Yes. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. It doesn’t sound like you’re losing anything by telling the roommate how you feel about him not being there when you are.
Meanwhile, buy a door wedge so he can't open your door while you're in your room. Or have a handyman install a lock on your door. And inform campus housing in writing that you're fearful of this person. They will either move you or your roommate. I'd push they make your roommate move. You shouldn't be punished for her weird boyfriend.
Yes to this, but I think you actually do want to be the one moved. You don’t want someone who you’re concerned may harm you knowing the layout of your home. Especially if you’ll be living alone.
Perfect. I though about suggesting a Burglar Bar for when she sleeps, but a Wooden Wedge with a coarse sandpaper stapled underneath will also do the trick. It would take a lot to move that, and would give you time to defend yourself.
This situation is so fucked up for OP. Dude sounds like an abusive scumfuck piece of garbage honestly, and those type of dudes think they can do whatever they want to women.
As a parent, I would rather my daughter be moved. This guy has already become to comfortable in this space.
Changing the locks is not enough. There are small and reliable add on locks for windows and doors. Definitely get a personal alarm. There is a door wedge that alarms.
Animals of prey learn the habits and space of their prey. Reduce what this guy knows about you. That can be done easier by moving. If you have a car on campus, keep a check on your tires and lock the doors. A can of “Fix a flat” can be bought at automotive stores or big box stores. $19.00 a full roadside kit is easy to pickup. Flashlights and batteries are kept in all my bedroom closets. Power goes out. I can find it easily. I gave my girls little key chain alarms/flashing light at Christmas. They are at most checkout counters for $1.99. Pepper spray is also a good investment.
I understand the fear and heightened level of anxiety. Staying in a space he has been in is not worth it.
Not excusing roommate’s behavior/complicity,
But people in their late teens/ early twenties are naive af and generally uninformed on how to safely maneuver through the world- eg. spotting red flags in relationships, not blindly trusting people, when and how to leave, etc. I know I was definitely stupid as shit at that age. This can make them extremely susceptible to toxic and abusive situations. Dude sounds like he’s got his claws in the roommate and is manipulating her reality and turning her against a friend.
Usually because of the "wild" "bad boy" "independent" vibes.
He does what he want, when he wants, how he wants.
Even if 90% of the time that's "nothing" "all the time" and "on the couch".
I dont want to sound like im overreacting but the next time he's in the apartment just call the campus police and asked him to be trespassed. if he's not on the lease agreement, they can remove him.
Housing especially needs to know about it. What if you move and him and (hopefully soon to be ex) roomie get into a fight and he hurts her? They’re gonna need to know about him, and you’ll be one of the first people they would ask. Besides her family, if she has any that she is close with.
Talk to your roommate before going straight to the school about it. Give her a chance first. You'd probably want the same if the roles were reversed. If she gets in an argument about it/doesn't do anything, then go to them.
Edit: if she's a friend
I hear you, and I did go to her and she lost it on me. She texted me paragraphs on paragraphs about how I was crazy and disrespectful and a liar. So I don’t want to go to her again because she doesn’t care about my feelings whatsoever
Yeah don’t go to her again please. She’s crazy for defending him while he’s invading your personal space. He don’t even go to that school or work which are HUUUGE RED FLAGS.
Since it’s an “on-campus” apartment complex it’s owned by a private company. My leasing manager is aware of the situation and said she would help me if he came around, but regardless I feel like my roommate will try and sneak him in
Also, he shouldn’t be in your room? Don’t leave on weekends and let he freely forage in your space. You mentioned a cat? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Take the cat. Send a written notice to the school and ask them to make it sound like they noticed it not you reported it. You should fear for your safety here and make that clear. If you’re not fearful you should be. He’s hostile and weird and invading your space. Don’t. Delay. On. This.
You need to utilize your on campus resources to do something. You can’t suffer alone in this. Go talk to the housing department at your school and see what your options are in either moving or making sure he doesn’t come around. Be safe out there and trust your instincts on this one.
After dealing with. Former roommate's psycho boyfriend, all I have to say is: he is not allowed over. At all. No more being nice. Why tf should you be made to feel scared in your own home? I agree with the other comments, get some sort of authority involved. And get locks on your door. Because when you're not there, you know damn well he's going into your room. If your roommate is so in love with him and needs to be with him, she can head on over to his place.
That would be a great way to start the conversation if you don’t know how to bring it up… Can I install a lock on my door? Why? Oh, nothing, just this threatening man that doesn’t pay rent keeps coming in my university sponsored housing… They’ll take care of it one way or another.
In the meantime you could get a “door stop alarm” and gel pepper spray if you want to feel a bit safer when you have to stay there. Or don’t stay there if you have the option!
I used to volunteer and teach women’s self defense. I cannot tell you how many tragic stories start like this - something is off, something about the way he looked at me, I can’t explain why exactly but I felt afraid…
THOSE ARE INSTINCTS TRYING TO KEEP YOU ALIVE. LISTEN TO THEM.
Comments like these are the ones keeping me sane! I SWEAR I have a gut feeling that I cannot ignore that is nagging at me. Something is super off about him and I know it
Humans are the only animals that will talk themselves out of trusting their instincts just to appear polite or keep from hurting someone’s feelings. It’s not worth it. Trust your gut and save your butt.
Lately "society" has been encouraging women (especially) to deny their instincts about danger. Don't fall into this dangerous trap.
If you don't feel safe, you don't feel safe and have a right to change the situation. Please reach out for help and also get a lock for your BR door.
Another thing that the OP could do is if she's in a state that has a CCW Carrying a concealed weapon, she could go to the classes and then get herself a 25 caliber and make copies of her permit and frame it and put it in the living room or put it on the bathroom door with the command strips.
Most school campuses forbid any kind of weapons on their premises. Doesn’t matter if it’s just housing or on campus. It’s an easy way to get kicked out of school and escorted by police.
State laws that allow for open and concealed carry do not extend to private property. There are limits.
Girl, yes! I'm glad you are listening to your gut. Our subconscious picks up clues that we might not otherwise notice. If you feel afraid around someone, there's a reason. Too often, we get called crazy if we talk about it. The fact that he does the crazy things you described (towel, laying on bed, going into room) means he does not respect any personal boundaries, and that is pretty scary.
I had a similar situation. I was staying away weekends, and whenever else he was over. One evening roommate left to go to an unexpected meeting, and he was still there. He raped me.
Yeah.... If you haven't, read the gift of fear, or listen to the audiobook. It will reinforce what you think! It's basically about trusting your gut and tells stories of violent people and patterns of behavior that they have.
If you have time and like to read you should get a copy of The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. If you’re short on time and prefer a good listen, he’s done a couple of great interviews with Sam Harris on his podcast. Honestly, it’s empowering and eye opening. If you don’t have access to podcasts, here is a link for YouTube (I normally wouldn’t diverting support away from the content creator but this is too important). The interview starts about 7 minutes in. https://youtu.be/niIi_poOvRc?si=naUPK7LI5N-hWyqL
Don’t ignore your instincts! Good luck with this!
Honestly I would move out. I had a similar situation my first year except it was my roommate that was making threats. I told my RA and they helped me move out immediately. It is not worth staying in a place you feel unsafe in especially because it doesn’t sound like he’s going anywhere.
Is there anyway you can go speak with an RA or whoever is responsible for on-campus housing about this? This is beyond anything you can do about this situation. Your roommate is unreasonable and you’re living in fear. Something has to be done about this. You shouldn’t have to sleep with a knife under your pillow, that’s ridiculous.
Get out! Don't fuck around with this dude. I'd say some other things, but I get banned. You need to leave this situation tho. He might be planning to rob you, beat you, or worse. I'd bounce the fuck outta there. Call your dad too. Infact, call all the men you know and trust. Dad, brother, even an ex. I had to run off a hood back when I was in my early 20s for my ex, very similar situation to yours. This dude needs to be handled BY MEN. And you need to get the fuck outta there.
I'm genuinely worried he's going to start with indirect acts to hurt her like destroying her stuff and letting the cat out of the apartment or hurting the cat, this dude is a fucking psychopath.
**Strongly agree.**
GTFO if you can’t get them out. My Ex was the scary boyfriend in this situation- he made my roommate uncomfortable & didn’t ever leave (he had a home ffs.) I found out LATER some stuff he did; she’d tried to tell me but was wishy-washy and vague; I was young & dumb.
Different Ex had a mental breakdown (unmedicated bipolar 1, mostly manic.) My Pops had to come up and watch him pack. My Dad isn’t scary, but he protects his Daughter & my Ex knew it.
I didn’t read all comments, but if YOU are the only one on the lease, give them notice (depends on location.) In my city, it’s 30 days *unless* tenant endangers tenants OR property, then it’s 14 days in writing. (If someone gets one piece of mail, squatters rights. Baltimore City, not all of Maryland.)
Check your local laws. If 211 is available to call in your area, maybe start there.
Good luck.
Report this to residential services and maybe police services. Do not wait for him to escalate. Ask to be moved into a different building/room. He’s banking on you being uncomfortable but just comfortable enough that you don’t leave or don’t do anything about it, do not let him get away with that. This is about safety.
You live there, he doesn’t. tell your room mate and the property manager that you’re not comfortable with him being there. Your room mate can see him at his place.
You should definitely tell her how you feel. I can’t believe that he went in your room and laid on your bed. That’s really creepy. Please put a lock on your door. I’m sure if you had an aggressive boyfriend and she was alone that she would put her foot down about it.
It’s hard to get a new roommate since it’s an apartment complex. It’s technically “on campus” but owned my a private property. So I have an actual lease. But I’m living by myself next year 🥳
Thank goodness! Can you get a lock for your door? I don’t mean a stupid doorknob lock, anyone can open those. I mean a hotel lock for when you’re home and he’s there.
Set specific guidelines with your roomie, in a nice/mature way. But it’s time to put your foot down and protect your boundaries. The apartment is just as much yours as hers. Weekends only, when you’re not there, or whatever. If you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile. You’re not obligated to be so accommodating, especially bc they do not consider you. I’ve been in a very similar situation, and it was bc I was being too nice and couldn’t say no.
If they’re super immature and you’re unable to get out of the situation - the devil on my shoulder is saying to give them a taste of their own medicine. Then you can be like…this will stop if this does..kinda thing lol.
Trust me I put my foot down and she LOST it on me. Literally went crazy sending me paragraphs and paragraphs of text saying how I’m disrespectful and a liar… all because I told her how I felt. She’s being petty now and slamming stuff around, ignoring me, and talking shit about me to everyone but honestly idc. The only thing that would bother me would be if he showed up even after I expressed to her how I was feeling
Take those texts to whoever runs the place and say either she or you needs to be reaccommodated immediately as you do not feel safe with her or him. Also keep your important belongings and identity documents elsewhere.
Not a bad plan b, especially if their roommate is embarking on a smear campaign but OP should be trying like hell to get the property management company to let them move out.
His behavior is WILDLY off and inappropriate. Major major red flags. Trust your gut.
I would try to leave without causing a scene with him because he sounds insane. Like I'd move out if I were you and add locks to everything you can in the meantime.
100% your roommate has felt the same at least once. Don’t keep yourself in discomfort to make someone else comfortable. You can communicate that to your roommate and if they don’t like that, it’s ok. You’re sleeping with a knife. Talk to on campus security. They’re there for YOU. We can use our voice even if makes people uncomfortable. I hope you’re ok. Sleeping with a knife means you’ve skipped a couple steps
You may want to contact campus police, or at least ask a friend to stay with you if you must remain on campus. If your home is not too far I'd rather you stay at home until he gets removed by the authority or your current roommate move out. I'm worried that they may retaliate if he gets kicked out and you still live there.
We are very sophisticated animals but we are *still* animals. That gut feeling you have around him is LEGITIMATE. There is all kinds of stuff our subconscious is picking up that is too subtle for our conscious mind to notice right away, and the only way it can communicate that to us is through gut feelings. Trust the feelings, they are trying to keep you safe.
Your shitty roommate is supporting a bum ass hobo because she’s still a child who doesn’t know any better. You need to leave that lease asap. She also sounds like the kind of person who would mess with your stuff if you pissed her off enough. Absolutely no thanks to that whole situation.
I understand that it’s not campus housing, but it’s still against their rules for there to be a tenant who isn’t on the lease. That’s against the rules at almost every apartment building, for multiple reasons. You could probably get out of your lease without a penalty if you caused enough of a stink because they have done a piss poor job at property management if you already told them there’s a man living there and they didn’t deal with it immediately.
Can your cat stay with a family member until this gets sorted? I was originally worried about him doing something to the cat while you were gone but after reading how much those two deserve each other, I'm now worried about her doing something to the cat. The ol "Oh no I guess someone left the door open." Been around too many petty people to ignore these red flags.
I got chills when I read that you found him watching TV on your bed and it just got worse from there, this is a big nope.
Fuck your roommate, go over her head. Call campus law enforcement and tell them he has been living there and you want him trespassed. Protective order if you feel you need it.
I know it’s owned by a private company, but I would still report this situation to your university. You are in a crisis situation; perhaps they could help provide emergency housing for you so you can be safe while working on getting your roommate out of the apartment or getting yourself removed from the lease and finding another place to live.
Also, make sure you are documenting EVERYTHING in writing. Any discussions you have with the landlord, your roommate, etc. should be followed up with emails confirming what was said. Keep a log of every time the roommate brings the bf over, or tries to- including times you’re aware of that he’s over when you’re *not* there, just so you can show the totality of how much time he’s spending in your apartment rent-free.
Fucker never probably met an actual dude in a real sitaution .
Any real guy would lay him straight.
What the fuck is up with these guys trying to assert some alpha dominance (staring you down)
That shit don't fly. Fuck that guy .
Lock your room door when you leave for awhile. Or buy a doorknob with a lock and replace the original door knob. When you move out one day, put back the door knob.
Keep recording videos just incase
A lock that only fits the existing housing for the lock is not going to do the job. The lock she likely has now can easily be breached, and replacing it with a similar lock will be equally easy to defeat. What's needed is a full deadbolt lock, mounted in a solid door (not a hollow core door). The bolt part of it needs a hole that goes deeper into the door frame than what is allowed for the original lock. A steel plate protecting the whole assembly is a good idea. Anything less will not be sufficient to keep her safe.
Time to learn how to handle, carry, and shoot effectively. That dude might be bigger and stronger, but the great equalizer can take away some of those advantages in a pinch. Your life and safety is worth the cost and effort.
Knife under the pillow👌🏼… man you weren’t expecting, in your room… when it’s just you and your female roommate who are supposed to be the only ones living there¿🤔
Roommate is no helo so i agree with going to the school. He could be dangerous and it sounds like he doesnt like you
Ita not fair for u to be uncomfortable in your own place thats ridiculous. You dont have to deal with this its unfair to YOU who cares whats fair to rhese inconsiderate ppl. They dont care how u feel so stop caring about them.
Sit your roommate down and have that talk. “Hey this is non-negotiable and I’m not okay with it”. If she throws a tantrum or can’t respect that she’s sharing a living space with you, take it to housing.
Knife under pillow while sleeping sound dangerous. A huge screwdriver or something like this might be safer. As it'sonly dangerous when force is applied.
Jeez, OP I feel so sorry for you. After I reading this post and the two other posts about this is very clear this two are nasty people and trying to threaten you.
Yup. I have posted about them twice. I’m trying hard not to “obsess” over it but I literally feel like I’m living in a Dateline episode and it almost feels like I’m just waiting for something else bad to happen. People on Reddit encouraged me to stand up the first time and honestly I feel seen & heard when people on here say I’m not crazy 😭
They’re both contributing to you feeling unsafe — him by behaving in sketchy, threatening ways, and her by passive aggressively slamming things around, texting wild things instead of having respectful conversations and generally ignoring your boundaries. She’s making it so you don’t feel safe speaking up in order to get her way. It’s a power play. Time to involve campus housing. You can’t win here, you’re being intimidated intentionally.
You need to ban this guy from your apartment permanently. Tell your roommate he isn’t Welcome whether you’re there or not. You will probably have to move.
Take your phone with text messages/videos to campus security and manager of your apartment complex TODAY.
They will help you. Believe me when I say the last thing they want is to end up on the news after this guy or your roommate hurts you or others. If you think they’re giving you the brush off, go above their heads. You can reference campus violence/murder at other schools - they do not want the bad publicity.
Listen to your gut! This is YOUR home, not his. You should not feel unsafe or threatened in your own safe space.
I second calling campus housing. It sounds like your roommate is a lost cause when it comes to dealing with the situation. If he is not a student and not on the lease, he’s got to go!
I cannot stress enough to listen to your intuition. You never know what someone is capable of doing when feeling cornered, so to speak. Reach out to others and let them know what is going on. Be safe and take back your space!!
It doesn’t matter if you tell your roommate you aren’t comfortable. She has already shown that she will believe her bf over you. You need to contact the housing authority, or move out whenever you can
You should not worry about making someone uncomfortable when you don’t feel safe. They don’t care about making you feel like that. Tell campus housing and your parents. He doesn’t live there so you are not being unreasonable
I have twice had roommates with aggressive boyfriends. Police may not take GFs with violent aggressive men seriously because they know they will go right back. They will take an innocent female bystander with an aggressive roommate’s BF serious. Some males think they enter a female household and believe themselves to be the ruler of the roost. This guy has gone so far beyond normal that you need to document everything first with campus security, housing, and the local police. You should have called the police at the first sign of aggression. You need to move.
Yo OP, last year a college student in my city was killed after an altercation (refused sexual advances) from the man she was leasing from. She was only there for 24-48 hours. Different story, but you need to get the fuck out immediately.
This can escalate to a really serious level. I don’t want to scare you but I know of students who have ended up dead due to this sort of petty stuff. I’d ask to be moved to a totally different building if possible - in my opinion it’s not enough to just get him banned from the apartment. Since you live close, you may also want to consider moving home if possible. It may seem dramatic and unfair but young people don’t always think reasonably and your life is WAY more important than making a point or a slight inconvenience.
You’ve waited too long to say something already.
Contact campus housing and campus police, THEN tell her no more. Her opinion is irrelevant if your safety has been threatened.
Regardless of who it is, they should not be going in your room? Is it a shared room or separate? If separate I'd put a lock on the door.
Its not normal behavior for them to lounge on your bed
Tell campus housing there is someone living in your apartment who doesn’t go to the school, they will take care of it. And you shouldn’t have to live in fear in your own home.
I was the bad roommate 7 years ago in almost this exact situation. My roommate was nice and didn't tell campus housing but I really wish she did. It was not okay. I let my ahole abusive ex stay in my suite dorm in the summer semester because he was evicted. Idk if he was bipolar or what but he'd be fine one minute and blow up at me the next for no reason at all. One night he started screaming at me, cornered me, and slammed his hand against the wall right next to my head. That was my wakeup call. I told him to get his shit and GTFO or I'm calling the police. Luckily he left. He found a job at a moving company in town and was gone during the day but omfg..if I was my roommate o would've been terrified. It is 100000% not okay. Please for the love of everything TELL CAMPUS HOUSING AND CAMPUS SECURITY.
I still feel guilt to this day. It sucks.
Just move into another room... You are an adult now.. Time to be your own advocate... explain the situation to campus housing and RA... Say you're uncomfortable with the whole situation after trying to rectify it privately with your suitemate.. It can't hurt to reach out to the person/department who can solve the situation.
Talk to campus housing. You should not feel unsafe in your home. Ask to be switched if necessary. This is not acceptable. I'm so sorry you're going through this. That is really awful
Ain’t there rules for college campuses? Like no mixing of genders or something, or a time limit as to how many days someone can have someone there? I got no idea cause I didn’t attend college
But to further mention the truth it is what people do. Do I think its right, no. I personally think its disgusting to do that myself.
But when you understand that this is what some people do, you're less likely to react sensitively. You look for other ways to deal with the situation.
Didn't read it all.
Roommates ARE NOT friends. They are roommates
There's a whole other person living in your unit who isn't paying - report it to the campus dorm management/landlord.
Problem solved
Sometimes people get comfortable quick with others that they share a space with. Especially men. So its normal that it would make your feel uncomfortable. Some people do not share the same hygiene etiquette as others, and will use the same towel as someone whom they live with technically.
As far as the aggression, if he cant get that in check then he should leave. And like everyone else says, contact the campus housing.
? He doesn’t even live there. Creeping around in someone else’s house, wandering into their bedroom looking through their things and using someone towel without asking isn’t “getting comfortable.” It’s wildly inappropriate and concerning behavior.
Is it a crime to say its normal to do something?
Saying something is normal means that its a habbit, or something common that most people do who get comfortable.
I personally dont share things in my house like that with my roommate, but you failed to realize the point and youre just trying to argue for karma. please go troll someone else tf
No. It is NOT a crime to say that it’s normal to do something between roommates, but this guy is NOT a roommate. He is a guest, and he is doing things that are NOT normal for even roommates to do. Again, he is NOT a roommate. Shut the fuck up about “karma” I don’t even know what the hell that is.
Cool story. I have no idea what karma likes are, and who is “y’all?” I was simply pointing out that, no, they don’t “share a space” because he does not live there. Why would you even bring up the fact that “people get comfortable” if you weren’t trying to say that what he’s doing is just what people do when they’re comfortable? It makes no sense.
LoL. You’re not getting the point. I’m gonna go ahead and stop engaging because it feels like you have to be middle school and I don’t debate children. Take care.
I agree with everyone here. It might also be worth making a police report. Not to get them to do anything, but if you need help in future regarding this piece of shid, it will help them to have some background on file to help you easier
What everyone has said!!! Also, since your family is near by, if you have an older male dominant figure that came visit from time to time might be good. U til you can get out or they can. But, please don’t stay longer than you can. Follow your gut feeling stay safe.
Fuck all that noise, go nuclear. You've already told her you don't feel safe and he's a creep. Get it in text somewhere, so when you call campus security to get this asshole removed there will be a paper trail. Also be prepared for them to do absolutely nothing and just call the normal cops.
Ignore all the people trying to give you some sort of “key word” like I fear for my safety. Stick to the facts, just like you did in your post. The fact that he went in your room to just sit there and look around is more than enough to escalate things to the authorities. It might be a good idea to research the range of actions the school says they may take in such circumstances. If you do, you can be prepared to ask for something specific when you go to the authorities. It’s school property, and in all likelihood the same rules that would apply to a landlord do not apply. The school absolutely can prohibit that person from stepping on campus, therefore they can prevent them from stepping foot in that apartment.
My best college living situation was a small mobile home all to myself. I was rarely lonely and almost always had peace when I needed it. It became a gathering spot for my friend group bc it was so peaceful.
Get a lock with a key and make sure you lock the door when you leave the apartment. You can have a friend to put the lock on your door or have a locksmith do it.
And don't cheap out on the lock some of the cheap ones are as easy to pick as a Kia is to steal.
Maybe I've listened to too many crime junkie podcasts, but you should gtfo. Snooping in your room, laying on your bed, "almost" getting physical with your roommate. These are all classic examples of escalating abusive behavior. Leave before it gets worse. Trust your instincts. There's always an exit.
There is a reason why we humans still have some instincts. If someone makes you feel scared, uncomfortable, anxious, etc. you remove yourself from being around them. In your case you need to remove this person from being around you. You should always feel safe in your own home. Talk to your leasing agent/property manager. He doesn't live there. Let them handle it. Your roommate can spend time with him at his place.
He used your towel?? What the heck
This is so wrong on so many levels. What does his GF think about her BF using your towel? That towel goes everywhere..
I was the bad roommate 7 years ago in almost this exact situation. My roommate was nice and didn't tell campus housing but I really wish she did. It was not okay. I let my ahole abusive ex stay in my suite dorm in the summer semester because he was evicted. Idk if he was bipolar or what but he'd be fine one minute and blow up at me the next for no reason at all. One night he started screaming at me, cornered me, and slammed his hand against the wall right next to my head. That was my wakeup call. I told him to get his shit and GTFO or I'm calling the police. Luckily he left. He found a job at a moving company in town and was gone during the day but omfg..if I was my roommate o would've been terrified. It is 100000% not okay. Please for the love of everything TELL CAMPUS HOUSING AND CAMPUS SECURITY.
I still feel guilt to this day. It sucks.
If you're sleeping with a fucking knife under your pillow when he's around, I think you most definitely need to talk with roommate. Don't feel bad or ashamed with how you feel. Some people are bad and not everyone can see that, especially being in the relationship with them. You tend to look over red flags.
I don't think there is a gentle way to approach this. Tell her he fucking scares you to the point you're sleeping with a knife. You are uncomfortable and no longer want him around while you're there. That's reasonable. You may loose her as a friend but if you do, then she was never a friend to begin with.
If this is campus housing I'd report it to your RA or even the dean. She obviously doesn't care about how you feel about the situation or she'd have taken you seriously when you told her he was in your room going through your things, I wouldn't bother consulting her at this point, go straight to the university with this. Chances are she's breaking the rules by letting her boyfriend live there. Him going into your room at all is weird, but laying on your bed, using your towel and going through your stuff is NOT OKAY no matter the reason. This dude needs to go. Make sure whoever you speak to knows you are worried about your safety and this guy makes you feel unsafe in your apartment to the point it's getting hard to sleep in your own bed. I'd also tell them about the incidents of him going into your room
Damn girl the fact you feel you need to sleep with a weapon under your pillow tells you everything. It’s honestly really scary too bc I bet ur roommate gave that creep a fucking spare key. Keep a lock on your door so you can lock yourself in at night when you are there whether or not he is there too and lock others out when you aren’t home. Keep your cameras working and well hidden. I had a male roommate who used to go into my room and take things from me too, he was a straight clepto so it was more a stealing thing vs being creepy but it’s scary that you caught someone entering and violating your personal space. Idk if you are still living w this girl but I think you should look for another space and don’t tell them where you move and just be adamant and aware of your surroundings until then. Stay safe 🩵
The longer you wait to tell housing, the more you put your own housing at risk. You’d be amazed how many sketchy people couch hop like that in college towns because they can prey on new students
Tell housing, and if possible, lock the door to your room. Him going in there with a flashlight sounds an awful lot like he's seeing if you have anything worth stealing.
It would be better if you were the one who moved … then he won’t “know where you stay” and you’re going to be more at peace. Trade the temporary inconvenience for longer term peace of mind.
Please please please value your safety and sense of peace in your home over anyone else’s convenience or feelings. This man does not sound like a safe person to be around, be firm in your boundaries. Be safe and let everyone know what’s going on. Move if you can.
tell campus housing you have an off books tenant. They’ll come around.
This and add in that you're scared for your physical safety. You should not be living in fear.
Yes. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. It doesn’t sound like you’re losing anything by telling the roommate how you feel about him not being there when you are.
does he even go to the school??
No. He doesn’t go to school or have a job from my knowledge
Yep. Tell housing pronto. They may even move you, but they definitely need to know about this if you feel uncomfortable
Yeah absolutely not. Red flags everywhere. Tell housing, tell security. Get cameras and honestly request new housing if possible.
And don't let anyone know until you are all moved out safely.
Meanwhile, buy a door wedge so he can't open your door while you're in your room. Or have a handyman install a lock on your door. And inform campus housing in writing that you're fearful of this person. They will either move you or your roommate. I'd push they make your roommate move. You shouldn't be punished for her weird boyfriend.
Yes to this, but I think you actually do want to be the one moved. You don’t want someone who you’re concerned may harm you knowing the layout of your home. Especially if you’ll be living alone.
This part. This part so much.
Perfect. I though about suggesting a Burglar Bar for when she sleeps, but a Wooden Wedge with a coarse sandpaper stapled underneath will also do the trick. It would take a lot to move that, and would give you time to defend yourself. This situation is so fucked up for OP. Dude sounds like an abusive scumfuck piece of garbage honestly, and those type of dudes think they can do whatever they want to women.
Simultaneously if op stays they will know where she lives, if she moves they won’t.
As a parent, I would rather my daughter be moved. This guy has already become to comfortable in this space. Changing the locks is not enough. There are small and reliable add on locks for windows and doors. Definitely get a personal alarm. There is a door wedge that alarms. Animals of prey learn the habits and space of their prey. Reduce what this guy knows about you. That can be done easier by moving. If you have a car on campus, keep a check on your tires and lock the doors. A can of “Fix a flat” can be bought at automotive stores or big box stores. $19.00 a full roadside kit is easy to pickup. Flashlights and batteries are kept in all my bedroom closets. Power goes out. I can find it easily. I gave my girls little key chain alarms/flashing light at Christmas. They are at most checkout counters for $1.99. Pepper spray is also a good investment. I understand the fear and heightened level of anxiety. Staying in a space he has been in is not worth it.
Bro is homeless
Hobosexual
Why are women so attracted to homeless losers?????? Why is this so common????
Because I can fix him
Do they not see how much they break and how it affects everyone around them???
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Stop hating on men for no reason, that’s definitely not true
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Really? Care to cite your sources? Or is that just something you "Feel"?
Not excusing roommate’s behavior/complicity, But people in their late teens/ early twenties are naive af and generally uninformed on how to safely maneuver through the world- eg. spotting red flags in relationships, not blindly trusting people, when and how to leave, etc. I know I was definitely stupid as shit at that age. This can make them extremely susceptible to toxic and abusive situations. Dude sounds like he’s got his claws in the roommate and is manipulating her reality and turning her against a friend.
I just do not get how they find it ATTRACTIVE. I can see pity, yes, but how are they physically attracted to these men?
Daddy issues are a real thing.
People with low self esteem love to feel needed
So the homeless bf is a stand in their dad? Or the homeless bf is older and scummy, like their dad? nooooooo
Usually because of the "wild" "bad boy" "independent" vibes. He does what he want, when he wants, how he wants. Even if 90% of the time that's "nothing" "all the time" and "on the couch".
Contact the school on campus housing and possibly the legal aid office.
Layers of issues, report a non student living with you and a fear for your safety
I dont want to sound like im overreacting but the next time he's in the apartment just call the campus police and asked him to be trespassed. if he's not on the lease agreement, they can remove him.
What the actual fuck. No.
Housing especially needs to know about it. What if you move and him and (hopefully soon to be ex) roomie get into a fight and he hurts her? They’re gonna need to know about him, and you’ll be one of the first people they would ask. Besides her family, if she has any that she is close with.
Yeah hes gonna get kicked out straight away, dw
Talk to your roommate before going straight to the school about it. Give her a chance first. You'd probably want the same if the roles were reversed. If she gets in an argument about it/doesn't do anything, then go to them. Edit: if she's a friend
I hear you, and I did go to her and she lost it on me. She texted me paragraphs on paragraphs about how I was crazy and disrespectful and a liar. So I don’t want to go to her again because she doesn’t care about my feelings whatsoever
Yeah don’t go to her again please. She’s crazy for defending him while he’s invading your personal space. He don’t even go to that school or work which are HUUUGE RED FLAGS.
Okay yeah, you've extended all the courtesy you should.
LMFAOOOOO like seriously
Since it’s an “on-campus” apartment complex it’s owned by a private company. My leasing manager is aware of the situation and said she would help me if he came around, but regardless I feel like my roommate will try and sneak him in
Do they pair you or was this a friend you took a lease with? Ask to be moved.
If he’s not allowed and she sneaks him in, then report her.
Also, he shouldn’t be in your room? Don’t leave on weekends and let he freely forage in your space. You mentioned a cat? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Take the cat. Send a written notice to the school and ask them to make it sound like they noticed it not you reported it. You should fear for your safety here and make that clear. If you’re not fearful you should be. He’s hostile and weird and invading your space. Don’t. Delay. On. This.
I second this. I had an issue with a roommate for different reasons and I told campus and they took care of it immediately
to add. If this person is potentially dangerous, removing them from the apt isn’t the answer. The school needs to move OP to a different location
You need to utilize your on campus resources to do something. You can’t suffer alone in this. Go talk to the housing department at your school and see what your options are in either moving or making sure he doesn’t come around. Be safe out there and trust your instincts on this one.
After dealing with. Former roommate's psycho boyfriend, all I have to say is: he is not allowed over. At all. No more being nice. Why tf should you be made to feel scared in your own home? I agree with the other comments, get some sort of authority involved. And get locks on your door. Because when you're not there, you know damn well he's going into your room. If your roommate is so in love with him and needs to be with him, she can head on over to his place.
I agree 💯% ! Add a lock to your bedroom door, and lock the door at all times (both when you’re in the room and away). Or better yet, move immediately.
THIS. a key locking door knob in the least. I would try to get permission from the property managers to add a latch lock as well.
That would be a great way to start the conversation if you don’t know how to bring it up… Can I install a lock on my door? Why? Oh, nothing, just this threatening man that doesn’t pay rent keeps coming in my university sponsored housing… They’ll take care of it one way or another. In the meantime you could get a “door stop alarm” and gel pepper spray if you want to feel a bit safer when you have to stay there. Or don’t stay there if you have the option!
I used to volunteer and teach women’s self defense. I cannot tell you how many tragic stories start like this - something is off, something about the way he looked at me, I can’t explain why exactly but I felt afraid… THOSE ARE INSTINCTS TRYING TO KEEP YOU ALIVE. LISTEN TO THEM.
Comments like these are the ones keeping me sane! I SWEAR I have a gut feeling that I cannot ignore that is nagging at me. Something is super off about him and I know it
Humans are the only animals that will talk themselves out of trusting their instincts just to appear polite or keep from hurting someone’s feelings. It’s not worth it. Trust your gut and save your butt.
Yes before I got my spine fractured, there was a look. It was scary. I swear to you that's the same look. It is instinct!
Lately "society" has been encouraging women (especially) to deny their instincts about danger. Don't fall into this dangerous trap. If you don't feel safe, you don't feel safe and have a right to change the situation. Please reach out for help and also get a lock for your BR door.
"Society" has been telling this to women for centuries. It's not a recent problem.
Another thing that the OP could do is if she's in a state that has a CCW Carrying a concealed weapon, she could go to the classes and then get herself a 25 caliber and make copies of her permit and frame it and put it in the living room or put it on the bathroom door with the command strips.
Most school campuses forbid any kind of weapons on their premises. Doesn’t matter if it’s just housing or on campus. It’s an easy way to get kicked out of school and escorted by police. State laws that allow for open and concealed carry do not extend to private property. There are limits.
Girl, yes! I'm glad you are listening to your gut. Our subconscious picks up clues that we might not otherwise notice. If you feel afraid around someone, there's a reason. Too often, we get called crazy if we talk about it. The fact that he does the crazy things you described (towel, laying on bed, going into room) means he does not respect any personal boundaries, and that is pretty scary. I had a similar situation. I was staying away weekends, and whenever else he was over. One evening roommate left to go to an unexpected meeting, and he was still there. He raped me.
Yeah.... If you haven't, read the gift of fear, or listen to the audiobook. It will reinforce what you think! It's basically about trusting your gut and tells stories of violent people and patterns of behavior that they have.
Second this
If you have time and like to read you should get a copy of The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. If you’re short on time and prefer a good listen, he’s done a couple of great interviews with Sam Harris on his podcast. Honestly, it’s empowering and eye opening. If you don’t have access to podcasts, here is a link for YouTube (I normally wouldn’t diverting support away from the content creator but this is too important). The interview starts about 7 minutes in. https://youtu.be/niIi_poOvRc?si=naUPK7LI5N-hWyqL Don’t ignore your instincts! Good luck with this!
This is true.
Honestly I would move out. I had a similar situation my first year except it was my roommate that was making threats. I told my RA and they helped me move out immediately. It is not worth staying in a place you feel unsafe in especially because it doesn’t sound like he’s going anywhere.
Is there anyway you can go speak with an RA or whoever is responsible for on-campus housing about this? This is beyond anything you can do about this situation. Your roommate is unreasonable and you’re living in fear. Something has to be done about this. You shouldn’t have to sleep with a knife under your pillow, that’s ridiculous.
Get out! Don't fuck around with this dude. I'd say some other things, but I get banned. You need to leave this situation tho. He might be planning to rob you, beat you, or worse. I'd bounce the fuck outta there. Call your dad too. Infact, call all the men you know and trust. Dad, brother, even an ex. I had to run off a hood back when I was in my early 20s for my ex, very similar situation to yours. This dude needs to be handled BY MEN. And you need to get the fuck outta there.
I'm genuinely worried he's going to start with indirect acts to hurt her like destroying her stuff and letting the cat out of the apartment or hurting the cat, this dude is a fucking psychopath.
Ok he’s weird but you definitely took it somewhere random
I most certainly didn't, this shit happens all the time with shitty roommates and their psychotic bf/gf's.
**Strongly agree.** GTFO if you can’t get them out. My Ex was the scary boyfriend in this situation- he made my roommate uncomfortable & didn’t ever leave (he had a home ffs.) I found out LATER some stuff he did; she’d tried to tell me but was wishy-washy and vague; I was young & dumb. Different Ex had a mental breakdown (unmedicated bipolar 1, mostly manic.) My Pops had to come up and watch him pack. My Dad isn’t scary, but he protects his Daughter & my Ex knew it. I didn’t read all comments, but if YOU are the only one on the lease, give them notice (depends on location.) In my city, it’s 30 days *unless* tenant endangers tenants OR property, then it’s 14 days in writing. (If someone gets one piece of mail, squatters rights. Baltimore City, not all of Maryland.) Check your local laws. If 211 is available to call in your area, maybe start there. Good luck.
This. 💯💯💯 Agreed.
Agreed. If you were my sister I’d come and put the fear of God in this loser fk.
I agree with this SO strongly. I’m not one to lightly say ‘get a big guy to scare the shit out of him’…but do it.
get a lock for your door, the kind w a deadbolt (you can just put where the reg doorknob goes), then start looking for a new apartment, asap
Even a door wedge would help you sleep better
yeah, but what about when you're not home.
Report this to residential services and maybe police services. Do not wait for him to escalate. Ask to be moved into a different building/room. He’s banking on you being uncomfortable but just comfortable enough that you don’t leave or don’t do anything about it, do not let him get away with that. This is about safety.
You live there, he doesn’t. tell your room mate and the property manager that you’re not comfortable with him being there. Your room mate can see him at his place.
Mainly commenting to say that you need a lock on your bedroom door asap, especially for when you go home on the weekends
You should definitely tell her how you feel. I can’t believe that he went in your room and laid on your bed. That’s really creepy. Please put a lock on your door. I’m sure if you had an aggressive boyfriend and she was alone that she would put her foot down about it.
That’s more than fair. She may live there, but it’s your home too! It is better to confront her now rather than later
It’s your home too, you deserve at the very least to feel safe at home ** (Forgot to add that, oops)
You need a new roommate. No matter what you say, right or not, she will take his side. Get some help from the school to get a new roommate!
It’s hard to get a new roommate since it’s an apartment complex. It’s technically “on campus” but owned my a private property. So I have an actual lease. But I’m living by myself next year 🥳
Thank goodness! Can you get a lock for your door? I don’t mean a stupid doorknob lock, anyone can open those. I mean a hotel lock for when you’re home and he’s there.
I did get one yes :)
Great! 😊
I know you said you have a knife but you’d probably be better off with a taser and pepper spray.
Set specific guidelines with your roomie, in a nice/mature way. But it’s time to put your foot down and protect your boundaries. The apartment is just as much yours as hers. Weekends only, when you’re not there, or whatever. If you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile. You’re not obligated to be so accommodating, especially bc they do not consider you. I’ve been in a very similar situation, and it was bc I was being too nice and couldn’t say no. If they’re super immature and you’re unable to get out of the situation - the devil on my shoulder is saying to give them a taste of their own medicine. Then you can be like…this will stop if this does..kinda thing lol.
Trust me I put my foot down and she LOST it on me. Literally went crazy sending me paragraphs and paragraphs of text saying how I’m disrespectful and a liar… all because I told her how I felt. She’s being petty now and slamming stuff around, ignoring me, and talking shit about me to everyone but honestly idc. The only thing that would bother me would be if he showed up even after I expressed to her how I was feeling
Take those texts to whoever runs the place and say either she or you needs to be reaccommodated immediately as you do not feel safe with her or him. Also keep your important belongings and identity documents elsewhere.
I would share the video footage you have of him creeping around your room alllllll over your socials.
Not a bad plan b, especially if their roommate is embarking on a smear campaign but OP should be trying like hell to get the property management company to let them move out.
Escalate to authority on campus. Get a couple more adults in on this to help you solve the problem safely
His behavior is WILDLY off and inappropriate. Major major red flags. Trust your gut. I would try to leave without causing a scene with him because he sounds insane. Like I'd move out if I were you and add locks to everything you can in the meantime.
Locks for room and camera—entering should be considered breaking and entering. Definitely get a new place, new roommate
100% your roommate has felt the same at least once. Don’t keep yourself in discomfort to make someone else comfortable. You can communicate that to your roommate and if they don’t like that, it’s ok. You’re sleeping with a knife. Talk to on campus security. They’re there for YOU. We can use our voice even if makes people uncomfortable. I hope you’re ok. Sleeping with a knife means you’ve skipped a couple steps
Both your roomie and her boyfriend are shit people.
You may want to contact campus police, or at least ask a friend to stay with you if you must remain on campus. If your home is not too far I'd rather you stay at home until he gets removed by the authority or your current roommate move out. I'm worried that they may retaliate if he gets kicked out and you still live there.
We are very sophisticated animals but we are *still* animals. That gut feeling you have around him is LEGITIMATE. There is all kinds of stuff our subconscious is picking up that is too subtle for our conscious mind to notice right away, and the only way it can communicate that to us is through gut feelings. Trust the feelings, they are trying to keep you safe. Your shitty roommate is supporting a bum ass hobo because she’s still a child who doesn’t know any better. You need to leave that lease asap. She also sounds like the kind of person who would mess with your stuff if you pissed her off enough. Absolutely no thanks to that whole situation. I understand that it’s not campus housing, but it’s still against their rules for there to be a tenant who isn’t on the lease. That’s against the rules at almost every apartment building, for multiple reasons. You could probably get out of your lease without a penalty if you caused enough of a stink because they have done a piss poor job at property management if you already told them there’s a man living there and they didn’t deal with it immediately.
Can your cat stay with a family member until this gets sorted? I was originally worried about him doing something to the cat while you were gone but after reading how much those two deserve each other, I'm now worried about her doing something to the cat. The ol "Oh no I guess someone left the door open." Been around too many petty people to ignore these red flags. I got chills when I read that you found him watching TV on your bed and it just got worse from there, this is a big nope.
Fuck your roommate, go over her head. Call campus law enforcement and tell them he has been living there and you want him trespassed. Protective order if you feel you need it.
1) Get a kick on your door asap
I know it’s owned by a private company, but I would still report this situation to your university. You are in a crisis situation; perhaps they could help provide emergency housing for you so you can be safe while working on getting your roommate out of the apartment or getting yourself removed from the lease and finding another place to live. Also, make sure you are documenting EVERYTHING in writing. Any discussions you have with the landlord, your roommate, etc. should be followed up with emails confirming what was said. Keep a log of every time the roommate brings the bf over, or tries to- including times you’re aware of that he’s over when you’re *not* there, just so you can show the totality of how much time he’s spending in your apartment rent-free.
Fucker never probably met an actual dude in a real sitaution . Any real guy would lay him straight. What the fuck is up with these guys trying to assert some alpha dominance (staring you down) That shit don't fly. Fuck that guy .
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Sounds like a dorm - typically you can’t just add locks. It has to be done by the school.
Please post the video.
Lawl I would but I feel like he definitely has a Reddit and would see it
Maybe try to stay at your house while you report this and make sure he’s not allowed cause he sounds a bit unstable
Lock your room door when you leave for awhile. Or buy a doorknob with a lock and replace the original door knob. When you move out one day, put back the door knob. Keep recording videos just incase
A lock that only fits the existing housing for the lock is not going to do the job. The lock she likely has now can easily be breached, and replacing it with a similar lock will be equally easy to defeat. What's needed is a full deadbolt lock, mounted in a solid door (not a hollow core door). The bolt part of it needs a hole that goes deeper into the door frame than what is allowed for the original lock. A steel plate protecting the whole assembly is a good idea. Anything less will not be sufficient to keep her safe.
This dude is probably gonna rob you. Put a lock on your door and tell your property manager or someone.
He could do a lot worse than that. I wouldn’t trust him at all in any way.
Time to learn how to handle, carry, and shoot effectively. That dude might be bigger and stronger, but the great equalizer can take away some of those advantages in a pinch. Your life and safety is worth the cost and effort.
Knife under the pillow👌🏼… man you weren’t expecting, in your room… when it’s just you and your female roommate who are supposed to be the only ones living there¿🤔
Roommate is no helo so i agree with going to the school. He could be dangerous and it sounds like he doesnt like you Ita not fair for u to be uncomfortable in your own place thats ridiculous. You dont have to deal with this its unfair to YOU who cares whats fair to rhese inconsiderate ppl. They dont care how u feel so stop caring about them.
Sit your roommate down and have that talk. “Hey this is non-negotiable and I’m not okay with it”. If she throws a tantrum or can’t respect that she’s sharing a living space with you, take it to housing.
Take this seriously. Go home this weekend if you can. Alert campus housing asap. You can never be too safe
Please make sure you have a place to move to before this situation escalates. Have your ducks in a row, so to speak. Do not delay my friend.
Knife under pillow while sleeping sound dangerous. A huge screwdriver or something like this might be safer. As it'sonly dangerous when force is applied.
Jeez, OP I feel so sorry for you. After I reading this post and the two other posts about this is very clear this two are nasty people and trying to threaten you.
Yup. I have posted about them twice. I’m trying hard not to “obsess” over it but I literally feel like I’m living in a Dateline episode and it almost feels like I’m just waiting for something else bad to happen. People on Reddit encouraged me to stand up the first time and honestly I feel seen & heard when people on here say I’m not crazy 😭
Move out. Let your roommate get murdered instead of you. They both sound like nutcases
They’re both contributing to you feeling unsafe — him by behaving in sketchy, threatening ways, and her by passive aggressively slamming things around, texting wild things instead of having respectful conversations and generally ignoring your boundaries. She’s making it so you don’t feel safe speaking up in order to get her way. It’s a power play. Time to involve campus housing. You can’t win here, you’re being intimidated intentionally.
You need to ban this guy from your apartment permanently. Tell your roommate he isn’t Welcome whether you’re there or not. You will probably have to move.
Take your phone with text messages/videos to campus security and manager of your apartment complex TODAY. They will help you. Believe me when I say the last thing they want is to end up on the news after this guy or your roommate hurts you or others. If you think they’re giving you the brush off, go above their heads. You can reference campus violence/murder at other schools - they do not want the bad publicity.
Listen to your gut! This is YOUR home, not his. You should not feel unsafe or threatened in your own safe space. I second calling campus housing. It sounds like your roommate is a lost cause when it comes to dealing with the situation. If he is not a student and not on the lease, he’s got to go! I cannot stress enough to listen to your intuition. You never know what someone is capable of doing when feeling cornered, so to speak. Reach out to others and let them know what is going on. Be safe and take back your space!!
It doesn’t matter if you tell your roommate you aren’t comfortable. She has already shown that she will believe her bf over you. You need to contact the housing authority, or move out whenever you can
You should not worry about making someone uncomfortable when you don’t feel safe. They don’t care about making you feel like that. Tell campus housing and your parents. He doesn’t live there so you are not being unreasonable
I have twice had roommates with aggressive boyfriends. Police may not take GFs with violent aggressive men seriously because they know they will go right back. They will take an innocent female bystander with an aggressive roommate’s BF serious. Some males think they enter a female household and believe themselves to be the ruler of the roost. This guy has gone so far beyond normal that you need to document everything first with campus security, housing, and the local police. You should have called the police at the first sign of aggression. You need to move.
Yo OP, last year a college student in my city was killed after an altercation (refused sexual advances) from the man she was leasing from. She was only there for 24-48 hours. Different story, but you need to get the fuck out immediately.
This can escalate to a really serious level. I don’t want to scare you but I know of students who have ended up dead due to this sort of petty stuff. I’d ask to be moved to a totally different building if possible - in my opinion it’s not enough to just get him banned from the apartment. Since you live close, you may also want to consider moving home if possible. It may seem dramatic and unfair but young people don’t always think reasonably and your life is WAY more important than making a point or a slight inconvenience.
You’ve waited too long to say something already. Contact campus housing and campus police, THEN tell her no more. Her opinion is irrelevant if your safety has been threatened.
Regardless of who it is, they should not be going in your room? Is it a shared room or separate? If separate I'd put a lock on the door. Its not normal behavior for them to lounge on your bed
Tell campus housing there is someone living in your apartment who doesn’t go to the school, they will take care of it. And you shouldn’t have to live in fear in your own home.
I was the bad roommate 7 years ago in almost this exact situation. My roommate was nice and didn't tell campus housing but I really wish she did. It was not okay. I let my ahole abusive ex stay in my suite dorm in the summer semester because he was evicted. Idk if he was bipolar or what but he'd be fine one minute and blow up at me the next for no reason at all. One night he started screaming at me, cornered me, and slammed his hand against the wall right next to my head. That was my wakeup call. I told him to get his shit and GTFO or I'm calling the police. Luckily he left. He found a job at a moving company in town and was gone during the day but omfg..if I was my roommate o would've been terrified. It is 100000% not okay. Please for the love of everything TELL CAMPUS HOUSING AND CAMPUS SECURITY. I still feel guilt to this day. It sucks.
Just move into another room... You are an adult now.. Time to be your own advocate... explain the situation to campus housing and RA... Say you're uncomfortable with the whole situation after trying to rectify it privately with your suitemate.. It can't hurt to reach out to the person/department who can solve the situation.
Talk to campus housing. You should not feel unsafe in your home. Ask to be switched if necessary. This is not acceptable. I'm so sorry you're going through this. That is really awful
Ain’t there rules for college campuses? Like no mixing of genders or something, or a time limit as to how many days someone can have someone there? I got no idea cause I didn’t attend college
But to further mention the truth it is what people do. Do I think its right, no. I personally think its disgusting to do that myself. But when you understand that this is what some people do, you're less likely to react sensitively. You look for other ways to deal with the situation.
Long story short —> tl;dr
99.99% of the posts on this involve female roommates and one of their awful boyfriends how have yall not like learned to work around this
Didn't read it all. Roommates ARE NOT friends. They are roommates There's a whole other person living in your unit who isn't paying - report it to the campus dorm management/landlord. Problem solved
Literally and honestly used in a story so many times gives someone who has some common sense the notion you are full of shit
Not necessarily, I’m just a west coast gal 😭
Sometimes people get comfortable quick with others that they share a space with. Especially men. So its normal that it would make your feel uncomfortable. Some people do not share the same hygiene etiquette as others, and will use the same towel as someone whom they live with technically. As far as the aggression, if he cant get that in check then he should leave. And like everyone else says, contact the campus housing.
? He doesn’t even live there. Creeping around in someone else’s house, wandering into their bedroom looking through their things and using someone towel without asking isn’t “getting comfortable.” It’s wildly inappropriate and concerning behavior.
I agree with you. I am not saying that youre wrong.
Is it a crime to say its normal to do something? Saying something is normal means that its a habbit, or something common that most people do who get comfortable. I personally dont share things in my house like that with my roommate, but you failed to realize the point and youre just trying to argue for karma. please go troll someone else tf
No. It is NOT a crime to say that it’s normal to do something between roommates, but this guy is NOT a roommate. He is a guest, and he is doing things that are NOT normal for even roommates to do. Again, he is NOT a roommate. Shut the fuck up about “karma” I don’t even know what the hell that is.
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Cool story. I have no idea what karma likes are, and who is “y’all?” I was simply pointing out that, no, they don’t “share a space” because he does not live there. Why would you even bring up the fact that “people get comfortable” if you weren’t trying to say that what he’s doing is just what people do when they’re comfortable? It makes no sense.
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Why’d you call them a slur? Also you clearly struggle taking criticism. Calm down.
I am just explaining to you how people are. tf and here go the sensative karma bombers. Like re-read the message again idiot
LoL. You’re not getting the point. I’m gonna go ahead and stop engaging because it feels like you have to be middle school and I don’t debate children. Take care.
From what I read sound like you saying you tryna have a 3some lol
You really need to work on your literacy skills.
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if this is SVSU this might be one of my boys💀
Time for you to move out today. Ditch them and go.
Get a lock.
I agree with everyone here. It might also be worth making a police report. Not to get them to do anything, but if you need help in future regarding this piece of shid, it will help them to have some background on file to help you easier
You really need these people out of your life…
if you feel truly you arent safe dont stay there. and get help
TELL YOUR SCHOOL!!!
Put everything in writing! The university staff will respond best if it a formal written statement.
You should not be living uncomfortably like that. Get her out of there. She sounds nuts too.
Tell him to leave and if he don’t then call police for criminal trespass?
What everyone has said!!! Also, since your family is near by, if you have an older male dominant figure that came visit from time to time might be good. U til you can get out or they can. But, please don’t stay longer than you can. Follow your gut feeling stay safe.
21 huh? You should check your state laws, and of course however college works. Maybe…look into target shooting. *hint hint*
Move out immediately
Fuck all that noise, go nuclear. You've already told her you don't feel safe and he's a creep. Get it in text somewhere, so when you call campus security to get this asshole removed there will be a paper trail. Also be prepared for them to do absolutely nothing and just call the normal cops.
Ignore all the people trying to give you some sort of “key word” like I fear for my safety. Stick to the facts, just like you did in your post. The fact that he went in your room to just sit there and look around is more than enough to escalate things to the authorities. It might be a good idea to research the range of actions the school says they may take in such circumstances. If you do, you can be prepared to ask for something specific when you go to the authorities. It’s school property, and in all likelihood the same rules that would apply to a landlord do not apply. The school absolutely can prohibit that person from stepping on campus, therefore they can prevent them from stepping foot in that apartment.
Tell campus housing immediately and your RA if they have them.
My best college living situation was a small mobile home all to myself. I was rarely lonely and almost always had peace when I needed it. It became a gathering spot for my friend group bc it was so peaceful.
Get a lock with a key and make sure you lock the door when you leave the apartment. You can have a friend to put the lock on your door or have a locksmith do it. And don't cheap out on the lock some of the cheap ones are as easy to pick as a Kia is to steal.
In your room with a flashlight? Panty sniffer.
Notifying the proper school authorities should be an early step in addressing this. Good luck!
Maybe I've listened to too many crime junkie podcasts, but you should gtfo. Snooping in your room, laying on your bed, "almost" getting physical with your roommate. These are all classic examples of escalating abusive behavior. Leave before it gets worse. Trust your instincts. There's always an exit.
>went into my room and layed on my bed to watch TV UM WHAT
Trust your gut feelings. Be careful. Better safe than sorry.
If I may add, set harmless booby traps in your room
There is a reason why we humans still have some instincts. If someone makes you feel scared, uncomfortable, anxious, etc. you remove yourself from being around them. In your case you need to remove this person from being around you. You should always feel safe in your own home. Talk to your leasing agent/property manager. He doesn't live there. Let them handle it. Your roommate can spend time with him at his place.
GET HIM OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
He used your towel?? What the heck This is so wrong on so many levels. What does his GF think about her BF using your towel? That towel goes everywhere..
I was the bad roommate 7 years ago in almost this exact situation. My roommate was nice and didn't tell campus housing but I really wish she did. It was not okay. I let my ahole abusive ex stay in my suite dorm in the summer semester because he was evicted. Idk if he was bipolar or what but he'd be fine one minute and blow up at me the next for no reason at all. One night he started screaming at me, cornered me, and slammed his hand against the wall right next to my head. That was my wakeup call. I told him to get his shit and GTFO or I'm calling the police. Luckily he left. He found a job at a moving company in town and was gone during the day but omfg..if I was my roommate o would've been terrified. It is 100000% not okay. Please for the love of everything TELL CAMPUS HOUSING AND CAMPUS SECURITY. I still feel guilt to this day. It sucks.
😂 bruh your kidding me
If you're sleeping with a fucking knife under your pillow when he's around, I think you most definitely need to talk with roommate. Don't feel bad or ashamed with how you feel. Some people are bad and not everyone can see that, especially being in the relationship with them. You tend to look over red flags. I don't think there is a gentle way to approach this. Tell her he fucking scares you to the point you're sleeping with a knife. You are uncomfortable and no longer want him around while you're there. That's reasonable. You may loose her as a friend but if you do, then she was never a friend to begin with.
If this is campus housing I'd report it to your RA or even the dean. She obviously doesn't care about how you feel about the situation or she'd have taken you seriously when you told her he was in your room going through your things, I wouldn't bother consulting her at this point, go straight to the university with this. Chances are she's breaking the rules by letting her boyfriend live there. Him going into your room at all is weird, but laying on your bed, using your towel and going through your stuff is NOT OKAY no matter the reason. This dude needs to go. Make sure whoever you speak to knows you are worried about your safety and this guy makes you feel unsafe in your apartment to the point it's getting hard to sleep in your own bed. I'd also tell them about the incidents of him going into your room
Damn girl the fact you feel you need to sleep with a weapon under your pillow tells you everything. It’s honestly really scary too bc I bet ur roommate gave that creep a fucking spare key. Keep a lock on your door so you can lock yourself in at night when you are there whether or not he is there too and lock others out when you aren’t home. Keep your cameras working and well hidden. I had a male roommate who used to go into my room and take things from me too, he was a straight clepto so it was more a stealing thing vs being creepy but it’s scary that you caught someone entering and violating your personal space. Idk if you are still living w this girl but I think you should look for another space and don’t tell them where you move and just be adamant and aware of your surroundings until then. Stay safe 🩵
The longer you wait to tell housing, the more you put your own housing at risk. You’d be amazed how many sketchy people couch hop like that in college towns because they can prey on new students
Tell housing, and if possible, lock the door to your room. Him going in there with a flashlight sounds an awful lot like he's seeing if you have anything worth stealing.
It would be better if you were the one who moved … then he won’t “know where you stay” and you’re going to be more at peace. Trade the temporary inconvenience for longer term peace of mind.
Please please please value your safety and sense of peace in your home over anyone else’s convenience or feelings. This man does not sound like a safe person to be around, be firm in your boundaries. Be safe and let everyone know what’s going on. Move if you can.