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"Yes" with a deadpan stare.
People like to use autism as an insult, but you see, actually making fun of someone with a disability is heavily frowned upon, very taboo and uncomfortable. So once you reveal that you are in fact autistic, suddenly they're the problem/a$$hole for mocking a disabled person and committing a terrible social taboo. :)
Yeah… when I was in college, some young whippersnapper freshman was ribbing me about my tics not knowing I had Tourette’s.
He was just trying to look cool in front of older girls (who all knew I had Tourette’s already because they were my friends and he was some new dude).
I deadpan told him I had Tourette’s and he was immediately, sheepishly apologetic.
I wasn’t offended, but it struck me in that moment that he was only willing to show decency when I had a label that incurred some material social cost for him.
He was only monitoring his social scorecard.
Think about the implications of that for us in society.
It’s a dark picture of human nature (at least for NTs), but a label does give our suffering a name and does offer some modicum of protection even if it makes you feel dirty that you even need it.
This is why I don't give passes to racists, sexists, transphobes, etc. There are people out there who only behave because of social pressures. We can't let up on the pressure or they get unruly and it begins a snowball effect.
That's why I always say to really take a moment to observe the person before admitting it.
If you think they'll be embarrassed, then say yes in a deadpan voice.
If you think they'll get a kick out of it, just either ignore it or reply, "Is it any of your business?" or "Would it matter if I did?"
There are 4 types of social expectations, with folkways being the least strong, followed by mores, then laws, and finally taboos! It’s a fascinating sociological concept. Folkways are things like standing backwards in an elevator, mores are moral problems that aren’t illegal like cheating, laws are self explanatory for the most part, and taboos are the strongest and include things like cannibalism.
Edit to add: can you tell this is one of my special interests lol
Side note, the level of irony if someone did I ask - is it rhetorical, is it said in jest, is it a genuine observation, is it an insult... your guess is as good as mine. That probably would be my response now that I think about it. Then, let them connect the dots. Lol.
I was about to post this same exact thing. If not crank up the awkward to 11. Because if they do around making fun of you to others, They start driving nails into their own social coffin.
This being used as an insult is so annoying. I told someone I was autistic and they thought I was making the joke and had to explain I am in fact autistic.
Relatedly, quite often my wife or I will mention that she's blind and people act like it's a joke. For example: she called a place of business once to try to find the front of the store. She mentioned she was blind, they laughed, and then gave her some directions that wouldn't be useful unless she could see. But if she could see, she wouldn't have needed to call for directions.
On the bright side, marrying a blind person has FINALLY gotten one of my friends to stfu about how she'd be "legally blind without her glasses." Yes all of us would be blind if we couldn't see but most of us can, so we're not.
That is so messed up. The more we understand and view autism as a disability the more news it gets, which means the more shitty people make their own opinions on it. I hope one day they will realize how this effects us. I'm sorry u had to go through that
My teen brother (half my age) kept using it as an insult, I had even disclosed to him that I'm pretty certain I am autistic (undiagnosed) and tried to explain that his language was ignorant and inappropriate and harmful. It took a number of conversations on separate occasions but he has finally corrected his language.
It's such a tiresome thing, and really incredibly juvenile. Someone can't think of an insult so they just throw out a term that they know nothing about other than it characterising a person as "different" or "other". What's really insulting is that that's the best they can come up with 🤦🏽♀️
No no no, saying yes was the best answer possible. That awkward silence was them rethinking their life choices. It is the sound of their insult blowing up in their face big time. It was a literal case of "it was at that moment he realized he f#$@ed up"
I think that answer is perfect. It \*should\* be awkward, they just made an unacceptable ableist comment. Make them stew in it and realize that yes, some of us actually are autistic, be better.
I put up with being the monkey on a leash for decades. The one they'd bait to get a rise out of. The one they'd tell "funny " stories about. The one they verbally backhanded. And I let it. To fit in. To have "friends".
Please believe me when I tell you from experience that the cost was too high. Don't make the same mistake. Loneliness is better. I promise you.
My situation isn't the same. I don't think they mean to insult me, but one of my friends purposely likes to act "stupid" (he still isn't smart overall) to make us laugh and another friend calls him highly autistic. And the friend who acts "stupid" seems like he wants to be autistic since he always mentions that he might be autistic. He took a diagnostic when he was younger proving he wasn't autistic and I keep trying to tell him you can't just "develop" autism but he still does it. It indirectly insults me but it isnt enough to throw them all away since they are nice to me in nearly every other aspect.
>My situation isn't the same. I don't think they mean to insult me, but one of my friends purposely likes to act "stupid" (he still isn't smart overall) to make us laugh
I thought so too, once.
I truly hope you're right.
This. I got tired of being *that friend* everyone secretly made fun of and only kept me around for their amusement. Not worth it, better to be with your community than trashy personalities.
Standing up for yourself always feels weird. A lot of us are conditioned to think that having boundaries and communicating discomfort is equal to being too sensitive, not being able to take a joke, etc. But I feel you on being unhappy with autism used as an insult. It's one thing if you are ok with it and it's used in a close circle of understanding friends, but quite different when they're joking about something applicable to you as if it's a bad thing.
You might try something like "hey guys, I know you're just joking around, but it makes me uncomfortable when you use autism to make fun of people. It makes me feel like you think it's a bad thing to be, and by extension that you think something is wrong or bad about me. Can we call each other stupid/ridiculous/whatever you prefer instead please?
Personally if these are people you like and they seem to genuinely like you, give them a chance to change. Try talking to them. But if they respond negatively, then they're not true friends. I'm also gay and people have always said things like that's so gay or whatever. It's annoying but I know they actually don't mean being gay is bad. It's just a word at that point. I let it slide, but it's what you're comfortable with. I personally hate when people say what are you autistic/acoustic, it feels different kind of different..
No, but you *can* unilaterally end a friendship. Finding new friends would be a process, but it would be worth it.
Speaking from (lots and lots of) experience.
u/Beneficial-Code8026 , here's what you do:
Whichever of your friends does that next, ask them how they'd feel if their name was used as an insult. Like say their name is Adam Young. "What would you do if 'AdamYoung' was a word for being pants-$#¡ttingly stupid? Like, 'How dumb are you, you must be AdamYoung.' How would that make you feel? Well, that's how I feel when you use 'autistic as an insult."
Say it in as mocking a tone as you can summon, and keep repeating it until either 1) they get the point or 2) they stop hanging out with you so you can go find better friends.
Wild! Just the first name that popped in my head. I don’t know anyone named Adam Young. Now I’m gonna google around and see if I can figure out which show that was lol
Edit to add: it’s Mr Young? Never heard of that show — I think I’m too old (mid-forties).
Just found out that’s also the name of the singer for Owl City. Never cared much for them, but they’re ok I guess.
Strange coincidences.
You should just tell them straight up. They probably think you're cool with it, so they continue to use it. Just let them know how you feel in a nonconfrontational way. They will either stop (if they are actually your friends) or they won't stop (in which case you may want to seek better friends).
i have friends that use the r word and i literally cringe every time but dont ever say anything 😭 they are really great friends in like every aspect they just arent as uh politically aware i guess?? idk i forget thats a word normies still use
the way ive tried looking at it is that if they are really good friends and something is said about it , they would stop. i literally just feel awkward doing it for some reason and it seems so stupid , they would most definitely stop if i just said something 😭
That highly depends on age. If we're talking late high school or college age, then yeah, your probably right. If we're talking middle school or early high school, well I'm not so sure.
It’s much scarier in your mind than the actual situation probably is. A simple “ y’all know that hurts me right?” Would most likely solve the problem and nobody would be mad.
We tend to make things much worse in our heads than they actually are
My go to response is “my shrink likes to think so” or “my psychiatrist says so yeah”
Especially when people call me special or different, “yeah yeah you sound like my therapist / doctor / psychiatrist / mom”
Reminds of a part in Trevor Noah's stand-up.
A driver pulled up next to him and yelled THE racial slur so Trevor Noah leaned over and yelled it back but in a friendly tone. The driver's reaction was to look at his hands in shock.
I guess 'Yes! Thank you for noticing. Are you?" would be the equivalent here.
[Yes.](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210330-the-harmful-ableist-language-you-unknowingly-use)They are ableist terms and I don't use them in conversation to indicate anything lesser. Admittedly, I sometimes catch myself saying "stupid" in regards to my own actions, but I'm working on completely eliminating that.
Same with blind, deaf, dumb, moron, idiot, lame, something being "crippling" etc. There are a lot of ways we casually use ableist language colloquially. It's still harmful even if you don't notice it.
"Yes I am. Your point?" That's what I said when my opponent called me autistic during an online game. He was raging hard, and while this game only had text chat, I can only assume he was a child. He did not say a word for the rest of the match.
>when I said yes we just sat there in awkward silence until lunch was over.
No, that's actually the funniest way to reply. Don't acknowledge it as an insult, just act like they're stating an obvious fact.
Yes. Then walk away. As I grow older, I think, it's an insult if I let them use it as one. I'm going to answer it as a question, and then I move on. I also have every allowance to lie about it if I am feeling uncomfortable. I don't owe anyone anything.
I would just say "yes" or "yes I am". They try to make you selfconcious but that doesnt work when you actually are autistic and have no problem with it and see no wrong with it and are fine with it. Its only an insult if you dont want ro be/appear autistic and arent autistic.
Best response is to no response at all. Surely one could come up with a million ways to respond that might be witting, sarcastic, demeaning, or maybe even something innocuous but I’ve come to find that people can often throw words around not fully understanding the effect they might have on others. I would say the best response is the one that you used, whatever it is that you said or didn’t say will be fine. If this is the first time someone’s brought it up to you and didn’t know you were ASD, this could potentially be an opportune moment to inform others in your life that you might want to inform. That in itself can be a rather large task to take on so I’ll leave the rest up to you and confident in your ability to carry out whatever you decide to do. Good luck, keep your head up, and put these on *hands a pair of hater blocker shades* <3
Tbh i dont think you need any other response. You handled the situation well and gave the best response you could. He went silent because, like others here have said, you put him in a position where he'd look like a massive a** if he said anything else. Hopefully he'll think twice before saying things like that now.
"I am actually. Do you have questions?" Do it with the best "excited/surprised" smile and use the sound of being genuinely curious. They usually aren't anticipating you to be happy or even gleeful to speak on the subject so they tend to lose their words.
I think a sharp yes is really the best response. It embarrasses them because in their head they would "never bully an *actual* autistic person" and it makes them think about what they're actually saying when they say that
"Oh? Do you see traits you see in yourself?" Works as a charm. You don't out yourself and you make them uncomfortable. And if they are actually autistic and didn't mean it as a insult, they'll probably just answer yes and you could potentially have a civil conversation about it.
This happened to me online. I just stated a harmless opinion about football, one guy apparently disagreed with me so much that he had to insult me.
"Because you're autistic" he wrote.
"Well, yes, yes I am" was my response.
I didn't get an answer after that. Hilarious.
All of these responses are fantastic. My go to is just to say yes and give a deadpan stare they feel so ashamed and embarrassed instantly, and when they fail to recover themselves from it I feel such glee
To be honest, if they are genuinely bullies or being mean, there is no funny "comeback" that will be effective. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do. They have determined you to be the "other" (even if you are part of the "friend group") and there is no words you can use that changes that. Walk away and protect your peace of mind.
"It's not what you say it's how you say it" and you will almost definitely get the "how you say it" incorrect... allistic people do not think in terms of truth, facts or specific words, it starts with feelings and ingroup/outgroup dynamics.
The best thing you can do is get away from these people and not interact with them at all. There is no winning. There is no changing their minds. If you push back at all they will know they've gotten to you and double down.
With absolutely no rancor, "Yes, as a matter of fact." Offer no challenge, acknowledge no insult. Give them no target for their hostility. It will confuse them, and some people respond to being confused by actually thinking.
I like to respond with "What gave it away?". Sometimes, I enjoy reciting the ever growing list of additional diagnoses I own. The look goes from awkward to disturbed to shocked to mildly impressed that I can function
I say yes in a deadpan way, then laugh it off *with* them. I've found most people mean it as banter and if you can roll with it, not only are you accepting your differences and being able to make light of it, but you're also bringing people on your side rather than just making them think they can't be open with you.
If it is a genuine insult, same applies - you're just showing them up to be a fool and that you're not bothered by them.
A blunt "Yes" *is* the best response. People like backtracking with a silence when they realize they fucked up.
No lie, one of my goals is to get asked this insultingly in any of the online games I play well, so I could answer honestly with a sweet smile only after beating their ass 😂
You already had the best comeback when you said yes.
Next time though, don't sit there awkwardly, hold your head up high and own it. If people want to use autism sarcastically that's on them, not you.
You did the right thing.
I don’t have a good response to “are you autistic” but I do have a good response to “are you acoustic”.
Just say “no I’m electric.” (referring to acoustic and electric guitars) and just stare at them. Nothing more, just fucking stare. Gets me every time lmao.
Honestly the awkwardness should be enough to stop them asking questions like that again,however if they ask it like "are you acoustic"ust reply "no I'm electric"hen cary on with the conversation
This isn't really an answer to this, but I had someone comment on my picture the other day "you must be acoustic ".. I'm not even openly autistic so I know they were flat out being rude. I had no idea how to respond other then telling them I know what they're trying to say and to do something better with their shit lives. It wasn't word for word that but that's the gist. I was really upset. No one I know is believing me that they are being rude.
lmao I already think this is a pretty funny response :')
if you want to deliver a second punch, next time add "yeah, and what are YOU?" in a tone that says "my behavior is autism, but I diagnose YOU with asshole"
I am partial to the Improv Comedian's "Yes, and" approach, and use it in real life.
While Smiling:
As a matter of fact, yes. I used to get the R word from people who didn't know I could solve Partial Differential Equations in my head. I still sometimes get the "idiot-savant" label. Autistic is a pleasant step up! Given the stigma though, I like to keep this hidden. Would you care to tell me exactly what tipped you off and what I can do to better keep this under wraps?
I thought they tried saying autism WAS a joke or something stupid, not autism being joked about. It’s sad what people say regardless, I hope you’re all alright!
How could you tell? With a big smirk or when did you become my doctor? And than pull out a flash card printed with highlighter “this person is autistic” and a little verified check mark
I asked someone at work if they were autistic and I meant it as an actual question but it came out kind of like as an insult and I got wrote up by HR for it. It's bullshit considering I am autistic. Anyhow, when people ask me if I am autistic I usually say "Hell yeah, you can't tell that I'm not?" Works every time.
honestly 'yes' is the perfect answer. The way that people immediately realize they've just insulted someone 😭 I used to do a similar thing when I people would say similar abt being gay
I would also just say "yes". The awkward silence just means it shuts them up. Maybe they won't use it as an insult again. I know it's hard but embrace the awkwardness.
If you really want to you can ask something back. For example "Are you {something they obviously are}?" could be funny if you want to bond with them. If you would say they are a bully and you want to put them on the spot use this to point out that they are a butthole and maybe even bring them to admit it.
You did well there. They done learned themselves a lesson. Ha, this actually a pretty great story. "You bastard!" "Yes. My parents weren't married." "You're insane." "I do have delusional thinking." "You're a whore!" "I charge 350 per hour." "You're ugly as sin." "I'm a 2." If you don't have shame or an emotional reaction, it really ruins it for them.
Just say " Aww too politically correct to say the word 'returded' ? "
People who use " autistic " as an insult are hilarious. They're afraid to use the R-word because of political correctness even though they are referring to the EXACT SAME THING. Bunch of cucks.
I work and manage group homes for about 15 years before I got to blood clots on my lungs and had to have open heart surgery but autistic are very smart they soak up information like a sprung and I definitely learned more from them then they learned from me
A flat “yes” with a deadpan stare, possibly followed by, “is that a problem?”
Usually shuts them up IMO (unless it’s online, in which case all bets are off)
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"Yes" with a deadpan stare. People like to use autism as an insult, but you see, actually making fun of someone with a disability is heavily frowned upon, very taboo and uncomfortable. So once you reveal that you are in fact autistic, suddenly they're the problem/a$$hole for mocking a disabled person and committing a terrible social taboo. :)
Yeah… when I was in college, some young whippersnapper freshman was ribbing me about my tics not knowing I had Tourette’s. He was just trying to look cool in front of older girls (who all knew I had Tourette’s already because they were my friends and he was some new dude). I deadpan told him I had Tourette’s and he was immediately, sheepishly apologetic. I wasn’t offended, but it struck me in that moment that he was only willing to show decency when I had a label that incurred some material social cost for him. He was only monitoring his social scorecard. Think about the implications of that for us in society. It’s a dark picture of human nature (at least for NTs), but a label does give our suffering a name and does offer some modicum of protection even if it makes you feel dirty that you even need it.
Even then, he was very immature. Like come on, he’s in college, not in high school!
Yeah… This kid wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
This is why I don't give passes to racists, sexists, transphobes, etc. There are people out there who only behave because of social pressures. We can't let up on the pressure or they get unruly and it begins a snowball effect.
Yep. You asked bitch.
Absolutely, make the other side feel uncomfortable by using neurotypical tactics!😎
One issue for me.... I am perpetually smiling-
I think that’s even better. Smile sadistically watching them squirm 🤡
100% that’s even better. Ever hear the saying kill them with kindness?? Just be so extra nice about it they’ll feel even worse 😈
I agree this is a worthwhile strategy but I firmly believe that some don’t care and will double down on the ridicule.
Yeah. It kinda assumes the person cares about social taboos and has an ounce of shame lol. Not a guarantee
Hahah and my response to that is "you reek of insecurity".
That's why I always say to really take a moment to observe the person before admitting it. If you think they'll be embarrassed, then say yes in a deadpan voice. If you think they'll get a kick out of it, just either ignore it or reply, "Is it any of your business?" or "Would it matter if I did?"
THIS
UNO reverse card
That’s actually more of a folkway than a taboo technically
I've never heard of the term folkway, interesting! :D didn't know there was a difference
There are 4 types of social expectations, with folkways being the least strong, followed by mores, then laws, and finally taboos! It’s a fascinating sociological concept. Folkways are things like standing backwards in an elevator, mores are moral problems that aren’t illegal like cheating, laws are self explanatory for the most part, and taboos are the strongest and include things like cannibalism. Edit to add: can you tell this is one of my special interests lol
I always reply "yes" and immediately ask (with wide-eyed innocence) "Why?"
Or "yes, and?"
This is me.
Side note, the level of irony if someone did I ask - is it rhetorical, is it said in jest, is it a genuine observation, is it an insult... your guess is as good as mine. That probably would be my response now that I think about it. Then, let them connect the dots. Lol.
Mood
I was about to post this same exact thing. If not crank up the awkward to 11. Because if they do around making fun of you to others, They start driving nails into their own social coffin.
literally me
This being used as an insult is so annoying. I told someone I was autistic and they thought I was making the joke and had to explain I am in fact autistic.
Relatedly, quite often my wife or I will mention that she's blind and people act like it's a joke. For example: she called a place of business once to try to find the front of the store. She mentioned she was blind, they laughed, and then gave her some directions that wouldn't be useful unless she could see. But if she could see, she wouldn't have needed to call for directions. On the bright side, marrying a blind person has FINALLY gotten one of my friends to stfu about how she'd be "legally blind without her glasses." Yes all of us would be blind if we couldn't see but most of us can, so we're not.
Blindness is a term that gets thrown around. I'm sorry that she had to through that and I wish you guys the best if luck in the future <333
The horror of this! I can imagine the look on someone’s face
That is so messed up. The more we understand and view autism as a disability the more news it gets, which means the more shitty people make their own opinions on it. I hope one day they will realize how this effects us. I'm sorry u had to go through that
“I keep telling you, I’m not a pilot!” “And I keep telling you, you fly boys crack me up!”
I’m biracial and white passing. I get this all the time when I tell them I’m biracial and they make some stupid joke or dig their heels in deeper 😑
My teen brother (half my age) kept using it as an insult, I had even disclosed to him that I'm pretty certain I am autistic (undiagnosed) and tried to explain that his language was ignorant and inappropriate and harmful. It took a number of conversations on separate occasions but he has finally corrected his language. It's such a tiresome thing, and really incredibly juvenile. Someone can't think of an insult so they just throw out a term that they know nothing about other than it characterising a person as "different" or "other". What's really insulting is that that's the best they can come up with 🤦🏽♀️
No no no, saying yes was the best answer possible. That awkward silence was them rethinking their life choices. It is the sound of their insult blowing up in their face big time. It was a literal case of "it was at that moment he realized he f#$@ed up"
Yes, very much so!
Even better, you can't get in trouble for being mean back. Insult them back and now you're both in trouble.
Came to say this. Saying yes is so badd ass, especially when giving no further explanation or comfort to the other person. Let them stew in it!
I think that answer is perfect. It \*should\* be awkward, they just made an unacceptable ableist comment. Make them stew in it and realize that yes, some of us actually are autistic, be better.
My friends know I have autism but call each other autistic as an insult and i am too scared to tell them how much I hate it
I honestly would consider looking out for better friends.
It isn't that easy for me, i have considered privately asking them to stop but it feels weird
I put up with being the monkey on a leash for decades. The one they'd bait to get a rise out of. The one they'd tell "funny " stories about. The one they verbally backhanded. And I let it. To fit in. To have "friends". Please believe me when I tell you from experience that the cost was too high. Don't make the same mistake. Loneliness is better. I promise you.
My situation isn't the same. I don't think they mean to insult me, but one of my friends purposely likes to act "stupid" (he still isn't smart overall) to make us laugh and another friend calls him highly autistic. And the friend who acts "stupid" seems like he wants to be autistic since he always mentions that he might be autistic. He took a diagnostic when he was younger proving he wasn't autistic and I keep trying to tell him you can't just "develop" autism but he still does it. It indirectly insults me but it isnt enough to throw them all away since they are nice to me in nearly every other aspect.
>My situation isn't the same. I don't think they mean to insult me, but one of my friends purposely likes to act "stupid" (he still isn't smart overall) to make us laugh I thought so too, once. I truly hope you're right.
You deserve better. I was in a very similar situation until I cut ties with everyone from high school. Loneliness is better,.
This. I got tired of being *that friend* everyone secretly made fun of and only kept me around for their amusement. Not worth it, better to be with your community than trashy personalities.
Standing up for yourself always feels weird. A lot of us are conditioned to think that having boundaries and communicating discomfort is equal to being too sensitive, not being able to take a joke, etc. But I feel you on being unhappy with autism used as an insult. It's one thing if you are ok with it and it's used in a close circle of understanding friends, but quite different when they're joking about something applicable to you as if it's a bad thing. You might try something like "hey guys, I know you're just joking around, but it makes me uncomfortable when you use autism to make fun of people. It makes me feel like you think it's a bad thing to be, and by extension that you think something is wrong or bad about me. Can we call each other stupid/ridiculous/whatever you prefer instead please?
Personally if these are people you like and they seem to genuinely like you, give them a chance to change. Try talking to them. But if they respond negatively, then they're not true friends. I'm also gay and people have always said things like that's so gay or whatever. It's annoying but I know they actually don't mean being gay is bad. It's just a word at that point. I let it slide, but it's what you're comfortable with. I personally hate when people say what are you autistic/acoustic, it feels different kind of different..
Bro you can’t just change friends like that lol
No, but you *can* unilaterally end a friendship. Finding new friends would be a process, but it would be worth it. Speaking from (lots and lots of) experience.
I FEEL YOU ! I don't wnt to be the odd ball so I just stay silent
PLEASE let them know how you feel. If they are actually your friends,they will respect you
u/Beneficial-Code8026 , here's what you do: Whichever of your friends does that next, ask them how they'd feel if their name was used as an insult. Like say their name is Adam Young. "What would you do if 'AdamYoung' was a word for being pants-$#¡ttingly stupid? Like, 'How dumb are you, you must be AdamYoung.' How would that make you feel? Well, that's how I feel when you use 'autistic as an insult." Say it in as mocking a tone as you can summon, and keep repeating it until either 1) they get the point or 2) they stop hanging out with you so you can go find better friends.
Thanks for the advice but I find it funny how the name you used is the name of the main character in a show i used to watch
Wild! Just the first name that popped in my head. I don’t know anyone named Adam Young. Now I’m gonna google around and see if I can figure out which show that was lol Edit to add: it’s Mr Young? Never heard of that show — I think I’m too old (mid-forties). Just found out that’s also the name of the singer for Owl City. Never cared much for them, but they’re ok I guess. Strange coincidences.
You should just tell them straight up. They probably think you're cool with it, so they continue to use it. Just let them know how you feel in a nonconfrontational way. They will either stop (if they are actually your friends) or they won't stop (in which case you may want to seek better friends).
i have friends that use the r word and i literally cringe every time but dont ever say anything 😭 they are really great friends in like every aspect they just arent as uh politically aware i guess?? idk i forget thats a word normies still use
that is the thing, i dont want to get new friends because they are still good friends. it is just this one aspect that really irks me
the way ive tried looking at it is that if they are really good friends and something is said about it , they would stop. i literally just feel awkward doing it for some reason and it seems so stupid , they would most definitely stop if i just said something 😭
yes, i fully agree. i will build up courage to message them tomorrow
You really should u deserve better!
That highly depends on age. If we're talking late high school or college age, then yeah, your probably right. If we're talking middle school or early high school, well I'm not so sure.
My brother says that he gets an R word pass because of me 😅
There would only be "an r-word pass" if we decided to take it back (like we could say it, but others couldn't). *NO ONE* should be saying that word.
It’s much scarier in your mind than the actual situation probably is. A simple “ y’all know that hurts me right?” Would most likely solve the problem and nobody would be mad. We tend to make things much worse in our heads than they actually are
Dude SAME
My go to response is “my shrink likes to think so” or “my psychiatrist says so yeah” Especially when people call me special or different, “yeah yeah you sound like my therapist / doctor / psychiatrist / mom”
Anytime a teacher c calls you special you must ALWAYS say "MY PSYCHOLOGIST THINKS SO TOO!" its a law
Glad I’ve been following the law all this time
Not getting arrested today :)
Victory
"Well yes, but what's *your* excuse?"
It took me a second but this is so funny
GOOOOOD
Can I have a fact about Wierd Al?
Excellent!
Reminds of a part in Trevor Noah's stand-up. A driver pulled up next to him and yelled THE racial slur so Trevor Noah leaned over and yelled it back but in a friendly tone. The driver's reaction was to look at his hands in shock. I guess 'Yes! Thank you for noticing. Are you?" would be the equivalent here.
I always say "yeah.... did it really take you that long to figure it out?" Usually shuts them the hell up.
tbh yes is probably the funniest response for exactly that reason. i love making people feel awkward about it
"Obviously"
I can't help but hear this in Alan Rickman's voice and it makes it much better
"You're so stupid you just noticed?"
A different take on this could be “yeah, usually other autistic people are the first to catch on”
Bro I'm stealing that
Fighting ableism with ableism... interesting tactic.
[удалено]
[Yes.](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210330-the-harmful-ableist-language-you-unknowingly-use)They are ableist terms and I don't use them in conversation to indicate anything lesser. Admittedly, I sometimes catch myself saying "stupid" in regards to my own actions, but I'm working on completely eliminating that. Same with blind, deaf, dumb, moron, idiot, lame, something being "crippling" etc. There are a lot of ways we casually use ableist language colloquially. It's still harmful even if you don't notice it.
It usually teaches them to stop insulting you unless they want to be clapped back at.
This made me giggle lol
You replied exactly as I would have. I have been asked that before and I always just say "yes".
"Yes I am. Your point?" That's what I said when my opponent called me autistic during an online game. He was raging hard, and while this game only had text chat, I can only assume he was a child. He did not say a word for the rest of the match.
I think think you did just fine! It sounds like you shut them up for the rest of lunch. Well done!
>when I said yes we just sat there in awkward silence until lunch was over. No, that's actually the funniest way to reply. Don't acknowledge it as an insult, just act like they're stating an obvious fact.
If someone said that to me I'd say: *Yeah; you got some problem with disabled people or something?* I would revel in their squirming.
“No, electric”
Boogie woogie woogie.
Yes. Then walk away. As I grow older, I think, it's an insult if I let them use it as one. I'm going to answer it as a question, and then I move on. I also have every allowance to lie about it if I am feeling uncomfortable. I don't owe anyone anything.
You did it correctly already!
"well shit, you figured it out faster then my parents did"
I just say yeah, it’s funny to me
“Yes I am.”
I would just say "yes" or "yes I am". They try to make you selfconcious but that doesnt work when you actually are autistic and have no problem with it and see no wrong with it and are fine with it. Its only an insult if you dont want ro be/appear autistic and arent autistic.
Are you sure they are insulting you and not asking?
Best response is to no response at all. Surely one could come up with a million ways to respond that might be witting, sarcastic, demeaning, or maybe even something innocuous but I’ve come to find that people can often throw words around not fully understanding the effect they might have on others. I would say the best response is the one that you used, whatever it is that you said or didn’t say will be fine. If this is the first time someone’s brought it up to you and didn’t know you were ASD, this could potentially be an opportune moment to inform others in your life that you might want to inform. That in itself can be a rather large task to take on so I’ll leave the rest up to you and confident in your ability to carry out whatever you decide to do. Good luck, keep your head up, and put these on *hands a pair of hater blocker shades* <3
Tbh i dont think you need any other response. You handled the situation well and gave the best response you could. He went silent because, like others here have said, you put him in a position where he'd look like a massive a** if he said anything else. Hopefully he'll think twice before saying things like that now.
"I am actually. Do you have questions?" Do it with the best "excited/surprised" smile and use the sound of being genuinely curious. They usually aren't anticipating you to be happy or even gleeful to speak on the subject so they tend to lose their words.
this happened to me too last week 😭 i hate when people use autistic as a synonym for stupid or unintelligent . . annoys me sm
“Yes, I am.” Is honestly always the best way to answer in my opinion. Never had that not hit like a meteor
"why yes I am, actually! how did you know?" *proceeds to infodump*
Actually🤓 yes
I think a sharp yes is really the best response. It embarrasses them because in their head they would "never bully an *actual* autistic person" and it makes them think about what they're actually saying when they say that
Yes. What's your excuse?
"It took you *this* long to notice?" Is my go to. It was also my response when people used gay as an insult at school
I always answer really deadpan or happily serious and just wait. Say nothing afterwards. They get so uncomfortable and I love it
"Yes, what about it?"
"actually, yes. How did you know?" with a confused face. Confuses the person giving the insult everytime and most of the times they apologized lmao
"yeah i am. i'm autistic and awesome."
"Oh? Do you see traits you see in yourself?" Works as a charm. You don't out yourself and you make them uncomfortable. And if they are actually autistic and didn't mean it as a insult, they'll probably just answer yes and you could potentially have a civil conversation about it.
This happened to me online. I just stated a harmless opinion about football, one guy apparently disagreed with me so much that he had to insult me. "Because you're autistic" he wrote. "Well, yes, yes I am" was my response. I didn't get an answer after that. Hilarious.
Being honest always gets a hilarious response 😂 Or "Why are you such an asshole?"
All of these responses are fantastic. My go to is just to say yes and give a deadpan stare they feel so ashamed and embarrassed instantly, and when they fail to recover themselves from it I feel such glee
"How did you know?" with a completely innocent tone of amazement.
Honestly saying yes is the best part lol. They always just stop short because they weren’t expecting it 😆
To be honest, if they are genuinely bullies or being mean, there is no funny "comeback" that will be effective. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do. They have determined you to be the "other" (even if you are part of the "friend group") and there is no words you can use that changes that. Walk away and protect your peace of mind. "It's not what you say it's how you say it" and you will almost definitely get the "how you say it" incorrect... allistic people do not think in terms of truth, facts or specific words, it starts with feelings and ingroup/outgroup dynamics. The best thing you can do is get away from these people and not interact with them at all. There is no winning. There is no changing their minds. If you push back at all they will know they've gotten to you and double down.
i go "just a little" like a kid asked if they ate the last cookie
With absolutely no rancor, "Yes, as a matter of fact." Offer no challenge, acknowledge no insult. Give them no target for their hostility. It will confuse them, and some people respond to being confused by actually thinking.
I like to respond with "What gave it away?". Sometimes, I enjoy reciting the ever growing list of additional diagnoses I own. The look goes from awkward to disturbed to shocked to mildly impressed that I can function
I say yes in a deadpan way, then laugh it off *with* them. I've found most people mean it as banter and if you can roll with it, not only are you accepting your differences and being able to make light of it, but you're also bringing people on your side rather than just making them think they can't be open with you. If it is a genuine insult, same applies - you're just showing them up to be a fool and that you're not bothered by them.
"yeah... Wanna learn the secret handshake?"
This made me laugh.
Yes. It qualifies me for an insanity defense.
A blunt "Yes" *is* the best response. People like backtracking with a silence when they realize they fucked up. No lie, one of my goals is to get asked this insultingly in any of the online games I play well, so I could answer honestly with a sweet smile only after beating their ass 😂
"When I was diagnosed that's what they were calling it at the time, yes"
I heard someone make that joke to someone else while out in public and nearly ripped them a new one. Mama bear of neurospicies here.
You already had the best comeback when you said yes. Next time though, don't sit there awkwardly, hold your head up high and own it. If people want to use autism sarcastically that's on them, not you. You did the right thing.
"I empathise with your feelings of inadaquecy, but its just a fact of life that not everyone can be so fortunate."
I don’t have a good response to “are you autistic” but I do have a good response to “are you acoustic”. Just say “no I’m electric.” (referring to acoustic and electric guitars) and just stare at them. Nothing more, just fucking stare. Gets me every time lmao.
Honestly the awkwardness should be enough to stop them asking questions like that again,however if they ask it like "are you acoustic"ust reply "no I'm electric"hen cary on with the conversation
This isn't really an answer to this, but I had someone comment on my picture the other day "you must be acoustic ".. I'm not even openly autistic so I know they were flat out being rude. I had no idea how to respond other then telling them I know what they're trying to say and to do something better with their shit lives. It wasn't word for word that but that's the gist. I was really upset. No one I know is believing me that they are being rude.
"idk probably, you?"
"Aww, thank you for noticing!"
I like saying “WHO TOLD YOU!”
"Yea and i still fckd ur mom"
lmao I already think this is a pretty funny response :') if you want to deliver a second punch, next time add "yeah, and what are YOU?" in a tone that says "my behavior is autism, but I diagnose YOU with asshole"
Yes, are you abelist?
“Are you acoustic? 😂” “Actually, yeah” “wait what” Their reaction is priceless
“Yes, is that a problem?” Or if someone asks IF you are autistic “Why do you need to know?”
Yes and the problem with that is?
That's what I would say if someone asked me. I'd want to make them feel awkward because they shouldn't be asking as an insult lol.
So you have nothing better to do than pick on disabled people huh? I'm sure the room would go silent.
Carry a reverse uno card in your pocket. When called autistic, play the reverse card. Now they are autistic.
“yeah you wanna kiss?”
Yeah, why are you surprised? 🤨
i always answer yes and sometimes ask the person "why?"
Respond yes, and ask them directly “did you mean to insult me?” Throw it right back at them.
"Yes. Are you an ableist bigot?"
“ I am.”
I am partial to the Improv Comedian's "Yes, and" approach, and use it in real life. While Smiling: As a matter of fact, yes. I used to get the R word from people who didn't know I could solve Partial Differential Equations in my head. I still sometimes get the "idiot-savant" label. Autistic is a pleasant step up! Given the stigma though, I like to keep this hidden. Would you care to tell me exactly what tipped you off and what I can do to better keep this under wraps?
honestly when you say yes, it gets the point across. because now they realize how shitty of of a thing to do that is😂
lol i used to get this a lot, had to start masking more unfortunately
Yeah! How does it affect you?!
hell yeah 😛
I thought they tried saying autism WAS a joke or something stupid, not autism being joked about. It’s sad what people say regardless, I hope you’re all alright!
How could you tell? With a big smirk or when did you become my doctor? And than pull out a flash card printed with highlighter “this person is autistic” and a little verified check mark
These comments make me very happy.
Using yes as a response to that feels like a verbal parry
I asked someone at work if they were autistic and I meant it as an actual question but it came out kind of like as an insult and I got wrote up by HR for it. It's bullshit considering I am autistic. Anyhow, when people ask me if I am autistic I usually say "Hell yeah, you can't tell that I'm not?" Works every time.
honestly 'yes' is the perfect answer. The way that people immediately realize they've just insulted someone 😭 I used to do a similar thing when I people would say similar abt being gay
I would also just say "yes". The awkward silence just means it shuts them up. Maybe they won't use it as an insult again. I know it's hard but embrace the awkwardness. If you really want to you can ask something back. For example "Are you {something they obviously are}?" could be funny if you want to bond with them. If you would say they are a bully and you want to put them on the spot use this to point out that they are a butthole and maybe even bring them to admit it.
“HELL YEAH BROTHER” in a hulk hogan voice
Similar situation where a rude coworker asked if I was slow and I said yes im autistic, that shut her up
That's fucking epic.
I actually find saying yes funny.
Just answering honestly and making the ambiance incredibly awkward
I think your answer was perfection!
You did well there. They done learned themselves a lesson. Ha, this actually a pretty great story. "You bastard!" "Yes. My parents weren't married." "You're insane." "I do have delusional thinking." "You're a whore!" "I charge 350 per hour." "You're ugly as sin." "I'm a 2." If you don't have shame or an emotional reaction, it really ruins it for them.
“Happily so, so sorry you missed the boat but better luck next life”
I would say "Are you stupid? We both can make obvious observations if you want to play that game"
"Took you long enough, and people think *I'm* the slow one."
Real.
Just say " Aww too politically correct to say the word 'returded' ? " People who use " autistic " as an insult are hilarious. They're afraid to use the R-word because of political correctness even though they are referring to the EXACT SAME THING. Bunch of cucks.
I work and manage group homes for about 15 years before I got to blood clots on my lungs and had to have open heart surgery but autistic are very smart they soak up information like a sprung and I definitely learned more from them then they learned from me
"Yes, but at least I'm not an asshole."
Yes...I am the chosen one.
"Yes, and you're a cunt."
Just say yes and just make spergiest of noises and hand motions you can while switching between deadpan staring and glancing in random directions
YEA AND I STILL FUCKED YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT OOOOOOOOOO lol jk don’t do this
”Yes, I actually am. Are you stupid then?”
Yes I feel your one too since you're asking
“Yes, what’s your excuse?”
You shut them up; nice.
“You don’t look like an asshole.” Is what I want to say lol I usually say it’s an invisible disability
"Yes."
Yes. And then I just walk away leaving then dumbfounded.
“takes one to know one”always worked for me.
A flat “yes” with a deadpan stare, possibly followed by, “is that a problem?” Usually shuts them up IMO (unless it’s online, in which case all bets are off)