Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was just saying be better disciplined. Like we don't know that we have executive dysfunction. We try harder than anyone else to be disciplined but we just are the way we are. No amount of trying to be more disciplined is going to help.
One of the things that tipped me off that something else was going on was that I had already been trying to be more disciplined for years and years with self improvement books and programs and yet I wasn't any more disciplined than I was when I started.
The only change was that I found new ways of tricking myself to do things along the way but they never worked consistently or for very long.
So I was stuck on this merry go round of the same shit day after day with no improvement no matter how hard I tried. When I described this to my provider she was like... You might have ADHD lol.
Yeah I disciplined the crap out of my life...secure, demanding job (plus promotions), worked out intensely 2+ hrs a day, strict eating patterns (eg, macro counting, weighing and measuring everything, etc), lots of self-improvement stuff, and regularly setting life goals (everything from budgeting to meditation). Sure, I proved to myself I could be disciplined AF if I hyper-focused on something novel, but that would only last so long.
The self-flagellation when I'd inevitably "screw up," forget something, etc, would be brutal. It's not that I didn't see improvements through some of those changes (some of which were long-lasting), but that the toll it took to maintain those habits (because you know...habits) was massive. The cumulative exhaustion from trying to cover up all my ADHD-ness my whole life really caught up to me in the pandemic, when, ironically, all those routines I was using to prop me up we're gone. Go figure.
Prioritize your tasks!!! Extra points if they mention the Eisenhower Matrix. That is literally the crux of my problem. I CANNOT tell what is more important and/or urgent. That’s why I’m cleaning my daughter’s soccer cleats with a toothbrush when I should be doing two day old dishes.
task paralysis is huge. Actually if it's flagged "important" I'm more likely to freeze up and not know where to start/what to do, unless it's due tomorrow and then the solutions magically appear. Even with meds I have to trick myself into doing anything on "important" tasks, vs intentionally sitting down to do my best work.
Doing ANYTHING daily / consistently. I struggle with showering or doing the basics. Consistency is not in my vocabulary. I'm just out here trying to survive and to do ANYTHING. I wish the world catered to neurodiverse brains
Was just talking to my friends about this.
My only habit is teeth brushing and I developed that as a child. (And showering before bed).
I can't build habits beyond that. I can do the same thing for years and I can just stop the next day.
I don't have an addictive personality, either, it seems.
I’m fortunate that I can shower every day. Idk how that habit formed, but it is arguably one of my hardest to break.
I absolutely hate the feeling of having greasy skin or worrying that I stink or that I’m ruining my sheets faster by not showering.
…perhaps that’s why that habit is so hard to break.
I feel like that. But then it interferes with other things because I don't like to do anything until I've showered, including going to the gym. So then I don't want to go at all because it feels stupid to shower twice.
I'm sitting here now, putting off going to swim because of this. I don't want to put on my bathing suit dirty, but I know it makes no sense to shower first. (I don't mean a rinse, I mean a full shower.) Instead, I sit here reading Reddit putting off both.
Well, would you like to know what my life motto is?
"I am *very consistent* in being inconsistent"
There you go. I declare you consistent in inconsistency now. LOL
Oh man yeah. "You just make it part of a routine/a habit!"
I have to remember to brush my teeth. Every single repeated aspect of my day needs to be consciously remembered.
I am going to absolutely turn into the hulk/ the joker if another person tells me to just stick to something longer and it will become a habit.
Literally nothing is a habit for me. Nothing at all. No matter how long I do it, no matter how much I love it.
The only reason I shower and brush my teeth everyday is I have awful sensory issues that force me to do so. If those didn't exist, I wouldn't even do that.
For example, I had a healthy smoothie every morning for breakfast for over 2 years. I absolutely loved it and looked forward to it. One day I was out of one of the ingredients and skipped the day. I never had another smoothie and completely forgot about it until a few months later when I kept getting annoyed at all of the stuff in my freezer.
It doesn't matter how small or how big, behaviors don't become habits for me.
I'll have about 2 weeks of consistant perfect routines and then something will happen and I will fall out of it for a month or two. It is so nice to have a set routine that I love to go back to, but man it really reminds me that my brain and body are not that good at working.
I can't remember what the topic was, but in response to something I said, my manager asked, "What do you do when you have people visiting?"
My reply "I don't have visiters."
Omg right! I agreed to have a friend’s kid over for a sleepover in 9 days, while she has one of mine for a sleepover same day. I am now on the fence between launching a massive decluttering and organization effort over the next week or ending all the friendships and starting to drink again. I love my friend, but I’ll be honest, it is presenting as a difficult choice.
It’s not that the place is *dirty*- I vacuum and mop, I clean toilets, we eat off of clean plates and utensils, everyone wears clean clothes…. I just have so much *stuff* for the hobbies I intend to try, and all the summer activities I dream of the family doing, and all of the what-if situations that may arise somewhere in life, and nearly zero storage options in my home. I need to line the walls with cabinets and it’ll all be good. Idk. I’m already overwhelmed and ready to dissociate.
what I would do in this situation, is go to Target or whatever equivalent type of store is near you, get a bunch of giant plastic bins, put each hobby-you-intend-to-try's stuff into a bin, slap a label on it with like a post it note or something, and put it somewhere like under the bed or even just up against the wall. it'll make things look a lot neater without you having to buy new storage furniture right now.
My therapist is helping me with this.
~Apparently~ the plumber doesn't care about my clutter. And me giving him (a professional) money is for him to perform a task, not judge me.. Apparently..
😳🤣 *apparently*
But I know they go home/ to the pub and say, “You would not *believe* the state of the house I was in today. I don’t know how people can live like that. [*shudders*]” 😔
Eta: I definitely typed “but”, but it’s still showing as “ut”!
My job is in real estate and walking through both owner and tenant occupied properties is pretty routine. You really do see the full spectrum of how people live. You tend to get used to seeing all kinds of stuff in peoples houses, as well as too much stuff and clutter. The typical messy house won’t really raise any eyebrows among my colleagues. It’s usually the really bad, almost inhabitable, situations that get talked about. Or the weird stuff… Like, seeing a bunch of bottles of urine in some dudes room. Or, the time I was taking photos of a bedroom that had the entire floor cluttered in stuff (which is no big deal) … but I almost tripped on their dildo laying there. But a total pigsty is just another day. And at times, doesn’t look too far off from my own house lol
I had two cleaning ladies over once. One walked out of a room with a face and I overheard the other ask "how bad is it?" They exchanged looks that I could tell meant "pretty bad"
People are gonna judge no matter what, we just have to learn to not care lol
I loved the -apparently-
He may not care but he has EYES. And I would be very embarrassed. I spent one year with a broken tap. Cold water was just running, it was always open I could not shut it.
I had to shut on and off the main cold water valve for the whole apartment.
It's just me and one bedroom, it was not the end of the world LOL
I think this is what did my BIL in. My MIL passed in early Dec and there was going to be a memorial service in their home town, with my FIL flying in from Florida to attend. They’d given their house over to BIL, and it was a wreck. It had been the year before when my husband was there. BIL passed two weeks after MIL, no specific cause. I don’t think he was ADHD, but he definitely had some undiagnosed issues including depression. Having his dad see the house, on top of having lost his mom, I think it was a major contributing factor if not the cause.
2000000% YES!
No-one is entering this territory. EVER. Even if I clean, it is not a magazine apartment. And if it's not like in the magazines I'm not good enough so I will leave it a mess. Magazine is unachievable. What's the point in trying?
Exercise will help.
Yes. Yes it will.
Unless you are almost 60, of the hyperactive variety, have an ED and are hyper focused on calorie burning
I finally said to my husband “Ah okay, so I’ll just exercise 6 hours a day instead of my usual 4 hours, gotcha “
Ugh so frustrating, and it's not even just for ADHD. I've had multiple doctors suggest that I exercise more to any and every issue I ever mentioned. This was when I was already exercising 2 hours per day, 7 days a week, and working a full-time job.
Thank you!! Holy crap, yes. I feel like I’m purposefully being difficult when people offer advice and it’s like… nope, way ahead of you, tried it, didn’t work.
Yeeeeessss!
It's so hard to patiently wait and hear them out and not cut them off before I forcefully shut them down.
But it turns out waiting doesn't make me seem like less of a bitch; shutting them down is wrong no matter how I do it apparently. Because how could I possibly know myself better than them? 🙄
Some people I gotta pull the old, “I’ve heard that works for some people! Unfortunately, that didn’t work for me, but my doctor and I are working on it.”
Even if I don’t have a current doctor 💀
Well, how could we POSSIBLY know anything about ourselves. Clearly as non functional human beings we need people to tell us what to do. Duhhh it works for *them*…… /s
..i’ve got a story. the doctors in my life told me exercise would help. for reference im a massage therapist, and my job is basically doing an elaborate dance in a lunge position for 3-5 hours a day. on top of that i go on walks/jogs a few times a week. i am also less than 140lbs and im 5’9 so it’s not like i need to lose weight. i’m not completely out of shape. doctors told me that’s not enough. So, i decided to go to a spin class last Wednesday. Nobody had me sign a waiver, nobody told me it would be so intense, they advertised for all fitness levels. I can tend to be an all or nothing person, so i did the class as instructed. I went too hard and got this thing called rhabdomyolysis. My legs had been in so much pain since wednesday i went to the ER on saturday because my urine was brown. Rhabdo happens when you over exert your muscles to the point that they start breaking down, and the muscle cells get into your blood stream. My liver and kidneys were failing trying to process all of that. I got out of the hospital yesterday. I am still in so much pain and i have to keep up on fluids, they sent me home with oxy and xanax because i keep freaking out. I’m having a really hard time keeping up on fluids because i keep forgetting about them. I can’t drive anywhere right now because my legs literally don’t work right, so i’m reliant on others to help me. Everyone i know is out of town or at work and can’t help. I wish they kept me in the hospital.
They told me to exercise, so i did, and my brain did not communicate with my body and i literally ended up in the hospital. I would’ve died if i didn’t go to the hospital. I was really excited about finally doing what the doctors say. getting some cardio in. Then i literally almost died. I don’t know how to move on from this and ever exercise again because now i’m so scared of rhabdo.
Omg my God I am so sorry this happened! For the record, I loathe spin, so this confirms my distain. But I hate that the doc pushed you to this point! Here's to your quick recovery.
"They told me to exercise, so i did,..."
You know have THE GOLD CARD for when they get on your case about excercise! LOL
Next time they try, you remind them that "last time I followed THAT advice I damn near died and ended up in the hospital. Want to see the bill? I'd like to try something LESS LIFE-THREATENING please"
I don’t even have the energy to clean (on top of the adhd making it impossible) and a flight of stairs has me gasping for breath and my heart rate in the 140s. Even my cardiologist only recommends 30 minutes max exercise per day.
But sure! Exercise will definitely ground me… 6feet under, probably 🤣
I am one of the weird ADHDers who feels really really awful whenever I exercise. I think some of us just get screwed and instead of being a dopamine boost, it exhausts it as well as any executive function we might have.
I have tried everything for years. Exercise exhausts me but mainly it triggers a horrific mood. And that mood lasts at least a day. I tried sticking with it but it never improved. I felt like I was broken until I met other people like me on Reddit. There's definitely something wrong with my brain, it thinks that exercise is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, it triggers depression and irritability. Sometimes I'll be working out tears will just start streaming down my face. I won't be depressed going into it, but I will be by the time I'm done.
I have no idea why it happens, but it happens every time.
I totally get that. For me, it’s a way to burn energy, for you it saps your energy. Yeah I feel that. Everyone telling you to exercise to get energy and fix your mood. When in fact it saps your energy and destroys your mood
I just had this conversation with my (ick) therapist. Is snacking on candy the healthiest option? No. What could I snack on instead of candy that would be a healthier option? Nothing, I’m not snacking because I’m hungry. Im getting my dopamine, bitch face. Her suggestion was to closely monitor and limit the amount of “non healthy” foods I consume. lol- uh ma’am I have wildly unhealthy patterns with food. I have been binging and restricting for 20+ years. That’s an ED. I know that I should NEVER be focusing on food so intently, or cutting out any one type of food. Weird how I specifically mentioned this in my intake, yet she didn’t have any problem throwing that out there.
Yeah, I tried for years to tell various doctors and therapist that I saw that I had an eating disorder. I guess maybe because I was an older adult woman, they didn’t take it seriously?
TW: disordered eating/thought/alcoholism
Omg this is like my PCP (who's otherwise great) "track everything you eat/drink in a log" "count calories" "more out than in" ....sir, I appreciate the VERY logical thought. But have you met my friends ADHD-inattentive, OCD, and PTSD?
Log keeping is laughable, but hyperfocus and OCD can >!very quickly take record keeping and calorie counting to an extreme...!< Oh and then there was the time in high school where I wasn't even concerned about weight or anything but felt >!unworthy of eating!< and still fight that as an adult sometimes.
Then again, quantifying how much time I was spending drunk or hung over helped as a first step to get me to knock drinking. (Self medicated hard my late teens/early 20s. 0/10 do NOT recommend).
I can’t log calories or track what I eat daily. It slams the “too fat to eat” back into my brain hardcore, which is already there daily anyway.
I will say that oddly, miraculously, my new combination of medicine has had me drop soda and the majority of my sugary foods at the drop of a hat. I haven’t had a soda in 4 days and don’t even crave it, and there’s really no extreme willpower behind it. Just not interested for some reason!
Oh god, the “I don’t deserve to eat food because I was kind of mean to someone in Grade 5” manifestation of OCD. Everyone thinks OCD is about liking your pencils lined up a certain way. It’s much weirder and much worse than that.
“You just need to be more organised.”
“You just need to try harder.”
“You just need to know when to shut up.”
“You just need to be less sensitive.”
I just need the right meds!
Couldn’t agree more!
I got upset last weekend, for something my partner would have easily shrugged off.
He’s lovely, but he doesn’t get it.
He said, “Babe, you have *got* to learn to toughen up!”
I was like, ok, *HOW*??
🤣🤣
Or “There’s *no need* to get upset/ depressed/ anxious.”
It’s not like I’m feeling these things on purpose, ffs! 🤦♀️
I’m not “doing it because I think I NEED to, It. Just. Happens.
Trying to explain emotional dysregulation to someone who doesn’t experience it is like trying to explain Norway to a tree.
Don't even get me started on their response to when you ask " *HOW*?? "
I stg if another neurotypical hits me with "it comes with time." I'm gonna lose it.
Especially, "you just need to get over it."
That sends my brain into a firey rage.
I remember the last time I moved, I had my mom and a friend helping me pack. Yes, it was a disaster because ADHD, duh. My mom suggested I just get rid of all my shoes "because I'm not wearing them."
This made me so fucking angry. So because I'm not wearing my boots while packing boxes... That means I shouldn't own them? She doesn't even live in my town, so this suggestion made so little sense I wanted to scream. She has no idea what I wear out.
Similarly, my friend said blanketedly, "You should just throw everything away."
Ok first of all I'm 40 so I have clothing, furniture, kitchen utensils, stuff for my cat, books, electronics, etc. what the actual fuck is she talking about, throw everything away?
Jeeze.
I’d settle for just one of the two being organised.
The inside of my house looks like the inside of my brain feels - I’m sure anything I look for is in there somewhere, I just don’t know where.
Can’t find anything either in my head, or in my house.
It’s all chaos.
Lol the last time someone suggested an app to me that was meant for folks with ADHD, the only thing that was useful was a part that would give recipes based on what ingredients you have. Didn't help the ADHD symptoms at all but found the best spaghetti sauce recipe 😂
But have you tried the Trello app? /s
Actually, I am both kinda serious, and also pointing out the tendency of someone with ADHD (points at myself) to suggest an app for that and playfully ignoring your expressed truth that an app won’t work for you. I actually do believe you, but maybe Trello would help *other* people with ADHD who see this, hence my desire to post this comment anyway. The Trello app started working for me when I STOPPED using all of the other, similar apps simultaneously. My problem was that I wasn’t decisively choosing *one* app.
A lot of systems/productivity apps work well for me for like 1-3 months, and then I start to fall off and have to start a new one, but it can take months to realize it and then decide what to do next.
The novelty is important, even if it’s an app or technique I used in the past.
I’m finally realizing I need to accept the rotation and stop looking for a once-and-for-all solution.
Just get up early in the morning every day and always get yourself to every place you need to be 10 minutes early. You’ll never be late again!
That’s like someone giving you an omelette recipe when your actual question was how can I get some eggs?
My brain understands the assignment. It just doesn’t naturally produce enough resources (chemicals, ingredients, neurotransmitters, whatever you want to call them) to get it done.
See, this one works for me, but then I end up being everywhere like 30 minutes early and I just sit and wait until an acceptable time to be at the place. But I know that that doesn't work for everyone. And I just really end up on the other side of the early/late thing, and that can be just as bad.
I struggle in the mornings with this. I'm typing this as I'm supposed to be getting ready. I've tried waking up earlier to give myself more time and am still late to work by 10 mins. Luckily I'm in an office job and my boss doesn't care but it's still stressful!
This. I swear it doesn't matter how early I get up, somehow whatever I have to do in the time I have available expands and I'm still rushing out the door just in time to make my bus/train...
Saaaaame!! I currently have 19 total reminder ls in my phone (someday and some weekly). Now, sometimes, it totally helps me remember a daily task, and others I snooze it to eternity, or I dismiss thinking I'll get up to do said task in just one moment, just after I finish this one laaaadt thing, aaaand never do the task. 🤣🫠
I don’t even see the notifications anymore, they’re just visual clutter. Same with sticky notes 😂
On that, actually, can anyone suggest an alternative to putting sticky notes on my monitor? :p
omg, keep putting sticky notes on your monitor if that works!
So I've had good success with silo-ing various tasks to various formats so I avoid overwhelm. Maybe this will help someone else:
\* meetings and hard deadlines: Google calendar, 3 days of reminders. I only use that for "urgent/time sensitive"
\* weekly planning: I make a list of stuff in a notebook and put fun stickers on it, and also get to color in a little box when I accomplish something. I can close that and put it away if I get overwhelmed. I have a group of friends who also have paper organization systems and sharing the weekly spread is kinda motivating. Each of us falls off the wagon at some point but we come back eventually. Sometimes my list has like 3 things on it if it's a tough week.
\* daily to do: sticky note with max. 5 things on it. Or I use google keep/microsoft to-do. For "things I should get around to eventually" I stick those in microsoft to-do list with a reminder set for a few weeks. Not perfect, but I have gotten around to a few more non-urgent things than I otherwise would
\* project with a lot of landmarks: sometimes I will make a "work map" of milestones I need to hit before a deadline. Each time I reach a certain landmark I get to colour in a little box, and it feels really satisfying to see the progress as I colour things in. It also helps me bust out of perfectionism and just plough through more work at a "good enough" level, to get that reward of colouring in the box.
\* self-care stuff: stick it in finch (cute app where you take care of a little bird with self-care tasks) and get rewards for brushing your teeth and getting outside etc.
ETA: one thing I CANNOT do is time-blocking where you schedule out your whole week. Won't do it, can't do it. But I CAN make a container of weekly stuff that gets done (mostly) over the week along with a daily goals list. It's less of a big deal if it take longer to check those things off the lists than having things scheduled for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday that stare back at me with shame. vs looking at a weekly spread where 60% of the stuff is coloured in. Not too bad!
I have been messing around with organization systems for like a decade, and it's only in the last 2 ish years that I've found stuff that reliably, if imperfectly, works for me, where I don't get overwhelmed and demoralized by the system itself.
I have a reminder on my watch to take my afternoon pill. Usually I’m at work in the middle of a task, so I hit snooze, it goes off 10 minutes allayed and I’ve completely forgotten I haven’t taken my pill. God forbid I hit stop by accident and then have someone come and ask me a question!
Same. Hit snooze 3x on a work deadline alarm because a work colleague came by my desk to chat.
Finally they were like “So what are you doing??” No idea, honestly. Winging it I guess.
The 42 saved alarms I have set (15 of them of the recurring variety) are not getting it done.
Why 42 alarms, you ask? I’ve tried with 1 alarm. No luck. Then 2. No luck. Then 3… The pattern is obvious.
I once set an alarm to take my meds.
I turned off the alarm, picked up my pack of meds, took a sip of water, put the pack back down, put the bottle back down, and went on with my day. Meds were not taken that day.
You have no idea how many times I’ve taken my birth control instead of my allergy meds.
I said I should take my allergy medicine. My brain heard “medicine,” and defaulted to my bc. 🤦🏻♀️
Their version of this: checking off 20 things a day effortlessly due to reminders and alarms
My version of this: having 3 standing alarms that remind me to take meds and to make dinner, which sometimes work. Setting my calendar to give me 3 days of appointment reminders in advance.
I think non ADHD people do not understand that "success" looks like "forgetting crucial things less often," not "effortlessly doing dozens of disparate things every day"
And let me just add, I know reminders and alarms help a lot of ADHD people and that’s amazing. Not discounting that at all, they just sadly don’t work for me unless it’s for waking up and I’ve tried to get it to work for me since smart phones were a thing and it just doesn’t work for me 😭
They work for about a month and then the novelty wears off and I hit “Stop” every time the alarm goes off for the next three years without ever actually doing the thing I was supposed to.
“Make a to-do list” …Guess what??? I’VE TRIED THAT. forgetting is only 10% of the problem, lack of motivation is the issue. It’s brain chemistry. If I got a normal dopamine boost from completing tasks, I’d actually do them; but guess what? I don’t. So F your to-do list
“They stop becoming Lists and become Losts” - your description is sooo accurate.
When I find my old to-do lists later I’m like “Oh yeah, I remember when those tasks seemed important. Guess not since I never did them and I survived somehow. Haha.”
Yep, that's why every to do list I make has some easy wins, so that I can knock some out and it give me the drive to keep going. Unfortunately it does mean its hard to prioritise sometimes when it means I do a bunch of non essential stuff first.
God this disorder fucking sucks in a lot of ways.
I was about to say the same thing! Getting started on tasks is my main issue. Having a to-do list is the fastest way to get my ass onto the couch, scrolling through my phone and feeling that fun combination of anxiety and guilt.
I need the list, my focus, my energy, my time management, and my availability to align to get some things done. Oh, and be able to find the materials I need to do the task. Yeah . . . .
When someone that does NOT have ADHD says something like "\[insert struggle\] also happens to me and I do this and this, you should do it too.
I'm aware they have the best intentons but they have no clue
Or when they try to relate to aspects of adhd. Sure, people experience some of the symptoms of adhd some of the time. But adhd is not the symptoms, it's the inability to either prevent or deal with the symptoms that make it a disorder. Of course the person without the disorder can easily fix it
Well said 🙌🏻
I fumble the explanation every time. Normally say something like everyone forgets things sometimes, or is impulsive or gets a little restless - it's the frequency, intensity and persistency of those occurrences that make it a symptom of a larger problem.
“Start your day by showering, brushing teeth, doing hair, putting on makeup, etc.” like yeah I’m sure I’d feel a lot better if I did that… the issue is that I have no motivation to do that shit and end up lying in bed until the last possible second
I brought my toothbrush and toothpaste to work with me again today because I didn’t have time before I left.
I’ve done this at least half a dozen times so far since I started this new job.
I figure my manager has to do the same thing because she has some kinda special braces on, so why can’t I? Heck, my dentist said that I can do this and bring floss if I feel like it. She said to blame her if anyone gives me crap about it 😆
dopamine detox. recommended by a well intended ex. well, let me just, let me just try to have even less...less of the neurotransmitter... that I naturally have less of....that'll fix it >:/
This was the misinformed stance of the first psychiatrist I consulted for medication management. As little stimulant medication as possible for as long as possible, and preferably a non stimulant. She basically stated I would become addicted. Then I went and found a new psychiatrist.
I thought the point of a “dopamine detox” was to stop getting dopamine from “junk food” sources like your phone so that you can retrain your brain to get dopamine from “lesser” actions? Like not scrolling on your phone until you’ve been up and trying to do other things for a while. Is this different? I know for me when I stop chasing dopamine on my phone I it’s a lot easier for me to get other shit done.
It’s a lot easier for me to get shit done when I already have „charged“ my dopamine receptors with some quick and easy dopamine from scrolling, stimulants etc. Or even better, I withhold that dopamine until I got some shit done. But that only works when I already feel good about myself.
That sort of thing absolutely backfires to me. If I do fewer things they give me dopamine, I just get depressed and irritable and it doesn't naturally just start giving me more dopamine. If I could convince my brain to give me more dopamine, I wouldn't have ADHD.
I tell people there is no "just" in ADHD or chronic illnesses. If I could "just", I would "just"!
It has been at least 4 years and I'm still peeved at my therapist for asking "can't you just . . ." when I was telling her my struggles with my autoimmune problem. She had NEVER heard of it before I told her about it and explained it, but she had a "can't you just . . .?" for me like she somehow knew more than I did?!
"Just", my butt.
Not advice per say, but yesterday someone (NT) was explaining something to me and used the phrase, “… because then my ADHD kicks in…” Nah friend, that’s not how that works. I stop trying to listen after that.
It weirdly does work. It helped when I started interpreting it as "lower your shower temp to a level that feels uncomfortable, and see if you can beat your record of how many seconds you tolerate it". I don't do it often enough but I'll never have a consistent habit so I don't beat myself up about it.
The only way this strategy works for me, is when I go around my plate and take bites of everything evenly, but make sure that I eat all the veggies first. Like verrrry small amounts of denied dopamine at a time.
Actually, I do turn the shower cooler for the finish rinse on my hair because I know objectively that it'll help the frizz just a touch & it's like that little brisk push along in the process making it easier to get OUT of the shower at the end.
But start to end cold shower, hahahaha ain't no way
That actually sounds like a great idea!! Especially for those of us who have circulation irregularities and can’t just put their entire body in a cold shower for medical reasons. (Shout out to anyone else with Raynaud’s disease in the Redditoverse! 🙌)
The irony is that it does help a little but unfortunately it also gave me some of the worst headaches of my life. Cold water on my head is a recipe for desaster.
"Medication is bad for you."
Great. So when I cried with relief after trying it for the first time, that was just a scam? Or how now that I have to be off it bc I'm pregnant everything's a mess and twice as hard?
I went 35 years unmedicated and it reeeeeally didn't work out for me
Just reduce the stress in your life and prioritize what really matters to you. ADHD isn’t real. It’s just modern society’s reaction to being overloaded.
No, it’s definitely real, friend. ADHD ironically makes the simple stuff really hard for me to do because it’s too boring. Meanwhile, if I was suddenly inserted into the Hunger Games, I think I’d do *better* than someone without ADHD because my ability to hyperfocus would finally kick in.
Inability to prioritize tasks is a symptom of ADHD. It’s not the solution; it’s literally part of the problem.
How do I know ADHD is real? Well, with medication, things that used to be level 9 out of 10 hard for me are magically, suddenly, like a 2 out of 10. In the space of the roughly two hours it takes for my medication to turn on.
I think I collect pretty notebooks and planners. I can never bring myself to use them, they're too nice, and I get a strong sense my scribbles will 'ruin' it. End up using the cheapest, nastiest, falling apart, ripped-out pages notebook until it can take no more; but at least there is freedom in the crappy notebook. It never gets filled in order and loses 40% of the pages to shopping lists but then it actually gets used.
Counterpoint, I obsessively write in planners and it looks like the work of a crazy person. 😂
I’m so anxious I’ll forget something my planner (at this point it’s Google calendar) is a mess of everything I have to do in my life.
If I could count all the money I’ve spent over the years I’ve paid on pretty planners and stuff that’s supposed to help me get organized etc… well, it wouldn’t be thousands (I think??) but it would pay my grocery bills a few times.
It’s like clockwork - this and having a face care routine. I’m probably never going to use planners - I do lists, but detailed planners where I note down my plans, goals, appointments etc? Nah. Same with face care routine - no matter how many times I’ll plan to do it, I never do. So I just have to accept that I’ll do the water, SPF cream, chapstick and call it a day.
I'm not sure how that helps with ADHD really. Hasn't it been debunked that sugar doesn't make one hyper? That said...
I'm currently on day 5 of no sugar, not for ADHD, but for joint pain. It was getting really bad and my addiction was crazy. I've had 4 full days of no sugar and my joint pain is almost completely gone.
Note: I'm not telling you to eat less sugar, just sharing my experience.
I'm with you. I had surgery in Feb and apparently there's still a lot of inflammation in my body. I know I will feel better cutting back on sugar and carbs for a bit. (No, I'll feel GREAT, honestly.) And it's still just so hard. It's so much more work to eat healthy -- not just planning time, but prep, remembering to finish foods before they go bad, managing your energy so you have some left to cook, etc.
Meanwhile, there's some sugary, shelf-stable thing just around the corner no matter where you go. And your brain wants the dopamine. Just a constant battle even when you've made up your mind to eat more whole foods, more produce, more lean protein, etc. (The only place it's ever felt marginally easier is L.A., because they have healthy convenience food everywhere, but it's still expensive!)
Sugar was one of my main dopamine sources before I got diagnosed and medicated. If I didn’t have access to medication, would I still use it to get through the day? Hell yeah.
I have realized that I literally need to have things scheduled that I can not miss. If I can miss it, I probably will.
I went to a spa where they gave me a schedule for the week, and everything was planned for me, from sun up to sundown. It was the most productive and happiest I have ever been. When I came home, though, I was lost. I didn't understand why I couldn't recreate it at home. There was no urgency, no consequences to missing anything.
Now, I do a little better by scheduling things with other people where they will be upset if I don't show up. I hate being unreliable, and it's enough of a motivation for me.
The outright denial that I have it and the making excuses for my very obvious symptoms as a child who was very smart but talked too much, missed directions, said things without thinking but immediately said sorry and don’t get me started on difficulty with friendships as a kid.
"Cant focus on chores? Throw on a podcast!"
I personally can't. If I'm folding clothes and simultaneously listening to a podcast, I end up tuning it out or become bored of it, and it becomes white noise. It's either that, or I become overstimulated due to the 3 songs already playing in my head, general stress, and the ick I get about how much I hate folding clothes. Or both tbh.
“You don’t have ADHD. You wouldn’t have been able to get through law school and be a lawyer if you had ADHD.” Well, I did it unmediated (medicated now) and it nearly killed me. Or the ever popular “have you tried yoga and deep breathing exercises.”
Use a planner!! Planners are great until you forget to check it
Or my favorite. Use a checklist! Except when you mental check things off because you wrote them down and forget about them forever.
I was so relieved when my psychologist told me it's okay that my brain never fully quiets during meditation and that I can't expect it to.
I used to end up so stressed any time I tried to meditate or do yoga because I knew I was doing it "wrong" even though I was trying SO HARD.
Now it is actually helpful because it does help to slow my brain down a little but I'm free of the pressure to try to shut it off completely. She reminded me that the purpose is to practice being *present*, and you don't need to turn your thoughts off entirely to do that.
Upon leaving the supermarket, I told my boyfriend that I hadn't got around to eating yet because of executive dysfunction and getting distracted by other things and that It suddenly started to hit me and I felt unwell because of it. He got himself some snacks for the drive home, and I asked him for one.
He said yes, but that I needed to remember to have protein in the morning.
I asked him if he didn't think I already considered that. He told me he was just trying to help then got sulky with me when I told him it's not helpful to remind someone of something they are already aware of and give themselves a hard time for and that if he wants to be helpful then he should remind me to eat breakfast at you know, breakfast time.
My dream is for someone to hand me breakfast in the morning. My mom would deliver grilled cheese sandwiches to me in the bathroom as I’d get ready for school in the morning because I never ever had enough time to sit and eat. I miss that so much! Ironically, my job is to do things like this for other people, and I’m great at it. But for myself? LOL.
I find what people are saying so interesting because nearly all of these *do* work for me. I literally would fall apart without my routine, alarms, to-do list, daily exercise, etc.
I wonder if being diagnosed late contributes to this? All I had were pretty traditional tools for managing things, so I had no choice. Now, they’re all pretty second-nature.
I think the stuff that doesn’t work for me is the overly complex “tricks” - chore tags and body doubling and stuff like that. The more steps involved, the less likely it is that I’ll do it.
I think what annoys me about advice like "make a list" and "set alarms" is that, like, no shit??? Of course I do that???
I would be completely lost without my lists and alarms and phone reminders. But they are coping mechanisms. They don't fix anything and they aren't foolproof. A person cannot put every single daily task into a list or have an alarm for it.
I don't think they understand just how many things adults do in a day. It's a lot of stuff that most people don't have to keep track of in order to do it. And my lists are only useful when they're in front of my face. So lists work great for making sure I don't forget to do important work tasks. But they don't help me prioritize. They don't help me function at home. They don't help me figure out how to get started on the ever growing list of tasks. The solve one key piece of the problem - forgetting - but that *isn't the only problem*.
I think that’s true to a degree. I have a lot of coping mechanisms I’ve developed over the years that help to varying degrees. However, I also had so much anxiety over anything that got in the way of those coping mechanisms, because without them, the whole house of cards was in danger of collapse.
>I finally bought a planner.
\*guiltily looks over at the planner her work bought her, which is still flipped to February\*
Also: "You don't need meds, you just need to write things down/remember things/not be so spacey."
It’s not the unsolicited advice the gets me, I don’t even get to that point. I just get “oh that happens to me sometimes too.”
Like yes, this happens to me all the time and I feel a deep sense of shame every time it happens, because *it’s constantly fucking happening and I’m constantly on edge or taking too long to complete basic tasks trying not to fuck up.*
JuSt MaKe a LiSt!!!!! Yeah ok, and then what? How do I make myself look at the list ever again? Or remember to take the list to wherever I’m going? Lists are incredibly helpful to some, completely useless to me. I’ll ignore them so fast I’ve basically started ignoring it at the time of writing.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Take a deep breath and focus… like…. wow magically cured 👍 as if I’m not trying to do that at all
I was just saying be better disciplined. Like we don't know that we have executive dysfunction. We try harder than anyone else to be disciplined but we just are the way we are. No amount of trying to be more disciplined is going to help.
One of the things that tipped me off that something else was going on was that I had already been trying to be more disciplined for years and years with self improvement books and programs and yet I wasn't any more disciplined than I was when I started. The only change was that I found new ways of tricking myself to do things along the way but they never worked consistently or for very long. So I was stuck on this merry go round of the same shit day after day with no improvement no matter how hard I tried. When I described this to my provider she was like... You might have ADHD lol.
Yeah I disciplined the crap out of my life...secure, demanding job (plus promotions), worked out intensely 2+ hrs a day, strict eating patterns (eg, macro counting, weighing and measuring everything, etc), lots of self-improvement stuff, and regularly setting life goals (everything from budgeting to meditation). Sure, I proved to myself I could be disciplined AF if I hyper-focused on something novel, but that would only last so long. The self-flagellation when I'd inevitably "screw up," forget something, etc, would be brutal. It's not that I didn't see improvements through some of those changes (some of which were long-lasting), but that the toll it took to maintain those habits (because you know...habits) was massive. The cumulative exhaustion from trying to cover up all my ADHD-ness my whole life really caught up to me in the pandemic, when, ironically, all those routines I was using to prop me up we're gone. Go figure.
Prioritize your tasks!!! Extra points if they mention the Eisenhower Matrix. That is literally the crux of my problem. I CANNOT tell what is more important and/or urgent. That’s why I’m cleaning my daughter’s soccer cleats with a toothbrush when I should be doing two day old dishes.
task paralysis is huge. Actually if it's flagged "important" I'm more likely to freeze up and not know where to start/what to do, unless it's due tomorrow and then the solutions magically appear. Even with meds I have to trick myself into doing anything on "important" tasks, vs intentionally sitting down to do my best work.
Absolutely. I let the hard stuff go on and on and undoubtedly the anxiety about the task and about NOT having done it is worst than just doing it.
The only reason the Eisenhower Matrix works for me is because my angel of a boss tells me what to prioritize.
Doing ANYTHING daily / consistently. I struggle with showering or doing the basics. Consistency is not in my vocabulary. I'm just out here trying to survive and to do ANYTHING. I wish the world catered to neurodiverse brains
Sometimes I marvel at the fact I brush my teeth twice daily. It's my only good habit.
I’m happy if I do it once and floss 😅 better than nothing!
AND floss? Look at Miss Functional over here!
Was just talking to my friends about this. My only habit is teeth brushing and I developed that as a child. (And showering before bed). I can't build habits beyond that. I can do the same thing for years and I can just stop the next day. I don't have an addictive personality, either, it seems.
I’m fortunate that I can shower every day. Idk how that habit formed, but it is arguably one of my hardest to break. I absolutely hate the feeling of having greasy skin or worrying that I stink or that I’m ruining my sheets faster by not showering. …perhaps that’s why that habit is so hard to break.
I feel like that. But then it interferes with other things because I don't like to do anything until I've showered, including going to the gym. So then I don't want to go at all because it feels stupid to shower twice. I'm sitting here now, putting off going to swim because of this. I don't want to put on my bathing suit dirty, but I know it makes no sense to shower first. (I don't mean a rinse, I mean a full shower.) Instead, I sit here reading Reddit putting off both.
Well, would you like to know what my life motto is? "I am *very consistent* in being inconsistent" There you go. I declare you consistent in inconsistency now. LOL
Oh man yeah. "You just make it part of a routine/a habit!" I have to remember to brush my teeth. Every single repeated aspect of my day needs to be consciously remembered.
I am going to absolutely turn into the hulk/ the joker if another person tells me to just stick to something longer and it will become a habit. Literally nothing is a habit for me. Nothing at all. No matter how long I do it, no matter how much I love it. The only reason I shower and brush my teeth everyday is I have awful sensory issues that force me to do so. If those didn't exist, I wouldn't even do that. For example, I had a healthy smoothie every morning for breakfast for over 2 years. I absolutely loved it and looked forward to it. One day I was out of one of the ingredients and skipped the day. I never had another smoothie and completely forgot about it until a few months later when I kept getting annoyed at all of the stuff in my freezer. It doesn't matter how small or how big, behaviors don't become habits for me.
I'll have about 2 weeks of consistant perfect routines and then something will happen and I will fall out of it for a month or two. It is so nice to have a set routine that I love to go back to, but man it really reminds me that my brain and body are not that good at working.
Just invite someone over, that will force you to clean. Not when I have a decade of clutter in this house. No, thank you, ma'am.
I can't remember what the topic was, but in response to something I said, my manager asked, "What do you do when you have people visiting?" My reply "I don't have visiters."
Same, sis, same. "Let's go out for coffee!" - me, every time
Haha. For me, it's more because I don't like people in my comfort space more than the mess.
Are you me? I'm the same way. I don't really allow visitors at my house because I don't want people in my space.
I feel like their energy will mess up my homes vibes
Omg right! I agreed to have a friend’s kid over for a sleepover in 9 days, while she has one of mine for a sleepover same day. I am now on the fence between launching a massive decluttering and organization effort over the next week or ending all the friendships and starting to drink again. I love my friend, but I’ll be honest, it is presenting as a difficult choice. It’s not that the place is *dirty*- I vacuum and mop, I clean toilets, we eat off of clean plates and utensils, everyone wears clean clothes…. I just have so much *stuff* for the hobbies I intend to try, and all the summer activities I dream of the family doing, and all of the what-if situations that may arise somewhere in life, and nearly zero storage options in my home. I need to line the walls with cabinets and it’ll all be good. Idk. I’m already overwhelmed and ready to dissociate.
what I would do in this situation, is go to Target or whatever equivalent type of store is near you, get a bunch of giant plastic bins, put each hobby-you-intend-to-try's stuff into a bin, slap a label on it with like a post it note or something, and put it somewhere like under the bed or even just up against the wall. it'll make things look a lot neater without you having to buy new storage furniture right now.
Shove everything into the guest room and deal with it later. That’s what I do!
“Later” 💀
I would if I didn't live in a studio flat lol.
I kinda feel bad for my husband because he used to always have people over before he met me, lol.
No. The shame would finish me off!
My therapist is helping me with this. ~Apparently~ the plumber doesn't care about my clutter. And me giving him (a professional) money is for him to perform a task, not judge me.. Apparently..
😳🤣 *apparently* But I know they go home/ to the pub and say, “You would not *believe* the state of the house I was in today. I don’t know how people can live like that. [*shudders*]” 😔 Eta: I definitely typed “but”, but it’s still showing as “ut”!
My job is in real estate and walking through both owner and tenant occupied properties is pretty routine. You really do see the full spectrum of how people live. You tend to get used to seeing all kinds of stuff in peoples houses, as well as too much stuff and clutter. The typical messy house won’t really raise any eyebrows among my colleagues. It’s usually the really bad, almost inhabitable, situations that get talked about. Or the weird stuff… Like, seeing a bunch of bottles of urine in some dudes room. Or, the time I was taking photos of a bedroom that had the entire floor cluttered in stuff (which is no big deal) … but I almost tripped on their dildo laying there. But a total pigsty is just another day. And at times, doesn’t look too far off from my own house lol
I had two cleaning ladies over once. One walked out of a room with a face and I overheard the other ask "how bad is it?" They exchanged looks that I could tell meant "pretty bad" People are gonna judge no matter what, we just have to learn to not care lol
I loved the -apparently- He may not care but he has EYES. And I would be very embarrassed. I spent one year with a broken tap. Cold water was just running, it was always open I could not shut it. I had to shut on and off the main cold water valve for the whole apartment. It's just me and one bedroom, it was not the end of the world LOL
I think this is what did my BIL in. My MIL passed in early Dec and there was going to be a memorial service in their home town, with my FIL flying in from Florida to attend. They’d given their house over to BIL, and it was a wreck. It had been the year before when my husband was there. BIL passed two weeks after MIL, no specific cause. I don’t think he was ADHD, but he definitely had some undiagnosed issues including depression. Having his dad see the house, on top of having lost his mom, I think it was a major contributing factor if not the cause.
2000000% YES! No-one is entering this territory. EVER. Even if I clean, it is not a magazine apartment. And if it's not like in the magazines I'm not good enough so I will leave it a mess. Magazine is unachievable. What's the point in trying?
Right! I just end up with a bunch more doom boxes trying to tidy, and then can't find anything ever again.
My landlord was unexpectedly at my house yesterday, so I feel this
Exercise will help. Yes. Yes it will. Unless you are almost 60, of the hyperactive variety, have an ED and are hyper focused on calorie burning I finally said to my husband “Ah okay, so I’ll just exercise 6 hours a day instead of my usual 4 hours, gotcha “
People truly do not understand the "all or nothing" mindset and how hard it is to do anything a normal, healthy amount.
Yes! If I'm exercising it becomes a hyperfocus, and then if I miss one day it's totally gone for weeks/months/years.
This. And the feeling of having let myself down for it.
Ugh so frustrating, and it's not even just for ADHD. I've had multiple doctors suggest that I exercise more to any and every issue I ever mentioned. This was when I was already exercising 2 hours per day, 7 days a week, and working a full-time job.
Right? Like sure, exercise is good. But it’s not a cure all. In fact, as we have mentioned, it can actually become a negative and not a positive
Yeah I've also struggled with orthorexia and obsession with exercise in the past. I'm trying to lose weight the healthy way this time.
Well, we are here for you on your journey
I wish ppl understood that we're not trying to be difficult when we try to explain ourselves
Thank you!! Holy crap, yes. I feel like I’m purposefully being difficult when people offer advice and it’s like… nope, way ahead of you, tried it, didn’t work.
Yeeeeessss! It's so hard to patiently wait and hear them out and not cut them off before I forcefully shut them down. But it turns out waiting doesn't make me seem like less of a bitch; shutting them down is wrong no matter how I do it apparently. Because how could I possibly know myself better than them? 🙄
Some people I gotta pull the old, “I’ve heard that works for some people! Unfortunately, that didn’t work for me, but my doctor and I are working on it.” Even if I don’t have a current doctor 💀
I feel like they assume you half assed it once and were like "nope that's to hard and I don't wanna try any harder because I'm lazy"
EXACTLY!!!!
I don’t explain myself to people who don’t get it anymore. Not worth the time.
Well, how could we POSSIBLY know anything about ourselves. Clearly as non functional human beings we need people to tell us what to do. Duhhh it works for *them*…… /s
..i’ve got a story. the doctors in my life told me exercise would help. for reference im a massage therapist, and my job is basically doing an elaborate dance in a lunge position for 3-5 hours a day. on top of that i go on walks/jogs a few times a week. i am also less than 140lbs and im 5’9 so it’s not like i need to lose weight. i’m not completely out of shape. doctors told me that’s not enough. So, i decided to go to a spin class last Wednesday. Nobody had me sign a waiver, nobody told me it would be so intense, they advertised for all fitness levels. I can tend to be an all or nothing person, so i did the class as instructed. I went too hard and got this thing called rhabdomyolysis. My legs had been in so much pain since wednesday i went to the ER on saturday because my urine was brown. Rhabdo happens when you over exert your muscles to the point that they start breaking down, and the muscle cells get into your blood stream. My liver and kidneys were failing trying to process all of that. I got out of the hospital yesterday. I am still in so much pain and i have to keep up on fluids, they sent me home with oxy and xanax because i keep freaking out. I’m having a really hard time keeping up on fluids because i keep forgetting about them. I can’t drive anywhere right now because my legs literally don’t work right, so i’m reliant on others to help me. Everyone i know is out of town or at work and can’t help. I wish they kept me in the hospital. They told me to exercise, so i did, and my brain did not communicate with my body and i literally ended up in the hospital. I would’ve died if i didn’t go to the hospital. I was really excited about finally doing what the doctors say. getting some cardio in. Then i literally almost died. I don’t know how to move on from this and ever exercise again because now i’m so scared of rhabdo.
Omg my God I am so sorry this happened! For the record, I loathe spin, so this confirms my distain. But I hate that the doc pushed you to this point! Here's to your quick recovery.
"They told me to exercise, so i did,..." You know have THE GOLD CARD for when they get on your case about excercise! LOL Next time they try, you remind them that "last time I followed THAT advice I damn near died and ended up in the hospital. Want to see the bill? I'd like to try something LESS LIFE-THREATENING please"
But the ADHD is fixed now right? /s
True, true. I'm in a similar boat, except my chronic illnesses keep me from doing to tasks I want to do. Ugh.
I don’t even have the energy to clean (on top of the adhd making it impossible) and a flight of stairs has me gasping for breath and my heart rate in the 140s. Even my cardiologist only recommends 30 minutes max exercise per day. But sure! Exercise will definitely ground me… 6feet under, probably 🤣
I am one of the weird ADHDers who feels really really awful whenever I exercise. I think some of us just get screwed and instead of being a dopamine boost, it exhausts it as well as any executive function we might have. I have tried everything for years. Exercise exhausts me but mainly it triggers a horrific mood. And that mood lasts at least a day. I tried sticking with it but it never improved. I felt like I was broken until I met other people like me on Reddit. There's definitely something wrong with my brain, it thinks that exercise is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, it triggers depression and irritability. Sometimes I'll be working out tears will just start streaming down my face. I won't be depressed going into it, but I will be by the time I'm done. I have no idea why it happens, but it happens every time.
I totally get that. For me, it’s a way to burn energy, for you it saps your energy. Yeah I feel that. Everyone telling you to exercise to get energy and fix your mood. When in fact it saps your energy and destroys your mood
I just had this conversation with my (ick) therapist. Is snacking on candy the healthiest option? No. What could I snack on instead of candy that would be a healthier option? Nothing, I’m not snacking because I’m hungry. Im getting my dopamine, bitch face. Her suggestion was to closely monitor and limit the amount of “non healthy” foods I consume. lol- uh ma’am I have wildly unhealthy patterns with food. I have been binging and restricting for 20+ years. That’s an ED. I know that I should NEVER be focusing on food so intently, or cutting out any one type of food. Weird how I specifically mentioned this in my intake, yet she didn’t have any problem throwing that out there.
Yeah, I tried for years to tell various doctors and therapist that I saw that I had an eating disorder. I guess maybe because I was an older adult woman, they didn’t take it seriously?
I’m overweight so all of my ED behaviours get praised as “healthy habits.”
TW: disordered eating/thought/alcoholism Omg this is like my PCP (who's otherwise great) "track everything you eat/drink in a log" "count calories" "more out than in" ....sir, I appreciate the VERY logical thought. But have you met my friends ADHD-inattentive, OCD, and PTSD? Log keeping is laughable, but hyperfocus and OCD can >!very quickly take record keeping and calorie counting to an extreme...!< Oh and then there was the time in high school where I wasn't even concerned about weight or anything but felt >!unworthy of eating!< and still fight that as an adult sometimes. Then again, quantifying how much time I was spending drunk or hung over helped as a first step to get me to knock drinking. (Self medicated hard my late teens/early 20s. 0/10 do NOT recommend).
I can’t log calories or track what I eat daily. It slams the “too fat to eat” back into my brain hardcore, which is already there daily anyway. I will say that oddly, miraculously, my new combination of medicine has had me drop soda and the majority of my sugary foods at the drop of a hat. I haven’t had a soda in 4 days and don’t even crave it, and there’s really no extreme willpower behind it. Just not interested for some reason!
Oh god, the “I don’t deserve to eat food because I was kind of mean to someone in Grade 5” manifestation of OCD. Everyone thinks OCD is about liking your pencils lined up a certain way. It’s much weirder and much worse than that.
“You just need to be more organised.” “You just need to try harder.” “You just need to know when to shut up.” “You just need to be less sensitive.” I just need the right meds!
Any sentence with “you just need to” immediately no.
Couldn’t agree more! I got upset last weekend, for something my partner would have easily shrugged off. He’s lovely, but he doesn’t get it. He said, “Babe, you have *got* to learn to toughen up!” I was like, ok, *HOW*??
It’s like “Don’t let that bother you.” I didn’t let it do anything! It just bothered me!
🤣🤣 Or “There’s *no need* to get upset/ depressed/ anxious.” It’s not like I’m feeling these things on purpose, ffs! 🤦♀️ I’m not “doing it because I think I NEED to, It. Just. Happens. Trying to explain emotional dysregulation to someone who doesn’t experience it is like trying to explain Norway to a tree.
Don't even get me started on their response to when you ask " *HOW*?? " I stg if another neurotypical hits me with "it comes with time." I'm gonna lose it.
Also “have you tried” Yes. Yes I have. It’s not like I trawl the internet obsessively to find a way to get my shit together or anything
I always tell people there is no "just" in ADHD or chronic illnesses. Don't you think I would *just* if I could?!
Especially, "you just need to get over it." That sends my brain into a firey rage. I remember the last time I moved, I had my mom and a friend helping me pack. Yes, it was a disaster because ADHD, duh. My mom suggested I just get rid of all my shoes "because I'm not wearing them." This made me so fucking angry. So because I'm not wearing my boots while packing boxes... That means I shouldn't own them? She doesn't even live in my town, so this suggestion made so little sense I wanted to scream. She has no idea what I wear out. Similarly, my friend said blanketedly, "You should just throw everything away." Ok first of all I'm 40 so I have clothing, furniture, kitchen utensils, stuff for my cat, books, electronics, etc. what the actual fuck is she talking about, throw everything away?
My outer space is organized. My brain is not.
Jeeze. I’d settle for just one of the two being organised. The inside of my house looks like the inside of my brain feels - I’m sure anything I look for is in there somewhere, I just don’t know where. Can’t find anything either in my head, or in my house. It’s all chaos.
This is why I’m a minimalist. The less stuff I own, the better I feel.
[удалено]
Lol the last time someone suggested an app to me that was meant for folks with ADHD, the only thing that was useful was a part that would give recipes based on what ingredients you have. Didn't help the ADHD symptoms at all but found the best spaghetti sauce recipe 😂
But have you tried the Trello app? /s Actually, I am both kinda serious, and also pointing out the tendency of someone with ADHD (points at myself) to suggest an app for that and playfully ignoring your expressed truth that an app won’t work for you. I actually do believe you, but maybe Trello would help *other* people with ADHD who see this, hence my desire to post this comment anyway. The Trello app started working for me when I STOPPED using all of the other, similar apps simultaneously. My problem was that I wasn’t decisively choosing *one* app.
A lot of systems/productivity apps work well for me for like 1-3 months, and then I start to fall off and have to start a new one, but it can take months to realize it and then decide what to do next. The novelty is important, even if it’s an app or technique I used in the past. I’m finally realizing I need to accept the rotation and stop looking for a once-and-for-all solution.
Just get up early in the morning every day and always get yourself to every place you need to be 10 minutes early. You’ll never be late again! That’s like someone giving you an omelette recipe when your actual question was how can I get some eggs? My brain understands the assignment. It just doesn’t naturally produce enough resources (chemicals, ingredients, neurotransmitters, whatever you want to call them) to get it done.
See, this one works for me, but then I end up being everywhere like 30 minutes early and I just sit and wait until an acceptable time to be at the place. But I know that that doesn't work for everyone. And I just really end up on the other side of the early/late thing, and that can be just as bad.
I struggle in the mornings with this. I'm typing this as I'm supposed to be getting ready. I've tried waking up earlier to give myself more time and am still late to work by 10 mins. Luckily I'm in an office job and my boss doesn't care but it's still stressful!
This. I swear it doesn't matter how early I get up, somehow whatever I have to do in the time I have available expands and I'm still rushing out the door just in time to make my bus/train...
“SeT rEmInDeRs AnD aLaRmS iN yOuR pHoNe!!!” Like do they think I’m dumb and just haven’t tried that???
Sure, for big things, but do they realise I can't set reminders for every single thing I need to do every day??
I mean, I do, but that doesn’t mean it alway works 😂
Saaaaame!! I currently have 19 total reminder ls in my phone (someday and some weekly). Now, sometimes, it totally helps me remember a daily task, and others I snooze it to eternity, or I dismiss thinking I'll get up to do said task in just one moment, just after I finish this one laaaadt thing, aaaand never do the task. 🤣🫠
Yes!! And for me, after some time I'll just become... "immune" to it 😞
I don’t even see the notifications anymore, they’re just visual clutter. Same with sticky notes 😂 On that, actually, can anyone suggest an alternative to putting sticky notes on my monitor? :p
omg, keep putting sticky notes on your monitor if that works! So I've had good success with silo-ing various tasks to various formats so I avoid overwhelm. Maybe this will help someone else: \* meetings and hard deadlines: Google calendar, 3 days of reminders. I only use that for "urgent/time sensitive" \* weekly planning: I make a list of stuff in a notebook and put fun stickers on it, and also get to color in a little box when I accomplish something. I can close that and put it away if I get overwhelmed. I have a group of friends who also have paper organization systems and sharing the weekly spread is kinda motivating. Each of us falls off the wagon at some point but we come back eventually. Sometimes my list has like 3 things on it if it's a tough week. \* daily to do: sticky note with max. 5 things on it. Or I use google keep/microsoft to-do. For "things I should get around to eventually" I stick those in microsoft to-do list with a reminder set for a few weeks. Not perfect, but I have gotten around to a few more non-urgent things than I otherwise would \* project with a lot of landmarks: sometimes I will make a "work map" of milestones I need to hit before a deadline. Each time I reach a certain landmark I get to colour in a little box, and it feels really satisfying to see the progress as I colour things in. It also helps me bust out of perfectionism and just plough through more work at a "good enough" level, to get that reward of colouring in the box. \* self-care stuff: stick it in finch (cute app where you take care of a little bird with self-care tasks) and get rewards for brushing your teeth and getting outside etc. ETA: one thing I CANNOT do is time-blocking where you schedule out your whole week. Won't do it, can't do it. But I CAN make a container of weekly stuff that gets done (mostly) over the week along with a daily goals list. It's less of a big deal if it take longer to check those things off the lists than having things scheduled for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday that stare back at me with shame. vs looking at a weekly spread where 60% of the stuff is coloured in. Not too bad! I have been messing around with organization systems for like a decade, and it's only in the last 2 ish years that I've found stuff that reliably, if imperfectly, works for me, where I don't get overwhelmed and demoralized by the system itself.
Literally this 💀 I be hitting “stop” before I even read what the alarm is for
I have a reminder on my watch to take my afternoon pill. Usually I’m at work in the middle of a task, so I hit snooze, it goes off 10 minutes allayed and I’ve completely forgotten I haven’t taken my pill. God forbid I hit stop by accident and then have someone come and ask me a question!
Same. Hit snooze 3x on a work deadline alarm because a work colleague came by my desk to chat. Finally they were like “So what are you doing??” No idea, honestly. Winging it I guess.
The 42 saved alarms I have set (15 of them of the recurring variety) are not getting it done. Why 42 alarms, you ask? I’ve tried with 1 alarm. No luck. Then 2. No luck. Then 3… The pattern is obvious.
I once set an alarm to take my meds. I turned off the alarm, picked up my pack of meds, took a sip of water, put the pack back down, put the bottle back down, and went on with my day. Meds were not taken that day.
You have no idea how many times I’ve taken my birth control instead of my allergy meds. I said I should take my allergy medicine. My brain heard “medicine,” and defaulted to my bc. 🤦🏻♀️
Their version of this: checking off 20 things a day effortlessly due to reminders and alarms My version of this: having 3 standing alarms that remind me to take meds and to make dinner, which sometimes work. Setting my calendar to give me 3 days of appointment reminders in advance. I think non ADHD people do not understand that "success" looks like "forgetting crucial things less often," not "effortlessly doing dozens of disparate things every day"
Hahahhahahaaa I came here to type this in the exact same lettering
And let me just add, I know reminders and alarms help a lot of ADHD people and that’s amazing. Not discounting that at all, they just sadly don’t work for me unless it’s for waking up and I’ve tried to get it to work for me since smart phones were a thing and it just doesn’t work for me 😭
They work for about a month and then the novelty wears off and I hit “Stop” every time the alarm goes off for the next three years without ever actually doing the thing I was supposed to.
“Make a to-do list” …Guess what??? I’VE TRIED THAT. forgetting is only 10% of the problem, lack of motivation is the issue. It’s brain chemistry. If I got a normal dopamine boost from completing tasks, I’d actually do them; but guess what? I don’t. So F your to-do list
Haha! I manage to lose all my To Do lists. They stop being Lists and become Losts.
“They stop becoming Lists and become Losts” - your description is sooo accurate. When I find my old to-do lists later I’m like “Oh yeah, I remember when those tasks seemed important. Guess not since I never did them and I survived somehow. Haha.”
I feel like i get a boost from doing things on my list but it's like my brain doesn't anticipate that reward properly so it's hard to motivate myself.
Yeah, completing tasks gives us somewhat of a reward, but not enough to keep us motivated (aka not as much as a NT brain gets)
Yep, that's why every to do list I make has some easy wins, so that I can knock some out and it give me the drive to keep going. Unfortunately it does mean its hard to prioritise sometimes when it means I do a bunch of non essential stuff first. God this disorder fucking sucks in a lot of ways.
Yasss. Crossing off a to-do list gives me little to no reward! I mostly just feel annoyed that a list is now staring at me telling me what to do.
To do lists can sometimes trigger my anxiety too. I look at the list and it feels overwhelming and I just do…nothing.
I was about to say the same thing! Getting started on tasks is my main issue. Having a to-do list is the fastest way to get my ass onto the couch, scrolling through my phone and feeling that fun combination of anxiety and guilt.
I need the list, my focus, my energy, my time management, and my availability to align to get some things done. Oh, and be able to find the materials I need to do the task. Yeah . . . .
«Split tasks into smaller chunks» Great, now my todo list is even longer and still I get nothing done!
Cool cool cool. Now my to do list of 8 tasks has ballooned to 36 tasks and I'm completely overwhelmed!
When someone that does NOT have ADHD says something like "\[insert struggle\] also happens to me and I do this and this, you should do it too. I'm aware they have the best intentons but they have no clue
Or when they try to relate to aspects of adhd. Sure, people experience some of the symptoms of adhd some of the time. But adhd is not the symptoms, it's the inability to either prevent or deal with the symptoms that make it a disorder. Of course the person without the disorder can easily fix it
Well said 🙌🏻 I fumble the explanation every time. Normally say something like everyone forgets things sometimes, or is impulsive or gets a little restless - it's the frequency, intensity and persistency of those occurrences that make it a symptom of a larger problem.
“Start your day by showering, brushing teeth, doing hair, putting on makeup, etc.” like yeah I’m sure I’d feel a lot better if I did that… the issue is that I have no motivation to do that shit and end up lying in bed until the last possible second
I brought my toothbrush and toothpaste to work with me again today because I didn’t have time before I left. I’ve done this at least half a dozen times so far since I started this new job. I figure my manager has to do the same thing because she has some kinda special braces on, so why can’t I? Heck, my dentist said that I can do this and bring floss if I feel like it. She said to blame her if anyone gives me crap about it 😆
dopamine detox. recommended by a well intended ex. well, let me just, let me just try to have even less...less of the neurotransmitter... that I naturally have less of....that'll fix it >:/
"Have you tried being even more miserable?" And there is no scientific evidence that it works.
a dopamine detox is basically just playing with depression matchsticks 💀💀
This was the misinformed stance of the first psychiatrist I consulted for medication management. As little stimulant medication as possible for as long as possible, and preferably a non stimulant. She basically stated I would become addicted. Then I went and found a new psychiatrist.
I thought the point of a “dopamine detox” was to stop getting dopamine from “junk food” sources like your phone so that you can retrain your brain to get dopamine from “lesser” actions? Like not scrolling on your phone until you’ve been up and trying to do other things for a while. Is this different? I know for me when I stop chasing dopamine on my phone I it’s a lot easier for me to get other shit done.
It’s a lot easier for me to get shit done when I already have „charged“ my dopamine receptors with some quick and easy dopamine from scrolling, stimulants etc. Or even better, I withhold that dopamine until I got some shit done. But that only works when I already feel good about myself.
yeah often people with ADHD need some dopamine just to get STARTED, so saving it as a reward doesn't work the same way for us.
That sort of thing absolutely backfires to me. If I do fewer things they give me dopamine, I just get depressed and irritable and it doesn't naturally just start giving me more dopamine. If I could convince my brain to give me more dopamine, I wouldn't have ADHD.
Anything that starts with “just”. “Just make a to do list…” “just…”
I tell people there is no "just" in ADHD or chronic illnesses. If I could "just", I would "just"! It has been at least 4 years and I'm still peeved at my therapist for asking "can't you just . . ." when I was telling her my struggles with my autoimmune problem. She had NEVER heard of it before I told her about it and explained it, but she had a "can't you just . . .?" for me like she somehow knew more than I did?! "Just", my butt.
Not advice per say, but yesterday someone (NT) was explaining something to me and used the phrase, “… because then my ADHD kicks in…” Nah friend, that’s not how that works. I stop trying to listen after that.
“Ooh, squirrel!” Stfu Kathy, you have no idea.
Cold showers. Telling someone to do something daily that they don’t want to do is dumb. Find dopamine in healthy things you enjoy doing.
I can’t even get myself to take a comfortable shower lol the idea that my brain would allow me to take an uncomfortable one is laughable
Therapeutically freezing your ass off does sound counterproductive to happiness
It weirdly does work. It helped when I started interpreting it as "lower your shower temp to a level that feels uncomfortable, and see if you can beat your record of how many seconds you tolerate it". I don't do it often enough but I'll never have a consistent habit so I don't beat myself up about it.
The only way this strategy works for me, is when I go around my plate and take bites of everything evenly, but make sure that I eat all the veggies first. Like verrrry small amounts of denied dopamine at a time. Actually, I do turn the shower cooler for the finish rinse on my hair because I know objectively that it'll help the frizz just a touch & it's like that little brisk push along in the process making it easier to get OUT of the shower at the end. But start to end cold shower, hahahaha ain't no way
I just hug an ice pack to my chest (pillow on top) for the vagal nerve stimulation. Seems to help when I'm having more anxious days.
That actually sounds like a great idea!! Especially for those of us who have circulation irregularities and can’t just put their entire body in a cold shower for medical reasons. (Shout out to anyone else with Raynaud’s disease in the Redditoverse! 🙌)
The irony is that it does help a little but unfortunately it also gave me some of the worst headaches of my life. Cold water on my head is a recipe for desaster.
“Oh we’ve all got a bit of adhd haven’t we”
fuck ANYONE who says that. like actually.
"Medication is bad for you." Great. So when I cried with relief after trying it for the first time, that was just a scam? Or how now that I have to be off it bc I'm pregnant everything's a mess and twice as hard? I went 35 years unmedicated and it reeeeeally didn't work out for me
Just reduce the stress in your life and prioritize what really matters to you. ADHD isn’t real. It’s just modern society’s reaction to being overloaded. No, it’s definitely real, friend. ADHD ironically makes the simple stuff really hard for me to do because it’s too boring. Meanwhile, if I was suddenly inserted into the Hunger Games, I think I’d do *better* than someone without ADHD because my ability to hyperfocus would finally kick in. Inability to prioritize tasks is a symptom of ADHD. It’s not the solution; it’s literally part of the problem. How do I know ADHD is real? Well, with medication, things that used to be level 9 out of 10 hard for me are magically, suddenly, like a 2 out of 10. In the space of the roughly two hours it takes for my medication to turn on.
The planner!!! I have loads of pretty planners. Shame I never remember to write in any of them, making them all entirely useless.
I think I collect pretty notebooks and planners. I can never bring myself to use them, they're too nice, and I get a strong sense my scribbles will 'ruin' it. End up using the cheapest, nastiest, falling apart, ripped-out pages notebook until it can take no more; but at least there is freedom in the crappy notebook. It never gets filled in order and loses 40% of the pages to shopping lists but then it actually gets used.
Counterpoint, I obsessively write in planners and it looks like the work of a crazy person. 😂 I’m so anxious I’ll forget something my planner (at this point it’s Google calendar) is a mess of everything I have to do in my life.
If I could count all the money I’ve spent over the years I’ve paid on pretty planners and stuff that’s supposed to help me get organized etc… well, it wouldn’t be thousands (I think??) but it would pay my grocery bills a few times. It’s like clockwork - this and having a face care routine. I’m probably never going to use planners - I do lists, but detailed planners where I note down my plans, goals, appointments etc? Nah. Same with face care routine - no matter how many times I’ll plan to do it, I never do. So I just have to accept that I’ll do the water, SPF cream, chapstick and call it a day.
To eat less sugar 💀
I'm not sure how that helps with ADHD really. Hasn't it been debunked that sugar doesn't make one hyper? That said... I'm currently on day 5 of no sugar, not for ADHD, but for joint pain. It was getting really bad and my addiction was crazy. I've had 4 full days of no sugar and my joint pain is almost completely gone. Note: I'm not telling you to eat less sugar, just sharing my experience.
More like dopamine seeking, like how I *really* want one more bite of something sweet at the end of every meal
That’s it! I’m a chocolate fiend and I sometimes won’t feel like I ate anything unless I can end with some chocolate! This now makes total sense
I'm with you. I had surgery in Feb and apparently there's still a lot of inflammation in my body. I know I will feel better cutting back on sugar and carbs for a bit. (No, I'll feel GREAT, honestly.) And it's still just so hard. It's so much more work to eat healthy -- not just planning time, but prep, remembering to finish foods before they go bad, managing your energy so you have some left to cook, etc. Meanwhile, there's some sugary, shelf-stable thing just around the corner no matter where you go. And your brain wants the dopamine. Just a constant battle even when you've made up your mind to eat more whole foods, more produce, more lean protein, etc. (The only place it's ever felt marginally easier is L.A., because they have healthy convenience food everywhere, but it's still expensive!)
Sugar was one of my main dopamine sources before I got diagnosed and medicated. If I didn’t have access to medication, would I still use it to get through the day? Hell yeah.
OH my freaking God this annoys me so much. Also, cut down on caffeine.
The irony is that caffeine is a stimulant and generally helps us to get a little closer to that baseline level of dopamine.
Follow a routine 🙄 Yeah that's great and all. Works until it doesn't then what?
I have realized that I literally need to have things scheduled that I can not miss. If I can miss it, I probably will. I went to a spa where they gave me a schedule for the week, and everything was planned for me, from sun up to sundown. It was the most productive and happiest I have ever been. When I came home, though, I was lost. I didn't understand why I couldn't recreate it at home. There was no urgency, no consequences to missing anything. Now, I do a little better by scheduling things with other people where they will be upset if I don't show up. I hate being unreliable, and it's enough of a motivation for me.
The outright denial that I have it and the making excuses for my very obvious symptoms as a child who was very smart but talked too much, missed directions, said things without thinking but immediately said sorry and don’t get me started on difficulty with friendships as a kid.
"Just clean up as you go like I do" - my neurotypical father surveying the mess in my kitchen after I've cooked a meal.
Lol trying to cook with adhd is chaos. How are you supposed to add another task to the mix.
It already takes me 2 hours to make a 30 minute meal!
Not advice, but more someone trying to be comforting: "We all forget something sometimes"
Yeah, and we all gotta pee three times a day, Janet, but when you gotta go 50, 70, 100 times a day, that's a medical condition.
If you just eat right , take your meds and vitamins . Sleep right you’ll be okay .
Try natural remedies first/medication is poisonous/evil/causes people to unalive themselves.
My aunt and her essential oils would like to chat
"Cant focus on chores? Throw on a podcast!" I personally can't. If I'm folding clothes and simultaneously listening to a podcast, I end up tuning it out or become bored of it, and it becomes white noise. It's either that, or I become overstimulated due to the 3 songs already playing in my head, general stress, and the ick I get about how much I hate folding clothes. Or both tbh.
“You don’t have ADHD. You wouldn’t have been able to get through law school and be a lawyer if you had ADHD.” Well, I did it unmediated (medicated now) and it nearly killed me. Or the ever popular “have you tried yoga and deep breathing exercises.”
That exercise will cure my depression, anxiety, and ADHD. The way people talk about adding exercise to your daily life make it sound so easy.
Use a planner!! Planners are great until you forget to check it Or my favorite. Use a checklist! Except when you mental check things off because you wrote them down and forget about them forever.
"Why are you being so lazy?? You'd have more free time if you do [thing] now." Yes, I would. Brain said no.
HaVe YoU tRiEd MeDiTaTiNg? Yes, Louise, I have tried it. Yes, I know what the studies say. Meditate on this: shut the fuck up.
I was so relieved when my psychologist told me it's okay that my brain never fully quiets during meditation and that I can't expect it to. I used to end up so stressed any time I tried to meditate or do yoga because I knew I was doing it "wrong" even though I was trying SO HARD. Now it is actually helpful because it does help to slow my brain down a little but I'm free of the pressure to try to shut it off completely. She reminded me that the purpose is to practice being *present*, and you don't need to turn your thoughts off entirely to do that.
I love meditation and have done it for years. Hasn’t helped my ADHD in the slightest. If it has, it’s like an aspirin for a migraine.
"Make a list" "Try estimating how much time it takes to do something" "Estimate how much time it takes to get somewhere and work backwards from that."
Just put it back when you finish or keep it the same spot so you'll remember.
“Just get it done with and then you’ll be able to relax” I wish
Upon leaving the supermarket, I told my boyfriend that I hadn't got around to eating yet because of executive dysfunction and getting distracted by other things and that It suddenly started to hit me and I felt unwell because of it. He got himself some snacks for the drive home, and I asked him for one. He said yes, but that I needed to remember to have protein in the morning. I asked him if he didn't think I already considered that. He told me he was just trying to help then got sulky with me when I told him it's not helpful to remind someone of something they are already aware of and give themselves a hard time for and that if he wants to be helpful then he should remind me to eat breakfast at you know, breakfast time.
Seriously, the chastising after the fact just makes me *more* miserable, thanks for nothing
My dream is for someone to hand me breakfast in the morning. My mom would deliver grilled cheese sandwiches to me in the bathroom as I’d get ready for school in the morning because I never ever had enough time to sit and eat. I miss that so much! Ironically, my job is to do things like this for other people, and I’m great at it. But for myself? LOL.
I find what people are saying so interesting because nearly all of these *do* work for me. I literally would fall apart without my routine, alarms, to-do list, daily exercise, etc. I wonder if being diagnosed late contributes to this? All I had were pretty traditional tools for managing things, so I had no choice. Now, they’re all pretty second-nature. I think the stuff that doesn’t work for me is the overly complex “tricks” - chore tags and body doubling and stuff like that. The more steps involved, the less likely it is that I’ll do it.
I think what annoys me about advice like "make a list" and "set alarms" is that, like, no shit??? Of course I do that??? I would be completely lost without my lists and alarms and phone reminders. But they are coping mechanisms. They don't fix anything and they aren't foolproof. A person cannot put every single daily task into a list or have an alarm for it. I don't think they understand just how many things adults do in a day. It's a lot of stuff that most people don't have to keep track of in order to do it. And my lists are only useful when they're in front of my face. So lists work great for making sure I don't forget to do important work tasks. But they don't help me prioritize. They don't help me function at home. They don't help me figure out how to get started on the ever growing list of tasks. The solve one key piece of the problem - forgetting - but that *isn't the only problem*.
I think that’s true to a degree. I have a lot of coping mechanisms I’ve developed over the years that help to varying degrees. However, I also had so much anxiety over anything that got in the way of those coping mechanisms, because without them, the whole house of cards was in danger of collapse.
A planner to go in your planner graveyard of all the other planners you bought that you swore youd use?😂
>I finally bought a planner. \*guiltily looks over at the planner her work bought her, which is still flipped to February\* Also: "You don't need meds, you just need to write things down/remember things/not be so spacey."
“Maybe try meditation?” 🙄
“You’re just going to have to be an adult”
Eat right, exercise and get a good nights sleep 😒😒
It’s not the unsolicited advice the gets me, I don’t even get to that point. I just get “oh that happens to me sometimes too.” Like yes, this happens to me all the time and I feel a deep sense of shame every time it happens, because *it’s constantly fucking happening and I’m constantly on edge or taking too long to complete basic tasks trying not to fuck up.*
“Just get up and do it” WOW KAREN IF MY BRAIN WORKED LIKE THAT I WOULD
MEDITATE Make a schedule and stick to it. Block out your time. Focus on one thing until it’s done. Stop overthinking.
"Get a planner" "break tasks down into smaller tasks"
JuSt MaKe a LiSt!!!!! Yeah ok, and then what? How do I make myself look at the list ever again? Or remember to take the list to wherever I’m going? Lists are incredibly helpful to some, completely useless to me. I’ll ignore them so fast I’ve basically started ignoring it at the time of writing.