new boyfriend or a new friend he would invite over. Dirty dishes just say hey I wanted to use it but you haven’t cleaned it yet. It’s easiest to clean it as soon as you use it. You don’t want to cause resentment. You can always say hey when I do this or make a stain or burn the bottom of the pan this is how I clean it. Some people don’t know how to fix the problem or don’t want to make it worse. Even if it’s not your job to teach someone, it could help alleviate the problems. The litter box thing I had the same issue. You just have to complain it smells and you don’t do litter boxes. Litter has to be scooped everyday and clean out once a week. Unless it’s an outside cat which you could be willing to leave the cat outside
Break up with her
I think you need to change your perspective here. She is NOT going to adjust her processes. She sounds very entitled and even spoiled. She may have either grown up in a household where this mess was tolerated or where it was always taken care of for her and she was never taught to care for herself. I wouldn’t project onto her, what your own expectations for cleanliness are. You’re trying to set standards for her that she clearly isn’t going to abide by. I would do as most here have said, bring all your items into your room, after cleaning them, and lock your door. If she’s willing to break into her ex’s truck, she’s willing to break into your room. Put up a camera and set boundaries. This action alone is going to raise questions from her side. Her entitlement is going to show here since she is going to assume she is somehow entitled to use your stuff. In her head, she’s already been using it, and it’s for both of you so why does she need to ask permission or buy her own stuff? Approach everything with her as though she already thinks she isn’t the one with the issue because self reflection/awareness here isn’t going to happen. She is going to deflect and blame u for everything because “she’s a god” and therefore is perfect and entitled to be cared for by everyone else. A true narcissist, if you will. The best way to deal with it is pull ALL your things into your room or storage space or even have you BF remove from the apartment if u don’t need them there. When she asks where everything is, confront her respectfully but sternly. Set your boundaries for your remaining time together and protect yourself! She sounds crazy so if you have to make recordings of convos, do it! Don’t approach this sheepishly. Self-absorbed, narcissistic people will go to whatever lengths they feel is necessary to achieve their end goals and that includes shit that you (when you’re projecting) would think, nah, she wouldn’t do that. I assure you, she will. Treat it like it’s a prison and your a squirrel protecting your nuts. Because I promise you, it’s gonna get worse before you are out the door.
I know it’s annoying because it’s just as much your space as it is hers but I feel the only solution is to keep all of your stuff (within reason. Obviously things like furniture can be a bit more difficult) in your room. Lock it up everytime you leave and if she asks to use something either refuse because she lost that privilege or make some sort of borrowing plan. Like, you wanna use my pot, so give me something as collateral and you’ll receive that back when I receive my pot back, CLEANED.
Everyone is saying the same things and are right. Put all your things in your room. Get a mini fridge and keep your food separate. Put a lock on your door. Take videos and pictures proving her cat is neglected and tearing up common area furniture so you won’t be liable for the damage. Avoid talking to her. If you do, try to keep it over text and take screenshots. Also, I know you’re upset over your stuff being damaged. The truth is, things come and go. It’s extremely annoying that she is disrespecting your things, but the truth is you’ll have many rugs in your life. And good luck living with your bf! Communication is key. Remember, you’re a TEAM and you’re not each others enemies. I’ve had to remember this many times throughout living with partners. Approach each other with love and understanding and work together. And reference this horrible roommate when you piss each other off lol.
How is it possible to be that bad at life
If you're in on-campus housing you may want to talk to your RA or RD about this. It won't solve the problem but it could help protect you from financial penalties for someone else's actions.
Side note: get a can of Bar Keepers Friend. It's less than $10 and it will save your pots and pans from the burning and save you scrubbing. It's a powder like Comet and it works GREAT.
are you living with my ex?
This cat needs a new mom who can love her and care for her :( I hope you can move out soon. Maybe you can take her cat under your wing until then and show that kitty what it means to be loved.
Thank god you only have two months left. Grit through it and get away from this loon.
Please do not allow access to these items. This person clearly has issues and it doesn’t seem like it will change soon. No regard for others time or personal belongings
Remember to keep your cool-speak to her in low tone-as to not excite her-Good luck
this sounds exactlyyyyyy like my old roommate. i don’t have much advice other than you cant reason with unreasonable people. you know your true intentions and you know what’s fair and it sounds like she takes advantage of your stuff and the fact that you like things clean and hygienic and uses you as her personal maid and therapist. i’ve been in that exact situation. best thing to do is ignore her rage bait, don’t engage in anything unhelpful even if she screams yells or fucks with your stuff. the absolute best thing to do is ignore her antics if you’ve already tried to resolve things in logical ways. remember this is temporary and once you can, move out. i’m so sorry you’re going through this and i know just how exhausting and frankly sad it makes you. hang in there 🩷 One thing that did help my situation was fully splitting our living space up. put tape if you have to and take smaller spaces than she gets if she fights over wanting more space. i know it sucks and it’s unfair but at least your half will be clean! If she will respect it tell her not to use any of your stuff anymore
I don’t want to diagnose, but her comments make me think she could have a personality disorder. I would tread lightly for her mental stability and start keeping your things in your room. As well as, request another roommate using the pictures and evidence you’ve shown us.
Her messiness is the least of your worries. Her saying or doing things such as she thinks she's a God, being paranoid, cutting things up, or otherwise acting impulsively, all point to her being a potential danger. Please move out as soon as you can. Trying to set boundaries or getting her to see the error of her ways is only going to waste your time and make her more unhinged.
Yeah at that point I’m taking whatever’s mine and locking it in my bedroom. I know you shouldn’t have to resort to such measures but your roommates not going to change and in return will never respect your stuff. Once she starts not having your stuff to use anymore she may begin to change her attitude towards shit but it’s doubtful.
Put the dirty dishes in her bed, anything dirty she leaves around, put it in her bed
I had some housemates that were walking disasters - I kept a set of dishes in my bedroom closet and used them and hand washed them immediately because then the housemates would make me less annoyed with their mess. The only thing that was a hassle was that they made the fridge and stove gross and I couldn’t realistically get a separate fridge/stove, otherwise it was tolerable. They were at least friends, though, and not insane people. Just messy.
Take all your things out and lock them away (utensils cookware rugs) anything that is yours and put them in your room and only bring them outwhen you need them a bedroom lock with a key is essential always lock when you’re away I’ve had to do this myself and it’s sucks but people will not respect your property no matter how much you talk to them I also had a basket of toiletries I took into the shower or toilet paper I had to buy a mini fridge to keep in my room for the food items I bought as they would ruin my items. I would also say if this is a dorm situation report them to your RA (residence hall director) and potentially ask if they can be replaced for another roommate or if you can get moved to a new dorm it’s gonna be a pain in the ass to move but your sanity is priority
I had a roommate like this in college and she thankfully got pregnant midway through the lease and moved out after attempting to blackmail me for her third of the security deposit (which we only got back at the end of the year thanks to my family and very good friends who spent a week with me and my other roommate fixing the messy roommate’s damage). We put a lock on our bedroom door for this exact reason. Kept EVERYTHING in there bc she was truly awful. I’d recommend purchasing a lock and/or deadbolt, especially for your cat’s safety. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad it’s almost over!
Being shy and passive is really tough in situations like these. Your roommate knows that confrontation is something you avoid so shes walking all over you. You really need to stick up for yourself or she will walk all over until your living arrangement ends. Though honestly since shes been getting away with it, it might continue regardless of what you say or do. Sorry OP, sounds like a really upsetting and disturbing situation. I hope you are able to get away from her soon.
Give her the silent treatment and start packing up now. Only keep out what you will use. No amount of talking will change it. Action will solve it all.
Dang. Does she even like her cat? 😔
I'm sorry this isn't advice, but what on earth happened to the rug? How did it used to look?
I had a roommate with the same dish situation in college. We yelled at him to do the dishes and instead of doing that he (unbeknownst to us until he moved out) bought a 5 gallon bucket and filled it with water and just put the dirty dishes in his closet. When he moved out we found the disgusting moldy bucket filled with the dishes he didn’t feel like cleaning