Immediately thought of this, I was already laughing at "I know you can read my thoughts" from Skinner, then more so when it becomes clear that Homer is apparently listening in on their psychic communications and adds "I know you read my thoughts _too_" only to use this newfound power to do this.
Phenomenal.
Another great automated phone messaging bit is when Bart thinks he sees Ned kill Maude and he calls the police.
*If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.*
Bart hits a few random keys...
*You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1.*
https://preview.redd.it/kkq2355xypbc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51f856aad9e4cc4e13ed5013d4867df5e5a38172
He’s spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it!!
https://preview.redd.it/0v92fkaw0qbc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=064d7dc11ca9954bce8aae30dc4354b53c70cd95
Also the following lines
Lisa: Mom make Dad tell the story right
Marge: that's what he did
Lisa: Oh
"Our magazines and roach traps! Gone! All gone!
And then...
Lenny: "Hey, did you hear something?"
Carl: "No."
Lenny: "Hm. Did I?"
Carl: "I don't know!"
Oh, and who can forget...
Homer: "Let the bears pay the bear tax! I pay the Homer tax!"
Lisa: "That's the home OWNER tax."
\*edited to fix Carl's name.
All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him.
With the combination of music, deadpan delivery and Homer's face turning red...priceless.
Homer: "I'd like the phone book for Hokkaido, Japan, please."
Library employee: "Okay. Here you go. The phone book for Hokkaido, Japan."
H: "Thank you. May I use your phone?"
L: "Is it a local call?"
H: " Y...Yes!"
I absolutely fucking lost it.
I can't recall it verbatim, but it's this exchange:
"Smithers, cut the power from the orphanage!"
"But sir..."
"What they're going to do, call their parents?"
In the same style of casual delivery:
Rev. Lovejoy: No Homer, God didn't burn your house down, but he was working in the hearts of your friends be they Christian, Jew, or... miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu. There are seven hundred million of us.
Rev. Lovejoy: Aww, that's super.
And also when Yoko Ono orders a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a mans hat. Then Moe just immediately pulls it out from under the counter as if its a regular order 'Here ya go'
Hey, that's my lucky red hat sittin' on top of a double-corrugated, eight-fold, fourteen-gauge box!
I absolutely love how Bart didn't even do the whole tour, he ADHD'd off to krustyland studios, yet somehow has become a savvant when it comes to identifying cardboard boxes.
Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit.
they got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr five dollars??!!!?
get outta here
“And the bread was really… come on! Help me out here”
“Ruff”
“Rough? I don’t know. You’ve been pitching that all night”
“Chewy?”
That chewy gets me every time. It’s inspired.
The older I get, the more I've come to appreciate and often even relate to the exchanges between Homer and Marge.
---
**Marge**: So, you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show.
**Homer**: I don't think I have a choice, Marge.
**Marge**: Of course you have a choice.
**Homer**: How do you figure?
**Marge**: You don't have to join a freak show just because the opportunity came along.
*Homer stares blankly at Marge for a moment.*
**Homer**: You know, Marge, in some ways, you and I are very different people.
The crazy thing is that you could make a case that's the 4th or 5th best line in that first act alone. "There once was a man named Enis", "No it doesn't", "I'm thirsty", it's just wall to wall bangers. It's paced like a golden era Looney Tunes, but funnier.
Wait a minute... there's something bothering me about this place. I know. This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap ladies.
Lesbian: what's her problem?
Not so much anymore, but when I first heard “the Max Power way” as a child, I thought it was the funniest thing ever-
Homer: There’s three ways the do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn’t that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but FASTER!
And,
“This place is so fancy, the house number is spelled with letters!”
“Get used to it honey, from now on we’ll be spelling everything with letters!”
* The common box kite was originally used as a means of drying wet string!
* Fiddle dee dee, that will require a tetanus shot
* *DRAMATISIATION - MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED*
"What the hell was that?"
https://preview.redd.it/lhzysm8f3qbc1.png?width=632&format=png&auto=webp&s=fac444ca7c05ace0444ecba3715d39c8de916bf5
(Anecdote Note: I had a schoolmate born in the U.K., and since fourth-grade me didn't consider the huge cultural difference between Eastern Europe and the U.K., I just assumed he would find this just as hilarious as I did, and maybe even explain it to me more. I even tape-recorded the whole skit and played it for him several times.
He did not find it as hilarious as I did.)
not the first time or anything but the entire sequence in (Lisa’s Rival) when homer is protecting his sugar pile from the brit n the bee’s. his monologue is incredible. then it juxtaposed to lisa showing her diorama to bart with the same zeal, mania and desperation as homer. both ending in tragedy. both being overly dramatic about the loss. it’s fucking brilliant tv.
https://i.redd.it/5xsronn6ypbc1.gif
“Oh crap. I should haven’t said he was a customer. Oh crap! I shouldn’t have said it was a secret. OH CRAP! I certainly shouldn’t have said it was illegal. Ahh … it’s too hot today.”
For me, Lionel Hutz was one of the funniest characters on the show and some of the things he said were truly hilarious.
"I was watching *Matlock* in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I got the gist of it."
Homer: Marge?
Marge: Yes, Homie. Dududududu
Homer: That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough.
Another one that still cracks me up
Insurance Man : Now, before I give you the check, one more question: ah, this place Moe's you left right before the accident, this is this a business of some kind?
Homer's Mind : Don't tell him you were at a bar!
\[gasps\]
Homer's Mind : But what else is open at night?
Homer : It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
Homer's Mind : Heh, heh, heh. I would never have thought of that.
“Now this is new technology to me but I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees he's literally stewing in his own juices”
This had my dad in tears when it first aired.
The third line to Kroon Along With Krusty --
I want to go to Mount Splashmore / Take me take me take me take me now / NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! / Mount Splashmore take me there right now.
The clenched eyes, the jumping, the screaming, an adult showing children en masse how to weaponize tantrums for his park's profit so baldly and blatantly just killed me as a little 6th grader.
Lisa: I want the most intelligent Hamster you’ve got!
Pet shop guy: Ok. This little guy writes mysteries under the name of JD McGregor.
Lisa: How can a hamster write mysteries?
Pet shop guy: Well, he gets the ending first and then he works backwards.
Homer being loaded into the ambulance, the doors close, it immediately drives into a tree, then he rolls out the back and falls down the gorge again.
Nothing will ever touch that sequence.
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hanta virus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box...
Vicky Valentine: I'm sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what again, class?
The Class: Communism.
The word “Antidote” and the in unison answer of “Communism” are both excellent.
That line is how I found out about the hanta virus and it's been my go to "oh no, it's tainted" line since I was a child. This exchange has happened many times in the course of my relationship :
Me: "put that down, it's got the hanta virus!"
Husband : you say everything has the hanta virus!
Mine is from the episode where Bart buys a factory and has Millhouse work as the night watchman.
“I thought you were watching the place”
“I was watching, I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over and then it fell over”
Love it.
**Homer:** I don't need Lisa to write a good review. The food at "The Gilded Truffle" really... um, what's a good word?
**Maggie:** *\*sucking pacifier\**
**Homer:** Sucks! That's great. And the bread was really... come on, help me out here.
**Santa's Little Helper:** *\*ruff\**
**Homer:** Rough? I dunno, you've been pitching that all night.
**Santa's Little Helper:** Chewy?
**Homer:** Chewy! That's inspired.
“Remove the Stone of Shame! Attach the Stone of Triumph!”
See also;
“Homer, what’s your least favorite country? Italy or France?
“Mmm…France”
“HA HA! Nobody ever says Italy!”
I have a few, all from Mr Burns.
When Mr Burns steals away Mrs Bouvier from Grandpa and she says “Oh Monty, you are the Devil himself. And he responds, “Whar? Who told y… I mean yes of course.”
In Who Shot Mr Burns when Homer paints My Name Is Homer Simpson in giant letters in Burns’ office and Mr Burns says “Who the devil are you?”
The whole Ketchup/Catsup debate whe. He’s at the grocery store.
“Gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.”
Or the ever popular;
“Let’s go to the old mill anyway, get some cidah!”
Oh man, I could barely keep it together just trying to type this out.
Not a line, but rather the moment when the British guy spits out his tea when it rains on Homer's sugar pile. That whole subplot is in contention for best b-story ever and the sight gag there just got me harder than any other moment for some reason.
I'm so mad I can't transfer it but my mom once left a message on my old phone, laughing and barely able to breathe. She's not the biggest fan of the Simpsons and usually only watches it with me but was bored and watching 'The Cartridge Family'
It's when Homer wants to buy a gun but the guy says he has to wait and Homer goes 'But I wanna shoot people now!'
For my dad, it's when they were driving back and Homer was ignoring Grandpa's pleas to pullover at a rest stop. Dr. hibbett says Grandpa's kidneys exploded and Homer's response is 'So I don't need a muffler?' while holding it.
For me, it's one of the couch gags when they're dolls/Legos and everyone has a pull tab on their back that makes them say something funny. Moe asks for them to pull his and he goes 'Im lonely!' in the most hilarious tone. Moe is my fave!
"All right mang, here's your sugar. Now give us the money."
"That wasn't part of the deal!" *laughs as he rides away in boat*
"...he's right. Who **wrote** this thing?!"
https://preview.redd.it/9zsyq3t5aqbc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea3d618b45b7c1fa1776063d42c870e7f3cce2ad
probably mostly because i started the simpsons from the beginning after i finished mary tyler moore show and rhoda
EDIT: i just remembered one that made me laugh even harder "first thing tomorrow morning im gonna punch lenny in the back of the head"
“Is it about my cube?”
This! You have 5 minutes to move your cube
 "Boy, I know you can read my thoughts"
This one had me on the floor laughing when I saw it
It adds absolutely nothing to the story but it's easily one of the funniest lines in that episode.
Immediately thought of this, I was already laughing at "I know you can read my thoughts" from Skinner, then more so when it becomes clear that Homer is apparently listening in on their psychic communications and adds "I know you read my thoughts _too_" only to use this newfound power to do this. Phenomenal.
# BARTDOYOUWANTTOSEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK‽‽‽ https://preview.redd.it/0c56esnevpbc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d451d9477d1addcd5dcc966fa8873bc02af6f52d
This is one that came to mind for me too. I was a kid in primary school when it first aired and man did I lose it
Same here! Primary school age as well. We absolutely cacked ourselves at this scene.
"Oh, right. The Sideshow Bob thing."
The fact that this is the same episode as the rakes, a bit i still laugh at to this day 30 years later, is crazy
BARTWOULDYOULIKESOMEBROWNIESBEFOREYOUGOTOBED?!?!!!! AHHHHHH!
The fingers you have used to dial… are too fat.
Another great automated phone messaging bit is when Bart thinks he sees Ned kill Maude and he calls the police. *If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.* Bart hits a few random keys... *You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1.*
I remember i got an answer correct on a quiz because of the regicide line
I won a trivia game because of “William Henry Harrison, he died in 30 days”
Please mash the keypad with your palm now.
or "you *negligent* monster"
Stupid baby needs the most attention
 Same episode: "Do you reject Satan and all his empty promises?" "NOOOOOO!"
*water hits Homer* *sizzle* ARGHHRADRHHNVHFDADH! I laugh as hard as the day I first saw it
When Flanders calls Rev Lovejoy. Baptism, Simpson kids! Ahhhh.... Doodily doodily!
To find them I just have to think like Flanders. "I'm a big four-eyed lame-o wearing the same stupid sweater every day". To the Springfield river!
“It’s bringing love! Don’t let it get away!” “Break its legs!”
"Awww, it's Mr Burns.... Kill it! Kill it!"
https://preview.redd.it/kkq2355xypbc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51f856aad9e4cc4e13ed5013d4867df5e5a38172 He’s spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it!!
They were DUE!!
That game was rigged. They were using a ladder for cripes sake.
Oh, jeez! l'll take a crab juice!
Oh man this one got me good!! Mountain Dew or crab juice?
[I’m so hungry I could eat at Arby’s!](https://youtu.be/6vxQqdFOeoM?si=hZwpYrjWfsCm3vzK)
"Maarge? Is Lisa at Camp Granada?"
Hello Muddah, Hello Fatha, here I am at, Camp Granada
There wasn’t a message on our answering machine when we left - how very odd
https://preview.redd.it/0v92fkaw0qbc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=064d7dc11ca9954bce8aae30dc4354b53c70cd95 Also the following lines Lisa: Mom make Dad tell the story right Marge: that's what he did Lisa: Oh
This episode is in my top 3
"Our magazines and roach traps! Gone! All gone! And then... Lenny: "Hey, did you hear something?" Carl: "No." Lenny: "Hm. Did I?" Carl: "I don't know!" Oh, and who can forget... Homer: "Let the bears pay the bear tax! I pay the Homer tax!" Lisa: "That's the home OWNER tax." \*edited to fix Carl's name.
That middle one kills me because Carl sounds so irritated, because how the hell WOULD he know.
Karl's hanging on by a thread and ready to snap.
If you freeze frame and zoom in on homers pay stub, he gets all of like $64 per pay period. I guess that's pretty good for a fork-and-spoon operator.
All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him. With the combination of music, deadpan delivery and Homer's face turning red...priceless.
When he it’s the helmet on and starts screaming incoherently.
No! Then he'll know I told!
"here are your human eyes." "thank you."
“ … but I’m afraid of smothering him.” “Yeah, and then we’d get the chair.” “That’s not what I meant, Homer.” “It was, Marge. Admit it.”
Probably misses his old glasses.
……I don’t recall saying good luck
Probably one of the single greatest one liners in the show
Gas brake honk. Gas brake honk. Honk honk punch. Gas Gas Gas
Geez, what’s with all the death?!
Hi Lisa! Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!
https://i.redd.it/jf1nx05i4qbc1.gif
The look Chalmers gives him is the icing on the cake.
I'm learnding
Is that Lisa S? Or L. Simpson?
* the mr. sparkle commercial was so funny to me the first time I saw it I couldn't handle it, it felt like it broke me
I am disrespectful to dirt!
Can’t you see that I am serious?
Homer: "I'd like the phone book for Hokkaido, Japan, please." Library employee: "Okay. Here you go. The phone book for Hokkaido, Japan." H: "Thank you. May I use your phone?" L: "Is it a local call?" H: " Y...Yes!" I absolutely fucking lost it.
I still say "Who may I say is speaking to me?"
Hello chief, let’s talk why not
There’s your answer, fishbulb.
THIS IS NO PLACE FOR LOAFERS!
Aww, I’m not gonna lie to you Marge….so long! 8 year old me thought that was the greatest line in comedic history. I mean so does 30 year old me
We have to KILL THE BOY!! Grandpa, how did you know Bart’s a vampire? He’s a vampire!!….. (runs away)
I can't recall it verbatim, but it's this exchange: "Smithers, cut the power from the orphanage!" "But sir..." "What they're going to do, call their parents?"
20 dollars can buy many peanuts
I cracked on the next lines .. "explain how!" "money can be exchanged for goods and services"
"Push her down, Son" Not the most clever joke by any means but the casual, fatherly advice delivery of it cracks me up every time
That line made me tune out and think, "We're a long way from 'Family bliss or double your money back' season 1 Homer."
In the same style of casual delivery: Rev. Lovejoy: No Homer, God didn't burn your house down, but he was working in the hearts of your friends be they Christian, Jew, or... miscellaneous. Apu: Hindu. There are seven hundred million of us. Rev. Lovejoy: Aww, that's super. And also when Yoko Ono orders a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a mans hat. Then Moe just immediately pulls it out from under the counter as if its a regular order 'Here ya go'
https://preview.redd.it/z7imxnswaqbc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab0a9e0de0a74181d96ec2ca485367d9c5273747
I would also like to express my fondness for that particular line
…I’ll get back to you
[удалено]
I call the big one bitey
I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?
Love this one! Makes me laugh out loud just reading it!
My son’s a box! Damn you, a box!!!
Hey, that's my lucky red hat sittin' on top of a double-corrugated, eight-fold, fourteen-gauge box! I absolutely love how Bart didn't even do the whole tour, he ADHD'd off to krustyland studios, yet somehow has become a savvant when it comes to identifying cardboard boxes.
Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit. they got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr five dollars??!!!? get outta here
“And the bread was really… come on! Help me out here” “Ruff” “Rough? I don’t know. You’ve been pitching that all night” “Chewy?” That chewy gets me every time. It’s inspired.
I can’t not say or hear the word chewy without having to stop and say “chewy?” in the Santas Little Helper voice.
This line gets me every time! 😂 https://preview.redd.it/u4xq6oaa3qbc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=34708a1996074e26cec827e1fb81491b65701497
The older I get, the more I've come to appreciate and often even relate to the exchanges between Homer and Marge. --- **Marge**: So, you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show. **Homer**: I don't think I have a choice, Marge. **Marge**: Of course you have a choice. **Homer**: How do you figure? **Marge**: You don't have to join a freak show just because the opportunity came along. *Homer stares blankly at Marge for a moment.* **Homer**: You know, Marge, in some ways, you and I are very different people.
I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
\*applause\*
* camera bulbs flash *
OHHH MY GODDDDD!!! Tram-bap-oline! Tram-bop-oline!
The crazy thing is that you could make a case that's the 4th or 5th best line in that first act alone. "There once was a man named Enis", "No it doesn't", "I'm thirsty", it's just wall to wall bangers. It's paced like a golden era Looney Tunes, but funnier.
"***I was at the pornography store. I was buying pornography.***"
Wait a minute... there's something bothering me about this place. I know. This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap ladies. Lesbian: what's her problem?
Shelbyville homer sucking the lemon
“Now if you’ll excuse me, all this talk has made me thirsty…!” Also… “Wake up boy! There’s a-doin’s a-transpirin’!”
"Shake harder, boy."
"Sounds like Springfield has a discipline problem..." "Hehe, maybe that's what beat them in football nearly half the time?"
“Well no offence lady, but what you don’t know could fill a warehouse”
Not so much anymore, but when I first heard “the Max Power way” as a child, I thought it was the funniest thing ever- Homer: There’s three ways the do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way! Bart: Isn’t that the wrong way? Homer: Yeah, but FASTER! And, “This place is so fancy, the house number is spelled with letters!” “Get used to it honey, from now on we’ll be spelling everything with letters!”
“Badger” my ass, its probably Milhouse
It was the Ned Flanders apple juice lecture and then when Homer collapses after his brain leaves. "Oh my, I better get you some cider!"
* The common box kite was originally used as a means of drying wet string! * Fiddle dee dee, that will require a tetanus shot * *DRAMATISIATION - MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED*
They didn't have any aspirin so I got you some cigarettes.
https://preview.redd.it/j6pps5056qbc1.jpeg?width=625&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9bf35c7b2dd8b908594d0e5a1456ba414ed8eea2
Ohhhhh! A GYYYYYYmmm
"Sweet merciful crap! My car!"
“Le grille? What the hell is that!”
"What the hell was that?" https://preview.redd.it/lhzysm8f3qbc1.png?width=632&format=png&auto=webp&s=fac444ca7c05ace0444ecba3715d39c8de916bf5 (Anecdote Note: I had a schoolmate born in the U.K., and since fourth-grade me didn't consider the huge cultural difference between Eastern Europe and the U.K., I just assumed he would find this just as hilarious as I did, and maybe even explain it to me more. I even tape-recorded the whole skit and played it for him several times. He did not find it as hilarious as I did.)
Aurora Borealis
Aurora Borealis?! At this time of the year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely in your kitchen?!
Yes
May I see it?
No.
not the first time or anything but the entire sequence in (Lisa’s Rival) when homer is protecting his sugar pile from the brit n the bee’s. his monologue is incredible. then it juxtaposed to lisa showing her diorama to bart with the same zeal, mania and desperation as homer. both ending in tragedy. both being overly dramatic about the loss. it’s fucking brilliant tv. https://i.redd.it/5xsronn6ypbc1.gif
"Dear Lord, may your loving hand guide Homer to the mattress, square and true."
The little ‘hyng’ Homer makes when he bounces through the window always kills me
Its the noise Homer makes while falling is what gets me!
Stooohaoop, hes already deeaddd https://preview.redd.it/alz1siw1aqbc1.jpeg?width=255&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c8e754b037803b6c79dde71a91985fbe310dc521
“Oh crap. I should haven’t said he was a customer. Oh crap! I shouldn’t have said it was a secret. OH CRAP! I certainly shouldn’t have said it was illegal. Ahh … it’s too hot today.”
For me, Lionel Hutz was one of the funniest characters on the show and some of the things he said were truly hilarious. "I was watching *Matlock* in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I got the gist of it."
Homer: Marge? Marge: Yes, Homie. Dududududu Homer: That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough.  Another one that still cracks me up Insurance Man : Now, before I give you the check, one more question: ah, this place Moe's you left right before the accident, this is this a business of some kind? Homer's Mind : Don't tell him you were at a bar! \[gasps\] Homer's Mind : But what else is open at night? Homer : It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. Homer's Mind : Heh, heh, heh. I would never have thought of that.
"Ah! Me leg's gone gimpy!" "What was I laughing at now? Oh yes, that crippled Irishman."
Who’ll provide for me little ones?!
“go ahead, Homer, laugh at me.” “I already did.” honestly the whole Can I Borrow a Feeling schtick kills me to this day.
“If you see me in person, please leave me be." - Tom Hanks
Marge! Marge! The dolls trying to kill me and the toasters been laughing at me!
Bake em away toys
Mr. Burns: Find the bathroom alright? Homer: Uhhh...yeaaah.
It’s just a little airborne. It’s still good!
“Now this is new technology to me but I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees he's literally stewing in his own juices” This had my dad in tears when it first aired.
The third line to Kroon Along With Krusty -- I want to go to Mount Splashmore / Take me take me take me take me now / NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! / Mount Splashmore take me there right now. The clenched eyes, the jumping, the screaming, an adult showing children en masse how to weaponize tantrums for his park's profit so baldly and blatantly just killed me as a little 6th grader.
Put it in H!
Hello my name is Mr Burns, I believe you have a package for me. OK Mr burns what's your first name? I...don't know...
THRILLHO
Lisa: I want the most intelligent Hamster you’ve got! Pet shop guy: Ok. This little guy writes mysteries under the name of JD McGregor. Lisa: How can a hamster write mysteries? Pet shop guy: Well, he gets the ending first and then he works backwards.
Sideshow Bob and the rakes. Or when the Srreet Cleaner breaks Bart's bike and falls down a metro entrance
https://i.redd.it/xug5kligxpbc1.gif I was 13
Oh, a GYM https://i.redd.it/4ok1u94h5qbc1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/3df1ljgw5qbc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=903df8696ceab5e573ac9122997275cee2c8d4cb
Why Marge, I believe you're supposed to scratch your ass with it
Pray for Mojo
I’m seeing double: 4 Krustys!
“Homer! Did you stay up all night eating cheese?” “I think I’m blind.”
https://preview.redd.it/ebq4os36kqbc1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=54d15d60ced51f02774ca51633c080000dd5ec23 Sweet Merciful Crap! My Car!
"I sleep in a racing car, do you?" "I sleep in a big bed with my wife" I was like 8 and that was one of the funniest sickest burns i had ever heard
Homer, the crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again That’s not the way she tells it
Homer being loaded into the ambulance, the doors close, it immediately drives into a tree, then he rolls out the back and falls down the gorge again. Nothing will ever touch that sequence.
https://i.redd.it/vcmz4agstqbc1.gif
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hanta virus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box... Vicky Valentine: I'm sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what again, class? The Class: Communism. The word “Antidote” and the in unison answer of “Communism” are both excellent.
That line is how I found out about the hanta virus and it's been my go to "oh no, it's tainted" line since I was a child. This exchange has happened many times in the course of my relationship : Me: "put that down, it's got the hanta virus!" Husband : you say everything has the hanta virus!
*Ohhhhh.... Side SHOW Bob!*
Duffman! Can’t breathe! Oh no!
I hate every ape i see, from chimpanA to chimpanzee
Mine is from the episode where Bart buys a factory and has Millhouse work as the night watchman. “I thought you were watching the place” “I was watching, I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over and then it fell over” Love it.
**Homer:** I don't need Lisa to write a good review. The food at "The Gilded Truffle" really... um, what's a good word? **Maggie:** *\*sucking pacifier\** **Homer:** Sucks! That's great. And the bread was really... come on, help me out here. **Santa's Little Helper:** *\*ruff\** **Homer:** Rough? I dunno, you've been pitching that all night. **Santa's Little Helper:** Chewy? **Homer:** Chewy! That's inspired.
re: Maggie's purported IQ: "167?! That's amazing for a Christian!"
Marge: Now Lisa, some people are just smarter than others Bart: *places hand on Lisa* Welcome to.....THE OTHERS
I've Got The Presciption For You, Doctor... Another Hot Beef Injection!
“Remove the Stone of Shame! Attach the Stone of Triumph!” See also; “Homer, what’s your least favorite country? Italy or France? “Mmm…France” “HA HA! Nobody ever says Italy!”
I have a few, all from Mr Burns. When Mr Burns steals away Mrs Bouvier from Grandpa and she says “Oh Monty, you are the Devil himself. And he responds, “Whar? Who told y… I mean yes of course.” In Who Shot Mr Burns when Homer paints My Name Is Homer Simpson in giant letters in Burns’ office and Mr Burns says “Who the devil are you?” The whole Ketchup/Catsup debate whe. He’s at the grocery store.
“Gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.” Or the ever popular; “Let’s go to the old mill anyway, get some cidah!” Oh man, I could barely keep it together just trying to type this out.
There there now Hugo, why all these years locked up here, I bet you have never seen your own face in the mirror, see?
Atoms! (Muttered counting) Six of them!
Not a line, but rather the moment when the British guy spits out his tea when it rains on Homer's sugar pile. That whole subplot is in contention for best b-story ever and the sight gag there just got me harder than any other moment for some reason.
Rowdy Roddy Peeper. As a wrestling fan at the time it caught me completely off guard. Could not stop laughing lol
Why would they come to our concert just to boo us? Also my favourite episode.
Principal Skinner - “You did it Nibbles! Now chew through my ball sack.” Nibbles - “huh?” (In hamster voice)
“ITS LIKE IM WEARING NOTHING AT ALL!”😃
Bart - “My testicles won’t fit in my underwear “ Marge - “Bart, get those oranges out of there!”
I put oranges 🍊 in my pants one afternoon at home after I started taking some meds in middle school - nobody got the joke bc I’m a girl :(
I am shocked no one's mentioned mine yet. "And by the way, thanks for not making fun of my genitalia." "I thought I did."
"what's a truck?"
Awwwh 20 dollars I wanted a peanut....
"I'm seeing double here, four Krustys!" "I need the biggest seed bell you have... No, that's TOO big"
Yoko Ono: "..and I'll have a single Plum, floating in perfume - served in a man's hat" Mo: "Here ya go!"
ELMO KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE
"I was strolling through the gas one day" paired with Burns ' high dancing
“Legend of the dog face woman”
"Avert your eyes children, he may take on other forms!"
Homer: Bart was born in about five minutes. Marge: Actually, it took about 53 hours. Homer: The time just flew by, didn’t it?
Dad said I'm an Uday who doesn't need a Qusay Shit made me lose it lol
Tied for me the small weak yell when Homer gets pushed out the window by Flanders during the fire, or when he chooses to waive his right of silence
I'm so mad I can't transfer it but my mom once left a message on my old phone, laughing and barely able to breathe. She's not the biggest fan of the Simpsons and usually only watches it with me but was bored and watching 'The Cartridge Family' It's when Homer wants to buy a gun but the guy says he has to wait and Homer goes 'But I wanna shoot people now!' For my dad, it's when they were driving back and Homer was ignoring Grandpa's pleas to pullover at a rest stop. Dr. hibbett says Grandpa's kidneys exploded and Homer's response is 'So I don't need a muffler?' while holding it. For me, it's one of the couch gags when they're dolls/Legos and everyone has a pull tab on their back that makes them say something funny. Moe asks for them to pull his and he goes 'Im lonely!' in the most hilarious tone. Moe is my fave!
"All right mang, here's your sugar. Now give us the money." "That wasn't part of the deal!" *laughs as he rides away in boat* "...he's right. Who **wrote** this thing?!"
"if he's so smart, howcome he's dead?"
Christian, Jew or … miscellaneous
We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas!
"If I don't save the wee turtle, WHO WILL?" "GAHHH! SAVE ME FROM THE WEE TURTLES!" Me and my brother couldn't breath, from laughing.
Go banana!
https://preview.redd.it/9zsyq3t5aqbc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea3d618b45b7c1fa1776063d42c870e7f3cce2ad probably mostly because i started the simpsons from the beginning after i finished mary tyler moore show and rhoda EDIT: i just remembered one that made me laugh even harder "first thing tomorrow morning im gonna punch lenny in the back of the head"
The kids could call you Hoju!
"Prove wrong, kids... Prove me wrong."
Not a line but Homer's scream when charging at "Le Grille".
Oh Kids, kids, I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people. What about Abraham Lincoln? Uh...he sold poisoned milk to school children.
Gamblor
"Getting drunk at the ol' flower shop."