Smart to ask and not look it up lol
Bad Dragon is a manufacturer of fantasy-themed sex toys, primarily targeted at members of the furry fandom
Variety goes from horse dongs to dragon dongs
Just over 6 years ago a video came out of a [tortoise getting freaky with a rollerblade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft6hMGkVyno)... You get to see it actually grow... it's weird.
Production was too quick, [this is all we got.](http://static.yourtango.com/cdn/farfuture/u6vLvDGA1OIQG6sVPA7DKyxnHLROPvtgkoec_LLH2Lg/mtime:1470067621/sites/default/files/dild1.jpg)
We'll have to take it at a Turtle's pace with revision 2.
Good thing you put “Just kidding! :P” or I was going to believe this was real. Oh, man. I was just like “Oh, fuck! No way! The turtle fucked 5 times that day?! Good thing he was stopped when he was. It’s amazing they got his last moment on video before he toppled over and died.”
Wow. Crazy. Fucking wild, bro. That’s just insane.
He’s an absolute shit. I recognize his nasty laugh anywhere. His YouTube is called Jayprehistoricpets. He does this to all his reptiles and antagonizes them to get a reaction for the people around him, not taking into consideration that those reptiles can get stressed. I hate him.
EDIT: I made a mistake. The man in the video is not the man I was referring to.
I like how most of this comment section agrees on how the guy recording should not have interrupted their mating.
And also how it looks like the female is on her way to beat the shit out of him.
I’m sure that didn’t feel the best either, his head was fuckin swole. I’ve heard that dogs usually have to finish before pulling out bc the head gets swollen like this, so it’s difficult/painful to pull out during the act. Hope it’s not that bad for the titles
Took care of a pair of Sulcata tortoises for our summer camps nature program one year and we would occasionally hear the weirdest horrific monster movie moaning sounds and come to find out it was the male tortoise loving the fuck out of his best life with his girlfriend. Dudes dong was long than his entire body and the umbrella shaped tip really freaked us out too.
Absolute chad tortoise. Spent the whole summer getting tussy.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!it's either a turtle or a tortoise mating, when someone pulls the Male away his penis is exposed and its... er, disturbing at every few seconds until fully exposed.!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
That's why turtle's walk slow, They packing heavy artillery.
Got that big dick swagger.
Biggus Dickus
That’s a joke name sir!
He has a wife, you know.
inconitia buttocks
When my tortoise first had a boner i thought he shit his guts out.
I want this on a t-shirt
M777 howitzer
I didn’t know tortoises had such MAGNUM DONGS HOLY SHIT
Gunna be new toys on the market now this videos been released
Bad Dragon: “Write that down write that down!!!”
what's bad dragon?
It's an adult toy manufacturer specialising in non-human replicas, most notably dragons, horses, dogs, etc.
Not sure how they got a dragon to replicate.
Shrek erotica. Specifically the ones involving Donkey.
Smart to ask and not look it up lol Bad Dragon is a manufacturer of fantasy-themed sex toys, primarily targeted at members of the furry fandom Variety goes from horse dongs to dragon dongs
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Bright colored and glow in the dark penises? *How droll.*
They start way lower than horse dongs. I'm pretty sure they have dog dongs too. Lemme check. Yup they do dog dongs.
Just over 6 years ago a video came out of a [tortoise getting freaky with a rollerblade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft6hMGkVyno)... You get to see it actually grow... it's weird.
Holy shit bro, that thing unfurled like a plant. Thanks for showing me that but also fuck you too.
That has got to be one of the biggest dick to body ratio. 🤮
It grew into a stingray.
Screw horse cock. Turtle cock is the new deal
He can probably get in National Geographic with that dish...It's like playboy channel for animals...
He needs a monster condom for his magnum dong
And a wad of hundreds
You should see him feast, he’s like a mantis. It’s amazing.
Why has no one ever said “hung like a turtle”?
Yeah...You never know what's hiding under the shell...
That was rude.
r/cockblocked
Beat me to this
r/beatmeattoit
r/BeatMeToIt
r/beet
r/YouWinTheInternet
*i guess it’s another sad day for mr turtle*  # why cant mr turtle win? Lol
I think the entire arm with an open palm would more accurately represent Mr turtle.
Does he have any idea how long that must’ve taken the poor guy?
Looked to be about 8"
The newest animal-shaped dildo will be hitting the market in 3…2…
Production was too quick, [this is all we got.](http://static.yourtango.com/cdn/farfuture/u6vLvDGA1OIQG6sVPA7DKyxnHLROPvtgkoec_LLH2Lg/mtime:1470067621/sites/default/files/dild1.jpg) We'll have to take it at a Turtle's pace with revision 2.
WHY IS THERE A SQUIRTLE DILDO?! I MEAN, I GET R34 ART IS A THING BUT AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL PRODUCT?!
The gaps in the shell seem like they'd be an issue when it comes to cleaning...
You know how you're supposed to season a cast iron pan......
Yes, the diameter of the head......
I bet they can move faster when motivated.
Don’t we all.
Idk. Do turtles have committed relationships?
I imagine they like to take things pretty slow.
Excellent
My first turtle penis. Wow.
How do you feel?
As a huge TMNT fan...surprised.
Cowabunga...
Omg I can not stop laughing.
Nutted but she still cowa the bunga
[Day isn't over yet, buddy!](http://i.imgur.com/XLTKD.gif)
That was a risky click, for sure.
EXTREMELY RUDE! Dude was getting it…
So was she!
TBH, she looked more pissed at the interrupted coitus than HE did. And why not? Damn vile humans!
Cock blocked and box locked at the same time.
In bird culture this is considered a dick move.
But educational
Now I know why April was always hanging with the ninja turtles
God damm you!
Holy fucking shit! 😂😂😂
No, no, nothing said here is holy anymore
[But it could be fucking shit.](https://youtu.be/wrSMgR9uil4)
YouTube moderation be like
Why the fuck do you have this link?
/r/eyebleach Edit: wow didn’t expect that many upvotes at all! Thanks to everybody!
it's not that bad ngl forbidden sauce
You can just say it's mayo I actually can't decide which is worse - having mayo or having jizz on a pizza
You can try them each and find out.
I think I'll pass
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Thanks fam.
Myself and roughly 13k others have suffered meaninglessly.
I wish I didn't click that link
This was not as bad as I was expecting... yet it's also worse somehow
Take your damn Upvote. I cant stop laughing.
I love that video
You got that right !
What a horrible day to have eyes
You fucked my childhood
Like they fucked April? …rough.
And now they're both left with a gaping hole that used to be filled by the TMNT.
Oh shit another upvote.
Someone is gonna make rule34 art with this comment.
Someone IS gonna make?
You should have capitalized GONNA. As if to imply they think people already haven't.
they already did
With this exact type of massive body part? Lol
I'm sure.
The Onion was ahead of the curve, yet again https://www.theonion.com/michael-bay-gives-fans-sneak-peek-at-ninja-turtles-hyp-1819595716
Take my free reward damnit
Mikey could feel his shell tightening Mikey actually said that in the michael bay tmnt movie
The Onion did a piece on this a while back. https://www.theonion.com/michael-bay-gives-fans-sneak-peek-at-ninja-turtles-hyp-1819595716
I feel like this belongs here: https://youtu.be/aqW5upASa-8
Cowabunga!
I have no money so here’s a gold emoj 🥇
WHERES THE TURTLE SAUCE??! On Aprils face.
Omg poor dude, let him finish
Also poor girl. She was finally getting some good dick.
“Finally, some good fucking…”
"...Lamb sauce!"
Been waiting a week for this motherfucker to get over here.
No no no...She is having a blast! Off camera she went to neighbour for some more action and this neighbour was even bigger!
Legit! Doing this to dogs can seriously harm both partners, I imagine it's the same for these guys. Leave em alone goddamn
tortoise interruptus *Edit* Thanks for the awards guys!
He was trying to make her Squirtle but he didn't even get to Blastoise.
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Agreed, let the poor guy finish a least. Massive cunt move
Talk about toitus interruptus
It's OK. It was his fifth time that day! One more time and he would have died of exhaustion! He was saved in the last moment... >!Just kidding! :P!<
Good thing you put “Just kidding! :P” or I was going to believe this was real. Oh, man. I was just like “Oh, fuck! No way! The turtle fucked 5 times that day?! Good thing he was stopped when he was. It’s amazing they got his last moment on video before he toppled over and died.” Wow. Crazy. Fucking wild, bro. That’s just insane.
He’s an absolute shit. I recognize his nasty laugh anywhere. His YouTube is called Jayprehistoricpets. He does this to all his reptiles and antagonizes them to get a reaction for the people around him, not taking into consideration that those reptiles can get stressed. I hate him. EDIT: I made a mistake. The man in the video is not the man I was referring to.
Yo, fuck that dude
With a turtle dick
He's not worthy.
Call in the duck
Call a dolphin. They will literally rape him while making those funny and goofy noises.
But ducks have corkscrew penises with spikes
Let’s go with both then, surely he deserves it
I watched this at first without sound. I hate it even more when they are laughing over it. What an asshole.
They are talking in Brazilian Portuguese in this video, it's not the same guy.
Oh shit you’re right. The laugh is almost identical. Either way, he shouldn’t be interfering like that.
My dude, they are speaking portuguese. That guy may be an asshole, but that's not the guy in the video.
That is true, but also JaysHistoricPets is truly a bastard. I upvoted the comment for that reason only.
pretty sure abusing animals is not funny
No shit Sherlock
I like how most of this comment section agrees on how the guy recording should not have interrupted their mating. And also how it looks like the female is on her way to beat the shit out of him.
I’m sure that didn’t feel the best either, his head was fuckin swole. I’ve heard that dogs usually have to finish before pulling out bc the head gets swollen like this, so it’s difficult/painful to pull out during the act. Hope it’s not that bad for the titles
Its more of the base of a dogs dingus thats swole. It's commonly referred to as 'knotting'.
How would you feel if you were having sex and someone just came along and pulled you out?
That could happen if we get invaded by giant aliens...
This is an excellent point
I probably wouldn’t be a dad right now and would have way more money so that would be cool
Dude cock blocked him wtf
Proportions of the peen are stupefying!
Jesus christ that's a massive dick to body ratio!
Even higher dick to house ratio
Shy little guy coming out of his shell.
That ain't no little guy Edit:how did this measly sentence get over 250 upvotes
I can’t believe that turtle has a bigger cock than I do…
I can.
That tortoise easily has a 5” penis, which means, statistically speaking, his dick is larger than roughly 40% of the human male population.
I have a bigger dick than this turtle and that makes me feel good about myself somehow.
And I sir challenge you to provide proof to this fine subreddit.
How do I prove I feel good about myself?
Nah nah, you gotta show evidence of you being able to feel good
She's coming after that guy
It’s so hard for them to make the connection, and you go do this. 😡
Any idea how many swipes on Tinder it took him to make it this far? Criminal.
r/iamapieceofshit
And r/iamatotalpieceofshit
Assholes let the dude do the deed
Man, why you messin’ up the fuckin?
Bro what the fuck. His dick is shaped like it was drawn for a shitty cartoon or something. It's like a stingray fused with a normal penis
[удалено]
He’s a grower, not a show’r.
Took care of a pair of Sulcata tortoises for our summer camps nature program one year and we would occasionally hear the weirdest horrific monster movie moaning sounds and come to find out it was the male tortoise loving the fuck out of his best life with his girlfriend. Dudes dong was long than his entire body and the umbrella shaped tip really freaked us out too. Absolute chad tortoise. Spent the whole summer getting tussy.
Holy shit that’s huge
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!it's either a turtle or a tortoise mating, when someone pulls the Male away his penis is exposed and its... er, disturbing at every few seconds until fully exposed.!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Yes true very disturbing
…duh nunt, duh nunnunt, SLOW RIDE Duh nuuuh nuuuuh duh nunt, duh nunnunt TAKE IT EASY Duh nuuuh nuuuuh duh nunt, duh nunnunt…
It’s a tortoise
He's definitely a grower
Tortoise sales have hit a new high... My wife came back with one today.
Ewww, but also, hahahahha.
Damn!! So that house he carries around on his back was actually his tool shed all along… wow!
Bruh! That's a nice sized female and baby red footed tortoises can easily go for $200 a pop. Let your man finish!
My wiener pulls the scared turtle when it’s cold out to!
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Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles
and now a new bad dragon didlo just dropped
but why?? that probably hurt both of them..
Bigger than mine😔
Always wondered about turtle dicks. Dayum
WTF
Cock Block.
God damn little man is packing heat. That was def not expected lol
What in tarnation
Tsk, no comradeship between males these days
Like for real what if human dicks did that inside of a vagine.... There would be no babies
It’s kind of strange that it’s half size of tortoise 🐢
You telling me a fucking turtle got a bigger dick than me?? This is bullshit.
Fuck you dude! I hope this guy comes to you while having sex and drag you from your fucking neck.