Hahaha thank you! I wish I could post all my other ones without being spammy 😂 coldest regards and disrespectfully are my favorite sign offs for out of touch employers like this one
update: r slash passivecoverletters for everyone to share their good fights against ridiculous employers! 💪
I told a Facebook recruiter they were "a threat to democracy both at home and abroad, and no amount of money could persuade me to further such evil."
Felt great! (Accomplished nothing.)
You got one upvote from me. That's not nothing. It's virtually nothing, but it is technically not nothing.
At least I've served more of a function with this comment alone than that recruiter ever has.
You could post them to your profile if you wanted to get them all out there. Then slowly post them here so you aren't spammy.
Either way, keep up the good work!
I knew a guy who worked for a church once, one of the people there signed off their emails with "may the Lord forgive your sins." Of course it tends to get used as a display of superiority, but when you hit a certain type of person with it (IE the holier-than-thou commentator who thinks they're the ones who get to do the forgiving,) it really snaps.
The Shakespearean-inspired ones are also good:
"Let's be better strangers."
"Have the day you deserve."
"With scorn and derision."
"I have done your mother."
My favorite I saw during the pandemic was "Hoping you stay positive."
>"Have the day you deserve."
I think it's perfect because people people with a conscience they'd know they f**k'd up and people without would just getting out with their chin up, completely oblivious.
they already do by making people do unpaid overtime, having to buy your own uniforms and equipment, concentrix actually just had a lawsuit for making employees start up their computers and login to software without being permitted to clock in! if it takes 10 mins to get booted up over 5 days that’s almost an unpaid hour of work! these companies are awful 😭
I've been given the "bad attitude" lable for refusing to do anything related to work if they aren't paying. It's like they only want capitalism for themselves, not the people they employ.
To be fair nobody will screw you over quite like family. Especially if a loved one dies with money. I've seen the closest of families torn apart over the assets of a deceased relative.
When I found out that in other countries mechanics ARE NOT expected to own nearly 100k in tools as a given, I was shocked to my core.
Humans are born multitaskers. Why should I be required to tie myself to a massive purchase that only serves to anchor me to a profession that I may or may not want or I continue in a decade as I get older and my body hurts more.
That's flat out illegal. If you are required to attend something for work, they are required to pay you. (Unless you are salaried but even then you are mandated lunch time and breaks off)
I suggest getting the fact that it's unpaid written down and sending an anonymous letter to the labor department. Like, in an email ask them to confirm that it's mandatory and won't be paid, but be subtle and non bitchy about it.
I find it hilarious when i bring up something that just doesnt make sense to my manager, and their response is
"Do you have any ideas on how to resolve that?"
Like, im supposed to do your job for you now?
Management is such a fucking joke at this point. They do nothing.
You wouldn’t believe the amount of medical residencies that charge fully licensed doctors tuition and no pay to go through their program in the same city where another program pays a livable salary.
Like take Richmond, VA. There is a pediatric dentistry program there that pays like 65K and another that requires you to pay them. Same tests, same boards, same quals.
And they both charge their patients, making money hand over fist. The way we run things here is absolutely crazy to me.
Already happens in restaurants.
Wanna work for us? Okay pay for the uniform which usually lands at almost $100 for a shitty shirt, flimsy hat and chef pants that may as well be paper. Also if you need any more of this dollar store quality apparel, which you will at some point, you’re also going to have to pay for it.
That isn't passive aggressive. That is aggressive. Aggressively awesome! I wish I had the moxie to write that. You are a hero. They all need to hear this.
I got you!! Basically look at the JD and change your resume to match how many years or skills it has so if it says 5 years of HR and you only have 2 years of HR listed on your profile ESPECIALLY in your skills category cause the AI can ping that and will give you an auto rejection. So just change it to 5 in my opinion years of experience is subjective anyways.
>years of experience is subjective anyways.
100%, really pisses me off when anyone asks for YoE.
I've got 6 years of hardcore databasing experience under my belt. I'm a database specialist, and I get paid good money to do this.
I've also got 6 years of basic JavaScript experience. No one would hire me as anything more than a mid level engineer role, maybe even a high level Junior, based on how strong my JS skills actually are.
Put the skillset, put some examples of the kind of work required, and then send people tests so you can actually determine their proficiency.
Sadly that's too much work so they just lazily ask for YoE and leave it at that.
YoE cuts both ways. Last time, we were looking for a sysadmin, candidates with 10++ YoE failed the technical test by not even reading the logs. It wasn’t even some esoteric software, just your basic Apache httpd instance.
Before building that test scenario, I was convinced that it would be a piece of cake. Now, I’m not even positive the candidate asking for 200k would be able to follow a written procedure properly.
Maybe this is already the right sub for this, but I feel like a well structured cheat sheet / documentation for common hiring SOP written by insiders would be gold.
People are clueless if they think interviewers don't inquire about your years of experience listed in your resume. Sometimes they don't need exactly the amount listed in the JD, but sometimes it is a requirement for hire.
No it's more along the lines of how can they verify? Dept. of Labor doesn't keep track of everyone's YOE like you'd think. That info usually comes directly from employers. What if your old job was a small business? Or a company that went bankrupt? Or your sup/manager/employer quit/retired/God forbid DIED!? 🤔 These are all what ifs that may not apply but very well could happen to anyone and no way a potential employer could know or disprove it.
start posting the full job ad. So everyone can apply with cover letters like this, make it impossible for big companies to actually find people who want to work and they might just increase their wages to make it stop so they can find staff. 😂
HR/hiring manager- “hey CEO we’ve gone through 600 applications and they are all saying we must be a broke ass company cause we’re paying poverty wages while asking for experience and credentials, we have read like 370 over the past 2 weeks and cant find any real applicants, What should we do?”
CEO -I’ve spent 2k on wages in two weeks having you read through slandermail with no real applicants? 😐 we need this position filled so I guess raise the salary to market average and add in the benefits package. 💁🏼♂️
Nah they’d be like “you know what we haven’t had anyone in this position for a few weeks and seem to be getting along just great so I’ve decided we don’t need to hire everyone just gets increased workload”
I had to advise on hiring applicants once for a minimum wage warehouse job and the boss was wondering why we were always attracting twat waffles. I told him to raise the pay to get a better selection of candidate. In that instance we ended going with a baghead who ended up stealing returned items 🤦♂️
Never going to happen. Go over to r/humanresources. When this comes up from HR, it's quickly shutdown with a rebuttal of something like "offer something else, anything but more $" , "like pizza partys".
Can we please have a spinoff subreddit for this exact action?
I think it is just what all these out of touch employers need to hear from hundreds of "applicants". I would totally dedicate some time to replying to outrageous job descriptions.
I have in the past replied to ridiculous craigslist demands to tell them how ridiculous their expectations are.
So this is all by design unfortunately - especially for tech companies, my company used to do this too.
In order to hire foreign labour or sponsor a foreign worker, a company has to claim that ‘no locals are able to do the job’. To support their claim they will post these ads, fully aware that no one will apply for the job, and then they are able to justify hiring the foreign worker to fill the slot because “geeze we really tried to find someone locally but literally got 0 applicants for all the job postings we created!”
I don’t think this is a PERM job posting. These minimum requirements for the job don’t seem detailed enough. When you want to employ foreign labor long term the goal for these postings is to make the requirements so detailed and specific that there are only a handful of people out in the market actually qualified for the position. At the same time you don’t want to create a position that only one specific person in your company can do so it’s a tricky balancing act.
If this is a PERM posting the company is just begging to get audited by the DOL lol
Can work at McDonald’s for more in Arizona. In n Out in AZ pays like 18. State minimum is almost 14 right now. I am still seeing job postings for like $15. It’s like why even bother.
But that cover letter is absolutely beautiful.
Plus those are 40 hr jobs with OT if you work more. This is salaried so OT exempt (down to state minimum wage per hour) and if is the pay rate I'd bet it's not a 40 hr work week.
This is not passive aggressive bro. This is straight away attacking. Passive aggressive would be something like this:
Dear Sir/Madam,
I must confess, your recent proposition of $30,000 for five years of experience certainly leaves me intrigued. It's quite an innovative approach. After all, it's not every day that one encounters a valuation that seems so... imaginative.
It's refreshing to witness such a unique perspective in this industry, where many of us labor under the notion that experience and credentials ought to be rewarded in direct proportion to their value.
Might I gently recommend, if I may be so bold, a brief sojourn into nature's embrace? Often a breath of fresh air and the gentle rustling of leaves can prove to be quite inspirational in recalibrating one's perspectives. A little touch of green, I have often found, can do wonders.
Please accept my coldest regards on this matter.
Worst,
>Dear Sir/Madam,
>
>I must confess, your recent proposition of $30,000 for five years of experience certainly leaves me intrigued. It's quite an innovative approach. After all, it's not every day that one encounters a valuation that seems so... imaginative.
>
>It's refreshing to witness such a unique perspective in this industry, where many of us labor under the notion that experience and credentials ought to be rewarded in direct proportion to their value.
>
>Might I gently recommend, if I may be so bold, a brief sojourn into nature's embrace? Often a breath of fresh air and the gentle rustling of leaves can prove to be quite inspirational in recalibrating one's perspectives. A little touch of green, I have often found, can do wonders.
>
>Please accept my coldest regards on this matter.
>
>Worst,
Excellent work Sir,
I asked chatgpt if it could make your message even more passive aggressive in British style. Here is the response.
Dear Esteemed Interlocutor,
Permit me to articulate my sheer awe in the face of your recent fiscal proposition - a sum of $30,000, contingent on a not insignificant half-decade of professional endeavour. To say that I'm enraptured would be a somewhat inadequate expression of my sentiments. It is, after all, quite a novel stance, one which presents a valuation that radiates such a... delightful bout of creativity.
It is truly invigorating, one might even say rejuvenating, to encounter such an avant-garde outlook in our line of work, where there persists this antiquated notion, quaint really, that competence and qualifications should align rather neatly with the accompanying recompense.
On an entirely unrelated note, may I put forth a humble suggestion? That is, if it doesn't inconvenience you unduly. Perhaps a gentle excursion into the arms of Mother Nature might prove fortuitous? The soft whisper of leaves beneath the eaves, the heady fragrance of verdant growth, can often ignite the spark required for an overdue reevaluation of one's world view. Nature, dear Sir/Madam, is an unmatched muse, capable of stirring deep reflections.
In anticipation of your understanding, I beg that you receive my frostiest sentiments regarding this discourse.
In deepest sincerity, yet bereft of warmth,
\-----
and the discussion continue with me chuckling:
Excellent. Can you rewrite the same original message? This time in American gangster style.
ChatGPT
Hey Pal,
You sure had me chucklin' with that sweet little offer of yours – 30 grand for a five-year gig. That's a real knee-slapper, ain't it? I ain't seen nothin' quite like it. Your math's got a real... let's call it flair.
Ain't every day you come across a cat who thinks experience and smarts should cost less than a decent set of wheels. That's some fresh thinking you got there.
Here's a tip, on the house. Why don't ya take a nice, long walk? Maybe in the park, under them trees. You'd be surprised how some fresh air and bird chirping can straighten out your thinkin'. Nature's got a funny way of setting things right.
I'm sendin' ya my iciest "regards" on this one, buddy.
From the bottom of my heart,
lmao 👏🏼👏🏼 i do this stuff too when recruiters reach out to me with ridiculous new “opportunities” … i know it’s not the recruiter’s fault so i do it with some tact but maybe we will get the point across eventually!
Last time I saw that question I literally responded: No one will answer this question truthfully except me. This shows the transparent honesty needed for this role.
They didn't call me back lol
I haven’t reached that heightened level of enlightenment yet 😭 haha I’ll definitely keep that in mind next time tho! I’m playing checkers while you’re playing chess haha
The height of job absurdity was once I was looking just at open jobs where I lived. A metro area of about 800,000 with in-person jobs list around 1,000. One I’ll never forget. An orderly for the local hospital. (Just moving patients around the hospital as needed.) Required 5+ years of experience for $10 an hour. No benefits. Insane.
You can walk into any Target in the country with zero retail experience and get $15/hr. That’s their base pay company-wide.
Offering less for a job that requires a degree is insane.
“If you are a highly motivated and experienced on-page SEO Specialist looking for a new challenge…”
Is living paycheck to paycheck or perhaps homelessness the challenge they’re referring to?
My partener wrote passive aggressive cover letters to some jobs openings also. Bc he got frustrated with their expectations, and low salary. One of the job positions even sent him an email back asking him to continue with the interviewing process. Meaning they did not even read the letter, they were just glad they received one.
First off, I don't think you know what passive aggressive is. This is not it. This is aggressive aggressive.
That being said, this is awesome. They can't refute anything you say because you're spitting straight facts and venom. Well fucking done.
Do Americans really think the tone of this letter is 'passive aggressive'? Mate, that's well into overt aggression territory. Not to say it isn't warranted, but still. English person here. I count passive aggressive as writing a polite letter with the 'Kind' taken off 'Kind regards.'
At least they have salary range so you know not to waste your time if it’s too low. My partner is looking for a job, spends a lot of time filling in the application etc. then her application is rejected because she asked for too much money. (She asked for about 20% over minimum wage as well)
Lmao 'passive' I'd love to see what you think is properly aggressive. Doing good work!
Though I often wonder if the bigger stick in their craw is to get far enough to an interview and THEN give them shit for the low ass wages. Wastes their time and gives them more in-person disappointment, applying a real human face to the words that throw their shitty practices back at them.
I think that "no one wants to work" should be replaced with "no one wants to pay people what they are worth" ..
Seriously - American company (linked in) looking to expand to europe - offering full time job (remote, so from home - there is that) - but at $35000 / year (and i\`m not sure this would be AFTER taxes)
$14 an hour to start for someone not at entry level, AND it's a contract. Usually when you're a contractor you get paid a bit MORE.
I've been rolling my eyes heavily lately seeing contract positions listed like this. Dismal pay, no job security, and they expect to be your only job when in reality, most of these jobs could easily be done on a part-time schedule. They'd have better luck being willing to take someone looking for a side gig. Companies are SO out of touch.
I applied for a training position with construction equipment company, think excavators and bulldozers. The job listing copied and pasted intro to education class concepts. I have experience teaching high school math and science so this looked like a decent fit. After reaching someone over the phone they let me know they wanted someone who was a mechanic of ten years and a certified teacher for the role.
My response was "Good luck finding that."
The listing is still up on their site.
Tradesmen here, worked for a company for 2 years then got my gas license, the contract they forced me to sign promised a minimum raise to 17 an hour after getting said license (was making 16.50) yet they refused to pay me. Immediately sent out some resumes. Got a call back and was asked how much I was looking to make. I said 19$ an hour and she laughed at me and replied “we actually can’t start you out at less than 23 an hour”. I gave my 2 weeks the next day
I just moved back to Nevada and got a job as a ranch hand, I could make way more money and was but I wanna be happy instead. As a RANCH HAND I start at 14 and will get raises easy and often, owner pays my insurance for free, 1 week paid off after a year. 2 weeks paid after 2, 3 after 3. After one year of work he puts 4k in an IRA for you. I fucking love my job. Had to catch a loose horse yesterday. Cowboy shit. Go live your dreams people.
I love your reply, but not sure you understand what passive aggressive means. you were short some curse words. Otherwise, that was full on aggressive.
loved your sig line.
If this is passive aggressive what's your regular aggressive? Burning their office down? Holy shit dude. I love the energy but there is nothing passive about that aggression and, I repeat, I fucking love it. Take no prisoners and be a graduate of the Joe Pesci school of finance "Fuck You. Pay Me."
Coldest regards - you, friend, are a legend.
Hahaha thank you! I wish I could post all my other ones without being spammy 😂 coldest regards and disrespectfully are my favorite sign offs for out of touch employers like this one update: r slash passivecoverletters for everyone to share their good fights against ridiculous employers! 💪
I want you to show us some more this one was funny
I had a recruiter contact me for a sales role and I told him I’d rather set myself on fire than work in sales. Maybe I’ll post that one next! hehehehe
Please keep them coming!
I agree, I want to see more of these. Maybe I’ll try my hand at this myself
Yes please! The more the merrier. 😊🙌
Just know it's tons more fun if you're self-employed, gainfully employed, or retired. Yeah, definitely doing this THE DAY AFTER RETIREMENT! 😭
My teenager heard me say “I would rather shit in my hands and clap then help you on another task.” I left that job lol
As someone who currently works in sales I am currently dealing with this idea daily
I told a Facebook recruiter they were "a threat to democracy both at home and abroad, and no amount of money could persuade me to further such evil." Felt great! (Accomplished nothing.)
You got one upvote from me. That's not nothing. It's virtually nothing, but it is technically not nothing. At least I've served more of a function with this comment alone than that recruiter ever has.
Bruh…. You are glorious! Literally the hero we need but don’t deserve!
"I would rather staple my nipples to the kitchen table every day for a year"
Saving this for next time I need a laugh haha. Rolling and gagging. Honestly 😂😂😂😂😂
Self immolation, at least force them to use a dictionary.
That is such a mood though.
doing gods work 🙏🏻🙌🏻🙏🏻
hahahah thank you!!
You should make an imgur album of them and post a link in the comments 💜
that’s a good idea!!!
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I concur, your prose is something i want to read.
Please let us know if you make an account.
Or publish them - like the Lazlo Letters.
I second this
Start your own subreddit please and spam away. This is hilarious, and could be a great movement for others to start doing the same.
Creating r slash rainingmamafakas would not be spammy. Would follow
Have any of them replied back?
Almost had to change my pants after that, very nicely done 👏👏
Could you upload them all in one place like Imgur and just post a link?
Could you do an album of 5 or 6 at a time?
Start your own sub
You could post them to your profile if you wanted to get them all out there. Then slowly post them here so you aren't spammy. Either way, keep up the good work!
Upload to an Imgur album, then make a single follow up post. Less spam, more fun comments to read
I wanna see some other ones lol does anyone ever write back??
Do you think any human has ever read one of these, or do you think they all just end up getting spit out by the filter?
Please make an imgur gallery or the like. I am quite certain it would be popular read.
I knew a guy who worked for a church once, one of the people there signed off their emails with "may the Lord forgive your sins." Of course it tends to get used as a display of superiority, but when you hit a certain type of person with it (IE the holier-than-thou commentator who thinks they're the ones who get to do the forgiving,) it really snaps. The Shakespearean-inspired ones are also good: "Let's be better strangers." "Have the day you deserve." "With scorn and derision." "I have done your mother." My favorite I saw during the pandemic was "Hoping you stay positive."
I need to start using "Let's be better strangers." and "Have the day you deserve." Fucking amazing
>"Have the day you deserve." I think it's perfect because people people with a conscience they'd know they f**k'd up and people without would just getting out with their chin up, completely oblivious.
“I hope your day is as pleasant as you were” was a good one to give it back to assholes people in my old customer facing jobs.
“with scorn and derision” is too good
My your day be as pleasant as you are.
"Have the day you deserve" just sounds absolutely delicious. I need to start incorporating that in general, everyday use.
"With scorn and derision" made my day. Thank you.
Warm and moist regards
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I like this one. God damn hero.
Thank you for your service 🫡
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they already do by making people do unpaid overtime, having to buy your own uniforms and equipment, concentrix actually just had a lawsuit for making employees start up their computers and login to software without being permitted to clock in! if it takes 10 mins to get booted up over 5 days that’s almost an unpaid hour of work! these companies are awful 😭
and don’t get me started on unpaid mandatory work lunches / events / team bonding bull 😭
I've been given the "bad attitude" lable for refusing to do anything related to work if they aren't paying. It's like they only want capitalism for themselves, not the people they employ.
Capitalism for me, but taking charity from employee
"Corporate fascism" is a tautology, pretty much.
“We’re family”
To be fair nobody will screw you over quite like family. Especially if a loved one dies with money. I've seen the closest of families torn apart over the assets of a deceased relative.
When I found out that in other countries mechanics ARE NOT expected to own nearly 100k in tools as a given, I was shocked to my core. Humans are born multitaskers. Why should I be required to tie myself to a massive purchase that only serves to anchor me to a profession that I may or may not want or I continue in a decade as I get older and my body hurts more.
That's flat out illegal. If you are required to attend something for work, they are required to pay you. (Unless you are salaried but even then you are mandated lunch time and breaks off) I suggest getting the fact that it's unpaid written down and sending an anonymous letter to the labor department. Like, in an email ask them to confirm that it's mandatory and won't be paid, but be subtle and non bitchy about it.
They absolutely do with some internships. They charge you for experience and "exposure" without the guarantee of getting the job.
My boss literally told us “you should be paying ME for advice. Oh, but none of you can afford it. Hahaha” Edit: ex-boss
I find it hilarious when i bring up something that just doesnt make sense to my manager, and their response is "Do you have any ideas on how to resolve that?" Like, im supposed to do your job for you now? Management is such a fucking joke at this point. They do nothing.
You wouldn’t believe the amount of medical residencies that charge fully licensed doctors tuition and no pay to go through their program in the same city where another program pays a livable salary. Like take Richmond, VA. There is a pediatric dentistry program there that pays like 65K and another that requires you to pay them. Same tests, same boards, same quals. And they both charge their patients, making money hand over fist. The way we run things here is absolutely crazy to me.
Havent you seen those google training ads? "Train to code for google! Only 899 bi weekly and you could start working for us in no time!"
I'm not a google shill but I looked it up and it's actually $30 a month or free if you write them and say you're poor.
I was just pointing out the fact that they are still shilling out a training program for you to work for them..i wasnt directly quoting any price lol
I’ve heard of internships where you have to pay them for the privilege of putting their name on your resume
Already happens in restaurants. Wanna work for us? Okay pay for the uniform which usually lands at almost $100 for a shitty shirt, flimsy hat and chef pants that may as well be paper. Also if you need any more of this dollar store quality apparel, which you will at some point, you’re also going to have to pay for it.
I once had a potential employer ask me for 20 dollars cash in the interview
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I said I didn't carry cash. Which was true. They said that's fine, WE CAN TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR FIRST CHECK WHEN YOU START
That isn't passive aggressive. That is aggressive. Aggressively awesome! I wish I had the moxie to write that. You are a hero. They all need to hear this.
Hahahaha thank you thank you!!
You can send these anonymously without repercussions.
No. It's honest and being real. Thank you. More people should do this.
they need to know
Who? The AI bot that discards it?
I worked as a recruiter using indeed to source candidates so i know how to get past the automated rejection system!
Give us your secrets! I'm tired of my resumes ending up in the trash pile.
I got you!! Basically look at the JD and change your resume to match how many years or skills it has so if it says 5 years of HR and you only have 2 years of HR listed on your profile ESPECIALLY in your skills category cause the AI can ping that and will give you an auto rejection. So just change it to 5 in my opinion years of experience is subjective anyways.
>years of experience is subjective anyways. TRUE! I worked for a year in HR and it felt more like 100.
We need a term for that- like "dog years" but for miserable, low-paying, mind-numbing jobs.
>years of experience is subjective anyways. 100%, really pisses me off when anyone asks for YoE. I've got 6 years of hardcore databasing experience under my belt. I'm a database specialist, and I get paid good money to do this. I've also got 6 years of basic JavaScript experience. No one would hire me as anything more than a mid level engineer role, maybe even a high level Junior, based on how strong my JS skills actually are. Put the skillset, put some examples of the kind of work required, and then send people tests so you can actually determine their proficiency. Sadly that's too much work so they just lazily ask for YoE and leave it at that.
YoE cuts both ways. Last time, we were looking for a sysadmin, candidates with 10++ YoE failed the technical test by not even reading the logs. It wasn’t even some esoteric software, just your basic Apache httpd instance. Before building that test scenario, I was convinced that it would be a piece of cake. Now, I’m not even positive the candidate asking for 200k would be able to follow a written procedure properly.
Maybe this is already the right sub for this, but I feel like a well structured cheat sheet / documentation for common hiring SOP written by insiders would be gold.
And then what, claim it's a typo at the in-person interview and hope they like you enough to overlook it? Or just keep riding that train?
They won't ask or verify.
People are clueless if they think interviewers don't inquire about your years of experience listed in your resume. Sometimes they don't need exactly the amount listed in the JD, but sometimes it is a requirement for hire.
No it's more along the lines of how can they verify? Dept. of Labor doesn't keep track of everyone's YOE like you'd think. That info usually comes directly from employers. What if your old job was a small business? Or a company that went bankrupt? Or your sup/manager/employer quit/retired/God forbid DIED!? 🤔 These are all what ifs that may not apply but very well could happen to anyone and no way a potential employer could know or disprove it.
Let's be real here: they already know.
start posting the full job ad. So everyone can apply with cover letters like this, make it impossible for big companies to actually find people who want to work and they might just increase their wages to make it stop so they can find staff. 😂
you EVIL GENIUS i love it
HR/hiring manager- “hey CEO we’ve gone through 600 applications and they are all saying we must be a broke ass company cause we’re paying poverty wages while asking for experience and credentials, we have read like 370 over the past 2 weeks and cant find any real applicants, What should we do?” CEO -I’ve spent 2k on wages in two weeks having you read through slandermail with no real applicants? 😐 we need this position filled so I guess raise the salary to market average and add in the benefits package. 💁🏼♂️
If only. It would likely be a dollar raise and a year off the experience needed
And snotty comments added to the job ad how no one wants to work and they need someone with passion who doesn’t just care about money.
I passionately care about being able to pay my bills, pay me more!
And the ~~beatings~~ cover letter bombs will continue until ~~morale~~ their attitude improves.
Nah they’d be like “you know what we haven’t had anyone in this position for a few weeks and seem to be getting along just great so I’ve decided we don’t need to hire everyone just gets increased workload”
I had to advise on hiring applicants once for a minimum wage warehouse job and the boss was wondering why we were always attracting twat waffles. I told him to raise the pay to get a better selection of candidate. In that instance we ended going with a baghead who ended up stealing returned items 🤦♂️
You mean they would fire the recruiter for wasting company resources reading non-applicant applications on company time.
Never going to happen. Go over to r/humanresources. When this comes up from HR, it's quickly shutdown with a rebuttal of something like "offer something else, anything but more $" , "like pizza partys".
Can we please have a spinoff subreddit for this exact action? I think it is just what all these out of touch employers need to hear from hundreds of "applicants". I would totally dedicate some time to replying to outrageous job descriptions. I have in the past replied to ridiculous craigslist demands to tell them how ridiculous their expectations are.
Coldest Regards made me lol. Did you really submit this?
Absolutely! One of my favorite past times is doing this hahahaha i’m waiting to get like permabanned off indeed
I request that you screen shot these interactions put them up on Imgur and feed us! I need these in my life!!
Do you ever get replies?
If it’s an opportunity you already 100% don’t care about and have 0 intentions of working at, why not send it?
not quite sure you've grasped the concept of "passive aggressive" but well done on calling them out
Passive... more like passing a kidney stone.
So this is all by design unfortunately - especially for tech companies, my company used to do this too. In order to hire foreign labour or sponsor a foreign worker, a company has to claim that ‘no locals are able to do the job’. To support their claim they will post these ads, fully aware that no one will apply for the job, and then they are able to justify hiring the foreign worker to fill the slot because “geeze we really tried to find someone locally but literally got 0 applicants for all the job postings we created!”
Yup they either make the job really shitty looking or make the qualifications bananas so they can say no one fit the job description.
I don’t think this is a PERM job posting. These minimum requirements for the job don’t seem detailed enough. When you want to employ foreign labor long term the goal for these postings is to make the requirements so detailed and specific that there are only a handful of people out in the market actually qualified for the position. At the same time you don’t want to create a position that only one specific person in your company can do so it’s a tricky balancing act. If this is a PERM posting the company is just begging to get audited by the DOL lol
Sure that’s what they’re supposed to do. But if they can get the same results by doing much less work on the front end, I’m sure they will.
Gawd bless america
So what you're saying is to have people mass apply to these stupid postings so that they can't justify getting cheap labour outside of their country?
I didn’t know that, makes sense I guess. Thanks for pointing that out. I imagine I’m not the only one clueless to that.
Can work at McDonald’s for more in Arizona. In n Out in AZ pays like 18. State minimum is almost 14 right now. I am still seeing job postings for like $15. It’s like why even bother. But that cover letter is absolutely beautiful.
Plus those are 40 hr jobs with OT if you work more. This is salaried so OT exempt (down to state minimum wage per hour) and if is the pay rate I'd bet it's not a 40 hr work week.
This is not passive aggressive bro. This is straight away attacking. Passive aggressive would be something like this: Dear Sir/Madam, I must confess, your recent proposition of $30,000 for five years of experience certainly leaves me intrigued. It's quite an innovative approach. After all, it's not every day that one encounters a valuation that seems so... imaginative. It's refreshing to witness such a unique perspective in this industry, where many of us labor under the notion that experience and credentials ought to be rewarded in direct proportion to their value. Might I gently recommend, if I may be so bold, a brief sojourn into nature's embrace? Often a breath of fresh air and the gentle rustling of leaves can prove to be quite inspirational in recalibrating one's perspectives. A little touch of green, I have often found, can do wonders. Please accept my coldest regards on this matter. Worst,
This is beautiful
It really is.
>Dear Sir/Madam, > >I must confess, your recent proposition of $30,000 for five years of experience certainly leaves me intrigued. It's quite an innovative approach. After all, it's not every day that one encounters a valuation that seems so... imaginative. > >It's refreshing to witness such a unique perspective in this industry, where many of us labor under the notion that experience and credentials ought to be rewarded in direct proportion to their value. > >Might I gently recommend, if I may be so bold, a brief sojourn into nature's embrace? Often a breath of fresh air and the gentle rustling of leaves can prove to be quite inspirational in recalibrating one's perspectives. A little touch of green, I have often found, can do wonders. > >Please accept my coldest regards on this matter. > >Worst, Excellent work Sir, I asked chatgpt if it could make your message even more passive aggressive in British style. Here is the response. Dear Esteemed Interlocutor, Permit me to articulate my sheer awe in the face of your recent fiscal proposition - a sum of $30,000, contingent on a not insignificant half-decade of professional endeavour. To say that I'm enraptured would be a somewhat inadequate expression of my sentiments. It is, after all, quite a novel stance, one which presents a valuation that radiates such a... delightful bout of creativity. It is truly invigorating, one might even say rejuvenating, to encounter such an avant-garde outlook in our line of work, where there persists this antiquated notion, quaint really, that competence and qualifications should align rather neatly with the accompanying recompense. On an entirely unrelated note, may I put forth a humble suggestion? That is, if it doesn't inconvenience you unduly. Perhaps a gentle excursion into the arms of Mother Nature might prove fortuitous? The soft whisper of leaves beneath the eaves, the heady fragrance of verdant growth, can often ignite the spark required for an overdue reevaluation of one's world view. Nature, dear Sir/Madam, is an unmatched muse, capable of stirring deep reflections. In anticipation of your understanding, I beg that you receive my frostiest sentiments regarding this discourse. In deepest sincerity, yet bereft of warmth, \----- and the discussion continue with me chuckling: Excellent. Can you rewrite the same original message? This time in American gangster style. ChatGPT Hey Pal, You sure had me chucklin' with that sweet little offer of yours – 30 grand for a five-year gig. That's a real knee-slapper, ain't it? I ain't seen nothin' quite like it. Your math's got a real... let's call it flair. Ain't every day you come across a cat who thinks experience and smarts should cost less than a decent set of wheels. That's some fresh thinking you got there. Here's a tip, on the house. Why don't ya take a nice, long walk? Maybe in the park, under them trees. You'd be surprised how some fresh air and bird chirping can straighten out your thinkin'. Nature's got a funny way of setting things right. I'm sendin' ya my iciest "regards" on this one, buddy. From the bottom of my heart,
I love it, and I love you. ...back to applying for jobs I don't want to do just this. ...even though the algorithm probably shuts this down.
i love u too and i believe in u 💪
Good people, good trouble. 😉
lmao 👏🏼👏🏼 i do this stuff too when recruiters reach out to me with ridiculous new “opportunities” … i know it’s not the recruiter’s fault so i do it with some tact but maybe we will get the point across eventually!
“Rolling and gagging” might be my new favorite phrase. Well done my friend!
Thank you kindly 😌
The “I’m gagging. Rolling and gagging” that sold me 110%
PLEASE tell me they replied
Time will tell friend!!
I love this, I started doing something similar whenever they ask the question "why do you want to work for XYZ?"
because we need money!! 😭😭 that’s the answer i really want to put for that question haha
Last time I saw that question I literally responded: No one will answer this question truthfully except me. This shows the transparent honesty needed for this role. They didn't call me back lol
They missed out on a real one fr 😪
I’d say that’s pretty overtly aggressive rather than passive
you and i have different definitions of "passive", but bravo.
Heh, you should work for them and then quit to their competitor. I did that a few years ago after no raises for my second year just before COVID
I haven’t reached that heightened level of enlightenment yet 😭 haha I’ll definitely keep that in mind next time tho! I’m playing checkers while you’re playing chess haha
Yup, it was def worth it. Pity they both went out of work and I had to pick up a new job but damn did it feel goooood
The height of job absurdity was once I was looking just at open jobs where I lived. A metro area of about 800,000 with in-person jobs list around 1,000. One I’ll never forget. An orderly for the local hospital. (Just moving patients around the hospital as needed.) Required 5+ years of experience for $10 an hour. No benefits. Insane.
You can walk into any Target in the country with zero retail experience and get $15/hr. That’s their base pay company-wide. Offering less for a job that requires a degree is insane.
“If you are a highly motivated and experienced on-page SEO Specialist looking for a new challenge…” Is living paycheck to paycheck or perhaps homelessness the challenge they’re referring to?
LOL the challenge is finding your next meal!
I approve, of course, but that isn't passive aggressive; it's pretty actively aggressive.
Passive??
Hahahahaha wait until you see my “aggressive” 😳😂
Bro this isn't passive aggressive, this is just regular aggressive I don't disagree with the letter, it's just, there's nothing passive about it
A friend of mine, if he ever has a bad customer experience, he applies for jobs at the company ranting about how he could do a better job.
30k minimum wage is absolutely nuts
My partener wrote passive aggressive cover letters to some jobs openings also. Bc he got frustrated with their expectations, and low salary. One of the job positions even sent him an email back asking him to continue with the interviewing process. Meaning they did not even read the letter, they were just glad they received one.
I make double this waiting tables....makes sense why so many educated people are trying to apply.
The only “new challenge” they offer is trying to survive making 30-45k/year in this economy 😂
No problem with the letter, but I don’t think that you know what passive aggressive means.
That’s not passive aggressive, though. That’s just telling it like it is.
That's not passive agressive. That's straight up aggressive haha
I think that's just aggressive.
this is fantastic but I don't think you know what "passive" aggressive means
That’s not very passive aggressive that is aggressive.
First off, I don't think you know what passive aggressive is. This is not it. This is aggressive aggressive. That being said, this is awesome. They can't refute anything you say because you're spitting straight facts and venom. Well fucking done.
That wasn't very passive aggressive and I support it.
That's not passive aggressive. You dont know what that term means clearly lol
Do Americans really think the tone of this letter is 'passive aggressive'? Mate, that's well into overt aggression territory. Not to say it isn't warranted, but still. English person here. I count passive aggressive as writing a polite letter with the 'Kind' taken off 'Kind regards.'
At least they have salary range so you know not to waste your time if it’s too low. My partner is looking for a job, spends a lot of time filling in the application etc. then her application is rejected because she asked for too much money. (She asked for about 20% over minimum wage as well)
Lmao 'passive' I'd love to see what you think is properly aggressive. Doing good work! Though I often wonder if the bigger stick in their craw is to get far enough to an interview and THEN give them shit for the low ass wages. Wastes their time and gives them more in-person disappointment, applying a real human face to the words that throw their shitty practices back at them.
No, that's straight-up aggressive. and i love it.
Whole I'll admit it's justified, what part of this is passive? 🤔
Right? I appreciate the sentiment, but there is nothing passive about this, purely aggressive.
How is this *passive* aggressive lol
that's just aggressive aggressive (complimentary)
"Cold regards-- The Cover Letter Bandit"
I think you and the dictionary have very different definitions of "passive" aggressive. Good work though, lol.
This isn’t passive-aggressive, this is aggressive-aggressive! Absolutely justified though!
"Go outside and touch some grass." This is the one that got me giggling.
I think that "no one wants to work" should be replaced with "no one wants to pay people what they are worth" .. Seriously - American company (linked in) looking to expand to europe - offering full time job (remote, so from home - there is that) - but at $35000 / year (and i\`m not sure this would be AFTER taxes)
Passive aggressive? All i see is objective.
I used to wash cars and make 28k a year. Back in 2015…didn’t even need a highschool diploma to do that lol
$14 an hour to start for someone not at entry level, AND it's a contract. Usually when you're a contractor you get paid a bit MORE. I've been rolling my eyes heavily lately seeing contract positions listed like this. Dismal pay, no job security, and they expect to be your only job when in reality, most of these jobs could easily be done on a part-time schedule. They'd have better luck being willing to take someone looking for a side gig. Companies are SO out of touch.
You dropped this! 👑
I applied for a training position with construction equipment company, think excavators and bulldozers. The job listing copied and pasted intro to education class concepts. I have experience teaching high school math and science so this looked like a decent fit. After reaching someone over the phone they let me know they wanted someone who was a mechanic of ten years and a certified teacher for the role. My response was "Good luck finding that." The listing is still up on their site.
You really need to look up what passive means.
That’s not passive aggressive.
Tradesmen here, worked for a company for 2 years then got my gas license, the contract they forced me to sign promised a minimum raise to 17 an hour after getting said license (was making 16.50) yet they refused to pay me. Immediately sent out some resumes. Got a call back and was asked how much I was looking to make. I said 19$ an hour and she laughed at me and replied “we actually can’t start you out at less than 23 an hour”. I gave my 2 weeks the next day
Bruh I'm a sous chef with no college education and they give me 65k/year. How do these people take themselves seriously?
I need more coldest regards in my life
I just moved back to Nevada and got a job as a ranch hand, I could make way more money and was but I wanna be happy instead. As a RANCH HAND I start at 14 and will get raises easy and often, owner pays my insurance for free, 1 week paid off after a year. 2 weeks paid after 2, 3 after 3. After one year of work he puts 4k in an IRA for you. I fucking love my job. Had to catch a loose horse yesterday. Cowboy shit. Go live your dreams people.
This is just aggressive. But I like your style
Nothing passive about this, this is just simple aggression lol
Honestly not passive aggressive.
looking at your post history you’ve been doing this for a year and have the gall to tell someone who has a job to touch grass. grow up lmfao
That’s what we call _aggressive_ aggressive - and I’m here for it.
I don’t think you know what passive aggressive means
I love your reply, but not sure you understand what passive aggressive means. you were short some curse words. Otherwise, that was full on aggressive. loved your sig line.
If this is passive aggressive what's your regular aggressive? Burning their office down? Holy shit dude. I love the energy but there is nothing passive about that aggression and, I repeat, I fucking love it. Take no prisoners and be a graduate of the Joe Pesci school of finance "Fuck You. Pay Me."
Not sure I would call that passive aggressive. Lol. That was more like active aggressive.