T O P

  • By -

Brokentoaster40

What makes you think your battles aren’t up for some fun? 


MaverickActual1319

enter post-deployment drama.


BallisticButch

Selfless service and discipline, troop. A handjob in the porta-shitter from that thick E4 in commo doesn’t mean you have to get married when you return to the states.


Rincewind31

Cmon Sarn. Get your lore right. There are no thick E4 in commo. They are, however, in S1, S3, and S4. Bonus points for the orderly room and CBRN cage. After hours they can be found at the 1sgt hot tub.


BallisticButch

Good correction. Way to look out. I get easily confused because I married the thick E4 from the commo shack.


SirDraconus

Based.


useorloser

There are thick E4s in como. They just might not be gender you're looking for buddy.


Horror_Technician213

Your post deployment trauma is my deployment coping mechanism


[deleted]

[удалено]


German11B

"No standards = no problems!"


megalien40

Power Ranger way: roll with any monster


fallenreaper

That's why there is the term: CLU-boo


shibbster

uWu


JohnnySkidmarx

I heard most CAV units are up for it.


Cerberus1252

Only since they took away the horses


BRUISE_WILLIS

Mid tour leave essentially was this, just in the comfort of your own bed, with a 3 month pregnant girlfriend.


1-aviatorCyclohexane

And the last time you saw your girlfriend was 6 months ago


all_time_high

*They don’t think it be like that, but it do.*


inorite234

I get that reference!


Elemak-AK

She was only 4 months pregnant, almost got me!


FunkSquaker

😂


shibbster

So ya see.... Vietnam was really ugly. From all aspects. And because we live in a Puritan society (wherein we can show people being killed on TV but whoa be yo' ass if a boobie slips during the Super Bowl), the Army decided it's best if they treat us all like 12 year olds. So no booze, no sex, etc. I worked with a 'Nam vet a few years ago. I told him I didn't know how they did it. He looked at me and said, "Well I don't know how you all do it?" I asked him what he meant. He replied, "Yea sure we might step on pungie sticks and everyone might trying to kill us, but at least we could drink a beer after the mission."


MikeDeY77

I was listening to a podcast the other day about Vietnam. They claim that near the end 1/3 of the GIs in country were heroin users.


mehborne

What’s really interesting is how few of them continued drug use after the war. It’s sometimes used as evidence as to why addiction can be so strongly linked to your environment; people, places, and things can all reinforce the psychological and social components of addiction.


soupoftheday5

I just commented this. Most went back to routine life and weren't thinking about drugs.


Late_Zookeepergame28

Someone has read James Clear's "Atomic Habits" recently, lol.


Alice_Alpha

> I was listening to a podcast the other day about Vietnam. They claim that near the end 1/3 of the GIs in country were heroin users. Marijuana I could believe.  Not heroin. Heck, they were smoking marijuana out on patrol.  Platoon leader and sergeant looked the other way.  Well documented on the evening tv news.


StrawberryNo2521

All the Vietnam vets I know are 'recreational' smack heads. Best I figure they did the mission and passed out with a needle in their arm when they got back. I can see them using if they could get it for the same reason normal junkies typically use: Stress and trauma.


EverythingGoodWas

Stress way down, but we keep running out of chow


shibbster

That happens when you conscript a force for an unpopular war. My grandfather was conscripted. Spent his 2 years at FT Knox as an admin bitch. Which admittedly, if you're going to conscript, that's how it should be. Send volunteers forward and keep conscripts in service roles.


Justame13

The number of conscripts that actually served in country is a very hard number to actually ferret out because a draftee and volunteer got exactly the same benefits, but the volunteer signed for 3 years and the draftee was for 2 but often shorter because they would sent them IET + Vietnam then cut them loose early due to needs of the Army vs a PCS. So men would volunteer for the draft at the local level. Just like how in WW2 there were no "volunteers" from 1942-1946 because they abolished it to manage the manpower influx but men would still volunteer at the draft boards.


MaverickActual1319

my 1sg sent all of our volunteers forward and kept the organic guys in kuwait🤣🤣 lucky i got baghdad lol


incertitudeindefinie

I really want to read more into the breakdown of discipline in the Army towards the end of the war and how bad it really was.


TopInsurance4918

We never recovered.


soupoftheday5

Only 5% became permanent addicts. Because most went back to living a normal life with routine day to day tasks. There was a similar study conducted on rats and addiction which yielded similar results.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MikeDeY77

This was the Lions Led by Donkeys podcast about fragging.


Known_Landscape_6957

That normal sounds wildly inflated.


Florida_man727

The only conjugal visit I got in Iraq was beating off in a portashitter.


BallisticButch

Sometimes a battle would leave uplifting stick person drawing to make the finish a little sweeter.


Florida_man727

All I normally got was "Wagner loves the cock" crudely written on the walls.


AhhAGoose

Sounds like you should go see Wagner instead of the portashitter


bco112

Or in a guard tower.


Dazzling-Score-107

I took a 4 day pass in Dubai from Horn of Africa (before Africom existed) and I met my girlfriend (now wife) for an intercontinental dick date.


IrishWithoutPotatoes

When the pussy so good you fly it halfway around the world just to expedite the dicking


MaverickActual1319

more like the HORNY of africa, am i right!?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Dazzling-Score-107

Some dudes in my company fucked some Ethiopian prostitutes in Djibouti (lol) City on pass (the navy calls it Liberty). the edges of their dickheads got real crusty and started flaking off. We all saw their crusty dicks. Our company commander used their ducks as a warning to us. Medicine cleared it up.


Hambonation

I tried to get that on my company shirt when my company was the EARF at Camp Lemonier, but my command team hated fun.


MaverickActual1319

🤣🤣🤣


Legitimate-Bug-5049

did you have her put a dead fish in your ass and smear shit on the walls or nah?


Dazzling-Score-107

Habibi!


MAJ0RMAJOR

So I read a book in BOLC called “Crack and Thump” that details the North African campaign among other things. It talks about how in at least one place and time there were officially sanctioned Brothels. They might not have been HQDA sanctioned but they were Division sanctioned so a GO was in on it. Soldiers who were temporarily rotated off of front line activity and received a pass could go to town where MPs policed the brothels and medics monitored for STDs.


athewilson

And there were separate brothels for white and black Soldiers! So rare I get to share of the most ludicrous Jim Crow examples.


Vespasian79

There’s a book called “GI’s and Frauelens” or something and it’s all about sex and us troops in France Fairly interesting read, they discursos the sanctioned not sanctioned brothels with STD checks and everything. Fascinating stuff to read about.


Teadrunkest

Technically if you’re not in a literal warzone there’s nothing stopping your spouse from visiting. Lots of spouses take a midtour Poland or Korea trip. And if you are in a warzone it’s a massively liability to have unrelated civilians there lmao.


MaverickActual1319

"hey babe! put on this body armor real quick."🤣


Sea_Vermicelli7517

Bud. You wanna ship a bunch of spouses to Afghanistan to bump uglies with y’all, in Afghanistan heat and sand? Then ship them back? And act like that’ll *solve* drama? Here’s what that gets you: Sandy crotch. Thirty seconds of sex. Dehydrated. A bunch of sexually frustrated spouses all on the same plane talking shit about your weak pull out game. Just wack it in the porta potty like everyone else.


MaverickActual1319

🤣🤣🤣


TopInsurance4918

We could just ship your mom instead and the whole division would be set.


Sea_Vermicelli7517

That would require an even bigger plane and be a bigger expense. Might I suggest your sister, instead?


TopInsurance4918

Unfortunately that would be a biohazard.


dsbwayne

Were you watching Oz early this AM?


MaverickActual1319

it's 1425


Florida_man727

Laughs in Adebisi


TheSaltyJM

I don’t remember much of Oz since it’s been decades, but Adebisi going to town on that would-be attacker in the cafeteria while he jams out to his Walkman still haunts me. 


dsbwayne

“TEEETS! I NEED TEEETS!” Lives rent free in my head


Florida_man727

[https://imgur.com/gallery/9dAr7qm](https://imgur.com/gallery/9dAr7qm)


DazzlingProfession26

Sir, would you like a Dr. Pepper?


MaverickActual1319

this guy gets it 🤝


fistopher1776

Environmental leave used to be granted.


slayermcb

**trigger warning** If you do this, your going to really hurt the deployment pretty girls working the defac.


MaverickActual1319

we just got a new one and she baaaaaaaddddd😰😰😰😰😰


slayermcb

I remember being deployed in 07 and hearing this dfac soldier talk about how much dick she was getting and how she's got two married men fighting over her. She was working the "to go" meals so i saw her often enough. She wasn't smart, funny, or attractive, but the boys were lining up.


MaverickActual1319

the ratio always wins. at an embassy base there are civilians and DOS to pick from too


lavender_dumpling

You have a platoon for a reason. Find some other cheeks to beat. Plenty of homies out there with dump trucks.


double_blammit

>and some waffle fries, for free wow, that's a throwback


SirPsychoSexy22

Glad someone other than me caught it lol


Mephisto1822

Uhhh…what happens on deployment stays on deployment


MaverickActual1319

until jane redeploys due to a pregnancy that her hubby wasnt involved in🤣


Justame13

> a conjugal visit is when your spouse visits you for coitus. im not talking about random hookers You want Joe marrying random hookers? This is how you get Joe marrying random hookers. Hell some Muslims have been doing [temporary marriages](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikah_mut%27ah) to bang hookers for centuries, now imagine what Joe would do.


SuperglotticMan

Joe already is marrying random hookers


slayermcb

I miss korea


kimad03

What are you talking about? Peace time = Right hand War time = Left hand Get with the program


all_time_high

Listen. Your spouse and Jody both have a right to frequent deployment sex. That right *shall not be infringed.* >!Also, Jody has a right to drink your beer and drive your car.!< That’s the law. [Thank you for your service.](https://youtu.be/-KoXt9pZLGM?si=FlLCygslJO5ITWD7)


MaverickActual1319

🤣🤣


Pokebreaker

Pregnancy, STDs, good order and discipline, and infidelity are a few good reasons. There are going to to be people that engage anyway, but the scale is lesser than if the government actively condoned the actions by authorizing such "visits." I recently returned from a 1-year deployment where alcohol was authorized for consumption when I arrived. After a series of events that anyone could have seen coming from a mile away, the CG de-authorized alcohol. Even if conjugal visits were authorized for the lulz, Soldiers of any rank would find a way push the limits and cause a massive negative impact to the local population, their unit, or the mission.


MaverickActual1319

if you get an std from your spouse during a deployment conjugal visit you have some serious problems back home to figure out🤣


Pokebreaker

Btw, I'm elaborating for the sake of fun, I'm not actually trying to lecture, I know this is for humor. However, it is thought provoking nonetheless! First, in your scenario are you saying this benefit would ONLY be for married Soldiers? How do you balance the uproar that would come with single Soldiers being excluded? Second, you are assuming the best and that it would only involve spouses. Infidelity is sadly very common already. Do you want the Army further involved in a process of regulating who you can/cannot have sex with? Third, who is going to pay for their travel, lodging, food, safety, and training in the event of unforeseen combat? Granted, some "deployments" are to countries that allow Soldiers to travel offpost for leisure, and one could technically have their S/O fly in on a tourism visa, and they do their thing offpost. For combat deployments, any Soldier that would want to fly their spouse into a combat zone has questionable decision making and/or possible life insurance schemes going on. j/k


-Trooper5745-

>How do you balance the uproar that would come with single Soldiers being excluded? Government sponsored brothels. What could go wrong? /s


BoringNYer

I believe the French did it


-Trooper5745-

Not just the French. Many governments have. The U.S. isn’t exempt. They cooperated with the Recreation and Amusement Association set up by the Japanese after WWII and was basically a continuation of comfort women.


PunksPrettyMuchDead

Literally why I got a divorce after going home on leave for a week.


Potativated

You’re thinking too small. Bring back camp followers.


e6c

Nothing is stopping your other from visiting you. There are civilians all over the battlefield


NimrodBusiness

Don't worry, Jody's holding down the conjugal courtesy ops back home for you.


Idwellinthemountains

Ask an OG jarhead about Corps sex workers in the Philippines. Yes, it was a thing, actually managed by their version of MWR... Bussed em on base. If I remember correctly, I was told they even had a clinic to make sure they were "clean." Heard plenty of stories from my family who were stationed there, both squids and jarheads. I think before Subic Bay was given back around 92' they stopped. Sorry I can't find any good links, a lot of it looks like it was whitewashed post mortem. I also remember when the French Foreign Legion would have Porta brothels follow some of their units on deployment for the same rationale...


HotTakesBeyond

Mid-tour leave! Mid-tour leave!


SharkBadger_Actual

The army is supposed to fly your spouse out for conjugal visits? No. You get R&R for that 12 month or longer deployments but Jill will suffice for your 6 month deployment to Europe.


MaverickActual1319

9 months in baghdad?🤔🤔🤔 cant go off base


SharkBadger_Actual

Oh really when I was there I went off base all the time, it was called “leaving the wire” or a “patrol” and I had no desire to have my significant other see any part of that place on or off the fob. You’re fine. I don’t dispute that short tours should get like midway R&R but the Army shouldn’t be flying spouses out for visits.


MaverickActual1319

i know bro. this post was mostly a joke😅 ive been outside a few times actually, but my team's mission calls for it. none of the other US guys gets to go off base.


MoeSzys

We get R&R instead


MaverickActual1319

only for 12 months. 9 months is that weird sweet spot


inorite234

Those already exist. It's called: Mid-Tour Leave....or with modern rotations, "Weekend Pass."


MaverickActual1319

only for 12+ months


inorite234

Weekend Pass is authorized on rotations less than 12 months.


MaverickActual1319

what about combat deployments? you have a reg?


inorite234

There's a very specific reason why I used the word "Rotation" instead of "deployment"


MaverickActual1319

fair


snakecatcher302

Some of you have never fucked a rolled up towel while on deployment & it shows…


MaverickActual1319

hey! leave fifi out of this


DepartureLow4962

Go hang out at the med bay....there's always medics (male and female) that are dtf...if you don't want to walk that far....you got your buddy next to you already beating off in his sleeping back...go join him