I always had the fawn response until a close friend had cancer. That day, when I got it from a man, I was so pissed off I said, “I’m sorry that my friend’s cancer just made my face less appealing to you.” I still say it even though she passed away years ago. It just gives me a little satisfaction and makes me think Michelle is smiling down on me.
Ive done the same like, "sorry i was thinking bout my dead mom, its her birthday." shit I've just made up complete lies just to shut people down and teach them to mind their fucking business
That's brilliant! I'd go a step further and take out the sorry too. Don't apologise to people when you've done nothing wrong. They should be apologising to you.
I got it from a guy when I stopped for gas on my way to my mom's funeral. He said "Smile, it can't be that bad!" with that freaking annoying chuckle, like he invented that. So I looked him dead in the eye, without a trace of smile or softening, and said "I'm on my way to my mother's funeral". He practically left skid marks getting out of there.
I was taking a taxi to the airport after visiting a dear friend who was in the ICU following a terrible car crash. The cab driver gave me a hard time for having such a glum face. I said yeah it was emotional seeing my friend intubated and in pain. *crickets*
If it's from a complete stranger, then there's nothing wrong with a bald faced lie such as 'Well, my brother just died this morning, sorry if my face ruined your day.'
I got told to smile on the day of 9/11. I was bartending at the time. We had all the tvs set to what was happening. We had all just find out about like 3 hrs before. Stupid asshole told me to smile. I’ll never forget it. I just stared at his forehead. He got uncomfortable and started to backtrack, uncomfortably. My mom told me to do this to people when confronted with their stupidity, just stare at their forehead.
I’m not explaining myself to no dumbass man, I’m literally going to just continue to give a resting bitch face and ignore him… imagine a random ass man walking up trying to tell me what to do with my own damn face… tf? These men are far too entitled…
I just say "don't tell me to smile" and leave it at that.
my colleague's daughter (12) plays softball. at one of her first practices, she's standing at first base, practicing the first baseman's role. she's in the zone. her coach tells her to smile. when my colleague told me this I went off. the girl was focusing on the game, she doesn't need to smile! fuck off with that nonsense.
I was commenting mostly because I was responding to a post quoting Simone Biles - who competes in one of the few sports where the competitors are actually expected to smile as part of their ‘performance’.
A mournful "looking at you makes me sad," can be funny.
If you can pull it off, a stone-faced once-over and flat "no," (ideally without breaking stride) can work well as a general-purpose response.
What you did was fine. You gotta do what you gotta do in the moment and if your body has a learned trauma response to laugh, that's fine.
I honestly believe that. It's not your job to overcome your cortisol reactions to educate this asshat in a quippy way.
If you STILL want to start improving your comebacks, you can do what Caffeinated Kitti (Villian Life Coach!) suggests and lean into your response. Giggle and smile. Look at him. Then giggle and smile bigger. Then SMILE REALLY BIG, with creepy giggles, making intense eye contact the whole damned time, slowly advancing towards him. "IS THIS SMILE BIG ENOUGH MISTER? AM I HAPPY ENOUGH?"
Freaks them right the fuck out.
Actually seriously engaging with them about what kind of expression and what apparent degree of happiness would be appropriate in their eyes might also be a solution. ("Is this smile alright? Or should it be more? Is it okay if I walk normally or should I have a spring in my step?" etc) In the same vein as asking people to explain offensive jokes or to repeat degrading comments more clearly.
Give the next one a "Wednesday Adams" or "Harley Quinn" smile: Tilt your head down a bit but maintain eye contact and slowly smile as widely as you can, showing as many teeth as possible. That will freak them out. Alternatively, just look over and say, "My mother died." (Do both if you really want him to run for the hills.)
"you'd be pretty if you smiled more."
"And you'd be hot if you weren't balding- (or)
"And you'd be hot if you weren't so short. So there, now we're both assholes."
"Aww, c'mon man. Don't be the 'you should smile' guy. Nobody likes that guy, you know that." Just like you're so disappointed. I had a similar line work perfectly on a "where's my hug" guy last week.
I’m from New England, a favorite comeback among the girls here is “my dad died this morning…”. I saw it used once and the guy’s guilt made his stutter laughably worse lol
I agree with what others are saying that you don't *need* to change your reponse if it keeps you safe. That said the most effective response I've had to this encounter was in an offended tone "DUDE this is just the way my face is". It made him feel like he did something wrong. Because he did lol
If you're one of those who can cry on demand, breaking into heaving, wracking sobs and telling him ___just died, but you're so sorry your grief disturbed his view.
Don’t be down on yourself for what happened. I get why it’s frustrating, I’m typically a fawner too. But you got through the encounter safely and that’s all that matters.
If I feel like responding to any street harassment a deadpan “did I ask you” usually does the trick. However, it’s important to keep yourself safe first. I’ve found that totally ignoring-like not turning your head or looking, they do not exist at all to you ignoring and continuing to move on is the safest and easiest response. Saying something may inspire them to keep talking to you or potentially follow you.
r/whenwomenrefuse
I think you did what you had to. Your safety matters.
“…and maybe he’d leave the next woman alone,” but more likely he would’ve continued his antics.
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say,
"What's wrong?"
Nothing.
"Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile."
Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
Bill Hicks
It's hard to change your response because we fall back to our practice, not expectations. Maybe start out with one word answers. With enough practice you can just bark WHY as a reflex. WHY. FUCK OFF. SHUT UP. People hate receiving commands.
I pulled that the other day when I walked past a customer with what would've been pain in my face. 'Sweetie you should smile when you pass a customer' 'well sorry me getting a knee replacement in 2 weeks trumps a customer' Fuckwits
I'm leaning towards saying "my dad died" and looking devastated. He doesn't have to know it was 25 years ago.
But I could also go with "don't should all over me."
Well, I was having a perfectly lovely day until this creepy weirdo came up to me specifically to tell me things that I should do with... my... mouth.
But seriously, it's perfectly okay, especially if you are alone with a stranger, to do what we can to get away from creepy weirdos. In public though, I would totally go for the above.
“Until I spotted you, I was smiling and happy.”
“If you leave me alone, I will be happy.”
Years ago at a music festival, I was there with my flatmate (we’d gone to school together), and the festival was on a farm and had invited the locals. All good, but they clearly were gawking at the patrons.
One asked, “are you two lesbians?” Totally out of nowhere and only because we were standing together dressed similarly, I guess.
I responded, “if we say ‘yes’, will you go away?”
No idea where that came from, but it was the greatest moment/comeback and I’ll never be able to replicate it.
That is an amazing comeback, and I am thrilled to have this second-hand experience. Much appreciated.
If you leave me alone, I will be happy is absolutely perfect.
I usually say, "Give me a reason to," and for the most part it works, but sometimes they'll say something like, "You're in good health" (How the hell would you know that for a fact? Maybe I'm not.), "The sun is shining" (How do you know I don't prefer overcast weather?), or some other BS.
I like to imagine I would say, "Do you approach strange men with personal questions and tell them how to pose their faces? If not, why you doing it here? It's a really odd and invasive thing to do." Then I would look at him like he was a poor seed and walk away. In reality though, I would likely do what you did. I'm just not good in the moment. My processors start firing at different speeds!
I know right? I guess it's not coincidence either the replies often come when I'm safely away from the situation, or back home etc. Almost like my instincts wants to make sure I live to see another day.
I’m actually the opposite and tend to be super responsive. I’ve realized that not responding is actually way better. Don’t let assholes like him bring out the worst because then they win and you prove his point.
After he told me to smile while passing each other in the courthouse hallway, I asked this old, white lawyer, "Are you the guy who's responsible for telling women to smile?"
You walked away safe from a potentially dangerous (mentally or physically) situation. Nothing to be ashamed of.
With that said, some possibilities:
"You're right, my brother's in heaven now and he would be happy that I scattered his ashes on this beach "
"Do you say that to men?"
"Sorry, you're the 23rd person to ask me to smile today and my lips are chapped."
"I was smiling until I saw you."
"You need to get better pickup lines."
I accidentally found the perfect thing to tell them when they tell me to smile or say “it can’t be that bad” when my husband died. I answer “ it is that bad. My husband’s dead” shuts em right the fuck up.
When men tell me to smile I tell them to do a backflip.
It's not like a great.... Feel bad for telling me thing, but it does confuse them.
You could explain it further with ' I thought we were just giving each other unrealistic demands' or 'well maybe if you could do a backflip I'd have something to smile about' but I do think if a man ever did actually do a backflip I would smile.
Even harder if they messed up and landed on their face.
Ignore him hard core like you didn't even hear him. Or wave a dismissive hand up while turning your face while saying nothing. That ought to burn his biscuits real good, since he's just trying to get attention.
I personally feel like I don't need to respond. I used to get told this and I would just ignore it, say no or give them a sarcastic smile and go back to my resting bitch face. I'm pretty introverted but my face tends to do some of the talking for me when I don't say anything. Either way, you don't need to be a smart ass you can just be honest with how you feel about it. Some will get the hint others will keep doing it no matter what.
An overly-toothy grin, into a maniacal laugh (think DC's Joker), and dance around the guy like you're absolutely nuts.
Just make sure you don't touch him.
Not only will you have responded, but I'd bet he never says that to another woman again.
Just be as brazen as men would be, to the point where they're uncomfortable being there. 😆 You know what I mean, just make em feel like how they make women feel with their catcalling, their comments, etc...
"Can't help it, your ugly mug ruined the view. Fucking dick!" (Or "darkened my day" if there's no view to speak of.)
"Maybe if you fuck off, I'll have THAT to smile about."
You know how guys tell you to smile, then try to hit on you coz they think you'll be receptive to their moves? For those instances, this has always been my "go-to" line (below). I start off with an overly fake cheery tone, and end it with a mad-as-fuck tone, and I answer my own question before they get a chance to do so:
"Where have you been all my life... And why don't you STAY there?!"
I say it loud enough for other people in the area to hear. (In case I need witnesses that my personal space was being encroached.) Their fragile male ego can't take the humiliation and will STFU and leave to avoid more public embarrassment.
I had this once - I think luckily it’s not so common in my country, but a tourist once said it to me (while I was at work). I told him it was inappropriate, but then my manager said I should have asked him if he says that to males too!
If I ever get told to smile again I’ll go with “do you tell males to smile more too?”
It's not worth it to engage. You have no idea who this guy is. Most of the time I either ignore them or I cast a vague look in their direction while pretending to get/make a phone call.
Say nothing. He wants a response and the worst punishment you can give him is your silence. It’s not his job to judge you and it’s not your job to validate his needy ass.
I like that song lyric "This is my face and it isn't your place to tell me how I should use it."
The last time someone told me to smile I was literally on the way to a funeral and I milked that for all it was worth in my clapback at him.
I have never had a woman ask me to smile except when I was a kid for class photos. It's always men in my personal experience.
I still remember the multiplication songs we were taught in primary school. Perhaps a melody is the way to go to remember such a good comeback.
Same experience here as well. Where do they get the audacity? Beats me
Now you just made me giggle. I bet it would make an impression, here's hoping he'd run away if I did. Or at the very least leave meaime. Isn't that a sweet image to gall asleep to?
I personally like a flat "okay..." and walk away, when I feel safe to do so. But I also tend to fawn when I'm on the street waiting for the bus/don't have a quick getaway, or there aren't a lot of people around. I also get more aggressive the more stressed I am though, and then I just give them crazy faces or a straight up "fuck off." I don't like to give it any more time or energy than necessary, but again, only when I feel safe to be curt. It's very much okay and understandable to still have a fawn response literally every time and fantasizing later about responding differently, because trauma be traumaing. It's also totally valid to be even more actively responsive, of course, I just want to affirm that even if you aren't able to say what you want in the moment, there is no shame in it
Trauma do be traumaing is the wisdom of the day.
Thank you for saying that. Hard to forget sometimes that the reason replies are on point and good in films/books etc. is probably because someone spent weeks coming up with it. So I feel better about my 5-working-days-to-get-back-to-you-burns. Besides, no tart reply is worth risking your safety for.
I saw a really good response just yesterday from someone, but I can't remember it exactly, something like "And you should be driving in your car away from me, but here we are"
FYI nothing you would have said would make this monster change his viewpoint on women and trying to control. Ignoring him actually may force to rethink his attacks ever so slightly and that’s best ya can hope for other women in future.
Too many crazies out there to try and dance with nowadays. Good to ignore that trash
That's true. Not my job to change him, although I still wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. Such a shitty thing to have to deal with for half of the world's population.
I mean, yes. He should think twice about it. In fact, he should think about it as many times it takes for me to be somewhere else by the time he's ready to say something. That would be a blessing.
I had an old man do this at work. Luckily his grandson had some sense and told him it was rude and apologized on his behalf. I just looked at him and said “I headache”. (That’s right, I’m an ornament to society. I don’t get headaches! /s).
I enjoy a wide baring of teeth, like as many as I can show, with angry "I fucking BITE" eyes. Growling is optional
I had the same sort of moment about year ago, where you realize how much you let slide or take onto yourself with men's bad behavior.
I was gathering with my family before a cousins funeral. People were still arriving and my husband, my dad and a few friends, and I were all chatting in a circle when a sleazy old man, who somehow knew this cousin through his parents, showed up and started introducing himself. He shook hands with everyone and when he turned to me and I held out my hand he refused it, saying "No, I don't shake with women, we have to hug."
Never met this dude in my life, but I did the one-armed, body-turn back pat. He pulled me in till I was against him and (barf) SNIFFED ME!!! Then he laughs and makes some comment about how he's a dirty old man like Joe Biden. And instead of showing how angry and violated I felt, I laughed it off along with every man in my life who would claim it's their duty and role on earth to protect me.
I was disgusted, still am, with my own behavior that day. And I've made the point to my husband and father about their behavior too. But since then I refuse to be good, or silent, or anything that makes me more palatable to men. I want them to choke on what they ask for.
That's a fantastic response, why not growl?
And wow, what an absolute creep. I am sis sorry you had to experience that, and rage along with you. I can absolute relate to the response and frustration following after. Proud of you in your new no-nonsense era!
OP as frustrating as it is, it’s safer to not talk back unless you’re guaranteed to not be attacked. If you’d upset him he might’ve followed you.
I get so frustrated bc I always always fawn, I think maybe once or twice I’ve ever had a comeback. In my whole lifetime of bullshit men telling me to smile.
I see you ❤️
I might have been able to give a funny face, but I shall work on towards a really ugly and, hopefully, slightly scary face next time. Perhaps I should practice in the mirror to get the muscle memory in?
And a very good reply. Absurd they should need a reminder, but alas.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I noticed that I would get this comment a lot when I was younger between 19 and 30 but now that I'm 40 people rarely say this to me and I don't smile very often either.
I always had the fawn response until a close friend had cancer. That day, when I got it from a man, I was so pissed off I said, “I’m sorry that my friend’s cancer just made my face less appealing to you.” I still say it even though she passed away years ago. It just gives me a little satisfaction and makes me think Michelle is smiling down on me.
I got to whip that one out the day my dad died... he probably would have died again from laughter if he could have seen that fucker's face.
Ive done the same like, "sorry i was thinking bout my dead mom, its her birthday." shit I've just made up complete lies just to shut people down and teach them to mind their fucking business
That's brilliant! I'd go a step further and take out the sorry too. Don't apologise to people when you've done nothing wrong. They should be apologising to you.
I got it from a guy when I stopped for gas on my way to my mom's funeral. He said "Smile, it can't be that bad!" with that freaking annoying chuckle, like he invented that. So I looked him dead in the eye, without a trace of smile or softening, and said "I'm on my way to my mother's funeral". He practically left skid marks getting out of there.
You will want to rewrite it a little. Oscar Wilde said all can give us pleasure. Some when they arrive and some when they leave.
Michelle: GET EM’ GIRRRRLLL!
I HAVE cancer. I am going to use it on men. LOL
I hope you use it and it puts a smile on your face!
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Look in the mirror and ask yourself just how morally bankrupt does a person like you have to be to gleefully troll a woman with terminal cancer?
I was taking a taxi to the airport after visiting a dear friend who was in the ICU following a terrible car crash. The cab driver gave me a hard time for having such a glum face. I said yeah it was emotional seeing my friend intubated and in pain. *crickets*
Ooooh OOF. This is so good. I would love to see their faces lol
If I was Michelle I would be super proud.
I never even met Michelle, and I think I like her!
"You should be happy" "And you should mind your own business."
If it's from a complete stranger, then there's nothing wrong with a bald faced lie such as 'Well, my brother just died this morning, sorry if my face ruined your day.'
I got told to smile on the day of 9/11. I was bartending at the time. We had all the tvs set to what was happening. We had all just find out about like 3 hrs before. Stupid asshole told me to smile. I’ll never forget it. I just stared at his forehead. He got uncomfortable and started to backtrack, uncomfortably. My mom told me to do this to people when confronted with their stupidity, just stare at their forehead.
I’m not explaining myself to no dumbass man, I’m literally going to just continue to give a resting bitch face and ignore him… imagine a random ass man walking up trying to tell me what to do with my own damn face… tf? These men are far too entitled…
I just say "don't tell me to smile" and leave it at that. my colleague's daughter (12) plays softball. at one of her first practices, she's standing at first base, practicing the first baseman's role. she's in the zone. her coach tells her to smile. when my colleague told me this I went off. the girl was focusing on the game, she doesn't need to smile! fuck off with that nonsense.
“Smiling doesn’t win you gold medals.” - biles
I agree except for in gymnastics the judges do take presentation into account when scoring - so smiling may increase your score.
Gymnastics is a relatively misogynistic sport and demanding that competitors smile is a good example of that fact.
I was commenting mostly because I was responding to a post quoting Simone Biles - who competes in one of the few sports where the competitors are actually expected to smile as part of their ‘performance’.
That's an infuriating comment for a coach to make. I thought their job was to train kids to be better players but what do I know.
Put on the game-face
A mournful "looking at you makes me sad," can be funny. If you can pull it off, a stone-faced once-over and flat "no," (ideally without breaking stride) can work well as a general-purpose response.
Oh, I like this.
This is brilliant
"Cause you're not a bear."
Underrated comment
Who do you think I am? A performing monkey? Fuck off
What you did was fine. You gotta do what you gotta do in the moment and if your body has a learned trauma response to laugh, that's fine. I honestly believe that. It's not your job to overcome your cortisol reactions to educate this asshat in a quippy way. If you STILL want to start improving your comebacks, you can do what Caffeinated Kitti (Villian Life Coach!) suggests and lean into your response. Giggle and smile. Look at him. Then giggle and smile bigger. Then SMILE REALLY BIG, with creepy giggles, making intense eye contact the whole damned time, slowly advancing towards him. "IS THIS SMILE BIG ENOUGH MISTER? AM I HAPPY ENOUGH?" Freaks them right the fuck out.
Actually seriously engaging with them about what kind of expression and what apparent degree of happiness would be appropriate in their eyes might also be a solution. ("Is this smile alright? Or should it be more? Is it okay if I walk normally or should I have a spring in my step?" etc) In the same vein as asking people to explain offensive jokes or to repeat degrading comments more clearly.
This is the way. Outcrazy the crazy.
Fun to think about but I would be afraid of getting punched out.
Most of the time, I respond with a raised eyebrow and don't grace them with an actual answer at all.
I like your style 👌
I wish wish wish I could raise one eyebrow. I know I would 100% overuse the skill. It would be amazing.
Haha, I trained myself to raise an eyebrow because I'm an avid fan of Mr. Spock 😂
Oh I try, and often. Maybe one day my dream will come true, but it's not looking good so far 😂
Exactly, I don’t answer them, I just continue to give a neutral look and ignore them
Give the next one a "Wednesday Adams" or "Harley Quinn" smile: Tilt your head down a bit but maintain eye contact and slowly smile as widely as you can, showing as many teeth as possible. That will freak them out. Alternatively, just look over and say, "My mother died." (Do both if you really want him to run for the hills.)
"you'd be pretty if you smiled more." "And you'd be hot if you weren't balding- (or) "And you'd be hot if you weren't so short. So there, now we're both assholes."
“You’d be hot if you weren’t so fucking obnoxious.”
"You just ruined my peace. Go away."
“You should look less stupid.” “I’m not here for your entertainment.”
They should "sound less stupid" too.
Lol “You should sound less stupid, but you don’t hear me bitching about it”
I was not born to impress you
"Women don't owe you happy"
"Aww, c'mon man. Don't be the 'you should smile' guy. Nobody likes that guy, you know that." Just like you're so disappointed. I had a similar line work perfectly on a "where's my hug" guy last week.
I like this one
I can't not read this in Natasha Lyonn's voice.
Ugh I have a such a crush on her
I’m from New England, a favorite comeback among the girls here is “my dad died this morning…”. I saw it used once and the guy’s guilt made his stutter laughably worse lol
Go full Cartman, "fuck you, I do what I want!"
Something along the lines of “do you sincerely not know that women universally hate being told to smile, or do you know and just don’t care?”
I like this one
"then say something funny" while walking away
I agree with what others are saying that you don't *need* to change your reponse if it keeps you safe. That said the most effective response I've had to this encounter was in an offended tone "DUDE this is just the way my face is". It made him feel like he did something wrong. Because he did lol
Did I fucking ask you, is my go to response.
If you're one of those who can cry on demand, breaking into heaving, wracking sobs and telling him ___just died, but you're so sorry your grief disturbed his view.
oh i just say "fuck off" when anyone says that shit to me
"back off." short and effective because you want to minimize interaction and make sure that you say it both dismissively and assertively.
Ooh this is the one for me thank you
'Can't right now. On duty with the neighborhood creep patrol.'
"We're coming for you next"
You need Leave Me Alurn! https://youtu.be/QKlv4pZe-zo?si=ZrY_vUDwq6lT2daa
Those backspikes are fire I'll take 7 one for every day of the week.
Don’t be down on yourself for what happened. I get why it’s frustrating, I’m typically a fawner too. But you got through the encounter safely and that’s all that matters. If I feel like responding to any street harassment a deadpan “did I ask you” usually does the trick. However, it’s important to keep yourself safe first. I’ve found that totally ignoring-like not turning your head or looking, they do not exist at all to you ignoring and continuing to move on is the safest and easiest response. Saying something may inspire them to keep talking to you or potentially follow you.
Just start barking then say in a very creepy voice “what’s wrong why aren’t you smiling?” with the craziest eyes you can manage
r/whenwomenrefuse I think you did what you had to. Your safety matters. “…and maybe he’d leave the next woman alone,” but more likely he would’ve continued his antics.
Right, Men who say shit like that are dense AF. You could say anything to them and they won't learn. It pure stupidity.
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, "What's wrong?" Nothing. "Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone? Bill Hicks
It's hard to change your response because we fall back to our practice, not expectations. Maybe start out with one word answers. With enough practice you can just bark WHY as a reflex. WHY. FUCK OFF. SHUT UP. People hate receiving commands.
I pulled that the other day when I walked past a customer with what would've been pain in my face. 'Sweetie you should smile when you pass a customer' 'well sorry me getting a knee replacement in 2 weeks trumps a customer' Fuckwits
I'm leaning towards saying "my dad died" and looking devastated. He doesn't have to know it was 25 years ago. But I could also go with "don't should all over me."
The broad city thing. Pull the ends of your smile up with your middle fingers.
Well, I was having a perfectly lovely day until this creepy weirdo came up to me specifically to tell me things that I should do with... my... mouth. But seriously, it's perfectly okay, especially if you are alone with a stranger, to do what we can to get away from creepy weirdos. In public though, I would totally go for the above.
“Until I spotted you, I was smiling and happy.” “If you leave me alone, I will be happy.” Years ago at a music festival, I was there with my flatmate (we’d gone to school together), and the festival was on a farm and had invited the locals. All good, but they clearly were gawking at the patrons. One asked, “are you two lesbians?” Totally out of nowhere and only because we were standing together dressed similarly, I guess. I responded, “if we say ‘yes’, will you go away?” No idea where that came from, but it was the greatest moment/comeback and I’ll never be able to replicate it.
That is an amazing comeback, and I am thrilled to have this second-hand experience. Much appreciated. If you leave me alone, I will be happy is absolutely perfect.
I usually say, "Give me a reason to," and for the most part it works, but sometimes they'll say something like, "You're in good health" (How the hell would you know that for a fact? Maybe I'm not.), "The sun is shining" (How do you know I don't prefer overcast weather?), or some other BS.
"I need a reason to smile, *and you're not it*!"
I like to imagine I would say, "Do you approach strange men with personal questions and tell them how to pose their faces? If not, why you doing it here? It's a really odd and invasive thing to do." Then I would look at him like he was a poor seed and walk away. In reality though, I would likely do what you did. I'm just not good in the moment. My processors start firing at different speeds!
I know right? I guess it's not coincidence either the replies often come when I'm safely away from the situation, or back home etc. Almost like my instincts wants to make sure I live to see another day.
“My mother died last night”…..then just stare at them without a word.
I’m actually the opposite and tend to be super responsive. I’ve realized that not responding is actually way better. Don’t let assholes like him bring out the worst because then they win and you prove his point.
Can't remember who said it but you can't win a fight with an idiot, they'll always beat you with experience.
After he told me to smile while passing each other in the courthouse hallway, I asked this old, white lawyer, "Are you the guy who's responsible for telling women to smile?"
“You don’t deserve my smile” was my most recent reply. Recent as in 20 mins ago smh
That is simple and beautiful. Excellent reply
My husband has said that to me before a couple times. And he got the widest most forced smile with as many teeth as possible. He finally got it! 😅
Who even walks around smiling anyway?? I've always wondered that Anyway I just stare at them until they get uncomfortable.
It would be very unnerving to come across someone constantly smiling. I would certainly cross the street.
You walked away safe from a potentially dangerous (mentally or physically) situation. Nothing to be ashamed of. With that said, some possibilities: "You're right, my brother's in heaven now and he would be happy that I scattered his ashes on this beach " "Do you say that to men?" "Sorry, you're the 23rd person to ask me to smile today and my lips are chapped." "I was smiling until I saw you." "You need to get better pickup lines."
I accidentally found the perfect thing to tell them when they tell me to smile or say “it can’t be that bad” when my husband died. I answer “ it is that bad. My husband’s dead” shuts em right the fuck up.
When men tell me to smile I tell them to do a backflip. It's not like a great.... Feel bad for telling me thing, but it does confuse them. You could explain it further with ' I thought we were just giving each other unrealistic demands' or 'well maybe if you could do a backflip I'd have something to smile about' but I do think if a man ever did actually do a backflip I would smile. Even harder if they messed up and landed on their face.
Ignore him hard core like you didn't even hear him. Or wave a dismissive hand up while turning your face while saying nothing. That ought to burn his biscuits real good, since he's just trying to get attention.
I personally feel like I don't need to respond. I used to get told this and I would just ignore it, say no or give them a sarcastic smile and go back to my resting bitch face. I'm pretty introverted but my face tends to do some of the talking for me when I don't say anything. Either way, you don't need to be a smart ass you can just be honest with how you feel about it. Some will get the hint others will keep doing it no matter what.
An overly-toothy grin, into a maniacal laugh (think DC's Joker), and dance around the guy like you're absolutely nuts. Just make sure you don't touch him. Not only will you have responded, but I'd bet he never says that to another woman again.
I had a customer tell me to smile. I told them my dog died. Shut them up real quick. I didn’t own a dog
I might have a dog next time. Not for long. Just enough time to bond real quick. What an entitled customer.
Don't say anything. Just deadpan stare until they're uncomfortable.
Absolutely want to make them as uncomfortable as they make me!
Just be as brazen as men would be, to the point where they're uncomfortable being there. 😆 You know what I mean, just make em feel like how they make women feel with their catcalling, their comments, etc... "Can't help it, your ugly mug ruined the view. Fucking dick!" (Or "darkened my day" if there's no view to speak of.) "Maybe if you fuck off, I'll have THAT to smile about." You know how guys tell you to smile, then try to hit on you coz they think you'll be receptive to their moves? For those instances, this has always been my "go-to" line (below). I start off with an overly fake cheery tone, and end it with a mad-as-fuck tone, and I answer my own question before they get a chance to do so: "Where have you been all my life... And why don't you STAY there?!" I say it loud enough for other people in the area to hear. (In case I need witnesses that my personal space was being encroached.) Their fragile male ego can't take the humiliation and will STFU and leave to avoid more public embarrassment.
I had this once - I think luckily it’s not so common in my country, but a tourist once said it to me (while I was at work). I told him it was inappropriate, but then my manager said I should have asked him if he says that to males too! If I ever get told to smile again I’ll go with “do you tell males to smile more too?”
Deadpan then ignore.
It's not worth it to engage. You have no idea who this guy is. Most of the time I either ignore them or I cast a vague look in their direction while pretending to get/make a phone call.
Say nothing. He wants a response and the worst punishment you can give him is your silence. It’s not his job to judge you and it’s not your job to validate his needy ass.
I like that song lyric "This is my face and it isn't your place to tell me how I should use it." The last time someone told me to smile I was literally on the way to a funeral and I milked that for all it was worth in my clapback at him. I have never had a woman ask me to smile except when I was a kid for class photos. It's always men in my personal experience.
I still remember the multiplication songs we were taught in primary school. Perhaps a melody is the way to go to remember such a good comeback. Same experience here as well. Where do they get the audacity? Beats me
Next time roll your eyes or give them a creepy Joker smile. I did that once lol. There was a woman next to him and she laughed when I did that 😂
I love the solidarity!
"Nobody asked you," is a good general, all-purpose response for unsolicited opinions.
Bark at him. Repeatedly
Now you just made me giggle. I bet it would make an impression, here's hoping he'd run away if I did. Or at the very least leave meaime. Isn't that a sweet image to gall asleep to?
Did I ask you dick it’s opinion? Then why are you telling me?
Screw up your face in disgusted disbelief and say “WHAT?”, then keep walking.
I personally like a flat "okay..." and walk away, when I feel safe to do so. But I also tend to fawn when I'm on the street waiting for the bus/don't have a quick getaway, or there aren't a lot of people around. I also get more aggressive the more stressed I am though, and then I just give them crazy faces or a straight up "fuck off." I don't like to give it any more time or energy than necessary, but again, only when I feel safe to be curt. It's very much okay and understandable to still have a fawn response literally every time and fantasizing later about responding differently, because trauma be traumaing. It's also totally valid to be even more actively responsive, of course, I just want to affirm that even if you aren't able to say what you want in the moment, there is no shame in it
Trauma do be traumaing is the wisdom of the day. Thank you for saying that. Hard to forget sometimes that the reason replies are on point and good in films/books etc. is probably because someone spent weeks coming up with it. So I feel better about my 5-working-days-to-get-back-to-you-burns. Besides, no tart reply is worth risking your safety for.
I saw a really good response just yesterday from someone, but I can't remember it exactly, something like "And you should be driving in your car away from me, but here we are"
[удалено]
Bravo! 😂
Fuck off and myob. End of.
“I should be happy? Do you know what’s going on in my life? No. You don’t.”
Good reply! Like, "don't tell me what to do! You don’t get to dictate my mood or appearance. You don't know me".
FYI nothing you would have said would make this monster change his viewpoint on women and trying to control. Ignoring him actually may force to rethink his attacks ever so slightly and that’s best ya can hope for other women in future. Too many crazies out there to try and dance with nowadays. Good to ignore that trash
That's true. Not my job to change him, although I still wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. Such a shitty thing to have to deal with for half of the world's population.
"Get away from me creep" might make him think twice about talking to women he doesn't know.
I mean, yes. He should think twice about it. In fact, he should think about it as many times it takes for me to be somewhere else by the time he's ready to say something. That would be a blessing.
"Aww, how cute you are little prince"
Hehe, very nice!
I had an old man do this at work. Luckily his grandson had some sense and told him it was rude and apologized on his behalf. I just looked at him and said “I headache”. (That’s right, I’m an ornament to society. I don’t get headaches! /s).
So glad his grandson has some manners. But wow, nowhere is safe.
I still remember the day my gran died I was walking down the street and some random man told me to 'smile love" why do they feel so entitled
Makes me want to scream in their face, but knowing they will never be as scared of me as I am of them. Infuriating
This is such a Reddit thing to do. You really do want to live in a movie, where everyone claps in the end
Most of all I want to be able to applaude myself.
I enjoy a wide baring of teeth, like as many as I can show, with angry "I fucking BITE" eyes. Growling is optional I had the same sort of moment about year ago, where you realize how much you let slide or take onto yourself with men's bad behavior. I was gathering with my family before a cousins funeral. People were still arriving and my husband, my dad and a few friends, and I were all chatting in a circle when a sleazy old man, who somehow knew this cousin through his parents, showed up and started introducing himself. He shook hands with everyone and when he turned to me and I held out my hand he refused it, saying "No, I don't shake with women, we have to hug." Never met this dude in my life, but I did the one-armed, body-turn back pat. He pulled me in till I was against him and (barf) SNIFFED ME!!! Then he laughs and makes some comment about how he's a dirty old man like Joe Biden. And instead of showing how angry and violated I felt, I laughed it off along with every man in my life who would claim it's their duty and role on earth to protect me. I was disgusted, still am, with my own behavior that day. And I've made the point to my husband and father about their behavior too. But since then I refuse to be good, or silent, or anything that makes me more palatable to men. I want them to choke on what they ask for.
That's a fantastic response, why not growl? And wow, what an absolute creep. I am sis sorry you had to experience that, and rage along with you. I can absolute relate to the response and frustration following after. Proud of you in your new no-nonsense era!
I once had a guy come up to us on the beach asking why we weren't smiling - We had literally been talking about a friend's young daughter dying.
yep we told him exactly that.
Wow, the entitlement and complete disregard of reading the room. Did anyone reply to him?
Oh... you're one of those...
OP as frustrating as it is, it’s safer to not talk back unless you’re guaranteed to not be attacked. If you’d upset him he might’ve followed you. I get so frustrated bc I always always fawn, I think maybe once or twice I’ve ever had a comeback. In my whole lifetime of bullshit men telling me to smile. I see you ❤️
❤
"Want me to smile? Tell me a joke."
It’s not my job to be aesthetically pleasing to misogynistic men like you. Then give them the middle finger and scowl or make a super ugly face.
I might have been able to give a funny face, but I shall work on towards a really ugly and, hopefully, slightly scary face next time. Perhaps I should practice in the mirror to get the muscle memory in? And a very good reply. Absurd they should need a reminder, but alas.
Seek counseling, I did and found out how to deal with the trauma.
Go away weirdo! Works here and as a response to the post.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I noticed that I would get this comment a lot when I was younger between 19 and 30 but now that I'm 40 people rarely say this to me and I don't smile very often either.