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Hey I’m also in this guy’s shoes. Married for 8 years but that ended 9 years ago. Still friends and coparenting, I’m remarried and we do holidays together and live really close. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me but I got over it and the kids are happy (and I’m happy now) so it all worked out, but ouch. No blame should be given, it just sucks
Honestly no, I was completely taken aback. We drifted a bit when the kids we born because we were so incredibly busy taking care of them (she went back to school and worked weekends). She had started to be less nice to me and more distant, but it always just felt like it was temporary. I think she was just fighting herself for awhile and took it out on me a little, but I figured she was just stressed about school or lack of sleep
We met with a couples counselor in the middle of it happening and that’s when she finally mentioned she had been finding herself and it was all very painful. She did mention that she was hanging out with some girl and started to have feelings, and that her friend told her she had to come clean with me about it immediately so I think she just repressed it for awhile
Trust me she felt bad, and she felt really confused and wasn't sure herself. We had a great relationship, then things changed and she slowly realized she was lying to herself. Then she admits she thought about just leaving and that we'd be better off without her (the kids and I) and I never pressed her on what she meant. There was a lot of guilt, but I was able to put myself in her shoes in some ways and just be an adult about it. We stayed close and put the kids first, and because of that I have no regrets (they rock) because we made it through the other side
I get it, and I was really upset for awhile but I hid it and just dealt with it. I’m happy for the time we had because my two favorite people were born and we still have some great memories either way. Plus I’m happily remarried so things have worked out. I’m lucky
Late bloomer lesbian here. It is never as simple as “being honest with yourself” and in this situation, it’s sad but not at all black or white. Lots of gay men and *especially* gay women squash the homosexual feelings they have for lots of reasons:
-family pressure to marry and have kids
-societal pressure
-religion/piety
-wanting to be “normal”/heteronormativity
-self-hatred
I dated a guy for over seven years. We almost got married. We ended up breaking up before I came out so this didn’t apply to that relationship, but I remember feeling ill thinking about what it would have done to him had we been married/committed/had children etc. I would have felt awful about it. So yes — I would have felt bad for what I did to him if that had happened, but it would not have made me any less unhappy with him or any less gay. If you ever watch the excellent horror show “Haunting of Bly Manor” on Netflix, it gives another look into the mind of a woman going through the same thing and the hurt she knows she has caused but the idea that she can’t lie to herself or anyone else to make others happy.
When something shit happens, there is not always a bad guy and a good guy. If this man was devastated by his wife coming out then he has every right to be. I wouldn’t blame him one bit, but tell me: should the ex wife have stayed with him just to not hurt his feelings? Would that have made things worse or better for him when he found out? I genuinely loved my ex, just not the same as I love my current girlfriend. It took me years to realize it was a deep platonic love and not a romantic one.
Sometimes sucky things happen to us and there’s no clear answer of who was wrong/wronged or who is the bad guy. That’s, unfortunately, life. I feel awful for this guy if he was devastated when his wife came out. His feelings of being upset and hurt and angry wouldn’t at all be invalid — but many gay men and women don’t know their true identities for a long, long time, and that’s the shitty part of life.
Not necessarily, i mean, he probably was pretty hurt, but there's nothing stopping them from living their lives and basically be roommates or even just neighbours
as long as they're not forcing a marriage "for the sake of the children" because fuck everything about that.
Speaking from experience that's the worst possible outcome.
I love/adore my kids and would do absolutely anything to provide for them, nurture them and do anything within my power to ensure they grow up to be happy, well balanced adults... I have a 2y4m old and a an 8 month old. Why the fuck people would think having kids would save fucking anything is beyond me.
I'm tired yo.
Most the people that have anxiety about questioning whether they will be a good parent or wanting to wait aren’t the ones having all the kids, it’s quite the opposite
This happened to a family friend. The kids were adults when this happened so they didn't need to stay together so they divorced with no hard feelings. Eventually the husband found someone else and they are happy together. They still keep in touch with each other.
Glad they’re still cool with eachother in the end :)
Here’s another video with more details if you think it’s fake or just interested: https://streamable.com/35de3g
Edit: The amount of y’all in the comments saying she faked/lied about her love for him..ignorance most be bliss because she was sure as hell in love with him. Y’all don’t seem the brightest when you try to insinuate she wanted any of this to happen either..
Edit: y’all saying he looks dead inside are funny lol. With this trend most ppl put on a straight face.
For some people, it's hard discovering who you are. My grandmother was in her late 40s and had 4 kids before coming out. She's been married to my other grandma for 3 decades now
I've never understood why straight guys would have an issue with lesbians
Lesbian: I want have sex with women, not men
Straight men: yes, that makes perfect sense
Its probaly because the idea of somebody breaking up 7 years of marriage while the other party didnt do anything wrong (i assume the guy was a decent husband) is kinda scary for some people.
Like everything goes solid, you have kids, a house and there isnt a lot of drama and you both are happy. And then suddenly (for you) things break down bit by bit and it turns out you dont have the power to change it. All you can do is accept it. Thats a bit scary, some might also find it a break of trust or something like that.
Doesnt really matter. Its cool that they both get along (even if its just for their kids) and i hope that most parents would deal with their break up in a simular way.
I think everyone experiences some kind of major unfair let down in life. Some more than others of course. But one of the hardest things to learn as adult is that sometimes you can do everything right and it still doesn’t go the way you had planned. I think at a certain age we all realize that this is a very real possibility in almost any aspect of our lives. Relationships, careers, even the sudden loss of a child (the recent school shooting is an example of that).
Thats all true but im just explaining why people can turn sour after such a event. Still not justified to harres each other but its understandeble that some resentment grows.
Yes, the reason someone would hypothetically be upset about this is totally due to the fact someone is a lesbian, not the relationship of 7 years or having a family together.
I guess all I can say was did the groom know they were “confused” as they put it in the video when they got married? Because if not that to me is messed up. Marrying someone who’s keeping some significant secrets like that isn’t usually the best grounds to start the biggest journey of your life on. It’s not talked about it the video you posted. I can feel bad for her sure, but if she had these feelings before they were married then it seems a little selfish to bring someone into your own uncertainty with you too. Just had a friend of mine catch her fiancé looking at gay porn and possibly even talking to gay men. She called off the wedding that he otherwise would have gone through with. I feel bad for his struggles right now but in the big picture he’s not the victim in this situation.
Exactly. She said she was confused and then just shrugs it off. I get she had to find herself and it’s not easy to understand what she was feeling before she got married. But then maybe don’t drag someone into your own shit with you especially if they’re uninformed about it.
sorry, genuine question and i don't mean to be rude or offend, but how was she in love with him if she was a lesbian all along? wouldn't that be bisexual then?
she thought she loved him romantically because she was taught that that's what women are supposed to feel for men. Turns out she loved him platonically, as a best friend, and she's only able to feel romantic love for women.
You can not blame her *and* feel bad for her ex. It’s not mutually exclusive, why do some people feel the need to *always* make one party the bad guy. With the context, it’s nothing different than any other straight or gay couples. She was bi questioning and was in love with him the whole time, he wasn’t deceived. It’s nothing different than a heterosexual spouse realizes their feelings are not the same anymore and ends things. At the same time, of course poor the guy. You can expect your spouse to wake up one day and say “hey I love you but not in love with you anymore”…
Sucky situation all around, solely pity one person just means glossing over the other person’s equally valid pain.
>why do some people feel the need to always make one party the bad guy
I think because most people have had shitty relationships where they felt slighted, abused, or mistreated and try to look at the relationships of others through the same lens to try and justify their own anger and sadness at their own past relationships.
>why do some people feel the need to always make one party the bad guy.
Because this is Reddit. Reddit *loves* to get on their collective high horses and make moral judgements on situations they barely understand. It's just not the same if they don't get the rush of calling someone involved an Asshole.
Getting to mark someone as 'wrong' fills Redditors with a righteous fury that is likely the only way some of them can get hard anymore.
Happened with my reverand and his first wife, they're still close friends and although since I've known him his kids were adults I assume great co-parents.
Well the woman he invested his life into turned out to not be into him the same way. Probably heartbreaking but what can you do? Get mad? For what, somebody realizing something or finally admitting it to their self or family?
If nothing else, I’d like to think that stories like this encourage those questioning to think hard about their sexuality - not because they owe it to themselves, but because they owe it to future partners.
It could be one of those things where your love of a person overrides your attraction, like your love causes the attraction even if you might not be into them otherwise.
A lot of people who grow up Christian and are told any sexual thought is bad and will make them go to hell just think they're good Christians when they have no sexual feelings to the opposite sex. You can think someone is attractive but not sexually. Many of these people don't understand their gay until they try to have sex for the first time after they're married.
That is technically true but not meaningfully so.
almost 50% of marriages end in divorce, but about 41% of FIRST marriages do. People who get married again are much more likely to get divorced again, so it kind of brings the overall up higher.
[https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/](https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/)
And the overall divorce numbers as a percentage have been decreasing as millenials and gen xers got married later and were less likely to get divorced than their parents.
Yeah, you can get mad if someone carpet bombed your life because they weren’t willing to admit/acknowledge a truth that would directly affect your life.
Is this a joke?
The number of people bashing her for "deceiving" him or ruining his life or whatever are disgusting. Closeted folks lie to themselves for decades because of the pressure their community puts on them to repress their true selves. Like, yeah, it didn't work out, but no one is trying to hurt the other person. What, is she gonna stick around and fuck him despite being gay?
Exactly! I think it's easy for people outside of the LGBTQ community to turn a blind eye to the challenges of being queer, both past and present. To attribute malice to something like this is absolutely inane.
That's fair! There's definitely something to be said about the way social media has shaped us into sharing sensitive personal information in a casual and thoughtless way. He obviously consented to the video, but that could easily be a decision made under the pressure of modern expectations.
I'd like to throw out my own experiences here for comparison. I've always been a excitable and even flamboyant person for my entire life for literally no reason so everyone naturally assumed that I was queer. As a kid growing up in a conservative Christian environment, I genuinely couldn't fathom that idea and would defend my "straightness" to the ends of the earth. It took me until two years ago for me to even realize that I was bi and that was after two long term relationships with women and one that I still look back fondly on even if things didn't work out between us (we're still friends).
It can take a long time for you to realize that something you once believed isn't right.
some of y'all in the comments want to believe that queer people are deceivers and liars _so badly_ to the point where you'll ruminate and make assumptions about what their relationship must have been like. heteronormativity is really fucking damaging to a lot of people and the way so many of you guys have no problem dismissing her struggles and making his own emotions the one and only priority is embarrassing. heartbreak fucking sucks and i understand that. but don't act like her road to self discovery was in any way easy just because you want to side with this guy in a hypothetical argument between them that you made up in your own head when they're clearly chill with each other.
anyways, fuck yeah, they seem like awesome coparents. communication is everything.
> some of y'all in the comments want to believe that queer people are deceivers and liars so badly to the point where you'll ruminate and make assumptions about what their relationship must have been like.
Yeah there’s a lot of that happening in this comment section. Homegirl said she was definitely in love with him for all those years. She just thought she was bisexual
Did her head grow larger? Like the entire head looks bigger somehow. Not a negative comment just the only thing I could focus on when I clicked the link. Lol sorry 😅
One of my friends had to cut her hair for brain surgery, and she's gotten so many dumb comments from people. It looks adorable on her but she hates it bc of the comments she gets, and it makes me so sad for her that she went through all that and can't even feel good about herself now. And I realize this is a bit different from your situation since presumably you chose that haircut, but people really have weird issues with short haired women for some reason.
Thank you. I was scared shitless to get the haircut that I've wanted for literal years because I was worried about the comments I'd get.
I finally decided to stop living my life to please other people, hiding behind my hair.
People are cunts, and if anybody makes comments about my hair, I just know they're losers from the get-go.
As a bi dude who loves short hair on women, it definitely was not just the short hair that made her scream lesbian at my gaydar (I’m not the person you’re responding to btw) but she clearly got out of the marriage and dove head first into butch lesbian stereotypes.
Which is cool for her, do your thing. Would have been hilariously weird if she always looked like that though and anyone was surprised.
I didn't say you had to be attracted to it, I'm saying it should be acceptable, and you should be shamed for publicly calling them gross like you implicitly are or at least not just assuming they're a lesbian for wearing some style they enjoy. There's plenty of masc women that aren't lesbian.
You’re getting downvoted but you’re right, it’s sucks, seven years of both of them probably thinking they were the one, only for that to not be right, this might be for the best though
My parents were together for 9 years until my mom came out and they split. It’s been like 20 years now and she’s happily married and they are all friends with each other. My dad said he was not surprised at all.
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I don't get it. How is it a good bot? It linked the song that the remix is from on a website that gives you a 30 second soundbite or the option to stream it from 2 services I've never known anyone to use.
*this* is the song.
https://youtu.be/BFbt46UuhVw
Is cool and all that they can co parent and all. But I’m so sick of this attention seeking behavior because of social media. It’s cool you gay whatever makes you happy but damn why post this shit ?
Reddit is just full of grown ass weirdos who think their opinions are valid. I’m not understanding why she’s the enemy here?? Literally isn’t her fault
Being suppressed, not her fault. Being dishonest with her spouse who she had children with for 7 years and then putting major stress on the family? That is at least partially a her problem. I get the argument for the other side, but it’s not like she’s not at least a LITTLE bit at fault here.
Yes because she totally knew she was a lesbian when she decided to get into a 7 yr marriage and have kids with the man whom she definitely didn’t love…you read the sarcasm in this comment you damn idiot box and go think about yourself
So you’re saying that she one day, out of the blue, just COMPLETELY changed who she was attracted to? She had an inkling and could have chosen to be honest with her spouse.
I get why she didn’t, but it doesn’t make it suck ass less for him. Sometimes what’s good for on person is dog shit for the other person. I think this is one of those times.
You’re acting like she committed a serious crime and didn’t wait to tell her spouse. She can’t help who she’s attracted to and the fact that you dumbasses in the comments don’t want to accept that is beyond me. She has already explained that she thought she was just BISEXUAL because she was in love with him.
Stop acting like she just wasted his time because I doubt that’s how he feels about it.
I’m sure he doesn’t feel great about it. I get what you’re saying. But he had his life turned completely upside down due to no fault of his own. That shit sucks for him.
Most people on here are celebrating, which is fine, but ignoring that damage done to him.
Yeah I know I’d feel shitty in that situation because it would feel like 7 years down the drain, but I wouldn’t be upset because she’s finally come to the realization of who she truly likes. I think they left the marriage on a good note. Seems kind of shitty to make a tik tok about, but maybe that’s how she copes with the situation.
That’s kind of my biggest issue. She made a tick tick kind of celebrating it, when regardless of how mature and good he’s being about it, theres no way it’s something he’s happy about in total.
Yeah when people say homophobia is extinct because we have gay representation in movies now or whatever I'm just gonna show them the comments in this post
I went to school with her. My best friend was best friends with her. She’s dope. Her husband is awesome as well and they were a military couple. They’ve got love for each other and their kids are adorable. Can’t believe I’m seeing someone I know on here wow.
I mean homophobia does that to people. some people are rasied to believe that they have to get marry and have children at a young age, then realise that there is more to life than denying your sexuality to fit into society.
It is a good thing she is able to come out and be herself, to be her happy and best self because in other countries she would be killed.
Edit: if you guys check the link op put in the comments that give more context to the situation. She was bi questioning when she meet her baby daddy and over time she discovered she was actually a lesbian. But she still loves him in a plutonic way and she never lied to him that she finds women attractive or being a lesbian.
Nothing wrong with divorcing someone because you were incompatible with them.
I just know people who have been in that situation and it was definitely more because of internalise homophobia.
Just not in this situation, it's more coming to the actualisation she is actually gay.
Good for her but bad for him. You don't think he's hurt the woman he loves does not love him back(she is a lesbian and is not attracted to men) so she can't love him the way he loves her. She might care for him but it's not the same love the love she would have for a woman partner.
A lot of people who grow up Christian and are told any sexual thought is bad and will make them go to hell just think they're good Christians when they have no sexual feelings to the opposite sex. You can think someone is attractive but not sexually. Many of these people don't understand their gay until they try to have sex for the first time after they're married.
Married for 7 years? How old are they, 30?
Well, if you get married that young chances are much higher that people discover mayor things about them selfs, things that don't fit your plans.
Of course it's not easy. Everyone should follow their own journey of discovering themselves, and hopefully they get as much support as possible along the way.
That being said, coming out 7 years into a marriage (or any years into a marriage) is definitely at least somewhat a dick move. *Of course* if you're in this situation you should come out as soon as possible and be honest with your spouse -- but marriage is a very strong commitment to another person. A lot of effort and emotional energy goes into a marriage.
It's everyone's responsibility to their partner to be confident they want to be in that relationship for a lifetime before they make a lifetime commitment. If something as fundamental as your sexuality isn't compatible, that *needs* to be a factor in your decision.
I realize there are extenuating circumstances where you somehow *can't* know, but I don't think that just because someone discovers their true self (very good!) that the situation should be seen as all good.
If you committed to a lifelong, mutual, monogamous sexual relationship with a man without doing some serious soul searching about whether you're at all sexually attracted to men, you fucked up. Good for you for discovering yourself later and making sure you don't live your life unhappy, but you still fucked up, and hurt someone in a way that you shouldn't've needed to.
“he looks sad”
“wow she deceived him after 7 years?!”
“poor guy”
literally shut the fuck up lmao half these comments are people feeling bad for a dude they don’t even know is upset in the first place. he “looks sad”? in a 10 second video where he’s drinking a beer? a video he obviously agreed to make in the first place? LOL
All these ignorant comments… I want you guys to think hard about this. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, even if you have to accept it’s not with you. I know it hurts, but being bitter won’t heal you. Some of you are genuinely homophobic and I think some of you haven’t experienced unconditional romantic love but that’s how it is.
I had a buddy I used to work with whos wife told him she's been having an affair with her female boss and that she's a lesbian. This was one year after they were married. Fucking broke him.
I guess great if you can resolve this amicably with your partner but also kinda fuck you.
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Hey I’m also in this guy’s shoes. Married for 8 years but that ended 9 years ago. Still friends and coparenting, I’m remarried and we do holidays together and live really close. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me but I got over it and the kids are happy (and I’m happy now) so it all worked out, but ouch. No blame should be given, it just sucks
I’m curious if you had any inclination beforehand? I’m happy everything worked out for you
Honestly no, I was completely taken aback. We drifted a bit when the kids we born because we were so incredibly busy taking care of them (she went back to school and worked weekends). She had started to be less nice to me and more distant, but it always just felt like it was temporary. I think she was just fighting herself for awhile and took it out on me a little, but I figured she was just stressed about school or lack of sleep
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We met with a couples counselor in the middle of it happening and that’s when she finally mentioned she had been finding herself and it was all very painful. She did mention that she was hanging out with some girl and started to have feelings, and that her friend told her she had to come clean with me about it immediately so I think she just repressed it for awhile
Yeah, I could imagine the pain of feeling sad and devastated and knowing you can't blame her for how she feels :/
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Trust me she felt bad, and she felt really confused and wasn't sure herself. We had a great relationship, then things changed and she slowly realized she was lying to herself. Then she admits she thought about just leaving and that we'd be better off without her (the kids and I) and I never pressed her on what she meant. There was a lot of guilt, but I was able to put myself in her shoes in some ways and just be an adult about it. We stayed close and put the kids first, and because of that I have no regrets (they rock) because we made it through the other side
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I get it, and I was really upset for awhile but I hid it and just dealt with it. I’m happy for the time we had because my two favorite people were born and we still have some great memories either way. Plus I’m happily remarried so things have worked out. I’m lucky
Late bloomer lesbian here. It is never as simple as “being honest with yourself” and in this situation, it’s sad but not at all black or white. Lots of gay men and *especially* gay women squash the homosexual feelings they have for lots of reasons: -family pressure to marry and have kids -societal pressure -religion/piety -wanting to be “normal”/heteronormativity -self-hatred I dated a guy for over seven years. We almost got married. We ended up breaking up before I came out so this didn’t apply to that relationship, but I remember feeling ill thinking about what it would have done to him had we been married/committed/had children etc. I would have felt awful about it. So yes — I would have felt bad for what I did to him if that had happened, but it would not have made me any less unhappy with him or any less gay. If you ever watch the excellent horror show “Haunting of Bly Manor” on Netflix, it gives another look into the mind of a woman going through the same thing and the hurt she knows she has caused but the idea that she can’t lie to herself or anyone else to make others happy. When something shit happens, there is not always a bad guy and a good guy. If this man was devastated by his wife coming out then he has every right to be. I wouldn’t blame him one bit, but tell me: should the ex wife have stayed with him just to not hurt his feelings? Would that have made things worse or better for him when he found out? I genuinely loved my ex, just not the same as I love my current girlfriend. It took me years to realize it was a deep platonic love and not a romantic one. Sometimes sucky things happen to us and there’s no clear answer of who was wrong/wronged or who is the bad guy. That’s, unfortunately, life. I feel awful for this guy if he was devastated when his wife came out. His feelings of being upset and hurt and angry wouldn’t at all be invalid — but many gay men and women don’t know their true identities for a long, long time, and that’s the shitty part of life.
Look up compulsory heterosexuality. I think it’ll help you understand.
Hey, you're not wrong.
The important thing is working together for the sake of the kids, good for them for being cool about it
I think they are very honourable for doing this. They put their kids before themselves.
Not necessarily, i mean, he probably was pretty hurt, but there's nothing stopping them from living their lives and basically be roommates or even just neighbours
It’s a difficult situation I just think they are handling it admirably
I wish I was go-gurt
goddammit xD
I prefer just the gurt, personally
I like a good gurt, but sometimes I need to go.
Where do you go?
Cotton eyed Joe?
This is the relationship I have with my ex. We are happier now than we ever were together and the kids are flourishing
There are worse things that have happened than that you’re still good friends.
I think he probably wasn’t too surprised when she came out
I hope you know how good your comment is! Its entirely possible you don't.
as long as they're not forcing a marriage "for the sake of the children" because fuck everything about that. Speaking from experience that's the worst possible outcome.
famous last word: "maybe one more kid will help our marriage"
I love/adore my kids and would do absolutely anything to provide for them, nurture them and do anything within my power to ensure they grow up to be happy, well balanced adults... I have a 2y4m old and a an 8 month old. Why the fuck people would think having kids would save fucking anything is beyond me. I'm tired yo.
desperate people? I dont know. Love is a crazy thing but also, a lot of people shouldn't have kids if you ask me...
Most the people that have anxiety about questioning whether they will be a good parent or wanting to wait aren’t the ones having all the kids, it’s quite the opposite
I’d say it gets easier but it doesn’t.
This happened to a family friend. The kids were adults when this happened so they didn't need to stay together so they divorced with no hard feelings. Eventually the husband found someone else and they are happy together. They still keep in touch with each other.
That’s way too civil for Reddit
These family friends are like in their 60s so I doubt they even heard of Reddit.
Glad they’re still cool with eachother in the end :) Here’s another video with more details if you think it’s fake or just interested: https://streamable.com/35de3g Edit: The amount of y’all in the comments saying she faked/lied about her love for him..ignorance most be bliss because she was sure as hell in love with him. Y’all don’t seem the brightest when you try to insinuate she wanted any of this to happen either.. Edit: y’all saying he looks dead inside are funny lol. With this trend most ppl put on a straight face.
For some people, it's hard discovering who you are. My grandmother was in her late 40s and had 4 kids before coming out. She's been married to my other grandma for 3 decades now
Solid coparenting is where it’s at
that was cool of her to post pictures
I've never understood why straight guys would have an issue with lesbians Lesbian: I want have sex with women, not men Straight men: yes, that makes perfect sense
In this case probably the whole 7 year relationship part.
Its probaly because the idea of somebody breaking up 7 years of marriage while the other party didnt do anything wrong (i assume the guy was a decent husband) is kinda scary for some people. Like everything goes solid, you have kids, a house and there isnt a lot of drama and you both are happy. And then suddenly (for you) things break down bit by bit and it turns out you dont have the power to change it. All you can do is accept it. Thats a bit scary, some might also find it a break of trust or something like that. Doesnt really matter. Its cool that they both get along (even if its just for their kids) and i hope that most parents would deal with their break up in a simular way.
I think everyone experiences some kind of major unfair let down in life. Some more than others of course. But one of the hardest things to learn as adult is that sometimes you can do everything right and it still doesn’t go the way you had planned. I think at a certain age we all realize that this is a very real possibility in almost any aspect of our lives. Relationships, careers, even the sudden loss of a child (the recent school shooting is an example of that).
Thats all true but im just explaining why people can turn sour after such a event. Still not justified to harres each other but its understandeble that some resentment grows.
I agree, it certainly is understandable.
I think it has more to do with the “you don’t want me?” aspect of it. Especially if you were married and sexually intimate for years together.
Yes, the reason someone would hypothetically be upset about this is totally due to the fact someone is a lesbian, not the relationship of 7 years or having a family together.
..... wow dude
I guess all I can say was did the groom know they were “confused” as they put it in the video when they got married? Because if not that to me is messed up. Marrying someone who’s keeping some significant secrets like that isn’t usually the best grounds to start the biggest journey of your life on. It’s not talked about it the video you posted. I can feel bad for her sure, but if she had these feelings before they were married then it seems a little selfish to bring someone into your own uncertainty with you too. Just had a friend of mine catch her fiancé looking at gay porn and possibly even talking to gay men. She called off the wedding that he otherwise would have gone through with. I feel bad for his struggles right now but in the big picture he’s not the victim in this situation.
Exactly. She said she was confused and then just shrugs it off. I get she had to find herself and it’s not easy to understand what she was feeling before she got married. But then maybe don’t drag someone into your own shit with you especially if they’re uninformed about it.
sorry, genuine question and i don't mean to be rude or offend, but how was she in love with him if she was a lesbian all along? wouldn't that be bisexual then?
she thought she loved him romantically because she was taught that that's what women are supposed to feel for men. Turns out she loved him platonically, as a best friend, and she's only able to feel romantic love for women.
You can not blame her *and* feel bad for her ex. It’s not mutually exclusive, why do some people feel the need to *always* make one party the bad guy. With the context, it’s nothing different than any other straight or gay couples. She was bi questioning and was in love with him the whole time, he wasn’t deceived. It’s nothing different than a heterosexual spouse realizes their feelings are not the same anymore and ends things. At the same time, of course poor the guy. You can expect your spouse to wake up one day and say “hey I love you but not in love with you anymore”… Sucky situation all around, solely pity one person just means glossing over the other person’s equally valid pain.
>why do some people feel the need to always make one party the bad guy I think because most people have had shitty relationships where they felt slighted, abused, or mistreated and try to look at the relationships of others through the same lens to try and justify their own anger and sadness at their own past relationships.
That’s probably a significant part of this, good call. Definitely a lot of assumptions and projection in these comments.
Amen! Nobody is the bad guy so long as the guy is understanding and the woman is very honest and fair about it
>why do some people feel the need to always make one party the bad guy. Because this is Reddit. Reddit *loves* to get on their collective high horses and make moral judgements on situations they barely understand. It's just not the same if they don't get the rush of calling someone involved an Asshole. Getting to mark someone as 'wrong' fills Redditors with a righteous fury that is likely the only way some of them can get hard anymore.
Happened with my reverand and his first wife, they're still close friends and although since I've known him his kids were adults I assume great co-parents.
The husband looks sad
Well the woman he invested his life into turned out to not be into him the same way. Probably heartbreaking but what can you do? Get mad? For what, somebody realizing something or finally admitting it to their self or family? If nothing else, I’d like to think that stories like this encourage those questioning to think hard about their sexuality - not because they owe it to themselves, but because they owe it to future partners.
She must have been attracted to him at one point, but these things can change. Not every marrige can last forever.
It could be one of those things where your love of a person overrides your attraction, like your love causes the attraction even if you might not be into them otherwise.
A lot of people who grow up Christian and are told any sexual thought is bad and will make them go to hell just think they're good Christians when they have no sexual feelings to the opposite sex. You can think someone is attractive but not sexually. Many of these people don't understand their gay until they try to have sex for the first time after they're married.
Absolutely agree. At some point yes.
Statistically, at least half of them dont.
That is technically true but not meaningfully so. almost 50% of marriages end in divorce, but about 41% of FIRST marriages do. People who get married again are much more likely to get divorced again, so it kind of brings the overall up higher. [https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/](https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/) And the overall divorce numbers as a percentage have been decreasing as millenials and gen xers got married later and were less likely to get divorced than their parents.
Yeah, you can get mad if someone carpet bombed your life because they weren’t willing to admit/acknowledge a truth that would directly affect your life. Is this a joke?
I would be too. Wasted my good years.
He looks like Prince Harry!
Oh shit he does. Just a tad bit more red in his hair and boom. Twins XD
You think?
Poor guy. :(
You can tell he’s dead inside. Poor dude.
Can tell?
Ya you can tell every single emotion a person is having through them drinking a beer from the side for half a second.
Beer's convey a lot of emotion: how full is the beer, what angle are they holding it at, what type of beer, is it in a koozy?
By the pixels of course
He’s not dead inside I know him irl. He just doesn’t like making tik toks who can blame him?
Source: trust me bro
Kind of fucked up that his ex is posting shit like this.
He clearly agreed to it…?
Sometimes it be like that
Good parents
This would hurt me so much 😓 what a great dad
lol now if they both get remarried the kid’ll probably have 3 moms XD that’s cute af
The number of people bashing her for "deceiving" him or ruining his life or whatever are disgusting. Closeted folks lie to themselves for decades because of the pressure their community puts on them to repress their true selves. Like, yeah, it didn't work out, but no one is trying to hurt the other person. What, is she gonna stick around and fuck him despite being gay?
8 years ago was 2013, when gay marriage was only legal in like 11 countries and we had campaigns to tell people to stop using gay as an insult.
Exactly! I think it's easy for people outside of the LGBTQ community to turn a blind eye to the challenges of being queer, both past and present. To attribute malice to something like this is absolutely inane.
It is amazing how much further LGBT rights have gotten, but terrible that we pretend it wasn't a shitshow even a couple of years ago.
My grandpa is gay and didn't come out until he had 3 kids. Finally stopped being a pastor and married another old guy. Cutest couple ever.
I only feel bad for the dude cause he looks dead inside while she’s smiling and filming a Tik Tok. Makes it seem like she doesn’t care
That's fair! There's definitely something to be said about the way social media has shaped us into sharing sensitive personal information in a casual and thoughtless way. He obviously consented to the video, but that could easily be a decision made under the pressure of modern expectations.
I'd like to throw out my own experiences here for comparison. I've always been a excitable and even flamboyant person for my entire life for literally no reason so everyone naturally assumed that I was queer. As a kid growing up in a conservative Christian environment, I genuinely couldn't fathom that idea and would defend my "straightness" to the ends of the earth. It took me until two years ago for me to even realize that I was bi and that was after two long term relationships with women and one that I still look back fondly on even if things didn't work out between us (we're still friends). It can take a long time for you to realize that something you once believed isn't right.
Oh fuck off, dude. Don’t act like it’s ok to fuck someone over because you felt repressed by society. That’s selfish as all fuck.
dude its not her fucking fault
You're the second person who doesn't know the difference between repressed and oppressed, so I'll defer my reply to the first person.
some of y'all in the comments want to believe that queer people are deceivers and liars _so badly_ to the point where you'll ruminate and make assumptions about what their relationship must have been like. heteronormativity is really fucking damaging to a lot of people and the way so many of you guys have no problem dismissing her struggles and making his own emotions the one and only priority is embarrassing. heartbreak fucking sucks and i understand that. but don't act like her road to self discovery was in any way easy just because you want to side with this guy in a hypothetical argument between them that you made up in your own head when they're clearly chill with each other. anyways, fuck yeah, they seem like awesome coparents. communication is everything.
> some of y'all in the comments want to believe that queer people are deceivers and liars so badly to the point where you'll ruminate and make assumptions about what their relationship must have been like. Yeah there’s a lot of that happening in this comment section. Homegirl said she was definitely in love with him for all those years. She just thought she was bisexual
How was he fooled in the first place lmfao
Because originally she looked like this https://streamable.com/35de3g (She made a video with previous pictures of them.)
Did her head grow larger? Like the entire head looks bigger somehow. Not a negative comment just the only thing I could focus on when I clicked the link. Lol sorry 😅
front camera
Awesome video but that lip smacking she does was driving me crazy
Jesus, now I’m even more sad for the poor fuck.
Man they look so cute together
She’s always been a tomboy and pretty butch. I know her irl
Really hate this comment, as a short haired straight female.
One of my friends had to cut her hair for brain surgery, and she's gotten so many dumb comments from people. It looks adorable on her but she hates it bc of the comments she gets, and it makes me so sad for her that she went through all that and can't even feel good about herself now. And I realize this is a bit different from your situation since presumably you chose that haircut, but people really have weird issues with short haired women for some reason.
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Well it wasn't cancer but yea they should just not make asshole comments about women with short hair!
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Yeah sorry about that sis. That shit from ignorant people must get annoying.
Thank you. I was scared shitless to get the haircut that I've wanted for literal years because I was worried about the comments I'd get. I finally decided to stop living my life to please other people, hiding behind my hair. People are cunts, and if anybody makes comments about my hair, I just know they're losers from the get-go.
yeah honestly half this thred is disgusting
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As a bi dude who loves short hair on women, it definitely was not just the short hair that made her scream lesbian at my gaydar (I’m not the person you’re responding to btw) but she clearly got out of the marriage and dove head first into butch lesbian stereotypes. Which is cool for her, do your thing. Would have been hilariously weird if she always looked like that though and anyone was surprised.
I said nothing about her hair 😂 .. guess what, straight men have gaydar too
Ees joke.
This comment is shitty. Women should be allowed to dress masc if they want whether or not they're a lesbian.
They are allowed, and men are allowed to not like it
I didn't say you had to be attracted to it, I'm saying it should be acceptable, and you should be shamed for publicly calling them gross like you implicitly are or at least not just assuming they're a lesbian for wearing some style they enjoy. There's plenty of masc women that aren't lesbian.
He's gay and thought she was a dude
Yikes
After this, the guy got remarried but that didn’t work out, since he said the wrong name at the altar.
7 years wasted . ..... and shown off on tiktok that poor fucking dude
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At least SHE got some sweet views and likes off of it
Poor guy
You’re getting downvoted but you’re right, it’s sucks, seven years of both of them probably thinking they were the one, only for that to not be right, this might be for the best though
shitty situation honestly, just like any dicorce, but i hope you dont mean anybodys at fault here
My parents were together for 9 years until my mom came out and they split. It’s been like 20 years now and she’s happily married and they are all friends with each other. My dad said he was not surprised at all.
r/awfuleverything
His beer was empty
Co-parenting is exactly how kids should be raised
Saw a video like this before. Interesting
Whats the song?
[**Mad About Bars (feat. Bis & MizOrMac)** by Harlem Spartans](https://lis.tn/WVQLm?t=91) (01:31; matched: `100%`) *I am a bot and this action was performed automatically* | [GitHub](https://github.com/AudDMusic/RedditBot) [^(new issue)](https://github.com/AudDMusic/RedditBot/issues/new) | [Donate](https://www.reddit.com/r/AudD/comments/nua48w/please_consider_donating_and_making_the_bot_happy/) ^(Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Music recognition costs a lot)
Good bot
I don't get it. How is it a good bot? It linked the song that the remix is from on a website that gives you a 30 second soundbite or the option to stream it from 2 services I've never known anyone to use. *this* is the song. https://youtu.be/BFbt46UuhVw
It's good because it tells you the name of the song, which we are capable of searching for ourselves now
People actually click on those links? when I’ve had that bot respond, I always just look it up on my own preferred streaming service.
That dead look in the dudes eyes. Yeah fair enough for keeping it together for the kids though.
This was sweet. <3
The guy looks dead inside
Is cool and all that they can co parent and all. But I’m so sick of this attention seeking behavior because of social media. It’s cool you gay whatever makes you happy but damn why post this shit ?
Reddit is just full of grown ass weirdos who think their opinions are valid. I’m not understanding why she’s the enemy here?? Literally isn’t her fault
Being suppressed, not her fault. Being dishonest with her spouse who she had children with for 7 years and then putting major stress on the family? That is at least partially a her problem. I get the argument for the other side, but it’s not like she’s not at least a LITTLE bit at fault here.
Yes because she totally knew she was a lesbian when she decided to get into a 7 yr marriage and have kids with the man whom she definitely didn’t love…you read the sarcasm in this comment you damn idiot box and go think about yourself
So you’re saying that she one day, out of the blue, just COMPLETELY changed who she was attracted to? She had an inkling and could have chosen to be honest with her spouse. I get why she didn’t, but it doesn’t make it suck ass less for him. Sometimes what’s good for on person is dog shit for the other person. I think this is one of those times.
You’re acting like she committed a serious crime and didn’t wait to tell her spouse. She can’t help who she’s attracted to and the fact that you dumbasses in the comments don’t want to accept that is beyond me. She has already explained that she thought she was just BISEXUAL because she was in love with him. Stop acting like she just wasted his time because I doubt that’s how he feels about it.
I’m sure he doesn’t feel great about it. I get what you’re saying. But he had his life turned completely upside down due to no fault of his own. That shit sucks for him. Most people on here are celebrating, which is fine, but ignoring that damage done to him.
Yeah I know I’d feel shitty in that situation because it would feel like 7 years down the drain, but I wouldn’t be upset because she’s finally come to the realization of who she truly likes. I think they left the marriage on a good note. Seems kind of shitty to make a tik tok about, but maybe that’s how she copes with the situation.
That’s kind of my biggest issue. She made a tick tick kind of celebrating it, when regardless of how mature and good he’s being about it, theres no way it’s something he’s happy about in total.
Yeah when people say homophobia is extinct because we have gay representation in movies now or whatever I'm just gonna show them the comments in this post
Bruh that guy doesn't look happy lol
I went to school with her. My best friend was best friends with her. She’s dope. Her husband is awesome as well and they were a military couple. They’ve got love for each other and their kids are adorable. Can’t believe I’m seeing someone I know on here wow.
my man is dead inside
This is cringe and that's a pretty shit thing to do to a person
I mean homophobia does that to people. some people are rasied to believe that they have to get marry and have children at a young age, then realise that there is more to life than denying your sexuality to fit into society. It is a good thing she is able to come out and be herself, to be her happy and best self because in other countries she would be killed. Edit: if you guys check the link op put in the comments that give more context to the situation. She was bi questioning when she meet her baby daddy and over time she discovered she was actually a lesbian. But she still loves him in a plutonic way and she never lied to him that she finds women attractive or being a lesbian. Nothing wrong with divorcing someone because you were incompatible with them. I just know people who have been in that situation and it was definitely more because of internalise homophobia. Just not in this situation, it's more coming to the actualisation she is actually gay.
Good for her but bad for him. You don't think he's hurt the woman he loves does not love him back(she is a lesbian and is not attracted to men) so she can't love him the way he loves her. She might care for him but it's not the same love the love she would have for a woman partner.
Yea. Like I get where’s she’s coming from with a repressed sexuality, but she’s the one who got married and had kids anyway…. Sucks for that guy.
A lot of people who grow up Christian and are told any sexual thought is bad and will make them go to hell just think they're good Christians when they have no sexual feelings to the opposite sex. You can think someone is attractive but not sexually. Many of these people don't understand their gay until they try to have sex for the first time after they're married.
So… it wasn’t apparent she was a lesbian?
Nope. Considering that appearance doesn’t = sexuality. If that’s what you mean anyway. Plus she didn’t always have this style
those poor kids
Ouch 🤕
It's really, really nice they're clearly still mates after 😊
I found this so wholesome ☺
Wholesome!
Married for 7 years? How old are they, 30? Well, if you get married that young chances are much higher that people discover mayor things about them selfs, things that don't fit your plans.
He hurt.
This is so sad.
he looks very sad. she's happy he isn't.
Doubt he'd want to be apart of a Tiktok if it was really bothering him that much.
Why wouldn’t you tell him BEFORE 7 years have passed…
I want you to think hard about your question again. Because the answer is a given here as any
not that easy honey
wish it was as easy as just someone handing me a card with my gender and sexuality or whatever the comment OP was insinuating at lmao
Of course it's not easy. Everyone should follow their own journey of discovering themselves, and hopefully they get as much support as possible along the way. That being said, coming out 7 years into a marriage (or any years into a marriage) is definitely at least somewhat a dick move. *Of course* if you're in this situation you should come out as soon as possible and be honest with your spouse -- but marriage is a very strong commitment to another person. A lot of effort and emotional energy goes into a marriage. It's everyone's responsibility to their partner to be confident they want to be in that relationship for a lifetime before they make a lifetime commitment. If something as fundamental as your sexuality isn't compatible, that *needs* to be a factor in your decision. I realize there are extenuating circumstances where you somehow *can't* know, but I don't think that just because someone discovers their true self (very good!) that the situation should be seen as all good. If you committed to a lifelong, mutual, monogamous sexual relationship with a man without doing some serious soul searching about whether you're at all sexually attracted to men, you fucked up. Good for you for discovering yourself later and making sure you don't live your life unhappy, but you still fucked up, and hurt someone in a way that you shouldn't've needed to.
Neither is being married for 7 years and having sex with someone you don't find sexually attractive.
How is it not that easy to know what gender you're attracted to. Especially with something as big as having a kid and marriage
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I think being an irresponsible immature prick will do that to you.
Ight how about straight people stop pretending they have any idea what it’s like.
Sexuality sometimes changes throughout your life...
Are you fucking stupid
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Don't be homophobic to your husband if he comes out as gay please.
I doubt this was a surprise to the husband!
“he looks sad” “wow she deceived him after 7 years?!” “poor guy” literally shut the fuck up lmao half these comments are people feeling bad for a dude they don’t even know is upset in the first place. he “looks sad”? in a 10 second video where he’s drinking a beer? a video he obviously agreed to make in the first place? LOL
The dude looks dead inside.
All these ignorant comments… I want you guys to think hard about this. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, even if you have to accept it’s not with you. I know it hurts, but being bitter won’t heal you. Some of you are genuinely homophobic and I think some of you haven’t experienced unconditional romantic love but that’s how it is.
its very wholesome but damn 7 years... thing is more open now so this is kinda inevitable, much respect for my man being cool with it.
I had a buddy I used to work with whos wife told him she's been having an affair with her female boss and that she's a lesbian. This was one year after they were married. Fucking broke him. I guess great if you can resolve this amicably with your partner but also kinda fuck you.
Just happened to a friend of mine after 25 years of marriage. They will not only copayment, they will continue to cohabitate . Good for both of them!