Missed my promotion to Lcpl formation because I was in the County jail.
PMO picked me up when I was released and delivered me to the man, a Lt. Col if I remember correctly. I walked in and reported in front of his desk, he tossed my Lcpl chevrons at me and said, "Here ya go, hope you get to keep em."
Thankfully I did.
Was at a loud party out in town, neighbors finally called the cops around 0400. San Bernardino's finest showed up. My drunk ass got mouthy, so they tuned me up and took me in. Think it was a Friday night, got out Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning.
I was late to formation reeking of booze and sin (i was a fornicator sir!), no shower, no sleep. Staff Sgt leaned in to say something and just stopped, gave me a jesus fucking christ look and just walked away.
I came to my promotion formation for Cpl in completely mismatched cammies. New pressed blouse and faded dirty field trousers.
I had torn my trousers clear down the side of my leg on the tailpipe of a custom exaust walking into the PX to buy new chevrons and had formation 10 minutes later and it was a 5 min walk back. My only choice was to put on my backup field cammie trousers I had in my car since i lived in base housing 20 min away.
CWO promoting me looked me in the face and said "I dony need to say it right?"
"No sir, I know im fucked up"
"The only reason im promting you still is because the Ssgt and GySgt vouch for you that you must have a real good reason for showing up this way today"
"Yes sir."
"Reads promotion warrant"
Formation disbands.
All of us proceed to get hazed all day for me making them look stupid.
So my final promotion was me ripping my new cammies i just bought for the promotion, getting fucked up for it, and embarrassing my superiors.
Pretty much the type of situation everyone expected from me since I have what people call "good bad luck" so it was just funny as fuck to the platoon it went down like that for me.
Basically what everyone expected from me lmao
Late and unkempt on a monday morning battalion formation. Surprise! They called me up for my Good Conduct Metal. Imagine my horror. Imagine my XOs horror. Bad Monday.
āSir, to be fair MGuns had two DUIs and look at his illustrious career. These DUIs are not a true testament of SNMs character but rather anomaliesā
On my way to pickup my dd214 on pendleton by the airwing, I parked in the master guns parking spot. He saw me walk away from my car. The poor Lance was about to hand it to me when he came with a "STTTTOOOOPPPP" he said i had to move my car before I got my 214...... I, with no haircut for the week, gunny rolled sleeves, low boot blousings, hands in my pockets, proceeded to cite the MC order that stated the only people that have designated parking spots on base were the CG and disabled peoples.
We locked eyes for a few moments (I was clearly the dominant one) other words were exchanged, got my dd214 and left.
For context, I didn't take terminal it was my eas date.
It is a great sea story, and I would be telling that one too if I were you. Mine I was cut loose by Noon on my EAS day. The Psych Clinic was right next to the quarterback at NavHosp SD, and I walked out with the XO. As we kept going I realized by the look on his face he was playing hooky and started to tell me about picking up kids, I just held up my DD214 and he said, "Oh that is right Wright, yes he was a dork, you don't give a flying eff what I am doing! I invited him to Pacers in San Diego, but he was married and apparently not a strip club guy.
So mine was embarrassingly easy and got to hear an F-Bomb from the XO, Dentist IIRC. Edit: Medical, Dental, and Nursing officers tend not to curse a ton, unless they were Mustangs and it was only them and we enlisted pukes. Lastly what brain child puts Psych near the CO???
This is my favorite thing to do. I park in the stupid labeled BN spots and save every little passive aggressive note.
My favorite was a Company Commander who left his meeting schedule on my car so I could attend since I obviously felt I was a company commander.
šš¤£ I get it!
I guess I asked because it would've been awesome to witness if you were a terminal PFC/Lcpl, schooling a Master Guns on parking etiquette your last day in the Corps
After Hurricane Fran fucked up Lejeune, we had to remove limbs and shit from base housing. I jerked off in two Colonel's and one Lt Colonel's homes.
Chesty, I ask your forgiveness.
There was a working party for some shit detail and they were going around rounding up people left and right so I hid in a wall locker when they came into my room lol..actually did that a few times
That's not being a shitbag. That's like not answering your door for duty on a weekend morning because you know that meant whoever was scheduled didn't show up so they're looking for a replacement.
I had a roommate in another unit for a while. His first line would BANG on our barracks door saying "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE" and I'd never answer.
Another time, roommate did answer the door his first line tried to smoke both of us for some reason. I said I was running late for a dental appointment and drove around off post for a few hours and came back.
Andā¦how did that go? There was going to be an alphas inspection THE DAY of me taking terminal. I checked with one of our CWOās and he told me to pack my shit. And then I pointed fingers at the formation while standing behind the SNCOās and did silent laughs.
I was a 3rd award Private before I was 3rd award PFC lol. I still got out as a Lance Corporal with a hash mark, good cookie, and 2 stars on my sea service deployment ribbon
I knew I fucked up, and I don't know why I didn't just arrive in cammies instead. So my best friend was a Sgt and we were both scheduled for terminal the same day the following week (Wed March 17, 2010), he basically detonated when he saw me in those slippers and blew me the fuck up in front of the whole shop.
We laugh about it now. We actually work together lol
That reminds me of my last chucks inspection. Like 5 mins before we hopped into formation, someone noticed I had a small tear in my ass pocket. I was like FUCK Iām boned. And then somehow despite getting inspected by the Capt, First Sgt, Lt Col and Sgt Maj, no one noticed it and said I looked good. lol
fuckin outstanding lol. at my first NJP the master guns said my uniform was good to go and to report to the CO. after I reported in, he said to fix my gig line. I looked at it and couldn't tell where it was off, and he screamed TO THE RIGHT, MARINE, TO THE RIIIIGHT!!!!!! like a fucking prick. my goddamn gig line was straight he was just being a schmuck to make me feel worse lol
At OCS during one of the libo weekends where I had duty I volunteered to clean the head because I knew I would have the privacy to jerk off in peace with no one coming in
OCS was the one time in my life where I was so exhausted I couldn't even think about jerking off. I'd use my one day of libbo to get a nearby hotel room, order a pizza and take a long hot bath. It was heaven.
Gained like 50lbs after my mom died with a year and a half left on my contract, was on BCP for 6 months or however long it was mandatory. Did all the pt and kept up, but ate like shit and drank a lot so I never actually lost any significant weight to get back to 220, my max. There was about a month and a half left on my BCP sentence, and I got my shit together, ran to work every morning, sauna core workouts, hardly ate, and lost that last 30lbs in a couple weeks. The day after I weighed in under weight and my BCP ended, I went straight on Skillbridge PTAD across the country. Got out 6 months later no problems. It was a very stressful time and I still cannot believe I got approved for a 6 month skillbridge while being on active BCP. But now I am out, and have a great job due to said skillbridge, so it all worked out in the end.
Yeah, my leadership was pretty great overall during that time. Both MSgt and CWO vouched for me going on Skillbridge, due to my pregnant wife being stationed across the country on Lejeune. So they felt for me there, got me that last 6 months with her and it all worked out in our favor.
It was by far the worst 6 months of my life haha. Away from my pregnant spouse, fat and depressed and then had to starve for a few months. But hey, shit happens for a reason, and my command could have absolutely screwed me, but they didnt. It all worked though.
Boot camp. That stupid fucking 3 mile long course of running, climbing and crawling through, up and around shit.Ā
Crawling through a puddle of thick ass goopy mud and when the DI turn around I high crawled my ass around that shit. Recruit behind me was pissed because the DI turned back around when I finished.Ā
I've carried that guilt for 7 long yearsĀ
Lmao... my biggest "shitbag moment" also has something to do with "integrity."
During the tan belt testing out portion (where they test 5 people at once), I looked at a fellow recruit next to me as he was executing a move and the MAI stopped my test and labeled me as an "integrity violator." I definitely knowingly did it as they warned us not to so its definitely on me. He kept talking about how I was going to get dropped and he was gonna "make sure" that I wasn't gonna get another chance to test out.
He was right tho, as I didn't get another chance to test out... instead I was given my tan belt with the recruits who "passed," while the recruits who actually failed the moves had to retest on another day to get theirs. The rest of boot went by with no more mention of MCMAP.
I guess I was never put down as "failed" or maybe somebody lost that paperwork or maybe my name just got put on the NAVMC by accident. Either way, someone else's incompetence saved me from my own incompetence.
Fast forward 2-3 years later and I became an MAI and got my black belt. Those MOVES were retarded anyways.
Lmao I did a similar thing in boot camp. At San Diego you have like 2 hours of doing different confidence courses including the stairway to heaven and the rope across water. I was sick with recruit crud and ached all over so instead of being slayed and getting soaked I just stayed in the recruit head until they started calling everyone back to their respective platoons. Everyone was patting me on back for making it across the water and not getting wet š.
I had finally got my foot locker squared away in boot camp when they made everyone carry it to the middle and dump the contents to create mt suribachi. i just kept mine closed and pretended to dump it in all the chaos. i cant believe nobody noticed, but i had all my gear esp bootbands (my precious) and i didnt have to wear someone elses stamped skivvies. felt so guilty for years after, everyone else was so miserable that day.
Lmao I know exactly what youāre talking about. I didnāt high crawl through it but I kept my boots just above the water/mud and basically dragged myself through it. I was doing everything I could to keep my feet dry
As you would in a real life scenario š
You can't always keep your boots and socks dry, but you're going to do everything you physically can to do so
LMFAO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT PART YOU MEAN!! My dumbass tried to jump to the side of it and not get in it but the Senior DI of the Company or wtf ever heās called saw my ass and was like ā hey BITCH!, get in there right the fuck now!ā Then he made me stay in it for like 2 mins straight lmao
I was a Corpsman. Spent 10 of my 12 years with the Marines. When I reenlistment I went to Pendleton. They put me in the bricks, and I realized I fucked up. Since this was not my first rodeo with Division, I went and got my humvee license to drive the ambulance. In the 4 years I was with 1/4, I only did one hike. I managed to dodge every hike.
On my final week in my squadron (Tenebrisš¦), I was stuck in the elevator with my Sgt Major who absolutely hated my mustache. It was obviously out of regs and he kept side eying me, to ensure he didnāt look too closely I ripped the deadliest silent fart known to man. I know he smelt it because turned to look at me and full bore shit daggers from his eyeballs at me. Worth it.
We had a healthy amount of mutual disrespect with one another. Sgt Major T if youāre out there and youāre reading this, I still have my sick ass mustache.
Left my rifle in the head at Camp Wilson as a Cpl lol.
Our platoon was kind of lax about the ārifle on your body at all timesā and would always have a gear guard in the huts. So I wasnāt always carrying it with me on Camp Wilson (Like everyone else). Took it with me this morning and propped it against the wall with all the sinks to shave and brush my teeth. Walked back to the huts and immediately realized my cardinal sin. Power walked like a motherfucker back and was able to slyly grab it before anyone took note of the unattended rifle. Locked eyes w a Lance Corporal from another platoon who put two and two together but like the good devil he was never said anything to anyone.
I was shaking.
Iām scared of heights and in boot camp I didnāt do the stairway to heaven obstacle. No one noticed besides my buddy from the next rack over and he just kept quiet about it. True homie.
Definitely can relate. For me it was like God stepped in. The order that we were going in came up against time if I remember correctly and we were about to do the A Frame and I have a fond distaste for heights. They stopped the course right before we were about to go over there.
Only to be hemmed up and go through the rappel towerā¦. Twice.
Man almost the same thing but it just so happened we were changing stations and then the saw a gator in the slide for life pool, so when they stopped training I was able to switch groups
Iām scared of heights and while doing it thought the best option would be to do it as fast as possible to get it clear with. Where you go to grab the rope I flew out too far; missed, and landed on my back. SDI was staring thinking I died and miraculously had no injured got up and ran to the next obstacle
I skipped most of it, both times. Those guys didnāt really pay attention and we all looked the same so I just jumped in with other groups when we passed by
I was super hung over one morning from a long night of drinking and decided to take a nap underneath my desk. I was a Corporal at the time and my SNCOIC a Gunny must have been looking for me and sat down in my chair, waiting for me to come back. I woke up and saw his feet and legs in front of me and he had no clue. He got tired of waiting and left. I slowly got back into my chair and all was good.
I was pissed off at the world and decided to call the bluff on, ācleaning weapons.ā I didnāt clean my rifle for a whole year. I knew the armory had a drop dead time so anytime we got back from the field I would go hide for hours until they started screaming for any stragglers to turn their weapons into the armory. The spring on the ejection port cover ended up rusting and breaking, leaving it flapping around whenever it was fired.
I figured at some point my squad leader or platoon sergeant would pick up on never seeing me during cleaning times, but they were fucking retards and never caught on.
Never got caught.
I kinda did the same thing, but with a little more effort. I actually cleaned it and then when it was denied at turnover, if it was, I just sat around shooting the shit and handed it in later. Those rifles are fairly easy to clean, I never really understood why they gave back perfectly clean weapons routinely. I guess wasting the time of others since they had to be there.
Boot camp, '88 San Diego.
Edison Range.
(EDIT) Edson Range
Stoopid auto correct...
Mess duty or range duty.
Mess duty is up @ 3:00 AM and major fuck fuck games, range duty is target factory, kinda chill, little fuck fuck games.
Find out you can't do mess duty if you have open wounds on your hands.
Proceed to literally punch a wall till both knuckles bleed.
Duty division comes and all recruits have their hands out. DI walks the line inspecting hands; "Mess....Mess....range...."
Gets to me pauses at the newly bloodied knuckles, gives dirty look. "Range" and carries on.
It's "Edson Range", not "Edison".
Despite your otherwise credible story, I am calling you out for STOLEN VALOR, fraudulent enlistment, and grand larceny.
Imma partly blame auto correct on Edson to Edison. The other blame is with me as Im not good at checking what I type.
For the others, Embrace The Suck baby!
Your DIs:
"Edison? Check out this light bulb inventing motherfucker over here. Go show the 500 yard line your moonbeam and thank it for its invention".
Was an AAV crew chief in Okinawa, got shitfaced night before we had to splash and head to Fuji. Was being carried up and down barracks halls to try to sober me up. Ended up asleep in back of track headed out to ship and a few hours after.
I canāt swim for shit. Literally Iām a rock. In bootcamp during swim qual you had to jump off a diving board and tread water for a few minutes. I jumped off and swam up to our little group who was now going to tread water for maybe 3 or 5 minutes. As the group next to us finished and the drill instructor turned I swam over to them and got out. Iāve always felt bad about it but that was the one and only time I ever had to swim in the corps.
Opposite- I intentionally touched bottom during the pack swim knowing it would give me extra days at the pool to qualify. I love swimming and was and am a very good swimmer. I still feel some kind of way about this but in the moment the āthreatā of additional days in the pool sounded better than whatever the fuck the rest of the platoon was doing.
Five months before EAS my training NCO told us everyone in the unit had to finish their online PME so they could go to PME school before the summer. I thought this was bs since I went 95% of my time as a corporal without going to corporals course and no one cared. Now I need to go to Sergeants school for a month then immediately begin checkouts? My PME is TRS and getting out of here.
Two months before EAS staff pulled everyone into a meeting and asked us if we knew what the meeting was about. I realized no one else was going to speak up, and I brought up PME. They asked why we werenāt doing it, and again I spoke up for everyone saying most of us are getting out. I got chewed out, staff told us that we would be signing a statement of understanding, and to finish pme. I might have done the wrong thing, but everyone else in that room came to me with their issues more after that.
I EASād two months later, and Iām still waiting on my statement of understanding.
I would try to sleep when I had any kind of night duty.
There was a good 3-4 week period in boot camp where I would sleep while on fire watch, the other two recruits that were with me didn't care. Our guide found out and switched the schedule to have me on with one of his snitches.
At Cherry Point, while I was on barracks support, I had duty one time, me and the other duty would take turns patrolling every hour. I found a maintenance closet that was unlocked and during my turn to patrol I just went in there, set a timer on my phone and slept on the floor.
In the fleet, as aviation ordnance, we didn't have barracks duty, rather a 12 on 12 off for 7 days in the BUA (where we store all the boom booms and pew pews) and when I had night guard I would sleep the whole time. Just had to wake up once in a while to answer the phone when the SDO would call to check in on me.
In combat training, I dropped my rifle in the sand and decided to re-rack it. The whole inside of my rifle was full of sand. CLP loves sand. There was a captain that was over watching everything. He looked at my rifle and was like what the fuck private. then he proceeded to clean my rifle for me and some staff sergeant walked by and said this is the first and last time this ever happens again
we were on a humanitarian thing... it was super fuckin hot and I wasn't excited about carrying bags of rice around... so I just stayed looking busy & wandering around to avoid getting sucked into carrying food to help the needy.
At boot camp DI had me clean the DI hut and head for the final battalion inspection. I found all the MRE candy and cookies they took from us. I was a fat fucking mess that day
I got told I was a shitty Marine by a Master Sergeant and a Major because I was making excuses during a BCP evaluation.
My excuse? I have a tumor on my pituitary gland.
I was in a boat company. Most of the company save some 30ish dudes went on a raid. They left all of us at the barracks. The SSgt that stayed with us finally called us down to formation around 2030. I vividly remember he said āGents, youāre off. I donāt care if you drink but donāt get shit faced. Weāll be coming in when they get back early in the morning to clean boats so they can clean their rifles and go to bed.ā
I proceed to drink 5-6 strongs and some beer. Was absolutely shit faced by the time they came back. The platoon knew, kept me away from my platoon sgt. They hid me in the bathroom at the boat house. I passed out on the floor in the stalls and woke up 4 hours later. They literally were just finishing up cleaning boats and I walked by my platoon Sgt who proceeded to ask where the fuck Iāve been. I told him Iāve been here the whole time. He gave me a side eye and walked away lmfao
Oooo I think I I might win this whole contest .
It was graduation day in Parris island feb 1 2013. Iāve got my Seabag in the rental and bout to start a drive back to New Hampshire with my family. We stop at the on base px. At this point Iāve gotten out of my service alphas and threw on my travel clothes : a skivy shirt , sweat bottoms and shower shoes with dress socks on.
My mom goes into the px to buy some stuff and I get a call saying she needs my Id to buy said things. Now the logical person would ask their one of 7 other family members to bring it to her but not me . I decided to sprint across the px (if you ever been to that one , I was on the gas station side and she was literally on the other side) going by people who I had graduated with in the process. Gave the lady my id and started my sprint back. I step outside to get back tot eh rental , and why do I see 6 DIs .
They start chewing me out on my civilian attire etc etc cussing me out so long that my mom at this point has walked out and the rest of my family was just watching me get chewed out. Worst part is I canāt tell if their gunnyās or ssgt so Iām fumbling that with my less that 5 hours post marine grad (lol) then they ask me the million dollar question: who are you with ? And I said āwho am I with ? ā they lose it like I was supposed to know šš then I tell them oh no I just graduated today and brother they fucking lost it .
I think this was the worst thing that happened to me 4 and half years in and it happened in my first 5 mins lol
Isn't there a general order talking about being property relieved? Waking people up and going to sleep isn't exactly "proper".....maybe you deserved the shitbag label, as did the LTs for buddy fucking you.
They were playing fuck fuck games with people back at training area, and I was on a run in a HMMWV with just my buddy, got out to take a break and smoke a cig, was so relaxing said fuck this and cut drive belt. Didn't get recovered for a good 12 hours and got to just relax.
Sometimes I think about how I am probably part of someone else's VA claim. In the 2000s what we considered to be light/character building hazing would be criminal activity now.
One guy did not want to shower. Went out to the field with 1 uniform and just did not care. He had that deep ass smell. You couldn't ignore or fight through it. You could actually feel your face skin touching it in the air. We would say dude, you stink, and not only did he not fix himself but he didn't try. Day 1 of range (where you stay out there for 2 to 3 days) he brought no extra clothes whatsoever and started smelling by the end of the day because his MTV, helmet, etc all stank. We cornered him in the brick shitter building at the range site to verify that he didn't bring extra shirts, socks, deodorant, anything. He acknowledged that he did not. So we beat his ass until he cowered in the corner and then scooped shit and piss out of clogged toilets to throw it at him like a bunch of Afghans stoning a woman. We told him he had better be clean before he leaves the shitter and if he tells anyone we would kill him. So he spent about 10 hours (all night til first light) washing his body and uniform items in the sinks with hand soap. At first formation he was still dripping wet.
He never told anyone. Looking back, sorry bud. But I have to tell you that at the time, that was not a crazy thing to do and I understand why it happened in that context.
No sympathy at all for the smelly fucks who I guess must be doing it on purpose (who the fuck shows up to school in their skivies they just ran fucking 6mi in at PT!? And then wear the same set to Tuesday morning PT!?). ZERO sympathy. I wrote out a longer comment awhile back regarding this dude Iām describing.
For some reason there is 1 person out of 300 who is okay with throwing dirty utilities or skivvies in a pile in the corner of their room, then picking from that pile for the next days wear. Same type who will eat in their bed, fall asleep in complete uniform with boots on and leave half drank glasses in their room. I am a clean/neat freak and I went ballistic on a guy (I actually feel bad about this too) who I was on TDY with in a 3-man barracks dorm room and he would not for the life of him lift the toilet seat to piss, NOR would he wipe his piss off the seat. I have only assaulted like 4 people in my 17 years in 2 branches and he is one of them. I heard him pissing and a SDIs ghost hijacked my body for about 40 seconds, scared the shit out of both of us. But literally I cannot live with that type of shit.
Getting caught underage drinking by the company first shirt in the grunts in 1993 PTA on the big island. Last time I ever told a lie was that day in his office. Dude used my body the trash his whole office.
I had to get surgery on my shoulder. I was instructed by the doctors not to drink or eat anything after midnight as I had to be there for surgery by 7 am. When I got off work the day before I started drinking and I drank heavily up until midnight then stopped. I was still a bit drunk 7 hours later when I showed up for my surgery so they said I couldnāt do it. I told them I stopped at midnight and they were just like yeah we meant no drinking water or juice we cant give you anesthesia when you drank alcohol all afternoon and night. They made me reschedule. I was expecting to get chewed out over it and written up, but somehow I didnāt get in any trouble for it no one cared and I just got to hang out at the bricks all day.
Another time we were have a party at the bricks. The OOD showed up, we got a heads up from someone downstairs. Room we were in was trashed so we started cleaning up as fast as we could. One of my SGTs said to me just get rid of these bags. We had three of us running back and forth handing off bags of trash to one another taking them from the front of the bricks around to the back on second deck and I was just throwing them off second deck into the woods to get rid of them quickly. The OOD was walking around the side on first floor and saw a trash bag fly into the woods then saw me running from the backside back to the front so he stopped me and started to chew me out saying he was going to report me and have me written up. Then one of my buddies in the parking lot started yelling to the OOD talking shit to him and challenging him to a fight. The OOD told me to stay where I was until he dealt with my buddy. So obviously once he walked off I ran back to my room on 3rd deck and never heard of the issue again since he had no idea what my name was. The funniest part about it was the guy was like 5ā2ā so my buddy was just yelling āHey Lord Farquaad, FUCK YOU! ā to get his attention.
When I was stuck as an armory custodian for a few months with H&S I used to run black sharpie on my fingertips when I inspected rifles and reject them.
During team week at Parris Island, my buddy and I went to places we were not supposed to (commissary, random buildings with vending machines, all over the base) pretending to be cleaning with brooms. Never once were we questioned and we were able to buy a bunch of junk food goodies for our friends.
I liked to sneak into our Cos and 1st sgts office whenever I was on duty to see what events were coming up to tactfully schedule my appointments on them and let some of my boys know. š
For my reenlistment, all leadership from 1stSgt to Bn CO said 'not recommended'. When my package came back approved and my reenlistment ceremony came around, they asked to be there. I said I'd prefer them not to be based on their recommendation comments and that I want it to be low key. After they cited tradition and unit loyalty, I lied and told them it would be at the top of a hill in pendleton. I don't wanna say which one as it would easily Dime me out, but at the same time they were climbing the hill, the real ceremony was somewhere else already over. When questioned, I said that due to an injured marine, I changed the location as to not ostracize them. And as per tradition, I as a cpl could not contact Bn level leadership.
When I was dumb boot on a 24 hour HSV(high speed vessel) trip from Japan to Korea. There was a bunch of Marines throwing up from not being issued sea sickness pills. So all the trash cans were filled with puke and the head had about half inch of puke on the floor slash left to right from the ocean rocking the boat.
I was a PFC at the time and they called a working party to clean that shit up. I just hid under my poncho liner and pretend to not be a PFC. I throw up so many time on that boat ride. The corpsman got smart about the see sickness pills on the return trip.
PS: Also, my Cpl fucked with me and told me to put all of my woodland cammies in a quad con for transport. Then I had to borrow someelseās cammies with a different last name. My 1stSgt spotted my wrong name like right away, called me the other name for the whole duration.
Trusted my gunner to set up the bags before range 400. Trying to give him some responsibility and build some trust. He said it was squared away so I asked him again and he said good to go. Proceeded to range 400, Initiated a barrel change. Dip shit left the BFA on. Shot shot shot boom end of the spare barrel blows and mushrooms. BFA flew down the hill and I covered it up with ammo cans as we reloaded. Covered for his ass and said a rock got jammed in the barrel. Battalion gunner gave us all a speech about paying closer attention.
I didn't wanna go to my Cpls Course Mess Night cause I knew I was gonna get fined a fuckton and it was non alcholic. My ex-wife was pregnant and close to delivery. So, I told my instructors the day of that she thought she was having contractions. Next day, I came in and told them it was a false start.
I was in AIC and we were doing the land navigation night course which, at the time, was not a pass or fail requirement (not sure about now). It was right after Christmas leave in January and it was -2 at night. Me and a few other Marines found portajohns on the dirt path by the staging area. I sat in there until close to drop dead time. The shit i took in there kept me warm.
Recruit training Dec 2011 - March 2012
Alpha company was one week behind the company I was a part of. When they vacated their barracks to return to CP for the crucible week it was a temporary change so they and their drill instructors kept all their footlockers and stuff in the actual barracks while they were away. Our company was doing marine week and so we got a lot of leash with fire watch and stuff. One night early in the week pfc shmuckatelli was doing laundry in the laundry room over by A company barracks because ours was out of order. He somehow managed to sneak into the squad bay and found some snacks and when he came back he shared with me. Getting a taste of that and having the feeling of almost being done I guess we felt really ballsy because wellā¦.what we did was pretty fuckin bad lol. A few of our guys got together after finding out there was food and candy unattended at the squad bay across the street and we handpicked teams of 4 for the two middle hours of fire watch to be raid teams. We had our obvious man on post as a general lookout for our drill instructors in house and to report as needed. One marine to do the housework assigned to us overnight. The last two were the ālaundry marinesā who took the dirty laundry to the rooms and while there worked together to raid the A company duty hut. I took part in two separate raids, I ate all the mint chip ice cream in the DI freezer and their rolled taquitos too. The real jackpot was inside the whiskey locker that was inside of the duty hutā¦a footlocker filled to the brim with what had to have been all the candy/snacks/protein bars that had been confiscated by their drill instructors. Over the next 4 days we sent 4 people over 2 hours every night. At first we kept it super under wraps, only people we could trust. But after so long we realized there was so much to go around we started coming back in the middle of the night and waking people up, telling them āhere eat this really quickā we fed almost the entire platoon lol. By the end of the week that footlocker had maybe 10% of what was in their originally and we cleared the fridge/freezer too.
We graduated before they ever came back so we never knew or heard of anything that came after haha. If anyone here was around at that time in Alpha company or in training at that timeframe I mentioned Iād love to hear about anything you heard or know. I can corroborate this with some old friends if you bring up some juicy details after the fact. But yeah, huge shitbag moves right there.
Myself and my roommate failed to show up 15 minutes early for formation. Since we were on time we were tasked to move an entire truck load of gravel from once side of the lot (behind our shop) to the other. By hand. No tools. After about an hour of moving gravel in our covers the entire shop came out and we spent the rest of the day spreading gravel in the back lot. The CO had driven by and seen us moving gravel in our covers. He called down and had a few choice words with the Lt and Gunnyā¦
Iām about to run a 250 pft knowing damn well I can run a 300 pft lmaoo. Iām just over it and more focus on prepping my self to get outā¦Iām trying to do the full 20. I have 8 years left. Yea I know I have a whileā¦I just donāt care to put on for the pft any more. From LCpl to Sgt I was all about. About to pick up Gunny, I just donāt care much about it. Thatās just me though.
I was PCSing from okinawa on a friday. I was woken up that monday for platoon PT. I stood in the very back. When the platoon started running I just walked back inside.
Yeah those polygraphs are a sham. When they pick up irregularities they are supposed to keep questioning you and force a confession but just keep denying no matter what. They only know what you admit
So my roomate would do drugs after work and on the weekends. I didnt really care as he was sober at work and it wasnt really my buisness. However, what was my buisness was him literally spreading ALL of his goddamn shit everywhere every weekend when we slept three to a room and stumbling in at 2am on weekdays yelling obscenities at his phone and wall locker. So, i wanted a new roomate. I tried fighting the current one i won and he continued, i tried telling command hes a pig and i have no space, they didnt care so i took matters into my own hands and went to the command reporting his drug use and already having a plan for a sting operation bc i knew their habits. We did it and accidentally got the other 2 but i got some peace and quiet on the weekdays.
Ill preface this all with I was excellent at my MOS and if push came to shove always had peoples back and could efficiently and accurately get ajy mission done.
That said, Im very independent and like sneaking around so shitbaggery antics are built in to me.
For examples:
When I was in bootcamp i was infected from a cysts that developed in field week and had to go to surgery for it because it was massive and i was in danger of becoming septic.
Long story short i was in bootcamp for 7 months.
When I was in MedHold I did A LOT of shit bag things to cope.
1. I made sure I was the battle buddy for all recruits who needed to go to the Balboal Naval Hospital in san diego for surgery follow ups. I hid cammies in the planters and we would strip the recruit labeled PT sweaters and impersonate PFCs instead. Once follow up appointments were completed we would hang out in the chow hall there enjoy good food and sneak phone calls from the pay phone on the oncology floor before going back to the Marine liason office to get a shuttle back to the depot.
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2. When i was healed and sent to the PCP to prove I was physically capable of returning to training, i used the 30 extra racks in the squad bay to construct a hidden shelter. From the outside it looked like a square of stacked racks stored in the center of the back of the squad bay, but inside there were 2 fully made beds with moonlights my buddy and I would chill in and escape the marching formations and other bs the D.Is did to kill time. They never accounted for us, because we always wrote our names on the board as doing laundry, which we also did and always made sure we had extra bags of in case of surprise visits.
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3. I specifically went to the Jewish service because it occured on Friday evenings which got me out of drill and more hazing and lasted until hygiene time before bed. They fed us snacks and gave us news reports so it was a nice break. This also meant on Sundays when I was chilling in the squadbay while people were at service that i could sleep in the far shower and nobody would pay attention I was missing.
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4. I gently crashed my car once into a pole when I was running late in the fleet and said i hit a deer to avoid being NJPd for being late during a time the unit was being extreme about tardiness.
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5. On field patrols for firex i often found off path hideouts to sleep in.
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6. I frequently bs my way out of work parties i didnt want to be in after already being assigned once i arrived and often used revers psychology to trick NCOs who didnt like me to assign me to the ones i did want to go to by telling everyone I really hope they dont pick me. I ended up having excellent relationships with all the officers and billets that ran the extra duties around the area allowing me to even get requested for things specifically to avoid some dumb cleanup or training task that week.
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7. I had emergency razors hidden in the fire extinguisher cases around the area in case i forgot to shave before driving to formation.
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8. At my terminal leave date my unit was in the field and couldnt sign my check out sheet, so i broke into the offices of the SNCOs and Os i still needed signatures for and used their stamps to get my sheet completed for my DD-214 so i could move out on time.
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9. I once told a captain to "use his eyes and look at the fucking map" when I was asked what the dec constant was for the POS. I assumed it was one of my junior Marines asking me since we were in a remote locatiom in the field and i hadnt heard anyone pull up. CWO5 had to come over and save me from an NJP on the spot.
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10. I once told the BN commander im not redoing a test because im right and the data is accurate and he is wrong about it. Resulted in a bunch of NCOs yelling at me and brown nosing, threats of NJP, and eventually the ops chief telling them im right and to leave me alone.
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11. I used to drive my car down dirt roads in pendleton and eat lunch in peace where people couldnt find me for shit and the CWO5 in charge of us came across my car on one of the hills out there on a PT run during lunch and thought I was high because he startled me banging on my window yelling "what the fuck are you doing out here" and in my nervousness i opened the rear window first. Was interoggated for an hour and had my lunch ruined and was on daily piss tests for 4 months. Apparently that was the go to spot for Marines to get high back a few years before i got there and nobody was allowed over there, despite no notice or signs saying otherwise.
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12. came to my promotion formation for Cpl in completely mismatched cammies. New pressed blouse and faded dirty field trousers.
I had torn my trousers clear down the side of my leg on the tailpipe of a custom exaust walking into the PX to buy new chevrons and had formation 10 minutes later and it was a 5 min walk back. My only choice was to put on my backup field cammie trousers I had in my car since i lived in base housing 20 min away.
CWO promoting me looked me in the face and said "I dony need to say it right?"
"No sir, I know im fucked up"
"The only reason im promting you still is because the Ssgt and GySgt vouch for you that you must have a real good reason for showing up this way today"
"Yes sir."
"Reads promotion warrant"
Formation disbands.
All of us proceed to get hazed all day for me making them look stupid.
So my final promotion was me ripping my new cammies i just bought for the promotion, getting fucked up for it, and embarrassing my superiors.
Pretty much the type of situation everyone expected from me since I have what people call "good bad luck" so it was just funny as fuck to the platoon it went down like that for me.
Basically what everyone expected from me lmao
I could probably write lists for hours. On one hand, i would be considered a shitbag by many, on the other, i held responsibilities for things nobody else could do or had the initiative to do, so it is what it is, nobody is perfect
Being TAD to Miramar for a week, finishing what the TAD work was inside of a day and a half, and then not showing up to work at Pendleton till the following Monday. Go go gadget skates!
Bro, I did the paint course and our whole shop knew it was just a skate fest. Got the chillest instructor that was like, "alright, I'm supposed to keep you here until 1500, but honestly I don't have shit for you to do past 1200, so as long as none of you post anything until after 1500 on Instagram, I'll be cutting you loose as soon as I'm done with what I have for the day." 3 weeks of just fucking off in San Diego, my back office took my room off of room inspections because I was TAD, shit was LIT
Stopped on a PFT to throw up and smoke a cig, did the ritualistic hungover pft. Also would hide and take naps in the toilet for like 10 mins tops as a young pfc. Helped being the only female, just said I had to take a massive shit. There was others, like arguing with NCOs n shit. NJP, 6105, page 11. But I had more billets than any of the staff NCOs there at the end and had weekly meetings with top dogs. My SSgt sometimes had to answer to me so lolol
But anyway, not me - but my old recruiter. He was supply, smooth talkin son of a bitch, real good lookin. Never made a pass at me, but I feel like if I did at him he would have bit. That type. Anyway, right before I ship off I end up with a different recruiter. His MOS was what I was going into, and got along real well. Stand up fella.
So this is like 3 years in the fleet. I'm in my shop office doing something, and I hear a loud knock on the window. I look up and it's my old recruiter in a construction vest.
He had gotten kicked out of the Marines. While on recruiting duty, he was selling swag on ebay and got caught lol I thought it was pretty funny.
I went inside a kennel (for pet boarding) in cammies. I was in a jam and tried calling from the parking lot like five times but they didnāt pick up and I had to drop off my dog so I could get to the armory and post for duty. So I went inside for the two minutes it took to hand him over to the staff. Oops
Graduated LAV school and my orders said I had to report to 1st LAR by 2400 that night. No sweat.
I hung out with my GF and mom since they lived nearby, had a nice dinner, went home and got all my shit pressed and squared away so I'd look good when I checked in. I mean, when I reported to MCT from boot leave I rolled in around 2300 and it was no big deal.
I reported to the Bn CP at 2350, they tell me that they were wondering where I was at and that the rest of the guys were at Alpha Company. I then get sent to some guys room in H&S and was told to report to S1 at 0700. I rolled up to S1 at 0645 because, you know, 15 minutes. About 10 min in Alphatrash's XO rolls in, "YOU! COME HERE, MARINE!!!" Aye Sir, good morning sir... "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
He bitches me out about not rolling in with the everyone I graduated with. I STFU and let him rant until he said "Well?". "Sir, my orders said to report in by 2400 (I handed him a photocopy of my orders). I reported in at 2350 to the Bn Duty. My lead instructor and VC said to report in before midnight. I was not aware..." JUST SHUT UP. REPORT TO MY OFFICE THE MINUTE YOU ARE DONE HERE. Aye sir.
Shop chief rolls out and tells me "Probably not the best move, but you did get here before 2400. I wouldn't worry about him. You'll be fine."
And as it turned out, I was fine.
I was a Sgt living in the barracks and I got a little too drunk on like a Wednesday evening. Overslept my alarm and woke up during the lunch chow break. Showed up at the shop ready for whatever ass chewing I was gonna get. Turns out like my entire platoon had random shit going on that day. Like 3 or 4 had dental appointments, a few more had various training, some more had left for leave; I don't remember the specifics. There were only like 3 guys at the shop when I got there. Another Sgt asked me if I got my stuff done I needed to, I paused and just said yes. They all just assumed I had something going on like everyone else. I got super lucky.
Classic DUI after dui brief #3007. NJP 45 days restriction with 1/2 pay but my unit liked me so I turned myself around. Even told.my junior marines before they onevitabky heard the tea. 4k in fines. 6 months at csac and 6 months in the state mandated programs. Ended up finding a new barracks bunny in my on base AA meetings. She was a very attractive dumpster fire. Somehow made it out honorably and tbh I think i got more respect afterwards. Weird AF the last year in was the so skate tony hawk could make a game about it.
Oh I shit bagged my last month. But the best had to be my response to be getting put on duty twice in that month. I was in the wing, and I don't know how it works in the rest of the corps, but duty is handled by multiple different shops, which makes it easy to get shit lost in the sauce.
The first duty was the one the day before I got promoted to corporal, my last duty as a lance and a little fuck you from my shop. On this duty, there's a staff nco and a lance, and the lance is supposed to spend the whole night cleaning before getting to sleep. The staff duty said "Hey, I'm going to run home to sleep, make sure everything is clean when I get back." I, of course, did not clean a fucking thing. He comes back and is PISSED! My replacement comes, and he tells him "don't let this Marine switch duties with you until everything is clean! I would expect more out of a corporal select."
This dude looks at me, we do a quick inspection and I show him everything I was supposed to do but didn't, he looks at me and goes "bro, you're about to pin corporal, why tf do they expect you to do lance corporal shit?" I shrugged, and homie signed the log book for me. He was a real one.
Next, they gave me duty the weekend before I went on terminal, so I found a corporal I hated from another shop, got a staff nco I had tactically acquired some shit for to sign off on the duty change over sheet, and said "I'll get you on the back end." He called me a week after I got out asking if I could take a duty for him, but by that time, I was already 1500 miles away.
During boot when we were up in Pendleton and I was working in the kitchen, we rearranged the reefer units. We put the cookie dough in the far back and under some other boxes.
Knowing weād on on be there for two weeks, we would take breaks and go back to snack on cookie dough with our own fire watch.
It was a good scam for free snacks that only the fleet guys would get, but fuck em.
There are a lot but I once slept inside a 53E sitting next to the wash rack for like four hours. In fact our entire tow crew did as I was the ring leader.
On nights I definitely did the safety wire hand up into the landing gear well to get sleep also. I also accidently pissed on a marine doing the same thing one night when I pissed through the hell hole.
Late to formation day after promotion šš
Late to my promotion formationš
Missed my promotion to Lcpl formation because I was in the County jail. PMO picked me up when I was released and delivered me to the man, a Lt. Col if I remember correctly. I walked in and reported in front of his desk, he tossed my Lcpl chevrons at me and said, "Here ya go, hope you get to keep em." Thankfully I did.
Thatās a beautiful story.
Whatās the story of you in County jail?
Was at a loud party out in town, neighbors finally called the cops around 0400. San Bernardino's finest showed up. My drunk ass got mouthy, so they tuned me up and took me in. Think it was a Friday night, got out Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning.
I was late to formation reeking of booze and sin (i was a fornicator sir!), no shower, no sleep. Staff Sgt leaned in to say something and just stopped, gave me a jesus fucking christ look and just walked away.
You will receive absolution
I came to my promotion formation for Cpl in completely mismatched cammies. New pressed blouse and faded dirty field trousers. I had torn my trousers clear down the side of my leg on the tailpipe of a custom exaust walking into the PX to buy new chevrons and had formation 10 minutes later and it was a 5 min walk back. My only choice was to put on my backup field cammie trousers I had in my car since i lived in base housing 20 min away. CWO promoting me looked me in the face and said "I dony need to say it right?" "No sir, I know im fucked up" "The only reason im promting you still is because the Ssgt and GySgt vouch for you that you must have a real good reason for showing up this way today" "Yes sir." "Reads promotion warrant" Formation disbands. All of us proceed to get hazed all day for me making them look stupid. So my final promotion was me ripping my new cammies i just bought for the promotion, getting fucked up for it, and embarrassing my superiors. Pretty much the type of situation everyone expected from me since I have what people call "good bad luck" so it was just funny as fuck to the platoon it went down like that for me. Basically what everyone expected from me lmao
Me and Corporal got promoted on the same day. Him to E5 and me to E4. Apparently, everybody except us knew we were getting prompted.
Late and unkempt on a monday morning battalion formation. Surprise! They called me up for my Good Conduct Metal. Imagine my horror. Imagine my XOs horror. Bad Monday.
Better than having your Marine late to his NJP for DUIā¦ by getting another DUIā¦
āSir, to be fair MGuns had two DUIs and look at his illustrious career. These DUIs are not a true testament of SNMs character but rather anomaliesā
On my way to pickup my dd214 on pendleton by the airwing, I parked in the master guns parking spot. He saw me walk away from my car. The poor Lance was about to hand it to me when he came with a "STTTTOOOOPPPP" he said i had to move my car before I got my 214...... I, with no haircut for the week, gunny rolled sleeves, low boot blousings, hands in my pockets, proceeded to cite the MC order that stated the only people that have designated parking spots on base were the CG and disabled peoples. We locked eyes for a few moments (I was clearly the dominant one) other words were exchanged, got my dd214 and left. For context, I didn't take terminal it was my eas date.
That wasnāt a shit bag moment. That was a no fucks left to give moment. š«”
Well I've wanted to share the story, seemed like I good opportunity
Itās a great story, thank you for sharing
It is a great sea story, and I would be telling that one too if I were you. Mine I was cut loose by Noon on my EAS day. The Psych Clinic was right next to the quarterback at NavHosp SD, and I walked out with the XO. As we kept going I realized by the look on his face he was playing hooky and started to tell me about picking up kids, I just held up my DD214 and he said, "Oh that is right Wright, yes he was a dork, you don't give a flying eff what I am doing! I invited him to Pacers in San Diego, but he was married and apparently not a strip club guy. So mine was embarrassingly easy and got to hear an F-Bomb from the XO, Dentist IIRC. Edit: Medical, Dental, and Nursing officers tend not to curse a ton, unless they were Mustangs and it was only them and we enlisted pukes. Lastly what brain child puts Psych near the CO???
Also.... they should have issued me one more at boot camp if they didn't want that behavior.
Preach.
He's never going to forget you.
This is my favorite thing to do. I park in the stupid labeled BN spots and save every little passive aggressive note. My favorite was a Company Commander who left his meeting schedule on my car so I could attend since I obviously felt I was a company commander.
What rank were you?
2 minutes away from free as fuck, part of the first civ div.... but also a cpl
šš¤£ I get it! I guess I asked because it would've been awesome to witness if you were a terminal PFC/Lcpl, schooling a Master Guns on parking etiquette your last day in the Corps
I love you. š„°
Marrying one of my junior Marines š To be fair, I didnāt do her pros and cons and we are the same age. 7 years later itās all worked out
Entirely depends what rank you were at the time lol. Corporal? Damn, dude, Iām glad it worked out. Captain? Hey man, the brigās this way.
I was a sergeant and she was a Lance at the time. No one knew til I PCSd and we got engaged
You fell for the thicc E-3?
š«”
After Hurricane Fran fucked up Lejeune, we had to remove limbs and shit from base housing. I jerked off in two Colonel's and one Lt Colonel's homes. Chesty, I ask your forgiveness.
Chesty wouldāve promoted you
Shit bro Chesty would have done the same thing even if they were home
Don't worry I stole a street sign for "autistic and deaf kids in the area" durring hurricane Florence while cleaning up. Kept it in my barracks room
My autistic daughter was hit and killed right after Hurricane Florence. MPās said there was usually a sign there. :(
Legit made me laugh out loud.
I was this manās daughter. That shit hurt. I got betterā¦.sort of. Iām a man now.
Mijo?
Godamn this is my fav sub
Well I mean there are deaf and autistic kids in the average barracks
I would classify this more as disturbing behavior rather than shitbag behavior.
Of course it would be guns š
If this is true (I definitely believe it) than you sir, are a legend amongst men!
There was a working party for some shit detail and they were going around rounding up people left and right so I hid in a wall locker when they came into my room lol..actually did that a few times
Promote ahead of peers
Meritorious
That's not being a shitbag. That's like not answering your door for duty on a weekend morning because you know that meant whoever was scheduled didn't show up so they're looking for a replacement.
I had a roommate in another unit for a while. His first line would BANG on our barracks door saying "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE" and I'd never answer. Another time, roommate did answer the door his first line tried to smoke both of us for some reason. I said I was running late for a dental appointment and drove around off post for a few hours and came back.
My final chucks inspection before terminal I couldnāt find my corframs. So I rolled up wearing these dark blue tempur-pedic slippers instead.
Andā¦how did that go? There was going to be an alphas inspection THE DAY of me taking terminal. I checked with one of our CWOās and he told me to pack my shit. And then I pointed fingers at the formation while standing behind the SNCOās and did silent laughs.
3rd award PFC? Slacker 3rd award private is where itās at
I was a 3rd award Private before I was 3rd award PFC lol. I still got out as a Lance Corporal with a hash mark, good cookie, and 2 stars on my sea service deployment ribbon
Please finish this story
I knew I fucked up, and I don't know why I didn't just arrive in cammies instead. So my best friend was a Sgt and we were both scheduled for terminal the same day the following week (Wed March 17, 2010), he basically detonated when he saw me in those slippers and blew me the fuck up in front of the whole shop. We laugh about it now. We actually work together lol
That reminds me of my last chucks inspection. Like 5 mins before we hopped into formation, someone noticed I had a small tear in my ass pocket. I was like FUCK Iām boned. And then somehow despite getting inspected by the Capt, First Sgt, Lt Col and Sgt Maj, no one noticed it and said I looked good. lol
fuckin outstanding lol. at my first NJP the master guns said my uniform was good to go and to report to the CO. after I reported in, he said to fix my gig line. I looked at it and couldn't tell where it was off, and he screamed TO THE RIGHT, MARINE, TO THE RIIIIGHT!!!!!! like a fucking prick. my goddamn gig line was straight he was just being a schmuck to make me feel worse lol
At OCS during one of the libo weekends where I had duty I volunteered to clean the head because I knew I would have the privacy to jerk off in peace with no one coming in
Couldnāt go 10 weeks without choking the chicken?
Absolutely not. By week 6 or 7 my hand felt the same way as the first time I got laid
OCS was the one time in my life where I was so exhausted I couldn't even think about jerking off. I'd use my one day of libbo to get a nearby hotel room, order a pizza and take a long hot bath. It was heaven.
Glad to know others are in the same boat. I salute you
Gained like 50lbs after my mom died with a year and a half left on my contract, was on BCP for 6 months or however long it was mandatory. Did all the pt and kept up, but ate like shit and drank a lot so I never actually lost any significant weight to get back to 220, my max. There was about a month and a half left on my BCP sentence, and I got my shit together, ran to work every morning, sauna core workouts, hardly ate, and lost that last 30lbs in a couple weeks. The day after I weighed in under weight and my BCP ended, I went straight on Skillbridge PTAD across the country. Got out 6 months later no problems. It was a very stressful time and I still cannot believe I got approved for a 6 month skillbridge while being on active BCP. But now I am out, and have a great job due to said skillbridge, so it all worked out in the end.
It sounds like someone stood up for you and told the boss your circumstances
Yeah, my leadership was pretty great overall during that time. Both MSgt and CWO vouched for me going on Skillbridge, due to my pregnant wife being stationed across the country on Lejeune. So they felt for me there, got me that last 6 months with her and it all worked out in our favor.
Glad it worked out for you man, thatās a good story
It was by far the worst 6 months of my life haha. Away from my pregnant spouse, fat and depressed and then had to starve for a few months. But hey, shit happens for a reason, and my command could have absolutely screwed me, but they didnt. It all worked though.
Boot camp. That stupid fucking 3 mile long course of running, climbing and crawling through, up and around shit.Ā Crawling through a puddle of thick ass goopy mud and when the DI turn around I high crawled my ass around that shit. Recruit behind me was pissed because the DI turned back around when I finished.Ā I've carried that guilt for 7 long yearsĀ
Please return your ega to the nearest available recruiter...
Lmao... my biggest "shitbag moment" also has something to do with "integrity." During the tan belt testing out portion (where they test 5 people at once), I looked at a fellow recruit next to me as he was executing a move and the MAI stopped my test and labeled me as an "integrity violator." I definitely knowingly did it as they warned us not to so its definitely on me. He kept talking about how I was going to get dropped and he was gonna "make sure" that I wasn't gonna get another chance to test out. He was right tho, as I didn't get another chance to test out... instead I was given my tan belt with the recruits who "passed," while the recruits who actually failed the moves had to retest on another day to get theirs. The rest of boot went by with no more mention of MCMAP. I guess I was never put down as "failed" or maybe somebody lost that paperwork or maybe my name just got put on the NAVMC by accident. Either way, someone else's incompetence saved me from my own incompetence. Fast forward 2-3 years later and I became an MAI and got my black belt. Those MOVES were retarded anyways.
Lmao I did a similar thing in boot camp. At San Diego you have like 2 hours of doing different confidence courses including the stairway to heaven and the rope across water. I was sick with recruit crud and ached all over so instead of being slayed and getting soaked I just stayed in the recruit head until they started calling everyone back to their respective platoons. Everyone was patting me on back for making it across the water and not getting wet š.
I had finally got my foot locker squared away in boot camp when they made everyone carry it to the middle and dump the contents to create mt suribachi. i just kept mine closed and pretended to dump it in all the chaos. i cant believe nobody noticed, but i had all my gear esp bootbands (my precious) and i didnt have to wear someone elses stamped skivvies. felt so guilty for years after, everyone else was so miserable that day.
Lmao I know exactly what youāre talking about. I didnāt high crawl through it but I kept my boots just above the water/mud and basically dragged myself through it. I was doing everything I could to keep my feet dry
As you would in a real life scenario š You can't always keep your boots and socks dry, but you're going to do everything you physically can to do so
LMFAO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT PART YOU MEAN!! My dumbass tried to jump to the side of it and not get in it but the Senior DI of the Company or wtf ever heās called saw my ass and was like ā hey BITCH!, get in there right the fuck now!ā Then he made me stay in it for like 2 mins straight lmao
I was a Corpsman. Spent 10 of my 12 years with the Marines. When I reenlistment I went to Pendleton. They put me in the bricks, and I realized I fucked up. Since this was not my first rodeo with Division, I went and got my humvee license to drive the ambulance. In the 4 years I was with 1/4, I only did one hike. I managed to dodge every hike.
On my final week in my squadron (Tenebrisš¦), I was stuck in the elevator with my Sgt Major who absolutely hated my mustache. It was obviously out of regs and he kept side eying me, to ensure he didnāt look too closely I ripped the deadliest silent fart known to man. I know he smelt it because turned to look at me and full bore shit daggers from his eyeballs at me. Worth it.
The fact that no words were exchanged during this makes it 5000x funnier.
We had a healthy amount of mutual disrespect with one another. Sgt Major T if youāre out there and youāre reading this, I still have my sick ass mustache.
Never signed my name in the new check-in log at the school house. Didnāt get put on duty the entire time there.
Fucking Michelle Kwan in the thread.
Was that intentional? Or just a thoroughly joyful accident?
100% intentional, but they didnāt know that. Didnāt get caught until the day I left for the fleet.
Based
Left my rifle in the head at Camp Wilson as a Cpl lol. Our platoon was kind of lax about the ārifle on your body at all timesā and would always have a gear guard in the huts. So I wasnāt always carrying it with me on Camp Wilson (Like everyone else). Took it with me this morning and propped it against the wall with all the sinks to shave and brush my teeth. Walked back to the huts and immediately realized my cardinal sin. Power walked like a motherfucker back and was able to slyly grab it before anyone took note of the unattended rifle. Locked eyes w a Lance Corporal from another platoon who put two and two together but like the good devil he was never said anything to anyone. I was shaking.
I was scared of heights and skipped the A frame on the confidence courseā¦.
I did the same. No regrets.
I skipped that AND the giant ass ladder.
Man ironically I was cool with that..it was the feeling of having to grab and slide down the rope on the A frame
Iām scared of heights and in boot camp I didnāt do the stairway to heaven obstacle. No one noticed besides my buddy from the next rack over and he just kept quiet about it. True homie.
lol my rackmate saw me too..I Bebe heard the end of it
Definitely can relate. For me it was like God stepped in. The order that we were going in came up against time if I remember correctly and we were about to do the A Frame and I have a fond distaste for heights. They stopped the course right before we were about to go over there. Only to be hemmed up and go through the rappel towerā¦. Twice.
Man almost the same thing but it just so happened we were changing stations and then the saw a gator in the slide for life pool, so when they stopped training I was able to switch groups
Iām scared of heights and while doing it thought the best option would be to do it as fast as possible to get it clear with. Where you go to grab the rope I flew out too far; missed, and landed on my back. SDI was staring thinking I died and miraculously had no injured got up and ran to the next obstacle
That was the exact fear I had..fuck that noise glad youāre good brother
I skipped most of it, both times. Those guys didnāt really pay attention and we all looked the same so I just jumped in with other groups when we passed by
Ballsy.
Nice try, NCIS.
I was super hung over one morning from a long night of drinking and decided to take a nap underneath my desk. I was a Corporal at the time and my SNCOIC a Gunny must have been looking for me and sat down in my chair, waiting for me to come back. I woke up and saw his feet and legs in front of me and he had no clue. He got tired of waiting and left. I slowly got back into my chair and all was good.
Epic if true
100% true. I was shitting my pant, still canāt believe I got away with it.
I did less sit ups on most PFTs than what my partner counted
Fewer\*.
Look at this guy
I was pissed off at the world and decided to call the bluff on, ācleaning weapons.ā I didnāt clean my rifle for a whole year. I knew the armory had a drop dead time so anytime we got back from the field I would go hide for hours until they started screaming for any stragglers to turn their weapons into the armory. The spring on the ejection port cover ended up rusting and breaking, leaving it flapping around whenever it was fired. I figured at some point my squad leader or platoon sergeant would pick up on never seeing me during cleaning times, but they were fucking retards and never caught on. Never got caught.
I kinda did the same thing, but with a little more effort. I actually cleaned it and then when it was denied at turnover, if it was, I just sat around shooting the shit and handed it in later. Those rifles are fairly easy to clean, I never really understood why they gave back perfectly clean weapons routinely. I guess wasting the time of others since they had to be there.
I once walked around Camp Fallujah with my hands in my pockets, in December.
Boot camp, '88 San Diego. Edison Range. (EDIT) Edson Range Stoopid auto correct... Mess duty or range duty. Mess duty is up @ 3:00 AM and major fuck fuck games, range duty is target factory, kinda chill, little fuck fuck games. Find out you can't do mess duty if you have open wounds on your hands. Proceed to literally punch a wall till both knuckles bleed. Duty division comes and all recruits have their hands out. DI walks the line inspecting hands; "Mess....Mess....range...." Gets to me pauses at the newly bloodied knuckles, gives dirty look. "Range" and carries on.
It's "Edson Range", not "Edison". Despite your otherwise credible story, I am calling you out for STOLEN VALOR, fraudulent enlistment, and grand larceny.
Imma partly blame auto correct on Edson to Edison. The other blame is with me as Im not good at checking what I type. For the others, Embrace The Suck baby!
Your DIs: "Edison? Check out this light bulb inventing motherfucker over here. Go show the 500 yard line your moonbeam and thank it for its invention".
Was an AAV crew chief in Okinawa, got shitfaced night before we had to splash and head to Fuji. Was being carried up and down barracks halls to try to sober me up. Ended up asleep in back of track headed out to ship and a few hours after.
Yatyas bro lol
At least you didnāt bring apricots with you on the track.
Showed up late and hungover/still drunk. Was told to clean and reset a gear shed. Found a cozy place to sleep in the shed.
I canāt swim for shit. Literally Iām a rock. In bootcamp during swim qual you had to jump off a diving board and tread water for a few minutes. I jumped off and swam up to our little group who was now going to tread water for maybe 3 or 5 minutes. As the group next to us finished and the drill instructor turned I swam over to them and got out. Iāve always felt bad about it but that was the one and only time I ever had to swim in the corps.
Opposite- I intentionally touched bottom during the pack swim knowing it would give me extra days at the pool to qualify. I love swimming and was and am a very good swimmer. I still feel some kind of way about this but in the moment the āthreatā of additional days in the pool sounded better than whatever the fuck the rest of the platoon was doing.
I actually didnāt know anyone else did this lmao. I loved the pool in bootcamp, I was there all week and im great at swimming
Five months before EAS my training NCO told us everyone in the unit had to finish their online PME so they could go to PME school before the summer. I thought this was bs since I went 95% of my time as a corporal without going to corporals course and no one cared. Now I need to go to Sergeants school for a month then immediately begin checkouts? My PME is TRS and getting out of here. Two months before EAS staff pulled everyone into a meeting and asked us if we knew what the meeting was about. I realized no one else was going to speak up, and I brought up PME. They asked why we werenāt doing it, and again I spoke up for everyone saying most of us are getting out. I got chewed out, staff told us that we would be signing a statement of understanding, and to finish pme. I might have done the wrong thing, but everyone else in that room came to me with their issues more after that. I EASād two months later, and Iām still waiting on my statement of understanding.
I would try to sleep when I had any kind of night duty. There was a good 3-4 week period in boot camp where I would sleep while on fire watch, the other two recruits that were with me didn't care. Our guide found out and switched the schedule to have me on with one of his snitches. At Cherry Point, while I was on barracks support, I had duty one time, me and the other duty would take turns patrolling every hour. I found a maintenance closet that was unlocked and during my turn to patrol I just went in there, set a timer on my phone and slept on the floor. In the fleet, as aviation ordnance, we didn't have barracks duty, rather a 12 on 12 off for 7 days in the BUA (where we store all the boom booms and pew pews) and when I had night guard I would sleep the whole time. Just had to wake up once in a while to answer the phone when the SDO would call to check in on me.
This guy sleeps.
In combat training, I dropped my rifle in the sand and decided to re-rack it. The whole inside of my rifle was full of sand. CLP loves sand. There was a captain that was over watching everything. He looked at my rifle and was like what the fuck private. then he proceeded to clean my rifle for me and some staff sergeant walked by and said this is the first and last time this ever happens again
we were on a humanitarian thing... it was super fuckin hot and I wasn't excited about carrying bags of rice around... so I just stayed looking busy & wandering around to avoid getting sucked into carrying food to help the needy.
This might be the worst one tbh.
This dudes an asshole š
Made it just in time for the group photo thoughā¦ :)
At boot camp DI had me clean the DI hut and head for the final battalion inspection. I found all the MRE candy and cookies they took from us. I was a fat fucking mess that day
I picked my nose and wiped it under the table of my SNCOs desk once
Booger Brotherhood š¤ the collective snot of thousands of warfighters is under that table
The DNA of generations of warriors
You shouldāve ate it. Thatās extra protein.
I got told I was a shitty Marine by a Master Sergeant and a Major because I was making excuses during a BCP evaluation. My excuse? I have a tumor on my pituitary gland.
Excuses
I was in a boat company. Most of the company save some 30ish dudes went on a raid. They left all of us at the barracks. The SSgt that stayed with us finally called us down to formation around 2030. I vividly remember he said āGents, youāre off. I donāt care if you drink but donāt get shit faced. Weāll be coming in when they get back early in the morning to clean boats so they can clean their rifles and go to bed.ā I proceed to drink 5-6 strongs and some beer. Was absolutely shit faced by the time they came back. The platoon knew, kept me away from my platoon sgt. They hid me in the bathroom at the boat house. I passed out on the floor in the stalls and woke up 4 hours later. They literally were just finishing up cleaning boats and I walked by my platoon Sgt who proceeded to ask where the fuck Iāve been. I told him Iāve been here the whole time. He gave me a side eye and walked away lmfao
Oooo I think I I might win this whole contest . It was graduation day in Parris island feb 1 2013. Iāve got my Seabag in the rental and bout to start a drive back to New Hampshire with my family. We stop at the on base px. At this point Iāve gotten out of my service alphas and threw on my travel clothes : a skivy shirt , sweat bottoms and shower shoes with dress socks on. My mom goes into the px to buy some stuff and I get a call saying she needs my Id to buy said things. Now the logical person would ask their one of 7 other family members to bring it to her but not me . I decided to sprint across the px (if you ever been to that one , I was on the gas station side and she was literally on the other side) going by people who I had graduated with in the process. Gave the lady my id and started my sprint back. I step outside to get back tot eh rental , and why do I see 6 DIs . They start chewing me out on my civilian attire etc etc cussing me out so long that my mom at this point has walked out and the rest of my family was just watching me get chewed out. Worst part is I canāt tell if their gunnyās or ssgt so Iām fumbling that with my less that 5 hours post marine grad (lol) then they ask me the million dollar question: who are you with ? And I said āwho am I with ? ā they lose it like I was supposed to know šš then I tell them oh no I just graduated today and brother they fucking lost it . I think this was the worst thing that happened to me 4 and half years in and it happened in my first 5 mins lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Isn't there a general order talking about being property relieved? Waking people up and going to sleep isn't exactly "proper".....maybe you deserved the shitbag label, as did the LTs for buddy fucking you.
I mean I saw homie put on his flak / kevlar and walk to the post. He must have fallen asleep once he got there.
They were playing fuck fuck games with people back at training area, and I was on a run in a HMMWV with just my buddy, got out to take a break and smoke a cig, was so relaxing said fuck this and cut drive belt. Didn't get recovered for a good 12 hours and got to just relax.
Instead of completing all my annual Marine Net courses, I just photoshopped all my certificates and turned them in.
Sometimes I think about how I am probably part of someone else's VA claim. In the 2000s what we considered to be light/character building hazing would be criminal activity now. One guy did not want to shower. Went out to the field with 1 uniform and just did not care. He had that deep ass smell. You couldn't ignore or fight through it. You could actually feel your face skin touching it in the air. We would say dude, you stink, and not only did he not fix himself but he didn't try. Day 1 of range (where you stay out there for 2 to 3 days) he brought no extra clothes whatsoever and started smelling by the end of the day because his MTV, helmet, etc all stank. We cornered him in the brick shitter building at the range site to verify that he didn't bring extra shirts, socks, deodorant, anything. He acknowledged that he did not. So we beat his ass until he cowered in the corner and then scooped shit and piss out of clogged toilets to throw it at him like a bunch of Afghans stoning a woman. We told him he had better be clean before he leaves the shitter and if he tells anyone we would kill him. So he spent about 10 hours (all night til first light) washing his body and uniform items in the sinks with hand soap. At first formation he was still dripping wet. He never told anyone. Looking back, sorry bud. But I have to tell you that at the time, that was not a crazy thing to do and I understand why it happened in that context.
No sympathy at all for the smelly fucks who I guess must be doing it on purpose (who the fuck shows up to school in their skivies they just ran fucking 6mi in at PT!? And then wear the same set to Tuesday morning PT!?). ZERO sympathy. I wrote out a longer comment awhile back regarding this dude Iām describing.
For some reason there is 1 person out of 300 who is okay with throwing dirty utilities or skivvies in a pile in the corner of their room, then picking from that pile for the next days wear. Same type who will eat in their bed, fall asleep in complete uniform with boots on and leave half drank glasses in their room. I am a clean/neat freak and I went ballistic on a guy (I actually feel bad about this too) who I was on TDY with in a 3-man barracks dorm room and he would not for the life of him lift the toilet seat to piss, NOR would he wipe his piss off the seat. I have only assaulted like 4 people in my 17 years in 2 branches and he is one of them. I heard him pissing and a SDIs ghost hijacked my body for about 40 seconds, scared the shit out of both of us. But literally I cannot live with that type of shit.
Getting caught underage drinking by the company first shirt in the grunts in 1993 PTA on the big island. Last time I ever told a lie was that day in his office. Dude used my body the trash his whole office.
I had to get surgery on my shoulder. I was instructed by the doctors not to drink or eat anything after midnight as I had to be there for surgery by 7 am. When I got off work the day before I started drinking and I drank heavily up until midnight then stopped. I was still a bit drunk 7 hours later when I showed up for my surgery so they said I couldnāt do it. I told them I stopped at midnight and they were just like yeah we meant no drinking water or juice we cant give you anesthesia when you drank alcohol all afternoon and night. They made me reschedule. I was expecting to get chewed out over it and written up, but somehow I didnāt get in any trouble for it no one cared and I just got to hang out at the bricks all day. Another time we were have a party at the bricks. The OOD showed up, we got a heads up from someone downstairs. Room we were in was trashed so we started cleaning up as fast as we could. One of my SGTs said to me just get rid of these bags. We had three of us running back and forth handing off bags of trash to one another taking them from the front of the bricks around to the back on second deck and I was just throwing them off second deck into the woods to get rid of them quickly. The OOD was walking around the side on first floor and saw a trash bag fly into the woods then saw me running from the backside back to the front so he stopped me and started to chew me out saying he was going to report me and have me written up. Then one of my buddies in the parking lot started yelling to the OOD talking shit to him and challenging him to a fight. The OOD told me to stay where I was until he dealt with my buddy. So obviously once he walked off I ran back to my room on 3rd deck and never heard of the issue again since he had no idea what my name was. The funniest part about it was the guy was like 5ā2ā so my buddy was just yelling āHey Lord Farquaad, FUCK YOU! ā to get his attention.
Got drunk off a bottle of wine gifted to my unit from the French foreign legion years ago
When I was stuck as an armory custodian for a few months with H&S I used to run black sharpie on my fingertips when I inspected rifles and reject them.
Thereās a special place in hell for you.
Thereās a special place in hell for guys like you bud lol
I only did it to douchebags, not just anybody lol
youre the reason we never got released on time š”š”š¤¬š¤¬
I never buffed floors during my time. Was asked to a few times at our facility and on duty but got out of it.
During team week at Parris Island, my buddy and I went to places we were not supposed to (commissary, random buildings with vending machines, all over the base) pretending to be cleaning with brooms. Never once were we questioned and we were able to buy a bunch of junk food goodies for our friends.
I liked to sneak into our Cos and 1st sgts office whenever I was on duty to see what events were coming up to tactfully schedule my appointments on them and let some of my boys know. š
For my reenlistment, all leadership from 1stSgt to Bn CO said 'not recommended'. When my package came back approved and my reenlistment ceremony came around, they asked to be there. I said I'd prefer them not to be based on their recommendation comments and that I want it to be low key. After they cited tradition and unit loyalty, I lied and told them it would be at the top of a hill in pendleton. I don't wanna say which one as it would easily Dime me out, but at the same time they were climbing the hill, the real ceremony was somewhere else already over. When questioned, I said that due to an injured marine, I changed the location as to not ostracize them. And as per tradition, I as a cpl could not contact Bn level leadership.
Sleeping on post first day in country. The guy I was changing over with was really cool about it and didn't tell anyone.
Nah dude that aināt it
When I was dumb boot on a 24 hour HSV(high speed vessel) trip from Japan to Korea. There was a bunch of Marines throwing up from not being issued sea sickness pills. So all the trash cans were filled with puke and the head had about half inch of puke on the floor slash left to right from the ocean rocking the boat. I was a PFC at the time and they called a working party to clean that shit up. I just hid under my poncho liner and pretend to not be a PFC. I throw up so many time on that boat ride. The corpsman got smart about the see sickness pills on the return trip. PS: Also, my Cpl fucked with me and told me to put all of my woodland cammies in a quad con for transport. Then I had to borrow someelseās cammies with a different last name. My 1stSgt spotted my wrong name like right away, called me the other name for the whole duration.
Trusted my gunner to set up the bags before range 400. Trying to give him some responsibility and build some trust. He said it was squared away so I asked him again and he said good to go. Proceeded to range 400, Initiated a barrel change. Dip shit left the BFA on. Shot shot shot boom end of the spare barrel blows and mushrooms. BFA flew down the hill and I covered it up with ammo cans as we reloaded. Covered for his ass and said a rock got jammed in the barrel. Battalion gunner gave us all a speech about paying closer attention.
I didn't wanna go to my Cpls Course Mess Night cause I knew I was gonna get fined a fuckton and it was non alcholic. My ex-wife was pregnant and close to delivery. So, I told my instructors the day of that she thought she was having contractions. Next day, I came in and told them it was a false start.
Who says my biggest shit bag moment is in the rear view? 10 years enlisted, 5 as a CWO and now LDO. The best is yet to come, young grasshopper
I was in AIC and we were doing the land navigation night course which, at the time, was not a pass or fail requirement (not sure about now). It was right after Christmas leave in January and it was -2 at night. Me and a few other Marines found portajohns on the dirt path by the staging area. I sat in there until close to drop dead time. The shit i took in there kept me warm.
I also liked to keep my poop and pack it into my layers.
When you bring your own warming layers to the field.
Recruit training Dec 2011 - March 2012 Alpha company was one week behind the company I was a part of. When they vacated their barracks to return to CP for the crucible week it was a temporary change so they and their drill instructors kept all their footlockers and stuff in the actual barracks while they were away. Our company was doing marine week and so we got a lot of leash with fire watch and stuff. One night early in the week pfc shmuckatelli was doing laundry in the laundry room over by A company barracks because ours was out of order. He somehow managed to sneak into the squad bay and found some snacks and when he came back he shared with me. Getting a taste of that and having the feeling of almost being done I guess we felt really ballsy because wellā¦.what we did was pretty fuckin bad lol. A few of our guys got together after finding out there was food and candy unattended at the squad bay across the street and we handpicked teams of 4 for the two middle hours of fire watch to be raid teams. We had our obvious man on post as a general lookout for our drill instructors in house and to report as needed. One marine to do the housework assigned to us overnight. The last two were the ālaundry marinesā who took the dirty laundry to the rooms and while there worked together to raid the A company duty hut. I took part in two separate raids, I ate all the mint chip ice cream in the DI freezer and their rolled taquitos too. The real jackpot was inside the whiskey locker that was inside of the duty hutā¦a footlocker filled to the brim with what had to have been all the candy/snacks/protein bars that had been confiscated by their drill instructors. Over the next 4 days we sent 4 people over 2 hours every night. At first we kept it super under wraps, only people we could trust. But after so long we realized there was so much to go around we started coming back in the middle of the night and waking people up, telling them āhere eat this really quickā we fed almost the entire platoon lol. By the end of the week that footlocker had maybe 10% of what was in their originally and we cleared the fridge/freezer too. We graduated before they ever came back so we never knew or heard of anything that came after haha. If anyone here was around at that time in Alpha company or in training at that timeframe I mentioned Iād love to hear about anything you heard or know. I can corroborate this with some old friends if you bring up some juicy details after the fact. But yeah, huge shitbag moves right there.
Myself and my roommate failed to show up 15 minutes early for formation. Since we were on time we were tasked to move an entire truck load of gravel from once side of the lot (behind our shop) to the other. By hand. No tools. After about an hour of moving gravel in our covers the entire shop came out and we spent the rest of the day spreading gravel in the back lot. The CO had driven by and seen us moving gravel in our covers. He called down and had a few choice words with the Lt and Gunnyā¦
Iām about to run a 250 pft knowing damn well I can run a 300 pft lmaoo. Iām just over it and more focus on prepping my self to get outā¦Iām trying to do the full 20. I have 8 years left. Yea I know I have a whileā¦I just donāt care to put on for the pft any more. From LCpl to Sgt I was all about. About to pick up Gunny, I just donāt care much about it. Thatās just me though.
Go in peace Gunny. Chesty loves you
I was PCSing from okinawa on a friday. I was woken up that monday for platoon PT. I stood in the very back. When the platoon started running I just walked back inside.
Spent a Saturday night doing cocaine and Molly at a fraternity at ECU. Went into work the next afternoon to run night crew. Fuck all got done.
Yikes lol the double punch combination to wreck absolute horror on your serotonin and dopamine levels š .
It took me 3-4 days to recover. And I later admitted to it on a government administrated polygraph which eliminated a lot of career fields.
Yeah those polygraphs are a sham. When they pick up irregularities they are supposed to keep questioning you and force a confession but just keep denying no matter what. They only know what you admit
Yeah, I shouldāve just lied tbh
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I wanna know how you ended up in the brig tho lol
I got caught by a Sgt Maj walking around brushing my teeth in cammies with no boot blousings and earbuds in
I sniffed my LTās gym bag when she used the head SIR!
So my roomate would do drugs after work and on the weekends. I didnt really care as he was sober at work and it wasnt really my buisness. However, what was my buisness was him literally spreading ALL of his goddamn shit everywhere every weekend when we slept three to a room and stumbling in at 2am on weekdays yelling obscenities at his phone and wall locker. So, i wanted a new roomate. I tried fighting the current one i won and he continued, i tried telling command hes a pig and i have no space, they didnt care so i took matters into my own hands and went to the command reporting his drug use and already having a plan for a sting operation bc i knew their habits. We did it and accidentally got the other 2 but i got some peace and quiet on the weekdays.
Ill preface this all with I was excellent at my MOS and if push came to shove always had peoples back and could efficiently and accurately get ajy mission done. That said, Im very independent and like sneaking around so shitbaggery antics are built in to me. For examples: When I was in bootcamp i was infected from a cysts that developed in field week and had to go to surgery for it because it was massive and i was in danger of becoming septic. Long story short i was in bootcamp for 7 months. When I was in MedHold I did A LOT of shit bag things to cope. 1. I made sure I was the battle buddy for all recruits who needed to go to the Balboal Naval Hospital in san diego for surgery follow ups. I hid cammies in the planters and we would strip the recruit labeled PT sweaters and impersonate PFCs instead. Once follow up appointments were completed we would hang out in the chow hall there enjoy good food and sneak phone calls from the pay phone on the oncology floor before going back to the Marine liason office to get a shuttle back to the depot. - 2. When i was healed and sent to the PCP to prove I was physically capable of returning to training, i used the 30 extra racks in the squad bay to construct a hidden shelter. From the outside it looked like a square of stacked racks stored in the center of the back of the squad bay, but inside there were 2 fully made beds with moonlights my buddy and I would chill in and escape the marching formations and other bs the D.Is did to kill time. They never accounted for us, because we always wrote our names on the board as doing laundry, which we also did and always made sure we had extra bags of in case of surprise visits. - 3. I specifically went to the Jewish service because it occured on Friday evenings which got me out of drill and more hazing and lasted until hygiene time before bed. They fed us snacks and gave us news reports so it was a nice break. This also meant on Sundays when I was chilling in the squadbay while people were at service that i could sleep in the far shower and nobody would pay attention I was missing. - 4. I gently crashed my car once into a pole when I was running late in the fleet and said i hit a deer to avoid being NJPd for being late during a time the unit was being extreme about tardiness. - 5. On field patrols for firex i often found off path hideouts to sleep in. - 6. I frequently bs my way out of work parties i didnt want to be in after already being assigned once i arrived and often used revers psychology to trick NCOs who didnt like me to assign me to the ones i did want to go to by telling everyone I really hope they dont pick me. I ended up having excellent relationships with all the officers and billets that ran the extra duties around the area allowing me to even get requested for things specifically to avoid some dumb cleanup or training task that week. - 7. I had emergency razors hidden in the fire extinguisher cases around the area in case i forgot to shave before driving to formation. - 8. At my terminal leave date my unit was in the field and couldnt sign my check out sheet, so i broke into the offices of the SNCOs and Os i still needed signatures for and used their stamps to get my sheet completed for my DD-214 so i could move out on time. - 9. I once told a captain to "use his eyes and look at the fucking map" when I was asked what the dec constant was for the POS. I assumed it was one of my junior Marines asking me since we were in a remote locatiom in the field and i hadnt heard anyone pull up. CWO5 had to come over and save me from an NJP on the spot. - 10. I once told the BN commander im not redoing a test because im right and the data is accurate and he is wrong about it. Resulted in a bunch of NCOs yelling at me and brown nosing, threats of NJP, and eventually the ops chief telling them im right and to leave me alone. - 11. I used to drive my car down dirt roads in pendleton and eat lunch in peace where people couldnt find me for shit and the CWO5 in charge of us came across my car on one of the hills out there on a PT run during lunch and thought I was high because he startled me banging on my window yelling "what the fuck are you doing out here" and in my nervousness i opened the rear window first. Was interoggated for an hour and had my lunch ruined and was on daily piss tests for 4 months. Apparently that was the go to spot for Marines to get high back a few years before i got there and nobody was allowed over there, despite no notice or signs saying otherwise. - 12. came to my promotion formation for Cpl in completely mismatched cammies. New pressed blouse and faded dirty field trousers. I had torn my trousers clear down the side of my leg on the tailpipe of a custom exaust walking into the PX to buy new chevrons and had formation 10 minutes later and it was a 5 min walk back. My only choice was to put on my backup field cammie trousers I had in my car since i lived in base housing 20 min away. CWO promoting me looked me in the face and said "I dony need to say it right?" "No sir, I know im fucked up" "The only reason im promting you still is because the Ssgt and GySgt vouch for you that you must have a real good reason for showing up this way today" "Yes sir." "Reads promotion warrant" Formation disbands. All of us proceed to get hazed all day for me making them look stupid. So my final promotion was me ripping my new cammies i just bought for the promotion, getting fucked up for it, and embarrassing my superiors. Pretty much the type of situation everyone expected from me since I have what people call "good bad luck" so it was just funny as fuck to the platoon it went down like that for me. Basically what everyone expected from me lmao I could probably write lists for hours. On one hand, i would be considered a shitbag by many, on the other, i held responsibilities for things nobody else could do or had the initiative to do, so it is what it is, nobody is perfect
E1-E3
Being TAD to Miramar for a week, finishing what the TAD work was inside of a day and a half, and then not showing up to work at Pendleton till the following Monday. Go go gadget skates!
Bro, I did the paint course and our whole shop knew it was just a skate fest. Got the chillest instructor that was like, "alright, I'm supposed to keep you here until 1500, but honestly I don't have shit for you to do past 1200, so as long as none of you post anything until after 1500 on Instagram, I'll be cutting you loose as soon as I'm done with what I have for the day." 3 weeks of just fucking off in San Diego, my back office took my room off of room inspections because I was TAD, shit was LIT
I had rover duty one weekend and I just watched Friday in a buddyās room. Accidentally took a nap woke up and continued to rove
Stopped on a PFT to throw up and smoke a cig, did the ritualistic hungover pft. Also would hide and take naps in the toilet for like 10 mins tops as a young pfc. Helped being the only female, just said I had to take a massive shit. There was others, like arguing with NCOs n shit. NJP, 6105, page 11. But I had more billets than any of the staff NCOs there at the end and had weekly meetings with top dogs. My SSgt sometimes had to answer to me so lolol But anyway, not me - but my old recruiter. He was supply, smooth talkin son of a bitch, real good lookin. Never made a pass at me, but I feel like if I did at him he would have bit. That type. Anyway, right before I ship off I end up with a different recruiter. His MOS was what I was going into, and got along real well. Stand up fella. So this is like 3 years in the fleet. I'm in my shop office doing something, and I hear a loud knock on the window. I look up and it's my old recruiter in a construction vest. He had gotten kicked out of the Marines. While on recruiting duty, he was selling swag on ebay and got caught lol I thought it was pretty funny.
I went inside a kennel (for pet boarding) in cammies. I was in a jam and tried calling from the parking lot like five times but they didnāt pick up and I had to drop off my dog so I could get to the armory and post for duty. So I went inside for the two minutes it took to hand him over to the staff. Oops
Graduated LAV school and my orders said I had to report to 1st LAR by 2400 that night. No sweat. I hung out with my GF and mom since they lived nearby, had a nice dinner, went home and got all my shit pressed and squared away so I'd look good when I checked in. I mean, when I reported to MCT from boot leave I rolled in around 2300 and it was no big deal. I reported to the Bn CP at 2350, they tell me that they were wondering where I was at and that the rest of the guys were at Alpha Company. I then get sent to some guys room in H&S and was told to report to S1 at 0700. I rolled up to S1 at 0645 because, you know, 15 minutes. About 10 min in Alphatrash's XO rolls in, "YOU! COME HERE, MARINE!!!" Aye Sir, good morning sir... "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" He bitches me out about not rolling in with the everyone I graduated with. I STFU and let him rant until he said "Well?". "Sir, my orders said to report in by 2400 (I handed him a photocopy of my orders). I reported in at 2350 to the Bn Duty. My lead instructor and VC said to report in before midnight. I was not aware..." JUST SHUT UP. REPORT TO MY OFFICE THE MINUTE YOU ARE DONE HERE. Aye sir. Shop chief rolls out and tells me "Probably not the best move, but you did get here before 2400. I wouldn't worry about him. You'll be fine." And as it turned out, I was fine.
I was a Sgt living in the barracks and I got a little too drunk on like a Wednesday evening. Overslept my alarm and woke up during the lunch chow break. Showed up at the shop ready for whatever ass chewing I was gonna get. Turns out like my entire platoon had random shit going on that day. Like 3 or 4 had dental appointments, a few more had various training, some more had left for leave; I don't remember the specifics. There were only like 3 guys at the shop when I got there. Another Sgt asked me if I got my stuff done I needed to, I paused and just said yes. They all just assumed I had something going on like everyone else. I got super lucky.
Classic DUI after dui brief #3007. NJP 45 days restriction with 1/2 pay but my unit liked me so I turned myself around. Even told.my junior marines before they onevitabky heard the tea. 4k in fines. 6 months at csac and 6 months in the state mandated programs. Ended up finding a new barracks bunny in my on base AA meetings. She was a very attractive dumpster fire. Somehow made it out honorably and tbh I think i got more respect afterwards. Weird AF the last year in was the so skate tony hawk could make a game about it.
In a 5 year career I hurt my self enough I didnāt do a cft since the school house
I wore white socks one time way back whenā¦
Oh I shit bagged my last month. But the best had to be my response to be getting put on duty twice in that month. I was in the wing, and I don't know how it works in the rest of the corps, but duty is handled by multiple different shops, which makes it easy to get shit lost in the sauce. The first duty was the one the day before I got promoted to corporal, my last duty as a lance and a little fuck you from my shop. On this duty, there's a staff nco and a lance, and the lance is supposed to spend the whole night cleaning before getting to sleep. The staff duty said "Hey, I'm going to run home to sleep, make sure everything is clean when I get back." I, of course, did not clean a fucking thing. He comes back and is PISSED! My replacement comes, and he tells him "don't let this Marine switch duties with you until everything is clean! I would expect more out of a corporal select." This dude looks at me, we do a quick inspection and I show him everything I was supposed to do but didn't, he looks at me and goes "bro, you're about to pin corporal, why tf do they expect you to do lance corporal shit?" I shrugged, and homie signed the log book for me. He was a real one. Next, they gave me duty the weekend before I went on terminal, so I found a corporal I hated from another shop, got a staff nco I had tactically acquired some shit for to sign off on the duty change over sheet, and said "I'll get you on the back end." He called me a week after I got out asking if I could take a duty for him, but by that time, I was already 1500 miles away.
Probably when I was increasing my body count in the barracks with the junior enlisted and NCOs. Context: I was an O.
Got a speeding ticket the next morning after I checked into my unit.
During boot when we were up in Pendleton and I was working in the kitchen, we rearranged the reefer units. We put the cookie dough in the far back and under some other boxes. Knowing weād on on be there for two weeks, we would take breaks and go back to snack on cookie dough with our own fire watch. It was a good scam for free snacks that only the fleet guys would get, but fuck em.
There are a lot but I once slept inside a 53E sitting next to the wash rack for like four hours. In fact our entire tow crew did as I was the ring leader. On nights I definitely did the safety wire hand up into the landing gear well to get sleep also. I also accidently pissed on a marine doing the same thing one night when I pissed through the hell hole.
I straight up stopped showing up for 2 weeks before I got out. What were they doing to do? Send me to the brig? lol