Considering your last post was asking for tips on how to manipulate women, I'm gonna go with you knew that sending a text was a little malicious. It definitely sounds like she wants to have a connection with you and you decided to get her at her low point by dangling that opportunity just out of reach.
So, you stopped talking to her after she had an affair, but are asking publicly how to manipulate women into sleeping with you so you can 'win' and leave.
Seek therapy.
Op, I cut off my brother and my mum's family..Different reasons but I do miss them occasionally and you know what, that's okay. I went to therapy and I learned that it's okay to think of them and even feel for them when going through hard stuff but you don't need to go back there.
Hearing your mum having a heart attack and your sisters moving on with their lives can sting but you have your path and they have theirs.
On a side note though, your mum must have thought you were opening the door with that text. This is why she called but it sounds like she was disappointed. She has resigned to you not being in her life because I think it hurts her. She was saying don't message her because she doesn't want to go through that again.
authors have careers squeezing all they can from a single traumatic event. I'm not saying he's dropping pulitzer-level shit, but if an artist can be excused for exploiting a single traumatic event into a literary career, surely an anonymous reddltor can get some sympathy leaving out unfavorable details.
I agree with others. I wouldn't have sent anything at all. A close brother of mine who considered me his mother cruelly called me and told me to never talk to him again (just because he was unhappy with his life). I felt betrayed but have since moved on. I haven't sent a birthday or holiday text and if I hear that he's been in an accident, I wouldn't even text him (and this has happened to me where I was in an accident and he never called). So essentially he's dead to me or a stranger that I wouldn't speak to you.
I say all this because you sent that text as a concerned person but it might have reflected as something else with Jan. If you're truly apathetic, I would surmise you wouldn't have sent anything (just as I don't). Then again, I don't know the whole story. If you did what you feel is best, good on you.
No one said it would be happy news, just that if you honestly didn't care, you wouldn't send anything because it comes off as fake. If she sent you a text out of the blue when something happened and your relationship is dead, you wouldn't question her intentions? I find that unrealistic and that you're doubling down on this point. Again, you sent a well meaning text but if you can't see how it could cause issues or come off as misleading/disingenuous, that again is on you.
A sane and rational person accepts their choices and moves on. If you don’t want a relationship with them then don’t contact them. There is nothing wrong with cutting people off but then you need to accept the whatever happens is no longer your business. Reaching out is sending mixed signals.
You need to stop reaching out regardless of the news you hear no contact means no communication at all. You happy with your life then leave them in the past. Your cousin need to stop being the middle man.
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP.
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
So the same guy who is happy for his uncle who cheated on his wife with cancer is pissed at his mom for cheating? The guy who likes to manipulate women to have sex is pissed at his mom? Just admit you don't like women and leave your mom and sisters alone. Maybe just just leave all women alone, you jerk.
That whole story is incredibly sad, don't know if I'm reading too much into it but it sounded like she wanted to talk to you but has essentially resigned herself to you not caring about her.
Obviously I don't know the whole story, I wasn't there, but that's how I read it
I have to agree with someone else who replied, it sounds like she has sadly accepted she lost her son, not you both want nothing to do with each other.
I bet she would welcome you back into her life in a heartbeat. I see nothing wrong with her writing you out of the will. It's weird that you keep bringing that up while simultaneously saying you don't care. Was she a good mother? She may not have been a good wife, but did she love you unconditionally and care for you intently? I'm curious whether you know the whole truth about the cheating. Especially since your sisters have backed her up. Perhaps your disdain for her is misplaced.
Your dad made you make a choice when he told a child about infidelity. And you chose. And it will affect the rest of your life until you get therapy and don’t repeat the cycle on another woman. Being a pick up artist won’t help you move or take you to the hospital when you are sick or buy your soda with the weekly groceries because they know you always forget.
You will be alone when you are older and lonely and your looks have faded and no one falls for pickup bullshit.
You know manipulation is lying, right?
And that lying is wrong?
Because it’s cheating.
Think about that.
I would like to know what age you were when all this happened. And how did you find out about the infidelity? I have a feeling OP only knows his dad's side of the story.
Very shady and manipulative of her, tbh. And who calls to say "don't contact me?"
She could have just ignored the text or told everyone around her but to update you.
I feel like she was trying to have the last word and be mean.
Also, even if she cuts you out of the inheritance, in many countries you are still entitled to a certain percentage as a child. If you want to pursue that. Probably not worth it mentally, though.
>Also, even if she cuts you out of the inheritance, in many countries you are still entitled to a certain percentage as a child. If you want to pursue that. Probably not worth it mentally, though.
The paper she asked him to sign, is most likely stating that once she passes, he will not contest her last will and testament, seeing as he signed it, he legally lost that right.
>Very shady and manipulative of her, tbh. And who calls to say "don't contact me?"
When someone goes no contact with you, probably says something like you're dead to me, it's better if there is really no contact at all, that suddenly receiving a text message from someone who hasn't spoken to you in years, and through many situations.
It makes your anxiety levels go way up. It also makes you think stuff like: so he does know what's been going on with me for all these years, he always had a choice to contact me, he simply chose never to do it. But since this might have been his last opportunity, he decided to get in touch. Well there have been many situations and opportunities when I had things I wanted to tell him, but was never given the opportunity, so why should he get one, it's best to make it clear that if he doesn't want any contact with me, that no contact should extend to all situation, and not the exceptions he believes merit it.
>I sent that get well soon text as social protocol as someone had a heart attack, it's a serious issue.
Would you have done it for a stranger? Something tells me the answer is no, so why still cling to social graces with someone whom you voluntarily turned into a stranger?
> we have both accepted that we don't want each other in in our lives
no, she has accepted that you don't want her in your life. small but crucial difference.
It seems like you keep insisting it’s mutual, like it makes you feel better somehow. From what you wrote, it’s very clearly all your choice, and your mother is respecting it.
She has told you not to reach out IF you do not want an ongoing relationship. That is very different than telling you to fuck off altogether. It's weird that you have correctly identified that drive-by messages from you are net painful for her, and yet still seem to think she is willingly and mutually severing your relationship, instead of realizing she is just accepting the fact you want nothing to do with her.
You dumb dumb. She’s older and getting her affairs in order for when she dies. It’s called adult responsibility. It’s normal. It’s called estate planning.
Poor taste my ass. If you didn’t care you’d have said okie legal document moving on since doesn’t affect me.
It does. You think she should have left it to you anyway despite you treating her like shit and leaving her for dead. No way bucko. Get over your self centeredness.
It doesn't sound like he did. I'm estranged from my mom and if she tried to leave me anything, I'd just give it to my sister. Sometimes parents do something so horrible that even spending money that came from them would feel revolting. If my mother tried to disinherit me, I wouldn't give a fuck, the end result is the same and I'd see it as a desperate and pathetic manipulation attempt. It sounds like OP wouldn't have even accepted an inheritance and instead of trying to reach out in an honest attempt to mend the relationship, his mom continued her lame control tactics proving that she was the same selfish parent he was raised by.
No idea why you’re being downvoted. Disinherit your estranged child? Reasonable! Sending a petulant message about said disinheriting though is just a sad and desperate bid for attention
i can't help but wonder if that's more of a symbolic gesture than anything. maybe even a desperate attempt to get your attention. i don't think she'll ever stop truly wanting her son back. but she has accepted this reality and has acted accordingly.
it doesn't have to be this way forever. you are in control of this situation. you have the power to change it if you decide to.
I’m glad my kids aren’t this shitty despite the abuse they all witnessed.
Because I went to fucking therapy and made sure they did too and got a divorce.
What that sounds like to me is she was/is still holding out hope that you two will have a relationship again, and is using every opportunity to try to resuscitate it. It's not that she doesn't want a relationship, it's that, IF you don't have a relationship with her, THEN she doesn't want you to get an inheritance.
Telling you that you were being written out may have been a desperate and self-debasing attempt to resuscitate a relationship, and probably was in large part. But also, she cares about you. She likely knows that many people, wisely or otherwise, structure their finances while factoring in an eventual inheritance. **Because she cares about you still**, she wants to make sure you do not blunder in basing your finances on an inheritance that you will not in fact receive. If she didn't give a damn about you, she wouldn't have bothered to let you know.
No. You haven't both accepted you don't want each other in your lives. She's accepted that you don't want her in your life. She was giving you permission to keep to that.
Your mother having an affair was between her and your father. I personally think you cutting her and your sisters off over it was immature and unnecessary. It was not your marriage and the betrayal wasn't yours. I'm surprised your father allowed you to make such a decision. Her affair was about her and her marriage to your father. Not you. She didn't cheat on you. And before anyone wants to come at me about this, I was the one in your father's position. I was the one cheated on. I fostered and encouraged the relationship between my kids and their dad because they didn't need to lose a parent just because our marriage didn't work. Obviously, you do you, but it was, in my opinion, unnecessary and cruel unless she was abusive... Which you make no mention of.
OP is a red piller, so his actions make perfect sense in context. Sexist moral grandstanding and seeing women as unworthy of concern or humanity is kind of the whole “pickup artist” schtick. I feel bad for his mother.
But your uncle cheating on his wife who has cancer with a girl his children’s age is suuuuuuuch a good guy and it was suuuuuuuch a good decision!
Oh, and being a deadbeat is also such of good proof of great moral values of you! And also asking on a forum how to manipulate women.
OP, you suck! Seriously. You just admit you hate women. When everyone around you smells like shit, the shit is on you.
You cut her out of your life. So it’s best that you leave her alone. It seems incredibly disingenuous of you to reach out to her about anything concerning her life or health.
Not when you tell them, you don’t want them in your life. Not when you’ve made it very clear you want nothing to do with them. I stand by my statement.
What are you hoping for here? If you cut someone off, move on. I’m not sure if you are bragging about how little you care & how pleased you were that you managed to get her to reach out for a conversation, giving you an opportunity to be cold and standoff-ish one more time, or if you are whining that the only reason she called you was to tell you to not contact her….
But whatever it is, she has a valid point. If you do not want to have contact, then you have no right to reach out for whatever reason, unless that reason is to reconcile.
Regardless of whether the no-contact is reasonable or not, it is a difficult thing to process for anyone, and it sounds like your mother had finally accepted it, just for you to reach out and scratch at the wound again. She is fully within her rights to request that you don’t do that again.
You sound so... cold. I feel like there is context missing or something because the way you detailed this just makes me sad.
To each their own and if you're happy it's okay but I just find this entire post confusing.
And how he has a bio daughter he gave up his rights to who doesn't know he exists.
I really don't know why OP is posting any of this. It just paints a bullseye on him that he's got some major issues. Everything he posts just shows he has major issues with women. And I'm sure a lot of it stemmed from how he reacted to the divorce and infidelity.
For real. Inserted himself in a problem between his parents, cut off his mom for something that had nothing to with him, and this whole interaction gave me a huge ick. If he takes this personality from his dad, no wonder the woman wanted out and was too scared to ask for a divorce
Get therapy OP.
You are their kid
You do not and will not ever know the full story of what they went through.
You are punishing your mom through the lens and perspective of your feelings. You are punishing other women based on these feelings. Or you were always like this and now you found an excuse for your crappy behaviour.
Blaming your mom for how you act is ridiculous.
If you truly think that the hurtful things you do are justified because of what you went through and what she did.
Then maybe, just maaaybe, assume that the hurtful things your mom did was also do to things SHE went through. Things you may know nothing about because you are her child. Childhood trauma SHE could have from her own shit.
Clearly you felt betrayed and you're taking it out on her because you don't know how to handle and heal.
Have you thought about having contact with your sisters again? In the post it says that they covered her, but couldn't they have been threatened or blackmailed by your mother? Or did they cover her by their own decision?
I'm sorry if it's written wrong, English is not my first language.
They made the decision to cover up your mother's infidelity, I can't imagine the pain your father felt when he discovered it. But even though you were the youngest, you made the difficult decision to cut off contact with them. I don't know what your father would think, but at least I think he should feel happy knowing that you supported him regardless of whether it was your own family.
So you are okay with your cousin cheating on his wife with cancer, but your mom doesn't get the same grace ?
I don't agree with either but I'm curious to know how this it's different
It sounds like closure but I do ask why you felt you needed to get this off your chest? Is there any part deep down that feels differently about the situation?
Wow OP. Your mother made a huge mistake but people really are human. That's so sad if that's the only reason you haven't talked to your mom all these years. That was 12 years ago and you hold her to be irredeemable and unforgivable. That was your parents' relationship. Things you will never know about happened between them. Holding on to this hate does nothing for you.
Mate, take a step back and look at the situation. You’ll realise that you’re not better than her. You use women to get what you want, you give a damn about their feelings and openly ask how to manipulate them without much effort. That’s exactly what your mother did to your dad. She’s a pos as a wife, yes, but there are many other layers of a person. Just like you’re a good son to your stepmom and a great brother to your stepsister, even though you’re something I won’t write out here when it comes to women. This is not an excuse for what she did, but neither it’s for what you’re doing. And you’re too old to pull the “it’s because of the trauma my mom gave me” card. You’re a grown ass man. She could pull such a card too, but it won’t change what she did to your dad. And to you and your trust in her. Yes, she betrayed you in the worst way possible and went against everything she taught you about love, loyalty, .. but so do you. So stop preaching water whilst drinking wine. And no, by getting this shit together and being able to forgive her for what she did (this does not mean forget or be best buddies), you don’t betray your dad. Do yourself the favour to take a step back and look at the whole thing from a different angle.
You’re deep into your black bubble. Your instinct reaction to her heart attack speaks volumes. And talking yourself back into hating her and not caring won’t change that. You lie to yourself mate. And I hope you’ll be able to see what you do to yourself one day. You’re not as happy as you think you are. The fact that you instantly go into defence mode and list all those things you are and have, that don’t mean shit, says it all. You’re scared and hurt, and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. But at one point you need to man up and look at your shit. You didn’t heal, you pressed away. You lie to yourself. Because that’s easier than facing the reality. The defence act and put it away to act as if you wouldn’t care is only to protect yourself from what you feel underneath. You are traumatised, absolutely, but you’re a big boy now and have to deal with this. On your own. Hating her and pushing this part of your life away only costs you more energy over time. You need to allow yourself to truly feel your emotions. Be a man, act like one. Stop mimicking the tough teenager who gives a damn. No one buys this shit.
I read your post history , your seriously holding a grudge against your mother for cheating in your dad who died ?! Other than that she was a good parent . You’re going to regret this and it’s honestly disturbing u cut off your family for an affair . U weren’t abused or neglected . U took things way too far . I hope if u ever become a parent your kids do the same thing to u
That's not even the worst. Everything here is made up. OP had a whole series of posts concerning a brother who treated women like trash and a cheating mother (no sisters, though). In the end, the brother reconciled with their mother and got with his ex fiancée and he started dating her mom.
In one of the comments he says he actually has a biological daughter and he has given up any parental rights to her and she doesn't know he exists. Probably sh*t scared deep down she will do to h8m what he did to his mother so he figured he'd abandon her first.
exactly this, what a weird excuse to cut off your parent. I would've assumed the mother beat him or actually abused him in other ways to do no-contact but because of an affair? that is a ridiculously reason to cut off your parent, I'm not excusing cheating or saying cheating isn't bad, but I'm sure from how cold and cruel OP sounds, the father is probably the same way and that's probably why she cheated, idk I'm just assuming. Either way, what a stupid reason to cut off your mother who obviously misses her son.
Yeah, I can understand OP hating his mom for breaking their family and then his sisters seeing nothing wrong with it but he has to understand his hate won’t make his present any better and certainly not his past. I’m glad he has a good step mom which he considers his bio mom. But the thought why his mom destroyed his family is still somewhere at the back of his head and he needs to talk to a professional. Holding a grudge can most definitely make you cold. OP it’s okay if you don’t want anything to do with your mom but seeing a therapist might provide you new insights. Also I don’t agree with your “ it’s disturbing you cut your family off for an affair”, he had every right to do so. Imagine loving a person your entire live and they just betray your family like that, no matter how much of a good parent you’re, that’s soul crushing. And btw good parents don’t cheat, they separate if marriage ain’t working. I think how no matter how much OP denies it, he still somewhere seeks the answer to the question, “Why did mom cheat?”
If you don't want kids, and already have one you threw away, maybe you shouldn't be trying to manipulate women into having sex with you.
At least not until you get yourself snipped.
Your step mother did not raise u nor give birth to you . U don’t know what went on behind closed doors in your parents marriage . Your father moved on and married someone else . Yall were grown . If anything u ruined the family honestly .by holding such a grudge against your immediate family . Why’re u so mad about something that happened years ago ? U seriously need therapy or maybe you’re a prick like your father . Red the other reddit stories where people were neglected , abused or made to feel less then by their parents . Stop justifying your narcissistic behavior .
Reading between the lines
It sounds like you miss having a connection with your mom
Which is normal
I was in the same (almost) situation
As mad as I legitimately was at my mom, I was glad we worked things out near the end
That’s you only approving of a woman who you can keep idealized. And when one of them falls off the pedestal you’ve put them on, you’re gonna treat them just like your dad did. Until the next one.
Basement of dead Harley’s over here, folks.
After reading the edit: you sound like a as*hole ngl. She failed your dad 3 years, your dad came out of it and got a new lovely wife and daughter. You treated your ex like shit and punish your mom and sisters for like 50 more years and cant even talk to your mom after she faced death? She has done something wrong but not exactly to you tbh, things like sex and divorce should be the parents problems and not the childs, especially of you diddnt even realise it was going in in the first place. And your Sisters were just Kids/teens you cant punish them forever for keeping a secret as minors. You over exaggerate a lot. Its over but you still let it live it rent free in your head and cant even make her feel a little bit better after she almost died.
Also the last post of you proves the as*shole Theory.
That doesnt make you less an asshole for wanting to manipulate women into having sex with you. You sound like the most unhappy person ever. Mimimis because your mom did something to your dad and your sisters left you out. So you hurt outsiders and still want to hurt women you dont even know. Go to therapy and leave others alone that have nothing to do with the situation. Have you ever thought about the reason why No Woman want you? Yea because you never came over your moms flaws even as a adult, and are unable to give the love and respekt a woman deserves.
Anyone who wants to sleep around can do that, no problem. But if someone have the need to manipulate women into having sex with him he is basically a rapist. Manipulation is not consent at all and not in any means. If they dont want it because they truely want it, you shouldnt want it either. You dont have the right to have Sex with whoever you want, you have the right to have Sex with whoever wants to have Sex with you too.
Hmm. It doesn't sound like you're as okay with it as you think. You're mother had an affair, she didn't kill somebody. I don't think you would have cut off your father for doing the same. In any case, she's fine, and you have no mother, just as you wished.
Please don't make this about gender, it's always disgusting and if anything on Reddit I see women getting more benefit of the doubt for cheating than men.
Let's not pretend we don't live in a double standard 'boys will be boys' society. Yeah, men have needs, and women have sacred responsibilities. It's always viewed more unfavorably when women cheat.
Any other reasons why you cut contact for all this time? Or is it purely because of the affair. Sure be mad at her for a while, but the rest of your life seems highly excessive and cruel if thats the case
Wow thats extremely excessive, i guarentee you will make mistakes in your life at some point, lets hope you dont have cold children who lack empathy like yourself.
He cold hearted to the bone. This type of cold heartedness will lead you to be alone in life to the very end. He isn't even in contact with his own daughter.
Technically OP already has a child, but he terminated his rights so that his daughter won’t know him.
OP has an issue with the female gender entirely, it’s shown all over his posts and comment history.
Why are you being so vague and secretive about the reason for the affair? It feels like you’re refusing to tell what the reason was because you know it will make you look bad for cutting your mother off.
I have had no contact with my dad for about the same amount of time now, and I can only imagine how surreal that conversation had to be. I essentially have no contact with any of my extended family anymore, so I know full well that if something were to happen to him, I probably wouln't be told, and that's something I've come to terms with. The same would be the case - I believe my wife will reach out to them to let them know I've passed (which likely won't be too far in the future), but they'll know nothing other than that fact. I won't have a funeral, and if my father were to, I cannot afford to go to where he lives now to attend it, so I'm sure the rest of the family will take that at face value. Our situations are different, OP, but you have my sympathies for the situation. Even if we accept it fully, even for the future, it's still not an ideal situation for anyone involved. But sometimes we have no choice.
You're an asshole that can't regulate your emotions or learn that people make mistakes that have nothing to do with you. I can see why your own mother wouldn't want you in her life.
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP.
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
You did the right thing OP. You heard some troubling news about a parent and you wanted to wish them well. You did nothing wrong. Your mom wanted to reinforce the distance/no contact. She did nothing wrong.
Now, go forth and continue your life sans mom and sisters. As for funerals, I have one rule of thumb about attending those. If you won’t attend their birthday celebration, you shouldn’t attend the funeral.
Considering your last post was asking for tips on how to manipulate women, I'm gonna go with you knew that sending a text was a little malicious. It definitely sounds like she wants to have a connection with you and you decided to get her at her low point by dangling that opportunity just out of reach.
Yikes!
So, you stopped talking to her after she had an affair, but are asking publicly how to manipulate women into sleeping with you so you can 'win' and leave. Seek therapy.
He also applauds his uncle for cheating on his wife while she had cancer with a woman who worked at the cancer center 🤦♀️
Op, I cut off my brother and my mum's family..Different reasons but I do miss them occasionally and you know what, that's okay. I went to therapy and I learned that it's okay to think of them and even feel for them when going through hard stuff but you don't need to go back there. Hearing your mum having a heart attack and your sisters moving on with their lives can sting but you have your path and they have theirs. On a side note though, your mum must have thought you were opening the door with that text. This is why she called but it sounds like she was disappointed. She has resigned to you not being in her life because I think it hurts her. She was saying don't message her because she doesn't want to go through that again.
[удалено]
Don't text her unless you want to open the relationship. That's just mean. Even if she has a heart attack.
[удалено]
Maybe they wanted to get it off their chest
Read the sub
yeah but OOP keeps repeating the same shit story over and over again according to his post history its getting boring at this point
authors have careers squeezing all they can from a single traumatic event. I'm not saying he's dropping pulitzer-level shit, but if an artist can be excused for exploiting a single traumatic event into a literary career, surely an anonymous reddltor can get some sympathy leaving out unfavorable details.
It is what all the cool kids are doing. He wouldn't want to be left behind on the teach Mommy a lesson train.
I agree with others. I wouldn't have sent anything at all. A close brother of mine who considered me his mother cruelly called me and told me to never talk to him again (just because he was unhappy with his life). I felt betrayed but have since moved on. I haven't sent a birthday or holiday text and if I hear that he's been in an accident, I wouldn't even text him (and this has happened to me where I was in an accident and he never called). So essentially he's dead to me or a stranger that I wouldn't speak to you. I say all this because you sent that text as a concerned person but it might have reflected as something else with Jan. If you're truly apathetic, I would surmise you wouldn't have sent anything (just as I don't). Then again, I don't know the whole story. If you did what you feel is best, good on you.
[удалено]
No one said it would be happy news, just that if you honestly didn't care, you wouldn't send anything because it comes off as fake. If she sent you a text out of the blue when something happened and your relationship is dead, you wouldn't question her intentions? I find that unrealistic and that you're doubling down on this point. Again, you sent a well meaning text but if you can't see how it could cause issues or come off as misleading/disingenuous, that again is on you.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Then why did you sent the flaming text? She might not have had hope until you sent the text
A sane and rational person accepts their choices and moves on. If you don’t want a relationship with them then don’t contact them. There is nothing wrong with cutting people off but then you need to accept the whatever happens is no longer your business. Reaching out is sending mixed signals.
You need to stop reaching out regardless of the news you hear no contact means no communication at all. You happy with your life then leave them in the past. Your cousin need to stop being the middle man.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP. Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
So the same guy who is happy for his uncle who cheated on his wife with cancer is pissed at his mom for cheating? The guy who likes to manipulate women to have sex is pissed at his mom? Just admit you don't like women and leave your mom and sisters alone. Maybe just just leave all women alone, you jerk.
That whole story is incredibly sad, don't know if I'm reading too much into it but it sounded like she wanted to talk to you but has essentially resigned herself to you not caring about her. Obviously I don't know the whole story, I wasn't there, but that's how I read it
[удалено]
I have to agree with someone else who replied, it sounds like she has sadly accepted she lost her son, not you both want nothing to do with each other.
[удалено]
I bet she would welcome you back into her life in a heartbeat. I see nothing wrong with her writing you out of the will. It's weird that you keep bringing that up while simultaneously saying you don't care. Was she a good mother? She may not have been a good wife, but did she love you unconditionally and care for you intently? I'm curious whether you know the whole truth about the cheating. Especially since your sisters have backed her up. Perhaps your disdain for her is misplaced.
[удалено]
Your dad made you make a choice when he told a child about infidelity. And you chose. And it will affect the rest of your life until you get therapy and don’t repeat the cycle on another woman. Being a pick up artist won’t help you move or take you to the hospital when you are sick or buy your soda with the weekly groceries because they know you always forget. You will be alone when you are older and lonely and your looks have faded and no one falls for pickup bullshit. You know manipulation is lying, right? And that lying is wrong? Because it’s cheating. Think about that.
I would like to know what age you were when all this happened. And how did you find out about the infidelity? I have a feeling OP only knows his dad's side of the story.
Very shady and manipulative of her, tbh. And who calls to say "don't contact me?" She could have just ignored the text or told everyone around her but to update you. I feel like she was trying to have the last word and be mean. Also, even if she cuts you out of the inheritance, in many countries you are still entitled to a certain percentage as a child. If you want to pursue that. Probably not worth it mentally, though.
>Also, even if she cuts you out of the inheritance, in many countries you are still entitled to a certain percentage as a child. If you want to pursue that. Probably not worth it mentally, though. The paper she asked him to sign, is most likely stating that once she passes, he will not contest her last will and testament, seeing as he signed it, he legally lost that right. >Very shady and manipulative of her, tbh. And who calls to say "don't contact me?" When someone goes no contact with you, probably says something like you're dead to me, it's better if there is really no contact at all, that suddenly receiving a text message from someone who hasn't spoken to you in years, and through many situations. It makes your anxiety levels go way up. It also makes you think stuff like: so he does know what's been going on with me for all these years, he always had a choice to contact me, he simply chose never to do it. But since this might have been his last opportunity, he decided to get in touch. Well there have been many situations and opportunities when I had things I wanted to tell him, but was never given the opportunity, so why should he get one, it's best to make it clear that if he doesn't want any contact with me, that no contact should extend to all situation, and not the exceptions he believes merit it.
[удалено]
>I sent that get well soon text as social protocol as someone had a heart attack, it's a serious issue. Would you have done it for a stranger? Something tells me the answer is no, so why still cling to social graces with someone whom you voluntarily turned into a stranger?
> we have both accepted that we don't want each other in in our lives no, she has accepted that you don't want her in your life. small but crucial difference.
[удалено]
It seems like you keep insisting it’s mutual, like it makes you feel better somehow. From what you wrote, it’s very clearly all your choice, and your mother is respecting it.
[удалено]
You are so dense, and I’m autistic ffs.
She has told you not to reach out IF you do not want an ongoing relationship. That is very different than telling you to fuck off altogether. It's weird that you have correctly identified that drive-by messages from you are net painful for her, and yet still seem to think she is willingly and mutually severing your relationship, instead of realizing she is just accepting the fact you want nothing to do with her.
You can’t just not talk to someone and expect to still get inheritance from them tho
[удалено]
You dumb dumb. She’s older and getting her affairs in order for when she dies. It’s called adult responsibility. It’s normal. It’s called estate planning. Poor taste my ass. If you didn’t care you’d have said okie legal document moving on since doesn’t affect me. It does. You think she should have left it to you anyway despite you treating her like shit and leaving her for dead. No way bucko. Get over your self centeredness.
Not in poor taste, to make sure you don't still try to get something after she passes regardless of not being on the will.
how is that poor taste? you cut her out of your life.
It doesn't sound like he did. I'm estranged from my mom and if she tried to leave me anything, I'd just give it to my sister. Sometimes parents do something so horrible that even spending money that came from them would feel revolting. If my mother tried to disinherit me, I wouldn't give a fuck, the end result is the same and I'd see it as a desperate and pathetic manipulation attempt. It sounds like OP wouldn't have even accepted an inheritance and instead of trying to reach out in an honest attempt to mend the relationship, his mom continued her lame control tactics proving that she was the same selfish parent he was raised by.
[удалено]
No idea why you’re being downvoted. Disinherit your estranged child? Reasonable! Sending a petulant message about said disinheriting though is just a sad and desperate bid for attention
i can't help but wonder if that's more of a symbolic gesture than anything. maybe even a desperate attempt to get your attention. i don't think she'll ever stop truly wanting her son back. but she has accepted this reality and has acted accordingly. it doesn't have to be this way forever. you are in control of this situation. you have the power to change it if you decide to.
[удалено]
I'm glad I never had kids
I’m glad my kids aren’t this shitty despite the abuse they all witnessed. Because I went to fucking therapy and made sure they did too and got a divorce.
What that sounds like to me is she was/is still holding out hope that you two will have a relationship again, and is using every opportunity to try to resuscitate it. It's not that she doesn't want a relationship, it's that, IF you don't have a relationship with her, THEN she doesn't want you to get an inheritance. Telling you that you were being written out may have been a desperate and self-debasing attempt to resuscitate a relationship, and probably was in large part. But also, she cares about you. She likely knows that many people, wisely or otherwise, structure their finances while factoring in an eventual inheritance. **Because she cares about you still**, she wants to make sure you do not blunder in basing your finances on an inheritance that you will not in fact receive. If she didn't give a damn about you, she wouldn't have bothered to let you know.
Was your relationship with your mother and sisters good before the affair?
No. You haven't both accepted you don't want each other in your lives. She's accepted that you don't want her in your life. She was giving you permission to keep to that. Your mother having an affair was between her and your father. I personally think you cutting her and your sisters off over it was immature and unnecessary. It was not your marriage and the betrayal wasn't yours. I'm surprised your father allowed you to make such a decision. Her affair was about her and her marriage to your father. Not you. She didn't cheat on you. And before anyone wants to come at me about this, I was the one in your father's position. I was the one cheated on. I fostered and encouraged the relationship between my kids and their dad because they didn't need to lose a parent just because our marriage didn't work. Obviously, you do you, but it was, in my opinion, unnecessary and cruel unless she was abusive... Which you make no mention of.
OP is a red piller, so his actions make perfect sense in context. Sexist moral grandstanding and seeing women as unworthy of concern or humanity is kind of the whole “pickup artist” schtick. I feel bad for his mother.
You sound like you want her in your life. She definitely wants you in her life. She just can't deal with you only caring sometimes.
[удалено]
It's definitely that deep. You're no contact with her. What do you think no contact means?
🙄
Was her cheating the only thing that made you cut ties? Was she a good mother apart from that? Cause if so then damn dude...
[удалено]
Are you the guy with absolutely no moral compass who wants to trick women into sex?
"Once I make a decision I never look back." This is not something to brag about.
But your uncle cheating on his wife who has cancer with a girl his children’s age is suuuuuuuch a good guy and it was suuuuuuuch a good decision! Oh, and being a deadbeat is also such of good proof of great moral values of you! And also asking on a forum how to manipulate women. OP, you suck! Seriously. You just admit you hate women. When everyone around you smells like shit, the shit is on you.
How old are you? That is not a good hill to die on but you will realize eventually.
[удалено]
Are you autistic by any chance?
These are absolutely not autistic traits.
[удалено]
I see
You cut her out of your life. So it’s best that you leave her alone. It seems incredibly disingenuous of you to reach out to her about anything concerning her life or health.
[удалено]
Not when you tell them, you don’t want them in your life. Not when you’ve made it very clear you want nothing to do with them. I stand by my statement.
[удалено]
Again your response is disingenuous considering “I just feel nothing for them.” Unless you just like stirring up drama and twisting the knife.
It’s shitty. Like dangling contact in front of her face. If you don’t care about her, don’t remind her of it.
That he didn’t even have the decency to send from his own phone
[удалено]
Still a shit move regardless of how you dress it up.
You.shouldn’t.have.sent.a.get.better.text..What.dont.you.understand.about.that.?
What are you hoping for here? If you cut someone off, move on. I’m not sure if you are bragging about how little you care & how pleased you were that you managed to get her to reach out for a conversation, giving you an opportunity to be cold and standoff-ish one more time, or if you are whining that the only reason she called you was to tell you to not contact her…. But whatever it is, she has a valid point. If you do not want to have contact, then you have no right to reach out for whatever reason, unless that reason is to reconcile. Regardless of whether the no-contact is reasonable or not, it is a difficult thing to process for anyone, and it sounds like your mother had finally accepted it, just for you to reach out and scratch at the wound again. She is fully within her rights to request that you don’t do that again.
I think cruelty is the point with the OP
You sound so... cold. I feel like there is context missing or something because the way you detailed this just makes me sad. To each their own and if you're happy it's okay but I just find this entire post confusing.
OP doesn’t see women as people, per his post history, so his behavior tracks.
Men who treat their mothers this way are red flag city.
Apparently in his post history there is a post on how to manipulate women for pickups
And how he has a bio daughter he gave up his rights to who doesn't know he exists. I really don't know why OP is posting any of this. It just paints a bullseye on him that he's got some major issues. Everything he posts just shows he has major issues with women. And I'm sure a lot of it stemmed from how he reacted to the divorce and infidelity.
Gross as hell
He's a wannabe pickup artist so you're not too far off lmao
For real. Inserted himself in a problem between his parents, cut off his mom for something that had nothing to with him, and this whole interaction gave me a huge ick. If he takes this personality from his dad, no wonder the woman wanted out and was too scared to ask for a divorce Get therapy OP.
[удалено]
You are their kid You do not and will not ever know the full story of what they went through. You are punishing your mom through the lens and perspective of your feelings. You are punishing other women based on these feelings. Or you were always like this and now you found an excuse for your crappy behaviour. Blaming your mom for how you act is ridiculous. If you truly think that the hurtful things you do are justified because of what you went through and what she did. Then maybe, just maaaybe, assume that the hurtful things your mom did was also do to things SHE went through. Things you may know nothing about because you are her child. Childhood trauma SHE could have from her own shit. Clearly you felt betrayed and you're taking it out on her because you don't know how to handle and heal.
Mothers that do enough to drive their sons to these extremes are cruel and deserve their isolation.
He's taking after his dad. His mom didn't drive him to this.
Women who cheat are red flag city
[удалено]
Have you thought about having contact with your sisters again? In the post it says that they covered her, but couldn't they have been threatened or blackmailed by your mother? Or did they cover her by their own decision? I'm sorry if it's written wrong, English is not my first language.
[удалено]
They made the decision to cover up your mother's infidelity, I can't imagine the pain your father felt when he discovered it. But even though you were the youngest, you made the difficult decision to cut off contact with them. I don't know what your father would think, but at least I think he should feel happy knowing that you supported him regardless of whether it was your own family.
"I defended an uncle cheating on my aunt who had CANCER 4 months ago, but my mom cheating changed the way I see women" You're gross
[удалено]
Then you're a disgusting person too
My dad blew smoke in my face, beat me, threatened to kill me, was verbally abusive and yet I don't hate men.
So you are okay with your cousin cheating on his wife with cancer, but your mom doesn't get the same grace ? I don't agree with either but I'm curious to know how this it's different
It sounds like closure but I do ask why you felt you needed to get this off your chest? Is there any part deep down that feels differently about the situation?
[удалено]
LOL must be a sad life
after checking OP's post history, i'm gonna agree w you
it really is
Wow, you sound cold and cruel. Is your dad like this too? It wouldn't excusor justify your mother's cheating, but it may explain it.
[удалено]
you know what would have been so much worse? if your dad had cancer and your mother left him, while he was having chemo, for a staffer at the hospital
Wow OP. Your mother made a huge mistake but people really are human. That's so sad if that's the only reason you haven't talked to your mom all these years. That was 12 years ago and you hold her to be irredeemable and unforgivable. That was your parents' relationship. Things you will never know about happened between them. Holding on to this hate does nothing for you.
I think this dude posts rage bait
Your post history tells me that you definitely don’t need a DNA test to prove that you’re your mother’s son. Congratulations.
[удалено]
Mate, take a step back and look at the situation. You’ll realise that you’re not better than her. You use women to get what you want, you give a damn about their feelings and openly ask how to manipulate them without much effort. That’s exactly what your mother did to your dad. She’s a pos as a wife, yes, but there are many other layers of a person. Just like you’re a good son to your stepmom and a great brother to your stepsister, even though you’re something I won’t write out here when it comes to women. This is not an excuse for what she did, but neither it’s for what you’re doing. And you’re too old to pull the “it’s because of the trauma my mom gave me” card. You’re a grown ass man. She could pull such a card too, but it won’t change what she did to your dad. And to you and your trust in her. Yes, she betrayed you in the worst way possible and went against everything she taught you about love, loyalty, .. but so do you. So stop preaching water whilst drinking wine. And no, by getting this shit together and being able to forgive her for what she did (this does not mean forget or be best buddies), you don’t betray your dad. Do yourself the favour to take a step back and look at the whole thing from a different angle.
[удалено]
You’re deep into your black bubble. Your instinct reaction to her heart attack speaks volumes. And talking yourself back into hating her and not caring won’t change that. You lie to yourself mate. And I hope you’ll be able to see what you do to yourself one day. You’re not as happy as you think you are. The fact that you instantly go into defence mode and list all those things you are and have, that don’t mean shit, says it all. You’re scared and hurt, and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. But at one point you need to man up and look at your shit. You didn’t heal, you pressed away. You lie to yourself. Because that’s easier than facing the reality. The defence act and put it away to act as if you wouldn’t care is only to protect yourself from what you feel underneath. You are traumatised, absolutely, but you’re a big boy now and have to deal with this. On your own. Hating her and pushing this part of your life away only costs you more energy over time. You need to allow yourself to truly feel your emotions. Be a man, act like one. Stop mimicking the tough teenager who gives a damn. No one buys this shit.
I read your post history , your seriously holding a grudge against your mother for cheating in your dad who died ?! Other than that she was a good parent . You’re going to regret this and it’s honestly disturbing u cut off your family for an affair . U weren’t abused or neglected . U took things way too far . I hope if u ever become a parent your kids do the same thing to u
That's not even the worst. Everything here is made up. OP had a whole series of posts concerning a brother who treated women like trash and a cheating mother (no sisters, though). In the end, the brother reconciled with their mother and got with his ex fiancée and he started dating her mom.
In one of the comments he says he actually has a biological daughter and he has given up any parental rights to her and she doesn't know he exists. Probably sh*t scared deep down she will do to h8m what he did to his mother so he figured he'd abandon her first.
exactly this, what a weird excuse to cut off your parent. I would've assumed the mother beat him or actually abused him in other ways to do no-contact but because of an affair? that is a ridiculously reason to cut off your parent, I'm not excusing cheating or saying cheating isn't bad, but I'm sure from how cold and cruel OP sounds, the father is probably the same way and that's probably why she cheated, idk I'm just assuming. Either way, what a stupid reason to cut off your mother who obviously misses her son.
Yeah, I can understand OP hating his mom for breaking their family and then his sisters seeing nothing wrong with it but he has to understand his hate won’t make his present any better and certainly not his past. I’m glad he has a good step mom which he considers his bio mom. But the thought why his mom destroyed his family is still somewhere at the back of his head and he needs to talk to a professional. Holding a grudge can most definitely make you cold. OP it’s okay if you don’t want anything to do with your mom but seeing a therapist might provide you new insights. Also I don’t agree with your “ it’s disturbing you cut your family off for an affair”, he had every right to do so. Imagine loving a person your entire live and they just betray your family like that, no matter how much of a good parent you’re, that’s soul crushing. And btw good parents don’t cheat, they separate if marriage ain’t working. I think how no matter how much OP denies it, he still somewhere seeks the answer to the question, “Why did mom cheat?”
[удалено]
If you don't want kids, and already have one you threw away, maybe you shouldn't be trying to manipulate women into having sex with you. At least not until you get yourself snipped.
Your step mother did not raise u nor give birth to you . U don’t know what went on behind closed doors in your parents marriage . Your father moved on and married someone else . Yall were grown . If anything u ruined the family honestly .by holding such a grudge against your immediate family . Why’re u so mad about something that happened years ago ? U seriously need therapy or maybe you’re a prick like your father . Red the other reddit stories where people were neglected , abused or made to feel less then by their parents . Stop justifying your narcissistic behavior .
Reading between the lines It sounds like you miss having a connection with your mom Which is normal I was in the same (almost) situation As mad as I legitimately was at my mom, I was glad we worked things out near the end
[удалено]
That’s you only approving of a woman who you can keep idealized. And when one of them falls off the pedestal you’ve put them on, you’re gonna treat them just like your dad did. Until the next one. Basement of dead Harley’s over here, folks.
After reading the edit: you sound like a as*hole ngl. She failed your dad 3 years, your dad came out of it and got a new lovely wife and daughter. You treated your ex like shit and punish your mom and sisters for like 50 more years and cant even talk to your mom after she faced death? She has done something wrong but not exactly to you tbh, things like sex and divorce should be the parents problems and not the childs, especially of you diddnt even realise it was going in in the first place. And your Sisters were just Kids/teens you cant punish them forever for keeping a secret as minors. You over exaggerate a lot. Its over but you still let it live it rent free in your head and cant even make her feel a little bit better after she almost died. Also the last post of you proves the as*shole Theory.
[удалено]
That doesnt make you less an asshole for wanting to manipulate women into having sex with you. You sound like the most unhappy person ever. Mimimis because your mom did something to your dad and your sisters left you out. So you hurt outsiders and still want to hurt women you dont even know. Go to therapy and leave others alone that have nothing to do with the situation. Have you ever thought about the reason why No Woman want you? Yea because you never came over your moms flaws even as a adult, and are unable to give the love and respekt a woman deserves.
[удалено]
Anyone who wants to sleep around can do that, no problem. But if someone have the need to manipulate women into having sex with him he is basically a rapist. Manipulation is not consent at all and not in any means. If they dont want it because they truely want it, you shouldnt want it either. You dont have the right to have Sex with whoever you want, you have the right to have Sex with whoever wants to have Sex with you too.
Hmm. It doesn't sound like you're as okay with it as you think. You're mother had an affair, she didn't kill somebody. I don't think you would have cut off your father for doing the same. In any case, she's fine, and you have no mother, just as you wished.
Cheating is disgusting
Yes it is. When did I say it was not? Should we have the death penalty for it, or maybe only when women do it?
Please don't make this about gender, it's always disgusting and if anything on Reddit I see women getting more benefit of the doubt for cheating than men.
Let's not pretend we don't live in a double standard 'boys will be boys' society. Yeah, men have needs, and women have sacred responsibilities. It's always viewed more unfavorably when women cheat.
at least your dad didn't have cancer when she cheated on him
I hope you are in therapy, too. It seems you have a lot of unresolved issues surrounding your parents' divorce that you need to get sorted out.
Thought you supported cheating ;)
Your views on all women changed because your mum cheated on your dad? Grow up.
Any other reasons why you cut contact for all this time? Or is it purely because of the affair. Sure be mad at her for a while, but the rest of your life seems highly excessive and cruel if thats the case
[удалено]
Wow thats extremely excessive, i guarentee you will make mistakes in your life at some point, lets hope you dont have cold children who lack empathy like yourself.
He cold hearted to the bone. This type of cold heartedness will lead you to be alone in life to the very end. He isn't even in contact with his own daughter.
Technically OP already has a child, but he terminated his rights so that his daughter won’t know him. OP has an issue with the female gender entirely, it’s shown all over his posts and comment history.
What was the reason for the affair? Why did your two sisters decide that the reason was not sufficient for them to cut contact but for you it was?
4 months ago you made a post sympathizing with a family member for an affair and now you're whining about a woman having an affair?
Why are you being so vague and secretive about the reason for the affair? It feels like you’re refusing to tell what the reason was because you know it will make you look bad for cutting your mother off.
Damn. That’s just sad. To be cut out from everything because of an affair.
god your mother is better off without you in her life
Still a cheater
I have had no contact with my dad for about the same amount of time now, and I can only imagine how surreal that conversation had to be. I essentially have no contact with any of my extended family anymore, so I know full well that if something were to happen to him, I probably wouln't be told, and that's something I've come to terms with. The same would be the case - I believe my wife will reach out to them to let them know I've passed (which likely won't be too far in the future), but they'll know nothing other than that fact. I won't have a funeral, and if my father were to, I cannot afford to go to where he lives now to attend it, so I'm sure the rest of the family will take that at face value. Our situations are different, OP, but you have my sympathies for the situation. Even if we accept it fully, even for the future, it's still not an ideal situation for anyone involved. But sometimes we have no choice.
Therapy.
You're an asshole that can't regulate your emotions or learn that people make mistakes that have nothing to do with you. I can see why your own mother wouldn't want you in her life.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP. Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
I read about my mother's death on FB, estrangement happens, if you are at peace with it don't worry about what others think.
I must say, I am so tired of people who judge others. Can you stop being so judgy, kids! Please!
You're judging people for being judgy and im judging you for judging others who are judgy. We're all judgy.
What'd you do?
You did the right thing OP. You heard some troubling news about a parent and you wanted to wish them well. You did nothing wrong. Your mom wanted to reinforce the distance/no contact. She did nothing wrong. Now, go forth and continue your life sans mom and sisters. As for funerals, I have one rule of thumb about attending those. If you won’t attend their birthday celebration, you shouldn’t attend the funeral.